# Almost Married: The Warning Signs (Guest: Niyah Gonzalez)

An episode of [Dear Future Wifey](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1506095537), 21 Jan 2026, 1 h 45 min.

Audio: https://prfx.byspotify.com/e/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/78a347aa-3282-4ac5-837c-a72300032082/293692a5-5b4e-44f3-89a3-b172011fe37c/55e1a5cf-5a3c-4fb4-b9d8-b3d9001adf93/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=ae4e871a-36ca-4d76-83c3-b172011fe393

In this must-hear episode of Dear Future Wifey, Laterras R. Whitfield sits down with Niya Gonzales, a 31-year-old influencer who recently went viral after making the bold decision to call off her very public engagement. What sparked widespread conversation—and mixed reactions online—was Niya’s honesty: there was no infidelity, no abuse, no scandal. She simply changed her mind. In this transparent and emotionally grounded conversation, Niya shares what led to that decision, the internal wrestle of listening to her intuition, and the pressure of making a life-altering choice under the scrutiny of social media. Together, Laterras and Niya unpack the difference between doing what looks right and doing what is right, especially when it comes to marriage. This episode explores: The courage it takes to choose clarity over comfort Why “nothing went wrong” can still be a valid reason to walk away The emotional toll of public opinion on private decisions Discernment, self-trust, and honoring your inner voice Redefining failure, faith, and freedom in relationships Whether you agreed with her decision or questioned it, this conversation invites you to look deeper—beyond the headlines—and wrestle with what it truly means to choose yourself before saying “I do.” 🎧 This episode is honest, thought-provoking, and necessary. CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST https://www.instagram.com/niyah.gonzalez CONNECT WITH OUR HOSTS https://www.instagram.com/laterrasrwhitfield https://www.instagram.com/ashleyrwhitfield ORDER LATERRAS R. WHITFIELD'S NEW BOOK "STUDENT OF LOVE" https://www.StudentofLove WANNA SEE BEHIND-THE-SCENES FOOTAGE? JOIN MY PATREON https://www.Patreon.com/laterrasrwhitfield SIGN UP FOR THE MAILING LIST https://bit.ly/LRWconnection PURCHASE "YOU (Dear Future Wifey)" Theme Song http://itunes.apple.com/album/id/1729993404 👑 SUPPORT OUR CAUSE Donate to Kingdom Royale: Empowering foster kids to become royalty: https://www.KingdomRoyale.com 👕 MERCH https://www.DearFutureWifey.com FOLLOW DEAR FUTURE WIFEY 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dearfuturewifeypodcast 📘 Facebook: https://www.Facebook.com/DearFutureWifey 🐦 Twitter: https://twitter.com/dfwifeypodcast See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: I ended my engagement and today I'm moving out. There
[0:03] Speaker 1: wasn't any betrayal, he didn't cheat or anything. Honestly, I
[0:06] Speaker 1: just changed my mind. It's really important for me to
[0:09] Speaker 1: own my narrative instead of letting people assume and start rumors.
[0:13] Speaker 1: Ending my engagement was the hardest thing I think I've
[0:17] Speaker 1: ever had to do in my entire life. If sharing
[0:20] Speaker 1: my story helps just one person, then it's worth it.
[0:23] Speaker 2: Today we have someone who went viral on social media
[0:27] Speaker 2: for letting us know that she ended things with her fiance.
[0:31] Speaker 2: Welcome to Dear Future WiFi, Naya Gonzale.
[0:34] Speaker 1: Hey, Hey, the things that I wanted in a relationship
[0:38] Speaker 1: were very different than what it is today.
[0:40] Speaker 3: He was just so fun.
[0:41] Speaker 1: We were going out a lot, just living a fast life.
[0:45] Speaker 1: As I grew older, those things became less important to me,
[0:50] Speaker 1: and I think the things that he and I connected
[0:53] Speaker 1: on were no longer there. He was no longer my
[0:56] Speaker 1: best friend, he became my roommate.
[0:58] Speaker 4: Whose ideal was it to move in together?
[1:01] Speaker 3: Honestly, it was me I was pushing to move in together.
[1:04] Speaker 1: His parents were so adamant on us being married before
[1:07] Speaker 1: making that step.
[1:08] Speaker 5: Men are being so triggered by your experience. They already
[1:11] Speaker 5: believe it before you even did it. All you did
[1:13] Speaker 5: was validate their fear if you go against your own
[1:16] Speaker 5: core values. Let them move in with you, and then
[1:18] Speaker 5: you put a ring on their finger, and this is
[1:20] Speaker 5: your ups and leaves you for no reason.
[1:22] Speaker 3: I think what got lost was the dating.
[1:26] Speaker 4: You have breakups before, haven't you has it felt like this?
[1:33] Speaker 5: It's okay when you get that grafted with somebody, You're
[1:36] Speaker 5: not just breaking up with him, You're breaking up with
[1:38] Speaker 5: the family. Some people may not understand how hard.
[1:41] Speaker 1: And that is also the future that you talked about.
[1:44] Speaker 1: We talked about kids and what that would look like.
[1:47] Speaker 1: It's just breaking up with everything. I wanted so badly
[1:51] Speaker 1: for him to be the one I didn't want it
[1:54] Speaker 1: to be anyone else.
[1:56] Speaker 6: How did it end? If you don't mind.
[1:58] Speaker 7: Sharing that, what started as a search for understanding became
[2:07] Speaker 7: a journey of transformation.
[2:09] Speaker 4: Every letter that I wrote led me to this day.
[2:13] Speaker 4: The day I.
[2:14] Speaker 5: Got married November twenty second, twenty twenty five.
[2:18] Speaker 2: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how
[2:24] Speaker 2: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber
[2:28] Speaker 2: of my soul. At the very thought of you.
[2:32] Speaker 5: This journey has culminated with you as both the award
[2:36] Speaker 5: and the reward of my pursuit of love.
[2:39] Speaker 4: You are the award, the.
[2:40] Speaker 5: Honor God placed before me, the recognition of growth, healing
[2:44] Speaker 5: and becoming the man I needed to be.
[2:46] Speaker 2: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,
[2:52] Speaker 2: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.
[2:57] Speaker 4: This isn't just our story. This it's for all of us.
[3:01] Speaker 4: I'm a Terrasaar Whitfield.
[3:03] Speaker 6: I'm Ashley are Whitfield.
[3:05] Speaker 3: Welcome to the podcast.
[3:12] Speaker 5: Welcome to a Different Wifey Podcast. I'm your host of
[3:14] Speaker 5: Tara Sar Whitfield, and.
[3:15] Speaker 6: I'm Ashley R. Whitfield.
[3:17] Speaker 5: Listen, are you still shacking up with us? If you're
[3:19] Speaker 5: still shacking up with us, come on, can we get
[3:20] Speaker 5: a commedy. This is season eleven. I want you to
[3:23] Speaker 5: stop right now. Hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make
[3:27] Speaker 5: sure you're on your notification bell. She'd be notified about
[3:31] Speaker 5: upcoming episodes. Oh listen, we're all on this journey. I
[3:36] Speaker 5: know the book Student of Love was released on January
[3:39] Speaker 5: the thirteenth.
[3:40] Speaker 4: Have you gotten a copy of that book? Listen?
[3:43] Speaker 5: Love is not about finding the right person. It's about
[3:46] Speaker 5: becoming the right person, you know what. Let's take a
[3:49] Speaker 5: moment and watch this promo video. Student of Love releases
[3:54] Speaker 5: January thirteenth. But I want to share with you a
[3:59] Speaker 5: voice memo I received via text from my friend Rachel Silver.
[4:04] Speaker 5: Now always hire Rachel when I'm working on major projects
[4:07] Speaker 5: to help me ide aid and organize my thoughts and ideas.
[4:11] Speaker 5: And I did that with Student Love, and she challenged
[4:14] Speaker 5: me a lot with some of my thoughts and ideas.
[4:18] Speaker 4: But listen, listen, listen, listen.
[4:21] Speaker 8: To this, Hayley Terris. I'm super, super excited because in
[4:26] Speaker 8: a few weeks, I am going to be.
[4:28] Speaker 1: A married woman.
[4:30] Speaker 8: And as I reflect not only just on the relationship
[4:33] Speaker 8: that he and I have, but just over the last
[4:36] Speaker 8: few years, how God has really placed people like you
[4:38] Speaker 8: on my life to just help to bring forth new
[4:43] Speaker 8: insight and new purpose and help to bring forth growth.
[4:47] Speaker 8: I've always known that we would create something that would
[4:51] Speaker 8: impact the world, but I didn't always know that we
[4:54] Speaker 8: would create something that would impact my world. And so
[4:56] Speaker 8: as we were working on our last project, as you
[4:59] Speaker 8: were sharing your stories and sharing you know, just about
[5:02] Speaker 8: being a Student of Love and just about navigating this
[5:05] Speaker 8: thing called love. It really allowed me to to gain
[5:09] Speaker 8: new insight. It allowed me to process, not just internally,
[5:11] Speaker 8: cause you know I was processing verbally too, talking to
[5:15] Speaker 8: you about things as well, and even when it wasn't
[5:18] Speaker 8: about me, just really allowed that space and I appreciate that.
[5:22] Speaker 8: And even when I didn't agree with everything that you
[5:25] Speaker 8: were saying, cause I didn't let me not, I agree
[5:27] Speaker 8: with a lot of it, but not all of it,
[5:29] Speaker 8: I was still like, well, you know what, let me
[5:30] Speaker 8: try this out. Let me see what this is like
[5:32] Speaker 8: in real life. And so I got to try that
[5:34] Speaker 8: out while I was dating when I was dating him,
[5:38] Speaker 8: and I'm like, hey, I guess you know, maybe Willie
[5:41] Speaker 8: Terence is saying it's working a little bit because apparently
[5:45] Speaker 8: I'm getting married a.
[5:46] Speaker 1: Couple of weeks.
[5:47] Speaker 5: So it's just really been cool.
[5:50] Speaker 8: And it's been called applying the things that God has
[5:53] Speaker 8: given you in my life, and I'm just I just
[5:56] Speaker 8: I'm just really grateful.
[5:58] Speaker 4: What are you waiting on? Pre order this book now?
[6:09] Speaker 5: Listen if you haven't gotten this book yet, what are
[6:11] Speaker 5: you waiting for? What better way to attract the love
[6:13] Speaker 5: that you desire? In twenty twenty six and the grab
[6:14] Speaker 5: a hold a student of love and to become everything
[6:17] Speaker 5: that you desire.
[6:17] Speaker 4: Actually, who do you have on a podcast today?
[6:20] Speaker 6: Today?
[6:20] Speaker 2: We have someone who went viral on social media for
[6:24] Speaker 2: letting us know that she ended things with her fiance.
[6:28] Speaker 2: My new homie. Welcome to dear future wifey Naya Gonzog.
[6:33] Speaker 4: So what's up, Naya?
[6:35] Speaker 1: Hey?
[6:35] Speaker 4: Hey, how do you feel?
[6:37] Speaker 3: I'm nervous?
[6:38] Speaker 5: What are you nervous about? To be honest, be vulnerable?
[6:41] Speaker 5: What are you nervous about?
[6:44] Speaker 3: Not y'all making me cry?
[6:45] Speaker 5: Already listen, I understand we're in a sensitive space. I
[6:48] Speaker 5: don't want anybody to think that the decision that you
[6:49] Speaker 5: made was taken lightly. People can assume that people can
[6:52] Speaker 5: look at it and see you smile in the video
[6:54] Speaker 5: and make it seem like you're some savage woman. But
[6:57] Speaker 5: I really truly believe that you're a woman of God
[6:59] Speaker 5: and that when you made this decision, you made this
[7:02] Speaker 5: decision consulting with the Holy Spirit.
[7:06] Speaker 4: Is that an assumption I'm making?
[7:07] Speaker 6: No, not at all?
[7:08] Speaker 4: Okay? And so a lot of women desire marriage.
[7:13] Speaker 5: A lot of women wait for the day that someone
[7:15] Speaker 5: gets on their knee and propose to them.
[7:18] Speaker 4: You had that moment. Was that the first time that's
[7:20] Speaker 4: ever happened.
[7:20] Speaker 3: To you ending an engagement?
[7:22] Speaker 4: No, having an engagement?
[7:24] Speaker 3: Yes it was Yes.
[7:25] Speaker 5: First time somebody ever proposed to you and you made
[7:28] Speaker 5: decision to end it.
[7:30] Speaker 4: Why is this making you emotional?
[7:36] Speaker 1: We were together for four years, and I think when
[7:43] Speaker 1: you enter relationships you never thinking that it's going to end.
[7:53] Speaker 1: And what makes it a lot harder, I think is
[7:56] Speaker 1: being online and sharing so much.
[8:00] Speaker 3: I share.
[8:02] Speaker 1: Everything, my whole entire life. I shared when I tore
[8:05] Speaker 1: my achilles. I share everything, and so for me, my
[8:10] Speaker 1: platform has always been about being authentic and that meant
[8:14] Speaker 1: also sharing. Ending my engagement and that in and of
[8:19] Speaker 1: itself was really really hard, and I also, you know,
[8:24] Speaker 1: just having to share it publicly too, But that was
[8:27] Speaker 1: a choice that I made. Being in social media is
[8:30] Speaker 1: a choice that I made. That's a career that I
[8:32] Speaker 1: chose to be in. And so when you're dealing with
[8:37] Speaker 1: something so personal but also it's public, it just makes
[8:40] Speaker 1: it ten times harder.
[8:45] Speaker 4: Well, I'm gonna ask lead in this, what would you
[8:47] Speaker 4: like to ask about it?
[8:50] Speaker 2: I love that you're transparent. I think that's going to
[8:53] Speaker 2: help a lot of people. I would love to just
[8:57] Speaker 2: hear a little bit about you know, what happened. Everyone
[9:01] Speaker 2: may not have seen the post, so we're starting from
[9:06] Speaker 2: scratch and just bring us up to speed if we're
[9:09] Speaker 2: not aware what happened.
[9:14] Speaker 3: It was never like one specific thing. I think when
[9:20] Speaker 3: he and I met, I was so young. We were
[9:25] Speaker 3: long distance.
[9:26] Speaker 1: I was a news anchor in Waco and he was
[9:30] Speaker 1: living in Dallas.
[9:31] Speaker 4: Did you say so young? What is that?
[9:34] Speaker 1: I was I think twenty six or twenty seven, and
[9:39] Speaker 1: so well, I'm thirty one now, so what's thirty one
[9:42] Speaker 1: minus four? So we Yeah, I was in Waco and
[9:50] Speaker 1: we were long distance, and I think the things that
[9:54] Speaker 1: I wanted in a relationship from a man at that
[9:58] Speaker 1: time we're very different than what it is today and
[10:02] Speaker 1: what it's been the last year.
[10:05] Speaker 3: You know.
[10:05] Speaker 1: We were so young and we were honestly like, the
[10:10] Speaker 1: thing that I was so attracted to about him was
[10:13] Speaker 1: that he was just so fun and we connected on
[10:17] Speaker 1: so many different things.
[10:18] Speaker 3: We used to go to the gym together.
[10:21] Speaker 1: Honestly, we were going out a lot, you know, just
[10:24] Speaker 1: going out to the club and just living a fast life.
[10:28] Speaker 1: And as I grew older, those things became less important
[10:34] Speaker 1: to me, and I think the things that he and
[10:37] Speaker 1: I connected on were no longer there. So we weren't
[10:42] Speaker 1: going out, we weren't working out together. We were barely
[10:46] Speaker 1: hanging out together and doing things that you know, build
[10:50] Speaker 1: emotional intimacy. So I think that was the biggest change
[10:56] Speaker 1: was he was no longer my best friend.
[11:01] Speaker 3: He became my roommate.
[11:05] Speaker 5: And so y'all were physically y'all were actually when you
[11:07] Speaker 5: say roommate, y'all were actually living together. I'm yeah, How
[11:11] Speaker 5: long were y'all dating before y'all decide to move in
[11:13] Speaker 5: with each other?
[11:14] Speaker 3: I believe two years?
[11:16] Speaker 5: Yeah, and that was here in the Dallas Fort Worth metroplex.
[11:20] Speaker 3: Yes, getting up.
[11:21] Speaker 4: So when did you relocate from Waco to.
[11:22] Speaker 3: Dallas in twenty twenty two?
[11:26] Speaker 4: In twenty twenty two?
[11:28] Speaker 5: And so at what stage y'all were engaged for eight
[11:31] Speaker 5: months before you called it off? Where there any Let
[11:36] Speaker 5: go back to the moment that we're gonna go ahead
[11:40] Speaker 5: and put this in reverse. How did y'all meet?
