# An Unlikely Affair: We Spiral, We Cope, We Repeat

An episode of [Untraditionally Lala](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1494722390), 25 Jun 2026, 42 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/1a27b7ad-70da-4cb7-9ffd-b3470138ba74/46fd283a-7cc8-4bb9-9565-b474005fecab/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=196ae30c-98ca-4add-a1ed-b3470138ba9f

Lala and Ambyr unpack panic attacks, relationship stress, and leaning on each other as emotional support. They open up about what anxiety really feels like and the messy, honest ways they cope. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:01] Speaker 1: Hi, amber Hilelah, Welcome to an unlikely affair. Hey, babes,
[0:08] Speaker 1: it is La La Kent with my gorgeous co host
[0:12] Speaker 1: that I had the luxury of sharing a bed with
[0:14] Speaker 1: last night.
[0:15] Speaker 2: M good morning, I Ambera.
[0:20] Speaker 1: It's so every time I'm in a spiral, it's always
[0:24] Speaker 1: on the days where you're landing that night, and I'm like.
[0:27] Speaker 2: Oh, is it because of babe?
[0:29] Speaker 1: God? No, no, it literally brings me back and I'm like, oh,
[0:33] Speaker 1: thank god if my security blanket's going to be here later.
[0:36] Speaker 2: That's how I feel about you.
[0:37] Speaker 1: Really.
[0:38] Speaker 2: I start going through withdrawals, I'm like, I gotta go,
[0:40] Speaker 2: I gotta go to La.
[0:41] Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think it's fine. Are we developing a
[0:43] Speaker 1: codependent relationship?
[0:45] Speaker 2: Do you think we have been in a codependent relationship?
[0:48] Speaker 3: We've done there, We're just identifying it now.
[0:53] Speaker 1: Okay, there's just so much I need to look into
[0:55] Speaker 1: as I get older, and I think I've done the work,
[0:59] Speaker 1: and then I'm just in introduce to more experiences and
[1:01] Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, not more work to be done. I'm exhausted.
[1:06] Speaker 3: I don't care, Like, we don't need to label it,
[1:08] Speaker 3: we don't need to name it. We have a great
[1:10] Speaker 3: beautiful friendship.
[1:11] Speaker 2: And it's and it's mutual.
[1:13] Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not running from well maybe i am. No,
[1:16] Speaker 1: you've never been a runner, eh, even I know that's
[1:19] Speaker 1: the problem with me. Oh, you will take care of
[1:22] Speaker 1: me like I'm a baby bird. And I appreciate that.
[1:26] Speaker 1: And I love that this podcast is happening today because
[1:29] Speaker 1: when we talk about our mental health and talk about
[1:33] Speaker 1: what gives us anxiety and how we deal with it,
[1:35] Speaker 1: actually a lot of people have reached out and wanted
[1:37] Speaker 1: that to be like a main topic. And just recently
[1:41] Speaker 1: since my mom's hip surgery, I'm not sure what's going
[1:45] Speaker 1: on with her, probably because she has a foreign object
[1:47] Speaker 1: in her body and it hasn't even been like three
[1:49] Speaker 1: months and then just like anthesia and all the medication.
[1:53] Speaker 1: But she's been explaining to me how she's been feeling,
[1:57] Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, you, for the first time in
[2:01] Speaker 1: your sixty five years on Earth, are experiencing anxiety. This
[2:05] Speaker 1: is what most people are living with on a regular basis.
[2:08] Speaker 2: And this showed up out of nowhere. Out of nowhere. Wow.
[2:12] Speaker 1: We went to an event the other night and she's
[2:17] Speaker 1: in the car and I'm at vallet. Everyone gets out
[2:19] Speaker 1: and I'm like, do you want to get out? Mom?
[2:20] Speaker 1: And she was like, no, I'm nervous. I feel anxious.
[2:24] Speaker 2: What are you anxious about?
[2:25] Speaker 1: She's I don't know the unknown, I don't know anyone here.
[2:29] Speaker 1: And I'm like, you have never said that, And I
[2:32] Speaker 1: was like, just so you know you're not alone. When
[2:33] Speaker 1: you tell Easton and I that we should get out more,
[2:36] Speaker 1: we don't because of what you're feeling right now.
[2:39] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[2:40] Speaker 3: I wonder if she's always had that, or this is
[2:42] Speaker 3: a new thing and she's now she's like or she's
[2:44] Speaker 3: identifying it now for the first time.
[2:46] Speaker 2: In her life.
[2:47] Speaker 1: I don't know, but I do not like it.
[2:48] Speaker 3: Just the fact that she didn't experience that post your
[2:51] Speaker 3: dad dying is.
[2:53] Speaker 2: Crazy, crazy, right, So I don't Maybe.
[2:58] Speaker 3: She's just been numb and now she's finally like forcing like,
[3:02] Speaker 3: you know, acknowledging her, trying to identify what the heck's
[3:05] Speaker 3: going on.
[3:05] Speaker 1: You texted me yesterday and you were like, I just
[3:08] Speaker 1: had the worst anxiety. Wait tell me? Can I tell you?
[3:12] Speaker 1: I wish I would have said, are you okay? I
[3:15] Speaker 1: thought that this was just because this was the episode,
[3:17] Speaker 1: that that was just a story that you'd experienced in
[3:19] Speaker 1: your lifetime. Nobody realized it had happened that morning. What
[3:22] Speaker 1: did I text you?
[3:25] Speaker 3: I said, my anxiety this morning and how I thought
[3:29] Speaker 3: I did not.
[3:30] Speaker 2: Read this morning. I'm a skimmer.
[3:32] Speaker 3: Okay, all right, I'm glad we clear that it for
[3:35] Speaker 3: future text messages. I said, I almost went to the
[3:37] Speaker 3: hospital my like, I need to talk about this. So
[3:42] Speaker 3: basically the last two weeks, I've been off my antidepressant
[3:45] Speaker 3: for four months now. I've been on it since I
[3:49] Speaker 3: was twenty one. After I had London, I had serious
[3:51] Speaker 3: postpartum and I never really got off of it. I've
[3:55] Speaker 3: tried to wean off of it, but it's like for
[3:57] Speaker 3: anyone who has done antidepressants, it's really hard, especially when
[4:02] Speaker 3: you've taken them for so many years. They just become
[4:04] Speaker 3: a part of your daily routine. So it's been four months,
[4:08] Speaker 3: and was there.
[4:09] Speaker 2: A reason you chose to like get off of them.
[4:13] Speaker 3: I thought I was fine, And that's like the quintessential thing, like,
[4:16] Speaker 3: oh yeah, everything's fine.
[4:17] Speaker 2: I don't need them anymore. But I'll tell you what.
[4:19] Speaker 3: I was on pristique for a long time, many many years,
[4:22] Speaker 3: and I felt like it wasn't working anymore. So then
[4:24] Speaker 3: I went to Well Buttrin, and that was a complete
[4:30] Speaker 3: shit show. Like anyone who has add and anxiety and
[4:34] Speaker 3: then you take well Buttrin.
[4:36] Speaker 2: It just didn't work for me.
