# The Ex Factor

An episode of [Everyone Has An Ex](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1502664617), 6 Apr 2020, 43 min.

Audio: https://traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/3ea926be-9be7-482a-8ac3-a44f016e43d1/fe4043fe-7983-496d-8f85-b132005537f8/37d25e16-3f0b-487c-bd63-b13200565e66/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=d21b7a93-3a2f-4ae7-ac90-b13200553810

Bec had met the love of her life, her forever guy who was slated as the future father of her children. His only flaw; his “psycho ex”. For 6 years, Bec endured threats, harassment and abuse at the hands of the “psycho ex”. An explosive account of delusion, deception and being blind-sided by the person you love the most. Email us your story: everyonehasanex@mintymedia.com.au Follow us on Instagram: @everyonehasanex Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:01] Speaker 1: Are exes, there's always that one, you know, the one
[0:05] Speaker 1: who hangs around who still wants to be friends but
[0:08] Speaker 1: all they do is cause problems, create trust issues and
[0:11] Speaker 1: make you super
[0:12] Speaker 1: anxious.
[0:14] Speaker 2: They had this friendship that was really oddly co-dependent, like, yeah,
[0:18] Speaker 2: still sharing the dogs, um, but also, you know, hanging
[0:22] Speaker 2: out in very similar social circumstances.
[0:25] Speaker 1: That's Bec. She knows what I'm talking about. She's got
[0:28] Speaker 1: big ex issues because here, I'm not even describing her ex.
[0:32] Speaker 1: Don't worry, we'll get to him. But I mean his ex.
[0:36] Speaker 1: She was one of those ones that were like, oh yeah,
[0:38] Speaker 1: I'm really good friends with my ex. There's nothing weird
[0:40] Speaker 1: about it. I could totally give you goss and him
[0:43] Speaker 1: when we were together, blah, blah blah. There's always that
[0:47] Speaker 1: one ex who just doesn't quite sit right with you.
[0:50] Speaker 1: Most of the time you know you're overthinking it, there's
[0:52] Speaker 1: absolutely nothing to worry about. You're an ex for a reason, right?
[0:56] Speaker 1: But sometimes, just sometimes, your spidey senses are bang on.
[1:02] Speaker 2: I realized after 6.5 years, I had no idea who
[1:05] Speaker 2: this human I was living with was.
[1:17] Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love,
[1:18] Speaker 1: and this is Everyone Has an X. Come with me
[1:21] Speaker 1: as we dive into a collection of unconventional stories about
[1:24] Speaker 1: relationships past through the eyes and the hearts of the
[1:28] Speaker 1: very people who lived them. And just a language warning
[1:31] Speaker 1: for this episode around any little ears.
[1:38] Speaker 1: Beck was 33 and single when she found herself feeling
[1:42] Speaker 1: a little lonely. All her friends had partners, were getting
[1:45] Speaker 1: married and having babies, and she was single and still
[1:48] Speaker 1: wanting to go out, have fun, and meet new people.
[1:52] Speaker 2: I was at a point in my life where most
[1:54] Speaker 2: of my closest friends were in relationships. So through a
[1:57] Speaker 2: girl that I worked with, we went out one night,
[1:59] Speaker 2: we met some other girls, and, um, just kind of
[2:02] Speaker 2: struck up fast friends with a group of girls who,
[2:06] Speaker 2: We're still out on Saturday nights and having fun and,
[2:09] Speaker 2: you know, they were kind of bubblegum mates in some ways,
[2:11] Speaker 2: but I kind of figured pretty harmless.
[2:14] Speaker 1: They had a fab time drinking and dancing. They weren't
[2:18] Speaker 1: Beck's usual type of friends, but they were single and fun.
[2:22] Speaker 1: And that's exactly what she was after at that point
[2:24] Speaker 1: in her life.
[2:27] Speaker 2: They were in their 30s as well, pretty high disposable incomes,
[2:30] Speaker 2: possibly partying a wee bit too hard, possibly sleeping with
[2:33] Speaker 2: a few too many of each other's exes or recent flings,
[2:36] Speaker 2: or just a whole bunch of people living in apartment
[2:39] Speaker 2: buildings way too close to each other, drinking way too
[2:41] Speaker 2: much too often. You know, good fun to go out
[2:44] Speaker 2: with on Saturday night, but maybe, maybe not your, your
[2:46] Speaker 2: best mates.
[2:47] Speaker 1: One of those girls was Emily.
[2:49] Speaker 1: Emily was divorced, but had a little bit of a
[2:52] Speaker 1: weird relationship with her ex-husband.
[2:55] Speaker 2: One day I was like, Oh, come and come and
[2:56] Speaker 2: meet my dogs. And I'm a massive dog lover. So
[3:01] Speaker 2: I was very excited to meet a chocky lab and
[3:02] Speaker 2: a golden retriever, and I was like, Oh my God.
[3:04] Speaker 2: And then in the middle of meeting the dogs, we're
[3:06] Speaker 2: in this house, and, uh, I'm like, Oh, I really
[3:09] Speaker 2: like
[3:09] Speaker 1: your
[3:09] Speaker 2: house. And she's like, Oh, no, no, no, this is
[3:10] Speaker 2: my ex's house. And I'm like, What?
[3:14] Speaker 2: What am I doing here? And she's like, Oh, no, no, no.
[3:15] Speaker 2: He and I are still friends. Like, it's fine. Like, if,
[3:18] Speaker 2: if I don't meet anyone better, I'm just gonna go
[3:19] Speaker 2: back to him. And I remember thinking at the time, Jesus,
[3:24] Speaker 2: you're an interesting person. The
[3:25] Speaker 1: ex-husband was Mick. And without knowing anything else about him,
[3:30] Speaker 1: his surname or even what he looked like, Beck immediately
[3:33] Speaker 1: felt for him.
[3:35] Speaker 2: Always stuck with me. I just always thought, this poor guy.
[3:38] Speaker 2: I guess I just thought,
[3:41] Speaker 2: What an incredibly disrespectful way to treat someone that you've
[3:44] Speaker 2: ever been close to. So I guess I kind of,
[3:47] Speaker 2: in a way, I felt for him before I'd ever
[3:49] Speaker 2: even met him, um, as in felt sorry for him effectively.
[3:54] Speaker 1: Now, Emily wasn't exaggerating when she said they were still friends.
[3:58] Speaker 1: She didn't speak about him heaps but saw him a lot.
[4:01] Speaker 1: He even still hung out with her and her friendship
[4:03] Speaker 1: group all the
[4:04] Speaker 1: time.
[4:04] Speaker 2: I don't think I knew much. I knew they'd been.
[4:08] Speaker 2: Separated slash divorced for a chunk of time, she was
[4:11] Speaker 2: very much happily moving on and seeing the men and
[4:15] Speaker 2: da da da, um,
[4:17] Speaker 2: I guess what I, what I mostly understood was that
[4:20] Speaker 2: they had this friendship that was really oddly co-dependent. Like, yeah,
[4:24] Speaker 2: still sharing the dogs, um, but also, you know, hanging
[4:28] Speaker 2: out in very similar social circumstances. These sorts of stories about, um,
[4:32] Speaker 2: you know, horrible things that she said to women that
[4:34] Speaker 2: he'd attempted to date or whatever. Um,
[4:39] Speaker 2: And so I understood that whatever it was between them, like,
[4:42] Speaker 2: was long enough ago that I guess you were comfortable
[4:44] Speaker 2: to be social with one another, but I don't think
[4:47] Speaker 2: I invested in it all that hard, to be honest.
