# Karen Demands I Put Her Name On The House! | Reddit Stories

An episode of [Reddit Stories Podcast - Mr. Redder](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1516821033), 27 Sep 2026, 31 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/75083531/karen_demands_i_put_her_name_on_the_house.mp3

In today’s episode of Reddit Stories Podcast, a wild Karen completely loses it. You won’t believe how this one ends! Sit back, relax, and enjoy this binge-worthy Reddit Stories Podcast, featuring Karen freakouts, entitled people stories, and pro revenge tales. 🎧 Listen to More Reddit Stories Podcast Episodes Here:👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5ZVzMm0Pr3bwlM26VuVv8J👉 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mr-redder/id1516821033 📌 **Every episode dives into trending Reddit stories, insane Karen freakouts, and dramatic pro revenge stories! We cover the wildest situations from r/EntitledPeople, r/AITA, and r/EntitledParents. If you love binge-worthy podcast compilations, long-form storytelling, and Reddit drama stories, you’re in the right place! 👉 📺 Love These Stories? Watch Full Video Episodes on YouTube! → https://www.youtube.com/@MrRedderYT 🎵 Music Credit: https://soundcloud.com/lakeyinspired Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories-podcast-mr-redder--5571651/support. Love the drama? You aren't alone. We’re over here every single day breaking down the wildest entitled moments and the best karma on the internet. Hit subscribe so you don't miss the next one, and let us know in the comments if you’ve ever had to deal with a Karen like this in your own life.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Welcome to r slash am I the jerk where Karen
[0:02] Speaker 1: really wants her name on the house. Karen demands to
[0:06] Speaker 1: have her name on the house that I'm buying. I
[0:09] Speaker 1: 32 male have been dating my fiance who's 29 female
[0:13] Speaker 1: for two years and we got engaged seven months ago.
[0:16] Speaker 1: We plan to get married in summer of 2025. I
[0:19] Speaker 1: love my fiance and she's so perfect for me. We
[0:21] Speaker 1: have not combined our finances yet but plan to as
[0:24] Speaker 1: soon as we get married. I make significantly more than
[0:27] Speaker 1: she does. but she is a surgical resident and will
[0:29] Speaker 1: start making similar to what I make in about two years.
[0:32] Speaker 1: We live together and split the expenses, with me paying
[0:35] Speaker 1: 90% based on how much we make. Recently, my stock
[0:39] Speaker 1: portfolio has been doing great and I decided to sell
[0:42] Speaker 1: part of it, making decent profits along the way. I'm
[0:45] Speaker 1: worried about reinvesting it in stocks, so we decided to
[0:48] Speaker 1: purchase a home since we plan to get married soon
[0:50] Speaker 1: and start a family. My fiancé was also very excited
[0:53] Speaker 1: as we need a nicer house than our current apartment.
[0:56] Speaker 1: We talked about it and I offered to purchase the
[0:58] Speaker 1: house with the cash I have sitting on the sidelines,
[1:01] Speaker 1: without taking a mortgage at all. I feel it would
[1:03] Speaker 1: be a good financial decision as the current rates are
[1:05] Speaker 1: too high and we could always get a home equity
[1:08] Speaker 1: loan in the future. It was all good until I
[1:10] Speaker 1: told my fiancé that I would purchase the house and
[1:13] Speaker 1: she would not need to contribute anything to it as
[1:15] Speaker 1: she is still paying off her student loans. Of course,
[1:18] Speaker 1: I would be on the title and I would have
[1:19] Speaker 1: sole ownership. My fiance is not okay with this. She
[1:24] Speaker 1: says that since we're getting married, our marital home should
[1:26] Speaker 1: have both of us on the title. Her friend told
[1:29] Speaker 1: her that I might be protecting my assets by purchasing
[1:31] Speaker 1: the home before marriage, thus making it a premarital asset.
[1:35] Speaker 1: This has bothered her and she's mentioned it to me.
[1:37] Speaker 1: That was not my intention and I do want our
[1:39] Speaker 1: marriage to be successful. I have told her that I
[1:42] Speaker 1: do not need to protect anything since we both will
[1:44] Speaker 1: be surgeons and we'll make about the same in a
[1:46] Speaker 1: few years. However, I feel it's unfair to put her
[1:49] Speaker 1: name on the title as I would be paying for
[1:51] Speaker 1: the house, and it is risky to put her name
[1:54] Speaker 1: even before we get married. I told her that we
[1:56] Speaker 1: can revisit this topic after we get married. As we've
[1:59] Speaker 1: started looking for houses, we need to make a decision quickly.
[2:02] Speaker 1: I understand her point that she wants to be included
[2:04] Speaker 1: in the ownership of the house where she would live
[2:07] Speaker 1: and where we will grow as a family. However, we
[2:09] Speaker 1: are looking to spend more than a million dollars, and
[2:12] Speaker 1: it feels wrong to give her half of my earnings
[2:14] Speaker 1: a year before we get married. I need advice on
[2:16] Speaker 1: what others have done in this situation and how I
[2:19] Speaker 1: can handle this sensitive situation without hurting my fiancé' s feelings.
[2:23] Speaker 1: Not the jerk, but if I were her, I would
[2:26] Speaker 1: demand a prenup to keep my future earnings as a
[2:28] Speaker 1: surgeon away from you in the event of divorce. I
[2:31] Speaker 1: would not be willing to split mortgage payments 50-50 if
[2:34] Speaker 1: you get all the appreciation. Are you willing to discuss
[2:37] Speaker 1: a prenup or is it I get the house and
[2:39] Speaker 1: a share of a surgeon's earnings? OP gets downvoted. So,
[2:44] Speaker 1: to clarify, we're not going to get a mortgage on
[2:46] Speaker 1: the house. I would be paying all cash for it
[2:49] Speaker 1: because I sold a chunk of my stock portfolio. Secondly,
[2:52] Speaker 1: we both will have similar earnings after she starts practicing.
