# An Unlikely Affair: It's Not the Big Lies... It's the Small Ones

An episode of [Untraditionally Lala](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1494722390), 29 May 2026, 38 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/1a27b7ad-70da-4cb7-9ffd-b3470138ba74/3dd6bc07-82e2-4e75-8ae5-b45900ddacb3/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=196ae30c-98ca-4add-a1ed-b3470138ba9f

Lala and Ambyr unpack the strange little lies they’ve experienced in dating and why those are sometimes the biggest red flags. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:01] Speaker 1: Hi Amber, Hi Lola, Welcome to an unlikely affair. Hi
[0:08] Speaker 1: Babs is Lala Kent. How are you Amber? I'm good.
[0:11] Speaker 2: How are you?
[0:13] Speaker 1: Thrilled to have you? You look beautiful, You look like
[0:15] Speaker 1: a like a beautiful Senorita. I'm giving sperm today, you're
[0:23] Speaker 1: not giving sperm giving. I'm giving getting sperm, but you're
[0:28] Speaker 1: not giving sperm.
[0:29] Speaker 3: Oh.
[0:29] Speaker 1: I love that. I'm so happy to have you back
[0:33] Speaker 1: in town. My soul calls for you recently, I don't
[0:38] Speaker 1: know what it is, and you've made me cackle my
[0:41] Speaker 1: ass off the past two days. I feel so badly
[0:44] Speaker 1: for Amber. You guys, she was in town last week
[0:47] Speaker 1: and I was unwell. She saw me in the rarest
[0:50] Speaker 1: form the rarest Like, truthfully, I don't even think I
[0:55] Speaker 1: was that way during my custody battle.
[0:58] Speaker 4: I mean, I didn't know you back, but it was.
[1:01] Speaker 4: It was not a great week.
[1:03] Speaker 1: But I'm so glad we're on the other side of
[1:05] Speaker 1: that because now I'm like, yeah.
[1:07] Speaker 4: That was brutal, and I'm really sorry that you Sorry
[1:11] Speaker 4: for myself that I had to experience that, but I'm
[1:13] Speaker 4: also sorry for you that that you were really going
[1:16] Speaker 4: through it.
[1:17] Speaker 1: I couldn't listen to music. You guys, we drove, oh
[1:20] Speaker 1: my god, fucking like Sherman Oaks to Calabasas.
[1:25] Speaker 4: No, we did not drive from Sherman Oaks to cal
[1:27] Speaker 4: Let me let me correct you, let me step in.
[1:29] Speaker 1: We were in where did we do that?
[1:32] Speaker 5: Other?
[1:32] Speaker 1: That other? Oh West Hollywood. No, we were in like
[1:36] Speaker 1: fucking Hancock Park. Far. We were far. Oh Larchmont, that's Marchmont.
[1:41] Speaker 1: We were there from Larchmont an hour and twenty minutes
[1:45] Speaker 1: to Calabasas. I went to go turn on the radio.
[1:47] Speaker 1: She goes, I can't listen to this. I've never driven
[1:52] Speaker 1: that well.
[1:52] Speaker 4: And I love music like music is like what is
[1:55] Speaker 4: like my caffeine through the day that gets me from
[1:57] Speaker 4: like one activity to the next to the next to
[1:59] Speaker 4: the next. And you just wanted it to be mute.
[2:02] Speaker 4: And I just had a just I just had to
[2:06] Speaker 4: accept that.
[2:06] Speaker 1: And that was fun.
[2:08] Speaker 6: Every song she played, I was like, I'm gonna spiral
[2:11] Speaker 6: out where, like someone opened the tour unbuckle me and
[2:16] Speaker 6: pushed me out of the car like it was more thing.
[2:19] Speaker 1: I'm poor thing, never again, never again. I learned so much,
[2:23] Speaker 1: but I'm back. I'm I'm glad.
[2:26] Speaker 4: I mean, you know, Lala's back when she's like rocking
[2:28] Speaker 4: to Cardi B on the Way Here.
[2:30] Speaker 1: Oh, that's when that's when you're back. Oh yeah, when
[2:33] Speaker 1: we're listening to what as pussy on the way Here
[2:36] Speaker 1: so good? And then outside and then I like it
[2:40] Speaker 1: like weight, I'm naughty, It's so naughty. And on the
[2:46] Speaker 1: along the lines of Cardi B her song Outside where
[2:49] Speaker 1: she says, next time I see your mama, tell her
[2:51] Speaker 1: that she raised a bitch. It goes so perfectly with
[2:54] Speaker 1: like what we're talking about today. Not that all men
[2:58] Speaker 1: are bitches. I mean, I've had this conversation with Easton
[3:00] Speaker 1: being like, what the fuck is going on out there?
[3:02] Speaker 1: Don't I don't get it. But you and I were
[3:06] Speaker 1: talking in bed and you were like, can I tell
[3:08] Speaker 1: you this weird lie that this guy that I used
[3:13] Speaker 1: to see told me? And I was like, I have
[3:18] Speaker 1: these little weird lies that men have told me as well,
[3:20] Speaker 1: and it's like, what's the point, Like, what was the
[3:22] Speaker 1: point of that lie? Mm hmm. You for sure had
[3:25] Speaker 1: the weirdest experience. I asked you. I was like, who's
[3:28] Speaker 1: the weirdest guy You've ever did? And you were like
[3:30] Speaker 1: that guy And I'm like, I think I resonated that
[3:33] Speaker 1: man resonates with me. I am that man. No, you're
[3:36] Speaker 1: not not even close. Really, I think I have the
[3:39] Speaker 1: potential to be that guy. I want you to Yes.