[4:37] Speaker 3: And I think I've have many friends who have this
[4:39] Speaker 3: same experience with Well Buttrin.
[4:41] Speaker 2: My body just didn't like it.
[4:42] Speaker 3: I felt like I was having a heart attack on
[4:44] Speaker 3: top of having anxiety. So then I went to I
[4:47] Speaker 3: don't even know what the last one. I was on
[4:49] Speaker 3: for like three weeks and my sister. I went over
[4:51] Speaker 3: to my sister's house one day and I was like, gosh, Autumn,
[4:54] Speaker 3: I'm not feeling myself, Like I feel like super numb,
[4:57] Speaker 3: like just not I can't access and she's like, it's
[5:02] Speaker 3: like you're dead, and oh she could feel it. She's
[5:05] Speaker 3: like one hundred percent. So I was like, Okay, I
[5:07] Speaker 3: need to get off of this. It's not working for me,
[5:09] Speaker 3: especially with doing auditions, and like I need to I.
[5:12] Speaker 2: Need to need to access the emotions. Yeah, I need
[5:14] Speaker 2: to feel stuff.
[5:15] Speaker 3: So uh so I was like, you know what, I'm
[5:17] Speaker 3: going to just get off everything and just post and
[5:21] Speaker 3: let me tell you the last two weeks, I have
[5:23] Speaker 3: had the worst anxiety of my life, where I literally
[5:28] Speaker 3: have to like lay in my bed with my heating
[5:31] Speaker 3: pad on my twenty pounds.
[5:34] Speaker 2: Weighted blanket. It's so messed up.
[5:38] Speaker 3: So I'm very conflicted right now because I want to
[5:42] Speaker 3: I want to stay off medication if I can, but
[5:46] Speaker 3: I know that what I'm feeling every morning, I like
[5:50] Speaker 3: my my and I explained this on the last episode
[5:53] Speaker 3: when Tamsen was on that when you experience such bad anxiety,
[6:00] Speaker 3: and it's not like my heart's racing, that happens more
[6:02] Speaker 3: when I have like a panic attack, my heart is sore,
[6:06] Speaker 3: like it's like a muscle that's like worked out really hard.
[6:09] Speaker 2: And then I feel it the next day, and.
[6:10] Speaker 3: Then I'm exhausted because I've exhausted myself from the previous day,
[6:13] Speaker 3: and then I'm tired and I need a recovery day.
[6:15] Speaker 3: So I don't know if I don't know if I'm
[6:17] Speaker 3: going to go back on it. I definitely know I need.
[6:19] Speaker 3: I'm going to do some hormones at some point to
[6:23] Speaker 3: get my hormones all regulated.
[6:25] Speaker 2: But shit, it's that's what you.
[6:27] Speaker 1: Were talking about with my mom last night too. Yeah,
[6:29] Speaker 1: about the hormones. I think I want to do a
[6:30] Speaker 1: full panel as well. Yeah, I feel I was on
[6:34] Speaker 1: an anti anxiety anti depressant when I was in my twenties,
[6:40] Speaker 1: and then I got sober. Like I was taking them,
[6:43] Speaker 1: I would take it with like a shot of vodka.
[6:46] Speaker 1: It was like, not good, that's amazing, not good. I've
[6:50] Speaker 1: done that with my zannies and some wine. I took
[6:54] Speaker 1: a lot of shit to the face and then face
[6:56] Speaker 1: chugged vodka. Like you name it the anti anxiety and antidepressant.
[7:05] Speaker 2: What's that? What's the face to clear? Oh? Oh oh?
[7:09] Speaker 1: Acutane, which is literally like, do not drink alcohol.
[7:11] Speaker 2: Your liver will be funn Are you out of your mind?
[7:14] Speaker 2: That's crazy.
[7:15] Speaker 1: Yeah, that's called an addict. It's called an addict. So
[7:18] Speaker 1: then once I got sober, I was like, I don't
[7:22] Speaker 1: know that I need this medication anymore because I think
[7:27] Speaker 1: that my anxiety and depression was coming from drinking excessively.
[7:33] Speaker 1: I have not been on medication since then. Everything was very,
[7:37] Speaker 1: very manageable, because my whole thing is if it's manageable,
[7:42] Speaker 1: like we all have emotions and we can work through them.
[7:46] Speaker 1: I'm not telling anyone what to do. Don't drop your medication.
[7:49] Speaker 1: For me, That's what I felt was best. And then
[7:52] Speaker 1: all of the sudden. In the past year, I have
[7:55] Speaker 1: just felt like I have an elephant on my chest
[7:58] Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm gonna die.
[8:00] Speaker 2: I feel like this is how I die.
[8:01] Speaker 1: Yes, yes, so I'm not on a medication, but I
[8:04] Speaker 1: do beta block.
[8:06] Speaker 2: So you never.
[8:07] Speaker 1: Experienced anxiety when you were younger, like as a child, Yeah,
[8:12] Speaker 1: I'm sure that I did, But I feel like it
[8:15] Speaker 1: was situational anxiety, like a test is coming that gives
[8:18] Speaker 1: me anxiety, right right? You know it wasn't just like
[8:21] Speaker 1: waking up and feeling it. But I also feel like
[8:25] Speaker 1: it's a hormonal thing because I'm like, why am I
[8:27] Speaker 1: not sleeping like I slept in high school. I could
[8:28] Speaker 1: sleep until ten ten am straight cruising. I could stay
[8:33] Speaker 1: in bed and not feel guilty about it at all. No,
[8:36] Speaker 1: I know, And now I'm like, what happened? It's like, well, life,
[8:39] Speaker 1: because you're a grown adult who can't just hang out
[8:41] Speaker 1: in the bed until one.
[8:43] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[8:43] Speaker 3: Now I feel also too, with my kids being older,
[8:48] Speaker 3: I feel this extra pressure not to show them when
[8:52] Speaker 3: I'm justsregulated as a human, which my kids have seen
[8:55] Speaker 3: me cry a handful of times, like mom's upset or
[9:00] Speaker 3: you know, they'll just like see me in my room
[9:02] Speaker 3: and I'll just say, like I need a minute, But
[9:05] Speaker 3: they feel that stuff, and so now it's like that
[9:07] Speaker 3: extra pressure of not to be anxious around them.
[9:11] Speaker 1: Right, do you think that that's a good or a
[9:14] Speaker 1: bad thing? Like there are times where I go back
[9:16] Speaker 1: and forth where I'm like, my kids need to see
[9:19] Speaker 1: someone who's strong. But then on the flip side, they're
[9:22] Speaker 1: gonna get older and experience those emotions too, and if
[9:26] Speaker 1: they have nothing to kind of relate it to where
[9:29] Speaker 1: they can go, oh, like, this is what happens when
[9:33] Speaker 1: you get older and there's pressures, Like I've seen my mom.
[9:37] Speaker 1: Like my biggest thing when I look back is there
[9:41] Speaker 1: were moments where I saw my parents argue. But the
[9:45] Speaker 1: important part that I took with me was that I
[9:47] Speaker 1: saw them make up. Right, Yeah, so nothing in my
[9:51] Speaker 1: house was really hidden. If my mom was fucking mad
[9:56] Speaker 1: at my dad, like the whole house was gonna fucking know,
[10:00] Speaker 1: depending on who you ask. It's like, you don't do
[10:01] Speaker 1: that in front of the kids. You do it behind
[10:03] Speaker 1: closed doors. But then when your child gets older and
[10:06] Speaker 1: they're like, wait, arguments happen. I've never experienced this before.
