# Ep. 10: Streets is Watching

An episode of [Parental Revisory](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1510676601), 2 Nov 2026, 1 h 10 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/76141157/ep10audio.mp3

GO VOTE!!! Hosts Bethany and Mariano explore the complexities of growing up in the 90's, the duality of street life, and the impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships. They converse about the need for empathy and understanding in communication, particularly in familial contexts, and reflects on the significance of sharing personal stories to foster connection and healing. In this episode: • GO VOTE • Parental Grading Scale: A, B, C, D, F What grade do you give yourself? • Prince has an interesting question about a rap lyric • Jay-Z in ♾️ • Grief & therapy • How the lack of articulation affects relationships And so much more! FOLLOW @parentalrevisory on Instagram! Video available on YouTube every Wednesday! Questions? Need Advice? Email us at ParentalRevisory@gmail.com Bethany's GoFundMe: Bring Camelia Home ❤️🩹

## Transcript

[0:06] Speaker 1: Yo, we back again. Listen, when you hear that, yo,
[0:10] Speaker 1: that one in particular, you know, you already know what
[0:12] Speaker 1: it is. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know
[0:13] Speaker 1: the vibes by now. And that I can appreciate because
[0:17] Speaker 1: you made a good decision clicking on this episode. You
[0:20] Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? And listen, if this is your
[0:22] Speaker 1: first time clicking on this episode, thank you. Welcome. You
[0:25] Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? Chill for a minute. Yeah, we're
[0:27] Speaker 1: going to talk. We're going to kick it. But if
[0:29] Speaker 1: you've been here since day one, welcome back. You know, again,
[0:32] Speaker 1: we appreciate all you guys out there for subscribing. following
[0:36] Speaker 1: us at parental advisory on Instagram, um, tapping in with
[0:40] Speaker 1: us on YouTube as well. Uh, the email will get
[0:43] Speaker 1: you stick around, stick around to the end of the show.
[0:44] Speaker 1: We get the email. We can't give you anything right now.
[0:46] Speaker 1: We're going to stick around to the end. We're going
[0:47] Speaker 1: to get an email. We got to make sure you're
[0:49] Speaker 1: going to stay. It ain't that we don't trust you.
[0:51] Speaker 1: We just need to make sure you're going to stay.
[0:52] Speaker 1: That's all, you know, uh, but I'm Mari, you know,
[0:55] Speaker 1: back again, as usual, Bethany, what's up? Let's talk to
[0:58] Speaker 1: the people.
[0:59] Speaker 2: What's going on?
[1:01] Speaker 1: How you doing, man? I'm doing good, man. Doing good.
[1:04] Speaker 1: You know, uh, I'm chilling, you know?
[1:06] Speaker 2: Yeah, same.
[1:07] Speaker 3: How are you?
[1:08] Speaker 2: My son, I'm well.
[1:10] Speaker 4: My son didn't have school today, so I was able
[1:12] Speaker 4: to sleep in. But yesterday, I did something. Yesterday, we
[1:16] Speaker 4: did something very important.
[1:18] Speaker 1: Okay.
[1:19] Speaker 2: We went to the polls. We got that early voting in.
[1:22] Speaker 1: Okay.
[1:22] Speaker 2: Okay. It's that time, y'all.
[1:24] Speaker 4: By the time you hear this episode, it will be
[1:28] Speaker 4: the day before voting day, the day before election day.
[1:32] Speaker 4: It's very important that you guys show up and show out.
[1:35] Speaker 4: You've seen how the past two years have been going.
[1:39] Speaker 4: We got to get some people out of office and
[1:42] Speaker 4: get some new energy in office and switch up this
[1:46] Speaker 4: weird energy that we've had going on politically. You know,
[1:49] Speaker 4: the gas prices is up and education is, you know,
[1:52] Speaker 4: funding is being pulled, DEI, people losing jobs. We have
[1:57] Speaker 4: to go show up at the polls because, you know,
[1:59] Speaker 4: I know it's a lot of folks who say, oh,
[2:01] Speaker 4: my vote doesn't count. Maybe that's not true. If that
[2:03] Speaker 4: were true... they would not be trying to get you
[2:06] Speaker 4: to not vote okay now i don't hear these white
[2:09] Speaker 4: folks out here talking about oh my vote doesn't count
[2:11] Speaker 4: no they don't even know what they're voting for but
[2:13] Speaker 4: they're going to show up yeah okay yeah they may
[2:16] Speaker 4: be voting against their own interest but they're going to
[2:19] Speaker 4: show up and vote anyway so yeah just do a
[2:21] Speaker 4: little bit of research see who's running and go do.
[2:24] Speaker 1: Your thing and i want to say this also right
[2:27] Speaker 1: for for the mindset that like my vote doesn't count
[2:30] Speaker 1: right A lot of people tend to think that, okay,
[2:33] Speaker 1: this is just me feeling like this, or this is
[2:35] Speaker 1: just me and a couple of my friends that feel
[2:36] Speaker 1: like this. Two, three people, it don't really matter. You
[2:39] Speaker 1: know how things happen in your city where you live,
[2:41] Speaker 1: your neighborhood or whatever, where like one main road is
[2:44] Speaker 1: like construction going on over there or there's an accident
[2:46] Speaker 1: or something, and then you get the bright idea that like,
[2:49] Speaker 1: I'm going to go this way. This is a little
[2:51] Speaker 1: low-key shortcut way. That way ain't really so low-key when
[2:54] Speaker 1: that happens because everybody know about it. What I'm saying is,
[2:57] Speaker 1: If you got the idea that your vote don't count,
[2:59] Speaker 1: imagine how many other people got the idea. So now
[3:01] Speaker 1: you become not just two or three people, but two
[3:03] Speaker 1: or three hundred thousand people. That's just like my vote
[3:06] Speaker 1: don't count. It don't matter. And you affecting other people
[3:09] Speaker 1: that's around that that can be easily influenced one way
[3:13] Speaker 1: or another about voting. You know what I'm saying?
[3:15] Speaker 3: Like, I'm cool.
[3:16] Speaker 1: I ain't gonna do it. So when you put that
[3:17] Speaker 1: in the atmosphere, you make that the theme of like
[3:19] Speaker 1: what y'all got going on. People start to go, you know,
[3:22] Speaker 1: gravitate toward that type of energy. And again, listen, I'm
[3:24] Speaker 1: not telling anybody out there. that, you know, if you,
[3:29] Speaker 1: if you want to go out there and vote, you
[3:30] Speaker 1: don't see anybody that you, you know, really, you know,
[3:33] Speaker 1: grabs you, you don't, you don't really, you know, all
[3:35] Speaker 1: the way rock with this or rock with that. The
[3:37] Speaker 1: person that could come along in the future that could
[3:41] Speaker 1: change shit may not even get a chance to get
[3:42] Speaker 1: that spot if you don't go vote and push this
[3:45] Speaker 1: power in the right direction. So, you know, I know
[3:48] Speaker 1: a lot of people say they're not going to vote and,
[3:50] Speaker 1: you know, whatever, cool. I'm not trying to sit up
[3:52] Speaker 1: here and change the minds of grown adults. You know
[3:56] Speaker 1: what I'm saying? You got shit going on. I'm just
[3:58] Speaker 1: telling you, if you can listen to anything, if you
[4:02] Speaker 1: can hear anything, just listen to this and take it
[4:04] Speaker 1: into consideration at the minimum.
[4:06] Speaker 2: No, like, deadass.
[4:07] Speaker 4: I literally was on the phone with my cousin as
[4:08] Speaker 4: we were on our way to the polls. And I'm like, yeah,
[4:11] Speaker 4: I'm about to go vote. And she was like, yeah,
[4:12] Speaker 4: I'm gonna sit this one out. And I was like, girl, like,
[4:15] Speaker 4: why would you do that? And especially because I feel
[4:18] Speaker 4: like a lot of folks, they just take in the
[4:20] Speaker 4: moment and they don't see the bigger picture in the future. Like,
[4:23] Speaker 4: especially if you have children, you're a parent, you're voting
[4:26] Speaker 4: for your children's best interests. Like you got to make
[4:29] Speaker 4: sure that the next generation and the generation after that can,
[4:33] Speaker 4: you know, that you're making decisions that's for them. Like
[4:36] Speaker 4: you want the best for your children. You want to
[4:38] Speaker 4: set them up to be in a society that makes
[4:40] Speaker 4: sense for them. Like you don't just want to hang
[4:43] Speaker 4: them out to dry. We know what that feels like. Like,
[4:45] Speaker 4: especially if you're a millennial, you know what it feels
[4:48] Speaker 4: like when generations before you, they get what they need
[4:52] Speaker 4: and then they just leave scraps for us.
[4:54] Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? So like, do the right thing.
[4:57] Speaker 2: That's all I'm saying. Just go and vote. It literally
[4:59] Speaker 2: takes 10 minutes. And if there's a little bit of
[5:02] Speaker 2: a line, so what? Go show up. Just show up
[5:05] Speaker 2: and take your kids with you. Prince had a great time.
[5:08] Speaker 4: They gave him stickers, showed him so much love, took
[5:11] Speaker 4: pictures with him and everything and just made him feel
[5:14] Speaker 4: included in the whole process.
[5:16] Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
[5:16] Speaker 1: Beautiful, man. It's beautiful. Love to hear it, man.
[5:19] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[5:20] Speaker 4: So, you know, I gave some homework last week.
[5:22] Speaker 2: You know, I was asking you guys to.
[5:26] Speaker 4: Show your children or the little ones in your life,
[5:28] Speaker 4: maybe like a picture or video of them when they
[5:31] Speaker 4: were younger and.
[5:32] Speaker 2: Just pour into them. Were you able to do this
[5:35] Speaker 2: this week, Mari?
[5:36] Speaker 1: Yeah, 100 percent. So this is something that I do
[5:38] Speaker 1: kind of often. So this homework was like really like
[5:42] Speaker 1: a cheat code for me because. Um, all I had
[5:44] Speaker 1: to do really was just go find like a different, no,
[5:47] Speaker 1: that was the challenge. Let me find a different one
[5:48] Speaker 1: because like I showed him, yeah, when I haven't shown
[5:51] Speaker 1: him shit. Um, so with, so with my son, I
[5:55] Speaker 1: showed him this, um, this video of him. It's probably
[5:59] Speaker 1: my favorite video of him ever. This is when he was,
[6:01] Speaker 1: I want to say a couple days old, right out
[6:03] Speaker 1: of the hospital. And, um, I was talking to him.
[6:06] Speaker 1: I was holding him and you know, whatever he had,
[6:08] Speaker 1: like his, you know, his eyes were closed. He was, uh,
[6:11] Speaker 1: it looked like he was like, in and out of
[6:13] Speaker 1: sleep maybe he was trying to fall asleep maybe he
[6:15] Speaker 1: was trying to stay up and he's like he's like
[6:18] Speaker 1: looking up at me here and there so then he
[6:20] Speaker 1: closed his eyes and I kept asking him I said
[6:21] Speaker 1: what you doing because I'm looking at him and I'm
[6:23] Speaker 1: like I'm like what you doing like you trying to
[6:25] Speaker 1: I think you trying to be funny I don't think
[6:27] Speaker 1: you really sleep you know like like that kind of
[6:28] Speaker 1: thing so I was like I kept saying what you
[6:31] Speaker 1: doing he looked up at me and he did this
[6:32] Speaker 1: big smile like this real big smile And then I
[6:37] Speaker 1: laughed because it was like an organic thing. Like I
[6:39] Speaker 1: didn't know he was about to do that. I was
[6:40] Speaker 1: just recording because he was just looking cute. Like his face,
[6:42] Speaker 1: he's just looking cute. And I got that moment at
[6:45] Speaker 1: the end of it and that's my favorite thing. So
[6:47] Speaker 1: when I showed it to him, he was smiling the
[6:49] Speaker 1: whole time he was watching it. You know what I'm saying?
[6:50] Speaker 1: And we was like talking about it and I was like,
[6:52] Speaker 1: I was explaining it the way I just explained it,
[6:54] Speaker 1: you know, to everybody. I was doing the same thing
[6:57] Speaker 1: with him and he was just like laughing at it,
[6:58] Speaker 1: you know, smiling or whatever. And he was like, oh,
[7:00] Speaker 1: what day was that? You know, just at the end
[7:01] Speaker 1: of Thursday we started talking about that. And then with Um, with, with, with, uh,
[7:07] Speaker 1: with baby girl, there's this video of her. She was like,
[7:12] Speaker 1: I don't even know if she was like two yet.
[7:16] Speaker 1: I'm not sure. I got to go back and check
[7:17] Speaker 1: the date. She was very, very little. And she's on
[7:20] Speaker 1: like a fake cell phone and we're in the car.
[7:23] Speaker 1: I did not know that she was going to say this.
[7:25] Speaker 1: I promise you. I didn't again. Like I just recorded
[7:27] Speaker 1: her because she was standing up talking on the phone.
