# The Good Girl

An episode of [Everyone Has An Ex](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1502664617), 9 Sep 2025, 57 min.

Audio: https://traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/3ea926be-9be7-482a-8ac3-a44f016e43d1/fe4043fe-7983-496d-8f85-b132005537f8/45cdb35d-c4d9-4c42-840c-b34100040a5b/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=d21b7a93-3a2f-4ae7-ac90-b13200553810

Starting fresh. It’s a wonderful, scary and exciting thing. You can leave an old life behind and start discovering a whole new way of living, new experiences, finding new people and finding yourself. But while those new experiences may seem fun and exciting in the beginning, they can take a dark and dangerous turn. Email us: everyonehasanex@mintymedia.com.au Follow us: @everyonehasanex This episode contains discussions of domestic violence, which may be distressing for some listeners. If you or someone you know is affected by domestic violence, help is available through 1800RESPECT.org.au or calling 1800 737 732. CREDITS: Host: Georgia Love Producer: Linda Scott Audio Producer: Scott Stronach SUBSCRIBE: Become a Mamamia Subscriber here. Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:10] Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mother with Me podcast. Muma Me
[0:14] Speaker 1: acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. This
[0:18] Speaker 1: podcast is recorded on This episode contains discussion of domestic violence,
[0:22] Speaker 1: which may be distressing for some listeners. If you or
[0:25] Speaker 1: someone you know is affected, support resources are listed in
[0:28] Speaker 1: the show notes. Starting fresh it can be a wonderful, scary,
[0:39] Speaker 1: and exciting thing. You can leave an old life behind
[0:41] Speaker 1: and start discovering a whole new way of living, new experiences,
[0:45] Speaker 1: finding new people, and finding yourself.
[0:48] Speaker 2: I wanted to learn how to be naughty again because
[0:51] Speaker 2: I feel like before I met my ex husband, I
[0:54] Speaker 2: was a bit of a wild child, used to go
[0:56] Speaker 2: to parties and get crazy, and I'd forgotten that version
[1:03] Speaker 2: of me. And I knew that this man was going
[1:04] Speaker 2: to be the man to teach me how to find
[1:06] Speaker 2: her again. It was so exciting. It was the most
[1:10] Speaker 2: thing I'd done in my adult life.
[1:13] Speaker 1: While those new experiences may seem fun and exciting in
[1:16] Speaker 1: the beginning, they sometimes can take a dark and dangerous turn.
[1:20] Speaker 2: I reversed into a light post while he's throwing giant
[1:25] Speaker 2: logs of firewood at the car, smashing every panel on it.
[1:28] Speaker 2: He grabbed the side mirror and ripped it off. He
[1:31] Speaker 2: was kicking the doors. He was like jumping on the
[1:34] Speaker 2: bonnet while I'm trying to reverse and get away. And
[1:37] Speaker 2: then I managed to get away. All the windows were smashed.
[1:40] Speaker 2: I couldn't see out of the windscreen, so I was
[1:42] Speaker 2: just like driving kind of with my head out the window.
[1:46] Speaker 2: It was the middle of winter, I was freezing cold,
[1:49] Speaker 2: and I tried to drive into town to the police station.
[2:01] Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an eggs.
[2:04] Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of
[2:07] Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the
[2:11] Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Meet Dee
[2:15] Speaker 1: married had been with her husband for sixteen years and
[2:18] Speaker 1: had two amazing daughters, but at this stage of life,
[2:21] Speaker 1: things with her husband just didn't feel right.
[2:24] Speaker 2: I was thirty two, I was working as a fitness
[2:29] Speaker 2: instructor at a gym, and I was going through a
[2:34] Speaker 2: rather toxic divorce with the father of my children. We
[2:38] Speaker 2: have two daughters together, and I just kind of realized
[2:43] Speaker 2: that I'd been living my entire life by his rules
[2:47] Speaker 2: and I was very much just his little wifey and
[2:52] Speaker 2: I had no say in anything that happened in my life,
[2:56] Speaker 2: and going to the gym became my escape. So I
[3:00] Speaker 2: started going more and more. I'd tell him that I
[3:03] Speaker 2: was working, and I would just go to the gym
[3:04] Speaker 2: and work on choreography and spend hours on end there
[3:08] Speaker 2: just to get away from him. And it was kind
[3:11] Speaker 2: of like my safe haven.
[3:13] Speaker 1: And it was there she noticed Adam.
[3:15] Speaker 2: When the divorce was all getting a bit crazy. I
[3:20] Speaker 2: started to notice this one particular person in the gym
[3:25] Speaker 2: who seemed to be there all hours of the day
[3:27] Speaker 2: as well, and he looked absolutely insane. He had a
[3:33] Speaker 2: bright red mullet, he was covered in tattoos. He didn't
[3:40] Speaker 2: seem to give any care to what anyone thought of him,
[3:44] Speaker 2: and I would always notice him noticing me in the gym.
[3:49] Speaker 2: I was like, nobody's looked at me. For a long time,
[3:53] Speaker 2: my relationship with my ex partner was very dull. We
[3:58] Speaker 2: slept in separate bedrooms for like the last three years
[4:00] Speaker 2: of our marriage, and I felt like a queen, Like
[4:05] Speaker 2: I felt like the way that he looked at me,
[4:07] Speaker 2: he would just worship the ground that I walked on,
[4:09] Speaker 2: this phenomenal set of pecks on him that I just
[4:12] Speaker 2: wanted to touch. And yeah, he just looked like a
[4:16] Speaker 2: real good time, like he had a sense of humor,
[4:18] Speaker 2: and the way that he walked, he walked like he
[4:21] Speaker 2: knew he was the shit. And I was attracted to
[4:24] Speaker 2: him like a moth to a flame to a literal flame.
[4:28] Speaker 1: So when she was officially separated d he made the
[4:30] Speaker 1: first move and asked for his number.
[4:34] Speaker 2: And then I went from there. We were texting each
[4:36] Speaker 2: other NonStop, like flat out all day long what I
[4:41] Speaker 2: wasn't at the gym. And it took another few weeks
[4:45] Speaker 2: for us to organize the time to actually get together
[4:49] Speaker 2: and talk like people in person. And I was so
[4:52] Speaker 2: nervous because I just thought, why would a cool guy
[4:57] Speaker 2: like this be interested in talking to a boring little
[5:01] Speaker 2: wifey of two kids. So we met up and we
[5:05] Speaker 2: just sat in the car park of the gym and
[5:07] Speaker 2: had a good chat, and he was hilarious. I'd never
[5:12] Speaker 2: met anybody as funny as him, Like my cheeks hurt
[5:16] Speaker 2: after an hour, and we just sat on the curb
[5:18] Speaker 2: in the car park and just talked about stuff, about nothing,
[5:22] Speaker 2: and the two of us were just laughing so much
[5:24] Speaker 2: that it felt amazing, like it was the best distraction
[5:28] Speaker 2: from all the crap that I was going through at home,
[5:32] Speaker 2: and we sort of talked for a few more weeks,
[5:36] Speaker 2: didn't really do anything. And then my ex husband refused
[5:43] Speaker 2: to leave the house. You refused to accept the fact
[5:46] Speaker 2: that we were separated, And so I was leaving the
[5:53] Speaker 2: house and staying in airbnb's as often as I could.
[5:57] Speaker 2: And then I'd wake up at five o'clock in the
[5:59] Speaker 2: morning to go get the kids ready for school. I'd
[6:01] Speaker 2: make their lunches, I'd go back there, I'd drop them
[6:02] Speaker 2: off at school. I'd then pick them up from school,
[6:06] Speaker 2: take them back home, put them to bed, and then
[6:08] Speaker 2: go to my airbnb. So I said to my ex husband,
[6:15] Speaker 2: the divorce is happening. There's going to be time Like
[6:18] Speaker 2: he wanted fifty to fifty custody. So I was like,
[6:21] Speaker 2: there's going to be times where I'm not here and
[6:23] Speaker 2: you're going to have to figure it out on your own.
[6:25] Speaker 2: So I'm getting an airbnb and I'm going to go
[6:28] Speaker 2: stay there for the weekend, and you're on your own
[6:30] Speaker 2: with the kids this weekend. And the dirty little hornbag
[6:35] Speaker 2: that I am invited Adam to come to the airbnb
[6:39] Speaker 2: with me, just because I wanted to have fun He
[6:43] Speaker 2: showed up to the Airbnb on his motorbike and he
[6:47] Speaker 2: was wearing a jacket which had the name of his
[6:51] Speaker 2: club on it, and I questioned him about what that meant,
[6:57] Speaker 2: and his responses were quite flippant. He said, Oh, you know,
[7:02] Speaker 2: you don't need to worry about us, where the good
[7:05] Speaker 2: guys bikes in our state aren't like they are in
[7:09] Speaker 2: other states where they have gun fights and all that
[7:12] Speaker 2: sort of thing. And it's nothing like what you've seen
[7:14] Speaker 2: in Sons of Anarchy. That's just dramatized things for TV.
