# ☎️ Bestie Hotline: I’m in a One-Sided Friendship

An episode of [We Don't Have Time For This](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1544178687), 8 Oct 2026, 21 min.

Audio: https://p.podderapp.com/2544644999/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/2fb3740d-3436-44af-8cc0-a91900716aa5/4f8dbbbd-dca3-422d-beec-b4a2017094cd/e60288dd-cc97-4936-8175-b4dd002c1540/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=cb643b19-682a-420b-8163-b4a201709908

Today’s caller tried a friendship experiment and wasn’t happy with the results. - Show Merch (FREE Cream Hat with every order) Check out our Amazon Storefront Submit your OTDL Submit your Bestie Hotline Join our Facebook Group Sign Up To Bestie Bulletin Subscribe to MORE TIME For This: Subscribe on Apple Subscribe on Spotify Listen to our cool little sister podcast: The Fifth Trimester on Spotify The Fifth Trimester on Apple Send This Episode To Your Friends: I Need A New Podcast (Spotify) I Need A New Podcast (Apple) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: We would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the
[0:03] Speaker 1: land that this podcast is recorded on. Hello and welcome
[0:06] Speaker 1: to Bestie Hotline. Beringa ding ding. It's the school holidays edition.
[0:28] Speaker 1: Number two. And she is Kate Revs. She is Kate Revs.
[0:31] Speaker 1: I am. I is she. And I is Gemma Peanut.
[0:35] Speaker 1: And this is not a weird version of Lord of
[0:38] Speaker 1: the Rings. We are, in fact, human, although how many
[0:41] Speaker 1: of us really are feeling human at this late stage
[0:43] Speaker 1: of the New South Wales school holidays? I know. Are
[0:46] Speaker 1: we thriving? Never. We are surviving. No, school holidays can
[0:50] Speaker 1: be great. But how are you doing? How are you
[0:55] Speaker 1: doing out there? I was asking you, Revs. Oh, me?
[0:57] Speaker 1: How are you doing? Let's just leave a minute's silence
[1:00] Speaker 1: for the answer. How are you doing, babe? Jokes. I'm fine.
[1:04] Speaker 1: My daughter's 12 tomorrow. My firstborn is turning 12. Wow.
[1:08] Speaker 1: That feels, I don't know, every year you kind of go,
[1:11] Speaker 1: that feels big. But 12 is pretty big. No, 12
[1:14] Speaker 1: feels huge. And it is bigger than 10. But I mean,
[1:22] Speaker 1: this just in, the feeling of it. 12 feels bigger
[1:25] Speaker 1: than 10. Isla turning 12 feels bigger than when she
[1:28] Speaker 1: turned 10 to me in terms of the new era
[1:32] Speaker 1: that she's entering. Officially tween. It is. But I think
[1:37] Speaker 1: it's more that it's coupled with the fact that she's
[1:39] Speaker 1: off to high school next year and That's a big
[1:42] Speaker 1: graduation in life. You know, you go from being kingpin
[1:45] Speaker 1: of the primary school to suddenly. It's just in high school,
[1:49] Speaker 1: bigger than primary school. I know. It feels significant. It does.
[1:54] Speaker 1: And she doesn't know, but she is getting PADI certification.
[1:58] Speaker 1: She's going to become a scuba diver. Oh, my gosh. Hey,
[2:02] Speaker 1: I went to a trivia night and the question was,
[2:04] Speaker 1: what does scuba stand for? The letters S-C-U-B-A. I don't know.
[2:12] Speaker 1: Let me guess. Yeah. Breathing apparatus would be the B-A. Yep.
[2:16] Speaker 1: Submergible underwater breathing apparatus. No. Submergible. C. C is the
[2:22] Speaker 1: second letter. It's got to be underwater breathing apparatus. Yes.
[2:25] Speaker 1: Breathing apparatus is correct. Is it submergible, the first word? No.