[4:51] Speaker 1: And given Beck was hanging out in the same group
[4:54] Speaker 1: now too, it didn't take long for them to meet.
[4:57] Speaker 2: So I met Mick, probably, I guess a couple of
[5:01] Speaker 2: months after I first met Emily. Um, I think I
[5:06] Speaker 2: might have been at the pub with him one night,
[5:07] Speaker 2: the same, like, one night in between those times, but
[5:10] Speaker 2: without ever properly meeting. Uh, the night I met him,
[5:12] Speaker 2: we were at the vineyard in St Kilda. I popped
[5:16] Speaker 2: out for a cigarette. I was smoking at the time,
[5:18] Speaker 2: and I noticed that he sort of came out with me,
[5:19] Speaker 2: and I'm like, Oh, you're paying a bit of attention.
[5:21] Speaker 2: And then when we sat down, he said, Oh, can
[5:23] Speaker 2: I ask you a really direct question? And I'm like, Sure, man, like,
[5:26] Speaker 2: I'm pretty direct. He goes, Oh, what do you think
[5:28] Speaker 2: of my relationship with my ex-wife? And I said, Well,
[5:31] Speaker 2: I think it's fucked up and unhealthy.
[5:34] Speaker 1: So there's a truth bomb if there ever was one.
[5:37] Speaker 1: And he loved it. He loved that she was direct
[5:40] Speaker 1: and saw through what might have been seen as a
[5:42] Speaker 1: little bit of weirdness between him and Emily. They kept
[5:45] Speaker 1: chatting all night and got along really, really well.
[5:49] Speaker 2: When he got up to leave, he bashed me in
[5:51] Speaker 2: front of everyone, and I was kind of like, Whoa.
[5:55] Speaker 2: That was impressive.
[5:57] Speaker 2: Like, it was a pretty bold move given not just, uh,
[6:00] Speaker 2: you know, the 10 people we were there with were there,
[6:02] Speaker 2: but one of them, including his ex-wife. Um, so I
[6:06] Speaker 2: kind of, uh, wasn't that surprised when he sent me
[6:09] Speaker 2: a text later the same night asking me out.
[6:12] Speaker 1: She was pretty excited. It had been a while since
[6:15] Speaker 1: she'd met someone she got along with so well and
[6:18] Speaker 1: who she was genuinely keen to see again and get
[6:20] Speaker 1: to know. But Emily was her friend first, and
[6:24] Speaker 1: Beck was well versed in girl code.
[6:26] Speaker 2: So I thought, I'll do the right thing, and I
[6:28] Speaker 2: flicked her a quick texty during the week on Facebook.
[6:31] Speaker 2: I don't even think we had each other's phone numbers
[6:33] Speaker 2: at that time, um, being like, Hey, you know, probably
[6:36] Speaker 2: you already know this, but I just wanted to suss
[6:38] Speaker 2: out that it was all cool with you. You know,
[6:40] Speaker 2: Mick's asked me out for dinner.
[6:42] Speaker 2: And she was like, oh my god, yeah, of course,
[6:45] Speaker 2: you two would be amazing together, but you, you know,
[6:47] Speaker 2: go for it.
[6:48] Speaker 1: So they did. Their first date was dinner at a
[6:51] Speaker 1: restaurant in the city. They talked, laughed, ate, drank, and
[6:55] Speaker 1: picked up where they left off after that very first
[6:58] Speaker 1: night at the.
[7:00] Speaker 1: From there things just went on a pretty natural trajectory.
[7:04] Speaker 1: They'd see each other a couple of nights a week,
[7:06] Speaker 1: text and talk on the phone. In the space of
[7:08] Speaker 1: a couple of weeks, they were officially a couple. They
[7:12] Speaker 1: couldn't have been happier with how things were moving along
[7:14] Speaker 1: with Mick.
[7:16] Speaker 1: Until one night out of nowhere.
[7:21] Speaker 1: It was Emily.
[7:22] Speaker 2: Lose 30 kg if you want a chance of keeping
[7:24] Speaker 2: up with me. Until then you're nothing but a fat
[7:26] Speaker 2: bitch that will never do better than my slops.
[7:30] Speaker 2: I think then I knew we had a bit of
[7:32] Speaker 2: a problem.
[7:34] Speaker 1: While it had come out of nowhere, Beck wasn't totally surprised.
[7:38] Speaker 1: She'd been more surprised when Emily had said it was
[7:40] Speaker 1: cool all those weeks ago.
[7:42] Speaker 1: But what did surprise her was mixed reaction, or lack thereof.
[7:47] Speaker 2: It never sat with me that he didn't really jump
[7:50] Speaker 2: to my defense. It was a whole lot of, Oh, Becky,
[7:53] Speaker 2: that's just M being M, and you've gotta understand this, that,
[7:56] Speaker 2: and you've gotta, you know, she just this, that, you know,
[7:58] Speaker 2: and I'm like, Nah, grass green, water wet, that'd be crazy. Like,
[8:02] Speaker 2: that'd not be cool.
[8:04] Speaker 1: They had a huge fight about it, but in the end,
[8:07] Speaker 1: Beck's love, forgiveness, and understanding prevailed.
[8:11] Speaker 1: And in turn, it kind of made her want to
[8:13] Speaker 1: be with him even more.
[8:16] Speaker 2: I understood that their relationship was co-dependent and unhealthy, and,
[8:20] Speaker 2: and really felt that he'd kind of been brainwashed by
[8:23] Speaker 2: this manipulative. She's a very intelligent, emotionally intelligent, um, and
[8:29] Speaker 2: mentally intelligent person. So I just sort of thought that
[8:32] Speaker 2: he'd just effectively been pretty brainwashed, and he was just,
[8:36] Speaker 2: I just thought, it just really,
[8:40] Speaker 2: Would deserve someone that was gonna take care of him
[8:42] Speaker 2: and fucking back him and, you know, love him, and,
[8:45] Speaker 2: and for some reason I felt like that was gonna
[8:48] Speaker 2: be me. Um, and so I kind of endured imperfect behavior, um,
[8:55] Speaker 2: in that,
[8:57] Speaker 2: Context that he'd been living in this really emotionally messed
[9:01] Speaker 2: up space for quite a long time and had kind
[9:03] Speaker 2: of lost due north of how people could and couldn't
[9:06] Speaker 2: treat him, and so therefore as an extension of that,
[9:09] Speaker 2: how people could and couldn't treat me.
[9:11] Speaker 1: The messages kept coming, but Beck just ignored them. She
[9:14] Speaker 1: was in her mid-thirties, she didn't want or need the
[9:17] Speaker 1: mean girls drama.
[9:19] Speaker 1: She'd only known this girl a couple of months anyway.
[9:21] Speaker 1: Having Mick was a much higher priority than losing Emily.
[9:25] Speaker 2: We spent less time with that larger friendship group, um,
[9:29] Speaker 2: and more time together, which of course when you're new
[9:31] Speaker 2: together with someone is, is lovely, you know, so take
[9:34] Speaker 2: me down the coast for surf weekends and, you know, like.