[11:43] Speaker 6: Social media?
[11:44] Speaker 5: So y'all met on social media? Did you slide in
[11:46] Speaker 5: his DM? Did he slide in yours?
[11:47] Speaker 4: Well?
[11:49] Speaker 1: I followed him on Instagram and then I was kind
[11:53] Speaker 1: of like waiting on him to slide of my DMS
[11:56] Speaker 1: and then he wouldn't, so I was like, I think
[11:58] Speaker 1: he I followed him for like two weeks waiting for
[12:01] Speaker 1: him to say something, and just when I was about
[12:03] Speaker 1: to unfollow him, he messaged me and he responded to
[12:09] Speaker 1: a story of my Apple Watch and it was me
[12:12] Speaker 1: ending a workout, and I thought I was so slick.
[12:16] Speaker 1: I was like, oh, something about let's do like a
[12:20] Speaker 1: workout competition or something.
[12:22] Speaker 3: But I need your number too.
[12:26] Speaker 1: And so he gave me his number, and then I
[12:31] Speaker 1: remember his area code was eight one six, so he
[12:35] Speaker 1: was from Kansas City. And then that was kind of
[12:38] Speaker 1: our connection there. And then honestly, it kind of just
[12:46] Speaker 1: happened so fast. Yeah, I mean he was exactly what
[12:53] Speaker 1: I needed at that time.
[12:56] Speaker 5: And then when did y'all take it from just a
[13:01] Speaker 5: DM exchange to now we go together?
[13:05] Speaker 3: Yeah?
[13:07] Speaker 1: I had driven to Dallas a couple of times. I
[13:10] Speaker 1: went with my roommate at the time, Madison. We Yeah,
[13:15] Speaker 1: we drove to Dallas, we went out. He used to
[13:19] Speaker 1: have a hookah business, so we he was doing something
[13:23] Speaker 1: at like a rooftop and so we met him there
[13:26] Speaker 1: and that was our very first meeting.
[13:29] Speaker 3: And I really liked him.
[13:31] Speaker 1: He was really kind, he was sweet, very attractive, so
[13:38] Speaker 1: and we just we just stayed in touch. And he
[13:41] Speaker 1: was driving back and forth from Dallas to Waco to
[13:44] Speaker 1: see me, and I was, you know, doing the same
[13:47] Speaker 1: on the weekends.
[13:48] Speaker 2: Did y' all know each other's families? Did you get
[13:51] Speaker 2: to at what point did you meet his family?
[13:54] Speaker 1: And I want to say it was I know it
[13:58] Speaker 1: was in November because I had gone home with him
[14:01] Speaker 1: for Thanksgiving and we went on a big family cruise
[14:04] Speaker 1: and that was the first time i'd really met like everyone,
[14:07] Speaker 1: I met his dad first on accident and then on accident. Yeah,
[14:12] Speaker 1: on accident, he surprised him. He flew to Dallas and yeah,
[14:19] Speaker 1: he just so happened to just kind of surprise him
[14:22] Speaker 1: and he was like I'm here and he was like,
[14:24] Speaker 1: oh shoot, so she so I.
[14:26] Speaker 3: Guess you're doing this and yeah.
[14:29] Speaker 4: And so I like to.
[14:33] Speaker 5: So in the book Student of Love, I teach people
[14:36] Speaker 5: how to define your core values and then date according
[14:40] Speaker 5: to your core values.
[14:41] Speaker 4: What you said at.
[14:42] Speaker 5: The very beginning is something that's making my ears perk
[14:47] Speaker 5: up because you said what I liked or desired back
[14:51] Speaker 5: then changed just four years later. So my question to
[14:54] Speaker 5: you is what were you looking for back then? Because
[14:59] Speaker 5: you might if I asked you something like what was
[15:01] Speaker 5: your core values? Then it may go up your head.
[15:03] Speaker 5: You're like, I'm twenty seven years old. I'm not even
[15:04] Speaker 5: thinking about a core value. He looked good, so you
[15:07] Speaker 5: may just and we like to go hang out.
[15:09] Speaker 4: He was fine.
[15:09] Speaker 5: You know, it's that which has nothing to do with
[15:11] Speaker 5: core values, which is even interesting. What was it that
[15:14] Speaker 5: attracted you to him? You said, y'all went out. He
[15:17] Speaker 5: looked nice. Did you think further than that to say
[15:21] Speaker 5: this is what I desire in a husband or were
[15:24] Speaker 5: you just here for it? Wasn't even thinking like that.
[15:26] Speaker 5: It's more casual that progressively turned something more.
[15:29] Speaker 3: Permanent, I think.
[15:32] Speaker 1: So I had been single for I think a year
[15:34] Speaker 1: and a half before I met him, so I didn't
[15:38] Speaker 1: think that it would turn into what it turned into. Honestly,
[15:43] Speaker 1: I wasn't very intentional, I would say, But at the
[15:47] Speaker 1: same time, I did know, you know, I wanted someone
[15:51] Speaker 1: who was a man of God, who you know, went
[15:53] Speaker 1: to church. His family, he comes from a great family.
[15:56] Speaker 1: He grew up going to church, and I knew there
[16:01] Speaker 1: were like I knew the things, but I don't think
[16:05] Speaker 1: that I put emphasis on those things and really was
[16:09] Speaker 1: like intentional in that.
[16:11] Speaker 3: And so.
[16:13] Speaker 1: In the four years we've been together, I can count
[16:16] Speaker 1: on one hand how many times he and I went
[16:17] Speaker 1: to church together. So I said I wanted that, but
[16:22] Speaker 1: I also wasn't intentional in you know, making that effort,
[16:27] Speaker 1: I think.
[16:28] Speaker 3: And so now as a thirty one.
[16:32] Speaker 1: Year old woman, and I'm really you know, looking for
[16:37] Speaker 1: alignment in my relationships, even with friends, not just romantic
[16:42] Speaker 1: relationships either. I am very like, I know exactly what
[16:48] Speaker 1: it is I want and what is that.
[16:52] Speaker 3: I want.
[16:54] Speaker 1: Emotional intimacy, emotional safety, connection, definitely one hundred percent, I
[17:04] Speaker 1: have to have spiritual transparency and.
[17:10] Speaker 3: Definitely just be equally yoked.
[17:13] Speaker 1: And it doesn't necessarily have to be like one hundred
[17:17] Speaker 1: percent equal, you know, because when I'm not showing up
[17:21] Speaker 1: the way that I want to, sometimes like I expect
[17:25] Speaker 1: my partner to hold me accountable and pick me up
[17:27] Speaker 1: and vice versa. But I do you know, think that
[17:31] Speaker 1: that's that is really important for me.
[17:33] Speaker 5: There's a bit of cognitive distiness when you say this
[17:36] Speaker 5: is what I wanted. I wanted a man of God,
[17:38] Speaker 5: I wanted this, this, this, and you admitted that what
[17:40] Speaker 5: you desired, you recognize that it wasn't in alignment with
[17:44] Speaker 5: your heart's desire, which is where cognitive distiness comes into play.
[17:49] Speaker 5: To laborate more on that is this would you have
[17:53] Speaker 5: whose idea was it to move in together?
[17:57] Speaker 1: Honestly, it was me. I was pushing to move together.
[18:00] Speaker 1: I was more so pushing for the engagement. I know,
[18:05] Speaker 1: I knew he wanted to get engaged. I know he
[18:06] Speaker 1: wanted to be married, but it was definitely me who
[18:10] Speaker 1: was more like, we have to be engaged before we
[18:13] Speaker 1: get married.
[18:14] Speaker 3: I don't or not get married.
[18:15] Speaker 1: We have to be engaged if we're going to move
[18:17] Speaker 1: in together, like I at least want that if we're
[18:20] Speaker 1: you know, his parents were so adamant on us being
[18:23] Speaker 1: married before making that step, right, And I'm sure now
[18:27] Speaker 1: he's probably you know, kicking himself in the butt like
[18:32] Speaker 1: I should have listened, you know, But I mean, we all,
[18:35] Speaker 1: you know.
[18:35] Speaker 5: I think it's good that we get an opportunity to
[18:39] Speaker 5: learn from our decisions, learn from our mistakes. Like I said,
[18:41] Speaker 5: you're only thirty one years old. As the old folks say,
[18:45] Speaker 5: just maybe just keep living, just keep living. But the
[18:48] Speaker 5: reality and I'm glad that you're giving voice to this
[18:50] Speaker 5: because he had influence around him, parents that say, hey,
[18:54] Speaker 5: you want you might want to be married before you start,
[18:57] Speaker 5: before you start playing house, as we used to say.
[19:00] Speaker 5: And then you say, well, no, we're going to move together.
[19:03] Speaker 5: You admit that you pushed less live together, and he's like, see,
[19:08] Speaker 5: And the thing about it is this, and I want
[19:10] Speaker 5: every man to understand this part.
[19:12] Speaker 4: And this is what leadership is.
[19:14] Speaker 5: Leadership is saying, hey, I know you're pushing for us
[19:17] Speaker 5: to move together, but no, you said you want a
[19:20] Speaker 5: man of God. This is how man of God does.
[19:22] Speaker 5: I'm not shacking up with you. I created that as
[19:25] Speaker 5: a moniker for my podcast to literally say it's a
[19:28] Speaker 5: fun way of saying I know you're watching the podcast.
[19:30] Speaker 5: A lot of people watch the podcast, but they don't
[19:32] Speaker 5: make a commitment to just hit the free little thing
[19:35] Speaker 5: to subscribe. And that's what we do in these relationships.
[19:38] Speaker 5: We don't subscribe. We won't get married, we won't go
[19:42] Speaker 5: to that next step, but we want all the benefits
[19:44] Speaker 5: of it. We want to watch entertained do all the
[19:46] Speaker 5: other stuff with the people we're dating. But then we
[19:48] Speaker 5: don't want to make that full time commitment. So it's
[19:51] Speaker 5: interesting that that's how my podcast has started out. And
[19:54] Speaker 5: then this is what your lived experience is. You said, hey, listen,
[19:57] Speaker 5: his parents said, don't do this. I know he's probably
[19:59] Speaker 5: kis this stuff in the butt for making that happen.
[20:02] Speaker 5: What made you desire that though? What made you desire desire?
[20:06] Speaker 5: You said, Hey, I know you want to marry me,
[20:09] Speaker 5: but let's live together first.
[20:11] Speaker 3: Yeah. I just loved him. I just wanted to be Yeah,
[20:17] Speaker 3: I wanted to be in his skin.
[20:18] Speaker 8: Like.
[20:20] Speaker 3: So, yeah, we moved in together, and it just seemed like.
[20:26] Speaker 1: We we were on track to We were talking about
[20:28] Speaker 1: marriage and at the time, you know, we were so
[20:31] Speaker 1: locked in, like we're going to get married, so you know,
[20:34] Speaker 1: we're skipped we might skip a step, but we're you know,
[20:36] Speaker 1: it's going to happen. So we really felt that way,
[20:40] Speaker 1: and we were so you know, like I said, we
[20:42] Speaker 1: and we were having those conversations about marriage and it
[20:48] Speaker 1: just felt like it felt right.
[20:51] Speaker 3: Yeah, it didn't feel like we were rushing it.
[20:55] Speaker 1: And actually I tore my achilles right before, so it
[20:59] Speaker 1: kind of came around the right time. Because my lease ended,
[21:03] Speaker 1: I couldn't go up and downstairs and elevators and stuff,
[21:07] Speaker 1: so us moving in together, it honestly was helpful in
[21:11] Speaker 1: that way too. So there was like life that happened.
[21:15] Speaker 2: What did your parents say about the whole like moving
[21:18] Speaker 2: in together?
[21:21] Speaker 3: They really didn't have any kind of pushback on it.
[21:29] Speaker 1: They trust me to make good decisions, and I think
[21:33] Speaker 1: they felt like if I was making that decision, I
[21:37] Speaker 1: was making that decision from a good place, or you know,
[21:40] Speaker 1: whatever the case might be. So they didn't really have
[21:43] Speaker 1: the same pushback the way his parents did. But also,
[21:48] Speaker 1: my parents are much younger, and so, you know, they
[21:52] Speaker 1: come from a different time, different place and era where
[21:55] Speaker 1: you know, you just that's not a thing.
[21:56] Speaker 4: So you said your parents said, his parents are like that.
[22:00] Speaker 1: His parents, my parents are much younger, so they're cool
[22:02] Speaker 1: with so they're a little bit more my parents.
[22:05] Speaker 3: Yeah they're together, but they live separated.
[22:07] Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, but they're married.
[22:09] Speaker 5: They're married and so and so when y'all moved together,
[22:14] Speaker 5: felt like it's the best decision. Would you do it
[22:16] Speaker 5: again next person that God brings into your life? Would
[22:19] Speaker 5: you cohabitate before y'all even get married? What are your
[22:24] Speaker 5: views about that?
[22:29] Speaker 3: I'm not sure. I'm not one hundred percent sure. I think.
[22:35] Speaker 1: I'm not sure that if we weren't living together, that
[22:39] Speaker 1: the issues that came about would have come about. To
[22:43] Speaker 1: know that that wasn't what was needed in marriage, I
[22:47] Speaker 1: guess so I'm not one hundred percent sure.
[22:52] Speaker 6: Are you comfortable sharing.
[22:54] Speaker 4: The issues, even some of them, even one thing?
[23:07] Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say, I think, and.
[23:12] Speaker 5: Listen before you answer. I'm gonna tell you why that's important. Ah,
[23:17] Speaker 5: My brothers, men believe that women you just can't please them.
[23:24] Speaker 5: You can give the woman everything, like you even showed
[23:27] Speaker 5: me a real did somebody share with you, like you
[23:29] Speaker 5: give this woman this? You go against your own core values,
[23:32] Speaker 5: let them move in with you, and then you put
[23:34] Speaker 5: a ring on their finger, and this you ups and
[23:36] Speaker 5: leaves you for no reason. Like men are being so
[23:39] Speaker 5: triggered by your experience because they're going they already believe
[23:43] Speaker 5: it before you even did it. All you did was
[23:46] Speaker 5: validate their fear. You validate their fear in saying that, See,
[23:51] Speaker 5: you can give a woman and I've seen it. I've
[23:53] Speaker 5: seen this person who is married. Now I can applaud
[23:56] Speaker 5: you for not even getting married and making decision that
[24:00] Speaker 5: you felt like was best for your life. It was
[24:03] Speaker 5: a lady that went viral that was married and said,
[24:06] Speaker 5: I've been married with my husband X amount of years.
[24:08] Speaker 5: He is so perfect, he is so great, he takes
[24:11] Speaker 5: care of me, he does this, and I mean she
[24:13] Speaker 5: said nothing bad in that video and said I just
[24:15] Speaker 5: didn't want to be married anymore.
[24:18] Speaker 4: And people are like, what in the world.
[24:21] Speaker 5: You know how devastating that would be to give the
[24:24] Speaker 5: woman everything that she desired, and she admits, no, my
[24:28] Speaker 5: husband takes care of me, he loves me. Well, he's
[24:32] Speaker 5: a great father, he's great everything. I just didn't want
[24:34] Speaker 5: to get be married anymore. You know how traumatizing that
[24:37] Speaker 5: is to a man, because a lot of men don't
[24:39] Speaker 5: even believe, they don't even see that as an example,
[24:41] Speaker 5: and most of us. And then to become the example
[24:44] Speaker 5: that you want to see and it still don't work out,
[24:47] Speaker 5: they become the red pill community. Those people like don't
[24:49] Speaker 5: trust women, I hate women. They this and it just
[24:52] Speaker 5: gets very toxic. And so the Dear Future WIFEI podcast
[24:55] Speaker 5: tries to create a safe space for people to share
[24:58] Speaker 5: that ideo secrecies, intricacies of relationships.
[25:03] Speaker 4: You say, well, this is what I felt. It's not
[25:04] Speaker 4: some flighty moment.
[25:05] Speaker 5: That I had this is what I really experienced, And
[25:09] Speaker 5: not by no means uncover that, brother, But I'm just
[25:12] Speaker 5: saying something that you felt, whether it was God that
[25:15] Speaker 5: showed you or didn't that said this is what I
[25:18] Speaker 5: felt that I couldn't live long term with.
[25:21] Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, So.
[25:25] Speaker 1: I will say when we first moved in together, I
[25:28] Speaker 1: was working my full time job as a news anchor.
[25:32] Speaker 3: And then.