[2:29] Speaker 1: Is U underwater? Did you get this question right? Underwater
[2:31] Speaker 1: is correct. No, we didn't, which is why I love
[2:34] Speaker 1: this question because I was like, oh, my God, no
[2:36] Speaker 1: one on our table. C. knows what scuba stands for
[2:39] Speaker 1: impression i'll just tell you yeah it's self-contained oh self-contained
[2:43] Speaker 1: underwater breathing apparatus makes sense yeah so i love is
[2:47] Speaker 1: getting certified she is to become a scuba diver that's
[2:50] Speaker 1: right she doesn't know it yet no yet she's gonna
[2:53] Speaker 1: be very excited mm-hmm And she's ready. Both my kids
[2:57] Speaker 1: have wanted this for a long time. But they have
[2:59] Speaker 1: to be 12. I love this because I was like,
[3:01] Speaker 1: is Ted doing it too? And you're like, well, when
[3:03] Speaker 1: he's 12, he can. They have to be 12 and
[3:05] Speaker 1: asthma free, unfortunately. Oh, really? Unfortunately, if you have asthma,
[3:09] Speaker 1: you cannot be certified in scuba. That's brutal. It's like
[3:12] Speaker 1: if you are colorblind, you cannot fly a plane. It's just,
[3:15] Speaker 1: it's unsafe. So, yeah, she did actually have asthma until
[3:19] Speaker 1: age four when we moved to Edinburgh and then her
[3:21] Speaker 1: asthma disappeared and never came back. What a relief. I
[3:23] Speaker 1: know a lot of kids just grow out of asthma
[3:25] Speaker 1: at age four. It's not the move to Edinburgh, but
[3:27] Speaker 1: my GP did say to me at the time, you
[3:29] Speaker 1: may find it disappears when you move because New South
[3:31] Speaker 1: Wales is the dust capital of the world. Did you know? Okay,
[3:34] Speaker 1: this makes sense for me. I don't have asthma, but
[3:37] Speaker 1: in terms of my … Allergies. Allergies. It's like one
[3:40] Speaker 1: of the worst places on earth to be if you've
[3:41] Speaker 1: got allergies. They sure flare. Yep. Anyway, that's what's happening
[3:45] Speaker 1: tomorrow morning. She's getting her scuba certification notification. It's too
[3:50] Speaker 1: cold in the water still. So you need it to
[3:51] Speaker 1: warm up a little bit, but she's going to be stoked.com.
[3:54] Speaker 1: I'm signing myself up for expensive family holidays here. Like skiing,
[3:58] Speaker 1: you know? Yeah, I get it. Or golf. This is
[4:00] Speaker 1: one of those things that you can always get. But
[4:01] Speaker 1: it's one of those things that you did growing up.
[4:03] Speaker 1: You have a fondness for it. It, You've got core
[4:06] Speaker 1: memes around it and so it makes sense. Well, I
[4:08] Speaker 1: have actually deep gratitude to my dad for not only
[4:12] Speaker 1: getting me certified at 12 as well but for the
[4:15] Speaker 1: experiences that we had together. It's very special and meaningful.
[4:18] Speaker 1: You're giving her the gift of another world, babe. 100%.
[4:21] Speaker 1: It is like crossing realms. Very cool. Excited. Can't wait
[4:25] Speaker 1: to do our first dive together. But today is not
[4:27] Speaker 1: about Isla. No, it's not. That's tomorrow. That is tomorrow.
[4:30] Speaker 1: Today is about the DLs. It is. And we have
[4:32] Speaker 1: one specific DL who has written in to Bestie Hotline
[4:36] Speaker 1: with a dilemma. Who called the Bestie Hotline today? Dear
[4:40] Speaker 1: Gem and Revs, I've been friends with my Bestie since
[4:43] Speaker 1: uni and we've always been that friendship. Same humour, same
[4:47] Speaker 1: group of friends, know absolutely everything about each other. But
[4:50] Speaker 1: lately I've realised that I'm the one doing all the work.
[4:54] Speaker 1: I'm always checking in, organising the catch-ups, remembering the birthdays,
[4:58] Speaker 1: asking about her life. And when I stop doing it,
[5:02] Speaker 1: the friendship basically stops too. So I decided to test it.
[5:07] Speaker 1: I haven't messaged her for three weeks and guess what? Nothing.
[5:11] Speaker 1: Now I'm furious. But here's my problem. Do I tell
[5:15] Speaker 1: her I'm her and give her a chance to fix
[5:17] Speaker 1: it or do I accept that I've just discovered the
[5:20] Speaker 1: friendship is actually over and quietly walk away? Oof. Am
[5:24] Speaker 1: I being a mature adult or am I conducting a
[5:27] Speaker 1: three-week-long friendship experiment like a psychopath? Love, emotionally exhausted bestie.
