# Healed My Heart (Guests: Dotha & Chanell Sykes)

An episode of [Dear Future Wifey](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1506095537), 4 Feb 2026, 1 h 13 min.

Audio: https://prfx.byspotify.com/e/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/78a347aa-3282-4ac5-837c-a72300032082/293692a5-5b4e-44f3-89a3-b172011fe37c/c2cc88f7-770f-4257-8307-b3e7004d9e39/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=ae4e871a-36ca-4d76-83c3-b172011fe393

In this special returning guests episode of Dear Future Wifey, Laterras Whitfield welcomes back Dotha & Chanell Sykes for a refreshingly real conversation about love, faith, and navigating uncertainty together. The couple opens up about Dotha’s life as a professional stunt double, pulling back the curtain on the instability that often comes with a career in Hollywood and how that uncertainty impacted their relationship. They candidly revisit the early days of their love story—when Dotha was unemployed—and discuss modern dating norms, expectations, and whether Chanell would recommend dating a man who’s in between jobs. Together, they dive into the importance of shared values, mutual support, and what it truly means to take care of one another through sickness and health—not just in theory, but in real life. The conversation is layered with wisdom, laughter, and honesty as they share how comedy—both literally and figuratively—became a source of healing, strength, and connection in their marriage. This episode is equal parts practical and playful, offering encouragement to couples, singles, and anyone navigating love in the middle of uncertainty. CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST https://www.instagram.com/therealdother https://www.instagram.com/lovechanellenje CONNECT WITH OUR HOSTS https://www.instagram.com/laterrasrwhitfield https://www.instagram.com/ashleyrwhitfield ORDER LATERRAS R. WHITFIELD'S NEW BOOK "STUDENT OF LOVE" https://www.StudentofLove WANNA SEE BEHIND-THE-SCENES FOOTAGE? JOIN MY PATREON https://www.Patreon.com/laterrasrwhitfield SIGN UP FOR THE MAILING LIST https://bit.ly/LRWconnection PURCHASE "YOU (Dear Future Wifey)" Theme Song http://itunes.apple.com/album/id/1729993404 👑 SUPPORT OUR CAUSE Donate to Kingdom Royale: Empowering foster kids to become royalty: https://www.KingdomRoyale.com 👕 MERCH https://www.DearFutureWifey.com FOLLOW DEAR FUTURE WIFEY 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dearfuturewifeypodcast 📘 Facebook: https://www.Facebook.com/DearFutureWifey 🐦 Twitter: https://twitter.com/dfwifeypodcast See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: For better, for worse, richer, and for poor. Have y'all
[0:02] Speaker 1: had any sickness and in health situation?
[0:04] Speaker 2: Yes, I ended up having cardiac issues with heart rhythmia.
[0:07] Speaker 3: When you say how scared she was, I turned down
[0:10] Speaker 3: working on Black Panther too, because my wife needed me.
[0:14] Speaker 2: It's so easy to say that that person is for
[0:18] Speaker 2: you when everything is going right, But when stuff get
[0:20] Speaker 2: to going wrong. He would just come to me when
[0:22] Speaker 2: I would be nervous, and he'd be like, hey, who
[0:24] Speaker 2: is your God. I'd be like, you know God, and
[0:26] Speaker 2: he'd be like, no, who is your God? And he
[0:28] Speaker 2: would allow me to lay my head on his chest
[0:31] Speaker 2: so I could hear his heart beat so I could
[0:32] Speaker 2: regulate mine. We had made six figures in the fitness business.
[0:36] Speaker 2: It was so much on my heart that I just
[0:39] Speaker 2: was like, I can't do it anymore. So we decided
[0:41] Speaker 2: to switch from fitness to comedy. It just seemed like
[0:44] Speaker 2: everything just started changing at that point.
[0:46] Speaker 1: The Bible says, laugh to do with the heart good
[0:48] Speaker 1: is medicine?
[0:49] Speaker 4: Isn't that amazing God and all his omniscience?
[0:52] Speaker 1: You're right, Wifey podcasts, my homies Chanelle and Delter Psychs
[0:58] Speaker 1: are in the building. He dropped his video two weeks
[1:01] Speaker 1: ago where you were in tears when I say, I'm
[1:04] Speaker 1: so proud of sharing about how people have been pouring
[1:08] Speaker 1: into your wife supporting her.
[1:10] Speaker 2: My friend called me and was like, girl about the
[1:12] Speaker 2: post of the videos.
[1:12] Speaker 4: But he posted it before he let you see it.
[1:14] Speaker 5: Yes, I go in look and I'm like, I'm gonna
[1:17] Speaker 5: give him some later. You've been married for thirteen years.
[1:22] Speaker 5: I just want to hear how this love story came together.
[1:25] Speaker 2: It all started with a poem about telibacy and some
[1:29] Speaker 2: reason that turned him own. I guess from now. He
[1:31] Speaker 2: was just like, I need that old woman.
[1:33] Speaker 3: They got her guard up and nobody can't get it.
[1:36] Speaker 3: I feel like that's a sign from God right there.
[1:38] Speaker 3: Doctor asked me.
[1:39] Speaker 6: On today and he can't pick me up.
[1:40] Speaker 2: He paid. Then we get in the movie theater and
[1:42] Speaker 2: he was like, you want a snack and I was
[1:43] Speaker 2: like that stuff too expensive, and he was like, you're
[1:45] Speaker 2: gonna be my wife.
[1:47] Speaker 6: Onnemployment too, I got two hundred fifty dollars that week.
[1:51] Speaker 6: I'm gonna say that on the data.
[1:52] Speaker 1: So most people have said that you don't have no
[1:54] Speaker 1: business dating you on unemployment, Chanelle, did you agree with
[1:58] Speaker 1: that ideology in the past. What started as a search
[2:07] Speaker 1: for understanding became a journey of transformation. Every letter that
[2:12] Speaker 1: I wrote led me to this day, the day I
[2:15] Speaker 1: got married November twenty second, twenty twenty five.
[2:20] Speaker 6: Dear my forever, Forever is.
[2:23] Speaker 7: A long time. That's how long I'll love you. Those
[2:28] Speaker 7: lyrics echo through every fiber of my soul at the
[2:31] Speaker 7: very thought of you.
[2:33] Speaker 1: This journey has culminated with you as both the award
[2:37] Speaker 1: and the reward of my pursuit of love. You are
[2:40] Speaker 1: the award, the honor God placed before me, the recognition
[2:44] Speaker 1: of growth, healing, and becoming the man I needed to be.
[2:48] Speaker 7: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,
[2:53] Speaker 7: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.
[2:58] Speaker 4: This isn't just ours, this is for all of us.
[3:03] Speaker 4: I'm a Terrasaar Whitfield.
[3:05] Speaker 7: I'm Ashley are Whitfield.
[3:06] Speaker 8: Welcome to the Future Podcast.
[3:12] Speaker 1: Welcome to Dear Future Wifey Podcast. I'm your host of
[3:15] Speaker 1: Terasar Whitfield and.
[3:16] Speaker 8: I'm Ashley are Wickfield.
[3:17] Speaker 4: Listen, are you still shacking up with us?
[3:19] Speaker 1: If you're still shacking up with us, can we get
[3:21] Speaker 1: a commitment hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make sure
[3:25] Speaker 1: you turn on your notification bell so you'll be notified
[3:27] Speaker 1: about upcoming episodes.
[3:30] Speaker 4: Listen, Student of Love is in full swing. Y'all have
[3:34] Speaker 4: been buying the book.
[3:35] Speaker 1: I want everybody that's watching this episode right now to
[3:39] Speaker 1: head over to the place that you purchase your books
[3:42] Speaker 1: or even audio books and purchase Student of Love right now.
[3:46] Speaker 1: Purchase it right now. I'm telling you, it will change
[3:49] Speaker 1: your life. I've been getting so many testimonies about people
[3:52] Speaker 1: who are reading the book and have said that it's
[3:54] Speaker 1: teaching them to unlearn some unhealthy habits that they picked
[3:58] Speaker 1: up along the way in their dating journey. As a
[4:01] Speaker 1: matter of fact, wat's his promo right now. I have
[4:03] Speaker 1: a confession.
[4:06] Speaker 4: I really.
[4:08] Speaker 1: I hate is a strong word, but I really dislike
[4:11] Speaker 1: recording videos trying to encourage people to purchase my new book,
[4:15] Speaker 1: Student of Love.
[4:17] Speaker 4: I really do.
[4:18] Speaker 1: Y'all see me on my podcast all the time encouraging
[4:21] Speaker 1: y'all to support other authors. But when it comes to me, man,
[4:24] Speaker 1: I just don't like it. I'm gonna be honest with you,
[4:26] Speaker 1: and I know a lot of y'all could attest to it.
[4:29] Speaker 1: Trying to be selsy and convince people to purchase your product.
[4:33] Speaker 4: It's just so uncomfortable. Good lord.
[4:36] Speaker 1: I had a conversation with my editor, Lisa Joe, and
[4:39] Speaker 1: she was trying to encourage me to post more videos
[4:42] Speaker 1: and I said, Lisa Joe, I'm tired of posting videos.
[4:45] Speaker 1: And I said, it just feels like I'm trying to
[4:47] Speaker 1: sell people. And she said, that's the problem. Don't try
[4:52] Speaker 1: to sell them, serve them. She said, w publishing, we
[4:56] Speaker 1: don't focus on sales. We focus on service. She said,
[5:00] Speaker 1: remember you told me at the beginning of this journey
[5:04] Speaker 1: that your mission is to increase marriage rates in the
[5:07] Speaker 1: black community, decrease divorced statistics, and provide a guide to
[5:13] Speaker 1: help them do relationships a lot better.
[5:16] Speaker 4: I said, all right.
[5:18] Speaker 1: She over here regurgitating what I said to her back
[5:21] Speaker 1: to me. I said, how this white lady from South
[5:23] Speaker 1: Africa going to put me in check?
[5:26] Speaker 4: And I said, you know what.
[5:29] Speaker 1: I can do that if I can refocus and not
[5:35] Speaker 1: try to sell and serve, then I'll I won't stop
[5:41] Speaker 1: creating videos, I won't stop creating graphics and stories and
[5:47] Speaker 1: reals to try to encourage us, encourage us to do
[5:54] Speaker 1: relationships a lot better. So I'm not going to sell
[5:59] Speaker 1: you on purchasing Student of Love, Nope. But what I
[6:04] Speaker 1: will do is ask you, as matter of fact, I
[6:07] Speaker 1: will beg you to join me on the journey to
[6:12] Speaker 1: increase marriage raising the Black community, decrease divorced statistics, and
[6:20] Speaker 1: just maybe maybe this tool can help us do relationships
[6:26] Speaker 1: a whole lot better. So that's all I got.
[6:32] Speaker 4: Are you gonna join me?
[6:42] Speaker 1: As y'all always hear me say, love isn't about finding
[6:44] Speaker 1: the right person, It's about becoming the right person. So
[6:47] Speaker 1: be the person that you desire to marry one day. Man,
[6:51] Speaker 1: today's episode, it's gonna be fun. I had this dynamic
[6:56] Speaker 1: couple on the podcast.
[6:58] Speaker 4: Was that a year ago too? Two years ago? Two
[7:01] Speaker 4: years ago?
[7:02] Speaker 1: I had him on the podcast, and we get a
[7:04] Speaker 1: chance to talk to him again, catch up with him,
[7:07] Speaker 1: and have my lovely wife Ashley join in on the conversation. So,
[7:11] Speaker 1: without further ado, welcome to Dear Future WIFEI Podcasts and
[7:14] Speaker 1: my homies Chanelle and Delter Psychs are.
[7:17] Speaker 4: In the building. What's going on?
[7:21] Speaker 1: Nothing much, So listen. It's a video that Dolta dropped
[7:30] Speaker 1: at the time of this episode. It'll be two weeks
[7:32] Speaker 1: he dropped his video two weeks ago where you were
[7:35] Speaker 1: in tears sharing about how you are moved by how
[7:40] Speaker 1: people have been pouring into your wife supporting her perfume brand.
[7:45] Speaker 4: What made you side to post that video.
