# I Stayed Longer Than I Should Have (Guest: Joi-Lin Hunt)

An episode of [Dear Future Wifey](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1506095537), 7 Oct 2026, 1 h 43 min.

Audio: https://prfx.byspotify.com/e/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/78a347aa-3282-4ac5-837c-a72300032082/293692a5-5b4e-44f3-89a3-b172011fe37c/4f890a51-3713-4c4f-987f-b4dc001b0c5a/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=ae4e871a-36ca-4d76-83c3-b172011fe393

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time to amplify the voices of survivors, bring awareness to the realities of domestic violence, and remind those suffering in silence that they are not alone. Behind closed doors, countless individuals are fighting battles that the world knows nothing about. How do you know when the person you love is the very person you need to walk away from? In this powerful and deeply emotional episode of Dear Future Wifey, Laterras R. Whitfield and Ashley R. Whitfield sit down with Joi-Lin Hunt for a courageous conversation about love, domestic violence, survival, and the difficult journey toward healing. Joi-Lin opens up about the painful realities of a relationship that became something she never imagined. She explores the emotional complexities of staying, the struggle to recognize unhealthy patterns, and the courage it takes to reclaim your identity after losing yourself in someone else. This conversation challenges the question so many people ask: "Why didn't you just leave?” Sometimes the answer is far more complicated than outsiders understand. Fear, manipulation, emotional attachment, and the hope that things will change can make leaving incredibly difficult. For anyone who has ever confused attachment with love, ignored red flags, or struggled to walk away from a relationship that was hurting them, this episode is a reminder that "you should never have to lose yourself to prove your love for someone else." Because sometimes the greatest act of love isn't staying. It's finding the courage to choose yourself. **Content Advisory:** This episode includes discussions of domestic violence and relationship trauma. Viewer discretion is advised. **Need Help?** If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit TheHotline.org for confidential support. CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST https://www.instagram.com/joihunt_esq SEE YOU AT THE BANK CHALLENGE https://seeyouatthebankchallenge.com/challenge?am_id=%3C%3Caffiliate_id%3E%3E CONNECT WITH OUR HOSTS https://www.instagram.com/laterrasrwhitfield https://www.instagram.com/ashleyrwhitfield ORDER LATERRAS R. WHITFIELD'S NEW BOOK "STUDENT OF LOVE" https://www.StudentofLove.com WANNA SEE BEHIND-THE-SCENES FOOTAGE? JOIN MY PATREON https://www.Patreon.com/laterrasrwhitfield SIGN UP FOR THE MAILING LIST https://bit.ly/LRWconnection PURCHASE "YOU (Dear Future Wifey)" Theme Song http://itunes.apple.com/album/id/1729993404 👑 SUPPORT OUR CAUSE Donate to Kingdom Royale: Empowering foster kids to become royalty: https://www.KingdomRoyale.com 👕 MERCH https://www.DearFutureWifey.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:07] Speaker 1: I experienced domestic violence. He tried to kill me by
[0:09] Speaker 1: shooting at me. And so he's finally realizing she really
[0:13] Speaker 1: may be done. And the first time the D word, divorce,
[0:16] Speaker 1: comes out, like, I'm done.
[0:17] Speaker 2: And he just snapped.
[0:18] Speaker 1: And he walks right back in the office. The Holy
[0:21] Speaker 1: Spirit was like, get up. And I got up out
[0:23] Speaker 1: of my office. I'm running out the door, and he
[0:25] Speaker 1: shoots through the wall. If I hadn't got up, it
[0:27] Speaker 1: would have went right through me. It went through the
[0:29] Speaker 1: office to the bathroom, and it hit the tile, went down,
[0:32] Speaker 1: and it skidded the thigh of an employee who was
[0:34] Speaker 1: sitting on the toilet.
[0:35] Speaker 2: And she got, like, grazed.
[0:36] Speaker 3: Oh.
[0:37] Speaker 1: I run out, I'm down the theater at a 59 thinking,
[0:40] Speaker 1: how did I get here? I want to make sure
[0:42] Speaker 1: that women understand that if you're ever in that kind
[0:45] Speaker 1: of situation, you're going to kind of have a nice
[0:47] Speaker 1: plan to get out safely, but you need to leave.
[0:49] Speaker 2: It's only going to get worse.
[0:51] Speaker 1: One day, my son came into the office and he goes, mommy,
[0:54] Speaker 1: daddy's cheating on you.
[0:55] Speaker 2: Then three days later, we're at the gym. I see
[0:57] Speaker 2: him delete a text message. When I went in the photos.
[1:00] Speaker 1: A video of him having sex with a girl on
[1:03] Speaker 1: the beach. So I felt like you really wanted to
[1:06] Speaker 1: hurt me. Like you wanted me to find this out
[1:08] Speaker 1: and just crush me. 30 days later, they take all
[1:10] Speaker 1: the money out the account and they locked me out
[1:12] Speaker 1: the business. It was just no one's answering the phone,
[1:15] Speaker 1: money gone. So now I'm having to sue the business.
[1:18] Speaker 1: And I'm having this divorce proceeding going on. And now
[1:21] Speaker 1: I don't have any money. Whenever life takes everything from you,
[1:24] Speaker 1: your identity, your possessions, who you are, your businesses, that mate,
[1:28] Speaker 1: just pause and say, what is God trying to show me?
[1:31] Speaker 1: It's going to be for my betterment. I got to
[1:33] Speaker 1: just get through that storm.
[1:34] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[1:35] Speaker 2: I got to take accountability.
[1:36] Speaker 1: If I don't heal from this and learn from my mistake,
[1:38] Speaker 1: I'm going to find another person that's another name.
[1:40] Speaker 2: If you are watching this podcast and.
[1:43] Speaker 1: You don't even know what your favorite color is, you
[1:45] Speaker 1: don't even know what you want to be in life,
[1:47] Speaker 1: you just need to get out. And you can go
[1:49] Speaker 1: build a brand new version of yourself. I teach women now,
[1:53] Speaker 1: the answer to your problems is money. Money gives you freedom.
[1:57] Speaker 1: Money gives you options. Money allows you to not be
[2:00] Speaker 1: in a situation you don't need to be in. If
[2:02] Speaker 1: you can make your own money, you can get out
[2:04] Speaker 1: of anything. It only takes one person, one thing, one
[2:08] Speaker 1: opportunity to change.
[2:09] Speaker 2: Your life forever.
[2:16] Speaker 5: What started as a search for understandings became a journey
[2:20] Speaker 5: of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me to
[2:24] Speaker 5: this day, the day I got married.
[2:27] Speaker 3: November the 22nd, 2025. Dear my forever.
[2:33] Speaker 4: Forever is a long time.
[2:35] Speaker 6: That's how long I'll love you.
[2:38] Speaker 4: Those lyrics echo through every fiber of my soul at
[2:41] Speaker 4: the very thought of you.
[2:44] Speaker 3: This journey.
[2:45] Speaker 7: has culminated with you as both the award and the
[2:48] Speaker 7: reward of my pursuit of love. You are the award,
[2:52] Speaker 7: the honor God placed before me, the recognition of growth, healing,
[2:56] Speaker 7: and becoming the man I needed to be.
[2:58] Speaker 6: And you are the reward.
[3:01] Speaker 4: The blessing given after endurance, the gift promised to those
[3:06] Speaker 4: who refuse to faint.
[3:09] Speaker 5: This isn't just our story. This is for all of us.
[3:13] Speaker 5: I'm Lataris R.
[3:14] Speaker 3: Whitfield.
[3:15] Speaker 4: And I'm Ashley R. Whitfield.
[3:17] Speaker 6: Welcome to the Dear Future Wifey Podcast.
[3:19] Speaker 3: Welcome to the Dear Future Wifey Podcast. I'm your host,
[3:25] Speaker 3: Lataris R. Whitfield.
[3:26] Speaker 6: And I'm Ashley R. Whitfield.
[3:28] Speaker 7: Listen, are you still shacking up with us? If you're
[3:30] Speaker 7: still shacking up with us, come on, y'all. This is
[3:32] Speaker 7: season 11. Hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make sure
[3:35] Speaker 7: you turn on your notification bell to be notified about
[3:38] Speaker 7: upcoming episodes. And let me tell you something. Ashley and
[3:41] Speaker 7: I had a conversation. You know, Ashley is new to
[3:44] Speaker 7: the podcast. Been on the podcast for about nine, ten
[3:47] Speaker 7: months now. And she said, Latarius, out the blue, check
[3:51] Speaker 7: the analytics and find out how many people are subscribed.
[3:54] Speaker 3: And I was like, all right, I'm just going to
[3:55] Speaker 3: let you.
[3:56] Speaker 7: Know that 54% of the people that watch the podcast
[4:00] Speaker 7: haven't subscribed.
[4:01] Speaker 3: How did you feel about that, Ashley?
[4:03] Speaker 4: I just feel like 54% of you are finding value
[4:07] Speaker 4: in this content, but.
[4:09] Speaker 6: Not giving us a commitment.
[4:11] Speaker 3: And she didn't understand that.
[4:12] Speaker 6: Wait to this free content.
[4:14] Speaker 7: And the other thing, Ashley, hold on, let me ask you,
[4:17] Speaker 7: I never asked you, did you, when we were, before
[4:19] Speaker 7: you knew me, you was watching the podcast, did you subscribe?
[4:23] Speaker 1: You know what?
[4:24] Speaker 6: I don't know why you're making this about me.
[4:25] Speaker 3: No, because I got to ask that. I want to know.
[4:26] Speaker 6: This was about them.
[4:27] Speaker 3: But I never asked you.
[4:29] Speaker 7: Did you subscribe?
[4:30] Speaker 6: I still don't know. Why are you making.
[4:31] Speaker 3: This about me?
[4:32] Speaker 7: So what y'all think?
[4:32] Speaker 3: See, look at this.
[4:33] Speaker 2: This is messed up.
[4:33] Speaker 6: This is about them.
[4:34] Speaker 3: That is messed up.
[4:35] Speaker 6: But anyway, I want all of them to be better
[4:38] Speaker 6: than me.
[4:38] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[4:40] Speaker 6: You know, isn't that what we want? So we got
[4:41] Speaker 6: people around us.
[4:43] Speaker 7: Yes.
[4:43] Speaker 6: We want them to be better, especially with understanding.
[4:47] Speaker 3: There it is. We're understanding. So, OK, when you know better,
[4:49] Speaker 3: you do better.
[4:50] Speaker 6: Amen.
[4:51] Speaker 7: So listen, hit that subscription button and subscribe. Listen, I
[4:56] Speaker 7: was really looking forward to talking to today's guest. And
[5:00] Speaker 7: as we did a pre-interview with her, got a chance
[5:04] Speaker 7: to to know her story.
[5:06] Speaker 3: And we believe that she.
[5:07] Speaker 7: Is extremely impactful and will teach you how to make
[5:12] Speaker 7: lemonade out of lemons or take it to the bank.
[5:15] Speaker 7: So without further ado, welcome to Dear Future Wifey podcast,
[5:17] Speaker 7: our podcast. Sister, our homie, Joy Hunt.
[5:21] Speaker 3: How you doing, Joy?
[5:22] Speaker 8: Amazing.
[5:23] Speaker 7: How are you?
[5:23] Speaker 2: Thank you for having me.
[5:26] Speaker 3: Should we be transparent?
[5:27] Speaker 6: Yes.
[5:28] Speaker 3: All right. So let me just tell y'all real quick.
[5:30] Speaker 7: We shot this episode five days ago and there was
[5:34] Speaker 7: a fluke.
[5:34] Speaker 3: I don't know what happened.
[5:35] Speaker 7: Never seen it before in the history of the Dear
[5:37] Speaker 7: Future Wifey podcast where no files recorded.
[5:40] Speaker 3: Rihanna did her job. She pushed record. I went in
[5:43] Speaker 3: there and saw it.
[5:44] Speaker 7: It was nothing it showed at the very end that
[5:47] Speaker 7: it had we had recorded an hour and how many
[5:49] Speaker 7: minutes hour and 50 minutes or something rihanna yeah about
[5:53] Speaker 7: hour and 50 something minutes and then we recorded another
[5:56] Speaker 7: episode right afterwards none of the episodes recorded i went
[5:59] Speaker 7: and got a data recovery service to check and it
[6:03] Speaker 7: was like nothing shows and so here we are again
[6:07] Speaker 7: and so we want to just thank you first of
[6:09] Speaker 7: all for your patience and your grace to actually come
[6:12] Speaker 7: back out to Dallas and record this episode.
[6:15] Speaker 6: Because Joy is a busy lady.
[6:16] Speaker 7: Oh, she stay busy.
[6:17] Speaker 3: She stay busy.
[6:18] Speaker 7: If y'all saw the bag she came in here with,
[6:20] Speaker 7: I said, now, do you normally travel like this?
[6:23] Speaker 3: I said, what if you travel for one day? Do
[6:26] Speaker 3: you carry all that?
[6:27] Speaker 2: I got makeup. I got hair. I got my robe.
[6:29] Speaker 2: I got my stuff.
[6:30] Speaker 6: All the things.
[6:31] Speaker 1: But this week was Dallas, Orlando, Atlanta, D.C., back to Dallas.
[6:36] Speaker 6: Come on, booked and busy.
[6:37] Speaker 7: That's all you did since Monday? Booked and busy.
[6:39] Speaker 3: So, say it again. So, Monday, you left Dallas.
[6:43] Speaker 1: And then Tuesday and Wednesday, Orlando. Thursday morning was Atlanta.
[6:47] Speaker 1: Thursday afternoon was D.C.
[6:49] Speaker 2: D.C.
[6:50] Speaker 1: Was also yesterday. Then I came back here Saturday on Dallas.
[6:53] Speaker 3: So.
[6:54] Speaker 6: And Orlando is home.
[6:55] Speaker 2: Orlando is home.
[6:56] Speaker 3: But she'd be traveling, boy. She'd be traveling.
[6:58] Speaker 7: So, Joy, this is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And.
[7:07] Speaker 7: Trigger warning. Let me go real quick to find this
[7:10] Speaker 7: trigger warning on ChatGPT.
[7:12] Speaker 3: What did we do that day? I'm going to find that.
[7:15] Speaker 3: Hold on.
[7:16] Speaker 6: You know, we're ChatGPT people around here.
[7:19] Speaker 2: Do you call your chat, chat?
[7:20] Speaker 1: Or do you have a name?
[7:21] Speaker 6: We do call it chat.
[7:22] Speaker 2: Okay.
[7:22] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[7:23] Speaker 4: I did a video one time talking about a fast
[7:25] Speaker 4: that we were doing and I was like, and I
[7:26] Speaker 4: talked to chat.
[7:28] Speaker 6: So people know we, we, yeah.
[7:30] Speaker 3: You don't say that part.
[7:31] Speaker 7: So this episode includes discussion of domestic violence.
[7:34] Speaker 6: Listener discretion is advised.
[7:37] Speaker 3: All right.
[7:37] Speaker 7: So listen, y'all. Joy, what is your testimony? What have
[7:42] Speaker 7: you experienced in your past marriage? Well, technically, you're still
[7:46] Speaker 7: currently married, going through a divorce. And so what did
[7:49] Speaker 7: you experience?
[7:51] Speaker 1: I experienced domestic violence. So my husband was a very
[7:56] Speaker 1: angry man. And over time, his anger and his aggression
[8:01] Speaker 1: went from punching a wall, punching a hole in the wall,
[8:05] Speaker 1: breaking a table to then throwing things. I mean, like
[8:08] Speaker 1: the violence kept getting closer and closer to me until
[8:11] Speaker 1: finally one day he tried to kill me by shooting
[8:14] Speaker 1: at me. And so I want to make sure that
[8:17] Speaker 1: women understand that if you're ever in that kind of situation,
[8:21] Speaker 1: it's not going to get better. It's only going to
[8:23] Speaker 1: get worse. You need to leave expeditiously, but you need
[8:27] Speaker 1: to have a plan. You can't just tell the person
[8:30] Speaker 1: you're leaving because the toxic person is going to do
[8:32] Speaker 1: things either manipulate you get you back in there or
[8:35] Speaker 1: hurt you so you want to kind of have a
[8:36] Speaker 1: nice plan to get out safely but it's not going
[8:39] Speaker 1: to get better you need to leave it's only going
[8:41] Speaker 1: to get worse so.
[8:42] Speaker 7: The signs that you saw how did you rationalize it originally.
[8:47] Speaker 2: Um did i trigger him did i make him mad
[8:50] Speaker 2: um If I could just not blink, if I could
[8:55] Speaker 2: just not.
[8:55] Speaker 1: And so you start walking on eggshells and then it's
[8:59] Speaker 1: like everything that you do makes this person mad. It's
[9:02] Speaker 1: Wednesday and it's just like, gosh, if I could just
[9:05] Speaker 1: get back to the very beginning when he was so
[9:09] Speaker 1: nice and so friendly and you don't realize that.
[9:12] Speaker 2: That was just a mask. That was just.
[9:14] Speaker 1: Him pretending to be the things you said you wanted
[9:17] Speaker 1: to get you in the beginning. And now that he
[9:19] Speaker 1: got you, he just took that mask off and put
[9:21] Speaker 1: it right there. And now here's the real deal, Holyfield.
[9:25] Speaker 1: And a lot of times they're going to catch you
[9:27] Speaker 1: and entangle you and stuff. So in business, with finances,
[9:31] Speaker 1: with a kid. So you can't just pack your stuff
[9:34] Speaker 1: and leave. So that's how a lot of times you
[9:36] Speaker 1: get stuck.
[9:37] Speaker 3: And how did y'all meet?
[9:39] Speaker 7: I was just going to say that. Good.
[9:41] Speaker 3: You ask it now. No.
[9:42] Speaker 4: No, no, do it.
[9:42] Speaker 3: It'll be funny.
[9:43] Speaker 6: So how did y'all meet?
[9:46] Speaker 2: We actually met at a club.
[9:48] Speaker 1: So he was actually on a date with two girls
[9:52] Speaker 1: and I was complimenting one of the girls' lipstick and
[9:55] Speaker 1: he saw me.
[9:55] Speaker 6: At the same time?
[9:56] Speaker 2: At the same time. Okay.
[9:58] Speaker 7: I just want to know.
[9:59] Speaker 2: I just thought you was a guy man. I just
[10:01] Speaker 2: said he was a man.
[10:02] Speaker 7: I said he.
[10:03] Speaker 2: Was a man.
[10:04] Speaker 3: At the same time.
[10:05] Speaker 2: At the same time.
[10:06] Speaker 6: I didn't know if one was at eight and one
[10:08] Speaker 6: was at nine.
[10:08] Speaker 7: Both hit a clock.
[10:09] Speaker 2: He was with both. They were correct.
[10:12] Speaker 1: And the club promoter knew me and knew him separately
[10:15] Speaker 1: and So he asked the club, I'm like, who was
[10:17] Speaker 1: that girl? I was talking to the club, I'm like,
[10:19] Speaker 1: who was that girl? He's like, ma'am, you guys got together.
[10:21] Speaker 1: You guys would be the power couple because you're.
[10:23] Speaker 2: A hustler and she's an attorney and no, no, no.
[10:26] Speaker 2: And so he went to, he drove to Houston. He
[10:29] Speaker 2: used to live in Port Arthur, Texas.
[10:30] Speaker 1: He drove to Houston every single weekend to go into
[10:32] Speaker 1: different events, trying to find me. And then one night
[10:35] Speaker 1: he met me at Belvedere and I was walking outside
[10:38] Speaker 1: and he just stopped me and was like, hey, are
[10:41] Speaker 1: you here with someone?
[10:42] Speaker 2: And I was like, do you have a job?
[10:45] Speaker 1: Because he had a big watch and chain and pinky ring.
[10:50] Speaker 2: He looked like a client of mine, right? I'm looking like,
[10:52] Speaker 2: do you have a job? He's like, I own a business.
[10:53] Speaker 3: I'm like, okay. She said a client of mine?
[10:55] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[10:56] Speaker 3: What area of law were you in?
[10:58] Speaker 2: I was in criminal law at the time. That's why
[11:00] Speaker 2: I said a client law.
[11:05] Speaker 6: One of my clients is different when you're in criminal law.
[11:08] Speaker 5: And we.
[11:12] Speaker 1: I had told myself at the beginning of the year,
[11:14] Speaker 1: I'm going to give every single guy my number and
[11:17] Speaker 1: make it to the first date. Because I was real like,
[11:21] Speaker 1: if you call me and say, I'm going to call
[11:22] Speaker 1: you back, you're not calling me back.
[11:25] Speaker 7: Nope.
[11:25] Speaker 2: I was no nonsense.
[11:27] Speaker 1: And I realized I'm really like cutting off a lot
[11:30] Speaker 1: of guys, not even making it to the first date.