[5:34] Speaker 1: Is three weeks long enough? I don't think it is.
[5:37] Speaker 1: I would send a search party if I hadn't heard
[5:39] Speaker 1: from you in three weeks. Yeah, actually, yes. Yeah, I guess.
[5:44] Speaker 1: In fact, I think most of my friends, I would
[5:46] Speaker 1: be like, Hello. I have the same message I send
[5:49] Speaker 1: sometimes because I'm racing ahead, but I have been in
[5:52] Speaker 1: situations where I've run little experiments and they never end
[5:55] Speaker 1: well because sometimes if you're running the experiment, you kind
[5:58] Speaker 1: of know what the outcome is potentially going to be
[6:01] Speaker 1: and it can kind of only disappoint and hurt you
[6:03] Speaker 1: or confirm what you probably know to be true. And
[6:06] Speaker 1: I don't do those experiments anymore because we're in a
[6:08] Speaker 1: different stage of life, which I'll get to. But now
[6:11] Speaker 1: I send a, yo. Send proof of life. Dial one
[6:15] Speaker 1: if you're alive. Dial two if you need rescuing. Dial
[6:18] Speaker 1: three if you feel like a whine anytime soon. Something
[6:20] Speaker 1: like that. Because that's a way of going like, haven't
[6:23] Speaker 1: heard from you, bitch. I assume you're really busy. I'm
[6:26] Speaker 1: not taking it personally, but just let me know you're okay.
[6:28] Speaker 1: And what is the response generally? Often, sorry, sorry, two, two.
[6:32] Speaker 1: You know, like, well, something like that. Yeah. And then
[6:35] Speaker 1: it can sometimes spark a little chat and then you
[6:37] Speaker 1: make a date to see each other or they go, sorry, blah,
[6:40] Speaker 1: blah's been sick. Blah, blah's away. I'm in a hectic
[6:42] Speaker 1: work season. I'll surface soon. And you go, cool. I
[6:45] Speaker 1: checked in. Like, we're still good. I'll see you when
[6:47] Speaker 1: you come out the other side. And there's a bit
[6:48] Speaker 1: of a knowing, but also I hope they know I've
[6:51] Speaker 1: noticed and was like, hope you're doing okay. I've missed you. Yeah. Yeah.
[6:55] Speaker 1: Cause I appreciate that when it comes to me. And
[6:57] Speaker 1: often I'm going, sorry, sorry, checked out, busy season, kids this,
[7:03] Speaker 1: kids that. Well, this is what I find interesting is
[7:05] Speaker 1: that the three week period, life can be lifing. I
[7:09] Speaker 1: guess what I'm confused by or need clarity on is
[7:12] Speaker 1: our deal is like, do I just accept the friendships over?
[7:15] Speaker 1: And I'm like, wow, like you've drawn that bow. And
[7:17] Speaker 1: that's where you've landed. Whereas I feel like she needs
[7:20] Speaker 1: to do what you do and send that kind of
[7:22] Speaker 1: SOS check in. This feels heavier, doesn't it? Yeah. She said,
[7:26] Speaker 1: we know everything about each other. We've got the same friends, blah, blah, blah.
[7:29] Speaker 1: I do want to know, did they have kids? Like,
[7:32] Speaker 1: I don't want to assume, but are they in that
[7:34] Speaker 1: season of life? But it sounds like if three weeks
[7:37] Speaker 1: is an anomaly, then they must have been chatting before.
[7:40] Speaker 1: It was just her reaching out, you know? It's not
[7:44] Speaker 1: like my friend always goes MIA. I'm wondering what I
[7:47] Speaker 1: should do. It's like, we've always been in touch, blah, blah, blah.
