# Tradwife For The Independent Woman

An episode of [We Don't Have Time For This](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1544178687), 7 Sep 2026, 48 min.

Audio: https://p.podderapp.com/2544644999/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/2fb3740d-3436-44af-8cc0-a91900716aa5/4f8dbbbd-dca3-422d-beec-b4a2017094cd/6aa8c3ce-1e4e-407b-b4c8-b4be002dbf7a/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=cb643b19-682a-420b-8163-b4a201709908

Welcome to the roast fest, Besties, it’s our love language. The WDHTFT Live Show Box Set is officially here! Get all 4 shows, including the Know Thyself livestream on Saturday 19 September, via our website. Squeal! Then, what comes to mind when you hear “independent woman”? And why don’t we talk about independent men in quite the same way? Plus, we’re unpacking Dr Gottman’s Bids for Connection. Are you turning towards, turning away… or completely missing the bid because you’re on your phone? Not spon: G: Toscano Chocolate Crepes R: Darrell Lee Raspberry Twists - Send This Episode To Your Friends: I Need A New Podcast (Spotify) I Need A New Podcast (Apple) Check out our Amazon Storefront Know Thyself 2026 LIVE SHOW TICKETS and MERCH Subscribe to MORE TIME For This: Subscribe on Apple Subscribe on Spotify Submit your OTDL Submit your Bestie Hotline Sign Up To Bestie Bulletin Join our Facebook Group Listen to our cool little sister podcast: The Fifth Trimester on Spotify The Fifth Trimester on Apple See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: We would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the
[0:03] Speaker 1: land that this podcast is recorded on. Happy spring, everybody. Oh,
[0:08] Speaker 1: we made it, guys. We made it. We've arrived. Fucking
[0:11] Speaker 1: love spring. Do you know it's a nice day every year?
[0:13] Speaker 1: What day? First day of spring. Always a beautiful day.
[0:15] Speaker 1: So a good day to get married? Perhaps. It would
[0:18] Speaker 1: be a good day to get married. Yeah, if it
[0:19] Speaker 1: fell on a weekend or a Friday. That's right. How good.
[0:23] Speaker 1: Don't be those people that make people come to a
[0:25] Speaker 1: Tuesday wedding. Hot take? Is that a thing? I feel
[0:28] Speaker 1: like that was a post COVID thing. No, it's a thing.
[0:30] Speaker 2: No. It is. What do you mean?
[0:32] Speaker 1: Because you get it cheaper. And I think it's rude.
[0:35] Speaker 1: I'm just going to say it. I'm 41. I don't
[0:37] Speaker 1: have a filter. It makes sense.
[0:39] Speaker 2: I get it.
[0:39] Speaker 1: But it's rude. Don't you think?
[0:40] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[0:40] Speaker 1: I'm not a.
[0:41] Speaker 2: Fan of that.
[0:41] Speaker 1: Look, I get it.
[0:42] Speaker 3: I guess if you're having a destination wedding, you're also
[0:45] Speaker 3: asking people to take leave or pay for accommodation or whatever.
[0:48] Speaker 1: No, I had one too.
[0:49] Speaker 3: Mine was a bit more aggressive. Yours was international, but
[0:53] Speaker 3: we were young. I was the only one who had
[0:55] Speaker 3: a kid at that point, but most people were kid-free.
[0:57] Speaker 1: That was fine. Yeah. It was a big ask, wasn't it?
[1:00] Speaker 3: It is. And you don't think about it when you're
[1:02] Speaker 3: in the wedding season. But I do think a midweek
[1:05] Speaker 3: wedding is rude because people have to take annual leave.
[1:07] Speaker 1: It messes up their work week. It's rude. I think.
[1:10] Speaker 4: Unless people hate their job, in which case they might
[1:13] Speaker 4: delight at the idea of like, cool, I get to
[1:15] Speaker 4: call up work.
[1:16] Speaker 1: No, we all love a day off work.
[1:17] Speaker 3: But like, you know what happens when you take a
[1:18] Speaker 3: day off? Like just say you've got a sick kid
[1:20] Speaker 3: and you miss a Tuesday or a Wednesday.
[1:22] Speaker 1: It piles up. It just means you have to work
[1:23] Speaker 1: on the weekend or like, you know, working on your team. Yep,
[1:27] Speaker 1: it wrecks you weak.
[1:28] Speaker 3: And then what if there's an important thing on that?
[1:29] Speaker 3: You know, it's just don't do it. Sorry, don't come
[1:32] Speaker 3: at me if you had a midweek wedding. I'm so
[1:34] Speaker 3: glad you saved five grand. I genuinely didn't know it
[1:37] Speaker 3: was a thing. I personally have never been to a
[1:39] Speaker 3: midweek wedding. I do remember in my profesh wedding photography
[1:43] Speaker 3: days that I used to love a Friday wedding.
[1:46] Speaker 1: I think a Friday is the exception. I'm talking anything,
[1:49] Speaker 1: even Thursday.
[1:50] Speaker 3: Hmm.
[1:51] Speaker 1: Maybe if there's a long weekend on the other side
[1:53] Speaker 1: of it. But a Tuesday. Get fucked. So rude. Also
[1:57] Speaker 1: school pickup, you know.
[1:58] Speaker 4: I would like to apologise to Adelaide DLs in 2024
[2:03] Speaker 4: when we did in fact put a show on a
[2:05] Speaker 4: Tuesday night.
[2:06] Speaker 1: Mate, that's after work hours. It's still not a vibe.
[2:09] Speaker 1: It's different. No, Tuesday's so early in the week. But anyway, DLs,
[2:13] Speaker 1: you showed up for us and we're grateful. Oh, my gosh.
[2:15] Speaker 1: That was the weirdest segue. No, I don't know. It's
[2:18] Speaker 1: so different than asking people to take a day off work.
[2:20] Speaker 2: Fair.
[2:20] Speaker 1: Should we get into the episode?
[2:21] Speaker 2: Yes.
[2:22] Speaker 1: I've already been cancelled before we've even gotten to the episode.
[2:24] Speaker 2: We have a thousand things to do, but we'd rather
[2:29] Speaker 2: chat to you. With emails and meetings and husbands and kids,
[2:35] Speaker 2: we don't have time for this.
[2:38] Speaker 4: Just what you need, two basic bitches with a podcast.
[2:44] Speaker 4: Hello and welcome to We Don't Have Time For This.
[2:46] Speaker 4: I'm your host, Gemma Pranita, aka Gemma Pina on the gram,
[2:50] Speaker 4: along with no one because she's cancelled herself talking about.
[2:54] Speaker 1: Don't have a midweek wedding.
[2:55] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[2:55] Speaker 1: Don't do it. You know what?
[2:56] Speaker 3: We do have had some reviews lately that say I'm
[2:59] Speaker 3: snarky and smart. Yeah.
[3:01] Speaker 1: And they think I'm mean to you. Yeah, I know.
[3:04] Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm just 41. But roasting each other
[3:07] Speaker 1: is our love language.
[3:08] Speaker 3: I know.
[3:08] Speaker 1: I'm like, Gem's all right with that, so I think
[3:10] Speaker 1: you should be.
[3:11] Speaker 4: Yeah, I do find it funny when people make that comment.
[3:15] Speaker 4: We had one piece of feedback recently that said me
[3:19] Speaker 4: and Daron's.
[3:19] Speaker 3: Bestie were condescending. Sounded condescending and she turned the ep
[3:25] Speaker 3: off and I was like, oh, no, you've got to
[3:26] Speaker 3: listen to the whole ep because you've missed the.
[3:29] Speaker 1: Nice, gooey, warm stuff.
[3:31] Speaker 4: Yeah. You've literally just heard the roasting stuff.
[3:34] Speaker 3: And also we're all very comfortable with roasting each other. Well,
[3:37] Speaker 3: I think if people are involved, then you've got to, yeah.
[3:39] Speaker 1: Yeah, if the people who are involved are comfortable, you
[3:41] Speaker 1: don't need to project your own.
[3:43] Speaker 3: And I was like, God, condescending, that's a savage word.
[3:45] Speaker 3: I'm just roasting my bestie. She roasts me back. There's
[3:49] Speaker 3: a part of the show where we roast pretty hard
[3:50] Speaker 3: and even show fam have said, hey, does that hurt
[3:53] Speaker 3: a bit? And we laugh.
[3:54] Speaker 1: We're like, no. Yeah, they thought and we were like, no.
[3:58] Speaker 3: No friendship since day one and also we've been rehearsing
[4:01] Speaker 3: this show for ages like no but if it genuinely
[4:05] Speaker 3: hurt hearing it on repeat would be like all right
[4:07] Speaker 3: it doesn't just doesn't hurt it really doesn't nothing you
[4:10] Speaker 3: put in that roast surprised me I was like I
[4:13] Speaker 3: know you feel that way nothing you put in your
[4:15] Speaker 3: roast even slightly upset me because I was like yeah
[4:18] Speaker 3: those are my annoying quirks And thank God you love
[4:21] Speaker 3: me through it, you know. Isn't that female friendship to
[4:24] Speaker 3: be like, she's so fucking annoying and.
[4:26] Speaker 1: I love her to the ends of the earth.
[4:27] Speaker 4: But I did find it funny that someone got offended
[4:29] Speaker 4: on our behalf.
[4:31] Speaker 1: On my behalf, yeah. Anyway, DLs, we have some news.
[4:34] Speaker 4: This has been long-awaited, highly anticipated news. We have been
[4:39] Speaker 4: reading your DMs. And we are very excited to announce that, yes, indeed,
[4:44] Speaker 4: we will be live streaming our final show, Know Thyself,
[4:48] Speaker 4: from Melbourne, from the Malthouse Theatre, one of our favourite venues.
[4:52] Speaker 1: Stunning venue.
[4:53] Speaker 4: To be performing. We've got the whole team set up.
[4:56] Speaker 4: We have a beautiful members area.
[4:58] Speaker 1: But wait, there's more. There's more. You've been begging us
[5:00] Speaker 1: for years and it's the perfect time to do it. Yes, indeed.