[11:33] Speaker 1: So I said, I'm going to at least go to
[11:34] Speaker 1: one date with every person. So I went to one date,
[11:36] Speaker 1: went to Ruth Chris and I made the mistake of
[11:39] Speaker 1: having the conversation of what do you want and then
[11:42] Speaker 1: telling this person.
[11:43] Speaker 2: Everything I wanted. And miraculously, God sent me everything that
[11:48] Speaker 2: I wanted. He was the perfect person.
[11:50] Speaker 1: Correct.
[11:51] Speaker 2: Correct.
[11:52] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[11:53] Speaker 6: And how old were you?
[11:55] Speaker 2: I was, dang it, how old was I? Maybe 32, 33.
[11:59] Speaker 2: So I was at that stage where.
[12:04] Speaker 1: It is time to check off the marriage, the house,
[12:07] Speaker 1: the kid.
[12:07] Speaker 2: I already had my career. I'd already had fun. It's time.
[12:11] Speaker 2: So the first little thing that was cute and hey, baby,
[12:14] Speaker 2: that's it. Let's go.
[12:15] Speaker 3: Let's go.
[12:16] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[12:17] Speaker 3: And so you've always been marriage minded?
[12:19] Speaker 7: Yes.
[12:20] Speaker 3: Yes.
[12:20] Speaker 7: So since a kid, you've always what kind of background
[12:23] Speaker 7: did you grow up as far as a home life?
[12:25] Speaker 7: You grew up in a two-parent home?
[12:26] Speaker 2: Two-parent home. Two-parent home.
[12:27] Speaker 3: So you saw that example and said, this is what
[12:29] Speaker 3: I want.
[12:30] Speaker 7: It just so happened that career took off before relational
[12:33] Speaker 7: stuff took off.
[12:35] Speaker 1: Well, I grew up in a two-parent home. My sophomore
[12:38] Speaker 1: year in college, my parents got divorced. And when my
[12:41] Speaker 1: parents got divorced, my mom went from shopping at Saks
[12:45] Speaker 1: and Nordstrom's to now we're at TJ Maxx.
[12:47] Speaker 2: She got a roommate.
[12:48] Speaker 1: So I was like, wait a minute. A man isn't
[12:51] Speaker 1: a plan? Because I went to school to find a husband. Like, yeah,
[12:57] Speaker 1: I'm in class, but honey, who going to marry me
[12:59] Speaker 1: so I can be a mom.
[13:01] Speaker 2: And blah, blah, blah.
[13:02] Speaker 1: And so once I saw my parents that got divorced,
[13:05] Speaker 1: once I realized that a man wasn't a plan, I'm like, oh, shoot,
[13:08] Speaker 1: I got to now be something.
[13:09] Speaker 2: Well, what do I want to be?
[13:11] Speaker 1: And so the second I saw my parents get divorced,
[13:14] Speaker 1: I was like, well, I got to make some money
[13:16] Speaker 1: because I got expensive taste.
[13:18] Speaker 2: So then I became very career driven.
[13:22] Speaker 1: And so I said, I'm always going to have my
[13:24] Speaker 1: own money because in case something happens, I need to
[13:26] Speaker 1: always be myself.
[13:27] Speaker 2: Okay.
[13:28] Speaker 1: So I was no longer looking for marriage. I was like,
[13:31] Speaker 1: let me go get my career. I'm going to get
[13:32] Speaker 1: my finances together. Then once I got all of that,
[13:35] Speaker 1: then I was like, well, wait, I got to have
[13:37] Speaker 1: a kid. This time is ticking. Like I got to
[13:39] Speaker 1: find me.
[13:39] Speaker 2: A little husband.
[13:40] Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
[13:42] Speaker 3: And then you got married.
[13:43] Speaker 7: So how long did y'all date before y'all got married?
[13:45] Speaker 2: Not long. Red flag number two.
[13:48] Speaker 1: When someone is just so into you in the very
[13:50] Speaker 1: beginning and there's the gifts and there's the trips and
[13:52] Speaker 1: you're just so perfect and let's just be together all
[13:54] Speaker 1: the time.
[13:55] Speaker 2: That is a red flag.
[13:57] Speaker 1: We dated maybe about nine months, maybe a year until
[14:00] Speaker 1: he proposed. And then we got married within six months
[14:04] Speaker 1: of the proposal.
[14:05] Speaker 7: And you say it's a red flag because you felt
[14:07] Speaker 7: like he was love bombing you?
[14:09] Speaker 3: Yes.
[14:09] Speaker 1: I didn't know what the terminology was. I just thought,
[14:11] Speaker 1: oh my God, he's into me.
[14:13] Speaker 7: Yay.
[14:13] Speaker 8: Come on, God.
[14:15] Speaker 2: Not asking God nothing, but everything I wanted, he was.
[14:19] Speaker 7: But see, that's interesting because like you said, you make
[14:22] Speaker 7: these requests known to God and then you meet somebody
[14:25] Speaker 7: that fulfills that. Of course, you told him and typically
[14:28] Speaker 7: what would happen in a healthy standpoint is they'll show
[14:32] Speaker 7: up doing that without you having to say anything.
[14:35] Speaker 3: But to the woman that's saying, she.
[14:38] Speaker 7: May have on her Instagram or made a video saying, man,
[14:41] Speaker 7: I need whoever, dear future husband, when you meet me,
[14:44] Speaker 7: I need you to do this, this, this, this, this.
[14:46] Speaker 7: And the guy looking and he may comment and say, oh,
[14:49] Speaker 7: I could do that. And then you like, yeah, right.
[14:51] Speaker 7: Because you may have said that to other guys and
[14:53] Speaker 7: they still didn't foot the bill. So now you meet
[14:55] Speaker 7: this guy, he starts doing all that stuff. And you
[14:57] Speaker 7: may say, listen, I'm not going to be a girlfriend
[15:00] Speaker 7: for two, three years. And he's like, listen, I'm intentional.
[15:04] Speaker 7: And he marries you in nine months. It's hard for
[15:07] Speaker 7: someone to to rationalize what is God, what is narcissistic
[15:14] Speaker 7: love and all that. How would you speak to that
[15:17] Speaker 7: to say how could someone discern the difference?
[15:20] Speaker 2: The devil's going to give you everything you want wrapped
[15:22] Speaker 2: up in a bow.
[15:24] Speaker 3: So you tell me it was no tension. It was nowhere.
[15:26] Speaker 7: He told you, no, I'm not going to do that.
[15:29] Speaker 7: Like where it was anything while y'all were dating. Were
[15:31] Speaker 7: you like, hey, well, can you get this for me?
[15:34] Speaker 7: And he was like, listen, no, we got to rationalize.
[15:36] Speaker 3: No, there's no. He gave you everything.
[15:39] Speaker 1: Completely agreeable. Completely agreeable. But I never asked God about him.
[15:45] Speaker 3: That part.
[15:47] Speaker 1: So I believe that whatever situation you find yourself in,
[15:52] Speaker 1: there was a role that you played and you need
[15:54] Speaker 1: to take full accountability so that you learn from that
[15:56] Speaker 1: and you don't hop into another situation with the same issues.
[16:00] Speaker 1: I don't want to go from Ed to Fred. I
[16:02] Speaker 1: want to, you know, have a whole different person. So
[16:05] Speaker 1: I never, once I found him, I never said, okay, God,
[16:08] Speaker 1: Is he the one? I never did that because if
[16:11] Speaker 1: I did, red flag number one was he was a
[16:14] Speaker 1: little angry. Like we're punching walls at hotels and we're
[16:18] Speaker 1: breaking laptops and tables and that's not normal.
[16:21] Speaker 2: That's not love. But he checks a lot of boxes off.
[16:25] Speaker 3: You're talking about punching holes in hotel walls.
[16:27] Speaker 2: Yes.
[16:27] Speaker 3: And how would y'all explain that to the people?
[16:31] Speaker 2: Check out.
[16:32] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[16:33] Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my God, you're so embarrassing. But they're
[16:35] Speaker 1: going to call you and be like, this.
[16:37] Speaker 7: Right here happened.
[16:38] Speaker 3: We're going to charge your credit card.
[16:39] Speaker 2: They'll charge it. But it's... It's like you're embarrassed.
[16:45] Speaker 7: Like, why are you?
[16:45] Speaker 1: But then they go from being erratic to nice and
[16:49] Speaker 1: sweet again. It's always an up and down and up
[16:52] Speaker 1: and down and up and down and up and down.
[16:54] Speaker 1: And if you don't understand the signs, you're just on
[16:57] Speaker 1: this roller coaster, not even realizing that you're on the
[16:59] Speaker 1: roller coaster.
[17:00] Speaker 4: Let me ask you, a lot of times we feel
[17:04] Speaker 4: like people have an end game. And for some men,
[17:08] Speaker 4: it could be, I mean, we know what the end
[17:09] Speaker 4: game is, right? We know why they're playing the game.
[17:11] Speaker 4: He actually married you. So I think in unpacking it
[17:16] Speaker 4: to hubby's question about just the signs and how people
[17:19] Speaker 4: can know if it's love bombing or if it's something
[17:22] Speaker 4: from God, I love what you said. You didn't seek God, um,
[17:25] Speaker 4: in the decision, but what do you think? And obviously
[17:28] Speaker 4: he's not here, so I don't want to make you
[17:30] Speaker 4: speak for him, but what do you think his end
[17:32] Speaker 4: goal was with you?
[17:34] Speaker 1: I think the end goal was marriage because, um, It's
[17:38] Speaker 1: just how they have women that are gold diggers. They
[17:40] Speaker 1: also have men that are gold diggers. And so when
[17:42] Speaker 1: I met my soon to be ex-husband, he had two
[17:45] Speaker 1: failing businesses. He was running out of money. He was
[17:48] Speaker 1: closing things down where I was a successful attorney. So
[17:52] Speaker 1: when he met me, he latched on to my name
[17:54] Speaker 1: in the city. He latched on to my success. I'm
[17:57] Speaker 1: able to help him in business.
[17:59] Speaker 3: So he's a homosexual. Yeah, a homosexual.
[18:01] Speaker 6: A homosexual, that's what they call it.
[18:02] Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah.
[18:03] Speaker 3: They want to live off the woman.
[18:04] Speaker 1: And so then pretty soon, all of my accomplishments became his.
[18:08] Speaker 1: So we have a law firm. No, we don't have
[18:11] Speaker 1: a law firm. I have a law firm, right? We
[18:14] Speaker 1: have this. And he would lie about small things.
[18:17] Speaker 2: Yeah, he would tell people he's from California. And I'm like,
[18:21] Speaker 2: you're from population two, Port Arthur, Texas. But he would
[18:25] Speaker 2: tell people it's from California. And people would come in, oh, yeah,
[18:29] Speaker 2: I'm right up the street. I'm in LA.
[18:30] Speaker 6: And I'm like.
[18:31] Speaker 1: that's eight hour difference at least know the city you're
[18:34] Speaker 1: gonna lie but he was he was very very charismatic
[18:38] Speaker 1: a stellar salesman like he just.
[18:40] Speaker 7: Had why would he say that why would he try
[18:41] Speaker 7: to change where he from and make it where you.
[18:43] Speaker 1: From because he wanted to act like he wasn't from
[18:46] Speaker 1: a small city of portugal bigger than he was correct
[18:50] Speaker 1: he would call himself hollywood and he would say hollywood
[18:54] Speaker 1: he said i'm hollywood yeah but you know people do
[18:56] Speaker 1: that Because like L.A. carries a certain, I guess, prestige
[19:01] Speaker 1: with it or certain cities do. And sometimes people will
[19:04] Speaker 1: try to say that they're from a city because they
[19:07] Speaker 1: feel like it makes them bigger than what they are.
[19:09] Speaker 7: I just never heard that in my life.
[19:12] Speaker 2: And I'm from L.A. So you have to say, yeah,
[19:14] Speaker 2: I'm from L.A. And I'm just like, you're not from L.A.
[19:17] Speaker 2: You're not.
[19:18] Speaker 7: You're not. You don't live there, huh? No.
[19:21] Speaker 3: No.
[19:22] Speaker 7: So okay that is crazy to me that's that's different
[19:26] Speaker 7: so what did you think of that when he was
[19:27] Speaker 7: doing that we just laugh it off and be like.
[19:29] Speaker 9: At first i would just laugh it off i'm like
[19:31] Speaker 9: well why because oh i'm just you know i'm just
[19:33] Speaker 9: i'm i'm it's just whatever and so once again red
[19:37] Speaker 9: flag like a person who's not confident who they are
[19:40] Speaker 9: is never going to be able to let you shine
[19:43] Speaker 9: yeah like your light's always going to dim.
[19:45] Speaker 1: Them but it's so minute versus on this list i'm
[19:49] Speaker 1: ready to get married, have a kid. You know, he
[19:52] Speaker 1: meets enough boxes. Let's just, let me just whoosh that
[19:56] Speaker 1: underneath the carpet. But that's a sign.
[20:00] Speaker 4: So there was, there was, I guess, the straw that
[20:03] Speaker 4: broke the camel's back. You're going through this, this marriage.
[20:06] Speaker 1: How long.
[20:08] Speaker 3: Were y'all married?
[20:08] Speaker 6: Were y'all actually, I guess, because you're still married.
[20:10] Speaker 7: So how long?
[20:11] Speaker 2: We were living together for 10 years, almost 11.
[20:14] Speaker 6: Okay.
[20:15] Speaker 2: And just wasn't my person. Right.
[20:17] Speaker 1: So besides him being abusive and just really, I call it.
[20:24] Speaker 1: like just negligent, like just emotionally, just not there.
[20:27] Speaker 3: Right.
[20:28] Speaker 1: We had already been tossing the, we were getting a divorce,
[20:31] Speaker 1: but I thought it would be a friendly divorce. Like
[20:34] Speaker 1: we still have Thanksgiving together. We still go on vacations together.
[20:37] Speaker 1: Like we just didn't work as a couple, but we
[20:40] Speaker 1: can still be business partners. We can be friends. Like I'm,
[20:43] Speaker 1: you know, we just have a nice cordial divorce. And
[20:46] Speaker 1: I found out about one affair right before COVID. And
[20:51] Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I can go. I'm not doing this.
[20:54] Speaker 1: Oh no, I want the family. So now we're in
[20:57] Speaker 1: counseling and no, no, no, no. Then COVID happened. So
[20:59] Speaker 1: we got to stop counseling, but I'm not really seeing
[21:02] Speaker 1: a big change in his behavior. And so that's when
[21:05] Speaker 1: I said, Hey, like this is June of 2021. I'm,
[21:08] Speaker 1: I think we should just let this go. No, I
[21:11] Speaker 1: want my family to try counseling again. And my, the
[21:15] Speaker 1: stronghold was I had a two parent home.
[21:17] Speaker 2: I want my son to have a two parent home.
[21:19] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[21:20] Speaker 1: But this two-parent home, it got some furniture moving up
[21:23] Speaker 1: in it.
[21:23] Speaker 6: So you guys just have one child together?
[21:26] Speaker 1: We have one child together, and I had a bonus daughter.
[21:29] Speaker 1: I was with her since she was nine months. So
[21:31] Speaker 1: we had two. So when I separated, she would come
[21:34] Speaker 1: with me on the weekends. She was my daughter. And
[21:40] Speaker 1: it just wasn't meshing. And so we're back to the
[21:44] Speaker 1: divorce world. And then one day, my son came into
[21:47] Speaker 1: the office, and he goes, Mommy, Daddy's cheating on you.
[21:51] Speaker 1: And I said, Lucy, daddy would never cheat on me
[21:56] Speaker 1: because although he wasn't the best husband, like I have
[21:59] Speaker 1: been with you since you had nothing. Every financial mistake
[22:04] Speaker 1: you made in this marriage, I've always covered you. I'm
[22:08] Speaker 1: the person in our marriage, in our businesses that built everything.
[22:12] Speaker 1: Like I put you on the forefront because a man's
[22:15] Speaker 1: easier to sell than a pretty woman.
[22:17] Speaker 2: So say this, say that, do this, do that.
[22:19] Speaker 1: But If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have it.
[22:23] Speaker 1: So there's no way you could cheat on me.
[22:25] Speaker 2: Because I'm.
[22:27] Speaker 4: You.
[22:27] Speaker 2: I'm making you look good. And I said, oh, Corey,
[22:31] Speaker 2: daddy would never cheat on me. So I call him up.
[22:33] Speaker 2: He's on a boy's trip, so I thought.
[22:37] Speaker 1: And instead of him saying, oh, son, I would never
[22:39] Speaker 1: cheat on mommy, he starts hollering at our son.
[22:42] Speaker 2: I'm like, why would you holler.
[22:44] Speaker 1: At, what are you talking about? Then three days later,
[22:46] Speaker 1: we're at the gym. We're at a boxing gym and
[22:49] Speaker 1: he's practicing. We're doing our little bag stuff. And I
[22:54] Speaker 1: see him delete a text message. Well, why are you
[22:57] Speaker 1: deleting text messages? So I asked him like, I just
[23:00] Speaker 1: saw you delete a text message because I'm not the
[23:02] Speaker 1: kind that's going to go through a phone. If there's
[23:03] Speaker 1: something going on, God's going to give you exactly what
[23:06] Speaker 1: you need. And you always think something going on. You
[23:10] Speaker 1: watch too much Housewives.
[23:11] Speaker 2: Ain't nothing going on.
[23:13] Speaker 3: Watch too much Housewives.
[23:14] Speaker 2: And so I said, bed.
[23:16] Speaker 1: So after our second round, he had put his phone
[23:20] Speaker 1: on a little desk, but then he knocked the phone
[23:23] Speaker 1: on the ground.
[23:23] Speaker 2: So I'm like, you ain't doing all that. Ain't something
[23:26] Speaker 2: in your phone.
[23:27] Speaker 1: So I just casually pick the phone up and I'll
[23:29] Speaker 1: walk out the gym. I get into the truck. He's
[23:31] Speaker 1: now running after me, beating down on a window. The
[23:34] Speaker 1: window's shut. I just drive off and I'm waiting for
[23:36] Speaker 1: the person to text again. I'm going in text messages.
[23:40] Speaker 1: I'm going in his DMs. Nothing but a cheater and
[23:44] Speaker 1: When you catch them the first time, they just cheat better.
[23:48] Speaker 1: Then he calls me about 15 minutes later from a
[23:50] Speaker 1: friend's phone.
[23:50] Speaker 2: He goes, you went through my photos. What did you see?
[23:56] Speaker 7: Photos?
[23:57] Speaker 1: I know a married man don't have nothing out of
[23:59] Speaker 1: order in his photos.
[24:01] Speaker 2: And baby, when I went in them photos, a video
[24:05] Speaker 2: of him having sex with the girl on the beach.
[24:09] Speaker 1: They, I don't know where they are, but they is smiling,
[24:11] Speaker 1: having dinner and You have me at home with the
[24:14] Speaker 1: kids working for five days.
[24:17] Speaker 2: Oh, let me go. Come on, dudes. You about to
[24:21] Speaker 2: have me slaving for you.
[24:23] Speaker 3: So that's when he went to the boys' trip that
[24:25] Speaker 3: you thought? You think that happened on the boys' trip?
[24:28] Speaker 2: He called it a boys' trip.
[24:29] Speaker 3: He was with her. Yeah, he was with her.
[24:31] Speaker 2: Correct.
[24:32] Speaker 7: So you didn't care about him going on guys' trips
[24:34] Speaker 7: and stuff like that, huh?
[24:36] Speaker 4: No.
[24:37] Speaker 3: So you're not very like.
[24:39] Speaker 7: Jealous or controlling you'd be like go ahead enjoy your
[24:42] Speaker 7: life and then he just abused that.
[24:43] Speaker 1: Correct but in our marriage we always have a boys
[24:48] Speaker 1: night but where's date night like i'm not sure my
[24:50] Speaker 1: boys night just where's this where's the date night and
[24:54] Speaker 1: he would make me asking to hang out like i
[24:57] Speaker 1: was aggravating him yeah and i'm like well baby they're
[25:00] Speaker 1: right I ain't going to ask you for nothing.
[25:03] Speaker 9: You know what I'm saying?
[25:04] Speaker 2: I know who I am.
[25:05] Speaker 1: So I would just not ask. And then over time,
[25:09] Speaker 1: I'm kind of like, well, wait a minute. Why am I,
[25:11] Speaker 1: what am I getting out of this relationship? Besides we
[25:14] Speaker 1: have this family together. But I'm not getting anything out
[25:17] Speaker 1: of the relationship.
[25:17] Speaker 3: You said he can be intentional about hanging out with
[25:18] Speaker 3: his homeboys.
[25:19] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[25:19] Speaker 4: And I was going to say, did you know the
[25:22] Speaker 4: homeboys that he went on the trip?
[25:24] Speaker 3: The fake trip with?
[25:25] Speaker 6: You did?
