# Praying for Healing (Guest: Sam Collier)

An episode of [Dear Future Wifey](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1506095537), 3 Sep 2025, 1 h 36 min.

Audio: https://prfx.byspotify.com/e/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/78a347aa-3282-4ac5-837c-a72300032082/293692a5-5b4e-44f3-89a3-b172011fe37c/60b48baf-fae8-4739-8e8f-b34d0094615d/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=ae4e871a-36ca-4d76-83c3-b172011fe393

“I didn’t want to do this interview.” That’s how this interview opens up—and what follows is one of the most raw and vulnerable conversations we’ve ever had. Sam shares: 👶 Growing up as 1 of 5 kids in poverty with a drug-addicted father 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 How his incredible adoptive parents changed his life trajectory 💔 His public divorce and the ripple effect it had on his ministry and professional world 🏛️ Why the system of church often leaves no room for pastors to heal, recover, or experience redemption 🔥 And how Laterras pushed him to places he wasn’t comfortable going—but needed to This episode is about grace, truth, and the courage to tell your story—even when it hurts. 📸 CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST https://www.instagram.com/samcollier DEAR FUTURE WIFEY LIVE x TOM JOYNER FOUNDATION FANTASTIC VOYAGE 2025 https://fantasticvoyage.blackamericaweb.com/ PROMO CODE: WIFEY WANNA SEE BEHIND-THE-SCENES FOOTAGE? JOIN MY PATREON https://www.Patreon.com/laterrasrwhitfield SIGN UP FOR THE MAILING LIST https://bit.ly/LRWconnection PURCHASE "YOU (Dear Future Wifey)" Theme Song http://itunes.apple.com/album/id/1729993404 👑 SUPPORT OUR CAUSE Donate to Kingdom Royale: Empowering foster kids to become royalty: https://www.KingdomRoyale.com 👕 MERCH https://www.DearFutureWifey.com FOLLOW US 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dearfuturewifeypodcast | https://www.instagram.com/laterrasrwhitfield 📘 Facebook: https://www.Facebook.com/DearFutureWifey 🐦 Twitter: https://twitter.com/dfwifeypodcast See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: I didn't want to interview you.
[0:01] Speaker 2: I get a lot of backlash, but listen, I gotta
[0:03] Speaker 2: be submitted to what God called me to do.
[0:06] Speaker 3: Who is Sam Callyer?
[0:08] Speaker 4: You know, I'm rediscovering that my life started in poverty.
[0:11] Speaker 4: My mother had five kids. At twenty one, Me and
[0:14] Speaker 4: my twin sister were the fourth and fifth.
[0:16] Speaker 1: Do you struggle with abandonment issues?
[0:18] Speaker 4: The Lord did a supernatural work with my adoptive parents.
[0:22] Speaker 1: They made adoption of fairy tale.
[0:24] Speaker 4: We were going to preschool telling everybody we were adopted,
[0:26] Speaker 4: and they were going to their parents saying can we
[0:28] Speaker 4: be adopted? What I discover from that is that I
[0:30] Speaker 4: did not have an abandonment boom.
[0:32] Speaker 1: I had an attachment.
[0:35] Speaker 4: Everybody leaves me, I don't leave them, which means I'll
[0:38] Speaker 4: stay in something.
[0:39] Speaker 1: Way too long. What led to your divorce?
[0:43] Speaker 2: It wasn't like one lad with another one did a
[0:45] Speaker 2: counter suit and y'all made a joint decision to go
[0:47] Speaker 2: ahead of file.
[0:47] Speaker 4: You know, it was a little more complicated than that.
[0:49] Speaker 4: For the sake of honoring her.
[0:51] Speaker 1: There was a discussion and we landed on the joint filing.
[0:54] Speaker 3: What is your hope when it comes to your ex wife?
[0:57] Speaker 1: Hope about what I don't know. You tell me, I
[1:00] Speaker 1: want to give real answers. That's what I want.
[1:02] Speaker 4: I remember having a lot of hope. The divorce is
[1:04] Speaker 4: so tumultuous that I forgot. I'm gonna just be honest.
[1:07] Speaker 4: And I have never said any of this publicly. There's
[1:09] Speaker 4: an obvious her right. I don't want to be the
[1:11] Speaker 4: butter of a joke, but I want her to be
[1:12] Speaker 4: everything God's called her to be because I remember when
[1:15] Speaker 4: I met her, I saw it in our life, and she's
[1:17] Speaker 4: the mother of my son. I want him to see
[1:19] Speaker 4: her amazing. I want him to see what I saw, and.
[1:22] Speaker 1: I want to do the same.
[1:22] Speaker 4: What does it mean to be Sam two point zero?
[1:25] Speaker 4: And I get it because you're held to a higher standard.
[1:28] Speaker 4: I've apologized to the public, and my commitment to the
[1:30] Speaker 4: public is to be better than I've ever been. But
[1:33] Speaker 4: if we are believers, there is no evidence in the
[1:35] Speaker 4: text of repentance, grace, restoration, rehabilitation upon accountability not being
[1:40] Speaker 4: true for pastors.
[1:41] Speaker 2: And this is something that the Holy Spirit just dropped
[1:44] Speaker 2: in my heart. Can you pray right now for your
[1:47] Speaker 2: ex wife.
[1:48] Speaker 1: I'm leaving the interview. I'm leaving it what's going on?
[1:52] Speaker 1: What's going on? The Dear Future WiFi podcast has global impact.
[1:57] Speaker 4: From Texas, I have been on this joy of healing
[2:00] Speaker 4: and self discovery and this podcast has been a vital
[2:04] Speaker 4: part of my process.
[2:06] Speaker 1: God's establishing through you a legacy, a display of freedom,
[2:11] Speaker 1: founding authentic spirituality.
[2:13] Speaker 3: California.
[2:14] Speaker 4: I learned so much as a single man through your
[2:17] Speaker 4: podcast and continue to learn so much as.
[2:21] Speaker 1: Now a married man Nigeria. This is just therapy for me.
[2:25] Speaker 4: You know, I've been healed, I've been strengthing in my
[2:27] Speaker 4: convictions on the sto to do single hoopta Amsterdam way
[2:31] Speaker 4: that you've shown us how it is possible for a
[2:35] Speaker 4: man to be as intentional as you are.
[2:39] Speaker 3: New Jersey.
[2:40] Speaker 1: I appreciate your vulnerability.
[2:42] Speaker 2: I appreciate just being able to see that there is
[2:44] Speaker 2: life after divorce.
[2:45] Speaker 3: To New York.
[2:47] Speaker 2: I am a single woman, so these episodes really give
[2:50] Speaker 2: me hope and courage that God does have a husband
[2:52] Speaker 2: for me.
[2:54] Speaker 3: Discover, uncover and recover love.
[2:56] Speaker 2: I'm a terrissaar Whitfield and this is season ten of
[2:59] Speaker 2: the Dear Future Wifie podcasts. Welcome to a Dear Future
[3:04] Speaker 2: Wifie podcast. I'm your host laterras Ar Whickfield. Listen, are
[3:07] Speaker 2: you still shacking up with us? If you're still shacking
[3:10] Speaker 2: up with us, come on, can we get a commitment?
[3:11] Speaker 2: Hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make sure you're turning
[3:14] Speaker 2: on your notification bell so you'll be notified about upcoming episodes.
[3:18] Speaker 2: And let me just shout out the patriots right now.
[3:20] Speaker 2: Thank y'all for following this journey. Getting behind the scenes footage.
[3:24] Speaker 2: I'm Patreon. Make sure you click on the link in
[3:26] Speaker 2: the description and join the Patreon. While you're at it,
[3:30] Speaker 2: why don't you just go there and join the melon list.
[3:32] Speaker 2: We have an amazing book that's going to be coming out,
[3:34] Speaker 2: a Student of Love, and I want to make sure
[3:37] Speaker 2: that all of y'all get an opportunity to digest these
[3:42] Speaker 2: gems that are in this book. But I'll tell y'all
[3:44] Speaker 2: more about that as that time comes.
[3:47] Speaker 3: Listen.
[3:48] Speaker 1: This episode is pretty pretty dope.
[3:51] Speaker 2: I met this king when I was in at the
[3:54] Speaker 2: Essence Festival a couple of months ago. He interviewed me
[3:58] Speaker 2: for his platform, and so I felt like it's just
[4:00] Speaker 2: made all the sense in the world to bring in
[4:02] Speaker 2: a differuture wifey podcast. So without further do Welcome to
[4:05] Speaker 2: a Differture wifey podcast. My homie Sam, call you how
[4:08] Speaker 2: you're going?
[4:08] Speaker 1: Team? Can I shake your hands? Yeah? I just reached under.
[4:10] Speaker 4: Man, I'm uh, I'm honored to be here. Why do
[4:14] Speaker 4: you say that, I'm honored because I'm from Atlanta, Georgia.
[4:18] Speaker 1: And then I walked in and saw the legendary.
[4:20] Speaker 3: Yellow cows in a room.
[4:22] Speaker 4: All right, I mean it looks like you're in a
[4:24] Speaker 4: stadium when it's online, big like a stadium. And so
[4:30] Speaker 4: it's just been so many people have sat in this chair,
[4:34] Speaker 4: and as you know, my life over the last five
[4:37] Speaker 4: years has been just so many ups and downs. And
[4:40] Speaker 4: so when you find individuals who've been blessed, like you've
[4:43] Speaker 4: been blessed with this type of platform and they extend it,
[4:47] Speaker 4: it just means everything to me.
[4:48] Speaker 2: So well, well, let me tell you something. One of
[4:50] Speaker 2: the hardest things to find is men to sit on
[4:53] Speaker 2: the yellow couch because a lot of men don't want
[4:55] Speaker 2: to operate in transparency. And so every time, like I've
[4:58] Speaker 2: tried to get certain on the podcast and be like, man,
[5:01] Speaker 2: I'm from telling all.
[5:02] Speaker 1: My mind, you know what I mean? Like what no, Like, no,
[5:05] Speaker 1: we need spaces.
[5:07] Speaker 2: I created this space for myself to share my flaws.
[5:11] Speaker 2: And I said, you know what, I couldn't be the
[5:12] Speaker 2: only person going through these issues and navigating these idio secrecies.
[5:17] Speaker 2: Why can't I provide a space starting out for myself
[5:20] Speaker 2: so that I can be transparent and vulnerable. And the
[5:23] Speaker 2: Bible says confess your false one to another so that
[5:26] Speaker 2: you may be healed.
[5:27] Speaker 3: And so I'll create a platform for that.
[5:29] Speaker 2: And then what happened that other people started joining the
[5:32] Speaker 2: podcast and they knew it was a safe space to
[5:34] Speaker 2: share their stories and their issues and hurts, habits and
[5:38] Speaker 2: hang ups. So got that from Celebrate Recovery because I've
[5:40] Speaker 2: been through CRR so and so it just became a
[5:44] Speaker 2: place for healing. It's nothing judgment zone. And so that's
[5:49] Speaker 2: what I want to do. I want to chop it
[5:50] Speaker 2: up with you and just talk all things love, relationship, marriage,
[5:53] Speaker 2: singleness and just a journey. So when I ask you,
[5:57] Speaker 2: if I were to ask you right now, who is
[6:00] Speaker 2: call you?
[6:00] Speaker 1: What would you do? You know I'm rediscovering that. I'm
[6:09] Speaker 1: rediscovering that.
[6:10] Speaker 3: That's fair.
[6:12] Speaker 4: Well, you know me and you spoke a little bit
[6:13] Speaker 4: earlier about your adoption journey and the kids that you've adopted.
[6:18] Speaker 4: You know, my life started in poverty, and my mother
[6:23] Speaker 4: had five kids at twenty one, at twenty one, and
[6:28] Speaker 4: it was me and my twin sister were the fourth
[6:30] Speaker 4: and fifth. My dad was I predicted the drugs at
[6:36] Speaker 4: the time. He passed away from that addiction during COVID.
[6:41] Speaker 4: Never met him, It's okay. Spoke to him twice on
[6:45] Speaker 4: the phone and knew it was him every time, and
[6:48] Speaker 4: it was like his voice was like shooting through the
[6:51] Speaker 4: drugs and I could just hear it over the phone.
[6:54] Speaker 1: He signed, I mean, he was a happy guy.
[6:56] Speaker 4: And that was roughly around, you know, a kind of
[7:00] Speaker 4: twenty five. But my life started, and I'm supposed to
[7:03] Speaker 4: be a statistic because it started with my dad doing
[7:07] Speaker 4: that and my mother at the time, you know, they
[7:10] Speaker 4: kind of trace her steps back to her living in
[7:13] Speaker 4: a prostitution house. And so she's twenty one with five
[7:18] Speaker 4: kids on welfare, trying to figure out how to make
[7:21] Speaker 4: it and.
[7:22] Speaker 1: What city is joab Bro, what city? What's she in? Augusta,
[7:25] Speaker 1: Augusta Georgian.
[7:26] Speaker 4: Yeah, And so she sends us I kind of call
[7:32] Speaker 4: it the Moses story, send us up the river, and
[7:34] Speaker 4: hopes they would work out gave us up for adoption.
[7:36] Speaker 4: We got adopted, raising a Christian home on the streets
[7:39] Speaker 4: of Auburn Avenue in Atlanta.
[7:41] Speaker 1: And so I'm rediscovering who I am.
[7:44] Speaker 4: But I think the hope is that I would be
[7:48] Speaker 4: someone that would represent being able to rise out of
[7:52] Speaker 4: the ashes to become what God wants to do.
[7:56] Speaker 3: What do you think is your purpose?
[7:57] Speaker 1: Wait?
[7:57] Speaker 4: Thing God put you on this earth? So you at
[8:00] Speaker 4: the gate like this, you cop on.
[8:02] Speaker 2: The I'm just I'm just falling. I just want to
[8:05] Speaker 2: know who you are, who think you are? Has God
[8:09] Speaker 2: showed you? Because a lot of times we may be
[8:10] Speaker 2: operating in spaces and occupations job titles that we're doing,
[8:15] Speaker 2: but we know that that's not what we're supposed to do.
[8:17] Speaker 3: It's just a means to an end.
[8:20] Speaker 2: And even sometimes you have pastors that may be pastoring
[8:23] Speaker 2: because their father was a pastor and they inherit the church,
[8:26] Speaker 2: but they said.
[8:26] Speaker 3: I never want to do that. I want to be
[8:27] Speaker 3: a rapper.
[8:28] Speaker 2: Absolutely, So they're operating in a position that they weren't
[8:34] Speaker 2: really their heart was. Don't believe that that's what God
[8:37] Speaker 2: put them on this earth together, even fulfilling the quote
[8:40] Speaker 2: unquote will of God.
[8:41] Speaker 1: About this master. So my question you is, what do
[8:43] Speaker 1: you think your purpose is?
[8:44] Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, it maybe was about eight years when
[8:47] Speaker 4: I discovered who I was in terms of what God
[8:51] Speaker 4: had put on the inside of me. I talk all
[8:53] Speaker 4: the time about Jeremiah one to five. Before you were
[8:56] Speaker 4: formed in your mother's womb, I knew you and me.
[9:00] Speaker 4: What that has always meant is that before we were
[9:02] Speaker 4: even born, God puts something on the inside of all
[9:06] Speaker 4: of us that we are to live out.
[9:08] Speaker 1: Dear future wife, it was in you right and it
[9:11] Speaker 1: was birth.
[9:12] Speaker 4: And I think for me, with the Lord put in me,
[9:15] Speaker 4: was this desire and this gift to help others discover
[9:19] Speaker 4: what was put on the inside of them. And I
[9:22] Speaker 4: think that comes in many ways. You know, a lot
[9:25] Speaker 4: so many individuals have different ideas on what purpose is
[9:29] Speaker 4: and how you get there, whether it be occupation or
[9:31] Speaker 4: a title or so on and so forth. But I
[9:33] Speaker 4: think whatever your purpose is, it's something that transcends occupation, and.
[9:39] Speaker 1: It is a It is a lifestyle.
[9:42] Speaker 4: It is a gift set that you can work out
[9:44] Speaker 4: in many different ways. And so if I could do
[9:48] Speaker 4: one thing for the rest of my life, it would
[9:49] Speaker 4: be helping others discover who they are and helping them
[9:54] Speaker 4: craft a strategy and to mobilize whatever those gifts are
[9:58] Speaker 4: that it would come to life.