[5:04] Speaker 3: We are now re-releasing what we're calling the box set.
[5:07] Speaker 3: So you can watch the past three shows as well
[5:10] Speaker 3: as this year's show.
[5:11] Speaker 1: It's very exciting. We're very like stoked to be able
[5:14] Speaker 1: to do it.
[5:14] Speaker 3: We didn't want to tell you too soon because we
[5:16] Speaker 3: didn't know if we could, but anyway, we figured it
[5:17] Speaker 3: all out.
[5:17] Speaker 1: The mechanics behind it are really tricky, but it's done.
[5:20] Speaker 1: It's ready for you. Now here's the kicker.
[5:22] Speaker 3: The live stream obviously doesn't start until our last show,
[5:25] Speaker 3: which is on the 19th of September at 7 p.m.
[5:27] Speaker 3: It will go live from curtain up. You can join in.
[5:30] Speaker 3: You can watch that last show. However, if you want
[5:32] Speaker 3: to get the box set option and you can just
[5:34] Speaker 3: buy Know Thyself if you've already seen the other ones
[5:36] Speaker 3: and you just want Know Thyself, that option is there
[5:38] Speaker 3: for you. But if you want to get all four
[5:40] Speaker 3: shows in the box set and you do that today,
[5:43] Speaker 3: you can have access right now.
[5:45] Speaker 1: To the last three shows. Yes, you can send yourself
[5:48] Speaker 1: on a trip down memory lane.
[5:49] Speaker 4: This is for the DLs who love archived episodes, who
[5:54] Speaker 4: like to go all the way back to Ep 1
[5:56] Speaker 4: and then live through Revs' divorce all over again and
[6:00] Speaker 4: catch up to.
[6:01] Speaker 1: Where we are now. It's the complete collection. I was
[6:03] Speaker 1: going to say Jen with long hair, but yeah, Revs'
[6:05] Speaker 1: divorce also works. Jen with long hair, which was for
[6:07] Speaker 1: the majority of the time.
[6:09] Speaker 3: It's also people who've only discovered us recently and were like,
[6:13] Speaker 3: oh man, I wish I knew about you three years ago.
[6:14] Speaker 1: I would have loved to come to these shows. They're
[6:16] Speaker 1: all there for you.
[6:17] Speaker 3: Now the whole live stream will end on the 27th
[6:21] Speaker 3: of September at midnight. As per usual, you get just
[6:24] Speaker 3: over a week to watch everything. But as we just said,
[6:27] Speaker 3: if you want to watch the previous shows, they are
[6:29] Speaker 3: ready for you now.
[6:30] Speaker 1: Right now.
[6:30] Speaker 3: So you can wait or you can go now. Whatever's
[6:32] Speaker 3: going to work for you, but it's all there for you.
[6:34] Speaker 4: You could literally do a show a week. in the
[6:37] Speaker 4: lead up to closing night, if you wanted to. I
[6:40] Speaker 4: think it's so interesting, the evolution of the shows.
[6:43] Speaker 1: Yeah, it's fun. I take joy.
[6:45] Speaker 4: In how some DLs are like, oh, show one for
[6:48] Speaker 4: me was still so special because we had no idea
[6:52] Speaker 4: what you guys.
[6:52] Speaker 1: Were going to do. And then obviously it's had this evolution.
[6:55] Speaker 1: It's come a long way. It sure has. Yeah, it's
[6:57] Speaker 1: fun looking back at all of it.
[6:58] Speaker 3: And it feels like yesterday and it feels like a
[7:00] Speaker 3: hundred years ago and we've all been doing it together.
[7:02] Speaker 3: And It's just really cool to see it all there.
[7:05] Speaker 3: So four years of Fever Dream live shows.
[7:08] Speaker 4: You can get the complete collection or you can just
[7:11] Speaker 4: join us for the Melbourne closing night.
[7:12] Speaker 1: Your choice, DLs.
[7:13] Speaker 3: Everything is very straightforward. We don't have time for this.com.
[7:16] Speaker 3: It's all there for you. Choose your own adventure. Do
[7:19] Speaker 3: you know what I don't have time for? What don't
[7:20] Speaker 3: you have time for, my love?
[7:22] Speaker 1: I don't have.
[7:23] Speaker 3: Time for the term independent woman.
[7:25] Speaker 1: Okay. Let me quickly ask you this.
[7:27] Speaker 4: When you hear the term independent woman, what do you
[7:30] Speaker 4: immediately think of?
[7:31] Speaker 1: Myself. Okay, yes. But what are the.
[7:34] Speaker 3: Okay, of an independent woman. Financially supports herself. Probably, I think,
[7:39] Speaker 3: not single, but like runs her own life, lives her
[7:42] Speaker 3: own life. She might be a mum, she might be married,
[7:44] Speaker 3: but she very much has her own life going on.
[7:47] Speaker 1: Yeah, financially supports herself. Job, big job or career or purpose.
[7:52] Speaker 3: Doesn't take her value and sense of self from external
[7:57] Speaker 3: things or from other people.
[7:59] Speaker 1: And perhaps doesn't rely on someone. Doesn't rely on other people.
[8:03] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[8:03] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Like she makes her own stuff happen is
[8:06] Speaker 1: what I would think. So I would say that a
[8:07] Speaker 1: lot of people would have that shared view of the
[8:10] Speaker 1: term independent woman.
[8:12] Speaker 4: What I find really interesting is that your first two
[8:15] Speaker 4: points were financial independence and big job.
[8:17] Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. Now, the reason why I don't have time for
[8:20] Speaker 3: the word independent woman is because we don't have a
[8:23] Speaker 3: term for independent man.
[8:25] Speaker 1: There is no praise. Independent man.
[8:28] Speaker 3: Right?
[8:29] Speaker 1: It's like hands on dad. It's exactly the same thing, Reb.
[8:32] Speaker 1: There's no hands on mom.
[8:33] Speaker 3: There is no independent man. Now, let's play a little game.
[8:37] Speaker 3: I'm seeing like a Barbie. Like a Ken with like
[8:40] Speaker 3: a little briefcase.
[8:41] Speaker 4: Well, what's the inverse of independent woman, right? If it's
[8:44] Speaker 4: financial and big job.
[8:46] Speaker 1: Trad wife. Not relying.
[8:47] Speaker 4: An independent man for me would be a man who
[8:51] Speaker 4: can domestically handle himself end to end, who is a
[8:55] Speaker 4: very involved dad.
[8:56] Speaker 1: Like I just... A single dad.
[8:58] Speaker 4: A single dad. We would consider an independent dad. But
[9:00] Speaker 4: isn't it interesting that the alignment of single dad comes
[9:04] Speaker 4: with because they have no choice but to handle all
[9:07] Speaker 4: of the domestic things end to end, right? So why
[9:11] Speaker 4: doesn't this term exist? And I personally think it should.
[9:14] Speaker 1: Well, I see why it doesn't exist. Of course. Historically,
[9:19] Speaker 1: women have not been granted.
[9:20] Speaker 3: We had to fight pretty hard to kick down the
[9:23] Speaker 3: door to become independent women. And it was only as
[9:27] Speaker 3: far back as our parents' generation or even Gen X, really.
[9:30] Speaker 1: Like it was a thing still to be an independent woman.
[9:34] Speaker 3: Like it was very, I think in the boomers era,
[9:36] Speaker 3: it was very de rigueur to be a family woman
[9:39] Speaker 3: and to, you know, stay home with the kids and
[9:41] Speaker 3: work inside the home, not work outside the home when
[9:44] Speaker 3: the husband would go, you know, in the heteronormative couples.
[9:47] Speaker 3: husband would go and work outside the home and make
[9:48] Speaker 3: the money and the wife would be the homemaker and
[9:50] Speaker 3: the caretaker.
[9:51] Speaker 1: That was pretty standard.
[9:53] Speaker 3: It absolutely wasn't universal or everyone. And it was very
[9:56] Speaker 3: class dependent and all that kind of thing. But that
[9:58] Speaker 3: was sort of like the blueprint.
[10:00] Speaker 1: Yep. So then if you step outside that, it needs
[10:02] Speaker 1: a term, you know?
[10:03] Speaker 4: Well, are men not trying to step outside of their
[10:06] Speaker 4: old norms?
[10:07] Speaker 1: I would say yes. No, but our expectations of them
[10:11] Speaker 1: are such.
[10:11] Speaker 3: Our female expectations of them are such.
[10:14] Speaker 1: And yet they don't aspire to it.
[10:16] Speaker 3: I don't think it's like a huge movement of men
[10:19] Speaker 3: to be stepping outside the norms. I think sometimes they're
[10:22] Speaker 3: forced to, as you say, like single dads.
[10:24] Speaker 4: No, but this is fascinating to me, Rebs, because you've
[10:26] Speaker 4: hit the nail on the head. We women have fought
[10:29] Speaker 4: to be independent women, yet men are not fighting to
[10:33] Speaker 4: be independent men.
[10:34] Speaker 1: Because it doesn't serve them. Because it doesn't serve them.
[10:37] Speaker 1: Love them. There's not a lot of benefit.
[10:38] Speaker 4: And to bring up my favorite quote again, like equality
[10:41] Speaker 4: to the privilege feels like oppression. And I feel like
[10:44] Speaker 4: men have lived this very privileged life where they get
[10:47] Speaker 4: to work, they get to earn the money, they get
[10:49] Speaker 4: to own the power and not do any of the
[10:52] Speaker 4: domestic things. But us millennial women are saying, hold the phone.
[10:55] Speaker 4: We're not doing this anymore. Like I want you to
[10:57] Speaker 4: be as responsible for the household and share the domestic
[11:01] Speaker 4: load now because we now recognize that caring for children
[11:05] Speaker 4: and the mental load in which we carry as women
[11:08] Speaker 4: is so enormous that everything else has to be shared.
[11:11] Speaker 4: And the cool thing about women being fiercely independent now,
[11:14] Speaker 4: I'm speaking specifically, let's talk about women who are earning
[11:17] Speaker 4: their own money, is that they're no longer relying on men.