[3:42] Speaker 1: I mean, there were a lot of weird things in
[3:43] Speaker 1: that whole situation that you dealt with. I don't even
[3:47] Speaker 1: know where to begin, and you still rocked it for
[3:49] Speaker 1: kind of a while. You were like, no, willing to
[3:52] Speaker 1: see the change. I was observing.
[3:54] Speaker 4: I wanted to be an observer, and I was like, okay,
[3:55] Speaker 4: let's just give him the benefit of the doubt. Let's okay,
[3:59] Speaker 4: so let me let me explain what happened. So I
[4:01] Speaker 4: was I was seeing someone for a very brief moment
[4:06] Speaker 4: in time, but the first time in my life I
[4:10] Speaker 4: had experienced having a partner that had issues in the bedroom.
[4:15] Speaker 4: And I've heard about this. I've heard people and women
[4:17] Speaker 4: that experienced this, but.
[4:19] Speaker 1: I've never in my life have had this experience.
[4:22] Speaker 4: And so I was like, okay, maybe it's so we Like.
[4:26] Speaker 4: I brought it up because obviously when you're in the
[4:28] Speaker 4: bedroom and there's like issues, I'm not going to ignore them.
[4:32] Speaker 1: And then I had a like voicemail, what was it like?
[4:33] Speaker 1: It wouldn't get hard or it would be hard and
[4:35] Speaker 1: then go first, it wouldn't get hard.
[4:38] Speaker 4: That's very uncomfortable, and then it's.
[4:42] Speaker 1: Uncomfortable for everyone involved. And I felt bad. I did
[4:44] Speaker 1: feel bad. There was a part of me that was like, oh,
[4:46] Speaker 1: this is so sad because I like you.
[4:49] Speaker 4: But he came back the next time and he said,
[4:53] Speaker 4: guess what, like I went and got hills and I
[4:56] Speaker 4: was like, great, listen, I don't give a shit how
[4:59] Speaker 4: you get it up.
[5:01] Speaker 1: Just it just needs to get up and stay up
[5:03] Speaker 1: long enough. Yeah.
[5:05] Speaker 5: So he.
[5:08] Speaker 4: Took him and then the next time I noticed that
[5:12] Speaker 4: like he did, and I asked him. I said, hey,
[5:13] Speaker 4: did you did you take your pills? And he's like no,
[5:16] Speaker 4: And I was like, oh that's great.
[5:17] Speaker 1: We're back. It's like it stayed rock hard.
[5:20] Speaker 4: Yes, okay, yes there was we were still having issue.
[5:24] Speaker 4: The finishing part was was another issue. But whatever, that's
[5:27] Speaker 4: a hymn problem. As long as I'm good.
[5:28] Speaker 1: I think a lot going on, a lot of issues
[5:33] Speaker 1: going on.
[5:34] Speaker 4: So next thing, you know, like a day or two later,
[5:38] Speaker 4: I said, wait, so let me ask you again, did
[5:41] Speaker 4: you take the pills? And he's like, I said, you
[5:45] Speaker 4: said no, and he goes, well, I actually I did,
[5:47] Speaker 4: and I looked at him and I.
[5:48] Speaker 1: Was like, how would you lie about that? Like it's
[5:50] Speaker 1: such a weird thing.
[5:51] Speaker 4: And I know men might feel like embarrassed if they
[5:55] Speaker 4: have to, but again, like it's just a weird, little
[5:59] Speaker 4: white lie, and that scares the shit out of me
[6:02] Speaker 4: because eventually I started noticing all these other little weird
[6:07] Speaker 4: things that weren't adding up, and I would you just
[6:10] Speaker 4: get this feeling that you they're lying that, like the
[6:12] Speaker 4: truth is not coming out.
[6:13] Speaker 1: I don't know, I just don't like sometimes little lies
[6:18] Speaker 1: scare me more than big lies. Oh, tell me more
[6:21] Speaker 1: about that. Why because the big lies like makes sense.
[6:26] Speaker 1: It's like, oh okay, yeah, I can get down with that.
[6:28] Speaker 1: But like I really didn't want to hurt your feelings
[6:30] Speaker 1: because X, Y and Z.
[6:32] Speaker 4: But when it's like this little white light, I feel
[6:34] Speaker 4: like there's a little bit of a sociopathic personality thing
[6:40] Speaker 4: going on.
[6:40] Speaker 1: I think it's because of our trauma. Oh is it? Yeah, Well,
[6:45] Speaker 1: it's just a weird thing anyway. It's a weird thing anyway,
[6:48] Speaker 1: But I think it hits differently for us because the
[6:50] Speaker 1: person that we used to deal with like the strangest,
[6:56] Speaker 1: the strangest lies. But do you know what's even crazier
[6:59] Speaker 1: is actually witnessing someone lie to other people. I had
[7:03] Speaker 1: that experience, yeah, for a long time, and I'm.
[7:05] Speaker 4: Thinking, oh my god, he's freaking lying right to these people.
[7:11] Speaker 4: And I'm like study, because I'm an actor and that's
[7:12] Speaker 4: what I do. I'm like studying his behavior, and I'm.
[7:14] Speaker 1: Like, he's so good at lying. Yeah, yeah, yea yeah.
[7:19] Speaker 1: Like our ex. I remember being a dinner and him
[7:23] Speaker 1: telling the people we were with that he hadn't eaten
[7:25] Speaker 1: all day because he's on a diet. And I watched
[7:28] Speaker 1: him finish an entire box of Whole Foods croissants before
[7:32] Speaker 1: we left, and I was like, what, But again, what
[7:37] Speaker 1: a weird lie, What a weird fu. That's so strange
[7:41] Speaker 1: to me. Why why why do you have to lie
[7:43] Speaker 1: about that? Why do you have to lie about that?
