# Why Being Truly Seen Feels So Terrifying for Women | Paul Brunson

An episode of [Live Well Be Well with Sarah Ann Macklin | Health, Lifestyle, Nutrition](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1508380100), 13 Apr 2026, 12 min.

Audio: https://anchor.fm/s/1033d1554/podcast/play/118236783/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2026-3-10%2Ff18e9d3d-1949-c965-d03a-ef96ff732503.mp3

Are you wondering how dating has changed since 2008, and why authenticity now matters so much? In this conversation, we explore how the main way people met partners used to be through work or church, compared with today where online dating is the most common route and communication often starts through a phone screen. Listen to the full episode here Watch the full episode on Youtube here *** This episode is sponsored by: NOWATCH: The compassionate health tracker Connecting body and mind with unique stress recovery insights so you can live fully today15% off with code LWBW15 at https://nowatch.com/ Mojo: the app for expert-led courses in better sex.Learn from world-class sex therapists and relationship experts with courses tailored to your needs.15% off with code LiveWell15 at mymojo.com/livewellbewell *** The Great British Veg OutHow to support your gut, energy, and hormones by eating more — not less. 👉 https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/p/the-great-british-veg-outReset Your HealthIf your body feels off after stress, travel, or burnout — this is where to start. 👉 https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/s/reset-your-health-in-30-days 👉 Practical beats perfect.Here’s a free 5-recipe PDF I use to support energy and stress during busy weeks.https://sarahannmacklin.com/5_free_recipes 👉 If this resonates, you can join the thousands who readThe Compassionate Cure each week.https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/ *** Let’s be friends! 📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarahannmacklin/📹 Subscribe: http://www.youtube.com/@livewellbewellsarah 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/SarahAnnMacklin 📱 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@livewellbewellpodcast💌 Newsletter: https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/