[11:20] Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
[11:20] Speaker 1: For financial security. Therefore, what does a man need to
[11:23] Speaker 1: bring to a relationship? Otherwise, what's your purpose? What do
[11:27] Speaker 1: you bring to the table to use the manosphere back
[11:29] Speaker 1: against them? Well, correct. To weaponize it back to them.
[11:32] Speaker 1: What are you bringing to the table? So if you're
[11:35] Speaker 1: not emotionally evolved and you're not picking up the slack
[11:38] Speaker 1: at home, what's your purpose? What's the point of you?
[11:40] Speaker 1: In fact, you become a headache if you're not doing that.
[11:43] Speaker 4: I mean, it's an old trope, but we joke about
[11:46] Speaker 4: how You know, a woman might have like three sons,
[11:49] Speaker 4: but she goes, I have four.
[11:51] Speaker 1: And she's referring to her husband. I don't find it
[11:53] Speaker 1: funny anymore.
[11:54] Speaker 3: Well, I used to, but now I'm like, ick.
[11:57] Speaker 4: Like there's nothing less sexy than infantilizing your own husband.
[12:01] Speaker 3: No.
[12:02] Speaker 1: Or feeling like their mother. I mean, no.
[12:05] Speaker 3: To quote Miranda in season four of Sex and the City,
[12:08] Speaker 3: no one wants to fuck mean mummy.
[12:10] Speaker 1: It's true. It's so true. It's so true.
[12:13] Speaker 3: The quickest way to lose your desire for each other
[12:16] Speaker 3: is for one of you to become a parent.
[12:18] Speaker 1: And that works both ways as well. A hundred percent.
[12:20] Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. Look, we know statistically there's a lot of
[12:24] Speaker 3: anthropological study that's been done on this.
[12:27] Speaker 1: Marriage does not benefit women.
[12:29] Speaker 3: No.
[12:29] Speaker 1: Like unmarried women live longer. They have far less stress.
[12:32] Speaker 1: They have far less mental health issues. They're like physiologically healthier.
[12:37] Speaker 3: And unmarried men die earlier, are physiologically more unhealthy, have
[12:42] Speaker 3: way more mental health issues, are lonelier.
[12:44] Speaker 1: Like it benefits men, marriage.
[12:46] Speaker 3: The institution of marriage far skews to benefit men more
[12:50] Speaker 3: than women.
[12:50] Speaker 2: Women.
[12:50] Speaker 4: Which is why it's so common that when couples get divorced,
[12:54] Speaker 4: that men re-partner quite quickly. Yeah, it's definitely like- In fact,
[12:57] Speaker 4: in almost every instance I can think of, of people
[13:01] Speaker 4: I know personally who have gone through divorce, their ex-husbands
[13:05] Speaker 4: find themselves a wife quite quickly. It's a pretty common
[13:09] Speaker 4: trope for the man to re-partner very fast or faster
[13:12] Speaker 4: than the woman.
[13:13] Speaker 1: Yeah, faster.
[13:14] Speaker 3: Look, there are exceptions because obviously show daddy, who's one
[13:17] Speaker 3: of our best mates, who is, I would say he's
[13:20] Speaker 3: quite an outlier.
[13:21] Speaker 1: He's 100% an outlier.
[13:22] Speaker 3: Like he is one of the best dads I know, period.
[13:26] Speaker 3: And then add to that, he's a single dad, but
[13:28] Speaker 3: he has not repartnered and certainly not didn't jump into
[13:31] Speaker 3: anything quickly. His kids genuinely are his priority and he
[13:35] Speaker 3: genuinely puts them above himself.
[13:37] Speaker 1: In every way you can imagine.
[13:39] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[13:39] Speaker 1: He's so beautiful. He's also a domestic boss. Do you
[13:42] Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like he does everything. He's an
[13:44] Speaker 1: independent man. He is an independent man. Show daddy, you
[13:49] Speaker 1: are the ultimate independent man. But he is the exception,
[13:52] Speaker 1: not the rule. He cooks. He does everything. Everything. End
[13:55] Speaker 1: to end.
[13:56] Speaker 3: Yeah. Like I'm in a group chat with a couple
[13:58] Speaker 3: of girlfriends and him. do you know what i mean
[14:01] Speaker 3: and like he fits in with the girlfriends when we're
[14:03] Speaker 3: organizing like hangs and stuff i love show around the
[14:06] Speaker 3: kids he's the best he's the quote unquote the mom
[14:10] Speaker 3: in the group and he can exist in both worlds
[14:13] Speaker 3: you know and but then he's always hanging with the
[14:15] Speaker 3: guy like he can really do it all he's a
[14:16] Speaker 3: blokey bloke he's a blokey bloke he can move between
[14:19] Speaker 3: all the worlds but he is i'm gonna call it
[14:20] Speaker 3: he's an amazing mom He's a one percenter.
[14:23] Speaker 1: He is the one percenter. So I just need to
[14:25] Speaker 1: say that because obviously there are exceptions. There are people
[14:28] Speaker 1: who are like that.
[14:28] Speaker 4: Oh, no, we are grossly generalizing deals, okay? You don't
[14:31] Speaker 4: need to come at us with your one percenters.
[14:34] Speaker 1: We know they exist.
[14:35] Speaker 3: The institution of marriage and families, like, it's a patriarchal construct. Mm.
[14:41] Speaker 3: You know, like take it right back to when we
[14:43] Speaker 3: were first in tribes. Like the women would, yes, all
[14:47] Speaker 3: raise the children and stuff and the men would go
[14:50] Speaker 3: do the manual things. But like the women had other
[14:52] Speaker 3: women to raise those children with and they had like
[14:56] Speaker 3: family systems, but it was the women of different generations
[15:00] Speaker 3: helping each other with these things.
[15:01] Speaker 1: Now we shack up with a man.
[15:03] Speaker 3: Yeah. And then our generation's gone, no, I want that
[15:06] Speaker 3: women tribe thing, but I want that in one.
[15:08] Speaker 1: Man, you know what I mean?
[15:09] Speaker 3: And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm supposed to knock
[15:11] Speaker 3: things on the head to drag them into the cave,
[15:14] Speaker 3: you know?
[15:14] Speaker 1: And they're like, I don't want to.
[15:16] Speaker 2: I know.
[15:17] Speaker 1: Be domestically epped.
[15:19] Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I just think we're in a really weird,
[15:22] Speaker 3: stretchy generation where as women, we're asking a lot more
[15:27] Speaker 3: of the men.
[15:28] Speaker 1: I think the men do want to lift to that.
[15:31] Speaker 3: And like most millennial men I know, like our friends
[15:34] Speaker 3: will hear the argument.
[15:35] Speaker 1: And go, yeah, totally.
[15:36] Speaker 3: Absolutely.
[15:37] Speaker 1: Yes, I should partake. Yes, that's right.
[15:39] Speaker 3: And especially if in hetero couples, if both people are working,
[15:43] Speaker 3: I think there's more of an understanding of like, I'll
[15:45] Speaker 3: support your work and you support mine. And we work
[15:48] Speaker 3: out the kids and the finances and the home together. Yeah.
[15:51] Speaker 1: But there's so many factors. So many.
[15:54] Speaker 3: Like it depends who's earning more, like who has to
[15:57] Speaker 3: travel more for work.
[15:58] Speaker 1: Like you your marriage.
[16:00] Speaker 3: It's so far skewed because your travel commitments are so different.
[16:04] Speaker 3: You know, it doesn't mean you don't work any less hard,
[16:06] Speaker 3: but like your husband's job, there's so much travel involved.
[16:09] Speaker 4: It literally takes him away. So he can't always fulfill
[16:13] Speaker 4: his domestic commitments.
[16:14] Speaker 1: That's right.
[16:15] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[16:15] Speaker 1: So there's those things as well, like depending what you
[16:18] Speaker 1: do for work. Well, every relationship has its nuances.
[16:21] Speaker 3: Of course.
[16:21] Speaker 1: And that's why it is a challenging conversation.
[16:23] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[16:24] Speaker 1: And stretchy is the right word for it.
[16:26] Speaker 3: And it's about, I guess, trying to mitigate the resentment
[16:30] Speaker 3: when one person in the partnership feels like they're carrying
[16:34] Speaker 3: that much more.
[16:35] Speaker 1: I think it is.
[16:37] Speaker 3: I don't want to say a mindset thing because that sounds,
[16:39] Speaker 3: I don't know, optimisey. But like, I think it's about
[16:42] Speaker 3: the attitude. I think any version and any nuance can
[16:46] Speaker 3: work if there's a goodwill, appreciation and understanding for what
[16:50] Speaker 3: each other is doing in the relationship. 100%. NGP.
[16:53] Speaker 1: Like let's just take a stay.
[16:55] Speaker 3: At home mom with three kids at home and a
[16:57] Speaker 3: dad who works out of the home.
[16:59] Speaker 1: Okay. So like a very, I guess like our parents.
[17:01] Speaker 1: It's more traditional.
[17:02] Speaker 3: A more traditional setup, but there are still people who
[17:04] Speaker 3: do that because it works for their family, right?
[17:06] Speaker 1: We have friends who have that setup.
[17:08] Speaker 3: And it's still a legitimate, and you can flip the genders, whatever.
[17:11] Speaker 3: One parent works outside of the home. One parent works
[17:13] Speaker 3: in the home, caretaking for young kids, all that preschool stuff,
[17:16] Speaker 3: maybe one or two kids at school. Like that could
[17:19] Speaker 3: really work financially and logistically if both adults have an
[17:23] Speaker 3: understanding appreciation and respect for what the other one does
[17:28] Speaker 3: when it tips is like I want to go work
[17:30] Speaker 3: but I'm stuck I've made this contract where I'm stuck
[17:33] Speaker 3: at home and I'm just with the kids and like
[17:34] Speaker 3: I'm not bringing in any money and you know I
[17:37] Speaker 3: feel like I'm not contributing and like I'm losing my
[17:39] Speaker 3: foothold in the workforce and all that kind of stuff
[17:41] Speaker 3: and the other person's like all I do is go
[17:43] Speaker 3: and slave away for this family and I come home
[17:45] Speaker 3: and everyone's mad at me and I don't get the
[17:46] Speaker 3: good parts of the day with the kids and like
[17:48] Speaker 3: you know like there can be resentments on all sides
[17:51] Speaker 3: I think it's like, yeah, having that fluid, moving conversation
[17:55] Speaker 3: of like, like you always say, do an audit. Are
[17:57] Speaker 3: we still happy with this arrangement? We've been doing this
[17:59] Speaker 3: for three years now. Is it working for everyone?
