# Caravan Episode: Black Caps Vs England - 1st Test Day 4

An episode of [The BYC Podcast](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1531637824), 1 Dec 2024, 36 min.

Audio: https://pdst.fm/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/7784f840-c291-422a-924b-ad9000bbad71/f471b2a1-18b5-478a-bb27-adef016c50fe/6035d961-47d0-4abb-afc8-b2390042c53d/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=117551c5-f081-4f2b-be60-adef016c5128

Miss any of the coverage of Day 4 of the 1st Test between the Black Caps & England? Please enjoy the highlights/lowlights of the ACC's coverage live from Hagley Oval! Don't forget we're covering EVERY Black Caps home match this Summer LIVE & FREE on iHeartradio! See the full schedule HERE! Thanks to MAXRaft & Resene! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: As rogue as a tail ender on strike.
[0:03] Speaker 2: This is the alternative commentary collective. Oh thanks to the
[0:09] Speaker 2: great New Zealanders. Add Max Raft.
[0:15] Speaker 3: Yes well, welcome back to the Export Big Garden Studios
[0:19] Speaker 3: and the coverage is brought to you by Razine. Can
[0:21] Speaker 3: we make stains and paints?
[0:23] Speaker 4: What beautiful data's down in christ Church?
[0:25] Speaker 5: Absolute stunner, beautiful day to either sit on the bank,
[0:29] Speaker 5: watch a bit of cricket or maybe pump the avon.
[0:32] Speaker 3: Cass comes in bowls, abounce to Smith. He gets underneath it. Yeah, lovely.
[0:37] Speaker 3: It's as she mentioned, Jerry Bent absolutely shithouse in Auckland
[0:42] Speaker 3: all weekend.
[0:45] Speaker 6: Pessing down.
[0:47] Speaker 3: And I had big plans yesterday to get out of
[0:50] Speaker 3: my garden.
[0:51] Speaker 6: Sadly they were wrecked by the weather.
[0:55] Speaker 4: It's absolutely beautiful down.
[0:56] Speaker 5: I mean, if you guys ever punted the avon, yes,
[0:59] Speaker 5: I you know what I I poop pooped the idea
[1:01] Speaker 5: of punting on the avon.
[1:02] Speaker 4: I thought myself, why do you want to punt on
[1:04] Speaker 4: the avon?
[1:05] Speaker 3: I made love while I was punting on the avon once.
[1:09] Speaker 3: This is pushed by Smith out through the covers for
[1:13] Speaker 3: a single.
[1:14] Speaker 4: Did you make love with the with the punter.
[1:17] Speaker 6: Or was going to rend us Jerry? Why would I
[1:19] Speaker 6: do that?
[1:20] Speaker 5: Well, maybe that was the idea of pumping on the
[1:23] Speaker 5: avon and that's well I had a good height for that.
[1:28] Speaker 3: Certainly to be more accurate, there was someone else punting while.
[1:33] Speaker 6: I made love. Okay, I don't know that he.
[1:35] Speaker 3: Was terribly comfortable with what was going on, but it
[1:39] Speaker 3: just seemed like an opportune moment, very romantic.
[1:42] Speaker 7: Does that count as the devil's threesome?
[1:47] Speaker 6: Explain to me.
[1:47] Speaker 3: A devil's threesome is that where a third party doesn't
[1:50] Speaker 3: really want to be the third party.
[1:52] Speaker 7: Two guys wonker Ah.
[1:54] Speaker 3: This is a nicely driven by Mitchell down the ground
[1:57] Speaker 3: through med On. I don't think it will which to
[2:00] Speaker 3: the boundary and probably get three.
[2:04] Speaker 5: When I punted the ovon with Matt Heath about ten
[2:08] Speaker 5: years ago, we were underneath a travel rug and so I.
[2:12] Speaker 4: Imagine, were you underneath the rug or were you were
[2:14] Speaker 4: you open?
[2:15] Speaker 8: You were?
[2:15] Speaker 4: It was all open?
[2:17] Speaker 6: It's fully open. Wow?
[2:20] Speaker 4: Okay?
[2:22] Speaker 7: Were you close on Jason or full full moon bearers?
[2:25] Speaker 6: Full moon bearers?
[2:27] Speaker 7: Okay? Interesting, brave?
[2:32] Speaker 3: We funnily enough on the big show there we punted
[2:34] Speaker 3: the avon as well, and Mike Nague was sitting behind me,
[2:39] Speaker 3: got a little bit frisky at one stage. Cass bowls
[2:43] Speaker 3: another bouncer. I don't know, seems like a waste to
[2:46] Speaker 3: me at the moment. The English bowling short to Smith
[2:49] Speaker 3: get it up there.
[2:50] Speaker 6: I saw my idea.
[2:52] Speaker 5: I saw Mike Minogue have his way with you on
[2:55] Speaker 5: a video in the kitchen the other day. Yeah, I'm
[2:58] Speaker 5: still trying to unsee that.
[3:00] Speaker 3: So am I I'm still trying to unfeel that. Jerry.
[3:04] Speaker 3: There's a hell of a shock. I can tell you
[3:07] Speaker 3: he's rough with you.
[3:09] Speaker 6: It is rough.
[3:09] Speaker 4: He really threw you around.
[3:11] Speaker 7: That is workplace bulliant.
[3:13] Speaker 6: It was a vigorous thrust. Can I say that much?
[3:18] Speaker 5: He's been working out recently, Mike Manague, he is a
[3:21] Speaker 5: powerful unit.
[3:23] Speaker 6: He is.