[7:30] Speaker 1: She says clear as day. I needed the money. on
[7:35] Speaker 1: the phone it's one of the funniest videos like my
[7:39] Speaker 1: homeboys they be referencing this shit all the time um
[7:42] Speaker 1: it's a classic like it's a super classic so when
[7:45] Speaker 1: i show it to her she's like she she kind
[7:48] Speaker 1: of already know i'm gonna send it to you i'm
[7:49] Speaker 1: gonna send it to you she kind of she kind
[7:52] Speaker 1: of like money bro i'm telling you it's the yo
[7:55] Speaker 1: it's the greatest she um she already knows where i'm
[7:58] Speaker 1: going when i say yo i'm gonna show you this
[8:00] Speaker 1: you know so i showed her that one but then
[8:01] Speaker 1: i showed her like uh some pictures When she was,
[8:04] Speaker 1: you know, a baby, like after she just got her
[8:06] Speaker 1: hair done or, you know, whatever it was. And I
[8:08] Speaker 1: showed it to her and I was just like, yo, like, look,
[8:10] Speaker 1: this is what was going on, you know, here, whatever. So, yeah,
[8:15] Speaker 1: it's always like a funny kind of moment where you
[8:19] Speaker 1: can have those interactions with them and show them old
[8:22] Speaker 1: stuff that like, this is you. You know what I'm saying?
[8:24] Speaker 4: Yeah, and it kind of can become like an inside
[8:26] Speaker 4: joke between the family, you know?
[8:28] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[8:29] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[8:29] Speaker 1: Everybody's in on this joke. Everybody. Everybody. So, and then
[8:34] Speaker 1: with my oldest, it's so funny. With her, it's not necessarily, like,
[8:38] Speaker 1: pictures and videos because we got, like, a lot of
[8:39] Speaker 1: her stuff. We had that, like, printed out. So, like,
[8:42] Speaker 1: we got a lot of her baby pictures, like, you know, there.
[8:44] Speaker 1: And with her, I was telling her about how she
[8:47] Speaker 1: gave some of the pets their nicknames or, like, you know,
[8:51] Speaker 1: the stuff that we call them and shit. And she
[8:52] Speaker 1: started laughing because she was like, damn. She was like, wow, like,
[8:55] Speaker 1: what was I on? So, our dog's name is Gambit, right?
[8:59] Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. And.
[9:01] Speaker 1: One time she was like, she was like Gambit. She
[9:03] Speaker 1: was like, before I say this, she's very funny. And
[9:09] Speaker 1: like her dry humor, you know what I mean? This
[9:11] Speaker 1: kind of shit. So it's like, if you don't pick
[9:12] Speaker 1: up on it, it's going to go over your head.
[9:14] Speaker 1: So we was talking one day and she was like Gambit.
[9:16] Speaker 1: She was like G-A-M-B-I-T. And I was like, you calling
[9:22] Speaker 1: him Jambite? I'm like, you think his name is Jambite?
[9:26] Speaker 1: So then she's like, we had like a conversation about it.
[9:28] Speaker 1: We decided that we were going to call Gambit Jambite
[9:31] Speaker 1: when he's doing some bullshit. So, like, we call him Jambite.
[9:35] Speaker 1: So now we call him Jambite all the time now
[9:37] Speaker 1: because it's just been a thing for so long. He
[9:40] Speaker 1: just turned nine a couple days ago. So, like, we've
[9:43] Speaker 1: been calling him this his whole life because he came
[9:45] Speaker 1: up with that.
[9:46] Speaker 4: See, and you get to show their role in, like,
[9:49] Speaker 4: the culture within the home. Like, you got funny nicknames.
[9:53] Speaker 4: You got funny sayings. You got inside jokes.
[9:55] Speaker 2: You got all the things. It's just like. It's your
[9:58] Speaker 2: building the culture.
[9:59] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[10:00] Speaker 4: With Prince, I didn't get a chance to do it
[10:03] Speaker 4: because he actually sent me a photo that his dad
[10:06] Speaker 4: sent him. So I had just gotten a new camera
[10:11] Speaker 4: and Prince loved being my model. He loved getting in
[10:14] Speaker 4: front of the camera. So I'm testing the settings and
[10:16] Speaker 4: getting everything right. He was just sitting outside. He had
[10:19] Speaker 4: his pajamas on and he like posed up in the chair.
[10:22] Speaker 4: I was just like, man, I remember this. He took
[10:25] Speaker 4: me down memory lane.
[10:27] Speaker 1: That's fire.
[10:27] Speaker 4: You know, it just made me think about like where
[10:29] Speaker 4: we were in that time. Like, you know, it was me,
[10:31] Speaker 4: him and his dad. My mom was living with us.
[10:34] Speaker 4: It was just a different household, a different time, a
[10:37] Speaker 4: different vibe around the crib. So I appreciate Prince, you know,
[10:41] Speaker 4: putting me on.
[10:42] Speaker 2: I really appreciate that.
[10:44] Speaker 1: I'm about to send a video to you right now.
[10:46] Speaker 2: You want to see my live reaction?
[10:48] Speaker 1: I do. So this video right here is from February 3rd, 2016, right?
[10:54] Speaker 1: So baby girl was not quite two years old yet.
[10:57] Speaker 1: She's born in 2014. She wasn't quite two years old
[10:59] Speaker 1: yet here. Not only does she say, I needed the money.
[11:03] Speaker 1: She gives it a little second to breathe. And then
[11:05] Speaker 1: she says, we doing things. So I'm going to send
[11:07] Speaker 1: this to you right now. I'm about to send it
[11:09] Speaker 1: to you right now. I just sent it to you,
[11:12] Speaker 1: and I want to get you a live reaction. She said,
[11:15] Speaker 1: I needed the money, and she followed up with, we
[11:18] Speaker 1: doing things. Mm-hmm. I needed the money.
[11:38] Speaker 4: First of all, First of all, her on that cell
[11:43] Speaker 4: phone is hilarious.
[11:47] Speaker 2: But she's like having a whole conversation. Yeah.
[11:51] Speaker 1: She's locked in.
[11:52] Speaker 2: She meant that. It was somebody on the other line.
[11:57] Speaker 1: She's like, yo, you ain't paying what you owe, dog.
[11:59] Speaker 1: I need that. We got an operation going on over here.
[12:02] Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? Now, I'm going to say this.
[12:04] Speaker 1: A lot of times, I would be listening to, you know,
[12:06] Speaker 1: I'll be watching The Wire or The Sopranos or something
[12:08] Speaker 1: like that, whatever. She might have picked up on something.
[12:10] Speaker 1: I don't know. Fill me some of the music maybe
[12:12] Speaker 1: I'm listening to. You know what I mean? She trying
[12:14] Speaker 1: to collect.
[12:15] Speaker 2: Avon Barksdale.
[12:16] Speaker 1: Yeah, she need that. She need to collect, man. Y'all
[12:18] Speaker 1: out there on them corners and shit, dog. Hey, bring
[12:20] Speaker 1: that back. You know what I'm saying? Send that back home.
[12:22] Speaker 2: Yo.
[12:22] Speaker 1: That's all.
[12:22] Speaker 4: When I tell you that part right there, this conversation, Mari.
[12:27] Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
[12:28] Speaker 4: So we're going to talk about our grading scale. Of course,
[12:31] Speaker 4: we have the grading.
[12:31] Speaker 2: Scale that we give ourselves.
[12:32] Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes.
[12:34] Speaker 4: Where do you give yourself an A, B, C, D,
[12:36] Speaker 4: or F? How did you parent this week? How did
[12:39] Speaker 4: you show up for your family? So I'm going to
[12:41] Speaker 4: start with you, Mari. What grade do you give yourself
[12:43] Speaker 4: this week?
[12:44] Speaker 1: I'm back to giving myself an A +. I was
[12:46] Speaker 1: going to stop doing the pluses because I felt like
[12:48] Speaker 1: that was a little cheating because we were just doing
[12:50] Speaker 1: the regular letter grades and all that. So I took
[12:52] Speaker 1: it down to just, you know, regular grades. But I'm
[12:54] Speaker 1: going to give myself an A-plus this week, and here's why. Because,
[12:58] Speaker 1: and let me preface it with this. Since we started
[13:01] Speaker 1: doing this, I always tell y'all, you know, anyway, just
[13:04] Speaker 1: as a parent, as a husband, as a friend, as
[13:06] Speaker 1: just a person, I always take inventory every single day, right?
[13:09] Speaker 1: But especially and specifically like with parenting. I take inventory
[13:14] Speaker 1: every day of how many times I interacted with my children.
[13:16] Speaker 1: What did I say? What didn't I say? What could
[13:18] Speaker 1: I be better at tomorrow? And the answers always vary.
[13:22] Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? Since we started doing this system, I'm,
[13:25] Speaker 1: I'm putting more, I'm putting something at the end of
[13:29] Speaker 1: the intent. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm always
[13:31] Speaker 1: intentional when I parent and I always want to create
[13:34] Speaker 1: those moments where I can learn something and then do
[13:36] Speaker 1: better the next time. And then when I start to
[13:38] Speaker 1: do better, I can say, I can see this at
[13:39] Speaker 1: work now. I can see my, the work I put
[13:42] Speaker 1: into this, I can see it working and it feels good.
[13:43] Speaker 2: You're collecting data.
[13:44] Speaker 1: I'm collecting data a hundred percent. So I appreciate this
[13:47] Speaker 1: system because I think about it often during my day.
[13:49] Speaker 1: Like where am I at right now? Am I at
[13:50] Speaker 1: an A? What can I do to get an A?
[13:52] Speaker 1: You know? I'm giving myself an A plus, man. I
[13:55] Speaker 1: spent this week being even more intentional than I already am.
[14:00] Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? I took it upon myself
[14:02] Speaker 1: to ask my son, you know, about his self-esteem and
[14:06] Speaker 1: his confidence. You know what I'm saying? I took it
[14:07] Speaker 1: upon myself to ask him. I said, do you know
[14:10] Speaker 1: what self-esteem is? Like, do you understand what self-esteem is?
[14:12] Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? We had a conversation about it.
[14:14] Speaker 1: And I was like, you know what confidence is? And
[14:15] Speaker 1: he was like, yeah. You know, we talked. And I said,
[14:18] Speaker 1: you know, how do you feel right now? Like, where's
[14:20] Speaker 1: your self-esteem right now? How do you feel about yourself?
[14:23] Speaker 1: And he was like, I feel good. He was like,
[14:24] Speaker 1: he was like, I'm kind of shy. You know what
[14:26] Speaker 1: I'm saying? So he started like telling me like little,
[14:28] Speaker 1: you know, stuff like, yeah, I'm still kind of shy.
[14:31] Speaker 1: And I was like, that's cool. You know, I let
[14:33] Speaker 1: him know that like I used to be like that
[14:34] Speaker 1: when I was a kid. You know what I'm saying?
[14:35] Speaker 1: I was I was very shy, very timid, very like
[14:38] Speaker 1: I'm just I'm out the way kind of, you know, whatever. So,
[14:40] Speaker 1: you know, I'm just letting him know that like we
[14:42] Speaker 1: we can relate on that. You know, you good. Asking
[14:44] Speaker 1: more questions, letting him know that I'm here for him,
[14:47] Speaker 1: like in a real way, not just like he knows
[14:50] Speaker 1: he knows anything he needs, like I'm here. making sure
[14:53] Speaker 1: I'm helping out with homework, making sure that, like, I'm
[14:56] Speaker 1: teaching him, like, multiplication now. You know what I'm saying?
[14:58] Speaker 1: They haven't got to that in school yet, but I'm
[15:00] Speaker 1: letting him know we can get a leg up on
[15:02] Speaker 1: this if we start right now. So let me start
[15:04] Speaker 1: teaching you the strategy. Let me start, you know, whatever.
[15:07] Speaker 1: And he gets out of school and he's looking forward
[15:08] Speaker 1: to me doing that now. You know what I'm saying? So, like,
[15:12] Speaker 1: we got that going for us now and shit like that.
[15:13] Speaker 1: So just overall with the kids, I've been having conversations
[15:17] Speaker 1: with all of them in different ways and just, like,
[15:20] Speaker 1: connecting and letting them know that I'm here for him
[15:23] Speaker 1: in different ways just to, just to remind him of that.
[15:25] Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like just because like you, you,
[15:27] Speaker 1: you do still need to have those conversations. So I'm
[15:29] Speaker 1: giving myself an A plus overall around the house, man.
[15:32] Speaker 1: Like just the things that I'm picking up on doing, I'm, I'm, I'm,
[15:36] Speaker 1: I'm being very intentional. You know what I'm saying? Like
[15:39] Speaker 1: very intentional thinking about how this is going to affect
[15:41] Speaker 1: like everybody, which I think we all should, you know,
[15:43] Speaker 1: as we move through our daily life with our family
[15:46] Speaker 1: and shit like that. But like I said, especially with
[15:48] Speaker 1: the kids though, I'm, I'm definitely giving myself an A
[15:50] Speaker 1: plus because of the conversations that I have with them.
[15:52] Speaker 1: I'm thinking about more stuff. So I want to keep
[15:54] Speaker 1: them looped in and I want to have those conversations,
[15:57] Speaker 1: you know, like in a real way, you know.
[15:58] Speaker 4: Because you talked about it on the last episode about
[16:01] Speaker 4: the little things that may not be so little in
[16:04] Speaker 4: the end. You're planting seeds because, you know, later on
[16:08] Speaker 4: this can blossom into something really, really meaningful.