[25:35] Speaker 1: A year ago, in September, we made the decision that
[25:40] Speaker 1: it was best for me to leave the job. My
[25:43] Speaker 1: contract had ended. They offered me to renew it, and
[25:45] Speaker 1: I decided, we decided together that okay, we're not going
[25:49] Speaker 1: to do that anymore. So I started my own business
[25:54] Speaker 1: and he said that he would take care of everything financially.
[26:01] Speaker 1: So that became the norm for our household.
[26:07] Speaker 3: But I think in that what got lost was the dating.
[26:17] Speaker 3: So I think.
[26:21] Speaker 1: Because he was paying all of the bills, it was like, Okay,
[26:26] Speaker 1: now I don't have to put an effort over here.
[26:33] Speaker 1: And I don't think that in his mind he was
[26:35] Speaker 1: thinking that way. I don't think that it was intentional
[26:38] Speaker 1: or anything like.
[26:38] Speaker 4: That, but.
[26:41] Speaker 3: There was just no.
[26:44] Speaker 1: Emotional intimacy, and so that's when we started. I suggested
[26:49] Speaker 1: that we go to couple's therapy to try and you know,
[26:52] Speaker 1: get that back. And actually it was before we before
[27:00] Speaker 1: I quit my job, there was it was, it was
[27:01] Speaker 1: already kind of brewing before then, and then I quit
[27:06] Speaker 1: my job, and then it was even kind of more
[27:08] Speaker 1: so because now I had a lot more free time,
[27:12] Speaker 1: and so he works from home. I'm at home, and
[27:15] Speaker 1: so I'm like, you know, hang out with me, Let's
[27:17] Speaker 1: go do something, Let's go to the gym or you know,
[27:19] Speaker 1: like I wanted to spend time with him, and it
[27:27] Speaker 1: just I think it was just we just stopped spending time,
[27:33] Speaker 1: We stopped dating, we stopped doing the things that I
[27:38] Speaker 1: guess like brought us together. And as time went on,
[27:46] Speaker 1: I think in my mind, I thought, Okay, he's working
[27:51] Speaker 1: really hard. I'm gonna let him grind it out, and
[27:55] Speaker 1: I'm going.
[27:56] Speaker 3: To do the same.
[27:58] Speaker 1: And so I started getting clients and getting really busy,
[28:03] Speaker 1: and then I met women who are you know, engaged
[28:08] Speaker 1: or in long term relationships too, so you know, going
[28:11] Speaker 1: out to the club and that wasn't even a thing
[28:13] Speaker 1: for me, Like we were going to girl dinners and
[28:15] Speaker 1: you know, so that wasn't a thing.
[28:17] Speaker 3: And it's crazy because the very thing that.
[28:30] Speaker 1: I thought would help, like just by me taking time
[28:35] Speaker 1: and like like giving him the time is what ultimately
[28:42] Speaker 1: like drove us apart because I grew in so many
[28:47] Speaker 1: ways and he was still kind of just like stuck
[28:53] Speaker 1: in his rhythm and flow, and it like became really
[28:59] Speaker 1: a pair on my birthday, like he had no idea
[29:03] Speaker 1: what to do or like get me because he's just
[29:06] Speaker 1: like I don't know, So he just didn't do anything.
[29:11] Speaker 2: You guys weren't connecting, You weren't finding time to connect.
[29:16] Speaker 6: Did you talk about that with him?
[29:18] Speaker 3: Yeah, we talked about it. I mean we talked about
[29:20] Speaker 3: it a lot.
[29:23] Speaker 1: It was.
[29:25] Speaker 3: Like a broken record.
[29:26] Speaker 1: I felt like response, you know, he's working a lot,
[29:31] Speaker 1: and it wasn't that you know, he didn't want to
[29:36] Speaker 1: and I and I really like understood where he was
[29:39] Speaker 1: coming from. But at the same time, it's like you
[29:41] Speaker 1: work from home though like just an hour, you know,
[29:46] Speaker 1: like just take a second. I don't know, And I
[29:50] Speaker 1: think I started to become very resentful. So then the
[29:55] Speaker 1: resentment got so bad that then it was just like
[29:59] Speaker 1: now I'm attracted, Now I don't even want Like it
[30:02] Speaker 1: just kind of started trickling down and to to the
[30:06] Speaker 1: point where it just felt like exhausting to try. At first,
[30:12] Speaker 1: trying was like not necessarily exciting, but it was like,
[30:16] Speaker 1: you know, we're getting We're gonna try to get somewhere,
[30:19] Speaker 1: and I'm on the hamster wheel and then I eventually
[30:21] Speaker 1: like you just get tired and you don't want to
[30:23] Speaker 1: just get off.
[30:26] Speaker 2: Now did you say he was paying, he was taking
[30:30] Speaker 2: on the bills. How do you think that that weighed
[30:37] Speaker 2: on him?
[30:38] Speaker 3: You know, for as a man, I think so, I
[30:41] Speaker 3: think so.
[30:44] Speaker 1: I mean it had to have so, you know, I
[30:50] Speaker 1: mean half of my half of everything was taken away,
[30:54] Speaker 1: so you know, it wasn't like I was when we
[30:58] Speaker 1: were living together and we were engaged and I was
[31:00] Speaker 1: still working, I didn't necessarily pay half of everything, but
[31:04] Speaker 1: I it probably evened out to half, so you know,
[31:06] Speaker 1: I did contribute financially still, and it was only when
[31:10] Speaker 1: I quit that that stopped.
[31:14] Speaker 3: So I do think that.
[31:17] Speaker 6: Did he start to kind of emotionally disconnect around that time?
[31:22] Speaker 1: It was already before that, it was all yeah, we
[31:24] Speaker 1: already were in therapy for the emotional intimacy and like
[31:28] Speaker 1: wanting to connect before I quit my job. And then
[31:33] Speaker 1: I think, I don't necessarily think it got worse. I
[31:36] Speaker 1: just think it was more apparent for me because I
[31:40] Speaker 1: wasn't leaving to go to work and then coming back,
[31:43] Speaker 1: you know, so now it was just like highlighted.
[31:51] Speaker 4: So interesting.
[31:52] Speaker 5: It's so interesting because I'm one of those people that
[31:55] Speaker 5: don't believe every relationship is supposed to work. So I
[31:57] Speaker 5: understand the lessons that you're supposed to glean from those
[32:02] Speaker 5: relationships that don't work. But then I also can hear
[32:06] Speaker 5: moments of and I'll just share this with you, what
[32:10] Speaker 5: would you do you're married and you experienced the exact
[32:15] Speaker 5: same thing in marriage, would you divorce?
[32:18] Speaker 1: No?
[32:19] Speaker 4: Why not?
[32:20] Speaker 3: Because I am married? That's that's the difference.
[32:23] Speaker 1: I think a lot of people online, a lot of
[32:29] Speaker 1: the backlash thing I got was, oh, well, you wasted
[32:32] Speaker 1: his time and you were engaged, and like that's but
[32:35] Speaker 1: I mean, the not I don't want to say the
[32:38] Speaker 1: point of being engaged is to be able to walk away.
[32:41] Speaker 3: But it wasn't official yet.
[32:45] Speaker 1: You know. We were still in that period, that trial
[32:48] Speaker 1: period and figuring it out, and I mean we really
[32:53] Speaker 1: really did try to get in alignment, and it just
[32:56] Speaker 1: it just wouldn't happen. And I was so unhap happy
[33:01] Speaker 1: and it really. I mean when I ended it. We
[33:04] Speaker 1: were in couple's therapy when it happened, so it wasn't
[33:12] Speaker 1: just all of a sudden. I don't think it was
[33:14] Speaker 1: a shock when I told him that I didn't want to,
[33:19] Speaker 1: you know, continue on anymore.
[33:21] Speaker 4: You said, was in the shot.
[33:22] Speaker 1: I don't think so I would be surprised if he
[33:26] Speaker 1: said that he was surprised.
[33:28] Speaker 4: What was his response?
[33:31] Speaker 1: He said, well, he had like a smirk on his face,
[33:37] Speaker 1: and he was like I saw this coming or I
[33:40] Speaker 1: felt like this was coming, and I'm thank you for
[33:42] Speaker 1: being honest.
[33:43] Speaker 3: And then that was pretty much.
[33:46] Speaker 5: It was that the last time, y'all spot or did
[33:48] Speaker 5: he continue trying to put effort to hopefully make you
[33:52] Speaker 5: change you mind?
[33:54] Speaker 1: No, we actually continued living together up until.
[34:00] Speaker 3: A couple of weeks ago. So yeah, we went.
[34:05] Speaker 1: So we actually went on a break in July, and
[34:09] Speaker 1: we were living together but living in separate bedrooms. And
[34:12] Speaker 1: then in October is when I decided that we were
[34:17] Speaker 1: going to not continue. And that was early October, and
[34:20] Speaker 1: then I moved out a couple of days before Christmas.
[34:25] Speaker 4: So when did you officially call it off? What date
[34:27] Speaker 4: was it?
[34:27] Speaker 6: It was?
[34:28] Speaker 1: I think like October third or something. It was a Thursday, So.
[34:32] Speaker 5: It was in October when people seeing this video recently
[34:36] Speaker 5: and like you made that decision the day before. No, no,
[34:39] Speaker 5: So this happened in October, and you took some months
[34:42] Speaker 5: to get yourself together, mostly spiritually and everything, and then
[34:46] Speaker 5: said now I'll share this with the world because you
[34:48] Speaker 5: shared with the world that you were engaged. Yes, And
[34:52] Speaker 5: I've heard a lot of people say, I didn't want
[34:54] Speaker 5: to feel like a fraud sharing this happy moment and
[34:56] Speaker 5: then when it ends, then I can't share that as well,
[34:59] Speaker 5: you feel the I did.
[35:01] Speaker 1: And there were a lot of people asking me again,
[35:04] Speaker 1: like I said, I share a lot online of my life.
[35:06] Speaker 1: So there were a lot of women like, you know,
[35:10] Speaker 1: where's the wedding content? Because I did post me trying
[35:12] Speaker 1: on dresses at one point and looking at venues and
[35:15] Speaker 1: then it just kind of stopped, and so women were asking,
[35:19] Speaker 1: you know, where the dresses were, and the content was
[35:23] Speaker 1: you know or are you still engaged? And there was
[35:25] Speaker 1: a point where I did stop wearing my rings, so
[35:28] Speaker 1: even though we were on a break, like I would
[35:30] Speaker 1: wear my ring in public settings, like big public settings,
[35:34] Speaker 1: and then you know, if I was going to the
[35:36] Speaker 1: grocery store or something. I didn't really wear it, but
[35:40] Speaker 1: it just.
[35:42] Speaker 5: I don't know, so you were wearing it even so
[35:45] Speaker 5: you're talking about after was it the break or.
[35:47] Speaker 1: The fight out, even during the break the break, Yeah,
[35:51] Speaker 1: I would wear it in places where I knew a
[35:55] Speaker 1: lot of people knew me to be engaged and knew
[35:58] Speaker 1: us to be together, and so I would wear my
[36:01] Speaker 1: ring then. But if I knew, like I was going
[36:03] Speaker 1: to the gas station or like somewhere, no one would know,
[36:07] Speaker 1: I didn't wear it.
[36:10] Speaker 6: So you were keeping up appearances.
[36:12] Speaker 5: Yeah, and so you said that, and again you talk
[36:17] Speaker 5: about a couple of things that make it very problematic
[36:19] Speaker 5: if you live together with somebody, because you don't go
[36:22] Speaker 5: through like a typical breakup. It feels more like a
[36:25] Speaker 5: divorce because now you got to find somewhere to live.
[36:28] Speaker 5: There has never been a situation where I've dated anybody
[36:30] Speaker 5: that went it ended. I had to find somewhere to live,
[36:32] Speaker 5: or they had to find somewhere to live.
[36:34] Speaker 4: It just ended.
[36:34] Speaker 5: It's like a typical I always believed that there should
[36:37] Speaker 5: be different levels of access, and so if people can
[36:41] Speaker 5: look at it. For instance, I'll use a major celebrity
[36:44] Speaker 5: you go to a concert, most.
[36:46] Speaker 4: People just get general admission.
[36:47] Speaker 5: Some people just may be out in the outside. They
[36:50] Speaker 5: may come out through the where the back door terance
[36:54] Speaker 5: is and stand out. They couldn't even get a ticket,
[36:56] Speaker 5: so they're standing out there hoping to get a glimpse
[36:58] Speaker 5: of the celebrity when they walk out or come out
[37:00] Speaker 5: to see and wave at them. Some people get a
[37:02] Speaker 5: chance to get a ticket getting general admission. Some people
[37:05] Speaker 5: get VIP. You saw that with Chris Brown, and everybody
[37:08] Speaker 5: got a chance to take these little pictures with Chris Brown,
[37:09] Speaker 5: so they got a little bit different access. And then
[37:12] Speaker 5: some people get an all access pass. All access passes
[37:15] Speaker 5: are people that typically work with the artists. They're on
[37:17] Speaker 5: the team of the artists and or they work at
[37:19] Speaker 5: the venue and they can come and go. They can
[37:21] Speaker 5: go from the audience all the way to the backstage.
[37:24] Speaker 5: They get to see everything all access. Unfortunately, some of
[37:28] Speaker 5: us give people all access passes when they only should
[37:31] Speaker 5: have gotten general admission. And so what I want people
[37:35] Speaker 5: to do is say, come on, let's all carte those
[37:38] Speaker 5: access levels to different people to say hold on until
[37:42] Speaker 5: we get married. I can't make nobody do nothing, but
[37:45] Speaker 5: I don't believe someone should get that all access pass.
[37:48] Speaker 5: Having bank account information, y'all in each other's bank accounts,
[37:52] Speaker 5: and y'all even married. You know what I'm saying, because
[37:54] Speaker 5: if you break up, y'all gotta go sit down with
[37:56] Speaker 5: the banker. Can you get her name off my account? Well,
[37:59] Speaker 5: she has to come on here a signer. Well, we don't,
[38:00] Speaker 5: we don't, we don't talk. Well, I can't remove her
[38:03] Speaker 5: name off the bank account unless she shows up. Be like,
[38:06] Speaker 5: you know, I ain't want to talk to you.
[38:07] Speaker 4: But can you come up to the bank. You know
[38:09] Speaker 4: I'm gonna do nothing.
[38:11] Speaker 5: That's half my money too, So it feels like a
[38:12] Speaker 5: whole divorce instead of just saying, God, I know you're sovereign.
[38:17] Speaker 5: I know you said, let's do things decency in order.
[38:20] Speaker 5: I don't have to rush a breakup. I don't have
[38:22] Speaker 5: to rush a failure. And if I do things in
[38:24] Speaker 5: your way, then even when it doesn't work out, it's
[38:28] Speaker 5: to the best of what you would want, not the worst.
[38:31] Speaker 5: And so that's the reason why I asked, y'all said,
[38:33] Speaker 5: would you do it again? You're like, well, no, because
[38:34] Speaker 5: the first thing you thought about was that the reason
[38:37] Speaker 5: why we broke up wasn't relegated to us living together.
[38:41] Speaker 5: And that's not the question I was asking. I was
[38:43] Speaker 5: wanting to know with the experience that you've been through,
[38:45] Speaker 5: knowing that y'all live together, knowing y'all in two separate rooms,
[38:48] Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying, like that is that's an
[38:50] Speaker 5: awful feeling.
[38:51] Speaker 4: I tell Ashley this all the time.
[38:53] Speaker 5: I say, listen, and we were freshly married, being married
[38:56] Speaker 5: when this episode runs about two months, it will be
[39:01] Speaker 5: painful for me to sleep in another room and she's
[39:04] Speaker 5: sleeping the bed. I just don't I just don't want
[39:06] Speaker 5: I did that too much being single, Like I don't
[39:08] Speaker 5: want to feel single being married. We gonna lay together
[39:11] Speaker 5: and we're gonna deal with whatever we gotta deal with
[39:14] Speaker 5: each other in the same bed. I don't want to
[39:16] Speaker 5: relegate myself into a separate room. You know, Let's work
[39:19] Speaker 5: it out. And so that's what I had to do
[39:21] Speaker 5: as a single person dealing with my single life, sleeping alone.
[39:24] Speaker 4: I'm not trying to do that marry.
[39:25] Speaker 5: But then some people put themselves in that position in
[39:28] Speaker 5: a dating relationship with where they're at odds and then
[39:31] Speaker 5: they liveing in separate bedrooms or whatnot, and then you're
[39:34] Speaker 5: trying to figure out when can you move. Wait, some
[39:37] Speaker 5: people I talked to somebody before that said that they
[39:39] Speaker 5: waiting for the least to end, and they just renewed
[39:43] Speaker 5: the least and so they done broke up. So now
[39:45] Speaker 5: they got to live with each other until the least expires.