[10:00] Speaker 2: You brought me into the conversation about dear future wifey.
[10:04] Speaker 2: Dear future wife he was birth in twenty seventeen, and
[10:08] Speaker 2: I've never shared this story, but it was in twenty
[10:10] Speaker 2: seventeen I wrote a letter to my future wifey after
[10:13] Speaker 2: coming out of this toxic relationship with this individual. It
[10:17] Speaker 2: was in relationship, was a situationship, and I remember crying
[10:21] Speaker 2: myself to sleep. I woke up the next morning and
[10:24] Speaker 2: as soon as I opened my eyes, tear starts streaming
[10:26] Speaker 2: down my face again.
[10:27] Speaker 1: I was like, God, what is going on?
[10:29] Speaker 2: And I was talking to God about this particular woman,
[10:33] Speaker 2: and God said, I want you to write to your
[10:36] Speaker 2: future wifey. And I was like, well, I mean, what
[10:39] Speaker 2: do you mean? Like why are you gonna tell me
[10:40] Speaker 2: to write at six o'clock in the morning, you know?
[10:42] Speaker 2: And I began to write a letter to my future wifey.
[10:45] Speaker 2: And the reason why he told me to do that
[10:47] Speaker 2: is because what I wrote on that paper was not
[10:49] Speaker 2: what I was entertaining with the woman. And I posted
[10:53] Speaker 2: it on Facebook and people were commenting like, oh my
[10:56] Speaker 2: God's most beautiful letter I've ever read from.
[10:59] Speaker 1: A man was just moving people. People was DM and me.
[11:02] Speaker 2: People were talking about how healing just hearing me say that.
[11:06] Speaker 2: And she called me and was like, how dare you
[11:10] Speaker 2: write this letter and post that on Facebook? And I said,
[11:14] Speaker 2: what did you think about it? She said, well, why
[11:17] Speaker 2: does it matter what I think? If you cared about
[11:20] Speaker 2: what I thought, you would have sent it to me.
[11:21] Speaker 2: And I said, no, it was an open letter, and
[11:24] Speaker 2: I said and she and she got mad and hung
[11:26] Speaker 2: on the phone. And she called me back later and
[11:28] Speaker 2: she said, I said, why are you getting mad at
[11:31] Speaker 2: a letter that I wrote? And she was like, she
[11:35] Speaker 2: got silent again, And I said, if it was you
[11:38] Speaker 2: who I'm talking about, you wouldn't be upset. You were
[11:41] Speaker 2: to respond like the strangers who are hearing a letter
[11:44] Speaker 2: a man pour out his heart and they're being moved.
[11:47] Speaker 2: If that was you, you'd be like, oh my god,
[11:49] Speaker 2: this guy that I'm dating, You're so amazed. I just,
[11:52] Speaker 2: oh my god, I hear you now louder than I've
[11:54] Speaker 2: ever heard you before. But God said, she didn't have
[11:57] Speaker 2: the ears to hear what my heart was saying and
[12:00] Speaker 2: showing me in that moment in twenty seventeen. Who I
[12:04] Speaker 2: desired is not what I wrote in that paper. Well,
[12:08] Speaker 2: a juxtaposition between who I was entertaining and what I
[12:12] Speaker 2: wrote in that paper, those are two totally different people.
[12:14] Speaker 2: And so I sit here today excited because November twenty second,
[12:19] Speaker 2: I'll be getting married to the woman who I wrote
[12:22] Speaker 2: and explained on that piece of paper. And it took
[12:25] Speaker 2: that many years to heal so that I could see
[12:28] Speaker 2: her clearly. It took years for me to mature, overcome
[12:33] Speaker 2: my idio secrecies and my issues, my lack of integrity,
[12:37] Speaker 2: all that stuff. It took years to me to grow
[12:40] Speaker 2: to that moment so that when God introduced me to
[12:42] Speaker 2: this woman, I could manage her heart effectively.
[12:45] Speaker 1: Wow. How long did it take?
[12:46] Speaker 3: About eight years?
[12:48] Speaker 1: It took. It took from twenty seventeen.
[12:51] Speaker 2: I started the podcast in twenty twenty, so that's three years,
[12:55] Speaker 2: and then twenty five. Wow, So it took eight years.
[13:00] Speaker 2: And it was a lot of me facing myself in
[13:02] Speaker 2: the mirror. It was a lot of people that I
[13:07] Speaker 2: dated on the way that it didn't work out. And
[13:10] Speaker 2: I try to tell people all the time, which my
[13:11] Speaker 2: book speaks about, is that it will teach you how
[13:14] Speaker 2: to effectively date where you don't internalize relationships that don't
[13:18] Speaker 2: work out. If it didn't work out, it wasn't supposed
[13:21] Speaker 2: to work out. And so sometimes we get stuck in
[13:24] Speaker 2: a place that God said, no, this is just a moment.
[13:27] Speaker 2: And we build monuments in moments, and God is wanted
[13:30] Speaker 2: to say, Hey, this is just the moment. Don't build
[13:33] Speaker 2: a monument in it, and go ahead and grow from it.
[13:36] Speaker 2: And so my question to you is where were areas
[13:39] Speaker 2: of your life where you look back at it, and
[13:42] Speaker 2: especially when areas were love that you look back and go,
[13:45] Speaker 2: I see what God is trying to teach me, and
[13:47] Speaker 2: I've learned from this and through this. When you think
[13:51] Speaker 2: about that, do you go all way back to high school?
[13:53] Speaker 2: Do you go back to college? Where do you go
[13:56] Speaker 2: back to? Where does your mind automatically go back to?
[14:01] Speaker 4: It absolutely jumps back to my marriage first, just because
[14:05] Speaker 4: it's on the top of my mind. It's every day,
[14:08] Speaker 4: it's thinking through it, it's navigating divorce and the challenges
[14:12] Speaker 4: of co parenting and so on and so forth. And
[14:15] Speaker 4: I'll give a lesson that I learned in therapy. It
[14:19] Speaker 4: was probably about two weeks before the divorce began and
[14:24] Speaker 4: I kind of went away. You know, everybody has their
[14:26] Speaker 4: reason for divorce, right. We had a joint filing, so
[14:30] Speaker 4: there was mine and then there was also her, and
[14:32] Speaker 4: so she has her reason and I have, you know,
[14:35] Speaker 4: my particular reason. And I think for me, especially thinking
[14:39] Speaker 4: about this as a pastor, going man, do I want
[14:42] Speaker 4: to do? I want to fight for this? Do I
[14:44] Speaker 4: want to go back? And do we want to long suffer?
[14:46] Speaker 4: What can we do to make this work?
[14:48] Speaker 3: And how many years were married?
[14:49] Speaker 4: We were married for eight years? Eight years. Matt got
[14:53] Speaker 4: married after two months, which this is what I'm getting
[14:55] Speaker 4: ready to jump into.
[14:56] Speaker 1: And it okay too, Yes?
[14:59] Speaker 3: Two months?
[14:59] Speaker 2: Yeah, to hear that he got married in two months?
[15:03] Speaker 2: Good lord, he said, He said, said you had me
[15:06] Speaker 2: at Hello? He said, hello, will you marry me?
[15:08] Speaker 1: Will you marry me? I was just and I said
[15:11] Speaker 1: this on the Christian Post.
[15:12] Speaker 4: I'll say it again, but I don't think y'all are
[15:14] Speaker 4: going to take it and turn into a headline like
[15:15] Speaker 4: they did because the Christian Post.
[15:18] Speaker 1: He asked me, He's like, well, why would you get
[15:20] Speaker 1: married after two months?
[15:20] Speaker 4: He had just come out of a marriage, and now
[15:23] Speaker 4: y'all date a week after and now you're married too much?
[15:25] Speaker 1: Why would you do that?
[15:26] Speaker 4: And he was kind of coming at me, and I
[15:28] Speaker 4: tried to make a joke and I said, well, Beyonce
[15:31] Speaker 4: said drunk in love.
[15:33] Speaker 1: And he made that the headline, the pastor is drunk.
[15:37] Speaker 1: And I said, Leonardo, he said the pastor was drinking.
[15:43] Speaker 1: That was the headline.
[15:45] Speaker 4: I said, Leonod, you're supposed to be helping me figure,
[15:50] Speaker 4: but I was.
[15:51] Speaker 1: I was drunk in love. But there was a.
[15:54] Speaker 4: Big lesson that came out of that that I actually
[15:56] Speaker 4: looked back on my life and I see it all
[15:59] Speaker 4: over my relation.
[16:00] Speaker 1: Let me that how long was she divorced before you
[16:04] Speaker 1: got married? She got divorced and then we got married
[16:10] Speaker 1: two months later.
[16:11] Speaker 2: No huh, yes, so so not only did you marry
[16:15] Speaker 2: her two months after meeting her, she was only divorced
[16:17] Speaker 2: two months.
[16:18] Speaker 4: Yes, which we're gonna get into my failures later.
[16:24] Speaker 1: This is Kermit the frog and I'm sipping my butt.
[16:27] Speaker 4: But one of them is you know, I would leave,
[16:29] Speaker 4: And this is I believe in headship, So the biblical
[16:32] Speaker 4: concept of headship, and listen, everybody has to make their
[16:37] Speaker 4: own decision, absolutely, But as the man in the relationship,
[16:41] Speaker 4: could I have done a better job of helping us.
[16:44] Speaker 1: Wait, absolutely, could I have stopped this? Absolutely?
[16:48] Speaker 4: Did I know? Was it a bad decision? Absolutely? Does
[16:52] Speaker 4: accountability need to be taken? Absolutely right? And so I
[16:58] Speaker 4: say that, But the lesson in that from me.
[17:02] Speaker 2: Came.
[17:03] Speaker 1: I mean, it was full circle.
[17:04] Speaker 4: I went away and I'm gonna shout him out my therapist,
[17:07] Speaker 4: Jason Van Ruler. And there's a place in Nashville called
[17:11] Speaker 4: on Site, and on Site is it's a place where
[17:16] Speaker 4: most Christian celebrities go, and or celebrities that happened to
[17:22] Speaker 4: be Christian. You understand the difference. It's off the grid,
[17:26] Speaker 4: got to turn your phone off and you go. And
[17:30] Speaker 4: they specialize in what they call psycho drama, which we
[17:32] Speaker 4: will get into later, but you know about.
[17:34] Speaker 1: Yeah, I was in it.
[17:35] Speaker 2: I did a cycle drama when I got from my
[17:37] Speaker 2: high school for taking a gun to school.
[17:39] Speaker 1: Uh just told y.
[17:42] Speaker 2: Yeah, I was a little knucklehead when I was growing up. Listen, man,
[17:44] Speaker 2: it's supposed to be a safe space. You ain't supposed
[17:45] Speaker 2: to laugh at me, Sam, Sam, this is my childhood trauma. Okay,
[17:49] Speaker 2: I was a hug and a makon. But what were
[17:50] Speaker 2: you going to psycho drama. So I went to school.
[17:54] Speaker 2: I went to Skyline High School. My brother has shot
[17:56] Speaker 2: the mirror in the bathroom. He had he had bought
[17:59] Speaker 2: a gun and he shot the mirror out playing. So
[18:02] Speaker 2: he said, well, well, dad gets home, he's gonna make
[18:04] Speaker 2: me get rid of the gun. So he came up
[18:05] Speaker 2: with this brainiac idea for me to take it to
[18:08] Speaker 2: school and sell it. It was my sophomore year in
[18:10] Speaker 2: high school. I took the gun to school. I ended
[18:13] Speaker 2: up getting caught with it. I didn't have it wasn't loaded.
[18:16] Speaker 2: It was a thirty eight smith in western They caught
[18:18] Speaker 2: me at the school. They took me, didn't go to jail.
[18:21] Speaker 2: He had this Yeah, it was a thirty eight, big
[18:23] Speaker 2: old long that had the thing go down the side
[18:25] Speaker 2: of my pants and all that walking around like a
[18:27] Speaker 2: penguin through the same and so they took me to
[18:30] Speaker 2: this little holding area. They didn't take me at juvenile
[18:33] Speaker 2: but they had this little hold in the area, and
[18:34] Speaker 2: my dad came and picked me up and I was
[18:36] Speaker 2: sent to all turn to school. And so they came
[18:38] Speaker 2: up with this great idea to say, hey, let's grab
[18:41] Speaker 2: some of these kids, who was a school of fifty.
[18:43] Speaker 2: Let's get about eight of them and we'll do a
[18:46] Speaker 2: play which was called Real Life that later became a
[18:48] Speaker 2: published play, but it was a psycho drama. So they
[18:51] Speaker 2: had us reenact rewrote these stories about these young teenagers
[18:56] Speaker 2: that's in games and people that was making all these
[18:59] Speaker 2: bad decis and so that we could see what our
[19:01] Speaker 2: decisions look like, playing either the victim of the person
[19:05] Speaker 2: or playing the young man that keep fighting and end
[19:09] Speaker 2: up getting killed. So we were able to learn through
[19:13] Speaker 2: a cycle drama and it was it was probably who.
[19:17] Speaker 4: They say, the body keeps the score absolutely and as
[19:20] Speaker 4: you move, it's wild how you move through the drama
[19:23] Speaker 4: and it starts to reveal where the trauma is and
[19:25] Speaker 4: then it heals. So I'm doing this and it's a
[19:30] Speaker 4: it's twenty eight hours of therapy with Jason van Ruler
[19:34] Speaker 4: three days straight. Now, we didn't go to on site.
[19:36] Speaker 4: He's one of their main therapists. And so he said,
[19:40] Speaker 4: you know, he gave me it was like eight grand
[19:41] Speaker 4: to go to on site. So he's like, look, if
[19:43] Speaker 4: you want to over twenty eight hours for twenty eight hours,
[19:45] Speaker 4: So it's yes, it was a three day experience, a
[19:49] Speaker 4: three day experience, yes, And he said look, if you
[19:51] Speaker 4: want to say, two thousand, come to my house in
[19:54] Speaker 4: South Dakota, and I'm going to teach you the same
[19:56] Speaker 4: stuff that I teach here. So I went to his
[19:59] Speaker 4: practice up in South d Him. I felt like I
[20:01] Speaker 4: was going to visit Kanye in Wyoming. And so I mean,
[20:06] Speaker 4: within the first thirty minutes he listens to my story.
[20:10] Speaker 4: Because my question when I went to him was what
[20:12] Speaker 4: do I need to do now? I run into a
[20:14] Speaker 4: brick wall. Things were exploding. After eight years, I said,
[20:19] Speaker 4: I need and I need to go back and get
[20:21] Speaker 4: inventory on how I got here, how I can get healthy,
[20:25] Speaker 4: how I can stay healthy, and how I can build
[20:27] Speaker 4: a life that God is pleased with in pursuing my
[20:31] Speaker 4: purpose and all of the above. And after thirty minutes,
[20:35] Speaker 4: he said, I want to I want to show you something.
[20:36] Speaker 4: We're talking about my lessons, my greatest lessons, and and
[20:40] Speaker 4: it's all throughout my love life.
[20:43] Speaker 1: He said, I want to show you something. He put
[20:44] Speaker 1: out his whiteboard and he.
[20:46] Speaker 4: Drew a circle, and he drew a circle in that,
[20:48] Speaker 4: and another circle in another circle like a what is
[20:51] Speaker 4: a Russian nesting doll, And in the middle it's a
[20:54] Speaker 4: little circle and he said This is called the vulnerability
[20:57] Speaker 4: will and he says in the middle, he pulled out
[21:02] Speaker 4: a key and I still had his key. He said,
[21:03] Speaker 4: I'm gonna give you this key. I want you to
[21:05] Speaker 4: keep this key for the rest of your life. This
[21:08] Speaker 4: key unlocks the center. In the center circle is your
[21:14] Speaker 4: greatest fears, your greatest desires, your greatest secrets. It's the
[21:19] Speaker 4: people that are in this circle. You trust them implicitly
[21:23] Speaker 4: with everything, he said. The circle outside of that, they're
[21:26] Speaker 4: close friends, but they don't get the center.
[21:28] Speaker 1: But they're close.
[21:28] Speaker 3: And he said.