[16:12] Speaker 1: A thousand percent, man, because there's a lot of people
[16:14] Speaker 1: who if they got those little things as a kid,
[16:16] Speaker 1: maybe they would have a better relationship with their parents
[16:18] Speaker 1: when they, you know, as an adult, because they weren't
[16:21] Speaker 1: quite sure. Like, are we, do my parents like, do
[16:23] Speaker 1: they like me? Like, are we, you know what I'm saying? Like,
[16:26] Speaker 1: I want to make sure that my kids don't ever
[16:27] Speaker 1: question that part. You know what I'm saying? Like, don't
[16:29] Speaker 1: ever question whether or not we locked in or we,
[16:32] Speaker 1: you know, but I had to let him know I'd
[16:33] Speaker 1: come up to his school. He told me that he
[16:35] Speaker 1: had a, you know, an issue. Some boy said something
[16:37] Speaker 1: to him. He said something back, you know, he stood up,
[16:39] Speaker 1: you know, he said like the boy tried to roast him.
[16:41] Speaker 1: He roasted him back. I guess what he said must've
[16:43] Speaker 1: got on the boy's skin a little bit. Cause you know,
[16:46] Speaker 1: The boy, you know, didn't try to kick him and
[16:47] Speaker 1: all this or whatever. So, you know, I told him,
[16:50] Speaker 1: I said, hey, look. So this is what I like
[16:53] Speaker 1: to do. I like to give the teachers a chance
[16:55] Speaker 1: to fix the situation first. Before I say something. And
[17:00] Speaker 1: then after that, it ain't no second, it ain't no third, whatever.
[17:03] Speaker 1: It's just going to be your chance first. And then
[17:04] Speaker 1: when it's on me, I'm going to go where I
[17:06] Speaker 1: need to go. So I told him, I was like, yo,
[17:08] Speaker 1: just make sure you tell your teacher. Make sure you
[17:10] Speaker 1: let your teacher know, you know what I'm saying, about this.
[17:12] Speaker 1: And if nothing happens, I'll pull up. I'll come up there.
[17:14] Speaker 1: He was like, you'll come up there? Shit, hell yeah.
[17:17] Speaker 1: I said, hell yeah, I'll come up there anytime. I
[17:19] Speaker 1: don't care what it is. Like, I will come up there.
[17:21] Speaker 1: So him just realizing that, like, wait, you will come
[17:24] Speaker 1: up here for some shit?
[17:26] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[17:27] Speaker 1: They all know. Everybody knows. Yeah, I will be up there. Yeah, so,
[17:30] Speaker 1: you know, even those conversations, we having those conversations. But
[17:33] Speaker 1: like I said, he's sweet. We just had a parent-teacher
[17:35] Speaker 1: conference a couple days ago. His teacher, he's so sweet.
[17:38] Speaker 1: He's so kind. He's so nice. He's so helpful. He's
[17:40] Speaker 1: good with everybody. You know what I'm saying? And, like,
[17:42] Speaker 1: when I hear those type of things, it's like, Great.
[17:46] Speaker 2: Yeah, it's validation that you're doing something right.
[17:48] Speaker 1: Yeah, anything else we can work on. Whether it's whatever
[17:51] Speaker 1: subject that you don't really like and you kind of
[17:53] Speaker 1: BSing on a little bit, we can work on that.
[17:55] Speaker 1: But the character, I love to hear good character reviews
[18:00] Speaker 1: about my children. You know what I'm saying?
[18:02] Speaker 2: Absolutely.
[18:02] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[18:03] Speaker 2: Yeah, so this week I'm going to give myself an
[18:06] Speaker 2: A plus as well.
[18:07] Speaker 1: Let's do it. Let's go.
[18:11] Speaker 4: You know how we talk about music a lot on
[18:13] Speaker 4: this pod.
[18:13] Speaker 2: We talk about how.
[18:15] Speaker 4: it has influenced us when we were children and coming
[18:18] Speaker 4: up and how we pass the recipes on to our
[18:21] Speaker 4: kids when it comes to introducing them to good music.
[18:24] Speaker 2: And so speaking of good music, Prince loves Kanye.
[18:29] Speaker 4: He discovered Kanye early Kanye when he heard, he heard
[18:34] Speaker 4: gold digger, but he also heard slow jam with Jamie Foxx.
[18:39] Speaker 4: And he, Whenever I would play old Kanye, I could
[18:42] Speaker 4: just see him kind of like, you know.
[18:44] Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. We talked about this on a few episodes.
[18:46] Speaker 2: I got him College Dropout CD. Mm-hmm. I also got him.
[18:50] Speaker 4: Late registration like a year later, letting him sit with
[18:53] Speaker 4: the music. And so that's exactly what he's doing, sitting
[18:56] Speaker 4: with the music. So I was downstairs just watching TV,
[19:00] Speaker 4: and he asked me, and.
[19:03] Speaker 2: It just came out the blue.
[19:04] Speaker 4: And I'm still like cracking up that he decided to
[19:08] Speaker 4: come to me with this question. He was like, were
[19:11] Speaker 4: there any dope boys that you looked up to coming up?
[19:15] Speaker 2: And I was like, I.
[19:17] Speaker 1: Was like, where did they come from? The dope boys
[19:19] Speaker 1: is the rock stars. Yeah, I already know.
[19:24] Speaker 2: That's exactly what he heard.
[19:26] Speaker 4: And so he wanted to ask me like, okay, so
[19:28] Speaker 4: growing up, who were the dope boys that you looked
[19:30] Speaker 4: up to? And I was like, man, this is a
[19:33] Speaker 4: really deep question. Instead of, you know, just kind of like,
[19:36] Speaker 4: Waving it off like, oh, we talking about that.
[19:40] Speaker 2: I was like, no, we don't.
[19:41] Speaker 4: We don't have an opportunity here because I came up
[19:45] Speaker 4: a completely different way than my son has for me.
[19:50] Speaker 4: I grew up in Lexington, North Carolina. Yes, it's in
[19:53] Speaker 4: the South, but boy, we had dope boys.
[19:55] Speaker 2: Okay. We had even.
[19:57] Speaker 4: My mom, my mom had a boyfriend who was a
[20:00] Speaker 4: dope boy. So I got to see like firsthand what
[20:03] Speaker 4: that lifestyle was kind of about. Like, of course you
[20:06] Speaker 4: see the glamorized side of it where, you know, they
[20:10] Speaker 4: got money, you know, the ice cream truck pull up,
[20:12] Speaker 4: everybody can get, you know, whatever popsicles or whatever they want. Um,
[20:17] Speaker 4: they paying bills, they making sure they mama good. They
[20:19] Speaker 4: got nice cars, fresh clothes, haircut, smell good. Like you
[20:25] Speaker 4: see all of that. Um, but like from a girl's perspective,
[20:30] Speaker 4: it wasn't that I looked up to the dope boys.
[20:32] Speaker 4: I was just like, wow, like I can see how
[20:34] Speaker 4: he's taking care of, of his, his people, but also like,
[20:39] Speaker 4: it's something kind of attractive about how generous, I guess,
[20:44] Speaker 4: dope boys can be. But I also had to let
[20:47] Speaker 4: him know, even though there were people who looked at
[20:51] Speaker 4: the dope boys as kind of like heroes or rock stars,
[20:54] Speaker 4: there were just as many people who looked at them
[20:57] Speaker 4: as villains.
[20:58] Speaker 1: Well, Even more.
[21:00] Speaker 2: Okay.
[21:01] Speaker 4: I was like, you know, I had to tell him about,
[21:04] Speaker 4: you know, drugs in the 70s where it went from like,
[21:06] Speaker 4: you know, people doing heroin, people leaving their families and,
[21:10] Speaker 4: you know, men out hustling. Either they're addicted to the
[21:14] Speaker 4: drugs or they're.
[21:15] Speaker 2: Going into jail.
[21:16] Speaker 1: They're addicted to their life in one way or another.
[21:18] Speaker 2: Right.
[21:19] Speaker 4: And so, you know, then I told him about how
[21:22] Speaker 4: crack came along. We had a whole conversation about cocaine
[21:26] Speaker 4: and Columbia and, you know, like how things changed. ended
[21:29] Speaker 4: up in Black neighborhoods and where there was violence, there
[21:32] Speaker 4: was just a lot of turmoil going on in the
[21:34] Speaker 4: city or in towns or whatever state, region, whatever it was.
[21:40] Speaker 4: I told him about how women used to sacrifice themselves,
[21:46] Speaker 4: you know, helping to, you know, traffic drugs up and
[21:48] Speaker 4: down the coast because, you know, being from North Carolina
[21:50] Speaker 4: and guys in New York was sending the ladies down
[21:54] Speaker 4: South because they were undetectable.
[21:56] Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
[21:56] Speaker 4: Like in a way, like a lot of people really
[21:58] Speaker 4: ain't paying attention to the ladies. They're into some funny business. However,
[22:03] Speaker 4: there's a chance that people get locked up behind this.
[22:05] Speaker 4: People get killed behind this. People do time and get
[22:08] Speaker 4: locked up for the rest of their lives. Like families
[22:10] Speaker 4: have been destroyed.
[22:12] Speaker 2: Even though a little bit of good has been done
[22:15] Speaker 2: in the midst of it.
[22:16] Speaker 4: But there are people who have sold drugs to their
[22:19] Speaker 4: own family members who have sold drugs to pregnant people,
[22:23] Speaker 4: you know, like it's, there's so much behind it. So
[22:26] Speaker 4: I was just telling him, I'm like, yeah, if you
[22:29] Speaker 4: don't know what that life entails, of course you're going
[22:32] Speaker 4: to be like, man, they just got so much money.
[22:33] Speaker 2: They drive a nice car. They got the nice clothes
[22:35] Speaker 2: and shoes. However, there's an other side to that.
[22:39] Speaker 4: And so we probably had a conversation for like two
[22:42] Speaker 4: hours about this. And I mentioned different people like Jay-Z,
[22:46] Speaker 4: I mentioned Rick Ross, I mentioned, you know, different people,
[22:49] Speaker 4: but I'm like, That's a very rare thing that people
[22:53] Speaker 4: live to tell their story.
[22:55] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[22:56] Speaker 4: And so I really enjoyed the fact that Prince was
[23:01] Speaker 4: listening to my every word. He was hanging on to
[23:03] Speaker 4: my every word. He was asking follow-up questions and all
[23:06] Speaker 4: the things. And I'm like, man, this is something that
[23:09] Speaker 4: he would not really experience, you know.
[23:12] Speaker 2: Because I don't see really... I mean, there's still some
[23:17] Speaker 2: crackheads out there, but, like, you don't see... how harsh
[23:20] Speaker 2: the 80s and 90s were. I'm like, we grew up
[23:23] Speaker 2: with people who.
[23:24] Speaker 4: Were like heavily affected. I know people whose parents were
[23:27] Speaker 4: strung out and they went through the foster care system
[23:30] Speaker 4: and group homes and all the things. And it really
[23:33] Speaker 4: affected how they showed up in life as teenagers and adults.
[23:38] Speaker 4: So it was just a, it was a really much
[23:40] Speaker 4: needed conversation that I'm glad I took advantage on having.
[23:45] Speaker 1: It's a beautiful moment. And you got to appreciate when
[23:47] Speaker 1: life gives you those opportunities to, have conversations that you
[23:52] Speaker 1: otherwise may not have even known how to bring up
[23:55] Speaker 1: or like you may not have even thought to bring up.
[23:57] Speaker 1: So when you get tasked with that in the moment,
[24:00] Speaker 1: it's always good to have a point of reference and
[24:02] Speaker 1: to be able to have a teachable moment. First, about
[24:05] Speaker 1: that bar. Shout out to Kanye. Well, shout out to
[24:07] Speaker 1: whoever wrote it. That's a good double. To say like
[24:12] Speaker 1: the Dope Boys was the rock stars is like, you know,
[24:14] Speaker 1: some play on rock stars known for that and like
[24:17] Speaker 1: rock stars being, you know, whatever. I like that.
[24:19] Speaker 2: And Rock Nation.
[24:21] Speaker 1: Feel me.
[24:21] Speaker 2: Or Rockefeller, sorry.
[24:22] Speaker 1: Feel me.
[24:23] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[24:24] Speaker 1: So, like, for me, it was my brother and his homeboys.
[24:29] Speaker 1: Or it'd be like, you know, some of the rappers,
[24:32] Speaker 1: like Blade Icewood. You know what I'm saying? If you
[24:34] Speaker 1: know anybody from Detroit of a certain age and, you know,
[24:38] Speaker 1: of a certain kind of, like, mindset and shit, like,
[24:40] Speaker 1: Blade Icewood was 1,000% the prototypical Detroit dude. You know
[24:47] Speaker 1: what I'm saying? Getting money. uh, Cardi, you know, Cartier glasses, uh,
[24:50] Speaker 1: Rams on his car flossing, but you know, uh, a
[24:54] Speaker 1: standup dude, the girls like him, the dudes, you know,
[24:56] Speaker 1: like him and he, you know, it's just like, like
[24:58] Speaker 1: one of those types of things.
[24:59] Speaker 3: Right.
[25:00] Speaker 1: So me coming up, I'm always grateful that I got
[25:03] Speaker 1: a chance to see both sides of it. Like I
[25:05] Speaker 1: had parents that had jobs, they nine to five people.
[25:07] Speaker 1: And then I got brothers and, you know, his own
[25:10] Speaker 1: boys are like, you know, other family members who outside
[25:12] Speaker 1: in the streets. And so I'm, I'm looking at both
[25:15] Speaker 1: sides of it and I'm seeing like, okay, I see
[25:18] Speaker 1: the appeal to this over here because you make your
[25:20] Speaker 1: own schedule in the streets. You know what I'm saying?