[39:47] Speaker 5: So you gotta live eleven more months with somebody that
[39:49] Speaker 5: you ain't with. Now you gotta traumatize yourself watching them.
[39:52] Speaker 5: Other people they like, I ain't holding my life up,
[39:54] Speaker 5: and you like, so you're bring up another woman over here? Yeah,
[39:58] Speaker 5: you a roommate at this point, you know what I'm saying.
[40:00] Speaker 5: And you like, you like, what did I sign up for?
[40:03] Speaker 5: So they're like, it's best that you don't come home
[40:05] Speaker 5: tonight because I got this chick standing over you like this.
[40:09] Speaker 5: When I say I've heard it all in my dms
[40:11] Speaker 5: from people asking me advice about certain things, I'd be like,
[40:14] Speaker 5: why would you do that? Like?
[40:15] Speaker 4: Why would you do that to yourself?
[40:17] Speaker 5: I had a friend that was on the podcast last month, Christina,
[40:23] Speaker 5: who got to hold divorce and still living with her husband.
[40:26] Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying, And I'm like, what were
[40:29] Speaker 5: people create these crazy scenarios for their lifestyle that just
[40:36] Speaker 5: cause continual trauma to themselves. When God is so sovereign
[40:41] Speaker 5: just to do things in decens in order that the
[40:44] Speaker 5: pain of a breakup is pain enough, a pain of
[40:46] Speaker 5: a felt engagement is even more. But then when you
[40:49] Speaker 5: got to go through all this other stuff that you're
[40:51] Speaker 5: going through, and it's just because I saw the video
[40:54] Speaker 5: where you moving out or whatever, and I was like,
[40:57] Speaker 5: I know that's trauma right there. I know that hurts.
[40:59] Speaker 5: You got to find your own life. Your friends come
[41:01] Speaker 5: together to help you move out. Now they're witnessing this transition.
[41:05] Speaker 5: It's a whole lot of just trauma where you go
[41:08] Speaker 5: and it literally, if I asked you, it probably felt
[41:11] Speaker 5: like a divorce. It just felt like, Wow, why did
[41:16] Speaker 5: it feel like that? Have you ever spared? You have
[41:18] Speaker 5: breakups before?
[41:19] Speaker 4: Haven't you?
[41:20] Speaker 5: What has it felt like this?
[41:24] Speaker 3: This was?
[41:24] Speaker 1: This was different in the sense that I think before
[41:29] Speaker 1: because I wasn't engaged when I broke up with someone,
[41:32] Speaker 1: it was much easier to walk away.
[41:37] Speaker 3: Of course the breakup.
[41:38] Speaker 1: Was sad, but it still was like, once I detached
[41:43] Speaker 1: and I feel that in my soul that's not my person,
[41:47] Speaker 1: I can walk away and never look back. Really you
[41:49] Speaker 1: don't blocks, and I've never spent the block ever ever,
[41:54] Speaker 1: But with this it was different because we were engaged
[41:56] Speaker 1: and it was public. I made it public, I talked
[41:59] Speaker 1: about it. I put him in some of my content,
[42:03] Speaker 1: so there was even more of like an incentive to
[42:09] Speaker 1: make it work and to figure it out. And and
[42:15] Speaker 1: because we were living together, there was just so many
[42:18] Speaker 1: things that, honestly, because we were engaged, did feel like marriage,
[42:22] Speaker 1: even though I knew we weren't married, so.
[42:25] Speaker 3: I could walk away, but I still tried, like so
[42:30] Speaker 3: hard to make it work.
[42:31] Speaker 5: People assume that you probably that was probably easy for you.
[42:35] Speaker 5: I want you to spend a little moment about what
[42:38] Speaker 5: made it so hard, because even what you're saying now,
[42:41] Speaker 5: I understand when you say, I made it public, so
[42:44] Speaker 5: now I have this different incentive to make it work
[42:46] Speaker 5: so I don't look like a failure in front of everybody.
[42:50] Speaker 4: But I want you to elaborate on that as best
[42:52] Speaker 4: as you can.
[42:56] Speaker 3: I think what made it really hard, especially like.
[43:06] Speaker 1: In the months where we were in therapy and I
[43:11] Speaker 1: was honestly like fighting with myself like do I stay,
[43:15] Speaker 1: do I not stay? I'm unsure he and I are
[43:17] Speaker 1: having these conversations back and forth. You know, there were
[43:20] Speaker 1: moments where he even told me, you know, if you
[43:22] Speaker 1: want to walk away, like you can one hundred percent
[43:25] Speaker 1: walk away, I won't hold you, know, hold you to
[43:28] Speaker 1: the fire. But I still, like, I wanted to make
[43:33] Speaker 1: it work. And I remember at the time he was
[43:36] Speaker 1: saying he was working on this project, and he was like,
[43:38] Speaker 1: just give me to the end of the project. Just
[43:40] Speaker 1: give me to the end of the project. And I
[43:42] Speaker 1: think the project ended like October thirty first or something
[43:47] Speaker 1: like that. And I ended it, mind you, at the
[43:49] Speaker 1: beginning of October, and come to find out, he was
[43:52] Speaker 1: still working on that project after the deadline. And I
[43:56] Speaker 1: just remember thinking in my mind, like what if I
[44:00] Speaker 1: still kept waiting and trying to, you know, ford these
[44:05] Speaker 1: things that he's working on to to come to fruition
[44:08] Speaker 1: or finish or work.
[44:09] Speaker 3: And that's what made it hard, though, was.
[44:15] Speaker 1: Knowing, like he's such a good person and he's such
[44:19] Speaker 1: a great guy.
[44:21] Speaker 3: I love his family.
[44:29] Speaker 4: It's okay.
[44:30] Speaker 5: And I was wanting you to touch on family and
[44:33] Speaker 5: how and you said it on your own, because when
[44:37] Speaker 5: you get that grafted with somebody, you're not just breaking
[44:40] Speaker 5: up with him, you're breaking up with the family and
[44:43] Speaker 5: it people. Some people may not understand how hard that is.
[44:51] Speaker 5: But I'm glad that you will take a moment and
[44:53] Speaker 5: you you you share what that meant for you to
[44:56] Speaker 5: have to also break up with the family.
[45:00] Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I talked to his mom a lot,
[45:15] Speaker 1: and I could like even as we were kind of
[45:19] Speaker 1: going through that last the last maybe six months, I
[45:26] Speaker 1: thank you.
[45:27] Speaker 3: I definitely.
[45:31] Speaker 1: Kind of talked to her less and less and I
[45:34] Speaker 1: knew I could tell they knew there was something going on.
[45:37] Speaker 1: They just didn't know what. And I know he didn't
[45:40] Speaker 1: say He's very private and out of you know, respect
[45:45] Speaker 1: for him. I just didn't want I knew she would ask,
[45:49] Speaker 1: so I kind of distanced myself a little bit because
[45:55] Speaker 1: I didn't want to lie either.
[45:58] Speaker 3: But it was really hard. I think.
[46:04] Speaker 1: The thing that make that made the breakup so hard
[46:08] Speaker 1: is you know, you have these memories with this person, right,
[46:13] Speaker 1: and you look at them and you see just all
[46:19] Speaker 1: the history that you had, and you just the also
[46:27] Speaker 1: the future that you talked about, right, you know, we
[46:29] Speaker 1: talked about kids and just our future and what that
[46:34] Speaker 1: would look like. And I just it's just breaking up
[46:39] Speaker 1: with everything. But at the same time, It's like I
[46:47] Speaker 1: wanted so badly for him to be.
[46:52] Speaker 3: Like the one.
[46:55] Speaker 1: I didn't want it to meet anyone else, and so
[47:00] Speaker 1: I was like hoping and praying like things would get
[47:04] Speaker 1: better and he would change, or things would change, or
[47:07] Speaker 1: the circumstances would change or get better. And as time
[47:12] Speaker 1: went on, I started realizing that I don't think there
[47:19] Speaker 1: were going to change, because I don't think that he
[47:21] Speaker 1: truly wanted them to.
[47:25] Speaker 3: And I don't fall him for that.
[47:26] Speaker 1: He has his own goals and ambitions for the things
[47:30] Speaker 1: that he wants to do, and when I met him,
[47:33] Speaker 1: those weren't those things. It came after we got engaged
[47:39] Speaker 1: and I was there with him through you know a
[47:41] Speaker 1: lot of different business ventures that he wanted to, you know, try,
[47:45] Speaker 1: and I was very supportive, and it just got to
[47:49] Speaker 1: a point where it just felt like, where are we going,
[47:55] Speaker 1: Where are we being you know, led?
[47:57] Speaker 3: Where are you leading us? And I just couldn't trust
[48:03] Speaker 3: in it anymore.
[48:06] Speaker 4: That's the truth and trust in the leadership? Hell, what
[48:11] Speaker 4: are you thinking asla?
[48:14] Speaker 2: I guess going back to leadership, was that mostly about
[48:18] Speaker 2: his career choices? Was that more about like his leadership
[48:24] Speaker 2: in terms of you communicating your emotional needs and kind
[48:28] Speaker 2: of connectivity needs.
[48:31] Speaker 1: I will say our communication was actually really good. We
[48:34] Speaker 1: had great communication. I could come to him about anything
[48:39] Speaker 1: and no judgment whatsoever. We'll figure it out. But then
[48:44] Speaker 1: it really never got figured out. And I do sympathize
[48:49] Speaker 1: with the fact that, I mean, he works a lot.
[48:51] Speaker 3: He really does.
[48:52] Speaker 1: And it's funny because the relationship that I had before him,
[48:58] Speaker 1: the guy was so lazy.
[49:00] Speaker 3: He didn't want to work at a literally, so that
[49:03] Speaker 3: I met him and I was like, oh, thank you Jesus.
[49:06] Speaker 3: You know he works, like, yes, I got work right exactly.
[49:10] Speaker 1: And you know, my parents always my I have there's
[49:13] Speaker 1: all girls in my family, so you know, my parents
[49:16] Speaker 1: always taught us to like work ethic is so important,
[49:19] Speaker 1: you know, have a job, have your own money, and
[49:22] Speaker 1: you know not It's crazy because in this circumstance, I
[49:26] Speaker 1: didn't think that that advice that she gave me, always
[49:31] Speaker 1: have your own stuff because if you're not happy, you
[49:34] Speaker 1: can go. That ended up being something that like I
[49:38] Speaker 1: remembered her saying, and I was able to do that,
[49:41] Speaker 1: you know, instead of having to stay because he was
[49:44] Speaker 1: paying all the bills and I relied on him financially.
[49:48] Speaker 1: One hundred percent that I couldn't, you know, move out
[49:52] Speaker 1: or do what I needed to do. So I will say,
[49:57] Speaker 1: you know, from a parent standpoint, that was something that
[50:01] Speaker 1: I was able to take away. But I do sympathize
[50:08] Speaker 1: with the fact that, you know, he did work a lot,
[50:11] Speaker 1: and I do think that he wanted to be like
[50:16] Speaker 1: he wanted to meet me there, he just couldn't get there.
[50:20] Speaker 2: So the leadership, so he lacked the ability to get
[50:24] Speaker 2: you guys.
[50:24] Speaker 3: To I think.
[50:28] Speaker 1: Everything with him was surrounded by work. So it was
[50:33] Speaker 1: just work, work, work, work work. I have to be
[50:41] Speaker 1: the one to suggest let's go to church on Sunday,
[50:45] Speaker 1: or I have to be the one to suggest that
[50:48] Speaker 1: we do things, and it just always it just never
[50:54] Speaker 1: felt like we're in lockstep in totality.
[51:01] Speaker 2: Okay, so what how did it end? If you don't
[51:07] Speaker 2: mind sharing that.
[51:08] Speaker 5: Oh, before she say that, I want to ask you this,
[51:12] Speaker 5: because that's gonna go somewhere else. I just wanted to
[51:14] Speaker 5: ask about why do you think he worked so much?
[51:17] Speaker 6: That's good.
[51:19] Speaker 1: I don't know what his ultimate goal is, to be honest,
[51:23] Speaker 1: because when I was working, he worked a lot. When
[51:30] Speaker 1: it's crazy to say, but when we went on a
[51:32] Speaker 1: break in July, it didn't really feel like a break
[51:35] Speaker 1: because we already weren't sleeping together because he worked so
[51:39] Speaker 1: much he would fall asleep on the couch or like,
[51:42] Speaker 1: honestly some days not sleep at all, So we sleeping
[51:48] Speaker 1: together was not a norm anyway. So it was just
[51:52] Speaker 1: very like, I don't know, I don't know what his
[51:57] Speaker 1: work goals are. I do know that he's an entrepreneur
[52:01] Speaker 1: and he really wants to be his own boss.
[52:04] Speaker 5: And when you what type of family did he come from?
[52:06] Speaker 5: Did he come from a family that was successful or
[52:09] Speaker 5: very driven family where his father was an entrepreneur or
[52:12] Speaker 5: father was successful, they grow up poor?
[52:14] Speaker 4: Was it the opposite wall.
[52:15] Speaker 1: No, he grew up in a very you know, two
[52:18] Speaker 1: parent household. His both of his parents worked, His dad
[52:23] Speaker 1: had a very you know, successful career in his field.
[52:29] Speaker 1: And yeah, I mean his whole family, I mean his
[52:34] Speaker 1: he's the youngest. His older siblings are married, they have children,
[52:38] Speaker 1: so he's the you know, the last one to you know,
[52:41] Speaker 1: get it right.
[52:42] Speaker 5: So I'm talking about in regards to money to find
[52:45] Speaker 5: why would you think, yo, man, your fiance.
[52:49] Speaker 4: Would work so much.
[52:53] Speaker 3: I'm not I don't know, I mean, I.
[52:55] Speaker 4: Know, man, works so much.
[52:56] Speaker 6: I know why my husband works so much.
[53:00] Speaker 4: That works so much.
[53:02] Speaker 6: My husband wants to give me a soft life.
[53:07] Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I do think he I will say
[53:17] Speaker 1: he did.
[53:18] Speaker 3: There were so there was some back and forth after
[53:24] Speaker 3: we ended things.
[53:29] Speaker 1: And one of the things that I do like that
[53:33] Speaker 1: does like I don't want to say like replays in
[53:37] Speaker 1: my mind, but that sticks out.
[53:42] Speaker 3: And he always said that there were.
[53:44] Speaker 1: Things that he tried to shield me from is not
[53:51] Speaker 1: to become stressed for me, and that's one thing that
[54:00] Speaker 1: I find like so commendable about him. But at the
[54:04] Speaker 1: same time, knowing like who I am.
[54:09] Speaker 3: And just how I.
[54:13] Speaker 1: Move in the world, and I'm not afraid to work.
[54:16] Speaker 1: I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. There were
[54:19] Speaker 1: things that I'm I was a little frustrated by because
[54:28] Speaker 1: if we are talking about marriage together, right, transparency is
[54:33] Speaker 1: so important.
[54:35] Speaker 3: And I think.
[54:38] Speaker 1: Had I known the things that he felt stressed out
[54:44] Speaker 1: about then that I know now, I don't know that.
[54:50] Speaker 1: I mean, I can't say we would or we wouldn't
[54:52] Speaker 1: be where we are today, but I do know that
[54:58] Speaker 1: I probably wouldnt went back to work on my own.
[55:02] Speaker 1: He wouldn't have had to ask.
[55:05] Speaker 5: So this is interesting because actually asked you a question
[55:08] Speaker 5: about leadership of questions like, oh, we have really great communication.
[55:12] Speaker 4: No you didn't.
[55:14] Speaker 5: You had great you telling him what you felt and
[55:18] Speaker 5: he not responding. That's why you didn't see action behind it.
[55:21] Speaker 5: Communication is not just somebody saying something. Somebody hearing them
[55:25] Speaker 5: is somebody doing something. And finally after the breakup, he
[55:27] Speaker 5: was able to tell you what really was the issue,
[55:30] Speaker 5: which made you say, had I known.
[55:34] Speaker 4: What I knew? Now what I knew then? Not saying we.