[9:38] Speaker 2: Yeah, I met his friends and they're all like, telling
[9:41] Speaker 2: me how much he doesn't shut up gushing about how
[9:43] Speaker 2: amazing I'm I am, and his friends would be like,
[9:45] Speaker 2: you know, Mick just deserves a woman like you, and
[9:48] Speaker 2: so great to meet you. And I knew that these
[9:50] Speaker 2: friends hadn't liked her at all. And so, you know, he's,
[9:53] Speaker 2: I'm getting character references here. I'm like, No, no, I'm
[9:55] Speaker 2: doing the right thing. This is a really solid guy. And, um,
[9:59] Speaker 2: I just have to kind of weather this initial storm
[10:02] Speaker 2: a bit, and
[10:04] Speaker 2: That's how it's gonna go. And
[10:06] Speaker 1: that's how it did go. They spent more and more
[10:09] Speaker 1: time together, met each other's families, the conversation was great,
[10:12] Speaker 1: the sex was great. They just had
[10:15] Speaker 1: fun.
[10:16] Speaker 2: He was my first boyfriend, so it was all really
[10:19] Speaker 2: novel for me.
[10:21] Speaker 1: The only thing stopping this blossoming time in their relationship
[10:24] Speaker 1: being absolutely perfect, you guessed it, Emily.
[10:29] Speaker 2: He was still catching up with her as a friend.
[10:32] Speaker 2: I was having to explain to him that that was
[10:34] Speaker 2: all sorts of wrong. She still had a key to
[10:36] Speaker 2: the house because of, because of the dogs. I didn't
[10:39] Speaker 2: even have a key to the house. She would have
[10:41] Speaker 2: massive dramatic flare-ups and he would have to settle her
[10:43] Speaker 2: down and make sure she was OK. So, there was
[10:46] Speaker 2: a particular evening when he and I were together, when,
[10:49] Speaker 2: you know, we'd probably been
[10:50] Speaker 2: Out for a lovely night, come home, you know, gone
[10:54] Speaker 2: to bed, etc. etc. Middle of the night, we're well
[10:56] Speaker 2: and truly asleep, and she calls cause she can't get
[10:59] Speaker 2: a taxi, and then she's scared, so she has to
[11:02] Speaker 2: ring him. So he comes and leaves me in his
[11:05] Speaker 2: bed and goes to get her. That to me is
[11:09] Speaker 2: a pretty inappropriate thing to do on both of their accounts.
[11:14] Speaker 1: Fighting about Emily became a constant theme of their relationship.
[11:18] Speaker 1: She'd call, he'd go running, Beck would crack it, he'd
[11:21] Speaker 1: apologize and then it would all happen again. He'd say
[11:25] Speaker 1: he felt a responsibility to make sure Emily was OK.
[11:28] Speaker 1: And Becky was a healer. She wanted to help and
[11:31] Speaker 1: fix this guy who'd been so damaged by his ex.
[11:35] Speaker 2: I don't exactly remember why or how I got over it,
[11:37] Speaker 2: but I was just like, I guess I'd just become
[11:40] Speaker 2: conditioned to the crazy. Like, it was literally almost
[11:43] Speaker 2: constant.
[11:44] Speaker 1: Now, Emily wasn't the only thing they had to navigate
[11:47] Speaker 1: in those first few months. While Beck was only 33,
[11:51] Speaker 1: Mick was 10 years older than her, and he'd been
[11:53] Speaker 1: married before. His life experience meant he knew exactly what
[11:57] Speaker 1: he did and didn't want for future relationships.
[12:00] Speaker 2: I think it was like our 2nd or 3rd date
[12:01] Speaker 2: that Mick said to me he didn't want to get
[12:03] Speaker 2: married ever again.
[12:05] Speaker 2: Um, and then he said, and I, he didn't say
[12:08] Speaker 2: I don't want to have kids, he said, um, and
[12:11] Speaker 2: I have had a vasectomy.
[12:12] Speaker 1: This rattled Beck, the marriage part she could handle, it
[12:16] Speaker 1: was commitment that she wanted, she didn't really care about
[12:19] Speaker 1: the piece of paper.
[12:20] Speaker 1: But the kids' bit was different. She wasn't desperate to
[12:23] Speaker 1: be a mom, but she had still always thought that
[12:26] Speaker 1: that time would come.
[12:27] Speaker 2: The first time I ever thought about what sort of
[12:29] Speaker 2: a mother I would be, my friend who lives in
[12:31] Speaker 2: Holland when I was living in Amsterdam, he just turned
[12:33] Speaker 2: around to me at ridiculous o'clock one night and he goes,
[12:36] Speaker 2: Do you know what I love about you? Like, I
[12:38] Speaker 2: look at you and I can just see the mom
[12:39] Speaker 2: you're gonna.
[12:40] Speaker 2: Like, you're gonna be you, but you're gonna be a mom.
[12:44] Speaker 2: And it was like the most beautiful thing, and I
[12:45] Speaker 2: had literally never thought about that until he said it
[12:48] Speaker 2: to me that night.
[12:49] Speaker 1: So it was a big deal when the person she
[12:51] Speaker 1: loved and saw a future with said kids were off
[12:54] Speaker 1: the carts. They were only about 6 months into their relationship,
[12:58] Speaker 1: but she knew how she felt about him.
[13:00] Speaker 1: She certainly wouldn't have put up with all the Emily
[13:02] Speaker 1: drama if she didn't want to be with this man,
[13:05] Speaker 1: but there's no doubt it put a spanner in the works.
[13:08] Speaker 1: So they took a week's break. Beck wanted to be
[13:11] Speaker 1: on her own to think about whether or not this
[13:13] Speaker 1: was a deal breaker.
[13:15] Speaker 2: So we had this week apart, um, and, you know,
[13:18] Speaker 2: I did a whole bunch of yoga and I went
[13:20] Speaker 2: down the coast and kind of talked to people about
[13:22] Speaker 2: it and
[13:25] Speaker 2: I don't remember exactly how the coming back together happened,
[13:28] Speaker 2: but there was a coming back together and he had
[13:32] Speaker 2: written me a bunch of letters during that week about
[13:35] Speaker 2: wanting to be with me and how much he'd missed
[13:36] Speaker 2: me and how horrific this week of being apart and
[13:39] Speaker 2: making him realize how much he wanted to be with me, etc. etc.
[13:43] Speaker 1: But it didn't matter what he'd said after that week apart.
[13:46] Speaker 1: Beck's mind was already made up.
[13:49] Speaker 2: And I was just like, No, I'd rather have you.
[13:51] Speaker 2: I'd rather have you than children.
[13:55] Speaker 1: And that changed everything. It not only gave both Bec
[13:59] Speaker 1: and Mick confidence in their relationship and solidified their future,
[14:03] Speaker 1: it gave Bec the strength to finally give Mick an ultimatum.
[14:07] Speaker 1: It's me, or
[14:08] Speaker 2: Emily. She's gotta go. This, I told you she was
[14:10] Speaker 2: toxic all along, she's gotta go. So he changed the lot.
[14:13] Speaker 2: He put all of her stuff outside his house, messaged her,
[14:17] Speaker 2: being like, anything that's still in the house, at the
[14:20] Speaker 2: front's going to the salvos. At the time, I think
[14:22] Speaker 2: it was the week apart, and I think perhaps that
[14:24] Speaker 2: breaking up with me about the children and then me
[14:26] Speaker 2: coming back, I think he carried a lot of guilt
[14:29] Speaker 2: that he was somehow going to deprive me of some, um,
[14:33] Speaker 2: Life experience that was going to be unethical and immoral
[14:38] Speaker 2: to deprive me of. Um, and so when I took
[14:42] Speaker 2: considered thought for a week, and he had to live for,
[14:45] Speaker 2: you know, a week thinking he might have lost me,
[14:48] Speaker 2: coming back together where I made that decision, and I
[14:51] Speaker 2: think that was probably one of the things that gave
[14:54] Speaker 2: him the strength to, to do that and be willing
[14:57] Speaker 2: to proper cut ties.