[7:49] Speaker 3: I definitely always wanted to give my wife the flowers
[7:51] Speaker 3: that she deserved, but also able to watch where she
[7:57] Speaker 3: started from and trying to find earn her way into
[8:01] Speaker 3: this world by being the good person that she is
[8:05] Speaker 3: without the negative influence and like, you know, I gotta
[8:09] Speaker 3: have this ecstatic life, or I got to have my
[8:12] Speaker 3: hair a certain way and look like this and stuff
[8:14] Speaker 3: like that. So when she wasn't you know, getting the
[8:21] Speaker 3: opportunity and the thing that she wanted and they wanted
[8:23] Speaker 3: to change her. And the fact that she said true
[8:25] Speaker 3: all the years and just seeing her grow at that
[8:28] Speaker 3: time and staying true.
[8:30] Speaker 4: Why growth?
[8:30] Speaker 6: It's just a beautiful thing to see, you know, and
[8:34] Speaker 6: a lot of people don't know she's been through a lot.
[8:36] Speaker 6: She was crying to me, you know, why why this?
[8:40] Speaker 6: And why that?
[8:40] Speaker 3: But you know, as we pray and keeping God, you know,
[8:44] Speaker 3: in lines of your journey with her and now watching
[8:48] Speaker 3: everybody loving her just to be her, it's amazing thing.
[8:53] Speaker 4: So Sanel, how did that feel? Did you know he's
[8:55] Speaker 4: gonna record that video?
[8:57] Speaker 2: I knew that he was going to do something nice.
[8:59] Speaker 2: I just didn't know exactly what it was. He was like,
[9:01] Speaker 2: I got a video coming for you, and I'm like, oh,
[9:03] Speaker 2: you know, wait, what is it?
[9:06] Speaker 3: Right?
[9:07] Speaker 2: I have the brace myself. But when he posted it,
[9:09] Speaker 2: my friend called me, was like, girl, about the post
[9:12] Speaker 2: of the video?
[9:12] Speaker 4: He posted it before he let you see it?
[9:14] Speaker 2: Yes, and I was like, oh he did, let me
[9:17] Speaker 2: go see and I go and look, and I'm like,
[9:20] Speaker 2: I'm gonna give him some later.
[9:25] Speaker 4: Did you say that in the video? Did you record
[9:27] Speaker 4: a video?
[9:29] Speaker 1: Yes?
[9:29] Speaker 2: If you If you don't notice, that's my favorite thing
[9:32] Speaker 2: to do with.
[9:34] Speaker 4: If you don't know this, but.
[9:36] Speaker 2: To mount him. My mom is going to see this,
[9:42] Speaker 2: and my mom, I'm so sorry. You right, you're right right,
[9:53] Speaker 2: five kids.
[9:53] Speaker 4: In man, so listen.
[9:56] Speaker 1: So y'all, So you posted that video, and don't think
[10:00] Speaker 1: we talked about this the last time you were on
[10:02] Speaker 1: the podcast. You know, men aren't taught to be that vulnerable,
[10:06] Speaker 1: be that transparent, certainly not be crying on this world
[10:09] Speaker 1: wide web. And in the episode that you were on previously,
[10:15] Speaker 1: you broke down in tears when you look back at
[10:18] Speaker 1: that moment and you saw how open you were in
[10:21] Speaker 1: that vulnerable moment because at that time you hadn't recorded
[10:24] Speaker 1: a video crying online or anything like that.
[10:27] Speaker 4: What did you think when you looked at that in retrospect?
[10:33] Speaker 4: Can we keep it real? No one taught us about love.
[10:37] Speaker 1: We picked a bad habits expectations and trauma and just
[10:40] Speaker 1: hope for the best. I'm gonna tear us off with Phil,
[10:43] Speaker 1: and I'm inviting you February the thirteenth to an evening
[10:46] Speaker 1: of Dear Future Wife who presents Student of Love. You're
[10:49] Speaker 1: going to be a part of a live recording of
[10:51] Speaker 1: the Dear Future WIFEI podcast co hosted by me and
[10:55] Speaker 1: my lovely wife Ashley with Phil. This is the first
[10:58] Speaker 1: time we're going to be doing a Dear Future Wife
[11:00] Speaker 1: podcast live together right here in Grand Prairie, Texas. We
[11:03] Speaker 1: want you to dress your decade of the year you
[11:06] Speaker 1: graduated high school.
[11:07] Speaker 4: Yeah, you remember that.
[11:08] Speaker 1: Probably the time you experienced your first heartbreak. We're gonna
[11:11] Speaker 1: go back and heal that wounded child. We're gonna laugh,
[11:14] Speaker 1: we're gonna have fun, we're gonna reminisce, and we're going
[11:17] Speaker 1: to heal together. So come out February thirteenth at the
[11:22] Speaker 1: Uptown Theater so that we can heal together, laugh together,
[11:26] Speaker 1: learn together. Now listen, this is an intimate space and
[11:29] Speaker 1: it will sell out fast. So go to gpblack Experience
[11:33] Speaker 1: dot com and get your tickets today. Or were you
[11:37] Speaker 1: one of those students that turned in your class work
[11:39] Speaker 1: late every day? You don't want to get your tickets late?
[11:42] Speaker 1: Get it right now there's a change. Uh huh remember
[11:45] Speaker 1: New Year?
[11:45] Speaker 4: Knew you? Come on, let's do that this time.
[11:58] Speaker 6: I feel of release.
[12:00] Speaker 4: You know.
[12:01] Speaker 3: One thing about me is like I found myself, like
[12:05] Speaker 3: my emotions be bottled up and but for so long,
[12:10] Speaker 3: then when it comes out, it just comes out and
[12:13] Speaker 3: I can't. I'm not gonna apologize for it because it's
[12:16] Speaker 3: just me, right. And also it was a great turning
[12:19] Speaker 3: point because I got a lot of inbox from men
[12:22] Speaker 3: and a lot of text messages, you know, like how
[12:27] Speaker 3: like I resonated with other men and it was a
[12:30] Speaker 3: I mean, it was a great feeling, you know, to
[12:32] Speaker 3: know that, to know that I'm not the only one,
[12:35] Speaker 3: and now they know they're not the only one.
[12:38] Speaker 1: So I mean, yeah, it's us and now comforting you
[12:42] Speaker 1: in that moment and you were like, I'm so proud
[12:44] Speaker 1: of you you started edifying and why was what made
[12:47] Speaker 1: you choose those words to say you were proud of
[12:49] Speaker 1: him for actually literally opening up and showing his emotions
[12:54] Speaker 1: publicly in that episode.
[12:56] Speaker 2: That we did, because I know that that's really hard
[12:58] Speaker 2: to do. You don't really see a lot of men
[13:00] Speaker 2: go and just be vulnerable, especially for the world to
[13:03] Speaker 2: be able to see you with the platform that we
[13:05] Speaker 2: have now, So for him to do that, I really
[13:08] Speaker 2: did feel like he was brave. And I always tell
[13:10] Speaker 2: him like he's brave, He's my superman, he's a good man,
[13:13] Speaker 2: you know, like I always try to tell him things.
[13:15] Speaker 2: But in that moment, I knew what it would do
[13:18] Speaker 2: once it aired, and it did exactly that. So I
[13:21] Speaker 2: was really proud of him. Would be touched by Yes,
[13:24] Speaker 2: how did you know that? Because I just feel like
[13:27] Speaker 2: so many men go through things like Dotha does, but
[13:30] Speaker 2: even with him and his friends circles, like, it's so
[13:32] Speaker 2: hard to hear them actually be vulnerable with each other
[13:35] Speaker 2: and talk to me like you got to have really
[13:37] Speaker 2: solid friends, yeah, because you never know, like, Okay, if
[13:40] Speaker 2: I tell you this and be vulnerable, but you are
[13:42] Speaker 2: You're gonna use this against me later, You're gonna make
[13:44] Speaker 2: fun of me, you know. So him being able to
[13:47] Speaker 2: do that to everybody and them not even know them
[13:50] Speaker 2: was really big.
[13:51] Speaker 6: And my dad called. He was like, hey, man, why
[13:53] Speaker 6: are you ty reson on the internet?
[14:00] Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
[14:05] Speaker 3: They also he said he was proud of me for
[14:06] Speaker 3: doing what I'm doing, but he had he had to
[14:08] Speaker 3: hear that a little bit.
[14:10] Speaker 2: Yeah, all I hear is, hey, daddy, why you over
[14:15] Speaker 2: there being Tyree?
[14:20] Speaker 6: And his mom was like, Yeah, what what you got
[14:23] Speaker 6: going on? What is that about?
[14:26] Speaker 4: Isn't that crazy? Doing the black community?
[14:27] Speaker 1: We're programmed well, I'll say his men period because even
[14:30] Speaker 1: I don't see white men showing their emotions online either,
[14:32] Speaker 1: but how we've been programmed period not to show our emotions.
[14:38] Speaker 1: And ty Reese became a meme for showing his emotions.
[14:43] Speaker 1: And so that's the biggest fear is that men be like,
[14:45] Speaker 1: I don't want to be a meme. You know what
[14:46] Speaker 1: I'm saying. You can be in a moment and then
[14:48] Speaker 1: people take that moment and now it's internet like, it's
[14:52] Speaker 1: literally a meme. People comment and say, what more do
[14:55] Speaker 1: you want from me? They comment that under people's videos
[14:58] Speaker 1: or whatnot. And so even shout out to Tyreeves for
[15:02] Speaker 1: being vulnerable as a man to actually show that emotion,
[15:05] Speaker 1: because even when I saw that, and that was ways back,
[15:09] Speaker 1: I saw that, and I was like, I can empathize
[15:11] Speaker 1: with that brother, because it takes a lot of Now,
[15:13] Speaker 1: this dude has been in Fast and the Furious, all
[15:15] Speaker 1: these big movies, baby Boy, all this stuff, and then
[15:18] Speaker 1: for him to show that vulnerable moment. It's sad that
[15:21] Speaker 1: people will weaponize a man's ability against him, which will
[15:25] Speaker 1: program more men to say, see, you can't keep it real.
[15:28] Speaker 1: And that's why I say, I understand why women outlive
[15:32] Speaker 1: men that men bottle all that stuff up. They dive,
[15:36] Speaker 1: heart attack, early high blood pressure and everything else because
[15:39] Speaker 1: they're keeping all those emotions. And God created these tear
[15:43] Speaker 1: ducts for a reason. And it's a moment to emote.
[15:47] Speaker 1: Jesus Christ did in the Garden of Yosemite. He cried,
[15:50] Speaker 1: And so shout out to you, King for actually being
[15:53] Speaker 1: vulnerable and doing that. So you know, I've already interviewed
[15:56] Speaker 1: them before, and so I know a lot of the
[16:00] Speaker 1: answers to a lot of questions. But I wanted to
[16:01] Speaker 1: feel fresh and new to you. Any questions that you
[16:04] Speaker 1: would like to ask the Sykes, Well, my.
[16:07] Speaker 5: First question would just be how did y'all meet. I
[16:10] Speaker 5: know you've been married for thirteen years, but I don't
[16:13] Speaker 5: know how this love story started.
[16:16] Speaker 8: So can you bring me up to speed.
[16:18] Speaker 2: Well, it all started with a poem. A poem, A
[16:21] Speaker 2: poem about celibacy and some reason that turned him own.
[16:25] Speaker 6: I guess from now.
[16:26] Speaker 2: He was just like, I need that.
[16:30] Speaker 4: I turned your own.
[16:31] Speaker 9: Dought.
[16:31] Speaker 3: Hey, I mean a woman that got her guard up
[16:34] Speaker 3: and nobody can't get it us.
[16:36] Speaker 6: I feel like that's that's a sign from God right there.
[16:39] Speaker 1: So you had a poetry night and you did a
[16:42] Speaker 1: poem about celibacy, and then you were there doing.
[16:46] Speaker 3: What So I had about this new camera at the time,
[16:49] Speaker 3: and I was just filming, just testing it out, and
[16:51] Speaker 3: then she asked me to film because her mom wasn't there.