[25:25] Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
[25:26] Speaker 7: Okay.
[25:27] Speaker 4: I just wonder about people posting, because social media, did
[25:30] Speaker 4: you see them too?
[25:31] Speaker 6: Did you follow them?
[25:32] Speaker 4: Because that'd be a red flag for me if he
[25:34] Speaker 4: was like, I'm going with my homeboy, Jay.
[25:36] Speaker 6: And I'd be like, but Jay is at home.
[25:38] Speaker 3: Jay over there in Houston.
[25:39] Speaker 7: Jay is in Houston. Oh, no. He just posted a
[25:42] Speaker 7: picture like a week before. He don't never post nothing.
[25:45] Speaker 2: But remember I said a good cheater can cheat better?
[25:47] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[25:47] Speaker 1: So Jay's going to know. Don't be on your story
[25:51] Speaker 1: this week. I'm saying blah, blah, blah.
[25:53] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[25:53] Speaker 6: They're all in cahoots.
[25:54] Speaker 7: Yep.
[25:55] Speaker 1: Yep.
[25:56] Speaker 4: So then so so this happens and then you're telling
[26:01] Speaker 4: your son like, hey, we're going to we're going to leave.
[26:04] Speaker 1: So I actually went to Dallas. for a week to
[26:07] Speaker 1: stay with my mom because I was heartbroken.
[26:11] Speaker 2: Over the disrespect.
[26:12] Speaker 1: Like, I have carried you through so much and you
[26:15] Speaker 1: have the gall and the audacity because the girl he
[26:18] Speaker 1: was having an affair with is also a former employee
[26:21] Speaker 1: of ours. So it was just like disrespect over disrespect over,
[26:25] Speaker 1: I just told you six months ago, we can go
[26:27] Speaker 1: ahead and get a divorce. So I felt like you
[26:30] Speaker 1: really wanted to hurt me. Like you wanted me to
[26:32] Speaker 1: find this out and just, and just crush me. Because
[26:35] Speaker 1: if you had a mistress and your wife for 10
[26:39] Speaker 1: years said, I want out, the average man would say.
[26:42] Speaker 2: Yes, I can get out with no kind of conflict.
[26:44] Speaker 2: You wanted this.
[26:45] Speaker 1: So I'm in Dallas and I'm crying and I'm not
[26:48] Speaker 1: going to be at home crying because I'm not going
[26:50] Speaker 1: to let him see me this broke. I'm like, mama,
[26:52] Speaker 1: I'm just, I got to just, you know, I got
[26:53] Speaker 1: to go to mama. You know, you got to just
[26:55] Speaker 1: get that out of me. And my son is now
[26:58] Speaker 1: having a conniption because I'm not there. So he tells
[27:01] Speaker 1: my son, Mommy, she, daddy cheated on mommy. So mommy's
[27:05] Speaker 1: not going to live here anymore. So now my son's
[27:08] Speaker 1: calling me crying.
[27:09] Speaker 7: You're not going to live here. He just went there
[27:11] Speaker 7: with it.
[27:12] Speaker 2: Went there.
[27:12] Speaker 1: So now I got to come back to Houston because
[27:15] Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm doing all this time trying to hold
[27:18] Speaker 1: this family together and you're doing everything just to, I'm
[27:22] Speaker 1: trying to shield the baby. We don't act like everything
[27:24] Speaker 1: is fine. Cause I'm trying to keep, I'm trying to
[27:26] Speaker 1: keep my son together. And this is like, sometimes you
[27:29] Speaker 1: can hold on to the thing that's killing you. Like
[27:32] Speaker 1: God's trying to rip it apart and you keep holding on,
[27:34] Speaker 1: killing yourself. So I fly back to Houston and say, okay, Ducey,
[27:39] Speaker 1: daddy is correct. Like we're going to live, I'm going
[27:41] Speaker 1: to live separately, but we still love you the same.
[27:44] Speaker 1: So we had a big house. I just moved downstairs
[27:46] Speaker 1: because my son was just really distressed. So I slept downstairs.
[27:50] Speaker 1: He was upstairs and our son would rotate night after
[27:53] Speaker 1: night because our son slept with us.
[27:55] Speaker 2: For our entire marriage.
[27:56] Speaker 7: Really?
[27:57] Speaker 2: Never slept in the crib.
[27:59] Speaker 7: Wow. Never.
[27:59] Speaker 2: He wouldn't sleep in the crib. Would not. And so
[28:04] Speaker 2: I then said, I'm going to move.
[28:06] Speaker 1: I found a place. I said, I'm going to wait
[28:07] Speaker 1: 30 days. I want my son to kind of be
[28:09] Speaker 1: acclimated and blah, blah, blah. And once I said I
[28:13] Speaker 1: found a place, that's when the anger revved up with
[28:17] Speaker 1: my soon-to-be ex-husband. And I realized then he uses violence
[28:21] Speaker 1: to control me to then get me to not do
[28:24] Speaker 1: what I'm doing. So I tell him I find a house.
[28:27] Speaker 1: I need my security deposit. Maybe a week or so later,
[28:32] Speaker 1: we're at the dealership, our dealership, and we're having a meeting.
[28:36] Speaker 1: He just pulls a gun out at the meeting, sets
[28:38] Speaker 1: it down on the table. I'm like, what is he doing?
[28:41] Speaker 1: Then he takes the gun and he fires one shot
[28:45] Speaker 1: over his dad's head. Oh, then he puts the gun
[28:50] Speaker 1: to his head.
[28:51] Speaker 2: It's like, F this. I'm like, what in the world?
[28:55] Speaker 1: He walks out into the lobby with customers and he
[28:58] Speaker 1: fires three shots on this wall. And then three shots
[29:01] Speaker 1: on that wall with customers running out. Like, and I'm
[29:04] Speaker 1: just like, we're about to get sued. What in the
[29:07] Speaker 1: world is going on? And I'm like, what are you doing?
[29:09] Speaker 1: What are you doing?
[29:11] Speaker 2: And his dad's like, he's just stressed because you're trying
[29:14] Speaker 2: to leave.
[29:14] Speaker 7: His dad just said he's stressed.
[29:16] Speaker 3: So his dad wasn't nervous?
[29:17] Speaker 4: Stressed.
[29:18] Speaker 3: That didn't scare him?
[29:18] Speaker 2: You ever heard of enablers?
[29:20] Speaker 7: Yeah. Yeah, but that's a different level.
[29:22] Speaker 1: A toxic person has a circle of people who they
[29:26] Speaker 1: can never be wrong.
[29:28] Speaker 2: This person's always right.
[29:29] Speaker 3: I'm talking about shooting it like that.
[29:31] Speaker 2: He's an enabler.
[29:32] Speaker 6: And above his dad's head.
[29:33] Speaker 7: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'll be like, hey, son,
[29:35] Speaker 7: I ain't do nothing to you. I don't know what
[29:37] Speaker 7: you got going on, buddy.
[29:38] Speaker 1: An enabler. Because if I take accountability of my son
[29:43] Speaker 1: being out of order, I got to take accountability of
[29:47] Speaker 1: my son.
[29:48] Speaker 6: That's good.
[29:48] Speaker 1: So we're going to act like it ain't the parenting.
[29:51] Speaker 1: We're going to act like I didn't miss a step
[29:53] Speaker 1: or two. It's, oh, he's just stressed. We're going to
[29:56] Speaker 1: put everything back on. He's just stressed.
[30:00] Speaker 2: And so that's the first time I was just like,
[30:03] Speaker 2: he's tripping, right?
[30:04] Speaker 6: So he didn't get arrested.
[30:05] Speaker 2: The police never.
[30:06] Speaker 7: No, no.
[30:07] Speaker 2: Well, we have a buy here, pay here dealership. So
[30:09] Speaker 2: our customers are not calling the police.
[30:11] Speaker 7: I don't know nothing about that. So as we're going
[30:13] Speaker 7: to explain that to you. So what that is, is
[30:15] Speaker 7: a certain demographic that has to buy their cars there.
[30:18] Speaker 3: So they not going to go to buy here.
[30:20] Speaker 7: What is it?
[30:21] Speaker 3: Buy here, pay here. So when you got your car, yeah.
[30:23] Speaker 3: So when you got your car, no financing. We got
[30:26] Speaker 3: your car. We went to a place.
[30:27] Speaker 7: They sold you the car, but your finance, you need
[30:29] Speaker 7: to get the finances with the dealership, which they have
[30:33] Speaker 7: a relationship with finance companies, or you go get your
[30:37] Speaker 7: own standalone financing. Okay.
[30:39] Speaker 3: What they did was tote the note. They said, you
[30:41] Speaker 3: buy here, pay here.
[30:42] Speaker 7: So your credit has nothing to do with it, but
[30:44] Speaker 7: you're going to, as soon as you miss that payment,
[30:46] Speaker 7: it may be biweekly or monthly, but you miss it,
[30:49] Speaker 7: we come get in that car. We ain't going to
[30:50] Speaker 7: let you get behind too far and too long. Okay.
[30:53] Speaker 3: So that demographic, they're not going to go tell.
[30:56] Speaker 2: Correct.
[30:57] Speaker 1: I see.
[30:58] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[30:58] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[30:58] Speaker 3: She's like her clients. Like when she met her, she
[31:00] Speaker 3: met her husband. She said, I think this might be
[31:03] Speaker 3: one of my.
[31:03] Speaker 6: I care about when she was the criminal, the criminal attorney.
[31:05] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[31:05] Speaker 8: Yeah.
[31:06] Speaker 7: So she getting that. She getting that. Okay.
[31:07] Speaker 8: I got you.
[31:07] Speaker 3: You know, she, she, she from Pasadena.
[31:09] Speaker 6: That demo.
[31:10] Speaker 7: Okay. Right. Right. Why didn't they, why didn't the police,
[31:13] Speaker 7: why didn't they.
[31:13] Speaker 4: Right.
[31:13] Speaker 7: The B, the B should have heard about that. He
[31:15] Speaker 7: should be in jail.
[31:16] Speaker 3: I should have went on Google and yep. And it
[31:18] Speaker 3: should have been a stern review.
[31:19] Speaker 2: Correct.
[31:20] Speaker 7: That's attempted.
[31:21] Speaker 6: Correct.
[31:21] Speaker 2: I don't know if I can say that, but you.
[31:23] Speaker 7: Know, that's attempted. Yeah. And here, she's like, I got
[31:26] Speaker 7: to go give a bad review on this business. Absolutely.
[31:30] Speaker 2: BBB is going to be gone.
[31:32] Speaker 6: Yep, the better business.
[31:34] Speaker 7: This is a hazardous work environment. Hazardous.
[31:36] Speaker 3: Why didn't the employees complain?
[31:38] Speaker 7: Yes.
[31:38] Speaker 2: That's true.
[31:41] Speaker 1: The employees didn't... You know, it's... You know, it's... It
[31:45] Speaker 1: just comes... Just another day.
[31:47] Speaker 7: Another day.
[31:48] Speaker 3: Hear no evil, see no evil.
[31:49] Speaker 2: Correct.
[31:50] Speaker 7: Wow.
[31:51] Speaker 3: And so, again, enable that.
[31:54] Speaker 7: Somebody does something that extreme and don't get in trouble
[31:57] Speaker 7: for it, it'd be like, I'm invincible at this point. Correct.
[31:59] Speaker 3: I can get away with it.
[32:00] Speaker 1: So now I'm seeing... So he said that he had
[32:04] Speaker 1: thoughts of killing himself. So me going back into wife mode,
[32:07] Speaker 1: let me get him in counseling.
[32:08] Speaker 4: So after this, you just go home and act like...
[32:11] Speaker 4: Everything fine?
[32:12] Speaker 1: No, I went home and I found a therapist.
[32:15] Speaker 2: Because my whole thing is, my son's father can't be crazy. Like, see, this...
[32:20] Speaker 2: We have to work.
[32:21] Speaker 6: Even though we're.
[32:22] Speaker 1: Going to get a divorce, you need to still be
[32:24] Speaker 1: a sane father for my son. So you're going to
[32:26] Speaker 1: be in counseling because I have invested too much time
[32:29] Speaker 1: in the father of my child. We're going to have
[32:31] Speaker 1: the perfect divorcee family.
[32:33] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[32:33] Speaker 2: It was on my watch.
[32:34] Speaker 3: Yeah, I see what you're saying.
[32:35] Speaker 1: So sometimes as a wife and you are the neck,
[32:39] Speaker 1: the help me, like I'm also the PR. Like we
[32:42] Speaker 1: got to keep this thing looking like it's something. And so-
[32:46] Speaker 1: He goes to one counseling session. All of a sudden,
[32:48] Speaker 1: I'm healed.
[32:49] Speaker 2: I'm fine. I don't need any more.
[32:51] Speaker 3: He said one counseling session.
[32:52] Speaker 2: And I'm like, hmm. He's trying to manipulate me. Got it.
[33:00] Speaker 2: Anger manipulate me. Got it.
[33:03] Speaker 1: The next week, mind you, my move-out day is in
[33:06] Speaker 1: now 20 days. My brother's like, you need to get out. Like,
[33:09] Speaker 1: this is not safe.
[33:10] Speaker 2: Oh, he would never hurt me.
[33:13] Speaker 6: Wait, so your brother was... what was their relationship like?
[33:19] Speaker 1: We're going to talk during the holidays and ha ha ha,
[33:22] Speaker 1: but there was no relationship.
[33:24] Speaker 3: Okay. No.
[33:25] Speaker 2: Okay.
[33:26] Speaker 6: So I always wonder, cause you know, when you have.
[33:28] Speaker 2: Brothers, totally different type of men.
[33:32] Speaker 1: So there was no real common denominator besides me.
[33:35] Speaker 2: Okay.
[33:37] Speaker 1: So maybe a week or two later, We're back at
[33:40] Speaker 1: the dealership having another meeting, but now I have signed
[33:44] Speaker 1: the lease. I am moving my clothes in the garage,
[33:48] Speaker 1: packing up because I'm moving. And my father-in-law is really
[33:51] Speaker 1: upset that I'm leaving. I'm taking the grandchild out the home.
[33:55] Speaker 1: And he's like, you're really going to let your wife
[33:57] Speaker 1: leave and have another man raise your son? I would
[34:00] Speaker 1: never do that if I was a father. And my
[34:03] Speaker 1: soon-to-be ex-husband said, dad, I'm just so angry inside. I
[34:06] Speaker 1: can see myself just waking up one day and killing
[34:09] Speaker 1: joy and killing deuce and when he said mind you
[34:12] Speaker 1: him saying killing joy is just in one i'm not
[34:15] Speaker 1: even listening to that when i hear kill deuce how
[34:19] Speaker 1: could you even say you can kill your son so
[34:22] Speaker 1: i get up and leave and i call my brother
[34:23] Speaker 1: he's like call the landlord now tell them you need
[34:27] Speaker 1: to move in tomorrow i'm catching a flight i'll tell
[34:30] Speaker 1: you what time i'm there And picked up my brother.
[34:33] Speaker 1: We got a U-Haul truck. The next day, I moved
[34:35] Speaker 1: out the house. Because I'm like, you're.
[34:38] Speaker 2: Going to talk about dudes?
[34:39] Speaker 1: Anyone talk about anyone trying to hurt this little boy
[34:42] Speaker 1: right here? Mama Bear comes out. So, hey, this ain't
[34:45] Speaker 1: going to do it. I am now moved out, up
[34:49] Speaker 1: the street, next subdivision, where I'm here for a good
[34:52] Speaker 1: maybe week, 14 days, just get unpacked. We're at the
[34:56] Speaker 1: dealership again. That's just me, my soon-to-be ex-husband, and my son.
[35:01] Speaker 1: And we're just having a conversation. Now, after I find
[35:03] Speaker 1: out about the affair, I don't call anyone. Mind you,
[35:07] Speaker 1: I find multiple girls who used to work for us
[35:11] Speaker 1: in the phone.
[35:13] Speaker 2: I'm not calling no one. I'm not slashing no tires.
[35:16] Speaker 1: I'm not pouring. I really was just like, I'm done.
[35:19] Speaker 1: When you're done, you're just done. So I'm still going
[35:22] Speaker 1: to work. No one at the office knows what's going on. Hey, y'all,
[35:25] Speaker 1: I'm playing the role because I'm never going to mess
[35:27] Speaker 1: up the money.
[35:27] Speaker 9: Yeah.
[35:28] Speaker 1: And I tell him, if you're talking about a dealership
[35:30] Speaker 1: or dues, we can talk.
[35:31] Speaker 6: Anything else?
[35:32] Speaker 2: He wants to go to lunch, let's date. Boy, I'm
[35:35] Speaker 2: not doing none of that with you. I'm done.
[35:38] Speaker 1: And so he's finally realizing she really may be done.
[35:42] Speaker 1: And the first time the D word, divorce, comes out,
[35:45] Speaker 1: I'm done. I'm filing for divorce. I need to get
[35:47] Speaker 1: some things situated and I'm out of here. And he
[35:49] Speaker 1: was just like, well, what do you want? And I'm like,
[35:52] Speaker 1: I don't want anything. I don't want child support. I
[35:54] Speaker 1: don't want spousal support. I said, let's keep our salaries
[35:57] Speaker 1: the same. I don't want to mess with the business.
[35:59] Speaker 1: I want to keep everything the same so we can
[36:01] Speaker 1: sell the house and take that mortgage money and add
[36:04] Speaker 1: it to our salary.
[36:06] Speaker 2: I said, but you did take $ 80, 000 out of the.
[36:08] Speaker 1: Account a couple months ago. And if I knew you
[36:10] Speaker 1: were doing all of this, I wouldn't have said yes.
[36:12] Speaker 1: So I just thought you should just give me 40
[36:14] Speaker 1: of that 80. And mind you, we got 40 grand tonight.
[36:17] Speaker 1: So it's not a lot of money. And he just snapped.
[36:20] Speaker 1: You think I'm going to give you some money? I'll
[36:22] Speaker 1: kill you before I give you some money. In fact,
[36:23] Speaker 1: I'm going to kill you now. And he walks right
[36:26] Speaker 1: back in the office, where the first shooting happened. And
[36:29] Speaker 1: so I knew there was a gun there. So something
[36:33] Speaker 1: was like, get up. The Holy Spirit was like, get up.
[36:39] Speaker 1: And I got up out of my office. I'm running
[36:40] Speaker 1: out the door and he shoots through the wall that
[36:42] Speaker 1: goes into my office, through my office computer. If I
[36:46] Speaker 1: hadn't got up, it would have went right through me.
[36:48] Speaker 1: It went through the office to the bathroom and it
[36:50] Speaker 1: hit the tile, went down and it skidded the thigh
[36:54] Speaker 1: of an employee who was sitting on the toilet. And
[36:56] Speaker 1: she got like grazed. I'm now running down the feeder row.
[37:00] Speaker 1: My son is sitting 10 feet from me. I went
[37:03] Speaker 1: to grab him. And I said, well, no, if he
[37:05] Speaker 1: shoots at me and misses, he'll get him. So I'm like,
[37:08] Speaker 1: do stay there.
[37:09] Speaker 2: I run out. I'm down the feeder row to 59 thinking,
[37:12] Speaker 2: how did I get here? Like, I'm smart. I'm educated.
[37:18] Speaker 1: How did I just end up here? And the crazy
[37:23] Speaker 1: part is, as I'm on the feeder row calling 911,
[37:26] Speaker 1: he's also calling me.
[37:27] Speaker 2: 911.
[37:29] Speaker 1: And he calls the police and tells the police that
[37:32] Speaker 1: I found out about the affair and I tried to
[37:35] Speaker 1: shoot him. So when the police come and I come back,
[37:39] Speaker 1: they put me in the back of a police car
[37:41] Speaker 1: and they put him in the back of the police car.
[37:43] Speaker 1: So I'm sitting like, well, this is weird because I'm
[37:46] Speaker 1: an attorney and I never knew that they put a
[37:48] Speaker 1: witness or a victim in the back of the police car.
[37:51] Speaker 1: And he goes, ma'am, your husband called 911 on you also.
[37:55] Speaker 1: So I'm here because of your phone call, but the
[37:58] Speaker 1: other cop is there because of his phone call.
[38:00] Speaker 2: I'm thinking, he called 911.
[38:02] Speaker 1: So now he's in one car, I'm in one car,
[38:05] Speaker 1: and my son is in there alone with two police officers.
[38:11] Speaker 1: And they come back and tell me the story that
[38:14] Speaker 1: he's saying that you shot at him.
[38:15] Speaker 2: And I'm like, sir, I have been moved out.
[38:18] Speaker 1: I found out about this affair a month ago.
[38:19] Speaker 2: I've been moved out.
[38:21] Speaker 1: I did not shoot at my husband. He's like, well, ma'am,
[38:24] Speaker 1: I got to bring you both in. I'm thinking, we
[38:26] Speaker 1: about to both be in jail.