[14:59] Speaker 1: She was gone, finally, and the cherry on top, Emily
[15:03] Speaker 1: moved to the United States. Pop the champagne. For the
[15:07] Speaker 1: first time in their relationship, it was just Mick and Beck,
[15:11] Speaker 1: and it was glorious.
[15:13] Speaker 2: It was the first time he told me he loved me,
[15:16] Speaker 2: we updated our Facebook status, it was a whole thing.
[15:19] Speaker 2: And I was like, well, 6 months in this game
[15:21] Speaker 2: for the rest of your life with somebody, you know,
[15:23] Speaker 2: it's a bit of a bit of a rocky start, but,
[15:26] Speaker 2: OK, we got there, right? And it felt really good.
[15:29] Speaker 2: I was so happy, and I, I moved in not
[15:32] Speaker 2: too long after that. So I was living in his
[15:34] Speaker 2: house down by the beach, and we're just hanging out, and, um,
[15:38] Speaker 2: I think eventually his housemate even moved out, which is
[15:40] Speaker 2: just like triple bliss, and I changed jobs, and I
[15:43] Speaker 2: changed jobs so that we could save up to buy
[15:45] Speaker 2: a house, and, um,
[15:48] Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just, you know, everybody, I was so
[15:51] Speaker 2: loved up.
[15:52] Speaker 1: It went on like this for another 6 months. They'd
[15:55] Speaker 1: go to the gym together every morning, take the dogs
[15:57] Speaker 1: for walks along the beach, have dinner parties for their friends,
[16:00] Speaker 1: their live bands together, even bought a house, further solidifying
[16:04] Speaker 1: their commitment to each other and creating their own beautiful
[16:08] Speaker 1: life together. Nothing could have made it any better. But
[16:13] Speaker 1: you sure as hell know one thing could have made
[16:15] Speaker 1: it worse.
[16:16] Speaker 1: Emily was back.
[16:19] Speaker 2: But one of the girls that I still was in
[16:20] Speaker 2: touch with got an invite to her housewarming party, and
[16:24] Speaker 2: it was in an apartment literally across the road from
[16:26] Speaker 2: our house.
[16:28] Speaker 1: You've got to be kidding.
[16:30] Speaker 2: Above the IGA next door to the pub where we
[16:34] Speaker 2: hung out every night, where I got off my tram
[16:37] Speaker 2: every day.
[16:38] Speaker 2: Um, and I was like, Oh, this is cool.
[16:40] Speaker 1: Now this was serious cause for a breakdown, or at
[16:43] Speaker 1: the very least a complete freak out. Not only did
[16:47] Speaker 1: she have to see him everywhere, rumors started to
[16:50] Speaker 1: flow.
[16:51] Speaker 2: We'd see them at the pub, you drunken fools, like
[16:54] Speaker 2: this barfly idiots that thought they got to have an
[16:57] Speaker 2: opinion on my life, pulling me aside, being like,
[16:59] Speaker 2: Well, pulling him aside in front of me, being like,
[17:01] Speaker 2: So how are you going? Like, uh, playing the two
[17:03] Speaker 2: girls at once, you know, how's that working out for you?
[17:05] Speaker 2: And I'd heard it all so many times by then
[17:07] Speaker 2: that I'd just pick up my drink and go, like,
[17:09] Speaker 2: I'm going outside for a cigarette, man, I don't need this, like,
[17:12] Speaker 2: and so it was, it was constant. It was just horrific.
[17:17] Speaker 2: One night we're at the pub.
[17:18] Speaker 2: And the girl who I had previously been friends with, um,
[17:23] Speaker 2: who lived with Emily now, um, was like, you've got
[17:26] Speaker 2: to leave the pub because I'm not gonna support, E
[17:29] Speaker 2: in doing what she's gonna do, and I get these
[17:31] Speaker 2: dramatic texts about, you know,
[17:35] Speaker 2: I've always said that the two of you deserve better
[17:38] Speaker 2: and all this stuff. I just, ah, dramatic speak about
[17:44] Speaker 2: stuff.
[17:45] Speaker 1: Once again, their relationship was put to the test.
[17:48] Speaker 2: You can imagine how many conversations he and I had.
[17:50] Speaker 2: I was just like, this is really upsetting. And he'd
[17:53] Speaker 2: be like, Oh, Becky, if you really trusted me. And
[17:55] Speaker 2: I was like, Clearly I really trust you. I'm with you.
[17:58] Speaker 2: But
[17:59] Speaker 2: You know, these are the, these are the, the parameters.
[18:01] Speaker 2: If you see her at the pub, you're not to
[18:03] Speaker 2: fucking talk to her, man. Like, if you like, you know,
[18:06] Speaker 2: and he would be like, Oh, I'll just say hi. No,
[18:07] Speaker 2: you won't. You'll just go. You'll just leave right now,
[18:11] Speaker 2: because I can't be there every time looking at what
[18:13] Speaker 2: you're doing, and I can't cope with the fact that
[18:18] Speaker 2: she can be as close as she is in proximity
[18:21] Speaker 2: and thinking that you guys are gonna like be all
[18:23] Speaker 2: hanging outy.
[18:25] Speaker 2: Behind my back. So I was really, really clear on
[18:28] Speaker 2: my expectations on how much that they couldn't communicate, and
[18:30] Speaker 2: he was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, we
[18:33] Speaker 2: spoke about it a lot, right? And whenever push came
[18:35] Speaker 2: to shove and I would kind of confess to him
[18:38] Speaker 2: that I was having a really bad week with stress
[18:40] Speaker 2: and uh seeing her face on strangers in the street
[18:43] Speaker 2: and
[18:43] Speaker 2: Like, oh, there were days that I got on the
[18:45] Speaker 2: train and tram and literally nearly accidentally sat next to her. Like,
[18:49] Speaker 2: it was so bizarre. So we had a number of
[18:51] Speaker 2: conversations and quite often he'd turn around to me and
[18:53] Speaker 2: be like, Becky, you know, I love you, and if
[18:54] Speaker 2: you really trusted me, we wouldn't be having this conversation,
[18:57] Speaker 2: and rah rah rah rah, and, you know, kind of
[18:59] Speaker 2: putting it back on me. And so then that is,
[19:03] Speaker 2: you know, a really disempowering conversation to have. That makes
[19:06] Speaker 2: you then turn around and be the reassurer.
[19:08] Speaker 2: And be like, No, dear, I do love you and
[19:10] Speaker 2: I do trust you.
[19:12] Speaker 1: This was Beck's life now, her new normal. He swore
[19:15] Speaker 1: the silly rumors were all white noise, gossip, bored, bitchy
[19:19] Speaker 1: girls being bored bitchy girls. He couldn't help that she
[19:22] Speaker 1: was around. It's where she lived. He swore he wouldn't
[19:26] Speaker 1: speak to her. And Beck believed him.
[19:28] Speaker 2: I loved him ferociously.
[19:31] Speaker 1: They decided to go to couples counseling. They'd invested 4
[19:34] Speaker 1: years into this relationship and both wanted to make it work,
[19:38] Speaker 1: but there were unresolved issues and trust issues that no
[19:41] Speaker 1: matter how happy they were, they just couldn't seem to shake.
[19:45] Speaker 1: Enter the professionals. And it really, really
[19:49] Speaker 1: helped.
[19:50] Speaker 2: So we went back over.