[10:10] Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, arguments happen. How are you going to
[10:13] Speaker 1: deal with it?
[10:13] Speaker 2: Well, I saw my.
[10:14] Speaker 3: Parents make up, so yeah, as long as people aren't
[10:16] Speaker 3: like chucking shit across the room, you know what I mean?
[10:19] Speaker 3: Do you find that anxiety when it shows up? It
[10:22] Speaker 3: shows up in your like your relationships or when.
[10:25] Speaker 2: You date someone.
[10:27] Speaker 1: Since I have started putting myself out there with men,
[10:31] Speaker 1: my piece has been so disrupted, which, by the way,
[10:35] Speaker 1: is my own problem. That's my own issue, and I've
[10:40] Speaker 1: got it. I've obviously, when you're putting yourself out there
[10:45] Speaker 1: and your heart, you're going to have moments where you're
[10:49] Speaker 1: not at ease, right.
[10:51] Speaker 2: But I have to be able to deal with that.
[10:55] Speaker 1: Like there was a period of time where I could
[10:59] Speaker 1: not even be mentally present with my children. It was
[11:02] Speaker 1: like a week straight where I was with them, but
[11:05] Speaker 1: I was not with them.
[11:06] Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and then I yes, and.
[11:08] Speaker 1: Then I get angry at the person. I'm like, it's
[11:10] Speaker 1: not their problem, this is me. I am in full
[11:13] Speaker 1: I can't control you. I can control me. But usually
[11:19] Speaker 1: I would say that's never going to happen again. I'll
[11:21] Speaker 1: date when my kids are older. I'm not putting myself
[11:23] Speaker 1: out there because it's not worth it now. I'm understanding
[11:26] Speaker 1: that I have to go out into the world and
[11:28] Speaker 1: put the tools that I've been working on to use.
[11:31] Speaker 1: You have to otherwise all of the tools that I
[11:34] Speaker 1: have are going to be shiny and pretty and they
[11:36] Speaker 1: will have never been used. Just like I must continue
[11:39] Speaker 1: to put myself out there and learn from each experience.
[11:43] Speaker 1: But the guy who caused all of this, Amber told
[11:46] Speaker 1: me last night because it's been a back and forth,
[11:48] Speaker 1: and she goes, is he's still in your phone? And
[11:50] Speaker 1: I was like, no, I deleted his contact and she goes, no,
[11:53] Speaker 1: you need to block him. He should not be allowed
[11:56] Speaker 1: to contact you any longer. All night long, I tossed, turned,
[12:01] Speaker 1: I was having dreams about him doing shitty fucking things.
[12:06] Speaker 2: And this morning I literally woke up.
[12:08] Speaker 1: Before my alarm went off and I was like, I
[12:10] Speaker 1: am blocking him in every aspect. I never want him
[12:14] Speaker 1: to contact me again. I walked into our workout today
[12:18] Speaker 1: so mentally free. I feel like I cut the cord. Woo. Yes,
[12:23] Speaker 1: it felt so grue I was like, why do I
[12:26] Speaker 1: feel like I just like threw up and shit everywhere
[12:30] Speaker 1: and feel awesome?
[12:32] Speaker 2: So light.
[12:33] Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the best feeling in the world. It is
[12:36] Speaker 3: the best you know what anxiety is. Someone told me
[12:39] Speaker 3: this recently, which I love, the anticipation of suffering.
[12:44] Speaker 1: Oh that's brutal, and it's true. Oh, I will say,
[12:50] Speaker 1: that's so true because during the time of my custody situation,
[12:54] Speaker 1: my anxiety came from the unknown and had and it
[12:58] Speaker 1: was brutal. But when I think about taking it more
[13:01] Speaker 1: of like a hurdle race and the things that I
[13:05] Speaker 1: actually was in a room dealing with that was way
[13:10] Speaker 1: less stressful than what I thought it was going to be.
[13:14] Speaker 1: Like all of the suffering came from. Now, it's still brutal,
[13:17] Speaker 1: you know what we went through. But that makes so
[13:20] Speaker 1: much sense because I saw something the other day that
[13:25] Speaker 1: was like remembered that the thought of something is always
[13:27] Speaker 1: scarier than the actual event. I'll never forget I was.
[13:32] Speaker 1: It was the last time I was in court and.
[13:36] Speaker 2: I eat. I don't think anyone loves it, do that.
[13:42] Speaker 1: No.
[13:42] Speaker 2: I feel like some people really like it, like lawyers. Yeah,
[13:45] Speaker 2: I think like thriving.
[13:49] Speaker 3: Right. I feel like some people walk in even to
[13:51] Speaker 3: like enjoy suing other people, right, I feel like there
[13:54] Speaker 3: are those people out there in the world.
[13:57] Speaker 2: It was It was straight out of a scene from
[13:59] Speaker 2: a movie.
[14:00] Speaker 3: We were like first on the docket, so it was
[14:02] Speaker 3: like an eight am and I was sitting there on
[14:05] Speaker 3: the bench and I was trying to distract myself by
[14:08] Speaker 3: like reading a magazine that.
[14:09] Speaker 2: I had brought.
[14:10] Speaker 3: And I had the worst anxiety in my life. And
[14:16] Speaker 3: it wasn't about going in front of the judge because
[14:20] Speaker 3: I felt very confident in what I was showing up for.
[14:23] Speaker 3: Like was no one really wins in court, that's what
[14:26] Speaker 3: especially in family corps, I like to say. But I
[14:28] Speaker 3: knew I had strong evidence, right, I knew what I
[14:31] Speaker 3: was walking into. It was the anticipation of seeing him again,
[14:37] Speaker 3: and that that that's suffering.
[14:39] Speaker 2: Like I felt like.
[14:42] Speaker 3: It was just the crazy, craziest out of body experience.
[14:45] Speaker 3: Have you ever been so anxious about something and you're
[14:48] Speaker 3: sitting there and you're not even in your body.
[14:50] Speaker 2: Yeah, it is so weird to me.
[14:53] Speaker 1: Yeah, And you want to you want to run, but
[14:57] Speaker 1: you feel like but you feel stuck. At the same
[14:59] Speaker 1: time you want to crawl out of your own skin.
[15:01] Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
[15:03] Speaker 3: And I'll never forget him getting off of the elevator.
[15:06] Speaker 3: There's no one in the hallway downtown, no one. It
[15:10] Speaker 3: was like I had died, right and this was like
[15:14] Speaker 3: it was so eerie and just him walking and that
[15:19] Speaker 3: feeling that I had of like being so anxious just
[15:23] Speaker 3: to have to deal with this once again.
[15:26] Speaker 1: M hmm. There's not one person on this planet besides
[15:30] Speaker 1: him where the moment I know that I have to
[15:33] Speaker 1: see him, even this far in where I'm like, I
[15:36] Speaker 1: feel like I'm entering the devil's lair. Yeah, it makes
[15:40] Speaker 1: me physically sick to my stomach. Yeah, and I never
[15:44] Speaker 1: make eye contact.
