# Just Friends

An episode of [Everyone Has An Ex](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1502664617), 18 Aug 2026, 42 min.

Audio: https://traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/3ea926be-9be7-482a-8ac3-a44f016e43d1/fe4043fe-7983-496d-8f85-b132005537f8/9d537c32-f2b5-49b5-83b8-b4aa002a3fe1/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=d21b7a93-3a2f-4ae7-ac90-b13200553810

Can men and women really be just friends? Amanda always thought the answer was yes. She and Dave were inseparable. Gym buddies, concert buddies, each other's biggest cheerleaders, and the kind of best friends everyone hoped to have. But after Amanda's long-term relationship came to an end, one unforgettable weekend away changed everything. Sometimes the person who's always been there for you... has been hoping for something more all along. Email us: everyonehasanex@mintymedia.com.au Follow us: @everyonehasanex See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:10] Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma mea podcast Muma Mer acknowledges the
[0:15] Speaker 1: traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast is
[0:18] Speaker 1: recorded on We spend a lot of time talking and
[0:28] Speaker 1: thinking about romantic relationships, searching for and finding that one
[0:32] Speaker 1: person who'll enrich your life, who'll choose you and only
[0:36] Speaker 1: you even change your last name. But what about friendships,
[0:39] Speaker 1: Those deep, unbreakable bonds, the ones who make your life
[0:42] Speaker 1: better without the strings attached, Those soulmate level best friends.
[0:46] Speaker 1: They're the person you call with good news, the one
[0:49] Speaker 1: you laugh and cry with, the one you run to
[0:51] Speaker 1: when your heart is broken. They know your secrets, your history,
[0:54] Speaker 1: your dreams, every side and every version of you. You
[0:58] Speaker 1: just couldn't imagine life without them, But you don't have to,
[1:01] Speaker 1: because you know through all of life's ups and downs,
[1:03] Speaker 1: the good times and the bad, they'll always be there,
[1:06] Speaker 1: won't they. I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has
[1:20] Speaker 1: an ex best Friend. Come with me as we dive
[1:23] Speaker 1: into a collection of stories about friendships past through the
[1:26] Speaker 1: eyes and the hearts of the very people who lived them.
[1:30] Speaker 1: There's something about being twenty years old. You're no longer
[1:33] Speaker 1: a teenager, but you're not quite an adult. Either, it's
[1:35] Speaker 1: that strange in between stage when you're figuring out who
[1:38] Speaker 1: you are, learning how to navigate work, independence, and all
[1:41] Speaker 1: the responsibilities that come with growing up. It's also the
[1:45] Speaker 1: time when your friends are your whole world. They're at
[1:47] Speaker 1: the center of everything, every weekend, every celebration, every heartbreak,
[1:52] Speaker 1: in every big life decision. And for Amanda, her friends
[1:55] Speaker 1: weren't just part of her life, they were her life.
[1:58] Speaker 2: I moved out a home and was flatting with some friends,
[2:03] Speaker 2: and through them met a group of about six of us.
[2:08] Speaker 2: I'd say that really came that core, pivotal friendship group
[2:14] Speaker 2: that I just spent every waking minute with in the
[2:18] Speaker 2: sharehouse that I was living. I was also living with
[2:20] Speaker 2: my fiance at the time, Andrew. Andrew and I were
[2:25] Speaker 2: high school sweethearts. We met in year eight, and we
[2:29] Speaker 2: had been together ever since. We kind of got engaged
[2:32] Speaker 2: as soon as we finished high school, but we had
[2:34] Speaker 2: just been each other's whole world. I'd never had any
[2:38] Speaker 2: other boyfriends. I'd never had any other guys kind of
[2:41] Speaker 2: asked me out because wherever I was Andrew was, I
[2:45] Speaker 2: didn't really have any friends of my own. All of
[2:47] Speaker 2: my friends were our friends when all of his friends
[2:49] Speaker 2: were our friends. There was never an Amanda without Andrew.
[2:54] Speaker 2: There was never Andrew without Amanda. Our relationship was so
[2:58] Speaker 2: kind of pivotal, I think to the friendship group as well.
[3:01] Speaker 2: We were the people who had Eventually, when we moved
[3:05] Speaker 2: out of the sharehouse that we were in initially with
[3:08] Speaker 2: a couple of the friends, we moved into our own apartment,
[3:12] Speaker 2: and it was our house that everybody came normally to
[3:17] Speaker 2: kind of gather at several times a week. That would
[3:20] Speaker 2: be where most of the barbecues and the parties would start.
[3:23] Speaker 3: It was at our place.
[3:25] Speaker 1: It was one of those friendship groups where everyone just clicked,
[3:28] Speaker 1: a mix of men and women, all equally close or
[3:31] Speaker 1: completely comfortable with one another, and before long another person
[3:35] Speaker 1: joined their close fold. His name was Dave.
[3:38] Speaker 2: So Dave joined the friendship group through one of those
[3:42] Speaker 2: kind of blendings of two disparate friendship groups. He was
[3:46] Speaker 2: a longtime friend of one of mine and Andrew's long
[3:48] Speaker 2: term friends, and so he kind of got introduced to
[3:51] Speaker 2: us at at a party, and he was just such
[3:55] Speaker 2: a nice guy. Some of the other particularly the men
[4:00] Speaker 2: in the group, were really loud and outrageous and just
[4:04] Speaker 2: out of this world, and Dave wasn't like that. He
[4:08] Speaker 2: was just really chill and relaxed, sort of quiet, and
[4:13] Speaker 2: because of that, everybody just really liked having him around.
[4:15] Speaker 2: He was always good for a chat, no matter what
[4:19] Speaker 2: you wanted to do. He was always keen for it,
[4:21] Speaker 2: but he was never in your face annoying. So he
[4:25] Speaker 2: kind of came to a few gatherings and then it
[4:29] Speaker 2: just became the case that he was part of the
[4:32] Speaker 2: core group. There was eight of us including Andrew in
[4:38] Speaker 2: the group, including Dave, and some of us had known
[4:42] Speaker 2: each other for like, really really long periods of time.
[4:45] Speaker 2: Dave had known a couple of people in the group
[4:48] Speaker 2: through high school. I had known a couple of other
[4:51] Speaker 2: people for you know, a long time as well, because
[4:55] Speaker 2: I'd shared flat kind of share accommodation situation with them
[4:58] Speaker 2: and their family. So there was a lot of history
[5:02] Speaker 2: in the group. It would be quite the norm for
[5:05] Speaker 2: us to kind of catch up for like a barbecue
[5:07] Speaker 2: on a Thursday night, and then see each other again
[5:09] Speaker 2: for like card game on Friday night and end up
[5:11] Speaker 2: at the nightclubs, and then we would have a party
[5:14] Speaker 2: Saturday night and probably end up at the pub again
[5:16] Speaker 2: and then we'd probably end up at the pub on
[5:18] Speaker 2: Sunday as well. So there was a lot of interaction,
[5:21] Speaker 2: a lot of joviality, like very silly, outrageous kind of behavior,
[5:26] Speaker 2: and Dave was always in it. But peripherally, he was
[5:32] Speaker 2: just such a nice guy to have around and he
[5:34] Speaker 2: was just always there.
