# Jordan Morris Disobeys Bridger

An episode of [I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1499562159), 25 Jul 2024, 1 h 06 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/f93205e7-c5a4-44c7-9cc9-b24b013639d4/e8a76560-5c1c-4db9-8e9b-b276013bb3a4/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=08c966fa-bc75-44f3-80ce-b24b013639ea

Bridger sees nothing wrong with Jordan Morris (Jordan, Jesse, GO!, Youth Group) rudely arriving with a gift. The two discuss summoning evil, grocery store horoscopes, and the Mariah Carey cookie experience. Don't forget to review the podcast, it's the least you can do. Follow the show on Instagram I Said No Gifts! Merch Send a Question to I Said No Emails! Support this podcast by shopping our latest sponsor deals and promotions at this link: https://bit.ly/3Uw1W4v See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:08] Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear.
[0:17] Speaker 1: When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come
[0:22] Speaker 1: to me empty. And I said, no, guests, your own
[0:28] Speaker 1: presences presence enough. I already had too much stuff, So
[0:35] Speaker 1: how did you dare to surbey me?
[0:49] Speaker 2: Welcome to? I said, no gifts. I'm Bridger Wineger. We're
[0:54] Speaker 2: in the backyard. It's at least ninety four degrees perfect
[1:00] Speaker 2: podcasting temperature. It's you know, in the next hour and
[1:04] Speaker 2: a half, we're going to be feeling very breezy, very relaxed.
[1:09] Speaker 2: Over the weekend, I stopped feeling like I existed, and
[1:12] Speaker 2: so I decided I would take back my life by
[1:16] Speaker 2: making a decision, and that was to make slaw. I
[1:19] Speaker 2: made him probably enough slaw for an entire Mormon congregation.
[1:24] Speaker 2: It's just sitting in my fridge rotting. Oh, let's get
[1:29] Speaker 2: into the podcast. I love today's guest. It's Jordan Morris.
[1:33] Speaker 2: Jordan's thank you, thank you. Oh my gosh, welcome to.
[1:36] Speaker 2: I said, no gifts.
[1:36] Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I can't. I'm so happy to be
[1:38] Speaker 3: here as a listener. Fun to see the musings done. Irl,
[1:44] Speaker 3: it's very impressive. You you actually gaze off so as
[1:50] Speaker 3: to you.
[1:50] Speaker 2: Know, get in the right headspace, just admiring whatever's happening,
[1:55] Speaker 2: just trying to lose myself in nature.
[1:57] Speaker 3: I mean, that's so important being present. I've been told
[2:02] Speaker 3: getting getting off of our little devices, to be off
[2:05] Speaker 3: a device.
[2:07] Speaker 2: I want to hear more about the slaw. I love slatla.
[2:09] Speaker 2: I love slaw. Well, describe your ideal slot to me
[2:12] Speaker 2: and then I'll reveal my slots. There's so many beautiful
[2:15] Speaker 2: slaws of all kinds.
[2:16] Speaker 3: I think a goopy man naisy scooped out of the
[2:21] Speaker 3: deli counter at the supermarket slaw is delicious. I think
[2:24] Speaker 3: an artisanal vinegary slaw can be really great to clean crisp.
[2:31] Speaker 2: I'll take all slaws. You had to pick one slaw, gosh.
[2:36] Speaker 3: I you know, and I'm and I'm gonna feel like
[2:40] Speaker 3: a you know, SHEESHI Ivory tower type here, but I
[2:44] Speaker 3: do think, gun to my head, I am picking the
[2:48] Speaker 3: vinegar y, higher end, crisp clean slaw.
[2:53] Speaker 2: This is so good to hear. Yeah, good way to
[2:55] Speaker 2: start the podcast off. If you had gone Mayo, I
[2:58] Speaker 2: don't know what would have happened. We don't see eye
[3:01] Speaker 2: to I'm moving away I love a vinegar sauce. You
[3:05] Speaker 2: would move to another sit hear me pounding the for
[3:11] Speaker 2: sale sign out front, calling my realtor. Uh no, I
[3:15] Speaker 2: only will eat a vinegar slaw. Okay, I don't. I
[3:18] Speaker 2: have to imagine I've had a mayonnaise slaw in the past, Yeah,
[3:22] Speaker 2: which must have had a bad impact on me because
[3:25] Speaker 2: I avoid it at all costs.
[3:26] Speaker 3: It can be heavy, and it can it can go
[3:29] Speaker 3: from delicious to foul pretty easily if not stored at
[3:33] Speaker 3: the temperature.
[3:34] Speaker 2: So I understand, even if stored at the correct temperature,
[3:37] Speaker 2: it's just too much. It's too much. I mean. I
[3:40] Speaker 2: saw a friend Saturday night and I mentioned to her
[3:42] Speaker 2: that I had made a slawn. She said, did you
[3:44] Speaker 2: kind of with this look of horror with mayonnaise? And
[3:46] Speaker 2: I couldn't believe she even for a moment thought I
[3:48] Speaker 2: would make a mayonnaise slaw. I think the tides have turned.
[3:52] Speaker 2: I think most people prefer you know, where you you
[3:55] Speaker 2: can see the cabbage, right where it's not you want
[3:59] Speaker 2: to appreciate the ca just a mayonnaise delivery device, right.
[4:04] Speaker 2: I don't need mayonnaise to be delivered in any scenario.
[4:07] Speaker 2: Oh so you know not on a sandwich, not on
[4:09] Speaker 2: a burger. On a sandwich, I'll like if it's easy
[4:14] Speaker 2: and I didn't have any other choice, of course, I'll
[4:16] Speaker 2: eat it, okay. Otherwise, you know, there are other condiments
[4:19] Speaker 2: that I would prefer. You're right about that. There's a
[4:21] Speaker 2: lot of great condiments. We've got all kinds of runny,
[4:23] Speaker 2: wet things we can put on sandwiches.
[4:25] Speaker 3: Yes, there's a lot of ways to get a sandwich wet.
[4:27] Speaker 3: It's not just mayonnaise.
[4:30] Speaker 2: But to answer your question, the it's a cabbage, vinegar, limes, cilantro, jalapeno,
[4:38] Speaker 2: and almond. Sounds fucking fantastic refreshing.
[4:41] Speaker 3: Do Is that just a sided on itself or is
[4:43] Speaker 3: it like on top of something in a side?
[4:46] Speaker 2: I mean, just sitting in my fridge, just ready to
[4:49] Speaker 2: be eaten, the only kind of food in my fridge currently.
[4:52] Speaker 2: It's a real psycho situation. And now I'm going out
[4:57] Speaker 2: oftown tomorrow and I have truly enough for huge picnic.
[5:01] Speaker 2: So I'm not sure what to do with the slaw
[5:03] Speaker 2: at this point.
[5:04] Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I guess you could just like drift
[5:06] Speaker 3: around Griffith Park and look for a family having a
[5:10] Speaker 3: barbecue or a family reunion and just like either like, hey,
[5:15] Speaker 3: you guys, look like you're having fun, or just set
[5:17] Speaker 3: it on the table and and.
[5:19] Speaker 2: Walk off into the sunset, just drifting from a picnic
[5:23] Speaker 2: blanket to picnic blanket. Can I that's not a bad idea.
[5:30] Speaker 2: The slaw phantom was here. I guess it'll kind of
[5:34] Speaker 2: pickle and then become like a kimchi or a what's
[5:38] Speaker 2: the German oh, sour kraw? Yeah sure, I guess that's
[5:43] Speaker 2: just kind of an old slaw ferment. Yeah, which I'm
[5:47] Speaker 2: willing to experiment with.
[5:49] Speaker 3: Yeah, I think, I mean, maybe you come back to
[5:51] Speaker 3: this fermented slaw. You have some you get a little
[5:53] Speaker 3: buzz from it.
[5:54] Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah. It's a good die of alcohol poisoning.
[6:00] Speaker 2: What a way to go, killed by his own slaw.
[6:03] Speaker 2: Have you ever made a slaw? Oh? Have I made
[6:06] Speaker 2: a slaw? No?
[6:08] Speaker 3: I have never, Like from scratch, I've like done a bag,
[6:12] Speaker 3: you know, kind of a pre mixed But I should
[6:16] Speaker 3: experiment with home slain.
[6:17] Speaker 2: What am I doing? You've got to get home with
[6:19] Speaker 2: your cabbage. The one thing I'll tell you is you
[6:22] Speaker 2: always have more cabbage than you could possibly imagine. Right,
[6:25] Speaker 2: one head of cabbage is I mean, it's buckets and
[6:28] Speaker 2: buckets full of slaugh. Sure, and it overshadows all the
[6:32] Speaker 2: other ingredients. It's hard to get ratios correct. Yeah.
[6:34] Speaker 3: I don't do a lot of like you know, entertaining,
[6:37] Speaker 3: and you know, usually i'm like, you know, cooking for
[6:40] Speaker 3: myself for one or two other people. So I think
[6:43] Speaker 3: I like big batches of stuff. I don't make a
[6:46] Speaker 3: lot just because you're right, it's gonna sit in the fridge, right,
[6:49] Speaker 3: I'm a good lesson here.
[6:51] Speaker 2: Sure. Yeah, there was no party planned. There was nothing.
[6:54] Speaker 2: This was post fourth of July, like it's July fifth.
[6:58] Speaker 2: Time to make something salad and hot dogs. Yeah, but
[7:04] Speaker 2: it's a nice little thing to snack on. What are
[7:06] Speaker 2: you snacking on around the house? Oh, snacking on around
[7:09] Speaker 2: the house? Love berries?
[7:11] Speaker 3: So you know, and you know there they're they're a
[7:15] Speaker 3: little pricey, but I'm worth it.
[7:16] Speaker 2: So I like to have nice like a plump blueberry. Yeah.
[7:21] Speaker 2: And I like that popcorn. What is it called?
[7:24] Speaker 3: It has a Buddha on the front, and it might
[7:26] Speaker 3: be problematic corn.
[7:28] Speaker 2: It is delicious lesser evil, lesser evil.
[7:32] Speaker 3: Yes, it's a nice I guess it's a you know,
[7:34] Speaker 3: advertised as a healthier option for just mindlessly putting something
[7:37] Speaker 3: in your mouth. I've never heard of this really tasty,
[7:40] Speaker 3: really delicious. I am a What I'm trying to do
[7:43] Speaker 3: here is to just to not buy chips.
[7:47] Speaker 2: Right. I love chips danger, I love ruffles.
[7:51] Speaker 3: You're give me all the chips, and I think, left
[7:55] Speaker 3: to my own devices, I would just sit in the
[7:57] Speaker 3: dark and eat chips and not do anything or to anyone.
[8:01] Speaker 3: So I'm trying to find kind of a crunchy salty substitute,
[8:05] Speaker 3: and and those kinds of like popcorn, popcorny air popped right.
[8:12] Speaker 2: Canola oil? What are the good oils? It's no one,
[8:16] Speaker 2: no one on earth can give you the correct information
[8:19] Speaker 2: on what oil is good. What is the avocado cocon nut?
[8:22] Speaker 2: I don't know. Olive seed help me? Their oils galore.
[8:28] Speaker 2: I think olive oil is probably the one you can
[8:30] Speaker 2: count on. Yeah, it seems to be. I could be wrong,
[8:34] Speaker 2: but I feel like there's new oil danger all the time. Right,
[8:37] Speaker 2: We've got a nice oils. We got all these milks.
[8:41] Speaker 3: Sorry, I feel like I'm about to do like a
[8:43] Speaker 3: tim Alan routine.
[8:45] Speaker 2: These kids. I mean, when I grew up, it was
[8:47] Speaker 2: we always only motor oil. That has to be a
[8:52] Speaker 2: joke in one of his television shows. That's that's been made.