[18:01] Speaker 1: Well, the thing is, is kids age, right? It's ever evolving.
[18:05] Speaker 4: You mentioned before the preschool era, and then you were like, oh,
[18:07] Speaker 4: maybe they've got a couple of kids at school.
[18:09] Speaker 1: You have to keep auditing. Like Hubs and I are
[18:12] Speaker 1: at a point now where we audit yearly. Yeah. Because
[18:15] Speaker 1: it is shifting.
[18:16] Speaker 4: And, you know, for example, one of my stresses, and
[18:19] Speaker 4: I express this to him, was that when Iggy started school,
[18:22] Speaker 4: then I've.
[18:22] Speaker 1: Got two lots of school comms.
[18:24] Speaker 4: And maybe this isn't everyone's experience, but I found school
[18:28] Speaker 4: comms were 10 times daycare comms.
[18:31] Speaker 3: Oh yeah. Yeah.
[18:31] Speaker 1: You know, there's so many group chats.
[18:33] Speaker 4: There's so many incursions, excursions, father's day stall, silly sock day,
[18:38] Speaker 4: book week.
[18:39] Speaker 1: More is asked of you at school.
[18:40] Speaker 3: Yes. If you miss daycare comms, they handle it. But
[18:44] Speaker 3: if you miss school comms, your kid misses out. Totally.
[18:46] Speaker 1: And there's a casualness to daycare.
[18:48] Speaker 3: You can arrive at any time. You can pick your
[18:49] Speaker 3: kid up at any time. School is much more regimented
[18:52] Speaker 3: and scheduled. But it's not just those comms that I
[18:55] Speaker 3: mentioned before. Your kids often do extracurricular activities.
[18:58] Speaker 4: And at the moment, my kids are in various sporting groups.
[19:01] Speaker 4: And we've reached that time of the year where the
[19:04] Speaker 4: chat is like, hey, we need to buy a thank
[19:06] Speaker 4: you gift for the coach. And then it's like, oh,
[19:08] Speaker 4: let's get a thank you gift for the soccer manager
[19:10] Speaker 4: or the netball coach. And there are so many because
[19:13] Speaker 4: our kids do a lot of different sports. And that
[19:16] Speaker 4: is a huge mental load, just that. But because we
[19:20] Speaker 4: have defined lines, or I should call it lanes rather,
[19:25] Speaker 4: for Hubs and I, he knows that that part of
[19:27] Speaker 4: things is his responsibility.
[19:29] Speaker 1: So he does that.
[19:30] Speaker 4: He is doing the group togethers and joining in and
[19:33] Speaker 4: transferring the dollars.
[19:34] Speaker 1: And I get to park that part of my brain.
[19:36] Speaker 1: And that's what helps with the resentment side.
[19:39] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[19:39] Speaker 1: Because I'm handling all the school stuff for two kids.
[19:41] Speaker 3: So do you divide your lanes down weekday and weekend?
[19:45] Speaker 1: Is that kind of how you do it? No, because
[19:47] Speaker 1: dance is on me and Raf can have comps on
[19:49] Speaker 1: the weekend. But largely that's week.
[19:51] Speaker 2: Yes.
[19:52] Speaker 1: It really is.
[19:53] Speaker 4: School comms is me, end to end. Extracurricular sport is
[19:57] Speaker 4: hubs end to end.
[19:57] Speaker 1: Okay, but you do dance. But I do dance as
[19:59] Speaker 1: an add-on.
[20:00] Speaker 4: And I don't mind because he would flounder on those
[20:04] Speaker 4: comms in a.
[20:04] Speaker 1: Really big way.
[20:05] Speaker 2: Okay.
[20:05] Speaker 1: And then what about like domestic load?
[20:08] Speaker 4: Okay, so that hasn't changed since we did our very
[20:10] Speaker 4: first audit. And this is the cool thing about auditing
[20:13] Speaker 4: is you can fine-tune it and if it's working, you
[20:16] Speaker 4: can continue it. So we're still the same, Rebs.
[20:19] Speaker 1: Kitchen, laundry.
[20:20] Speaker 3: Yeah, me, laundry, end-to-end for everyone in the house and
[20:22] Speaker 3: he is kitchen, end-to-end.
[20:24] Speaker 1: Not cooking, cleaning. But also when he's away, kitchen's you. Yes. Yeah.
[20:31] Speaker 1: That's a, yeah, it is.
[20:32] Speaker 4: It's still more skewed towards me and he knows it,
[20:36] Speaker 4: but I will admit Hubs has got so much better
[20:39] Speaker 4: at this.
[20:39] Speaker 3: It's like, Hey, I really appreciate you. And do you
[20:42] Speaker 3: know what I love? He says it in front of
[20:44] Speaker 3: the kids.
[20:44] Speaker 4: He'll be like, kids how proud are we of mummy
[20:48] Speaker 4: yeah isn't she great yeah or did you show your
[20:50] Speaker 4: appreciation for he does it like default almost too much
[20:53] Speaker 4: now to a point where it doesn't feel like anything
[20:55] Speaker 4: but I love it yeah no it goes so far
[20:57] Speaker 4: it goes so far it's like the secret ingredient to
[21:01] Speaker 4: like a relationship we just want to feel seen and
[21:03] Speaker 4: appreciated I think humans can.
[21:05] Speaker 1: Withstand a lot if they feel seen. I really do.
[21:10] Speaker 3: I think, I just think any time that's hard and
[21:13] Speaker 3: stressful is only compounded and made worse when you also
[21:16] Speaker 3: feel like you're invisible. You know, anything that's hard and
[21:20] Speaker 3: then someone goes, hey, I see what you're doing. I
[21:23] Speaker 3: think it's really hard and I really admire that. Or like,
[21:26] Speaker 3: thank you so much. Like, I really appreciate that you've
[21:29] Speaker 3: taken this on. Sometimes that's all I need to then
[21:32] Speaker 3: feel fine about everything.
[21:33] Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
[21:33] Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. It goes so far. I think women are
[21:36] Speaker 3: better at it, but I think there's certain men.
[21:39] Speaker 1: If only men knew. It costs nothing. It literally costs nothing.
[21:43] Speaker 4: It's just a muscle you need to get good at flexing.
[21:46] Speaker 4: And now if you go to a fucking gym, you
[21:47] Speaker 4: can start flexing the appreciation muscle. It's not that hard.
[21:51] Speaker 4: And once you become practiced at it, it becomes your default.
[21:53] Speaker 4: You know, Hubs has gotten so good at it.
[21:55] Speaker 1: That I'm like, do I appreciate him?
[21:57] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[21:58] Speaker 4: And he does little things like he always books flights
[22:01] Speaker 4: for us because that's like a stress area for my
[22:03] Speaker 4: little ADHD brain.
[22:05] Speaker 1: And he's always done it and I've never really thought
[22:07] Speaker 1: about it.
[22:08] Speaker 4: And just recently I was like, hey, thanks for booking
[22:10] Speaker 4: those flights because I know that's a job that needed
[22:13] Speaker 4: doing and it's detailed. You've got to check the dates
[22:15] Speaker 4: are right. You've got to add frequent flyers, information. Thanks
[22:18] Speaker 4: for doing that. And he went, oh, good, babe.
[22:21] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[22:22] Speaker 1: And it was just like a moment of.
[22:24] Speaker 4: Appreciation and connection you know when you zoom out it's
[22:27] Speaker 4: like it's nothing but it's everything it's everything it's actually
[22:29] Speaker 4: everything we talk about death by a thousand cuts what
[22:32] Speaker 4: about healed wounds by a thousand band-aids.
[22:37] Speaker 3: Truly that's what it feels like well it's like flowers
[22:39] Speaker 3: you get a little one flower here at the end
[22:41] Speaker 3: of the month you've got a big posy of beautiful
[22:43] Speaker 3: bouquet of flowers you know so it's so funny because
[22:46] Speaker 3: I've been an independent woman for like fuck almost six
[22:50] Speaker 3: years right like I've run my own household and had
[22:52] Speaker 3: the full hundred percent share of the responsibility of my
[22:56] Speaker 3: home and the kids by myself right And I've been in,
[23:00] Speaker 3: I was in a committed relationship for three of those years.
[23:02] Speaker 3: We didn't live together and we didn't share kids and
[23:04] Speaker 3: we didn't combine any of those things.
[23:06] Speaker 1: We never blended. So it's completely been me.
[23:09] Speaker 3: Anyway, the thing I've found so interesting and it's hilarious
[23:14] Speaker 3: because we haven't spent that much actual physical time together,
[23:18] Speaker 3: but Daron is like an amazing domestic partner. And he
[23:23] Speaker 3: loves laundry. He's neat and tidy. He like defaults to
[23:26] Speaker 3: cleaning up the kitchen. He'll just start folding laundry if
[23:29] Speaker 3: there's a basket there. Oh my God, this is so
[23:31] Speaker 3: fun for you. In the future. I know.
[23:34] Speaker 4: When you guys move in together, whenever that is. like
[23:37] Speaker 4: will you do this audit.
[23:38] Speaker 3: 100% like I think that's 100% like how cool that
[23:41] Speaker 3: you sorry to interrupt because I do want to hear
[23:43] Speaker 3: more from you but often what I find is when
[23:45] Speaker 3: couples get together they have kids we fall into roles
[23:48] Speaker 3: yeah and there's never been a discussion yeah women start
[23:51] Speaker 3: breastfeeding their newborns the dads go to work suddenly you're
[23:54] Speaker 3: doing everything at home but then women return to work
[23:56] Speaker 3: and then nothing ever decided yeah yes and I what
[23:59] Speaker 3: I love is like if and when you and Daron
[24:02] Speaker 3: move in.