[16:55] Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, cool, ye'all can do that. And after
[16:58] Speaker 3: that she and boxed me, Hey you got the footage
[17:01] Speaker 3: and how much would it be to get it? I said,
[17:04] Speaker 3: you know, I have to take you out on a
[17:05] Speaker 3: date for you to get this footage. Yeah, that's like,
[17:09] Speaker 3: you said, Yeah, he was like, you can get the footage,
[17:12] Speaker 3: but we got to go on a date. And I'm like,
[17:16] Speaker 3: let me consult with Jesus because this isn't what I
[17:19] Speaker 3: had in my cellar bate mind. And somebody else asked
[17:23] Speaker 3: me out on a date at the same time and
[17:26] Speaker 3: ultimately the same event. No, just like the same night,
[17:30] Speaker 3: just randomly, I don't know. Someone else asked me out.
[17:34] Speaker 3: And he asked me to go to six Flags with
[17:36] Speaker 3: my daughter for the weekend, and like, you know, and
[17:38] Speaker 3: then Data asked me to go see a movie I
[17:40] Speaker 3: had already seen. And keep in mind, this dude has
[17:43] Speaker 3: some masters and science, whatever the biology is. He was
[17:48] Speaker 3: already a detective for something, not a detective making making
[17:51] Speaker 3: blues music on the side.
[17:54] Speaker 6: So you know, when she told me who she.
[17:56] Speaker 3: I was up against, I was like, oh, he said
[17:58] Speaker 3: he good, he financially stable. And then you know, I said, yeah,
[18:02] Speaker 3: I mean, I said, you know, I did.
[18:04] Speaker 6: What I could.
[18:06] Speaker 3: When she called me and I was like, well, have
[18:08] Speaker 3: want to say flex, she was like, I'm not going
[18:10] Speaker 3: to say Flags.
[18:13] Speaker 2: Oh where are you going to the movies to see?
[18:15] Speaker 2: Thinks like a man again with you?
[18:18] Speaker 4: Well? What made you him?
[18:21] Speaker 2: I asked, Jesus and little why. I prayed about it
[18:23] Speaker 2: and I was like, okay, God, like what am I
[18:26] Speaker 2: supposed to be doing? Because right now I'm in the
[18:27] Speaker 2: TELEBC season, so like who what do you want me
[18:29] Speaker 2: to do? He was like picked through and I was
[18:32] Speaker 2: like are you sure? And he's like yes, and I'm
[18:34] Speaker 2: like all right, cool, called out there and tell him
[18:36] Speaker 2: I'm gonna go with him. And literally, like that night
[18:38] Speaker 2: we went on the date, we were inseparable every day
[18:41] Speaker 2: after that.
[18:42] Speaker 6: I didn't like.
[18:43] Speaker 2: I literally was just like you can just you.
[18:45] Speaker 3: Know, we just live together, like I have my money,
[18:49] Speaker 3: say I was gonna go to LA because I was
[18:51] Speaker 3: already in the film business, and I was like, you
[18:53] Speaker 3: know what, I'm going to La. And then once this
[18:56] Speaker 3: happened and kicked off, I was like, you know what,
[19:00] Speaker 3: whatever happens happens, you know.
[19:01] Speaker 5: At this point, So did you let him know that
[19:04] Speaker 5: you heard from God? Later when he asked me, okay,
[19:07] Speaker 5: but not that first conversation, she had no clue I
[19:10] Speaker 5: was telling but he didn't know nothing. He was asking
[19:12] Speaker 5: other people at the poetry and I like, what's up
[19:14] Speaker 5: with Shanelle? Like how do why is she so guarded?
[19:16] Speaker 2: And they were like, man, you are not gonna get
[19:17] Speaker 2: to talk to her, like because so many people for
[19:20] Speaker 2: whatever reason like me and.
[19:22] Speaker 8: Whatever reason, amazing.
[19:28] Speaker 4: Energy for whatever reason.
[19:30] Speaker 2: Yeah, I had it going on back then, for real,
[19:32] Speaker 2: for real, because I was in the Air Force and
[19:33] Speaker 2: you know, I was working out and doing all the things.
[19:35] Speaker 2: But yeah, everybody kept telling him good luck and he
[19:38] Speaker 2: was like thanks, and he went straight forward. So that's
[19:42] Speaker 2: how it went.
[19:43] Speaker 1: So you told him, so you were very transparent and
[19:45] Speaker 1: open and told him about the other opportunity that you
[19:48] Speaker 1: had with the other guy.
[19:49] Speaker 5: I did.
[19:50] Speaker 4: How did you say it too?
[19:51] Speaker 2: I was like Hi, He was like what's soup? What's soup?
[19:57] Speaker 2: And I was like, well, I am going on and
[20:00] Speaker 2: he was like oh okay, Oh well no he did know.
[20:03] Speaker 2: So he didn't know about the other guy because I
[20:05] Speaker 2: ended up telling him in the conversation and he was like,
[20:10] Speaker 2: so you're gonna go with the other guy and I'm
[20:11] Speaker 2: like no, I'm gonna.
[20:13] Speaker 1: Go with you.
[20:13] Speaker 2: And he was like okay, okay, and he was like, well,
[20:16] Speaker 2: I'm gonna come pick you up. And I'm like, no,
[20:17] Speaker 2: you're not. You can't come pick me up. Because the
[20:19] Speaker 2: date that made me celibate, did I tell you about that.
[20:22] Speaker 2: Oh my god, the date that made me celibate. I
[20:26] Speaker 2: went to the movie to go see a Tyler Perry
[20:28] Speaker 2: movie with this guy and some told me not to
[20:31] Speaker 2: let him take me.
[20:32] Speaker 4: Like.
[20:32] Speaker 2: I met him there and y'all, he made me buy
[20:34] Speaker 2: my own movie ticket and he pulled out a coupon
[20:36] Speaker 2: for a free soda pop It wasn't for me, And
[20:44] Speaker 2: then we're in the movie. He's talking the whole movie.
[20:46] Speaker 2: He didn't buy me popcorn. Then on top of that,
[20:52] Speaker 2: I went to the movies like a week before that
[20:54] Speaker 2: or not, maybe like a month before that, and the
[20:56] Speaker 2: guy that worked the concession stand was like, do you
[20:57] Speaker 2: think I can have your number? And I was like, no,
[21:00] Speaker 2: can'ts you know, like I don't know. And so when
[21:03] Speaker 2: I go on a date with the guy that movie
[21:05] Speaker 2: guy that asked me out, he was like, so he
[21:09] Speaker 2: got a coupon for a free sort of pop and
[21:12] Speaker 2: what do you have? Like he was laughing at me,
[21:14] Speaker 2: you have? I was so embarrassed, so I told I
[21:18] Speaker 2: was like, I'm celibate, Like I'm not doing this. This
[21:20] Speaker 2: is terrible. That man asked me to be his He
[21:24] Speaker 2: was like, come here, I think you should be my girlfriend,
[21:26] Speaker 2: and I was like, I'm gonna block you. I blocked him, and.
[21:29] Speaker 4: At that point you was like I'm done. Yep.
[21:31] Speaker 2: And to this day, when we see sometimes him in
[21:34] Speaker 2: the mall, he'd be like, what's up Dot because we
[21:36] Speaker 2: all went to the same poetry spot, so they knew
[21:39] Speaker 2: each other.
[21:40] Speaker 6: And it was so hard for me not to mister
[21:43] Speaker 6: Fath just know because I already knew about it.
[21:45] Speaker 4: I'm like, wow, yeah, So let's go back to that moment.
[21:52] Speaker 1: So, so the rules of dating y'all went to the movies,
[21:57] Speaker 1: you expected him to pay for everything.
[21:59] Speaker 2: I felt like, if you asked me to the movies
[22:03] Speaker 2: or on a date right to get a movie and
[22:05] Speaker 2: ice cream, then at least pay for the ticket for
[22:08] Speaker 2: the movie.
[22:09] Speaker 1: I don't.
[22:09] Speaker 2: For the girl, he was like, can I get two
[22:12] Speaker 2: tickets to see Tyler Perry? And I was like, okay, cool,
[22:15] Speaker 2: and then the guy was like, it's gonna be seventeen dollars.
[22:17] Speaker 2: He was like, where's your money? He said like it
[22:21] Speaker 2: was a field trip. Was like okay, he just didn't
[22:28] Speaker 2: pay for the snack. So then we go in the
[22:32] Speaker 2: movie theater and he's like, all right, what snacks you want?
[22:35] Speaker 2: And I'm like I don't know if I trust it,
[22:37] Speaker 2: but I want some popcorn and some bunch of crunch.
[22:39] Speaker 2: All right, cool, She'll have popcorn a bunch of crunch.
[22:42] Speaker 2: And then he was like okay, and then he looked
[22:43] Speaker 2: at me. He was like, where your money? What are
[22:46] Speaker 2: you talking for me for?
[22:48] Speaker 4: What are we doing? So?
[22:50] Speaker 2: Yeah, and then he pulled out his cool The guy
[22:52] Speaker 2: was like anything else. He's like, I like a resta
[22:54] Speaker 2: pop and he put them on the end.
[22:56] Speaker 4: I like him.
[22:58] Speaker 2: I was so mad, and we in the movie. He
[23:00] Speaker 2: talking about how the lady is so hot like his mom.
[23:03] Speaker 2: He's probably going to see this.
[23:07] Speaker 6: It was a terribleness name to it. Yeah, nobody ever
[23:10] Speaker 6: know the movie hot.
[23:11] Speaker 4: Like his mom.
[23:12] Speaker 2: He was like, oh, she's so high. She reminds me
[23:14] Speaker 2: of my mom. And I was like, oh, this can't
[23:17] Speaker 2: be what dating is. So I was like, we're done.
[23:20] Speaker 2: I'm never dating again.
[23:22] Speaker 6: You see how I heard it was me and him.
[23:24] Speaker 6: After hearing that, yeah like, oh wow, like my mom,
[23:28] Speaker 6: she's really hot him.
[23:31] Speaker 4: He said, my mom is really hot. I would date
[23:34] Speaker 4: she was my mom.
[23:35] Speaker 2: So then Dotha asked me on the day and I
[23:42] Speaker 2: was like, I'm driving, you cannot come pick me he
[23:44] Speaker 2: was like, I'm coming to pick you up and I
[23:46] Speaker 2: was like, okay, yes, sir, he can't pick me up.
[23:50] Speaker 1: He paid.
[23:50] Speaker 2: Then we get in the movie theater and he was like,
[23:52] Speaker 2: you want a snack and I was like that stuff
[23:54] Speaker 2: too expensive, and he was like, you're gonna be my wife.
[23:59] Speaker 3: Exactly. That said onepluyment too. I got two hundred fifty
[24:03] Speaker 3: dollars that week. I was like, I'm gonna take that out.
[24:05] Speaker 6: On the day we went to.
[24:10] Speaker 3: Runner Grill, we was drawing on the table, but we
[24:12] Speaker 3: had a time on an unemployment chair.
[24:14] Speaker 9: Yep.
[24:15] Speaker 6: I'm just sure I have my niece and all to
[24:18] Speaker 6: mon at that time.
[24:19] Speaker 2: Yeah, he put on slacks for me, y'all.
[24:22] Speaker 4: Yep.
[24:22] Speaker 2: Yeah, he got dressed up. I mean got dressed up.
[24:25] Speaker 1: So actually talked about that the other day about because
[24:29] Speaker 1: we were doing like a role play about if I
[24:31] Speaker 1: met her and I was just on limited funds and
[24:34] Speaker 1: I was like, hey, I want to take her to
[24:35] Speaker 1: a nice restaurant and I couldn't afford it, and just said,
[24:38] Speaker 1: let me level out with you.
[24:39] Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.
[24:41] Speaker 1: You're going you can get your meal, but I'm just
[24:43] Speaker 1: gonna drink this water because I can't afford, but.
[24:45] Speaker 4: Just one meal? What was you do in that situation?
[24:47] Speaker 4: She'll say, listen, don't tell us. What do you say?
[24:50] Speaker 5: What you say you'll say in that situation, Well, I
[24:53] Speaker 5: would say, I don't know why we're here. We don't
[24:55] Speaker 5: need to stay at this restaurant. Let's go get a pizza, yeah,
[24:58] Speaker 5: because why are we living within our means? Like it
[25:02] Speaker 5: shouldn't be that we have to count our coins and
[25:05] Speaker 5: we can barely get out here. Or I said, let's
[25:08] Speaker 5: have a picnic, like you tell me what you can afford.