[55:36] Speaker 5: Could have stayed together, but would have helped something. And
[55:40] Speaker 5: that's what I wanted to uncover. I wanted to get
[55:43] Speaker 5: you to start thinking about the breakdown that with all
[55:47] Speaker 5: good intents and purposes, he was working as hard as
[55:51] Speaker 5: he was because certain things wasn't working out the way
[55:53] Speaker 5: he needed to work out to provide a life for
[55:57] Speaker 5: you so that you did not have to work, so
[55:59] Speaker 5: you can fulfill your dream, that you could chase your
[56:02] Speaker 5: entrepreneurial endeavors. That is so essential because, like you said,
[56:07] Speaker 5: what you experienced before is something totally opposite. Sometimes we
[56:10] Speaker 5: got to be careful for the things that we pray for,
[56:12] Speaker 5: because we can pray for certain things, get it and
[56:14] Speaker 5: then be like, uh, I don't want it this way,
[56:17] Speaker 5: and the dude is sitting there like, now, your.
[56:19] Speaker 4: Last dude couldn't even do this. I do this, and
[56:22] Speaker 4: it's still a problem.
[56:24] Speaker 5: That's what I'm saying is at the end of the day,
[56:27] Speaker 5: I wanted you to communicate, why do you think he
[56:30] Speaker 5: worked so hard?
[56:31] Speaker 4: And the truth is so you didn't have to work
[56:33] Speaker 4: so hard. That's it.
[56:36] Speaker 5: He worked so hard so that you didn't have to
[56:41] Speaker 5: work so hard. And you said at the very beginning
[56:43] Speaker 5: where he said, we agreed. Now, this is great communication.
[56:47] Speaker 5: We agreed that I will come off of my job,
[56:51] Speaker 5: not renew my contract with the station, and then go
[56:54] Speaker 5: ahead and pursue something else. What was that entrepreneur job,
[56:58] Speaker 5: entrepreneur endeavor that you decide to pursue. It was it
[57:02] Speaker 5: content creation?
[57:03] Speaker 1: It was content creation and then also a digital marketing agency.
[57:07] Speaker 3: So of course I have my platform as an.
[57:09] Speaker 1: Influencer making money from brand deals, but I also help
[57:13] Speaker 1: businesses with their social media and their content creation and
[57:17] Speaker 1: marketing and stuff.
[57:18] Speaker 5: So because I heard you said you had a couple
[57:21] Speaker 5: of clients, and so that's what we were talking about.
[57:22] Speaker 4: Clients. You were working with their.
[57:24] Speaker 5: Standpoint, and so you were starting that off, you know,
[57:28] Speaker 5: and then you felt like you were strongly supported from
[57:31] Speaker 5: a financial standpoint for him to cover everything else. He
[57:36] Speaker 5: did a few See, I'm always rally behind my brothers. Yeah,
[57:43] Speaker 5: because as men, I'm sorry to this brother that he
[57:46] Speaker 5: couldn't communicate earlier what his need was or I.
[57:52] Speaker 4: Ain't gonna say his need, thank you, Holy Spirit. His
[57:55] Speaker 4: fear was. His fear was I'm about to marry this
[57:59] Speaker 4: woman that I can't take care of. It's his fear. See,
[58:02] Speaker 4: as men, we're programmed to be what providers and protect us.
[58:08] Speaker 4: That's it.
[58:10] Speaker 5: We're not taught to be emotionally intelligent enough to say, hey,
[58:13] Speaker 5: right now, I can't protect you. I'm afraid I can't.
[58:17] Speaker 5: I can't provide for you. I just lost my job.
[58:20] Speaker 4: Like men aren't programmed to do that.
[58:22] Speaker 5: They'll go, I gotta figure it out, like he said
[58:25] Speaker 5: to you and took you off the job.
[58:27] Speaker 4: We'll figure it out. We're gonna figure this out together.
[58:29] Speaker 5: But when he's trying to find the nuances of trying
[58:32] Speaker 5: to figure it out and he can't, and he said,
[58:34] Speaker 5: I can't tell it that because she's gonna stress out.
[58:36] Speaker 5: I don't want her to get another job. Because if
[58:39] Speaker 5: she go gets another job, it looks like I failed.
[58:42] Speaker 5: That's what this brother is saying. And so he knows
[58:45] Speaker 5: that he told you something to come off your job,
[58:47] Speaker 5: and he says he got together and then to get together,
[58:50] Speaker 5: he said, don't worry, I don't care if I gotta
[58:52] Speaker 5: work twenty four hours a day to make this pop off,
[58:55] Speaker 5: I will do it because you deserve it. And no,
[58:59] Speaker 5: he knows, he knows your work ethic. He know you'll
[59:02] Speaker 5: be like, you ain't got to do it by yourself.
[59:04] Speaker 5: I got you, booth.
[59:05] Speaker 7: He know that.
[59:05] Speaker 4: He's like, but I told you not to and I
[59:09] Speaker 4: got you.
[59:10] Speaker 5: I see you trying to jumpstart your your business.
[59:14] Speaker 4: I see you're doing this content creation. I got this.
[59:16] Speaker 4: I want to show you what kind of man I got.
[59:18] Speaker 4: I got this, what kind of man I am? I
[59:20] Speaker 4: got this?
[59:21] Speaker 5: And I just want to encourage men out there that
[59:23] Speaker 5: you don't have to have it all together. I'm gonna
[59:25] Speaker 5: tell you an episode that just shout out to Jason Wilson.
[59:30] Speaker 5: Jason Wilson came on my podcast. Jason Wilson is a
[59:32] Speaker 5: man that literally helps men unlock emotional intelligence and debunk
[59:39] Speaker 5: toxic masculinity. He has this amazing young male mentorship program
[59:44] Speaker 5: called the Cave The Cave of Adulum in Detroit, where
[59:48] Speaker 5: he teaches young boys emotional intelligence through martial arts.
[59:52] Speaker 4: And I have.
[59:54] Speaker 5: Never forgot this one line, he said on my podcast.
[59:57] Speaker 5: At a point where he was struggling married, his wife
[1:00:01] Speaker 5: was the bread winner, she was an RN making money.
[1:00:05] Speaker 5: He started working multiple jobs to try to make ends meet,
[1:00:08] Speaker 5: and to the point that he almost killed himself fall
[1:00:12] Speaker 5: a forklift fell on him off of a dock. But
[1:00:17] Speaker 5: he said something so key, He said, I had to
[1:00:19] Speaker 5: learn something. Me and Nicole got it together together. Most
[1:00:25] Speaker 5: men have never programmed that. We're never taught to get
[1:00:28] Speaker 5: it together with your wife. It's like, I got you.
[1:00:32] Speaker 5: If you don't want to work, don't work, you don't
[1:00:33] Speaker 5: want to do this this and he know he can't
[1:00:35] Speaker 5: do it on his own. That's why I believe that
[1:00:37] Speaker 5: most men die before women out of stress, because they
[1:00:40] Speaker 5: carry all this stuff. Your fiance, your ex fiance, was
[1:00:44] Speaker 5: carrying stress for months longer than he was willing to
[1:00:48] Speaker 5: admit it to you. And you said, all you had
[1:00:51] Speaker 5: to do is just tell me, and I would have
[1:00:54] Speaker 5: lifted that up off you. But Jason Wilson said, we
[1:00:59] Speaker 5: got it together together. And that's why I'm glad you
[1:01:03] Speaker 5: were able to unpack this, because at the end of
[1:01:05] Speaker 5: the day, your ex fiance is going to feel seen
[1:01:10] Speaker 5: by me even saying that, and not just him other
[1:01:13] Speaker 5: men who say because I'm telling y'all and I need
[1:01:15] Speaker 5: every woman to hear this right now. When I ask men,
[1:01:19] Speaker 5: and y'all seen him on my podcast, and I'll ask them,
[1:01:23] Speaker 5: why aren't you married? They say, I'm not where I
[1:01:25] Speaker 5: want to be financially, And I say to them, what
[1:01:28] Speaker 5: if you linking up with your purpose partner helps you
[1:01:31] Speaker 5: get there faster? I will give you your suitable helper.
[1:01:39] Speaker 5: We get it all wrong. I'm going to provide you
[1:01:42] Speaker 5: your suitable helper. And even when I read that before,
[1:01:45] Speaker 5: I said, well, God, why would you give him his
[1:01:47] Speaker 5: suitable helper?
[1:01:48] Speaker 4: After he done named all the animals he should have?
[1:01:50] Speaker 4: They could have cut that down about you know, why
[1:01:52] Speaker 4: would you have him do all that work?
[1:01:54] Speaker 5: God said, because that was the work he was supposed
[1:01:56] Speaker 5: to do in this single season. I had so much
[1:01:58] Speaker 5: more in store for him as a married couple that
[1:02:01] Speaker 5: he needs his wife for. I tell Ashley this all
[1:02:04] Speaker 5: the time, and I'll tell the audience this all the
[1:02:06] Speaker 5: time I said, I built their future Wifie podcasts over
[1:02:10] Speaker 5: the last five and a half years and it's become
[1:02:13] Speaker 5: one of the biggest relationship podcasts in the black community.
[1:02:16] Speaker 5: But this is nothing compared to what it is and
[1:02:19] Speaker 5: what it's going to be with her beside me. I
[1:02:22] Speaker 5: knew it because I'm humble enough to know that God
[1:02:25] Speaker 5: brought me my suitable helper that the things that will
[1:02:28] Speaker 5: be able to accomplish together is ten X. But a
[1:02:33] Speaker 5: lot of men to understand that, they try to get
[1:02:35] Speaker 5: there first and then go get their woman. The truth
[1:02:38] Speaker 5: be told is that now they're vetting that suitable helper
[1:02:41] Speaker 5: through very discriminated eyes, wondering if their motives is correct,
[1:02:46] Speaker 5: because you're like, oh, now you want because I had
[1:02:47] Speaker 5: this back then, you didn't want me Now now, y'all
[1:02:50] Speaker 5: O me.
[1:02:50] Speaker 9: We say stuff like that, you know what I'm saying,
[1:02:52] Speaker 9: And we say that instead of just saying, but if
[1:02:55] Speaker 9: you had your suitable helper when you didn't have nothing
[1:02:57] Speaker 9: and you built something together, then you able to say, Okay,
[1:03:00] Speaker 9: I see what you did God.
[1:03:02] Speaker 5: And so my thing is this, I'm not here to
[1:03:04] Speaker 5: say you made a bad decision. You made the best
[1:03:06] Speaker 5: decision you made in the time you made your decision.
[1:03:08] Speaker 5: This is your learning, This is your growth if you
[1:03:11] Speaker 5: learn the nuggets that is you're supposed to learn. This's
[1:03:13] Speaker 5: what I talk about in the book Student of Love,
[1:03:16] Speaker 5: is that the heartbreak taught you something, learn from it,
[1:03:19] Speaker 5: grow from it. But what I am saying is when
[1:03:21] Speaker 5: you are afforded the opportunity to experience love again, experience
[1:03:26] Speaker 5: it through the mindset of being able to be fully
[1:03:30] Speaker 5: aware of what you're receiving, and you don't have to
[1:03:32] Speaker 5: go to the other end and go wow, I wish
[1:03:35] Speaker 5: I had known that then. And even to that brother
[1:03:38] Speaker 5: for your I was about to say his name, your
[1:03:41] Speaker 5: ex fiance, that he's able to look and go, Okay,
[1:03:45] Speaker 5: this hurt. But I recognize my own blind spots. I'm
[1:03:48] Speaker 5: gonna make sure that I articulate this stuff early. If
[1:03:51] Speaker 5: I want my suitable helper, I'm going to say that
[1:03:53] Speaker 5: and trust that person in this vulnerable moment and say,
[1:03:55] Speaker 5: ain't God together, ain't God all together? I need you,
[1:03:59] Speaker 5: and then see if she's your suitable happer to be
[1:04:01] Speaker 5: able to say, oh, we win the trenches together, and
[1:04:03] Speaker 5: you go wow.
[1:04:04] Speaker 4: Men actually had.
[1:04:04] Speaker 5: This funny joke we were on the way getting their
[1:04:07] Speaker 5: hair bread today and we had a conversation that I
[1:04:10] Speaker 5: want to do with my nephew taking him, I said,
[1:04:13] Speaker 5: give him the scenario. I said, what would you do
[1:04:15] Speaker 5: if you were at this fancy restaurant which she and
[1:04:18] Speaker 5: I went to celebrate. Went to this nice restaurant yesterday
[1:04:20] Speaker 5: to celebrate our first major daytime talk show which is
[1:04:24] Speaker 5: on the Tamin.
[1:04:24] Speaker 4: Hall show that we did that air yesterday.
[1:04:26] Speaker 5: And we were sitting there and I said, man, I
[1:04:29] Speaker 5: remember it was a time in my life I couldn't
[1:04:31] Speaker 5: even afford to eat at a restaurant like this.
[1:04:33] Speaker 4: And I said, I said.
[1:04:34] Speaker 5: I want to know what would my nephew son, who
[1:04:37] Speaker 5: I adopted, what would he do if he sat here?
[1:04:39] Speaker 5: He was trying to be impressive to a woman and
[1:04:41] Speaker 5: brought her here and couldn't afford the meal. Say he
[1:04:45] Speaker 5: only had one hundred dollars, but the meal is seventy
[1:04:48] Speaker 5: five dollars eighty dollars? What would he do in that scenario?
[1:04:51] Speaker 5: And so I played it with her. I said, what
[1:04:52] Speaker 5: would you do if I took you out to eat?
[1:04:55] Speaker 5: You know, we just started dating, our first date, and
[1:04:58] Speaker 5: I took you to this nice restaurant, and I said, oh, okay,
[1:05:02] Speaker 5: I got about one hundred dollars waiting for this check
[1:05:05] Speaker 5: to come through, and in it came through, but I
[1:05:08] Speaker 5: got one hundred dollars. I'm gonna let you go and
[1:05:11] Speaker 5: order whatever you want to order, and then I'll just order,
[1:05:14] Speaker 5: you know, maybe a glass of water.
[1:05:17] Speaker 4: Let you eat.
[1:05:19] Speaker 5: I said, what would you do in the scenario like
[1:05:20] Speaker 5: that if that happened? And what would you What did
[1:05:22] Speaker 5: you say?
[1:05:23] Speaker 2: I said, if you told me at one hundred dollars,
[1:05:26] Speaker 2: I'm looking at these menu prices on the menu, I
[1:05:29] Speaker 2: would say, why are we here, Let's go get a pizza.
[1:05:31] Speaker 8: Yeah.
[1:05:32] Speaker 5: And I said, but I done got you all dressed up,
[1:05:34] Speaker 5: You got your heels on, hair done, make up done,
[1:05:36] Speaker 5: you got a nice outfit on. And I'm all dressed up,
[1:05:39] Speaker 5: and you tell me we could go to a pizza place.
[1:05:41] Speaker 4: All dressed up?
[1:05:43] Speaker 6: Absolutely?
[1:05:43] Speaker 5: And I said that man will look at her and
[1:05:45] Speaker 5: say I found my wife, because you're not judging me
[1:05:50] Speaker 5: based upon a present situation. You're looking at the bigger picture.
[1:05:55] Speaker 5: And he says, oh, she can rock with me, And
[1:05:57] Speaker 5: so I say, with men, instead of pretending like you
[1:06:00] Speaker 5: got it all together, that properly.
[1:06:03] Speaker 4: And see and test and say I ain't got it.
[1:06:06] Speaker 5: Let be so vulnerable and let your woman know that
[1:06:10] Speaker 5: you ain't got together.
[1:06:11] Speaker 4: But if she's the right one, we can get it
[1:06:13] Speaker 4: together together.
[1:06:14] Speaker 2: And then you know, if he's really a good guy,
[1:06:18] Speaker 2: he'll say, why don't you take the rest of the
[1:06:19] Speaker 2: pizza home with you tomorrow? That's way better than the
[1:06:26] Speaker 2: expensive restaurant where exactly we're like counting our coins.
[1:06:30] Speaker 6: Who wants to do that?
[1:06:32] Speaker 5: It's funny, And I love the fact that you said,
[1:06:34] Speaker 5: had he told you that, you would have gotten to
[1:06:36] Speaker 5: the trenches?
[1:06:36] Speaker 4: And why why would you?
[1:06:40] Speaker 3: Because that's just what I do.
[1:06:41] Speaker 1: That's that's what I was taught because I loved him.
[1:06:49] Speaker 4: Hmm.
[1:06:51] Speaker 5: Yeah, y'all making me most know, y'all got to keep it. Actually,
[1:06:53] Speaker 5: you talk, because I'm messed up right now.