[2:55] Speaker 1: We will have very stable finances and I never thought
[2:58] Speaker 1: money would be a problem in our relationship. I just
[3:00] Speaker 1: wanted opinions from people who were in a similar situation
[3:03] Speaker 1: and how they tackled it. Because the housing market in
[3:06] Speaker 1: our area is very competitive, if we see a house
[3:08] Speaker 1: we like, we will have to put in an offer immediately. Also,
[3:12] Speaker 1: if the interest rates come down, housing prices may go up,
[3:15] Speaker 1: and I feel we have an advantage right now because
[3:17] Speaker 1: we will be making an all-cash offer. If she's in residency,
[3:21] Speaker 1: doesn't it make sense to wait until she's employed to
[3:24] Speaker 1: buy a house in terms of commute? I would advise
[3:26] Speaker 1: you not to give in to fear of missing out
[3:28] Speaker 1: and rush into a decision. A home is the biggest
[3:30] Speaker 1: purchase you will ever make and the most personal. If
[3:33] Speaker 1: your fiancé doesn't feel her input on where you live
[3:35] Speaker 1: is valued, the resentment could undermine your whole marriage before
[3:39] Speaker 1: it begins. OP In my mind, I'm looking at the
[3:43] Speaker 1: house as an investment. I need a place to park
[3:45] Speaker 1: my cash. Our rents are really high right now, so
[3:48] Speaker 1: we would save on that. Plus, once she finishes residency,
[3:51] Speaker 1: we could buy a bigger house that fits both our
[3:53] Speaker 1: commutes and rent this place out. That's how I'm looking
[3:56] Speaker 1: at the house. I want to buy something for the
[3:57] Speaker 1: next few years where I can park my cash, instead
[4:00] Speaker 1: of a high-yield account, and save on rent. Once she
[4:03] Speaker 1: starts practicing, we could buy a better house at a
[4:05] Speaker 1: location that works for both of us while renting out
[4:07] Speaker 1: this property. Update Thanks to everyone who helped me understand
[4:12] Speaker 1: why she would feel more secure if her name were
[4:14] Speaker 1: on the title of our marital house and what issues
[4:16] Speaker 1: might occur in the future. I realized that I was
[4:19] Speaker 1: not considering the situation from her perspective and I wish
[4:22] Speaker 1: I had been more empathetic to her position. I still
[4:24] Speaker 1: did not want to mix our finances until we're married
[4:27] Speaker 1: in a year and had to find a middle ground.
[4:29] Speaker 1: We had a long discussion about the issue this weekend.
[4:32] Speaker 1: I realized that I had not communicated my point clearly
[4:34] Speaker 1: on why it was important for us to invest that
[4:36] Speaker 1: money in real estate. We sat together and I apologized
[4:39] Speaker 1: to her for not communicating more clearly sooner. I told
[4:43] Speaker 1: her that it was not fair for me to purchase
[4:44] Speaker 1: our family home on my own and that it should
[4:46] Speaker 1: be a joint decision and we should own it jointly.
[4:49] Speaker 1: I tried to explain why it's more advantageous for us
[4:52] Speaker 1: to buy real estate now when the interest rates are
[4:54] Speaker 1: higher and we could pay in cash. She was very
[4:56] Speaker 1: receptive to all of it. She explained why she would
[4:59] Speaker 1: not feel a sense of ownership if she were not
[5:01] Speaker 1: on the title of the house. She realizes that I
[5:04] Speaker 1: have been the primary earner so far in our relationship,
[5:06] Speaker 1: but she will graduate soon and become a surgeon, and
[5:09] Speaker 1: we will be able to afford a much bigger house
[5:11] Speaker 1: in a few years. I propose that we hold off
[5:13] Speaker 1: on buying our forever home until we are married and
[5:16] Speaker 1: she starts her job. That would help us take both
[5:18] Speaker 1: our commutes into account when purchasing the house. However, we
[5:22] Speaker 1: should buy an apartment or a condo near the city
[5:24] Speaker 1: where we both work as an investment with the cash
[5:26] Speaker 1: in hand. I would still want to be the sole
[5:28] Speaker 1: owner on the title and we can amend the title
[5:30] Speaker 1: once we get married. We can stay in this property
[5:33] Speaker 1: until then to save on our ever increasing rent. We
[5:36] Speaker 1: then can either sell this property when we purchase our
[5:38] Speaker 1: forever home or just use it to generate rental income. Luckily,
[5:42] Speaker 1: she agreed and she was happy I took her feelings
[5:44] Speaker 1: into consideration. I felt it was a win-win since that
[5:47] Speaker 1: was my original plan and I was just not doing
[5:49] Speaker 1: a good job explaining it to her. So, we're going
[5:52] Speaker 1: to keep looking for a good investment property. and she's
[5:54] Speaker 1: happy knowing she will be included when buying our forever home.
[5:57] Speaker 1: Thanks again everyone for helping me with this issue. All
[6:00] Speaker 1: I had to do was call it an investment property
[6:02] Speaker 1: and communicate better, and she was understanding of my view.
[6:06] Speaker 1: All I can think is, must be nice to be
[6:09] Speaker 1: able to afford to buy a house. Mark Zuckerberg did
[6:12] Speaker 1: the Facebook IPO exactly one day before he got married.
[6:16] Speaker 1: This ensured that the $ 19 billion value of his stock
[6:19] Speaker 1: on the first day of the IPO was indisputably 100%
[6:23] Speaker 1: his individual property and would never be community property. He
[6:26] Speaker 1: may have dropped out of Harvard, but he's not stupid.
[6:30] Speaker 1: As a fellow high earner, please take my advice. Do
[6:33] Speaker 1: not put anyone else's name on your property and always
[6:36] Speaker 1: have a prenup in place to protect any assets you own.
[6:39] Speaker 1: My ex-fiance threw a huge fit when I wasn't planning
[6:42] Speaker 1: to put her name on the house so I went
[6:44] Speaker 1: ahead and did it for her because I truly loved her. Well,
[6:47] Speaker 1: two years later I caught her cheating and I ended it.
[6:50] Speaker 1: I was forced to buy her out in order to
[6:52] Speaker 1: make her leave. She made it a huge process just
[6:54] Speaker 1: to spite me. She even said things like,' This is
[6:57] Speaker 1: what you get for giving up on us.' You think
[7:00] Speaker 1: you know someone just because you love them, but once
[7:02] Speaker 1: they realize it's over, their true colors show, and if
[7:05] Speaker 1: you don't have your assets protected, they will weaponize them
[7:08] Speaker 1: however they can. Well, who do you think is the jerk?