[8:56] Speaker 3: Yes, there's season six of Last Man Standing has a
[9:00] Speaker 3: Now Dad, we have to use coconut oil?
[9:03] Speaker 2: That would use them anyway? O to melon dies in
[9:07] Speaker 2: the show you ate motor oil. He finally took being
[9:12] Speaker 2: the Last Man Standing too far?
[9:14] Speaker 1: Right?
[9:14] Speaker 2: Yes? And yeah oils? How if we? Oh? Yeah, the popcorn.
[9:22] Speaker 2: I do love a chip, but I really I can't
[9:25] Speaker 2: have chips around the house. Yeah, it's hard for me
[9:27] Speaker 2: to because you know, you just eat, eat, eat, eat eat.
[9:31] Speaker 3: Yeah, if I remember my lore correctly. You're also also
[9:34] Speaker 3: kind of.
[9:34] Speaker 2: A cookie guy. I love a cookie. Yeah, me too,
[9:37] Speaker 2: me too? Are you making cookies or buying?
[9:39] Speaker 3: I usually buy my cookies, but I'll make a cookie
[9:42] Speaker 3: every now and then, and it's a lot of fun.
[9:44] Speaker 2: Oh that's a nice healthy mix. Yeah.
[9:45] Speaker 3: Yeah, but I'm really susceptible to the like if you're
[9:49] Speaker 3: getting something delivered on one of the delivery apps, they'll
[9:52] Speaker 3: ask you if you want to throw in a cookie?
[9:54] Speaker 2: I usually throw in the why not bring the cookie with? Right?
[9:58] Speaker 2: There was on the delivery apps. I don't know if
[9:59] Speaker 2: you ever saw this, but Mariah Carey had cookies on
[10:01] Speaker 2: the delivery app. Yes I did. I never got one
[10:04] Speaker 2: of them, did you? You have very fortunate My friend
[10:09] Speaker 2: ordered a batch with our dinner and possibly the worst,
[10:14] Speaker 2: I mean, probably top five worst foods I've ever eaten, Really,
[10:17] Speaker 2: the Mariah Carey cookie. Mariah, you know, maybe she doesn't
[10:21] Speaker 2: have the baking touch. I'm sure she was heavily involved. Sure,
[10:25] Speaker 2: I'm sure she's at the ovens doing all of it.
[10:28] Speaker 2: And they were sub I don't even know if it
[10:34] Speaker 2: was just barely edible. I don't think I made my
[10:37] Speaker 2: way through an entire cookie.
[10:38] Speaker 3: I'd be interested to hear about like one of the
[10:40] Speaker 3: most successful celebrity foods. There's not many.
[10:44] Speaker 2: I think maybe the Paul Newman salad dressing.
[10:47] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think makes a good Caesar makes a
[10:49] Speaker 3: great blue cheese Paul Newman rip to a blue cheese king.
[10:54] Speaker 3: I find that I usually like celebrity boozes. Celebrity boozes
[10:59] Speaker 3: are usually seeing good.
[11:01] Speaker 2: I wonder why that is, you know, I here's I think.
[11:05] Speaker 3: I think I'm stealing this theory from the great Nick
[11:08] Speaker 3: Wiger of The dough Boys. Of course, we did a
[11:10] Speaker 3: celebrity booze taste test not too long ago, and I
[11:12] Speaker 3: think it's it's simply because they're mid shelf. Oh interesting,
[11:17] Speaker 3: And maybe if you are a well spirit drinker, you're
[11:23] Speaker 3: just not used to the mid shelf and you're like
[11:25] Speaker 3: this is pretty good.
[11:26] Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, it's it's better than the well.
[11:28] Speaker 3: So I think that maybe if you were a more
[11:30] Speaker 3: discerning booze guy, which I am not, you would you know,
[11:33] Speaker 3: taste the flaws in.
[11:35] Speaker 2: The Rocks tequila. But does the Rock have one? The
[11:39] Speaker 2: Rock has a tequila? Yes, yeah, yeah, the Rock. George Clooney,
[11:45] Speaker 2: who else wins? What?
[11:48] Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm Mulholland's spirits. Wow, Yeah, they're pretty good.
[11:53] Speaker 2: That one. You're almost buying. I mean, like the normal
[11:55] Speaker 2: consumer is just buying because it's like, well, Goggin's God blessed,
[11:59] Speaker 2: but I don't think he has the name power to
[12:00] Speaker 2: be moving right, beloved, beloved that guy from that thing? Wow? Yeah?
[12:08] Speaker 2: Who else?
[12:08] Speaker 3: It's like m Emmett Walsh having, you know, having a
[12:12] Speaker 3: line of face creams. Oh yeah, that guy creating all
[12:16] Speaker 3: those Coen Brothers movies.
[12:19] Speaker 2: Yeah. And then of course uh uh Coppola Coppola wines. Yes,
[12:23] Speaker 2: I had a little coopol of wine not too long?
[12:25] Speaker 2: How was that? It was really tasty? Yeah? And does
[12:27] Speaker 2: he have any controlling stake in the business now that
[12:29] Speaker 2: he's made that movie with all the money?
[12:31] Speaker 3: Oh right, Megaopolis Mega maybe the Yeah, maybe the wine
[12:34] Speaker 3: is out of his hands. He needed it to fund
[12:36] Speaker 3: his weird it's steampunk movie that I can't fucking wait
[12:41] Speaker 3: to see.
[12:42] Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so excited. Sounds insane. Mega sounds like a
[12:45] Speaker 2: level and sonic doesn't it doesn't it?
[12:47] Speaker 3: That sounds like probably like level three of a song.
[12:49] Speaker 3: You have to find a giant robot crab at the end.
[12:52] Speaker 3: There might be a robot crab in this movie.
[12:54] Speaker 2: From what I understand, Adam Driver plays the crab and
[12:58] Speaker 2: then the movie, from what I understand, good and everything.
[13:00] Speaker 2: They're going to have a live actor in every audience.
[13:03] Speaker 2: Have you heard this? I maybe have heard this, hinted
[13:06] Speaker 2: at Is that true? I've you know, I heard it,
[13:09] Speaker 2: and so I looked it up over and over trying
[13:11] Speaker 2: to confirm. And it seems like they're going through with
[13:12] Speaker 2: the plan. I can't wait. Yes, do it? Where are
[13:16] Speaker 2: they going to find these people? They mustn't. There's probably
[13:18] Speaker 2: a plan for like five screenings total.
[13:20] Speaker 3: But yeah, I'm sure this will be a limited release. Yeah,
[13:23] Speaker 3: I mean, I would love it if you ordered it
[13:25] Speaker 3: on demand. They sent somebody to your house. It's like
[13:27] Speaker 3: a improv guy shows up.
[13:30] Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know what it is. I guess he
[13:31] Speaker 2: interacts with the screen or something. Yeah, I mean I
[13:33] Speaker 2: guess you know, New York and LA.
[13:35] Speaker 3: Probably pretty easy to find, you know, to hire these
[13:38] Speaker 3: people to come in, right, maybe even get a name for.
[13:41] Speaker 2: A couple of screens to show up. Oh m yeah,
[13:45] Speaker 2: drunk on his own whiskey. Yeah, just you have a
[13:48] Speaker 2: belly full of Mulhoan spirits.
[13:50] Speaker 3: But yeah, you're, you know, screenings where there's not a
[13:54] Speaker 3: thriving entertainment industry.
[13:55] Speaker 2: I guess you're going to the community theaters, right, you're
[13:58] Speaker 2: asking the kid behind the counter, Oh, can you just
[14:00] Speaker 2: take a minute to yell at the screen for us?
[14:03] Speaker 3: Does the popcorn kid have to put on a top
[14:05] Speaker 3: hat and goggles and.
[14:07] Speaker 2: Be an airship captain or something? Yeah? I know that
[14:12] Speaker 2: about the movie. I know the Aubrey Plaza play someone
[14:14] Speaker 2: named like Platinum Seed or something. I don't know. It's bizarre.
[14:18] Speaker 2: I can't wait. And then I think Adam Driver controls time.
[14:21] Speaker 3: Yeah, and he does have a weirdo name too. It's
[14:23] Speaker 3: like Ultimate Futureman or something like that.
[14:27] Speaker 2: It's yeah, I'm really looking forward to I'm My fear though,
[14:32] Speaker 2: is that it's going to be boring. Yeah, I know, ultimately,
[14:35] Speaker 2: like where you think, oh, this is gonna be a
[14:36] Speaker 2: real fun time at an insane movie and then it's like, oh,
[14:38] Speaker 2: this is four hours long and INCOMPREHENSI I'm sure. Yeah,
[14:42] Speaker 2: but I'll go and see if somebody interrupts the I
[14:45] Speaker 2: mean they're kind of opening the door to anyone in
[14:47] Speaker 2: the audience getting up and yelling.
[14:49] Speaker 3: Right, yeah, I guess so if you are, Yeah, if
[14:52] Speaker 3: you are just like a psycho or someone who wants
[14:55] Speaker 3: to like go viral or something, right, you stand up
[14:58] Speaker 3: and just do your Megapolis.
[14:59] Speaker 2: Right, make your little announcements. Yeah. Interesting, Now I'm getting
[15:03] Speaker 2: some ideas. Some things are cooking in my head. This
[15:05] Speaker 2: could be my big moment at the just I have
[15:09] Speaker 2: a podcast. Yeah that's uh so that wine business, I
[15:16] Speaker 2: believe he sold almost all of his shares and oh
[15:19] Speaker 2: yeah the wine was tasty. I mean again, I'm not
[15:21] Speaker 2: a wine guy.
[15:21] Speaker 3: I am kind of just used to, you know, having
[15:24] Speaker 3: having the house red right whatever, Chicken palm.
[15:26] Speaker 2: But I I liked my I feel like there's a difference. Yeah,
[15:30] Speaker 2: I think so. I do think so.
[15:32] Speaker 3: I do think that that for whatever reason, I have
[15:36] Speaker 3: not had that Mariah Carey cookie experience with a celebrity.
[15:40] Speaker 2: Boost, Like what the fuck is this? Like I'm like, hey,
[15:42] Speaker 2: this is good. More celebrities need to get into the
[15:46] Speaker 2: their hands at cookies. I'd like to see other celebrities
[15:49] Speaker 2: try a cookie. Who would be the ultimate cookie celebrity.
[15:51] Speaker 2: He's Witherspoon. It probably Oh my god, job, that's such
[15:54] Speaker 2: a good idea. Yeah, I feel like she has like
[15:58] Speaker 2: just the level of taste and populist feel right, she'd
[16:02] Speaker 2: be able to make a cookie that's a crowd pleaser
[16:04] Speaker 2: and as well made. Sure, because like if you'd ask
[16:06] Speaker 2: a Gwyneth.
[16:07] Speaker 3: Paltrow or it's gonna be garbage. Yeah, sure, it's gonna
[16:10] Speaker 3: be made with sand or something tastes like a pussy.
[16:15] Speaker 3: I don't know what is Gwyneth Paltrow cooking up over
[16:18] Speaker 3: there these days? Maybe both, Yes, sure, day at the beach. Yes,
[16:28] Speaker 3: she should.
[16:28] Speaker 2: Not be trusted with a dessert. No, no, no, no,
[16:31] Speaker 2: but Reese, I think we should do a nice job. Wow,
[16:33] Speaker 2: I mean Reese probably has something in the works already.
[16:36] Speaker 2: I feel like she has a team of people that
[16:38] Speaker 2: she's like, what am I doing? Now? We got the
[16:40] Speaker 2: book The Book Club? Yeah, because initially it was like
[16:45] Speaker 2: Reese Witherspoon is recommending books, This is ridiculous. And now
[16:48] Speaker 2: she's she like owns the publishing industry. Yeah, yeah, I know, fascinating.