[7:18] Speaker 2: And I ate it up. I ate up everything that
[7:21] Speaker 2: he said. I wanted to believe he was a good
[7:22] Speaker 2: guy because he made me feel so good, like he
[7:26] Speaker 2: did such a good job of making me want to
[7:29] Speaker 2: believe everything that came out of his mouth. Just having
[7:31] Speaker 2: his attention felt like sparkly, like it felt like a drug.
[7:36] Speaker 2: I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world.
[7:39] Speaker 2: He kept saying things like, I've never felt like this
[7:42] Speaker 2: about anyone before, and I don't think I've ever really
[7:46] Speaker 2: been in love until now, Like you seem to get me.
[7:52] Speaker 2: You feel amazing, like when we hug, it feels like heaven.
[7:57] Speaker 2: And I was feeling all the same things, but I
[8:01] Speaker 2: feel like because he said it, it made me feel
[8:03] Speaker 2: like I felt it more.
[8:05] Speaker 1: It felt natural with a side of fun and exciting.
[8:08] Speaker 1: A case of two worlds, and Adam was exposing d
[8:11] Speaker 1: to a whole new world.
[8:13] Speaker 2: The relationship kind of felt like this teacher student relationship.
[8:18] Speaker 2: Even though I was older than him, he'd lived so
[8:20] Speaker 2: much more life, He'd been through so many more experiences
[8:25] Speaker 2: than me. I'd never taken drugs, I'd never done anything
[8:29] Speaker 2: even slightly naughty. I was just your run of the mill,
[8:33] Speaker 2: white picket fence wife, and he'd done all the naughty things,
[8:39] Speaker 2: and I wanted some of that. I wanted to learn
[8:43] Speaker 2: how to be naughty again, because I feel like before
[8:47] Speaker 2: I met my ex husband, I was a bit of
[8:48] Speaker 2: a wild child. He used to go to parties and
[8:52] Speaker 2: get crazy, and I'd forgotten that version of me. And
[8:58] Speaker 2: I knew that this man was going to be the
[8:59] Speaker 2: man to teach me how to find her again. Yeah.
[9:02] Speaker 2: It was so exciting. It was the most exciting thing
[9:05] Speaker 2: I'd done in my adult life. He started to build
[9:10] Speaker 2: this reality that everybody takes drugs, everybody goes out, everybody parties,
[9:14] Speaker 2: everybody drinks until they're spewing in the bushes, everybody's cheating
[9:19] Speaker 2: on each other, everybody's got a criminal record. Like That's
[9:23] Speaker 2: what he normalized to me, and it made me feel
[9:27] Speaker 2: a little bit naive and inferior. So I wanted to
[9:32] Speaker 2: experience those things. We went into town that night and
[9:38] Speaker 2: had a few drinks and got a bit sloppy, and
[9:44] Speaker 2: then went back to my Airbnb, and in the uber
[9:52] Speaker 2: on the way home, he starts crying, and I was like,
[9:55] Speaker 2: what's the matter, and he's like, I just I love
[9:58] Speaker 2: you so much and I think you're too good for
[10:01] Speaker 2: me and you're going to leave me like everyone else
[10:04] Speaker 2: has left me, and my being a raging m path,
[10:09] Speaker 2: I was like, well, buddy, no, I love you too,
[10:14] Speaker 2: like let me fix you. And so he carried on
[10:21] Speaker 2: like that for like the whole night, just kept like
[10:24] Speaker 2: really pushing me away. He was getting really upset. He's like,
[10:27] Speaker 2: I really do think that you're out of my league,
[10:29] Speaker 2: and I kept trying to like reassure him, like, no,
[10:33] Speaker 2: we're just we're having fun, Like I really like you.
[10:35] Speaker 2: I've never felt this way about anyone else. I felt
[10:37] Speaker 2: like it was really pushing me to say those things
[10:40] Speaker 2: back to him, whether I felt it or not, and yeah,
[10:44] Speaker 2: the next morning when it slept, the booze off like.
[10:47] Speaker 2: I didn't quite believe what had happened because I never
[10:51] Speaker 2: really my ex husband was very dry, no emotions, and
[10:56] Speaker 2: I'm quite an emotional sensitive person. So for me to
[10:59] Speaker 2: see a man cry at triggered something in me. I
[11:01] Speaker 2: was like, Oh, this is special. He must really feel
[11:04] Speaker 2: real feelings for me, not like my ex husband, who
[11:08] Speaker 2: was a dry crack off. I pushed through and I
[11:11] Speaker 2: didn't really address it with him the next morning, and
[11:13] Speaker 2: then he sort of said to me, look, I'm sorry.
[11:15] Speaker 2: I don't really handle my drink well. And I was
[11:19] Speaker 2: like okay. He's like, I won't let it happen again,
[11:21] Speaker 2: like I'll keep my shit together in future, and I
[11:23] Speaker 2: was like, yeah, cool, it's like I just do feel
[11:25] Speaker 2: really strong feeling for you. And I was like, okay, cool.
[11:28] Speaker 2: First fight out of the way, and it.
[11:30] Speaker 1: Wasn't really a fight. They'd been seeing each other for
[11:33] Speaker 1: two months and she was having the time of her life.
[11:35] Speaker 1: She felt free. And to add to that freedom, do
[11:38] Speaker 1: you secured herself for rental her own space and Adam
[11:41] Speaker 1: was right there helping make her new space. Uh huh.
[11:44] Speaker 2: He would help me put together furniture, and I loved
[11:48] Speaker 2: watching him do things with his hands, like he.
[11:51] Speaker 1: Was so.
[11:52] Speaker 2: Dexterous and he knew how to build stuff and that
[11:55] Speaker 2: was hot. Yeah, he kind of was quite heavily involved
[11:58] Speaker 2: in getting me settled. As soon as I got my
[12:01] Speaker 2: own space, it was like he marked his territory on it.
[12:03] Speaker 2: He was like, I helped you build this, like I'm
[12:05] Speaker 2: familiar here, like this is my place too. And that
[12:11] Speaker 2: was a real challenge for USh, because there was that
[12:13] Speaker 2: real push pull of me trying to find my feet
[12:17] Speaker 2: as a single mum and him trying to figure out
[12:23] Speaker 2: where he fit in that equation, and me trying to
[12:27] Speaker 2: figure out where he fit in that equation. And was
[12:29] Speaker 2: he going to be a stepdad or was he just
[12:31] Speaker 2: someone that I wanted to have fun with. I was
[12:34] Speaker 2: of the thought that he was just somebody else going
[12:37] Speaker 2: to have fun with. I thought we were just going
[12:40] Speaker 2: to fool around, no commitment. And he was saying he
[12:43] Speaker 2: wanted to be exclusive with me and didn't want to
[12:46] Speaker 2: date anybody else, and he knew that I was the
[12:48] Speaker 2: person that he loved, so he said he wanted to
[12:52] Speaker 2: be exclusive, and I said I wasn't ready for that,
[12:56] Speaker 2: but he was so insistent that I believed that he
[13:00] Speaker 2: wanted to be exclusive, and so I was like, Okay,
[13:03] Speaker 2: well I have a boyfriend. Now you're my boyfriend, and
[13:06] Speaker 2: we're doing this relationship thing. There was just so much
[13:09] Speaker 2: much passion when we saw each other. We were all
[13:15] Speaker 2: over each other. I'd sneak him in the house in
[13:18] Speaker 2: the nighttime when my kids were asleep, and we'd have sex,
[13:22] Speaker 2: and then I'd be like waking him up at the
[13:25] Speaker 2: crack of dawn, like go on, get going, like sneak
[13:27] Speaker 2: out the front door. I felt like a real piece
[13:30] Speaker 2: of shit for doing that, but I feel like he
[13:33] Speaker 2: really pressured me into it. I wasn't obviously ready to
[13:37] Speaker 2: introduce him to my kids, so that's when I started
[13:40] Speaker 2: inviting him in when my kids were asleep and when
[13:46] Speaker 2: they were at their dad's house. I would spend all
[13:51] Speaker 2: of my time with him. We were inseparable. We would
[13:55] Speaker 2: just go on adventures everywhere. We'd go mountain biking, we'd
[14:00] Speaker 2: ride down to the coast and then go for lunch.
[14:04] Speaker 2: We'd just go on these wild adventures. We'd go bushwalking,
[14:07] Speaker 2: we would go to the beach, we'd take the dogs
[14:11] Speaker 2: to the beach, and I felt like these adventures that
[14:14] Speaker 2: we went on started to wake me up a bit.