[25:11] Speaker 5: We can go get sandwiches, subway, subway, you know what
[25:14] Speaker 5: I'm saying. We could get a foot long sandwich and
[25:17] Speaker 5: we could share it if we have to get some chips,
[25:20] Speaker 5: and we put out a blanket.
[25:21] Speaker 8: We set the mood. We get to talking like we
[25:25] Speaker 8: do not need to spend money for me to be happy.
[25:29] Speaker 4: So we talked about that.
[25:30] Speaker 1: So we talked about that a couple of weeks ago,
[25:32] Speaker 1: and I said, if I went on a date with
[25:34] Speaker 1: you and you said that on the first date, I
[25:35] Speaker 1: would say, this is my wife. And so it's funny
[25:38] Speaker 1: that he said the same thing because social media has
[25:42] Speaker 1: taught us. So it's so wrong. It's just so wrong,
[25:46] Speaker 1: so so so so wrong. What's Laticia? And I just
[25:54] Speaker 1: forgot the man's name. Fitness people ride talked about their
[25:59] Speaker 1: first date was that house? When I talked to most
[26:02] Speaker 1: people when they go on these first dates or whatever,
[26:05] Speaker 1: it would be the most simple place, and they like, hey,
[26:08] Speaker 1: I just want to get to know you, and so
[26:10] Speaker 1: I want to.
[26:11] Speaker 4: I remember the whole thing that was going.
[26:13] Speaker 1: On over a year ago about the whole waffle house nonsense,
[26:16] Speaker 1: you know, waffle house, cheesecake factory nonsense, and I'm going,
[26:20] Speaker 1: what I like cheesecave fact.
[26:24] Speaker 8: People are missing.
[26:26] Speaker 6: One girl got maund She went.
[26:28] Speaker 1: Talking about he took me a cheesecare Factor, and I
[26:29] Speaker 1: was like, we got to quit this, like the listeners
[26:32] Speaker 1: has to stop.
[26:35] Speaker 8: We went to cheesecake factory twice in a week.
[26:37] Speaker 4: Yeah it was good. Really than give me no money?
[26:41] Speaker 4: So ain't I was about telling them what I ate there.
[26:43] Speaker 6: That was good, first time.
[26:46] Speaker 1: No free promote, Please run me check esca factory, Doorshall
[26:53] Speaker 1: and y'all lovely brown bread. But so why did you
[26:59] Speaker 1: say that in that moment? You said, this is my wife.
[27:03] Speaker 3: Because she doesn't see me financially. She wants to know
[27:06] Speaker 3: me for me, and what I bring to the table
[27:11] Speaker 3: is me already. So now I just have to continuing
[27:14] Speaker 3: being me, And that's and I think that's the best
[27:18] Speaker 3: way to build with somebody, like when you can just
[27:21] Speaker 3: like when you have when you take money out of
[27:23] Speaker 3: the equation and all you got is conversation and your
[27:27] Speaker 3: spirits connect and everything connects and it's just a good time.
[27:30] Speaker 3: Oh yeah, money is just a plus when you're together.
[27:33] Speaker 3: But when you can do without it, Oh yeah, that's.
[27:38] Speaker 4: So.
[27:38] Speaker 1: Most people have said that you don't have no business
[27:40] Speaker 1: dating when you don't have a job on unemployment. Of
[27:43] Speaker 1: course you didn't believe that, But Chanelle, did you agree
[27:48] Speaker 1: with that ideology in the past.
[27:50] Speaker 4: No, why not, because I don't care.
[27:53] Speaker 2: I mean, I just I also kind of feel like.
[27:56] Speaker 1: Oh, on you at the Air Force, you got a career,
[27:58] Speaker 1: you got a job. You tell me that a guy
[28:02] Speaker 1: clearly happened, but a guy that is on unemployment in
[28:07] Speaker 1: the way you were thinking prior to meeting Dotha, that
[28:09] Speaker 1: was okay.
[28:10] Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean before meeting him, my mindset may
[28:14] Speaker 2: have been different. It may have been like, Oh, at
[28:16] Speaker 2: one point, I think I thought I was going to
[28:18] Speaker 2: be with somebody in the military because they understood my
[28:20] Speaker 2: lifestyle an active duty you know, off on the weekends.
[28:24] Speaker 2: But then when I met Dotha, I was like, wow,
[28:26] Speaker 2: this is a whole different world, Like he just out
[28:29] Speaker 2: here just doing stuff. But at the same time, even
[28:35] Speaker 2: though he was on unemployment, Dotha's situation was different because
[28:38] Speaker 2: he also got residual checks from movies right TV shows,
[28:41] Speaker 2: So like Dontha would get money coming in, he just
[28:43] Speaker 2: wouldn't have to go to work. And so when he
[28:45] Speaker 2: first told me he was a stunt double, I was like, okay,
[28:48] Speaker 2: so like what else, Like what else do you do?
[28:50] Speaker 2: And he's like, that's it. I just work on films,
[28:52] Speaker 2: and I'm like all right, okay. But then he showed
[28:55] Speaker 2: me things that he actually worked on it, and I
[28:57] Speaker 2: was like, oh, oh, I get it. Okay, now I'm
[28:59] Speaker 2: starting to make sense that there's other ways to live
[29:02] Speaker 2: outside of what we were taught growing up.
[29:05] Speaker 1: That's the money being inconsistent like that as a woman,
[29:09] Speaker 1: you didn't desire stability.
[29:12] Speaker 2: I have my own stability, So for me, it wasn't
[29:14] Speaker 2: I wasn't looking for somebody to take care of me.
[29:17] Speaker 2: I was looking for somebody to be kind to me,
[29:19] Speaker 2: to be supportive of me, and I could hopefully do
[29:22] Speaker 2: the same for him.
[29:23] Speaker 4: I didn't.
[29:23] Speaker 2: I don't care about the money part.
[29:25] Speaker 4: How were you raised, dotha?
[29:26] Speaker 1: Were you raised that you know, men should be the
[29:29] Speaker 1: provider that you felt that you had to be at
[29:32] Speaker 1: a certain level financially to start dating with intention or
[29:35] Speaker 1: to get married, or you just didn't even accept that
[29:39] Speaker 1: ideology at all.
[29:40] Speaker 3: Well, watching my dad on how he raised us and
[29:46] Speaker 3: with my mom and they've been going through a lot,
[29:48] Speaker 3: like financially on and off. Yeah, I learned that things happen,
[29:52] Speaker 3: but they stick together with that. So with that, it's
[29:56] Speaker 3: just what I learned from him is you know, just
[30:00] Speaker 3: don't be lazy, control what you can, you know, and
[30:03] Speaker 3: do what you can. So yeah, from that aspect of
[30:06] Speaker 3: it is like I knew I was already driven. I
[30:08] Speaker 3: knew I had my goals. It's not trying to, you know,
[30:12] Speaker 3: live off of somebody, you know what I mean.
[30:14] Speaker 6: I just had goals.
[30:15] Speaker 3: But like meeting her with that, you know, somebody's already
[30:21] Speaker 3: for one k and I said, oh marriage mina military
[30:25] Speaker 3: I got free insurance. Now I'm like, okay.
[30:27] Speaker 6: He brought all his friends to the gym.
[30:30] Speaker 4: At the gym.
[30:31] Speaker 3: But what God had for me, I knew it was.
[30:36] Speaker 3: I just trusted what he had for me, you know
[30:38] Speaker 3: what I mean. I just try to trust the process,
[30:41] Speaker 3: you know. And I think that's what.
[30:44] Speaker 2: A big part of it too, was that. Okay, I
[30:49] Speaker 2: know we joke about the unemployment and stuff, but there
[30:51] Speaker 2: were times when we first got together my biological dad
[30:55] Speaker 2: was passing away, right, And so I'm on orders and
[30:58] Speaker 2: I get the phone call while I'm at work that
[31:00] Speaker 2: I need to be in Atlanta to be with or
[31:03] Speaker 2: in front of a man who is my dad but
[31:06] Speaker 2: I haven't seen in years, since I was like fourteen,
[31:09] Speaker 2: and so I'm like, I need to get there. And
[31:12] Speaker 2: doctor was like, we can take my unemployment check, we
[31:14] Speaker 2: can put the gas in the car, we can get
[31:16] Speaker 2: the hotel room. He literally gave me his last you
[31:19] Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. He had just got it and
[31:20] Speaker 2: was like, let's go, I'll drive. You don't have to
[31:22] Speaker 2: worry about anything. And so for that, just having that
[31:26] Speaker 2: in him was like he is my forever man. Like
[31:30] Speaker 2: there's no way money could account to exactly what he's
[31:34] Speaker 2: given me.
[31:36] Speaker 4: So yeah, and.
[31:40] Speaker 6: I don't want to this since we over this time.
[31:42] Speaker 3: I remember he had called and she answered, and you know,
[31:47] Speaker 3: he was like, if I give you a million dollars,
[31:49] Speaker 3: what would you do with it?
[31:51] Speaker 6: She never said, I don't know. And then they got
[31:53] Speaker 6: off the phone.
[31:54] Speaker 4: And then.
[31:57] Speaker 3: After everything settled, I was like, here's that million dollars.
[32:03] Speaker 3: So random, but yes, we need where where did that
[32:08] Speaker 3: money go?
[32:09] Speaker 2: We don't know.
[32:14] Speaker 4: Don't like this.
[32:16] Speaker 1: I don't know what happened with it, if if if?
[32:25] Speaker 5: But I think that's so good and I want people
[32:27] Speaker 5: like because you can have money, but you cannot be generous, right.
[32:31] Speaker 5: And then something key that you said was that you
[32:33] Speaker 5: weren't lazy, and so I think that as people because
[32:37] Speaker 5: a lot of people in these social social social media
[32:40] Speaker 5: streets will say he has to make this amount of money.
[32:43] Speaker 5: But if you look for values in a person, right,
[32:47] Speaker 5: he's generous.
[32:49] Speaker 8: Why can't I speak today? He's generous, right, And.
[32:53] Speaker 5: He is kind like you said, And then he's ambitious.
[32:58] Speaker 5: He doesn't just let the whole day past. He has visions,
[33:01] Speaker 5: so you can come under the vision and submit. It
[33:04] Speaker 5: sounds like the perfect recipe for you, of course, to
[33:07] Speaker 5: fall in love with him.
[33:09] Speaker 2: And also I didn't have a list like a lot
[33:11] Speaker 2: of people like what he needs to have, this he
[33:13] Speaker 2: needs to sell myself. I don't have that. I felt
[33:16] Speaker 2: like the minute I started giving God a list of
[33:19] Speaker 2: my requirements, then I would lose out on exactly what
[33:22] Speaker 2: he had for me, because who he might have for
[33:25] Speaker 2: me my struggle financially right now, but later on it
[33:28] Speaker 2: might be he might be extremely wealthy, or he might
[33:33] Speaker 2: have issues or need to grow up in these places,
[33:36] Speaker 2: but that may be where I come in. So I
[33:38] Speaker 2: can't tell God, oh, this is what I want, and
[33:40] Speaker 2: then he gives me exactly that, and then I don't.
[33:42] Speaker 2: I'm still not fulfilled and happy. So I let God
[33:45] Speaker 2: tell me what I need versus me telling God what
[33:48] Speaker 2: I think I should have.
[33:50] Speaker 4: Really, have you always been like that?
[33:51] Speaker 1: Yes?
[33:52] Speaker 4: Really?
[33:53] Speaker 6: Absolutely? My mama didn't play.
[33:55] Speaker 4: So if I lined up all the guys that you
[33:57] Speaker 4: to day that they just all just different.
[33:58] Speaker 2: They're all different, there's all different people.
[34:01] Speaker 1: So you're just really open and submitted to God, let
[34:05] Speaker 1: God will be done.
[34:07] Speaker 2: Yeah, But I mean there are also times where I
[34:10] Speaker 2: let less to get in the way, you know, like,
[34:13] Speaker 2: and then God spoke to me and be like that
[34:15] Speaker 2: is not your man, Like, that is not who is
[34:17] Speaker 2: for you? And then you know, you fall and you
[34:20] Speaker 2: get hard headed. And the more you stay in a
[34:23] Speaker 2: situation where God is trying to pull you out of
[34:24] Speaker 2: the bigger the signs get God is gonna show you
[34:26] Speaker 2: He's gonna give you a subtle sign at first, pay attention,
[34:29] Speaker 2: go the other way. You keep staying, you're gonna keep
[34:32] Speaker 2: ending up with more and more problems.