[5:36] Speaker 3: He was just every girl's ideal best friend.
[5:39] Speaker 1: Dave was the kind of friend everyone wanted in their corner,
[5:42] Speaker 1: the guy who'd always top up your drink, hand you
[5:44] Speaker 1: his jacket when you were cold, and be your biggest
[5:47] Speaker 1: cheerleader when life got tough. So when Amanda needed a
[5:50] Speaker 1: helping hand to achieve a personal goal, Dave didn't hesitate.
[5:53] Speaker 2: I was trying to lose a bit of weight and
[5:58] Speaker 2: Dave was right into the gym, and I kind of
[6:00] Speaker 2: wanted to get into the gym, but it's a bit
[6:03] Speaker 2: it's a bit of a frightening experience setting your foot
[6:05] Speaker 2: in there the first time. And during one of our
[6:08] Speaker 2: chats a party, I mentioned him like, I want to
[6:12] Speaker 2: go to the gym and I just don't know how
[6:13] Speaker 2: to get into it, and he offered to take me
[6:17] Speaker 2: and show me how to do it, and I was
[6:18] Speaker 2: kind of embarrassed.
[6:20] Speaker 3: Particularly kind of going to the gym with a guy.
[6:22] Speaker 2: But he assured me that he would show me how
[6:24] Speaker 2: to use all the equipment and take care of me,
[6:25] Speaker 2: and he did.
[6:26] Speaker 3: I was really nervous stepping.
[6:28] Speaker 2: Onto the weights room floor with all these big guys there,
[6:32] Speaker 2: but he religiously every afternoon after work would take me
[6:36] Speaker 2: to the gym and show me how to use the
[6:37] Speaker 2: things and introduce me to a lot of people. And
[6:40] Speaker 2: pretty soon I was getting right into training weights, and
[6:45] Speaker 2: I kind of fell in love with doing the classes.
[6:47] Speaker 2: And he would come to the classes with me, like
[6:49] Speaker 2: he would come and do like pump and step with me,
[6:52] Speaker 2: and then we'd go out and train weights, and it
[6:54] Speaker 2: turned into a real thing. We got this real routine,
[6:57] Speaker 2: like Saturday mornings, we'd go to the gym, do a
[7:00] Speaker 2: couple of classes, and then we'd go to the cafe
[7:02] Speaker 2: next door and get a coffee and a toasted sandwich
[7:04] Speaker 2: and then go back to the gym and do another class,
[7:07] Speaker 2: and then we'd go and have a shower and get
[7:10] Speaker 2: ready and then we'd be off to whatever party we
[7:11] Speaker 2: were going to. So that was sort of what really
[7:13] Speaker 2: cemented the friendship. It did eventually become that if you
[7:19] Speaker 2: saw Amanda, you saw Dave. He was the first person
[7:22] Speaker 2: that I would invite anywhere because he was just al
[7:26] Speaker 2: ways up for it, and I just knew that no
[7:29] Speaker 2: matter what we did, we'd have a good time.
[7:32] Speaker 1: At this point, you're probably thinking, well, hang on, what
[7:34] Speaker 1: did Andrew make of all this? Well, I'm glad you asked.
[7:37] Speaker 2: Andrew and I had very different interests, which is I
[7:40] Speaker 2: think natural when you get together so young. I really
[7:43] Speaker 2: liked going out and doing things and hanging out with
[7:45] Speaker 2: people and finding adventures. So he enjoyed things like gaming
[7:49] Speaker 2: and playing the PlayStation, and he really liked sleeping in
[7:54] Speaker 2: all day, and so where I was kind of trying
[7:58] Speaker 2: to connect with Andrew and spend time with him, he
[8:05] Speaker 2: kind of wasn't always keen to do those things. And
[8:09] Speaker 2: what I had in Dave was someone who was instantly
[8:14] Speaker 2: no questions, asked, keen to just do whatever I wanted
[8:17] Speaker 2: to do. And so it would often be the case
[8:20] Speaker 2: that we'd be off doing things and we would arrive
[8:24] Speaker 2: at the party or the barbecue together later when everyone
[8:26] Speaker 2: else was already there and settled, because we'd been off
[8:29] Speaker 2: having our own adventures. I do recall a couple of
[8:32] Speaker 2: times where there were jokes like Dave and I would
[8:36] Speaker 2: walk into the barbecue or the card game whatever a
[8:40] Speaker 2: little bit late because we've been off doing something.
[8:43] Speaker 3: And there were jokes like.
[8:45] Speaker 2: Ah, here's an Andrew and a boyfriend. But there was
[8:49] Speaker 2: such laughter around those jokes, and they were saying in
[8:53] Speaker 2: front of Andrew, I only had eyes for Andrew. I
[8:59] Speaker 2: didn't see anyone else. And he was such an invested
[9:04] Speaker 2: friend for Andrew as well that I was just so
[9:09] Speaker 2: comfortable that I wasn't doing anything that was disrespectful of my.
[9:14] Speaker 3: Relationship.
[9:16] Speaker 2: Dave never invited me to do anything without inviting Andrew.
[9:20] Speaker 2: I never invited Dave to do anything without inviting Andrew.
[9:24] Speaker 3: There was never any secrecy.
[9:28] Speaker 2: There was never any conversations that were kept secret, truly,
[9:33] Speaker 2: no different to a girlfriend. Andrew would often say, I
[9:36] Speaker 2: don't want to do that, that sounds boring. Dave will
[9:39] Speaker 2: go with you. I've always had a lot of male friends.
[9:42] Speaker 2: Always a lot of the group that I hung around
[9:44] Speaker 2: with were men. I have never seen that there really
[9:47] Speaker 2: needed to be a difference between male and female friends,
[9:50] Speaker 2: particularly when it was well known that I was in
[9:52] Speaker 2: a relationship. There was no secrecy. He knew the partner.
[9:57] Speaker 2: Dave never had any partners when we were friends, but
[10:02] Speaker 2: there were no secrets about my relationship and how much
[10:08] Speaker 2: I wanted it to work. He spent a lot of
[10:10] Speaker 2: time telling me that he really wanted to settle down
[10:13] Speaker 2: and meet someone and have kids and find that perfect partner.
[10:19] Speaker 2: It was just a really open exchange of information. It
[10:21] Speaker 2: was exactly the same as you would with a girlfriend.
[10:24] Speaker 1: So there you have a dear listeners, men and women
[10:26] Speaker 1: really can be just friends, even when one of them
[10:29] Speaker 1: is engaged. Yep, you heard it here first. But what
[10:32] Speaker 1: probably won't come as much of a surprise as this.