[38:27] Speaker 2: Who's going to take my son? This is insane. And
[38:30] Speaker 2: then they ended up questioning my son. And he goes, no.
[38:34] Speaker 1: Daddy shot at mommy. Mommy didn't shoot at daddy. And
[38:37] Speaker 1: because my son said that, they let me go. So
[38:40] Speaker 1: they're like, well, are there cameras? We have cameras. Yes,
[38:42] Speaker 1: I'm walking to the back office to give them the footage.
[38:45] Speaker 1: Guess what happened to be unplugged? Guess what happened to
[38:50] Speaker 1: then be... I mean, a chorus is coming out the.
[38:53] Speaker 2: So.
[38:54] Speaker 1: My son is telling them, mind you, I'm in the
[38:56] Speaker 1: back of the police car. My son's telling them, hey,
[38:58] Speaker 1: I saw daddy go in the office. No, no, no.
[39:00] Speaker 1: So I'm just like, you know what, Joy? You just
[39:03] Speaker 1: need to go. I'm trying to keep this- How old
[39:05] Speaker 1: is your son? At the time, he's 13 now. He
[39:07] Speaker 1: was eight at the time.
[39:08] Speaker 2: It's a lot. So I'm embarrassed.
[39:15] Speaker 1: The husband that I'm writing and dying for is having
[39:19] Speaker 1: affairs with employees.
[39:21] Speaker 2: Embarrassing.
[39:22] Speaker 1: My whole- I'm the power couple, I'm this, all that's
[39:27] Speaker 1: gone because my whole life has been a lie.
[39:30] Speaker 2: So who am I?
[39:32] Speaker 1: I got to now start all the way over from
[39:34] Speaker 1: scratch in my mid 40s. But why when I already
[39:38] Speaker 1: built this? And then Is my son going to be traumatized? Like,
[39:42] Speaker 1: it's just so many things going into my mind. So
[39:44] Speaker 1: I'm like, let me just move to Florida. Let me
[39:46] Speaker 1: just get away from this chaos for our safety. And
[39:48] Speaker 1: let me just figure out what.
[39:50] Speaker 2: I'm going to do.
[39:51] Speaker 3: What was in Florida?
[39:53] Speaker 2: My brother. He's in Orlando. My mom's in Dallas.
[39:55] Speaker 1: That's just four hours away. He can drive four hours
[39:57] Speaker 1: and come kill me. So Orlando, Florida.
[39:59] Speaker 2: I mean, Orlando, Dallas. Orlando it is.
[40:01] Speaker 6: So wait, why isn't he arrested at this point? He
[40:04] Speaker 6: was arrested that night. So he's still in jail.
[40:06] Speaker 2: He's out of jail.
[40:08] Speaker 3: So what'd they end up charging him with?
[40:10] Speaker 1: They charged him. They charged him with assault and battery.
[40:13] Speaker 1: And we had different prosecutors. And when they talked to me,
[40:18] Speaker 1: I was still trying to, I didn't want to be
[40:21] Speaker 1: the reason why my son's father was in jail.
[40:25] Speaker 2: I was, what's it called?
[40:26] Speaker 3: Stockholm syndrome.
[40:27] Speaker 2: Thank you. Thank you. The battered wife syndrome. That's what
[40:30] Speaker 2: it was. I was still trying.
[40:31] Speaker 1: I don't want to be the cause. So I told them,
[40:33] Speaker 1: I don't want jail time. Just give him probation. I
[40:35] Speaker 1: don't want him to be, I don't want to be
[40:36] Speaker 1: around him, but I don't, he don't have to go
[40:38] Speaker 1: to jail. Probation's fine.
[40:40] Speaker 3: It was a restraining order.
[40:41] Speaker 4: Correct.
[40:42] Speaker 2: Correct.
[40:42] Speaker 1: Because, you know, a black man in jail, like, that's
[40:44] Speaker 1: not what I was trying to do. Although, Hilljoy is
[40:47] Speaker 1: going to say, there are consequences for your actions. Whatever
[40:50] Speaker 1: he did, that's on you. Now, if you asked me today,
[40:52] Speaker 1: it'd be a different answer. But back then, I'm still trying, oh,
[40:55] Speaker 1: my God. Everybody got to go to jail to visit
[40:57] Speaker 1: his dad.
[40:58] Speaker 7: Oh, my.
[40:58] Speaker 2: Oh, but that's where I was.
[40:59] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[41:00] Speaker 1: And so, it ended up, they ended up dismissing the case.
[41:02] Speaker 1: And they're like, well, ma'am, you're in Florida. Like, he
[41:04] Speaker 1: really can't hurt you.
[41:05] Speaker 2: And I'm just like... Yeah, I didn't say dismiss the case.
[41:08] Speaker 2: I'm just saying I don't want no jail time.
[41:10] Speaker 6: Like you said, it's a four hour drive.
[41:12] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[41:13] Speaker 2: Well, he was in Houston.
[41:15] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[41:15] Speaker 7: No, from Florida to Houston. She was talking about she
[41:17] Speaker 7: moved to Dallas. It had been four hours since they
[41:19] Speaker 7: lived in Houston. That's why she tried to get as
[41:21] Speaker 7: far as she could. And then they was like, well,
[41:23] Speaker 7: you far enough.
[41:24] Speaker 3: He can't hurt you.
[41:25] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[41:25] Speaker 3: You're in Orlando.
[41:26] Speaker 7: What about planes?
[41:28] Speaker 2: Right.
[41:28] Speaker 7: What about planes?
[41:29] Speaker 3: Who says that?
[41:30] Speaker 2: Wow.
[41:31] Speaker 7: So yeah.
[41:31] Speaker 1: So I was just like, so I'm learning that the
[41:34] Speaker 1: court system really isn't, isn't for justice. Right. And so
[41:38] Speaker 1: now I'm in Orlando. I was there for about 30 days.
[41:41] Speaker 1: I'm working remote. they don't know I've moved to Florida.
[41:45] Speaker 1: So because he was arrested, we had a restraining order.
[41:48] Speaker 2: We couldn't be together.
[41:49] Speaker 1: And so because he was the salesman, he was like, well,
[41:51] Speaker 1: let me, his dad was like our mediator, like our talker.
[41:55] Speaker 1: So can Corey work here and you just work home remote?
[41:59] Speaker 1: And so I would call the dealership or call my
[42:01] Speaker 1: father-in-law every single night because I wasn't talking to him.
[42:03] Speaker 1: So he would have to relay messages. I'm still doing repos.
[42:06] Speaker 1: I'm doing everything, but I'm doing all this from Florida.
[42:10] Speaker 1: They think I'm still down the street.
[42:12] Speaker 2: In Houston.
[42:13] Speaker 1: So they find, uh, 30 days later, they, they found
[42:16] Speaker 1: out I'm in Florida. They take all the money off
[42:18] Speaker 1: the account and they locked me out the business. It
[42:20] Speaker 1: was just, no one's answering the phone money gone. So
[42:24] Speaker 1: now I'm having to sue the business and I'm having
[42:27] Speaker 1: this divorce proceeding going on. And now I don't have
[42:30] Speaker 1: any money. February of 2022. I got to ask my mom.
[42:35] Speaker 2: To pay my rent. I just had a $ 10, 000 mortgage.
[42:39] Speaker 2: And I got to pay my mom, ask my mom, mom,
[42:41] Speaker 2: I need some rent money.
[42:43] Speaker 1: So now I'm thoroughly embarrassed because it's like, girl, how
[42:46] Speaker 1: did you get here?
[42:48] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[42:49] Speaker 1: God, what are you doing? Because I have worked, I
[42:54] Speaker 1: have sacrificed, I have done everything. You're just taking everything
[42:57] Speaker 1: from me.
[42:58] Speaker 7: And before that, how many businesses that you do? What
[43:01] Speaker 7: line of industries were you involved in?
[43:03] Speaker 1: So first we started off with, I had a salon franchise,
[43:06] Speaker 1: Super Weave Express, Houston's home of the $ 50 sew-in.
[43:10] Speaker 2: And we had 10 locations. You was one of them people.
[43:12] Speaker 7: That was making everybody mad, undercutting business. Because a lot
[43:15] Speaker 7: of people that was like, when the $ 50 sew-in, the
[43:18] Speaker 7: people that was charging $ 600 and $ 1, 000 for that stuff,
[43:21] Speaker 7: they was just like, I can't believe they got people
[43:22] Speaker 7: that can do a sew-in for $ 50.
[43:24] Speaker 3: You was the one that was just disrupting the industry, huh?
[43:27] Speaker 2: Sure was.
[43:29] Speaker 1: But the thing is, the $ 50 song was the buy-in.
[43:32] Speaker 1: So where I'm going to upsell you, so you're going
[43:35] Speaker 1: to pay more, but baby, it's called business.
[43:37] Speaker 2: It's called business.
[43:38] Speaker 1: You got to come into an industry and disrupt it,
[43:41] Speaker 1: be unique to stand out. Then I ventured from the
[43:45] Speaker 1: beauty industry and I started the dealership, collision shop, rental
[43:48] Speaker 1: car company, insurance agency. So I like to go into
[43:51] Speaker 1: an industry and then scale in that industry. So we
[43:53] Speaker 1: have all of these, we have the dealership, rental car,
[43:56] Speaker 1: insurance agency, collision shop at the present time.
[44:00] Speaker 6: Were those all in Houston?
[44:01] Speaker 3: Yes.
[44:01] Speaker 2: Okay.
[44:02] Speaker 7: So when you got, prior to marriage, you had the,
[44:05] Speaker 7: you were in hair care and.
[44:07] Speaker 3: You was an attorney.
[44:08] Speaker 2: Attorney and had a tax office.
[44:10] Speaker 3: Oh, and a tax office. So you had all that
[44:13] Speaker 3: as a single woman.
[44:15] Speaker 1: A single man had, I had the tax office and
[44:17] Speaker 1: I had, I was an attorney. When I met him,
[44:19] Speaker 1: I got into the hair. We had a hair boutique together.
[44:22] Speaker 1: And then we got married in the hair boutique. We
[44:25] Speaker 1: then also had a hair salon franchise and that's what
[44:27] Speaker 1: took off. And we scaled that.
[44:30] Speaker 4: Wow.
[44:31] Speaker 1: Then he wanted to get into the auto industry. Well,
[44:35] Speaker 1: he's not the best with finances. Any, any quick get
[44:39] Speaker 1: rich quick thing coming along.
[44:41] Speaker 2: He's jumping on it.
[44:43] Speaker 1: He'll ask my opinion. I will tell my aunt's opinion.
[44:47] Speaker 1: This is the dumbest idea you've ever.
[44:49] Speaker 2: Come up with. Don't do it. I would say it.
[44:53] Speaker 1: That's not the smartest thing to do. You know, you
[44:55] Speaker 1: can't just jump on a man's ego. I wouldn't do
[44:58] Speaker 1: that because of this, this, this, this, and this, but
[45:01] Speaker 1: he'll go do it anyway. And then when this, this,
[45:04] Speaker 1: and this happens, he's mad at me because- He gets
[45:07] Speaker 1: mad at you? Yes, because I told him this. But
[45:11] Speaker 1: mind you, as a wife, I'm not saying I told you.
[45:13] Speaker 1: I'm just like, we can overcome it.
[45:15] Speaker 2: You know, let me come up with a new marketing scheme.
[45:17] Speaker 2: Let me come up with something new.
[45:18] Speaker 1: I'm always coming up with a new way to make
[45:20] Speaker 1: some more money to fix the problem. But he has
[45:24] Speaker 1: an issue that I'm smarter than him because everything I
[45:26] Speaker 1: say you don't do when he does, it doesn't work.
[45:29] Speaker 1: So he meets a guy- Or a guy contacts him
[45:34] Speaker 1: on Instagram. I happen to know the guy's wife and
[45:37] Speaker 1: we just associates. We go to like the fashion shows together, brunches, blah, blah, blah.
[45:42] Speaker 1: And he's into buying all these cars. So I wake
[45:45] Speaker 1: up one day and we have like 10 cars in
[45:46] Speaker 1: the backyard.
[45:47] Speaker 7: Like what? Are you serious?
[45:48] Speaker 3: You said one day, really? Without talking to you?
[45:51] Speaker 2: Without talking to you, there's 10 cars. What? In the backyard.
[45:56] Speaker 1: And he's talking about, we're about to go buy and
[45:59] Speaker 1: sell cars.
[45:59] Speaker 2: We're about to do what?
[46:00] Speaker 1: Like before you go spend some money, we need to
[46:03] Speaker 1: learn this, learn that, learn this.
[46:05] Speaker 7: Are you exaggerating?
[46:05] Speaker 3: Was it really 10 cars out there?
[46:07] Speaker 2: 10 cars.
[46:08] Speaker 1: And 10 cars were there and then they were gone
[46:10] Speaker 1: i don't know where they were they were gone i
[46:13] Speaker 1: feel like that was the bait that the guy used
[46:16] Speaker 1: to show my husband right and if you talk money
[46:18] Speaker 1: he's in there he's not looking at compliance and you
[46:22] Speaker 1: know what are the rules and regulations and what is
[46:24] Speaker 1: the industry so then he goes we're going to get
[46:26] Speaker 1: 10 more cars we're going to invest x amount of
[46:28] Speaker 1: money we're going to get these 10 cars from.
[46:29] Speaker 2: The auction i'm like well Let's just get like one car.
[46:32] Speaker 2: Let's just kind of see.
[46:34] Speaker 1: So we got, so we, we, we, we spend, I
[46:35] Speaker 1: don't know, a hundred thousand dollars to get 10 cars
[46:38] Speaker 1: from the auction.
[46:39] Speaker 2: The cars never come.
[46:41] Speaker 7: Wow.
[46:42] Speaker 1: 90 days go by. No, 30 days go by. There
[46:44] Speaker 1: are no cars.
[46:46] Speaker 2: So I'm like, we need to pump our brakes.
[46:49] Speaker 1: I don't want to hear none about no cars until
[46:52] Speaker 1: these cars from California come.
[46:53] Speaker 2: It's always, it's California. They're being stopped.
[46:56] Speaker 7: See, I knew it was something that she from California.
[46:59] Speaker 1: The guy convinces him to go buy some more cars.
[47:03] Speaker 7: God, dog, before the other ones come.
[47:05] Speaker 8: Correct no wait till these come right so he goes
[47:11] Speaker 8: and invests more money of course the number he tells
[47:14] Speaker 8: me is a lie another red flag my husband was
[47:17] Speaker 8: very financially abusive he just will do whatever he wants
[47:21] Speaker 8: to do with the money although i'm the main one
[47:23] Speaker 8: making it he will spend it what he wants and
[47:25] Speaker 8: when i find out what it is it's just he'll
[47:27] Speaker 8: just deal with the consequence yeah.
[47:28] Speaker 2: So he goes and I say don't buy no more cars.
[47:31] Speaker 7: He basically says it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
[47:35] Speaker 2: I come back, there's more cars.
[47:38] Speaker 3: Dang.
[47:39] Speaker 2: How much are we spending? Who is this guy? There's
[47:43] Speaker 2: no chat.
[47:43] Speaker 6: I'm Googling.
[47:44] Speaker 2: What do you need to have? Where are the titles?
[47:47] Speaker 2: No titles.
[47:47] Speaker 3: That's a good question.
[47:48] Speaker 6: Yeah, where are the titles?
[47:50] Speaker 2: So do you know what you're doing?
[47:52] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[47:53] Speaker 2: Oh, you don't know nothing. You're always a hater.
[47:56] Speaker 7: All right.
[47:57] Speaker 3: He said you're a hater.
[47:59] Speaker 1: My nanny calls me from work. Miss Joy, the police
[48:02] Speaker 1: are at the door.
[48:03] Speaker 9: Oh, no.
[48:05] Speaker 2: The cars that are in our driveway.
[48:07] Speaker 1: That he gave money for, that we have no titles for,
[48:12] Speaker 1: are other people's cars.
[48:13] Speaker 3: God, no.
[48:15] Speaker 1: The guy he's doing all this with has some kind
[48:17] Speaker 1: of big car scheme where he will get people to
[48:20] Speaker 1: go to CarMax, get a car, and then he goes
[48:22] Speaker 1: and sells the CarMax car to someone else not knowing.
[48:25] Speaker 1: So the guy gets arrested, which is how all this
[48:28] Speaker 1: stuff unfolds. The cars from California still haven't come. So
[48:34] Speaker 1: now I'm asking my husband, well, how much was all
[48:37] Speaker 1: of this? And it was a multi-six-figure loss of cash
[48:41] Speaker 1: from ArtSafe.
[48:43] Speaker 7: Oh, no.
[48:46] Speaker 2: Why are.
[48:49] Speaker 1: You always doing things with the money? Because I'm saying
[48:53] Speaker 1: don't talk to the guy. So he's now just me,
[48:55] Speaker 1: the guy, not at the house, somewhere else, because I'm
[48:58] Speaker 1: the negative voice.
[48:59] Speaker 2: So I always believe.
[49:02] Speaker 1: Once you learn the lesson, like now we know everything
[49:04] Speaker 1: or what not to do. Now we know how to
[49:07] Speaker 1: start a dealership. Cause we don't know. I know, I
[49:09] Speaker 1: know everything of what you need.
[49:10] Speaker 2: You need a title.
[49:11] Speaker 6: You need this.
[49:12] Speaker 2: You need to leave. So I said, you should go
[49:13] Speaker 2: start a dealership. We already lost the money.
[49:16] Speaker 1: We might want to make that make this money be
[49:18] Speaker 1: a lesson not a loss so now we start a
[49:20] Speaker 1: dealership and that's.
[49:21] Speaker 2: Supposed to be that's how we got into dealership.
[49:23] Speaker 7: Because you was doing all the fact checking to find
[49:25] Speaker 7: out what was wrong in order to teach you and
[49:28] Speaker 7: then by default you learned how.
[49:30] Speaker 2: She learned Correct.
[49:31] Speaker 1: So let's just act like we went to MBA school
[49:34] Speaker 1: for dealership. It was multi-six figures. I was going to
[49:38] Speaker 1: turn the lemon into lemonade. So that's how we started
[49:42] Speaker 1: the dealership.
[49:42] Speaker 7: Wow. We didn't unpack that the first time we talked
[49:46] Speaker 7: to you.
[49:47] Speaker 6: But she was running a lot of businesses.
[49:49] Speaker 4: So what was kind of because I do want you
[49:53] Speaker 4: to take a moment since we are in domestic violence month.
[49:59] Speaker 4: We have a large number of women who listen to
[50:01] Speaker 4: the podcast. And there may be someone who feels like
[50:06] Speaker 4: you mentioned at one point it was you or you
[50:08] Speaker 4: thought you were making him frustrated in the beginning.
[50:13] Speaker 6: If you could go back to.
[50:14] Speaker 4: Your younger self or if you could speak to a
[50:17] Speaker 4: woman watching this podcast today who is being silent about
[50:21] Speaker 4: what she's experiencing and suffering, what would you say are
[50:25] Speaker 4: red flags? And and how would you tell her or
[50:29] Speaker 4: what would you tell her to do in this situation?
[50:33] Speaker 1: OK, red flag number one is going to be. It's
[50:38] Speaker 1: always going to be good days and bad days. It's
[50:41] Speaker 1: a whole bunch of ups and downs, ups and downs,
[50:43] Speaker 1: ups and downs. And everything is your fault. Every mistake
[50:49] Speaker 1: he makes is your fault. So like with the cars,
[50:52] Speaker 1: it was my fault because had I not known the wife,
[50:55] Speaker 1: he would have never known the husband and then.
[50:58] Speaker 3: He would have never- He did not say that.
[51:00] Speaker 7: He said, had you not known the wife, he would
[51:02] Speaker 7: have never met the husband.
[51:04] Speaker 3: It's your fault that I even know this man.
[51:06] Speaker 1: He blamed me for the loss. You are the cause
[51:08] Speaker 1: of this six figure loss. Because had you never known
[51:11] Speaker 1: the wife.
[51:12] Speaker 3: I would have never known the person.
[51:14] Speaker 7: Correct.
[51:14] Speaker 2: So everything is your fault. It's raining. It is your fault.
[51:17] Speaker 2: It's raining because everything is your fault.
[51:19] Speaker 1: So if you're in a relationship where a man takes
[51:23] Speaker 1: no accountability, everything is your fault.
[51:26] Speaker 2: Red flag.
[51:27] Speaker 1: If he can compliment you, but then do be nice, nasty. Oh,
[51:32] Speaker 1: like kind of put your appearance down. Your feet are big.
[51:35] Speaker 2: Are you gaining weight? Like always saying like, does mean
[51:38] Speaker 2: things to you? Red flag. If he wants to piggyback
[51:42] Speaker 2: on your accomplishments. red flags.