[24:02] Speaker 1: Together, that you get to have that clean slate conversation.
[24:06] Speaker 3: Well, and I feel really prepared for those kinds of
[24:10] Speaker 3: conversations because I've done versions of this before.
[24:12] Speaker 1: Right. So I'm like, Ooh, you know, start as you
[24:14] Speaker 1: mean to go on.
[24:15] Speaker 3: Yep. But like the part that has sideswiped me was like,
[24:18] Speaker 3: you know, he was with me for like two weeks
[24:20] Speaker 3: and And the way I got used to having a
[24:23] Speaker 3: domestic partner, do you know what I mean?
[24:25] Speaker 1: So quickly. What, like letting him do it all? No, no, no, no.
[24:28] Speaker 3: Just like, oh, I think a house is much easier
[24:31] Speaker 3: with two adults in it.
[24:33] Speaker 1: Like, oh God, I could actually like relax a little bit.
[24:36] Speaker 3: My nervous system was a little bit more, like it
[24:38] Speaker 3: was wild. I was like, oh my God, now I
[24:40] Speaker 3: want this.
[24:41] Speaker 1: And then he fucks off to New York again.
[24:43] Speaker 3: And I'm like, it's back on me, dragging the bins
[24:45] Speaker 3: out in the rain and resenting it.
[24:47] Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? But it's like, huh?
[24:49] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[24:49] Speaker 1: I forgot. Like things are easier with two sets of hands.
[24:53] Speaker 3: It's like when I hired the nanny during tour prep,
[24:56] Speaker 3: I was like, oh my God, I could telling everyone
[24:58] Speaker 3: I could like, oh my God, the most amazing thing
[25:01] Speaker 3: I've hired this nanny.
[25:02] Speaker 1: And she's so brilliant. It's so incredible. I can't believe
[25:04] Speaker 1: people live like this. And everyone said the same thing
[25:06] Speaker 1: to me.
[25:06] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[25:07] Speaker 1: You've hired a wife.
[25:08] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[25:08] Speaker 1: You're winning. And I'm like, we all want a wife.
[25:11] Speaker 1: Oh my God, I have. I've hired a wife.
[25:13] Speaker 3: Because she, it was the mental load and it was
[25:15] Speaker 3: the little things that like, yeah.
[25:17] Speaker 1: Women do instinctually.
[25:18] Speaker 3: So I'd get home, kids fed, kitchen clean, uniforms in
[25:21] Speaker 3: the wash, bins taken out.
[25:22] Speaker 1: And then she'd say, guys, how cool is your mom?
[25:25] Speaker 1: She rehearsed all day for a live show. Do you
[25:27] Speaker 1: know how cool your mom is that she does this?
[25:30] Speaker 1: A wife.
[25:31] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[25:31] Speaker 1: Bigged me up. Didn't make me feel guilty about a thing.
[25:34] Speaker 1: Obviously not, you know, it's her job.
[25:35] Speaker 3: But like, I really had gifted myself a wife for
[25:38] Speaker 3: three weeks and it was beautiful.
[25:41] Speaker 4: And she was a particularly special nanny. Like you raved
[25:45] Speaker 4: about her. And when you find those people, you hang
[25:48] Speaker 4: on to them for dear life. You know what I
[25:49] Speaker 4: find really interesting is because, you know, I'm in a
[25:51] Speaker 4: lot of au pair Facebook groups, like people searching for
[25:55] Speaker 4: au pairs, posting ads for their family. And then you
[25:58] Speaker 4: also get au pairs posting ads of themselves and sharing
[26:00] Speaker 4: their experience. But there's another category that's become really popular,
[26:04] Speaker 4: which is mother's helper.
[26:05] Speaker 3: Yes.
[26:06] Speaker 4: And often people post ads and say, hey, I'm a
[26:09] Speaker 4: mother's helper. And it's an interesting role, but your whole
[26:13] Speaker 4: job is whatever I can do to support you. And
[26:16] Speaker 4: it can be anything from laundry, changing bedding, cooking, but
[26:20] Speaker 4: also helping manage their calendars. So it's less about the kids,
[26:25] Speaker 4: but it's mother's helper if they need help and support
[26:28] Speaker 4: with the kids.
[26:29] Speaker 3: So I'm going to argue with myself here because we
[26:31] Speaker 3: were saying sort of like women are better, these women
[26:32] Speaker 3: are more instinctive. But like is it time to change
[26:35] Speaker 3: the name of that? Because I feel like mother's helper,
[26:38] Speaker 3: like there's no father's helper.
[26:39] Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? No, you're absolutely right.
[26:40] Speaker 3: And I feel like we would judge a man for
[26:42] Speaker 3: hiring a father's helper, you know.
[26:45] Speaker 1: We'd be like just fucking do it. Women do it
[26:47] Speaker 1: every day. But then we like.
[26:49] Speaker 3: Were able to resource ourselves with some help. We're like, oh,
[26:52] Speaker 3: it's amazing.
[26:54] Speaker 1: No, that's totally fair.
[26:56] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[26:57] Speaker 1: It's interesting. It is interesting. I don't know what the
[26:59] Speaker 1: answer is.
[27:00] Speaker 4: I don't know what the rebrand is because it's not
[27:02] Speaker 4: housekeeping because that's a role.
[27:04] Speaker 1: It's wifing. It's wifing. Traditionally, it's trad wife for the
[27:08] Speaker 1: independent woman. It's the independent woman hiring a trad wife.
[27:12] Speaker 1: That's the name of the episode. Trad wife for the
[27:14] Speaker 1: independent woman. Oh my God. Do you know what I
[27:20] Speaker 1: don't have time for? What don't you have time for?
[27:22] Speaker 1: I actually have heaps of time for it.
[27:23] Speaker 3: I just didn't know how to journalistically frame it. Have
[27:26] Speaker 3: you heard of the Gottmans? The relationship experts?
[27:29] Speaker 1: Yes, but I'm Gottman's light. Like I'd like to learn more.
[27:32] Speaker 3: So they're a couple who, they're one of the like,
[27:35] Speaker 3: they're kind of the grandfathers of like couples therapy. Because
[27:39] Speaker 3: in the 70s or maybe even the 60s, they're a
[27:41] Speaker 3: married couple. They're both psychologists. And they both started studying
[27:45] Speaker 3: love and relationships, sex, all those sort of things in
[27:48] Speaker 3: like the 70s. and they're researchers. So now they have
[27:51] Speaker 3: like courses and they're on podcasts and, you know, they're
[27:54] Speaker 3: like the authority on what makes a healthy relationship. And
[27:58] Speaker 3: they've been married for, I don't know, 50 plus years
[28:00] Speaker 3: or something. So they themselves live it. Have you heard
[28:02] Speaker 3: of the six second kiss?
[28:03] Speaker 1: No. So this is one of their things.
[28:05] Speaker 3: And they say, like, it's just like a really tangible,
[28:08] Speaker 3: doable thing in a relationship that they have worked out
[28:12] Speaker 3: that the optimal physiological response for like a connected kiss
[28:18] Speaker 3: with your partner is six seconds and that most people
[28:21] Speaker 3: with the busyness of kids and work and daily lives
[28:24] Speaker 3: don't kiss for six seconds every day. You'd be lucky
[28:27] Speaker 3: to get a quick kiss on the lips as you're
[28:28] Speaker 3: running out the door.
[28:29] Speaker 4: I don't know anyone who kisses their partner for six seconds. Well,
[28:32] Speaker 4: that's kind of part of it.
[28:34] Speaker 1: Are you doing a survey? How would we know? Do
[28:37] Speaker 1: you kiss your partner for six seconds a day?
[28:39] Speaker 3: No.
[28:40] Speaker 2: No.
[28:40] Speaker 3: How? Ours is a peck, literal peck. So this is
[28:43] Speaker 3: one of their tools. This is what I like about
[28:45] Speaker 3: the Gottmans. They have very actionable tools to implement into
[28:49] Speaker 3: your life that aren't going to, and it's not a
[28:51] Speaker 3: weekend of couples therapy.
[28:52] Speaker 1: It's like something like this.
[28:53] Speaker 3: Anyway, they say there's like something happens with the co-regulation
[28:57] Speaker 3: between two humans when you kiss for six seconds. And
[29:00] Speaker 3: they're like, everyone can fit six seconds into their day.
[29:02] Speaker 3: It doesn't matter what you're doing. You can do that.
[29:04] Speaker 3: And it's something that they encourage that before you go
[29:07] Speaker 3: about your days and leave for work and all that,
[29:09] Speaker 3: this is one of their famous things. And then they
[29:11] Speaker 3: have the relationship house. You might've come across that in
[29:14] Speaker 3: couple therapy.
[29:14] Speaker 1: Yeah. This is one that most psychologists like.
[29:16] Speaker 3: It's like, you know, there's this drawing of like the
[29:19] Speaker 3: walls and the roof and all the things. And if
[29:21] Speaker 3: you don't have these things, you don't have a relationship basically,
[29:24] Speaker 3: or the house will fall down. Anyway, one of their
[29:26] Speaker 3: big tenants is this bids for connection. And I think
[29:30] Speaker 3: it's a really interesting idea.
[29:33] Speaker 1: Have you heard of this?
[29:33] Speaker 3: Yes. Yeah. So the summary is that basically any small
[29:37] Speaker 3: attempt to get your partner's attention affection, interest or support
[29:42] Speaker 3: can be called a bid.
[29:43] Speaker 1: I think some people call it pebbling. Yeah, I've heard pebbling.
[29:47] Speaker 1: Because penguins do it or something? Yes, and there's funny.
[29:50] Speaker 4: Experiments that people do on TikTok and Instagram that have
[29:53] Speaker 4: taken off. Yeah, like the bird thing. Yeah, so if
[29:56] Speaker 4: you missed that. That's all rooted in the Gottmans.