[1:06:56] Speaker 2: It sounds like as much as the communication was good,
[1:07:02] Speaker 2: there was missing communication. And I think that sometimes the
[1:07:09] Speaker 2: hardest hills to climb are the ones where maybe we
[1:07:15] Speaker 2: can communicate effectively, but our words are missing, or we
[1:07:19] Speaker 2: don't know how to put them together, or we're afraid
[1:07:22] Speaker 2: to put them together. Because it takes courage to have
[1:07:25] Speaker 2: certain conversations. I think now that we kind of have
[1:07:31] Speaker 2: the backstory as we sort of finish out, I would
[1:07:36] Speaker 2: love to know what was just for you the last
[1:07:42] Speaker 2: straw where you said, this doesn't feel right, this isn't
[1:07:48] Speaker 2: where I want to be forever, And how did you
[1:07:52] Speaker 2: decide to ultimately say that this chapter of my life
[1:07:58] Speaker 2: is ending.
[1:07:59] Speaker 5: I'm glad you were to come back there. Great job,
[1:08:01] Speaker 5: Great job, co host.
[1:08:13] Speaker 1: I think it was honestly, I kind of touched on
[1:08:18] Speaker 1: it before I had said, you know, I decided that
[1:08:23] Speaker 1: I would instead of because I did feel bad always.
[1:08:27] Speaker 1: I felt almost like I was like nagging him, like
[1:08:30] Speaker 1: let's go do this, let's do that. You don't do this,
[1:08:32] Speaker 1: you don't buyd me flowers.
[1:08:33] Speaker 3: You don't.
[1:08:33] Speaker 1: You know, like it's like you don't, you don't, you don't.
[1:08:35] Speaker 1: And I felt bad because I could see him working. Yeah,
[1:08:39] Speaker 1: and so I just in that time where I kind
[1:08:45] Speaker 1: of honestly in a way focused on me to give him,
[1:08:49] Speaker 1: like to let him have his space and figure it out,
[1:08:55] Speaker 1: I found myself in a weird way, and I met
[1:09:03] Speaker 1: women who.
[1:09:07] Speaker 3: Just like spoke life to me. You know, things.
[1:09:16] Speaker 1: Just started falling away, but like also into place, and
[1:09:26] Speaker 1: I got like just things became more clear. I just
[1:09:30] Speaker 1: started becoming more clear, and it just felt like our
[1:09:36] Speaker 1: time was running its course, and it just started to
[1:09:42] Speaker 1: feel like we were kind of kicking the can down
[1:09:44] Speaker 1: the road. And I was still trying to make it work.
[1:09:52] Speaker 1: But I think I was trying to make it work
[1:09:55] Speaker 1: out of guilt.
[1:09:57] Speaker 3: Knowing what he had in best.
[1:10:00] Speaker 1: Did and just the time and the energy, and you know,
[1:10:04] Speaker 1: both of us, and I just knew that that's that
[1:10:12] Speaker 1: wasn't a good reason to stay. But there really wasn't
[1:10:22] Speaker 1: a straw. It just time.
[1:10:25] Speaker 3: And I think us going on the break.
[1:10:29] Speaker 1: Was the I don't want to say it gave me
[1:10:33] Speaker 1: the confidence or the courage to do what I felt
[1:10:36] Speaker 1: like maybe was there, but it it it almost like
[1:10:43] Speaker 1: gave me the It almost like primed my emotions for it.
[1:10:49] Speaker 1: Like I went, I was, we were on the break
[1:10:51] Speaker 1: and I was going through the grief, and then it
[1:10:57] Speaker 1: just happened like we were in therapy, and.
[1:11:02] Speaker 3: I remember she said something like, how do you guys
[1:11:09] Speaker 3: want to move forward? And I just I just said it.
[1:11:15] Speaker 3: I can't. I can't do it anymore.
[1:11:18] Speaker 2: And I love that you got around women, and I
[1:11:29] Speaker 2: love that you did what you needed to do to
[1:11:32] Speaker 2: thine own self be true, because once you say I do,
[1:11:39] Speaker 2: you are committed. And I believe that whatever your spirit
[1:11:47] Speaker 2: was discerning, there will be learnings. You will look back,
[1:11:51] Speaker 2: you will say and see where you could have done better.
[1:11:56] Speaker 2: But when you take those vows, I believe that you
[1:11:59] Speaker 2: will take them forever. I believe that you are brilliant
[1:12:06] Speaker 2: and beautiful and delight and that God has so much
[1:12:11] Speaker 2: in store for you as a wife. And so I
[1:12:15] Speaker 2: want you during this season to stay encouraged, stay connected
[1:12:23] Speaker 2: to great women, to great people, seek wisdom, watch this back,
[1:12:30] Speaker 2: take notes, listen to what people who are why say,
[1:12:37] Speaker 2: and drown out the people on the internet who are
[1:12:41] Speaker 2: trying to destroy you.
[1:12:42] Speaker 4: Yep, that's real.
[1:12:45] Speaker 5: Thank you and getting your word, read your word, and
[1:12:49] Speaker 5: discover what it is that who God says you are.
[1:12:54] Speaker 5: Because again a lot of people don't give people grace
[1:12:56] Speaker 5: the journey. But if they were honest with themselves, oh
[1:12:59] Speaker 5: my god, they will tell you.
[1:13:00] Speaker 4: They just people. I laugh at people on social media
[1:13:03] Speaker 4: because I'd be like, you know, you wouldn't put.
[1:13:04] Speaker 5: Your business at five in the video. You know, you
[1:13:10] Speaker 5: wouldn't do what you did last week in the video.
[1:13:12] Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying that's why I laugh at
[1:13:13] Speaker 5: people like that, and so I don't look at your
[1:13:16] Speaker 5: journey and your story like, oh, I can't believe she
[1:13:18] Speaker 5: did that. I'd be like, it's a part of the journey.
[1:13:20] Speaker 5: It's the reason why I wrote this book. I said,
[1:13:22] Speaker 5: this is the journey. If people don't give up on
[1:13:25] Speaker 5: the journey and they can learn from the decisions they
[1:13:29] Speaker 5: made and overcome it and grow and grow and grow
[1:13:32] Speaker 5: still look back, and then you'll understand why that no
[1:13:35] Speaker 5: in the past needed to be.
[1:13:36] Speaker 4: A no when you wanted it to be a yes.
[1:13:39] Speaker 5: When you when you I'm telling you, Nayan, no one
[1:13:43] Speaker 5: knows how hard it was for you to end it,
[1:13:46] Speaker 5: but you you can't convince nobody that you can tell
[1:13:50] Speaker 5: that you can. Sad tears this whole episode, and people
[1:13:52] Speaker 5: like they fake, she ain't cry for real?
[1:13:55] Speaker 4: Now why you ended?
[1:13:56] Speaker 5: If you're gonna be crying today, they'd be making up
[1:13:58] Speaker 5: all kinds of times like what are you thinking of?
[1:14:01] Speaker 4: Drowned that nonsense out.
[1:14:03] Speaker 5: The reason why is because you went through the process
[1:14:06] Speaker 5: and it still hurts, not did it hurt being it
[1:14:09] Speaker 5: still hurts. And so that's the part of the journey.
[1:14:12] Speaker 5: That's the part of your journey. And I'll ask you
[1:14:16] Speaker 5: this just for the sake of asking, do you still
[1:14:17] Speaker 5: desire marriage?
[1:14:18] Speaker 3: I do?
[1:14:19] Speaker 6: I do.
[1:14:20] Speaker 4: What would you do different this time around?
[1:14:24] Speaker 1: I would be more intentional, honestly and not come off
[1:14:31] Speaker 1: my square. It's funny because before I met him, I
[1:14:36] Speaker 1: was so in my word and I was so like
[1:14:40] Speaker 1: locked in with Christ and just my faith and my
[1:14:45] Speaker 1: journey spiritually, and it did, you know, the last four
[1:14:50] Speaker 1: years kind of become like an on and off thing.
[1:14:54] Speaker 1: And I think in this season now, like that's my
[1:14:59] Speaker 1: main focus. I mean, I've been to church every Sunday
[1:15:02] Speaker 1: since I've left and moved out.
[1:15:05] Speaker 8: And.
[1:15:07] Speaker 1: I've been in my Bible and I've just really fol
[1:15:11] Speaker 1: been focusing. Like that's what has been keeping me honestly,
[1:15:15] Speaker 1: Like afloat, people ask me, are you okay, I'm like, girl, yes,
[1:15:18] Speaker 1: like I'm not, you know, because I know where my
[1:15:23] Speaker 1: heart is, you know, and I know, like I know
[1:15:28] Speaker 1: it's gonna be okay. So I don't have I do
[1:15:31] Speaker 1: believe in marriage, and I do. I've learned so much
[1:15:35] Speaker 1: from the last four years and even you know, going
[1:15:40] Speaker 1: through the engagement and the emotions that come out of
[1:15:43] Speaker 1: it and just what it takes to be a fiance.
[1:15:46] Speaker 1: We were kind of playing fake marriage, you know, So
[1:15:49] Speaker 1: even having to take on certain roles in that way,
[1:15:52] Speaker 1: I've learned, you know, the kind of woman I want
[1:15:55] Speaker 1: to be, the kind of woman I don't want to be,
[1:15:57] Speaker 1: and and what I want and I don't want in
[1:16:02] Speaker 1: a relationship, and how to navigate hardships, you know, because
[1:16:07] Speaker 1: in marriage you can't walk away. And so I think,
[1:16:11] Speaker 1: you know, God taught me surrender, He taught me obedience,
[1:16:17] Speaker 1: but most importantly, he taught me how to trust. When
[1:16:20] Speaker 1: I met him, I did not trust men whatsoever. I
[1:16:23] Speaker 1: mean when I say at that time, he was exactly
[1:16:28] Speaker 1: what I needed. I did not think that there was
[1:16:31] Speaker 1: a man on earth who didn't cheat like in.
[1:16:36] Speaker 4: Which is why you land in that video. Tell me
[1:16:38] Speaker 4: he didn't cheat.
[1:16:38] Speaker 1: No, he did, you know, And I really, and I
[1:16:40] Speaker 1: honestly I said those words because I knew that if
[1:16:45] Speaker 1: I didn't say something, it was going to assume and
[1:16:49] Speaker 1: then he would get the backlash or someone you know,
[1:16:52] Speaker 1: and I just wanted it to be. He's on on
[1:16:54] Speaker 1: social media, he can't really defend himself. So I was like,
[1:16:57] Speaker 1: I'm going to say it this way, and and.
[1:17:03] Speaker 3: You know, like it just it's still yeah, but yeah,
[1:17:08] Speaker 3: I've learned.
[1:17:09] Speaker 1: I've learned so much, and the lessons that I take,
[1:17:14] Speaker 1: you know, going forward, I think will carrying me through.
[1:17:16] Speaker 1: And of course, you know, the journey is the journey.
[1:17:19] Speaker 1: It's lifelong, and I'm I'm excited for this next chapter.
[1:17:26] Speaker 5: No, that's the reason why I had you come on here,
[1:17:28] Speaker 5: because I don't know if it's in your bio what
[1:17:30] Speaker 5: does your bio say? Does your bio say about you've
[1:17:32] Speaker 5: been a Christian?
[1:17:34] Speaker 1: I think I might, I might say, what do you say?
[1:17:37] Speaker 1: Woman of God or something.
[1:17:38] Speaker 5: Said something like that, And I said, okay, I can
[1:17:40] Speaker 5: talk to him, because if you out here, just over
[1:17:42] Speaker 5: here breaking hearts and you and I can't hold you
[1:17:45] Speaker 5: accountable to the Bible, then it's just we're just going
[1:17:47] Speaker 5: to have just a wasted conversation, right, you know. But
[1:17:50] Speaker 5: because I read that and I told asked, I was like, oh,
[1:17:53] Speaker 5: she's a Christian.
[1:17:54] Speaker 4: Let's let's le let's talk to her.
[1:17:56] Speaker 5: Because that's why I say that your decision had to
[1:18:00] Speaker 5: not just be based on you, it had to be
[1:18:05] Speaker 5: well I assume That's why I said, Am I accurate
[1:18:07] Speaker 5: in assuming that?
[1:18:08] Speaker 4: Is that I assume that you had to check it through.
[1:18:11] Speaker 5: And then I remember you said something about seeking therapy
[1:18:14] Speaker 5: and having therapy, So I said, okay, so she has
[1:18:16] Speaker 5: therapy around her. She's a woman of God, she's she's
[1:18:20] Speaker 5: consulting with God. And then now you even told about
[1:18:23] Speaker 5: the family and all that. Then it's like, all right,
[1:18:27] Speaker 5: you made this decision and it was the best decision
[1:18:29] Speaker 5: you could possibly make.
[1:18:31] Speaker 4: That's just it. It doesn't even matter what I think.
[1:18:33] Speaker 5: It doesn't matter what Accid think, no matter what nobody think,
[1:18:36] Speaker 5: don't even matter what his parents think, no matter what
[1:18:38] Speaker 5: your parents think.
[1:18:39] Speaker 4: When you say I do.
[1:18:41] Speaker 5: And this is why I want people to fully understand,
[1:18:43] Speaker 5: is that an engagement is an engagement. But even at
[1:18:47] Speaker 5: the wedding, they say, do anyone else see any just
[1:18:52] Speaker 5: cause for these people not to be married? They asked
[1:18:54] Speaker 5: the people that. Then they asked the person do you
[1:18:58] Speaker 5: la teris? Except ask asked do you accept the tists?
[1:19:01] Speaker 5: At any point either of us could have said no,
[1:19:04] Speaker 5: and they'd be like, what we just wasted every by time,
[1:19:06] Speaker 5: we'll pack up your stuff, we're gonna go to this reception.
[1:19:09] Speaker 5: Still eat the food though, but it ain't gonna be
[1:19:11] Speaker 5: no wedding. They still wait for you to do that,
[1:19:13] Speaker 5: and then the efficient still wakes to after all that's
[1:19:17] Speaker 5: over it to sign and decree it as final. So
[1:19:20] Speaker 5: it's processing. Some people be like, got this ring and
[1:19:24] Speaker 5: then she called it off listen. At the beginning of
[1:19:29] Speaker 5: last year, I said the Dear Future WiFi podcast, I
[1:19:32] Speaker 5: wanted to be a safe place where we increase marriage
[1:19:34] Speaker 5: rates in the black community and decrease divorce statistics.
[1:19:39] Speaker 4: And we did both. At the end of the.
[1:19:41] Speaker 5: Day, You're going to have a healthy marriage once that
[1:19:44] Speaker 5: takes place, and we decreased divorce statistics while having you
[1:19:49] Speaker 5: be able to be brave enough not to step out
[1:19:51] Speaker 5: into something that you wasn't one hundred percent sure about.
[1:19:55] Speaker 5: You don't deserve that. He don't deserve that. Neither one
[1:19:57] Speaker 5: of your families deserved that, and the world and the
[1:20:01] Speaker 5: Christian faith do not deserve another divorce.
[1:20:04] Speaker 4: And so that's the reason why I can celebrate you,
[1:20:06] Speaker 4: I can salute you.
[1:20:07] Speaker 5: I can also empathize with my brother who said, like,
[1:20:13] Speaker 5: I did all this, and and you said, I bet
[1:20:15] Speaker 5: you're kicking themselves right now just even moving in.
[1:20:17] Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.
[1:20:18] Speaker 5: It's interesting because I didn't know how y'all met, but
[1:20:20] Speaker 5: you sat there and pretty much was like, hey, can
[1:20:24] Speaker 5: I get your numbers? Can get your numbers so we
[1:20:27] Speaker 5: can work on this little fitness thing. But even him like, see,
[1:20:29] Speaker 5: see it just I thought she liked me. I thought
[1:20:32] Speaker 5: she want me.
[1:20:32] Speaker 4: And it's not so much about that.
[1:20:35] Speaker 5: It's about the fact that at the end of the day,
[1:20:37] Speaker 5: and I want people to understand, what's not supposed to
[1:20:39] Speaker 5: work out ain't supposed to work out. It just is like,
[1:20:43] Speaker 5: celebrate that. And I know you wouldn't feel good about
[1:20:46] Speaker 5: him celebrating it didn't work out. Thank Lord, you saved
[1:20:49] Speaker 5: me from Naya. You know what I'm saying, That's not
[1:20:51] Speaker 5: where you want. But the reality is we all need
[1:20:54] Speaker 5: to look at failed relationships as that to say, for
[1:20:58] Speaker 5: I know the plans you have for me, you know,
[1:21:02] Speaker 5: for I know the plans you have for me to
[1:21:04] Speaker 5: prosper me and give me a great future. That is
[1:21:07] Speaker 5: what we all need to understand, is that God gives
[1:21:11] Speaker 5: us a great future. When I look back on every
[1:21:13] Speaker 5: relationship that didn't work out. I told actually this, uh
[1:21:16] Speaker 5: in August, after about less than a month of us dating,
[1:21:20] Speaker 5: I said, I real well, April, I said August April,
[1:21:24] Speaker 5: where I said, what did I I.