[10:34] Speaker 1: By the time Amanda was twenty three, she'd well and
[10:37] Speaker 1: truly outgrown the small town she'd always called home. She
[10:40] Speaker 1: was ready for bigger cities, bigger opportunities, at a fresh start.
[10:44] Speaker 1: It was time to spread her wings.
[10:46] Speaker 2: I loved my friends, I had a good job, but
[10:48] Speaker 2: I just I wanted something else, and so I said
[10:52] Speaker 2: to Andrew that I wanted to move. I wanted to
[10:54] Speaker 2: get a job in a capital city and move away
[10:58] Speaker 2: and give that a go. And Andrew said that he
[11:00] Speaker 2: was on board, and we were making all his plans.
[11:02] Speaker 2: We were applying for jobs and looking for rental houses,
[11:06] Speaker 2: and Dave was helping me is he was really keen.
[11:10] Speaker 2: He said he would be sad for me to leave,
[11:12] Speaker 2: but he wanted me to do what would make me happy.
[11:15] Speaker 2: So applying for all these jobs, and I packed up
[11:18] Speaker 2: and I moved away to the Big Smoke. And the
[11:21] Speaker 2: plan was that Andrew kind of had to stay for
[11:23] Speaker 2: a couple of weeks to a month to pack up
[11:25] Speaker 2: our house and get everything sorted, and he would come
[11:27] Speaker 2: to and I think maybe that bit of time away
[11:33] Speaker 2: from each other made a bit of a difference, And
[11:37] Speaker 2: you know, the three to four weeks that Andrew was
[11:39] Speaker 2: going to need to pack up, the rest of our
[11:42] Speaker 2: life kind of started to extend out. And I was
[11:47] Speaker 2: actually not disappointed by that. I was having a great
[11:49] Speaker 2: time in the Big Smoke. I had this great job,
[11:51] Speaker 2: I was meeting new friends. I still kept in touch
[11:54] Speaker 2: with Dave incessantly. We would chat every night on MSN,
[11:57] Speaker 2: or we'd call each other, and we got a real
[12:00] Speaker 2: kick out of sending each other emails. And so I
[12:04] Speaker 2: kind of knew what Andrew was doing back home because
[12:07] Speaker 2: he was still hanging out with Dave and the rest
[12:08] Speaker 2: of our friends. But that timeline for him moving really extended,
[12:15] Speaker 2: and I didn't push it, and it got to the
[12:19] Speaker 2: point where we both mutually came to the realization that
[12:23] Speaker 2: neither one of us wanted the other to be in
[12:27] Speaker 2: their life anymore.
[12:28] Speaker 1: And of course, the first person she confided in was
[12:31] Speaker 1: her best friend.
[12:32] Speaker 2: I called him one Saturday after the gym. We always
[12:35] Speaker 2: spoke after the gym on Saturday. He'd go to his
[12:37] Speaker 2: gym back home and I'd go to mine and we'd
[12:39] Speaker 2: catch up and talk about what we did. And I
[12:41] Speaker 2: called him and said, look, Andrew and I spoke last one.
[12:43] Speaker 2: We've decided that he's not going to move here now.
[12:47] Speaker 2: And he was just so great about it. He really
[12:50] Speaker 2: went to great lengths to kind of say to me
[12:53] Speaker 2: that it was going to be hard for the friendship
[12:55] Speaker 2: group and people might feel like they had to choose
[12:59] Speaker 2: between us, or maybe they'd feel like they had to
[13:01] Speaker 2: choose neither of us and just kind of back off.
[13:03] Speaker 2: But he just kept saying, Amanda, don't you worry, you're
[13:06] Speaker 2: my best friend. I'm going to choose you.
[13:08] Speaker 1: That immediately put Amanda at ease. Breaking up with Andrew
[13:11] Speaker 1: was huge life change, but one of her biggest fears
[13:14] Speaker 1: was that she'd lose her close friends too. Hearing Dave
[13:17] Speaker 1: reassure her brought an overwhelming sense of relief.
[13:20] Speaker 2: No matter what happened, he was going to continue to
[13:22] Speaker 2: be my best friend, irrespective of whether anyone else in
[13:26] Speaker 2: the friendship group had decided to either choose Andrew or
[13:30] Speaker 2: to just choose neither of us, which would be quite
[13:33] Speaker 2: a reasonable thing to do for me. I was really
[13:35] Speaker 2: reliant on Dave at that time. I would call him
[13:41] Speaker 2: after work or we'd get home and chat on MSN.
[13:44] Speaker 2: He came to visit a few times and we'd just
[13:48] Speaker 2: kind of hang out for a few days, going to
[13:50] Speaker 2: the gym and stuff, and it would be just like
[13:53] Speaker 2: it was back home, to have that one person who
[13:57] Speaker 2: was still willing to kind of talk to me and
[14:00] Speaker 2: making an effort. And it wasn't the fact that I
[14:03] Speaker 2: didn't live there wasn't too hard.
[14:05] Speaker 3: I was so happy to have him there.
[14:08] Speaker 2: It was a real highlight every week, kind of catching
[14:10] Speaker 2: up on the phone, hearing about what each of us
[14:13] Speaker 2: had been doing. I was sad, but I had this
[14:17] Speaker 2: real sense of freedom, and so I was out and
[14:22] Speaker 2: I was going out with my new friends in the
[14:24] Speaker 2: new town and having new adventures, and I felt so
[14:28] Speaker 2: proud of myself going out and doing these things on
[14:31] Speaker 2: my own and then going and telling Dave about them,
[14:33] Speaker 2: and he was so supportive, and he's like, oh, you're
[14:35] Speaker 2: the best.
[14:35] Speaker 3: That sounds so fun.
[14:36] Speaker 2: I'm going to come and visit and you're going to
[14:37] Speaker 2: take me to all these places and show me at
[14:40] Speaker 2: least seemed to be doing. I can't wait to meet
[14:41] Speaker 2: all your friends. I feel like I kind of grew
[14:44] Speaker 2: up a lot.
[14:46] Speaker 1: And growing up meant navigating single life, something Amanda hadn't
[14:49] Speaker 1: had to do before, like ever.
[14:52] Speaker 3: Because I'd been with Andrew for such a long time.
[14:55] Speaker 2: I'm really just, you know, at this point, totally clueless
[15:00] Speaker 2: about men. I'd never really been hit on or approached
[15:09] Speaker 2: by other men, so I didn't really know.
[15:14] Speaker 3: What that would look like or feel like.
[15:18] Speaker 2: So there were a number of situations where I would
[15:22] Speaker 2: have my new friends in my new town saying to me,
[15:25] Speaker 2: I was hitting on you, and I'd just blown it by.
[15:30] Speaker 3: Being completely oblivious.
[15:32] Speaker 1: Dave was single too, and it was something they often
[15:34] Speaker 1: talked about.
[15:35] Speaker 2: He had always been really open with me about how
[15:39] Speaker 2: desperate he was to meet someone and settle down and
[15:42] Speaker 2: kind of have kids and stuff, and by this stage.