[7:12] Speaker 1: OP or his fiancé? Please let us know. Am I
[7:15] Speaker 1: the jerk for telling my kid's stepmother to grow up
[7:18] Speaker 1: and stop asking a teenager for support? I, 39, female,
[7:22] Speaker 1: have two kids, Kimmy, who's 14, and my 9-year-old son,
[7:26] Speaker 1: and I share custody with their father, Dave. Kimmy is
[7:29] Speaker 1: starting high school soon and her school sent a list
[7:31] Speaker 1: of extracurriculars. I want my kids to be academically inclined
[7:35] Speaker 1: and join clubs to meet people. I told Kimmy to
[7:37] Speaker 1: pick out some clubs and as of right now she
[7:39] Speaker 1: has 10 so far, which we're definitely going to be
[7:42] Speaker 1: shortening down. Kimmy sent a list of the clubs to
[7:45] Speaker 1: her father so he could help her. He didn't respond
[7:47] Speaker 1: and instead I got a call from Dave's wife, Amy,
[7:50] Speaker 1: a little later. Amy asked me if Kimmy was really
[7:53] Speaker 1: going to join all of those clubs and I said
[7:55] Speaker 1: not all of them but probably some of them. Amy
[7:58] Speaker 1: then asked if Kimmy could only join one of the
[8:00] Speaker 1: clubs on her list, which confused me. I asked why.
[8:03] Speaker 1: Amy explained that she has to go to work soon
[8:06] Speaker 1: and really needs someone to take care of her kids.
[8:08] Speaker 1: She was hoping that Kimmy would be able to go
[8:10] Speaker 1: to their house straight after school and take care of them.
[8:13] Speaker 1: Amy has three kids under 13 and recently had a
[8:16] Speaker 1: baby with Dave. Kimmy has ADHD, which makes it hard
[8:19] Speaker 1: for her to care for her own needs. I already
[8:21] Speaker 1: don't think she should be having to watch four kids
[8:23] Speaker 1: who are that young unattended. Amy didn't even mention transportation
[8:27] Speaker 1: and how Kimmy would get there. I told her no.
[8:30] Speaker 1: This upset Amy. She told me that Kimmy is part
[8:33] Speaker 1: of her family too and as a family they all
[8:35] Speaker 1: need to chip in. According to her, Kimmy should chip
[8:38] Speaker 1: in by babysitting. She ranted on, giving me a sob
[8:41] Speaker 1: story about how she was struggling with Dave working, how
[8:44] Speaker 1: hard it was to be a mom to four kids
[8:46] Speaker 1: who depend on her so much, and how expensive childcare
[8:48] Speaker 1: is these days. I told her no and explained why
[8:51] Speaker 1: I was uncomfortable with it. to which she just reiterated
[8:54] Speaker 1: her story. This happened twice. By this time, I had
[8:57] Speaker 1: said no three times and she was still asking. I
[9:00] Speaker 1: thought it was clear that no meant no, not ask
[9:03] Speaker 1: me again later. I interrupted her and told her no
[9:06] Speaker 1: is my final answer and that it's honestly pathetic she
[9:09] Speaker 1: has to ask a 14-year-old for support. I said it
[9:12] Speaker 1: sounds like she needs to grow up instead of relying
[9:14] Speaker 1: on kids to pick up her slack. As you would expect,
[9:17] Speaker 1: Amy and Dave are upset with me, which I really
[9:19] Speaker 1: don't mind. My only issue is that when I told
[9:22] Speaker 1: my sister, she thought I was being cruel, which is
[9:24] Speaker 1: making me rethink things. Am I the jerk? Edit. A
[9:28] Speaker 1: common question I'm being asked is what custody looks like.
[9:31] Speaker 1: My kids go to their father's one week every month
[9:33] Speaker 1: and stay with me for the rest, but there are
[9:35] Speaker 1: times when they stay at their father's longer than expected,
[9:38] Speaker 1: with my permission. For instance, the kids stayed a couple
[9:41] Speaker 1: of weeks at their father's during the summer. Sometimes they
[9:44] Speaker 1: stay an extra few days, but the custody is officially
[9:46] Speaker 1: me three-fourths and him one-fourth. with me being their primary caregiver.
[9:52] Speaker 1: Edit two, a lot of you guys are asking about
[9:54] Speaker 1: Amy's kids. The oldest is around my son's age, albeit
[9:57] Speaker 1: a bit older, and I literally have no idea if
[10:00] Speaker 1: their father is helping them or if they have the
[10:02] Speaker 1: same father because it's none of my business, and those
[10:04] Speaker 1: are not at all my kids. Additionally, I don't think
[10:07] Speaker 1: struggling moms should be shamed, but they should be treated
[10:10] Speaker 1: like humans and need to know when boundaries are crossed.
[10:12] Speaker 1: Dave and I have been co-parenting for a while, so
[10:15] Speaker 1: there was a time when I was in Amy's shoes
[10:17] Speaker 1: and wondering what I would do with my kids. A
[10:19] Speaker 1: thought that did not cross my mind was asking my
[10:21] Speaker 1: kid to unwillingly drop all of their interests. There's a
[10:24] Speaker 1: difference between setting boundaries and knowing my kid can't take
[10:27] Speaker 1: on a responsibility and simply wanting to put a struggling
[10:30] Speaker 1: mother down just because it was another Tuesday. Not the jerk.
[10:35] Speaker 1: The fact that she wouldn't take no for an answer
[10:37] Speaker 1: shows that they've already presumed Kimmy would be their primary
[10:40] Speaker 1: childcare before he even asked. I've also noticed no mention
[10:44] Speaker 1: of pay. Is that due to family too? Not Kimmy's
[10:47] Speaker 1: crap show or responsibility. This isn't up to Kimmy to
[10:50] Speaker 1: take care of. Good for you for sticking up for
[10:52] Speaker 1: your daughter. How to end it with a girl who
[10:55] Speaker 1: has nothing going for her and will become homeless. I'm
[10:59] Speaker 1: a 24-year-old male who met a girl who's 22 in
[11:02] Speaker 1: community college when I was 20. We came from very
[11:05] Speaker 1: different backgrounds. I was middle class, trying to find a
[11:08] Speaker 1: cheaper way to go to college while she was living
[11:10] Speaker 1: in near poverty and attending school because her parents were
[11:13] Speaker 1: threatening to kick her out if she didn't. She dropped
[11:15] Speaker 1: out after about a year into her schooling where I
[11:17] Speaker 1: continued and finished. During her first year, we formed a
[11:20] Speaker 1: relationship and she more or less moved into my apartment.