[16:54] Speaker 3: I mean, I guess I would. I'm very quick to
[16:57] Speaker 3: buy her cookies that don't exist. So maybe I should
[17:00] Speaker 3: just start with the books that she already had.
[17:02] Speaker 2: I guess is she reading all of the books? That's
[17:04] Speaker 2: the big question. Wonder. I can't be reading all of them.
[17:07] Speaker 3: Maybe she has them summarized to her by a nice
[17:11] Speaker 3: you know, assistant or something like a team.
[17:13] Speaker 2: Of great readers. Right, I would like to think that
[17:16] Speaker 2: she's going through all these books, but she's got other
[17:18] Speaker 2: things going on. She's sure. I can't name any of them.
[17:21] Speaker 2: But no, I guess I have not seen Reese Rutherspoon
[17:23] Speaker 2: on screen, and I guess she's in The Morning Show.
[17:25] Speaker 2: Oh right, the Morning Show.
[17:27] Speaker 3: Yes, I watched a bit of that and then stopped
[17:28] Speaker 3: watching it, then didn't watch any more of it.
[17:32] Speaker 2: I have seen the scene where Steve Carell drives off
[17:36] Speaker 2: a cliff.
[17:38] Speaker 3: Right, Yes, he was like written off in a very
[17:41] Speaker 3: insane way, right.
[17:42] Speaker 2: Yeah, like a very old fashioned like, well, you don't
[17:43] Speaker 2: want to be part of this, We're gonna drive you
[17:45] Speaker 2: off a cliff.
[17:46] Speaker 3: Here's maybe when I stopped watching, if I could pinpoint,
[17:49] Speaker 3: it is sometime in the first season, and you know
[17:53] Speaker 3: the Reese Witherspoon is like a firebrand character.
[17:56] Speaker 2: Right, named like Devon or Sure Chris some something like that.
[18:01] Speaker 2: Brian is it Brian.
[18:03] Speaker 3: Bradley, brad Bradley, good old Bradley, Bryan Bradley, And she
[18:10] Speaker 3: like makes a impassioned speech at like a union rally,
[18:14] Speaker 3: and it goes viral. And I'm like, when does something
[18:18] Speaker 3: like that go viral? It's people fighting in a waffle
[18:22] Speaker 3: house parking lot. That's what goes viral. The worst of
[18:26] Speaker 3: speech at a union meeting. When was the last fucking
[18:29] Speaker 3: time that happens?
[18:30] Speaker 2: There would have to be three videos total available for
[18:33] Speaker 2: that to go viral. Yes, right, anytime in a TV
[18:37] Speaker 2: show something goes viral, I'm out. I'm like, this is stupid,
[18:41] Speaker 2: don't want to use it to make it current?
[18:43] Speaker 3: And I guess you got to move the plot somehow,
[18:45] Speaker 3: and it's easy. But I'm just like, well, that's the
[18:47] Speaker 3: exact problem. I mean, it's just an easy sure, And
[18:49] Speaker 3: then they go viral.
[18:51] Speaker 2: They go viral, and it's never something that would go viral.
[18:54] Speaker 2: If they go viral, issould just ruin the character's life.
[18:56] Speaker 2: That should be the only thing that should happen in
[18:58] Speaker 2: a TV show, right, It shouldn't lead to ear things.
[19:00] Speaker 2: This should just completely yeah, exactly.
[19:03] Speaker 3: And then they have to like, you know, appear on
[19:06] Speaker 3: stage at Comic Con as a joke and then like
[19:09] Speaker 3: just to get a little bit of ironic applause, and
[19:12] Speaker 3: like that's their life now.
[19:13] Speaker 2: It's a very have you ever read Nightmare Alley?
[19:16] Speaker 3: Oh, the basis of the the No, I've seen the movie,
[19:19] Speaker 3: but I well, you know how the movie ends.
[19:21] Speaker 2: That's a very Nightmare Alley type where you're like eating chicken,
[19:24] Speaker 2: live chickens to make people happy. Wow, how did we
[19:28] Speaker 2: get there? It's always withspoon, always leads to eating live birds. Uh, well,
[19:36] Speaker 2: I think there's something else we should talk about that
[19:39] Speaker 2: I would I don't know that I'd love to talk
[19:41] Speaker 2: about it, but I would like to just approach it.
[19:45] Speaker 2: I was excited to have you here on the podcast today.
[19:47] Speaker 2: I was excited to be asked. Naturally, I thought, Jordan's
[19:50] Speaker 2: so wonderful, sweet, funny, what could possibly go wrong? So
[19:55] Speaker 2: it was a little surprised. Why you know, there was
[19:57] Speaker 2: a knock at the door, and I kind of skimpered over, skimpered, scampered.
[20:03] Speaker 2: Skimpring's an interesting thing to do as well. I scampered
[20:06] Speaker 2: over a.
[20:07] Speaker 3: Slightly slower scamper. I did scamper. I skimpered.
[20:13] Speaker 2: Opened the door, and almost immediately you said I think
[20:16] Speaker 2: the first words you said were my gift is a disaster. Yeah, no, hello, nothing.
[20:21] Speaker 2: So you were owning the fact that you brought a
[20:23] Speaker 2: gift to I said, no gift, which I wasn't supposed
[20:24] Speaker 2: to do. We're not supposed to do. I was explicitly
[20:27] Speaker 2: told not to do. We all begged you not to begged.
[20:32] Speaker 2: Absolutely you did. The producing team did. Analie was on
[20:35] Speaker 2: the phone multiple times. Karen Kilgarriff called personally and said, Jordan,
[20:39] Speaker 2: please do this. Our network depends on it. Uh, and
[20:45] Speaker 2: so you know, you know, but fortunately it seems like
[20:48] Speaker 2: it blew up in your face almost immediately. It did. Yes,
[20:50] Speaker 2: So I mean I've I disobeyed you explicitly okay, and
[20:57] Speaker 2: was yeah and rightfully hoisted by my own petard. So uh,
[21:05] Speaker 2: what I.
[21:05] Speaker 3: What I wanted to do in my head was to
[21:08] Speaker 3: bring you a gift because you're such a gracious host
[21:10] Speaker 3: and my mother raised me right and no matter how
[21:12] Speaker 3: many now, I gonna thank you mother. Yes, it's all
[21:15] Speaker 3: the moms out there, you know. And I and despite
[21:19] Speaker 3: the fact I was told not to, I wanted to
[21:20] Speaker 3: thank you for having me. This is so wonderful to
[21:22] Speaker 3: be here, and you know we're recording this in the summertime.
[21:26] Speaker 3: I kind of thought I would I would put together
[21:29] Speaker 3: a fun chillen pool side package. I don't know how
[21:34] Speaker 3: much chillen pool side you're going to do this summer,
[21:36] Speaker 3: but I assumed.
[21:37] Speaker 2: Lots and hopefully more now with whatever you've brought.
[21:40] Speaker 3: Yeah, and so like, yeah, if you weren't already planning
[21:42] Speaker 3: on it, you know, I wanted to like coaxhoot a
[21:45] Speaker 3: chill pool side because it's such a wonderful.
[21:46] Speaker 2: Trying to draw me close to a body of water.
[21:49] Speaker 3: Right, notrefarious, but just for your enjoyment, because you work.
[21:54] Speaker 2: Hard and I want you to relax. Thank you so much.
[21:59] Speaker 3: The part of it that I think went right as
[22:01] Speaker 3: I've included a couple of books great for reading by
[22:04] Speaker 3: the pool. One is a collection of short stories from
[22:08] Speaker 3: a great bookshop I love.
[22:09] Speaker 2: Called want to open it yet it's the actually the case.
[22:13] Speaker 2: So we're starting with the things on track. This went fine? Okay,
[22:19] Speaker 2: so okay.
[22:20] Speaker 3: Oh, so you've got a collection of short stories by
[22:22] Speaker 3: Octavia Butler one of my shoes.
[22:24] Speaker 2: Incredible. I've only read one book, sow.
[22:30] Speaker 3: The I almost got that. I didn't because you've read it.
[22:34] Speaker 2: Although it's good to reread a book, it's sometimes it's
[22:37] Speaker 2: very important to you're at a different point in your life.
[22:39] Speaker 3: Maybe you get something different from I had not a
[22:42] Speaker 3: great indie book story in my neighborhood called Octavia's Bookshelf,
[22:45] Speaker 3: Oh yeah, which I really love. If you ever in Pasadena,
[22:47] Speaker 3: check them out and you can shop online there. They
[22:49] Speaker 3: have a wonderful curated section of books.
[22:51] Speaker 2: Where's that in Pasadena? It is? I think over there
[22:54] Speaker 2: on hill By. If you ever get coffee at Lavender
[22:57] Speaker 2: and Honey, oh that sounds nice. It is nice.
[23:00] Speaker 3: So that's a nice day, right there, grab your coffee, right,
[23:02] Speaker 3: I need to go over to Octavia's.
[23:03] Speaker 2: Does Octavia's bookshelf have any connection to Octavia Butler. It does.
[23:07] Speaker 3: I think the owner is like a giant fan, and
[23:09] Speaker 3: I think Octavia Butler is or is or was, I
[23:12] Speaker 3: don't know if she's alive, still is or was a
[23:15] Speaker 3: Pasadena residence. Oh so there's a connection there.
[23:18] Speaker 2: Okay, wonderful. I have never heard of this. I need
[23:20] Speaker 2: to go.
[23:20] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's great. And if if you're at It's
[23:22] Speaker 3: you're now in Pasadena, you can shop there online. They're
[23:24] Speaker 3: a great store to support.
[23:25] Speaker 2: But speak more to this book. So I actually haven't
[23:28] Speaker 2: read it.
[23:28] Speaker 3: I was about to grab parable they were out, so
[23:33] Speaker 3: I'm like, well this I love a short story collection.
[23:35] Speaker 2: So nice. Maybe I'll see if Bridger enjoys this, and
[23:39] Speaker 2: if he does, maybe I'll call you and ask you
[23:41] Speaker 2: to buy it from Yeah, Jordan, I simply can't buy
[23:43] Speaker 2: myself a book. Sure, So that's that.
[23:46] Speaker 3: And then also in there you have a you have
[23:48] Speaker 3: a copy of my new graphic novel youth group of course,
[23:53] Speaker 3: artist Bowen mcgirty. It's a ya horror comedy youth group.
[23:57] Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if you're a comic sky
[23:59] Speaker 2: or a graphic no casual, very casual. Yes, But when
[24:03] Speaker 2: I enjoy them. I really enjoyed them. Yeah, I have
[24:06] Speaker 2: one sitting on my night stand. That's about It has
[24:10] Speaker 2: something to do with PTSD. Okay, what is it? Oh gosh, man,
[24:16] Speaker 2: it's oh god, I wish I could remember. It's so great.
[24:18] Speaker 2: I might have to go get it to recommend it
[24:20] Speaker 2: to people. But it's a yeah. When you read them there,
[24:22] Speaker 2: it's just such a lovely experience. Yeah.
[24:24] Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm a big comics guy, and I think our
[24:27] Speaker 3: book will appeal to comics folks, but also to the
[24:30] Speaker 3: occasional comics reader. You don't need any previous knowledge. It's
[24:35] Speaker 3: a self contained story.
[24:36] Speaker 2: And does this have anything to do with like a
[24:37] Speaker 2: church youth group? It does.