[7:45] Speaker 1: But you did eat? You did eat. I watched you.
[7:48] Speaker 1: I watched you eat.
[7:51] Speaker 4: It's almost to me that sounds like it's not about
[7:55] Speaker 4: the people that they're speaking to or telling the lie to.
[7:59] Speaker 4: This is about them feeling guilty that they're gonna sit
[8:02] Speaker 4: down and have another meal after.
[8:04] Speaker 1: They just had a box of croissants.
[8:06] Speaker 4: Yeah, he was like, they're talking to their mind, to themselves, right.
[8:11] Speaker 1: He felt judged that he finished the entire basket of
[8:14] Speaker 1: Craig's bread. By the way, that's the healthier bread. If
[8:17] Speaker 1: you're gonna have a the best. Craig's has the best bread.
[8:21] Speaker 1: No basket ever. I know, Oh, Craig's. I was thinking
[8:25] Speaker 1: the brand Craigs. You would I say it so differently,
[8:30] Speaker 1: She says, Craig, Oh, Craig, and I just say Craig, Craig, Craig, Craigs, Craigs, Craigs, Tomato, Tomato.
[8:40] Speaker 1: I can't hear it. Is that funny. I literally cannot
[8:42] Speaker 1: hear the difference. That's fine, but there is a difference
[8:47] Speaker 1: when we say it, because when I say it, you
[8:49] Speaker 1: don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
[8:51] Speaker 4: No, I thought you just met Craig the restaurant. I
[8:54] Speaker 4: was talking about Craigs, the bread that you buy it
[8:56] Speaker 4: at the grocery store.
[8:57] Speaker 1: There's a brand called Craigs. Okay, I'm glad we cleared
[9:01] Speaker 1: that up. Is Greig's the restaurant bread? Still I went
[9:07] Speaker 1: there one time. Okay, Well, it's delicious and it comes
[9:10] Speaker 1: in fact into cheesecake. Factory. Thank you right here, baby.
[9:16] Speaker 1: It is a weird He was feeling guilty that he
[9:18] Speaker 1: just finished a box of croissants and now he's finishing
[9:21] Speaker 1: a basket of bread. You're having a carb guilt. I
[9:25] Speaker 1: get it. A crisis, internal crisis, an internal crisis. No
[9:29] Speaker 1: one's judging you here except for yourself. I'm a little
[9:32] Speaker 1: angry about it because I have to see you naked,
[9:35] Speaker 1: which is not pleasant, but you know whatever, we get
[9:38] Speaker 1: through it. The weirdest I was dating this guy and
[9:45] Speaker 1: he told me he was a minimalist. Oh, red flag.
[9:49] Speaker 1: I didn't think so I was like, oh my god,
[9:51] Speaker 1: a minimalist after what I had just come out of
[9:53] Speaker 1: where it was just just excessive everything, Like we can't
[9:57] Speaker 1: go to Disneyland without buying the entire higher thing of
[10:00] Speaker 1: balloons that the woman's holding. I can't just get one. Yeah,
[10:03] Speaker 1: So when you tell me you're a minimalist, I'm like,
[10:05] Speaker 1: I'm wet. What a green flag? Okay, we don't need
[10:07] Speaker 1: shit everywhere? Like I'm fine that you like cook in
[10:11] Speaker 1: the same area that you sleep, Like that's not a problem.
[10:14] Speaker 1: Like studio apartment, no big deal. Didn't love the fluorescent lighting,
[10:18] Speaker 1: like that was a big.
[10:19] Speaker 4: Issue for me is that like an energy saver. I
[10:22] Speaker 4: think I don't know what it is. It's just awful triggering.
[10:25] Speaker 4: Oh horrible.
[10:27] Speaker 1: But he told me he didn't have a car because
[10:30] Speaker 1: he was a minimalist. Ugh still to this day is
[10:34] Speaker 1: on my top of like hottest men that I've ever
[10:37] Speaker 1: seen in my life. Wait where'd you meet him? I
[10:39] Speaker 1: met him through a friend. She kept saying like, actually
[10:43] Speaker 1: the breakup, no, she was like totally normal. And then
[10:45] Speaker 1: when I told her, Yo, your friend's kind of well,
[10:49] Speaker 1: he was a love bomber, but you know you and
[10:50] Speaker 1: I love a good blud bomb. Tell me more. First date,
[10:55] Speaker 1: let's fucking go. How did he look on me with words? Yes,
[10:59] Speaker 1: but also with his time? Oh that's the best. Oh,
[11:03] Speaker 1: I can't. I think I just got a little what
[11:07] Speaker 1: time time? Oh, the time and the dick. He had
[11:11] Speaker 1: no problem with any of it. And it was just
[11:13] Speaker 1: like Vagina and Dick all the livelong day out together. Fun.
[11:19] Speaker 1: But was he like a weird hippie kind of not
[11:22] Speaker 1: at all. It's not a weird hippie. Was he a
[11:24] Speaker 1: mushroom consumer? No? Oh, he was fucking normal from what
[11:29] Speaker 1: I thought. But then, like I thought he was dead
[11:31] Speaker 1: in a ditch somewhere because he just completely fell off
[11:33] Speaker 1: the grid. He ghosted. You never heard from him again.
[11:36] Speaker 1: Is the last interaction I had with this man. Okay,
[11:39] Speaker 1: I'm in his bed and he said, I know you
[11:44] Speaker 1: have your daughter tonight, but I would really like to
[11:46] Speaker 1: have you start like staying over. And I was like,
[11:50] Speaker 1: I love this idea, but I know myself and if
[11:52] Speaker 1: we start doing that, like I get attached. That's just
[11:56] Speaker 1: what happens to me. And he was like, all right, well,
[11:58] Speaker 1: like whenever you're ready, like you know, you can stay here.