[15:45] Speaker 2: We're nearing our mid twenties, and you know, when you're
[15:47] Speaker 2: in your mid twenties you feel like him.
[15:49] Speaker 3: It's like nearing a hundred, you feel that old.
[15:52] Speaker 2: And so to have him still be really keen to
[15:55] Speaker 2: find that person that he was going to settle down with,
[15:57] Speaker 2: and I was freshly in this kind of space of Wow,
[16:00] Speaker 2: what happens?
[16:00] Speaker 3: Like do I want to get married again?
[16:03] Speaker 2: Like? How am I going to meet this person? Am
[16:04] Speaker 2: I going to be single forever? It was definitely a
[16:07] Speaker 2: really kind of mutual kind of meeting of two people
[16:12] Speaker 2: who were navigating what it means to be single in
[16:17] Speaker 2: your kind of early to mid twenties. I was always
[16:20] Speaker 2: out and about doing fun things, but I never failed
[16:24] Speaker 2: to make time to kind of catch up with Dave
[16:26] Speaker 2: and chat about what we were doing. MSN Messenger was
[16:29] Speaker 2: just it was just the shit those days. It was
[16:32] Speaker 2: king and so I'd come from work and go to
[16:36] Speaker 2: the gym for a bit, and then it would be
[16:37] Speaker 2: on the computer on MSN, catching up with what he'd
[16:41] Speaker 2: been doing, having a bit of a chat. Over the weekend,
[16:44] Speaker 2: there would be like an hour's long phone call between
[16:47] Speaker 2: the two of us, having a goss moaning about people
[16:52] Speaker 2: talking about what we wanted to talk about, what we
[16:55] Speaker 2: wanted to do, and we had always always really enjoyed
[16:58] Speaker 2: going the concerts together, and so we were kind of
[17:01] Speaker 2: talking about, you know, what was the next plan now
[17:03] Speaker 2: that I'd kind of had this bit of a hurdle
[17:05] Speaker 2: and I was working through you know, single life. We
[17:08] Speaker 2: should we should some amazing concert to go to together.
[17:12] Speaker 2: Let's let's pick an entirely new capital city that we
[17:14] Speaker 2: haven't been to together yet and go to some concert.
[17:18] Speaker 3: And then, you.
[17:20] Speaker 2: Know, as luck would have it, one of our favorite
[17:22] Speaker 2: bands announced that they were coming to Australia and touring,
[17:26] Speaker 2: and so we got right on that and we decided
[17:28] Speaker 2: that's it. We're gonna We're going to both fly from
[17:32] Speaker 2: our respective cities of residents to Melbourne to go to
[17:37] Speaker 2: this concert. We were so excited, and I felt like
[17:39] Speaker 2: that was the first big girl thing I'd done since
[17:42] Speaker 2: breaking up with Andrew. You know, I'd never been on
[17:44] Speaker 2: a trip before without him. I'd never stayed in a
[17:47] Speaker 2: hotel room without Andrew wnet, So I was so I
[17:50] Speaker 2: was so excited. Dave was super keeney, where he really
[17:53] Speaker 2: loved this band. He was looking forward to catching up
[17:57] Speaker 2: so even though I was like, so broke, you know,
[18:01] Speaker 2: being single is expensive.
[18:03] Speaker 3: I was so broke. I scrimped and saved.
[18:05] Speaker 2: To kind of get the tickets and book my flights
[18:08] Speaker 2: to go on this concept.
[18:10] Speaker 1: It had been two much since these two besties had
[18:13] Speaker 1: seen each other, so the excitement was real. They couldn't
[18:15] Speaker 1: wait to reunite, to see their favorite band and make
[18:18] Speaker 1: up for lost time. And if you asked Dave, this
[18:21] Speaker 1: was going to be the best trip they'd ever have.
[18:23] Speaker 2: And he kept saying to me that, you know, it
[18:24] Speaker 2: was my first trip as a single woman, and he
[18:26] Speaker 2: wanted to make sure it was good. He made all
[18:30] Speaker 2: of the arrangements and planned it such that we obviously
[18:35] Speaker 2: flew into Melbourne on the same day and his flight
[18:37] Speaker 2: arrived about twenty minutes before mine. So I got off
[18:41] Speaker 2: the plane and walked into the terminal and he was
[18:45] Speaker 2: waiting at my gate, as I had expected he would be,
[18:48] Speaker 2: And there he was my best friend, and he had
[18:51] Speaker 2: this massive bunch of flowers in his hand, and I thought, wow,
[18:57] Speaker 2: that's so nice, Like we haven't seen each other since
[18:59] Speaker 2: the split.
[19:00] Speaker 3: What a legend, you know, on a great guy? What
[19:04] Speaker 3: are best friends for?
[19:06] Speaker 2: And there was a big hug, of course, and I
[19:10] Speaker 2: was just so happy to see him, and he seemed
[19:12] Speaker 2: really happy to see me.
[19:14] Speaker 3: We transited to our hotel.
[19:18] Speaker 2: You know, I had a bit of a catch up
[19:19] Speaker 2: in the cab and by the time we got to
[19:22] Speaker 2: the hotel, we had a few hours left before we
[19:24] Speaker 2: had to get on the train to get to the concert.
[19:27] Speaker 3: And so I said, look, it was also new.
[19:29] Speaker 2: I wouldn't mind going into my room and having a
[19:30] Speaker 2: bit of a like a shower, and I'll get dressed,
[19:32] Speaker 2: and then maybe we could go and have a couple
[19:34] Speaker 2: of beers before we.
[19:35] Speaker 3: Go to the concert. He said, yeah, sounds great.
[19:37] Speaker 2: So I went into my room and I was having
[19:40] Speaker 2: a great time in all my own free space, single girl,
[19:44] Speaker 2: loving life. And then there was a knock on my
[19:47] Speaker 2: door and I opened it and there was Dave and
[19:53] Speaker 2: he invited me next door into his room. And I
[19:58] Speaker 2: was slightly bothered by this invitation, more because I hadn't
[20:01] Speaker 2: even had a chance to have a shower yet, like
[20:03] Speaker 2: he'd left me alone for approximately eight consecutive minutes.
[20:06] Speaker 3: But okay, I thought, rad yep, let's do it.
[20:10] Speaker 2: Followed days into his room and he had spent the
[20:15] Speaker 2: eight minutes that we had been apart setting up somewhat
[20:19] Speaker 2: of a shrine. There were many gift wrapped presents arranged
[20:26] Speaker 2: on the bed in his room, many of them. There's
[20:29] Speaker 2: a mountain of them, present mountain, And he said, I
[20:34] Speaker 2: just really wanted to make sure this trip was so
[20:35] Speaker 2: good for you, Amanda. You've had a rough couple of months.