[24:39] Speaker 3: It is about a bunch of teenagers who are in
[24:41] Speaker 3: a goofy Bible study group. I was in one as
[24:44] Speaker 3: a child. You sing the parody songs. The youth pastor
[24:47] Speaker 3: sits backwards on the chair. He's got some tattoo sleeves.
[24:50] Speaker 2: What church was this affiliated with?
[24:52] Speaker 3: This was a like evangelical okay, wow, and so yeah
[24:57] Speaker 3: are And it was in southern California, so like sure
[25:00] Speaker 3: had a surfboard in.
[25:01] Speaker 2: This truck, and he wore flip flops and you know,
[25:05] Speaker 2: kind of cover up any sort of horrible yeah, biggest opinions, right, yes,
[25:12] Speaker 2: any horrible beliefs. You're like, ah, this guy he likes
[25:17] Speaker 2: to kill a gay person.
[25:18] Speaker 3: Sure, yes, So these are these are some kids who
[25:22] Speaker 3: are in a goofy Bible study group and they have
[25:24] Speaker 3: to do exorcisms. So it's a little horror comedy. Oh,
[25:28] Speaker 3: kind of set in that weirdo little world.
[25:30] Speaker 2: That's fantastic. So it's a little bit of I mean
[25:33] Speaker 2: The Exorcist, it's a little bit of uh maybe Scott Pilgrim.
[25:37] Speaker 3: Yeah, Scott Pilgrim is actually a good a good analogy.
[25:39] Speaker 3: It's kind of a yeah, it's kind of you know,
[25:42] Speaker 3: coming of age stuff, but also some genre stuff. So yeah,
[25:45] Speaker 3: I think if you're a Scott Pilgrim fan, I think
[25:47] Speaker 3: if you know Seanathan Dead a good.
[25:49] Speaker 2: Oh it's a good parallel. Is this your uh is
[25:52] Speaker 2: this your first graphic novel, second graphic novel?
[25:56] Speaker 3: So yeah, my first ya graphic novel, and I'll shut
[25:58] Speaker 3: out the artist Bowen mcgurty is a great, beautiful art.
[26:01] Speaker 2: Yeah, the artist gorgeous. They have a great series.
[26:03] Speaker 3: Called Specter Inspectors that they do another fun YA horror
[26:06] Speaker 3: comedy thing, and I was very lucky to work with them.
[26:09] Speaker 2: Oh that's really terrific. Have you ever written any uh, like,
[26:12] Speaker 2: what is a graphic novel that's essentially a comic book? Sure?
[26:16] Speaker 3: Yeah maybe maybe In the biz they call them floppies.
[26:20] Speaker 2: Floppies comics are the floppies floppies.
[26:23] Speaker 3: So yeah, I have written some stories for Archie. Oh okay,
[26:27] Speaker 3: Archie Comics. They do a line called Chilling Adventures where
[26:30] Speaker 3: it's the Archie Gang in horror scenarios. Oh so, I
[26:35] Speaker 3: don't know what it is.
[26:36] Speaker 2: People love seeing those little fuckers get killed, just so. Yeah,
[26:39] Speaker 2: they like to see them in any type of thing. Yeah, sure,
[26:42] Speaker 2: like Riverdale is like what Yeah.
[26:44] Speaker 3: It's like now they fight a cult and now they
[26:47] Speaker 3: have superpowers.
[26:48] Speaker 2: Why are people so hooked on those characters?
[26:50] Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean they've endured. I guess it's just a univeral.
[26:54] Speaker 2: I never knew of anyone that had read one of those.
[26:56] Speaker 2: Well funny, you know, I grew up with them.
[26:58] Speaker 3: My mom loved Archie, and I think it's something that like,
[27:01] Speaker 3: as a kid, they used to sell them in the grocery.
[27:04] Speaker 2: Yeah, that's my memory of like, oh, there's a thing
[27:06] Speaker 2: that looks almost appealing, but I don't want it, right,
[27:09] Speaker 2: and you would just get it.
[27:10] Speaker 3: I would get them if I was good in the
[27:11] Speaker 3: grocery store. Here you go, this is here, this is
[27:14] Speaker 3: this thing. Cost two bucks here, don't throw a fit.
[27:17] Speaker 3: So I think just like through being easy to get
[27:20] Speaker 3: and kind of being cheap, they just kind of like
[27:21] Speaker 3: wormed their way into a lot of people's homes, right, Yeah.
[27:24] Speaker 3: And I think they've done a lot of fun, cool
[27:26] Speaker 3: stuff with Archie over the years and kind of updated
[27:29] Speaker 3: it and made it a little more modern and relevant
[27:31] Speaker 3: and not just kind of like goofy one liners. So yeah,
[27:34] Speaker 3: they were lovely to work with, the Archie folks. But
[27:36] Speaker 3: that's the only like floppy comic Eve had.
[27:38] Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah, yeah. The thing in the grocery store
[27:41] Speaker 2: aisle that I always wanted was those little horoscopes that
[27:43] Speaker 2: were rolled up like cigarettes.
[27:45] Speaker 3: As a youth group kid, I bought one of those
[27:48] Speaker 3: once and brought it to youth group and was was
[27:52] Speaker 3: taken to task.
[27:53] Speaker 2: I can only supporting the devil witchcraft. Of course, a
[27:57] Speaker 2: star reader, how dare you look to the stars for advice?
[28:03] Speaker 2: It's all right here, I'm pointing at a Bible. I
[28:06] Speaker 2: should mention in this story.
[28:09] Speaker 3: Yeah, I remember getting raped over the calls for getting
[28:11] Speaker 3: one of those little.
[28:12] Speaker 2: Story Yeah, those like that whole category wigia boards. All
[28:15] Speaker 2: of that was very within Mormonism, very I remember with
[28:19] Speaker 2: my fifth grade class in a public school, our teacher
[28:22] Speaker 2: like turned off the license, like we have to talk
[28:23] Speaker 2: about something. Starts like telling us we can't use wija boards,
[28:27] Speaker 2: we can't do like horoscopes or anything. It's all the
[28:29] Speaker 2: devil's work.
[28:30] Speaker 3: Yeah, wild, Yeah, I know. I still like your battles religion.
[28:36] Speaker 2: Come on, this is fun.
[28:38] Speaker 3: Yeah, they're starving people. Jesus is pretty clear about that.
[28:43] Speaker 3: Do something about that that's in there.
[28:47] Speaker 2: Let's focus our energies. But yeah, did they do away
[28:51] Speaker 2: with those little horoscope rolls?
[28:53] Speaker 3: God, I have not clocked one of those in a while,
[28:55] Speaker 3: but now I will the next time I'm at the
[28:56] Speaker 3: old Stater Brothers, I'm gonna look.
[28:59] Speaker 2: Yeah, it looked just did you unroll them? You unrolled them.
[29:02] Speaker 2: There was a fun scroll style element to it, so yeah, wow,
[29:05] Speaker 2: yeah they did it because they looked like a cigarette.
[29:07] Speaker 2: They did seem kind of out of bounds, off limits, right,
[29:10] Speaker 2: there's a little bit of a naughty miss to them.
[29:14] Speaker 3: I guess for me explicitly because I was yelled at
[29:16] Speaker 3: for having one?
[29:18] Speaker 2: How did that unfold? You walked in and said, who
[29:20] Speaker 2: wants their horoscope? Or any geminis in the house? Any
[29:23] Speaker 2: messy geminis at church today? I forget. I think I
[29:27] Speaker 2: just had.
[29:28] Speaker 3: I think I just you know, I would think I'm
[29:30] Speaker 3: a fidgetter. I was a fidgety kid. I'm still a
[29:33] Speaker 3: fidgety adult. So I think I always just had little
[29:35] Speaker 3: things in my pockets that I would have with me
[29:38] Speaker 3: that I can mess with, and I think those were
[29:40] Speaker 3: like fun to mess with. So I think I just
[29:41] Speaker 3: had one and some authority figure clocked me messing with
[29:46] Speaker 3: it and yelled at me in front of everyone.
[29:49] Speaker 2: And did that fix the situation or did it make
[29:52] Speaker 2: you want to do more of that?
[29:53] Speaker 3: I think at the time, at the time that stuff
[29:57] Speaker 3: worked on me, I felt bad about it, you know,
[29:59] Speaker 3: And I think I I did feel like a dipshit
[30:02] Speaker 3: for looking to the.
[30:05] Speaker 2: Stars for whatever.
[30:08] Speaker 3: Yeah, and I know now that that was shitty for
[30:11] Speaker 3: that person to do. And again, you shouldn't you know,
[30:16] Speaker 3: you're trying to impart good values to kids.
[30:20] Speaker 2: Pick your battles right.
[30:21] Speaker 3: Well, But anyway, sure, that's a whole other thing. But
[30:25] Speaker 3: I think at the time I did feel pretty bad
[30:27] Speaker 3: about that stuff.
[30:27] Speaker 2: Have you ever used a wigea board? No, I don't
[30:30] Speaker 2: think I have used a Wigi board. I feel like
[30:32] Speaker 2: maybe like kind of homemade one I've used. Yeah, never,
[30:36] Speaker 2: I would love to use an official Milton Bradley me too,
[30:40] Speaker 2: bought off the toys shelf in the target or whatever.
[30:43] Speaker 2: That would be fun. I need to call upon some spirits.
[30:46] Speaker 2: Yeah right, I don't know how I've managed to avoid
[30:48] Speaker 2: those so long. They do kind of still scare me
[30:51] Speaker 2: me too.
[30:52] Speaker 3: Oh, totally. There's a little Wigi board horror series.
[30:56] Speaker 2: Oh the movies. Yes, yes, I think I've seen helicopter. Helicopter.
[31:01] Speaker 2: Oh that's a loud baby, very gorgeous tone right over
[31:07] Speaker 2: the house, so rich? Where are they headed? Okay? Well, uh, yeah,
[31:15] Speaker 2: there's the Luigi board movies. I believe I've seen one
[31:19] Speaker 2: or two.
[31:19] Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I've seen the first one, and I
[31:22] Speaker 3: remember it being pretty scary. And yeah, as a kid,
[31:23] Speaker 3: I think I would have been really scared to use
[31:25] Speaker 3: one of those, right, the religious gunk of course, but
[31:28] Speaker 3: then just a there's a general creepiness about them.
[31:30] Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I generally don't believe in any of that,
[31:33] Speaker 2: but I'm always like, there's a small chance I call
[31:36] Speaker 2: upon a demon. If I do that fuck everything up.
[31:40] Speaker 2: It'd also be very exciting. Again, another reason you might
[31:42] Speaker 2: have to move someone else has moved in the devil.
[31:50] Speaker 2: There's fucking demons. So white bread Satan's standing at the
[31:56] Speaker 2: fridge just eating handfuls of maos. Well, should we get
[32:02] Speaker 2: into this next bag here? Yeah, so here's the part
[32:05] Speaker 2: that went raw. Okay, so this is what I want
[32:07] Speaker 2: to know about.
[32:08] Speaker 3: You'll notice a half inflated is generous quarter inflated pineapple floaty.
[32:15] Speaker 3: I thought it'd be fun to bring you a pool toy,
[32:19] Speaker 3: you know, for chilling by the pool, chilling in the pool,
[32:22] Speaker 3: I guess, and you know, listen, I'm I'm a creative.
[32:26] Speaker 3: I know you got to be on social media, that's
[32:27] Speaker 3: the game. I thought it'd be fun.
[32:28] Speaker 2: For the photo. Of course, we hold up.
[32:31] Speaker 3: A giant inflatable pineapple. So a lot of things went
[32:35] Speaker 3: wrong with this one. Somebody let me know that it
[32:39] Speaker 3: is a symbol for swingers. Oh that's right, So I've
[32:44] Speaker 3: inadvertently perhaps made you a target for people in with
[32:48] Speaker 3: gray ponytails and wolf shirts to show.