[15:47] Speaker 2: Oh my god.
[15:50] Speaker 1: You know what, going back to when you asked did
[15:53] Speaker 1: I have anxiety as a kid, My anxiety, if I
[15:55] Speaker 1: could pinpoint it where it was kind of like I
[15:57] Speaker 1: would wake up with it, was when the reces hit
[16:01] Speaker 1: and my dad lost everything. Because I had never experienced
[16:05] Speaker 1: financial my family have financial stressors, and that's a really
[16:10] Speaker 1: tough one to You can't work through that unless someone
[16:14] Speaker 1: just hands you a pile of money, right right, you know.
[16:17] Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a one day at a time kind of situation.
[16:20] Speaker 1: Yeah, And I felt though I was like out at
[16:24] Speaker 1: the age of eighteen, trying to book jobs just so
[16:28] Speaker 1: I could try and help in any way possible. Same
[16:33] Speaker 1: with Easton. That's when I was like, oh, this is
[16:35] Speaker 1: some real heavy shit where there's nothing anyone can say
[16:39] Speaker 1: to make it.
[16:40] Speaker 2: Better, Right, it just is. Yeah, it just is.
[16:45] Speaker 1: You know, with heartbreak, you know that that's going to pass, right,
[16:48] Speaker 1: and someone can make you feel better. You can go
[16:50] Speaker 1: and get your mind off of it. How do you
[16:51] Speaker 1: get your mind off of money troubles? Well let's go here.
[16:55] Speaker 1: All right, Well that costs money. So did you hear
[16:57] Speaker 1: anything I said, we don't have money right now? Yeah,
[17:00] Speaker 1: fucking idiot. And then I watch housewives like og housewives
[17:06] Speaker 1: and every single person who was in the same line
[17:09] Speaker 1: of work that my dad was in. Also, so that
[17:12] Speaker 1: makes you feel Actually, that makes you feel a lot better.
[17:14] Speaker 1: Surround yourself with people who are also struggling with money, that'll.
[17:18] Speaker 2: Make you feel Yeah, you're not supposed to do that.
[17:21] Speaker 1: Oh you want to go with the rich people to
[17:22] Speaker 1: remind you that they're not struggling with money?
[17:27] Speaker 2: Are you kidding me? Maybe you're right, Maybe you're right,
[17:29] Speaker 2: you're right.
[17:29] Speaker 1: You want to be around.
[17:30] Speaker 2: People who are like, this is fucking brutal.
[17:33] Speaker 1: I had everything I could possibly want, and it all
[17:37] Speaker 1: just in the blink of an eye was completely gone
[17:39] Speaker 1: and had shifted.
[17:40] Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm a sicko.
[17:42] Speaker 3: Where I would use that and to hang around people
[17:46] Speaker 3: that I'm inspired by and find someone in the room
[17:49] Speaker 3: that I want what they have. Yeah, it gives me motivation.
[17:53] Speaker 3: Like I'm the opposite, Like you tell me, like, no,
[17:55] Speaker 3: you can't have that, I'm like, watch, motherfucker, I'm gonna
[17:57] Speaker 3: get it.
[17:58] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[17:58] Speaker 1: But that that toow thousand and eight recession, it was
[18:02] Speaker 1: very hard to get. I mean, everybody like tightened the
[18:06] Speaker 1: what purse strings is that it was intense. And what's
[18:11] Speaker 1: sad is I didn't even experience it the way most
[18:15] Speaker 1: people did. Like my mom's parents had passed away. She
[18:18] Speaker 1: got inheritance that we lived off of. My mom continued
[18:22] Speaker 1: to go to work, but I mean in that moment,
[18:25] Speaker 1: I watched my dad's health decline significantly.
[18:28] Speaker 2: We lost them at the age of sixty four. Yeah,
[18:30] Speaker 2: it's stress.
[18:31] Speaker 1: It was the stress of just that time on everything
[18:36] Speaker 1: had changed.
[18:37] Speaker 3: Do you ever find yourself in positions where you're in
[18:42] Speaker 3: high pressure moments and you actually are able to use
[18:45] Speaker 3: your anxiety to actually perform better in like a positive way.
[18:50] Speaker 1: What's wild is my personal stressors in personal life, dealing
[18:54] Speaker 1: with men, those moments take me out mentally more than
[19:00] Speaker 1: high pressure in like a business set right, I'm like
[19:04] Speaker 1: when I feel that pressure, I'm like firing off text messages,
[19:08] Speaker 1: making phone calls, harassing people, like making a shore yesterday.
[19:12] Speaker 2: Yeah, high, Yeah.
[19:14] Speaker 1: Let's fucking go. There's money in the world. I've seen it.
[19:18] Speaker 3: I wonder what the difference is and how you can
[19:21] Speaker 3: when I say you, I'm at the universal you like,
[19:25] Speaker 3: how do you navigate that? Like how do you flip
[19:27] Speaker 3: that narrative? Where like in personal because I guess business
[19:33] Speaker 3: wise it doesn't. It doesn't hit your heart, whereas when
[19:35] Speaker 3: it's romantic relationships, it hits your.
[19:38] Speaker 1: Heart right, which my nermotion has not been exercised in
[19:41] Speaker 1: a very long time.
[19:43] Speaker 2: Yeah, it takes practice a lot of practice.
[19:46] Speaker 1: Yeah, because even with our ex my heart was invested
[19:50] Speaker 1: in ocean, nothing else. So even that was a different
[19:54] Speaker 1: kind of heartache. Heartache when it comes to I'm giving
[19:59] Speaker 1: my self intimately and mentally fit all of the things,
[20:05] Speaker 1: as well as my friendship to a man that part
[20:08] Speaker 1: of me has not been exercised used in probably ten years.
[20:13] Speaker 2: Mm hm.
[20:15] Speaker 1: So I there's moments where I crack under pressure, Like
[20:21] Speaker 1: I could never be an athlete, I would never get
[20:23] Speaker 1: us to the championship. I won't even get us to
[20:27] Speaker 1: the playoffs because that type of pressure breaks me really.
[20:31] Speaker 2: Oh my god.
[20:32] Speaker 1: Yes, Like when when I am watching like a basketball
[20:36] Speaker 1: game or football game and the crowd is going crazy
[20:40] Speaker 1: and the announcers on is like, dang friends, if that
[20:43] Speaker 1: were like everyone shut the fuck up, like I would
[20:48] Speaker 1: lose my mind.
[20:50] Speaker 2: So you you're not competitive? I don't because I am competitive.
[20:55] Speaker 1: No, I don't think you're competitive because I feel like
[20:57] Speaker 1: a competitive athlete.
[20:59] Speaker 2: They throw under that pressure like big time.
[21:04] Speaker 3: Or they're just so numb to it, right, these guys
[21:06] Speaker 3: that have been playing balld, they've been doing this forever
[21:08] Speaker 3: that they don't even hear the crowd anymore.
[21:10] Speaker 2: Can you imagine being on the free throw line and
[21:12] Speaker 2: everyone it's like.