[14:17] Speaker 2: I started to feel alive again, like I actually was
[14:21] Speaker 2: a person worthy of these kinds of experiences. And we
[14:26] Speaker 2: would just be cracking up all day long with everything
[14:31] Speaker 2: that we did. We were laughing until our cheeks hurt,
[14:34] Speaker 2: and just doing such silly stuff like running around the
[14:40] Speaker 2: bush like crazy people, like trying to jump out of
[14:44] Speaker 2: bushes and scare the crap out of each other, or
[14:47] Speaker 2: just fun, so much fun. I definitely was falling in
[14:51] Speaker 2: love with him. I was the one that said I
[14:54] Speaker 2: love you first, and it was quite scary for me.
[14:59] Speaker 2: I was absolutely head over heels for him. I felt
[15:02] Speaker 2: like this was the man that I was supposed to marry,
[15:04] Speaker 2: This was the man that was meant for me. We
[15:07] Speaker 2: were just on the same wavelength and it felt right.
[15:12] Speaker 2: He had skills in the bedroom. I just felt this
[15:18] Speaker 2: insane sexual awakening, which made the whole experience that much
[15:23] Speaker 2: more exciting and actually feel beautiful. Was a very new
[15:33] Speaker 2: experience for me. I'd never really looked at myself as
[15:37] Speaker 2: someone who was sexy. No one made me feel as
[15:41] Speaker 2: beautiful as he did. Like just the way that he
[15:44] Speaker 2: looked at me the way that he could read every
[15:46] Speaker 2: little thing about me, read every little emotion that I had,
[15:50] Speaker 2: and see a need and then fulfill it.
[15:53] Speaker 1: Six months in and Dee's life had completely changed, and
[15:56] Speaker 1: now it was about to take a turn socially as well.
[15:59] Speaker 2: I'd never really had a big friend group, so the
[16:04] Speaker 2: clicking group of the gym was all of these women
[16:07] Speaker 2: who were all too cool to talk to me, And
[16:10] Speaker 2: once they found out that I was dating Adam, they
[16:13] Speaker 2: seemed to change their minds about me. So they invited
[16:17] Speaker 2: us to their Melbourne cup lunch that they were having
[16:20] Speaker 2: at their place. So we went to the pub for
[16:24] Speaker 2: drinks and then went back to their place for the party,
[16:27] Speaker 2: and he started to do the thing again where he
[16:30] Speaker 2: gets a couple too many drinks in him and his
[16:34] Speaker 2: personality starts to change. And there was this girl and
[16:39] Speaker 2: her boyfriend at the party that were talking to me,
[16:41] Speaker 2: and I was talking to them and having a great time,
[16:45] Speaker 2: and he came up to me and he said, have
[16:48] Speaker 2: they invited you for a threesome yet? And I was like, no,
[16:51] Speaker 2: what do you mean? And he's like, you can't see
[16:53] Speaker 2: the way that she's flirting with you? And I was like, no,
[16:57] Speaker 2: we're just having a talk. And he's like, they want
[16:59] Speaker 2: to fuck you. And I was like, okay, well I
[17:02] Speaker 2: don't want to fuck them. He's like, well, why do
[17:05] Speaker 2: you keep talking to them then? And I was like,
[17:07] Speaker 2: I'm at a party. I'm socializing. This is what you
[17:10] Speaker 2: do when you socialize. He's like, you want to fuck
[17:12] Speaker 2: him too. I was like, no, I'm here with people
[17:17] Speaker 2: from the gym, which is where I work. Can you
[17:20] Speaker 2: keep a shit together please? And he was absolutely hammered
[17:24] Speaker 2: by this point. And then he gets on his motorbike
[17:29] Speaker 2: and everyone's like trying to take the keys off him
[17:32] Speaker 2: because he was obviously too drunk to ride, and he
[17:38] Speaker 2: fangs it out of the driveway, rides up the street
[17:41] Speaker 2: and crashes. And I had no phone reception where I was,
[17:49] Speaker 2: so I didn't know he'd crashed. And by that point,
[17:55] Speaker 2: you know, my mood had changed as well, because he'd
[17:58] Speaker 2: just accused me of wanting to have a threesome with
[18:00] Speaker 2: these people. So I asked one of the girls at
[18:02] Speaker 2: the party to take me home, and she took me home,
[18:06] Speaker 2: and then when I got home, I got all these messages.
[18:09] Speaker 2: He sent me a celf fear of himself covered in blood,
[18:12] Speaker 2: with his eyes closed, laying on the ground, and he said,
[18:16] Speaker 2: this is your fault. I tried calling him. I tried
[18:21] Speaker 2: calling him and he wouldn't answer his phone. I called
[18:24] Speaker 2: his mum because at this point I had a relationship
[18:27] Speaker 2: with his parents. He'd introduced me to his family. We
[18:30] Speaker 2: were quite friendly. He had a great family, very supportive family,
[18:35] Speaker 2: and they treated me well. I called his mom and
[18:38] Speaker 2: I was like, have you heard from Adam? I just
[18:42] Speaker 2: got a bunch of messages on my phone and he
[18:45] Speaker 2: said he's crashed his bike and he thinks he's broken
[18:48] Speaker 2: his leg and where is he? Do you know where
[18:51] Speaker 2: he is? And she's like, no where. We've just got
[18:55] Speaker 2: word and we're sending some people out to go find
[18:57] Speaker 2: him because it was a rural location, so there were
[19:00] Speaker 2: lots of places you could crash and not be found.
[19:03] Speaker 2: So I got in the car and I drove up
[19:06] Speaker 2: to their place and I walk in the house and
[19:11] Speaker 2: he's just sitting there on the couch being fed dinner
[19:13] Speaker 2: by his mum. And I said to her, what the fuck?
[19:16] Speaker 2: Why wouldn't you think to message me and tell me
[19:19] Speaker 2: that he's okay. He's just I thought he was dead,
[19:22] Speaker 2: And she was like, Okay, calm down. And I felt
[19:27] Speaker 2: like that was a bit of a setup, like he
[19:30] Speaker 2: wanted them to witness me losing it so that when
[19:36] Speaker 2: he lost it, there was proof that I was the
[19:39] Speaker 2: crazy one.
[19:41] Speaker 1: He needed time and space to think about what the
[19:43] Speaker 1: future held for her and Adam. As luck may have it,
[19:46] Speaker 1: she had a road trip planned for a friend's wedding,
[19:48] Speaker 1: the perfect time to clear the head and have a
[19:51] Speaker 1: little alone time. Also, she thought.
[19:54] Speaker 2: He knew when I was going, and he showed up
[19:56] Speaker 2: on my doorstep the day before and he was very apologetic.
[20:00] Speaker 2: He turned on the water works again and told me
[20:03] Speaker 2: how much he loved me and said, look, just let
[20:06] Speaker 2: me come on the road trip with you, and we'll
[20:09] Speaker 2: spend some time together and we'll sort it all out.
[20:13] Speaker 2: So of course I said yes. We went on the
[20:15] Speaker 2: road trip, and then everything was honky dory again and
[20:19] Speaker 2: we were loved up and it was the best road trip.
[20:22] Speaker 2: We had so much fun, frolicking around the beach and
[20:26] Speaker 2: listening to tragic music on the car ride down and back,
[20:30] Speaker 2: and yeah, we were back, we were back, And.
[20:33] Speaker 1: From then it was full steam ahead. They even got
[20:36] Speaker 1: their own house together, and soon DE started to see
[20:39] Speaker 1: what Adam's life was really like.
[20:41] Speaker 2: It was when we moved in together that I started
[20:43] Speaker 2: to get more of an idea of his life behind
[20:47] Speaker 2: the scenes and what that meant as far as being
[20:50] Speaker 2: in the club. I was told when we got a
[20:54] Speaker 2: house that all of the members of his club needed
[20:58] Speaker 2: to know where he lived and needed to be able
[21:02] Speaker 2: to come over at a moment's notice. And I said, no,
[21:07] Speaker 2: that's not going to fly with me. I have children.
[21:10] Speaker 2: I don't want Rando's in my house all the time.
[21:14] Speaker 2: And he would throw at me that I was judgmental
[21:18] Speaker 2: and stuck up and a rich bitch, and so I
[21:25] Speaker 2: bend a little bit and I would say, you can
[21:27] Speaker 2: have them over, but I need to know when they're
[21:28] Speaker 2: coming over. I need to know who they are. If
[21:31] Speaker 2: they do come over, then they don't come in the
[21:33] Speaker 2: house when my kids are there. There were people I
[21:35] Speaker 2: didn't know, and they were criminals. That's the assumption you
[21:38] Speaker 2: make about bikeys. Yeah, And then I started to meet
[21:41] Speaker 2: more of them, and I'm like, yeah, these dudes are rough.