[51:45] Speaker 1: If financially you find yourself not being independent, so a
[51:48] Speaker 1: big red flag would be he wants to be a
[51:50] Speaker 1: protection provider. You stay home and work. I mean, you
[51:52] Speaker 1: stay home with the kids, but you have no access
[51:54] Speaker 1: to the money. You don't know where things are going.
[51:56] Speaker 1: He wants to give you an allowance. He wants to
[51:58] Speaker 1: spoon feed you so you don't have access to go anywhere.
[52:02] Speaker 1: That's a red flag. If you all of a sudden,
[52:05] Speaker 1: every friend you have is a problem, your parents are
[52:08] Speaker 1: a problem, they find something negative in your entire support
[52:11] Speaker 1: system and you find yourself all alone and isolated, that
[52:15] Speaker 1: is a red flag. It is never going to get
[52:18] Speaker 1: back to where it was in the beginning. That person
[52:20] Speaker 1: is gone. And so a lot of times we look
[52:23] Speaker 1: at the time we have invested. Well, I've invested so
[52:25] Speaker 1: much time. We have a family. I don't want to
[52:28] Speaker 1: waste the investment. But what you're doing, really doing is
[52:31] Speaker 1: you're just prolonging the inevitable.
[52:34] Speaker 4: And can you speak to the piece that you said
[52:36] Speaker 4: about violence, what you saw in the beginning? Because I
[52:41] Speaker 4: think sometimes people think like, oh, that's a mistake or, oh,
[52:44] Speaker 4: he just had a bad day. What do you say
[52:47] Speaker 4: to women who are living in situations where there is violence,
[52:51] Speaker 4: but they're passing it off as that was just one time?
[52:55] Speaker 1: A man should never be violent around you, period. Period.
[52:59] Speaker 1: Like if a man's angry, he should be able to
[53:02] Speaker 1: withhold his anger because the thing is, if he was
[53:05] Speaker 1: at his job, he wouldn't blow up like that. See,
[53:07] Speaker 1: in a toxic relationship, the man is perfect on the outside.
[53:11] Speaker 1: He is just charismatic and everyone looks at home.
[53:13] Speaker 2: It's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at home. He
[53:16] Speaker 2: is just wrecking through things.
[53:18] Speaker 1: So if he can compose himself at job and his
[53:21] Speaker 1: job at a party. He should be able to compose
[53:24] Speaker 1: himself at home, but he's not because he's taking all
[53:26] Speaker 1: of his frustration out on you and you don't realize
[53:29] Speaker 1: that you're becoming a punching bag. And he's using the
[53:31] Speaker 1: violence to silence you because what woman wants to go
[53:34] Speaker 1: up against a man who's hollering or throwing or possibly
[53:38] Speaker 1: trying to hit you? So you have to understand it's
[53:42] Speaker 1: never going to get better, but more importantly, you deserve better.
[53:46] Speaker 1: So your family may be broken.
[53:49] Speaker 2: That's okay.
[53:51] Speaker 1: You may have to go start over and get a
[53:53] Speaker 1: job and be at your mom's house. That's okay because
[53:56] Speaker 1: God's going to give you better. You got to ask yourself,
[53:59] Speaker 1: would God want me in this situation right here? Right.
[54:03] Speaker 1: The God who says you're the head, not the tail,
[54:05] Speaker 1: would he want you to have to deal with this?
[54:08] Speaker 1: And so I feel like as a woman also, we
[54:10] Speaker 1: got to peel back. What is the wound that's saying
[54:13] Speaker 1: I'm going to allow this? I'm going to deal with this.
[54:18] Speaker 1: And for me, it was an abandonment wound. I realized
[54:20] Speaker 1: that I had the best dad growing up. Number one
[54:23] Speaker 1: dad in the world. Every basketball game or softball game,
[54:26] Speaker 1: the best dad in the world. But when my parents
[54:29] Speaker 1: got divorced, I was like 10 years to even see
[54:32] Speaker 1: my dad. And so I realized now I suffer with
[54:35] Speaker 1: an abandonment. What is the wound that you have that's
[54:38] Speaker 1: allowing you to settle, to accept this? Or ask yourself,
[54:44] Speaker 1: If your child was in the exact same position with you,
[54:47] Speaker 1: would you be okay?
[54:48] Speaker 2: If the answer is no, you need to get out.
[54:51] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[54:52] Speaker 4: My last question is just, I feel so strongly that
[54:58] Speaker 4: someone watching this episode is too embarrassed.
[55:02] Speaker 7: Yes.
[55:03] Speaker 6: I want you to speak.
[55:05] Speaker 4: To that woman who's embarrassed because everyone on the outside
[55:10] Speaker 4: thinks that she has the perfect life.
[55:12] Speaker 7: Correct.
[55:13] Speaker 4: That maybe her husband has threatened her life and she
[55:18] Speaker 4: just wants to keep up appearances. But at night she
[55:21] Speaker 4: cries herself to sleep.
[55:24] Speaker 2: Girl, you call me out, Ashley. You talking to me, Ashley?
[55:28] Speaker 2: So that's going.
[55:30] Speaker 1: To be the hard part because you built a great
[55:35] Speaker 1: life for yourself, but it's not that great.
[55:38] Speaker 2: When the lights turn off, when you're inside the house.
[55:40] Speaker 1: So you got to understand that you deserve better, that
[55:44] Speaker 1: your kids deserve better.
[55:45] Speaker 2: And more importantly, it's going to get worse and it
[55:48] Speaker 2: may cost you your life.
[55:50] Speaker 1: So we got to act like we're going to lose
[55:53] Speaker 1: a little bit to gain more, but we got to
[55:56] Speaker 1: lose a little bit. So number one, do not tell
[55:59] Speaker 1: him anything. Number two, I will go on YouTube and
[56:03] Speaker 1: start researching narcissistic personality disorder. Once you learn the personality disorder,
[56:11] Speaker 1: you now understand how to navigate the situation. So you're
[56:15] Speaker 1: going to have to go get your hands on some money.
[56:18] Speaker 1: So if you need to learn how to make some money,
[56:21] Speaker 1: you want to go to seedthebank.com and join my free
[56:23] Speaker 1: class because you got to have an income. Are we
[56:25] Speaker 1: going to sell a digital product? Are you going to
[56:27] Speaker 1: dust off that teaching degree, that real estate certificate? And
[56:31] Speaker 1: you need to start making some money without giving him
[56:33] Speaker 1: a heads up. You can't go run your mouth and
[56:36] Speaker 1: tell your best friend and your cousin, girl, I'm about
[56:38] Speaker 1: to leave. You need to have one person you trust
[56:41] Speaker 1: with your life that says, hey, here is my plan.
[56:44] Speaker 1: You may have to go back to your mama's house, right?
[56:48] Speaker 1: You're going to lose the appearance and the facade.
[56:51] Speaker 2: That's okay.
[56:52] Speaker 1: God's going to give you more later, but you have
[56:55] Speaker 1: to get out for yourself. It's not going to get better.
[56:57] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[56:59] Speaker 1: And so we don't even though I'm telling you the
[57:01] Speaker 1: story and it sounds insane.
[57:04] Speaker 2: When I was going through it in my mind, he
[57:06] Speaker 2: would but he would never hurt me. He would never
[57:09] Speaker 2: hurt me. Like not me. He would never hurt me. Girl,
[57:13] Speaker 2: this man could care less about you.
[57:16] Speaker 1: If you can't see the signs, but you don't see
[57:18] Speaker 1: them because you're I say it when when you sit in.
[57:21] Speaker 1: S-H-I-T for a long time, it don't stink. So you
[57:25] Speaker 1: get so accustomed to the chaos and the hollering and
[57:28] Speaker 1: the violence and the screaming and the throwing that it
[57:31] Speaker 1: doesn't seem odd because you're isolated. This is all you know.
[57:35] Speaker 1: So it just seems you just get used to it.
[57:37] Speaker 1: This is not normal. But it's going to get worse.
[57:40] Speaker 1: It's going to get darker before it gets better. But
[57:42] Speaker 1: you become better afterwards. Divorce was the best thing that
[57:46] Speaker 1: could have ever happened to me.
[57:49] Speaker 7: And how did you pull yourself back up? You said
[57:52] Speaker 7: that when you moved to Orlando, you had to even
[57:55] Speaker 7: borrow money from your mom. You was frozen out of
[57:58] Speaker 7: the accounts, frozen out of the business. How did you
[58:01] Speaker 7: pull yourself back up?
[58:02] Speaker 2: I went on social media.
[58:03] Speaker 3: And did what?
[58:04] Speaker 2: Did everything.
[58:05] Speaker 1: I was throwing the kitchen sink at the wall, waiting
[58:08] Speaker 1: for something to stick. I realized that whatever the storm took,
[58:13] Speaker 1: that just means I didn't need. If the storm left,
[58:16] Speaker 1: I'm going to deal with that. So what is the skill?
[58:18] Speaker 1: What is the gift that God gave you? And we're
[58:20] Speaker 1: going to go market that. So for me, I'm like, well,
[58:22] Speaker 1: I don't have any money to... buy a franchise, get
[58:25] Speaker 1: a storefront. But I have 20 years of knowledge of
[58:28] Speaker 1: running businesses, of being a business attorney.
[58:29] Speaker 2: I have the knowledge.
[58:30] Speaker 1: So I started just giving out business tips and I
[58:32] Speaker 1: created a digital product, a grant bundle. Every person needs
[58:35] Speaker 1: to have a digital product, a way to make money
[58:38] Speaker 1: in their sleep. So for the first time over 20 years,
[58:41] Speaker 1: I didn't make money at my law practice, at the salon.
[58:45] Speaker 1: I would go to bed and wake up and there's money.
[58:47] Speaker 1: I'll be in the carpool lane and I just made
[58:50] Speaker 1: a digital product. But here's the thing. You're going to
[58:52] Speaker 1: have to overcome imposter syndrome. I'm online teaching you how
[58:56] Speaker 1: to properly structure your business, how to get funding, how
[58:59] Speaker 1: to market. But at my dealership, my husband and I
[59:04] Speaker 1: had a tax lien. So I took my husband's name
[59:06] Speaker 1: off the LLC. And put my father-in-law's name on there.
[59:10] Speaker 1: And now my father-in-law's trying to take the business from me.
[59:12] Speaker 1: So in my own business structure, I'm out of order.
[59:16] Speaker 2: I'm marketing.
[59:17] Speaker 1: I'm getting an Amazon backdrop doing my own photoshoots. I
[59:21] Speaker 1: don't have no money where I know I need to
[59:23] Speaker 1: have a photographer. So I'm fighting imposter syndrome because I know, baby,
[59:28] Speaker 1: I look bootleg as all get out.
[59:30] Speaker 2: But rent is due.
[59:32] Speaker 3: Fake it till you make it.
[59:33] Speaker 7: Fake it.
[59:34] Speaker 1: And so if you just say, I'm okay with looking crazy.
[59:38] Speaker 1: I'm okay with starting over. I don't know where I'm going.
[59:41] Speaker 1: I just know I can't stay here. See, don't expect
[59:45] Speaker 1: to know, okay, there's the exit plan. You're not going
[59:47] Speaker 1: to know what the exit plan is. You just know,
[59:48] Speaker 1: I can't stay here. And I said, the next time
[59:52] Speaker 1: I run into him at court or wherever, he's not
[59:54] Speaker 1: going to see me broke, busted, and disgusted.
[59:56] Speaker 2: I got to go win.
[59:58] Speaker 1: But more importantly, this little son of mine is not
[1:00:01] Speaker 1: going to see me take a licking and just fall down.
[1:00:04] Speaker 1: I have to go win because of him because he
[1:00:06] Speaker 1: literally saw everything. And so if I quit, I'm teaching
[1:00:10] Speaker 1: him to be a quitter because you create who you are,
[1:00:13] Speaker 1: not what you say you want to be.
[1:00:15] Speaker 4: Well, and it just reminded me of what you said
[1:00:17] Speaker 4: about your mom and your dad and how she had
[1:00:20] Speaker 4: the major setback when that divorce happened.
[1:00:23] Speaker 6: Here you are.
[1:00:25] Speaker 4: And God is so faithful like that. He gave you
[1:00:27] Speaker 4: a mom that had already been through that.
[1:00:29] Speaker 3: Correct.
[1:00:30] Speaker 6: So she knew how to hold you up when you
[1:00:32] Speaker 6: had to start over.
[1:00:33] Speaker 2: Correct. And you went to her.
[1:00:34] Speaker 1: For the first time, I then understood where she was.
[1:00:39] Speaker 1: I understood why, because my dad had affairs. You stay,
[1:00:43] Speaker 1: I would never. I understand exactly what you did. Because
[1:00:49] Speaker 1: she said, She wanted her two kids to have a
[1:00:52] Speaker 1: dad in the house. She didn't want my son becoming
[1:00:54] Speaker 1: a gang member and she didn't want me getting pregnant.
[1:00:56] Speaker 1: So she stayed because she thought that was the nucleus
[1:01:00] Speaker 1: she needed to make sure that her kids got out.
[1:01:02] Speaker 1: And so I teach women now, the answer to your
[1:01:05] Speaker 1: problems is money. Money gives you freedom. Money gives you options.
[1:01:10] Speaker 1: Money allows you to not be in a situation you
[1:01:12] Speaker 1: don't need to be in. If you can make your
[1:01:15] Speaker 1: own money, you can get out of anything. So it's hard,
[1:01:19] Speaker 1: it's embarrassing, you gotta be able to look You are
[1:01:22] Speaker 1: not going to keep the facade and the designer clothes
[1:01:26] Speaker 1: and the country club. We was at Little Scissors Pizza.
[1:01:29] Speaker 1: We was at the park. We wasn't at Disney. We
[1:01:33] Speaker 1: didn't have no furniture at the house. We was slumming it.
[1:01:36] Speaker 1: But I said, God, I don't know what you're doing.
[1:01:39] Speaker 1: I don't know what you're doing, but I know my
[1:01:40] Speaker 1: God may take me the long way. He'll never take
[1:01:43] Speaker 1: me the wrong way. So I don't know what you're doing, God.
[1:01:46] Speaker 3: I don't know what you're doing.
[1:01:48] Speaker 2: Never take it the wrong way. So I said, I'm
[1:01:50] Speaker 2: going to just be still.
[1:01:51] Speaker 7: So how long did that season last before you finally
[1:01:53] Speaker 7: started really truly getting on your feet? Like you went
[1:01:56] Speaker 7: on social media, you was just throwing everything at the
[1:01:58] Speaker 7: wall to see what would stick. What was something that just,
[1:02:01] Speaker 7: it popped and it took off?
[1:02:02] Speaker 4: How long did your son have to eat like Kraft
[1:02:04] Speaker 4: macaroni and cheese instead of steak and lobster?
[1:02:08] Speaker 3: Exactly.
[1:02:09] Speaker 6: Because he was eating better than us adults.
[1:02:11] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said your kid was over eating
[1:02:14] Speaker 3: steak and lobster.
[1:02:15] Speaker 2: Correct, correct. So I would say six months.
[1:02:19] Speaker 3: That's all.
[1:02:20] Speaker 2: I was making money. I was making money in 30 days.
[1:02:23] Speaker 2: I know how to make money. It's what I do.
[1:02:24] Speaker 2: But I now got two attorney's fees. So I'm making
[1:02:28] Speaker 2: the money.
[1:02:28] Speaker 3: It's going right on out the door.
[1:02:30] Speaker 2: Right on out. But is it going right on out?
[1:02:32] Speaker 1: Or thank you, God, for providing these attorney's fees.
[1:02:35] Speaker 2: Oh, God is good.
[1:02:36] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[1:02:37] Speaker 1: So you got to change how you see things. So
[1:02:39] Speaker 1: I was never worried about making money because this is
[1:02:42] Speaker 1: what I do.
[1:02:42] Speaker 2: I do business. I know what to do. It's, I'm
[1:02:45] Speaker 2: having to make it look in bootleg.
[1:02:47] Speaker 1: I don't know what direction. I don't, I don't know
[1:02:49] Speaker 1: where I'm going. And then God's going to give you
[1:02:51] Speaker 1: a sign. So my grant bundle, I just, I did,
[1:02:53] Speaker 1: I did one video just talking about a business grant
[1:02:56] Speaker 1: and it just went viral.
[1:02:57] Speaker 2: And that's what made me make the grant bundle.
[1:02:59] Speaker 1: And so God's going to show you a sign in
[1:03:01] Speaker 1: your storm of how I'm covering you or this or that.
[1:03:04] Speaker 1: And that, that, One digital product changed me and my
[1:03:09] Speaker 1: son's life forever. It only takes one person, one thing,
[1:03:13] Speaker 1: one opportunity to change your life forever.
[1:03:15] Speaker 3: And that came in the first six months.
[1:03:18] Speaker 2: I made money the first month.
[1:03:19] Speaker 3: No, I'm talking about that product.
[1:03:21] Speaker 2: That product came the first month.
[1:03:23] Speaker 7: Oh, really?
[1:03:24] Speaker 6: The first 30 days.
[1:03:26] Speaker 4: So being that you're going through an active divorce, and
[1:03:29] Speaker 4: you don't have to answer this if you don't want.
[1:03:31] Speaker 6: To, but obviously.
[1:03:33] Speaker 4: You help people with this in terms of structuring their
[1:03:36] Speaker 4: business to protect their assets. You personally, are you concerned
[1:03:40] Speaker 4: about these kind of new business ventures that you have
[1:03:44] Speaker 4: and how your ex, given what you know about him,
[1:03:49] Speaker 4: may try to- Trying.
[1:03:51] Speaker 3: Something as money.
[1:03:51] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[1:03:52] Speaker 7: He is.
[1:03:52] Speaker 1: I'm already in discovery asking, what's YouTube paying me? What's
[1:03:56] Speaker 1: Instagram paying me? So I- I'm just putting it in
[1:03:59] Speaker 1: God's hand. Like whatever it is, it is.
[1:04:02] Speaker 2: It's just money. I can always make more.
[1:04:04] Speaker 1: So I'm hoping that the courts are going to say
[1:04:06] Speaker 1: he is so out of order.
[1:04:08] Speaker 2: We're just not going, you know, but you know, whatever
[1:04:11] Speaker 2: it is, I'm putting it in God's hand.
[1:04:12] Speaker 7: Yeah. So you are, you, you're really in a hard
[1:04:15] Speaker 7: posture of surrender. Do you always stay like that or
[1:04:18] Speaker 7: is this something new?
[1:04:19] Speaker 1: I've always been, I've always been a Christian, but I've
[1:04:22] Speaker 1: never mixed business in my Christianity. So at my salons,
[1:04:26] Speaker 1: we have monthly meetings and I would never talk about God.
[1:04:30] Speaker 2: In this season.
[1:04:31] Speaker 3: Talk about him all the time.
[1:04:32] Speaker 2: Baby, you won't catch me on a live. You won't
[1:04:35] Speaker 2: catch me doing a real. God, baby. God is amazing. Baby,
[1:04:42] Speaker 2: I'm doing a lot. Baby, if you know Jesus, all
[1:04:45] Speaker 2: you gotta do is right now. I mean, just call
[1:04:48] Speaker 2: me Bishop Joy, right? Keep me in the marketplace because
[1:04:52] Speaker 2: I still cuss. I'm a Christian, but I cuss.
[1:04:54] Speaker 3: You're a cussing Christian.
[1:04:55] Speaker 2: I'm a cussing Christian.
[1:04:56] Speaker 1: God has covered me so much. God has just held
[1:05:00] Speaker 1: my hand in this storm. He has blessed me more
[1:05:03] Speaker 1: than I can ever imagine. I was asking God for
[1:05:07] Speaker 1: rent money and he was like, fool, I'm about to
[1:05:09] Speaker 1: give you more than you have before. And so I
[1:05:11] Speaker 1: God is everything. God is your business plan. God's going
[1:05:16] Speaker 1: to help you find your mate. God going to help
[1:05:18] Speaker 1: you keep these kids together. God is the answer for everything.
[1:05:22] Speaker 1: So I won't be on any platform. I do a
[1:05:24] Speaker 1: lot of podcasts. I do some urban ones. I don't
[1:05:27] Speaker 1: care where I am. God's going to come out in
[1:05:29] Speaker 1: the conversation.
[1:05:31] Speaker 2: Period.
[1:05:31] Speaker 4: Yeah. Amen. And I love that you even just spoke
[1:05:34] Speaker 4: to that because some people are going to start their
[1:05:37] Speaker 4: business and they may be trying to get out and
[1:05:40] Speaker 4: that may come up for them, right? Is now they
[1:05:42] Speaker 4: made a little bit of money. And then that person
[1:05:44] Speaker 4: who hasn't been helping them, who's been wreaking havoc may
[1:05:48] Speaker 4: come for the money, but they can look to you
[1:05:50] Speaker 4: and say, well, joy is actively going through it.