[7:49] Speaker 1: But I realize it's always coming from me. So I
[7:51] Speaker 1: conducted an experiment. Yes. Is it possible though that, and
[7:55] Speaker 1: I know what she's seeking is to be missed and
[7:58] Speaker 1: then for the reach out. But that's what I mean
[8:00] Speaker 1: where obviously the other person, I don't know why I'm
[8:03] Speaker 1: defending and I'm just more devil's advocating. And also you're
[8:06] Speaker 1: not great on comms yourself, self-admittedly. And I think you'd
[8:09] Speaker 1: probably hate to think. I would hate to think. You'd
[8:12] Speaker 1: hate it if you thought someone thought they were doing
[8:14] Speaker 1: all the work or you're not a good friend because
[8:15] Speaker 1: you never reach out. Or they were doing an experiment
[8:17] Speaker 1: on me. Yeah, because it would fail. And I'm in
[8:19] Speaker 1: a very busy season of life at the moment. And
[8:22] Speaker 1: if I hadn't thought to reach out to someone, I
[8:25] Speaker 1: would feel really terrible. And it's not them, it's me.
[8:28] Speaker 1: So I think that's why I'm kind of bringing this
[8:31] Speaker 1: element and this side to it, I guess. But yeah,
[8:33] Speaker 1: it sounds like she knows something's up, which is very different.
[8:38] Speaker 1: Whereas what's prompted you to send those messages is because
[8:41] Speaker 1: you're like, I'm just going to do one last check-in
[8:43] Speaker 1: even though I haven't heard from them in a while.
[8:46] Speaker 1: I also think I am at a stage of life
[8:48] Speaker 1: and I think this differs relationship to relationship because I'm
[8:50] Speaker 1: not a reach outer across the board. I have some
[8:53] Speaker 1: relationships where that person's always coming to me and I
[8:56] Speaker 1: have some where I'm always going to them. Like my sister,
[8:58] Speaker 1: for example, we're in kind of perpetual communication. I couldn't
[9:01] Speaker 1: tell you when the conversation stops and when it starts,
[9:03] Speaker 1: you know, but every now and then I'm like, the
[9:05] Speaker 1: fuck is that bitch i haven't heard from her in
[9:07] Speaker 1: like three days and that's more likely to be me
[9:10] Speaker 1: going yo yeah where are you as big sis right
[9:13] Speaker 1: yeah however i've got other friends i'm thinking of my
[9:16] Speaker 1: friend foxy who i feel like fuck she's doing it
[9:18] Speaker 1: all you know why is it always her i've got
[9:21] Speaker 1: to be more mindful because she is that kind of
[9:23] Speaker 1: engine of a friend in our relationship so i think
[9:26] Speaker 1: some relationships you're the engine and some you're the passenger
[9:29] Speaker 1: princess And I'm kind of at the stage of life
[9:31] Speaker 1: where I'm like, that's cool. It doesn't have to be
[9:33] Speaker 1: always 50-50 equal all the way. Every relationship has a dynamic. Yeah.
[9:38] Speaker 1: Like genuinely, some people are just better on the comms. Yeah.
[9:42] Speaker 1: Others are just better at responding. I'm thinking of me
[9:46] Speaker 1: and Crazy Lisa, right? Like sometimes I will straight up
[9:49] Speaker 1: screen her call because I'm like, oh no, no, this
[9:51] Speaker 1: will be a two hour chat and I'll call her
[9:53] Speaker 1: back when I'm driving. Do you know what I mean?
[9:55] Speaker 1: And so we have a very reciprocal, I'll call her,
[9:58] Speaker 1: no response. She'll scream my call because it's like bitch
[10:00] Speaker 1: we need longer you know or I'm about to do
[10:02] Speaker 1: this or I'm about to do that whereas there are
[10:04] Speaker 1: some friends where I'm like hey sorry I'm just got
[10:06] Speaker 1: I've got five minutes and you can do a quick
[10:08] Speaker 1: thing you know every relationship has its nuances I think
[10:12] Speaker 1: there might be something deeper going on maybe with the
[10:16] Speaker 1: balance of the friendship effort. You have conducted an experiment
[10:20] Speaker 1: like this before? Yes, I did this experiment with my dad.
[10:24] Speaker 1: And I thought, huh, I always call him. He never
[10:26] Speaker 1: calls me. I'm just going to see what happens if
[10:28] Speaker 1: I stop. And then three months went by. And then
[10:31] Speaker 1: he called me. And I answered and he was like,
[10:33] Speaker 1: where the hell have you been? And I was like, right.