[34:33] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[34:34] Speaker 2: So I learned early on that if I leave early
[34:38] Speaker 2: enough where God has already shown me, then the heartbreak
[34:41] Speaker 2: won't be as bad. I can move on and then
[34:43] Speaker 2: I can heal and do what I need to do
[34:45] Speaker 2: and become the person I need to be. So when
[34:46] Speaker 2: the right person comes, then I'm already exactly where I
[34:49] Speaker 2: need to be.
[34:50] Speaker 4: That's good.
[34:51] Speaker 1: A lot of videos that you're always open and transparent
[34:54] Speaker 1: about sharing with women to overlook height in dating that
[35:01] Speaker 1: their husband may be shorter.
[35:03] Speaker 4: Why do you feel like that is so important to share.
[35:06] Speaker 2: Because I feel like a lot of times people get
[35:08] Speaker 2: caught up in the view, the aesthetic and what it
[35:13] Speaker 2: looks like on the outside, especially for other people looking in,
[35:16] Speaker 2: but then you miss out on the person that's intended
[35:19] Speaker 2: for you because you're so busy trying to impress the
[35:22] Speaker 2: next person, you know.
[35:23] Speaker 6: And it's no shade.
[35:24] Speaker 2: I understand now some of these women be five four
[35:26] Speaker 2: and they don't want somebody five to three, okay Ian,
[35:32] Speaker 2: But for me, like being I'm six feet there, I
[35:36] Speaker 2: think he's how tall?
[35:38] Speaker 6: You about the five ten and three forces.
[35:40] Speaker 2: Five teen and that three forces not there?
[35:47] Speaker 6: That stand up straight?
[35:48] Speaker 4: Is there?
[35:51] Speaker 9: We get a car.
[35:52] Speaker 4: Practice exactly, you know the time.
[35:57] Speaker 2: But I just wish that more women were open minded,
[35:59] Speaker 2: because so many women are like, oh my god, there's
[36:01] Speaker 2: so great, We'll get you a short king. I'm trying
[36:04] Speaker 2: to tell y'all get a short man. Yeah, it's simple, and.
[36:09] Speaker 4: Dother was you because it can go the other way
[36:11] Speaker 4: around where you like, I didn't want a woman taller
[36:13] Speaker 4: to me.
[36:14] Speaker 6: I never said that.
[36:14] Speaker 3: She was the first woman that dated I was taller
[36:16] Speaker 3: to me, mar yeah, first one, and I never I
[36:21] Speaker 3: didn't have a preference as as long as.
[36:22] Speaker 4: You I'm both the same way the people chance.
[36:26] Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm open you know, because like I knew what
[36:29] Speaker 3: I want from my spouse, I just didn't. I couldn't
[36:33] Speaker 3: put a face hurt anything to it. But then when
[36:36] Speaker 3: I saw her.
[36:37] Speaker 6: And the energy that I'm like, she tall, like I
[36:39] Speaker 6: like talking. Yeah, so it worked.
[36:51] Speaker 1: So y'all just both open minded. So what people should
[36:54] Speaker 1: take away from this is surrender your desires to the
[36:58] Speaker 1: desires of God and just say God, not my will
[37:02] Speaker 1: be left, I will be done whoever you have in
[37:04] Speaker 1: store for me, and let it be so.
[37:07] Speaker 3: Because if you can just yourself to work for somebody else,
[37:10] Speaker 3: why you can't adjust yourself to be with somebody.
[37:15] Speaker 6: Bar okay, okay, right?
[37:22] Speaker 2: If you can get up and go to work somewhere
[37:24] Speaker 2: you don't want to be, and adjust to a lifestyle
[37:26] Speaker 2: that you don't want, why you can't adjust to because
[37:29] Speaker 2: the job?
[37:29] Speaker 6: Say you, oh, would you work weekends? You know you
[37:31] Speaker 6: don't want to wear weekend?
[37:32] Speaker 2: But you do it anyway.
[37:33] Speaker 4: You do it anyway.
[37:34] Speaker 6: That's what I'm saying.
[37:36] Speaker 1: Is so real, y'all got y'all both brought a kid
[37:41] Speaker 1: to the marriage, right, and so total y'all have five kids.
[37:46] Speaker 1: How was that with building? Because at first you were
[37:51] Speaker 1: air Force. He was a creative he's you know, the
[37:55] Speaker 1: stunt double was going to move to l A. What
[37:58] Speaker 1: made you decide to pick it so quickly? Uh Dolther
[38:02] Speaker 1: and say I'm gonna hold my quote unquote.
[38:05] Speaker 3: Dreams back for this relationship because loyalty is hard to find,
[38:13] Speaker 3: you know, because like working, like being on set or
[38:16] Speaker 3: working surround yourself around the people. I see a lot
[38:19] Speaker 3: of famous, lonely people, and it's like at that point
[38:25] Speaker 3: you get to hire a certain standard, like is it
[38:28] Speaker 3: really worth it where you like the world knows who
[38:30] Speaker 3: you are, but you don't trust nobody around you that part,
[38:32] Speaker 3: or you know what I mean? So and that was
[38:35] Speaker 3: always the thing for me. I feel like if it
[38:37] Speaker 3: was for me, it's gonna be for me regardless what happens.
[38:40] Speaker 3: So I chose and next say, once you find a
[38:43] Speaker 3: good one, I don't know. If you messed that one up,
[38:47] Speaker 3: you ain't gonna find It's gonna be hard to.
[38:48] Speaker 6: Find another one, you know what I mean?
[38:51] Speaker 3: So and I always when when she first called my eye,
[38:56] Speaker 3: I knew I wanted her. Then when the opportunity to
[38:59] Speaker 3: present itself, I was like, Okay, this is just not
[39:01] Speaker 3: a running so I have to take this opportunity.
[39:04] Speaker 4: What did you want her?
[39:05] Speaker 1: Ass when she first caught your eye? You wanted her
[39:07] Speaker 1: as your wife or you just wanted to get to
[39:09] Speaker 1: know her?
[39:10] Speaker 4: Oh? Both both.
[39:11] Speaker 3: I wanted to get to know her first because if
[39:13] Speaker 3: your spirit and your energy is not there, then I'm
[39:17] Speaker 3: quick to shoot out like all right, cool. It was fun,
[39:19] Speaker 3: you know, but the fact that it all lined up
[39:25] Speaker 3: like it was just like, oh, yeah, I can't I
[39:28] Speaker 3: can't find nothing better than this.
[39:30] Speaker 1: And now the pivot happened is that at first Dotha
[39:35] Speaker 1: was the creative one and you were the corporate one.
[39:38] Speaker 1: But you said, the roles have shifted drastically into what
[39:47] Speaker 1: I'm goofy, And initially Dotha was the one on the
[39:52] Speaker 1: camera and I'll be like, what are you doing? Like
[39:54] Speaker 1: why are you making these videos?
[39:56] Speaker 2: He's like because And I really feel like Dotha was
[39:58] Speaker 2: so ahead of his time because the skits he was making.
[40:01] Speaker 2: We just went back and watched them. They were hilarious,
[40:04] Speaker 2: but he didn't have the following and people just weren't
[40:07] Speaker 2: really onto it at that point.
[40:08] Speaker 4: And put time how long ago? What year was this?
[40:11] Speaker 6: Ooh twent thirteen, Yeah, twelve thirteen.
[40:15] Speaker 2: Yeah, they were on Vine, but Docta was already posting
[40:17] Speaker 2: longer skits on Facebook.
[40:18] Speaker 7: Are you were?
[40:19] Speaker 9: Yes?
[40:20] Speaker 2: Yes, and they were hilarious, and I'm just like, so
[40:24] Speaker 2: he was doing that, but I couldn't really see much
[40:26] Speaker 2: of what was supposed to be coming from that, and
[40:29] Speaker 2: I was going to work and then somehow down the line,
[40:33] Speaker 2: we made one funny video and it went viral and
[40:36] Speaker 2: I was like, let's do some more. And he was like,
[40:39] Speaker 2: I'm done with that life, you know.
[40:40] Speaker 6: He was like, I've been there, done that.
[40:42] Speaker 2: He was a comedian, he had been to New York, LA,
[40:45] Speaker 2: like all the places to do these things, and I
[40:48] Speaker 2: guess I just.
[40:49] Speaker 4: Reled them back in life. Yeah, like that's not for me.
[40:54] Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And I was like, no, it's not. Let's
[40:56] Speaker 2: do it.
[40:56] Speaker 4: So what was that first skit that went viral? What
[40:58] Speaker 4: were y'all talking about?
[40:59] Speaker 9: Man?
[41:00] Speaker 2: And we were making fun of people in love get
[41:05] Speaker 2: where we were like hugging and kissing, and we were like,
[41:08] Speaker 2: this is not going to go viral. And he hit
[41:09] Speaker 2: like a million that like the next morning, and I
[41:11] Speaker 2: was like.
[41:12] Speaker 4: The next morning, Yes, on web platform.
[41:14] Speaker 2: Instagram, and then it was all on Black Love. It
[41:17] Speaker 2: was it was everywhere, and I was like, this cannot
[41:20] Speaker 2: be real. This is how easy it is. So then
[41:24] Speaker 2: we started making funny content. And at the time I
[41:27] Speaker 2: started making funny content, we made the Ken Doll, the
[41:31] Speaker 2: Viral Doll, the Three Ken Dolls, on the truck and
[41:34] Speaker 2: I called up and I was like, it's some men
[41:35] Speaker 2: on the car and they won't move and doctor comes
[41:37] Speaker 2: running downstairs. But it was really just three Kim Barbie
[41:39] Speaker 2: dolls and it was at the time of the Barbie
[41:43] Speaker 2: movie and the movie, like, the video went extremely viral
[41:46] Speaker 2: and then I had people harass you to come on
[41:49] Speaker 2: your show.
[41:50] Speaker 1: They started hitting me up. Yeah, she told she told people.
[41:52] Speaker 1: Tell them what you told people? Sel who started telling
[41:55] Speaker 1: your audience to do what?
[41:56] Speaker 4: Hit them up?
[41:57] Speaker 1: Call him?
[41:58] Speaker 6: Since smoke signals air.
[42:02] Speaker 1: Like, I said, why people keep tagging me in this
[42:04] Speaker 1: girl stuff? You need to have the DM and you
[42:06] Speaker 1: need to have Chail on the podcast. I said, who
[42:08] Speaker 1: is Chanail? So they go to page I'm like, oh,
[42:10] Speaker 1: he's funny with what she talking about it. You need
[42:12] Speaker 1: to have anything to have it. And it was just
[42:14] Speaker 1: blowing me up, and I said, let me just see
[42:15] Speaker 1: who this couple is. And I was like, oh, I
[42:17] Speaker 1: like them.
[42:18] Speaker 4: Yeah, I said, I would love to.
[42:19] Speaker 1: Talk to them, because what I loved about y'all is
[42:22] Speaker 1: that y'all enjoy each other. I can genuinely see when
[42:25] Speaker 1: people aren't just quote unquote influencer couples and people that
[42:30] Speaker 1: are couples that use their influence, you know what I'm saying,
[42:33] Speaker 1: And so that that's a big That was a bar,
[42:36] Speaker 1: that was.
[42:41] Speaker 4: Your hair only one dropping bos, but that was the reality.
[42:50] Speaker 1: So I looked at them and I said I like them,
[42:53] Speaker 1: And I didn't know the story that y'all had, But
[42:56] Speaker 1: once I got the unpacking that, I was like, gosh,
[43:00] Speaker 1: let me tell you what I love about the SYCHS.
[43:02] Speaker 1: It's because y'all truly take those vows seriously, for better,
[43:07] Speaker 1: for worse, richer, and for poor.
[43:11] Speaker 4: Have y'all had any sickness and in health situation?
[43:14] Speaker 9: Yes?
[43:14] Speaker 4: What was that?
[43:16] Speaker 2: We just was talking about this on the way here.
[43:18] Speaker 2: I ended up having cardiac issues with heart rhythmia, and
[43:21] Speaker 2: it was during my fitness time where I was teaching girl.
[43:23] Speaker 2: You remember I told you I had a virtual fitness well.