[3:25] Speaker 3: Cast comes around that. That's an awkward ball and Smith
[3:28] Speaker 3: does well to keep it down. He is a powerful unit.
[3:31] Speaker 3: And I suspected it a roid action was in that
[3:36] Speaker 3: as well. Actually he felt roided up when he was
[3:40] Speaker 3: pounding away there, and certainly very aggressive. Have you got
[3:48] Speaker 3: any bruising or Funnily enough, I was having a shower
[3:52] Speaker 3: today and I noticed a bruise on my left thigh
[3:56] Speaker 3: which is weird because he wasn't anywhere near my left thigh,
[3:58] Speaker 3: but I think the impact of the thrust came through
[4:03] Speaker 3: to my thighs. Cars bowls another bouncer, so obviously a
[4:07] Speaker 3: plan of attack from England had a bowl short to
[4:09] Speaker 3: the well, don't read your tail end, or is he?
[4:13] Speaker 3: And it's Smith's playing it very comfortably.
[4:19] Speaker 4: He's twelve off twenty seven.
[4:21] Speaker 7: You've got to take photos of those bruises, Jase, they
[4:24] Speaker 7: can become evidentiary.
[4:27] Speaker 3: Sad please, But actually, now that I think about because
[4:33] Speaker 3: I try not to think about.
[4:34] Speaker 7: It, so you commentated about it instead.
[4:38] Speaker 3: I'll talk about it. At one says he did grip
[4:43] Speaker 3: my thighs.
[4:47] Speaker 7: Does this happen in the kitchen?
[4:48] Speaker 6: Yes?
[4:49] Speaker 7: At Hodaki, Yeah, just out therely.
[4:51] Speaker 5: In fact, there's video footage on the internet. It's doing
[4:56] Speaker 5: the rounds at the moment.
[4:58] Speaker 3: It's quite shocked that are our producer decided to put
[5:02] Speaker 3: that in the public sort of view really, but there
[5:05] Speaker 3: you go. Now Stokes holds to literally defends family and there's.
[5:12] Speaker 1: No run as rugue as a tail ender on strike.
[5:16] Speaker 2: This is the alternative commentary collect you Oh, thanks to the.
[5:22] Speaker 1: Great New Zealanders at resin.
[5:25] Speaker 3: Stokes again. This has plaid off the hip. Nice sleep
[5:28] Speaker 3: another single.
[5:31] Speaker 7: Well, I'm sorry here, Jason, you weren't able to get
[5:33] Speaker 7: out and tend to your garden yesterday.
[5:36] Speaker 6: I wouldn't call it a garden.
[5:37] Speaker 7: It's not a metaphor, by the way, order whatever it
[5:40] Speaker 7: is you're running down there.
[5:41] Speaker 3: An abomination at the moment is when I'm running there,
[5:43] Speaker 3: it's like ados in Wonderland my backyard.
[5:46] Speaker 7: Well, I had the pleasure of being at Glane's house
[5:49] Speaker 7: last night with Paul Ford and we were admiring his
[5:51] Speaker 7: recently receded receded grass has lorn out the back and
[5:57] Speaker 7: comparing it to Jeremies because I know he is very.
[6:00] Speaker 6: Lord Jeremy Jeremy lawn obsessed.
[6:03] Speaker 7: And Jerry on that. No, I've got a question for you.
[6:05] Speaker 7: Just come in on the text machine three two three six, Hey, Jerry,
[6:08] Speaker 7: I've got two long questions. One how can I find
[6:12] Speaker 7: out what kind of lawn grass I have? And two?
[6:16] Speaker 7: How often should.
[6:17] Speaker 3: One cass bowls to Smithy defense down a met off
[6:22] Speaker 3: for a single? In fact, they'll come back for two.
[6:25] Speaker 3: This is all very comfortable for New Zealand at the moment.
[6:28] Speaker 3: Is I don't know what England's doing.
[6:31] Speaker 7: To be honest, how often should one de thatch or scarify?
[6:37] Speaker 7: Is that a word? Spring and autumn? Question mark?
[6:40] Speaker 5: Love you babes, No good questions, both of them. You
[6:43] Speaker 5: can go to what's my lawn dot com and take
[6:47] Speaker 5: a photo of your lawn and that generally comes up mine.
[6:50] Speaker 5: Mine is a fiscue mix, very hard wearing lawn.
[6:57] Speaker 3: Casts around the work at bowls to Smith, who defends
[6:59] Speaker 3: up to cover no rum.
[7:01] Speaker 5: I find if you go with the rye grass fescue combo,
[7:04] Speaker 5: maybe seventy percent fiscu thirty percent rye grass. It's hard
[7:08] Speaker 5: wearing enough. Also can hold onto enough moisture in summer, so.
[7:13] Speaker 4: You know you're not going to dry out.
[7:15] Speaker 5: Although, to be honest, at the moment, I am running
[7:17] Speaker 5: a terrible clover through my lawn. I don't know if
[7:19] Speaker 5: you guys have ever had clover in your lawn before?
[7:21] Speaker 7: Is that forced upon you? Is it what they call
[7:24] Speaker 7: south seating? Does that come in from the neighbors?
[7:26] Speaker 5: I think so. I think I may have dragged it
[7:28] Speaker 5: in with my lawn mower. Cheez, it's real shame. Ashually,
[7:33] Speaker 5: I find with my lawn.