[1:05:52] Speaker 6: So you're not just someone who's on the other side
[1:05:56] Speaker 6: of it, right?
[1:05:57] Speaker 3: Correct.
[1:05:58] Speaker 2: I'm still in the storm.
[1:06:00] Speaker 4: And women can look to you and say, wow, this
[1:06:03] Speaker 4: is a real life example of how I.
[1:06:04] Speaker 2: Can do it too.
[1:06:05] Speaker 1: So God's going to bless you in your storm. And
[1:06:08] Speaker 1: I feel like before I didn't know why I was
[1:06:12] Speaker 1: losing everything, but when God's going to give you that,
[1:06:15] Speaker 1: but God blessing where you're just The blessing is just
[1:06:19] Speaker 1: pouring out of you. He doesn't want people around you
[1:06:22] Speaker 1: that shouldn't receive the blessing. He's going to remove some
[1:06:24] Speaker 1: people around you.
[1:06:26] Speaker 2: Number two, God wants to show you all you need
[1:06:28] Speaker 2: is him.
[1:06:28] Speaker 1: See, none of my success is from my divorce settlement.
[1:06:32] Speaker 1: I didn't take my settlement money and go run ads.
[1:06:35] Speaker 2: I still don't have the divorce money. So he's showing me, baby, this.
[1:06:39] Speaker 2: That's nothing. You don't need these little peanuts. I'm about
[1:06:43] Speaker 2: to bless you more than what you was looking for.
[1:06:45] Speaker 1: So whenever life gives you, whenever life takes everything from you,
[1:06:52] Speaker 1: your identity, your possessions, who you are, your businesses, that mate,
[1:06:57] Speaker 1: just pause and say, what is God trying to show me?
[1:07:00] Speaker 1: It's going to be for my betterment. I got to
[1:07:02] Speaker 1: just get through that storm.
[1:07:05] Speaker 3: Joy, you preaching right now.
[1:07:06] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[1:07:07] Speaker 7: I'm telling you, the reason why this is so important
[1:07:09] Speaker 7: for you to say what you just said is because
[1:07:12] Speaker 7: sometimes we try to hold on to stuff so much
[1:07:15] Speaker 7: and God said, just release it.
[1:07:16] Speaker 2: Just release it.
[1:07:17] Speaker 7: Like, I'm trying to take you to the promised land
[1:07:19] Speaker 7: and you want to go back to the wilderness. And
[1:07:21] Speaker 7: I heard the children of Israel complaining about, but at
[1:07:24] Speaker 7: least in the wilderness we had, back in Egypt we
[1:07:28] Speaker 7: had this. He's like, but you was a slave in Egypt.
[1:07:31] Speaker 7: You don't remember you was a slave? Is that why
[1:07:34] Speaker 7: at least we're fed? I'm going to take you to
[1:07:36] Speaker 7: a land flowing with milk and honey. But I'm in
[1:07:38] Speaker 7: the wilderness season right now, but I'm sending you manna here.
[1:07:41] Speaker 2: Correct.
[1:07:42] Speaker 7: It's like God is always trying to show us his sovereignty,
[1:07:46] Speaker 7: showing us that he is able to give us the
[1:07:49] Speaker 7: desires of our heart and bless us abundantly above all
[1:07:52] Speaker 7: that we can ever ask or think. But we're so
[1:07:54] Speaker 7: busy trying to hold on to the past. I remember
[1:07:57] Speaker 7: seeing this meme years ago where it's this little girl
[1:08:00] Speaker 7: and it had a picture of Jesus and the little
[1:08:02] Speaker 7: girl had her teddy bear.
[1:08:03] Speaker 2: Saw that.
[1:08:04] Speaker 7: And Jesus said, give me the teddy bear. And Jesus
[1:08:06] Speaker 7: had the bigger teddy bear behind. And she was like,
[1:08:08] Speaker 7: I don't want to give you this teddy bear. We
[1:08:11] Speaker 7: got to wonder and ask ourselves, what little teddy bears
[1:08:14] Speaker 7: are we holding on to while God is trying to
[1:08:16] Speaker 7: give us a.
[1:08:17] Speaker 3: Bigger teddy bear?
[1:08:18] Speaker 7: And you're literally speaking about that right now saying, I
[1:08:20] Speaker 7: don't care about all that. And it sounds foreign because
[1:08:24] Speaker 7: most people be like, I'm going to fight you.
[1:08:25] Speaker 2: You ain't going to take what's mine.
[1:08:26] Speaker 3: You're like, let me take that. Yeah. Because you've experienced
[1:08:29] Speaker 3: God in your wilderness season.
[1:08:31] Speaker 7: Yes. You experienced God showing up in your wilderness season
[1:08:35] Speaker 7: when you had nothing. And it's not that you had
[1:08:39] Speaker 7: nothing and you always just had nothing. You like, oh,
[1:08:42] Speaker 7: I never had nothing. And oh, well, God bless me.
[1:08:44] Speaker 7: You had a whole lot.
[1:08:45] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[1:08:46] Speaker 7: And then lost. It's people that would unalive themselves going
[1:08:50] Speaker 7: through that transition to having money.
[1:08:52] Speaker 3: And then like, I have nothing.
[1:08:54] Speaker 2: Correct.
[1:08:55] Speaker 3: I don't know. I can't live like this.
[1:08:56] Speaker 1: Correct.
[1:08:56] Speaker 3: Or do something strange for a piece of change. Correct.
[1:08:59] Speaker 3: And they'd be like, oh, well. shoot, I'm going to
[1:09:00] Speaker 3: go ahead and buy, find me a big baller.
[1:09:01] Speaker 7: Correct.
[1:09:02] Speaker 3: I'm going to go do what I got to do because, hey,
[1:09:03] Speaker 3: I got to do what I got to do.
[1:09:04] Speaker 7: Correct. They'll even say, I got.
[1:09:06] Speaker 3: To do what I got to do.
[1:09:07] Speaker 2: Correct.
[1:09:08] Speaker 7: And then go do all that and then come on
[1:09:10] Speaker 7: the other side and be like, well, see, God, no,
[1:09:12] Speaker 7: God didn't bless you with that. Correct. You allowed the
[1:09:14] Speaker 7: devil to take you to his course of action. And
[1:09:17] Speaker 7: you said that and said, I surrender.
[1:09:18] Speaker 3: Correct.
[1:09:18] Speaker 7: And I know how embarrassing that had to be to
[1:09:20] Speaker 7: go call your mom and be like, hey mom.
[1:09:23] Speaker 2: I had just bought her a new car two months before.
[1:09:26] Speaker 3: And then say I need money for rent.
[1:09:28] Speaker 7: But then what's so cool what Ashley said is that
[1:09:31] Speaker 7: your mama understood that though. Yeah.
[1:09:33] Speaker 3: That she says, been there before, babe. Correct.
[1:09:36] Speaker 2: Been there, done that.
[1:09:36] Speaker 7: Got you.
[1:09:37] Speaker 1: Correct.
[1:09:37] Speaker 7: But it's interesting how stuff happens from a generational standpoint
[1:09:41] Speaker 7: of the trauma that your mom went through caused trauma
[1:09:45] Speaker 7: in you to say, I'm going to go get it.
[1:09:47] Speaker 3: Like you went from in college saying, I want to be.
[1:09:50] Speaker 7: You had what they call the white people's persona where
[1:09:53] Speaker 7: they go to college. They say white girls go to
[1:09:55] Speaker 7: college to get their MRS degree.
[1:09:57] Speaker 2: Correct. You know what I'm saying?
[1:09:58] Speaker 6: Correct.
[1:09:59] Speaker 7: And so, they go to get their MRS. And you
[1:10:01] Speaker 7: was like, I'm coming to get married. I want to
[1:10:02] Speaker 7: get this. And you said, hold on.
[1:10:04] Speaker 3: Uh-oh. This right here fell apart in my mind. Oh,
[1:10:07] Speaker 3: I need to go get this money.
[1:10:08] Speaker 7: And your mind shifted. Out of trauma, your mind shifted
[1:10:12] Speaker 7: and became a businesswoman, became an attorney. You started to
[1:10:14] Speaker 7: chase money, money, money, career, build this. And then you
[1:10:18] Speaker 7: end up getting a husband. And then that falls apart.
[1:10:20] Speaker 7: And you're like, now I'm back with God. And that's
[1:10:24] Speaker 7: what's so beautiful is that the Lord allowed you to
[1:10:26] Speaker 7: go through all that to bring you to this moment
[1:10:29] Speaker 7: to where even in your business, you balled out of control.
[1:10:31] Speaker 7: He's like, I kind of separated, you know. Little church
[1:10:34] Speaker 7: and state. We're going to separate it like that. I'm
[1:10:36] Speaker 7: going to make sure your business is this and this.
[1:10:37] Speaker 3: I don't care now. Now I'm talking about God. I
[1:10:39] Speaker 3: don't care what it is. You can't have a business.
[1:10:40] Speaker 3: We ain't talking about God. And God said, that's where
[1:10:42] Speaker 3: I want you to be the whole time.
[1:10:43] Speaker 7: Correct. Yeah. So what made you feel so resolute now
[1:10:47] Speaker 7: to be like, I don't care what you think. I'm
[1:10:49] Speaker 7: going to talk about God and not feel like it
[1:10:51] Speaker 7: can impede your business or what? Well, let me ask
[1:10:54] Speaker 7: you first this question. When you separated it in your business,
[1:10:58] Speaker 7: what was the thought process in that?
[1:10:59] Speaker 1: I don't want to force my belief onto someone else.
[1:11:03] Speaker 1: So I'm not going to talk about God because I
[1:11:06] Speaker 1: don't want to offend you.
[1:11:07] Speaker 3: Right.
[1:11:08] Speaker 2: We're going to just keep business here and God here.
[1:11:10] Speaker 2: God is in you. Right.
[1:11:13] Speaker 1: And so don't be bamboozled by this suit and this
[1:11:17] Speaker 1: makeup and this hairstyle.
[1:11:19] Speaker 2: I want to say I was broke, busted and disgusted inside.
[1:11:22] Speaker 2: I was broken.
[1:11:23] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[1:11:24] Speaker 2: I didn't know how to get out.
[1:11:27] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[1:11:27] Speaker 2: I'm good. I can zig and zag. God took me
[1:11:31] Speaker 2: so low. I didn't even see a way out.
[1:11:33] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[1:11:33] Speaker 1: And so I had to listen to Keon Henderson, Jamal
[1:11:37] Speaker 1: Bryant every single day.
[1:11:39] Speaker 2: Cause they going to say, the God going to put
[1:11:42] Speaker 2: your enemy in your foot. Yes, yes, come on. In
[1:11:45] Speaker 2: our foot, so yes, come on, Jamal, come on.
[1:11:49] Speaker 1: I had to listen to that all day just to
[1:11:51] Speaker 1: keep my mind because the devil going to play with
[1:11:53] Speaker 1: you right here.
[1:11:54] Speaker 2: You ain't good enough. You can't get it back. He
[1:11:55] Speaker 2: going to talk. He going to make you lose it here.
[1:11:57] Speaker 2: I had to listen to him all day, every day.
[1:11:59] Speaker 1: And I said, God, I don't know what you're doing,
[1:12:02] Speaker 1: but if you saved me from before, I'm, I'm, I'm
[1:12:06] Speaker 1: leaning on how God protected me before. I don't know
[1:12:09] Speaker 1: what you're doing now, God, but you, you protected me
[1:12:13] Speaker 1: in this area and you can, and you guided me
[1:12:15] Speaker 1: here and you, and you stop a consequence I should
[1:12:17] Speaker 1: have had here. So I know you with me.
[1:12:20] Speaker 2: It don't feel like it, but God helped.
[1:12:22] Speaker 1: Me just understand where I'm supposed to go.
[1:12:25] Speaker 2: And as he kept taking and taking and taking and taking,
[1:12:28] Speaker 2: I said, you know what? I'm not trying to hold on.
[1:12:32] Speaker 1: The business, I'm releasing it. My daughter, I'm releasing it.
[1:12:35] Speaker 1: I'm releasing everything, God. You show me where I need
[1:12:38] Speaker 1: to go. And sometimes the answer is just be still.
[1:12:41] Speaker 1: Be still.
[1:12:42] Speaker 3: And know that I'm God.
[1:12:43] Speaker 2: I'm going to be still.
[1:12:44] Speaker 1: I'm waiting to hear you say where I need to go.
[1:12:47] Speaker 1: And in releasing all that, I'm making money. My son's life,
[1:12:51] Speaker 1: I'm able to do low stake. Now I'm able to
[1:12:53] Speaker 1: do something. Oh, okay, God, I don't know where you're going.
[1:12:56] Speaker 1: And slowly but surely, he's just bringing people into my
[1:12:59] Speaker 1: life and platforms here. And things are just going. And
[1:13:03] Speaker 1: I get a mentor. Now I'm making some money, but
[1:13:06] Speaker 1: I don't know how to have no systems. I don't
[1:13:07] Speaker 1: know the online game.
[1:13:08] Speaker 2: And it's just growing and growing and growing.
[1:13:11] Speaker 1: And so then I'm like, well, maybe is God trying
[1:13:14] Speaker 1: to tell me that maybe I need to use my
[1:13:17] Speaker 1: story as a platform?
[1:13:18] Speaker 7: There it is.
[1:13:20] Speaker 1: Like, God, are you blessing me because you want me
[1:13:22] Speaker 1: to be the voice for every woman who I was
[1:13:25] Speaker 1: raining down 59 in distraught, not understanding how I was
[1:13:28] Speaker 1: going to get out. Do you want me to be
[1:13:29] Speaker 1: the poster child to let people know that there's domestic
[1:13:33] Speaker 1: violence behind the gates?
[1:13:35] Speaker 3: Yes.
[1:13:35] Speaker 2: You can drive a Rolls Royce and your husband can
[1:13:38] Speaker 2: be Dr. Jekyll and Mr.
[1:13:39] Speaker 9: Hyde.
[1:13:40] Speaker 1: You cannot have any access to finances and still bounce back.
[1:13:43] Speaker 2: And get back better.
[1:13:45] Speaker 1: Do you want me to be able to tell my
[1:13:47] Speaker 1: story to help other women thrive?
[1:13:50] Speaker 3: That part.
[1:13:50] Speaker 2: Because I made one little.
[1:13:51] Speaker 1: Instagram post and my comments blew up, my DMs. oh
[1:13:55] Speaker 1: my God, I'm going through the same situation. There's another
[1:13:58] Speaker 1: sociopath out here?
[1:13:59] Speaker 2: I thought it was just me.
[1:14:00] Speaker 3: No, hold on, Joy.
[1:14:00] Speaker 7: What happened was you had made a video and you
[1:14:03] Speaker 7: had said something and you commented and somebody, when somebody
[1:14:06] Speaker 7: commented said you ain't never been through nothing.
[1:14:07] Speaker 2: Yes, thank you.
[1:14:08] Speaker 1: So I was posting a post about a woman who
[1:14:11] Speaker 1: had gotten killed, but she had a restraining order. She
[1:14:13] Speaker 1: had a piece of paper that said he can't come
[1:14:15] Speaker 1: next to her. The court systems do not help people
[1:14:18] Speaker 1: who are going through domestic violence. That paper is not
[1:14:21] Speaker 1: going to stop the bullets. And he ended up killing her.
[1:14:24] Speaker 1: And I posted that. And some girl hopped in the
[1:14:26] Speaker 1: comments and said.
[1:14:26] Speaker 2: You don't know what it's like in his heart. But
[1:14:30] Speaker 2: I had time to, I don't know. And I was,
[1:14:34] Speaker 2: and I told my story in the comments.
[1:14:35] Speaker 3: That was the first time you shared it.
[1:14:36] Speaker 2: First time. I was, it's embarrassing.
[1:14:39] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[1:14:39] Speaker 2: How you marry a man and he gonna sit with
[1:14:41] Speaker 2: your employees?
[1:14:41] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[1:14:42] Speaker 2: How you marry a man with nothing? It's embarrassing. So
[1:14:45] Speaker 2: I don't want to tell that story.
[1:14:46] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[1:14:47] Speaker 1: But in the comments, people started reading it and they
[1:14:50] Speaker 1: were jumping in my DMs. Oh my God, I'm going
[1:14:53] Speaker 1: through the same thing.
[1:14:53] Speaker 6: No, no, no, no, no.
[1:14:54] Speaker 2: I was like, really?
[1:14:56] Speaker 6: Okay, well, let me go test.
[1:14:57] Speaker 2: See, I'm strong. I always say, if you see me
[1:14:58] Speaker 2: fighting a bear, help the bear.
[1:15:00] Speaker 3: I'm good.
[1:15:01] Speaker 1: So I started then speaking about what I did and
[1:15:05] Speaker 1: what I went through and telling the ugly part. See,
[1:15:08] Speaker 1: in your story, in your true story, your test is
[1:15:11] Speaker 1: going to be your testimony. So I'm trying to hide
[1:15:12] Speaker 1: the ugly part. People can relate and bond with you
[1:15:16] Speaker 1: on the ugly part. And so women just started saying,
[1:15:18] Speaker 1: oh my God, thank you.
[1:15:19] Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So now
[1:15:20] Speaker 2: I say, well, let me... Let me go talk. Let
[1:15:22] Speaker 2: me just go say the word.
[1:15:24] Speaker 1: Let me really go out here because maybe I need
[1:15:26] Speaker 1: to use my voice to help someone else become free.
[1:15:29] Speaker 1: Maybe it ain't going to get no better. You're going
[1:15:32] Speaker 1: year after year after year.
[1:15:34] Speaker 2: It ain't going to get no better.
[1:15:35] Speaker 1: He's going to keep throwing. He's going to keep putting
[1:15:36] Speaker 1: his hands on you. It's not going to get enough.
[1:15:38] Speaker 1: You can start over. Look for what's new. Forget the old.
[1:15:40] Speaker 1: What's new? What's the new person, the new booth, the
[1:15:43] Speaker 1: new opportunity? There is always something new with God. And
[1:15:46] Speaker 1: so God has blessed me. I can't even tell you
[1:15:49] Speaker 1: how he's blessed me. I am just walking in overflow.
[1:15:52] Speaker 1: I am just in abundance. I am so whole inside, outside, financially, spiritually, mentally.
[1:16:00] Speaker 1: My son is having the time of his life. And
[1:16:04] Speaker 1: it's like, you think I'm not about to mention God?
[1:16:07] Speaker 1: You think I'm about to act like I got all
[1:16:09] Speaker 1: this for myself? I don't care if I offend you.
[1:16:12] Speaker 1: On my webinars, I say, now listen here, y'all. Let
[1:16:15] Speaker 1: me tell you how good my God is. And if
[1:16:17] Speaker 1: you got a problem with God, I'm going to let
[1:16:19] Speaker 1: you know right down the beginning.
[1:16:20] Speaker 2: Just go ahead. And there's a button at the bottom.
[1:16:23] Speaker 2: Click that button right there. I ain't going to waste
[1:16:27] Speaker 2: your time.
[1:16:28] Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about God and business structure and
[1:16:32] Speaker 1: grants and marketing. So if God offends you, there's a
[1:16:36] Speaker 1: red button at the bottom that says leave.
[1:16:37] Speaker 2: Just go ahead now.
[1:16:38] Speaker 1: I'm not going to take offense because I will not
[1:16:41] Speaker 1: be shut down. There are so many roadblocks. hiding of
[1:16:44] Speaker 1: the assets, doing all these things.
[1:16:47] Speaker 2: And God has just all the eternity, just.
[1:16:50] Speaker 1: All the stuff I've had to overcome, but God has
[1:16:52] Speaker 1: been there every single step. So I will not go
[1:16:56] Speaker 1: one day and not give him his praise, period, point blank.
[1:16:59] Speaker 4: So I want to ask, because I know that after
[1:17:03] Speaker 4: you've been through so much, you could be a woman
[1:17:07] Speaker 4: who's like, And men are not for me anymore.
[1:17:10] Speaker 7: You know what I mean?
[1:17:11] Speaker 6: Like, I think that I had.
[1:17:14] Speaker 2: A relationship, right?
[1:17:17] Speaker 3: That's one extreme.
[1:17:18] Speaker 6: And then, you know, or you could just be like,
[1:17:20] Speaker 6: I think I could be like me and my son.
[1:17:22] Speaker 2: We're fine.
[1:17:23] Speaker 7: Life is good.
[1:17:24] Speaker 6: I got my money.
[1:17:26] Speaker 7: But you are still- Marriage don't work. Exactly.
[1:17:29] Speaker 3: Women lose in marriage.
[1:17:30] Speaker 6: Women lose in marriage.
[1:17:31] Speaker 4: Or your even nervous system could be It could malfunction
[1:17:35] Speaker 4: around men after all.