[25:22] Speaker 1: You get to, you know, you do whatever, but you
[25:23] Speaker 1: don't really know when you're going to get paid, though.
[25:25] Speaker 1: You're not really sure. It's only a select group of
[25:27] Speaker 1: people who, like, I'm really getting to it. You know
[25:30] Speaker 1: what I'm saying? So at a certain point, my brother
[25:31] Speaker 1: became one of those people that's like, I'm getting to it. So, like,
[25:34] Speaker 1: it ain't no, it don't really matter what's going on.
[25:36] Speaker 1: I'm getting to it. I'm, you know, I'm moving and
[25:39] Speaker 1: shaking how I'm supposed to be. And then you see
[25:41] Speaker 1: your parents and you like, damn, they got to wake
[25:43] Speaker 1: up and go to work and they got to do this.
[25:45] Speaker 1: But like they have a stable life, though. You know
[25:48] Speaker 1: what I'm saying? Like they know what they're coming home to.
[25:50] Speaker 1: They got a place to, you know, the rest. And
[25:53] Speaker 1: you see, like I said, outside where it's like a
[25:55] Speaker 1: little bit, it's confusion. So I saw both sides my
[25:58] Speaker 1: whole life. And as much as I appreciated kind of
[26:01] Speaker 1: like the charisma and the, Um, like you said, the
[26:05] Speaker 1: generosity and, uh, you know, being able to, are we
[26:07] Speaker 1: going back to school or we got good report cards? Okay.
[26:09] Speaker 1: Bet who, you know, here you go. Give you money
[26:11] Speaker 1: for this and all that kind of stuff.
[26:12] Speaker 2: The Dope Boys were the original, uh, Pizza Hut free
[26:15] Speaker 2: pizza program.
[26:16] Speaker 1: Real shit. Let me see that report card. You know
[26:17] Speaker 1: what I'm saying? How you doing at school? All right, bet.
[26:19] Speaker 1: Here you go. I'm going to give you this, you know?
[26:20] Speaker 3: Right.
[26:20] Speaker 1: So like, as much as I appreciated that stuff and my,
[26:23] Speaker 1: and my brothers knew, like, we don't want this life
[26:26] Speaker 1: for you. So it was never a chance in, in
[26:28] Speaker 1: hell that I was going to turn out and be
[26:30] Speaker 1: like some on the streets, you know, hustling, whatever. I was,
[26:32] Speaker 1: I wasn't going to be that. Right. But as much
[26:35] Speaker 1: as I appreciated it, I always kind of knew the
[26:37] Speaker 1: other side of it. And I was like, yeah, I
[26:39] Speaker 1: think I'd much rather prefer to stay like me and
[26:41] Speaker 1: just be who I am, even though that looks appealing.
[26:44] Speaker 1: I can see the appeal to it. I'm also in
[26:47] Speaker 1: the house when certain phone calls get made and certain
[26:49] Speaker 1: shit is going on and certain, you know, whatever. So, like,
[26:52] Speaker 1: I'm knowing that the things you see, that's all glitters
[26:54] Speaker 1: and gold and it's all the whatever. I'm knowing it
[26:56] Speaker 1: ain't all what it's supposed to be. You know what
[26:58] Speaker 1: I'm saying? So, but I think we all do have
[27:00] Speaker 1: a story like that where you come up and you
[27:02] Speaker 1: look at the, because from a woman's perspective, Especially where
[27:05] Speaker 1: we come from, that was the first example of somebody
[27:07] Speaker 1: who built character. That's the first example of somebody who
[27:10] Speaker 1: showed what it looks like to take care of your people,
[27:13] Speaker 1: to protect and provide. You know, that's their first example
[27:17] Speaker 1: of like, this is what they want in a man
[27:20] Speaker 1: from a young age. So it's like, I get why
[27:23] Speaker 1: it becomes attractive and appealing because- As a woman, you
[27:26] Speaker 1: want to be protected. And I mean, then also as
[27:29] Speaker 1: a woman, you gain some status as well because you
[27:31] Speaker 1: riding around with homie and they like, oh, that's his girl. Oh,
[27:34] Speaker 1: we got to, you know what I'm saying? We got to,
[27:36] Speaker 1: we got to, hey, no, hold on. Don't, hey, don't,
[27:38] Speaker 1: don't talk to her like that.
[27:39] Speaker 2: You become unfuckwittable.
[27:40] Speaker 1: Unfuckwittable, 100% because like you some, you his girl. So
[27:43] Speaker 1: like you feel good off of his name and you like, yeah,
[27:45] Speaker 1: that's the, you know, so I, so I get it. I'm, I'm,
[27:48] Speaker 1: I'm never like in the dark about like why girls
[27:51] Speaker 1: choose the drug dealers and this, that, and the third
[27:53] Speaker 1: because they cool too. You know what I'm saying? It
[27:55] Speaker 1: might be somebody else that got more money or, you know,
[27:58] Speaker 1: just as much money as a drug dealer or whatever,
[28:00] Speaker 1: but they don't be cool. And the girls still like
[28:02] Speaker 1: dudes that's cool still. You know what I'm saying? It's
[28:04] Speaker 1: something about them that's, like, attractive. You know what I mean? So, yeah,
[28:07] Speaker 1: I think it's a lot more stories like that coming from,
[28:09] Speaker 1: you know, like, the environments we come from and shit.
[28:12] Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I even, like, told him about different people, like,
[28:16] Speaker 4: the people that he sold, that these dope boys sold
[28:18] Speaker 4: drugs to. I had someone in my family who was
[28:23] Speaker 4: a crackhead and the way that she made money was boosting.
[28:28] Speaker 4: My son don't know shit about boosting. Like I remember
[28:31] Speaker 4: when it's time to go back to school, my cousin
[28:33] Speaker 4: pulled up and she got two trash bags full of
[28:36] Speaker 4: clothes and shoes that she went and got from whatever
[28:39] Speaker 4: fucking store that she was able to get it from.
[28:42] Speaker 4: Sit it down and go through and find whatever you want.
[28:45] Speaker 4: We had all the name brand clothes. She was able
[28:49] Speaker 4: to get everything that we needed. Like my mom, had
[28:53] Speaker 4: a whole wardrobe from these two trash bags and maybe
[28:57] Speaker 4: give my cousin like 75 dollars.
[29:00] Speaker 1: Boy you just listen you just bought back so many
[29:02] Speaker 1: memories with that because i'm gonna.
[29:03] Speaker 4: Tell you that's what i'm saying that's why that whole
[29:06] Speaker 4: conversation it just it opened the doors to so many
[29:10] Speaker 4: different things like yo it's crazy.
[29:13] Speaker 1: My brother pulled up one day i remember i'll never
[29:15] Speaker 1: forget this when i was a kid growing up in
[29:18] Speaker 1: the 90s you said i'm on the east side of
[29:19] Speaker 1: detroit Nautica Tommy Hilfiger was my favorite brand. Like that was,
[29:24] Speaker 1: it was nothing else flyer than that in the world
[29:26] Speaker 1: to me. You know what I'm saying? As far as
[29:28] Speaker 1: like clothing, polo, obviously. I mean, that's, that's forever. That's
[29:31] Speaker 1: a forever staple. But Nautica and Tommy was like my,
[29:34] Speaker 1: was like really my shit. My brother pulled up with
[29:36] Speaker 1: this trash bag full of clothes and let me get
[29:40] Speaker 1: the first pick at before he got you know to
[29:43] Speaker 1: like really going out like trying to get some some
[29:45] Speaker 1: money for me this shit um and like you know
[29:47] Speaker 1: and my mom still gave me some money for it
[29:49] Speaker 1: because she like i understand what you're doing like you
[29:50] Speaker 1: still need some money in your pocket so like here
[29:52] Speaker 1: i ain't gonna let you just give me this shit
[29:53] Speaker 1: you know for nothing um i had this one nautica
[29:57] Speaker 1: shirt dog when I tell you man that was that
[30:01] Speaker 1: was like my favorite shirt in the world navy blue
[30:04] Speaker 1: collar it got the yellow red blue you know navy
[30:08] Speaker 1: blue whatever patterns on it like and stuff man it
[30:10] Speaker 1: was it was and it came from that it came
[30:12] Speaker 1: from him dumping the trash bag out saying like what
[30:14] Speaker 1: you want yeah you know what.
[30:16] Speaker 4: I'm saying have your pick yeah that's exactly what it
[30:18] Speaker 4: was when it was time to go back to school
[30:20] Speaker 4: or Christmas time's coming up the boosters knew man when
[30:24] Speaker 4: it was time to go make.
[30:26] Speaker 1: Their bread oh they knew yeah they knew okay yeah.
[30:28] Speaker 4: And so this is kind of the perfect segue into
[30:31] Speaker 4: our social media clip. And just to set this up,
[30:34] Speaker 4: this is Jay-Z talking to Rick Rubin in his documentary, docu-series,
[30:40] Speaker 4: I'd say, where he's talking about breaking down his lyrics
[30:43] Speaker 4: and the meaning behind a lot of his classic verses.
[30:46] Speaker 4: And Jay-Z in 8, or Jay-Z in Infinity, however you
[30:51] Speaker 4: read it, this clip just really hit home. I feel
[30:55] Speaker 4: like When I think about parents and people who have
[30:59] Speaker 4: gone their separate ways, because me here, I'm a single mom.
[31:03] Speaker 4: Me and my son's dad, we broke up some years ago.
[31:06] Speaker 2: But it was a lot of miscommunication.
[31:08] Speaker 4: And the way that Jay-Z now, as a grown man,
[31:12] Speaker 4: can look back on his childhood and see where his
[31:15] Speaker 4: parents kind of had some miscommunication and what caused a divorce,
[31:19] Speaker 4: I think is just so beautiful. But I recommend everyone
[31:23] Speaker 4: watch this because I feel like there's something that everyone
[31:26] Speaker 4: can relate to on some end. And I just love
[31:28] Speaker 4: how he talks about parenthood and his, you know, referring
[31:31] Speaker 4: to his parents and how it made him the man
[31:34] Speaker 4: that he is now.
[31:35] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[31:37] Speaker 1: This was his life.
[31:39] Speaker 3: And these are the circumstances that created who he was.
[31:42] Speaker 3: Wasn't a bad guy. Wasn't a good guy. Just a guy.
[31:49] Speaker 3: But then it's like doing his best. And at that time,
[31:52] Speaker 3: Remember this early 70s? Everyone was leaving. It was an
[31:55] Speaker 3: exodus from the home for black men. You know, the
[32:00] Speaker 3: world was beating us up, down. We were going to jail.
[32:04] Speaker 3: We were leaving the home. Our own drugs heavy. And
[32:08] Speaker 3: he was all those things. His brother had died when
[32:11] Speaker 3: I was nine. Oh, that makes sense. Two years later,
[32:14] Speaker 3: their divorce happened. Got it. One of the pivotal moments
[32:23] Speaker 3: for my mom and dad was she didn't know how
[32:26] Speaker 3: to relate to him when his brother died or how to.
[32:31] Speaker 1: I understand.
[32:35] Speaker 3: How to embrace him and love him up. He was
[32:39] Speaker 3: in a bad place and she meant well. But again,
[32:43] Speaker 3: she didn't have the tools. So my dad would do
[32:45] Speaker 3: this thing. My dad's brother killer was still on the streets.
[32:51] Speaker 3: Police ain't arrest people in these neighborhoods. These guys kill
[32:54] Speaker 3: somebody and just still be out there. So my dad,
[32:59] Speaker 3: someone would call the house, my dad. We just seen
[33:03] Speaker 3: such and such. My dad would run, go on his
[33:06] Speaker 3: sock drawer, grab a little. 32 and go outside looking
[33:10] Speaker 3: for this guy. And my mom is like, what are
[33:15] Speaker 3: you doing? Four kisses. So what she wanted to say
[33:22] Speaker 3: to him was, we love you. We need you. We
[33:28] Speaker 3: can't lose you too. I know you in pain, but
[33:31] Speaker 3: we need you. We want you. So she said, you
[33:36] Speaker 3: can't keep leaving this house like that. You got kids
[33:38] Speaker 3: in here. Think about that. My brother just died. It
[33:43] Speaker 3: doesn't sound like sympathy. It doesn't sound like love. It
[33:47] Speaker 3: sounds like an ultimatum. It sounds like It's againstness. You
[33:53] Speaker 3: know what I mean?
[33:54] Speaker 1: Yeah. So I can see him.
[33:56] Speaker 3: She didn't see him.
[33:57] Speaker 1: She didn't see his pain. That's his interpretation. Right. And
[34:00] Speaker 1: that she wasn't putting up with what he was dealing with.
[34:02] Speaker 3: Exactly. When it really was coming from a place of love,
[34:06] Speaker 3: she just was afraid. And lose her husband, the father
[34:09] Speaker 3: of her kids. That was a major fracture. So he's like,
[34:13] Speaker 3: you want me to choose you over my brother? Yeah.
[34:17] Speaker 3: Like my baby brother, who I was close to potential.