[21:28] Speaker 4: The circle outside of that colleagues people you know, he said,
[21:31] Speaker 4: And then it's the world. What you have to do,
[21:35] Speaker 4: he said, this key is only to be given the
[21:39] Speaker 4: people that have earned the center. But to get to
[21:43] Speaker 4: the center, you need to make them go from one
[21:45] Speaker 4: circle to the next, and then they graduate from that
[21:48] Speaker 4: to the next. So by the time they get to
[21:50] Speaker 4: the center, this key matters.
[21:51] Speaker 1: He said.
[21:51] Speaker 4: Here's what you keep doing with your life. You keep
[21:55] Speaker 4: handing people the key that you'd just met, and then
[22:02] Speaker 4: you wonder why they don't care about the center. Then
[22:06] Speaker 4: you wonder why, wait, this isn't You're not supposed to
[22:09] Speaker 4: be here. What you we don't vibe in this. And
[22:11] Speaker 4: he said, and this, and this is the issue. And
[22:13] Speaker 4: if you continue to do this, you're going to continue
[22:15] Speaker 4: to have toxic relationships.
[22:17] Speaker 1: You're going to continue to not be with the right person.
[22:19] Speaker 4: You're going to continue to invite people into the most
[22:23] Speaker 4: vulnerable parts of yourself and they're going to destroy you.
[22:26] Speaker 4: And he's not he wasn't just talking about romance. He said,
[22:28] Speaker 4: you do this with your friendships, you'll meet somebody. And
[22:31] Speaker 4: it's because your pastors had so many pastors like this.
[22:34] Speaker 1: We talked about all the time. It's our job to
[22:37] Speaker 1: believe the best.
[22:38] Speaker 4: But that's our gift, right, Like I just not just
[22:40] Speaker 4: I met you that sence, but it was gonna tear
[22:42] Speaker 4: out right, and I mean we hit it off immediately,
[22:45] Speaker 4: and my normal personality, let's go eat, let's do this.
[22:50] Speaker 1: Here's my number, here's my social security you know, it's
[22:52] Speaker 1: just like.
[22:53] Speaker 2: I tell you, if you want to give me your
[22:54] Speaker 2: credit card, just tell me, give me a credit card,
[22:57] Speaker 2: give me your bank account.
[22:58] Speaker 3: Information will be good.
[22:59] Speaker 1: Absolutely.
[23:00] Speaker 4: And you know what I've had to learn, and what
[23:03] Speaker 4: I'm learning is that not everybody is the same. And
[23:12] Speaker 4: there are people out here that you know, for me.
[23:16] Speaker 4: I wouldn't dream of crossing anybody. I just you know,
[23:20] Speaker 4: I want to love people well, I want to believe
[23:22] Speaker 4: the best. I'm never thinking about plying or doing or stealing.
[23:26] Speaker 4: But there are people that have not developed certain things.
[23:30] Speaker 3: Yep.
[23:31] Speaker 1: And if you're walking around handing.
[23:33] Speaker 4: The key to everybody, then eventually you're going to become
[23:37] Speaker 4: your greatest enemy.
[23:38] Speaker 1: Let me ask you, do you start struggle with abandonment issues?
[23:42] Speaker 4: M you know, I've never struggled with abandonment. But let
[23:45] Speaker 4: me tell you what I did discover that I struggle with.
[23:48] Speaker 4: Because when I weigh and let me pause on abandonment.
[23:51] Speaker 4: So for whatever reason, we'll talk about adoption for a second.
[23:55] Speaker 1: Yep.
[23:56] Speaker 4: For whatever reason, the Lord did a supernatural work in
[24:01] Speaker 4: the life of me and my sister with my adoptive parents.
[24:05] Speaker 4: Adoptive parents, they were Christian, but my dad he was
[24:08] Speaker 4: fifty when he adopted us. My mom was like ten
[24:10] Speaker 4: years younger. Get it, left, the christ got together. My
[24:13] Speaker 4: mom couldn't have kids. And then they, you know, they
[24:15] Speaker 4: came to and adopted us. Now we they black, so
[24:19] Speaker 4: we looked like them. So everybody then nobody knew adopted, Yes,
[24:23] Speaker 4: and they I don't it just had to be the
[24:25] Speaker 4: work of the Lord and the spirit that just had
[24:28] Speaker 4: my parents know they made adoption of fairy tale. So
[24:31] Speaker 4: when we were people asked me, when did you know
[24:33] Speaker 4: that you were adopted? I said from day one? I
[24:35] Speaker 4: don't remember, not knowing how I was adopted, and I
[24:39] Speaker 4: was like two two three four. But the but the story,
[24:43] Speaker 4: it was like a Disney story. We rescued you, you
[24:47] Speaker 4: your parents.
[24:47] Speaker 2: We don't know the full story, but we know that
[24:49] Speaker 2: you can take How old you said you were two
[24:51] Speaker 2: three four?
[24:52] Speaker 1: How old was you like four?
[24:54] Speaker 3: He said, I was two three four.
[24:57] Speaker 1: I don't remember. That's my point. I don't remember.
[25:00] Speaker 4: But what I do remember is that we were going
[25:02] Speaker 4: to preschool telling everybody we were adopted, and and they
[25:07] Speaker 4: were going to their parents saying can we be adopted?
[25:09] Speaker 1: It was just a like is this what we they adopted?
[25:12] Speaker 3: We were like made adoption.
[25:14] Speaker 1: We made it cool. And that's because of my parents.
[25:16] Speaker 4: So for whatever reason, I personally, you know, I can't
[25:19] Speaker 4: speak from my sister later on in life, but I
[25:23] Speaker 4: personally never felt abandoned. My personality also lends itself Again,
[25:29] Speaker 4: I'm walking around handing people the key. My personality lends
[25:32] Speaker 4: itself to glass half full versus half empty. So and
[25:36] Speaker 4: this is a lot of things that you'll see in
[25:38] Speaker 4: children that are in foster characture and adopted.
[25:40] Speaker 1: It depends where do you want to look.
[25:43] Speaker 4: And for me, it was never about what I didn't have,
[25:46] Speaker 4: It was about what I did happen. So I always
[25:48] Speaker 4: felt rescued and accepted versus leaning into rejected and abandoned,
[25:54] Speaker 4: even though those things happen. And that's what I had
[25:57] Speaker 4: to come to. My part of therapy, and I'm gonna
[25:59] Speaker 4: get to what I did is yell. My part of
[26:00] Speaker 4: therapy was convincing myself to accept Hey, you know, no,
[26:04] Speaker 4: you were accepted, but there was also a period where.
[26:08] Speaker 1: You were abandoned.
[26:09] Speaker 4: And I had was like, okay, okay, amen, I will
[26:14] Speaker 4: accept this.
[26:15] Speaker 1: What I did discover that I.
[26:16] Speaker 4: Had was a small amount of trauma from the first
[26:20] Speaker 4: five months of my life. I got adopted at it
[26:25] Speaker 4: was it was two months, but it was it took
[26:26] Speaker 4: about yeah, I mean you understand, it went fou It
[26:28] Speaker 4: took three more months for us to come home, and
[26:31] Speaker 4: so my parents adopted us that that within that two months,
[26:33] Speaker 4: in those three months, and so for those three months,
[26:37] Speaker 4: we didn't have a mother, right, we didn't have a mother,
[26:39] Speaker 4: I didn't have a father. And when I was when
[26:43] Speaker 4: I went away for these three days, uh, Jason, he said,
[26:47] Speaker 4: let's let's go back and this story is gonna be crazy,
[26:49] Speaker 4: but I'm going to tell you.
[26:50] Speaker 1: He said, Now, let's go back and look.
[26:54] Speaker 4: Let's look at your adoption. He said, just we just
[26:57] Speaker 4: want to cover all. But the question is how did
[26:59] Speaker 4: you get here? How do you get healthy? How do
[27:01] Speaker 4: you stay healthy? Have you ever done trauma around this?
[27:04] Speaker 4: I said no, I've not done trauma work around this.
[27:08] Speaker 4: And so he said, all right, cool, here's I want
[27:10] Speaker 4: you to write down seven names on a piece of
[27:12] Speaker 4: seven pieces of paper. He said, these are people when
[27:15] Speaker 4: you think about the first twelve years of your life.
[27:19] Speaker 4: So you're talking about elementary school, preschool, maybe a little
[27:22] Speaker 4: bit of middle school. These are names that just stand out,
[27:25] Speaker 4: people that you said, don't ask yourself why you remember,
[27:27] Speaker 4: just write them down. And so I write down, you
[27:31] Speaker 4: know my mother, who my father? I write now, my
[27:35] Speaker 4: twin sister. I write down a random girl I had
[27:37] Speaker 4: a crush with that I just remembered. I don't remember why.
[27:39] Speaker 4: And I wrote down a mentor that I met when
[27:41] Speaker 4: I was twelve, wrote down my best friend at the
[27:43] Speaker 4: time and another person, and he said, okay, now here's
[27:47] Speaker 4: another paper. I want you to write down my biological parents.
[27:52] Speaker 4: So I write that down. He said, Now another paper
[27:54] Speaker 4: writes Sam. He said, now I want you to put
[27:57] Speaker 4: this were in a room and we can walk out
[27:58] Speaker 4: this door and into the room. So he puts Sam
[28:01] Speaker 4: in the middle of the room on the floor. Psychodrama.
[28:04] Speaker 4: He says, now I want you to take these papers.
[28:06] Speaker 4: We're gonna leave biological lass, and I want you to
[28:09] Speaker 4: put them as close to the paper as what they
[28:13] Speaker 4: represent to you when you think about what they were,
[28:18] Speaker 4: he said. And if it's really close, I want you
[28:20] Speaker 4: to put them on top of the paper. So I
[28:23] Speaker 4: take my mom and my dad, who adopts me. They
[28:25] Speaker 4: go on top of the paper. I take my twin sister.
[28:28] Speaker 4: She's like half of the paper, and that's no shade,
[28:31] Speaker 4: it's just my sister. I take my mentor. I put
[28:34] Speaker 4: him a little bit beyond the girl, a little bit
[28:38] Speaker 4: more best friend over here.
[28:40] Speaker 1: He says, all right, he has me the biological parents.
[28:43] Speaker 1: He says, where do you want to put this? I
[28:46] Speaker 1: take it. I walk out of the room and he said,
[28:49] Speaker 1: where are you going away?
[28:51] Speaker 4: And I said, they out here, and he said, okay,
[28:54] Speaker 4: I'm gonna come out there. So then he comes out there. Now,
[28:57] Speaker 4: this is this is just happening. I'm not thinking about it.
[29:00] Speaker 4: I'm I have there's no ill will. I'm just like,
[29:02] Speaker 4: but this is just when you talk. This is where
[29:05] Speaker 4: I wanted to put him. And he came out there
[29:08] Speaker 4: and he says, all right, put it on the ground.
[29:10] Speaker 4: So we put it on the ground and I'm standing
[29:12] Speaker 4: there and I'm looking at him. He's looking at me,
[29:14] Speaker 4: and he said, so we're outside. He said, so I
[29:18] Speaker 4: guess in there represents home and I said okay. He said,
[29:24] Speaker 4: all right, so they're out here. They didn't make they
[29:26] Speaker 4: didn't make it any who. I'm getting emotional talking about
[29:28] Speaker 4: I'm gonna go through it.
[29:29] Speaker 1: And so.
[29:33] Speaker 4: He says, what do you want to say to them?
[29:36] Speaker 4: And as soon as he says it, my whole chest
[29:40] Speaker 4: starts to collapse. I'm standing up, my knees are bucking,
[29:43] Speaker 4: and he said, are you okay? I'm like, He's like,
[29:47] Speaker 4: and he's like, all right, let's go back inside. So
[29:48] Speaker 4: he said, so he rushes me back inside. We sit
[29:51] Speaker 4: down on the couch and He's like, so, what was happening?
[29:55] Speaker 4: What was happening out there? And I started getting heavy
[29:57] Speaker 4: again in the chair. He said, okay, let me close
[29:59] Speaker 4: the door. He closes the door, it goes away. He
[30:02] Speaker 4: closed the door, and when it goes away.
[30:06] Speaker 1: And he said, so you know this heaviness this in
[30:09] Speaker 1: your chest. I said yeah. He said, that's what that's
[30:10] Speaker 1: that's the drama. And and up to that point, you
[30:18] Speaker 1: thought you was fine.
[30:18] Speaker 4: I thought I was fine because I didn't because the
[30:21] Speaker 4: typical is abandonment. So I never had people issues with
[30:25] Speaker 4: people leaving me. What I discovered. We went back out.
[30:28] Speaker 4: He said, let's go back outside, and we started interacting
[30:30] Speaker 4: with the papers and he started walking me through it,
[30:32] Speaker 4: and the pain started going away, and the heaviness started
[30:35] Speaker 4: going away.
[30:35] Speaker 1: He was healing me in real time. He was he
[30:38] Speaker 1: and this is what he explained.
[30:39] Speaker 4: What trauma treatment does is it begins, it reduces the wound,
[30:45] Speaker 4: it redefines it, and replaces it with replaces the lie
[30:48] Speaker 4: with the truth, because at some point there was a lie.
[30:50] Speaker 4: So we go in my subconscious and we're dealing with
[30:53] Speaker 4: the line and we're coming out, so we do all that.
[30:55] Speaker 4: What I discover from that is that I did not
[30:57] Speaker 4: have an abandonment womb, had an attachment woond, but it
[31:05] Speaker 4: was it was unique. Everybody leaves me, I don't leave them,
[31:12] Speaker 4: which means I'll stay in something way too long because
[31:17] Speaker 4: in my mind, leaving is wrong and it's in my
[31:21] Speaker 4: it was in my subconscious and you'll stay and you'll fight,
[31:25] Speaker 4: and you'll even when you know, even when you're pleading,
[31:29] Speaker 4: but if there's an inkling of the other person saying
[31:33] Speaker 4: but or please or could you I'm right or whatever,
[31:38] Speaker 4: because I'm not going to do to you what was
[31:40] Speaker 4: done to me.
[31:42] Speaker 1: And so and so what I'm learning.
[31:46] Speaker 4: Is how to protect myself, you know, and I don't
[31:51] Speaker 4: and I don't think I would have ever understood that
[31:53] Speaker 4: without without this work. But it's been some train wrecks
[31:57] Speaker 4: because I'm a loving guy. I'm a pastor. I believe
[32:03] Speaker 4: the best.
[32:04] Speaker 1: You know you can. You can tell I'm smiling. I'm happy.
[32:07] Speaker 1: I got my red shoes on, and this is who
[32:10] Speaker 1: I am.
[32:11] Speaker 2: I asked him what color was he wearing? Black and white?
[32:13] Speaker 2: I like to coordinate with my with my people. He
[32:15] Speaker 2: gonna popped out some red shoes. Now you did, and
[32:17] Speaker 2: say red, black and white. Try to be different, said.
[32:24] Speaker 4: Ebony, Should I wear the like the fancy shoes? She said,
[32:27] Speaker 4: where the joins? Some somebody wear that on them, some
[32:30] Speaker 4: red shoes. I'm like, man, but we still coordinated.
[32:33] Speaker 2: Look we did we did it, but she threw it
[32:35] Speaker 2: on some red shoes. I said, that was not what
[32:38] Speaker 2: you tell me that all. And so after eight years
[32:41] Speaker 2: you said, you you eight years of marriage? Then what
[32:45] Speaker 2: led to your divorce?
[32:48] Speaker 1: Yeah? Who filed? It was a joint finally, so both y'all.
[32:53] Speaker 2: Came to the decision and said it wasn't like one
[32:56] Speaker 2: lad with another one did a counter suit.
[32:58] Speaker 3: It was like we both had a conversation.
[33:00] Speaker 2: You sat down and said this marriage is no longer
[33:02] Speaker 2: serving the both of us, and y'all made a joint
[33:05] Speaker 2: decision to go ahead of file.
[33:07] Speaker 1: You know.
[33:07] Speaker 4: It was a little more complicated than that, you know,
[33:11] Speaker 4: And for the sake of honoring her, I will say
[33:15] Speaker 4: that I'll leave it at There was a discussion and
[33:21] Speaker 4: about what the journey had been over the last eight years,
[33:25] Speaker 4: and I was just blame it.
[33:26] Speaker 1: On the attorneys, and we landed on the joint filing.
[33:30] Speaker 4: And I feel I feel that that accurately represents what
[33:35] Speaker 4: our story has been, and what the discussions about divorce
[33:40] Speaker 4: over the years have been.