[10:37] Speaker 1: Right here. Yeah, right here. I've been right here. Did
[10:40] Speaker 1: you tell him you'd done the experiment? I think I
[10:42] Speaker 1: have since. Yeah. But not in the moment. I was
[10:44] Speaker 1: just like, huh, interesting, fascinating. I think I've reached a
[10:47] Speaker 1: place of acceptance. He's not doing it maliciously. I know
[10:51] Speaker 1: he's just really fucking absent-minded or just really absorbed in
[10:54] Speaker 1: his life. Out of sight, out of mind, a bit
[10:56] Speaker 1: of that going on maybe. And it's fine. I don't
[10:58] Speaker 1: begrudge him. I don't expect him to change. I don't
[11:01] Speaker 1: ask for him to lift in that department. I just
[11:04] Speaker 1: don't I don't know. I don't like asking things of
[11:07] Speaker 1: people generally to be anything or put expectations on people
[11:11] Speaker 1: to be anything to me. Yes, that's very true about you. Yeah.
[11:16] Speaker 1: I'm just very accepting of the status quo. And if
[11:19] Speaker 1: people slip away in my life quietly, if it's purposefully
[11:23] Speaker 1: or just because of life, I don't begrudge it. Like
[11:26] Speaker 1: any relationship though, there are some where you can be like,
[11:28] Speaker 1: this is fucking uneven to the point of embarrassing. Yes.
[11:32] Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair. And
[11:33] Speaker 1: you start to go... Do they even want to be friends?
[11:35] Speaker 1: Am I like hassling them to hang out? Because every
[11:39] Speaker 1: time I reach out, they can't. And you start to
[11:42] Speaker 1: be like, is it me? Are they trying to tell
[11:44] Speaker 1: me something subtly? And then you can get a little
[11:46] Speaker 1: in your head and self-conscious about it. And you just
[11:49] Speaker 1: want to know like, no, no, I love you. I'm just,
[11:51] Speaker 1: you know. Yeah. But I think, yeah, sometimes when you
[11:54] Speaker 1: get that sniff of the inequity. That's really hard. Yeah.
[11:57] Speaker 1: I think especially when you like our DL made a
[12:00] Speaker 1: point to go, I'm just going to pull right back.
[12:02] Speaker 1: And I, wow, wow. Three weeks have gone by and
[12:05] Speaker 1: they haven't even missed me or thought of me when
[12:07] Speaker 1: it sounds like they were in regular comms. Like if
[12:10] Speaker 1: your sister just slipped away. For three weeks, I'd be
[12:13] Speaker 1: at her house knocking on the door, like what's going on? No,
[12:15] Speaker 1: but if you did an experiment and stop contacting your sister. Yeah.
[12:20] Speaker 1: For three weeks, if you didn't hear from her. Alarms
[12:23] Speaker 1: would go off. Well, I think it would after one week. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
[12:27] Speaker 1: I mean, I've got a friend recently who has dropped
[12:29] Speaker 1: off from me noticeably over the last few months. And
[12:33] Speaker 1: I've sent her voice notes checking in, just saying, hey,
[12:37] Speaker 1: I miss you. Like, where are you? I know I've
[12:39] Speaker 1: been busy, but you're still on my mind. And like,
[12:42] Speaker 1: we haven't spoken in too long. It's been too long
[12:44] Speaker 1: between hangs. Nothing. no reply which is so out of
[12:49] Speaker 1: character right and then I would just send the odd
[12:52] Speaker 1: follow-up text and be like hey you're okay blah blah
[12:55] Speaker 1: anyway nothing I didn't hear anything I knew she was
[12:57] Speaker 1: around you know doing life yeah and maybe busy but
[13:01] Speaker 1: then she sort of resurfaced later and just sent me
[13:04] Speaker 1: a big text about where she's at and it's nothing
[13:08] Speaker 1: to do with me it's her own shit with her
[13:10] Speaker 1: own family yeah And some mental health struggles. Yeah. And
[13:14] Speaker 1: she was just really honest about it. And then she
[13:17] Speaker 1: reassured me and said, hey, I really miss you too.