[21:44] Speaker 2: And I understood why people would say that Adam didn't
[21:47] Speaker 2: look like a bikey because he had all of his teeth,
[21:51] Speaker 2: he didn't have face tattoos. He was washed and these
[21:59] Speaker 2: other guys were not. I was a bit naive about
[22:03] Speaker 2: what bikeys were, and he was always going to parties
[22:06] Speaker 2: and inviting me to these parties, but I wasn't really
[22:08] Speaker 2: keen on going to parties with bi keys. But after
[22:13] Speaker 2: a while my curiosity peaked. He invited me to a
[22:19] Speaker 2: party at their clubhouse, and so I went along, and
[22:25] Speaker 2: my first impression was that it was actually really nice,
[22:31] Speaker 2: like they had some carpentry skills. Everything was wood paneled
[22:35] Speaker 2: and varnished and custom built. There was like framed pictures
[22:38] Speaker 2: everywhere of like past club members and founding members, and
[22:45] Speaker 2: I'm a history nerd, so I found that quite interesting.
[22:47] Speaker 2: It was kind of like a museum in there, but
[22:50] Speaker 2: it was like a big party house museum. There were
[22:52] Speaker 2: pool tables, there was a stage, there was tripper poles,
[22:56] Speaker 2: there was a giant bar. There was big fire pits
[23:00] Speaker 2: in the back, and they had a band on and
[23:05] Speaker 2: we got drunk and danced. I danced with all the
[23:08] Speaker 2: girlfriends of the other club members, and they were all
[23:14] Speaker 2: pretty rough, and I did sort of notice a general
[23:19] Speaker 2: theme with most of the women that were hanging around
[23:22] Speaker 2: the club, and that was that they all had this
[23:26] Speaker 2: glazed overlook in their eyes, and they all looked like
[23:31] Speaker 2: they'd seen some shit, and I was ignorant enough to
[23:36] Speaker 2: believe that that would never be me. I was dating
[23:39] Speaker 2: the good bikey. All the rest of those bikeys were
[23:42] Speaker 2: the dirty, gross ones, and the one that I got
[23:45] Speaker 2: was the good guy, and we were the King and Queen.
[23:50] Speaker 2: When I started to meet more people from the club,
[23:54] Speaker 2: I became more familiar with them, and then I'd be like, Okay, well,
[23:59] Speaker 2: Martin can come over the drinks because I know him
[24:03] Speaker 2: and he doesn't gross me out that much. But then
[24:06] Speaker 2: Martin would come over and he'd bring Jack with him,
[24:09] Speaker 2: and I'm like, okay, well I'm meeting Jack, and then
[24:11] Speaker 2: I know Jack, and you know, they're nice to your face,
[24:14] Speaker 2: and you you don't want to be a bit about it,
[24:16] Speaker 2: so you're like, Okay. Then the next time it's Martin
[24:19] Speaker 2: and Jack are coming over, and then Martin and Jack
[24:22] Speaker 2: and Steve come over, and I guess I kind of
[24:26] Speaker 2: just got slowly indoctrinated to the things that you have
[24:32] Speaker 2: to turn a blind eye to as the girlfriend of
[24:35] Speaker 2: a bikey. They'd show up at all random times to
[24:39] Speaker 2: pick him up to go and do god knows what,
[24:41] Speaker 2: and I was just like, Okay, he's off to go
[24:42] Speaker 2: do BIKEI things, and that just became normal.
[24:48] Speaker 1: It was also when they moved in together, D started
[24:51] Speaker 1: to uncover a few of Adam's dirty little secrets.
[24:55] Speaker 2: He tells me that we had to apply for the
[24:58] Speaker 2: rental under my name and not his because he wouldn't
[25:03] Speaker 2: pass the checks that the real estate agents would do
[25:08] Speaker 2: because he had a creminal record. He told me about
[25:13] Speaker 2: the fact that the police liked to set him up
[25:16] Speaker 2: for certain things. He couldn't go anywhere without the police
[25:19] Speaker 2: stopping him. Apparently they would plant drugs on him, and
[25:24] Speaker 2: so I did sort of believe that his criminal record
[25:27] Speaker 2: would or could possibly have stemmed from that. I also
[25:31] Speaker 2: felt like I didn't want to know. The more that
[25:35] Speaker 2: I knew, then my options would be limited and I
[25:39] Speaker 2: would lose respect for him and fall out of love
[25:42] Speaker 2: with him, and I wasn't ready to do that. I
[25:44] Speaker 2: was so in love with him that I didn't want
[25:46] Speaker 2: to see any of the negative things. The area that
[25:49] Speaker 2: I lived in was quite a wealthy, upper class area
[25:54] Speaker 2: that my kids went to school in, and there was
[25:57] Speaker 2: a lot of judge people that went there. Word got
[26:03] Speaker 2: out about town that I was dating a bikey and
[26:05] Speaker 2: when i'd go to school drop off and pick up,
[26:08] Speaker 2: I could see everybody talking about me behind my back,
[26:11] Speaker 2: and so I feel like I sort of withdrew from
[26:13] Speaker 2: that community. I isolated myself a little bit more. I
[26:16] Speaker 2: was like, Oh, they all think I'm a biky mole.
[26:18] Speaker 2: They aren't gonna want to be friends with me. So
[26:20] Speaker 2: I just kind of like backed off. I'd put my
[26:23] Speaker 2: sunglasses on and I'd walk up to the class grab
[26:25] Speaker 2: my kid, and I wouldn't say hih to anyone. And Yeah,
[26:29] Speaker 2: I isolated myself because I thought they don't understand him,
[26:33] Speaker 2: they don't understand me, they I don't understand us.
[26:36] Speaker 1: Well, things weren't all rosy behind closed doors.
[26:39] Speaker 2: There was a constant push pool while living with him.
[26:42] Speaker 2: I felt like when we were living together, he thought
[26:44] Speaker 2: he had me, and a lot of the bad behavior
[26:47] Speaker 2: started to get worse. He would go out all hours
[26:53] Speaker 2: of the night. He'd go to parties. It was kind
[26:54] Speaker 2: of his job to go to parties, and I was
[26:59] Speaker 2: fine with that because I was at home with my
[27:00] Speaker 2: kids doing my own thing. And after a while it
[27:03] Speaker 2: became a problem because he would come home drunk and
[27:08] Speaker 2: he would get nitpicky with me. It was usually a
[27:13] Speaker 2: space of about a month where everything would be fantastic,
[27:19] Speaker 2: and then at least once a month, he would do
[27:23] Speaker 2: something to just destroy all of our lives. He would
[27:27] Speaker 2: get drunk and he would start smashing things up because
[27:32] Speaker 2: this was our house. Now it wasn't my house. One
[27:37] Speaker 2: time we came home from a party and he told
[27:39] Speaker 2: me that I was dancing too sexy on the dance floor,
[27:44] Speaker 2: and when we got home he grabbed me by the
[27:47] Speaker 2: throat and helped me up against the wall until I
[27:50] Speaker 2: started to black out, and he were saying things like,
[27:54] Speaker 2: you're a slut, You're obviously cheating on me with everybody.
[27:57] Speaker 2: You don't love me, You're just using me for fun.
[28:02] Speaker 2: At that point when I started to black out, I realized,
[28:06] Speaker 2: this is the moment that I die, and I've got
[28:09] Speaker 2: to make choice as to whether I fight back. And
[28:14] Speaker 2: I thought, all right, just take a swing, so I did.
[28:19] Speaker 2: I hit him in the face and I chipped his
[28:21] Speaker 2: front tooth. It snapped him out of it. But then
[28:26] Speaker 2: he had proof from then on that I was the
[28:28] Speaker 2: abusive one, and he told his family that I got
[28:32] Speaker 2: drunk and I smacked him in the face and I
[28:34] Speaker 2: broke his tooth. And they already believed that I was
[28:36] Speaker 2: crazy because they'd seen me show up at his house
[28:38] Speaker 2: that night that he crashed his motorbike fuming, So it
[28:42] Speaker 2: was just small validation for them about the fact that
[28:44] Speaker 2: I was the problem. He liked to hit me in
[28:47] Speaker 2: the throat whenever there was a disagreement, like he would
[28:50] Speaker 2: do it so like really fast, Like he'd be screaming
[28:55] Speaker 2: at me, screaming in my face, telling me about how
[28:58] Speaker 2: I was gonna murder my kids and kill my dog
[29:03] Speaker 2: and smash everything I owned, and he would just hit
[29:07] Speaker 2: me really fast with like a a blade hand to
[29:10] Speaker 2: the throat to just go like really fast, and then
[29:14] Speaker 2: pretend like it never happened. So it was like it
[29:17] Speaker 2: happened so fast that I was like shocked. But then
[29:22] Speaker 2: when i'd say to him the next day, like you
[29:25] Speaker 2: hit me, it would be like, I don't remember doing that.