[19:51] Speaker 2: You know, the decision to not have children, we discussed, um,
[19:55] Speaker 2: you know, everything from our sex life to how we
[20:00] Speaker 2: related to one another, to, you know, becoming,
[20:03] Speaker 2: Better at communicating. Yeah, it was during those, um, sessions
[20:08] Speaker 2: where we just
[20:09] Speaker 2: We were talking about, well, what will it take you,
[20:11] Speaker 2: you know, for you guys to know that you really
[20:14] Speaker 2: want to be together forever, and what would that look like? And, um,
[20:17] Speaker 2: I think it just came up in that sort of a,
[20:20] Speaker 2: a hypothetical context. And one day we went down the
[20:23] Speaker 2: waterfront here and we were having a beer and we
[20:24] Speaker 2: were talking about what it would look like in a
[20:26] Speaker 2: really nice sort of hypothetical way. We were talking about, OK,
[20:30] Speaker 2: you don't want to get married, but, you know, what
[20:31] Speaker 2: does that mean and what does that look like? And
[20:34] Speaker 2: So we started talking about this concept of not getting
[20:37] Speaker 2: married and having a, just a fuck off party with
[20:40] Speaker 2: all of our mates and just a, a night that
[20:42] Speaker 2: was exactly what we wanted, and it didn't prescribe to
[20:45] Speaker 2: any religious or traditional or governmental or familial, you know, norms.
[20:51] Speaker 2: We could just blank slate it, come up with our
[20:54] Speaker 2: own thing.
[20:55] Speaker 1: So if you're not
[20:56] Speaker 1: Getting married, do you then not get engaged? Oh, hell no.
[21:01] Speaker 1: If she wasn't getting a wedding or babies, she was
[21:04] Speaker 1: sure as hell gonna make sure she got a
[21:06] Speaker 1: ring.
[21:07] Speaker 2: Mick had told me there was this particular Tuesday that
[21:09] Speaker 2: he was taking me out. Who knows what you have
[21:11] Speaker 2: to propose on a fucking Tuesday. Like, how inconvenient. Anyway, um,
[21:16] Speaker 2: there's this Tuesday, and we're gonna go, it's just for
[21:19] Speaker 2: a whole night, and he's not saying where we're going
[21:21] Speaker 2: and what we're doing. So, um,
[21:24] Speaker 2: It was dinner at Tippoozero in the city and I
[21:28] Speaker 2: had a beautiful dress and my friend did my hair,
[21:30] Speaker 2: and then we we were staying at the Langham, so um.
[21:34] Speaker 2: Yeah, it was fantastic. It was a full moon. It
[21:36] Speaker 2: was a super moon actually, and I'm such a moon baby. Um,
[21:40] Speaker 2: and super late at night after tip of 00, we
[21:44] Speaker 2: got back to the, um, the hotel and it was
[21:46] Speaker 2: beautiful big corner suite with the view of the city
[21:48] Speaker 2: and the moon and everything. And I just remember lying
[21:51] Speaker 2: there thinking, if he's not gonna give me this ring tonight,
[21:53] Speaker 2: I'm flat out just gonna ask him myself. Like, this
[21:55] Speaker 2: is ridiculous, because if you're not gonna do this now, right, you,
[21:58] Speaker 2: you're literally like, this is, this is now. This is
[22:00] Speaker 2: what we're here for.
[22:02] Speaker 2: Um, and then he did, and, um.
[22:05] Speaker 2: Yeah, I said yes, and it was all super lovely and.
[22:09] Speaker 2: I think he asked me, I can't remember the exact words,
[22:12] Speaker 2: but it was, you know, it was our not wedding proposal,
[22:15] Speaker 2: you know? Um.
[22:17] Speaker 2: Right down with the champagne and the beautiful moonlight and everything.
[22:23] Speaker 1: It had all been worth it.
[22:27] Speaker 2: So happy, so happy, and I remember talking to friends
[22:30] Speaker 2: afterwards being like, so proud of us for getting through.
[22:35] Speaker 2: You know, most particularly that long chunk of therapy and
[22:38] Speaker 2: really really hard time.
[22:41] Speaker 2: And
[22:43] Speaker 2: Just realizing how ferociously I loved him and that if
[22:48] Speaker 2: you really, you know,
[22:52] Speaker 2: Throw yourself into something, you can get through it, like
[22:55] Speaker 2: you can really get through all sorts of different nightmares,
[22:59] Speaker 2: and I was so proud of us for getting through that.
[23:04] Speaker 1: Their not proposal sparked a whole new chapter of their relationship.
[23:08] Speaker 1: More than 5 years after that first meeting in the pub,
[23:11] Speaker 1: it was like they were high school sweethearts going through
[23:14] Speaker 1: the honeymoon period all over again. They were connecting over
[23:18] Speaker 1: new things, making life plans and promising to commit to
[23:21] Speaker 1: each other in front of the people they loved most
[23:24] Speaker 1: in the world.
[23:25] Speaker 1: Whether it included the legal piece of paper, just
[23:28] Speaker 1: didn't matter.
[23:29] Speaker 2: The experience of, of, of not getting married, but we,
[23:33] Speaker 2: we planned the whole day from a blank sheet of paper,
[23:35] Speaker 2: you know, you hear stories about pagan hand fasting ceremonies, oh,
[23:39] Speaker 2: that sounds like us and.
[23:41] Speaker 2: You know, I'm such a word nerd and I love music. Yeah,
[23:43] Speaker 2: you know, writing my own vows from scratch was one
[23:46] Speaker 2: of the most beautiful things I've ever done, and interspersed
[23:48] Speaker 2: with a whole bunch of song lyrics from, um, bands
[23:51] Speaker 2: that we'd seen and, and that meant something to me
[23:54] Speaker 2: or that were a part of a time that we'd
[23:56] Speaker 2: had together. Um.
[23:59] Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just incredible. I was so excited about
[24:02] Speaker 2: this day. I bought my dress on 5th Avenue in
[24:04] Speaker 2: New York with my mum cos I went for this
[24:06] Speaker 2: work trip.
[24:08] Speaker 2: And it was just absolutely perfect. I still love it.
[24:11] Speaker 2: We set a date. The date was exactly so the
[24:14] Speaker 2: day he proposed, the reason we had to wait till
[24:15] Speaker 2: this particular Tuesday was, we always talked about, you know,
[24:18] Speaker 2: the concept of our relationship being meeting each other halfway.
[24:21] Speaker 2: And so the particular day in November was exactly halfway
[24:24] Speaker 2: between our birthdays. Um, and then the
[24:29] Speaker 2: Engagement that the proposal was also the other 6 months
[24:33] Speaker 2: halfway between our birthdays. So, the party was gonna be
[24:36] Speaker 2: in November because that was halfway and we, we were engaged,
[24:39] Speaker 2: not engaged for 6 months. And
[24:41] Speaker 1: whether it's a traditional marriage or not, you can't have
[24:44] Speaker 1: a wedding without a hen's party, right? Or at least
[24:47] Speaker 1: some version of.
[24:49] Speaker 2: So I decided I wasn't having a hen's day because
[24:51] Speaker 2: I'm not a chicken, so.
[24:55] Speaker 2: I decided that we would have a vixen fest.
[24:58] Speaker 1: Exactly one week before their not wedding, Beck's friends and
[25:02] Speaker 1: family put on the most epic vixen's fest there was.
[25:05] Speaker 1: It was music festival themed. They dressed up like they
[25:08] Speaker 1: were going to Coachella. They drank and danced all night
[25:11] Speaker 1: while Mick and his mates spent their weekend away to
[25:13] Speaker 1: surf shack, being boys. It
[25:16] Speaker 1: It was perfect.