[7:37] Speaker 3: Cass bowls to Smith, if your fence back to the
[7:41] Speaker 3: bowl and no rum dog poos. My dogs are prolelefic
[7:47] Speaker 3: shdder and I'm forever trying to get rid of the
[7:53] Speaker 3: poos over the neighbor's house there. And also we have
[7:56] Speaker 3: we're running a lot of cabbage trees, Jerry, and the
[8:00] Speaker 3: throngs from the cabbage tree, and absolute.
[8:03] Speaker 6: Bastard for the lawnmark.
[8:05] Speaker 3: I'll wrap around there, wrap around the rotor there, bane
[8:09] Speaker 3: of my life.
[8:10] Speaker 4: And know exactly what you're talking about.
[8:13] Speaker 6: Cars again round the work at.
[8:15] Speaker 3: This is nicely pushed by Smith, who I must say
[8:20] Speaker 3: looks very accomplished.
[8:22] Speaker 4: Jase, do you run an open fire? Are your place?
[8:25] Speaker 3: We've got rid of our fire purely because you know
[8:30] Speaker 3: every year you have to get it inspected for your insurance.
[8:33] Speaker 3: And the feller came over there to sweep our chimney
[8:38] Speaker 3: and he went, your fireplace is fucked and we went, ah, okay,
[8:49] Speaker 3: that's no good, because I love a fire. I'm a
[8:52] Speaker 3: big fan of a fire. This is shorten outside the
[8:55] Speaker 3: off stump through to the keeper. No run, So we
[8:59] Speaker 3: wrapped it out and got a you know, the heating
[9:05] Speaker 3: aircon heat heat pump eating it, which has been a revelation. Actually,
[9:12] Speaker 3: and you know we thought our power bell would go
[9:15] Speaker 3: through the roof. It's actually been cheaper. There you go
[9:19] Speaker 3: and the house is toasty airs. But I do miss
[9:21] Speaker 3: my fireplace.
[9:23] Speaker 5: Well, I've got a little hack for you jas that
[9:26] Speaker 5: you're not going to need now that you don't use
[9:28] Speaker 5: your fireplace, but for any fire users out there, which
[9:31] Speaker 5: I'll share with you in a moment.
[9:33] Speaker 3: Casts again short and wide and left alone, fifty five
[9:36] Speaker 3: overs gone.
[9:38] Speaker 6: You's see in one four for six.
[9:41] Speaker 1: As rogue is a tail ender.
[9:43] Speaker 2: It's the Alternative Common Toy Collective thanks.
[9:46] Speaker 1: To Max Draft.
[9:49] Speaker 9: Beckyard Cricket that's part of Kiwi Summer. I've blown out
[9:53] Speaker 9: your gendle and to make sure your Summer BYC doesn't
[9:57] Speaker 9: end in a blowout, the Alternative Commentary Collective has seemed
[10:00] Speaker 9: up with Rebel Sport and Silver Fern Sport to bring
[10:02] Speaker 9: you the ultimate BYC kit, perfect for Christmas gifting. Plus
[10:07] Speaker 9: we're passing it forward. With every kit you buy, another
[10:10] Speaker 9: one goes to charity, so you're giving twice this summer.
[10:13] Speaker 9: Take Sport to three two three six for a direct
[10:15] Speaker 9: link to grab your kit.
[10:19] Speaker 6: Use Indeed, welcome back.
[10:22] Speaker 3: You see them doing nicely at the moment thirty three
[10:24] Speaker 3: runs ahead, and jeez, I got to say, anyone, it's
[10:27] Speaker 3: been disappointing this morning, a brage of short pitch bowling
[10:34] Speaker 3: that has had little to no effect at all on
[10:36] Speaker 3: the New Zealand Batsman.
[10:37] Speaker 6: They've looked very comfortable.
[10:41] Speaker 4: Earlier on. We're just talking about fires and cabbage tree fronds.
[10:49] Speaker 3: Yes, has clipped off his pads by Mitchell out through midwork,
[10:59] Speaker 3: ed or get us.
[11:00] Speaker 5: Tell you a good little hack is to gather up
[11:04] Speaker 5: those fronds, fold them over, tie, maybe get ten of
[11:09] Speaker 5: them together, tie them around.
[11:11] Speaker 6: Oh, you're talking about creating a fagot.
[11:15] Speaker 5: They make great faggots. Amazing kindling. Chuck that on the
[11:19] Speaker 5: fire and then a little bit of paper underneath it,
[11:22] Speaker 5: and she goes up like nobody's business.
[11:24] Speaker 4: Is that right? Amazing kindling.
[11:26] Speaker 6: Funnily enough, Jerry, I've got a little I don't know
[11:32] Speaker 6: how I got there.
[11:35] Speaker 3: Stokes comes in now to Smith, who's on seventeen shorten wad.
[11:39] Speaker 3: I've got a little pot belly up in my lawn,
[11:43] Speaker 3: an old school metal cast iron pot belly.
[11:47] Speaker 6: And what I do is just as you explained.
[11:50] Speaker 3: Actually, I fold them up and I stuff them down
[11:53] Speaker 3: the top there with a little firelighter and chuck that
[11:56] Speaker 3: down there.
[11:56] Speaker 6: They burn like a bastard.
[11:58] Speaker 4: You're quite right, or amazing amazing things. That's the only
[12:03] Speaker 4: thing they're good for.
[12:04] Speaker 6: Absolutely well.
[12:06] Speaker 7: I've tried the cabbage in a salad. It's terrible. It's
[12:08] Speaker 7: nothing like cabbage.
[12:11] Speaker 3: That's a poorly named tree there, Stokes bolts us Methew
[12:15] Speaker 3: defends nicely up to mid on.
[12:17] Speaker 4: No run, you're going to take a broken hand. You
[12:18] Speaker 4: over to pull Stuart forward.