[33:41] Speaker 1: And so it was, Yes, it was a joint filing.
[33:45] Speaker 2: What is your hope? What is your hope when it
[33:49] Speaker 2: comes to your ex wife? What is what is that?
[33:53] Speaker 2: Do you have any hope to say that I'm gonna
[33:56] Speaker 2: put words in about Do you have any hope?
[34:00] Speaker 1: What hope about? What? I don't know? You tell me, Wow,
[34:10] Speaker 1: I'm only I want to give real answers. That's what
[34:13] Speaker 1: I want, And I mean hope whatever that means.
[34:16] Speaker 2: That's why I said I want to give language to it,
[34:18] Speaker 2: because my mind can go different ways. Uh, I'll share
[34:21] Speaker 2: this with you. When I filed for divorce, I told
[34:24] Speaker 2: my wife, Well, I told God. I said, God, I
[34:27] Speaker 2: know this is the right thing to do. And there's
[34:29] Speaker 2: nobody I could literally tell and say God wants me
[34:31] Speaker 2: to file for divorce.
[34:33] Speaker 3: No one will understand.
[34:34] Speaker 2: That went through our pre the marriage counselors that we had,
[34:38] Speaker 2: our pre mariital counselors. That was the same people husband, wife,
[34:41] Speaker 2: a couple. And I said, listen, I gotta filed for divorce.
[34:45] Speaker 2: This this this this marriage ain't working period and and
[34:50] Speaker 2: and I'll be honest, the marriage counselors told me, do
[34:54] Speaker 2: you realize you're doing the productions at doctor Tony Evans church?
[34:58] Speaker 2: They hire you to produce a Christmas and the these
[35:00] Speaker 2: productions every year. Doctor Evans believes firmly in marriage. What
[35:06] Speaker 2: do you think is going to look like if you
[35:08] Speaker 2: and I won't even remember the church that was hire
[35:10] Speaker 2: me to do that. What would it look like? How
[35:11] Speaker 2: you think he's going to feel if you filed for divorce?
[35:14] Speaker 2: He's really teen family. I said, I'm be honest with you.
[35:17] Speaker 2: Don't care what doctor Evans says. I don't care if
[35:19] Speaker 2: Bishop Tdjason, the Pope came and sat down with me,
[35:21] Speaker 2: all three of them and told me to stay in
[35:23] Speaker 2: this marriage. It's not that I have a rebellious heart.
[35:25] Speaker 2: I know that this marriage, it is the right thing
[35:28] Speaker 2: for me to do. To file for this divorce. This
[35:31] Speaker 2: was ten years in the main. It was me going
[35:34] Speaker 2: through celebrate recovery, as you heard me say. It was
[35:36] Speaker 2: me joining the thousand men of prayer, consecrating myself, going
[35:39] Speaker 2: to retreats, all this stuff, and I said, this marriage
[35:42] Speaker 2: isn't working. I never give the details of what I'll
[35:45] Speaker 2: always say is that I throw myself on the bus
[35:48] Speaker 2: and say, this is what I did. I cheated on
[35:50] Speaker 2: my wife in the past. And I said, but at
[35:53] Speaker 2: this point, I said, this marriage is no longer working.
[35:55] Speaker 2: So I went and filed for divorce. I said, but
[35:58] Speaker 2: if I'm right God, I said, if I'm right by this,
[36:03] Speaker 2: you'll teach me how to divorce my wife with grace
[36:06] Speaker 2: as well as we'll be able to be cordial in
[36:09] Speaker 2: the future. Man, when I tell you, even after my divorce,
[36:13] Speaker 2: I remember one day God told me get up and
[36:17] Speaker 2: go mow her yard. I said, what I'm gonna look like.
[36:20] Speaker 2: I'm like a crazy person out there mowing the yard
[36:23] Speaker 2: at a place. He said, go do it. I'm teaching
[36:25] Speaker 2: you serving to you. Didn't you didn't steward her heart
[36:27] Speaker 2: properly while you were married. I want her to see
[36:30] Speaker 2: a change restored delivered.
[36:32] Speaker 1: Man. I said, what that gout to do with mowing
[36:34] Speaker 1: the yard.
[36:34] Speaker 2: I mean, I'll have no accountability to her seeing me
[36:38] Speaker 2: as a changed person. He said, go do it. I
[36:41] Speaker 2: went out there and cut the yard. About two weeks later,
[36:44] Speaker 2: I even tell her that.
[36:45] Speaker 1: She called me.
[36:45] Speaker 2: She said, it's strange it that you just don't haven't
[36:48] Speaker 2: cut my yard because I don't know nobody else else
[36:50] Speaker 2: asking the neighbors if they get the yard cutting. The
[36:52] Speaker 2: person decided to cut the yard and no one was like,
[36:55] Speaker 2: I don't know, I will know my line. My line
[36:58] Speaker 2: care God did not mow your yard. She said, so
[37:00] Speaker 2: you're the last person that you bowed my yard.
[37:02] Speaker 3: I said yeah.
[37:03] Speaker 1: She said why did you do that?
[37:04] Speaker 2: I said, God told me too, and she was like,
[37:08] Speaker 2: that was really nice to you, and I said, hey,
[37:11] Speaker 2: that's at least I can do. I had a quick
[37:13] Speaker 2: conversation that was done. A couple of years later, this
[37:17] Speaker 2: woman that I had was dealing with towards the tail
[37:22] Speaker 2: end of our marriage. I ended up sharing with her
[37:25] Speaker 2: the stuff that I had been going through with that girl.
[37:27] Speaker 2: And she said, I just can't believe that you'll ever
[37:29] Speaker 2: put up with a woman that treated you like that.
[37:32] Speaker 2: I said, I know, that's what I went through. And
[37:34] Speaker 2: then she was just like h had a cool little conversation.
[37:38] Speaker 2: She was like, don't entertain women like this or whatever.
[37:41] Speaker 2: Years later, this woman was my realator who closed on
[37:47] Speaker 2: my house for my future wifey the house that I
[37:50] Speaker 2: bought preparing for my future wife, and she was the realator.
[37:54] Speaker 3: God had me again call her.
[37:56] Speaker 1: I said, man, I don't want to do this. I
[37:58] Speaker 1: called her.
[37:58] Speaker 2: She had just wrecked her car and didn't know where
[38:01] Speaker 2: the money was going to come from. She said, I
[38:03] Speaker 2: was looking for God to open up a door for
[38:05] Speaker 2: some finance to come through.
[38:06] Speaker 3: I said, I already found the house. I found it.
[38:08] Speaker 1: Are you go to do?
[38:09] Speaker 2: Just put your name on it and you go get
[38:10] Speaker 2: this commission of about twenty something thousand dollars.
[38:13] Speaker 3: She said, thank you Jesus did that.
[38:17] Speaker 2: We were sitting in the title company and they said,
[38:20] Speaker 2: y'all both got the same last name. She said, are
[38:23] Speaker 2: y'all like brothers and sisters? Are like, what what is that?
[38:26] Speaker 3: And they said, I said that's my ex.
[38:29] Speaker 2: Wife, And they like, I would have never been able to,
[38:31] Speaker 2: you know, suspect that y'all get along so well.
[38:35] Speaker 3: That was literally in twenty twenty three.
[38:38] Speaker 2: August of twenty twenty three my divorce was final, and
[38:43] Speaker 2: December to twenty ninth or twenty fifteen, so we're talking
[38:46] Speaker 2: about eight years. And when I tell you that number
[38:50] Speaker 2: eight stands for new beginnings. When I tell you, God
[38:53] Speaker 2: was able to restore just the friendship, just to be
[38:57] Speaker 2: able for us to coexist in the same space, and
[38:59] Speaker 2: it was never no issues. But it was always like that,
[39:02] Speaker 2: even going through my divorce. It wasn't no big, sloppy whatever.
[39:05] Speaker 2: But I knew that I was making a decision to
[39:07] Speaker 2: divorce a woman who thought that forever would be spent
[39:10] Speaker 2: with me. So I had to understand how she had
[39:13] Speaker 2: to reconcile that in her mind. But I recognized that
[39:17] Speaker 2: I always say my marriage was the curse victory. It
[39:19] Speaker 2: wasn't bearing fruit in season, and so I said, this
[39:21] Speaker 2: just doesn't work. But I watched God restore everything that
[39:27] Speaker 2: I broke in her. So when I say the hope,
[39:30] Speaker 2: it's just that. My heart posture was. You take vows
[39:34] Speaker 2: with people, you walk down the aisle with them. In
[39:37] Speaker 2: two months, you look at this woman and say, this
[39:39] Speaker 2: is a woman I'm supposed to marry. You get married,
[39:42] Speaker 2: You take vows believing you're doing the right thing. Relationships
[39:45] Speaker 2: and marriages is extremely complicated. I don't ever expect you
[39:49] Speaker 2: to expose your wife and issues that she's that she.
[39:53] Speaker 3: Might have done in the marriage or whatnot.
[39:55] Speaker 2: But because I believe that marriage is still protected, So
[39:57] Speaker 2: you go through this marriage, y'all, go through whatever you
[40:00] Speaker 2: I'll go through. Then you make the decision y'all both
[40:02] Speaker 2: say let's let's let's file for the vorce. Y'all file
[40:04] Speaker 2: for the vorice, y'all fight and doing all the other stuff,
[40:06] Speaker 2: and it's done, and y'all have kids now. And so
[40:09] Speaker 2: the reality is that we're so used to these broken homes.
[40:14] Speaker 2: When I asked, you, do you have hope? What is
[40:17] Speaker 2: your hope as it comes to your ex wife?
[40:21] Speaker 1: What is that? I have a lot to say. Okay,
[40:26] Speaker 1: so you can just be patient. I have because I
[40:28] Speaker 1: just I was just cooking. So I'm gonna let you go. No, no, But.
[40:32] Speaker 4: The first thing I want to say is you are
[40:36] Speaker 4: putting me on your back and carrying me through this interview. Oh,
[40:39] Speaker 4: and I appreciate it for god your glory. I had
[40:48] Speaker 4: I one of the reasons I had to pause was
[40:51] Speaker 4: because I remember having a lot of hope at one
[40:54] Speaker 4: point and and or, but the divorces so tumultuous publicly
[41:03] Speaker 4: and privately.
[41:04] Speaker 1: That I forgot. I'm gonna just be honest, I forgot.
[41:08] Speaker 4: So when you asked me, I had to go back.
[41:11] Speaker 4: I'm like, what did I do? What did I used
[41:14] Speaker 4: to believe? How did I? And I found my way there?
[41:17] Speaker 4: But I need to set it up okay, And I
[41:20] Speaker 4: have never said any of this publicly, but I believe
[41:22] Speaker 4: the Lord wants me to say this, and I'm upset
[41:26] Speaker 4: at you for it. I'm gonna I'm gonna real honest
[41:29] Speaker 4: with you. I'm gonna have a conversation with you. I'm
[41:31] Speaker 4: very upset at you for this. But let me tell
[41:36] Speaker 4: you this before you say that. That's why I bear
[41:38] Speaker 4: my own scars. I don't sit in front of people
[41:40] Speaker 4: acting like I'm perfect. I had to learn I made mistakes.
[41:44] Speaker 2: Everybody always hears me say I mismanaged the heart of
[41:46] Speaker 2: a woman. That is the worst thing that I ever did.
[41:49] Speaker 2: I took vows, but didn't hold those vows sacred. I
[41:51] Speaker 2: cheated on this woman, not once, but multiple times. So
[41:55] Speaker 2: I know that in my flawed mindset, my flawed my
[42:00] Speaker 2: I said this broken boy kept sitting in the front
[42:02] Speaker 2: seat of my marriage driving the car, and I recognized
[42:05] Speaker 2: after going through therapy, after getting healed, after being said free,
[42:08] Speaker 2: after being delivered, I've been able to sit and face
[42:11] Speaker 2: myself in the mirror and say that little N word
[42:14] Speaker 2: is what I want to say. That little dude right there,
[42:16] Speaker 2: he has no more place in my life. And I
[42:18] Speaker 2: said I'm going to show up as a mighty man
[42:20] Speaker 2: of valor making sound decisions, and when God blesses me
[42:25] Speaker 2: to take vows with another woman, I'm going to honor
[42:28] Speaker 2: it until I take my last.
[42:29] Speaker 4: Really absolutely, so fight me later. I'm gonna fight you.
[42:36] Speaker 4: The foundation of what I want to say is this vulnerability.
[42:41] Speaker 4: Will there's a decision made from me. She obviously was involved,
[42:51] Speaker 4: she didn't have to marry me, but I take responsibility
[42:55] Speaker 4: for us eloping, okay, and that's a mistake. That two
[43:04] Speaker 4: month decision turns into eight years of chaos, two hundred
[43:11] Speaker 4: and forty therapy sessions, long suffering mountains of trauma. I'm
[43:26] Speaker 4: having psychotic breaks, all types of things, just me, me, me,
[43:29] Speaker 4: trying to deal with.
[43:33] Speaker 1: The heaviness. Somebody called me the other day. I saw
[43:35] Speaker 1: you do an interview, and.
[43:37] Speaker 4: I appreciate how you're navigating you elite pastor you at
[43:40] Speaker 4: this so there's certain things you're not in, certain things.
[43:43] Speaker 4: But when you said it was hard, I just cried
[43:46] Speaker 4: because I could feel you in that. Out of that,
[43:51] Speaker 4: I make decisions, big mistakes that are not God honoring.
[43:58] Speaker 4: Ruslan asked me, was it saying yes? And I make
[44:04] Speaker 4: those mistakes not as an excuse, but a reason. That's
[44:08] Speaker 4: the coping mechanism. I chose to deal with the dysfunction
[44:13] Speaker 4: in the chaos. And it's not hard to understand that
[44:19] Speaker 4: one marriage into a two month into a too month,
[44:22] Speaker 4: into you don't know each other, you're figuring things out.
[44:26] Speaker 4: It's not hard to see why that could be one
[44:29] Speaker 4: of the craziest things you've ever been a part of.
[44:33] Speaker 1: And there was one moment.
[44:37] Speaker 4: Every year every I mean, I should have left two
[44:39] Speaker 4: years or I should have not let me not even
[44:41] Speaker 4: say I should have left.
[44:42] Speaker 1: We should have dissolved two years in Why did you
[44:45] Speaker 1: change the word?
[44:47] Speaker 4: Because I think it more accurately represents what it should
[44:57] Speaker 4: have been. We should have both made the decision to dissolve,
[45:02] Speaker 4: because I believe we both were aware, not believe, I
[45:07] Speaker 4: know we were both aware of the dysfunction. And I
[45:12] Speaker 4: can't speak for her, and I would never speak for her,
[45:15] Speaker 4: But what I would say is.
[45:18] Speaker 1: I know that it was not something.
[45:24] Speaker 4: That she dreamed of and definitely not something that I
[45:27] Speaker 4: dreamed of, right, So we both should have come together
[45:31] Speaker 4: and made that decision. I have since taken accountability, and
[45:35] Speaker 4: I want to say this, and I'm doing my best
[45:39] Speaker 4: to navigate everything with love and respect, with all of
[45:41] Speaker 4: the things. The son watching this one day, all of
[45:44] Speaker 4: these things. Absolutely, and so just give me grace, audience,
[45:48] Speaker 4: give me grace. But there has been a question about accountability.
[45:51] Speaker 4: Are you taking account Are you really taking account You
[45:53] Speaker 4: didn't give us this and you didn't And I want
[45:54] Speaker 4: to say this as I you know, doctor A. R.
[45:57] Speaker 4: Bernard is my covering and I believe in confessing your
[46:02] Speaker 4: sins one to another. And I love what when I
[46:06] Speaker 4: was talking to my publicist is you know, we just
[46:09] Speaker 4: we were talking about this idea of being accountable where
[46:13] Speaker 4: it matters most, being accountable to those that are overseeing you,
[46:18] Speaker 4: that are holding that know your ends and your house.
[46:21] Speaker 4: They know every last gritty detail of everything. And I
[46:24] Speaker 4: came to them on my knees going this and they
[46:28] Speaker 4: already knew it. So we just want to see if
[46:30] Speaker 4: you was gonna lie about it. Yeah, they already knew.