[25:17] Speaker 2: Legit, one of the funnest days I've ever had. Like,
[25:22] Speaker 2: everything about it was just amazing. Everything. My mom did
[25:25] Speaker 2: this beautiful speech. Everyone signed a copy of my favorite book,
[25:28] Speaker 2: or the Places You'll go. Like, it was just stunning.
[25:32] Speaker 2: It
[25:32] Speaker 1: wasn't the clearest night, memory wise. There was a little
[25:36] Speaker 1: bit of champagne consumed.
[25:38] Speaker 1: What Beck does remember is breaking her thumb, being a
[25:41] Speaker 1: bit too overzealous opening an umbrella, as you do, traditional
[25:45] Speaker 1: vixen fest custom and all that.
[25:48] Speaker 1: But she was about to find out a broken thumb
[25:50] Speaker 1: a week before her wedding was the least of her
[25:53] Speaker 1: worries.
[25:54] Speaker 2: Yeah, I woke up the next morning.
[25:57] Speaker 2: And um I had a message from Instagram and an
[26:02] Speaker 2: Instagram alert that said that Emily wanted to send me
[26:06] Speaker 2: a message, and I'm like,
[26:08] Speaker 1: what?
[26:17] Speaker 1: Was she dreaming? Was she still drunk? It had been
[26:20] Speaker 1: years since Emily had injected herself into their relationship. Years
[26:24] Speaker 1: since they'd fought over her, worried about her, or thought
[26:26] Speaker 1: they might ever hear from her again. Years since either
[26:29] Speaker 1: of them had had any contact with her. Yet here
[26:33] Speaker 1: she was, her name staring out of Bec's DMs a
[26:36] Speaker 1: week before her
[26:37] Speaker 1: wedding.
[26:38] Speaker 2: I just the full, uh, like cold shivers from the
[26:41] Speaker 2: stomach up, do you know what I mean? Like.
[26:43] Speaker 2: And suddenly, despite the hangover and everything, you're just so awake.
[26:48] Speaker 1: She didn't know what to do. So, what to do
[26:51] Speaker 1: in a time of potential crisis that may or may
[26:54] Speaker 1: not involve the man you're meant to be marrying in
[26:56] Speaker 1: a week, you call your bestie.
[26:59] Speaker 2: So yeah, I rang my best friend and we chewed
[27:02] Speaker 2: it through and then eventually decided that we'd open, we,
[27:05] Speaker 2: I would open the message. Um, and yeah, it turned
[27:09] Speaker 2: out to be a whole bunch of messages. I just
[27:12] Speaker 2: went white, cold.
[27:14] Speaker 2: I think the first message said something like.
[27:21] Speaker 2: If you wanna go ahead and fake marry him, you
[27:26] Speaker 2: can just know that I've been fucking him for the
[27:29] Speaker 2: last 6 months. Well, actually your whole relationship, ha ha ha.
[27:39] Speaker 1: But that wasn't
[27:40] Speaker 1: all.
[27:44] Speaker 2: If you don't believe me, just have a look at
[27:45] Speaker 2: my Instagram.
[27:47] Speaker 2: So, um, when I looked at her Instagram, there were
[27:50] Speaker 2: photos of them naked in bed together, publicly available on
[27:54] Speaker 2: her Instagram. Only of his hands and her like naked
[27:58] Speaker 2: thigh or whatever. But I'm a hand person. As I
[28:03] Speaker 2: said to him, probably 85 times afterwards, I would have
[28:05] Speaker 2: preferred it was a photo of your penis. I don't, like,
[28:09] Speaker 2: How dare you think I don't recognize your hands, like,
[28:13] Speaker 2: It was more intimate to me, and there were photos
[28:16] Speaker 2: that were obviously framed of him holding a beer next
[28:19] Speaker 2: to her champagne. So she's taking these romantic getaway photos
[28:24] Speaker 2: of them during our relationship, um, when I thought he
[28:28] Speaker 2: was on business trips or whatever I thought he was doing,
[28:31] Speaker 2: and they're very framed photos of his hands on her
[28:35] Speaker 2: naked body or choosing champagne with her or da da da.
[28:38] Speaker 2: And it was to me just
[28:41] Speaker 2: I feel physically sick thinking about it now, like if
[28:43] Speaker 2: like he's like.
[28:47] Speaker 2: They were so obvious, he knew that she was taking
[28:49] Speaker 2: those photos like.
[28:52] Speaker 2: And yeah, during our relationship. So her Instagram was like
[28:56] Speaker 2: this fucking time capsule to what ended up being their story,
[29:03] Speaker 2: which had existed for our entire relationship. And I just collapsed.
[29:08] Speaker 2: I showed her my phone and I just, I was howling.
[29:12] Speaker 2: I just couldn't, I couldn't breathe.
[29:18] Speaker 1: There it was, evidence, proof that the whole time she'd
[29:23] Speaker 1: trusted her partner, despite numerous signs, red flags, and even
[29:27] Speaker 1: people telling her stories, she'd loved and trusted him, and
[29:31] Speaker 1: the whole time he'd been lying, recklessly at that, but
[29:35] Speaker 1: she'd trusted him enough to not be that girl who
[29:38] Speaker 1: stalked her partner's ex on social media.
[29:48] Speaker 1: The next part, Beck says, is a bit of a blur.
[29:51] Speaker 1: The shock took over and sent her into a daze.
[29:55] Speaker 1: She remembers calling him and asking him to come home,
[29:58] Speaker 1: but she doesn't even remember crying.
[30:03] Speaker 2: Such a weird time. How did I even drive home?
[30:06] Speaker 2: I was in so much shock. I look back at
[30:08] Speaker 2: that immediate period, especially. I didn't cry, or maybe I
[30:12] Speaker 2: yelled at him a tiny bit. I remember him telling
[30:15] Speaker 2: me not to drink and smoke, um, because I was
[30:18] Speaker 2: still smoking a wee bit at that time in my life.
[30:21] Speaker 2: And it was, by the time we met here, it
[30:22] Speaker 2: was still really early. It was probably only 10 or
[30:24] Speaker 2: 11 in the morning.
[30:26] Speaker 2: And I remember him telling me that I shouldn't be drinking.
[30:29] Speaker 2: And he'd brought back an esky full of booze from
[30:31] Speaker 2: the surfing weekend. And like that was one of the
[30:34] Speaker 2: only vivid memories I have of being really pissed off.
[30:36] Speaker 2: I'm like, Really? Really? That's our problem. Like, open the
[30:40] Speaker 2: next bottle of wine, light the next cigarette, and be like,
[30:42] Speaker 2: Fuck you, mate, I'm gonna do what I want. Like, yeah.
[30:45] Speaker 2: And other than that, I think that was the only
[30:46] Speaker 2: time I remember being angry with him that day, was
[30:48] Speaker 2: when he told me not to drink and smoke. The
[30:50] Speaker 2: rest of the time was just, I need to understand.
[30:54] Speaker 2: What I don't know, like just tell me everything. I've
[30:57] Speaker 2: always coped much better when I have the information, whatever
[31:00] Speaker 2: the information is, and it obviously became really clear to
[31:02] Speaker 2: me at that point that I was seriously lacking.
[31:06] Speaker 2: 6.5 years of information, um, and.
[31:11] Speaker 2: I don't know. I just, I, obviously shock has to
[31:15] Speaker 2: be part of
[31:15] Speaker 2: it.
[31:16] Speaker 1: So he explained. In front of her best friend, he
[31:19] Speaker 1: explained that he'd had an on and off relationship with
[31:21] Speaker 1: Emily the whole time. Since that very first night she
[31:25] Speaker 1: saw Mick kissing Beck at the pub, she'd gone back
[31:28] Speaker 1: to it.