[12:23] Speaker 7: That's good because I want to ask I want to
[12:30] Speaker 7: ask Paul Stewart forward where he stands on Ready Lawn? Actually,
[12:35] Speaker 7: where you stand on Ready lawn? Jase. I don't mean
[12:38] Speaker 7: where you stand on the lawn when it's there. I
[12:39] Speaker 7: mean what's your moral or philosophical position on Ready Lawn?
[12:44] Speaker 7: Are you a fan?
[12:49] Speaker 3: You definitely drifted and by Smith elegantly through the covers.
[12:53] Speaker 6: Jeez, he's looking good.
[12:54] Speaker 3: And you'll get at least a capital here and I'll
[12:57] Speaker 3: come back for three lovely shut in England. I'm a
[13:01] Speaker 3: little bit frustrated. My lawn's an abomination.
[13:07] Speaker 6: I thought that was the garden or the gardeners as well.
[13:11] Speaker 3: But I've been doing a lot of mowing, and it's
[13:17] Speaker 3: gradually coming back to its full grandeur good, which is
[13:20] Speaker 3: why I was disappointed with the rain yesterday because it
[13:24] Speaker 3: needed another mow. I'm certainly not the sort of guy
[13:28] Speaker 3: that would buy Ready Lord.
[13:30] Speaker 7: Well neither was I, but it was forced upon me
[13:32] Speaker 7: by my partner. Recently, we ripped out a herb garden.
[13:34] Speaker 7: This is what you do with christ jesh, that's what
[13:37] Speaker 7: you do with your spare time.
[13:39] Speaker 3: Stokes comes in bowls on the hip of literally just
[13:44] Speaker 3: clips it yerily down to Fine League for a.
[13:47] Speaker 7: Single we ripped out a herb garden. I just thought
[13:50] Speaker 7: we'd throw some seeds on it, a dollar fifty at
[13:52] Speaker 7: Bunnings or mine to ten and it would come back
[13:55] Speaker 7: and let nature do its thing. And I know we
[13:57] Speaker 7: had to get ready lown, so we went to effort
[14:01] Speaker 7: and some expense to secure this ready lawn, which you
[14:03] Speaker 7: can buy these strips. It's an amazing product, Ready lawn,
[14:06] Speaker 7: you just roll it out. But now we've got something
[14:08] Speaker 7: that looks like a bad Brazilian on one side of
[14:10] Speaker 7: our lawn, and it's completely different to our existing grass.
[14:15] Speaker 7: And I'm sure it's going to grow in, but I'm
[14:17] Speaker 7: not seeing how that's possible.
[14:20] Speaker 3: Stokes bowls to Smith, who's just looking very comfortable at
[14:26] Speaker 3: the moment as he gets a single out through medwicker.
[14:28] Speaker 7: Which is why I want to know what your position
[14:30] Speaker 7: has pulled forward on readylawners. Do you have to go
[14:32] Speaker 7: one hundred percent ready lawn? You can't because you can't
[14:35] Speaker 7: do it in patches? Is that the mistake we've made?
[14:37] Speaker 6: Yeah? Eventually will that gred will die? Suggest? Yeah?
[14:40] Speaker 10: No, I'm a purist, you know, good on you. I
[14:43] Speaker 10: do like T twenty cricket from time to time, But
[14:45] Speaker 10: on lawns, I'm very clear. I think when the lawns
[14:50] Speaker 10: were invented, of course, in the seventeen hundred's the Palace
[14:53] Speaker 10: of Versailles, Andre Lanota, who invented the lawn, he wasn't
[14:58] Speaker 10: using ready lawn, absolutely, he was burning it back, getting
[15:04] Speaker 10: all the wooden, turning that into faggots and then preparing
[15:08] Speaker 10: the ground not for Reddy long.
[15:13] Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean it's I mean I could see why Jerry,
[15:16] Speaker 6: Jerry would you know, run with them really lorn. That
[15:19] Speaker 6: seems like his type of thinger.
[15:21] Speaker 7: Either it's cheating, well, it is cheating, that's the thing,
[15:26] Speaker 7: you know, And it's the Tea twenty Cricket of Gardening.
[15:30] Speaker 6: It is now I understand Paul Ford.
[15:36] Speaker 3: From what Lee Baker was saying earlier in the broadcast
[15:39] Speaker 3: here at Mike Lane's house last night.
[15:42] Speaker 6: I certainly was so cast.
[15:47] Speaker 3: Comes in now bowling to smith on twenty one, who
[15:49] Speaker 3: defends as.
[15:50] Speaker 1: Rougue as a tail ender on strike.
[15:53] Speaker 2: This is the alternative commentary collective.
[15:57] Speaker 11: Oh thanks to the great New Zealanders ad resin.
[16:08] Speaker 6: Seven New Zealand. As we joined by that Sandy's and
[16:13] Speaker 6: unplayable that more, it was a doozy kip load knit
[16:18] Speaker 6: back and I was just saying to pull forward.
[16:20] Speaker 3: There shows what happens when you pitch it up a
[16:23] Speaker 3: little bit and you let the pitch do the work.
[16:25] Speaker 3: And Rold Smithy was looking so good too. Nothing he
[16:30] Speaker 3: could really do with that.
[16:35] Speaker 10: Yeah, not very convincing when you look back at the umpire.
[16:38] Speaker 6: Going oh yeah it was close.
[16:42] Speaker 3: Well, I think it was just because of the height
[16:44] Speaker 3: more than anything else. So did you say a red
[16:48] Speaker 3: wine margarita mets there?