[32:50] Speaker 2: Up assistant managers at PetSmart. Yeah.
[32:53] Speaker 3: And yet if that's if you're we love it. If
[32:56] Speaker 3: you're looking for that, great make me your target. You're not,
[32:58] Speaker 3: I'm sorry and open to the idea. Sure you're hope
[33:00] Speaker 3: you're not updight right?
[33:02] Speaker 2: You puts all over my house. So there's that.
[33:05] Speaker 3: And also I assumed I could blow this up with
[33:08] Speaker 3: my mouth like you would have died.
[33:11] Speaker 2: I I got the thing at Target.
[33:15] Speaker 3: I had a nice lunch at Mendocino Farms, fantastic, and
[33:19] Speaker 3: I'm like, I'll blow this up while I'm sitting here
[33:21] Speaker 3: at Mendo.
[33:21] Speaker 2: Put a mouthful of sandwich.
[33:23] Speaker 3: Put a mouthful of sandwich. I could this. There's no
[33:27] Speaker 3: way you could blow this thing up with a mouth.
[33:29] Speaker 2: The amount of air that would require you it require
[33:31] Speaker 2: So I don't know why I thought I could.
[33:33] Speaker 3: There's a I doesn't say anywhere on the box that
[33:36] Speaker 3: you can't use your mouth, And so I had a
[33:39] Speaker 3: little bit money boxes say that more boxes should can't
[33:44] Speaker 3: use your mouth, don't use your mouth, or go ahead
[33:47] Speaker 3: and use your mouth.
[33:48] Speaker 2: That's that would be wonderful to see how a box.
[33:51] Speaker 3: And so I drove over to the Big Five okay,
[33:54] Speaker 3: and I got a pump.
[33:56] Speaker 2: Your life is spinning out of control.
[33:58] Speaker 3: And this pump worked, but kind of. I was in
[34:02] Speaker 3: the parking lot of Big Five trying to blow this
[34:04] Speaker 3: up for a good twenty minutes, and I realized I
[34:08] Speaker 3: wasn't gonna get it blown up in time for the podcast.
[34:11] Speaker 2: So any watching this? Just this desperate man in the
[34:15] Speaker 2: Big five love.
[34:16] Speaker 3: And I had a real lovely piece of small talk
[34:18] Speaker 3: with the woman who checked me out at Big Five
[34:20] Speaker 3: and I'm just buying that and we're waiting for my
[34:23] Speaker 3: credit card to go through and she just feels like
[34:25] Speaker 3: she needs to make some small talk.
[34:26] Speaker 2: So she's like, so you're gonna pump something up? Yeah, No,
[34:31] Speaker 2: this is for my collection. Don't ask me what it's for.
[34:33] Speaker 2: I love how these look, right, I'm keeping it in
[34:37] Speaker 2: the box because I removed it from the box.
[34:38] Speaker 3: It's not this an investment, yes, thank you, it's like
[34:41] Speaker 3: a fun code.
[34:43] Speaker 2: Uh So I got about this full? Okay, pretty full.
[34:47] Speaker 3: You got the the fronds or the pineapples. Fronds are
[34:51] Speaker 3: nice and thick, but the rest of the pineapple is droopy.
[34:54] Speaker 2: And this is someone who's considering swinging. Yeah, that's right.
[34:57] Speaker 2: When you have the full fronds. It just got to
[34:59] Speaker 2: mee with their spouse, right, Maybe I will, maybe I'll
[35:03] Speaker 2: go on. I don't know what I like.
[35:04] Speaker 3: Yeah, we're all on a journey. We're all on a journey,
[35:08] Speaker 3: and we're figuring it out. So I've included the pump.
[35:11] Speaker 2: Okay, great, So this should we I mean, should we
[35:13] Speaker 2: pump it up here on the podcast? Don't hear how
[35:16] Speaker 2: long that would take? Do we have two and a
[35:17] Speaker 2: half hours? Take that long? I and I'm I don't
[35:20] Speaker 2: know if he knows how sweaty I am.
[35:22] Speaker 3: I'm soaked from trying to blow up this thing in
[35:24] Speaker 3: the Big five parking.
[35:27] Speaker 2: We should at least get a little bit of the
[35:28] Speaker 2: noise of it, don't you just do? Yeah, let's get
[35:30] Speaker 2: a little pumping. Git some pumping noise happening. Okay, Oh,
[35:35] Speaker 2: this is a This is a gorgeous pump. Thank you,
[35:37] Speaker 2: thank you. This looks like it. Let's see here.
[35:41] Speaker 3: It is a let me see the brand. This is
[35:42] Speaker 3: a high output air pump.
[35:44] Speaker 2: So this is quick too. But this is not a
[35:46] Speaker 2: an electric pump. No, this is my god, So this
[35:50] Speaker 2: is a dangerous I mean wow. Oh, and it's all
[35:53] Speaker 2: through the top. There's not another one on the trunk,
[35:56] Speaker 2: not that I can see.
[35:57] Speaker 3: So there are a couple of different heads you can
[35:59] Speaker 3: put on the pump, and I think this is.
[36:01] Speaker 2: The one that fits best in the nozzle. Shortan, I
[36:05] Speaker 2: feel like there has to be one in the trunk.
[36:07] Speaker 3: There might be that might be something that I've fucked up.
[36:10] Speaker 3: Is just relying on this one soul there is.
[36:14] Speaker 2: This is why you aren't able to do it. Maybe
[36:16] Speaker 2: this will go quicker. I'm an inflatable expert. Are you
[36:20] Speaker 2: do you like an inflatable poolside? I guess that was
[36:23] Speaker 2: so yeah, of course. Okay, here I'm going do you
[36:32] Speaker 2: mind if I get a video of you doing please?
[36:35] Speaker 2: This is what people need to see, somebody doing some
[36:39] Speaker 2: pumping of Oh no, we have a helicopter. This is
[36:43] Speaker 2: gonna go viral. This is what people love to see online,
[36:47] Speaker 2: A man's manly pumping a pineapple. Okay, I mean this
[36:53] Speaker 2: does I do want to try give it a share.
[36:55] Speaker 2: I want I want to I want to prove how
[36:59] Speaker 2: maybe you have better body, let's see. Yeah, very simple.
[37:10] Speaker 3: I was I thought it would be hilarious to bring
[37:12] Speaker 3: the pineapple. I was so committed to this.
[37:16] Speaker 1: Okay, this is enough. This is it's too much.
[37:19] Speaker 2: So this uh, this is such a large object that
[37:22] Speaker 2: you do you need to lay it, put it a
[37:25] Speaker 2: sided day to pump it.
[37:27] Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, maybe a long weekend long get right, because
[37:31] Speaker 3: it seems like you would want it for a long weekend,
[37:33] Speaker 3: but it takes a long weekend.
[37:34] Speaker 2: So it's like you do it on Memorial Day, right,
[37:38] Speaker 2: and then next Memorial Day nothing to make some progress
[37:41] Speaker 2: while you guys, let's do I want to see how
[37:43] Speaker 2: far I can get. Do you want to give it
[37:44] Speaker 2: a shot? Okay, on a least while we're talking, it's
[37:47] Speaker 2: going to do physical labor.
[37:49] Speaker 3: And it could be she has better upper body strength
[37:52] Speaker 3: than we do and.
[37:52] Speaker 2: At least kind of do a video of you. Okay,
[37:56] Speaker 2: I'm just gonna just see who's best at this. Oh wow, No,
[38:01] Speaker 2: this is a different holy this is using a different method,
[38:04] Speaker 2: which is oh so no, it has no this is
[38:08] Speaker 2: a horrible pump. The pieces come apart pretty easily.
[38:11] Speaker 3: That was another problem that I had with it, was
[38:14] Speaker 3: that the pieces kept coming apart.
[38:16] Speaker 2: This pump is like something that you would have in
[38:19] Speaker 2: a survival kit, like it's a last option. Just bring
[38:23] Speaker 2: out the physical pump. We're trying to get off the island.
[38:26] Speaker 3: And I think there are you know, electric pumps that
[38:30] Speaker 3: it'll probably you know.
[38:31] Speaker 2: Right pretty quick to buy an electric pump for just
[38:35] Speaker 2: who owns just an electric pump? Oh, now the mic
[38:38] Speaker 2: cord is tangled. This thing is causing all sorts of
[38:41] Speaker 2: problems for the podcast. And I guess if like.
[38:43] Speaker 3: You have a lifestyle that requires a lot of inflatables,
[38:48] Speaker 3: or if you have a lifestyle where you just need
[38:50] Speaker 3: to display a lot of pineapples to get the right
[38:52] Speaker 3: people to come to your house, maybe you want to
[38:55] Speaker 3: invest in that electric Right.
[38:57] Speaker 2: How do I get to a point when I have
[38:59] Speaker 2: a lot of inflatable in my life? Great?
[39:01] Speaker 3: I mean, I guess if you throw Vegas pool parties.
[39:05] Speaker 3: I own the hard Rock, If you own the hard
[39:07] Speaker 3: Rock Hotel and you know DJ pauly D is going
[39:12] Speaker 3: to be there over the weekend, you want to throw
[39:14] Speaker 3: some inflatables in the pool for his fans to mess around.
[39:17] Speaker 2: And at least is actually doing kind of a great
[39:19] Speaker 2: job with this. Yeah, but I mean even though they
[39:21] Speaker 2: are doing an incredible job, there's it's still taking a
[39:25] Speaker 2: very long time. Yeah, this is a this is a
[39:27] Speaker 2: large object on this is estimating five minutes and then
[39:32] Speaker 2: I'll be lying on it for the rest of the podcast.
[39:35] Speaker 2: Just kind of how luxurious. Now do you How often
[39:38] Speaker 2: are you swimming? So I am part of like an
[39:40] Speaker 2: adult swim team. Oh no, this I like to hear
[39:43] Speaker 2: about it. So I swim three or four times a week.
[39:45] Speaker 2: How did you get involved with this? So?
[39:46] Speaker 3: I swam in high school, okay, and kind of like
[39:49] Speaker 3: it left my life when I graduated right college, right,
[39:53] Speaker 3: and then I could feel the ravages of time. Yeah,
[39:57] Speaker 3: I wanted to lose a little weight. I had back
[39:59] Speaker 3: problems and and they will tell you the swim. The
[40:02] Speaker 3: swim folks will tell you that's the best thing you
[40:03] Speaker 3: can do for your back.
[40:04] Speaker 2: Incredible exercise, it is, it really is.
[40:06] Speaker 3: So I joined a master's program okay, the old do
[40:10] Speaker 3: you go aquatic facility and beautiful Burbank.
[40:12] Speaker 2: Okay, And we swim a couple times a week together.
[40:14] Speaker 3: And in one of the I was gonna say, one
[40:17] Speaker 3: of the slower lanes, the slowest tie.
[40:19] Speaker 2: Let's I'll call a spade of spade. But yeah, I
[40:21] Speaker 2: love it. It's great exercise and wonderful camaraderie, is it.
[40:25] Speaker 2: Do you have to have a certain level of skill
[40:27] Speaker 2: to join?
[40:28] Speaker 1: Yeah?
[40:28] Speaker 3: I think it does assume you know some like swim
[40:32] Speaker 3: terminology and you can swim kind of a certain very illugiant.
[40:36] Speaker 2: It is pretty. They've built the wall so I can't
[40:38] Speaker 2: climb over.
[40:39] Speaker 3: And you do need to subject a DNA test because
[40:42] Speaker 3: they want to know your background, your heritage, if from
[40:47] Speaker 3: if you have a Teutonic origin, you're a welcome now not.