[34:20] Speaker 3: Their communication just got really tangled up in all of
[34:25] Speaker 3: these feelings and emotions and not knowing how to properly
[34:29] Speaker 3: show concern for one another. It paints a way different
[34:34] Speaker 3: picture than the one that I had of him for
[34:39] Speaker 3: all of these years. Again, it's life. It's what we
[34:45] Speaker 3: had to go through. how we relate to it determines
[34:50] Speaker 3: your health as a human being you know you can
[34:53] Speaker 3: shut it down and bury the emotions beside of you
[34:56] Speaker 3: and act like it doesn't exist that's a that's a
[35:00] Speaker 3: current thing in my family like we'll have like real
[35:03] Speaker 3: problems and just no one talk about it it's just
[35:06] Speaker 3: like everybody just walking around like it's like you know
[35:09] Speaker 3: talk about this thing it just happened like everybody just
[35:13] Speaker 3: elephant in the room yeah like everybody's just moving like
[35:16] Speaker 3: let's talk about this Yeah.
[35:20] Speaker 1: So powerful, man.
[35:22] Speaker 2: That clip alone.
[35:23] Speaker 4: But, you know, tying that back into why I gave
[35:26] Speaker 4: myself an A plus having these conversations as me and
[35:30] Speaker 4: Prince are watching this because he listens to Jay-Z. He
[35:34] Speaker 4: has the CDs and watching Jay-Z break down these lyrics
[35:39] Speaker 4: and talk about his dad, talk about his mom and
[35:41] Speaker 4: his siblings and his life as a dope boy. A
[35:44] Speaker 4: lot of the things that I was telling Prince, Jay-Z immediately, like, echoed. And, like,
[35:49] Speaker 4: I could see Prince kind of look at me like,
[35:51] Speaker 4: that's what you just said, like, when we were talking
[35:53] Speaker 4: about the dope boys.
[35:54] Speaker 2: So that was great.
[35:56] Speaker 4: But this clip in particular really hit home because, you know,
[36:02] Speaker 4: with me and my son's dad, when we broke up,
[36:04] Speaker 4: it was like I ran out of compassion in a way.
[36:11] Speaker 4: It's like I ran out of empathy. One thing that
[36:16] Speaker 4: his dad used to always kind of be annoyed with
[36:19] Speaker 4: me about is we can be in the car, we're
[36:21] Speaker 4: going somewhere, and I can look at him and tell
[36:25] Speaker 4: there's something on his mind.
[36:26] Speaker 2: There's something that's weighing him down. I can just see
[36:29] Speaker 2: it in his body language.
[36:30] Speaker 4: And he's trying to make sure I don't pick up
[36:33] Speaker 4: that he's feeling.
[36:34] Speaker 2: Some kind of way. But I would ask him, what's
[36:37] Speaker 2: on your mind? What are you thinking about? He hated
[36:40] Speaker 2: that question.
[36:41] Speaker 3: Man.
[36:42] Speaker 2: I'm able to see that something's bothering you. And I'm
[36:46] Speaker 2: just trying to.
[36:46] Speaker 4: Slowly like figure out how we can get to that conversation.
[36:51] Speaker 1: And when something is wrong, and this is just like
[36:54] Speaker 1: from my perspective, just as a man, when something is
[36:56] Speaker 1: wrong and somebody, not just somebody, but like your lady,
[36:59] Speaker 1: your person asks you, is something wrong? You immediately get
[37:04] Speaker 1: defensive and like, damn, they're angry because you like it.
[37:07] Speaker 1: Because people don't like being seen for real. But then
[37:13] Speaker 1: also you got to understand that as a man, we
[37:16] Speaker 1: feel like we're doing a good job of covering up
[37:18] Speaker 1: what's wrong with us because we feel like we're stronger
[37:20] Speaker 1: than the shit that we're going through. So it's like, man,
[37:22] Speaker 1: you know, like it's whatever. Like it's something, but, you know,
[37:25] Speaker 1: it's whatever. So if I'm giving off the vibe that
[37:28] Speaker 1: something is wrong and you ask me at the exact moment, like,
[37:31] Speaker 1: what's wrong? You know, what's going on? We feel like, well,
[37:35] Speaker 1: we're here in that moment. It's like failure. Like, damn.
[37:37] Speaker 2: Your mask slipped.
[37:38] Speaker 1: I didn't do a good. Yeah. Shit, man. Like, you know. OK,
[37:43] Speaker 1: nothing like nothing. Why are you? You know, I'm good.
[37:45] Speaker 1: I'm cool. You know, you might get one of those
[37:47] Speaker 1: type of answers. And I do. I implore women not
[37:51] Speaker 1: to take that personally. I may implore you not to
[37:53] Speaker 1: take anything personally, period, just as people. But that's a
[37:55] Speaker 1: different conversation. Right. But I implore you not to take
[37:59] Speaker 1: that personally, because like like Bethany just said, that's the
[38:02] Speaker 1: perfect phrase for the mask. You know, so we feel
[38:05] Speaker 1: like you can kind of see us. But who we
[38:08] Speaker 1: really are. when we thought we was trying to be
[38:11] Speaker 1: something else in that moment, we thought we like, I
[38:13] Speaker 1: got this shit all together, but it's like, you can't
[38:14] Speaker 1: really hide how you feel. You know what I'm saying? Right.
[38:17] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[38:18] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[38:18] Speaker 4: You know, it's one thing with me when it comes
[38:20] Speaker 4: to like my friends, my family, my romantic partners, whatever.
[38:25] Speaker 4: And I say this, I've said this on other shows
[38:28] Speaker 4: that I've done, tone, delivery, and consideration when it comes
[38:32] Speaker 4: to communication is very important to me. Your tone and
[38:36] Speaker 4: how you communicate with.
[38:37] Speaker 2: Me, very important. Your delivery and how you deliver whatever
[38:42] Speaker 2: you're trying to get passed to me, very important. But
[38:46] Speaker 2: also you have to consider who the hell you talking to.
[38:49] Speaker 2: Like if we're in a relationship and we're in a
[38:51] Speaker 2: partnership and we're supposed to be working together, There's no
[38:54] Speaker 2: need for like raising your voice or calling me out
[38:58] Speaker 2: my name or anything like that. Consider who you're talking
[39:01] Speaker 2: to before you just go at folks.
[39:04] Speaker 1: This is the most PC way of saying watch your mouth.
[39:07] Speaker 1: Watch your mouth.
[39:08] Speaker 2: Watch your mouth.
[39:09] Speaker 4: But again, I'm taking in my tone delivery and consideration
[39:14] Speaker 4: when I say these things. I'm letting you know at
[39:17] Speaker 4: the top and I let everybody know whether we're friends, whatever.
[39:22] Speaker 2: Please consider how you talk to me.
[39:24] Speaker 1: Please.
[39:25] Speaker 2: Because I don't argue.
[39:26] Speaker 1: I don't find it.
[39:27] Speaker 4: There's no need for me to raise my voice. If
[39:29] Speaker 4: I need to get loud with you, we're having a miscommunication.
[39:33] Speaker 4: Maybe we need to go our separate ways for a
[39:34] Speaker 4: moment and regroup, sleep on it, whatever, and then come
[39:38] Speaker 4: back and have a conversation. But with Prince's dad... Every
[39:43] Speaker 4: time I would ask him like.
[39:44] Speaker 2: Oh, what's on your mind? Like, what are you thinking about?
[39:46] Speaker 4: Like, and I would try to ask it in a
[39:48] Speaker 4: very friendly way.
[39:50] Speaker 2: Like I was very mindful of how I approached it.
[39:53] Speaker 4: Cause I can see like, man, there's something there and
[39:58] Speaker 4: I can see it's bothering him. I can see him
[40:00] Speaker 4: just kind of like disassociate in a way, but he
[40:04] Speaker 4: would get so upset. And I just, at a certain
[40:07] Speaker 4: point you get to your wits end. It's like, we
[40:10] Speaker 4: can't have a decent conversation. I can't get to know
[40:13] Speaker 4: you deeper. There's things that you're not sharing with me.
[40:17] Speaker 1: Right.
[40:18] Speaker 2: So I'm out. I'm out. I've been out of this.
[40:22] Speaker 1: And that's tough, man.
[40:24] Speaker 4: And it makes me think about like my own parents and,
[40:28] Speaker 4: you know, they broke up when I was like two.
[40:31] Speaker 2: And I don't remember them being together.
[40:34] Speaker 4: I don't remember any of that, but I could, it
[40:36] Speaker 4: makes me look at them differently as their own separate people.
[40:41] Speaker 4: It's like, you know, I look at my mom, like
[40:44] Speaker 4: she was out here, you know, raising two kids, trying to,
[40:46] Speaker 4: she was doing her best. And my dad, he's in school. He's,
[40:50] Speaker 4: you know, the man on campus. He got his pick
[40:52] Speaker 4: of the ladies.
[40:53] Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? Like he's living a totally
[40:55] Speaker 2: different lifestyle.
[40:55] Speaker 1: They knew he was going to the league. They knew that.
[40:57] Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? They did. Okay.
[41:01] Speaker 4: Like he had women like buying groceries for him, doing
[41:04] Speaker 4: his laundry. Like my dad was having his way. But
[41:07] Speaker 4: I'm like looking at my parents, like, man, they had
[41:10] Speaker 4: two completely different lives. Raising this little girl and I'm
[41:17] Speaker 4: sure there was a ton of miscommunication there and they
[41:21] Speaker 4: were just growing apart. But there was not really much
[41:25] Speaker 4: of a language to articulate like, hey, I'm doing all.
[41:29] Speaker 2: Of this for our daughter. It would be nice if
[41:33] Speaker 2: you would just like lock in with us. And if the.
[41:36] Speaker 4: Family life ain't what you want, okay, go and do
[41:38] Speaker 4: your thing instead of it being like, you.
[41:40] Speaker 1: Know, butt heads and like this.
[41:43] Speaker 4: Crazy tension that kind of went on for a lot
[41:47] Speaker 4: of their adult life.
[41:49] Speaker 2: You know, just a huge amount of miscommunication there.
[41:52] Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
[41:53] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[41:54] Speaker 1: That's a, that's a, that's one of those things that, um,
[41:57] Speaker 1: as you, as you get older, you start to look
[42:00] Speaker 1: at your parents, right? Like, like you said, as people
[42:03] Speaker 1: and just not just as your parents. And you start
[42:06] Speaker 1: to like give more grace because like, You know, and again,
[42:10] Speaker 1: not saying that, like, if your parents did everything right
[42:14] Speaker 1: or if they did, you know, whatever it is, they're
[42:15] Speaker 1: still people, right? Like, no matter what, if you believe
[42:18] Speaker 1: that they tried their best or that they did their best,
[42:20] Speaker 1: then we got to take them at that and then
[42:23] Speaker 1: start to, like, break shit down from there. So it's like,
[42:26] Speaker 1: whatever they went through, you probably don't really know your
[42:28] Speaker 1: parents' whole story like that. You know them as your parents.
[42:31] Speaker 1: You don't really know, like, the things. You know, like,
[42:34] Speaker 1: when I was young, my dad used to tell me
[42:36] Speaker 1: about his brother who, you know, my dad lost his
[42:39] Speaker 1: brother too, you know, when he was young and shit.
[42:42] Speaker 1: You know, his brother got sick. They used to all
[42:44] Speaker 1: like play baseball together and go out, you know, do
[42:46] Speaker 1: all this type of stuff. And, you know, he lost
[42:50] Speaker 1: his brother. He told me kind of like how he
[42:54] Speaker 1: felt when he was going through it. But I don't,
[42:58] Speaker 1: but I remember the day my dad passed away back
[43:02] Speaker 1: in 2018. I remember the first thing I thought about,
[43:05] Speaker 1: the first thing I thought about when he passed away was,
[43:08] Speaker 1: damn i never asked him how he got through losing
[43:13] Speaker 1: his brother you know i'm saying like like in a
[43:16] Speaker 1: real way not just like not just like life goes
[43:20] Speaker 1: on and like we after he passed away this was
[43:22] Speaker 1: different or this was whatever like i did i never
[43:25] Speaker 1: got a chance to really ask him directly like what
[43:28] Speaker 1: like how did you get past that you know i'm
[43:31] Speaker 1: saying like that's the first thing i thought about and
[43:33] Speaker 1: um yeah i remember having a conversation with somebody who
[43:35] Speaker 1: was like a You know, they were talking about something
[43:39] Speaker 1: about parents or whatever. And I was like, yo, I said,
[43:41] Speaker 1: do me a favor and ask your parents as many
[43:42] Speaker 1: questions as you can while you still can. Because, you know,
[43:46] Speaker 1: and I told them about that situation. And I was like, damn, man, like,
[43:48] Speaker 1: that shit hurt me that I couldn't, you know, that
[43:50] Speaker 1: I didn't do it. But it's like, but I also
[43:53] Speaker 1: had to remind myself that I didn't have the, like,
[43:55] Speaker 1: back then when he was telling me about this, I
[43:58] Speaker 1: hadn't lost my brother yet. You know what I'm saying? So, like,
[44:01] Speaker 1: I didn't even ask him because, like, I didn't even...
[44:04] Speaker 1: I didn't feel what he felt in that moment. I
[44:06] Speaker 1: just knew that he was obviously like it changed his
[44:09] Speaker 1: life and shit, but I don't, I don't know in
[44:12] Speaker 1: what ways that changed him forever. Like, I don't know
[44:14] Speaker 1: the specific things or the ways that it changed them forever.
[44:18] Speaker 1: All I know is him is as my dad and
[44:20] Speaker 1: being with my mom, you know what I'm saying? That's it.