[20:39] Speaker 2: I know he's sad about Andrew. I know you're really
[20:42] Speaker 2: worried that all of your friends are gonna choose him
[20:47] Speaker 2: or choose neither of you. Like, I just really wanted
[20:50] Speaker 2: to take this chance to show you that I'm like,
[20:53] Speaker 2: we're best friends. I'm like, I'm all in, like I'm
[20:55] Speaker 2: choosing you right, And I've bought you some things.
[21:00] Speaker 3: Because I want you to have nice stuff.
[21:04] Speaker 2: And I thought, what a great guy, what a great thing.
[21:07] Speaker 2: How lucky am I to have best friend like this,
[21:10] Speaker 2: What a legend? And who doesn't like presents? So of
[21:14] Speaker 2: course I was directed to open those presents immediately, and
[21:16] Speaker 2: I was very happy to oblige. He'd got me books
[21:19] Speaker 2: that he knew that I wanted, some CDs, perfume, nice
[21:23] Speaker 2: stuff from like the body Shop and stuff like that,
[21:25] Speaker 2: just really nice stuff that a person in my financial
[21:29] Speaker 2: situation at the time would not be able to afford.
[21:30] Speaker 2: He had really thought about it was so nice, it
[21:32] Speaker 2: was really sweet. And so I opened those presents and
[21:35] Speaker 2: I was genuinely touched, and I told him as much.
[21:38] Speaker 2: I said, have said, Dave, you are the best, what
[21:41] Speaker 2: a great best friend. No girl has ever had a
[21:43] Speaker 2: better best friend than you. And I hugged him and
[21:48] Speaker 2: we were standing in the middle of the hotel room there,
[21:50] Speaker 2: surrounded by destroyed wrapping paper and ribbons, and he said
[21:57] Speaker 2: to me, well, there's one more present, and I said, oh,
[22:02] Speaker 2: where is this present?
[22:04] Speaker 3: And he pointed to his chest.
[22:09] Speaker 2: At that point, something inside of me kind of said
[22:14] Speaker 2: to myself, it's a bit weird. But I sort of
[22:18] Speaker 2: also thought, perhaps this is a very literal demonstration of
[22:21] Speaker 2: the fact that he is making it very clear he's
[22:24] Speaker 2: going to continue to be my best friend. And I
[22:26] Speaker 2: had made a huge deal about it for months, saying
[22:29] Speaker 2: I was worried he was going to pick Andrew and
[22:31] Speaker 2: not me. And as he continued to point to his chest,
[22:34] Speaker 2: I said, I don't know what you mean, and he said, well,
[22:38] Speaker 2: it's here, you need to unwrap it. And I said again,
[22:46] Speaker 2: I'm just not sure what you mean. And so at
[22:49] Speaker 2: this stage a look of sort of confusion mixed with
[22:52] Speaker 2: annoyance crossed his face, and so he said, okay, I'll
[22:59] Speaker 2: do it, and he unwrapped the present by undoing each
[23:06] Speaker 2: of the buttons on his shirt all the way down
[23:08] Speaker 2: to his navel. He took the shirt off, and I
[23:15] Speaker 2: was met with quite a sight. He had recently purchased
[23:21] Speaker 2: himself a label maker. He told me about the label
[23:25] Speaker 2: maker on one of our many phone calls. He was
[23:27] Speaker 2: very excited about the label maker, the Dimi label maker,
[23:30] Speaker 2: the very one Dave had used he's nearly acquired label
[23:33] Speaker 2: maker to fix many labels to himself. So upon de robing,
[23:40] Speaker 2: I was presented with Dave's entire torso covered in labels,
[23:47] Speaker 2: each of which said property of Amanda. They were everywhere,
[23:51] Speaker 2: They were all over him. I cannot overstate how many
[23:53] Speaker 2: they were. They were everywhere. Some of them he had
[23:56] Speaker 2: gotten creative and sort of used phrases like belongs to
[24:00] Speaker 2: Amanda only for Amanda. But the general sentiment of this
[24:05] Speaker 2: labelage was that he was my property. At this stage,
[24:10] Speaker 2: I think I was so very confused, and had been
[24:14] Speaker 2: friends with him for so long, and it had only
[24:16] Speaker 2: ever been friends and added into that was the very
[24:22] Speaker 2: real and recent ongoing conversations around my concern that I
[24:26] Speaker 2: was going to lose my friends because of the separation,
[24:29] Speaker 2: and his real confirmation, ongoing confirmation for me that that
[24:34] Speaker 2: was not going to happen. Whilst there was an element
[24:37] Speaker 2: of confusion and that weird feeling around this is odd,
[24:41] Speaker 2: was sort of, you know, around my belly button level,
[24:44] Speaker 2: my rational brain was saying to me, whilst this is
[24:47] Speaker 2: an odd way to say it, this is his way
[24:50] Speaker 2: of showing to me that really our friendship is going
[24:53] Speaker 2: to be able to navigate this storm.
[24:55] Speaker 3: It's going to weather this storm.
[24:57] Speaker 2: I was feeling a little bit annoyed at this point,
[24:59] Speaker 2: like I understand what you're trying to do. I think
[25:02] Speaker 2: I understand that you're trying to show me that we're
[25:04] Speaker 2: going to stay friends, But why do you have to
[25:05] Speaker 2: be a bit weird about it? Mate? He continued to
[25:09] Speaker 2: They're looking at me with a very strange look on
[25:12] Speaker 2: his face that I've not seen on Dave's face before,
[25:15] Speaker 2: and so I kind of just said, you are such
[25:19] Speaker 2: a nice guy. No one's ever done anything like this
[25:22] Speaker 2: for me before. I gave him another hug and I
[25:25] Speaker 2: said this is so great, Like what a great start
[25:28] Speaker 2: to our weekend, Like, let's keep going. And I'm going
[25:31] Speaker 2: to let's have a shower and go and have a
[25:33] Speaker 2: beer and go to this concert. And I could sort
[25:35] Speaker 2: of see like he deflated a little bit, but he said, yep,
[25:38] Speaker 2: look great idea. Let's go. So I went back to
[25:41] Speaker 2: my room and he stayed in his room and kind
[25:44] Speaker 2: of had a shower, and we met in the foyer
[25:46] Speaker 2: about forty five minutes later, and I thought we were
[25:49] Speaker 2: just going to find a pub and then take a
[25:52] Speaker 2: train to see the concert. But we walked out of
[25:56] Speaker 2: the hotel and there was a limousine out the front
[25:59] Speaker 2: and there was a man staying next to this limousine
[26:01] Speaker 2: in his limousine driver's outfit, and he was holding a
[26:03] Speaker 2: sign and that stein said Amanda on it. When I
[26:09] Speaker 2: opened the door too, there was like a bucket of
[26:12] Speaker 2: ice with a champagne in it and some strawberries in there.