[40:51] Speaker 2: But yeah, I think it kind of assumes that you've
[40:53] Speaker 2: done some right, you have some level of Yeah, you're
[40:56] Speaker 2: not me just dog paddling, right, are you? Do you
[40:58] Speaker 2: like to swim when? But I don't. I also just
[41:02] Speaker 2: want to mention I love how much sound has happened,
[41:05] Speaker 2: never birds. There is this inflatable. It's incredible. Is almost
[41:09] Speaker 2: done with this? Yeah, I'm gonna capture the final moment,
[41:13] Speaker 2: please do Yeah, the final pumps. Look at this outstanding work.
[41:21] Speaker 2: The two of us couldn't do this in a decade
[41:24] Speaker 2: and with minutes. Look at that. Now we can all
[41:33] Speaker 2: begin swinging. Yes, finally, I'll put this on the roof
[41:37] Speaker 2: right after.
[41:39] Speaker 3: It really is a nice you know, not to compliment
[41:42] Speaker 3: my own gift, but it's a nice looking.
[41:43] Speaker 2: It's a really good looking inflatable. I feel like there
[41:46] Speaker 2: are a few, like there's the unicorn. We're doncing that
[41:49] Speaker 2: on social light. Pizza again, all right, we get it.
[41:54] Speaker 2: You like pizza. You like to tell people you like pizza. Yes,
[41:57] Speaker 2: you've made it a personality. But no. I took swim lessons. Yeah,
[42:04] Speaker 2: but really like I can kind of swim. I can do.
[42:07] Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know any of the words arms
[42:10] Speaker 2: going forward on my back like you talked the top,
[42:14] Speaker 2: all right, I mean arms, sure, but I do love
[42:19] Speaker 2: doing it. In my old apartment, they had kind of
[42:22] Speaker 2: the swimming pool that was essentially in the parking garage,
[42:25] Speaker 2: kind of a dungeon. Oh interesting, which that held some
[42:29] Speaker 2: appeal I guess where it kind of felt like you
[42:31] Speaker 2: were in the sewer and I was I think the
[42:32] Speaker 2: only person in the entire building who used it. And
[42:34] Speaker 2: it was so nice to wake up and go swim
[42:37] Speaker 2: in the parking lotch in the parking garage. Exercise down
[42:41] Speaker 2: there too. Oh yeah, okay, that's the only thing keeping
[42:43] Speaker 2: it from the cars was like a you know, like bars.
[42:46] Speaker 2: It was a very appealing swimming pool. I think there
[42:49] Speaker 2: are a lot of those in LA where they're like,
[42:50] Speaker 2: it's got a pool. It just happens to be in
[42:53] Speaker 2: a parking garage.
[42:54] Speaker 3: Right, and so they can put it on the apartment
[42:56] Speaker 3: listing and it's nothing you would.
[42:57] Speaker 2: Ever used with any regular exactly.
[42:59] Speaker 3: I was in one of those apartment buildings once that
[43:02] Speaker 3: had the pool kind of like in the center, huh,
[43:04] Speaker 3: and like the idea of swimming in it was so
[43:07] Speaker 3: unappealing just because people could look out their windows.
[43:09] Speaker 2: Opticon. Yeah, the swimming pop to her anally's fucking great.
[43:16] Speaker 2: It looks gorgeous as it really does. Wow, it's really
[43:20] Speaker 2: an outstanding No. But yeah, the one in the middle.
[43:22] Speaker 2: I don't want anyone from above looking at you know,
[43:25] Speaker 2: if you're in the pool of Okay, fair game. We're
[43:28] Speaker 2: all using this facility, this thing, but to be looking
[43:31] Speaker 2: down on me, you know, spying, maybe taking pictures criticizing
[43:36] Speaker 2: the way I swim, right, critiquing your stroke. No, I
[43:39] Speaker 2: don't need any of that. Sure, no, thank you.
[43:41] Speaker 3: You have to stay long in the water bridge, or
[43:43] Speaker 3: you have to it's all about form.
[43:44] Speaker 2: Stay long, cut your hands, cup your hands. You don't
[43:47] Speaker 2: want to hear that. Being young, you assume they are
[43:49] Speaker 2: adult swimming lessons. There are, yeah, I think there are.
[43:51] Speaker 3: I think you go to any you know, public pool
[43:53] Speaker 3: and there will be someone there I should teaching you.
[43:56] Speaker 2: Okay, honestly, wow, Anally's pose with your work. Take your
[44:01] Speaker 2: picture here. This is amazing. No, this is the perfect,
[44:08] Speaker 2: incredible Okay, great, No, I.
[44:10] Speaker 3: Don't have uptight ideas about what constitutes a marriage.
[44:17] Speaker 2: My greatest memory from swimming was I was in boy
[44:19] Speaker 2: Scouts and we had to get a swimming merit badge.
[44:22] Speaker 2: I think it was a swimming wear badge or something,
[44:24] Speaker 2: and they made us swim fully clothed. Really yes, So
[44:28] Speaker 2: I was being like weird flannel jeans, everything, and it
[44:32] Speaker 2: sinks you so quickly. Yeah, it's like if you fell
[44:35] Speaker 2: in you would know again. I will say it felt
[44:38] Speaker 2: very cinematic, okay, I mean nothing feels more dramatic than
[44:42] Speaker 2: being in a pool swimming from end to end in
[44:45] Speaker 2: your flannel. That would make a good movie. Now that
[44:47] Speaker 2: you say I can, sounds like this is my pitch.
[44:50] Speaker 2: It's someone in flannel swimming. That's that's at least four movie.
[44:53] Speaker 3: So that could be a fun prid for mister Tim Allen. Oh,
[44:56] Speaker 3: I'm you not getting me in a speedo, him in
[45:00] Speaker 3: my dungaree like a real man, fully color man swims
[45:04] Speaker 3: in his jeans in flannel.
[45:06] Speaker 2: Why is that my Tim Allen impression? It's a cave
[45:08] Speaker 2: man that feels right? Yeah, not enough grunting obviously. Whatever
[45:14] Speaker 2: happened to the sidekick from Home Improvement? Oh al Borlan
[45:18] Speaker 2: al Borland hosted Family Richard Richard kind love Richards, but yeah,
[45:25] Speaker 2: we might love this Richard too. I don't know Richard
[45:27] Speaker 2: Karan with Richard Karn. Interesting. We don't know what Richard
[45:31] Speaker 2: Karn's politics are. I have to assume he's better than
[45:35] Speaker 2: Tim Allen.
[45:36] Speaker 3: Yeah, not tough to be better than Tim Allen, but yes,
[45:40] Speaker 3: I would I would like to believe that good old
[45:43] Speaker 3: al Borland has his headst right.
[45:45] Speaker 2: We should get Richard on the podcast Richard reach Out
[45:48] Speaker 2: Richard Karn. I believe he was also selling garage doors
[45:51] Speaker 2: at one point. Okay, that sounds just kind of the
[45:53] Speaker 2: face of a garage door. It's a nice Yeah, there's
[45:55] Speaker 2: a nice one to one. Yeah, that made sense. I'm
[45:57] Speaker 2: a smart branding. I am such a.
[45:59] Speaker 3: Big Steve Harvey Family Feud fan, and it is my
[46:02] Speaker 3: favorite TV.
[46:04] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[46:04] Speaker 3: Nothing makes me laugh more than Steve Harvey mugging. And
[46:08] Speaker 3: maybe it's like a you know, when you become a
[46:10] Speaker 3: comedy professional. Sometimes it's a little bit hard to like
[46:13] Speaker 3: watch comedy. You pick it, you wonder why you didn't get.
[46:16] Speaker 2: That job, just blasting with envy, right, yes.
[46:20] Speaker 3: Exactly, But there's something just so primal about Steve Harvey
[46:25] Speaker 3: mugging it. I have a huge belly laughs every time
[46:29] Speaker 3: I watch Family Feud.
[46:30] Speaker 2: I've never seen a full episode of Family Feud. Oh
[46:32] Speaker 2: you must.
[46:33] Speaker 3: Celebrity Family Feud is coming back, so it'll be him
[46:36] Speaker 3: and celebrity teams, which is really fun.
[46:38] Speaker 2: Okay, I need to give how do you even access that?
[46:41] Speaker 2: Let's see.
[46:42] Speaker 3: So it is one of the few things that I
[46:44] Speaker 3: still just watch on broadcast ass TV channel nine, Channel nine,
[46:49] Speaker 3: So that'll come on several times in the evening, okay,
[46:52] Speaker 3: but the celebrity ones are on Hulu. Hulu, Okay, I
[46:55] Speaker 3: need to give it a one. Just culturally, I think
[46:57] Speaker 3: that I need to experience to I've seen Family Feud.
[46:59] Speaker 2: I think you should. I think you like it. I
[47:01] Speaker 2: feel like I'm out of the conversation. Everyone's talking about
[47:04] Speaker 2: the bear and the Family Feud. These are the things.
[47:07] Speaker 2: Have you seen House of the Dragon and Family Feud? Yeah?
[47:14] Speaker 2: So Richard carn hosted that than Steve Harvey, then Steve
[47:18] Speaker 2: I think was the line of succession next. I don't know.
[47:21] Speaker 3: No one take it over because I like it too much.
[47:24] Speaker 2: Like it is. I wonder how Richard carn was as
[47:26] Speaker 2: a host.
[47:27] Speaker 3: I bet probably not, is I bet more just kind
[47:30] Speaker 3: of a pleasant host and the less less less of
[47:33] Speaker 3: a comedy.
[47:34] Speaker 2: Perspective, right, more of like a dad presence, more of
[47:36] Speaker 2: a dad friendly neighborhood dad. And that's a good presence.
[47:39] Speaker 2: I like that. But you know, I I need I
[47:42] Speaker 2: need the I need the high energy Steve Harvey in
[47:45] Speaker 2: those suits and those purple.
[47:47] Speaker 3: Suits, looking at the camera like, can you believe what
[47:49] Speaker 3: she just said? Am I Where do I work?
[47:53] Speaker 2: Have you ever seen a live tape it? No, I
[47:55] Speaker 2: would love to. Oh my god, I think it's in Atlanta.
[47:58] Speaker 2: Oh it is.
[47:58] Speaker 3: Yeah, but if I ever travel to Atlanta, that would
[48:00] Speaker 3: be me. That's your number one. I might do it
[48:03] Speaker 3: just for that.
[48:04] Speaker 2: Wow. I thought I just assumed it was somewhere in
[48:06] Speaker 2: the valley. Yeah. No, you know, And it's interesting because
[48:09] Speaker 2: it is in the South. You know.
[48:11] Speaker 3: The answers on that show are all surveyed, and the
[48:15] Speaker 3: answers are kind of Southern. They are like there there's
[48:18] Speaker 3: a lot of church in them. There's a lot of like,
[48:21] Speaker 3: who's the worst person to see you with your pants down?
[48:24] Speaker 3: And it's always preachers number one.
[48:27] Speaker 2: So yeah, they're Wow, that's really probably shaping the national
[48:32] Speaker 2: conversation on a lot of things. The South is secretly
[48:35] Speaker 2: controlling the country through family feud, right, I know this
[48:39] Speaker 2: is the thing. Let's make some YouTube videos radicalized in people.
[48:45] Speaker 3: Our YouTube channel will be blowing up inflatables and explaining
[48:48] Speaker 3: how family feud controls politics.
[48:50] Speaker 2: Is there any like strategy to family feud or is
[48:53] Speaker 2: it just you're good at guessing?