[13:19] Speaker 1: I can't wait to hang. Yeah. And I realized that
[13:22] Speaker 1: in that time window, she was going through it and
[13:25] Speaker 1: didn't have capacity for anyone, my text messages or even
[13:28] Speaker 1: just replying. And that's fine. I think, you know, when
[13:31] Speaker 1: it's like, oh, wait, where's that person? This is weird.
[13:33] Speaker 1: And you know what? It's been 10 years of a relationship.
[13:37] Speaker 1: And I, if I look back, would we have had
[13:39] Speaker 1: this friendship if I hadn't? I think there's nuances. There's
[13:43] Speaker 1: just like a different feeling to, hey, we person because
[13:46] Speaker 1: like you almost like don't even realize you've missed them
[13:49] Speaker 1: until you're like hang on a second when was the
[13:50] Speaker 1: last time yeah and someone where you're like i'm doing
[13:53] Speaker 1: everything here yeah Interesting. But I am reflecting, Rebsi, like
[13:57] Speaker 1: I do have friends like you who are the rater
[14:00] Speaker 1: outs to me, but I just give a lot of
[14:01] Speaker 1: yes and energy back. Yeah, yeah. And it's not that
[14:04] Speaker 1: I don't think of them to like be the first
[14:06] Speaker 1: to reach out all the time. Oh, no, I'm always like,
[14:08] Speaker 1: I'm saying I name checked Foxy, but like I'm always
[14:10] Speaker 1: so delighted when I see her name on my phone.
[14:13] Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm going to give her
[14:14] Speaker 1: a call. And we often have long voice note rally
[14:17] Speaker 1: back and forth. I'll name check someone. Gracie Bell is
[14:20] Speaker 1: a friend of mine. She's so good on comms and
[14:22] Speaker 1: always checking in and I love our exchanges and I'm
[14:25] Speaker 1: so invested in her family and what she's doing and stuff.
[14:27] Speaker 1: But actually when I Zoom out, I'm like, Gem, come on.
[14:30] Speaker 1: Do it now. When we get in the car tonight,
[14:32] Speaker 1: send her a voice note. I'm going to do the same. Well,
[14:34] Speaker 1: I spoke to her too recently now that it'd be like, yeah,
[14:37] Speaker 1: you know, I'm trying to organise to catch up with her. Yeah, actually,
[14:40] Speaker 1: why don't we use this as a PSA? That friend
[14:42] Speaker 1: who's always reaching out to you, why don't we all
[14:44] Speaker 1: get on our phones as soon as we finish listening
[14:46] Speaker 1: to this And just do a quick, hey, how are
[14:49] Speaker 1: you going? What's happening in your life? Checking in. It
[14:51] Speaker 1: takes so little as well. It takes so little. It
[14:53] Speaker 1: makes people feel nice. Really good. Yeah. Yeah. Your dad's
[14:57] Speaker 1: crazy for me because I'm like, I could run that
[14:59] Speaker 1: experiment with my dad, you know. And I'm like, come on, guys.
[15:03] Speaker 1: We're at the point where three months is a lot
[15:05] Speaker 1: of life. Yeah. That's a long time to not be
[15:07] Speaker 1: in each other's lives. Like we've got to make more effort. Totally.
[15:10] Speaker 1: But what can our DL do? Well, you could do
[15:13] Speaker 1: a check-in at this point. I think it's worth doing
[15:15] Speaker 1: a check-in. If you want. And you can temp check
[15:17] Speaker 1: the reply and see what they say and go, hmm, okay, hmm.
[15:22] Speaker 1: I don't know. And I like the proof of life
[15:24] Speaker 1: because it's letting them know, hey, you've dropped off the
[15:27] Speaker 1: face of the earth for me. Yeah. It's like a
[15:29] Speaker 1: little joke, but it's also like, where'd you disappear to?
[15:32] Speaker 1: If you were really wanting to be honest and healthy,
[15:35] Speaker 1: you could be like, hey, I'm ashamed to admit I
[15:37] Speaker 1: ran a little experiment and here are the findings, you know? Ooh.
[15:41] Speaker 1: What do you think about that? You could if you
[15:44] Speaker 1: wanted to have a really frank conversation. Yeah. I definitely
[15:46] Speaker 1: wouldn't accept the friendships over. I mean, unless you want to. Yeah,
[15:50] Speaker 1: unless it stings too much. Unless it hurts too much.