[46:32] Speaker 4: And then there was this belief. We believe you're a
[46:35] Speaker 4: humble man. We believe that you're repenting. We believe that
[46:38] Speaker 4: you're taking accountability at the highest level. Pauls and doctor
[46:42] Speaker 4: Rabernard came out of the Nation of Islam so there
[46:46] Speaker 4: is no weak accountability.
[46:48] Speaker 1: There is no we're not lying, We're not gonna we're
[46:51] Speaker 1: gonna call a spade a space.
[46:53] Speaker 4: And if you're not repentant, and if we're not ready
[46:55] Speaker 4: to go in this direction, he would say it this way,
[46:57] Speaker 4: I'm wiping my hands up here.
[46:59] Speaker 1: That's how he talked. It's nation of it strong, and
[47:02] Speaker 1: that he's a believer. Yeah.
[47:03] Speaker 4: But and I asked him one time, what did you
[47:05] Speaker 4: bring up from the nation? He said, everything you thought,
[47:07] Speaker 4: everything you think. That discipline that hard, you know, And
[47:10] Speaker 4: this is it's been amazing for me to be with
[47:12] Speaker 4: CCC and to be under a leader like doctor A. R. Bernard,
[47:15] Speaker 4: because the principles of the nation around rehabilitating black men,
[47:20] Speaker 4: it's something that has that is prevalent in them. While
[47:23] Speaker 4: everybody else is running in every direction, they're running towards
[47:26] Speaker 4: going if the Lord says, God is not done there
[47:30] Speaker 4: it is. If you are accountable, if you are humble,
[47:35] Speaker 4: if you are honest. Okay, I wanted to say that
[47:37] Speaker 4: while we were here because I don't want your comments going.
[47:39] Speaker 1: He ain't he covering up?
[47:41] Speaker 4: No, no, no, this is where we are so immense accountability.
[47:47] Speaker 1: There was a moment and this is what I've never
[47:49] Speaker 1: shared publicly. There was a moment.
[47:55] Speaker 4: And this is true now, whether really where there was
[47:57] Speaker 4: a massive realization, I'm not your person and you're not
[48:04] Speaker 4: my and we know after when you get married up
[48:09] Speaker 4: two months if you're honest, I don't like you, you
[48:16] Speaker 4: don't like me. We know this with public figures doing
[48:20] Speaker 4: the best we can, trying to save face. I don't
[48:23] Speaker 4: leave anybody.
[48:26] Speaker 1: And so.
[48:29] Speaker 4: I remember saying something there that I'll say here again,
[48:32] Speaker 4: and if she watches this, I.
[48:34] Speaker 1: Hope she hears it.
[48:37] Speaker 4: She's beautiful, she's talented, she's annoying, and God, when I
[48:47] Speaker 4: met her, she was beautiful, talented, annoyed, and that hadn't changed.
[48:52] Speaker 1: And there's a purpose on her life.
[48:54] Speaker 4: I felt a sense of responsibility for helping. Again, we talk,
[49:00] Speaker 4: but what is my purpose? I believe my purpose is
[49:01] Speaker 4: to help other people discover theirs. So for me, I've
[49:05] Speaker 4: taken I took so much gratitude and so much honor
[49:11] Speaker 4: being able to help Steward with the lord that placed
[49:14] Speaker 4: on her life. If anybody, if you've ever seen her speak,
[49:16] Speaker 4: you ever seen a preach, if you've ever seen that
[49:19] Speaker 4: girl is amazing.
[49:20] Speaker 1: That's what you're gonna say, because she's powerful and.
[49:23] Speaker 4: She's annoyed, and I want and this is what I
[49:26] Speaker 4: in that moment, in the realization, I want you to
[49:28] Speaker 4: find your person so that you can be everything that
[49:33] Speaker 4: God has called you to be.
[49:34] Speaker 1: I don't want and and there's and there's an obvious hurt.
[49:37] Speaker 1: I talked to.
[49:39] Speaker 4: Doctor Bernard about this. There's an obvious herd right we
[49:42] Speaker 4: we we. I mean, we're gonna talk about meeting my
[49:45] Speaker 4: biological fact. But kid, you know twins, adoptees, they respond,
[49:48] Speaker 4: they respond differently when they meet your biological family. Some
[49:51] Speaker 4: people embrace them, some people push them away. It's the
[49:54] Speaker 4: same story. It's just where you want to look. We
[49:57] Speaker 4: her and I we've processed the divorce completely different, right,
[50:01] Speaker 4: And there's obviously immense hurt on her on her end,
[50:04] Speaker 4: I have not chosen the process it that way.
[50:07] Speaker 1: Partially a part of it is my personality.
[50:12] Speaker 4: I don't want anything that the man and I'm gonna
[50:14] Speaker 4: I'll say it this way, that the marriage produced in
[50:17] Speaker 4: her to remain pain hurt, and I was a part
[50:21] Speaker 4: of that, and I don't want that to continue to
[50:23] Speaker 4: plague her. I want her to be free. I want
[50:26] Speaker 4: her to be happy. I want her to be everything because,
[50:30] Speaker 4: and this is my opinion, she's at her best when
[50:33] Speaker 4: she is that. And so my hope is, and I
[50:37] Speaker 4: hate you for this, I hate it. My hope is
[50:43] Speaker 4: that I would look up one day and she would
[50:46] Speaker 4: be happy and that she's ever been. That she would
[50:51] Speaker 4: be in a marriage if she wants to do that again,
[50:53] Speaker 4: or a relationship with a man that can fully support
[50:57] Speaker 4: her the way she needs to be supported, that fits
[51:00] Speaker 4: her skill set and her gift set in such a
[51:03] Speaker 4: unique way that it compounds. And she's doing stadiums, and
[51:06] Speaker 4: she's writing books and she's touring. I don't want to
[51:11] Speaker 4: be the butt of a joke, I'll say that, but
[51:15] Speaker 4: I want her to be everything God's called her to
[51:17] Speaker 4: be because I remember when I met her. I saw
[51:19] Speaker 4: it all her life and it's still there, absolutely, And
[51:24] Speaker 4: she's the mother of my son. So I want him
[51:26] Speaker 4: to see her fly. I want him to see her amazing.
[51:30] Speaker 4: I want him to see what I saw, and I
[51:33] Speaker 4: want to do the same. You know, I this is
[51:37] Speaker 4: me and doctor Barnard, this is the dream. It's like Sam,
[51:39] Speaker 4: what is what does it mean to be Sam? Two
[51:42] Speaker 4: point zero? And who is that everything that you're saying
[51:45] Speaker 4: about I left the boy in the front seat, and
[51:47] Speaker 4: who you're becoming now, and what dear, I was thinking
[51:50] Speaker 4: about this year. I know we didn't talk about it,
[51:51] Speaker 4: but I was in my hotel praying for you, and
[51:53] Speaker 4: I was thinking. I said, man, look at what the
[51:56] Speaker 4: Lord has done in his life as a result of
[51:59] Speaker 4: him being transparent, honest and vulnerable, accountable, making so many
[52:03] Speaker 4: mistakes as you stated before, and God blessed your ministry,
[52:08] Speaker 4: and I just got excited about that because that's what
[52:10] Speaker 4: I want, and that is sorry you got to be preaching.
[52:13] Speaker 4: That is the gospel. It's the idea that if we
[52:18] Speaker 4: are repentant, if we are accountable, that God's grace is sufficient.
[52:24] Speaker 4: He takes the light in us moving forward, in us
[52:28] Speaker 4: getting up again, and in us being rehabilitated. And I
[52:30] Speaker 4: think the thing we have to be if I put
[52:32] Speaker 4: my pastor hat on for one second, I think the
[52:35] Speaker 4: thing that we have to be okay with is that
[52:38] Speaker 4: same grace, that same repentance, that same restoration that we
[52:42] Speaker 4: want and believe in for the lay person.
[52:45] Speaker 1: Can be true for the leader. Absolutely, I don't know.
[52:48] Speaker 4: At some point, and this is what I've experienced on
[52:50] Speaker 4: and you know it's you thank God for the pain,
[52:54] Speaker 4: because there's lessons in the pain.
[52:56] Speaker 1: But I've experienced more than ever this season.
[52:58] Speaker 4: We feel great about the Christians being rehabilitated. We have
[53:05] Speaker 4: a very difficult time with a leader, and I get
[53:08] Speaker 4: it because you're held to a higher standard. So there
[53:10] Speaker 4: is this belief that you were supposed to walk this way,
[53:12] Speaker 4: you were supposed to do this. We were looking up
[53:13] Speaker 4: to you. The dissolving of your marriage hurt so many people.
[53:19] Speaker 4: And I've said this in one interview and I say
[53:21] Speaker 4: it here, and I apologize. I've apologized to the public
[53:26] Speaker 4: because the public trust you, they trusted me, They've given
[53:28] Speaker 4: me a platform, and my commitment to the public is
[53:31] Speaker 4: to be better than I've ever been. And because it
[53:35] Speaker 4: did hurt. But if we are believers, we have to
[53:41] Speaker 4: There is no evidence in the text, and I wanted to,
[53:44] Speaker 4: I want I knew ill maybe make this statement today,
[53:46] Speaker 4: So I did all research on it all last night.
[53:47] Speaker 4: I said, let me make sure, I'm let me look
[53:50] Speaker 4: through that. There is no evidence in the text of repentance, grace, restoration,
[53:54] Speaker 4: rehabilitation upon accountability not being true for pastors or for leaders.
[53:59] Speaker 1: There's no evidence.
[54:00] Speaker 2: You've seen it allut the Bible with kings. So my
[54:03] Speaker 2: question to you is this not even a question. This
[54:06] Speaker 2: is something that the Holy Spirit just dropped in my heart.
[54:11] Speaker 2: Can you pray right now for your ex wife.
[54:16] Speaker 1: I'm leaving the interview. I'm leaving it. What's going on?
[54:20] Speaker 1: What's going on?
[54:22] Speaker 2: Listen?
[54:23] Speaker 1: Putting in the notes. And it's because I used to
[54:29] Speaker 1: be a pastor.
[54:30] Speaker 2: Well, I'm a licensed minister, and yes I preach and
[54:33] Speaker 2: I do all that. I'll be preaching at my church
[54:35] Speaker 2: on September twenty first.
[54:37] Speaker 1: Put your prophetic gift away now.
[54:41] Speaker 3: So let me tell you why I sound.
[54:43] Speaker 2: It's because I'm hearing something in the spirit ram just
[54:46] Speaker 2: the heart, and I see how the devil has been
[54:48] Speaker 2: running so rapid and just I'll take you out of
[54:51] Speaker 2: the equation. Just Christian marriages period, including my own. See,
[54:58] Speaker 2: people can look at and be like, how could you
[55:00] Speaker 2: be a Christian in cheat? I was a Christian and cheated?
[55:04] Speaker 2: How can King David be a David in the Bible?
[55:08] Speaker 2: How can David be called a man after God's own
[55:11] Speaker 2: heart but then take another man's wife, put that man
[55:15] Speaker 2: on the front line, getting him killed. But God calls
[55:19] Speaker 2: him a man after my own heart. See, the problem
[55:21] Speaker 2: is is that we in this world have a tendency
[55:25] Speaker 2: to play God and don't realize that God knows the
[55:29] Speaker 2: trauma of these individuals.
[55:31] Speaker 1: He knows the thorn in their flesh.
[55:35] Speaker 2: As Paul talks about the thorn in my flesh, he says,
[55:38] Speaker 2: the things I know to do, but I still don't
[55:40] Speaker 2: do anyway. So God knows all that. It doesn't give
[55:43] Speaker 2: a pass to our mistakes. But that's the grace of
[55:45] Speaker 2: God to be like, there is no perfect man. That's
[55:49] Speaker 2: why Jesus had to come. And so pity to us
[55:52] Speaker 2: as believers who believe that just because you have a
[55:55] Speaker 2: title of a pastor, just because you're a prophet, just
[55:58] Speaker 2: because you're a EVANGELI is, just because you're a teacher,
[56:01] Speaker 2: just because you're a Christian, that you are without sin
[56:05] Speaker 2: and you will no longer make mistakes and you won't
[56:07] Speaker 2: hurt somebody, you won't do the unthinkable to somebody. What
[56:11] Speaker 2: you said earlier was having a repented heart. And so
[56:14] Speaker 2: what I'm saying to you is this is that the
[56:17] Speaker 2: devil has been running so rapid because the statistics for
[56:22] Speaker 2: divorce with Christians are the same as people in the world.
[56:25] Speaker 2: But we as believers, especially those who have because I
[56:28] Speaker 2: believe that once you go through divorce, you carry an
[56:31] Speaker 2: anointing for divorce. You carry anointing to be able to say,
[56:35] Speaker 2: you know what, I went through that. So now God
[56:38] Speaker 2: has given me power and dominion and authority if we
[56:41] Speaker 2: choose to pick up that authority to begin the war
[56:43] Speaker 2: against that spirit that has been infiltrating this world. And
[56:46] Speaker 2: so what I decide to do, I said, you know what, Yes,
[56:49] Speaker 2: I create this whole platform. Why it's and still hope
[56:52] Speaker 2: in everybody else to believe in love again if they're singles,
[56:54] Speaker 2: to make sure that we understand that therapy is very
[56:56] Speaker 2: necessary in order to overcome our problems. And then let's
[57:01] Speaker 2: come against the spirit of divorce. That's come against the
[57:04] Speaker 2: spirit of division with single people where you see on
[57:06] Speaker 2: social media single men going against single women and everybody's
[57:10] Speaker 2: arguing saying we don't need each other when actually we do.
[57:13] Speaker 2: So It's like when I'm hearing you speak about your
[57:16] Speaker 2: ex wife, the beauty of it is this now you're
[57:21] Speaker 2: speaking with hope. You said, I hope for her to
[57:24] Speaker 2: have a better life even outside of me. At the beginning,
[57:30] Speaker 2: when I ask you that you struggle with trying to
[57:32] Speaker 2: put words to it. You was like, what because all
[57:34] Speaker 2: you can see is the pain. All you saw is
[57:36] Speaker 2: the confusion. That's all the devil wanted you to see.
[57:38] Speaker 2: But the minute the Holy Spirit begin to show up,
[57:41] Speaker 2: you started seeing something greater. Your heart went to go
[57:43] Speaker 2: back to the beginning of when you met her. You said,
[57:46] Speaker 2: I saw it then, and God's word did not lie
[57:50] Speaker 2: whether she achieved that in my life, which is which
[57:53] Speaker 2: was the goal that you wanted to have.
[57:55] Speaker 3: But now that's not the case.
[57:57] Speaker 2: But you didn't say her calling ends just because you
[57:59] Speaker 2: said we're divorced. The reality is that the calling that
[58:03] Speaker 2: God has over her life and the stories that she
[58:06] Speaker 2: gets to share to be able to say I came
[58:08] Speaker 2: through these. This is the decision that we made. And
[58:11] Speaker 2: when y'all can start speaking about each other from a
[58:14] Speaker 2: heart posture of love and knowing that we share a
[58:17] Speaker 2: child together, that's all I want. I understand that people
[58:20] Speaker 2: make bad decisions, they get divorced all the time, but
[58:24] Speaker 2: I want you. I want to challenge you, as a
[58:27] Speaker 2: man of God, to speak against the spirit that is
[58:30] Speaker 2: plaguing your ex wife's mind that's allowing this division to
[58:34] Speaker 2: take place, as well as within yourself. We're going to
[58:37] Speaker 2: come against all this so that your son can see
[58:41] Speaker 2: a healthy mother, that your son can see a healthy father,
[58:44] Speaker 2: and see these two individuals coexist and co parent together
[58:48] Speaker 2: and be able to say I love them.
[58:50] Speaker 1: I don't have to choose size. Both of them are great. God.
[59:06] Speaker 4: When when you ordaining this show, we knew it was you,
[59:13] Speaker 4: but you did not tell me that this moment.
[59:17] Speaker 1: What happened.
[59:18] Speaker 4: And so I asked now in Jesus' name, for you
[59:26] Speaker 4: to cover Tony. Yes God, and I pray that that
[59:36] Speaker 4: she would be everything that you've called for her to be. Yes, Lord,
[59:39] Speaker 4: that her gifts would flourish, That you would expand her territory,
[59:48] Speaker 4: that you would put her on stages that she needs
[59:51] Speaker 4: to be on, so that somebody that needs what you've
[59:57] Speaker 4: placed in her before the foundations of the year.
[1:00:02] Speaker 1: Will receive it.