[29:28] Speaker 2: I just get amnesia when I drink. I can't remember.
[29:31] Speaker 2: I can't remember doing that. I think you made it up.
[29:35] Speaker 2: I told so many lies to cover for him. From
[29:38] Speaker 2: the outside looking in, I was doing great. I was
[29:40] Speaker 2: dating this crazy guy, and it was it was fine and.
[29:44] Speaker 1: On top of the physical abuse, d was about to
[29:47] Speaker 1: make it another sinister discovery.
[29:49] Speaker 2: We got together with that group from the gym again
[29:53] Speaker 2: for a barbecue. They invited us to a barbecue, and
[29:56] Speaker 2: We're having a great night until he started getting a
[30:00] Speaker 2: bit more drunk, and then he started to say things
[30:03] Speaker 2: to me like, look at Joey. She looks really cute tonight,
[30:07] Speaker 2: and I'd be like, yeah, she does. And then he
[30:09] Speaker 2: like come up to me again and be like, Joey's
[30:12] Speaker 2: really having a great time with those kids, and come
[30:14] Speaker 2: up to me again and I'd be like, you're having
[30:17] Speaker 2: a good time. He's like, I wonder where Joey got
[30:18] Speaker 2: those pants from, and I'd be like, yeah, okay. So
[30:23] Speaker 2: I started to get a bit jealous because this girl
[30:27] Speaker 2: was single and she was like the younger one of
[30:29] Speaker 2: the group, and I could see this was going to shit.
[30:35] Speaker 2: So I excused myself and I left the party and
[30:38] Speaker 2: I left him there, and when I went to leave,
[30:41] Speaker 2: I couldn't find my phone. I knew he'd taken my
[30:44] Speaker 2: phone and hidden it somewhere because he didn't want me.
[30:50] Speaker 2: He didn't want to start a text fight after that,
[30:52] Speaker 2: so I decided to go home anyway, and leave my
[30:55] Speaker 2: phone there. And when I got home, I got my
[30:58] Speaker 2: iPad out and I pined my phone just to double
[31:02] Speaker 2: check where it was. And I was like, I need
[31:05] Speaker 2: my phone because I know he's going to come home drunk.
[31:08] Speaker 2: He's going to start a fight, and I won't be
[31:10] Speaker 2: safe and I'll have no way to call for help.
[31:12] Speaker 2: Because where we lived it was quite isolated. No one
[31:14] Speaker 2: would hear you scream. So I took my iPad with me.
[31:18] Speaker 2: I drove back up the hill to this party. I
[31:22] Speaker 2: pined my phone and waited for the sound to happen.
[31:28] Speaker 2: It was in the bushes miles away. He'd thrown it
[31:30] Speaker 2: in the bushes, and so I found my phone and
[31:35] Speaker 2: I went back through the side gate just to let
[31:39] Speaker 2: everyone know that I'd found my phone, because everybody was
[31:42] Speaker 2: looking for my phone, trying to help me find it,
[31:44] Speaker 2: and I saw them all smoking myth. It was like
[31:49] Speaker 2: they'd waited for me, the good girl, to go home,
[31:54] Speaker 2: so they could all start smoking meth and then have
[31:58] Speaker 2: an orgy. He told me about this group of people,
[32:01] Speaker 2: how they were all fucking each other, and I was
[32:02] Speaker 2: just normal, that's what people did. So they didn't see
[32:07] Speaker 2: me because I was just looking through the window like
[32:09] Speaker 2: a little peeping tom. I was just like whoa and
[32:14] Speaker 2: got in my car and drove home. My head was spinning.
[32:18] Speaker 2: He told me that he had involvement with drugs, but
[32:20] Speaker 2: I didn't really want to know anything about that because
[32:22] Speaker 2: I kind of felt like the more that I knew,
[32:24] Speaker 2: the more danger I was in, and he sort of
[32:27] Speaker 2: led me to believe that as well, like the less
[32:29] Speaker 2: I knew about what he did, the better because if
[32:32] Speaker 2: whatever reason, the police did ever come after him, I
[32:35] Speaker 2: wouldn't be a source of information. So I had no
[32:39] Speaker 2: idea what level of involvement he had with drugs. That night,
[32:43] Speaker 2: when I got back home, my dog was playing with something,
[32:47] Speaker 2: and I was like, what have you got? She's running
[32:49] Speaker 2: around the house with this big plastic ziplock bag and
[32:53] Speaker 2: I grabbed it off her and I like studied it,
[32:57] Speaker 2: and I was like, what are those crystals in there?
[32:59] Speaker 2: That looks like it must be some kind of drug.
[33:02] Speaker 2: So I googled what meth looked like, and sure enough,
[33:05] Speaker 2: it was meth. Then I realized that the source of
[33:09] Speaker 2: that meth at the party was my boyfriend. He'd snuck
[33:13] Speaker 2: back to my house, which is where he was keeping
[33:16] Speaker 2: his drugs. Buried in the garden, and while he was drunk,
[33:22] Speaker 2: I think one of his mates from the party had
[33:23] Speaker 2: driven him back to my house to get the drugs
[33:25] Speaker 2: and then drive back when I didn't notice, I was
[33:28] Speaker 2: talking with somebody else, and I realized there was meth
[33:32] Speaker 2: all over my kitchen bench where I make my children sandwiches,
[33:37] Speaker 2: and I thought to myself, how many times has he
[33:40] Speaker 2: done this? And how much contraband is being stored at
[33:46] Speaker 2: my house that I don't know about. I lost a
[33:51] Speaker 2: lot of respect for him when I figured out that
[33:56] Speaker 2: he was the person that supplied that. And then after
[34:00] Speaker 2: that I sort of said to him, look, I don't
[34:05] Speaker 2: know how to get past this. And he was like,
[34:08] Speaker 2: let's go to couple's therapy and I was like, oh, okay,
[34:12] Speaker 2: let's do that. So we did therapy. He found this
[34:16] Speaker 2: lady who did therapy from home. She was retired, and
[34:20] Speaker 2: she went through a few sessions with us. He usually
[34:23] Speaker 2: ended up storming out in a fit of rage whenever
[34:26] Speaker 2: I called him out on anything, but it felt good
[34:29] Speaker 2: because I had a witness and I could say things
[34:32] Speaker 2: in front of her, and if he did get wild,
[34:36] Speaker 2: then I was somewhat safe because there was a witness,
[34:40] Speaker 2: and so I thought couple's therapy was a good option.
[34:43] Speaker 2: At least he was acknowledging that there was a problem,
[34:46] Speaker 2: But it came apparent pretty quickly that the problem was me,
[34:52] Speaker 2: and I felt like the couple's therapist found him quite
[34:57] Speaker 2: attractive and ate up everything he said. And I was
[35:02] Speaker 2: spending thousands on this couple's therapy because I was in turmoil.
[35:08] Speaker 2: I trusted this woman to fix the situation, and I
[35:11] Speaker 2: was paying two hundred and fifty bucks a session. I
[35:15] Speaker 2: never felt actually hurt like. I never felt like she
[35:20] Speaker 2: would acknowledge the fact. I wanted her so badly to
[35:22] Speaker 2: say to me, you're in an abusive relationship, but she
[35:26] Speaker 2: didn't see it. She thought I was immature and I
[35:31] Speaker 2: had some growing up to do, and basically validated everything
[35:35] Speaker 2: that he had said. In the end, she did eventually
[35:41] Speaker 2: say to me, look, you need to run, You need
[35:43] Speaker 2: a change phone number, you need to leave him, you
[35:44] Speaker 2: need to run. That was the only genuine moment that
[35:48] Speaker 2: I got out of her, and we were in therapy
[35:50] Speaker 2: for months. My mental health was never worse. I was
[35:55] Speaker 2: a broken shell of my former self. I had such
[36:00] Speaker 2: low self esteem. I never left the house and never
[36:03] Speaker 2: went out with my friends, because every time I did,
[36:05] Speaker 2: he would find a way to start a fight with
[36:07] Speaker 2: me before I left or while I was out, so
[36:10] Speaker 2: that I would have a terrible time. Whenever he went
[36:13] Speaker 2: away on one of his runs, he would make sure
[36:15] Speaker 2: he started a fight with me before he left, so
[36:17] Speaker 2: I would spend the entire time anxious waiting for the
[36:22] Speaker 2: fight that's about to come. He would tell me that
[36:26] Speaker 2: he was done with me, and he was going to
[36:27] Speaker 2: go find some girl in town tonight and have sex
[36:30] Speaker 2: with her, and I would just be beside myself, and
[36:33] Speaker 2: I would spend the entire weekend that he was away
[36:35] Speaker 2: crying and texting and crying and texting and texting and
[36:38] Speaker 2: crying and crying and texting and trying to call him.