[26:15] Speaker 2: By this stage, I was more thinking how can I
[26:17] Speaker 2: ever repay this? This must have been so expensive, Like
[26:20] Speaker 2: I was starting to feel a bit guilty, like he's
[26:23] Speaker 2: bringing much more to this friendship table than I am
[26:26] Speaker 2: bringing because I'm POV, because I just broke up with
[26:29] Speaker 2: someone again.
[26:31] Speaker 3: I just thanked him profusely.
[26:33] Speaker 1: Safe to say, it had already been a trip to remember,
[26:36] Speaker 1: but the reason they'd traveled all this way was finally here.
[26:39] Speaker 1: It was time for the main event.
[26:40] Speaker 2: It was a heavy metal band, and I was very
[26:43] Speaker 2: much looking forward to having a bit of a mosh
[26:46] Speaker 2: in the mosh people, because that's what you do. And
[26:49] Speaker 2: so we get there and we have a couple of
[26:51] Speaker 2: drinks in the bar there and the concert starts and
[26:55] Speaker 2: we were so excited. We had our band t shirts
[26:57] Speaker 2: on and we were having a dance and Dave kind
[27:00] Speaker 2: of started to bug me because all he wanted to
[27:02] Speaker 2: do while we were trying to mosh was kind of
[27:05] Speaker 2: put his arm around me, which was not something that
[27:08] Speaker 2: he'd done at any other concerts that we'd been to before.
[27:12] Speaker 2: And it was hot, and I was a bit bothered,
[27:14] Speaker 2: and it makes it at heart like I can't wash
[27:16] Speaker 2: if your arms around me. Come on, bro, So I
[27:19] Speaker 2: sort of kept trying to shrug him off a little bit.
[27:21] Speaker 2: The concert was the best time ever, and they played
[27:23] Speaker 2: their best songs and we were just so happy to
[27:26] Speaker 2: be there. And you know, another great thing was the
[27:28] Speaker 2: limo driver was waiting outside so we didn't have to
[27:30] Speaker 2: fight through public transport to get home.
[27:33] Speaker 1: But even in the city she'd never been to before,
[27:35] Speaker 1: Amanda's spindy senses were tingling. She noticed something wasn't quite right.
[27:40] Speaker 1: Limo had taken an unexpected detour.
[27:43] Speaker 2: We get further and further away from the hotel, and
[27:45] Speaker 2: I keep saying to Dave, this is not feeling great,
[27:49] Speaker 2: this is feeling a bit unsolved mysteries, and he's saying,
[27:53] Speaker 2: it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. I start seeing signs
[27:56] Speaker 2: referring to a scenic lookout. It is at this stage
[28:00] Speaker 2: then I start to think something really is a rye here.
[28:03] Speaker 2: The little nagging feeling that had been around at my
[28:05] Speaker 2: belly button was sort of navigating up towards like my lungs,
[28:07] Speaker 2: into the top of my chest. The limo stops at
[28:12] Speaker 2: the top of this lookout. It is nighttime. It's beautiful.
[28:15] Speaker 2: The limo driver comes over and opens my door and
[28:19] Speaker 2: looks in and says, I'll wait right here until you're
[28:23] Speaker 2: done with your friend, ma'am, and winks at me. And
[28:28] Speaker 2: when he winked, in a sudden cascade.
[28:34] Speaker 3: Of pure.
[28:37] Speaker 2: Embarrassment shock terror, it hits me that I am a
[28:44] Speaker 2: moron and I have read this whole thing wrong. It
[28:47] Speaker 2: becomes suddenly very clear to me that Dave was reading
[28:53] Speaker 2: from a different book to me, and he was hoping
[28:56] Speaker 2: for a different.
[28:58] Speaker 3: Ending that I was.
[29:00] Speaker 2: So I start to seeing how am I going to
[29:02] Speaker 2: fix this? I don't even really know where I am,
[29:06] Speaker 2: So I start begging the limo driver, you should come
[29:09] Speaker 2: to the top of this litle okay with this. Then
[29:10] Speaker 2: the limo driver's kind of looking at me like my
[29:12] Speaker 2: head is about to fall off, and he's saying, I
[29:14] Speaker 2: don't think so, ma'am.
[29:15] Speaker 3: And at that stage Dave has.
[29:17] Speaker 2: Come to my side of the limo and he's also
[29:19] Speaker 2: quite insistent that no, the limo driver does not need
[29:21] Speaker 2: to join us at the pinnacle of the lookout there.
[29:27] Speaker 2: So we walk up there and it's very lovely, and
[29:32] Speaker 2: I look at Dave and he's looking at me with
[29:36] Speaker 2: the look in his eyes that I think I have
[29:38] Speaker 2: on my face when I see puppies, I want them.
[29:43] Speaker 2: He wasn't laughing, he was staring at me, and all
[29:49] Speaker 2: at once, all of these emotions are kind of hitting me.
[29:52] Speaker 2: The emotions are, You're an idiot, How did you.
[29:54] Speaker 3: Not see this?
[29:55] Speaker 2: Oh? My god, you're more on the labels. Why didn't
[29:58] Speaker 2: the labels give it away? But I'm also thinking if
[30:02] Speaker 2: this goes badly, he has booked and paid for this limousine,
[30:05] Speaker 2: I could be left alone up here. So I decide
[30:07] Speaker 2: that I'm just going to try to put physical disc
[30:09] Speaker 2: between the two of us, so whatever he is planning,
[30:12] Speaker 2: maybe that will stop it. And so I started kind
[30:14] Speaker 2: of inching further and further away from him, but he
[30:17] Speaker 2: keeps just following me. So we're kind of doing this
[30:19] Speaker 2: weird kind of circular waltz where he kind of a
[30:22] Speaker 2: few times sort of reached out in his arm towards me,
[30:24] Speaker 2: and I'd be like, oh, look over there, and then
[30:26] Speaker 2: he'd take a step towards me, and I'm like, wow, check
[30:28] Speaker 2: that out. It didn't seem to work, because he just
[30:31] Speaker 2: kept following me. So I then took three massive steps
[30:35] Speaker 2: away from him and turned and looked at him and
[30:38] Speaker 2: crossed my arms across my chest, and we just stood
[30:41] Speaker 2: there for a couple of minutes, staring at each other,
[30:44] Speaker 2: and much like what had happened back in the hotel room,
[30:47] Speaker 2: he kind of sighed and got a little bit shorter,
[30:49] Speaker 2: and then he said to me, do you just want
[30:51] Speaker 2: to go back to the hotel And I said, yes,
[30:53] Speaker 2: please very much, And so we walked back to the
[30:55] Speaker 2: limo and got in the limo and sat in complete
[30:58] Speaker 2: silence all the way back to the hotel. I did
[31:01] Speaker 2: actually notice like he sort of like turned away from
[31:04] Speaker 2: me a little bit and was facing out his window.
[31:07] Speaker 2: When we got back to the hotel, I said, I'm
[31:10] Speaker 2: really big, I might just go to bed, and he said, yep,
[31:13] Speaker 2: I'll see in the morning.