[48:56] Speaker 3: I mean yeah, I think it's like and with family fue,
[49:00] Speaker 3: you know, you have eight answers or six answers or whatever,
[49:04] Speaker 3: and the top ones are always you could are pretty
[49:07] Speaker 3: easy to get. Who's the worst person to see with
[49:09] Speaker 3: your parents die? A preacher, your boss, your parents? And
[49:13] Speaker 3: then the last two are always just like there was
[49:15] Speaker 3: one psycho who said something weird, there was one psycho
[49:19] Speaker 3: who said like a horse, you know, and that's on
[49:23] Speaker 3: there because one person said it, right. I think it's
[49:26] Speaker 3: all just like can you find those or can you
[49:28] Speaker 3: play the game right to where that doesn't matter?
[49:29] Speaker 2: So I'm really excited to start this journey. I just
[49:32] Speaker 2: finished Tabitha's Salon Takeover, which was an incredible show three
[49:37] Speaker 2: seasons of an Australian woman taking over salons around the
[49:41] Speaker 2: country to try to turn them around. I love a
[49:43] Speaker 2: turnaround show. I was a bar rescue guy for a while,
[49:46] Speaker 2: then you would love Tabitha. Okay, she's going into these salons.
[49:49] Speaker 2: They're a mess. She's taking the keys, she's taking over,
[49:54] Speaker 2: and she's getting She's essentially just trolling the people in
[49:56] Speaker 2: the place, yelling at them, insulting them, trying to cause
[50:00] Speaker 2: fights through salons across America, and then remodeling and leaving
[50:05] Speaker 2: it to go out of business. Right.
[50:06] Speaker 3: Yeah, Usually those shows where you see the business makeover.
[50:09] Speaker 3: If you google the business while you're watching, it has
[50:12] Speaker 3: already closed.
[50:14] Speaker 2: Yes, are you have you ever been to Capri Club
[50:17] Speaker 2: in Eagle Rock.
[50:18] Speaker 3: Yes, this is the kind of rum focus. They do
[50:22] Speaker 3: a lot of tropical hip fancy.
[50:24] Speaker 2: Yeah. It was on restaurant Yeah Rescue, so there's bar
[50:30] Speaker 2: rescue and then there's some other wine one. Yeah, one
[50:34] Speaker 2: of these. It was on that in like twenty eleven.
[50:36] Speaker 2: My gosh was owned by these kind of horrifying twins
[50:40] Speaker 2: who had no idea how to make Italian food. It
[50:42] Speaker 2: was looks so revolting, and it got completely made over
[50:46] Speaker 2: in the most twenty eleven thing where you can imagine,
[50:49] Speaker 2: and then obviously went out of business and is now
[50:53] Speaker 2: still the same emails. Yes, and it's very popular. Huh,
[50:56] Speaker 2: But to know what it is now and go watch
[51:00] Speaker 2: that episode of the show, Alisa, could you tell us
[51:03] Speaker 2: what that show was called? I mean, it could be
[51:06] Speaker 2: Kitchen Nightmares. It's Kitchen Nightmares. The Twins. Yes, the twins
[51:10] Speaker 2: are very scary and they make some very twins are
[51:13] Speaker 2: sorry if that's not Popp named Jeff and Jim. By
[51:18] Speaker 2: the way, Jeff and Jim twins are not scary. Take
[51:23] Speaker 2: that back. Are you a twin? No? But I just
[51:27] Speaker 2: I love them. I feel like there's this this conversation
[51:30] Speaker 2: started up about five years ago where people started saying
[51:32] Speaker 2: twins were scary only that like is that like I
[51:35] Speaker 2: hate the word moist kind of thing. Okay, I'm sorry
[51:38] Speaker 2: I wandered into that trap. Gosh, I feel like I
[51:40] Speaker 2: have original, but I appreciate you owning. Yes, I think,
[51:44] Speaker 2: I mean, obviously in the shining.
[51:46] Speaker 3: Right, maybe that's the twins were intentionally scary for some reason.
[51:50] Speaker 2: But I don't think they're smooth. Yeah, when was the
[51:54] Speaker 2: last time I interacted with him in person? That's right?
[51:56] Speaker 2: Maybe I am.
[51:57] Speaker 3: And at the same time, you know it's you know,
[51:59] Speaker 3: you have a friend there and they're coming after me.
[52:01] Speaker 3: Sure they're popping up in your bedroom and you didn't
[52:05] Speaker 3: know they were in the house.
[52:06] Speaker 2: I take it back, they're terrified. We need to eliminate
[52:09] Speaker 2: all twins. It's interesting that twins are either they've media
[52:14] Speaker 2: has either called them sexy or scary. You can't just
[52:17] Speaker 2: be a normal twin.
[52:18] Speaker 3: Yeah, right, because there was that time in media when
[52:21] Speaker 3: you know, the ultimate bait was a twin, and then yes,
[52:26] Speaker 3: and of course the viral and twins.
[52:28] Speaker 2: Yes, exactly. Yeah, it's like twins in a corvette.
[52:33] Speaker 3: I'm the horniest guy in nineteen eighty nine.
[52:38] Speaker 2: Twin representation has been very bad, Yeah, very very bad.
[52:42] Speaker 3: Either over sexualized or you turned into a ghost monster.
[52:45] Speaker 2: These poor people. And then the unattainable billionaires of the
[52:48] Speaker 2: Ulsen Twins. Yes, of course they're really doing the twin thing, right,
[52:52] Speaker 2: smoking their way out of twindom. Yeah, well, I think
[52:55] Speaker 2: we should play a game. I would love to play
[52:56] Speaker 2: a game. Oh my gosh, we're gonna we haven't played
[52:59] Speaker 2: this in a minute. Were gonna play Gaster? I need
[53:01] Speaker 2: a number between one and ten from you? Uh seven, Okay,
[53:04] Speaker 2: I have to do some like calculating in order to
[53:05] Speaker 2: get our game pieces. You can recommend, promote, do whatever
[53:09] Speaker 2: you want. I'll be right back.
[53:10] Speaker 3: Oh sure, I'll give a one more plug form my
[53:12] Speaker 3: graphic novel Youth Group should be in stores now, the
[53:16] Speaker 3: Ya horror comedy about teenage exorcists for fans of Buffy
[53:19] Speaker 3: the Vampire Slayer Sean of the Dead, art by the
[53:22] Speaker 3: Great Bowen mcgerty. You can get that Amazon, Barnes and Noble.
[53:26] Speaker 3: Better yet, your local indie bookstore. If they don't have
[53:29] Speaker 3: it on the shelf, ask them for Youth Group. They'll
[53:31] Speaker 3: order it up for you. I'm really proud of it.
[53:33] Speaker 3: I love how it turned out. It's a personal tale
[53:36] Speaker 3: in many ways, but it's fun and spooky. If you're
[53:39] Speaker 3: a youth group kit, I think you'll find some familiar
[53:41] Speaker 3: cringe if you weren't. It's a fun tale with a beginning, middle,
[53:44] Speaker 3: and an end that will delight comics readers and casuals alike.
[53:49] Speaker 2: Beautiful. Thank you, everybody go get at the proper length.
[53:52] Speaker 2: That felt right. Yeah, it was just enough information. I
[53:55] Speaker 2: was giving you time to do your calculations well, and
[53:57] Speaker 2: then I gave you a little more time. I like
[53:59] Speaker 2: there's a mutual respect within the promotional circle, of course.
[54:04] Speaker 2: Can I recommend anything, Oh, the Basement Jack's album Kish Cash.
[54:10] Speaker 2: If you haven't listened to that in a long time, ooh,
[54:13] Speaker 2: that's an underrated album. What a fun do. Are you
[54:16] Speaker 2: familiar with Basement Jacks? M Yeah, they were.
[54:18] Speaker 3: They were in my rotation in high school early college,
[54:22] Speaker 3: and I have not revisited them sometime.
[54:24] Speaker 2: I think this one's from two or three. I bet
[54:26] Speaker 2: that's a good year for them. Solid gold, pure gold
[54:29] Speaker 2: that are not in the car on the way home.
[54:31] Speaker 2: It's probably the best n SYNC side product. JC what's
[54:36] Speaker 2: his last name? Chase is on it. Really incredible. And
[54:41] Speaker 2: then you've got all kinds of people. I'm Susie, Sue.
[54:43] Speaker 2: Oh it's so good, really, Susie, Yeah, it's great. Okay,
[54:47] Speaker 2: this is how we play gift masks. Okay, I'm gonna
[54:50] Speaker 2: name three celebrities. I'm gonna name three things you can
[54:52] Speaker 2: give away gifts that you could give these celebrities. You're
[54:55] Speaker 2: gonna tell me which gift you would give which celebrity
[54:57] Speaker 2: and why? Fine love it? Okay. The three celebrities today
[55:00] Speaker 2: are number one, Tom Brady, get him out of those
[55:03] Speaker 2: stupid commercials, get him off my TV. Number two Billie Eilish,
[55:08] Speaker 2: number three Andy McDowell. Okay. The gifts you'll be giving
[55:12] Speaker 2: are an FBI raid, controlling share in the Ford Motor Company,
[55:18] Speaker 2: and sense of professionalism. Okay. Birds are screaming for Andy McDowell. Yeah,
[55:24] Speaker 2: they love her, so, I mean, but who does it?
[55:28] Speaker 2: Who does? I truly think she's kind of universally loved humans?
[55:31] Speaker 2: Birds please, those are her three main audiences. Sure, yeah,
[55:38] Speaker 2: that kind of makes sense actually.
[55:40] Speaker 3: So okay, FBI raid. I am aware that Tom Brady,
[55:46] Speaker 3: by a certain metric, is the most famous man in
[55:47] Speaker 3: the world.
[55:48] Speaker 2: I really know what his deal is. Maybe kind of
[55:53] Speaker 2: a secret.
[55:54] Speaker 3: Conservatives, let's say FBI raided Tom Brady just in.
[55:59] Speaker 2: Case, just find out what's going on.
[56:01] Speaker 3: Let's just be sure. Let's just all and if there's something,
[56:05] Speaker 3: it's good that we did it. And if there's not,
[56:07] Speaker 3: we have some peace of mind.
[56:08] Speaker 2: Can't be too careful.
[56:11] Speaker 3: Controlling stake in the Ford motor company. Gotta be Andy McDowell.
[56:14] Speaker 3: She has a sense of professionalism. I think we need
[56:17] Speaker 3: American industry now more than ever. I don't want to
[56:20] Speaker 3: put it in the hands of someone who's gonna treat
[56:22] Speaker 3: it flippantly or casually. I think Andy McDowell will take
[56:26] Speaker 3: it seriously and bring industry back to our nation.
[56:30] Speaker 2: I can see her behind the wheel of a Ford Taurus.
[56:33] Speaker 2: She brings the Taurus back. I'm sure I don't think
[56:35] Speaker 2: it's currently on the market. Yeah, feels, let's bring the Torus.
[56:38] Speaker 3: See a respectable everyone loves her star like Andy McDowell
[56:42] Speaker 3: behind the wheel.
[56:42] Speaker 2: Maybe I just consider a Turus from an X Car
[56:45] Speaker 2: trus Beaver and now, listen, I generally like Billie Eilish. Sure,
[56:51] Speaker 2: I you know, I know the hits and I know
[56:52] Speaker 2: you know, I like it when she shows up in
[56:54] Speaker 2: a fun outfit with her brother Phineas to an event, right,
[56:58] Speaker 2: And I yeah, generally have positive about Billie Eilish. Maybe i'll,
[57:02] Speaker 2: you know, just by process of elimination, I'll have to
[57:04] Speaker 2: give her the sense of professionalism. Not that I don't
[57:06] Speaker 2: think she is. She's accomplished so much at such a
[57:08] Speaker 2: young age, But I.