[43:27] Speaker 2: I ended up having to do like blood work and
[43:29] Speaker 2: having to wear the heart monitor because I was in
[43:31] Speaker 2: the emergency room a few times and my heart will
[43:33] Speaker 2: going to an abnormal rhythm, but it could be fatal
[43:36] Speaker 2: if it stayed too long. And so having that happen
[43:40] Speaker 2: and like not understanding why, and then getting my genetic
[43:43] Speaker 2: testing back and being told that one of the genes
[43:46] Speaker 2: I do have an abnormal heart rhythm. That really tested
[43:50] Speaker 2: us because then they were like, oh, well, it's an
[43:52] Speaker 2: electrical issue. You can't be startled, you know, you have
[43:56] Speaker 2: to be careful. And I just remember one time adult
[44:00] Speaker 2: was in the kitchen and I was wearing a monitor
[44:02] Speaker 2: and I looked out into the kitchen and he just
[44:05] Speaker 2: started crying and he was just like, just don't leave, like,
[44:08] Speaker 2: you know, we have to fix this. And it was
[44:10] Speaker 2: so hard because I was trying to just be okay
[44:15] Speaker 2: and not let all of these thoughts cloud and he
[44:18] Speaker 2: was just trying to keep function of the house. It
[44:20] Speaker 2: was it was rough.
[44:22] Speaker 4: Don't leave.
[44:23] Speaker 3: Yeah, but this is the thing about me though. I
[44:25] Speaker 3: had to realize I couldn't catch myself or what man say.
[44:32] Speaker 3: It takes a hard time to understand that because sometimes
[44:36] Speaker 3: we intentionally do we live the man life unintentionally, And
[44:41] Speaker 3: then when the doctor says, oh you got this, this
[44:43] Speaker 3: is uncurable, or this is new, this is new, and
[44:46] Speaker 3: you receive it and you got to think about God
[44:49] Speaker 3: created you individually, and you can cure anything that you
[44:53] Speaker 3: through Him. So when I started doing more research and
[44:56] Speaker 3: start praying, I was stuffing magnesium down her throat.
[45:00] Speaker 6: He loved me so much.
[45:03] Speaker 3: And the potassium, you know, like just a thing that
[45:06] Speaker 3: God gave us to keep us sustained.
[45:08] Speaker 6: And can you say what's going on?
[45:16] Speaker 2: He loves me so much, like.
[45:19] Speaker 6: H m hm, Now you're gonna tell me nothing. I know,
[45:26] Speaker 6: But I wasn't. Y'all this man loved me.
[45:31] Speaker 4: I can't.
[45:31] Speaker 2: That's why I'm so like, oh, that's my man, because
[45:35] Speaker 2: it's so easy to say that that person is for
[45:38] Speaker 2: you when everything is going right, but when stuff get
[45:41] Speaker 2: the going wrong. And he had done so much research.
[45:46] Speaker 2: He literally was like drink this, take this, like just you,
[45:51] Speaker 2: You're gonna be fine. And he would just come up
[45:53] Speaker 2: to me when I would be nervous and he'd be like, hey,
[45:55] Speaker 2: who is your gun? And I'd be like when he
[45:58] Speaker 2: would say it, initially, I'd be like, you know God,
[46:00] Speaker 2: and he'd be like, no, who is your God? And
[46:05] Speaker 2: just knowing that like he could tell when he could
[46:10] Speaker 2: tell when I was anxious about it, and he would
[46:13] Speaker 2: just come and like behind me and just tap my
[46:15] Speaker 2: heart like.
[46:17] Speaker 6: You're okay, everything is fun.
[46:22] Speaker 2: Or he would catch on the body cues of like
[46:26] Speaker 2: me kind of being like this, and he would come
[46:28] Speaker 2: and like, just allow me to lay my head on
[46:30] Speaker 2: his chest so I could hear his heart beat, so
[46:33] Speaker 2: I could regulate mine. He really loves me, and I
[46:50] Speaker 2: love him. I just couldn't do it without him.
[47:00] Speaker 1: And this is where it makes all the sense in
[47:02] Speaker 1: the world to be in total surrender, when we love God,
[47:06] Speaker 1: to choose our purpose partners, because I'm telling you, Chanelle,
[47:12] Speaker 1: there's other men that would have left. It grieves my
[47:16] Speaker 1: heart when I talk to people in the medical field
[47:19] Speaker 1: that shared testimonies of how people are in the hospital
[47:23] Speaker 1: alone because the spouse left them after a diagnosis, and.
[47:28] Speaker 4: I'd be like, how cruel can you be?
[47:32] Speaker 1: I interviewed this woman in the Bahamas and she shared
[47:37] Speaker 1: how she was married to this guy.
[47:39] Speaker 4: They had like five kids.
[47:41] Speaker 1: Similar to y'all, and she started losing her sight and
[47:47] Speaker 1: after she got diagnosis that she would be blind after
[47:51] Speaker 1: x amount of months, her husband.
[47:53] Speaker 4: Was like, deuces really left her?
[47:57] Speaker 5: Wow?
[47:57] Speaker 4: Left her?
[47:58] Speaker 1: She was blind with five kids and a husband left her.
[48:03] Speaker 1: I thought that that was the most cool human being
[48:07] Speaker 1: on this earth to leave your wife like that. But
[48:09] Speaker 1: they do it because they can't handle it. They like,
[48:11] Speaker 1: I signed up for this, Yeah, I then signed up
[48:15] Speaker 1: for this. And what's so beautiful about is that y'all
[48:18] Speaker 1: signed up for this. I signed up for this, Astley
[48:22] Speaker 1: signed up for this. That no matter what, when we
[48:24] Speaker 1: took those vows, we took those vowels, and we believe it.
[48:28] Speaker 4: I never knew that y'all went through that.
[48:31] Speaker 2: And that was what in twenty twenty No, that was
[48:34] Speaker 2: twenty twenty two. It was right when we switched like
[48:37] Speaker 2: it was the year that we met you. It was
[48:39] Speaker 2: right before we switched over. I was like, I can't
[48:41] Speaker 2: do Phoenix anymore. I think we had made like a
[48:45] Speaker 2: six six figures. Yeah, we had made six figures in
[48:48] Speaker 2: the fitness business the first year, and it was so
[48:52] Speaker 2: much on my heart, like as when it comes to
[48:54] Speaker 2: like the harp palpitations, the emergency room business, that I
[48:58] Speaker 2: just was like, I can't do it anymore. I can't
[49:00] Speaker 2: take on anything else like that. And so we decided
[49:04] Speaker 2: to switch from fitness to comedy. And so yeah, that's
[49:07] Speaker 2: the year. It just seemed like everything just started changing
[49:10] Speaker 2: at that point when we made the shift.
[49:13] Speaker 1: No, there's another little bar, Homo drop a prophetic bar.
[49:17] Speaker 1: The Bible says, laughter do it. The heart good is
[49:19] Speaker 1: medicine isn't that amazing God and all his omniscience. You're right,
[49:27] Speaker 1: that's a bar that God shifted you from that season
[49:32] Speaker 1: of doing exercise where y'all were making money doing that,
[49:35] Speaker 1: and then he says, I'm going to heal your heart
[49:38] Speaker 1: and then he's using laughter to do it.
[49:41] Speaker 2: And I haven't had any issue since literally, no more
[49:46] Speaker 2: abnormal heart rhythm.
[49:50] Speaker 4: Laughter do it the heart good as medicine.
[49:54] Speaker 9: Wow.
[49:55] Speaker 4: And that's what God did for you physically prophetically over
[50:00] Speaker 4: your life.
[50:01] Speaker 1: And would you say that in this season of your
[50:04] Speaker 1: life you made more than what you made when you
[50:06] Speaker 1: were doing the fitness stuff.
[50:08] Speaker 4: Oh?
[50:08] Speaker 2: Absolutely, Oh yeah. And it ain't even about that, like
[50:11] Speaker 2: that's not even the important part. It's just the fact
[50:13] Speaker 2: that we're able to Our biggest goal was to just
[50:16] Speaker 2: be able to show up for the kids anytime we
[50:18] Speaker 2: want to without being like, oh, we gotta go to
[50:21] Speaker 2: work or call in, you know so.
[50:25] Speaker 5: And then for men who may be their spouse is ill,
[50:30] Speaker 5: what would you tell that man, that husband who's going
[50:34] Speaker 5: through something right now?
[50:36] Speaker 8: Because I know that wasn't easy for you.
[50:40] Speaker 3: I mean, got to keep God first. Prayer I mean,
[50:45] Speaker 3: is you can't never prayer enough. But also with that prayer,
[50:49] Speaker 3: you also got to take action. Because God created this world.
[50:54] Speaker 3: Anything that you can think of when it comes to
[50:58] Speaker 3: any diagnosis, there's a plant for ye that God created.
[51:03] Speaker 3: We just have to, you know, do our research and
[51:06] Speaker 3: also keep that aligned too. Together And just because man said,
[51:12] Speaker 3: don't mean it's what God says and your actions. You
[51:17] Speaker 3: would get the truth with your actions aligned with.
[51:19] Speaker 4: That where you say God said it, Yeah, God said it.
[51:26] Speaker 4: That settles it.
[51:27] Speaker 1: Whose report? I remember growing up and that's what we
[51:30] Speaker 1: always hear. Whose report? Will you believe y'all believed the
[51:33] Speaker 1: report of the Lord?
[51:37] Speaker 4: Yeah?
[51:37] Speaker 1: Man, that's that's powerful. I never knew that y'all went
[51:40] Speaker 1: through a health scare like that. But how did that
[51:45] Speaker 1: solidify y'all's marriage? Because, like you said, that's the reason
[51:48] Speaker 1: why you alays say I love this man, he loves
[51:50] Speaker 1: me and all that.
[51:52] Speaker 4: What did that do for you? How did that speak
[51:54] Speaker 4: to you?
[51:55] Speaker 1: Knowing that you had a man in your life that said,
[51:59] Speaker 1: I'm not gonna leave you, matter of fact even told
[52:01] Speaker 1: you don't you leave me either.
[52:05] Speaker 2: For me, it just really reminded me that he's so kind,
[52:07] Speaker 2: you know, Like that is my biggest word. I know,
[52:10] Speaker 2: like I don't know. I just feel like knowing that
[52:14] Speaker 2: he would take the time to take care of himself
[52:16] Speaker 2: and still take care of me. And we talked about
[52:18] Speaker 2: that the last episode, like you know, he I'm down
[52:21] Speaker 2: and then he goes down. You got to pull him up,
[52:23] Speaker 2: but he's strong.
[52:26] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[52:27] Speaker 3: I remember I was coming from a flight after working
[52:30] Speaker 3: on Walking Dead and we had this conversation. It was
[52:33] Speaker 3: during the time too, when she had she was going
[52:36] Speaker 3: through the situations and I get a text. As soon
[52:39] Speaker 3: as I land on the way home, I get a
[52:40] Speaker 3: text and she was like, you know, I don't want
[52:42] Speaker 3: you to go anywhere, and she was saying how scared
[52:47] Speaker 3: she was the kids missing me because I was going
[52:49] Speaker 3: like nine months out of the year. Wow, And yeah yeah,
[52:52] Speaker 3: so just filming, I was living my goal, like because
[52:56] Speaker 3: I think our communication was there, but it was still
[53:00] Speaker 3: this connection because once we get when we pray for God,
[53:03] Speaker 3: like I want to do this full time.
[53:04] Speaker 6: I'm doing this full time. She's at home full time.
[53:06] Speaker 6: It's what we wanted.
[53:08] Speaker 3: But then there was a pivot to where like, okay,
[53:11] Speaker 3: now we live in it, but this is not really
[53:13] Speaker 3: what I want, so and so what do you want?
[53:17] Speaker 3: So when she asked me what I want. I was like,
[53:19] Speaker 3: I would love to be at home with you guys
[53:22] Speaker 3: twenty four to seven, and I have to worry about
[53:24] Speaker 3: paying bills and stuff like that.
[53:25] Speaker 6: And she's like, that's the problem. Then we'll figure it out.