## Transcript

[0:02] This is a beware. Moment The most replayed moments
[0:05] from my latest. Conversation.
[0:07] It's a glimpse into the wider episode, which you can.
[0:09] Find LinkedIn the show notes below.
[0:12] Because sometimes one small. Moment is enough.
[0:15] To reconnect to living well and being well.
[0:23] When you started in 2008, how have relationships kind of
[0:26] transformed? I don't want to say like
[0:28] flipped, How have they like grown, evolutionized.
[0:30] I'm not trying to think what the word is, but how have they
[0:33] changed from back then when most people were just going on dates
[0:37] and texting to now being able to swipe left?
[0:40] Or right. Yeah, and all of the
[0:42] communication is via a phone as opposed to anything that's like
[0:46] a human connection. So do you know you've got that
[0:48] spark with someone because you can't see them?
[0:50] And like how has how has it changed for you?
[0:52] Because you've obviously gone from finance into matchmaking
[0:55] into a point where it was very still humanised and now it's
[0:59] very digitalised. So tell me about that.
[1:01] Yeah, massive difference between 2008 and and and current and
[1:06] we're, we're talking about less than 20 years.
[1:08] You know what I mean? You know, number one source of
[1:12] meeting a significant other circa night 2008 was still was,
[1:17] was actually work. You know, the church was
[1:20] actually big there. Whereas now it's, it's online,
[1:24] you know, it's, it's, it's digital #1 method when meeting
[1:28] someone 2008 it was all about what acting like you're not
[1:34] yourself. That was when we had books like
[1:36] the rules. We had books like the Game,
[1:39] which Neil Strauss wrote. And later now he's gone back and
[1:43] said, you know, he he he wouldn't have said all those
[1:45] things, but he was really the main person who started pickup
[1:49] artistry. And pickup artistry was all
[1:52] about basically, I'm going to lie to you to have sex with you,
[1:55] right? It was, I'm going to come up
[1:58] with a facade, my representative, and you're only
[2:03] going to meet my representative. That was 2008.
[2:06] Whereas you Fast forward to today and a lot of the research
[2:08] that we've done with Tinder. So I'm really proud of a report
[2:11] that we put out every year called The Future of Dating and
[2:15] I co-authored the report this year and have a a a section
[2:19] where I talk about how authenticity is really what is
[2:23] driving relationships today. When I say driving it is is
[2:27] mostly Gen. Z is driving this, Thank
[2:29] goodness. Like that they're driving this
[2:31] you. Know millennials?
[2:33] Millennials, y'all messed it up. Gen.
[2:35] X is really messed it up. Baby Boomers, I don't even want
[2:37] to see you. You know what I mean?
[2:39] I don't want to see you because what Gen.
[2:42] Z ers have done, which is so refreshing, is that they're
[2:45] basically saying, look, I am going to be myself and I want
[2:50] you to be yourself. That's the key.
[2:52] How quirky, how delusional. However, you are, right?
[2:56] That's how I want you to be. And the most amazing statistic I
[3:00] think we have seen coming out of Tinder is that physical
[3:05] attraction is no longer the number one determinant as to
[3:10] whether or not someone would want to continue to see you.
[3:14] I love that. Gen.
[3:15] Z has said that, and this is what our data has shown us, is
[3:18] that the fact that I feel comfortable in who I am when I
[3:24] am with you is the number one. Now, of course, they still want
[3:28] somebody sexy like they still want to, you know, you, you
[3:30] still want someone who looks at. Their clothes off.
[3:32] Absolutely. But the fact that I feel
[3:34] comfortable in my authenticity is more important.
[3:38] So you could see that there's major differences between just
[3:41] 2008 and and and now. And it was even more incredible
[3:46] is what you go back to just 1980s, nineteen sixties, 1800s.
[3:51] Like I have tracked back relationships since like the
[3:54] inception, you know, the first marriage was basically 3000,
[3:58] roughly 3000 BCE, right? And since then, I've literally
[4:02] been tracking how marriages and relationships have changed and
[4:08] what's what's, what's, what's incredible is that as society
[4:11] changes, the requirements and the formations of how we come
[4:15] together changes. And that will continue to be the
[4:18] case going forward. Clear, glowing skin is something
[4:22] many of us crave. I know I certainly do, and we're
[4:26] always looking for the. Next cream serum.
[4:28] Or toner to get that fresh face look.
[4:31] But one thing we know for sure is that it's not just what we've
[4:34] put on our skin, but it's what we've put into our body that has
[4:38] the real impact. That means, yes, you guessed it,
[4:42] good skin always starts with our guts.
[4:44] This is something I passionately believe in because so many
[4:48] elements of our overall being actually start in the gut.
[4:52] There is an amazing new regime that I've been using, the first
[4:56] of its kind in fact, that combines these two elements.
[4:59] Bringing together skin care and a supplement routine is a
[5:03] revolutionary step. This was created with the
[5:06] support of Professor Glenn Gibson, who has the most cited
[5:10] nutritional science paper ever written and coined the term
[5:14] prebotic. The regime includes 4 hero
[5:17] products and it couldn't be easier.
[5:19] A day pill, A day cream, a night pill.
[5:22] And a night. Cream and it doesn't just
[5:24] support our skin health, it's even show to help support
[5:27] improve sleep, energy, mood and focus.
[5:30] So you've got two options if you want to give this a go.
[5:33] The regime is a one time purchase such good value because
[5:37] it's like getting the supplements for free.
[5:38] Or you can join the you're looking Well club where each
[5:41] quarter you'll get a 90 day supply of supplements and cream.
[5:45] But it's not just these products because there's plenty of other
[5:48] benefits such as free facials, yoga classes, Pilates classes,
[5:53] member only events and acts access to a confidential