[1:21:28] Speaker 4: Won't even read it. What did I say?
[1:21:31] Speaker 5: I think it's in your phone where I talked about
[1:21:35] Speaker 5: you gave she.
[1:21:37] Speaker 4: Helped me.
[1:21:38] Speaker 5: Meeting her and knowing who she was in my life
[1:21:41] Speaker 5: made every fair relationship makes sense because it's literally saying
[1:21:46] Speaker 5: that it just.
[1:21:46] Speaker 4: Did not work out.
[1:21:48] Speaker 5: And had I committed to any of that knowing that
[1:21:53] Speaker 5: this would come into my life, I would have made
[1:21:57] Speaker 5: a bad decision she made, she made. I'm trying not
[1:22:02] Speaker 5: to get emotional here. When you meet the person that
[1:22:05] Speaker 5: God has grafted for your heart, everything that didn't work out,
[1:22:10] Speaker 5: you say it still worked out for my good. And
[1:22:13] Speaker 5: I want to edit that scripture that says it worked
[1:22:16] Speaker 5: out for my great because God gave me a woman
[1:22:20] Speaker 5: so great that no matter what we.
[1:22:23] Speaker 4: Go through, I'm willing to go through it with her.
[1:22:26] Speaker 5: Like even when I hear you say certain things, and
[1:22:28] Speaker 5: I'll be honest, because why you're certain saying certain things
[1:22:31] Speaker 5: about stuff that didn't work out, I go, I'll go
[1:22:34] Speaker 5: through that with Ashley. I'll go through that with Ashley.
[1:22:37] Speaker 5: There's nothing I wouldn't I wouldn't tap out. And I
[1:22:39] Speaker 5: told her that, I said, you're gonna just get rid
[1:22:41] Speaker 5: of me, because at the end of the day, ain't
[1:22:42] Speaker 5: going nowhere. I ain't going nowhere. I'm gonna honor you,
[1:22:45] Speaker 5: i'mna be faithful to you. I ain't going nowhere. So
[1:22:47] Speaker 5: the reality of it is, I told her that she's
[1:22:49] Speaker 5: my ultimate due over. I've been through a divorce before,
[1:22:52] Speaker 5: and I was able to rectify my mind in my
[1:22:55] Speaker 5: heart and create core values of what I desired and
[1:22:59] Speaker 5: what I wanted. And I didn't compromise until I got
[1:23:03] Speaker 5: what I wanted. And so I encourage you the same
[1:23:06] Speaker 5: as you go through your case. I'm gonna give you
[1:23:07] Speaker 5: the book Student of Love, and I want you to
[1:23:09] Speaker 5: take this book home, and I want you to read it,
[1:23:11] Speaker 5: and I want you to share back with me the
[1:23:13] Speaker 5: nuggets that you learn from. And I guarantee you gonna
[1:23:16] Speaker 5: be like WHOA. I wish I had this before I
[1:23:19] Speaker 5: even said, before I even accepted the engagement. It's gonna,
[1:23:23] Speaker 5: it's gonna, it's gonna be has to go ahead, closes out.
[1:23:28] Speaker 5: I tell her what she need to do next because
[1:23:29] Speaker 5: she have me preach. I love when I see people
[1:23:31] Speaker 5: in this process, because I love the process that you're
[1:23:33] Speaker 5: in right now.
[1:23:34] Speaker 4: It's ugly so ugly process you're in.
[1:23:36] Speaker 5: Right now because because it's you're getting the opinions of
[1:23:39] Speaker 5: other people in the park, in the in the in
[1:23:42] Speaker 5: the place in your life where you're still trying to
[1:23:44] Speaker 5: find clarity within yourself, because you like, like, if you
[1:23:49] Speaker 5: didn't think at all throughout this interview or prior to
[1:23:52] Speaker 5: what is he gonna think when he sees the interview,
[1:23:54] Speaker 5: then you're dead inside. Your mind is like, I won't
[1:23:58] Speaker 5: say too much stuff. Even when she ad asked you,
[1:24:00] Speaker 5: because I watched I'm i'ma tell you what I do.
[1:24:02] Speaker 5: When Ashley asked you, what was the question? You asked
[1:24:05] Speaker 5: about what are some things that do you mind sharing
[1:24:09] Speaker 5: some things that? What had your word because I don't
[1:24:12] Speaker 5: want to change your wording about about her ex?
[1:24:15] Speaker 4: How did she word it to you?
[1:24:16] Speaker 1: She said, what were some of the things that led
[1:24:20] Speaker 1: to kind of the disconnect or distress?
[1:24:23] Speaker 4: And I watched you.
[1:24:24] Speaker 5: Sit there and go, what am I comfortable sharing? I
[1:24:29] Speaker 5: don't want to say that. I don't want to say that.
[1:24:32] Speaker 5: I don't want to say that. What am my company?
[1:24:34] Speaker 4: I just said? Okay, So so I had to start
[1:24:39] Speaker 4: trying to get you together because in your mind, you're
[1:24:41] Speaker 4: like I can't all that.
[1:24:43] Speaker 5: Yeah, you can just see people go through their thought
[1:24:46] Speaker 5: process because the reality of it is is like, you're
[1:24:49] Speaker 5: still gotta protect And you said this and it didn't
[1:24:52] Speaker 5: follow deaf ears later on, after after I Askedy asked
[1:24:55] Speaker 5: you a question, but later on you say, he's a
[1:24:56] Speaker 5: very private person.
[1:24:57] Speaker 4: They don't have social media, so it's like, oh.
[1:25:00] Speaker 5: This stuff could go viral in this other world to
[1:25:03] Speaker 5: go do whatever, and then and then he can't even
[1:25:07] Speaker 5: defend himself, you know what I'm saying. So and I
[1:25:09] Speaker 5: heard you say that, and that was and that was cool.
[1:25:11] Speaker 5: And so the reality of that is, I understand you're
[1:25:14] Speaker 5: still covering him.
[1:25:15] Speaker 4: You're still trying to make sure.
[1:25:17] Speaker 5: You know, you got family that's gonna look at it,
[1:25:19] Speaker 5: you got all of that, uh, And so you're still
[1:25:22] Speaker 5: navigating all that, And so I understand it.
[1:25:25] Speaker 4: And at the end of the day, you deal well
[1:25:27] Speaker 4: in this interview.
[1:25:28] Speaker 5: And I'm glad that you trusted us enough to be
[1:25:31] Speaker 5: vulnerable in this because the wound is still a little open,
[1:25:35] Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying. It's still a little open wound,
[1:25:37] Speaker 5: and so we got to be careful that we don't
[1:25:39] Speaker 5: infect it while it's healing or have you running off
[1:25:43] Speaker 5: because you see, I ain't doing no content no more.
[1:25:45] Speaker 4: Forget this.
[1:25:46] Speaker 5: I'm gonna go give me a job at telemarketing at age.
[1:25:48] Speaker 5: I ain't gonna do nothing this content creation. Have you
[1:25:50] Speaker 5: ever felt that in this process?
[1:25:55] Speaker 3: No? No, not really, not really.
[1:25:58] Speaker 1: And I think because I know, like, it doesn't have
[1:26:01] Speaker 1: to be my end all be all. But I've also
[1:26:06] Speaker 1: been in TV for ten years, so I've heard a lot.
[1:26:11] Speaker 3: Worse than what you know, some people have said on
[1:26:13] Speaker 3: the internet.
[1:26:14] Speaker 4: Real people be talking about.
[1:26:16] Speaker 1: Oh for sure. I remember the first time I ever
[1:26:19] Speaker 1: had braids in my hair. Oh lord, the amount of
[1:26:22] Speaker 1: emails I got about having braids in my hair on
[1:26:26] Speaker 1: the anchor desk was insane. So, yeah, I thick skin.
[1:26:31] Speaker 1: And then I played sports, so you know, you just
[1:26:34] Speaker 1: I played basketball, so you just you know, tough skin.
[1:26:39] Speaker 6: Yeah.
[1:26:39] Speaker 5: But was this the first time on social media wid
[1:26:42] Speaker 5: during your content career that you got negative? Yeah?
[1:26:44] Speaker 3: Yes, yeah. And I was not expecting.
[1:26:48] Speaker 1: The video to go viral the way that it did.
[1:26:55] Speaker 3: It was just all very unexpected. I knew.
[1:26:59] Speaker 1: For you know, I know a lot of people are like,
[1:27:01] Speaker 1: why did she post on? Like why did she post it?
[1:27:03] Speaker 1: The the leaving the engagement isn't the problem. It was
[1:27:08] Speaker 1: you posting it online for everyone to see. But for me,
[1:27:12] Speaker 1: I'm like, well, that's what I do. I'm an I'm
[1:27:15] Speaker 1: an influencer. I'm a content creator. I create content. I
[1:27:18] Speaker 1: literally show the whole entire process of me tearing my
[1:27:22] Speaker 1: achilles and going through having to walk again, you know,
[1:27:25] Speaker 1: and just everything my engagement itself. I remember vogging the
[1:27:29] Speaker 1: whole thing, like, oh, I think I'm gonna get engaged today.
[1:27:32] Speaker 3: Like you know, there was a whole thing.
[1:27:34] Speaker 1: There was a whole like I and I vlog everything,
[1:27:38] Speaker 1: so I didn't know, but like I kind of had
[1:27:41] Speaker 1: an inkling, So yeah, there was yeah, I mean.
[1:27:45] Speaker 4: Jokes with me talking about.
[1:27:52] Speaker 3: Surprised.
[1:27:53] Speaker 4: I was just like.
[1:27:57] Speaker 6: That, he said, I love you so.
[1:27:59] Speaker 4: Much because I was about to tell me.
[1:28:01] Speaker 6: It was like I know this, Yeah, he was like no,
[1:28:03] Speaker 6: but like so much.
[1:28:07] Speaker 5: Because I was about to tell her that because when
[1:28:10] Speaker 5: I tell you, I can't stand lying to her.
[1:28:13] Speaker 4: And that's the first time I ever had the lot
[1:28:15] Speaker 4: of her. You know, I'm lying to.
[1:28:16] Speaker 5: Her for quote unquote her good because I'm proposed, you know,
[1:28:21] Speaker 5: planning this proposal. But it was eating me up. And
[1:28:25] Speaker 5: even right before I proposed. I said, listen, I hate
[1:28:29] Speaker 5: and I'm glad that God changed my heart so much
[1:28:33] Speaker 5: that I hated lying to her.
[1:28:35] Speaker 4: Even when it was for a good cause.
[1:28:37] Speaker 5: I knew God had changed me, He had changed some
[1:28:39] Speaker 5: stuff because back in the day I lied to it
[1:28:40] Speaker 5: one like, hey, I lied to my wife, like hey,
[1:28:42] Speaker 5: this is what it is.
[1:28:43] Speaker 4: Where I just came from lying.
[1:28:45] Speaker 1: I'm interested to know how did you propose? What was
[1:28:49] Speaker 1: the process, like the.
[1:28:50] Speaker 4: Process of the planning or the process of what the.
[1:28:52] Speaker 3: Proposal was planning, and just the whole thing.
[1:28:55] Speaker 5: I wrote a song with my friend Mike Bethie and
[1:28:58] Speaker 5: I songwriter.
[1:29:01] Speaker 4: We wrote a song.
[1:29:02] Speaker 5: I asked her to give me the notes of all
[1:29:05] Speaker 5: the stuff. She had kept notes of things that I
[1:29:07] Speaker 5: had said to her, quotables quotables she called it quotables,
[1:29:11] Speaker 5: And I said, can you do me a favor and
[1:29:12] Speaker 5: just send me those whatever?
[1:29:13] Speaker 4: I just wanted to look at it. That wasn't the
[1:29:15] Speaker 4: tip off, was it? No? Okay?
[1:29:17] Speaker 1: Good?
[1:29:18] Speaker 6: I was like, oh, he's reflecting on the things that
[1:29:20] Speaker 6: he said.
[1:29:20] Speaker 1: Good.
[1:29:21] Speaker 4: So then I told her to send that to me.
[1:29:22] Speaker 5: And then my friend came to my house and we
[1:29:26] Speaker 5: wrote this song together called Marry Me. And then I
[1:29:30] Speaker 5: called up Warren Campbell. He's the pastor of Cali Worship.
[1:29:33] Speaker 5: That's the church where I first met her at when
[1:29:36] Speaker 5: they had booked me to do the Dear Future WiFi
[1:29:38] Speaker 5: podcast there in November twenty sixth of twenty twenty three.
[1:29:41] Speaker 5: And so I called him and said, listen, I would
[1:29:44] Speaker 5: love you to produce this song. And I said, I
[1:29:47] Speaker 5: met her at your church when I was visiting, and
[1:29:50] Speaker 5: I just I would love for you to be a
[1:29:51] Speaker 5: part of it. He said, bet got you. So he
[1:29:54] Speaker 5: produced this. He produced the track, This multi Grammy Award
[1:29:57] Speaker 5: winner producer produced the t I said, cool. Then I
[1:30:01] Speaker 5: had my boy Kenny Lattimore actually sing the song. So
[1:30:05] Speaker 5: we had to lie to her to tell her why
[1:30:07] Speaker 5: we were coming to LA to record the song because
[1:30:10] Speaker 5: that first album was to record it, and then I
[1:30:13] Speaker 5: was gonna record it and have him sing it in
[1:30:14] Speaker 5: the proposal.
[1:30:15] Speaker 4: So we did all of that, and then.
[1:30:18] Speaker 6: I got Kenny to lie, Yeah, Keny to lie n lie.
[1:30:21] Speaker 5: Well, he told the truth. He said he needed me
[1:30:23] Speaker 5: to record him recording the song, and that's why I
[1:30:27] Speaker 5: went to LA to record the song.
[1:30:29] Speaker 6: Made me believe that it was for Kenny's album.
[1:30:33] Speaker 5: The album of his Heart and so we did that.
[1:30:38] Speaker 4: So I go to LA and I was like, guess what,
[1:30:40] Speaker 4: I'm gonna come to La tomorrow. I'll be able to
[1:30:42] Speaker 4: see you. You know what I'm saying.
[1:30:44] Speaker 2: Okay, I forgot about everything else because I was like, yeah,
[1:30:47] Speaker 2: I like that, and you never thought you never, No,
[1:30:51] Speaker 2: I did, but just he was doing a good job at.
[1:30:53] Speaker 5: First, and then it started falling bore started falling apart
[1:30:56] Speaker 5: because I told her that I had to figure out
[1:30:58] Speaker 5: how do I get her to the church on the day.
[1:31:02] Speaker 4: How did I get on the church?
[1:31:03] Speaker 5: I told her that Warren Campbell and Erica Campbell was
[1:31:07] Speaker 5: thinking about bringing their reality show back and they want
[1:31:10] Speaker 5: to do some have me involved some kind of way,
[1:31:14] Speaker 5: so they needed me to come to have a meeting.
[1:31:16] Speaker 5: And then and then I said, because when we were
[1:31:21] Speaker 5: travel at times, she would be my road manager, you know.
[1:31:24] Speaker 5: And I said, and I need you to go ahead
[1:31:27] Speaker 5: and come along with me to be like my manager
[1:31:29] Speaker 5: or whatever. She said, we why don't you have your
[1:31:30] Speaker 5: publishers go or whatever? I said, I ain't proposed to
[1:31:33] Speaker 5: my publishers, That's what I want to.
[1:31:34] Speaker 4: Say to it. I was like, I don't want to
[1:31:37] Speaker 4: be on Campra.
[1:31:38] Speaker 5: I said, it's not gonna be a big deal, just
[1:31:43] Speaker 5: and I'm over talking about being on the whole reality.
[1:31:46] Speaker 4: It's just I'm just saying they may be recording the
[1:31:49] Speaker 4: behind the scenes of leading to it and so this,
[1:31:52] Speaker 4: and so I called I.
[1:31:54] Speaker 5: Called Warren Campbell on the phone, didn't and I called
[1:31:57] Speaker 5: him on the phone with you. I caught him with you,
[1:32:01] Speaker 5: and he started trying to talk, so he a whole passes,
[1:32:04] Speaker 5: so he ain't lying, he's talking around it. And she
[1:32:07] Speaker 5: said he gave it away the way the way, but
[1:32:09] Speaker 5: she stidn't tell me, and I was like, she was
[1:32:12] Speaker 5: just like, how was.