[12:01] Speaker 1: The next day that was I never heard from him again,
[12:07] Speaker 1: never heard from him again. It so scary how someone
[12:10] Speaker 1: can Yes, I din't like it. I don't like it.
[12:14] Speaker 1: And did he give you a little white lie? That
[12:16] Speaker 1: was well the car thing. So yeah, you have to
[12:21] Speaker 1: remember at this time when I heard he was a
[12:23] Speaker 1: minimalist and that's why he didn't have a car. And
[12:24] Speaker 1: I was like, okay, like whatever, because at that point
[12:27] Speaker 1: I was just like, I didn't live. He lived in
[12:29] Speaker 1: Marina del Rey. Okay. It was also weird because every
[12:32] Speaker 1: time he like would come out my way, he would
[12:36] Speaker 1: always ask if my friend was coming so he could
[12:39] Speaker 1: hitch a ride. Yeah, oh that's not sexy, not sexy
[12:42] Speaker 1: at all. So in the meantime, right, I do a
[12:45] Speaker 1: worldwide background check on people at this point in time,
[12:48] Speaker 1: I did so after he ghoest me. I get the
[12:50] Speaker 1: background check back. He doesn't have a car because he
[12:55] Speaker 1: was involved in a car accident and the judge ordered
[12:59] Speaker 1: him to he didn't have insurance. The judge ordered him
[13:03] Speaker 1: to pay for the other person's damage, damnage or whatever.
[13:08] Speaker 1: He didn't do it. He had to pay like a
[13:10] Speaker 1: fine and whatever, and he just never paid it. So
[13:13] Speaker 1: they took his license away. Oh that was that lie,
[13:17] Speaker 1: white lie. That got very grand. It got very grand.
[13:22] Speaker 1: But that's a criminal. That's like someone trying to hide
[13:25] Speaker 1: that they and maybe.
[13:26] Speaker 4: He's wasn't like, like you know, a serious criminal, but
[13:29] Speaker 4: like that is.
[13:31] Speaker 1: So he was just like yeah, I got like, but again,
[13:33] Speaker 1: why why why do people have to Why do people
[13:35] Speaker 1: have to lie it? Why do people have to lie?
[13:38] Speaker 1: I just don't get it. I don't get it either.
[13:39] Speaker 1: It's annoying. So there was also a guy who told
[13:41] Speaker 1: me that he owned his house, and his background check
[13:45] Speaker 1: came back where it was like he's not a homeowner.
[13:46] Speaker 1: I'm like, what was the point. I don't care if
[13:48] Speaker 1: you rent, Like you offered this information, I didn't ask you,
[13:52] Speaker 1: like are you a homeowner? Do you own this?
[13:55] Speaker 5: No?
[13:56] Speaker 1: Never came out of my mouth. Isn't that weird? Yeah,
[13:59] Speaker 1: it's it's just not it's not healthy. Okay, So, either
[14:03] Speaker 1: my picker is so far off or like the men
[14:06] Speaker 1: are just really hard. Good men are really hard to find,
[14:09] Speaker 1: because even with you Amber, like, I feel like it's
[14:14] Speaker 1: most of my group who are single, they're like not
[14:17] Speaker 1: finding good dudes. And I'm like, well, all of our
[14:19] Speaker 1: pickers can't be that off, Like we can't all be
[14:21] Speaker 1: that far off or birds of a feather. I mean,
[14:24] Speaker 1: maybe we all are just fucking insane. I don't know.
[14:27] Speaker 1: It could be a little bit of both. Really. Yeah. Yeah.
[14:32] Speaker 4: I think Riley told me I was crazy the other
[14:34] Speaker 4: day and I said, but like crazy in like a
[14:36] Speaker 4: good way. She's like, Mom, you're just crazy, Like because
[14:39] Speaker 4: I'm dancing in the kitchen. If that qualifies me as crazy,
[14:42] Speaker 4: then I'll take it.
[14:43] Speaker 1: That qualifies you as fun. And she's just in that
[14:45] Speaker 1: zone of your cringe at all times. Yeah. Yeah, they
[14:48] Speaker 1: go in and out of that though. I do, however,
[14:59] Speaker 1: feel badly or the man because we are also like
[15:04] Speaker 1: their lies are like just kind of strange, where like
[15:07] Speaker 1: when a woman tells a lie, for example, and I
[15:12] Speaker 1: want men to be mind readers, like I had this,
[15:14] Speaker 1: I had this situation happen where it's like, let me
[15:17] Speaker 1: tell you something. When I tell you I'm fine, I'm not.
[15:22] Speaker 1: Just know that it's opposite day when I tell you
[15:26] Speaker 1: I don't want to talk to you, get out of
[15:28] Speaker 1: my life. You need to further engage, get on a
[15:30] Speaker 1: fucking plane and arrive at my front. But that's not
[15:32] Speaker 1: a lie. That's not a lie to me, that's not
[15:34] Speaker 1: that's just like, see how fucked up are we were like,
[15:36] Speaker 1: But that's not a lie. It's not a lie. Well, okay,
[15:40] Speaker 1: hold on a second. Let me think about this. Maybe
[15:41] Speaker 1: I spoke too soon? Is that a lie?
[15:43] Speaker 4: I think it's just no, you know what, it's just
[15:46] Speaker 4: not being honest. Is there a difference between honesty and lying?
[15:50] Speaker 4: Like I wasn't being honest and that's a lie. M.