[5:56] dietitian mailbox. Head to ylwclub.com to upgrade
[6:01] your skin care regime now. Try today and get the first week
[6:05] on us using the code Live Well 25 at checkout, 30 day money
[6:10] back guarantee. I mean that really.
[6:15] I don't want to say surprises me because I kind of want that
[6:17] obviously just to be how authenticity does shine as the
[6:20] number one thing. But in the digital age, it
[6:23] really surprises me that that is what the research is showing,
[6:27] yeah. Because it feels.
[6:28] Really inauthentic, right? Everything online feels very
[6:30] inauthentic, yes, and it makes me quite depressed, yes.
[6:34] You know, like opening up Instagram half the time it's how
[6:37] people want to be perceived, yes.
[6:39] You know, your dating profile was all the best things about
[6:41] you, yes. And so it can feel very boundary
[6:44] to be authentic in those relationships, right?
[6:46] Because authenticity means vulnerability in my eyes, yes.
[6:50] And so being vulnerable is being open to hurt and heartbreak,
[6:54] yes. And also they're being truly
[6:56] seen, yes. And when we've got that barrier,
[6:58] we're not truly seen, so we can't really be hurt just
[7:01] navigating this landscape. I think it's like it.
[7:03] It's quite fascinating that that's actually now what the
[7:06] research is showing. But do you feel that we're
[7:08] becoming more authentic in our relationships?
[7:10] No, because I mean, OK, I, I see, I see the, I see the, the,
[7:14] the challenge in this right? Because it's like we're we're
[7:17] we're all living, you know, in social media and social media is
[7:21] is fake and and fraudulent and we're all being bamboozled.
[7:25] You know what I mean? But that's the reason why
[7:28] there's this thirst for authenticity.
[7:31] You know, a lot of this comes from because keep in mind, you
[7:34] know, you're talking about late teens, early 20s and Doctor
[7:41] Twingy, who wrote this book generations on Gen.
[7:43] ZI think is done the best job in in in in depicting this.
[7:48] When she looks at the generations, what she sees is
[7:51] that Gen. X, baby boomer and millennials
[7:56] all have one thing in common. And that is, is that most of the
[7:59] information that we received came from an older generation,
[8:03] whether that was on television, whether that was on social
[8:05] media, talking heads, right? I think back to Saturday morning
[8:08] cartoons. It wasn't anybody my age making
[8:11] Saturday morning cartoons. It was, you know, someone of an
[8:13] older generation doing it. But Gen.
[8:15] Z is the first generation to get the predominant amount of their
[8:18] information, information from each other.
[8:21] It's not from an older generation, it's from each
[8:23] other. Now you think there's the
[8:26] downside, they don't have a lot of experience.
[8:29] So therefore that's a downside. But the upside is that the
[8:32] information is more accessible, right?
[8:33] They're getting this information they have basically secluded
[8:37] themselves, right? And said we're, we're going to
[8:39] get most of our information, most of our know how from from
[8:43] each other. And as they live in this facade
[8:47] of a social media world, they become I'm tired.
[8:50] And that's where this thirst of I want authenticity.
[8:54] I want real, you know, another major trend that's indicative of
[8:59] this push for authenticity. Sober dating, one of the that's
[9:03] becoming big one of the biggest trends right now globally and
[9:08] when I say globally is in Western nations is so we're
[9:12] dating now why? It's because when you're not
[9:15] sober, you're really a percentage of yourself.
[9:19] You're not your full self and to your part of being vulnerable,
[9:24] being seen as your true self. That's really what has driven
[9:28] sober dating. So Gen.
[9:30] Z has gotten it right. Now you asked about authenticity
[9:34] generally. There's a researcher named Eli
[9:37] Finkel in New York, and he has written a beautiful book called
[9:41] The All or Nothing Marriage, right?
[9:43] And in this book, he talks about something that I, I deeply
[9:46] believe in, and that is, is that if you look at marriages now and
[9:50] you study satisfaction rates, you'll see that most marriages
[9:55] are, what do you think, higher or lower satisfied than they
[9:59] were just 20 years ago? I'm going to say that 20 years
[10:02] ago, people stayed in relationships because they felt
[10:07] that they needed to, so they just kind of got on with it.
[10:11] Whereas I think the ones that have stayed together now are the
[10:15] ones that are still happy because they don't feel like
[10:18] they need to stay in that relationship.
[10:19] They're probably more satisfied because they've stayed in the
[10:23] relationship because they want to.
[10:26] OK, but so you're saying the ones who have stayed in the
[10:29] relationship are more satisfied? Yeah.
[10:31] Yeah. All right, So that was a
[10:34] brilliant breakdown. I'll tell you why.
[10:37] Because you, you you got an A You got an A+ on that.
[10:41] Actually, you got an A+ because what the research is, Eli
[10:45] Finkel's research, it shows that on average, 80% of marriages are
[10:52] less satisfied than they were. So the majority are less
[10:56] satisfied. However, 20% of marriages are
[11:00] more satisfied today than they were 20 years ago.
[11:05] And it's to your point, it's because we now stay together for
[11:11] satisfaction. There's other reasons why folks
[11:13] stayed together back in the day, right?
[11:16] So to connect this all to the question around authenticity,
[11:19] 20% of us, right you could argue are more authentic in our
[11:25] feelings than we ever were, but the majority are not.
[11:33] Thank you for listening to the Speedwell moment.
[11:35] If it resonated. The full conversation is
[11:38] LinkedIn, the show notes. And I hope.
[11:40] It gave you a small pause to take a moment for you and to
[11:44] reconnect to living well and being well.
[11:47] If you loved it, please do leave a review, follow the show or
[11:50] share this maybe with someone you love.

Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them.