[31:15] Speaker 3: So the next morning, you know, we.
[31:16] Speaker 2: Did have breakfast together and we went for a bit
[31:17] Speaker 2: of a walk around the city and stuff. But he
[31:19] Speaker 2: was very quiet, and I was really trying to kind
[31:22] Speaker 2: of just get it back to normal. I think I
[31:26] Speaker 2: didn't really want to talk about what had happened the
[31:28] Speaker 2: night before. I don't know what he was going to
[31:29] Speaker 2: ask me or say to me, or do to me
[31:33] Speaker 2: at the top of the lookout there, and I just
[31:35] Speaker 2: wanted nothing of it. Like I was a bit annoyed
[31:38] Speaker 2: because I just thought, you know, I'd never given him
[31:40] Speaker 2: any indication that I wanted anything more than a friendship,
[31:43] Speaker 2: and I think what he'd been doing really put me
[31:45] Speaker 2: in that difficult situation where he was going to make
[31:47] Speaker 2: me make a choice that was going to end it,
[31:49] Speaker 2: really and so I just wanted to move on, and
[31:52] Speaker 2: I just wanted to have things go back to where
[31:53] Speaker 2: they'd been, and I wanted for it to what never happened.
[31:58] Speaker 2: So we kind of hugged out at the airport and
[32:00] Speaker 2: he got on his flight and I got on mine.
[32:03] Speaker 2: When I got back to my house, I opened my
[32:06] Speaker 2: emails and there was an email from Dave and it
[32:11] Speaker 2: was quite a long email, but the crux of it
[32:13] Speaker 2: was that he was in love with me, and he'd
[32:15] Speaker 2: always been in love with me, and he'd been keeping
[32:18] Speaker 2: a secret from me, and that secret was that he'd
[32:20] Speaker 2: bought a house in our hometown and he had bought
[32:23] Speaker 2: it hoping that I would move back there and be
[32:27] Speaker 2: with him and be in a relationship with him. He
[32:30] Speaker 2: was very clear in the email, you know, like he
[32:32] Speaker 2: wanted it to be for life, like he could see
[32:34] Speaker 2: him marrying me. He wanted nothing more than for us
[32:37] Speaker 2: to just live our lives together, you know, he wanted
[32:40] Speaker 2: to have me by his side forever. And he said,
[32:44] Speaker 2: I really wanted to ask you on our trip, and
[32:47] Speaker 2: it just didn't work out. I feel like I needed
[32:50] Speaker 2: to put it in writing to you so that you
[32:51] Speaker 2: could think about it let me know what you think. Look,
[32:55] Speaker 2: I felt really bad. It truly had never occurred to
[32:57] Speaker 2: me at the time, but obviously with the hindsight that
[33:00] Speaker 2: that email kind of slapped me in the face with
[33:02] Speaker 2: it did become clear as to like, you know, one
[33:05] Speaker 2: of the things I'd always liked about Dave was that
[33:06] Speaker 2: he was always happy to hang out and do whatever
[33:08] Speaker 2: I wanted to do.
[33:08] Speaker 3: Well, of course he was happy hang out and do
[33:10] Speaker 3: what I wanted to do.
[33:10] Speaker 2: It wanted to get with me. I knew that whilst
[33:16] Speaker 2: there could be hundreds of women that could get an
[33:18] Speaker 2: email like that from a really kind, reliable, caring guy
[33:23] Speaker 2: like Dave and take him up on the offer, I
[33:26] Speaker 2: couldn't do that. I didn't feel that way about him,
[33:29] Speaker 2: and I knew that I never ever would. He was
[33:31] Speaker 2: just my friend. I did not feel that way about him,
[33:33] Speaker 2: and I had too much respect for him to keep
[33:37] Speaker 2: him on the hook. So I replied to the email
[33:43] Speaker 2: and I said, I'm so sorry to say this to
[33:46] Speaker 2: you by email. I'm replying by email because you have
[33:50] Speaker 2: asked me by email, Dave, I cannot move to be
[33:56] Speaker 2: with you. I don't have those feelings for you. I
[34:00] Speaker 2: never have I never will. I'm so sorry. I care
[34:05] Speaker 2: about you so much as a friend, and because I
[34:08] Speaker 2: care about you so much as a friend, and that
[34:10] Speaker 2: is why I have to be this honest with you.
[34:14] Speaker 2: It's never going to happen that way between me and you.
[34:17] Speaker 2: But boy, I would really love to stay friends. I
[34:20] Speaker 2: understand if you can't, but I really want to see
[34:23] Speaker 2: if there's a way we can put this behind us
[34:25] Speaker 2: and stay friends. I got an email back literally within
[34:28] Speaker 2: five minutes, and it said, Hey, Amanda, thanks for being
[34:36] Speaker 2: honest with me. I probably needed it to be that blunt.
[34:39] Speaker 3: Have to say.
[34:39] Speaker 2: I'm really disappointed, but I'm not shocked. I will always
[34:45] Speaker 2: love you. I definitely don't want this to change the friendship.
[34:50] Speaker 2: Please just ignore anything I said. I'm happy to go
[34:53] Speaker 2: back to being best friends.
[34:55] Speaker 1: So they gave it a shot. The MSN chats were back,
[34:57] Speaker 1: the weekly phone calls resumed, and they did their bets
[35:00] Speaker 1: to make the friendship feel as normal as possible, and
[35:03] Speaker 1: for a little while that seemed to be working, until
[35:07] Speaker 1: she started dating someone else.
[35:09] Speaker 2: I did debate whether or not I shouldn't even tell
[35:11] Speaker 2: Dave because I knew how he felt but he had
[35:17] Speaker 2: kind of seemed fine, and so I told him that
[35:21] Speaker 2: I'd met someone and we'd gone out on a few
[35:22] Speaker 2: dates and it, you know, it seemed like it was
[35:25] Speaker 2: progressing well. And I think that was kind of the
[35:30] Speaker 2: real turning point. I think he'd been able to mask
[35:34] Speaker 2: it enough to keep the friendship going whilst I was
[35:37] Speaker 2: still single. But in the absence of that, things really deteriorated,
[35:42] Speaker 2: and some of his behaviors actually became really different to me.
[35:48] Speaker 2: Every time we spoke, there would be a lot of
[35:51] Speaker 2: him trying to I felt like he was trying to
[35:53] Speaker 2: guilt me, a lot of kind of comments around how
[35:58] Speaker 2: he was just going to be single forever because he'd
[36:00] Speaker 2: asked me out and I'd said no, and that's fine
[36:01] Speaker 2: that I said no, but there's no one else on
[36:04] Speaker 2: the horizon. He can't move on. He would bring up
[36:07] Speaker 2: things like that trip we went on that cost me
[36:11] Speaker 2: a lot of money, you know, I spent a lot
[36:13] Speaker 2: of money on. That got to the point where it
[36:15] Speaker 2: made me kind of struggle to want to talk to him,
[36:19] Speaker 2: and I didn't really know how to fix it, because
[36:20] Speaker 2: I felt like, if he really meant what he said
[36:22] Speaker 2: about us trying to stay friends, I should be able
[36:25] Speaker 2: to tell him that I'm dating people. It was at
[36:27] Speaker 2: that point that I think I've started to I guess,
[36:29] Speaker 2: you know, grieve the friendship because I knew that it
[36:31] Speaker 2: was over. The friendship that we had was already gone,
[36:35] Speaker 2: even though we were still pretending that it was there.