[16:50] Speaker 10: No, no, no, no rounds, separate chapters.
[16:56] Speaker 6: It's nothing quite like a red wine hangover either. Yeah,
[17:00] Speaker 6: it is dirty.
[17:01] Speaker 10: We did go down to the We went down for
[17:03] Speaker 10: a swim at a him, just to sort of what
[17:06] Speaker 10: cleans ourselves?
[17:07] Speaker 6: Has he got a poll? No, we went to the
[17:09] Speaker 6: sea now a nick beach. I think it is right.
[17:13] Speaker 3: That's a good way to sort of clear the head
[17:15] Speaker 3: a little bit or make you throw up, either.
[17:16] Speaker 6: Of the two. I felt, interestingly. I loved that cast
[17:20] Speaker 6: now bowling to the new man Henry, who collapsed him
[17:23] Speaker 6: through point. But it would just get a single.
[17:25] Speaker 3: You said, I'll lead by forty now a bit of
[17:28] Speaker 3: a tragedy because they were going along very solidly.
[17:31] Speaker 6: And then then you said Nathan Smith was looking really
[17:36] Speaker 6: really good.
[17:37] Speaker 1: As rougue as a tail ender on stripe.
[17:40] Speaker 2: This is the alternative commentary collect you, Oh, thanks to
[17:45] Speaker 2: the great New Zealanders at resin.
[17:48] Speaker 3: I'm very partial to cheese myself. I'll have to make
[17:54] Speaker 3: myself crackers with cheese and cherry tomatoes and a few peckles.
[17:59] Speaker 1: On hot I like cheese and grapes.
[18:02] Speaker 4: Just as a good time snap, good time.
[18:06] Speaker 3: Interesting cars comes in, looks out fall to the the
[18:14] Speaker 3: tried to whip it down lynside. It looked out for
[18:17] Speaker 3: all money, I've got to say. And even Henry's shaking
[18:21] Speaker 3: his head, going I'm running in a bottle of that one.
[18:24] Speaker 3: It was sort of york a lens and yeah and
[18:31] Speaker 3: Cas gets five for.
[18:35] Speaker 6: But yeah, he was all over the top of that one, Henry,
[18:39] Speaker 6: let's have a look at it again. It was very
[18:41] Speaker 6: full and oh yeah.
[18:45] Speaker 10: Jeez, Louise, that's plant and he knew it, annihilating that
[18:49] Speaker 10: gap between middle of the league stump I would say.
[18:52] Speaker 6: So, what what cheesey head this morning to I'll tell
[18:59] Speaker 6: you what we do. It's we'll take a quick break
[19:02] Speaker 6: and be back shortly.
[19:03] Speaker 2: Coverage that you'll never leave even when it's outside the line.
[19:08] Speaker 2: This is the alternative commentary collective. Oh thanks to the
[19:13] Speaker 2: great New Zealanders and Max ra.
[19:17] Speaker 6: I feel us, Yes.
[19:21] Speaker 10: Met, you're hopelessly confused, just like you Jason. At the
[19:23] Speaker 10: other end, well, I mean it was clearly off the bed,
[19:26] Speaker 10: onto the ground.
[19:27] Speaker 6: And off his pehit clearly obviously, and then claiming that
[19:32] Speaker 6: Eckinson was interested in that being a catch.
[19:35] Speaker 3: It's just mouthing off at the umpire there and this
[19:38] Speaker 3: has taded off and.
[19:39] Speaker 10: These ninety four six to go.
[19:47] Speaker 3: I I really think the English are just being stupid.
[19:56] Speaker 6: Quite a sweary appeal as well.
[19:57] Speaker 3: It was that was a nice he directed ball but
[20:01] Speaker 3: kept out from Salvey.
[20:03] Speaker 10: That's the Trent Bolt kind of a shot, isn't it that?
[20:05] Speaker 10: I think he's been having some bedding classes up at
[20:07] Speaker 10: Mount MONGANOI.
[20:09] Speaker 3: I'll tell you what, Tim Salvey looks passed off to me.
[20:13] Speaker 3: So I'm expecting some fireworks there.
[20:16] Speaker 10: You got in the air again, sex more ninety five sixes.
[20:29] Speaker 4: Cheezy plays a pool shot well, drerim it.
[20:30] Speaker 5: She just so much time and that shot there he
[20:33] Speaker 5: just stood up, stands to attention and then just rolls
[20:38] Speaker 5: the wrists on it.
[20:39] Speaker 4: Perfect execution.
[20:40] Speaker 10: It's a niggla single to decline when you're on forty
[20:42] Speaker 10: nine too, isn't it.
[20:50] Speaker 4: There?
[20:50] Speaker 6: I mean, what and what other sport do you have?
[20:53] Speaker 6: The useless?
[20:56] Speaker 5: This one's swinging away a slow ball from workes and
[20:59] Speaker 5: has guided down guy. And that's fifty four Daryl Mitchell.
[21:04] Speaker 5: Fifty of one hundred and thirty two balls in New
[21:09] Speaker 5: Zealand are two fourteen for nine, a lead of.
[21:11] Speaker 1: Sixty three, as rugue as a tail ender on strike.
[21:17] Speaker 2: This is the Alternative Commentary Collective. Oh thanks to the
[21:22] Speaker 2: great New Zealanders at resin.
[21:25] Speaker 3: Yes, indeed, welcome back. And this is that this cheries.
[21:31] Speaker 3: I've had a fatal mistake. It's going to be one
[21:33] Speaker 3: of those games.