[15:53] Speaker 4: I think that's a fine line because if.
[15:55] Speaker 1: The roles were reversed, if a dude did that to me,
[16:00] Speaker 1: I'd be like, then you lied about it. You weren't fine?
[16:03] Speaker 1: And now we're in a dark hole because you lied,
[16:07] Speaker 1: you lied, you lied, And for when it's the other side,
[16:10] Speaker 1: it's like I wasn't lying. I just wasn't fully I
[16:14] Speaker 1: think a lie is. I do feel bad for what
[16:18] Speaker 1: I don't have. We switched places. What's happening now. I
[16:24] Speaker 1: don't feel bad for men. Why men are not like
[16:28] Speaker 1: holding up their end of.
[16:29] Speaker 4: The bargain with you living this life.
[16:34] Speaker 1: They're all little bitches in my opinion right now, already
[16:39] Speaker 1: said it. Next time I see your mama, yes, let
[16:42] Speaker 1: her know. But it's true.
[16:43] Speaker 4: It's like, oh my god, it makes me want to
[16:46] Speaker 4: have another kid to be and raise a sun just
[16:50] Speaker 4: so I know there's at least one good and my dad.
[16:52] Speaker 4: My dad's a great guy, but there's like one good
[16:54] Speaker 4: man out in the world.
[16:56] Speaker 1: Yeah, because there's always something that's just a little bit off.
[17:00] Speaker 1: But I was thinking that if a dude were to
[17:06] Speaker 1: go to his friends or his mom and read my messages,
[17:11] Speaker 1: they'd be like, this woman's crazy. You should run.
[17:16] Speaker 5: No.
[17:17] Speaker 1: See, my friends are so good and they're like, you're
[17:21] Speaker 1: not crazy here.
[17:22] Speaker 4: But like even in Montana, I was like, oh, I'm
[17:27] Speaker 4: gonna go out there and there's gonna be some real
[17:29] Speaker 4: fucking men out there, like real.
[17:31] Speaker 1: Good old school, like yeah, corn bread, titty fed on
[17:36] Speaker 1: the farm totally. I guess, yes, yes, and there's not.
[17:41] Speaker 1: It's the same. It doesn't matter where you go. They
[17:44] Speaker 1: all suck. They all suck. So who's dropping the ball?
[17:50] Speaker 1: Is it the mom and the dad or do they
[17:54] Speaker 1: just come this way now because of society. Maybe it's
[17:57] Speaker 1: the almond milk. Maybe they're all being raised on the
[18:00] Speaker 1: coconut almond milk. Maybe maybe it's a hormonal thing, you know.
[18:05] Speaker 1: I think everybody social media. I think it's all these
[18:08] Speaker 1: fucking apps. I think it's accessibility. I truly do. There's
[18:13] Speaker 1: you can live in Montana now, but you can find
[18:16] Speaker 1: if you're a good looking little cowboy or whatever, you
[18:19] Speaker 1: can find a model in Italy and suddenly someone who
[18:23] Speaker 1: you would never even know existed. There's too much access. Yeah,
[18:28] Speaker 1: well it's also the way they go about So I
[18:31] Speaker 1: matched with some guy on a dating app. Do I
[18:35] Speaker 1: know this man? No? No, I haven't told you the
[18:37] Speaker 1: story yet, And he was like, hey, let's hang.
[18:42] Speaker 4: I'm like, wait, what I don't want to hate, Like,
[18:45] Speaker 4: that's not the way I personally want to be treated.
[18:47] Speaker 4: I want someone to say, hey, I would love to
[18:50] Speaker 4: take you out to dinner. I don't want a fucking
[18:52] Speaker 4: coffee date. Like if I'm gonna step outside of my house.
[18:55] Speaker 1: Yeah me, feed me, do eat on dates? Yeah? Yes? Oh.
[19:00] Speaker 1: I get a pit in my stomach. I'm like, I
[19:02] Speaker 1: can't breathe. What am I supposed to talk to you about?
[19:04] Speaker 1: Oh my god, do I fuck you? Oh my god?
[19:06] Speaker 1: Where do I fuck you? Though? Because I like my house,
[19:08] Speaker 1: but I got a mom downstairs? Where do you live?
[19:11] Speaker 1: That's that situation. Like, I play through it and by
[19:13] Speaker 1: the time I'm done thinking, I'm like, I'm not going
[19:15] Speaker 1: on that dape even I don't know.
[19:17] Speaker 4: It's just a way that men are communicating and asking
[19:19] Speaker 4: women out.
[19:20] Speaker 1: I don't know.
[19:20] Speaker 4: I think I'm just getting a little more picky and
[19:25] Speaker 4: I don't want to rest my time.
[19:27] Speaker 1: Also, when I tell you go out do your thing,
[19:31] Speaker 1: like have fun, I'm gonna need you to know that
[19:34] Speaker 1: that means if you pick fucking going out, I will
[19:38] Speaker 1: murder you. Wait what Like you know when girls are
[19:43] Speaker 1: like a guy wants to have a boy's night, He's like,
[19:45] Speaker 1: do you care if I go out with my boys? Right?
[19:46] Speaker 1: We're gonna watch the game. Let's just say you have
[19:49] Speaker 1: a new baby at home and the woman's like, yeah,
[19:53] Speaker 1: that's fine, you should totally go do that. I'm going
[19:55] Speaker 1: to need you to know. That means you better stay.
[19:58] Speaker 1: This is a test right now. Are you going to pass?
[20:01] Speaker 1: And they always fail every time.
[20:04] Speaker 4: I think before we go out with men moving forward,
[20:07] Speaker 4: we have to check their testosterone levels, we have to
[20:12] Speaker 4: check their IQ because a smart man, well, no, I.