[1:32:13] Speaker 6: I supposed to say?
[1:32:14] Speaker 2: Yeah, I think my pastor is not.
[1:32:18] Speaker 5: Because he was talking all in circles that didn't even
[1:32:21] Speaker 5: make sense. And so I was like, I hope she believed.
[1:32:23] Speaker 6: It's like, I know he's not lying because he wouldn't
[1:32:25] Speaker 6: do that.
[1:32:26] Speaker 5: And so he's just talking. He's leaving so much open room.
[1:32:29] Speaker 5: He's not talking directly. She's like, oh, y'all playing songs.
[1:32:31] Speaker 5: So then I talked to her mom, talked to her friends,
[1:32:33] Speaker 5: got her family all there, and then I get her
[1:32:36] Speaker 5: to the church. We walk in. It was after church
[1:32:39] Speaker 5: service and we walked. She walks through and all her
[1:32:43] Speaker 5: family and friends are almost thirty people there handing her
[1:32:45] Speaker 5: roses as she walks down, and then Kenny Latimore is
[1:32:48] Speaker 5: on on stage. I walk up there and tell her
[1:32:51] Speaker 5: what this moment is. And then killing Kenny comes out
[1:32:54] Speaker 5: and sing that sings the song that I wrote for
[1:32:56] Speaker 5: her called Marry Me.
[1:32:58] Speaker 1: I love it that.
[1:33:00] Speaker 4: Yeah, it was beautiful.
[1:33:01] Speaker 5: And then and then after that, put your fingers and
[1:33:06] Speaker 5: then I went and did I took her to an
[1:33:09] Speaker 5: engagement lunch. And what happened was a couple of weeks
[1:33:13] Speaker 5: prior to that, we had did the podcast in Chicago
[1:33:17] Speaker 5: at Living Word Church and this other couple had talked
[1:33:20] Speaker 5: to me. Well, this guy had talked to me prior
[1:33:22] Speaker 5: to that saying he was engaged and he wanted well,
[1:33:24] Speaker 5: he was had this girlfriend that he wanted to propose to,
[1:33:27] Speaker 5: and they were on the panel. I said, do it
[1:33:29] Speaker 5: at my podcast, do it. I'll have you on the panel.
[1:33:32] Speaker 5: I helped them put it all together and he proposed.
[1:33:34] Speaker 5: So then after that, all of us, you know, the
[1:33:37] Speaker 5: people that were on the panel, we went off to
[1:33:38] Speaker 5: eat and then.
[1:33:39] Speaker 4: She sat next to me.
[1:33:40] Speaker 5: She said, when we get engaged, I want you to
[1:33:43] Speaker 5: make sure you get our family together, go eat like this,
[1:33:45] Speaker 5: and I'm like, girl, when I want an engagement, I
[1:33:47] Speaker 5: want engagement. Then I was like, she was last week,
[1:33:49] Speaker 5: already had planned that set up. That's already set up
[1:33:51] Speaker 5: and everything, and so that was interesting. And so then
[1:33:54] Speaker 5: when that moment happened, I was like, that was already
[1:33:57] Speaker 5: when you made that, we already had planned that a
[1:33:58] Speaker 5: week ago. Because that the dude proposed, uh what was
[1:34:03] Speaker 5: that the fourth the fifth? July the fifth, and then
[1:34:07] Speaker 5: I proposed to her July the thirteenth.
[1:34:10] Speaker 3: Oh wow, so it's.
[1:34:11] Speaker 4: Literally the week before.
[1:34:12] Speaker 5: And so it was just it was just this this,
[1:34:14] Speaker 5: this this big old moment.
[1:34:16] Speaker 4: But that was beautiful.
[1:34:18] Speaker 6: It was so beautiful. It was so beautiful. He did
[1:34:20] Speaker 6: a really good job.
[1:34:22] Speaker 4: And I just, like I said, I just hated lying.
[1:34:24] Speaker 2: I was like he said that in the proposal. He
[1:34:27] Speaker 2: was like, I'm just really happy that we're here because
[1:34:29] Speaker 2: I can't lie.
[1:34:29] Speaker 6: Ton.
[1:34:30] Speaker 4: I was taking trips, but I knew.
[1:34:33] Speaker 6: I was like, you're going to Florida.
[1:34:35] Speaker 5: I told I was going to Florida because fam you
[1:34:38] Speaker 5: had booked me to do the commencement for their graduation
[1:34:43] Speaker 5: for the summer. Summer session, and I said, yeah, they
[1:34:47] Speaker 5: want me to come out there to kind of walk
[1:34:49] Speaker 5: the walk the campus and talk to me about some
[1:34:51] Speaker 5: stuff before I do that next month. And but I
[1:34:55] Speaker 5: had through the Philadelphia to meet with the Philadelphia Diamond
[1:34:57] Speaker 5: Company for this ring.
[1:34:59] Speaker 3: To we love the Philly They so dope.
[1:35:02] Speaker 5: So I had got this custom ring designed for sitting
[1:35:05] Speaker 5: on her hand, but this custom ring designed for her,
[1:35:08] Speaker 5: and and that's twelve carriages right there. Got the customering
[1:35:13] Speaker 5: designed for her. But I had to go get it,
[1:35:15] Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying. And so I told her
[1:35:17] Speaker 5: I was in Florida to go get to go talk
[1:35:19] Speaker 5: to I had all these missions and she talked to
[1:35:22] Speaker 5: me on them and people that I'm like, oh, I'm
[1:35:25] Speaker 5: it was. It was bad because I'm like, does this
[1:35:27] Speaker 5: flight make sense? Because she said something about why are
[1:35:29] Speaker 5: you going way over here on a connecting Why are
[1:35:32] Speaker 5: you going to Detroit? Because I had a connecting flight,
[1:35:35] Speaker 5: uh from from with Dell to go from Dallas to
[1:35:38] Speaker 5: Detroit to Detroit to Philly. He said, why are you
[1:35:41] Speaker 5: going all up to Detroit to go to Florida.
[1:35:43] Speaker 4: I said, I don't run the.
[1:35:44] Speaker 5: Airlines to pass about the questions.
[1:35:49] Speaker 4: So I have to tell you another lie.
[1:35:50] Speaker 5: I don't run the airlines, shoot the connective, I said, Yeah,
[1:35:55] Speaker 5: I had my homeboy come with the shoot behind the
[1:35:58] Speaker 5: scenes or whatever.
[1:35:59] Speaker 4: I said.
[1:36:00] Speaker 5: I don't know why that's it. This is she caught me.
[1:36:02] Speaker 5: Why you go away Detroit to go to Florida. I
[1:36:05] Speaker 5: don't know, but yeah, so that's what ended up happening.
[1:36:11] Speaker 6: So I better get back home.
[1:36:15] Speaker 5: It was such a it was such a beautiful moment.
[1:36:17] Speaker 5: But again, here's the moment. What is this moment that
[1:36:19] Speaker 5: we're leading up to, Ashley?
[1:36:21] Speaker 2: This moment is all about you and your key to
[1:36:24] Speaker 2: love that you want to leave with us before you leave.
[1:36:28] Speaker 6: Okay, so reaching that box.
[1:36:33] Speaker 5: And there's gonna be a pin and a key there.
[1:36:36] Speaker 5: You can just go ahead and grab the whole box.
[1:36:38] Speaker 5: You'll use that the right on top of it, and
[1:36:42] Speaker 5: right on there a key that you would like to leave,
[1:36:44] Speaker 5: a key to love and sign it with your name.
[1:36:48] Speaker 4: What do you think about this episode?
[1:36:50] Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, look, I think we have the same
[1:36:52] Speaker 6: I didn't want to.
[1:36:53] Speaker 5: I didn't want to say yeah, yeah, well not then
[1:36:55] Speaker 5: I'm gonna cut them out and they ain't gave me
[1:36:56] Speaker 5: no money.
[1:36:57] Speaker 4: Shoot, you ain't did a brand deal with him.
[1:36:59] Speaker 5: You have you, we're not going to say their name.
[1:37:05] Speaker 5: Cut that out and gave me no money. Waitway would
[1:37:09] Speaker 5: you think about this episode?
[1:37:10] Speaker 6: I thought it was really good. I think that there's
[1:37:13] Speaker 6: a lot of learnings.
[1:37:16] Speaker 2: I think there's a lot of growth, and I think
[1:37:21] Speaker 2: that this is going to bless a lot of people
[1:37:24] Speaker 2: who may be going through things, and a lot of times,
[1:37:28] Speaker 2: like you said, people go through them privately, not publicly.
[1:37:33] Speaker 2: So I think her public testimony will bless people, maybe
[1:37:37] Speaker 2: many of them who are dealing with things privately.
[1:37:40] Speaker 5: M And again, I thank her for for the bravery
[1:37:45] Speaker 5: sitting on this Sitting on this podcast is no easy
[1:37:49] Speaker 5: feat because you expose yourself. And it's good that I
[1:37:54] Speaker 5: didn't know what I was walking into. I didn't know
[1:37:55] Speaker 5: what her background was, and so I'm always sensitive to
[1:37:59] Speaker 5: exposing somebody while their wounds are still open to public opinion,
[1:38:04] Speaker 5: especially knowing that I hadn't tracked what the negative commentary
[1:38:09] Speaker 5: was outside of what I saw on her page or whatnot.
[1:38:13] Speaker 5: But I didn't know how viral it had become until
[1:38:17] Speaker 5: she started sharing video like oh yeah, this is somebody said
[1:38:20] Speaker 5: and they said this on here in Twitter, and I
[1:38:21] Speaker 5: was like I don't even check on Twitter, but to
[1:38:23] Speaker 5: even though read it and then we'll have you.
[1:38:29] Speaker 3: Oh, I did not know.
[1:38:30] Speaker 4: People always forget that it was wrong.
[1:38:32] Speaker 1: This was wrong.
[1:38:33] Speaker 4: Right there, you'll listen.
[1:38:34] Speaker 5: But yeah, so just to know that she was transparent
[1:38:39] Speaker 5: and vulnerable to actually share that speaks volumes.
[1:38:46] Speaker 1: Okay, So I put the microphone close to your myth, police.
[1:38:54] Speaker 3: I put that the key to love is loving fearlessly.
[1:38:58] Speaker 4: Why do you say that I.
[1:38:59] Speaker 1: Feel even though it didn't work out, I know that
[1:39:08] Speaker 1: I loved truly and really hard, and I think I'm
[1:39:16] Speaker 1: not afraid to love, and that's what makes me hopeful
[1:39:21] Speaker 1: for you know, my next chapter. And still with marriage,
[1:39:26] Speaker 1: I know, Yeah, I loved fearlessly and I'm not afraid.
[1:39:34] Speaker 1: I'm still not afraid. I'm not jaded, I'm not afraid.
[1:39:38] Speaker 1: It doesn't make me look at love differently.
[1:39:44] Speaker 4: That's good. Go ahead, hanging on that empty hook up.
[1:39:48] Speaker 1: There.
[1:39:48] Speaker 4: May the love you share today outlived the season.
[1:39:52] Speaker 2: You're in, may carry you through the days when words
[1:39:55] Speaker 2: are few and faith has to do the talking.
[1:39:58] Speaker 4: Y'all give it up for my homie, now your desireless of.
[1:40:01] Speaker 3: The week sail, Oh.
[1:40:03] Speaker 5: Ladarian rusted suddenly into Child Protective Services in twenty fifteen,
[1:40:09] Speaker 5: my nephew, black a boy. The likelihood have been adopted
[1:40:14] Speaker 5: outside of kinship slim to none? Rmione, sixteen years old,
[1:40:19] Speaker 5: black a boy with five years in the Falster care
[1:40:23] Speaker 5: system before I even knew his name. The likelihood have
[1:40:26] Speaker 5: ever been adopted?
[1:40:28] Speaker 4: Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.
[1:40:32] Speaker 5: While Laderian and Ourmiani were trying to survive and barely
[1:40:35] Speaker 5: thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded Falseter care system, I
[1:40:39] Speaker 5: was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been
[1:40:42] Speaker 5: a single father with a daughter who at that point
[1:40:44] Speaker 5: was doing well in college. It was my time to
[1:40:47] Speaker 5: live my life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.
[1:40:54] Speaker 5: There are just two many of our black children stuck
[1:40:58] Speaker 5: in ambiguity and in the of the Falster care system.
[1:41:02] Speaker 5: In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian.
[1:41:06] Speaker 4: Fast forward to twenty nineteen. I had no ties to
[1:41:08] Speaker 4: this other.
[1:41:09] Speaker 5: Young king, but I felt God instructed me to adopt
[1:41:11] Speaker 5: them also on Ile Babe, Starting over with parenting should
[1:41:15] Speaker 5: have been enough.
[1:41:16] Speaker 4: Right.
[1:41:16] Speaker 5: Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help
[1:41:19] Speaker 5: bring awareness to the countless young Black Kings and the
[1:41:22] Speaker 5: Falster care system should have decreased my agitation. Right, Joining
[1:41:26] Speaker 5: the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization
[1:41:29] Speaker 5: that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in false
[1:41:33] Speaker 5: care should have led to some type of resolve. Right, No,
[1:41:37] Speaker 5: not at all. None of it felt like I had
[1:41:40] Speaker 5: done enough. I now realized that every one of those
[1:41:45] Speaker 5: experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.
[1:41:49] Speaker 5: Kingdom Royal. Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of
[1:41:53] Speaker 5: the art home for foster boys. Our first location will
[1:41:57] Speaker 5: be in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize
[1:42:00] Speaker 5: the whole person approach that instills identity, empowers them to
[1:42:04] Speaker 5: advocate for themselves, and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and
[1:42:08] Speaker 5: limitless options that they thought were impossible. Though the young
[1:42:13] Speaker 5: Kings will attend the local public schools that are in
[1:42:16] Speaker 5: proximity to King of Royale, our at home curriculum will
[1:42:19] Speaker 5: broaden their worldview through participating in the arts, attending various
[1:42:23] Speaker 5: cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions about
[1:42:28] Speaker 5: current events and even relevant historical contexts. Introducing them to
[1:42:32] Speaker 5: gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our animals on
[1:42:36] Speaker 5: our form and on site stables. We just launched our
[1:42:40] Speaker 5: startup capital campaign with the goal of raising two point
[1:42:43] Speaker 5: eight million dollars.
[1:42:44] Speaker 4: Now why two point eight million dollars.
[1:42:46] Speaker 5: Well, In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in
[1:42:48] Speaker 5: which I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the
[1:42:52] Speaker 5: homeless community. One of the most notable successes was that
[1:42:55] Speaker 5: one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,
[1:43:01] Speaker 5: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise
[1:43:03] Speaker 5: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable
[1:43:06] Speaker 5: plan for the homeless community. So throughout the years, with
[1:43:11] Speaker 5: much remorse, I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment.
[1:43:14] Speaker 4: I knew if at.
[1:43:15] Speaker 5: That time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar,
[1:43:19] Speaker 5: we would have raised at least two point eight million
[1:43:22] Speaker 5: dollars that could have really established long term support for
[1:43:25] Speaker 5: the homeless community, or at least started a long term
[1:43:29] Speaker 5: initiative to do so. This is my do over, this
[1:43:33] Speaker 5: is our new beginning. Together, we can attack this at
[1:43:37] Speaker 5: the root by specifically helping our homeless Black boys who
[1:43:41] Speaker 5: are already disproportionately represented in the American FOSSi care system.
[1:43:46] Speaker 5: I'm a TerraSAR Wickfield. I've been nominated for three Regional
[1:43:49] Speaker 5: Emmys documenting my work with the homeless as well as
[1:43:52] Speaker 5: my personal adoption journey. Despite those accolades, the greatest award
[1:43:57] Speaker 5: for me is truly providing infrastructure for a transformed life.
[1:44:03] Speaker 5: Visit Kingdom Royal dot com for more details, Crown a
[1:44:07] Speaker 5: king and make a donation today. I hope you enjoyed
[1:44:17] Speaker 5: this episode of the Dear Future WIFEI podcast. Remember be lit,
[1:44:21] Speaker 5: live intentionally and transparently, and don't stop loving.
[1:44:26] Speaker 4: Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife and
[1:44:28] Speaker 4: YouTube channel.
[1:44:29] Speaker 5: We're available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.
[1:44:33] Speaker 4: You welcome your support. Simply share our podcast with your
[1:44:36] Speaker 4: friends and family.

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