[44:22] Speaker 1: So it's like, like those are the things that you
[44:24] Speaker 1: can work on in the future is like giving your
[44:26] Speaker 1: kids the information. So that's why when you say you
[44:28] Speaker 1: having these conversations with P it's like, this is a step,
[44:32] Speaker 1: a big step, a huge step in the right direction.
[44:34] Speaker 1: of just having these conversations so that when your kids
[44:37] Speaker 1: get older, they can feel like they covered a lot
[44:39] Speaker 1: of the things that they probably wanted to know about
[44:41] Speaker 1: you and things that, you know, just the little things,
[44:43] Speaker 1: the details about you, you know?
[44:45] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[44:45] Speaker 4: You know, with my mom, you know, she is nonverbal
[44:50] Speaker 4: at the moment. Well, she's relearning how to talk.
[44:53] Speaker 1: Hey, she asked for that sandwich. I heard that.
[44:54] Speaker 3: She did.
[44:55] Speaker 2: So, where you going?
[44:58] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[44:58] Speaker 4: But back in 2021, we were on the phone and
[45:01] Speaker 4: I just had the bright idea to pull out my MacBook.
[45:04] Speaker 4: And I went to the photo booth and I recorded video,
[45:07] Speaker 4: recorded our conversation. Of course, the camera is on me,
[45:11] Speaker 4: but you can hear my mom. And I just decided
[45:13] Speaker 4: to ask her like, hey, like, tell me about when
[45:16] Speaker 4: you were pregnant with me, because my mom got pregnant
[45:19] Speaker 4: with me at 19. She was already a mother of one.
[45:23] Speaker 4: She had my brother when she was 15. And, you know,
[45:25] Speaker 4: the family would tell me different stories here and there,
[45:28] Speaker 4: like my mom. And my dad planned to put me
[45:31] Speaker 4: up for adoption.
[45:32] Speaker 2: And they did.
[45:33] Speaker 4: They went through with it until they came back to
[45:37] Speaker 4: visit some family. And they were like, where the baby at?
[45:39] Speaker 4: So I was like, I need to hear from my
[45:42] Speaker 4: mom how all of this went down. And it just
[45:46] Speaker 4: really she told me she was like, I was 19
[45:49] Speaker 4: about to have another kid. Like she felt embarrassed. And,
[45:53] Speaker 4: you know, now with her going through what she's going
[45:56] Speaker 4: through and I'm looking at my mom. Laying in this
[45:59] Speaker 4: hospital bed and it would just make me so emotional
[46:03] Speaker 4: because I'm like, my mom is just a girl. Like
[46:06] Speaker 4: I look back at like when I was in elementary school,
[46:10] Speaker 4: my parents were so young.
[46:12] Speaker 2: They had me at.
[46:13] Speaker 4: 20 and I'm like five years old looking at my
[46:15] Speaker 4: dad like he is the biggest and the greatest guy.
[46:19] Speaker 2: He was 25 years old.
[46:21] Speaker 4: He didn't know what the hell he was doing. There
[46:24] Speaker 4: were so many more lessons and lessons. things that he
[46:27] Speaker 4: had to go through to make him the man that.
[46:29] Speaker 2: He is today.
[46:30] Speaker 4: But like, he was so young. My mom was so young.
[46:33] Speaker 4: My mom had kids at a young age and she
[46:35] Speaker 4: poured so much into being a parent that by the
[46:38] Speaker 4: time I was like 13 years old, she's 33 and
[46:43] Speaker 4: she's going to club every weekend. And in my mind,
[46:46] Speaker 4: I remember thinking like, yeah, like she deserves to be
[46:48] Speaker 4: able to do these things because of all the time
[46:51] Speaker 4: and work that she's put in being a dedicated mother.
[46:54] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[46:55] Speaker 4: And so it's like you look back and just kind
[46:57] Speaker 4: of think like, wow, my mom, she was just a girl.
[47:01] Speaker 1: She was.
[47:02] Speaker 2: My dad was just, you know, he was raised by
[47:05] Speaker 2: his grandparents.
[47:06] Speaker 4: His parents both were gone, had passed away before he
[47:10] Speaker 4: turned five. Like, things like that shape who people are
[47:15] Speaker 4: and how they show up.
[47:17] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[47:18] Speaker 4: Like just listening to Jay-Z say like, because, you know,
[47:21] Speaker 4: if you're a Jay-Z fan, you have heard him talk
[47:24] Speaker 4: dog shit about his father.
[47:26] Speaker 3: 100%.
[47:26] Speaker 2: So many different songs.
[47:28] Speaker 1: 100%.
[47:31] Speaker 4: But to hear him now be able to talk about
[47:34] Speaker 4: his dad and be like, man, I look at all
[47:36] Speaker 4: of this differently now. Like even listening to those songs
[47:39] Speaker 4: where he was, you know, calling.
[47:40] Speaker 2: His dad names or whatever and just. you know, getting
[47:43] Speaker 2: on his ass about how he wasn't there.
[47:45] Speaker 1: It was childhood trauma, man. It was pain. That's the thing. Like,
[47:49] Speaker 1: most of that shit really be pain from, like, disappointment and, like,
[47:53] Speaker 1: the nights that I cried, these tears and shit. So
[47:55] Speaker 1: it's like, that's why a boy and his father gonna
[47:58] Speaker 1: always have a special bond forever because it's like, no
[48:01] Speaker 1: matter how old you get, no matter how much success
[48:03] Speaker 1: you have, there's one conversation in the world that could
[48:07] Speaker 1: break you. You know what I'm saying? Like, it could
[48:10] Speaker 1: destroy you. Or it can, like, help build you up, whatever.
[48:14] Speaker 1: It just has the most power. And it's, like, it's
[48:16] Speaker 1: that conversation with your dad who, like, wasn't there or whatever.
[48:19] Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Because, like, you don't really
[48:22] Speaker 1: know until you get older. Like, you know, I've seen
[48:24] Speaker 1: people saying, like, they implore people to hear both sides
[48:27] Speaker 1: of the story when it comes to, like, maybe their
[48:29] Speaker 1: absent father or their absent mother or whoever. Hear their
[48:32] Speaker 1: side of the story, too. Because it's still valid. I mean,
[48:35] Speaker 1: even if it's complete BS and you're like, whatever, cool.
[48:37] Speaker 1: But at least hear it out. Because when Jay talked
[48:40] Speaker 1: about Being disappointed, he was, from a kid, he was
[48:45] Speaker 1: standing there waiting, saying, like, you know, like, Mommy said
[48:47] Speaker 1: you coming to pick me up or you coming to
[48:49] Speaker 1: see me and you never came. Fuck you. Right? Like,
[48:52] Speaker 1: that's him as a kid and you carrying that your
[48:54] Speaker 1: whole life. But then when you get older and you
[48:55] Speaker 1: realize that he was on his way to you and
[48:57] Speaker 1: was like, I can't let my son see me like
[48:59] Speaker 1: this because he cares so much about his appearance and
[49:01] Speaker 1: he cares so much about what you thought about him.
[49:03] Speaker 1: He like, man, I'd rather him not even see me.
[49:05] Speaker 1: than to see me like this. You know what I'm saying?
[49:07] Speaker 1: And again, whatever way you fall on the side of
[49:09] Speaker 1: the fence of whether his thought in that moment was
[49:12] Speaker 1: right or wrong, he was a man making a decision
[49:14] Speaker 1: that he thought was best for him. You know what
[49:16] Speaker 1: I'm saying? So Jay recognized that and was like, damn.
[49:19] Speaker 1: I had to... Fair. You know what I'm saying?
[49:23] Speaker 3: Fuck it, cool.
[49:23] Speaker 1: Like if that's what it was, fair. The thing I
[49:26] Speaker 1: appreciate the most about these conversations, like the topics that
[49:29] Speaker 1: he's talking about, is you can tell that he's doing
[49:32] Speaker 1: the work. Because he's breaking this shit down from a
[49:35] Speaker 1: level that's like, man, it makes me want to hurry
[49:38] Speaker 1: up and go do this shit. Because I keep saying
[49:39] Speaker 1: I'm going to go to therapy and shit, but it
[49:41] Speaker 1: made me want to go do it even more, you know?
[49:43] Speaker 4: It just gives you a different perspective. Like my homegirl, Letitia,
[49:46] Speaker 4: she was here. We was watching some of it. And
[49:49] Speaker 4: I remember looking at her. I was like, you know
[49:51] Speaker 4: what this sounds like? This is a man.
[49:53] Speaker 2: Who has done the work. He has sat on somebody's
[49:55] Speaker 2: couch and really done some hard work.
[49:59] Speaker 4: Like people talk about therapy. Oh, just go to therapy.
[50:01] Speaker 4: But therapy really is a tough thing to do. I'm
[50:04] Speaker 4: not going to act like just going to therapy is
[50:06] Speaker 4: so easy. You're going to learn some things about yourself
[50:10] Speaker 4: and it's going to change your life. It's going to
[50:12] Speaker 4: change how you look at everybody. You know, and I
[50:16] Speaker 4: like to talk about this, you know, every once in
[50:18] Speaker 4: a while, but like thinking about the Kendrick Lamar and
[50:20] Speaker 4: Drake beef. I remember listening to Kendrick's Mr. Morale and
[50:25] Speaker 4: I could tell like, okay, that man went to therapy.
[50:27] Speaker 4: He's working through his childhood traumas and he's, he's letting
[50:31] Speaker 4: us know I show up this way because of what
[50:33] Speaker 4: happened when I was a kid and my family dealt
[50:37] Speaker 4: with these traumas and it trickled down and, you know,
[50:41] Speaker 4: and then when you hear a song like euphoria, when
[50:45] Speaker 4: him and Drake are going back and forth, he's talking
[50:49] Speaker 4: to Drake. Like I could, I see, I see the play.
[50:52] Speaker 4: Because I was once, you know, kind of like blind too.
[50:56] Speaker 4: I know what it looks like when somebody needs to
[50:59] Speaker 4: go in and sit down and talk to the lady.
[51:01] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[51:02] Speaker 2: He called him out on, you show up as a seven-year-old.
[51:04] Speaker 2: You're like, you're still the boy. Yeah.
[51:07] Speaker 1: And Pusha T opened the door for that. You know
[51:09] Speaker 1: what I'm saying? A couple of years prior because he's like,
[51:12] Speaker 1: wait a minute. I know what this is. Forget about
[51:16] Speaker 1: the rap part of it. I know who you are.
[51:19] Speaker 1: And so when he started to peel that back and say, okay,
[51:22] Speaker 1: this is who you are, it's like, now we have
[51:25] Speaker 1: to look at you a different way now because we
[51:27] Speaker 1: just got some important, you know, insight or whatever. You
[51:30] Speaker 1: know what I mean?
[51:31] Speaker 4: So when you start to do therapy, your lens on
[51:34] Speaker 4: life change, your perspective changes. It's like, I remember having
[51:38] Speaker 4: an argument. I won't even say it was an argument.
[51:40] Speaker 2: Me and an old friend of mine had a disagreement.
[51:43] Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
[51:44] Speaker 4: And because of how she was raised and she told
[51:47] Speaker 4: me like, yeah, my mom was verbally abusive, physically abusive.
[51:50] Speaker 4: She used to call me the B word. She was like,
[51:52] Speaker 4: she used to beat me with her fists. Like she
[51:54] Speaker 4: used to fight. And so when we had a disagreement,
[51:59] Speaker 4: she started talking to me like her mom talked to her.
[52:02] Speaker 4: Someone who's never done therapy, but me as she's going
[52:06] Speaker 4: in and going crazy on me. And I'm just looking like,
[52:10] Speaker 4: This is the hurt little girl who was verbally and
[52:12] Speaker 4: physically abused by her mom. This is the only way
[52:15] Speaker 4: that she knows how to communicate, especially to another woman.
[52:18] Speaker 4: And so it's like, I have to take a lens
[52:21] Speaker 4: of empathy and be like, you know what?
[52:24] Speaker 2: Okay.
[52:24] Speaker 4: And that's what Jay-Z was trying to say. Like his
[52:27] Speaker 4: mom didn't have the words or the empathy to really articulate.
[52:30] Speaker 1: She didn't have the tools.
[52:31] Speaker 4: Hey, you know, I understand that you're hurting and you
[52:35] Speaker 4: want to go and get that man that killed your brother.
[52:37] Speaker 2: However, We need you. We love you.
[52:41] Speaker 4: We would rather you not do that because we don't
[52:44] Speaker 4: want to lose you. And a lot of folks just
[52:47] Speaker 4: don't have the words to articulate it. But I will
[52:50] Speaker 4: say therapy helped me see that a lot of folks
[52:53] Speaker 4: just don't have the tools to do it. But that's
[52:56] Speaker 4: why I always kind of like try to prepare people
[53:01] Speaker 4: for how it is to be in relation with me.
[53:03] Speaker 4: If you're going to be my friend, you're going to
[53:04] Speaker 4: be in my life in any capacity. You got to
[53:07] Speaker 4: know how to talk to me. you got to consider me.
[53:10] Speaker 1: And a lot of folks just don't know how to
[53:12] Speaker 1: do that. Yeah. And, and that's one of those things too, right?
[53:16] Speaker 1: Like about therapy that I hear from everybody who's, who
[53:20] Speaker 1: I know personally, who has gone to it, you know,
[53:23] Speaker 1: going through it, they always have something in common. And
[53:26] Speaker 1: it's that the way that they're able to look at
[53:28] Speaker 1: things and the way they're able to verbalize things after
[53:30] Speaker 1: going to therapy, like changes, you know, uh, drastically, right.