[29:58] Speaker 3: Yes, the bids for connection. So yeah, the TikTok trend
[30:01] Speaker 3: of the birds was like, I saw this really weird
[30:03] Speaker 3: bird today. And then they would film their partner and
[30:05] Speaker 3: it would be a test of whether they went, oh yeah,
[30:07] Speaker 3: what kind of bird? Or oh yeah, and then like
[30:10] Speaker 3: didn't care. So basically a bid can be obvious. It
[30:12] Speaker 3: can be, can I have a cuddle? But it's often
[30:14] Speaker 3: the more tiny things like, huh, look at this. It's
[30:17] Speaker 3: telling them something about your day, touching your legs, sending
[30:20] Speaker 3: a meme, sighing dramatically, making a joke or saying, oh,
[30:24] Speaker 3: I'm so exhausted. There are these little ways we throw out,
[30:28] Speaker 3: look at me, care about me.
[30:30] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[30:30] Speaker 1: I want to connect.
[30:31] Speaker 3: I need support, you know, and that modern couples in
[30:35] Speaker 3: the business of life, we so often can turn away
[30:38] Speaker 3: from this or miss those bids for connection. And they
[30:41] Speaker 3: think it's what you were talking about just before the
[30:43] Speaker 3: death by a thousand cuts. These things can stack up
[30:46] Speaker 3: to make, you know, married single moms basically, or people
[30:49] Speaker 3: who are lonely in their relationship. So their big advice
[30:52] Speaker 3: is that you should turn towards these bids of connection, engage,
[30:56] Speaker 3: you know.
[30:56] Speaker 1: Come back with, oh God, what happened? Or laugh at
[30:58] Speaker 1: the meme, look up and listen, touch them back, that
[31:01] Speaker 1: kind of thing.
[31:02] Speaker 3: If you turn away, ignore it, stay on your phone,
[31:04] Speaker 3: give non-response, change the subject. or turn against, respond with irritation,
[31:09] Speaker 3: criticism or hostility, which I know I have been definitely
[31:12] Speaker 3: guilty of.
[31:12] Speaker 1: Same. When you're busy and overstimulated and you're like, I
[31:15] Speaker 1: don't care about that article you just read. You know
[31:17] Speaker 1: what I mean?
[31:18] Speaker 3: Anyway, this is a really interesting theory and it's often
[31:20] Speaker 3: talked about for romantic relationships, but I've just been thinking
[31:23] Speaker 3: about it lately in terms of other relationships. Hmm. And
[31:27] Speaker 3: I think friendships, big one, parents, your kids.
[31:31] Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely.
[31:32] Speaker 3: Think about how often our kids are making bids for
[31:35] Speaker 3: connection with us.
[31:37] Speaker 1: Isn't it exhausting sometimes? It's fucking exhausting. Well, it was
[31:40] Speaker 1: funny hearing you.
[31:41] Speaker 4: Talk about the six-second kiss because something that I actively implement,
[31:45] Speaker 4: like I have to.
[31:46] Speaker 1: Tell myself, no, do it, Gem.
[31:47] Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
[31:48] Speaker 4: Is the seven minutes before bed. It's a really graspable concept.
[31:52] Speaker 4: And I like it because for me, for good or bad,
[31:55] Speaker 4: it helps me mitigate some of my guilt if I
[31:59] Speaker 4: haven't spent enough time with my kids.
[32:01] Speaker 1: And particularly Iggy, who's very self-sufficient.
[32:04] Speaker 4: With going to bed, I could literally kiss him on
[32:06] Speaker 4: the head, tuck him in and walk out the door.
[32:08] Speaker 4: But instead I try and spend seven minutes with him
[32:11] Speaker 4: before bedtime.
[32:12] Speaker 1: And that can be a book.
[32:14] Speaker 3: Lately, we've been doing Rosebud Thorn, Highlight, Lowlight, What You're
[32:17] Speaker 3: Looking Forward To, whatever you want to call it.
[32:18] Speaker 4: And just having that moment of conversation and connection, I
[32:23] Speaker 4: don't time it, but I feel like I've got it
[32:26] Speaker 4: down to like around seven minutes.
[32:28] Speaker 1: Is that a Dr. Becky thing? I think it might be.
[32:30] Speaker 1: I'm actually not sure.
[32:31] Speaker 4: I can't remember where I heard it, but I liked it.
[32:33] Speaker 4: It felt achievable. But it's marketing spin, right?
[32:37] Speaker 3: It's like fitness who's like, F45, you don't do an hour,
[32:40] Speaker 3: you do 45.
[32:41] Speaker 1: And now it's like, here's a sit-ups thing, just 10
[32:44] Speaker 1: minutes a day.
[32:44] Speaker 3: No, I love shit like that. Same.
[32:46] Speaker 4: Because I'm like, I can fit that in. My brain
[32:48] Speaker 4: likes it, you know. I get a little dopamine hit.
[32:51] Speaker 4: And the most important thing is that it feels achievable.
[32:54] Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
[32:55] Speaker 4: So I think it's really helpful. And for me, listening
[32:58] Speaker 4: to this episode as I'm chatting with you is a
[33:00] Speaker 4: reminder to not miss those bids of connection, particularly from your,
[33:05] Speaker 4: not just your partner, but other people in your lives.
[33:07] Speaker 4: And you've got me thinking, Revs, about like when a
[33:10] Speaker 4: friend texts you something.
[33:11] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[33:11] Speaker 1: Even sends you a silly reel.
[33:13] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[33:13] Speaker 1: That is a bid for connection.
[33:15] Speaker 2: 100% it is.
[33:16] Speaker 3: And you know what it feels like when you get
[33:18] Speaker 3: that connection. It's so nice and, like, can make your day.
[33:22] Speaker 3: And you also know it's like, oh, that person never, okay,
[33:26] Speaker 3: I guess I'm not that important.
[33:27] Speaker 1: You know what I mean? We're so basic. We're so basic.
[33:29] Speaker 1: All we want is acknowledgement.
[33:31] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[33:31] Speaker 1: It's not even feeling seen. It's just, I'm here and
[33:35] Speaker 1: I exist. It's the not feeling invisible. Yeah, totally.
[33:40] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[33:40] Speaker 1: It's interesting with different generations as well.
[33:42] Speaker 3: I feel like once you see that someone's not picking
[33:46] Speaker 3: up your bids for connection, it's hard to unsee it.
[33:49] Speaker 3: But it's a very like, you know, we often talk
[33:51] Speaker 3: about when a friend just isn't reciprocating and you at
[33:54] Speaker 3: some point have to go, I think I just.
[33:55] Speaker 1: Got to let this one go. I'm not really sure.
[33:57] Speaker 3: They want to be friends with me as much as
[33:59] Speaker 3: I want to be friends with them.
[34:00] Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, we've all been that friend that keeps
[34:02] Speaker 4: putting out the offers.
[34:03] Speaker 3: For bits of connection and they just keep getting dropped. Yeah.
[34:07] Speaker 3: And sometimes I wonder with like, you know, parents or
[34:10] Speaker 3: older generations or whatever, if you sometimes just go.
[34:12] Speaker 1: You know what, I'm throwing out a lot.
[34:15] Speaker 3: Of bids and they're not being picked up and maybe
[34:18] Speaker 3: I just lower the bar, you know, just take the
[34:20] Speaker 3: pressure off myself.
[34:21] Speaker 1: Just let that one go. you know but i think.
[34:24] Speaker 3: With our kids it's harder because they're bidding for connection
[34:27] Speaker 3: all the time and you literally wouldn't make dinner or
[34:30] Speaker 3: read the school comms or clean the house or make
[34:33] Speaker 3: the beds if you answered every bit of connection oh
[34:36] Speaker 3: my lanta yeah you wouldn't you could answer bids for
[34:40] Speaker 3: connection from your kids from sun up to sun down and.
[34:43] Speaker 1: Sometimes their bids are lame.
[34:46] Speaker 4: You know, sometimes I'm like, I don't need to hear
[34:49] Speaker 4: about your dream. I've got to get up and get
[34:52] Speaker 4: out the door.
[34:53] Speaker 1: I love you. But I don't want to hear about
[34:55] Speaker 1: your dream every single day. I love you so much.
[34:58] Speaker 1: Ted's into manga at the moment. I'm so happy for him.
[35:02] Speaker 3: It's such an amazing rich world, you know, to hyper-focus on.
[35:06] Speaker 3: He's so into it and it's got him reading and
[35:08] Speaker 3: it's so good for him and, like, he loves it
[35:10] Speaker 3: and he loves a quirky character.
[35:12] Speaker 1: So this is like, oh, yeah, these are.
[35:13] Speaker 3: Your people, you know. But, man, he wants to recap
[35:16] Speaker 3: things and tell, mum, mum, there's a new character that's
[35:19] Speaker 3: come into One Piece. And I'm like, oh, cool. And, like,
[35:23] Speaker 3: I can do a few feigned, oh, yeah, tell me
[35:25] Speaker 3: about it. And then he just goes, oh, no, no, no, no.
[35:27] Speaker 3: And I'm like... keep talking because I got nothing to contribute.
[35:31] Speaker 3: And I just have to feign interest and it's like.
[35:34] Speaker 1: Oh, really, buddy? It's just exhausting.
[35:39] Speaker 4: There was a stage where Iki fell in love with chess.
[35:41] Speaker 4: He was doing chess club and he would talk about
[35:44] Speaker 4: all the illegal moves in chess.
[35:47] Speaker 1: Illegal move. And I was like, he goes, that's an
[35:49] Speaker 1: illegal move. And you know, when the horse does, like,
[35:52] Speaker 1: I can't even, I can't even. It's the knight, please.
[35:54] Speaker 1: I can't even run on horse. Okay, sorry, knight. I've
[35:56] Speaker 1: learned nothing. I've taken none of it in.