[36:41] Speaker 2: Then he'd block my number, and I was just spinning
[36:46] Speaker 2: out of control. I didn't know who I was anymore.
[36:49] Speaker 1: D was trapped both physically and emotionally. This had become
[36:53] Speaker 1: her new normal, but she knew what made them both
[36:55] Speaker 1: the happiest, so she said about trying to make that happen.
[36:58] Speaker 2: We were going to go on a road trip to
[37:00] Speaker 2: a place that I'd always wanted to go to, and
[37:03] Speaker 2: he'd always wanted to go to. It was a four
[37:06] Speaker 2: hour drive away. I'd booked this beautiful air that was
[37:11] Speaker 2: a cabin in the mountains that overlooked the beach, and
[37:16] Speaker 2: I thought we were just going to go have this lovely,
[37:19] Speaker 2: loved up little weekend away in a cabin. And the
[37:24] Speaker 2: day that we were packing the car and leaving, he
[37:25] Speaker 2: said to me, oh, by the way, Roy's coming as
[37:30] Speaker 2: well and his wife. And I was like pardon, and
[37:33] Speaker 2: he's like, well, one of the rules of the club
[37:35] Speaker 2: is that when we go away, we have to invite
[37:38] Speaker 2: everyone else, and if anyone wants to come, then they're
[37:40] Speaker 2: always welcome. I was like, okay, could be fun. Roy
[37:44] Speaker 2: was an older gentleman who had had a hit replacement.
[37:50] Speaker 2: And when we're halfway on the drive down, he informs
[37:54] Speaker 2: me that Roy and his wife will be taking the bedroom.
[37:58] Speaker 2: It was only a one bedroom cabin, but there were
[38:02] Speaker 2: pull out beds. I just assumed they would take the
[38:04] Speaker 2: pull out beds, and because I was paying for it,
[38:06] Speaker 2: I would get the bed. But no, he was his
[38:10] Speaker 2: superior and he'd had a hit replacement, so him and
[38:13] Speaker 2: his wife got the bed. I wasn't actually that well
[38:17] Speaker 2: at that time. I had a bit of a cold,
[38:20] Speaker 2: and the drive down there was like four and a
[38:22] Speaker 2: half hours, so by the time we got there, I
[38:25] Speaker 2: was pretty tired. It was nighttime and they all smoked,
[38:29] Speaker 2: and the smoke was really like irritating my throat and
[38:32] Speaker 2: my cough. So I decided to go to bed and
[38:34] Speaker 2: let them have their fun. So they're out on the
[38:37] Speaker 2: deck smoking and playing music and having a great time,
[38:41] Speaker 2: and so I pulled my little trundle bed out in
[38:43] Speaker 2: the kitchen and went to sleep on that and I
[38:47] Speaker 2: woke up to him standing over me, and I just
[38:51] Speaker 2: woke up. It was like, I don't think he touched
[38:54] Speaker 2: me or anything. I just knew he was there. And
[38:56] Speaker 2: he just said to me, what's your problem? And I
[38:58] Speaker 2: was like, I'm not feeling well. I've just gone I'm
[39:00] Speaker 2: going to bed, and he's like, you've been a bitch,
[39:02] Speaker 2: and I was like, can you just apologize to everyone?
[39:05] Speaker 2: I'm not well. I've had this cold. And the drive
[39:08] Speaker 2: was he didn't have his life since at the time,
[39:10] Speaker 2: so i'd driven down and I was like, I just
[39:13] Speaker 2: really need to go to sleep. Tomorrow we'll go explore
[39:17] Speaker 2: around the rocks and have a good time. I could
[39:19] Speaker 2: see because he get this glazed overlook in his eyes.
[39:21] Speaker 2: It was like his eyes would change color, his voice
[39:24] Speaker 2: would change, his posture would change, everything about him would change.
[39:27] Speaker 2: There was like this different person that would show up
[39:30] Speaker 2: when he got to a certain level of intoxication, and
[39:34] Speaker 2: I would just know that I was in trouble and
[39:36] Speaker 2: I had to do everything I could to make sure
[39:39] Speaker 2: that I smoothed it over. But at that point I
[39:41] Speaker 2: was in full form mode. I froze. I was just
[39:44] Speaker 2: like I'm fine, I'm just going to go back to sleep,
[39:46] Speaker 2: and trying to close my eyes and go back to sleep,
[39:49] Speaker 2: and he just started unzipped my bag. And I used
[39:53] Speaker 2: to be really into photography and I had this very
[39:55] Speaker 2: expensive camera and he picked it up and I was like, fuck,
[39:59] Speaker 2: here we go. He said, show me a phone or
[40:03] Speaker 2: I'll smash the camera, and I was like, yeah, I
[40:06] Speaker 2: have my phone. Whatever. Then he opened my fe and
[40:11] Speaker 2: he I don't even think he could read at that point,
[40:14] Speaker 2: he was so drunk, but he just instantly was like
[40:17] Speaker 2: I knew it. You fucking slart. You're cheating on me,
[40:20] Speaker 2: You're always fucking cheating on me. And then he just
[40:23] Speaker 2: grabbed my phone and snapped it into and smashed my camera,
[40:29] Speaker 2: just started trashing this airbnb that was in my name,
[40:35] Speaker 2: and I was just like trying my best. I was like, peepe,
[40:39] Speaker 2: I love you. I'm sorry, just calm down, Come sit
[40:41] Speaker 2: with me, We'll have a cuddle, we'll sort this out.
[40:44] Speaker 2: Like I'm not cheating on you. I love you more
[40:46] Speaker 2: than anything in the entire world. And I was just
[40:47] Speaker 2: like begging him to lay down with me and just
[40:50] Speaker 2: cuddle with me. At this point, the other people that
[40:53] Speaker 2: were staying with us had gone to bed, and I
[40:57] Speaker 2: realized he wasn't going to calm down and I was
[41:00] Speaker 2: in trouble. So thankfully I had my car key right
[41:05] Speaker 2: next to me on the bedside table, and I i
[41:10] Speaker 2: grabbed it while he was trashing the house, and I
[41:12] Speaker 2: ran to my car, and this cabin was down like
[41:16] Speaker 2: a really long gravel track, and my car was parked
[41:20] Speaker 2: forwards down the track, so it meant I had to
[41:22] Speaker 2: reverse up this gravel track to get away, and there
[41:26] Speaker 2: was this stack of firewood next to the house. He
[41:30] Speaker 2: saw when I started to get out that I was
[41:34] Speaker 2: going to get away, and I couldn't get my car started.
[41:37] Speaker 2: It was that nervous. I couldn't figure out how to
[41:39] Speaker 2: use the key. I couldn't figure out how to unlock
[41:41] Speaker 2: the car. I was just so terrified at that point,
[41:43] Speaker 2: I wanted to vomit everywhere, and so I got in
[41:46] Speaker 2: the car. And as I get in the car and
[41:48] Speaker 2: I start the engine, he picks up this giant log
[41:51] Speaker 2: and just throws it at the driver's window. Thankfully, it
[41:56] Speaker 2: bounced off the window, and I got the car started
[42:00] Speaker 2: and I started reversing up this gravel track. I reversed
[42:04] Speaker 2: into a light post while he's throwing giant logs of
[42:09] Speaker 2: firewood at the car, smashing every panel on it. He
[42:12] Speaker 2: grabbed the side mirror and ripped it off. He was
[42:14] Speaker 2: kicking the doors. He was like jumping on the bonnet
[42:17] Speaker 2: while I'm trying to reverse and get away. And then
[42:20] Speaker 2: I managed to get away. All the windows were smashed.
[42:24] Speaker 2: I couldn't see out of the windscreen, so I was
[42:26] Speaker 2: just like driving kind of with my head out the window.
[42:30] Speaker 2: It was the middle of winter. I was freezing cold,
[42:32] Speaker 2: and I tried to drive into town to the police station.
[42:36] Speaker 2: It was about two o'clock in the morning, and I
[42:38] Speaker 2: get to the police station and I was really rattled.
[42:44] Speaker 2: But they were like on the end of their shift.
[42:46] Speaker 2: Being a small country town, they closed the cop shop
[42:49] Speaker 2: at like two am and they were ready to go home,
[42:51] Speaker 2: and they sort of took my statement, and then they
[42:55] Speaker 2: gave me the address for a home where women go
[43:00] Speaker 2: like a refuge. And I was kind of insulted because
[43:04] Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not I'm not a battered wife.