[31:29] Speaker 1: He told Bec it had been on and off, but
[31:31] Speaker 1: for the last 6 months it had escalated. Trips away
[31:35] Speaker 1: together when he said he was on business, nights at
[31:37] Speaker 1: her house when he said he was staying late at work.
[31:40] Speaker 1: Mick and his ex-wife had had a full-blown
[31:43] Speaker 1: affair.
[31:44] Speaker 2: It was such a shock to everybody.
[31:47] Speaker 2: That we were all in shock. He's this lovely guy
[31:49] Speaker 2: that we all just thought was such a lovely guy.
[31:52] Speaker 2: And now he's sitting in front of us saying that
[31:54] Speaker 2: he's been sleeping with his ex-wife for our entire relationship,
[31:58] Speaker 2: and that the, the 6 months, the the last 6
[32:02] Speaker 2: months in the lead up.
[32:04] Speaker 2: To the big reveal was, um, a full-blown affair that
[32:09] Speaker 2: during which he'd been choosing between the two of us.
[32:12] Speaker 2: And
[32:13] Speaker 2: It it it was literally like a cricket bat to
[32:16] Speaker 2: the head, you just stood there sort of mute.
[32:19] Speaker 1: He told Bec all of this to finally be truthful.
[32:23] Speaker 1: They were meant to be committing to each other for
[32:24] Speaker 1: life next week, after all.
[32:27] Speaker 2: He wanted the ceremony to go ahead.
[32:31] Speaker 2: Because he'd ended the affair with Emily 4 days before that,
[32:37] Speaker 2: and in his mind, and he'd been apparently trying to
[32:40] Speaker 2: end the affair with Emily for a number of weeks.
[32:43] Speaker 2: And he'd finally ended it, and he was sure that
[32:46] Speaker 2: I was the person he wanted to spend the rest
[32:48] Speaker 2: of his life with, and he was completely committed, so
[32:51] Speaker 2: he wanted the ceremony to go ahead.
[32:53] Speaker 2: So I guess that's probably part of the reason that
[32:55] Speaker 2: I didn't get angry, because I had to fix that
[32:58] Speaker 2: fucking problem.
[32:59] Speaker 1: While Bec's brain was a mess, she was sure of
[33:02] Speaker 1: one thing, the ceremony absolutely wasn't going ahead. So while
[33:07] Speaker 1: she was dealing with this world shattering, gut-wrenching, life-changing news,
[33:12] Speaker 1: wanting to just lay in bed alone and ignore the
[33:15] Speaker 1: whole world, she had to cancel a non-wedding. Oh,
[33:19] Speaker 1: the irony.
[33:21] Speaker 2: The trauma of that was the admin, like just the
[33:24] Speaker 2: bizarre experience of.
[33:28] Speaker 2: The humiliation.
[33:30] Speaker 2: Of saying that out loud to strangers.
[33:33] Speaker 1: There was one thing she wasn't going to cancel, though.
[33:36] Speaker 1: You remember in the Sex and the City movie when
[33:38] Speaker 1: Big leaves Carrie at the altar and her friends go
[33:40] Speaker 1: on her honeymoon with her? Yeah, that's what happened here.
[33:44] Speaker 1: Beck's best friend wasn't gonna let her miss this holiday
[33:47] Speaker 1: she'd looked forward to for over a year. Plus, she
[33:50] Speaker 1: still hadn't really broken down. Her friend was really worried
[33:54] Speaker 1: about her and wanted to take her away from it all.
[33:57] Speaker 1: God knew she needed it now, more than ever.
[34:00] Speaker 1: And whether it was being removed from the situation, removed
[34:03] Speaker 1: from him, or just the cabin pressure, it was the
[34:06] Speaker 1: plane trip to her would-be honeymoon that set her grief
[34:10] Speaker 1: into motion.
[34:11] Speaker 2: Gang of Youths go farther in Lightness album was in
[34:14] Speaker 2: the Qantas app? Fuck, I can't even say it without crying.
[34:17] Speaker 2: And I'd heard the album before, but I hadn't like
[34:20] Speaker 2: heard the album before, and the album took exactly the
[34:23] Speaker 2: length of the flight from Melbourne to Brisbane, and I cried,
[34:27] Speaker 2: that it was the first time I cried.
[34:29] Speaker 2: And I don't know if you know that album very well,
[34:31] Speaker 2: but it they refer to it as like the healing album, right, it's,
[34:37] Speaker 2: There's a song on it called Do Not Let Your
[34:39] Speaker 2: Spirit Wane. There's a song on it called The Heart
[34:42] Speaker 2: Is a Muscle, which is about, you know,
[34:45] Speaker 2: The heart is a muscle, and we have to make
[34:47] Speaker 2: it strong. There's a song on it called Persevere. Like,
[34:50] Speaker 2: it was literally like, um, that whole album was written
[34:54] Speaker 2: for me to listen to on that fucking day. So
[34:57] Speaker 2: I didn't think about the fact that I was supposed
[34:59] Speaker 2: to be going on this wonderful romantic journey. I thought
[35:03] Speaker 2: about the fact that music was piecing my soul back together,
[35:06] Speaker 2: and I think I let myself feel pain for the
[35:10] Speaker 2: first time on that flight.
[35:13] Speaker 1: That album and that band, she says, saved her.
[35:17] Speaker 2: So I ended up writing them a letter.
[35:19] Speaker 2: And so that's what I spent a lot of the
[35:22] Speaker 2: honeymoon doing. I didn't sit there thinking about what I
[35:25] Speaker 2: would've been doing with him. I listened.
[35:28] Speaker 2: To music that my, my, my soul needed to hear
[35:31] Speaker 2: and then I wrote letters to those bands, so I
[35:33] Speaker 2: wrote letters to the bands that were in my vows,
[35:36] Speaker 2: and I sent them um these letters about,
[35:41] Speaker 2: Yeah, like, cheers for getting me through the last week.
[35:44] Speaker 2: And um.
[35:47] Speaker 2: It was really cathartic, like I was on this beautiful
[35:50] Speaker 2: tropical island, and I just had my music and my
[35:53] Speaker 2: pen and my best friend and.
[35:57] Speaker 2: I didn't think about him being there that much, I
[35:59] Speaker 2: don't think.
[36:02] Speaker 1: The confusion didn't end when she got home. Mick was
[36:05] Speaker 1: there waiting, telling her he was sorry and wanted to
[36:08] Speaker 1: make it work. She knew she couldn't trust him, but
[36:12] Speaker 1: her whole world was also crashing down around her. She'd
[36:15] Speaker 1: given up everything for this man. What was her life
[36:18] Speaker 1: now without him, without the kids she'd chosen not to
[36:21] Speaker 1: have because of him, it was so tempting to forgive him,
[36:25] Speaker 1: to try again.
[36:28] Speaker 1: But she knew what she had to do. I was
[36:31] Speaker 2: like, there's no, there's absolutely no chance of a future here, man.
[36:35] Speaker 2: And I felt so strong and clear.
[36:40] Speaker 2: Because yeah, it just all made sense, like I said,
[36:43] Speaker 2: whatever decisions I was making.
[36:45] Speaker 2: I was making them for myself and.
[36:50] Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a fucking awful time, but I guess
[36:54] Speaker 2: I feel like everything else was so out of my
[36:57] Speaker 2: control for those 6.5 years, that once I had the information,
[37:02] Speaker 2: it was my fucking information. And I was gonna do
[37:05] Speaker 2: it worked
[37:06] Speaker 1: for me.