[57:10] Speaker 3: Mean maybe, you know, maybe by gifting her this, we
[57:14] Speaker 3: prevent her from like some sort of spin out, getting
[57:18] Speaker 3: out of.
[57:19] Speaker 2: The elders without enough respect, I think, right exactly, not
[57:25] Speaker 2: wearing a suit, not wearing yes, yeah, so let's let's
[57:30] Speaker 2: let's do that. Although I don't want it to seem
[57:31] Speaker 2: like a slide against Billy Eilish. I like, well, she
[57:33] Speaker 2: can just turn that into like her professional era. She's
[57:36] Speaker 2: wearing business attire, she's acting very professional. She's got a
[57:39] Speaker 2: pen and paper, a calculator. This is part of her
[57:42] Speaker 2: new esthetic. Has one glass of wine at dinner, but
[57:44] Speaker 2: not too you know, she's very buttoned up. Of course.
[57:50] Speaker 2: In bed by ten that's her. That's a good like
[57:57] Speaker 2: I think twenty years from now, like she's an aging
[57:59] Speaker 2: pop star. That's a good title for an out. Yeah,
[58:02] Speaker 2: she's got to put that in her back pocket and
[58:04] Speaker 2: watch a little dateline in bed No drink some tea
[58:07] Speaker 2: and then when she names it, you come out of
[58:09] Speaker 2: the woodwork and sue.
[58:10] Speaker 3: I will, oh, yes, me and my lawyers, we're gonna
[58:14] Speaker 3: sue an a or two Billy.
[58:16] Speaker 2: Old I be I'll be like eighty Okay. This is
[58:23] Speaker 2: the final segment of the podcast. I said no emails.
[58:26] Speaker 2: People write into I said, no gifts at gmail dot
[58:28] Speaker 2: com begging for answers. Just they need help. Would you
[58:32] Speaker 2: help me answer a listener question, Gosh, I would love to. Okay,
[58:35] Speaker 2: this is dear Bridger and Guest. I would love some
[58:37] Speaker 2: help with ideas to celebrate my friend's wedding. My friend
[58:42] Speaker 2: Kyla got married in France last year and I couldn't
[58:44] Speaker 2: be there. She is coming to visit the summer with
[58:47] Speaker 2: her new husband, and I want to do something to
[58:48] Speaker 2: congratulate them, but not create more luggage for them to
[58:52] Speaker 2: have to pack home by giving gifts. We live in
[58:56] Speaker 2: Washington State near Seattle, so the weather is perfect for
[58:59] Speaker 2: outdoor activity right now. She is very sporty, likes to hike, bike,
[59:03] Speaker 2: et cetera, and loves the sun and the beach. Oh,
[59:05] Speaker 2: this is interesting that it's on this episode. Hmm.
[59:08] Speaker 3: I know, I feel like we're is this this couple's
[59:11] Speaker 3: dating profile that about.
[59:13] Speaker 2: She likes gardening and cooking and is learning to make clothes.
[59:16] Speaker 2: I don't know too much about her husband yet, but
[59:18] Speaker 2: he has a cat and also likes outdoor things like
[59:20] Speaker 2: bike rides. She didn't want to do a big second
[59:23] Speaker 2: wedding party. So if you can help me come up
[59:26] Speaker 2: with some other way to let her know that I'm
[59:27] Speaker 2: so happy for her, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks
[59:30] Speaker 2: for all you do. That's from Emma. So okay, so
[59:35] Speaker 2: the first thing I'm seeing here is she's assuming that
[59:38] Speaker 2: at any point this person wanted to do a big
[59:40] Speaker 2: second wedding party. Okay, I don't think that Kyla ever
[59:43] Speaker 2: even mentioned that. I think that was Emma's idea. Yeah,
[59:45] Speaker 2: so Emma's throwing some blame at Kyla almost immediately. She
[59:48] Speaker 2: didn't want to have a party for her real family
[59:51] Speaker 2: here in the States. She's obviously bitter about that. Oh,
[59:54] Speaker 2: there's maybe a little bit of that there. Yeah, so
[59:56] Speaker 2: we're starting with kind of a bad attitude, and she
[1:00:00] Speaker 2: basically doesn't care about the new husband. Didn't look into
[1:00:03] Speaker 2: him at all.
[1:00:04] Speaker 3: She thinks he likes cash. Yes, I guess he probably
[1:00:08] Speaker 3: might like cats.
[1:00:09] Speaker 2: She knew it was a fifty to fifty and she's uh,
[1:00:12] Speaker 2: and that he likes bike rides. Okay, so that's a
[1:00:15] Speaker 2: real easy thing to assume about a Frenchman. So almost
[1:00:20] Speaker 2: he was having a bag at in the baskets of
[1:00:23] Speaker 2: the disgusting stereotype of French smoking. He's having affairs. Yeah,
[1:00:29] Speaker 2: we know, he's this mime that my friend has married
[1:00:33] Speaker 2: and she wants to give them something that she obviously
[1:00:36] Speaker 2: doesn't want to buy anything expensive. When she says she
[1:00:38] Speaker 2: doesn't want them to have to lug anything back, that's
[1:00:40] Speaker 2: code for I don't want to spend too much money
[1:00:43] Speaker 2: because I no longer care and they're a burrow. You've
[1:00:46] Speaker 2: read between the lines. Yeah, I really have here, So
[1:00:50] Speaker 2: what do you What do we say to Emma who
[1:00:53] Speaker 2: doesn't deserve Kayla as a friend? Right? Yes, I think that.
[1:00:56] Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, you could eject yourself from her life
[1:01:00] Speaker 2: a gift. I'm just for your own good. I will
[1:01:03] Speaker 2: be leaving. I won't be here when you get here.
[1:01:05] Speaker 2: I won't be here, Yes exactly.
[1:01:07] Speaker 3: I've rented you a nice airbnb and you can do
[1:01:09] Speaker 3: in it whatever you want to. I have changed my
[1:01:11] Speaker 3: number and I will get plastic surgery to alter my face.
[1:01:14] Speaker 2: You can never find me. Give her the address of
[1:01:17] Speaker 2: the Marriotte. There you go, that's where.
[1:01:20] Speaker 3: Get You're gifting her some bonvoy points for Marriott's Day. Yeah, no,
[1:01:27] Speaker 3: I mean you could. I mean again, themes of this episode,
[1:01:30] Speaker 3: you could.
[1:01:31] Speaker 2: This is a perfect gift, right, an inflatable thing to
[1:01:34] Speaker 2: take to France. I mean right, it's already packed for you.
[1:01:38] Speaker 2: There you go, you can. Yeah, so inflatable pineapple. If
[1:01:41] Speaker 2: you make it a pineapple, they might invite you into
[1:01:43] Speaker 2: their marriage, and wouldn't that be great?
[1:01:45] Speaker 3: And then maybe you would be less bitter because you're
[1:01:47] Speaker 3: a part of the marriage.
[1:01:49] Speaker 2: I'm sure part of her French profile is that all
[1:01:51] Speaker 2: French people are sexual deviance. Of course. Yeah, so yeah,
[1:01:55] Speaker 2: I mean she's.
[1:01:55] Speaker 3: Already preconceived notions of the French. Yeah, so see if
[1:01:59] Speaker 3: they are open to a little swinging, see if their
[1:02:02] Speaker 3: definition of marriage is traditional or open minded. But I
[1:02:06] Speaker 3: mean I think but also you just maybe plan a
[1:02:08] Speaker 3: nice hike, use all.
[1:02:10] Speaker 2: Trails, beautiful, all trails to get on all trails, download
[1:02:13] Speaker 2: the map, download or you go on to download the maps.
[1:02:16] Speaker 2: You don't know if there will be reception where Oh
[1:02:18] Speaker 2: I was recently victim of this. Oh boy, I'm sorry
[1:02:21] Speaker 2: sorry to hear that former guest of the show took
[1:02:23] Speaker 2: me on a hike, did not download the map. I
[1:02:26] Speaker 2: got so Sunbury. Did you survive barely? Wow? I truly
[1:02:29] Speaker 2: felt myself panicking. Okay, you're like, maybe he's the end,
[1:02:32] Speaker 2: just like, oh, the dangerous things do happen to people
[1:02:35] Speaker 2: that crossed my mind?
[1:02:36] Speaker 3: Download the maps, the maps, and then you give it.
[1:02:39] Speaker 3: You have a nice some nice memories. You get some photos,
[1:02:42] Speaker 3: and then maybe you know, a nice dinner somewhere where
[1:02:44] Speaker 3: there's like a photo booth. You get some photos. You
[1:02:46] Speaker 3: create these nice memories that they take with them always.
[1:02:49] Speaker 2: You have a photo of you, Kyla, this sweat drench frenchman,
[1:02:52] Speaker 2: sure so sexy, chuging right from a bottle of wine.
[1:02:57] Speaker 2: It's a little berets slipping off the back of this
[1:03:00] Speaker 2: mouthful of croissant. I think that's the perfect gift to hike.
[1:03:07] Speaker 2: And then you surprise them by sneaking in an inflatable
[1:03:11] Speaker 2: pineapple into their luggage without asking, just to test the water.
[1:03:14] Speaker 2: Just to test the water. See how everyone feels. Yeah,
[1:03:19] Speaker 2: after they get back to France, who text, did you
[1:03:21] Speaker 2: find anything interesting in your luggage? Right? And then everything,
[1:03:24] Speaker 2: all of Emma's problems are solved. You go, because she
[1:03:27] Speaker 2: has so many problems. Emma, do not write back into
[1:03:31] Speaker 2: the podcast. Oh, Jordan, we answered her question perfectly. I'm
[1:03:36] Speaker 2: ready to swim to swing. I can do it all.
[1:03:40] Speaker 2: Now you can in the comfort of my pineapple.
[1:03:43] Speaker 3: There's nothing you can't do in the pineapple. It's all
[1:03:46] Speaker 3: legal in the pineapple too. It's like international waters.
[1:03:49] Speaker 2: I can gamble on this, that's all arowin out of
[1:03:51] Speaker 2: the pineapple. I can kill political opponents whatever I want whatever.
[1:03:58] Speaker 2: It's all games. It's too bad I don't have a swimming pool.
[1:04:01] Speaker 2: Maybe I'll just lie on the grass in my backyard.
[1:04:03] Speaker 2: That's nice, and then occasionally take it to a friend's
[1:04:05] Speaker 2: swimming pool or to my new swimming team that I'm
[1:04:08] Speaker 2: inviting myself into. As long as Annalisa is there to
[1:04:11] Speaker 2: blow it up for you. Well, thank you for being
[1:04:16] Speaker 2: her much nice. What a thrill? Uh listener, Take a dip,
[1:04:20] Speaker 2: do whatever you want with the rest of your day.
[1:04:22] Speaker 2: I don't care. The podcast is over. I love you, goodbye,
[1:04:31] Speaker 2: I said No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's
[1:04:35] Speaker 2: produced by our dear friend Analise Nilson, and it's beautifully
[1:04:38] Speaker 2: mixed by Ben Holliday. And we couldn't do it without
[1:04:41] Speaker 2: our guest booker, Patrick Kottner. The theme song, of course,
[1:04:45] Speaker 2: could only come from miracle worker Amy Man. You must
[1:04:49] Speaker 2: follow the show on Instagram at I said, no gifts.
[1:04:52] Speaker 2: I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you
[1:04:55] Speaker 2: get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting.
[1:04:57] Speaker 2: And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts.
[1:05:01] Speaker 1: But I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear.
[1:05:09] Speaker 1: But you're a guess to my home. You gotta come
[1:05:14] Speaker 1: to me empty, And I said, no, guess, your own
[1:05:20] Speaker 1: presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So
[1:05:27] Speaker 1: how do you dare to surbey me?

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