[43:06] Speaker 2: I don't need a refuge. I just need you to
[43:09] Speaker 2: call someone for me and tell them to come pick
[43:12] Speaker 2: me up. And it was a long weekend. This was Saturday,
[43:16] Speaker 2: Saturday night, and so they knocked off and they were like,
[43:19] Speaker 2: just sleep in your car in the car park of
[43:20] Speaker 2: the cop shop. You'll be safe there. I couldn't sleep
[43:23] Speaker 2: because it was freezing cold. It was like minus two degrees.
[43:25] Speaker 2: I had no blankets or anything in my car, leather interior.
[43:28] Speaker 2: It was freezing. My car didn't want to drive because
[43:32] Speaker 2: it was throwing up all these fault warnings about you know,
[43:35] Speaker 2: just I smashed everything on it. Well, the next morning,
[43:37] Speaker 2: I got up and I walked about town trying to
[43:39] Speaker 2: find a payphone because I didn't have a phone. And
[43:44] Speaker 2: then I realized I didn't know anyone's phone number, so
[43:48] Speaker 2: payphone would have been useless to me. Anyway, so I
[43:51] Speaker 2: was going up to strangers and saying, Hey, do you
[43:53] Speaker 2: think I could use your phone for a minute. I
[43:55] Speaker 2: just want to try and find I need to call
[43:57] Speaker 2: the tow truck so I can get my car towed home.
[44:01] Speaker 2: I tried to call some tow truck companies, but they
[44:03] Speaker 2: didn't work on long weekends, so I was stranded there.
[44:08] Speaker 2: The police had called my so she was fretting, but
[44:13] Speaker 2: I had no way of contacting her. She had no
[44:15] Speaker 2: way of contacting me, so I couldn't call her and
[44:18] Speaker 2: let her know I was okay. So I'd been wandering
[44:21] Speaker 2: around town all day trying to figure out what I
[44:25] Speaker 2: was going to do. There were no tow trucks. It
[44:27] Speaker 2: was a long weekend. I was going to have to wait,
[44:28] Speaker 2: like hang around on the streets in my smashed up
[44:30] Speaker 2: car for another three days until I could get a
[44:33] Speaker 2: tow truck home. And I knew that he would still
[44:36] Speaker 2: be at the airbnb because he didn't have his license,
[44:40] Speaker 2: and so I was like, well, I've got no other option.
[44:45] Speaker 2: I know he'll be able to fix this. He's got
[44:47] Speaker 2: a phone. I drove back to the airbnb and he
[44:51] Speaker 2: answered the door and he said, I'm so sorry, and
[44:53] Speaker 2: he just started crying and he just melted into my
[44:56] Speaker 2: arms and he said, I love you so much. I
[44:58] Speaker 2: don't want to lose you. I'm so sorry. I just
[45:00] Speaker 2: can't handle alcohol. I'm going to try to do better.
[45:03] Speaker 2: I'm going to stop drinking. And we both just cried
[45:06] Speaker 2: together and it felt amazing and we were in love again.
[45:10] Speaker 2: Then the police showed up and they said that they'd
[45:13] Speaker 2: had reports from the neighbors about what had happened last
[45:15] Speaker 2: night and they saw me the previous night and they
[45:17] Speaker 2: needed us to come down to the station. So we
[45:20] Speaker 2: went down to the station. They kept him in the
[45:22] Speaker 2: front and they walked me out the back and they said, look,
[45:25] Speaker 2: we've put a three day order on him. You are
[45:28] Speaker 2: not allowed to have any contact with him for three days.
[45:32] Speaker 2: You need time to cool off and think about whether
[45:33] Speaker 2: this relationship is going anywhere. This behavior is not normal.
[45:38] Speaker 2: And I was like, what do I do? Like his
[45:41] Speaker 2: mum was going to come pick us up and take
[45:43] Speaker 2: us home. How do I get home. It's a four
[45:45] Speaker 2: and a half hour drive and I've got a smashed
[45:47] Speaker 2: up car. He was like, just drive home, take smash
[45:52] Speaker 2: up car and drive home. So I was heading out
[45:55] Speaker 2: of town. I sat in my car for a minute
[45:58] Speaker 2: to contemplate what I was going to do. I had
[46:00] Speaker 2: no phone. I realized how dangerous it was driving on
[46:03] Speaker 2: those roads at night in a smashed up car, but
[46:06] Speaker 2: I just had to do it. It was what I had
[46:08] Speaker 2: to do. So I got it the car and I
[46:10] Speaker 2: started to drive out of town, and then I saw
[46:13] Speaker 2: Adam walking up the street and he saw me, and
[46:21] Speaker 2: so I quickly turned into a car park of a
[46:24] Speaker 2: shop a few streets up. He saw where I turned,
[46:26] Speaker 2: he jumped in the car. We started to make our
[46:28] Speaker 2: way home. About twenty minutes up the street, I think
[46:32] Speaker 2: the police had gone to check in with him to
[46:34] Speaker 2: see where he was staying that night, and realized he
[46:36] Speaker 2: wasn't in town anymore and realized I'd picked him up.
[46:40] Speaker 2: So about twenty minutes out of town, I see lights flashing.
[46:45] Speaker 2: They see my car coming, and I quickly said do
[46:48] Speaker 2: a you turn. Quickly did a U turn, started driving
[46:51] Speaker 2: full pelt back in the opposite direction, because if he
[46:53] Speaker 2: got caught with me it would mean chargers. He wound
[46:57] Speaker 2: the window down and just jumped out of the moving car,
[47:00] Speaker 2: and I pulled into a service station and started fueling
[47:05] Speaker 2: my car up the police officer approached and said, so
[47:12] Speaker 2: you're heading home and I was like yep. He's like,
[47:14] Speaker 2: you haven't seen him, have you. I was like nope.
[47:16] Speaker 2: He's like, you're just putting fuel in your car. I
[47:18] Speaker 2: was like yep, and then I just took a really
[47:21] Speaker 2: long time to put the fuel in my car. He left,
[47:26] Speaker 2: and then I knew what area he'd jumped out of
[47:30] Speaker 2: the car. All he'd done is walked around behind the
[47:33] Speaker 2: service station and waited for the cop to leave and
[47:38] Speaker 2: jump back in the car. And then we made our
[47:40] Speaker 2: way home. And from that point on, I feel like
[47:45] Speaker 2: I checked out. I'd realized the situation that I was
[47:50] Speaker 2: in and it was probably going to get me killed
[47:52] Speaker 2: if I didn't put an end to it. But I
[47:54] Speaker 2: just had to make strategic moves about how I was
[47:59] Speaker 2: going to get away from him with my life, because
[48:02] Speaker 2: every time I tried to leave, he would threaten my
[48:05] Speaker 2: life essentially.
[48:06] Speaker 1: So she left and took action.
[48:11] Speaker 2: I went to get a vro, I went to the
[48:14] Speaker 2: courthouse because I knew that he was going to make
[48:19] Speaker 2: my life hell. When I tried to leave, I put
[48:25] Speaker 2: on my makeup to try and not look like a
[48:29] Speaker 2: biky whore. So that they would believe me when I
[48:32] Speaker 2: said all of the stuff that he's done. When I
[48:36] Speaker 2: stood in front of the judge, I told him everything,
[48:39] Speaker 2: and he was like, yeah, it sounds like you've got
[48:40] Speaker 2: pretty good grounds for a VRO and told me that
[48:44] Speaker 2: he will have a hearing and if I didn't want to,
[48:46] Speaker 2: I didn't need to attend that hearing if it would
[48:48] Speaker 2: be too traumatic for me to be in the same
[48:49] Speaker 2: space as him or too dangerous. So it was of
[48:53] Speaker 2: my understanding that I didn't need to attend his hearing
[48:56] Speaker 2: for the VRO. It took three weeks for the police
[49:01] Speaker 2: to serve him with his VRO. So at this point
[49:06] Speaker 2: I'd moved house. My girlfriends had come and they'd helped
[49:11] Speaker 2: me pack everything up and clean everything. And my uncle
[49:16] Speaker 2: had a house a rental that was vacant at the time,
[49:18] Speaker 2: and he kindly let me move in there, which was
[49:21] Speaker 2: a long way away from where we lived. I got
[49:25] Speaker 2: myself set up, I got the paperwork in the mail
[49:29] Speaker 2: to say that he had his hearing, and I thought
[49:32] Speaker 2: I didn't need to attend that because that's what the
[49:34] Speaker 2: judge had told me on the day, So I didn't attend.