[21:34] Speaker 6: Isn't It just frustrates the shit out of you. Maybe
[21:40] Speaker 6: it's just me a little bit mad. I've recently given
[21:47] Speaker 6: up the darries again.
[21:50] Speaker 3: And beckers and bowls to Mitchell, who just guides it
[21:56] Speaker 3: down to third man for a single, which is all
[21:59] Speaker 3: well and good. Oh he doesn't she doesn't run. And
[22:04] Speaker 3: I'm a little bit towey at the moment because I'm
[22:06] Speaker 3: only eight days in. I made a terrible mistake and
[22:14] Speaker 3: forgot my nicorette gum today. Christ so I don't even
[22:17] Speaker 3: have my necorette gum. And this is gonna be one
[22:19] Speaker 3: of those you just have a vibe at the moment.
[22:22] Speaker 3: It's gonna go a bit longer than you'd like it. Yeah,
[22:25] Speaker 3: maybe probably an hour and a half longer than i'd like,
[22:28] Speaker 3: hopefully six hours longer. But New Zealand fighting away here
[22:35] Speaker 3: sixty nine is the lead.
[22:37] Speaker 10: Nice Could you go out onto the street and buy
[22:40] Speaker 10: something to sort of as a replacement for that, like
[22:44] Speaker 10: a bagel?
[22:44] Speaker 6: You mean, like a packet of cigarettes? Would you chase?
[22:48] Speaker 7: Would you consider foraging around in a rubbish bind and
[22:54] Speaker 7: getting a stub, comfortying yourself with the knowledge that I'm
[22:57] Speaker 7: not smoking a full dorry. I'm just getting a slight hat.
[22:59] Speaker 7: So I haven't broken the rules.
[23:04] Speaker 3: That can send bowls to MATCHELLU smashes him through Point fer.
[23:09] Speaker 6: Four Lovely Shop.
[23:16] Speaker 3: No, purely because they'll probably be quite wet and moist.
[23:21] Speaker 7: I think we judge too harshly people that go through
[23:24] Speaker 7: rubbish bins and oh absolutely grab bits and pieces, whether
[23:27] Speaker 7: it be food or tobacco that has the second life.
[23:30] Speaker 7: I think they're great scavengers, great recyclists.
[23:33] Speaker 6: One of my favorite things.
[23:36] Speaker 3: And one of my comedy heroes, Barry Humphries used to do,
[23:41] Speaker 3: was fine rubbish bins that were next to bus stops
[23:45] Speaker 3: or something like that and plant stuff in the rubbish
[23:50] Speaker 3: bin as Atkinson bowls too. Matchell who has a swipe
[23:54] Speaker 3: and makes no contact, and then he dress himself up
[23:58] Speaker 3: as a tramp and he'd wander over to wander over
[24:02] Speaker 3: to the rubbish bin and start rummaging through it, and
[24:05] Speaker 3: all the people would be watching, going, oh, it's terrible,
[24:08] Speaker 3: and then he'd pull out like a bottle of champagne
[24:11] Speaker 3: and a full roast chicken, you know what I mean,
[24:14] Speaker 3: and then just start eating the chicken and drinking from
[24:17] Speaker 3: the bottle of champagne. Another thing he used to do,
[24:21] Speaker 3: which I used to love. He used to go unto shops,
[24:28] Speaker 3: this is back in his student days, awfull and just
[24:31] Speaker 3: clap down to belong on for a single and he'd
[24:38] Speaker 3: buy like a bar of soap, and he'd go up
[24:41] Speaker 3: to the counter and he'd pay for the bar of soap,
[24:44] Speaker 3: and then he'd leave without taking the bar of soap,
[24:46] Speaker 3: and the shopkeeper would be like, oh, you forgot your soap,
[24:49] Speaker 3: and he's like, I don't want the soap. I just
[24:51] Speaker 3: wanted to buy it, and then he'd just walk out again.
[24:54] Speaker 3: And he used to do this to this particular dairy
[24:56] Speaker 3: or a shop owner for ages until he went out
[24:58] Speaker 3: of business. Baby lost his mind over this because all
[25:02] Speaker 3: its mates used to do it as well, go into
[25:04] Speaker 3: the shop and buy stuff but then just leave without
[25:06] Speaker 3: taking it.
[25:09] Speaker 6: Just to fuck with people. And this is what this
[25:12] Speaker 6: game is doing with me right now. It's it's fucking
[25:16] Speaker 6: with you. No, it's good.
[25:17] Speaker 3: I mean, well, you know we're showing a bit of fight.
[25:20] Speaker 3: And seventy five is.
[25:22] Speaker 2: The lead as rogue as a tail ender on strike.
[25:26] Speaker 2: This is the alternative commentary can let you. Oh, thanks
[25:31] Speaker 2: to the great New Zealanders at Resin.
[25:39] Speaker 4: So it's going to be cast again looking for a
[25:45] Speaker 4: sixth wicket. It's finally Di.
[25:52] Speaker 5: Mitchell, who's on eighty four mental drives down the ground,
[25:55] Speaker 5: doesn't time it perfectly and strike down the throat of
[26:00] Speaker 5: Chris Woks mid off and that is the end of
[26:05] Speaker 5: the New Zealand innings. And that's the end of Daryl
[26:07] Speaker 5: Mitchell's innings. He's gone for eighty.
[26:09] Speaker 1: This rugue is a tail ender on strike.
[26:12] Speaker 2: This is the alternative commentary collective.
[26:16] Speaker 1: Oh, thanks to the great New Zealanders at Resin.