[1:00:05] Speaker 4: That strongholds would be broken, that women who have gone
[1:00:08] Speaker 4: through hard times and are really trying to figure out
[1:00:11] Speaker 4: how to rise again, that they would find truth in
[1:00:16] Speaker 4: her mouth for the sake of them being free. Yes God, God,
[1:00:21] Speaker 4: I pray against any hurt, harm, danger, trauma that was
[1:00:26] Speaker 4: caused in her by way of the marriage and even
[1:00:30] Speaker 4: by way of myself. I pray that she would be
[1:00:34] Speaker 4: healed and she would behold God. Yes, God, And I
[1:00:40] Speaker 4: pray for her future husband, if you have ordained this
[1:00:44] Speaker 4: for her life, that she would have the man that
[1:00:50] Speaker 4: she that she that she wants and that she needs,
[1:00:53] Speaker 4: and that we've talked about so many times, one that
[1:00:58] Speaker 4: serves her at the love that she needs to be served,
[1:01:01] Speaker 4: one that compliments her gift in the annoying and the
[1:01:03] Speaker 4: grace and the mantle that is on her life for
[1:01:06] Speaker 4: women around the world, not just only women, but for
[1:01:10] Speaker 4: also men.
[1:01:12] Speaker 1: God.
[1:01:12] Speaker 4: I've seen the great exploits that you've done through her.
[1:01:16] Speaker 4: I've seen the people that have been delivered. I've seen
[1:01:19] Speaker 4: the prophetic words that have come out of her mouth
[1:01:22] Speaker 4: to individuals in a situation that needed.
[1:01:24] Speaker 1: To be free. And I pray that she would be that.
[1:01:29] Speaker 1: And I pray for her relationship with.
[1:01:31] Speaker 4: Sammy, Yes, that he would even begin to heal things
[1:01:38] Speaker 4: that she has asked to be healed God, as she
[1:01:42] Speaker 4: parents him, and that she loves him and as he
[1:01:45] Speaker 4: loves her. There's nothing like the relationship between a mother
[1:01:51] Speaker 4: and a son. And I just pray that we would
[1:01:54] Speaker 4: come to see that one day God. Also, lastly, pray
[1:01:56] Speaker 4: for a peaceful relationship between her and that.
[1:02:04] Speaker 1: What the divorce court said would be true, that in
[1:02:08] Speaker 1: two to three years.
[1:02:10] Speaker 4: Things will be different, in four years things would be different,
[1:02:13] Speaker 4: in five years things would be different, and that we
[1:02:15] Speaker 4: would be able to cope in an incredible way, have
[1:02:18] Speaker 4: conversations like maybe we never thought we'd have again, and
[1:02:22] Speaker 4: even champion the call of God on both of our lives. Yeah,
[1:02:28] Speaker 4: and I pray for litists that you would punish him
[1:02:31] Speaker 4: in just a little bit of a way for doing
[1:02:34] Speaker 4: this to me in front of the world in Jesus name.
[1:02:37] Speaker 3: Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen.
[1:02:43] Speaker 2: I want to lift up other people that are going
[1:02:45] Speaker 2: through divorces and people that are divorced. If you are
[1:02:50] Speaker 2: going through a divorce right now, if you have gone
[1:02:53] Speaker 2: through a divorce, I speak right now, that the Lord
[1:02:56] Speaker 2: begins to heal what hasn't been healed yet.
[1:03:00] Speaker 3: If you've been.
[1:03:01] Speaker 2: Carrying the mismanagement of your heart and you feel like
[1:03:06] Speaker 2: God the Bible says, vengeance's mindset the Lord, and some
[1:03:10] Speaker 2: of you are sitting back saying God allowed this to
[1:03:13] Speaker 2: happen to me, and He hasn't taken vengeance on said person,
[1:03:18] Speaker 2: whether it's your ex wife or your ex husband, and
[1:03:21] Speaker 2: you're looking at God to vindicate you. The first point
[1:03:25] Speaker 2: of vindication is when you free yourself from carrying the
[1:03:29] Speaker 2: weight of betrayal.
[1:03:31] Speaker 3: Let it go, release it in the name of Jesus.
[1:03:35] Speaker 2: Get free right now, no longer carry the burden of that.
[1:03:40] Speaker 2: It's a famous philosopher says that holding on to unforgiveness
[1:03:44] Speaker 2: is like drinking poison and inspecting the other person to die.
[1:03:48] Speaker 2: Release that in the name of Jesus. There is greater later.
[1:03:55] Speaker 2: God has a greater expectancy for you. You have to
[1:03:58] Speaker 2: believe it. You have to and lean out on your
[1:04:01] Speaker 2: own understanding. But in all your ways, acknowledge Christ and
[1:04:04] Speaker 2: allow him to direct your path. Even through this journey
[1:04:09] Speaker 2: of healing. God will direct you. He'll give you a word,
[1:04:12] Speaker 2: He'll give you a release. This episode is a release.
[1:04:16] Speaker 2: It's a divine assignment to position you, to reposition you
[1:04:20] Speaker 2: to your purpose. So God, we thank you, we glorify you,
[1:04:24] Speaker 2: we honor you, because there's nobody but you that could
[1:04:29] Speaker 2: take a broken young man named Latis and create a
[1:04:33] Speaker 2: platform to bring healing to millions.
[1:04:36] Speaker 3: And I thank you.
[1:04:38] Speaker 2: I always will submit and surrender this platform to you.
[1:04:42] Speaker 1: You know, I had no idea what I.
[1:04:45] Speaker 3: Want to talk to Sam about.
[1:04:47] Speaker 2: But because he has a surrendered heart, you allow this
[1:04:51] Speaker 2: moment to take place, a moment that has never ever
[1:04:54] Speaker 2: taken place on the Dear Future WiFi podcast before, and
[1:04:58] Speaker 2: I can see it now. Testimonies break through deliverance. Men
[1:05:02] Speaker 2: are going to be calling their ex wives, and ex
[1:05:04] Speaker 2: wives are going to be calling their ex husbands and
[1:05:06] Speaker 2: saying I'm sorry, giving them the I'm sorry that they've
[1:05:09] Speaker 2: been waiting for for five, ten, fifteen, twenty years. I
[1:05:13] Speaker 2: speak that right now in the name of Jesus, for
[1:05:16] Speaker 2: a release that people get sorries forgive me. I apologize
[1:05:20] Speaker 2: things that they have never heard, and they've been waiting
[1:05:24] Speaker 2: on it, and they've been waiting on it.
[1:05:26] Speaker 1: Just to prove that you are God.
[1:05:28] Speaker 2: They said, God, if you are God, if you can
[1:05:31] Speaker 2: put if you can make Pharaoh release the Israelites, certainly
[1:05:35] Speaker 2: you can make this man call me and say I'm sorry.
[1:05:37] Speaker 2: Certain you can make this woman call me and say
[1:05:39] Speaker 2: I apologize for I did you. Certainly you can, Jesus, Certainly,
[1:05:44] Speaker 2: because there's nothing too impossible for you God. So I
[1:05:47] Speaker 2: ask right now in the name of Jesus for a
[1:05:49] Speaker 2: supernatural release, for people to begin to release and bring
[1:05:54] Speaker 2: healing to each other like never before. God, we thank
[1:05:59] Speaker 2: you in advance for the time desimonious and Jesus name,
[1:06:01] Speaker 2: we pray amen.
[1:06:05] Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Is it done? No? I ain't done. Who
[1:06:11] Speaker 1: I need a break? We ain't done. I need a break.
[1:06:15] Speaker 1: Thank you Jesus.
[1:06:16] Speaker 3: So, Sam, how do you feel about this?
[1:06:23] Speaker 1: Who are terrorists? I am?
[1:06:25] Speaker 4: You know, I'm a I'll be more a little more honest.
[1:06:28] Speaker 4: It's I think, I said a few weeks ago, I said,
[1:06:37] Speaker 4: you know, I think I'm I think I've spoken about
[1:06:40] Speaker 4: this enough. I don't know if I want to go
[1:06:42] Speaker 4: on anymore. And I and I actually debated. I was like, now,
[1:06:47] Speaker 4: dear future wife, is huge. Are you sure we're done?
[1:06:51] Speaker 4: And the Lord of the Lord told me no, I'm
[1:06:56] Speaker 4: I'm ordaining this. And he revealed to me that you
[1:07:01] Speaker 4: were going to carry me through this. He told me that,
[1:07:06] Speaker 4: but he did not reveal that the Lord was that
[1:07:09] Speaker 4: he was going to use you in this way.
[1:07:12] Speaker 1: And that's without saying too much. I just I think
[1:07:18] Speaker 1: in the depths of my heart, I was searching for
[1:07:21] Speaker 1: a way to do this and.
[1:07:25] Speaker 4: Could not find it, and so I believe the Lord
[1:07:31] Speaker 4: used you as a midwife and helping to birth this.
[1:07:35] Speaker 4: And I'm still angry.
[1:07:37] Speaker 2: You should be, And let me tell you this. I'm grateful.
[1:07:40] Speaker 2: Let me tell you this. Let me tell you what
[1:07:41] Speaker 2: I'm grateful. I'll be transparent. I didn't want to interview you.
[1:07:46] Speaker 2: I didn't want to interview you because I said, when
[1:07:49] Speaker 2: I get a pastor who and people feel like they've
[1:07:54] Speaker 2: done wrong in the marriage without even knowing all the details,
[1:07:57] Speaker 2: I get a lot of backlash. And so I said,
[1:08:01] Speaker 2: I mean, I get back last all day for that,
[1:08:03] Speaker 2: and I'd be like, why are y'all blaming me for
[1:08:05] Speaker 2: somebody else's decision? This is I got to create a
[1:08:07] Speaker 2: safe space for folks. And so then I was like,
[1:08:10] Speaker 2: but listen, I gotta be submitted to what God called
[1:08:13] Speaker 2: me to do.
[1:08:14] Speaker 3: I can't allow public.
[1:08:15] Speaker 2: Opinion to change the calling and the mantle over my podcast.
[1:08:19] Speaker 1: But if I was honest with you, I was like, man,
[1:08:22] Speaker 1: I don't know.
[1:08:22] Speaker 2: And then on top of that, you did you did
[1:08:25] Speaker 2: my one of my close friends, Willie Moore Junior podcast,
[1:08:28] Speaker 2: and I was like, man, he just did that, right,
[1:08:30] Speaker 2: come do it? I just I said, that's really a
[1:08:32] Speaker 2: big out. He just did the other podcast. Yeah, you
[1:08:35] Speaker 2: know we're good or whatever. That's the reason why I
[1:08:37] Speaker 2: called you personally, and I said, I want to have
[1:08:39] Speaker 2: a conversation with you to see what can be unique
[1:08:42] Speaker 2: in this yehold, and I still didn't have an understanding.
[1:08:46] Speaker 2: I'm saying, all right, we just gonna talk. You said
[1:08:47] Speaker 2: we were just gonna talk. We talked. We said we're
[1:08:51] Speaker 2: going to talk about the things that you wish you
[1:08:53] Speaker 2: known before you got married. We didn't talk about none
[1:08:55] Speaker 2: of that. And I was like, oh, that'd be a
[1:08:57] Speaker 2: good thing. Yeah, we could talk about that.
[1:08:59] Speaker 1: I'm not ready married.
[1:09:00] Speaker 2: Yeah, I said that'd be great. I just got married.
[1:09:02] Speaker 2: I'm getting married in November. I need to know this.
[1:09:05] Speaker 2: I just did an episode with doctor Gary Chapman two
[1:09:08] Speaker 2: or three episodes ago that I released called the Things
[1:09:11] Speaker 2: I wish I'd known before I got married. I said
[1:09:13] Speaker 2: that'd be perfect, and God said, no, y'all gonna talk
[1:09:16] Speaker 2: about what I want to talk about.
[1:09:17] Speaker 1: I had no idea how this is going to be.
[1:09:19] Speaker 2: And so the power in this level of surrender, because
[1:09:23] Speaker 2: we're both at a level of surrender, is that you
[1:09:26] Speaker 2: didn't want to have another conversation about it.
[1:09:29] Speaker 1: We both were looking for an hour, looking for an out.
[1:09:31] Speaker 2: I'm like, well, I don't want to do this, and
[1:09:32] Speaker 2: God said, why If I can't use you, then you
[1:09:38] Speaker 2: serve no purpose. See, people don't understand that if God
[1:09:42] Speaker 2: gets his purpose manifested in the earth by using people.
[1:09:46] Speaker 2: But if I am the gatekeeper to help you overcome
[1:09:50] Speaker 2: what you said your horse's hour was, I want a
[1:09:52] Speaker 2: space to do X y Z. I'm just looking for
[1:09:54] Speaker 2: that space, and I go ain't gonna be here. Then
[1:09:57] Speaker 2: God said, see, you didn't listen to me and then
[1:10:00] Speaker 2: listen to them. You start listening to all these other people.
[1:10:03] Speaker 2: And I always want to be in the heart posture
[1:10:05] Speaker 2: where I listen to him and not them. Jesus that
[1:10:08] Speaker 2: I listened to him and not them Jesus. And I'm
[1:10:11] Speaker 2: telling you, I'm telling you. I called my publicist, I said, Candice,
[1:10:16] Speaker 2: I said, man, should I do this? I don't want
[1:10:17] Speaker 2: to go back like, I ain't going to be talking
[1:10:20] Speaker 2: about no hell song I even talk about none of
[1:10:21] Speaker 2: That's what. I don't care about all that stuff. I
[1:10:24] Speaker 2: want to be happy. I'm about to get married. I
[1:10:25] Speaker 2: just want to talk about your elevation. Yes, I just
[1:10:28] Speaker 2: want to be talking about love and all that stuff.
[1:10:30] Speaker 2: I don't want That guy said, don't forget the mission.
[1:10:34] Speaker 2: Don't forget the mission. I've used this podcast to heal you,
[1:10:38] Speaker 2: to get you in the heart posture where you can
[1:10:40] Speaker 2: actually say vows and mean it. Jesus, don't you ever
[1:10:44] Speaker 2: put the public ahead of the promise. And the promise
[1:10:48] Speaker 2: I have for you is to continue creating this platform
[1:10:50] Speaker 2: to bring healing to men and women across the globe.
[1:10:55] Speaker 3: So that's where me. I'm keeping it one thousand with you, and.
[1:11:00] Speaker 1: It resonates with me on a lot of levels. I am.
[1:11:03] Speaker 4: You know, you go through things I went through on
[1:11:05] Speaker 4: a global stage, and the biggest thing you experienced is
[1:11:10] Speaker 4: every people leaving, absolutely leaders, people, supporters, platforms, steals and
[1:11:16] Speaker 4: so when a ar Bernard who is him, takes me on,
[1:11:25] Speaker 4: covers me and backs me and gives me another shot.
[1:11:29] Speaker 4: I had a profit say to me before that they
[1:11:32] Speaker 4: didn't even know I was with him, and they said
[1:11:34] Speaker 4: to me, God sent somebody into your life to save
[1:11:39] Speaker 4: your ministry, to save your impact, to save your reputation.
[1:11:44] Speaker 4: I was like, and they didn't even know. And I
[1:11:47] Speaker 4: remember asking him he was. I had him on my
[1:11:49] Speaker 4: show and I said, I just got to be honest.
[1:11:52] Speaker 4: I want to know why you did this, because because
[1:11:57] Speaker 4: you don't like you got everything to lou like it's
[1:12:00] Speaker 4: your is. He's seventy two largest church in New York City,
[1:12:06] Speaker 4: all this influence, like why would you people are running
[1:12:10] Speaker 4: for me? Why would you run towards? And he said, Sam,
[1:12:13] Speaker 4: you know I the Lord told me to do this.
[1:12:18] Speaker 1: Period.
[1:12:18] Speaker 3: God said it that, he said I.
[1:12:21] Speaker 4: So he said if you, if you or if anybody
[1:12:24] Speaker 4: else hasn't it, take it up with him.
[1:12:26] Speaker 3: Yep.
[1:12:28] Speaker 1: And that's what happened today. Yep. So the soul listen,
[1:12:33] Speaker 1: you keep trying to fight me, take it up with him.
[1:12:37] Speaker 1: Go fight.
[1:12:38] Speaker 2: And the last time I checked, your arms are too
[1:12:40] Speaker 2: short the box with got who short?
[1:12:46] Speaker 1: So king? How can we support you? Got anything going on?