[20:15] Speaker 1: Think I need to. I don't really care if his
[20:17] Speaker 1: IQ is super fucking high. I'm gonna need a high
[20:20] Speaker 1: EQ though. Oh yeah, yeah that's better. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[20:22] Speaker 1: I didn't go to college. I wouldn't love if you
[20:25] Speaker 1: were testing my IQ because I don't even know what
[20:26] Speaker 1: it is. But bitch, I get the job done. I
[20:31] Speaker 1: got the street smarts and emotionally intelligent.
[20:35] Speaker 4: Well yeah, that means he's going to be able to listen.
[20:40] Speaker 4: You don't want to play mind games. But at the
[20:42] Speaker 4: same time, we're.
[20:45] Speaker 1: Not that like women are not that complicated, Like we
[20:48] Speaker 1: just want okay, maybe we are. We just want love.
[20:52] Speaker 1: Like for me, I'll speak for myself. For me, for me,
[20:56] Speaker 1: I want the same thing. Yeah, give me a good love,
[20:59] Speaker 1: but also back it up, you know, what I mean,
[21:06] Speaker 1: love bomb me, but then also give me your time
[21:08] Speaker 1: and we're ready to roll. And I get locked in
[21:10] Speaker 1: amber when we start forming the structure and the emotional connection.
[21:16] Speaker 1: I don't see anybody else. No, I'm the same way.
[21:19] Speaker 1: There's not one person you could put in front of
[21:20] Speaker 1: me that would that would make me go. I don't
[21:23] Speaker 1: know about this, Yeah, I know. That's why I have
[21:27] Speaker 1: to wonder why did God like did God people say
[21:32] Speaker 1: like God turnder rund, where we together our procreant? I
[21:36] Speaker 1: did not just hear anything you fucking said. Say it again,
[21:40] Speaker 1: but this English people people talk about this. Men and women, yes, together, Yes,
[21:48] Speaker 1: to pro create. Yes. I don't necessarily know what I believe,
[21:54] Speaker 1: except for I don't know that men and women are
[21:56] Speaker 1: supposed to be together because why why are we on
[22:00] Speaker 1: the you know, biological clock? And when we get to
[22:05] Speaker 1: you know, thirty five, it's considered and this is an
[22:07] Speaker 1: antiquated term, like a geriatric pregnancy. But then a man,
[22:12] Speaker 1: he doesn't even come into his own until he's like
[22:15] Speaker 1: in his forties, maybe even later, maybe fourteen five to fifty, okay,
[22:21] Speaker 1: forty maybe exactly, maybe even later. But do you get
[22:26] Speaker 1: what I'm saying? It doesn't make any sense. And then
[22:28] Speaker 1: we judge these young women who are going for older men,
[22:31] Speaker 1: at least I do, because I'm like, now she's with
[22:33] Speaker 1: them for the money or whatever, because I'm traumatized. But
[22:37] Speaker 1: I'm like, no, he probably just has this fucking shit
[22:40] Speaker 1: together and people her own age are not. They just
[22:46] Speaker 1: they're not closers yet.
[22:48] Speaker 4: No, they don't know they're amateurs. And that is why
[22:51] Speaker 4: I've always liked older men, not for any other reasons,
[22:57] Speaker 4: like you just feel like this does not apply to
[23:00] Speaker 4: the first one, okay, but I just feel that they
[23:05] Speaker 4: are their emotional intelligence is is better, they're more aware,
[23:10] Speaker 4: they have more life experience. I also started my life
[23:13] Speaker 4: really young, and so I don't want to meet someone
[23:15] Speaker 4: at like around my age when they're just starting out like.
[23:19] Speaker 1: It's it's a really complicated situation.
[23:22] Speaker 4: But unfortunately, I think that's probably why a lot of
[23:27] Speaker 4: women want to be with men that are at least
[23:30] Speaker 4: four or five years older than them, and their brains
[23:33] Speaker 4: are just built differently. Their brains are not it's not
[23:36] Speaker 4: the same.
[23:36] Speaker 1: Why are you doing the side Because I'm like, I
[23:38] Speaker 1: totally get that, But then when you get hands on,
[23:40] Speaker 1: like a younger dude, You're like, I know, I could
[23:44] Speaker 1: never go back to well, the right one, the right
[23:50] Speaker 1: one in tight Balls, Pretty penis like the whole thing
[23:54] Speaker 1: is just okay. You like a tight package. I like
[24:00] Speaker 1: just a man who's like thirty to my age. I
[24:06] Speaker 1: still think thirty is too young, but that's just my opinion.
[24:09] Speaker 1: It depends on where you find him. I guess like
[24:12] Speaker 1: in La thirty is gonna be very But you're in
[24:14] Speaker 1: Bozeman right now and you're saying that it's the same thing.
[24:16] Speaker 4: So I feel it's the same everywhere, because honestly, I
[24:19] Speaker 4: go on Instagram and I hear people talk about it,
[24:21] Speaker 4: and it's like, it doesn't it doesn't matter. It's like
[24:23] Speaker 4: we're in a we're in a crisis, and I think
[24:26] Speaker 4: that everyone just needs to be rebaptized when it comes
[24:30] Speaker 4: to you're.
[24:32] Speaker 1: Right though, I feel like women, we're not as complex
[24:35] Speaker 1: as they make it sound. Like everyone can pick up
[24:40] Speaker 1: on a vibe and energy. You know, if I say
[24:43] Speaker 1: that I'm fine, I'm probably not because you wouldn't have
[24:47] Speaker 1: to ask me if I'm okay, right right, right, right right,
[24:49] Speaker 1: Like let's just start there on top of that, be
[24:54] Speaker 1: kind back up what you say and just communicate. Like
[24:59] Speaker 1: it's very very simple, but I do I like this question.