[26:21] Speaker 5: Welcome back to their commentary position Lee Baker and Paul
[26:24] Speaker 5: Stewart forward.
[26:25] Speaker 7: Here we are the final denu one. How long would
[26:29] Speaker 7: this take? That's the big question. We're assuming it's an
[26:33] Speaker 7: inevitable I mean the odds are not great on New
[26:37] Speaker 7: Zealand defending one hundred and what is it one hundred
[26:39] Speaker 7: and four? So England need one hundred and five to win.
[26:42] Speaker 7: Paul Stuart Forward, you have wildly optimistic estimation favoring England.
[26:49] Speaker 7: Do you think they're going to wipe this off?
[26:51] Speaker 10: In what fifteen overs thirteen? I reckon and I think
[26:56] Speaker 10: Zat Crawley won't We'll get none of them. It's going
[26:58] Speaker 10: to be all mother duck. It just I've done a
[27:03] Speaker 10: quick calculation before we get going, and I reckon there's
[27:06] Speaker 10: sixty three overs left today in ninety tomorrow, so New
[27:08] Speaker 10: Zealand need to keep England under point sixty seven runs
[27:12] Speaker 10: per over.
[27:13] Speaker 6: You can for five about five sessions.
[27:15] Speaker 5: Run a bit of a sweet steak here in the
[27:17] Speaker 5: SEC studio, in the Export Beer Garden studios. First ball
[27:21] Speaker 5: is Sali're going to be buying to Crawley, and it
[27:24] Speaker 5: swings away and really lets it go through the people.
[27:27] Speaker 5: Thirteen overs, paul Ford. This is how many overs we
[27:30] Speaker 5: think it's going to take them. Joe Jerry's gone with
[27:33] Speaker 5: eighteen overs, Wheendy Jay's gone with twenty. I've gone with
[27:38] Speaker 5: twenty six, and Lee Baker has come in with twenty four.
[27:43] Speaker 5: Back how many overs? Twenty? Okay, Soudy again bowling to Crawley.
[27:55] Speaker 5: This ball shapes away from Crawley as I'm pushing forward
[27:57] Speaker 5: to cover.
[27:59] Speaker 7: I do think it's going to the I'm guessing around
[28:01] Speaker 7: a seven wicket the tree for England. I'm saying three
[28:06] Speaker 7: go down in the session I think it's all going
[28:08] Speaker 7: to happen.
[28:08] Speaker 4: Now Dillie's got nineteen.
[28:18] Speaker 7: Well, it's still it's great banning conditions. It's a new ball,
[28:21] Speaker 7: but it's a bit of a road now.
[28:23] Speaker 5: And your son, you see how there were two slips
[28:25] Speaker 5: swings away from Crawley drives through point.
[28:28] Speaker 4: But there's a man that's deep backward point. It's ration
[28:31] Speaker 4: revender and I'll just keep it a one as.
[28:34] Speaker 2: Rugue as a tail ender on stripe. This is the
[28:38] Speaker 2: alternative commentary. Con let you oh, thanks to the great
[28:42] Speaker 2: New Zealanders at resin.
[28:47] Speaker 4: England. One for none.
[28:48] Speaker 5: This is the second over Henry's corball by Henry.
[28:54] Speaker 4: What a catch that was.
[28:56] Speaker 5: He miss timed to drive, it was full and Henry
[29:01] Speaker 5: with a reflex.
[29:02] Speaker 4: Catch to his right. He got two hands to it.
[29:04] Speaker 5: Not easy those That is the end of Crawley for one.
[29:11] Speaker 4: Does he ever scored a run against us?
[29:12] Speaker 6: He is uselessly.
[29:16] Speaker 7: Terrible shark.
[29:18] Speaker 10: Oh test betting average of thirty one was that's actually
[29:20] Speaker 10: I'm gonna that's an officially a one handed catch.
[29:25] Speaker 7: He had to work. He was falling away to the
[29:28] Speaker 7: left Matt Henry and his follow through had to twist
[29:31] Speaker 7: like a ballerina get the right met out where with
[29:34] Speaker 7: both hands, as Paul Forward says, took it with the
[29:37] Speaker 7: right hand the end of the fingers never easy.
[29:41] Speaker 1: As Rugue as a tail ender on strike.
[29:44] Speaker 2: This is the alternative commentary conlet you oh, thanks to.
[29:49] Speaker 11: The great New Zealanders at Resine.
[29:54] Speaker 6: Welcome back and England not mucking around.
[30:01] Speaker 8: This is ramped down to duck It on his way
[30:08] Speaker 8: and I wrote his first delivery in the second innings.
[30:12] Speaker 6: He gets to work it.
[30:13] Speaker 3: Duckett gave himself through him outside the legs thumping, just
[30:16] Speaker 3: ramped it straight to the man at third man.
[30:25] Speaker 1: A couple of.
[30:28] Speaker 6: Bombs here on the audio.
[30:31] Speaker 1: Holy moly. As Rugue as a tail ender on strike.
[30:36] Speaker 2: This is the alternative commentary collective, oh thanks to the
[30:41] Speaker 2: Greek New Zealanders Addressine.
[30:45] Speaker 3: Smith to Bethel, a very quick bouncer from.
[30:53] Speaker 10: He's the best case scenario from a New Zealand perspective
[30:55] Speaker 10: said he maybe gets a broken hand.
[30:58] Speaker 6: Or something like that.
[30:59] Speaker 3: Sure, so Paul Ford rather outrageously predicted that England would
[31:08] Speaker 3: chase these runs down in thirteen overs.
[31:12] Speaker 6: Twelve point two and three to win.