[49:37] Speaker 2: And then a couple weeks later, I got another letter
[49:41] Speaker 2: saying that my VRO had been dropped because I didn't
[49:46] Speaker 2: troub up for the hearing, and so I called up.
[49:49] Speaker 2: I was like, I was told that I didn't need
[49:52] Speaker 2: to attend by the judge, and the person that I
[49:54] Speaker 2: spoke to said, no, you did need to attend, you
[49:56] Speaker 2: just didn't need to be in court room at the time,
[50:00] Speaker 2: and so they said, unfortunately, all the evidence that you've
[50:03] Speaker 2: given us is now null and void. If you want
[50:06] Speaker 2: to apply for another VRO, you have to submit new evidence.
[50:11] Speaker 2: And at that point he'd mostly left me alone because
[50:17] Speaker 2: I hadn't seen or heard from him, but I knew
[50:19] Speaker 2: it was only a matter of time before he found
[50:20] Speaker 2: out where I was, because I was told by the
[50:22] Speaker 2: removalists that moved all my furniture there that he'd contacted
[50:25] Speaker 2: them to find out where I was moving to. He
[50:28] Speaker 2: was bombarding my phone and my social media with messages.
[50:32] Speaker 2: He was calling all of my friends, all of my family,
[50:34] Speaker 2: like random people that I hadn't seen for ages would
[50:36] Speaker 2: message me and go, hey, do you know this guy?
[50:38] Speaker 2: He's messaging me telling me I'm a fucking fag and
[50:42] Speaker 2: that you're available for me to have sex with now
[50:45] Speaker 2: and because you know, just completely unhinged crap. And so
[50:49] Speaker 2: I realized the law was not going to help me,
[50:52] Speaker 2: and I just need to block, forget, deflect, and just
[50:59] Speaker 2: move on with my life. So that's what I did.
[51:01] Speaker 1: It's been six years since their relationship bended, and Dee's
[51:05] Speaker 1: recovery has been slow and reflective.
[51:07] Speaker 2: I was terrified for a really long time because I
[51:10] Speaker 2: knew that he owned guns. He'd shown me his sniper rifle.
[51:14] Speaker 2: I was always scared that he was going to show
[51:16] Speaker 2: up somewhere. His mates would show up everywhere. I felt
[51:19] Speaker 2: like they were always keeping tabs on me. Took probably
[51:24] Speaker 2: three years for me to stop looking over my shoulder.
[51:27] Speaker 2: Now I know what a pathetic little man baby he is.
[51:29] Speaker 2: I'm not scared of him anymore, but it took a
[51:32] Speaker 2: long time for me to get over that. I did
[51:36] Speaker 2: a lot of therapy. I joined communities. I strengthened my
[51:43] Speaker 2: bonds with my women around me, I strengthened my bonds
[51:48] Speaker 2: with my family, and I really worked on myself. I
[51:54] Speaker 2: will get random messages from fake accounts all the time.
[51:58] Speaker 2: It's been about six months since the last one and
[52:00] Speaker 2: I haven't heard from him. He liked to talk crap
[52:03] Speaker 2: about one of his exes that he was in a
[52:05] Speaker 2: relationship before me, and say that she was crazy and
[52:08] Speaker 2: that she was cheating on him. So I had a
[52:11] Speaker 2: lot of empathy towards him for that. I thought he
[52:12] Speaker 2: had trauma. She cheated on him in the past, and
[52:14] Speaker 2: that's why he's going to accuse me of cheating all
[52:16] Speaker 2: the time. When I contacted her, I found out that
[52:18] Speaker 2: wasn't true. He'd lied about that he was cheating on
[52:21] Speaker 2: her the entire time. I found her through social media.
[52:25] Speaker 2: She turned out to be a really cool chick, and
[52:28] Speaker 2: she really helped me through the breakup. She validated a
[52:31] Speaker 2: lot of the feelings that I had because I felt
[52:33] Speaker 2: absolutely insane, and he left her feeling the same way
[52:36] Speaker 2: when their relationship ended, and I think it was quite
[52:39] Speaker 2: healing for her to hear the same things from me,
[52:42] Speaker 2: so that she knew she wasn't crazy. And when I
[52:45] Speaker 2: started dating again, I made so many mistakes. I was
[52:49] Speaker 2: instantly attracted to the shitheads, and it took a lot
[52:53] Speaker 2: of learning to identify what all of those horrible red
[52:58] Speaker 2: flags were and how to avoid them. Dating is a skill,
[53:01] Speaker 2: and I feel like I didn't learn it when I
[53:04] Speaker 2: was younger, because I was married so soon. I was
[53:07] Speaker 2: in a relationship from the age of sixteen to thirty two,
[53:10] Speaker 2: so I never had that experience of dating guys and
[53:15] Speaker 2: learning what the red flags were. I learned that really
[53:19] Speaker 2: late in life. Now I know. Now I have a
[53:23] Speaker 2: new partner, and he's nothing like that guy. He's emotionally intelligent.
[53:31] Speaker 2: He's never once activated my nervous system, never felt unsafe
[53:35] Speaker 2: around him. He's a grown up and he's lovely. I
[53:40] Speaker 2: feel like it is my dirty little secret. I feel
[53:45] Speaker 2: like it's the one fuck up I made in my life.
[53:50] Speaker 2: I've done everything right my entire life except for date him.
[53:55] Speaker 2: I feel like I'm a good girl to the core,
[53:59] Speaker 2: and I think he knew that, and he just saw
[54:01] Speaker 2: me as an easy kill. He saw how naive I was,
[54:08] Speaker 2: he saw how I was. I make it a habit
[54:12] Speaker 2: to have nothing to do with him. I'm not interested,
[54:14] Speaker 2: don't care, don't look up his name. The only thing
[54:17] Speaker 2: I look for is his name in the obituaries. Everybody
[54:22] Speaker 2: has to have that one guy who teaches you. Hopefully
[54:27] Speaker 2: it's only one guy who teaches you what an asshole
[54:30] Speaker 2: is or what a manipulator is, and then once you learn,
[54:37] Speaker 2: you grow and you know how to identify these things
[54:40] Speaker 2: in future relationships and you don't fall into the same
[54:42] Speaker 2: traps again. Narcissists are so good at hiding who they
[54:46] Speaker 2: are until the perfect opportunity, and you need to stay
[54:50] Speaker 2: vigilant at all times. You can be in a relationship
[54:53] Speaker 2: for one year, two years, three years, ten years. It's
[54:58] Speaker 2: not until you move in together, or until you get married,
[55:02] Speaker 2: or until you have children, or until you become ill
[55:05] Speaker 2: that they start to show who they really are and
[55:09] Speaker 2: that they never gave it about you in the first place.
[55:11] Speaker 2: And once they realize they've got you, they will start
[55:15] Speaker 2: manipulating you and taking you down and destroying you. I've
[55:22] Speaker 2: learned how to speak my feelings. I've learned how to
[55:28] Speaker 2: feel my feelings when they show up and not squash them. Basically,
[55:31] Speaker 2: I've learned how to communicate fearlessly. I know I'm not
[55:36] Speaker 2: going to waste any time not saying what I want. Now.
[55:40] Speaker 2: I'm too old, too old to take shit. I've had enough.
[55:45] Speaker 2: I am done now, I'm forty years old. I'm moving
[55:48] Speaker 2: on with my life. I have a beautiful house, my
[55:51] Speaker 2: girls are growing up beautifully, and I have a great
[55:55] Speaker 2: life of great people around me, and I don't know
[55:59] Speaker 2: if I would have got to this place if I
[56:01] Speaker 2: had stayed in the shit, I definitely wouldn't have my girls.
[56:08] Speaker 2: I don't know if they'll come out of it unscathed.
[56:11] Speaker 2: I don't like that I modeled that behavior to them,
[56:15] Speaker 2: and that was a big driving motivator for getting away.
[56:19] Speaker 2: I don't want my girls to see me in a
[56:22] Speaker 2: relationship like that and normalize it, and then them sort
[56:26] Speaker 2: of model that as an appropriate relationship and find that
[56:29] Speaker 2: for themselves. I don't want for them what I had
[56:32] Speaker 2: not in a million years.
[56:49] Speaker 1: Everyone has an x He is a Minti Media production
[56:52] Speaker 1: and proudly part of the Mum and Me Network. This
[56:55] Speaker 1: episode is written and produced by Linda Scott. Interview conducted
[56:58] Speaker 1: and episode narrated by me Georgia Love. If you have
[57:01] Speaker 1: a story you'd like to share, email podcast at momameya
[57:04] Speaker 1: dot com dot au. You can support us by following
[57:07] Speaker 1: the show in your favorite podcast app and leaving us
[57:09] Speaker 1: the five star review. We'll see you for the next episode.

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