[25:03] Speaker 1: Would you rather have a partner who lies about small
[25:05] Speaker 1: things but is emotionally present, or is someone who's brutally
[25:09] Speaker 1: honest but emotionally avoidant. No, I do not want an
[25:12] Speaker 1: emotionally avoidant man. No, thank you, no, thank you. Yeah,
[25:17] Speaker 1: I just dealt with it. And it's fucking gut wrenching. Yeah. No,
[25:21] Speaker 1: it's it's you. You're you're living on the ice like walking.
[25:27] Speaker 1: I don't, I don't.
[25:27] Speaker 4: I can't even explain. It's like just not, I witnessed it.
[25:32] Speaker 4: You want someone with substance and a little bit of heart,
[25:34] Speaker 4: but like a well balanced you know what I mean,
[25:37] Speaker 4: it's a well balanced human.
[25:39] Speaker 1: Don't ice me out. Yeah, Like, if we're in a
[25:42] Speaker 1: rough if we're in a rough area, and even if
[25:45] Speaker 1: I'm talking crazy, I'm still communicating, you know, so to
[25:51] Speaker 1: just and that is a fine line too, because if
[25:55] Speaker 1: I'm which I was not on a hundred, but if
[25:58] Speaker 1: I get to one hundred, yes, there is a time
[26:02] Speaker 1: to be like, I'm gonna let you cool off. I
[26:03] Speaker 1: don't feel like this is a productive conversation. When you
[26:06] Speaker 1: take a beat, we can continue the conversation. But when
[26:10] Speaker 1: anybody ices me out, I feel extremely abandoned. And I
[26:15] Speaker 1: didn't realize that I had abandonment issues until this happened.
[26:18] Speaker 4: In my opinion, there there's a fine line where it
[26:22] Speaker 4: turns into.
[26:23] Speaker 1: People are gonna kill me for saying this.
[26:25] Speaker 4: It turns into abuse when you are not talking to
[26:29] Speaker 4: someone and you're shutting them out and you're not communicating.
[26:32] Speaker 4: It's this weird control abusive relationship.
[26:35] Speaker 1: I don't know. That's how I see it. Would you
[26:37] Speaker 1: agree with that? Yeah, I would agree with that. Yeah,
[26:39] Speaker 1: I don't like it. It's not okay.
[26:42] Speaker 4: And even if you could say, like on the other end,
[26:45] Speaker 4: if he says, I don't know how I'm feeling right now,
[26:48] Speaker 4: I don't want you to think that I'm icing you out.
[26:50] Speaker 4: I just need a second to process everything that just happened,
[26:53] Speaker 4: I would be like, okay, cool, Like at least I
[26:55] Speaker 4: got that. At least it's something right. Yeah, No, there's
[27:00] Speaker 4: a lot that.
[27:03] Speaker 1: And I think I spoke to Eastan about this, but
[27:06] Speaker 1: I just feel like dating and you'll you'll relate to
[27:09] Speaker 1: this because you're in the program. But it's similar to
[27:12] Speaker 1: like sobriety, right, Like when someone enters rehab and they
[27:16] Speaker 1: feel really strong in their sobriety and then they enter
[27:19] Speaker 1: the real world and it's like, oh, this is this
[27:21] Speaker 1: was unexpected. I don't know that I have the tools
[27:24] Speaker 1: because I have been so in my bubble and worked
[27:32] Speaker 1: through things kind of on my own, just with the
[27:35] Speaker 1: little group I have around me. Now that I've re
[27:37] Speaker 1: entered the world, it has it's been jarring where I'm like, oh,
[27:43] Speaker 1: this is going back to when we had that amazing
[27:46] Speaker 1: therapist on Melissa Thompson, and I asked her, you know,
[27:49] Speaker 1: I feel like I've done a lot of work, but
[27:52] Speaker 1: what if someone comes into my life and my traumas
[27:55] Speaker 1: reared their ugly head. And she said, you know, there's
[27:57] Speaker 1: only so much work that you can do on your
[27:58] Speaker 1: own before people have to come in and recreate experiences
[28:03] Speaker 1: for you and teach you how to work through things
[28:05] Speaker 1: and actually use the tools in real time. And that's
[28:09] Speaker 1: how I I know, like I cannot allow this experience
[28:13] Speaker 1: to like put me back in my hole where the
[28:15] Speaker 1: wall is built and I'm just traumatized by the whole. No,
[28:19] Speaker 1: it's a muscle.
[28:19] Speaker 4: I have to work this muscle like you're working out
[28:22] Speaker 4: for the first time and you're doing things you've never
[28:24] Speaker 4: done before, and well, in a very long time, it's
[28:26] Speaker 4: going You just have to keep moving forward.
[28:29] Speaker 1: You have to. You can't just like you can't retreat
[28:33] Speaker 1: back into your hole and I'm not gonna let you. No,
[28:36] Speaker 1: Well I can't amber because I can't go through. Last
[28:40] Speaker 1: week was like traumatizing for me. Yeah, yeah, you saw it.
[28:46] Speaker 1: I think it was traumatizing for you. I think it
[28:47] Speaker 1: was traumatizing for my mom. I was not able to
[28:50] Speaker 1: be I was like on an autopilot, like just navigating life,
[28:54] Speaker 1: not even knowing what was happening. I was making my
[28:57] Speaker 1: kids dinner and not even knowing what I was fucking doing.