[1:12:49] Speaker 2: How can we support you? You have a podcast? Drop
[1:12:54] Speaker 2: your podcast? What's the name of your podcast?
[1:12:56] Speaker 4: Called The Narrative with Sam Collier on American Urban Radio Network.
[1:13:00] Speaker 4: We got I don't know when you put yours out,
[1:13:02] Speaker 4: but I'm gonna put mine out before yours coming out
[1:13:04] Speaker 4: Wednesday next days Wednesday, I'm put yours out before then.
[1:13:09] Speaker 1: When you make this statement, I was on his people
[1:13:11] Speaker 1: can know it's true we've been behind on that essence schedule,
[1:13:16] Speaker 1: but I'm definitely dropping it. I'm gonna drop it this week.
[1:13:19] Speaker 4: So listen follow you'll see the terraces this week telling
[1:13:23] Speaker 4: us he don't know when he get married, and then
[1:13:26] Speaker 4: a week later he announced it.
[1:13:29] Speaker 1: It was crazy.
[1:13:31] Speaker 4: So go and see that and just Sam Collier, you know,
[1:13:35] Speaker 4: and come see us at Christian Culture Center Atlanta in
[1:13:39] Speaker 4: the city.
[1:13:39] Speaker 2: So I love what a Arbernard said to you about
[1:13:42] Speaker 2: just God said it, and especially when you get to
[1:13:45] Speaker 2: that age, you don'na be caring what people say. He
[1:13:47] Speaker 2: just you know, you talk to like older people, they
[1:13:49] Speaker 2: be like, they be like, what were we talking about? Like,
[1:13:52] Speaker 2: they don't be caring. God tell them something, they feel something,
[1:13:56] Speaker 2: they gonna go do it.
[1:13:56] Speaker 1: And that is what it is.
[1:13:58] Speaker 2: But let me ask you this before we wrap, But
[1:14:00] Speaker 2: what did that mean.
[1:14:02] Speaker 4: To you to get a second chance in ministry. I
[1:14:07] Speaker 4: have a complicated answer to that because at the height
[1:14:14] Speaker 4: of it all, really at the end of it all,
[1:14:17] Speaker 4: I wanted to leave. I said, I was angry with
[1:14:21] Speaker 4: the church, not just my church, with the church. I
[1:14:25] Speaker 4: was angry about it. I felt like because you said
[1:14:30] Speaker 4: something early and I hope. I'm not being too long
[1:14:32] Speaker 4: with it on this, but you said something earlier that
[1:14:35] Speaker 4: was powerful, and I skipped over because I knew we
[1:14:38] Speaker 4: had a lot more to do. But I want to
[1:14:39] Speaker 4: go back because I feel like the Lord wanted me
[1:14:40] Speaker 4: to say it. You got a divorce under Tony Evans,
[1:14:48] Speaker 4: and everybody was like, why would you do that? But
[1:14:53] Speaker 4: you had enough strength to do it. And I think
[1:14:57] Speaker 4: that's a problem. And let me tell you why. This
[1:15:00] Speaker 4: is when we talk about the next you know, when
[1:15:03] Speaker 4: there were conversations about divorce throughout my marriage, it's no
[1:15:07] Speaker 4: and I'm not talking about just with my ex. I'm
[1:15:09] Speaker 4: talking about with mentors and leaders and people that understood
[1:15:12] Speaker 4: what was happening before it got worse and before it
[1:15:14] Speaker 4: did this. But the number one thing I kept hearing,
[1:15:17] Speaker 4: and this is one of the things I want to
[1:15:20] Speaker 4: dedicate some of my life to going forward, was well,
[1:15:24] Speaker 4: can you just make it work if y'all could? And
[1:15:28] Speaker 4: I'm like, okay. And what it said to me was
[1:15:32] Speaker 4: you cared more about the image of me, that's it,
[1:15:36] Speaker 4: and my ex then you did us.
[1:15:39] Speaker 3: That's facts.
[1:15:41] Speaker 1: And so for me, I was very upset at this.
[1:15:44] Speaker 4: I had arrived at a conclusion that the system of
[1:15:48] Speaker 4: Christianity not the church. The system of the church, the
[1:15:53] Speaker 4: structure of the church not the church. The church is
[1:15:56] Speaker 4: the body of believers. The structure around it is man made.
[1:16:00] Speaker 4: God's Church is perfect the way he designed it.
[1:16:03] Speaker 1: It's amazing.
[1:16:04] Speaker 4: But the man made structure is the structure that produces.
[1:16:08] Speaker 4: I mean, I know y'all ain't really, but can y'all
[1:16:11] Speaker 4: just figure this out because of what we need it
[1:16:14] Speaker 4: to be. Absolutely we don't want messing it. And we
[1:16:17] Speaker 4: create our own monsters, then we destroy them when they explode.
[1:16:22] Speaker 4: And so for me, I was done with the church.
[1:16:24] Speaker 4: I'm like, I don't why would I be a part
[1:16:26] Speaker 4: of that. I'm at a point, you know, when your
[1:16:28] Speaker 4: livelihood is connected to your morality, when your livelihood is
[1:16:32] Speaker 4: connected to your profession, or I'm sorry, you'll perceive whatever.
[1:16:39] Speaker 4: I'm at a point when I'm at the dollar menu
[1:16:40] Speaker 4: at Wendy's try to figure out how much pay for
[1:16:43] Speaker 4: my son.
[1:16:44] Speaker 1: I'm like, why would I?
[1:16:45] Speaker 4: This is crazy, Like this has implications that are beyond
[1:16:50] Speaker 4: the reputation, and this is I got a son to
[1:16:52] Speaker 4: take care of and how I pay for him is
[1:16:54] Speaker 4: with the ministry. But now the ministry has produced this
[1:16:58] Speaker 4: and all of it, and and your crush and people
[1:17:00] Speaker 4: are leaving.
[1:17:00] Speaker 1: How am I going to take care of him? And
[1:17:02] Speaker 1: so I never wanted to do that.
[1:17:03] Speaker 4: I was like, never, it's not even about me, even
[1:17:05] Speaker 4: though I don't agree with that, but I'll never put
[1:17:08] Speaker 4: him in that situation again.
[1:17:10] Speaker 1: So I was out and then the Lord didn't let
[1:17:13] Speaker 1: me leave. It was just so many I heard the
[1:17:15] Speaker 1: audible voice of God.
[1:17:16] Speaker 4: This is for the people that say, you get a divorce,
[1:17:18] Speaker 4: you shouldn't be pastoring no more.
[1:17:20] Speaker 1: Well take it up with him, because I told him no.
[1:17:24] Speaker 4: I had people on my right side, a lot of
[1:17:26] Speaker 4: them were white, saying you need to get out of
[1:17:28] Speaker 4: ministry that forever you're disqualified. I got people on my
[1:17:31] Speaker 4: left side, a lot of them were black, saying, don't
[1:17:34] Speaker 4: you ever what are you doing? Get back in the
[1:17:37] Speaker 4: pool that God has not done with your life and
[1:17:39] Speaker 4: you have so much. And so I said, well, if
[1:17:41] Speaker 4: they don't want me, I'm out because I don't.
[1:17:43] Speaker 1: Need to do this.
[1:17:44] Speaker 4: I can go do something else and subject myself to
[1:17:47] Speaker 4: a system that is healthy.
[1:17:48] Speaker 3: Yep.
[1:17:50] Speaker 4: I surrendered to the Lord, and he gave me a
[1:17:53] Speaker 4: second chance at it, and for me what it said
[1:17:57] Speaker 4: to me was a few things David said. I was
[1:18:02] Speaker 4: young and now I'm old, and I've never seen a righteous,
[1:18:04] Speaker 4: forsaken noise see baking bread.
[1:18:08] Speaker 1: I did.
[1:18:10] Speaker 4: A deep study this morning and last night on redemption.
[1:18:14] Speaker 4: That's what doctor Bernard and myself and my team, it's like,
[1:18:18] Speaker 4: this is what that has to be the message going forward,
[1:18:21] Speaker 4: and not just not a cliche redemption because you went
[1:18:26] Speaker 4: through this and we're trying to clean your image up,
[1:18:29] Speaker 4: not that a Christian principle that we have to get
[1:18:34] Speaker 4: redemption back in the culture. The world is more redemptive
[1:18:38] Speaker 4: than the church, and and that's a problem. And so
[1:18:43] Speaker 4: for me, I just it made me love God more,
[1:18:48] Speaker 4: trusting more, even in my pain and in my not
[1:18:51] Speaker 4: wanting to do to rock with the institution of church.
[1:18:54] Speaker 4: I love my members, I love being a part of
[1:18:57] Speaker 4: Christian Cultural Center.
[1:18:58] Speaker 1: I love preaching. I love church. I love doing church.
[1:19:01] Speaker 4: But the system I don't care for because I think
[1:19:04] Speaker 4: it's broken and I think we keep seeing leaders fall
[1:19:07] Speaker 4: because of it.
[1:19:09] Speaker 1: Because we're going to be in every Humans are imperfect.
[1:19:12] Speaker 4: You when you get ordained as a leader or a
[1:19:14] Speaker 4: pastor or an elder or whatever, you ain't you don't
[1:19:16] Speaker 4: become Jesus at all, and can we get us go?
[1:19:21] Speaker 4: And if you black, you coming in with trauma, you
[1:19:25] Speaker 4: can't introduce.
[1:19:26] Speaker 1: Me to a maybe find a handful of black peop
[1:19:29] Speaker 1: They don't.
[1:19:30] Speaker 4: Get no trauma. It's America, it's racism. We come in
[1:19:34] Speaker 4: with trauma. So that trauma is going to show up
[1:19:36] Speaker 4: at some point, and it's going and it's usually gonna
[1:19:39] Speaker 4: be when you at least expect it.
[1:19:40] Speaker 1: You're gonna be on top of the world.
[1:19:42] Speaker 4: So what happens then when the trauma catches up that
[1:19:46] Speaker 4: may have been self induced, but it may have been
[1:19:49] Speaker 4: you were born into it. You came from this and
[1:19:51] Speaker 4: you do it, and now it catches up to you
[1:19:52] Speaker 4: when you're on the platform, when you married and you
[1:19:54] Speaker 4: got this and you're leading these people and God elevated
[1:19:57] Speaker 4: you and the people trusted you.
[1:19:58] Speaker 1: Am I supposed to do? Now? Is it done?
[1:20:00] Speaker 4: Do we malfunction in real time and then it's over?
[1:20:04] Speaker 4: Or is there a system that can be created like
[1:20:09] Speaker 4: we see in the Nation of Islam. I'm a Christian,
[1:20:13] Speaker 4: I have a theological I don't agree with Islam.
[1:20:16] Speaker 3: Yeah, I know you're Tommy talk about the structure.
[1:20:18] Speaker 1: Is there something that can be created that allows.
[1:20:21] Speaker 2: Men to get healed. And that's the thing about it.
[1:20:25] Speaker 2: And so yeah, that's what I respect. And shoot, we
[1:20:28] Speaker 2: all got trauma, no matter what our races, are, ethnicities,
[1:20:32] Speaker 2: our background, nationalities, we all have trauma. But I know
[1:20:34] Speaker 2: what the specific type of trauma you're talking about that's
[1:20:38] Speaker 2: indicative to how we came into the United States and
[1:20:42] Speaker 2: how we have to unpack that. But listen, man, this
[1:20:46] Speaker 2: was great. I believe we made the Lord proud. This
[1:20:50] Speaker 2: was an amazing, amazing episode. And again, thank you, thank
[1:20:53] Speaker 2: you for your surrender. And that's the reason why A. R.
[1:20:58] Speaker 2: Bernard said, God said it, and because he knew that
[1:21:04] Speaker 2: this moment would take place. And if you were no
[1:21:06] Speaker 2: longer in ministry, you wouldn't have a need to sit
[1:21:08] Speaker 2: here talk do nothing. You like, I ain't gonna be
[1:21:10] Speaker 2: in no type of faith based audience.
[1:21:12] Speaker 1: I'm gone. And then the number one Sin's the thing.
[1:21:15] Speaker 2: We got to look at it like this, either God
[1:21:18] Speaker 2: wins by you continue to carry out the good news,
[1:21:21] Speaker 2: or the devil winds by making you quit.
[1:21:25] Speaker 3: It's that simple. It's that simple.
[1:21:28] Speaker 2: Because who God calls he qualifies, and he don't say
[1:21:31] Speaker 2: I called you, but you messed up too much. I
[1:21:34] Speaker 2: changed my mind. I don't know what I thought when
[1:21:36] Speaker 2: I called you. He never looks at us like that
[1:21:38] Speaker 2: and be like I called you this, I changed my
[1:21:41] Speaker 2: I didn't see that. I didn't see that an equation.
[1:21:43] Speaker 2: I didn't see you doing that. I'm done with you, Sam,
[1:21:47] Speaker 2: You're done too much. There's no place in the Bible
[1:21:49] Speaker 2: where somebody did too much and God gave up to
[1:21:51] Speaker 2: him and they were doing some crazy stuff. And I
[1:21:54] Speaker 2: talk about that about the Pause and stuff that were,
[1:21:57] Speaker 2: you know, killing Christians, killing Christians, physically taking your life,
[1:22:03] Speaker 2: and then God uses him and changes his name from
[1:22:06] Speaker 2: Saul to Paul and use him to do great exploits.
[1:22:08] Speaker 2: You would think that somebody that was killing let me
[1:22:11] Speaker 2: tell you something. We're talking about, Grace. If somebody was
[1:22:14] Speaker 2: just started killing my kids, I'm not gonna say, oh, well,
[1:22:17] Speaker 2: come on over here. I'm gonna go ahead and use
[1:22:18] Speaker 2: you for I'm gonna hire you from a company like it.
[1:22:21] Speaker 1: Just don't.
[1:22:22] Speaker 3: My brain don't work like that.
[1:22:23] Speaker 2: But that's the reason why I said, as believers, as humans,
[1:22:27] Speaker 2: our thought processes over people is already flawed because the
[1:22:32] Speaker 2: reality is, the more you get removed from the offense
[1:22:35] Speaker 2: that you cause, the more people no longer see you
[1:22:38] Speaker 2: as the offense that you did. But that's what grace
[1:22:42] Speaker 2: looks like. And God allows this level of grace.
[1:22:44] Speaker 1: See.
[1:22:45] Speaker 2: The only reason why people even know that I cheated
[1:22:47] Speaker 2: on my ex wife because I keep bringing it up.
[1:22:51] Speaker 3: I keep bringing up my ex wife never said anything.
[1:22:54] Speaker 2: Publicly, keep saying I keep saying that, don't nobody else's
[1:22:57] Speaker 2: ex wife saying that she ain't never made a Facebook
[1:23:00] Speaker 2: post about it, she ain't never said nothing. I'm the
[1:23:03] Speaker 2: one running around saying this. And when God told me
[1:23:05] Speaker 2: to say it for the first time, I said, now,
[1:23:07] Speaker 2: why would I do that? Because God knew it was
[1:23:10] Speaker 2: other people that I wanted people to be able to
[1:23:13] Speaker 2: look at this flawed human Because I grew up in
[1:23:17] Speaker 2: the church, my whole life got filled with the evidence
[1:23:19] Speaker 2: of speaking in tongues at twelve years old. So I
[1:23:21] Speaker 2: grew up in church my whole life, but I never
[1:23:24] Speaker 2: ever ever heard people talk about their faults. So I
[1:23:27] Speaker 2: was sitting there like, gosh, I am I only one
[1:23:29] Speaker 2: struggling with this and I only want this, And God said,
[1:23:31] Speaker 2: whyon't you be what you wanted to see? Be what
[1:23:34] Speaker 2: you want to see? I gave you this platform, stewarted,
[1:23:37] Speaker 2: well share about that. And I said, now, why would
[1:23:39] Speaker 2: I do that? That was five years old. I've been
[1:23:40] Speaker 2: divorceding five years at that time. Why would I want
[1:23:43] Speaker 2: to bring this up? God says, because it's other people
[1:23:45] Speaker 2: that need to be set free. And I said, they
[1:23:47] Speaker 2: don't need to be set free on my account. And
[1:23:48] Speaker 2: I to be throwing myself on the back. I'm telling you.
[1:23:50] Speaker 2: ILL said, well, why would I out the sid I'm
[1:23:52] Speaker 2: getting Listen. I only had five hundred subscribers at the time.