[21:12] Speaker 1: Well, yeah, the opposite team, and by the way, both
[21:16] Speaker 1: teams are getting the exact same reaction.
[21:18] Speaker 2: It's like either boo or yeah. It's like, oh my god,
[21:22] Speaker 2: I did everyone to go away? Can we clear the room?
[21:26] Speaker 1: This is a closed set for the free throws.
[21:30] Speaker 3: I especially on set for me, I thrive in that
[21:34] Speaker 3: kind of pressure, like when the director's like, Okay, I
[21:36] Speaker 3: really need you.
[21:37] Speaker 2: To give this, take your all, and I want you
[21:40] Speaker 2: that I can do Okay, yeah, great, it's very situational
[21:45] Speaker 2: for me.
[21:46] Speaker 1: Okay, my anxiety's depression happy moments.
[21:51] Speaker 2: Everything's very new once now see.
[21:52] Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about the difference between anxiety and depression,
[21:54] Speaker 1: because I have both. There's medication for both, because I
[21:58] Speaker 1: was only on one med for both.
[22:00] Speaker 2: What do you think you're talking to?
[22:01] Speaker 1: Okay, sorry, you're talking to the pharmacist right here. Okay,
[22:07] Speaker 1: I have taken everything. Depression is a motherfucker. It's different
[22:12] Speaker 1: than anxiety. Anxiety feels like I think I would almost
[22:15] Speaker 1: rather have anxiety than depression. If you got to pick
[22:18] Speaker 1: your poison. Depression, Yeah, it's tough, is fucking dark.
[22:23] Speaker 2: Yeah, keep going.
[22:23] Speaker 3: I didn't mean to cut your I was in a
[22:27] Speaker 3: ba in sobriety. I went through a bad depression for
[22:30] Speaker 3: like three months where I was like, why do I
[22:34] Speaker 3: want to be here?
[22:35] Speaker 2: My kids would be fine without me? Like I went
[22:37] Speaker 2: fucking dark, and.
[22:38] Speaker 3: It takes you to dark places and you're like then
[22:41] Speaker 3: you snap out of it.
[22:41] Speaker 2: And you're like, who am I? Like this is not me?
[22:44] Speaker 3: And I thank god I have sobriety because can you
[22:46] Speaker 3: imagine going through that and then using drugs and alcohol
[22:51] Speaker 3: to numb you. That's when it goes sideways. That's when
[22:54] Speaker 3: it can go real sideways.
[22:56] Speaker 1: Because the next day it's the every emotion.
[22:59] Speaker 2: Is yeah, yeah, it's wild.
[23:02] Speaker 3: Anxiety is like such a different experience for me, and
[23:04] Speaker 3: I think it. Remember when Chris Medina said, don't confuse
[23:08] Speaker 3: anxiety and excitement. Yeah, I'm very well aware of that now,
[23:11] Speaker 3: Like I'm like, am I feeling anxiety or if I
[23:15] Speaker 3: am I feeling excited?
[23:17] Speaker 2: Yeah, yes there is for me.
[23:22] Speaker 1: It's usually anxiety for me too. But like when I
[23:25] Speaker 1: was filming the last show I was on, I would
[23:28] Speaker 1: always think I was having anxiety and I was actually
[23:30] Speaker 1: really excited to go and film filming this season of
[23:33] Speaker 1: The Valley.
[23:34] Speaker 2: I'm like, this is not excitement. This is sheer terror.
[23:38] Speaker 2: I don't want to leave the house. I have PTSD.
[23:41] Speaker 2: This is really anxiety.
[23:43] Speaker 1: For the first time I understood what anxiety felt like
[23:45] Speaker 1: during filming a reality TV show.
[23:48] Speaker 2: Yeah, do you know how.
[23:49] Speaker 3: Many people go to the hospital thinking that they're having
[23:51] Speaker 3: a heart attack and they're like.
[23:52] Speaker 2: Hey, it's anxiety. Yeah.
[23:53] Speaker 3: What's crazy to me is that men experience all of
[23:57] Speaker 3: these emotions so differently.
[24:00] Speaker 2: It's almost not fair. And there usually is a heart attack.
[24:03] Speaker 2: Yeah that's true. Well no, yes, actually, yeah, that's true.
[24:07] Speaker 1: I was saying it's hard because when I have anxiety,
[24:11] Speaker 1: my legs go numb.
[24:12] Speaker 2: That day I couldn't drive.
[24:14] Speaker 1: I literally, yes, my legs, my whole lower body.
[24:17] Speaker 2: I couldn't feel anything.
[24:18] Speaker 3: Okay, So I'm a complete psychopath on airplanes, And it
[24:23] Speaker 3: doesn't matter if I'm sitting in coach in business or
[24:28] Speaker 3: first I walk onto that airplane and first of all,
[24:31] Speaker 3: usually i'm twenty four hours like before the flight, and
[24:34] Speaker 3: I get that like okay, it's time for you to
[24:35] Speaker 3: check in.
[24:36] Speaker 2: It's like green.
[24:38] Speaker 3: The anxiety starts sometimes when I get on the plane.
[24:41] Speaker 1: How do you check into a flight? That's a different conversation.
[24:44] Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever done that before. Oh my god,
[24:51] Speaker 1: how do you check in? Yeah?
[24:53] Speaker 2: You go to the app and you hit check in.
[24:55] Speaker 2: Are you checking any of the bags?
[24:56] Speaker 1: No?
[24:57] Speaker 2: Oh Jesus, I can't do I So if i' what
[25:00] Speaker 2: I have to teach you.
[25:01] Speaker 1: Hold on, if I did that beforehand, I wouldn't have
[25:02] Speaker 1: to go to the kiosk at the airportl No, my
[25:08] Speaker 1: mind is blown.
[25:11] Speaker 2: I'm doing that. Everybody is doing that. You're just not
[25:15] Speaker 2: doing that.
[25:15] Speaker 1: I don't know. Those kiosks are popping when I get there,
[25:18] Speaker 1: so not everyone's doing it.
[25:19] Speaker 2: Yeah, that is true, not kiosks. Is that a kiosk?
[25:23] Speaker 2: What is that thing? Okay?
[25:24] Speaker 1: Yeah, last night we were trying to book our flights
[25:28] Speaker 1: for Montana to go to for the fourth of July.
[25:30] Speaker 1: My mom was like, I can't do it. I was like,
[25:31] Speaker 1: don't look at me. I don't even I can't remember
[25:33] Speaker 1: the last I don't think I've ever booked a flight
[25:35] Speaker 1: in my life.
[25:36] Speaker 2: Really. Yeah, oh my gosh. That makes me anxious for you,
[25:41] Speaker 2: not me. I'm thriving. I'm still on planes. I don't
[25:45] Speaker 2: know how I got there. Somehow we booked it. But
[25:48] Speaker 2: there's the ticket, all right, let's fucking go. Sorry. No,
[25:51] Speaker 2: I have the worst time flying. No, the worst time fight.