[36:40] Speaker 2: I was sad that it had come to that, and
[36:41] Speaker 2: I was annoyed that he was behaving this way. I
[36:46] Speaker 2: felt a bit kind of stuck. I felt like I
[36:50] Speaker 2: was a tiny bit in the wrong, like I couldn't
[36:53] Speaker 2: say anything about his behavior because I'd agreed to continue
[36:57] Speaker 2: the friendship knowing that he had those feelings for me.
[37:01] Speaker 2: So I felt like it was a bit hard for
[37:02] Speaker 2: me to kind of say, hey, this gilt trip that
[37:05] Speaker 2: Elaine or my I don't.
[37:06] Speaker 3: Dig it like it's pull it up.
[37:09] Speaker 2: So I just kind of put up with it. It culminated
[37:12] Speaker 2: in my new partner and I taking a trip to
[37:17] Speaker 2: a show, and it turned out that Dave was going
[37:20] Speaker 2: to the same show, and we agreed to meet up
[37:24] Speaker 2: in that town and I was like, oh, introduce you
[37:27] Speaker 2: to my new partner and he said, yeah, great. My
[37:29] Speaker 2: new partner and I were waiting in the restaurant that
[37:31] Speaker 2: we'd agreed to meet him in. I saw him get
[37:34] Speaker 2: out of a cab on the other side of the road.
[37:36] Speaker 2: He walked across the road. He got to the window
[37:38] Speaker 2: of the restaurant and saw me with my partner at
[37:41] Speaker 2: the table in the window, and turned around, walked to
[37:44] Speaker 2: another cab and got in the cab and driveway. He
[37:47] Speaker 2: messaged me later and said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I
[37:49] Speaker 2: couldn't come in. I just saw you with him and
[37:51] Speaker 2: it was too hard, and I said, look, I get it,
[37:54] Speaker 2: that's fine. But then he said, that guy's pretty revolting
[37:58] Speaker 2: to look out. I can't believe that you're with him,
[38:00] Speaker 2: and so I shot back, that's too far, mate, that's
[38:04] Speaker 2: way too far. That was too far. I thought, like,
[38:07] Speaker 2: that was really mean, and I knew that he'd set
[38:09] Speaker 2: that to hurt me, and I just thought a friend
[38:14] Speaker 2: wouldn't say that. So for men, it was kind of
[38:18] Speaker 2: really done. And that was the last time we really spoke.
[38:22] Speaker 1: It's a tailor as old as time. Unrequited love. Amanda
[38:26] Speaker 1: understood just how complicated the situation was, and while she
[38:29] Speaker 1: and Dave technically never spoke again after that conversation, his
[38:33] Speaker 1: presence lingered in other ways, he went.
[38:36] Speaker 2: Through a couple of stages where by that time Facebook
[38:38] Speaker 2: was a bit of a thing, and he seems to
[38:41] Speaker 2: have kind of blocked me and deleted me a number
[38:42] Speaker 2: of times. And I've only ever really found that out
[38:45] Speaker 2: because then he will send me a new friend request
[38:49] Speaker 2: accompanied by a message saying, sorry I deleted you. I'm
[38:53] Speaker 2: going to try to be friends with you again. Can
[38:54] Speaker 2: you add me again? And so that's happened like five
[38:57] Speaker 2: or six times since then. We're still I think last
[39:01] Speaker 2: I checked connected on social media. If he wants to
[39:05] Speaker 2: unfriend me and then refriend me, that's probably fine. I'm
[39:07] Speaker 2: not I'm too old these days to get I've said
[39:10] Speaker 2: over who's unfriending me and who's refriending me? And that's fine,
[39:13] Speaker 2: But I feel like a friend wouldn't have treated a
[39:16] Speaker 2: friend that way. And I think as I've gotten older,
[39:19] Speaker 2: whilst I've become more aware of the part that my
[39:22] Speaker 2: shar ignorance played in this, I also think, I mean,
[39:26] Speaker 2: come on, mate, like it's a it's a bit confrontational
[39:30] Speaker 2: to kind of go to those lengths and put a
[39:32] Speaker 2: woman in that situation, you know, at the top of
[39:35] Speaker 2: a lookout when there's no one else around.
[39:37] Speaker 1: But what about the guy Amanda went on that date with.
[39:41] Speaker 2: I married that guy in spite of Dave's thoughts on
[39:44] Speaker 2: the matter, and we've been married close to fourteen years now, and.
[39:51] Speaker 3: He is a great guy.
[39:53] Speaker 2: We are super happy, and I think, like what happens
[39:57] Speaker 2: with everybody, like you don't always stay friends with the
[39:59] Speaker 2: people that you were that were just your world in
[40:02] Speaker 2: your early twenties. You know, we've got friends now that
[40:04] Speaker 2: I'd never even heard of when I was in my twenties,
[40:07] Speaker 2: and that's what happens.
[40:09] Speaker 3: I still have male friends.
[40:13] Speaker 2: It's a little bit different now though, because all of
[40:17] Speaker 2: my male friends are married or my female friends are
[40:20] Speaker 2: also married, and everybody just understands everybody's boundaries. But also
[40:26] Speaker 2: I think it's really maybe hard in your twenties for
[40:29] Speaker 2: friendships with your opposite sex to maybe work. It's a
[40:32] Speaker 2: bit harder for that to be successful than it is
[40:35] Speaker 2: at my age in early to mid forties. At this age,
[40:38] Speaker 2: people have got kids, people are settled down, people are tired.
[40:42] Speaker 2: You know, we're busy, we've got jobs. It's really not
[40:47] Speaker 2: the same having friendships at this age as it is
[40:51] Speaker 2: having friendships in your early twenties, when they just consume
[40:53] Speaker 2: your life, whereas friendships at this age is like an
[40:56] Speaker 2: accessory to your life instead of being your whole life.
[40:59] Speaker 2: And so it's really easy to have those boundaries there
[41:03] Speaker 2: and for those boundaries to be healthy and clear.
[41:20] Speaker 1: Everyone Has an Ex Best Friend is a minti Media
[41:22] Speaker 1: production and proudly part of the Mum and mea network.
[41:25] Speaker 1: This interview was conducted by me Georgia Love and written
[41:28] Speaker 1: and produced by Linda Scott. If you have a story
[41:31] Speaker 1: you'd like to share, email Everyone Has an Ex at
[41:33] Speaker 1: mintimedia dot com dotu. You can support us by following
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