[11:24] Speaker 1: Her relationship with her parents is almost non-existent and she
[11:27] Speaker 1: has little to no outside friends besides one or two
[11:30] Speaker 1: women she knew from high school, who in my opinion
[11:32] Speaker 1: are deadbeats. I make around 80k a year so we
[11:35] Speaker 1: live relatively comfortably but there's still some financial strain. I
[11:39] Speaker 1: can't say exactly when I started losing feelings but the
[11:42] Speaker 1: fact that she refuses to work, won't cook, wants to
[11:44] Speaker 1: go out to eat every day, doesn't want to go
[11:46] Speaker 1: back to school, and constantly wants to buy and spend
[11:49] Speaker 1: money on clothes and other stuff, it's slowly starting to
[11:52] Speaker 1: grate on me more and more. I work in a
[11:54] Speaker 1: female-dominated workspace, and seeing and having conversations with and interacting
[11:59] Speaker 1: with co-workers who have so much going for them with
[12:01] Speaker 1: fun hobbies and aspirations, it makes it all the worse
[12:04] Speaker 1: when my girlfriend is chronically online spending 7 hours a
[12:07] Speaker 1: day scrolling through Instagram or TikTok reels and thinks us
[12:10] Speaker 1: hooking up is all she has to do on her end.
[12:13] Speaker 1: Our relationship isn't bad. We fight every now and then
[12:16] Speaker 1: like an average couple and we have an active love life,
[12:19] Speaker 1: but that's pretty much it. From her perspective, if I
[12:21] Speaker 1: broke up with her, it would seem out of nowhere,
[12:24] Speaker 1: but I'm pretty much done. I know I could move
[12:26] Speaker 1: on quickly and have nothing to regret, as crappy as
[12:28] Speaker 1: that sounds. The problem is that she has no job,
[12:32] Speaker 1: no finances, almost no friends, and no family support unit.
[12:36] Speaker 1: I'm not a monster. I don't want to make someone
[12:38] Speaker 1: virtually homeless, but I also don't want to be stuck
[12:40] Speaker 1: with someone who has nothing going for them. I don't
[12:42] Speaker 1: know what to do. If she were just toxic or
[12:45] Speaker 1: a bad partner, I wouldn't have too much trouble ending it.
[12:48] Speaker 1: But she's fairly nice, just lazy. I've tried to talk
[12:51] Speaker 1: her into trying different hobbies or interests to get her active,
[12:54] Speaker 1: but she always turns them down every time. She wasn't
[12:57] Speaker 1: as bad when we were still in school. She at
[12:59] Speaker 1: least held cooked or had aspirations to be a nurse.
[13:01] Speaker 1: But I guess when she started getting comfortable, her habits
[13:04] Speaker 1: built on and on until it got to this point.
[13:06] Speaker 1: This wouldn't have been a four-year relationship if this were
[13:08] Speaker 1: how it started. She only leaves the apartment when I
[13:11] Speaker 1: take her to get food. She either sleeps or she's
[13:13] Speaker 1: on the phone. Is she miserable with her life? She's
[13:17] Speaker 1: not really miserable. She always sends me 30 plus memes
[13:19] Speaker 1: at work on Instagram and is honestly a pretty funny person.
[13:23] Speaker 1: She has her mood swings on some days but that's
[13:25] Speaker 1: how she usually is. I've tried talking to her about
[13:28] Speaker 1: this more than once but she either thinks I'm not
[13:30] Speaker 1: being serious or tries to change the subject. The one
[13:33] Speaker 1: time I was serious, she said she would try looking
[13:35] Speaker 1: at courses again but it eventually fell through and I
[13:38] Speaker 1: stopped trying. She just doesn't really care. Update the next day.
[13:42] Speaker 1: When I said she came from poverty, I meant that
[13:44] Speaker 1: her father is a laborer while her mother lives a
[13:46] Speaker 1: similar lifestyle to how she lives now. Their home is
[13:49] Speaker 1: maybe 1100 square feet and in a terrible place in town.
[13:53] Speaker 1: Given her father's past ultimatum, I don't think he will
[13:56] Speaker 1: take her back as she hasn't been back home for years. Yes,
[13:59] Speaker 1: I have talked to her about this since January, maybe
[14:01] Speaker 1: three times, either by gently telling her it would be
[14:04] Speaker 1: nice if she went out more to find a hobby
[14:06] Speaker 1: or flat out saying she was wasting away on her
[14:08] Speaker 1: phone and needed to get a job or go back
[14:10] Speaker 1: to school. Each time she either changed the subject, made
[14:13] Speaker 1: a joke or followed through for a couple of days
[14:16] Speaker 1: before going back to her usual self. She's a kind
[14:18] Speaker 1: partner who asks me about my day, always tries to
[14:21] Speaker 1: make me laugh or lighten the mood when I get
[14:23] Speaker 1: annoyed and generally shows a lot of affection. This makes
[14:26] Speaker 1: me feel terrible because none of that works anymore and
[14:28] Speaker 1: I just see her as another person. Now for the confrontation.
[14:33] Speaker 1: Last night when we were both getting ready for bed,
[14:35] Speaker 1: I just stood there telling her we needed to talk.
[14:37] Speaker 1: At first she was just smiling and thinking I wasn't serious.