[31:15] Speaker 3: Smith comes steaming again, bowls to Bethels who slashes him
[31:20] Speaker 3: down to third man.
[31:22] Speaker 6: You'll get a caple there and so to win one
[31:28] Speaker 6: more second cooler. Is that a bouncer? Yeah, it was
[31:39] Speaker 6: pretty high.
[31:44] Speaker 10: The Prodigy looks like he's going to be leaving with
[31:45] Speaker 10: the Bond girl this afternoon, doesn't he There he pleases
[31:48] Speaker 10: himself the dasher.
[31:54] Speaker 3: Smith three point three overs none for thirty seven.
[32:00] Speaker 6: He comes now.
[32:02] Speaker 3: Bowls to Bethel, who smashes him out to the man.
[32:06] Speaker 3: It's deep squealing. England win the Test match. Bethel finishes
[32:13] Speaker 3: with a debut fifty not out and a comprehensive victory
[32:18] Speaker 3: for England.
[32:19] Speaker 6: By eight wickets.
[32:20] Speaker 3: They didn't muck around hundred and four to when they
[32:23] Speaker 3: came down, smash the living shit out of it. Quite
[32:29] Speaker 3: extraordinary stuff and well played England. Paul Ford.
[32:34] Speaker 10: Yeah, I mean it was tough going yesterday. Really it
[32:38] Speaker 10: was moving day. England moved in and New Zealand moved
[32:41] Speaker 10: out and ruthless today from a betting point of view,
[32:45] Speaker 10: a little bit lethargic in the field.
[32:47] Speaker 6: England is just ll us put on ninety nine runs.
[32:50] Speaker 10: But you did get the feeling that they'd probably chase
[32:52] Speaker 10: down whatever they were going to chase down. They're going
[32:55] Speaker 10: to chase down at eight runs and over, and we
[32:56] Speaker 10: probably needed to put three hundred plus on the board
[32:59] Speaker 10: to really put them there any pressure. One hundred and
[33:01] Speaker 10: fifty runs short. You can look back at those drop catchers,
[33:04] Speaker 10: all eight of them, and you've probably had a pretty
[33:07] Speaker 10: decent reason. And frankly, it's actually really hard to think
[33:09] Speaker 10: about anything else that had such a big impact on
[33:13] Speaker 10: the game. Harry Brooke, amazing innings, asterisk, lots of catches,
[33:17] Speaker 10: some good bowling from cars. But really, I think everyone's
[33:22] Speaker 10: going to be talking about these drop catches when they
[33:24] Speaker 10: reflect on.
[33:24] Speaker 3: This match, as they should, because it would have been
[33:28] Speaker 3: a completely different complexion on the game had those catches
[33:32] Speaker 3: been taken. But they weren't, you know, And if they
[33:35] Speaker 3: were chasing to eighty three hundred, mind you this English side,
[33:39] Speaker 3: I think we'd just go.
[33:39] Speaker 6: For it regardless.
[33:41] Speaker 3: But it is easier when you're chasing a hundi because
[33:45] Speaker 3: even if you lose three or four and you're being aggressive,
[33:48] Speaker 3: you know you're going to get there probably in the
[33:50] Speaker 3: end anyway, just keep the foot to the pedal. But
[33:53] Speaker 3: if you're chasing to eighty three hundred, there put more
[33:57] Speaker 3: pressure on.
[33:57] Speaker 6: Yeah, and you go Oh, it's just steading it down.
[34:00] Speaker 3: But well played England, well deserved New Zealand in many
[34:06] Speaker 3: respects the architects of their own demise some very average
[34:10] Speaker 3: fielding and they'll be reflecting on that.
[34:13] Speaker 6: At least they know what's to improve on.
[34:17] Speaker 3: And I think Paul Ford is right when he says
[34:20] Speaker 3: that is probably the defining feature of the Test match.
[34:28] Speaker 10: So we look ahead to the basin unless we're stupid
[34:30] Speaker 10: enough to be at our own wedding Bason starts on
[34:36] Speaker 10: Friday next week, and just talking to Jeremy Wells were
[34:40] Speaker 10: nursing our hangovers together, and it's interesting to reflect on
[34:44] Speaker 10: what New Zealand could do. The guys in the shed
[34:48] Speaker 10: that they've got. They've got Mitchell Center who comes in
[34:50] Speaker 10: to the second Test squad. They've got Jacob Duffy who's
[34:53] Speaker 10: been running the drinks, and of course they've got well young.
[34:56] Speaker 6: But I just I just can't see us doing anything
[34:59] Speaker 6: too funky there.
[35:01] Speaker 3: I wish we had a couple more work at cakes,
[35:04] Speaker 3: just in our arsenal.
[35:06] Speaker 5: Yeah, be interesting to see what evolves.
[35:11] Speaker 3: Yeah, we'll blundle. I've got to say he's under pressure,
[35:16] Speaker 3: I mean drop catchers not getting any runs at the moment,
[35:23] Speaker 3: a few New Zealand batsmen under pressure. Actually Conway didn't
[35:27] Speaker 3: have a great Test match. AH, Lots for people to ponder,
[35:35] Speaker 3: but we appreciate the fact that you joined us here
[35:38] Speaker 3: on this acc commentary and we will be back with
[35:43] Speaker 3: a basin Test match and until then, from all the
[35:48] Speaker 3: team have a pleasant Sunday afternoon.
[35:52] Speaker 1: As lugue as a tail ender on strike.
[35:55] Speaker 2: This is the alternative commentary can let you thanks to
[36:00] Speaker 2: the creating Zelanders at Rizine

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