[25:53] Speaker 3: We're Actually the difference between anxiety and then a full
[25:57] Speaker 3: on panic attack is for me is my legs go
[26:00] Speaker 3: numb and I can't and then so my legs are numb,
[26:03] Speaker 3: and that's a panic attack and I'm shaking, Oh for sure,
[26:06] Speaker 3: for sure. And sometimes I remember a couple of flights.
[26:09] Speaker 3: This started happening to me when I got pregnant with Riley.
[26:13] Speaker 2: Okay, and I got off.
[26:14] Speaker 3: I was on lexapro and my doctor was like, hey,
[26:16] Speaker 3: you have to you know you're pregnant. You have to
[26:18] Speaker 3: get off of it. And I was walking off planes.
[26:22] Speaker 3: They would close the door and I'm like, let me
[26:24] Speaker 3: off of this plane. It's like the oxygen for me
[26:26] Speaker 3: is being sucked out of the air. I get dizzy.
[26:29] Speaker 2: Is it because you think something's gonna happen? It's I can't.
[26:33] Speaker 3: I feel claustrophobic, and mean extremely claustrophobic. And so when
[26:36] Speaker 3: they're when it's hot and there's a lot of people,
[26:39] Speaker 3: and I feel like there's no place to escape, like
[26:41] Speaker 3: I can't run off this plane, like I'm stuck here.
[26:44] Speaker 1: Oh God, you're giving me a whole set of new anxieties.
[26:47] Speaker 2: I don't even think that way.
[26:48] Speaker 1: I'm like, if there's a little turbulence, put me right
[26:51] Speaker 1: to book. It's like the turbulence doesn't the turbulence doesn't
[26:56] Speaker 1: always bother me.
[26:57] Speaker 3: But when I fly to Denver, which is a complete bitch,
[27:00] Speaker 3: the turbulence.
[27:00] Speaker 2: Is like.
[27:03] Speaker 1: And you're like flipping slide on a plane.
[27:06] Speaker 3: You're like, oh, ship, Like I really hope those guy's
[27:08] Speaker 3: up up there know what they're doing because.
[27:10] Speaker 2: You hope he's like I was Sully's. I hope he's
[27:15] Speaker 2: sucking awake and sober. Did you see the Denzel Washington movie.
[27:27] Speaker 1: I've watched it one hundred times.
[27:29] Speaker 2: That is such a good movie.
[27:30] Speaker 1: Where he doesn't throw the flight attendant under the bus.
[27:33] Speaker 1: I easily blamed it on the woman who died. Yeah,
[27:36] Speaker 1: he fucking sacks that man go to prison, but he's sober.
[27:40] Speaker 2: Wow, great film, great film. I love a good Denzel movie. Okay, wait,
[27:48] Speaker 2: I like this one.
[27:51] Speaker 1: Let's talry about the listener's secret weapons for anxiety relief. Oh,
[27:57] Speaker 1: closing your eyes and taking deep breaths. By the way,
[28:01] Speaker 1: the moment that you can conquer the art of breathing,
[28:04] Speaker 1: because that sounds like this is a great one, but
[28:06] Speaker 1: when you read it, you're like, well that sounds fucking stupid.
[28:10] Speaker 2: No, when you conquer the art of breath work, it's beautiful.
[28:14] Speaker 1: You have conquered Life's You've got life by the fucking balls.
[28:19] Speaker 2: I mean, it is life.
[28:20] Speaker 1: Breathing is life, I know, but so many of us
[28:22] Speaker 1: are not breathing properly. And your breathing should be different
[28:25] Speaker 1: depending on what you're going through you.
[28:27] Speaker 2: There was a woman that told.
[28:28] Speaker 1: Me, she is so good at her breathwork now that
[28:32] Speaker 1: she can literally make herself feel like she's high. I'm like,
[28:34] Speaker 1: that sounds like maybe your whole wait, you could almost
[28:37] Speaker 1: I've actually seen this on YouTube where you do breath
[28:40] Speaker 1: work and you actually make yourself orgasm through your breath work.
[28:44] Speaker 2: I need to learn how to do this.
[28:47] Speaker 1: Right.
[28:47] Speaker 2: I would do it right now. I'm excited.
[28:50] Speaker 1: To give me a second. So I sometimes when I
[28:53] Speaker 1: go on a plane, I'll put those no strips on
[28:55] Speaker 1: because my left nostril is collapsed.
[28:58] Speaker 2: I just I couldn't figure out.
[28:59] Speaker 1: Is that like excuse to go get a nose job? No,
[29:02] Speaker 1: you got a gorgeous night.
[29:03] Speaker 2: I don't want anyone touching my nose.
[29:04] Speaker 3: But I went to go see an E and T
[29:06] Speaker 3: and I said, I feel like I can't breathe, and
[29:08] Speaker 3: maybe this is why I'm having like extra anxiety lately.
[29:11] Speaker 3: I'm not my body's not getting the oxygen. So he
[29:13] Speaker 3: took too like Q tips and he did this. He went,
[29:18] Speaker 3: oh my god, it was like life changing, life changing.
[29:21] Speaker 3: So it's my left nostril that's collapsed, and there's like
[29:23] Speaker 3: a surgery that you could get done.
[29:24] Speaker 2: I don't know what it's.
[29:25] Speaker 3: Called but I'm afraid because I heard it's really painful.
[29:29] Speaker 3: But this nostril needs to go up a little bit
[29:31] Speaker 3: and I could, but there's so those breathe right.
[29:33] Speaker 2: Around like this.
[29:35] Speaker 1: Sometimes I can breathe amazing.
[29:37] Speaker 2: It's like your nose is helify. I did that.
[29:40] Speaker 1: I did that the other day on a date unconsciously,
[29:43] Speaker 1: and He's like everything came there.
[29:45] Speaker 2: I was like, no, I feel like I can't breathe.
[29:47] Speaker 1: You're just having really incident conversation during the sexture like
[29:50] Speaker 1: hold on, yeah, much better.
[29:54] Speaker 2: No, But the nose strips they work. I believe you.
[29:57] Speaker 2: They work. And I'll wear them to the gym too,
[30:00] Speaker 2: because if I'm doing sprints on the.
[30:04] Speaker 1: By the way, I wanted to actually start my own
[30:06] Speaker 1: company of the no strips, but make them like an accessory.
[30:11] Speaker 2: Did what did you say? Accessory? Accessory? Accessory?
[30:19] Speaker 1: Yes, accessory, Yeah, like access access accessory, accessory.
[30:25] Speaker 2: What did I say? Accessory?
[30:26] Speaker 1: Please never stop saying that she's gonna wear her accessories
[30:31] Speaker 1: to create I'm actually gonna.
[30:32] Speaker 2: Rename it accessory. Have you ever heard because.
[30:35] Speaker 1: You're reassessing your breathing assss access as genius genius. We
[30:46] Speaker 1: may have woken up to you and here we come.
[30:48] Speaker 1: Lexipro all day long, love it meds mes. Yeah, working
[30:53] Speaker 1: out the best, the best. I just can't get there.
[30:57] Speaker 2: But working out and breathing.
[31:00] Speaker 1: You got it? Like it always comes back to the breathing.
[31:03] Speaker 1: This person says my vibrator.
[31:06] Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. I've noticed that.