[53:28] Speaker 3: So when she say how scared she was, I had
[53:30] Speaker 3: I turned down working on Black Panther too because my
[53:34] Speaker 3: wife needed me. So when she said how she feels,
[53:39] Speaker 3: she cried out to me and how she was scared
[53:41] Speaker 3: because of the situation and all that, and I'm like, okay,
[53:43] Speaker 3: well then we got to figure it out right, as
[53:47] Speaker 3: we normally do.
[53:48] Speaker 6: And I think that's the thing.
[53:50] Speaker 3: I trust my wife, and I think once you trust
[53:53] Speaker 3: your spouse to who you actually married under God, you
[53:58] Speaker 3: trust God. You trust your spouse by default, by the fault.
[54:02] Speaker 3: So she's been right plenty of times. You think all
[54:05] Speaker 3: this kid was my choice. We'll be fine.
[54:10] Speaker 6: Yeah, like fun, Yeah, gonna be fine. I be delusional
[54:14] Speaker 6: till it's truth, and that's what it is.
[54:18] Speaker 4: Yeah, what say you told him to quit his job?
[54:21] Speaker 2: I sure did. I made twelve hundred dollars and rent
[54:25] Speaker 2: was eighteen hundred by myself, and I was like, hey,
[54:29] Speaker 2: let's quit your job.
[54:31] Speaker 6: Was a flood was fun like it.
[54:34] Speaker 2: I was like, you should do it, you should quit
[54:35] Speaker 2: and he's like, no, why and I'm like, because we're
[54:39] Speaker 2: making money. He's like, you made twel hundred dollars. What
[54:42] Speaker 2: is you talking about? And I'm like, God's got it.
[54:46] Speaker 2: It's gonna be fine. It's totally fine. Don't go tonight.
[54:49] Speaker 2: And he was like, man, I'm gonna go to work.
[54:51] Speaker 2: He's taking off his club man, what are you talking about.
[54:54] Speaker 2: I'm glad you're gonna stay home make this work. And
[55:01] Speaker 2: we ain't been back to work since it was four
[55:04] Speaker 2: years ago. And you said, because you knew he was
[55:07] Speaker 2: going to a place that he was not happy yet, Yeah,
[55:10] Speaker 2: he did. I like working in the deep freezer at Alberson's.
[55:13] Speaker 2: I'm sorry Albersons, but he just didn't like it. It's
[55:16] Speaker 2: not where he was supposed to do a sponsorship of
[55:19] Speaker 2: the difference. He wasn't supposed to be there. When I
[55:23] Speaker 2: met him and married him, I knew his calling was
[55:27] Speaker 2: being creative. Yes, before anybody else, even before it became
[55:31] Speaker 2: a thing for real, I knew that that was what
[55:33] Speaker 2: he was supposed to do. Now did we bump his
[55:35] Speaker 2: because he was trying to fit the mode. Absolutely, he
[55:37] Speaker 2: was trying to fit the mode of American dad, go
[55:39] Speaker 2: to work, health insurance, all the things.
[55:42] Speaker 3: And that was the times we clashed the most, really
[55:45] Speaker 3: because the roads switched because when I met her, she
[55:48] Speaker 3: was in the corporate job getting on me about creating
[55:51] Speaker 3: it's important, like you know. But then now when she
[55:54] Speaker 3: does it and I get into the corporate world, you know,
[55:57] Speaker 3: and now it's just it's like the table just turned, like.
[56:00] Speaker 6: Are you Yeah, He's like, what are you talking about?
[56:02] Speaker 6: Like what are you? What are you doing what I
[56:04] Speaker 6: used to do?
[56:05] Speaker 7: Like I brought you in?
[56:10] Speaker 2: Yeah, we just knew, like and then my biggest goal
[56:13] Speaker 2: for him was I knew that he wanted. He had
[56:16] Speaker 2: done so much to take care of us, right like
[56:18] Speaker 2: working all these jobs that he hated, and I wanted
[56:20] Speaker 2: him to be able to live his purpose. So when
[56:24] Speaker 2: I started the fitness company, my biggest intent was for
[56:28] Speaker 2: him to do what he what made him happy. And
[56:31] Speaker 2: when I was able to do that, he was able
[56:33] Speaker 2: to go be on set. That's how he was able
[56:34] Speaker 2: to go nine months. I was holding down home, he
[56:36] Speaker 2: was holding down home to just from somewhere else. And
[56:40] Speaker 2: ultimately that's all I wanted. I just I want him
[56:42] Speaker 2: to make it so he can tag team me out,
[56:44] Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, and now we both do
[56:47] Speaker 2: it together. So yeah, like I know he's going to
[56:51] Speaker 2: be I'm gonna say this right here, right now. You
[56:54] Speaker 2: are a director. You will direct your first huge film.
[56:59] Speaker 2: It's going to sell out, it's going to be top
[57:02] Speaker 2: of the charts. And I'm gonna be right there in
[57:04] Speaker 2: a real cute black dress, and you're gonna get up
[57:07] Speaker 2: on stage and be like, thank you, thank you, Jesus,
[57:09] Speaker 2: thank you got and yeah, you're gonna direct your I Lena.
[57:12] Speaker 6: Give you the credit for it because without you, you know,
[57:15] Speaker 6: this wouldn't have happened.
[57:15] Speaker 4: And I received that, okay.
[57:20] Speaker 1: And so when you looked at that, so you gave
[57:22] Speaker 1: him the grace. You're talking about nine months of him
[57:25] Speaker 1: out there. You didn't get resempful, like he's enjoying his life.
[57:28] Speaker 4: He's living this.
[57:31] Speaker 1: Fun.
[57:32] Speaker 6: But I would call him laughter.
[57:36] Speaker 2: Laughing.
[57:37] Speaker 1: I am, I am, I need you back.
[57:44] Speaker 2: You're having too much fun. I see pictures and you
[57:46] Speaker 2: you all posed up. I'm like, come on back over here.
[57:50] Speaker 2: But it was also me getting in the way. I
[57:53] Speaker 2: was being selfish of the blessing because we asked for it,
[57:56] Speaker 2: we did, so that was on me. I was being
[57:59] Speaker 2: a little child.
[58:00] Speaker 1: Did you feel guilty for being able to have fun
[58:02] Speaker 1: and your wife out there raising your kids?
[58:04] Speaker 6: No, no, that is what we asked for. You can't
[58:08] Speaker 6: get me because this is what second what we asked for.
[58:12] Speaker 6: It'd be different if I.
[58:13] Speaker 3: Was out there, like, you know, spending the money like
[58:15] Speaker 3: crazy and being irresponsible.
[58:17] Speaker 6: But no, I'm working, like sometimes you gotta.
[58:19] Speaker 4: Don't you answer that the way I expected?
[58:22] Speaker 2: He did for me. I knew he was going to
[58:23] Speaker 2: tell it us.
[58:25] Speaker 4: No, that's what I asked for. I wanted to be
[58:28] Speaker 4: out here doing this movie.
[58:30] Speaker 8: Yes, I was heavy, and I sent the money home.
[58:33] Speaker 2: What got him was when DJ called him after like
[58:36] Speaker 2: month seven and was like, I thought you was going
[58:38] Speaker 2: to get bread. He broke his heart.
[58:43] Speaker 6: Yes, yes did he sure did?
[58:46] Speaker 4: And I let him.
[58:47] Speaker 2: I was like, go ahead and say some more, baby, daddy,
[58:50] Speaker 2: bring the bread.
[58:54] Speaker 4: Yes, I thought you was gonna get bread. What made
[58:57] Speaker 4: him say that?
[58:58] Speaker 6: I was like, what are you watching? What do you
[59:01] Speaker 6: Where is this come from? I didn't tell him.
[59:06] Speaker 4: I was so you guys looked, you're talking your daddy
[59:11] Speaker 4: out there getting bred?
[59:15] Speaker 6: Probably hilarious going to come back, and.
[59:30] Speaker 4: He said, my gun to stuff.
[59:33] Speaker 6: Oh man, that's our son.
[59:36] Speaker 4: That is hilarious.
[59:38] Speaker 1: So as let me ask you all this what has
[59:40] Speaker 1: marriage taught you the most? And y'all can take turns
[59:43] Speaker 1: answer that question.
[59:45] Speaker 6: You can go first. You got to think.
[59:48] Speaker 2: Marriage has taught me not to go the conventional route.
[59:54] Speaker 2: It has taught me that if you allow outside factors
[59:59] Speaker 2: to influence your marriage, then you would potentially become like
[1:00:02] Speaker 2: all of the marriages. And how many marriages are successful. Yeah, exactly,
[1:00:09] Speaker 2: So then you have you have went from one hundred
[1:00:11] Speaker 2: percent success rate doing it at your own way to
[1:00:13] Speaker 2: fifty percent success rate doing it the way others tell
[1:00:16] Speaker 2: you to do it.
[1:00:17] Speaker 4: That's good.
[1:00:17] Speaker 2: So focusing on just me and him in our marriage
[1:00:20] Speaker 2: and our problem. As my mama always says, your problems
[1:00:23] Speaker 2: start outside the door when you walk out, not in
[1:00:26] Speaker 2: the home.
[1:00:27] Speaker 6: So making your homeie talk to She.
[1:00:30] Speaker 4: Said, your problems start outside the door.
[1:00:33] Speaker 2: She said, you and Dothor's problems start the mini y'all
[1:00:36] Speaker 2: step outside the door.
[1:00:38] Speaker 6: Thank my mama.
[1:00:39] Speaker 4: Baby, My.
[1:00:44] Speaker 2: Mama taught me that.
[1:00:45] Speaker 1: I like that.
[1:00:46] Speaker 4: That's a problem.
[1:00:47] Speaker 2: Your your home is supposed to be your piece. So
[1:00:50] Speaker 2: we do everything we can to ensure that our home
[1:00:52] Speaker 2: is our peace.
[1:00:52] Speaker 4: That part right there, that's good. That part that's good.
[1:00:55] Speaker 7: I love that.
[1:00:57] Speaker 4: Notton what el marriage taught you.
[1:01:00] Speaker 6: It's not by being right.
[1:01:05] Speaker 3: Any any time you have a conversation. It's not by
[1:01:09] Speaker 3: being right. It's about understanding, you know, And I think
[1:01:13] Speaker 3: that got me a long way first two years. Oh
[1:01:18] Speaker 3: my nah, y'all can sleep on the couch if you
[1:01:20] Speaker 3: want to and go through all this disagreement, but like
[1:01:24] Speaker 3: really understanding your spouse and actually like stepping outside of
[1:01:29] Speaker 3: yourself the whole masculine way mind, like just stepping outside
[1:01:33] Speaker 3: of yourself and actually listen and understanding.
[1:01:36] Speaker 6: Yeah, you know that's good and it's not being right.
[1:01:38] Speaker 1: Yeah, so it said you felt like it took you
[1:01:41] Speaker 1: two years to recognize that.
[1:01:43] Speaker 4: Oh yeah.
[1:01:44] Speaker 1: At what point was your breaking point to say, you
[1:01:46] Speaker 1: know what, let me make my marriage the main thing
[1:01:48] Speaker 1: and not me being right the main thing?
[1:01:51] Speaker 4: What was it a moment?
[1:01:53] Speaker 6: Yeah? Because seeing her.
[1:01:56] Speaker 3: Not like because when she says you're not understanding me,
[1:01:59] Speaker 3: or I'm tired of feeling like this because you're not listening.
[1:02:05] Speaker 6: It was that turning point where like am I tripping?
[1:02:09] Speaker 4: Like? Am I I am tripping?
[1:02:11] Speaker 6: Yeah, because I shut off.
[1:02:12] Speaker 2: I would just be like, I don't really want to
[1:02:13] Speaker 2: talk about it because you're not gonna you're not gonna
[1:02:15] Speaker 2: try to understand anyway.
[1:02:17] Speaker 3: Yeah, So now we're at the point where Now now
[1:02:19] Speaker 3: we're at the point where if there's something that I
[1:02:24] Speaker 3: see or something that happens.
[1:02:26] Speaker 6: I'm like, hey, but how are you feeling good?
[1:02:29] Speaker 4: Hey?
[1:02:29] Speaker 6: You know when you say you do this and don't
[1:02:32] Speaker 6: do that, I'm not mad or anything.
[1:02:34] Speaker 3: I just want to let you know, you know, because
[1:02:36] Speaker 3: sometimes we live life and we're not unintentionally not be aware,
[1:02:40] Speaker 3: but sometimes it's okay to you know, let your spouse
[1:02:44] Speaker 3: wordy instead.