[14:40] Speaker 1: but eventually she was able to read the mood. I
[14:43] Speaker 1: told her something wasn't feeling right anymore, that I've tried
[14:46] Speaker 1: to make this work and be patient with her for
[14:47] Speaker 1: the past few years, but I didn't know how much
[14:49] Speaker 1: more time I was willing to spend waiting for her
[14:51] Speaker 1: to get a job, go back to school, or just
[14:53] Speaker 1: get a hobby, anything. I told her that it annoyed
[14:57] Speaker 1: and grated on me that she just didn't seem to
[14:59] Speaker 1: care about herself and that I hated that she had
[15:01] Speaker 1: no goals or aspirations. This was probably the first time
[15:04] Speaker 1: in a long time that she was as attentive as
[15:06] Speaker 1: she's ever been during this conversation and she agreed to
[15:09] Speaker 1: whatever I was saying, even giving suggestions on where she
[15:11] Speaker 1: could apply, what courses were starting to interest her, and
[15:14] Speaker 1: even said I could look over her as she submitted
[15:17] Speaker 1: applications online to make sure she wasn't lying. In her head,
[15:20] Speaker 1: it seemed like I was still willing to make this work,
[15:22] Speaker 1: and a part of me believed that this finally would
[15:24] Speaker 1: be the moment she would change. So it made the
[15:27] Speaker 1: next part even harder for me and for her. At first,
[15:30] Speaker 1: I told her I didn't love her the same way,
[15:32] Speaker 1: which slowly but eventually led to me saying I didn't
[15:35] Speaker 1: feel anything at all about this relationship and was jaded.
[15:38] Speaker 1: I was tired and wanted a fresh start with someone
[15:40] Speaker 1: who was more goal-oriented and wanted something more out of life.
[15:44] Speaker 1: When she realized what I was getting at, she started
[15:46] Speaker 1: to cry and asked why I didn't mention it sooner.
[15:49] Speaker 1: I said I've always asked her to cook, to go
[15:51] Speaker 1: out with me to try something or to just go
[15:52] Speaker 1: back to school, even offering to pay for her classes, anything.
[15:56] Speaker 1: She said she understands that part but was upset that
[15:59] Speaker 1: I didn't say it was leading to me losing interest
[16:01] Speaker 1: in her because from her perspective, it seemed as if
[16:03] Speaker 1: I still loved her all the same. She started apologizing,
[16:07] Speaker 1: saying she wasn't in the right mental state and that
[16:09] Speaker 1: nothing was motivating her. She genuinely had no interest in
[16:12] Speaker 1: any hobbies. The only thing she liked was spending time
[16:15] Speaker 1: with me which is all she looked forward to in
[16:17] Speaker 1: the day when I came home. None of this was
[16:19] Speaker 1: really affecting my emotions besides making me feel uncomfortable so
[16:23] Speaker 1: I tried to continue by saying that I think her
[16:25] Speaker 1: lifestyle would be better with another person but she immediately
[16:28] Speaker 1: cut me off and became more panicked. She started to
[16:31] Speaker 1: apologize again for what she's done and said she would
[16:33] Speaker 1: be a better girlfriend. She promised she would go with
[16:35] Speaker 1: me tomorrow to wherever I wanted to go and would
[16:38] Speaker 1: look for courses in August that she could start doing.
[16:41] Speaker 1: But she did not want to lose me since she
[16:42] Speaker 1: had nothing else in life and absolutely hated that I
[16:45] Speaker 1: stopped loving her. There were so many tears and so
[16:48] Speaker 1: much snot that I said we would have this conversation
[16:50] Speaker 1: again when she calmed down and we eventually did in
[16:52] Speaker 1: about an hour later. She pleaded with me to give
[16:55] Speaker 1: her two more months to make a change and give
[16:57] Speaker 1: her another chance. She promised and promised that she would change. Again,
[17:01] Speaker 1: she listed all of the places she would apply to
[17:03] Speaker 1: and said she would be a better partner. I never
[17:05] Speaker 1: wanted to make her homeless so this seemed like a
[17:07] Speaker 1: good settlement even though I still had my doubts. I
[17:10] Speaker 1: then reaffirmed that I wanted to see other people but
[17:13] Speaker 1: she seemed much more adamant on this issue than the
[17:15] Speaker 1: aspirations issue. That she would be able to fix this.
[17:18] Speaker 1: She asked me to give her a month to try
[17:20] Speaker 1: and make the relationship work and repeatedly asked what she
[17:23] Speaker 1: could do to make me love her again saying she
[17:25] Speaker 1: didn't want me to hate her. She said that this
[17:27] Speaker 1: was the worst part of it all, the only person
[17:29] Speaker 1: she had being done with her. It seemed as if
[17:32] Speaker 1: she was about to break down again, so I said, okay,
[17:35] Speaker 1: we'll see how this relationship is in a month. In
[17:37] Speaker 1: my mind, if I'm allowing her two months to get
[17:39] Speaker 1: back on her feet, then by a month she would
[17:41] Speaker 1: already be ready to move on. I also didn't want
[17:44] Speaker 1: her to suffer a complete mental breakdown while I was
[17:46] Speaker 1: still living here, so giving her a month to fix
[17:49] Speaker 1: the relationship might give her enough time to come to
[17:51] Speaker 1: terms with things. I slept on the couch last night
[17:54] Speaker 1: and will probably continue doing so for a while. She
[17:57] Speaker 1: came out at about 3am wanting to talk more, but
[17:59] Speaker 1: I said I was exhausted and we would do it tomorrow.
[18:02] Speaker 1: She then slept on the floor beside me for the
[18:04] Speaker 1: rest of the night, apologizing again. When I told her
[18:06] Speaker 1: to stop, she silently agreed and sobbed under her blanket.
[18:10] Speaker 1: That was one of the hardest things I've ever had
[18:12] Speaker 1: to do, but I regret nothing and I feel much
[18:14] Speaker 1: better after letting everything out. I don't know how this
[18:17] Speaker 1: situation will be in two months, but I was firm
[18:19] Speaker 1: that this was the deadline. Edit. For those asking about
[18:22] Speaker 1: my workplace, I'm an RN. Update. After the confrontation, we
[18:27] Speaker 1: didn't speak much at home. The atmosphere was dry and
[18:30] Speaker 1: awkward for a couple of days. As I've been told,
[18:32] Speaker 1: I'm a workaholic by nature. Staying at the hospital was
[18:35] Speaker 1: a good distraction. During that time, she started cooking again
[18:38] Speaker 1: as we weren't in the mood to go out to eat. Eventually,
[18:41] Speaker 1: she asked for a thorough conversation about why I felt
[18:43] Speaker 1: our relationship was failing. She promised not to cry or
[18:46] Speaker 1: get upset and wanted me to be completely upfront so
[18:49] Speaker 1: she could understand better. She wanted to try everything to
[18:51] Speaker 1: fix it. I was apprehensive but I felt like I
[18:54] Speaker 1: should make an effort out of respect. even though a
[18:56] Speaker 1: large part of me was angry for having to do
[18:58] Speaker 1: so as I felt I never received the same from her.