[35:58] Speaker 3: All I know is that it's really boring for me
[36:00] Speaker 3: and I don't care. about the pieces on a chessboard
[36:04] Speaker 3: yeah but bless him yes but love is caring about
[36:07] Speaker 3: things you don't care about and I've tried to get
[36:09] Speaker 3: better at extending that to my husband yeah because sometimes
[36:11] Speaker 3: he'll want to tell me about something about his work
[36:14] Speaker 3: and I'm just like I don't get your.
[36:15] Speaker 1: Job you've got to try you've got to try I've.
[36:17] Speaker 4: Been trying revs yeah I'm quite proud of myself yeah
[36:20] Speaker 4: you've got to because that's like one way you can
[36:22] Speaker 4: grow apart you know yes I know and I don't
[36:24] Speaker 4: want that and I've been witnessing the fruits of my
[36:27] Speaker 4: efforts of listening and Because he comes home and it's
[36:31] Speaker 4: almost like decompression.
[36:33] Speaker 1: It's like he needs.
[36:34] Speaker 4: Those five minutes to offload to me about his work day.
[36:37] Speaker 4: And if it was a particularly stressful work day and
[36:40] Speaker 4: he'll talk about all these things, I'll be like, yeah,
[36:42] Speaker 4: that sounds really hard, babe.
[36:43] Speaker 1: That's rough.
[36:44] Speaker 4: But then he gets it out of his system and
[36:46] Speaker 4: then we can go talk about other things together.
[36:48] Speaker 1: But of course he needs that. He does. I say
[36:50] Speaker 1: this with Absolutely.
[36:51] Speaker 3: And I mean, there's no judgment on anyone, but like,
[36:54] Speaker 3: you know, that cliche of like someone falling in love
[36:56] Speaker 3: with someone at work.
[36:57] Speaker 1: I can just see how that happens for people.
[37:00] Speaker 3: Because if you're living two separate lives and your partner
[37:04] Speaker 3: doesn't get your way, you're going every day, what you're
[37:07] Speaker 3: living every day, the people, you're the characters in the
[37:10] Speaker 3: story of your life and your partner doesn't know or
[37:13] Speaker 3: engage or care about any of that stuff. I can
[37:15] Speaker 3: see how if you met someone that you were with
[37:17] Speaker 3: every day, who cared, who took your bids for connection
[37:21] Speaker 3: and answered them, how that could feel like love, you know?
[37:23] Speaker 2: Absolutely.
[37:25] Speaker 3: And that's no one's fault. Like you care about what
[37:27] Speaker 3: you care about and your life is what it is.
[37:28] Speaker 3: But like, you can see why that's a cliche, you.
[37:31] Speaker 1: Know, because you feel seen, heard and understood.
[37:33] Speaker 4: But you are capable of active listening and trying to
[37:37] Speaker 4: care doesn't mean you have to fully understand the entire
[37:39] Speaker 4: world I still don't understand my husband's job but I
[37:41] Speaker 4: can hear him when he's like this frustrated me and
[37:44] Speaker 4: I'm like oh that's really tough yeah you know what
[37:46] Speaker 4: do you need what do you need from me yeah
[37:48] Speaker 4: do you.
[37:48] Speaker 1: Want to watch a show a mindless show like you know.
[37:51] Speaker 3: Yeah do you want to just have a bath Deron
[37:54] Speaker 3: has this really cool sentence that he drops on me
[37:56] Speaker 3: all the time, which I really like. And he often
[37:58] Speaker 3: goes like, do you need to like really vent about
[38:00] Speaker 3: this or are you ready to like discuss it back
[38:02] Speaker 3: and forth?
[38:03] Speaker 1: And strategize. And I'm like, I'm so obsessed with you.
[38:05] Speaker 1: That's such a nice question. And sometimes I'm like, I just.
[38:08] Speaker 3: Need to keep going he's like monologue away go I'm
[38:11] Speaker 3: listening you know what I mean and sometimes he's like
[38:13] Speaker 3: well do you reckon you know and then we have
[38:14] Speaker 3: like a back and forth and I'm like that's such
[38:16] Speaker 3: a handy sentence and now I've started using it with
[38:19] Speaker 3: my kids I'm like do you need to just talk
[38:21] Speaker 3: this out for a bit or do you want me
[38:22] Speaker 3: to help you with this problem what do you need you.
[38:24] Speaker 4: Know well I need to teach my husband that one
[38:26] Speaker 4: yeah he loves to try and solve everything for me
[38:29] Speaker 4: and sometimes I'm like babe I just need you to
[38:33] Speaker 4: hear me vent and tell me it's shit I.
[38:36] Speaker 1: Actually don't need you to solve this.
[38:37] Speaker 4: I know you're a problem solver by nature, but yeah,
[38:40] Speaker 4: that's a good one where from the head you kind
[38:42] Speaker 4: of position it.
[38:43] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[38:44] Speaker 1: Can I just download for a second?
[38:45] Speaker 3: Actually, Revs, you and I had a conversation yesterday where
[38:47] Speaker 3: I was like, what can I do to support?
[38:49] Speaker 1: And you said, just need an event. And I was like, great.
[38:52] Speaker 1: You know, I understood the assignment.
[38:54] Speaker 3: My job here is to be an ear and for
[38:56] Speaker 3: you to just discharge it out of your body. Yes.
[38:59] Speaker 1: And how good does that feel when someone holds space
[39:01] Speaker 1: for that?
[39:01] Speaker 3: I think that's what, as my kids get older, they
[39:04] Speaker 3: need a lot more of that for me. And it's
[39:07] Speaker 3: like been a real software upgrade for me.
[39:10] Speaker 4: Can they verbalize when they need you to just listen
[39:13] Speaker 4: versus when they do need your help? Like when you
[39:16] Speaker 4: ask that question, I know it's early days of you
[39:19] Speaker 4: playing around with this new question. But do they take
[39:22] Speaker 4: up the help?
[39:22] Speaker 1: Yeah, they're good.
[39:23] Speaker 3: If they do need to vent, they know and they'll
[39:26] Speaker 3: be able to go, I just need to be mad
[39:27] Speaker 3: about it.
[39:28] Speaker 1: Or like they'll say something like that. And I'm like, yeah.
[39:30] Speaker 3: Okay tell me what else why did it make you
[39:32] Speaker 3: mad you know and i'll like probe them to like
[39:34] Speaker 3: get it out but often they'll want me to strategize
[39:37] Speaker 3: with them or try and talk it out or whatever
[39:39] Speaker 3: but i think it's good to get them like i
[39:40] Speaker 3: say tell me more a lot to.
[39:42] Speaker 1: My kids these days same Tell me more about that. Oh, really?
[39:45] Speaker 1: I don't know if I fully understand. Tell me again.
[39:47] Speaker 1: Things like that.
[39:48] Speaker 4: And how did that make you feel is the other
[39:50] Speaker 4: line that I find also helps further the conversation along and.
[39:53] Speaker 1: Just assist them in unpacking their feelings. Yeah. I know
[39:58] Speaker 1: we all just want to be heard. We sure do. Oh, well, okay.
[40:01] Speaker 3: I think we've covered a couple of sessions of psychology today.
[40:05] Speaker 1: Oh, it's fine. They're my favourite apps, Rebs, I must admit.
[40:08] Speaker 4: Learning a bit more about ourselves and having little tricks
[40:11] Speaker 4: in our toolbox of how we can improve relationships because
[40:14] Speaker 4: that's what life is to me.
[40:16] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[40:16] Speaker 1: It's all about.
[40:17] Speaker 3: It is. Literally everywhere you go and everything you do
[40:19] Speaker 3: comes down to people and relationships.
[40:21] Speaker 1: Hungy P. But Rebsy, hear me with your knots spun.
[40:25] Speaker 3: Oh.
[40:26] Speaker 1: Mine's freaking delicious. And I'm obsessed. I do have a food.
[40:29] Speaker 3: And I literally just bought four packets of it in
[40:31] Speaker 3: my grocery shop yesterday because I'm like, I just can
[40:33] Speaker 3: never run out of these.
[40:34] Speaker 1: Like I need to have them in my cupboard at
[40:35] Speaker 1: all times. Let's fucking go. Okay. Daryl Lee. Oh, I'm in.
[40:39] Speaker 1: It's not wine.
[40:40] Speaker 3: Chocolate.
[40:41] Speaker 1: Daryl Lee Raspberry Twists.
[40:43] Speaker 3: So you may know of the Daryl Lee licorice, the OG,
[40:47] Speaker 3: but then they also do a raspberry licorice, which is
[40:50] Speaker 3: like a thick twist of raspberry licorice.
[40:52] Speaker 1: Covered in chocolate. Now they've dipped it in chocolate. Stop it.
[40:55] Speaker 1: It's ridiculous.
[40:56] Speaker 3: It's texturally delicious. It's flavour delicious. It really hits. Like
[41:00] Speaker 3: you only need one or two and you're like, fuck yeah.
[41:03] Speaker 1: How good?
[41:03] Speaker 3: Yeah, they're so yummy and they're my thing and I
[41:08] Speaker 3: am reaching for them. Often I have a packet in
[41:09] Speaker 3: my car, won't work in summer, but it's working right now.
[41:12] Speaker 1: Oh my God, can I have one? I want to
[41:13] Speaker 1: try one. Yes, of course. It's freaking delish. I'm so keen.
[41:16] Speaker 1: You're selling it to me. Chewy and chocolatey because sometimes,
[41:19] Speaker 1: do you ever have the dilemma of, do I want
[41:22] Speaker 1: a lolly or do I want a chocolate? Babe, daily. Well,
[41:25] Speaker 1: it's both in one.
[41:27] Speaker 2: Winning.
[41:27] Speaker 1: Anyway, I don't know if they're like, what do they
[41:29] Speaker 1: call it? A diffusion line?
[41:30] Speaker 3: Not that.
[41:31] Speaker 1: What do they call like a- limited.
[41:32] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[41:33] Speaker 1: But there's a name for it in, um, the world.
[41:35] Speaker 3: Yeah. There's like a, like a special, it's like a
[41:37] Speaker 3: special thing. Like when they do like blue Fanta twisties
[41:40] Speaker 3: or whatever, and then it disappears. I don't know. I
[41:42] Speaker 3: don't know if it's that or if they're here to stay.