[31:08] Speaker 1: Well, I'm having a panic attack and I'm numb from
[31:10] Speaker 1: the waist down. There's nothing that having.
[31:13] Speaker 3: A bit of anxiety, like it's like having a migraine.
[31:15] Speaker 3: Have you ever had a migraine and then had sex
[31:19] Speaker 3: and you have an orgasm?
[31:20] Speaker 2: It goes away in two seconds. I've never been with anyone.
[31:25] Speaker 1: No one's been next to me when I've been fighting
[31:28] Speaker 1: a migraine. And usually I just want a dark room,
[31:31] Speaker 1: silence and a heating pad.
[31:34] Speaker 2: No, but it does work. Don't even get me started
[31:38] Speaker 2: on vibrators. My drawer.
[31:40] Speaker 1: I just got like ten new ones. My drawer is
[31:43] Speaker 1: filled to the brim.
[31:45] Speaker 2: Oh my god, I.
[31:46] Speaker 1: Probably have them unless I maybe sex workers have more
[31:50] Speaker 1: of a full drawer.
[31:51] Speaker 2: No, why would they have Why would a sex worker?
[31:54] Speaker 2: Just fun toys? You can use them on men.
[31:57] Speaker 1: Oh, and men can use them on you like it's
[32:00] Speaker 1: fun to throw in a little toy.
[32:02] Speaker 2: No, I've never done it.
[32:05] Speaker 1: Amber with all the sex you have, you've never used toys.
[32:08] Speaker 2: How dared you say that about me? All right, not
[32:10] Speaker 2: a bad thing. It's so good saying not taboo. I
[32:13] Speaker 2: have not had having lots of sex is good.
[32:15] Speaker 1: I have not had a lot of sex, but I've
[32:17] Speaker 1: experienced different partners over the last three years, and I've
[32:22] Speaker 1: never used a toy. Okay, I've had a lot of sex,
[32:25] Speaker 1: and I've used a lot of toys and not used
[32:26] Speaker 1: a lot of toys.
[32:27] Speaker 2: And you prefer using toys.
[32:29] Speaker 1: I just think having toys is fun, whether you're solo
[32:32] Speaker 1: or with somebody, because also when you're with someone multiple times,
[32:37] Speaker 1: like you don't just want to be doing I don't know,
[32:40] Speaker 1: I don't know.
[32:41] Speaker 2: It's a little fun.
[32:42] Speaker 1: No. Yeah, she's looking at me like I'm weird.
[32:47] Speaker 2: No, I'm not. I just have never experienced that, So
[32:50] Speaker 2: let me try.
[32:51] Speaker 1: This is the design between fucking twenty six year olds
[32:54] Speaker 1: and not. You know, you got to teach in some things,
[32:58] Speaker 1: all right, all right? Well, micro dosing, how do you
[33:02] Speaker 1: say this word? Psilocybin psychedelic. It's a psychedelic compound found
[33:07] Speaker 1: in over two hundred species of fungi, commonly referred to
[33:10] Speaker 1: as magic mushroom.
[33:12] Speaker 2: I've heard this works. I have two, and I'm not
[33:15] Speaker 2: mad about it.
[33:15] Speaker 1: And to be honest, I think I would rather, even
[33:20] Speaker 1: in my sobriety, have someone give me micro dosing mushrooms.
[33:27] Speaker 2: Than an ssry over that. I agree, I agree with you.
[33:31] Speaker 2: I agree, Actually I agree. I really think that that
[33:35] Speaker 2: is a good option. Prozac. Prozac that takes away your
[33:40] Speaker 2: sex drive big time. I've been on that.
[33:41] Speaker 3: Okay, I scream, go for it, I love this my
[33:44] Speaker 3: car with the windows up, and then cry.
[33:46] Speaker 2: I do that a lot. I do that a lot.
[33:49] Speaker 2: Have you ever seen the show dead to me?
[33:51] Speaker 3: Yes, Okay, she does that and she does what is
[33:54] Speaker 3: the music that she does on the headbanger music?
[33:56] Speaker 2: What is it called? Like it's like Metallica something like that.
[34:00] Speaker 3: And she's in her car and she just shuts the
[34:02] Speaker 3: door and you just hear her turn on like music
[34:05] Speaker 3: that you wouldn't think that Christina Applegate's carried, and she
[34:09] Speaker 3: just starts.
[34:10] Speaker 2: Screaming, and I was like, oh damn, that's a moment.
[34:13] Speaker 2: That is a moment, good moment. I love that moment
[34:16] Speaker 2: for her.
[34:16] Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a moment in time where I would
[34:19] Speaker 1: scream in my car cry, and while I did that,
[34:22] Speaker 1: I would listen to this song. I think her name's
[34:26] Speaker 1: Lauren Daegel, and it's basically about God when you don't
[34:31] Speaker 1: like move mountains or separate the waters for me, I'm
[34:35] Speaker 1: still going to trust in you. I'd listen to that
[34:38] Speaker 1: and then I would calm down, and then I would
[34:40] Speaker 1: listen to Break my Soul by Beyonce and we were
[34:42] Speaker 1: fucking back baby love that.
[34:44] Speaker 3: Do you know what I've been listening to that actually
[34:46] Speaker 3: really helps me with my anxiety is justin Bieber's version
[34:49] Speaker 3: of Hallelujah.
[34:51] Speaker 2: It is so good. Not everything hallelujh. Yeah, it's called
[34:54] Speaker 2: everything Hallelujah. Yeah.
[34:56] Speaker 3: It's so good because it breaks it up to like
[34:59] Speaker 3: it's it's so simple. It's like I go for a walk,
[35:02] Speaker 3: hellu yah, I wake up, I brush my teeth. Hell
[35:04] Speaker 3: it's like taking every little thing like and breaking it
[35:07] Speaker 3: down to being grateful for every little thing, like Ylli Hellelujah,
[35:12] Speaker 3: baby Jack Hallelujah, Like, Okay, I'll stop.
[35:17] Speaker 2: You got me. I like to escape reality by reading
[35:23] Speaker 2: this one. I think I will read it.
[35:26] Speaker 1: I could read an entire book and if I'm struggling
[35:28] Speaker 1: with anxiety, I don't know one word that I read.
[35:30] Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really hard for me too. Dancing Can we
[35:34] Speaker 3: go back to that?
[35:35] Speaker 2: Yeah? You know what I like doing instead of reading?
[35:37] Speaker 1: What?
[35:38] Speaker 2: Watching comedy shows?
[35:40] Speaker 1: Oh? Put on Friends or Seinfeld for me when I'm
[35:42] Speaker 1: in full panic and I am immediately regulated. Yeah you no,
[35:46] Speaker 1: every time you come to my house what's on?
[35:48] Speaker 2: But by the way, that totally put me to sleep
[35:50] Speaker 2: last night. It's the breast. It was the best.
[35:52] Speaker 3: I didn't even take magnesium. Yeah, I didn't take a melotonein.
[35:55] Speaker 3: It was just it was great.
[35:56] Speaker 1: But dancing, yes, Oh I did a forebanger of Magnese
[36:00] Speaker 1: and a Valerian root.
[36:02] Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we were cruising. Oh I love that. Yeah?