[19:02] Speaker 1: She suggested using a phone timer for each person to
[19:04] Speaker 1: air grievances. I thought that was dumb and said if
[19:07] Speaker 1: we were going to talk there should be no time limit.
[19:09] Speaker 1: She agreed and asked me first when I lost love
[19:12] Speaker 1: for her. I told her it wasn't one specific action
[19:15] Speaker 1: but a growing sense of frustration. I mentioned that I
[19:17] Speaker 1: lost feelings quickly when I started at the hospital. The
[19:20] Speaker 1: workload was intense and I was constantly learning new things
[19:23] Speaker 1: while being expected to perform as a professional. It was
[19:26] Speaker 1: the most stressed I've ever been and coming home to
[19:28] Speaker 1: no food made, no job or any personal development from
[19:31] Speaker 1: her was disheartening. I explained that my suggestions for jobs
[19:35] Speaker 1: or new interests were consistently rejected and it left me
[19:38] Speaker 1: feeling disgusted. I shouldn't have to remind her to take
[19:41] Speaker 1: care of herself or do something productive. She asked why
[19:44] Speaker 1: I didn't address these issues earlier. I told her some
[19:46] Speaker 1: things shouldn't need to be said like basic self-care and productivity.
[19:50] Speaker 1: I was already exhausted from my job and didn't want
[19:52] Speaker 1: to spend my time begging her to do something. When
[19:55] Speaker 1: she dropped nursing, I was upset because I felt she
[19:57] Speaker 1: was capable but chose to do nothing for years. I
[20:00] Speaker 1: suggested easier jobs or hobbies but she chose inactivity which
[20:04] Speaker 1: contributed to my feeling of being done romantically. She asked
[20:08] Speaker 1: if I hated her and I said I didn't know.
[20:10] Speaker 1: I told her I didn't harbor ill will but was
[20:12] Speaker 1: done with the relationship due to her handling of her life.
[20:15] Speaker 1: I felt no emotional connection anymore. We kept eye contact
[20:19] Speaker 1: during the conversation. There were moments where she seemed on
[20:21] Speaker 1: the verge of breaking down but she remained calm. I
[20:24] Speaker 1: told her I was done but she asked if we
[20:26] Speaker 1: could continue the conversation later and locked herself in our room.
[20:30] Speaker 1: The next day we finished the conversation. She said she
[20:32] Speaker 1: thought she was depressed and lacked motivation. I suggested she
[20:35] Speaker 1: get tested for ADHD but she refused, citing discomfort with
[20:39] Speaker 1: medical procedures. She asked if she changed her behavior, would
[20:42] Speaker 1: I give her another chance? I said I didn't know
[20:45] Speaker 1: and that my feelings might not return. She showed me
[20:47] Speaker 1: a list of hobbies and interests she wanted to explore,
[20:50] Speaker 1: such as photography and cooking. She also showed proof of
[20:52] Speaker 1: job applications. I told her if she showed genuine interest
[20:56] Speaker 1: in these hobbies, I wouldn't care about her working, but
[20:58] Speaker 1: if she did nothing, she would need to find a
[21:00] Speaker 1: job and move out. My co-workers, who are grounded, suggested
[21:04] Speaker 1: I might be love-bombed and advised me to stay firm.
[21:07] Speaker 1: They offered to let me stay over if needed, but
[21:09] Speaker 1: it didn't feel right since I'm still in a relationship.
[21:12] Speaker 1: I said I'd consider it if the situation worsened. Despite
[21:15] Speaker 1: advice suggesting this might be a mistake, I want to
[21:18] Speaker 1: give it one last try. I feel closed off and indifferent,
[21:21] Speaker 1: but some believe this can change with effort from both sides.
[21:24] Speaker 1: I've also been asked if I have friends to talk to.
[21:26] Speaker 1: I confide in two female coworkers who believe I might
[21:29] Speaker 1: be manipulated if I stay too close. I will keep
[21:32] Speaker 1: their advice in mind. For now, I'll continue sleeping in
[21:35] Speaker 1: the living room and have been asked to stay firm
[21:37] Speaker 1: in my stance. I just don't know what's going to
[21:39] Speaker 1: happen at this point. I still feel so lost. My
[21:44] Speaker 1: worry is that the girlfriend is still wanting to change
[21:46] Speaker 1: for the wrong reasons. She should want to work on
[21:48] Speaker 1: herself for herself, not just to stay in a relationship.
[21:52] Speaker 1: Should I confront my friend for trying to steal my
[21:54] Speaker 1: girlfriend from me? For some context, I'm 26 male. My girlfriend,
[21:59] Speaker 1: let's call her Lily, is 25, and we've been together
[22:02] Speaker 1: for 3 years now. The friend in question, Mark, is 27.
[22:06] Speaker 1: Mark and I have known each other for about six
[22:08] Speaker 1: years and he's been one of my closest friends. He
[22:11] Speaker 1: met Lily about two years ago and they've always had
[22:13] Speaker 1: a friendly dynamic. They joke around a lot and share
[22:16] Speaker 1: similar interests, but I've never thought much of it because
[22:19] Speaker 1: I trusted Mark. In fact, I always believed that Mark
[22:22] Speaker 1: was one of the few friends I could trust implicitly
[22:24] Speaker 1: around my girlfriend. When I travel for work, which is often,
[22:28] Speaker 1: Mark started hanging out with Lily's group of friends. Initially,
[22:32] Speaker 1: this was discussed with Lily And it was a bit
[22:34] Speaker 1: unusual for me, but I chalked it up to him
[22:36] Speaker 1: trying to expand his social circle and looking for new friends.