[53:36] Speaker 1: For me, um, When I'm listening to this, I'm listening
[53:39] Speaker 1: to somebody who's like, damn, this is how I need
[53:43] Speaker 1: to deal with this person. And that's a great way
[53:46] Speaker 1: to be just in life because if you never been
[53:50] Speaker 1: through the thing, you can't speak specifically to the moment
[53:54] Speaker 1: and the feelings and shit like that. And that's one
[53:57] Speaker 1: of those things that grief gives us is the tools.
[54:03] Speaker 1: We might not like how we got them, but we
[54:05] Speaker 1: got them.
[54:06] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[54:07] Speaker 1: Because when I talk to people who have lost, you know,
[54:10] Speaker 1: a sibling or lost a close friend who was like
[54:13] Speaker 1: family or whatever, I'm able to specifically talk to that
[54:18] Speaker 1: feeling right there and say, I know how you feel.
[54:22] Speaker 1: And I know the type of shit that's on your mind.
[54:24] Speaker 1: But listen to this at least. Because for me, my
[54:29] Speaker 1: whole life growing up, I'm always, you know, good kid,
[54:33] Speaker 1: good kid, mad city. You know what I'm saying? Good kid,
[54:35] Speaker 1: I'm out the way. I'm, you know, I'm on the sidewalk.
[54:38] Speaker 1: I ain't in the streets. I'm on the sidewalk. You
[54:39] Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? By design and shit. But when
[54:43] Speaker 1: my brother got killed, I've seen way too many people
[54:47] Speaker 1: who were good kids turn into something different after trauma.
[54:53] Speaker 1: And people in the neighborhood or people in the city
[54:55] Speaker 1: being like, him? Like, he ain't even like, you don't
[54:57] Speaker 1: know him now. You know the old him. You don't
[55:00] Speaker 1: know the grown him. You don't know. It's just a difference. So, like,
[55:04] Speaker 1: when that happened, it was like, shit could have went
[55:07] Speaker 1: one or two ways. You get what I'm saying?
[55:10] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[55:12] Speaker 1: It could have went one or two ways easy too.
[55:17] Speaker 1: Very like scary, scarily easily. Like it could have went easy,
[55:21] Speaker 1: but certain shit that, that I just don't want to do.
[55:24] Speaker 1: I don't want to naturally, you know, be like this.
[55:26] Speaker 1: I got other plans for myself or whatever. That shit
[55:29] Speaker 1: takes over because of the foundation that was built. And
[55:33] Speaker 1: I'm here today. You know what I'm saying? Because I
[55:34] Speaker 1: didn't go that way. But it's a lot of people
[55:36] Speaker 1: who didn't have the luxury of having a second option
[55:39] Speaker 1: and being like, no, I'm not going to do that.
[55:42] Speaker 1: But they get looked at a certain type of way
[55:44] Speaker 1: because the people around them didn't have the tools to
[55:46] Speaker 1: talk to them. And it's like that little simple thing
[55:50] Speaker 1: could have fixed a lot of things, but a lot
[55:51] Speaker 1: of people just don't have the tools. So that's why
[55:53] Speaker 1: I really challenge people and I encourage people to do
[55:57] Speaker 1: the work, to please look at things from a different
[55:59] Speaker 1: perspective so that you can better talk to people who
[56:02] Speaker 1: going through something. You know what I'm saying? Because like
[56:04] Speaker 1: that little conversation can change their whole life. Like, like seriously,
[56:06] Speaker 1: that's not hyperbole.
[56:09] Speaker 2: Doing a podcast like grief in the raw, shout out
[56:11] Speaker 2: to Kelly Holloway.
[56:12] Speaker 1: Shout out to Kelly.
[56:14] Speaker 4: And we're going to have her on the show to
[56:15] Speaker 4: talk about this in particular, but like grief really shapes everybody.
[56:20] Speaker 4: Like everybody is walking around with some level of grief,
[56:23] Speaker 4: whether it's losing.
[56:25] Speaker 2: Someone or, losing a thing or their identity or, you know, relocating.
[56:31] Speaker 4: Like, we talked about this last episode. Like, grief really
[56:33] Speaker 4: does a lot to somebody. And I always try to
[56:36] Speaker 4: keep that in mind that somebody is dealing with a
[56:39] Speaker 4: level of grief and this is why they show up
[56:41] Speaker 4: the way that they show up.
[56:42] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
[56:42] Speaker 4: It's all under this wild lens of grief and having
[56:47] Speaker 4: some empathy and being able to take a moment just
[56:50] Speaker 4: to step back and.
[56:50] Speaker 1: Be like, okay, this person is hurting. You know what
[56:53] Speaker 1: I do? I teach my kids about Like, I preemptively
[56:58] Speaker 1: teach my kids about, like, what other people are going through. Because, like,
[57:02] Speaker 1: if my son tells me that, like I said, the
[57:04] Speaker 1: incident that happened at school, he says, like, oh, this
[57:07] Speaker 1: boy says this to people. He says that to people.
[57:09] Speaker 1: He's mean to people. And I say, well, look, his
[57:11] Speaker 1: home life might not be the best. You know what
[57:13] Speaker 1: I'm saying? Like, he may not be getting enough attention
[57:15] Speaker 1: at home, so he come to school to get attention.
[57:17] Speaker 1: So I'm telling my son, when you see somebody that's
[57:21] Speaker 1: like that, maybe they aren't having the best time at
[57:23] Speaker 1: home like you are. You know what I'm saying? Like,
[57:25] Speaker 1: you go home and you can't understand. why he would
[57:28] Speaker 1: act like that because you don't act like that. I said,
[57:30] Speaker 1: maybe his home life ain't the best. You know, he
[57:32] Speaker 1: come to school to do this, then the third or whatever.
[57:35] Speaker 1: That's not for you. You know what I'm saying? Like,
[57:37] Speaker 1: that ain't, the energy ain't for you. I tell my,
[57:39] Speaker 1: like I said, I tell all my kids the same
[57:41] Speaker 1: type of thing, man. Like, just be cautious that, like,
[57:45] Speaker 1: somebody is probably going through something. So, when they act
[57:48] Speaker 1: out and they mean or they're, you know, whatever, it's like,
[57:51] Speaker 1: maybe they got some shit going on at home. So,
[57:53] Speaker 1: just don't take it so personal and be so ready
[57:55] Speaker 1: to confront them about this because, you were just the
[57:58] Speaker 1: person that happened to be there at the time. They
[58:00] Speaker 1: was going to do that anyway. You know what I'm saying? Like,
[58:02] Speaker 1: this ain't got nothing to do with you for real.
[58:03] Speaker 1: You know, like, that's something that I equipped them with, again,
[58:06] Speaker 1: that I think that if I would have had this
[58:10] Speaker 1: when I was a kid, I probably would have, like,
[58:14] Speaker 1: I would have had this information sooner. You know what
[58:16] Speaker 1: I mean? But, like, I'm not mad at when I
[58:17] Speaker 1: get the information. I feel like the universe gives it
[58:20] Speaker 1: to me when I'm supposed to have it. You know
[58:21] Speaker 1: what I'm saying? I never look back and be like, damn,
[58:23] Speaker 1: if I would have had, it's cool. It's already over with.
[58:26] Speaker 4: I've had similar conversations with Prince. Like I'm like letting
[58:29] Speaker 4: him know, not everybody has parents that says, I love you.
[58:34] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[58:35] Speaker 4: There are some kids, the only meal that they get
[58:37] Speaker 4: is at school. Some people have to wear their older brothers,
[58:41] Speaker 4: you know, clothes that they've grown out of. And now
[58:44] Speaker 4: they don't know what it feels like to go and
[58:46] Speaker 4: get brand new clothes. Every time, like any excuse I
[58:50] Speaker 4: get to be able to have a moment with Prince,
[58:52] Speaker 4: like when I'm gathering all the clothes that he's outgrown, um,
[58:55] Speaker 4: I go to a Facebook mom group. I'm like, hey,
[58:59] Speaker 4: I have clothes between this size and this size. You know,
[59:02] Speaker 4: first one to message me, I'll bring them to you
[59:05] Speaker 4: free of charge. Because I'm letting him know, like, there
[59:07] Speaker 4: are some people who can't even buy new shoes and clothes.
[59:10] Speaker 2: There's some kids who can't get a haircut.
[59:12] Speaker 1: That's important.
[59:12] Speaker 4: There's some kids who have to warm up their their
[59:16] Speaker 4: water on the stove before they can take a bath.
[59:19] Speaker 2: You know, like it's so many different things.
[59:21] Speaker 1: That I'm just trying to let them know.
[59:23] Speaker 2: And then they show up to school. What?
[59:25] Speaker 1: Boy, he was fresh off of the press in the middle.
[59:27] Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? And, and the funny thing
[59:29] Speaker 1: is too, like a lot of my parents and always say,
[59:32] Speaker 1: I'm just building on the foundation that my parents laid
[59:34] Speaker 1: down for me. Um, a lot of times when I
[59:37] Speaker 1: would bring stuff to them, my parents, I felt like
[59:39] Speaker 1: my parents had a lot of empathy, like early. You
[59:43] Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? Like, even back then, like, in
[59:44] Speaker 1: the 90s, they had empathy because, like, they would tell
[59:47] Speaker 1: me about the kind of stuff that I'm telling, you know,
[59:50] Speaker 1: my kids. Yeah. After a situation would come up. You
[59:54] Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? I would say something to them
[59:56] Speaker 1: or whatever. Like, but in the moment, right? Speaking back
[59:59] Speaker 1: to me saying, like, I wish I would have had
[1:00:00] Speaker 1: the tools beforehand. In the moment, I'm taking this shit
[1:00:03] Speaker 1: personal when somebody say something to me or they treat
[1:00:05] Speaker 1: me some type of... I'm taking this shit personal. When
[1:00:07] Speaker 1: my parents tell me, oh, no, this ain't about you. Like, they...
[1:00:11] Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? That kid probably going through it.
[1:00:14] Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? So, my parents knew. The
[1:00:16] Speaker 1: thing that I'm telling my kids, my parents, they were
[1:00:18] Speaker 1: already aware of that. And they was letting me know, like, look,
[1:00:21] Speaker 1: they ain't want me going to school making fun of
[1:00:22] Speaker 1: people for their clothes and shoes. Because they like, dog, like,
[1:00:25] Speaker 1: that's probably the best they could do. You know what
[1:00:27] Speaker 1: I'm saying? So, like, we ain't, we not doing that. Like,
[1:00:29] Speaker 1: we not making fun of nobody for what they got
[1:00:31] Speaker 1: or what they don't have.
[1:00:31] Speaker 4: Honestly, I feel like those who were coming up in
[1:00:35] Speaker 4: the 80s and 90s, we're raising children to have more
[1:00:39] Speaker 4: empathy for And you see it on social media all
[1:00:42] Speaker 4: the time.
[1:00:42] Speaker 2: Like, oh, it's a kid. He was crowned homecoming king.
[1:00:46] Speaker 4: But he goes and gives it, gives his sash and
[1:00:49] Speaker 4: gives his crown to maybe a kid with disabilities who's
[1:00:52] Speaker 4: just as popular and, you know, a great student in
[1:00:55] Speaker 4: the school. But he looks at him and says, you
[1:00:57] Speaker 4: know what? I think he deserves it more and and
[1:00:59] Speaker 4: allow someone else to have the moment to have.
[1:01:02] Speaker 1: Yeah, that kid was crying, man. Like that was a
[1:01:03] Speaker 1: beautiful thing.
[1:01:05] Speaker 4: I've seen kids say, this kid was getting picked on
[1:01:07] Speaker 4: because of his shoes.
[1:01:09] Speaker 2: And the parents and the kid go and pick out.
[1:01:11] Speaker 1: A new pair of shoes. And here, I got you
[1:01:13] Speaker 1: some J's. Yeah, I've seen that too. Yeah, that's hard, man.
[1:01:15] Speaker 2: And I love that we are raising.
[1:01:17] Speaker 1: That's a real village, a real community.
[1:01:18] Speaker 2: Exactly. We're raising our kids up to be good people.
[1:01:22] Speaker 2: As we should, man.
[1:01:22] Speaker 4: And you know, people, you know, they try to say,
[1:01:24] Speaker 4: you know, gentle parenting and being friends with your kids
[1:01:27] Speaker 4: and all this and how bad they think it is.
[1:01:29] Speaker 4: But no, we experience so much... We saw the bullying.
[1:01:34] Speaker 4: We saw that stuff. And it didn't sit right with us.
[1:01:36] Speaker 4: And we're like, you know what? When we become parents,
[1:01:39] Speaker 4: we're going to do things differently. And we're going to
[1:01:41] Speaker 4: teach our kids not to be like them. We're not
[1:01:43] Speaker 4: going to raise bullies. We're not going to raise these people.
[1:01:46] Speaker 1: Yeah. And like raising kids, raising kids to just be,
[1:01:50] Speaker 1: you know, the kids just going to be kids.
[1:01:52] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[1:01:52] Speaker 1: Maybe at a certain point, dog. But like, like, where
[1:01:56] Speaker 1: do you think this shit starts from with your kid?