[1:02:44] Speaker 6: Of be holding in.
[1:02:46] Speaker 3: And then when you get in an argument and now
[1:02:47] Speaker 3: you mentioned the mic wave door was open, and then
[1:02:50] Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like, yeah.
[1:02:52] Speaker 6: Like because it'd be the smallest thing that builds up.
[1:02:54] Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just communicating by everything at that moment if
[1:02:59] Speaker 3: you can good.
[1:03:02] Speaker 1: Well, here's the part of the podcast where you write
[1:03:05] Speaker 1: a key to love.
[1:03:07] Speaker 4: Grab that box there.
[1:03:08] Speaker 1: There's a key with a little piece of paper in there.
[1:03:11] Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask y'all to write a key to love
[1:03:13] Speaker 1: that y'all want to leave, write one individually and then
[1:03:16] Speaker 1: y'all get up and hang it up on the empty hooks.
[1:03:20] Speaker 4: So grab a little mark, grab ark.
[1:03:22] Speaker 6: This is fancy.
[1:03:25] Speaker 4: The key here.
[1:03:26] Speaker 1: Yeah, this is a note to the both of you. No,
[1:03:31] Speaker 1: it's just a note a key to love, period, just right.
[1:03:34] Speaker 1: What you would say is almost similar to what y'all share.
[1:03:36] Speaker 1: But y'all can share something else. But what is a
[1:03:38] Speaker 1: key to love that y'all want to leave? You can
[1:03:40] Speaker 1: use that box as something to write on if it's
[1:03:42] Speaker 1: easy for you. Well, do you got beautiful?
[1:03:45] Speaker 4: Right? Actually?
[1:03:47] Speaker 6: Right?
[1:03:47] Speaker 4: I said, I knew you My woman like nice handwriting. So, Ashley,
[1:03:53] Speaker 4: what do you think about this episode?
[1:03:55] Speaker 5: I thought that this episode was really really rich. Loved
[1:04:00] Speaker 5: hearing how they showed up for each other in sickness.
[1:04:05] Speaker 5: I think that's really powerful.
[1:04:06] Speaker 1: That was a big surprise to me because I never
[1:04:08] Speaker 1: knew that, you know, I never knew that at all.
[1:04:11] Speaker 1: And you know, I always I knew about the financial stuff.
[1:04:14] Speaker 1: I knew about the good times and the bad times,
[1:04:17] Speaker 1: the better for worse moments, but I never knew about
[1:04:20] Speaker 1: the sickness and help. There was a moment that Dolta
[1:04:23] Speaker 1: shared in the first time we did the episode, when
[1:04:26] Speaker 1: we can look at ahol alcoholism as a sickness that
[1:04:30] Speaker 1: I knew about him, and she showed up in his
[1:04:33] Speaker 1: life when he was battling alcohol addiction. But to hear
[1:04:37] Speaker 1: him show up in her life when she was dealing with,
[1:04:40] Speaker 1: you know, issues of the heart. That really spoke spoke
[1:04:43] Speaker 1: to me. That was prowerful, That was powerful.
[1:04:46] Speaker 4: What did you write?
[1:04:47] Speaker 2: I wrote, always be kind to one another. That's really
[1:04:51] Speaker 2: big for me.
[1:04:52] Speaker 4: Why is that so big? Always be kind because.
[1:04:55] Speaker 2: You just never know what your partner is going through.
[1:04:57] Speaker 2: They're not going to always just be able to come
[1:04:59] Speaker 2: out and tell you what's going on. But if you're kind,
[1:05:01] Speaker 2: then it opens up the door for vulnerability.
[1:05:04] Speaker 4: Mm hmm, Doughter, what you're right?
[1:05:08] Speaker 3: I wrote, make sure you get some at least four
[1:05:11] Speaker 3: times a week. And why is that important?
[1:05:19] Speaker 6: Love your spouse like you love God?
[1:05:22] Speaker 4: Hm? Why is that important?
[1:05:25] Speaker 6: I mean you fear God?
[1:05:27] Speaker 9: Right.
[1:05:28] Speaker 4: Some people may be atheist, so they may not ain't
[1:05:30] Speaker 4: believe in.
[1:05:31] Speaker 6: Well, this is not Hopefully they do. Hopefully they find
[1:05:34] Speaker 6: God and they understand this statement.
[1:05:36] Speaker 4: But little I forgot about those people.
[1:05:46] Speaker 1: But you said so it's important because everything that you
[1:05:48] Speaker 1: said today about how to show up for Chanelle always
[1:05:53] Speaker 1: went back to God. I always went back to prayer,
[1:05:55] Speaker 1: always went back to I talked to God about this.
[1:05:57] Speaker 4: I talked to God. So your faith is extremely important
[1:06:01] Speaker 4: to you? Oh?
[1:06:02] Speaker 1: Yes, Do you feel like your faith is what makes
[1:06:05] Speaker 1: you a better husband?
[1:06:07] Speaker 4: Why?
[1:06:09] Speaker 6: I mean?
[1:06:10] Speaker 4: Wow? Wow? Because I mean.
[1:06:19] Speaker 3: That's I don't know, that's that's That's a good question, man,
[1:06:23] Speaker 3: that's a really good question. And it's hard to explain
[1:06:26] Speaker 3: it because it's just naturally in me, just who you are,
[1:06:29] Speaker 3: it's just who I am.
[1:06:30] Speaker 6: It's really hard to explain.
[1:06:31] Speaker 1: That that just you know, was that important for you?
[1:06:34] Speaker 1: Chanel is to have a man of God? Yes?
[1:06:37] Speaker 4: Very Why was that important to you?
[1:06:39] Speaker 2: Because he has to lead me? And if I'm already
[1:06:42] Speaker 2: believing in God, I don't want to be let astraight.
[1:06:43] Speaker 2: We can't both be in here with.
[1:06:49] Speaker 1: Yeah. All right, well here's the moment. Go ahead and
[1:06:53] Speaker 1: stand up and go hang that on the empty wrongs
[1:06:56] Speaker 1: up there.
[1:06:56] Speaker 2: Okay. Also, you need to get a new couch because
[1:06:58] Speaker 2: this one invokes.
[1:07:04] Speaker 4: The yellow couch made you cry.
[1:07:09] Speaker 9: Have a classroom, use the stream.
[1:07:28] Speaker 1: Y'all stand up, stand next to each other. When you'll
[1:07:29] Speaker 1: get by the couch, I'll come to the couch when.
[1:07:31] Speaker 4: Y'all walk up there. See, yeah, you're here. Look at that?
[1:07:37] Speaker 1: See that much different? Well, yeah, because you have an
[1:07:41] Speaker 1: angle so he looked, he looked tall. Yeah, the angle slanted.
[1:07:52] Speaker 1: So may the love y'all share today, outlive the season you're.
[1:07:55] Speaker 5: In, may carry you through the days when words are
[1:07:59] Speaker 5: few and eight has to do the talking. Y'all give
[1:08:02] Speaker 5: it up for the sight, y'all that thank you.
[1:08:07] Speaker 1: Ladarian thrusted suddenly into child protective services in twenty fifteen.
[1:08:13] Speaker 1: My nephew, black a boy. The likelihood have been adopted
[1:08:17] Speaker 1: outside of kinship, slim to none? Rmione, sixteen years old,
[1:08:23] Speaker 1: black a boy with five years in the Falster care
[1:08:26] Speaker 1: system before I even knew his name.
[1:08:29] Speaker 4: The likelihood have ever been adopted? Yep, you guessed it.
[1:08:33] Speaker 4: Slim to none.
[1:08:36] Speaker 1: While Ladarian and OURMIONI were trying to survive and barely
[1:08:39] Speaker 1: thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded Falster care system, I
[1:08:42] Speaker 1: was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been
[1:08:46] Speaker 1: a single father with a daughter who at that point
[1:08:48] Speaker 1: was doing well in college. It was my time to
[1:08:50] Speaker 1: live my life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.
[1:08:58] Speaker 1: There are just two many of our Black children stuck
[1:09:02] Speaker 1: in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falster care system.
[1:09:06] Speaker 1: In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladaria. Fast
[1:09:10] Speaker 1: forward to twenty nineteen. I had no ties to this
[1:09:12] Speaker 1: other young king, but I felt God instructed me to
[1:09:14] Speaker 1: adopt them also in al bab Starting over with parenting
[1:09:18] Speaker 1: should have been enough. Right, Working with various foster care
[1:09:21] Speaker 1: and adoption agencies to help bring awareness to the countless
[1:09:24] Speaker 1: young Black kings and the Falster care system should have
[1:09:27] Speaker 1: decreased my agitation. Right. Joining the board of directors of
[1:09:31] Speaker 1: Advantage of Adoption and organization that helps find permanent adoptive
[1:09:35] Speaker 1: homes for children in false care should have led to
[1:09:37] Speaker 1: some type of resolve.
[1:09:39] Speaker 4: Right, No, not at all. None of it felt like
[1:09:43] Speaker 4: I had done enough. I now realized that.
[1:09:47] Speaker 1: Every one of those experiences was land the fundamental foundation
[1:09:51] Speaker 1: for my life's mission.
[1:09:53] Speaker 4: Kingdom Royal.
[1:09:55] Speaker 1: Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art
[1:09:58] Speaker 1: home for foster boys. Our first location will be in
[1:10:01] Speaker 1: the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize the whole
[1:10:04] Speaker 1: person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for
[1:10:08] Speaker 1: themselves and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options
[1:10:13] Speaker 1: that they thought were impossible. Though the young Kings will
[1:10:17] Speaker 1: attend the local public schools that are in proximity the
[1:10:20] Speaker 1: King of Royale, our at home curriculum will broaden their
[1:10:24] Speaker 1: worldview through participating in the arts, attending various cultural events,
[1:10:28] Speaker 1: learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events
[1:10:32] Speaker 1: and even relevant historical contexts, Introducing them to gardening and landscaping,
[1:10:37] Speaker 1: and even caring for our animals on our form and
[1:10:41] Speaker 1: on site stables. We just launched our startup capital campaign
[1:10:45] Speaker 1: with the goal of raising two point eight million dollars.
[1:10:47] Speaker 4: Now why two point eight million dollars? Well.
[1:10:50] Speaker 1: In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which
[1:10:52] Speaker 1: I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.
[1:10:56] Speaker 4: One of the most notable successes.
[1:10:58] Speaker 1: Was that one of the videos went I garnering twenty
[1:11:01] Speaker 1: eight million views. However, one of my biggest regrets is
[1:11:06] Speaker 1: that I didn't raise a single dollar to help in
[1:11:08] Speaker 1: implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community. So,
[1:11:12] Speaker 1: throughout the years, with much remorse, I reflect and I'm
[1:11:16] Speaker 1: not maximizing that moment I knew if at that time
[1:11:20] Speaker 1: just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar, we
[1:11:23] Speaker 1: would have raised at least two point eight million dollars
[1:11:27] Speaker 1: that could have really established long term support for the
[1:11:29] Speaker 1: homeless community, or at least started a long term initiative
[1:11:33] Speaker 1: to do so.
[1:11:34] Speaker 4: This is my do over, This is our new beginning.
[1:11:39] Speaker 1: Together, we can attack this at the route by specifically
[1:11:42] Speaker 1: helping our homeless Black boys who are already disproportionately represented
[1:11:48] Speaker 1: in the American fossil care system. I'm the Terisar Whidfield.
[1:11:51] Speaker 1: I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work
[1:11:55] Speaker 1: with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.
[1:11:58] Speaker 1: Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly
[1:12:03] Speaker 1: providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot
[1:12:08] Speaker 1: com for more details, Crown.
[1:12:10] Speaker 4: A king and make a donation today.
[1:12:20] Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Dear Future
[1:12:22] Speaker 1: WIFEI podcast. Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently, and
[1:12:28] Speaker 1: don't stop loving. Make sure to subscribe to our Dear
[1:12:31] Speaker 1: Future Wife and YouTube channel. We're available on Apple Podcasts,
[1:12:34] Speaker 1: Little Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher. Be welcome your support simply
[1:12:38] Speaker 1: share our podcasts with your friends and family.

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