[1:17:37] Speaker 6: I mean, you've been shot at three times. That's heavy.
[1:17:41] Speaker 6: So how are you approaching dating? What is your mindset?
[1:17:45] Speaker 4: And what was your healing journey to get back to
[1:17:48] Speaker 4: whatever place you're in right now?
[1:17:50] Speaker 1: So I had to first go heal from a lot
[1:17:53] Speaker 1: of stuff.
[1:17:54] Speaker 2: And so I got into therapy.
[1:17:55] Speaker 1: I had to peel back the layers and realize how
[1:17:59] Speaker 1: did joy allow herself to settle? How did I allow
[1:18:03] Speaker 1: this to happen to me? Because you got to take accountability.
[1:18:07] Speaker 1: I should have been gone. So it's happening because, girl,
[1:18:10] Speaker 1: you still here.
[1:18:10] Speaker 6: We go, how could he?
[1:18:12] Speaker 2: He could because you right there.
[1:18:13] Speaker 3: How long was that?
[1:18:15] Speaker 7: From the day you met him to today.
[1:18:17] Speaker 3: Is how many years?
[1:18:17] Speaker 6: 14, 15.
[1:18:18] Speaker 2: 14, 15.
[1:18:19] Speaker 3: Okay.
[1:18:20] Speaker 7: So you look back at from day one when you
[1:18:22] Speaker 7: saw him with them two women, you should have never
[1:18:24] Speaker 7: even said nothing.
[1:18:26] Speaker 3: You should never even gave him an opportunity.
[1:18:28] Speaker 2: That part.
[1:18:29] Speaker 3: Yep.
[1:18:30] Speaker 2: That part.
[1:18:30] Speaker 7: Yep.
[1:18:31] Speaker 2: I've always been a tither. And when we were dating,
[1:18:37] Speaker 2: you gonna give the church that much money? Oh, this
[1:18:39] Speaker 2: ain't mine. This is God's. What are you talking about?
[1:18:41] Speaker 1: But the second we get married, oh, we ain't giving
[1:18:44] Speaker 1: the church. And it's like, well, wait a minute. So
[1:18:45] Speaker 1: he was always turning me against what my true beliefs were.
[1:18:50] Speaker 6: Was.
[1:18:50] Speaker 3: So.
[1:18:52] Speaker 1: So I had to take accountability for you. I didn't
[1:18:56] Speaker 1: ask God. I saw some red flags and took my
[1:18:58] Speaker 1: crayons out and got a big green marker and colored
[1:19:01] Speaker 1: them over trying to make them green.
[1:19:02] Speaker 2: I got to take accountability. I got to heal.
[1:19:04] Speaker 1: I got to understand that if I don't heal from
[1:19:07] Speaker 1: this and learn from my mistake, I'm going to find
[1:19:08] Speaker 1: another person that's another name.
[1:19:11] Speaker 2: And I don't want to be a... I don't want
[1:19:14] Speaker 2: to be bitter.
[1:19:15] Speaker 1: Because if I'm bitter, if I'm negative, if I'm saying
[1:19:19] Speaker 1: I'm never going to get married.
[1:19:20] Speaker 2: Then he won.
[1:19:21] Speaker 3: He won.
[1:19:22] Speaker 6: He won.
[1:19:22] Speaker 2: That's good. So my whole thing is I count that as...
[1:19:27] Speaker 2: I really wasn't married, y'all.
[1:19:28] Speaker 1: Now, according to Las Vegas, I'm married, right? The state
[1:19:32] Speaker 1: of Texas, I'm married.
[1:19:33] Speaker 2: I didn't even consider that I'm married. We got married
[1:19:35] Speaker 2: in Las Vegas.
[1:19:36] Speaker 3: Did y'all have an elopement or did y'all just... Y'all
[1:19:38] Speaker 3: had family just pull up?
[1:19:39] Speaker 5: Hey, y'all.
[1:19:39] Speaker 1: We get married in four weeks. This is not a
[1:19:42] Speaker 1: shotgun wedding. I'm not pregnant, but... I'm not paying for
[1:19:45] Speaker 1: no big wedding. I'm going to use that wedding money
[1:19:48] Speaker 1: to invest in my inventory. So meet us at the
[1:19:51] Speaker 1: wedding chapel in Vegas. We're going to go to a
[1:19:53] Speaker 1: buffet afterwards.
[1:19:56] Speaker 2: My mother almost had a heart attack. This is so ghetto.
[1:19:59] Speaker 2: You're ruining my day. I did a whole network marketing presentation.
[1:20:05] Speaker 7: You did not do a network presentation.
[1:20:06] Speaker 1: At the wedding reception, the wedding that pays, Organo Gold,
[1:20:10] Speaker 1: get some coffee.
[1:20:11] Speaker 7: I did Organo Gold. I became more of a consumer
[1:20:13] Speaker 7: than a seller. I just kept drinking that. Was that stuff,
[1:20:16] Speaker 7: did that stuff help us? I thought it did.
[1:20:18] Speaker 2: It was good.
[1:20:20] Speaker 7: It was good. It was good.
[1:20:22] Speaker 3: I was just drinking that stuff.
[1:20:23] Speaker 7: I don't know if it helped me, but it's supposed
[1:20:25] Speaker 7: to do, yeah, all these different ingredients are supposed to help.
[1:20:28] Speaker 3: All your ailments, whatever going on in your body is
[1:20:29] Speaker 3: supposed to help you. I was about 20 something years
[1:20:33] Speaker 3: old when that came out. I was like, I'm going
[1:20:35] Speaker 3: to sell this. Scan it and see. Do they still
[1:20:37] Speaker 3: have it around?
[1:20:38] Speaker 1: I don't know, but I know what, I had less
[1:20:40] Speaker 1: migraines drinking the tea, drinking the coffee.
[1:20:43] Speaker 3: It has to do, oh, so you said the coffee version.
[1:20:46] Speaker 7: I had the little, the little vitamin stuff that you,
[1:20:49] Speaker 7: you posted drinks and capsules of that every day. And
[1:20:52] Speaker 7: so you did a presentation at your wedding.
[1:20:55] Speaker 3: Yes.
[1:20:56] Speaker 6: In the dress or did you change?
[1:20:57] Speaker 2: In the dress.
[1:20:58] Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, okay.
[1:20:59] Speaker 2: This is the wedding that plays.
[1:21:00] Speaker 7: That's why your mama said it's ghetto.
[1:21:01] Speaker 1: She was like, oh, this is so, you know, she
[1:21:04] Speaker 1: wants doves flying around.
[1:21:06] Speaker 2: Mama, I ain't paying for no doves. All this money.
[1:21:08] Speaker 2: Do you know how, well, y'all know how much a
[1:21:10] Speaker 2: wedding costs.
[1:21:11] Speaker 5: I did.
[1:21:11] Speaker 1: I planned a wedding for two weeks and I said, oh,
[1:21:13] Speaker 1: they got me all the way. I'm not about to
[1:21:15] Speaker 1: spend this money.
[1:21:17] Speaker 2: People are going to talk about me anyway, but I'm
[1:21:19] Speaker 2: about to buy some inventory. Mama, we about to go
[1:21:22] Speaker 2: to Vegas in a month.
[1:21:23] Speaker 3: Did you say the wedding that pays?
[1:21:24] Speaker 2: Wedding that pays.
[1:21:24] Speaker 3: That was the tagline.
[1:21:25] Speaker 2: That was the tagline.
[1:21:26] Speaker 6: Oh my gosh.
[1:21:28] Speaker 7: Yep.
[1:21:29] Speaker 3: This is so ghetto.
[1:21:30] Speaker 2: So ghetto. You're ruining my day.
[1:21:33] Speaker 6: And he was okay with all this.
[1:21:34] Speaker 2: He was okay with it.
[1:21:35] Speaker 3: You want to make the money. You tell a man
[1:21:37] Speaker 3: you ain't got to spend money.
[1:21:38] Speaker 6: He's like, I love it.
[1:21:39] Speaker 7: That was the confirmation. You my wife?
[1:21:42] Speaker 3: He said, we finna go make some money.
[1:21:44] Speaker 6: He was side by side.
[1:21:45] Speaker 2: The bride and the groom leading the presentation.
[1:21:48] Speaker 7: Exactly.
[1:21:48] Speaker 2: We sold two people on the gold pack.
[1:21:51] Speaker 7: We sold two people.
[1:21:54] Speaker 1: But if you remain bitter, if you keep talking about
[1:21:58] Speaker 1: what they did, you're losing. Why would you give that
[1:22:01] Speaker 1: person that much energy? And so establish boundaries. So we
[1:22:06] Speaker 1: don't talk. We have an app that we communicate in
[1:22:08] Speaker 1: and it's what gate are you going to be at
[1:22:11] Speaker 1: at the airport? What day are you coming? And we
[1:22:12] Speaker 1: meet two gates apart. So if he's at 26, I'll
[1:22:16] Speaker 1: drop Deuce off at 24 and just watch Deuce walk
[1:22:19] Speaker 1: on down.
[1:22:19] Speaker 2: But I want to live again.
[1:22:23] Speaker 1: I'm I was a great wife and I'm going to
[1:22:26] Speaker 1: find a man that can appreciate me, that can protect me,
[1:22:29] Speaker 1: that can cover me, that can be my person. So
[1:22:32] Speaker 1: I'm hopeful I will find another.
[1:22:35] Speaker 2: Well, I won't find one.
[1:22:37] Speaker 1: My husband will find me.
[1:22:39] Speaker 4: Yes.
[1:22:42] Speaker 1: Until that happens, I'm in my developing season, becoming the
[1:22:46] Speaker 1: best person, hobbies, keep my little fitness together, and just
[1:22:49] Speaker 1: develop joy so that when God brings me my person,
[1:22:53] Speaker 1: I'm full. I always say Boaz met Ruth when she
[1:22:56] Speaker 1: was working. So I need to be developing myself, becoming
[1:23:00] Speaker 1: the best me. So when he comes in and now
[1:23:02] Speaker 1: it's a perfect mesh.
[1:23:04] Speaker 3: What did that mean to you?
[1:23:05] Speaker 7: Why was it such a big deal when we were
[1:23:08] Speaker 7: talking prior to the recording? And I said that I
[1:23:11] Speaker 7: waited outside. I'll wait for Ashley to get her makeup done.
[1:23:15] Speaker 7: That seems so simple to me. Why was that a
[1:23:17] Speaker 7: big deal to you?
[1:23:18] Speaker 1: Well, that's simple if you're in a healthy relationship. So
[1:23:22] Speaker 1: if you're in a toxic relationship, a one-sided relationship, the
[1:23:26] Speaker 1: man doesn't give you that. No toxic man's going to
[1:23:30] Speaker 1: sit in a car.
[1:23:33] Speaker 1: While his wife is getting her makeup. No man's going
[1:23:36] Speaker 1: to wake up and be at the makeup studio at
[1:23:39] Speaker 1: 8 o'clock.
[1:23:40] Speaker 2: That ain't about to happen. It's going to be, why
[1:23:42] Speaker 2: you got to get your makeup done? Just do it yourself.
[1:23:44] Speaker 2: It's ugly anyway. You want any other stuff in your face?
[1:23:46] Speaker 6: It's ugly anyway. Did he say that?
[1:23:51] Speaker 7: What?
[1:23:52] Speaker 1: When I met my husband, I looked just like this.
[1:23:55] Speaker 1: About two years in, why you wearing all that makeup? Baby,
[1:23:58] Speaker 1: when you met me, I was a match store.
[1:24:00] Speaker 2: What are you talking about?
[1:24:01] Speaker 7: Why you wearing those heels?
[1:24:02] Speaker 2: You should wear.
[1:24:03] Speaker 1: Everything that he said he liked about me, all of
[1:24:05] Speaker 1: a sudden... He said, why you wearing them heels?
[1:24:07] Speaker 2: Yes. I didn't even.
[1:24:08] Speaker 1: I own one pair of sneakers to go walking. I
[1:24:11] Speaker 1: never wore a flat. I was always in a heel.
[1:24:14] Speaker 3: He started complaining you wear heels.
[1:24:16] Speaker 2: He had this big.
[1:24:17] Speaker 1: He had a big lavish birthday party for me. And
[1:24:19] Speaker 1: my present was like seven Gucci sneakers. And I'm like,
[1:24:23] Speaker 1: I don't wear sneakers. I don't even wear Jenna shoes.
[1:24:27] Speaker 6: Wow.
[1:24:27] Speaker 2: But see, that's the manipulation. Well, you don't need to
[1:24:30] Speaker 2: wear heels. You're a salon owner now.
[1:24:32] Speaker 1: So... You should wear these nice sneakers. So it, I mean,
[1:24:35] Speaker 1: it looks nice.
[1:24:36] Speaker 7: It looks real nice.
[1:24:37] Speaker 1: But I don't, I don't wear sneakers. So they're always
[1:24:41] Speaker 1: trying to change who you are. So if you are,
[1:24:44] Speaker 1: if you are watching this podcast and you don't even
[1:24:47] Speaker 1: know what your favorite color is, you don't even know
[1:24:49] Speaker 1: what you want to be in life. You just need
[1:24:52] Speaker 1: to get out and you can go build a brand
[1:24:56] Speaker 1: new version of yourself.
[1:24:57] Speaker 3: Yeah, that's good. You know what we should do?
[1:24:59] Speaker 7: We should do like, I want to encourage people We
[1:25:03] Speaker 7: call them a LIT fam. And LIT stands for Living
[1:25:07] Speaker 7: Intentionally and Transparently. And so that's the community of the
[1:25:10] Speaker 7: Dear Future Wifey viewers and podcast watchers. I want to
[1:25:14] Speaker 7: do an affiliate with you because I want women to
[1:25:19] Speaker 7: join this challenge that you have. Can we create like
[1:25:23] Speaker 7: a promo code like Wifey or something? Yes, yes.
[1:25:26] Speaker 3: You have the back end where you can actually create that.
[1:25:28] Speaker 7: So what I'm going to say to y'all right now
[1:25:30] Speaker 7: is I want y'all, when is your next challenge? It's
[1:25:32] Speaker 7: coming up in, is it October?
[1:25:34] Speaker 2: October 5th. I do it every other month.
[1:25:36] Speaker 3: So October 5th and the next one will be in December.
[1:25:39] Speaker 4: Correct.
[1:25:39] Speaker 3: All right.
[1:25:39] Speaker 7: So I don't know when it's going to drop. It
[1:25:41] Speaker 7: may drop after October. And so, well, after that 5th.
[1:25:45] Speaker 7: So the challenge that you have is see you at
[1:25:48] Speaker 7: the bank challenge.
[1:25:49] Speaker 3: See you at the bank.
[1:25:51] Speaker 2: See you at the bank. I'm going to get you
[1:25:52] Speaker 2: to the bank to make deposits.
[1:25:54] Speaker 1: So I'm going to teach you how to make a
[1:25:56] Speaker 1: profitable business. Because a lot of times a business owner
[1:25:59] Speaker 1: wants to jump into debt in the beginning because They
[1:26:02] Speaker 1: don't know how to market or they jump into business,
[1:26:05] Speaker 1: but they're not protected. So one mistake, they then go
[1:26:08] Speaker 1: and lose everything. And now their dream becomes their nightmare.
[1:26:11] Speaker 1: So we're going over business structure, asset protection, how to
[1:26:15] Speaker 1: get debt-free funding with business grants, how to then find
[1:26:19] Speaker 1: your perfect person and bring them in consistently, how to
[1:26:21] Speaker 1: get 10 people to buy your product every single day.
[1:26:24] Speaker 1: But most importantly, how to make money in your sleep
[1:26:27] Speaker 1: with passive income via digital products. Just selling your knowledge
[1:26:30] Speaker 1: on whatever you're good at to people who are going
[1:26:32] Speaker 1: to buy it via an e-book, a course, a checklist,
[1:26:35] Speaker 1: a template.
[1:26:36] Speaker 3: You're talking about this one thing is going to teach
[1:26:38] Speaker 3: them all that.
[1:26:38] Speaker 7: All that.
[1:26:39] Speaker 2: I'm going to get you to the bank.
[1:26:40] Speaker 6: But what do you say to people who are like,
[1:26:43] Speaker 6: I don't have anything to protect?
[1:26:46] Speaker 2: You always have something to protect.
[1:26:48] Speaker 1: And if you're going to start a business, you're going
[1:26:50] Speaker 1: to then grow, but you have a house. Or if
[1:26:53] Speaker 1: you were to get sued today, you're going to have
[1:26:56] Speaker 1: a debt against you. You're going to have a judgment
[1:26:59] Speaker 1: against you waiting on you to get something.
[1:27:01] Speaker 6: That's true.
[1:27:03] Speaker 4: So people who may think like, oh, I can just
[1:27:06] Speaker 4: start this business and who cares about all that paperwork
[1:27:08] Speaker 4: is for the birds. Like I don't need any kind of,
[1:27:10] Speaker 4: I don't have any assets to protect.
[1:27:12] Speaker 1: The second you start thinking about a business, you want
[1:27:15] Speaker 1: to form your LLC to separate you from from your
[1:27:18] Speaker 1: business because you don't want to have a judgment waiting
[1:27:21] Speaker 1: on you. You don't want your wages garnered. Do you
[1:27:22] Speaker 1: have wages? You got money coming in? That's an asset, right?
[1:27:26] Speaker 1: So you want to make sure that everything is separate
[1:27:28] Speaker 1: so if something goes wrong in the business, your personal
[1:27:31] Speaker 1: side is protected.
[1:27:32] Speaker 3: That's your attorney side.
[1:27:33] Speaker 6: Correct.
[1:27:34] Speaker 3: And so let me ask you this.
[1:27:35] Speaker 7: You talked about being able to teach people how to
[1:27:37] Speaker 7: get government grants. I would think that that would be
[1:27:42] Speaker 7: difficult with our current administration because it seems like they done...
[1:27:47] Speaker 7: You know, I don't know the back end. I'm just assuming.
[1:27:49] Speaker 7: Is it government grants that you believe are still accessible.
[1:27:53] Speaker 3: To a lot of people?
[1:27:54] Speaker 2: I teach business grants.
[1:27:56] Speaker 1: So this is going to be corporations, organizations that are
[1:27:58] Speaker 1: giving out grants.
[1:28:00] Speaker 2: To business owners. So not the government. It's not the government.
[1:28:02] Speaker 1: Oh. And I have a grant software that walks you
[1:28:05] Speaker 1: through how to apply for the grant and helps you
[1:28:08] Speaker 1: find grants.
[1:28:09] Speaker 2: So FedEx has.
[1:28:11] Speaker 1: A grant, $ 50, 000. You could have an LLC and be
[1:28:15] Speaker 1: in business. There's a grant called the Galaxy of Stars Grant.
[1:28:18] Speaker 1: You don't have to have a business. You don't even
[1:28:20] Speaker 1: have to have an LLC. It's offered every single month
[1:28:23] Speaker 1: and it has five questions. So if you can type
[1:28:26] Speaker 1: in your first and last name, can you do that?
[1:28:28] Speaker 7: Yes.
[1:28:29] Speaker 2: Your zip code, can you do that?
[1:28:31] Speaker 6: Absolutely.
[1:28:31] Speaker 1: Your email address, can you do that? Can you click
[1:28:34] Speaker 1: a button to choose your ethnicity and your gender?
[1:28:37] Speaker 7: Absolutely.
[1:28:37] Speaker 2: Now, last one, can you click a button.
[1:28:40] Speaker 1: that says, I have a business or I want to
[1:28:42] Speaker 1: start a business?
[1:28:43] Speaker 9: Yeah.
[1:28:43] Speaker 2: You apply for your first grant. Congratulations.
[1:28:46] Speaker 3: See, you're already giving free gain. Correct.
[1:28:48] Speaker 2: So there is free money for businesses. People just don't know.
[1:28:52] Speaker 2: It's a stigma. I'm not good at writing.
[1:28:54] Speaker 9: Yeah.
[1:28:55] Speaker 3: And I'm that person. I'm that person.
[1:28:57] Speaker 7: When I first start out, I'll be like, and still
[1:28:59] Speaker 7: to this very day, I'll be honest with you, I'll be.
[1:29:01] Speaker 3: Like, man, I ain't going to be trying to apply
[1:29:03] Speaker 3: for them. People ain't going to give me nothing. And
[1:29:04] Speaker 3: I just started saying they ain't going to give me nothing.
[1:29:06] Speaker 7: And I just start working and just work and build
[1:29:09] Speaker 7: from scratch.
[1:29:10] Speaker 3: And so you're teaching me to be like.
[1:29:11] Speaker 7: Well, if there's some money out there, why am I
[1:29:13] Speaker 7: not trying to get this if it's sitting out there?
[1:29:15] Speaker 7: And then I hear other people that post a video.
[1:29:18] Speaker 7: They be like, I just got this or whatever. And
[1:29:20] Speaker 7: I be like, how y'all get that?