[36:07] Speaker 2: Great for sleep? I use what is sauge?
[36:11] Speaker 1: I've never heard of this stress release essential oil roller
[36:15] Speaker 1: on my temple's neck and wrists.
[36:18] Speaker 2: How do you feel about the oils? They're not going
[36:20] Speaker 2: to work for me. I'm too fucked up for I
[36:22] Speaker 2: need something stronger. Making out always does the trick.
[36:34] Speaker 1: Just anyone buy you to kiss in your mind will
[36:37] Speaker 1: divert I'm obsessed with this person, and it's so true.
[36:41] Speaker 1: I love that, Yeah, I was making out over the weekend.
[36:45] Speaker 2: You just wanted to skim right over that. By the way, Well,
[36:47] Speaker 2: because what else do you say? I made out?
[36:50] Speaker 1: You did? And then what it's kind of where it
[36:53] Speaker 1: starts and ends, to be honest.
[36:56] Speaker 2: You know, it doesn't end.
[36:57] Speaker 3: You start making out and then there's a little four play, Yeah,
[37:01] Speaker 3: and then it usually ends.
[37:03] Speaker 2: It did not end with full penetration.
[37:06] Speaker 1: Oh I'm sorry, but that's because there were other people
[37:09] Speaker 1: in the room, which I'm not usually a person who's
[37:11] Speaker 1: down to like get touchy feeling and make out in PDA,
[37:13] Speaker 1: no PDA in public, And it was like intimate, like
[37:18] Speaker 1: intimate where people it's like, yeah, that's uncomfortable.
[37:21] Speaker 2: Four of us, and then what are the other two
[37:22] Speaker 2: people supposed to be doing? Just watching? I don't get
[37:25] Speaker 2: each other? Start making out too? Maybe, well then it's
[37:28] Speaker 2: a party. Then it's like why don't we all just
[37:31] Speaker 2: join it?
[37:32] Speaker 3: Speaking of parties and making out, there's these things in
[37:35] Speaker 3: Los Angeles. Before I moved to Montana, I was hearing
[37:37] Speaker 3: about them. There's these sex parties. Yeah, have you heard
[37:41] Speaker 3: of them?
[37:42] Speaker 1: Well, I've heard of sex parties. Is there something extraordinary
[37:44] Speaker 1: about the one you're talking about.
[37:45] Speaker 2: Will you wear a mask?
[37:47] Speaker 3: Yeah, and no, no one knows who's who, and then
[37:50] Speaker 3: you go around each room.
[37:52] Speaker 2: I know this sounds so naughty.
[37:54] Speaker 1: The first time, I think in search party, which was
[38:00] Speaker 1: it's like a TV show on free Form or something
[38:02] Speaker 1: like that. So yes, I've never participated in one, but
[38:05] Speaker 1: I have heard of these.
[38:06] Speaker 2: Yeah, so interesting. Maybe we'll try it out.
[38:09] Speaker 1: I don't think I could try it out. I get
[38:11] Speaker 1: a little territorial long walks with you both on repeat. Oh,
[38:17] Speaker 1: I love that.
[38:19] Speaker 2: That's sweet. That is sweet. By the way, the walking
[38:21] Speaker 2: does help a ton.
[38:22] Speaker 1: Yeah, I've started walking around my neighborhood, which gives me
[38:26] Speaker 1: Utah vibes walks in la but my neighborhood is constantly
[38:30] Speaker 1: filled from the time the sun comes up until the
[38:34] Speaker 1: sun goes down with kids and people with strollers and dogs.
[38:39] Speaker 2: I love it. That's the best feeling.
[38:42] Speaker 1: Dark room, laying in bed and focusing on your breath,
[38:44] Speaker 1: feeling your chest inhale exhale. I couldn't do that because
[38:49] Speaker 1: that's when my depression would then sink in.
[38:52] Speaker 2: Prayer. Oh, that's a big one. That is a huge one.
[38:55] Speaker 1: I'll sit in my bathtub and wait for the water
[38:58] Speaker 1: to fill up, and I will just out loud be
[39:01] Speaker 1: asking someone intervene.
[39:03] Speaker 2: Hello, you want us all to think you exists? Buddy?
[39:07] Speaker 2: I literally to shine part the red sea.
[39:14] Speaker 3: I have been in my house in Montana walking through
[39:17] Speaker 3: having just the worst anxiety of my life, and I
[39:20] Speaker 3: literally just stop what I'm doing and I'll like get
[39:22] Speaker 3: down on my knees in my living room.
[39:24] Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, let's go toe to toe. Yeah.
[39:27] Speaker 3: I have to do this right now because I literally
[39:29] Speaker 3: cannot take another step forward.
[39:32] Speaker 2: Yeah, Jesus take the will.
[39:34] Speaker 1: You and I are the same person, by the way, Okay,
[39:37] Speaker 1: I want to end it on this one because this
[39:39] Speaker 1: one's so fucking good rebranding from what if blah blah
[39:43] Speaker 1: blah happens to what if it doesn't.
[39:46] Speaker 2: I've been seeing this one this type of message a lot.
[39:49] Speaker 1: I mean, for the most part, it does happen. What
[39:54] Speaker 1: if this doesn't work out? Well, spoiler alert, it's not going.
[39:56] Speaker 2: To So how are you going stop think about it?
[40:00] Speaker 3: Instead of saying like, oh, I'm so worried that like
[40:03] Speaker 3: that I'm never going to find my person?
[40:05] Speaker 1: What if I never find my person? Ard comes in,
[40:08] Speaker 1: then you'll experience lifelong peace forever you're welcome.
[40:12] Speaker 2: Why does he have to be so old? God is
[40:15] Speaker 2: old as fuck? No he's not. He's a hot Tarzan
[40:20] Speaker 2: looking with a man bug. That's gush. Are they the same?
[40:26] Speaker 1: By the way, the same Jesus is not the same.
[40:31] Speaker 3: On our next episode, we're going to be dissecting the
[40:35] Speaker 3: Trinity Jesus.
[40:36] Speaker 2: Allah hold on. Really funny story.
[40:40] Speaker 1: Speaking of Allah, I was like a handful of months sober,
[40:44] Speaker 1: and we go to Mexico with our eggs to celebrate
[40:46] Speaker 1: my birthday. He takes me to a night club. I'm sober.
[40:51] Speaker 1: They bring out magnum fucking bottles of grey Goose, my favorite,
[40:56] Speaker 1: my go to right vodka, and it's says they get
[41:00] Speaker 1: the letters mixed up, so instead of Happy Birthday, Lala,
[41:03] Speaker 1: it says happy birthday Allah.
[41:05] Speaker 2: I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here.
[41:07] Speaker 2: I have to leave. If that's not a sign, I
[41:10] Speaker 2: don't know what it is.
[41:13] Speaker 1: Cheers to you all and all your anxieties. May they
[41:16] Speaker 1: not last forever. Amber, I love you. Thank you everyone
[41:21] Speaker 1: for listening to another episode of An Unlikely Affair. Reminder
[41:25] Speaker 1: a new episode airs every Thursday night at nine pm.
[41:28] Speaker 2: We will catch you guys next week. Bye bye,

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