[15:52] Speaker 1: But no, I definitely think there's many more opportunities to
[15:54] Speaker 1: sort of reconnect, but also to call it out if
[15:56] Speaker 1: you need to. Because if it's wounding you, it's not
[15:58] Speaker 1: going to go away. you'll probably end up running the
[16:00] Speaker 1: experiment again and then what's happening, you know? Yeah. So
[16:04] Speaker 1: if you've got it in you to have a frank
[16:05] Speaker 1: and honest conversation, you could do that. Friendships in this
[16:08] Speaker 1: era of life feel just as complex in the early days.
[16:11] Speaker 1: It hasn't got the petty bitchiness of high school, but
[16:14] Speaker 1: it's layered. I accept that there's a lot of people
[16:17] Speaker 1: who are feeling hurt by female friendships. We're more sensitive
[16:19] Speaker 1: and we've got more going on. I think the 20s
[16:22] Speaker 1: are a golden era of friendship. Oh, Absolutely golden. The
[16:25] Speaker 1: bridesmaid era is pretty golden too, although that does cause
[16:28] Speaker 1: a lot of ruckus. It can, yeah. But I would
[16:30] Speaker 1: say 20s, you know what everyone's doing? Travelling and they're
[16:33] Speaker 1: in their first job and like their first apartment and
[16:36] Speaker 1: you're partying all the time and carefree. That's the golden
[16:39] Speaker 1: era of friendship. Really? When you can live in each
[16:41] Speaker 1: other's pockets and know everything about each other's lives and
[16:44] Speaker 1: everything is ahead of you. But the raising young kids era,
[16:46] Speaker 1: that's tough. And not everyone's trench is the same, you know?
[16:49] Speaker 1: And not everyone has the same well or capacity for friendships.
[16:53] Speaker 1: And that can be really hard. Yeah. But I think
[16:56] Speaker 1: we should just extend empathy where we can maybe look
[16:58] Speaker 1: behind the behavior and see, hey, what's going on there?
[17:01] Speaker 1: They're pulling away, but what's going on for them? Rather
[17:05] Speaker 1: than taking it personally, because sometimes that might not be
[17:07] Speaker 1: the case. Yeah. See, I know about you that you
[17:10] Speaker 1: don't love comms, but also you always get back to me.
[17:13] Speaker 1: You'd never leave me hanging. Always, yeah. But I'm never
[17:16] Speaker 1: waiting for an instant reply from you because I always
[17:18] Speaker 1: think you'll get back to me when you can. You
[17:21] Speaker 1: have a process. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[17:23] Speaker 1: Whereas I've got other friends where it's like we're talking
[17:25] Speaker 1: on the phone even when we're texting. It's live, you
[17:27] Speaker 1: know what I mean? Because they're chronically on their phone
[17:29] Speaker 1: or like they're just instant with text messages. And you
[17:32] Speaker 1: do get to learn people's- Well, I'm one or the other, right? Yeah.
[17:35] Speaker 1: It's like Becky who works at the pod is like,
[17:37] Speaker 1: Jem's on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, quick. I'm going to ask
[17:39] Speaker 1: her 20 questions and get her to do the 20
[17:41] Speaker 1: things that I need her to do right this second
[17:43] Speaker 1: immediately now. Yes. Or she'll send me a text and
[17:46] Speaker 1: then she'll be like, okay, I'll wait till 8.30 when
[17:49] Speaker 1: Raph is asleep. Yeah. And then I'll get a response
[17:52] Speaker 1: from Jem. oh i haven't she's fallen asleep putting rafa
[17:56] Speaker 1: to bed and if that happens to me and i
[17:57] Speaker 1: sent you something in the afternoon and i haven't had
[17:59] Speaker 1: it that night i'm like i can't wait to receive
[18:01] Speaker 1: a reply to this at 5 30 in the morning
[18:05] Speaker 1: and it always reminds me to put my do not
[18:07] Speaker 1: disturb on because so many times i've fallen asleep to
[18:10] Speaker 1: a podcast with a air pod air pod in my
[18:13] Speaker 1: ear and at 5 30 it goes ring jemma says Hey, Rebsi. Sorry,
[18:18] Speaker 1: I didn't get back to you last time. Anyway, an
[18:22] Speaker 1: answer to your question. Always. I've learned that you don't
[18:26] Speaker 1: love a phone call chat. It depends what time of day.