[1:01:58] Speaker 1: But like these adults being like good people. And like
[1:02:01] Speaker 1: having these instincts and these kind of, you know, like
[1:02:03] Speaker 1: it starts very young. Like don't sit around and say
[1:02:05] Speaker 1: how smart your kids are and how they pick up
[1:02:08] Speaker 1: on all these things and then give up the responsibility
[1:02:11] Speaker 1: to feed them good shit because you know they pick
[1:02:12] Speaker 1: up on it. You know what I mean?
[1:02:13] Speaker 4: Yep.
[1:02:14] Speaker 2: There was a principal.
[1:02:15] Speaker 4: I saw something on Facebook and I just had to
[1:02:17] Speaker 4: leave a comment underneath. So there was a principal who
[1:02:21] Speaker 4: turned part of their gym, football gym, into a laundry
[1:02:25] Speaker 4: room because kids were getting picked on for having dirty clothes.
[1:02:29] Speaker 4: So he put in four washers, four dryers, and the
[1:02:32] Speaker 4: community donated, you know, detergent and everything that the kids
[1:02:35] Speaker 4: need to come in and do laundry so that they
[1:02:38] Speaker 4: can show up to school, you know, looking right. And
[1:02:41] Speaker 4: there were so many comments from, and I'm going to
[1:02:44] Speaker 4: say it, I'm sorry, it was a lot of boomers
[1:02:46] Speaker 4: and it was a lot of Gen X folks commenting like, oh,
[1:02:50] Speaker 4: it's the school's responsibility to stop the bullying. And so
[1:02:54] Speaker 4: I had to leave a comment under one of those
[1:02:56] Speaker 4: where it's like, No, it starts at home. It's up
[1:03:00] Speaker 4: to the parents to teach kids not to be bullies
[1:03:03] Speaker 4: and to be good people. And you can see that
[1:03:05] Speaker 4: that principal was raised up right because he was like, okay,
[1:03:09] Speaker 4: how can I combat this bullying that's going on at
[1:03:13] Speaker 4: the school that I'm the principal of?
[1:03:15] Speaker 2: Oh, kids are getting picked on because of their clothes.
[1:03:17] Speaker 2: They're not clean.
[1:03:18] Speaker 4: They don't have a way to get their clothes taken
[1:03:21] Speaker 4: care of. Here's my solution. Y'all can come in here
[1:03:25] Speaker 4: and wash your clothes for free.
[1:03:26] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[1:03:27] Speaker 4: And I'm like, it starts at home. Yes, the school
[1:03:29] Speaker 4: can do some things, but it starts at home. And
[1:03:32] Speaker 4: it was so many people was like, no, the school
[1:03:35] Speaker 4: is responsible for it.
[1:03:36] Speaker 1: And that's the problem, though. They only have school a
[1:03:38] Speaker 1: couple hours a day, bro. Like, they're going to be
[1:03:40] Speaker 1: your kids forever. They're going to be those people's students
[1:03:43] Speaker 1: for a semester or for a school year, whatever it is.
[1:03:46] Speaker 1: It starts at home 100%. There's no way around it.
[1:03:48] Speaker 2: It starts at home. It starts at home.
[1:03:51] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[1:03:51] Speaker 1: All right.
[1:03:52] Speaker 2: So, Mari, do you have a gem for the week?
[1:03:56] Speaker 1: You know what I want to give a gem to
[1:03:59] Speaker 1: the parents, right? This gem right here is for the parents.
[1:04:03] Speaker 1: It's more so just along the lines of things that
[1:04:07] Speaker 1: I really go through myself. When you sit back as
[1:04:12] Speaker 1: a parent and you start to question your parenting, you
[1:04:14] Speaker 1: start to be like, damn, am I doing enough? Man,
[1:04:18] Speaker 1: am I good enough? Like, am I, you know, damn,
[1:04:20] Speaker 1: what did I leave out today? Shit, man, I should
[1:04:22] Speaker 1: have did this. Or you might see a video of
[1:04:24] Speaker 1: somebody and what they're doing with their kids. They take
[1:04:26] Speaker 1: their kids. they got a routine with their kids, right?
[1:04:28] Speaker 1: They take their kids to the park every day or
[1:04:30] Speaker 1: they go do this, right? Or if you follow Bethany,
[1:04:32] Speaker 1: you see her going on walks with P all the time.
[1:04:34] Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Don't ever beat yourself up
[1:04:38] Speaker 1: about what you haven't done up to this point. You
[1:04:40] Speaker 1: can implement any of these things at any time. You
[1:04:43] Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? Like, regardless, like, please, that's the
[1:04:45] Speaker 1: one thing that I see a lot of parents talk
[1:04:47] Speaker 1: about on social media. You know, it's like feeling like
[1:04:50] Speaker 1: they aren't enough, like they aren't adequate parents. And my
[1:04:52] Speaker 1: thing is, as long as you're challenging yourself and as
[1:04:55] Speaker 1: long as you Got those nights where you might even
[1:04:57] Speaker 1: lose sleep over like what you aren't doing. I promise
[1:04:59] Speaker 1: you doing this shit right. Because those thoughts only come
[1:05:02] Speaker 1: from when you're doing the work. And those tough conversations
[1:05:04] Speaker 1: come during those hours where it's like it's still in
[1:05:08] Speaker 1: the house. Everybody's sleeping. You know, you up. You just chilling.
[1:05:12] Speaker 1: You're going to have those moments where you feel like,
[1:05:13] Speaker 1: am I doing enough? Am I good enough? You might
[1:05:15] Speaker 1: even think that you're failing at this shit. But I'm
[1:05:17] Speaker 1: going to let you in on a secret. That's how
[1:05:21] Speaker 1: you know you're doing it right. When you start to
[1:05:23] Speaker 1: graze yourself and you start to ask yourself, damn it, why? Man,
[1:05:25] Speaker 1: am I fucking up? Damn, I don't know. You can
[1:05:29] Speaker 1: only get somewhere when you start to have these tough
[1:05:31] Speaker 1: conversations with yourself. So I encourage you to have more
[1:05:34] Speaker 1: of those. Have more moments where you feel like, damn,
[1:05:36] Speaker 1: I came up short here. Because guess what? Now you
[1:05:39] Speaker 1: know where to improve. You know, you're always looking for
[1:05:41] Speaker 1: room for improvement and it never stops. Every level your
[1:05:44] Speaker 1: kids go to, every, you know, every age they get to,
[1:05:46] Speaker 1: it's going to be something new. So, you know, that's
[1:05:49] Speaker 1: the good thing for you is you're going to have
[1:05:51] Speaker 1: a billion opportunities plus more. to get better. So, I
[1:05:55] Speaker 1: just implore the parents, if y'all take anything from this,
[1:05:57] Speaker 1: from me, as much as you beat yourself up about
[1:06:00] Speaker 1: this shit, understand that nobody gave you a manual. Nobody
[1:06:05] Speaker 1: handed you a pamphlet and said, this is what it
[1:06:07] Speaker 1: is and, you know, whatever. So, give yourself a little
[1:06:10] Speaker 1: bit more credit, please.
[1:06:11] Speaker 3: Yes.
[1:06:12] Speaker 2: And you know what?
[1:06:13] Speaker 4: The homework for this week, and it goes off of
[1:06:17] Speaker 4: what you just said, you know, when you're taking inventory,
[1:06:20] Speaker 4: when you're thinking about, you know, what you... could do
[1:06:24] Speaker 4: better sometimes you'll kind of like replay conversations and situations
[1:06:28] Speaker 4: or arguments or something you know in your mind.
[1:06:32] Speaker 2: And what my homework for.
[1:06:34] Speaker 4: This week is for you guys to pick someone in
[1:06:39] Speaker 4: your family and it could definitely be your child it
[1:06:42] Speaker 4: could be your partner spouse or someone else who is
[1:06:45] Speaker 4: you know responsible for helping out around the house give
[1:06:49] Speaker 4: them an apology and.
[1:06:52] Speaker 2: Some folks have never been apologized to. We're not perfect.
[1:06:56] Speaker 4: There's something that you've maybe fallen short on. Or even
[1:07:00] Speaker 4: like if you just yell at your kid, like you
[1:07:03] Speaker 4: snap because you're overstimulator. You got so much going on
[1:07:06] Speaker 4: or you're stressed out about something. And you may have
[1:07:08] Speaker 4: been dismissive to your child or to your partner, your spouse.
[1:07:11] Speaker 4: Just be like, hey, I'm so sorry about how I
[1:07:14] Speaker 4: was acting this morning. I was going through this.
[1:07:16] Speaker 2: Just, you know, take some self-accountability.
[1:07:19] Speaker 4: And the role that you play in the culture and
[1:07:22] Speaker 4: the safety and the, the good vibes that's going on
[1:07:25] Speaker 4: under your roof, because you just never know what an
[1:07:27] Speaker 4: apology can do for somebody. Like I know when I
[1:07:31] Speaker 4: receive an apology from a grownup, I'm like, that's really
[1:07:35] Speaker 4: big of them. Like when I was a kid to
[1:07:37] Speaker 4: have someone say, I'm sorry.
[1:07:39] Speaker 1: I got a story for you. It's off air. It's
[1:07:41] Speaker 1: an off air story. It's not about the kids. It's
[1:07:43] Speaker 1: not about the kids. That's it was about the kids.
[1:07:45] Speaker 1: I would tell you, cause it's, you know, that's what
[1:07:46] Speaker 1: we're here for. Uh, yeah but but before i say
[1:07:50] Speaker 1: that though i do want to say i think that's
[1:07:52] Speaker 1: great homework for people because there's some accountability in there
[1:07:56] Speaker 1: um you know it's you recognizing that these your kids
[1:07:59] Speaker 1: are people too i know a lot of people don't
[1:08:01] Speaker 1: feel like that um but even if you forgot to
[1:08:06] Speaker 1: do something for them don't throw up in their face
[1:08:08] Speaker 1: that like why do all this other shit i forgot
[1:08:10] Speaker 1: that let me have it no honor your commitment if
[1:08:13] Speaker 1: you told your daughter your son your whoever I'll get
[1:08:16] Speaker 1: you these, whatever, Takis from the gas station or whatever.
[1:08:19] Speaker 1: And you didn't get them. Honor that you didn't get them.
[1:08:22] Speaker 1: Don't look at them and say, like, they being ungrateful
[1:08:24] Speaker 1: because you did 99 things for them. You forgot that
[1:08:27] Speaker 1: one thing. No, they was just focused on that one thing.
[1:08:29] Speaker 1: Because y'all had an agreement about it. So even, you
[1:08:32] Speaker 1: can even say my bad for shit like that. Like,
[1:08:33] Speaker 1: it is what it is, dog. You know what I'm saying? So, yeah, like, that's,
[1:08:37] Speaker 1: I like that. I like that a lot. Yeah.
[1:08:39] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[1:08:39] Speaker 1: But I'll tell you the story off air, though.
[1:08:41] Speaker 2: Yeah, we gonna, we gonna, we gonna chop it up.
[1:08:43] Speaker 1: Yeah, I got you on that. That's a.
[1:08:48] Speaker 2: All right, y'all.
[1:08:49] Speaker 4: Make sure you follow us. Parental Revisory on Instagram. And
[1:08:54] Speaker 4: that email that Mario was talking about.
[1:08:55] Speaker 1: At the top of the show. Yeah, you stuck around. See,
[1:08:57] Speaker 1: now you stuck around. Here go the email. Here you go.
[1:09:00] Speaker 1: Thank you.
[1:09:00] Speaker 4: ParentalRevisory at gmail.com.
[1:09:04] Speaker 1: Questions, concerns. Yeah, send it in.
[1:09:05] Speaker 2: You need some advice. You want to cuss us out.
[1:09:07] Speaker 2: You want to tell.
[1:09:08] Speaker 1: Us whatever we said was some bullshit. I promise you, dog.
[1:09:11] Speaker 2: Bring it.
[1:09:12] Speaker 1: I promise you. Listen, we are two people that you're
[1:09:14] Speaker 1: not going to be able to just say some shit
[1:09:16] Speaker 1: and just... throw us off, whatever. Like, we want to hear, like,
[1:09:19] Speaker 1: real reactions to this shit. If you think, like you said,
[1:09:22] Speaker 1: we do. What we talk about is some bullshit, tell us.
[1:09:24] Speaker 1: If you think, you know, oh, I wish you would
[1:09:27] Speaker 1: have said this word instead of that, well, say it. Like,
[1:09:29] Speaker 1: tell us, dog. It don't matter. Questions, comments, concerns, complaints, disrespect,
[1:09:34] Speaker 1: whatever it is, like, send it in. You know what
[1:09:35] Speaker 1: I'm saying? Be respectful, but also be you. Because Bethany
[1:09:40] Speaker 1: already told y'all, watch your mouth. She said that.
[1:09:42] Speaker 2: Watch your mouth, okay?
[1:09:42] Speaker 1: You know what I mean? But yeah, just send it in, man.
[1:09:45] Speaker 1: It's all love, man. You know, we love pulling up.
[1:09:48] Speaker 1: kicking it about this, man. Like, you know, we could
[1:09:50] Speaker 1: pull up and pot about anything. Like, that's just how
[1:09:52] Speaker 1: we are. But this right here is something that's very
[1:09:55] Speaker 1: near and dear to our hearts. And so are y'all.
[1:09:58] Speaker 1: You know what I mean? So hit us up, man.
[1:10:01] Speaker 1: All right.
[1:10:01] Speaker 2: Until next week, you got some homework.
[1:10:04] Speaker 1: Yes. Peace. Be out.

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