[41:45] Speaker 3: So I'm just like stocking up and ODing on them.
[41:47] Speaker 4: Can I just say, this is quite Teddy coded that
[41:50] Speaker 4: you're very into the obscure flavor that they're trialing.
[41:55] Speaker 1: It is. You often are. It's like the raspberry Mars bar.
[41:59] Speaker 1: Teddy is me. I know he is.
[42:00] Speaker 3: I know.
[42:01] Speaker 1: I'm always like, oh, Teddy, always on to the next thing.
[42:03] Speaker 1: It's me. It's you. I know where he gets it.
[42:05] Speaker 1: It's totally you. Yeah.
[42:06] Speaker 4: I'm also on the Choccy train. This is a huge
[42:09] Speaker 4: hit amongst my kids. It's an easy snack, goes in
[42:12] Speaker 4: their lunchbox. Sometimes I think we're always looking to change
[42:14] Speaker 4: shit up in the kids' lunchbox.
[42:16] Speaker 3: Yep.
[42:16] Speaker 4: It is the Toscano chocolate croissant. crepes and they come
[42:20] Speaker 4: individually wrapped. Don't at me about the environment. It's not
[42:23] Speaker 4: good for the environment, but you just unwrap it, chuck
[42:26] Speaker 4: it in their lunchbox.
[42:26] Speaker 1: It's a beautiful little French.
[42:28] Speaker 4: Crepe with some Nutella in it. You unwrap it to
[42:30] Speaker 4: chuck in the lunchbox? Are you a plastic preschool? We're
[42:32] Speaker 4: not a plastic preschool, but I don't know. I just, well,
[42:35] Speaker 4: I do know Iggy's always struggled with fine motor.
[42:38] Speaker 1: It's his challenge space. He's got no dexterity in his
[42:41] Speaker 1: hands and he can't undo it.
[42:43] Speaker 4: He I'm a decanter. I do it for my pantry.
[42:49] Speaker 4: I do it for my kids' lunch boxes. And yeah,
[42:51] Speaker 4: he and Raph are huge fans of them. Easy to eat,
[42:55] Speaker 4: quick to get in. This is the other issue I'm
[42:57] Speaker 4: having with Iggy at the moment is he's not eating
[42:59] Speaker 4: his lunch because he wants to play.
[43:02] Speaker 1: Oh, And when I receive him. This is classic age
[43:04] Speaker 1: appropriate behavior, letting you know.
[43:06] Speaker 3: Honestly, Revs, when I receive him in the afternoon, he
[43:09] Speaker 3: is hangry and we've taught him the word hangry. And
[43:12] Speaker 3: at the moment I have never been more incentivized to
[43:15] Speaker 3: fucking fill him up with breakfast because I know.
[43:18] Speaker 1: He's not going to eat his lunch. Can I add
[43:21] Speaker 1: a knots on there? Yeah, go on. The protein up
[43:24] Speaker 1: and goes. Oh, so good.
[43:25] Speaker 3: Great to have in your handbag for school pickup for
[43:28] Speaker 3: that exact issue.
[43:30] Speaker 1: Oh my God. That's great. I feel like it's for Teddy.
[43:33] Speaker 3: Cause he's exactly the same still in year three, like
[43:36] Speaker 3: just wants to play and doesn't always eat his lunch.
[43:38] Speaker 3: And I have a protein up and go in my
[43:40] Speaker 3: handbag for school pickup that I it's, I feel like
[43:43] Speaker 3: it's like plugging in a battery.
[43:45] Speaker 1: It's like a spare battery in my bag.
[43:46] Speaker 3: And I'm just like here you go, because I don't
[43:48] Speaker 3: even want to talk to him until he's got that
[43:49] Speaker 3: on board because he's so angry. Oh, I don't want
[43:51] Speaker 3: to gender it, but I'm going to.
[43:53] Speaker 1: It's male.
[43:53] Speaker 4: Because Rafa does not have this issue. She eats her
[43:57] Speaker 4: entire lunchbox and she's had her morning tea.
[43:59] Speaker 1: By 3 p.m. she's hungry, but she can verbalize that.
[44:02] Speaker 1: Whereas Iggy is just storming around, just angry, yelling, melting down.
[44:09] Speaker 1: And I'm like, bruh. And it's so off brand for
[44:11] Speaker 1: him that I'm like, this is a food thing.
[44:13] Speaker 4: And when I watch him eat something, I literally watch
[44:16] Speaker 4: the color return to his face.
[44:19] Speaker 1: And I'm like, there he is.
[44:21] Speaker 3: And you know, we're going to head into those teens
[44:23] Speaker 3: where they're drinking like two liters of milk and eating
[44:25] Speaker 3: a whole chicken every day.
[44:26] Speaker 1: I think about DLs with three boys.
[44:28] Speaker 2: I know.
[44:29] Speaker 1: And we've got friends in our life with three boys.
[44:31] Speaker 1: And I just think, oh, that grocery bill. Prepare thy pantry. Yes, prepare.
[44:36] Speaker 4: Oh, DLs, thank you for being here with us. That
[44:38] Speaker 4: brings us to the end of another all over the place.
[44:41] Speaker 4: I found a very fascinating episode.
[44:43] Speaker 3: Yes, don't forget you can live stream the live show,
[44:46] Speaker 3: not just Know Thyself, but the full box set of
[44:49] Speaker 3: all four shows, if that's your jam. We don't have
[44:51] Speaker 3: time for this.com. You can get access now.
[44:54] Speaker 1: Right now. Head there and grab it. Catch up on
[44:56] Speaker 1: your content before the live stream. And we had a
[44:59] Speaker 1: more time this week, which was... Guys, I've been really
[45:03] Speaker 1: into birth charts.
[45:04] Speaker 3: Okay. I've been really into doing everyone I know and
[45:06] Speaker 3: loves birth charts. And then also synastry, which is like
[45:08] Speaker 3: your like cosmic relationship. Gem was so skeptical.
[45:11] Speaker 1: Deals. I've got to own something. My jaw hit the floor.
[45:15] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[45:15] Speaker 4: Having this conversation with revs. Look, it's very navel gazey.
[45:18] Speaker 4: It's very self-indulgent of us.
[45:20] Speaker 1: Okay. I do want to say that at the head.
[45:22] Speaker 1: If you listen to that episode. But there was shit
[45:25] Speaker 1: in the synastry chart.
[45:26] Speaker 4: Between Revs and I that is so unique to our
[45:30] Speaker 4: friendship that I'm a convert.
[45:32] Speaker 1: Yeah. I can't believe I'm saying this.
[45:34] Speaker 3: After you listen to this ep, you will go and
[45:36] Speaker 3: do birth chart synastry with everyone in your life.
[45:38] Speaker 1: Like I've done it with my kids, my relationship, my parents, everyone.
[45:41] Speaker 1: Like it just makes so much sense. Hey, it's a
[45:43] Speaker 1: bid for connection. It's a bid for connection. And you
[45:46] Speaker 1: took it up. I did.
[45:47] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[45:48] Speaker 1: And I was skeppy, but fuck me, I was blown away.
[45:51] Speaker 1: I was floored. So was I.
[45:53] Speaker 3: Anyway, as always, DLs, we'll be back in your ears
[45:55] Speaker 3: bright and early on Friday with the Bestie Hotline.
[45:57] Speaker 1: And if you're in Adelaide, we'll see you this weekend.
[45:59] Speaker 3: Bye. The rumours are true and we are here to
[46:03] Speaker 3: confirm it. We will be live streaming from the.
[46:06] Speaker 1: Malthouse in Melbourne. Know thyself. That's right.
[46:09] Speaker 3: You can watch it from absolutely anywhere in the world,
[46:12] Speaker 3: the whole show, 7 o'clock, Saturday the 19th of September
[46:15] Speaker 3: through to the 27th at midnight.
[46:18] Speaker 1: From the comfort of your home, maybe you'll snuggle into
[46:21] Speaker 1: your couch with a wine. Maybe you've got an LED
[46:24] Speaker 1: red light face.
[46:25] Speaker 3: Light thing, mask thing that Reds wear.
[46:27] Speaker 1: Do a bit of self-care at the same time.
[46:29] Speaker 3: Maybe you'll get into a bubble bath. Maybe you'll just
[46:31] Speaker 3: simply close the door so no children can come and
[46:33] Speaker 3: bother you for two hours and.
[46:34] Speaker 1: Watch it by yourself. You might be a DL who
[46:37] Speaker 1: is stuck under a beaver. You might live rurally. And
[46:40] Speaker 1: a big shout out to Perth and London. We're so sorry.
[46:43] Speaker 4: Like we've been getting the most DMs from you guys
[46:45] Speaker 4: because we obviously couldn't make it to your city this year.
[46:47] Speaker 3: But fear not, you can watch the entire thing and honestly,
[46:50] Speaker 3: The production level, of course, we've upped it again.
[46:53] Speaker 1: It's going to be amazing. You're basically going to feel
[46:55] Speaker 1: like you're there. And at the risk of sounding particularly Addy.
[46:59] Speaker 1: But wait, there's more. This year, as a first, we.
[47:04] Speaker 3: Are not only offering the live stream to know thyself,
[47:06] Speaker 3: but we are also offering... box set collection of the
[47:11] Speaker 3: entire suite four years worth of shows that's right you
[47:14] Speaker 3: can see can we not evolve sorry for existing who
[47:17] Speaker 3: is she and know thyself the complete collection and then
[47:21] Speaker 3: you can.
[47:21] Speaker 4: Watch it as many times as you want in an
[47:23] Speaker 4: eight-day period we highly encourage watch parties.
[47:26] Speaker 3: Get the girls together get your mom get your sister
[47:28] Speaker 3: get your husband whoever you want to share it with
[47:30] Speaker 3: and enjoy our very last live show know thyself we
[47:33] Speaker 3: don't
[47:33] Speaker 1: Have time for this.com to get everything you might need

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