[18:28] Speaker 1: It depends what time of day, but love a voice note.
[18:30] Speaker 1: I don't like it at the end of the day. Yeah,
[18:32] Speaker 1: I do voice note you all the time. You know,
[18:34] Speaker 1: you have your voice noting friends. Yes. And then like,
[18:38] Speaker 1: what about the random friend that you only speak to
[18:40] Speaker 1: on Facebook Messenger? You don't use that app for anything
[18:42] Speaker 1: else other than those two and a half friends. Instagram
[18:46] Speaker 1: DMs exclusively living there. I was literally chatting with my
[18:49] Speaker 1: friend Amelia today across two platforms. We were having one
[18:54] Speaker 1: conversation across WhatsApp and Messenger and I was like, this
[18:57] Speaker 1: is a new level of unhinged. Also, what's really funny is,
[19:01] Speaker 1: you know, when you observe people's behavior. So my friend
[19:03] Speaker 1: Emma Kate- she writes essay texts, like a chunky text,
[19:09] Speaker 1: really thoughtfully crafted, very considered. And I send her like
[19:14] Speaker 1: little dribs and drabs text messages. But her and I
[19:16] Speaker 1: are also known to voice note each other. And the
[19:19] Speaker 1: same behavior applies in voice notes. She will send me
[19:23] Speaker 1: a four minute voice note and I will send her
[19:26] Speaker 1: four one minute voice notes. And I don't understand why
[19:29] Speaker 1: we do it, but we do. And it's just each
[19:31] Speaker 1: other's processes. How beautiful that you But we accept each
[19:34] Speaker 1: other's way. I know it. Well, neither is right or wrong.
[19:37] Speaker 1: It just is. But I get tickled by like, oh
[19:40] Speaker 1: my God, it's such a personality thing. And I love it.
[19:42] Speaker 1: Crazy Lisa sends me so many receipts and I'm like, bitch,
[19:45] Speaker 1: how many times have I had to tell you TLDR?
[19:48] Speaker 1: I am not reading your fastidiously highlighted email that is
[19:54] Speaker 1: nine screenshots long. Oh, my God. Give me the voice
[19:58] Speaker 1: note summary. I'm not going to read it. Stop sending
[20:00] Speaker 1: me your court document. Not official court documents. She's like you.
[20:04] Speaker 1: She likes to interrogate things. She likes receipts. She likes proof.
[20:07] Speaker 1: And she likes to hold accountable. Do you know what
[20:09] Speaker 1: I mean? And she sends me the evidence and I'm like,
[20:12] Speaker 1: I'm a more of a vibes person. I don't want
[20:15] Speaker 1: to read this email. Oh, God. I would not want
[20:18] Speaker 1: to read an email, but I would send a screenshot.
[20:20] Speaker 1: For sure. Totally. I would really love you to check
[20:22] Speaker 1: back in. In fact, I'd love all of you to lemoners.
[20:25] Speaker 1: to check. We always say, how did that land? If
[20:27] Speaker 1: you actually have a resolution to one of your dilemmas,
[20:30] Speaker 1: please DM us so we can be like, hey guys,
[20:33] Speaker 1: remember that dilemma? This is how it ended up. We'd
[20:35] Speaker 1: love that actually. We'd love a follow-up, a check-in, all
[20:38] Speaker 1: of the things. In fact, check-in guys, we haven't heard
[20:41] Speaker 1: from you in ages. Where are you? Proof of life.
[20:43] Speaker 1: Press one if you're drowning. Press two if you need rescuing.
[20:48] Speaker 1: We love you. We love you, DLs. I don't know
[20:50] Speaker 1: if we solved that one. In fact, we definitely didn't.
[20:53] Speaker 1: But that's what we're here for. We're here to hash
[20:55] Speaker 1: it out with you. But as always, happy Friday. Happy
[20:58] Speaker 1: near the end of the school holidays. Well done. We
[21:00] Speaker 1: will be back in your ears bright and early on
[21:02] Speaker 1: Tuesday with a regular episode. See you there. Bye-bye. Bye.

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