[1:23:55] Speaker 2: I said, these women are going to be so triggered,
[1:23:58] Speaker 2: they're gonna say another cheater, I hate him, and they're
[1:24:01] Speaker 2: gonna unsuscribe. Only had five hundred people. Now I got
[1:24:03] Speaker 2: six hundred and thirty thousand subscribers because I was operating
[1:24:06] Speaker 2: in truth, transparency, vulnerability, and deliverance Jesus. And then God said,
[1:24:11] Speaker 2: I can reward that.
[1:24:13] Speaker 1: Jesus.
[1:24:13] Speaker 2: I can't reward. God can't heal what you won't reveal.
[1:24:16] Speaker 2: I can't do nothing with that. But the men you
[1:24:18] Speaker 2: expose yourself is the first thing that Jesus Christ did
[1:24:21] Speaker 2: when he came from the grave. He revealed his scars.
[1:24:23] Speaker 2: Because the scars showed where you came from. When we
[1:24:26] Speaker 2: walk around and act like we're all in our glorified body,
[1:24:29] Speaker 2: then people be like, well, I can't I can't.
[1:24:30] Speaker 3: Relate to that.
[1:24:31] Speaker 2: He's too glorified, he's too perfect. Our glorified bodies only
[1:24:36] Speaker 2: come when we come, when we go to heaven. So
[1:24:38] Speaker 2: now I got to walk around with my flawed self
[1:24:40] Speaker 2: and say, here's my scars. This is where I was bleeding,
[1:24:42] Speaker 2: this is where I made mistakes, this is where I
[1:24:43] Speaker 2: had to overcome.
[1:24:44] Speaker 3: These are my scars.
[1:24:45] Speaker 2: So then people go, all right, teach me this Jesus
[1:24:48] Speaker 2: that allows you to be transparent. Willie Moore Junr said this,
[1:24:52] Speaker 2: this is so beautiful. Willy Moore Junr came and did
[1:24:54] Speaker 2: my podcast. We're gonna wrap up, but Willimore Junr did
[1:24:56] Speaker 2: the podcast. When I did, I was at New Bird Church.
[1:24:58] Speaker 2: I did the podcast live, and I didn't know much
[1:25:01] Speaker 2: about him on a personal level, but I just loved
[1:25:04] Speaker 2: how he would articulate itself in his Falseter care story
[1:25:06] Speaker 2: and all that coming out of being adopted and stuff,
[1:25:09] Speaker 2: and I said, I want him on the podcast. So
[1:25:11] Speaker 2: he was on the podcast. After the podcast, he said,
[1:25:15] Speaker 2: he called me. He said I was wondering what manner
[1:25:17] Speaker 2: of man is this that could sit up here and
[1:25:19] Speaker 2: share his mistakes and false He was going through his divorce.
[1:25:23] Speaker 2: So I didn't realize that somebody that I admired so
[1:25:26] Speaker 2: much on social media now was admiring the level of
[1:25:29] Speaker 2: transparency that I had. And I went through Celebrate Recovery
[1:25:33] Speaker 2: and it made and he was like, how do you
[1:25:35] Speaker 2: operate like this? I said, I went this program called
[1:25:37] Speaker 2: Celebrate Recovery. He went and enrolled and Celebrate Recovery like
[1:25:42] Speaker 2: a couple of weeks later changed his entire life. But
[1:25:46] Speaker 2: it came from me being open and vulnerable and honest
[1:25:49] Speaker 2: to say, I'm not perfect, and I'm trying to be better.
[1:25:53] Speaker 2: I'm trying. I'm trying my best to honor God. I'm
[1:25:56] Speaker 2: trying to honor vows that I take. I'm trying my
[1:25:59] Speaker 2: best to get healed from certain things. And so that's
[1:26:02] Speaker 2: what the process has been on the Dear Future WIFEI podcast.
[1:26:05] Speaker 2: And so now I'm a delivered man. I'm a redeemed man.
[1:26:08] Speaker 2: I'm a man that's gonna walk in honor. I'm a
[1:26:10] Speaker 2: man that teaches my kids how to watch and walk
[1:26:13] Speaker 2: and honor, how to be disciplined, how to honor their
[1:26:16] Speaker 2: honor God with their bodies, practicing abstinence and ben virgins
[1:26:20] Speaker 2: until they get married. That's the type of stuff that
[1:26:22] Speaker 2: was never taught to me.
[1:26:23] Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.
[1:26:24] Speaker 2: My daddy never told me, hey, listen, you might want
[1:26:26] Speaker 2: to wait till you get married to have sex.
[1:26:28] Speaker 1: Never.
[1:26:28] Speaker 2: I had a child when I was eighteen years old,
[1:26:30] Speaker 2: before I graduated high school.
[1:26:32] Speaker 3: So it's like my senior year in high school.
[1:26:35] Speaker 2: Two weeks before I walked across the stage, I was
[1:26:37] Speaker 2: sitting up here having a two week old baby, you
[1:26:40] Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. And now just became a grandfather
[1:26:44] Speaker 2: two weeks ago with my daughter. She's married and I
[1:26:48] Speaker 2: have a beautiful granddaughter named Claire Elizabeth Cosmey and so,
[1:26:53] Speaker 2: but that came from that broken boy that said I
[1:26:56] Speaker 2: made these mistakes. Let me teach my daughter the right way.
[1:27:00] Speaker 2: Let me stewart my daughter's heart well. And so, like
[1:27:04] Speaker 2: I said, I can talk to you all day that
[1:27:05] Speaker 2: I love chopping it up with other brethren.
[1:27:08] Speaker 1: I'll say this again, thank you for your surrender.
[1:27:11] Speaker 2: Thank you for not giving up on your calling because
[1:27:14] Speaker 2: God needed you. Because there are souls linked to your yes.
[1:27:19] Speaker 2: There are souls linked to your yes. And I'm gonna
[1:27:22] Speaker 2: tell you this right now. Prophetically, you haven't seen nothing yet.
[1:27:28] Speaker 2: You've done some things in the past that was cute.
[1:27:31] Speaker 2: That's what God is saying. That was cute. It pales
[1:27:33] Speaker 2: in comparison to what God is going to do. Your
[1:27:36] Speaker 2: latelier ladder will be greater than your former And I'm
[1:27:39] Speaker 2: telling you that right now in the name of Jesus.
[1:27:42] Speaker 2: I want you to receive that from the crown of
[1:27:44] Speaker 2: your head to the souls of your feet, that God
[1:27:46] Speaker 2: is about to release a whole nother level of anointing
[1:27:50] Speaker 2: in your life that you have yet to experience. Because
[1:27:53] Speaker 2: what happened right now and what happened this episode, there
[1:27:56] Speaker 2: was a release that happened. Even in the pain of
[1:27:59] Speaker 2: your past marriage, there's a freedom. There's an elevation that
[1:28:02] Speaker 2: you spoke into her life, and God is going to
[1:28:04] Speaker 2: do the same thing for you.
[1:28:05] Speaker 1: He's going to elevate you on another level.
[1:28:08] Speaker 2: You're gonna look back on this episode and say, God,
[1:28:10] Speaker 2: I thank you. I thank you for not giving up
[1:28:13] Speaker 2: on me. And the other thing is I thank you
[1:28:16] Speaker 2: for not giving up on yourself. So I thank you,
[1:28:18] Speaker 2: Man of God. I thank you, Man of God, walking
[1:28:21] Speaker 2: everything that God called you to walk in in Jesus name. Hey,
[1:28:25] Speaker 2: thank y'all so much for tuning in to the Dear
[1:28:27] Speaker 2: Future WIFEI podcast. Listen, there's going to be a link
[1:28:29] Speaker 2: to the book Student of Love. I'm gonna go ahead
[1:28:31] Speaker 2: and drop that now. Think I'm sposted to wait till
[1:28:33] Speaker 2: the end of September, but we're gonna put the I'm
[1:28:35] Speaker 2: gonna tell my pups and company, we just need to get.
[1:28:37] Speaker 3: All that together now.
[1:28:38] Speaker 2: But it's gonna be a link in the description for
[1:28:40] Speaker 2: Student of Love because there's some principles that I learned
[1:28:44] Speaker 2: in this journey I bled in this book, and there
[1:28:46] Speaker 2: are principles and journeys that are going to set you
[1:28:50] Speaker 2: free and position your heart to be a greater lover
[1:28:53] Speaker 2: for the people that God allows you to love. I'm
[1:28:56] Speaker 2: telling you from a romantic standpoint, from familiar standpoints with
[1:29:02] Speaker 2: your family with just mankind. Student of Love is an amazing,
[1:29:06] Speaker 2: powerful book that's going to teach you how to have
[1:29:08] Speaker 2: a heart posture of a student and learn love daily.
[1:29:11] Speaker 2: Y'all give that to give it up for my homie Sam.
[1:29:14] Speaker 2: Call you y'all, Love you a man, Love you King,
[1:29:17] Speaker 2: Thank you. Stay tuned to the end for a letter
[1:29:19] Speaker 2: to my future wife.
[1:29:20] Speaker 1: Writing these love letters.
[1:29:23] Speaker 2: You, Ladarian thrust it suddenly into child protective services.
[1:29:32] Speaker 1: In twenty fifteen, my nephew black a.
[1:29:36] Speaker 2: Boy, the likelihood have been adopted outside of kinship slim
[1:29:40] Speaker 2: to none? Rmione, sixteen years old, black a boy with
[1:29:46] Speaker 2: five years in the foster care system before I even
[1:29:48] Speaker 2: knew his name. The likelihood have ever been adopted?
[1:29:53] Speaker 1: Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.
[1:29:56] Speaker 2: While Ladarian and Ourmione were trying to survive and barely
[1:30:00] Speaker 2: an overpopulated and underfunded Falseter care system, I was living
[1:30:04] Speaker 2: my own life, doing well professionally, having been a single
[1:30:07] Speaker 2: father with a daughter who at that point was doing
[1:30:09] Speaker 2: well in college. It was my time to live my
[1:30:11] Speaker 2: life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated. There are
[1:30:19] Speaker 2: just too many of our black children stuck in ambiguity
[1:30:23] Speaker 2: and in the limbo of the Falter care system. In
[1:30:26] Speaker 2: twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian. Fast forward
[1:30:31] Speaker 2: to twenty nineteen. I had no ties to this other
[1:30:33] Speaker 2: young king, but I felt God instructed me to adopt them.
[1:30:36] Speaker 2: Also in an Babe starting over with parenting should have
[1:30:40] Speaker 2: been enough. Right, Working with various foster care and adoption
[1:30:42] Speaker 2: agencies to help bring awareness to the countless young Black
[1:30:46] Speaker 2: Kings and the Falster care system should have decreased my agitation.
[1:30:49] Speaker 1: Right.
[1:30:50] Speaker 2: Joining the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and
[1:30:53] Speaker 2: organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in
[1:30:57] Speaker 2: false care should have led to some type of resolve.
[1:30:59] Speaker 3: Right.
[1:31:00] Speaker 2: No, not at all. None of it felt like I
[1:31:04] Speaker 2: had done enough. I now realized that every one of
[1:31:09] Speaker 2: those experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.
[1:31:14] Speaker 2: Kingdom Royal. Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of
[1:31:18] Speaker 2: the art home for foster boys. Our first location will
[1:31:21] Speaker 2: be in the Dallas Fortwork Metroplex. We will utilize the
[1:31:24] Speaker 2: whole person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate
[1:31:29] Speaker 2: for themselves, and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless
[1:31:33] Speaker 2: options that they thought were impossible.
[1:31:37] Speaker 1: Though.
[1:31:37] Speaker 2: The young Kings will attend the local public schools that
[1:31:39] Speaker 2: are in proximity to Kingdom Royal. Our at home curriculum
[1:31:43] Speaker 2: will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts, attending
[1:31:47] Speaker 2: various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions
[1:31:52] Speaker 2: about current events and even relevant historical contexts, introducing them
[1:31:56] Speaker 2: to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our animal
[1:32:00] Speaker 2: on our form and on site stables. We just launched
[1:32:04] Speaker 2: our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising two
[1:32:07] Speaker 2: point eight million dollars. Now why two point eight million dollars? Well,
[1:32:11] Speaker 2: In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which
[1:32:13] Speaker 2: I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.
[1:32:17] Speaker 2: One of the most notable successes was that one of
[1:32:19] Speaker 2: the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,
[1:32:25] Speaker 2: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise
[1:32:27] Speaker 2: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable
[1:32:31] Speaker 2: plan for the homeless community. So, throughout the years, with
[1:32:35] Speaker 2: much remorse, I reflect and on not maximizing that moment.
[1:32:39] Speaker 1: I knew if at that.
[1:32:40] Speaker 2: Time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar,
[1:32:44] Speaker 2: we would have raised at least two point eight million
[1:32:47] Speaker 2: dollars That could have really established long term support for
[1:32:50] Speaker 2: the homeless community, or at least started a long term
[1:32:53] Speaker 2: initiative to do so. This is my do over, this
[1:32:58] Speaker 2: is our new beginning.
[1:32:59] Speaker 3: To get.
[1:33:00] Speaker 2: We can attack this at the route by specifically helping
[1:33:03] Speaker 2: our homeless Black boys who are already disproportionately represented in
[1:33:08] Speaker 2: the American fossil care system.
[1:33:11] Speaker 3: I'm the Terissar Whickfield.
[1:33:12] Speaker 2: I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work
[1:33:15] Speaker 2: with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.
[1:33:19] Speaker 2: Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly
[1:33:23] Speaker 2: providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot
[1:33:29] Speaker 2: com for more details Crown of King and make a
[1:33:33] Speaker 2: donation today. Man, let me tell you something that was powerful,
[1:33:46] Speaker 2: absolutely powerful. I'm telling you y'all heard me talk about
[1:33:54] Speaker 2: the book Student of Love, and the reason why that's
[1:33:56] Speaker 2: so important is because that thing that you just heard
[1:34:02] Speaker 2: me walk in, it's all in the book. So click
[1:34:07] Speaker 2: on that link so that you can get set free
[1:34:10] Speaker 2: and healed and life restored. Man, here's my favorite part
[1:34:15] Speaker 2: of the podcast where I speak to my future Wifey,
[1:34:17] Speaker 2: dear future wife.
[1:34:18] Speaker 1: He healing isn't glamorous.
[1:34:21] Speaker 2: It's messy, inconvenient, and sometimes feels like punishment, but it's
[1:34:26] Speaker 2: also necessary. I had to learn that before I could
[1:34:28] Speaker 2: ever prepare my heart to love you well. There were
[1:34:32] Speaker 2: moments when I wanted to rush through the pain, put
[1:34:34] Speaker 2: a band aid over wounds that needed surgery, or distract
[1:34:38] Speaker 2: myself with business instead of sitting still in the silence.
[1:34:41] Speaker 2: But I discovered healing. It's not passive. It's a choice.
[1:34:46] Speaker 2: A choice to confront would hurt me, forgive who wounded me,
[1:34:50] Speaker 2: including myself, and invite God into the broken places I
[1:34:53] Speaker 2: tried to hide. The beauty of healing is that it
[1:34:56] Speaker 2: doesn't erase the scars, it transforms them. My scars are
[1:35:01] Speaker 2: no longer reminders of shame, but testimonies of survival and
[1:35:04] Speaker 2: God's restoration. Their proof that I am still here hold
[1:35:10] Speaker 2: enough to build something lasting with you. By the time
[1:35:13] Speaker 2: you read this, know that I've done the work. I
[1:35:16] Speaker 2: didn't wait for marriage to fix me. Allowed God to
[1:35:19] Speaker 2: heal me, so marriage can bless me. Healing prepared me
[1:35:24] Speaker 2: for you. Healing is the gift I bring to us
[1:35:30] Speaker 2: your future, Hoby. I hope you enjoyed this episode of
[1:35:33] Speaker 2: the Dear Future Wife You podcast. Remember belt live intentionally
[1:35:38] Speaker 2: and transparently, and don't stop loving.
[1:35:41] Speaker 3: Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife and
[1:35:43] Speaker 3: YouTube channel.
[1:35:44] Speaker 2: We're available on Apple podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.
[1:35:48] Speaker 2: You welcome your support. Simply share our podcast with your
[1:35:50] Speaker 2: friends and family.

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