[37:23] Speaker 1: It took a long time to start to heal, and
[37:26] Speaker 1: a lot of therapy, but what came as a surprise
[37:30] Speaker 1: even to herself was that cutting ties with Mick and
[37:33] Speaker 1: their former life was easier than she'd ever expected.
[37:36] Speaker 2: The
[37:36] Speaker 2: depth of the portrayal was so magnificent that it was
[37:40] Speaker 2: hard to miss him because I just felt like I
[37:43] Speaker 2: never knew who he was anyway. So what did I miss?
[37:47] Speaker 2: An imaginary person or the shell of a man that
[37:50] Speaker 2: presented a certain way.
[37:52] Speaker 2: He was like a chameleon. He had no inner substance.
[37:57] Speaker 2: Who he was when he was around me was a
[37:59] Speaker 2: completely different man to who he was when he was
[38:01] Speaker 2: around Emily, and probably a completely different man to who
[38:03] Speaker 2: he was when he was at work. And you can't
[38:06] Speaker 2: live that sort of ethical duality and have any sort
[38:11] Speaker 2: of moral compass.
[38:13] Speaker 2: So I didn't, I missed.
[38:18] Speaker 2: The version of him I thought he was, but I
[38:20] Speaker 2: don't think I, I, I knew very early that that
[38:24] Speaker 2: was potentially a,
[38:26] Speaker 2: A fictional character, I realized after 6.5 years, I had
[38:30] Speaker 2: no idea who this human I was living with was.
[38:33] Speaker 1: Their breakup was 2 years ago now. In that time,
[38:37] Speaker 1: Beck's done a lot of healing, and rightfully, she's pretty
[38:40] Speaker 1: damn proud of herself.
[38:42] Speaker 2: So I just tried to do all the right things.
[38:44] Speaker 2: So I got a really good therapist and I journaled
[38:46] Speaker 2: every day, and I did some yoga teacher training and,
[38:50] Speaker 2: you know, I meditated and I adopted a dog, and,
[38:54] Speaker 2: you know.
[38:55] Speaker 2: I did all the right things. And
[38:58] Speaker 2: Yeah, lo and behold, if it didn't fucking work. Like
[39:01] Speaker 2: it wasn't great fun, but you'd just do the work.
[39:04] Speaker 2: And I learned a lot about myself, and I wouldn't
[39:07] Speaker 2: wish that experience on anybody, but I wouldn't take it
[39:10] Speaker 2: back from myself because I would have no idea how
[39:13] Speaker 2: powerful I am if I hadn't had to survive that.
[39:15] Speaker 2: And I wouldn't be as proud of who I am
[39:17] Speaker 2: as a person if I hadn't had to survive that.
[39:20] Speaker 2: And I don't think I'd be as good at my
[39:22] Speaker 2: job if I didn't have to survive that. Like, you.
[39:26] Speaker 2: Have to survive something really difficult like that, you don't
[39:28] Speaker 2: have time to doubt yourself, you've just got to get
[39:30] Speaker 2: the fuck on with it, man, like, so it was
[39:33] Speaker 2: a really empowering experience for me. It took me a
[39:36] Speaker 2: long time to feel the humiliation because of course there's
[39:39] Speaker 2: a humiliation aspect.
[39:41] Speaker 2: Um, but by the time the shock wore off and
[39:45] Speaker 2: I realized that I probably should feel humiliated, it's like,
[39:47] Speaker 2: oh well, I've been walking around for the last 6
[39:50] Speaker 2: months not feeling humiliated, there's probably not much point doing
[39:52] Speaker 2: it now.
[39:54] Speaker 1: And while she's found solace and even gratitude in her strength,
[39:57] Speaker 1: there's still a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment. She
[40:01] Speaker 1: not only gave 6.5 years of her life to this man,
[40:05] Speaker 1: she possibly gave up the chance to have children.
[40:08] Speaker 2: I was really angry. I was ferociously angry for a
[40:12] Speaker 2: very long time, um, specifically about that. A 33-year-old woman
[40:17] Speaker 2: has a whole list of different options that a 39-year-old
[40:21] Speaker 2: woman doesn't, um, and 40 by the time we broke up.
[40:26] Speaker 2: I do think that it's the cruelest part of our relationship,
[40:29] Speaker 2: but in some ways, um,
[40:33] Speaker 2: But only because it's the only one that.
[40:36] Speaker 2: You can't fix, you know what I mean? You can't
[40:39] Speaker 2: get back 7 years of ovary health, but, you know,
[40:45] Speaker 2: it's not, it's hardly the worst thing anyone's ever survived,
[40:47] Speaker 2: and it's certainly, I was afraid that it would make
[40:49] Speaker 2: me bitter, that it's going to somehow take my optimistic
[40:53] Speaker 2: and positive nature and turn me into like a bitter
[40:55] Speaker 2: resentful human. Um, but I, I'm pretty confident that's not
[41:00] Speaker 2: gonna happen now. And, and maybe that's enough. Like maybe
[41:03] Speaker 2: now you can just sort of show up and live.
[41:06] Speaker 2: As for love, and I imagine that it will be
[41:09] Speaker 2: hard when I fall in love again, cause I will
[41:11] Speaker 2: have triggers and insecurities and panic. But dating again's been
[41:17] Speaker 2: fun cause you kind of get your head around those.
[41:20] Speaker 2: In different increments with different people, and I've met some
[41:23] Speaker 2: really cool guys.
[41:25] Speaker 2: But nothing that's stuck yet.
[41:28] Speaker 1: Despite it all, Bec looks back on this horrendous period
[41:31] Speaker 1: of her life with amazing clarity and undeniable positivity.
[41:37] Speaker 2: I would not give back a day of the last
[41:39] Speaker 2: 2.5 years. Even the worst days when I was snot
[41:42] Speaker 2: crying all over the dog, home alone, not wanting to
[41:45] Speaker 2: call friend after friend because you don't want to burden,
[41:48] Speaker 2: oh so and so works late or they've got kids
[41:49] Speaker 2: or da da da.
[41:51] Speaker 2: Even on the loneliest and saddest days, I wouldn't give
[41:53] Speaker 2: back a day of it because I'm happier now than
[41:57] Speaker 2: I have ever been in my entire life and I
[42:01] Speaker 2: can't be sure that I would be as comfortable with
[42:05] Speaker 2: who I am if I hadn't had to get through that.
[42:19] Speaker 1: Next time on everyone has an X. So he was
[42:22] Speaker 1: found guilty of attempted murder.
[42:26] Speaker 1: Of Nanette Clark, and he got sentenced to 20 years,
[42:30] Speaker 1: 13 years non-parole, so that on top of his sentence
[42:35] Speaker 1: for fraud is 30 years with 20 years non-parole. It's
[42:38] Speaker 1: a hefty sentence, like people get less for murder.
[42:43] Speaker 1: Everyone Has an X is written and narrated by me,
[42:46] Speaker 1: Georgia Love, produced by Linda Scott and edited by Matt Sofo.
[42:51] Speaker 1: Thank you for listening, we would love to hear from you.
[42:54] Speaker 1: If you like what you've just heard, please hit subscribe,
[42:56] Speaker 1: write a review and leave us.
[42:59] Speaker 1: If you think you've got a better story, send it
[43:01] Speaker 1: to us at everyonehasanx at mintymedia.com.au. That's M I N
[43:06] Speaker 1: T Y Media.com.au and follow us on Instagram at at everyonehasanex.

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