[22:39] Speaker 1: After all, he had a tough breakup a while ago
[22:42] Speaker 1: and has been trying to surround himself with positive people. Plus,
[22:46] Speaker 1: Lily's friends adore our relationship and have always supported us.
[22:49] Speaker 1: I thought, what's the harm? Fast forward a few months,
[22:52] Speaker 1: Mark has become a regular member of their group. Birthday parties,
[22:56] Speaker 1: movie nights, Sunday brunches, he's there for all of it.
[22:59] Speaker 1: Lily's friends, and Lily herself, have come to love Mark.
[23:03] Speaker 1: He's charismatic, funny, and everyone enjoys his company. However, I
[23:07] Speaker 1: started to notice that he was particularly close to Lily
[23:10] Speaker 1: and another of her friends, Jess, who's 24. They'd frequently
[23:13] Speaker 1: post pictures on social media, always sitting together at group events, etc.
[23:18] Speaker 1: Once again, I chalked it up to them just being
[23:20] Speaker 1: close friends. Lily assured me that she felt no attraction
[23:23] Speaker 1: towards him and I don't have any reason to doubt that,
[23:26] Speaker 1: but my issue was more whether Mark was being genuine. However,
[23:30] Speaker 1: things took a turn earlier this week. Lily and I
[23:32] Speaker 1: were out of town for a weekend getaway and Mark
[23:35] Speaker 1: attended an event with Lily's friend group. Jess confronted Mark
[23:38] Speaker 1: because she felt he was being overly flirty with Lily,
[23:41] Speaker 1: essentially fawning over her if neither of us were around
[23:44] Speaker 1: and his behavior was making her uncomfortable. To everyone's shock,
[23:48] Speaker 1: Mark admitted he had feelings for both Lily and Jess.
[23:51] Speaker 1: While he promised to set boundaries and maintain distance, he
[23:54] Speaker 1: also took a dig at me. He said that I
[23:57] Speaker 1: was a people pleaser and that I was too nice
[23:59] Speaker 1: for my own good. He insinuated that even if I
[24:02] Speaker 1: knew about his feelings, I wouldn't do anything because I
[24:05] Speaker 1: like being the nice guy everyone loves. Honestly, that hurt
[24:09] Speaker 1: more than him admitting feelings for Lily. I always saw
[24:12] Speaker 1: myself as genuine and to have someone I trusted imply
[24:15] Speaker 1: I'm merely putting on an act has shaken my confidence.
[24:18] Speaker 1: Since he had started hanging out with Lily's friend group,
[24:20] Speaker 1: we had gotten a lot closer and he seemed more
[24:22] Speaker 1: interested in getting to know me better. Lily and I
[24:25] Speaker 1: heard about this from Jess, so I can't be entirely
[24:28] Speaker 1: sure on the context which is eating me up. I
[24:31] Speaker 1: came home the other day and hung out with him
[24:32] Speaker 1: and he said nothing. He's continuing business as normal as
[24:36] Speaker 1: though I don't know what happened. I'm torn now. I
[24:39] Speaker 1: appreciate his honesty but I feel betrayed. I want to
[24:42] Speaker 1: maintain our friendship but I also want to protect my
[24:44] Speaker 1: relationship with Lily. She does not want to see him
[24:47] Speaker 1: anymore and feels betrayed because we had both genuinely believed
[24:50] Speaker 1: he'd be a safe friend who would want to hang
[24:52] Speaker 1: out with her for her. To clarify, no moves were
[24:55] Speaker 1: made but Lily mentioned he had asked a lot about
[24:58] Speaker 1: our relationship when I wasn't there at the social events.
[25:00] Speaker 1: and I'm left wondering what he might have done if
[25:02] Speaker 1: we were in a rough patch, but that's all speculation.
[25:05] Speaker 1: I'm seeking advice on how to handle this situation. How
[25:08] Speaker 1: do I approach Mark? How can we rebuild trust, if
[25:11] Speaker 1: at all? And am I wrong for feeling like Mark's
[25:13] Speaker 1: comment on my nature was a low blow? Update. After
[25:17] Speaker 1: gathering my thoughts, I texted Mark to address the situation.
[25:20] Speaker 1: He played it down massively. saying he didn't remember the
[25:23] Speaker 1: conversation and was certain it didn't involve Lily. He tried
[25:27] Speaker 1: to spin the people pleasing comment, stating it was a
[25:29] Speaker 1: reminder to respect my boundaries because I might not assert them.
[25:33] Speaker 1: A weird explanation given how the entire situation didn't involve
[25:37] Speaker 1: me and Lily. But here's where things got even more tangled.
[25:40] Speaker 1: Three separate friends, including Lily, approached me at different points
[25:44] Speaker 1: with an unsettling claim. They said that Mark had told
[25:46] Speaker 1: people that I viewed my relationship with Lily as a
[25:49] Speaker 1: short-term thing. This was utterly baffling to me. Not only
[25:53] Speaker 1: is it untrue, but it's also a complete violation of trust.
[25:56] Speaker 1: Why would Mark spread such a damaging rumor about me,
[25:59] Speaker 1: especially when he knows how committed I am to Lily?
[26:02] Speaker 1: I also confronted Mark about another lie from last week
[26:05] Speaker 1: that made me look bad in front of Lily's friends.
[26:07] Speaker 1: He admitted to the falsehood, but tried to assure me
[26:10] Speaker 1: he'd corrected it the next day. After checking with the
[26:13] Speaker 1: person involved, it became clear that Mark hadn't set the
[26:16] Speaker 1: record straight as he had claimed. Through all of this,
[26:18] Speaker 1: not a single apology came from Mark. He kept repeating
[26:22] Speaker 1: that it was a misunderstanding. The fact he claims no
[26:25] Speaker 1: memory of such recent events is deeply concerning. Reflecting on
[26:28] Speaker 1: our friendship, a pattern is emerging. Mark has always been
[26:32] Speaker 1: transitioning between friend groups for as long as I've known him.
[26:35] Speaker 1: I never thought much of it, but now it seems
[26:37] Speaker 1: he rarely retains any long-term friends from these groups. Could
[26:40] Speaker 1: this be a repeating pattern of his behavior driving people away?