[1:29:22] Speaker 1: So I break down how to make your business look unique.
[1:29:25] Speaker 1: So you are literally changing lives. You allow people to
[1:29:29] Speaker 1: be in, broke, busted, and disgusted, be lost. And they
[1:29:33] Speaker 1: can just turn on their phone, their laptop, and turn
[1:29:36] Speaker 1: on to your podcast. And they can hear a session online.
[1:29:40] Speaker 1: of what they're going through and help heal themselves to
[1:29:43] Speaker 1: then go and become.
[1:29:44] Speaker 2: A better person.
[1:29:44] Speaker 1: So you should have more equipment or another studio or
[1:29:48] Speaker 1: you may want to help teach people how they can
[1:29:49] Speaker 1: now bring their God-given gift and give it a platform.
[1:29:53] Speaker 1: So you need to be able to have resources to
[1:29:55] Speaker 1: have the Whitfield Podcast Training Studio, the course.
[1:30:02] Speaker 2: So why wouldn't someone give you money to help them?
[1:30:05] Speaker 3: I know.
[1:30:05] Speaker 7: And let me tell you something that really got me.
[1:30:06] Speaker 7: When I first started doing Dear Future Wifey, I heard Chick-fil-A.
[1:30:10] Speaker 7: I was talking to my buddy, David and Tamela Mann,
[1:30:12] Speaker 7: and David said, Chick-fil-A has money. Tons of money earmarked
[1:30:17] Speaker 7: for people because it's a Christian organization that have anything
[1:30:22] Speaker 7: that they do that focus on family and focus on marriage.
[1:30:26] Speaker 3: They just want to give money to them.
[1:30:28] Speaker 7: How about I heard about that in 2020 and still
[1:30:30] Speaker 7: ain't applied for nothing.
[1:30:31] Speaker 2: Because you playing.
[1:30:33] Speaker 3: Yeah. He said nobody uses this money.
[1:30:36] Speaker 7: He says so many people don't even apply for it
[1:30:38] Speaker 7: because they just don't do it.
[1:30:39] Speaker 6: Well, David should have told me.
[1:30:41] Speaker 5: I know.
[1:30:41] Speaker 7: I know. Now, Ashley, now that I said it, now
[1:30:43] Speaker 7: Ashley's going to be like, oh, you know what we're
[1:30:45] Speaker 7: going to go do tonight? Correct.
[1:30:46] Speaker 2: We're going to go to Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A, okay.
[1:30:48] Speaker 7: Correct.
[1:30:49] Speaker 3: I said, what?
[1:30:50] Speaker 7: And they had all this money. And it's like, what
[1:30:51] Speaker 7: happens in our mind? We're like, well, they probably ain't
[1:30:54] Speaker 7: going to give it to me. And that is so
[1:30:56] Speaker 7: sad that we'll count ourselves out before we count ourselves in.
[1:31:00] Speaker 3: Correct.
[1:31:00] Speaker 7: And be like, well, I mean, they probably just give.
[1:31:02] Speaker 7: But now Ashley's going to be like, oh, we're going
[1:31:04] Speaker 7: to go look at this. Yeah.
[1:31:04] Speaker 4: And the thing I love about what you're doing is
[1:31:07] Speaker 4: just that I feel like sometimes The hardest part is
[1:31:10] Speaker 4: getting started. And it sounds like this program, if that's
[1:31:13] Speaker 4: hard for someone in our lit fam, and they're just like.
[1:31:17] Speaker 6: I know I got something, but it just feels too big. Like,
[1:31:20] Speaker 6: I don't know where to start. I don't know what
[1:31:22] Speaker 6: to do. It's like now they can reach out to
[1:31:24] Speaker 6: you and get.
[1:31:25] Speaker 7: So that challenge is going to wet their palate to
[1:31:28] Speaker 7: get them involved.
[1:31:29] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[1:31:29] Speaker 1: The challenge ain't going to wet no powder. I'm going
[1:31:32] Speaker 1: to change your life. Because I'm putting you.
[1:31:35] Speaker 2: In the atmosphere.
[1:31:36] Speaker 1: I want to put you with a business bestie, another
[1:31:38] Speaker 1: person who's just like you.
[1:31:39] Speaker 3: In the challenge.
[1:31:39] Speaker 2: In the challenge to have an accountability partner.
[1:31:42] Speaker 1: I was just speaking in Atlanta on Thursday morning and
[1:31:45] Speaker 1: I'm in line and this girl's like, oh my.
[1:31:47] Speaker 2: Gosh, I took your challenge last year.
[1:31:49] Speaker 1: And I am still in, I'm still talking to my
[1:31:52] Speaker 1: business bestie from the challenge.
[1:31:54] Speaker 2: We help each other.
[1:31:55] Speaker 1: We have this, we have that. I've had business besties
[1:31:57] Speaker 1: do business together. I'm going to put you with people
[1:32:00] Speaker 1: who are just like you to have an accountability partner.
[1:32:03] Speaker 2: I'm going to give you homework.
[1:32:05] Speaker 1: So every single night you're doing something, but you're doing
[1:32:07] Speaker 1: it all together as collective, dropping in your videos.
[1:32:11] Speaker 2: You're getting feedback in real time from the business besties.
[1:32:15] Speaker 2: So it's kind of like we're on this journey together.
[1:32:17] Speaker 2: It's not, I'm smart and you're not. So let me
[1:32:21] Speaker 2: be in this thing together.
[1:32:23] Speaker 1: We're going to be in here for two, three hours
[1:32:25] Speaker 1: because this is my gift.
[1:32:27] Speaker 2: This is my gift. And I know what it's like
[1:32:31] Speaker 2: to be on the other side. I know what it's
[1:32:32] Speaker 2: like to star. It's dark.
[1:32:33] Speaker 1: And I'm doing all this with the education. Imagine the
[1:32:37] Speaker 1: person that has no business savvy. They're just talented in
[1:32:40] Speaker 1: their field. So I know what it's like. So I
[1:32:41] Speaker 1: want to make sure that everyone has the access to
[1:32:44] Speaker 1: the resources, but more importantly, the confidence to know I
[1:32:49] Speaker 1: can really go out here and win. Because when God
[1:32:51] Speaker 1: gives you that gift, you got to take it to
[1:32:54] Speaker 1: fruition because that's the thing that's going to give you
[1:32:56] Speaker 1: that God blessing.
[1:32:57] Speaker 4: I was just going to say, and that's good because
[1:33:00] Speaker 4: if you are trying to start a business, businesses work
[1:33:04] Speaker 4: well together. It's different than if you have a nine
[1:33:06] Speaker 4: to five, you may be competing because only one of
[1:33:09] Speaker 4: you can become.
[1:33:10] Speaker 6: That VP, right?
[1:33:11] Speaker 4: But in partnership, like you do want to be with
[1:33:14] Speaker 4: other business owners because you can learn from them. You
[1:33:17] Speaker 4: can exchange wisdom, like, you know, just practices. They may
[1:33:21] Speaker 4: have a better payroll system than you do. You can
[1:33:23] Speaker 4: learn so much working together.
[1:33:25] Speaker 2: And you can cry together. Like, girl, this didn't work. Exactly.
[1:33:29] Speaker 1: And they're not going to say, go back to your job.
[1:33:30] Speaker 1: They're going to be there and be like, motivate you
[1:33:32] Speaker 1: to keep on going.
[1:33:33] Speaker 3: Absolutely.
[1:33:34] Speaker 7: Let me tell you what I like about you because
[1:33:36] Speaker 7: of the history that you have. You know, some people
[1:33:39] Speaker 7: have like these courses and these challenges. but they done
[1:33:43] Speaker 7: found something online. They done learned from somebody else on
[1:33:46] Speaker 7: how to make the challenge. And they're just selling the
[1:33:49] Speaker 7: challenge as the challenge, but they have no proof. The
[1:33:53] Speaker 7: prime example, their success is creating the challenge. Correct.
[1:33:57] Speaker 2: It's selling you.
[1:33:58] Speaker 7: Yes. And yours come from, I done did all these business.
[1:34:01] Speaker 7: I done made all the mistakes. Yes.
[1:34:04] Speaker 1: Let me tell you exactly what to do and more importantly,
[1:34:07] Speaker 1: what not to do. Because the chat can tell you
[1:34:09] Speaker 1: what to do. But only experience, only losses, a.k.a. lessons
[1:34:13] Speaker 1: can tell you what not to do.
[1:34:16] Speaker 2: That part. So that's my unicorn in the industry.
[1:34:19] Speaker 1: I'm not.
[1:34:21] Speaker 2: I'm the real deal.
[1:34:23] Speaker 5: Okay.
[1:34:23] Speaker 1: Ain't nothing I haven't seen, haven't gone through. So I
[1:34:26] Speaker 1: can help you start the business or more importantly, if
[1:34:28] Speaker 1: you're already experienced, but you have hit a tight spot
[1:34:31] Speaker 1: and you're trying to zig and zag. I can tell
[1:34:33] Speaker 1: you where to zig and zag, how to zig and
[1:34:35] Speaker 1: zag and what that next step should be.
[1:34:37] Speaker 2: That's good.
[1:34:38] Speaker 3: What made you write this book from broken to the bank?
[1:34:40] Speaker 7: Hmm.
[1:34:43] Speaker 1: I wanted to give a book to help someone get
[1:34:46] Speaker 1: out of that dark. So my dark was this divorce
[1:34:49] Speaker 1: and losing my business, right? Your dark may be a bankruptcy,
[1:34:53] Speaker 1: a lost child. You got fired from your job. Your
[1:34:57] Speaker 1: best friend left you. Your husband walked out on you.
[1:35:00] Speaker 1: Everyone goes through a dark time, but I don't want
[1:35:03] Speaker 1: someone to get stuck. I don't want someone to just
[1:35:06] Speaker 1: settle for, well, the good life passed me. I'm too
[1:35:10] Speaker 1: old now to go for a second run.
[1:35:12] Speaker 2: Woe is me.
[1:35:12] Speaker 1: I want to give you the 21 laws of the
[1:35:15] Speaker 1: comeback of what I use in my personal life to
[1:35:18] Speaker 1: overcome the challenge. Either we're going to go over it,
[1:35:21] Speaker 1: under it, around it, or right through it, but we're
[1:35:23] Speaker 1: not going to settle for what the devil just threw
[1:35:26] Speaker 1: in our face.
[1:35:27] Speaker 7: That's good. I want you to grab that box and
[1:35:30] Speaker 7: I want you to write a key to love. This
[1:35:33] Speaker 7: is where the part of the podcast where our guests
[1:35:36] Speaker 7: write something that you want to leave with the audience online.
[1:35:39] Speaker 7: Leave with us whether you write a word, a phrase,
[1:35:43] Speaker 7: a sentence, and make sure you sign your name. Ask
[1:35:45] Speaker 7: what you think about this episode.
[1:35:46] Speaker 2: I thought it was great.
[1:35:48] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[1:35:49] Speaker 4: I just, every time Joy sits down, I learn something
[1:35:52] Speaker 4: new from her. And it is so powerful to see
[1:35:56] Speaker 4: a woman who is so resilient.
[1:35:58] Speaker 3: Resilient is the word.
[1:36:00] Speaker 6: And hopeful and just a go-getter.
[1:36:04] Speaker 4: And so I'm really grateful we were able to have
[1:36:07] Speaker 4: this conversation, I know, you know, trauma can really stop
[1:36:13] Speaker 4: you from being hopeful.
[1:36:16] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[1:36:16] Speaker 6: And so what I love about Joy is I.
[1:36:18] Speaker 3: Hold on, Joy, don't just walk over here. I need
[1:36:21] Speaker 3: you to read it.
[1:36:22] Speaker 6: Oh, okay, okay.
[1:36:23] Speaker 7: Hold on.
[1:36:23] Speaker 2: My bad.
[1:36:24] Speaker 3: Yeah, she done took off.
[1:36:25] Speaker 7: Good Lord.
[1:36:26] Speaker 3: What were you about to say?
[1:36:29] Speaker 4: I was just going to say I love that I
[1:36:30] Speaker 4: believe that Joy's optimism for the future is going to
[1:36:33] Speaker 4: help someone who's going through something. that's really dark, it's
[1:36:38] Speaker 4: going to help them see that they should keep hope alive.
[1:36:42] Speaker 7: And what'd you write in your key of love? So
[1:36:43] Speaker 7: you're so ready to hang it, pull the microphone close
[1:36:45] Speaker 7: to you.
[1:36:46] Speaker 1: I wrote, you are you, and that is your superpower.
[1:36:50] Speaker 1: Meaning no one can do it like you. When God
[1:36:52] Speaker 1: made you, he cut the cloth, you was custom made.
[1:36:55] Speaker 1: So stop looking to your left, to your right, what
[1:36:57] Speaker 1: the Jacksons is doing, what they doing. You just be
[1:37:00] Speaker 1: the best version of you. And you're going to bring
[1:37:03] Speaker 1: in your perfect person, your tribe, the man or woman
[1:37:07] Speaker 1: that is for you. And they're going to love everything
[1:37:10] Speaker 1: about you and want to sit while you're getting your
[1:37:13] Speaker 1: makeup done in the parking lot and be happy and content.
[1:37:19] Speaker 7: Yeah. How long did it take you to become you?
[1:37:24] Speaker 7: To actually be in the place where you were happy
[1:37:26] Speaker 7: with who you are and how God made you?
[1:37:29] Speaker 3: At what age?
[1:37:30] Speaker 2: When I was born. I was born with too much confidence.
[1:37:34] Speaker 2: My mom was like, you and everything? I said, I
[1:37:36] Speaker 2: sure am. So I'm the child out the womb, baby.
[1:37:40] Speaker 2: I'm her.
[1:37:41] Speaker 3: So you never dealt with low self-esteem?
[1:37:43] Speaker 2: I have too much self-esteem. That's the problem. I'm overly confident. Like, girl,
[1:37:48] Speaker 2: sit down somewhere. That's the problem. Now, I lost it, though,
[1:37:51] Speaker 2: in my marriage.
[1:37:52] Speaker 1: Because over time, he just picked and picked and picked
[1:37:55] Speaker 1: and picked.
[1:37:55] Speaker 2: And I was drained. But now I found her back.
[1:37:59] Speaker 2: A good year in therapy. I'm back. I'm back, y'all.
[1:38:04] Speaker 7: Thank you so much. Go and hang that on the
[1:38:05] Speaker 7: wall now. Thank you so much. Well, Joy, thank you
[1:38:08] Speaker 7: so much. How can people stay in contact with you?
[1:38:12] Speaker 1: You can follow me on all social media at Joy Hunt,
[1:38:15] Speaker 1: J-O-I-H-U-N-T underscore E-S-Q, or you can go to seeyouatthebank.com.
[1:38:21] Speaker 3: Seeyouatthebank.com.
[1:38:23] Speaker 7: Make sure you use code WIFI when you join the channel.
[1:38:26] Speaker 7: This is going to be absolutely amazing. I can't wait
[1:38:28] Speaker 7: to get back with me and let me know, man,
[1:38:31] Speaker 7: this is impactful.
[1:38:32] Speaker 3: It's changed my life. I was able to launch this business.
[1:38:35] Speaker 7: We love to hear how this changed your life.
[1:38:40] Speaker 3: And I want some testimonies.
[1:38:41] Speaker 7: I want people to sit there and say that they
[1:38:43] Speaker 7: had that moment that you had where they learned something
[1:38:47] Speaker 7: that changed the trajectory of their life.
[1:38:49] Speaker 3: That would be such.
[1:38:50] Speaker 7: A blessing to hear. So thank you so much for
[1:38:54] Speaker 7: pouring into us today. May the love you share today
[1:38:57] Speaker 7: outlive the season you're in.
[1:38:59] Speaker 4: May it carry you through the days when words are
[1:39:02] Speaker 4: few and faith has to do the talking.
[1:39:04] Speaker 3: Y'all give it up for Joy Hunt. Ladarian.
[1:39:09] Speaker 7: Thrusted suddenly into Child Protective Services in 2015.
[1:39:13] Speaker 3: My nephew, black, a boy.
[1:39:16] Speaker 7: The likelihood of being adopted outside of kinship, slim to none. Armani,
[1:39:23] Speaker 7: 16 years old, black, a boy with five years in
[1:39:26] Speaker 7: the foster care system before I even knew his name.
[1:39:29] Speaker 7: The likelihood of ever being adopted.
[1:39:32] Speaker 3: Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.
[1:39:36] Speaker 7: While Adarian and Armani were trying to survive and barely
[1:39:39] Speaker 7: thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded foster care system, I
[1:39:43] Speaker 7: was living my own life, doing well professionally. Having been
[1:39:46] Speaker 7: a single father with a daughter who at that point
[1:39:49] Speaker 7: was doing well in college, it was my time to
[1:39:51] Speaker 7: live my life right.
[1:39:53] Speaker 9: Wrong.
[1:39:54] Speaker 3: I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.
[1:39:59] Speaker 7: There are just too many of our black children stuck
[1:40:02] Speaker 7: in ambiguity and in the limbo of the foster care system.
[1:40:06] Speaker 7: In 2017, I legally adopted my nephew, Ladarian. Fast forward
[1:40:11] Speaker 7: to 2019, I had no ties to this other young king,
[1:40:13] Speaker 7: but I felt God instructed me to adopt him also,
[1:40:16] Speaker 7: and I obeyed. Starting over with parenting should have been enough, right?
[1:40:20] Speaker 7: Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help
[1:40:23] Speaker 7: bring awareness to the countless young black kings in the
[1:40:26] Speaker 7: foster care system should have decreased my agitation, right? Joining
[1:40:31] Speaker 7: the Board of Directors of Advantage Adoption, an organization that
[1:40:34] Speaker 7: helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in foster care,
[1:40:37] Speaker 7: should have led to some type of resolve, right?
[1:40:40] Speaker 3: No, not at all.
[1:40:43] Speaker 7: None of it felt like I had done enough. I
[1:40:46] Speaker 7: now realize that every one of those experiences was laying
[1:40:50] Speaker 7: the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.
[1:40:54] Speaker 3: Kingdom Royale.
[1:40:55] Speaker 7: Kingdom Royale will be a luxury state-of-the-art home for foster boys.
[1:41:00] Speaker 7: Our first location will be in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex.
[1:41:03] Speaker 7: We will utilize the whole person approach that instills identity,
[1:41:07] Speaker 7: empowers them to advocate for themselves, and enlightens them regarding
[1:41:11] Speaker 7: new perspectives and limitless.
[1:41:13] Speaker 2: Options that they thought were impossible.
[1:41:17] Speaker 7: Though the young Kings will attend the local public schools
[1:41:19] Speaker 7: that are in proximity to Kingdom Royale, our at-home curriculum
[1:41:23] Speaker 7: will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts, attending
[1:41:27] Speaker 7: various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions
[1:41:32] Speaker 7: about current events and even relevant historical context, introducing them
[1:41:36] Speaker 7: to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our animals
[1:41:40] Speaker 7: on our farm and onsite stables. We just launched our
[1:41:44] Speaker 7: startup capital campaign with the goal of raising $ 2.
[1:41:47] Speaker 3: 8 million. Now, why $ 2. 8 million?
[1:41:50] Speaker 7: Well, in 2017, I created a web series in which
[1:41:53] Speaker 7: I performed random acts of kindness for targeting.
[1:41:56] Speaker 3: The homeless community. One of the most notable successes was.
[1:41:59] Speaker 7: That one of the videos went viral, garnering 28 million views. However,
[1:42:05] Speaker 7: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise
[1:42:07] Speaker 7: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable
[1:42:11] Speaker 7: plan for the homeless community. So throughout the years, with
[1:42:15] Speaker 7: much remorse, I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment.
[1:42:19] Speaker 7: I knew if at that time, just 10% of the
[1:42:22] Speaker 7: viewers donated $ 1, we would have raised at least $ 2. 8
[1:42:26] Speaker 7: million that could have really established long-term support for the
[1:42:30] Speaker 7: homeless community, or at least started a long-term initiative to
[1:42:34] Speaker 7: do so. This is my do-over. This is our new beginning. Together,
[1:42:40] Speaker 7: we can attack this at the root by specifically helping
[1:42:43] Speaker 7: our homeless black boys who are already disproportionately represented in
[1:42:48] Speaker 7: the American foster care system.
[1:42:51] Speaker 3: I'm Latarris R. Whitfield.
[1:42:52] Speaker 7: I've been nominated for three regional Emmys, documented my work
[1:42:55] Speaker 7: with the homeless, as well as my personal adoption journey.
[1:42:59] Speaker 7: Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly
[1:43:03] Speaker 7: providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit KingdomRoyale.com for
[1:43:09] Speaker 7: more details.
[1:43:11] Speaker 3: Crown a king and make a donation today.

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