[26:43] Speaker 1: It's heartbreaking. Mark has been a trusted friend for over
[26:46] Speaker 1: two years. Understanding that he might have been manipulating situations
[26:50] Speaker 1: and spreading false narratives about me is gut-wrenching. I've shared
[26:53] Speaker 1: everything with Lily, and she's backing whatever decision I choose
[26:56] Speaker 1: to make regarding Mark. It's hard to reconcile the friend
[26:59] Speaker 1: I thought I knew with the person he's revealing himself
[27:01] Speaker 1: to be. Any advice on navigating this would be appreciated.
[27:05] Speaker 1: It's a tough road ahead. I'm not going to talk
[27:07] Speaker 1: to Mark anymore, and I might let him know beforehand.
[27:10] Speaker 1: Reading all of this again makes me feel comfortable in
[27:12] Speaker 1: that choice, but in the moment I'd wondered if he
[27:15] Speaker 1: was right and if all of this wasn't a big deal. Update. Post-confrontation,
[27:20] Speaker 1: I have not spoken to Mark. Our last conversation over
[27:22] Speaker 1: text was me expressing my deep-seated concerns, primarily about catching
[27:26] Speaker 1: him in a lie just a week prior. He claimed
[27:29] Speaker 1: he had rectified that lie by apologizing to Jess the
[27:31] Speaker 1: day after. When I pressed him on why he had
[27:34] Speaker 1: apologized to Jess and not me, the person he had
[27:36] Speaker 1: actually wronged, he evaded the question. Instead, he focused on
[27:40] Speaker 1: producing proof of the apology, which he later said he
[27:43] Speaker 1: must have given snap or in person, an evident lie.
[27:47] Speaker 1: His response to everything was downright baffling. He even suggested
[27:50] Speaker 1: that Jess and Lily had orchestrated the confrontation with an
[27:54] Speaker 1: intent to drive a wedge between us. No remorse. No
[27:57] Speaker 1: acknowledgement of my emotions. Ironically, he showed me a text
[28:01] Speaker 1: he had sent to Jess the next morning indicating how
[28:03] Speaker 1: enlightening their conversation had been, yet he claimed to have
[28:06] Speaker 1: forgotten it. I chose text as the medium for confrontation
[28:10] Speaker 1: because I feared he would deny everything outright if we
[28:12] Speaker 1: met in person. I wasn't sure I could maintain my
[28:15] Speaker 1: composure if he lied to my face. The whole interaction
[28:18] Speaker 1: has left me reeling. I felt gaslit and minimized. I
[28:21] Speaker 1: had secretly hoped that maybe, just maybe, he was mortified
[28:24] Speaker 1: and didn't know how to face me. But his response
[28:27] Speaker 1: shattered that hope. Lily made an observation that really put
[28:30] Speaker 1: things into perspective. Throughout the duration of our friendship, Mark
[28:33] Speaker 1: seemed to perpetually float between friend groups, typically due to
[28:36] Speaker 1: issues revolving around a girl. In one instance, he split
[28:39] Speaker 1: from a long-term relationship, and in another, distanced from a
[28:42] Speaker 1: friend group because a girl chose someone else. the only
[28:45] Speaker 1: consistent friend he had was someone from Lily and Jess's circle.
[28:49] Speaker 1: Here's the kicker. Mark believes they're dating while she is
[28:52] Speaker 1: adamant that they aren't and has no interest in pursuing
[28:55] Speaker 1: a relationship with him. She has since severed ties with
[28:57] Speaker 1: him as well. I know the popular sentiment might be,
[29:00] Speaker 1: you should have seen the signs. And yes, hindsight is 20-20.
[29:04] Speaker 1: But I genuinely believed in our friendship. It's hard to
[29:07] Speaker 1: accept that what I was perceiving as genuine might have
[29:09] Speaker 1: been contrived. Lastly, to address some comments that have labeled
[29:12] Speaker 1: me as a wuss or a pushover. Empathy and trust
[29:15] Speaker 1: in friends aren't weaknesses. I value relationships and believe in
[29:19] Speaker 1: giving the benefit of the doubt. It doesn't make me weak,
[29:22] Speaker 1: it makes me human. Everyone has their breaking point and
[29:25] Speaker 1: I've found mine. The silver lining is that he's now
[29:27] Speaker 1: out of my life. I've realized that self-respect is paramount.
[29:30] Speaker 1: Let's see. Mark cozies up to OP's girlfriend, talks him
[29:31] Speaker 1: I'm fortunate to have someone as supportive as Lily by
[29:33] Speaker 1: my side. She's proud of how I managed this ordeal
[29:36] Speaker 1: and contrary to some comments, values my empathy and perspective.
[29:50] Speaker 1: down to her friend group, undermines their relationship, puts her
[29:53] Speaker 1: against her friends, and then lies to OP about it,
[29:56] Speaker 1: and OP wants to salvage the friendship? If anything, Mark
[30:00] Speaker 1: undersold just how much of a people pleaser OP is. Man,
[30:04] Speaker 1: I need to find some friends like you. Guys with
[30:07] Speaker 1: hot girlfriends who won't bat an eye to me moving
[30:09] Speaker 1: in on them. No, but in all seriousness, he's totally
[30:12] Speaker 1: right about you. Neither I nor my girlfriend would ever
[30:15] Speaker 1: allow something to get to this point, Boundaries exist for
[30:18] Speaker 1: a reason and you need to learn to set them.
[30:21] Speaker 1: Allowing this kind of stuff to go on is why
[30:23] Speaker 1: people get cheated on. To any guys reading this, if
[30:26] Speaker 1: your friend starts trying to hang out with your girlfriend
[30:29] Speaker 1: all the time and you allow it to go on,
[30:31] Speaker 1: don't be surprised when she cheats on you. Do this next.
[30:35] Speaker 1: Tap here on your screen to come see our new
[30:37] Speaker 1: podcast playlist where you'll find thousands of hours of the
[30:40] Speaker 1: best stories you've ever heard. or tap the one on
[30:42] Speaker 1: the right. That episode is specifically just for you, based
[30:46] Speaker 1: on other videos you've enjoyed the most.

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