[29:00] Speaker 4: Well, because someone it's weird when someone's there and then
[29:04] Speaker 4: all of a sudden they're not there. That's like a
[29:06] Speaker 4: weird It's like, was I just dreaming? Like it's a
[29:09] Speaker 4: weird out of body experience that you've had and you've
[29:14] Speaker 4: processed and now you're on the other side of it
[29:16] Speaker 4: and you're fucking fine. Okay, so channel you're in her
[29:20] Speaker 4: fucking CARDI b bitch, and get back on that horse
[29:23] Speaker 4: and get eat the fuck up.
[29:25] Speaker 1: You're tooking me a full seven days, But that's Okay,
[29:28] Speaker 1: that's amazing. Seven days. You did it in seven days.
[29:31] Speaker 1: God created the world in seven days. Wow, Oh my god,
[29:36] Speaker 1: my mind is blown. Why because it's just so symbolic
[29:40] Speaker 1: what I feel like I did. He created the world.
[29:45] Speaker 1: I got through heartbreak. Yeah, you're good. Seems one and
[29:48] Speaker 1: the same to me. You listen, you could do hard
[29:51] Speaker 1: things and you did it. I did. I walked from
[29:54] Speaker 1: beaches to Craigs the other night and six inchields. So yes,
[29:57] Speaker 1: I mean I don't think I can. I can do
[29:59] Speaker 1: hard fucking things. That's hard.
[30:01] Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, law We're going to take a quick
[30:04] Speaker 4: break and then we're going to be back to answer
[30:05] Speaker 4: some questions from our callers.
[30:08] Speaker 1: I can't wait.
[30:19] Speaker 5: Lola fucking Kent, I love you, Holy Cow. But no, seriously,
[30:24] Speaker 5: I have followed your journey for forever, and honestly, I
[30:29] Speaker 5: think that one of my favorite things about you is,
[30:33] Speaker 5: of course how strong you are and everything else.
[30:35] Speaker 7: But what is the best way for motivation on your
[30:40] Speaker 7: sobriety journey. My brother has struggled with addiction, and so
[30:46] Speaker 7: I'm just curious what keeps your mind going into how
[30:50] Speaker 7: you've been able to get through the hard times and
[30:54] Speaker 7: the good times. And I also want to hear all
[30:56] Speaker 7: the tea on the valley, like, are we friends with Kristen?
[31:00] Speaker 5: Now?
[31:01] Speaker 7: Are we not friends with Sena anymore? I want to
[31:06] Speaker 7: know all these things because I've watched vander Pump's vander
[31:09] Speaker 7: Pump Roules since I was like, oh gosh, probably too
[31:14] Speaker 7: young to watch it, but hell, who cares spend the
[31:17] Speaker 7: time of my life? But anyways, and I think you
[31:22] Speaker 7: should wear orange more because you look like a bad
[31:25] Speaker 7: ass bitch with orange on. I don't know why, but
[31:28] Speaker 7: it looks so good on you, dude. Okay, anyways, I
[31:32] Speaker 7: love you bye.
[31:34] Speaker 3: This is Madison tune by the way, m A D
[31:40] Speaker 3: Y s O M TU and E.
[31:44] Speaker 7: Don't know if that really matters or if you cared,
[31:47] Speaker 7: but whatever, love you nice.
[31:53] Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with Madison. Oh my god, that's really sweet.
[31:56] Speaker 1: The first thing. I mean, I I'm not allowed to
[32:00] Speaker 1: talk about anything on the valley. Kristin and I are friends.
[32:05] Speaker 1: The sobriety thing. I think that this is the most
[32:09] Speaker 1: perfect time for that question to come through, because we
[32:13] Speaker 1: just celebrated two years for you, and we went to
[32:17] Speaker 1: a meeting and you got your cake. Yep. The speaker
[32:20] Speaker 1: was amazing I think the hardest thing about and you
[32:25] Speaker 1: can speak on this more Amber when you're not the
[32:28] Speaker 1: one struggling with alcohol, but you see someone right in
[32:31] Speaker 1: front of you, especially like your brother, which I relate
[32:35] Speaker 1: to because you were in alan On. That's like what
[32:38] Speaker 1: got you into the other room? Yeah, I started to
[32:41] Speaker 1: know it on. Yeah, Like, how did you deal with
[32:45] Speaker 1: people around you that you notice we're in a pattern
[32:49] Speaker 1: of addiction.
[32:53] Speaker 4: Well, I realized that if they weren't going to get
[32:55] Speaker 4: help themselves, or they weren't ready to take that step,
[32:59] Speaker 4: then I needed to take the step to figure out
[33:01] Speaker 4: how to manage because I was taking on like their
[33:06] Speaker 4: addiction was consuming me right, and I had to figure
[33:10] Speaker 4: out how to separate the two and then through alan On.
[33:14] Speaker 1: And by the way, I wasn't even in alan.
[33:16] Speaker 4: On that long, and I frankly, I do need that
[33:19] Speaker 4: program desperately. But I think once I got into my
[33:25] Speaker 4: program and just focused on my side of the street
[33:28] Speaker 4: and cleaned up, then the other people in my life
[33:32] Speaker 4: who struggle with addiction, it became manageable. And then I
[33:35] Speaker 4: learned through Alcoholics Anonymous too to realize that those people
[33:42] Speaker 4: are sick. And through that process you have like empathy
[33:45] Speaker 4: for them.
[33:45] Speaker 1: Okay, I think what you pointed out, like, you can't
[33:49] Speaker 1: get someone sober, they have to desperately want it themselves.
[33:55] Speaker 1: And I don't even know how I because yes, I'm
[33:59] Speaker 1: in the program. There are people who work their program
[34:02] Speaker 1: much harder than I do, that is for damn sure.
[34:07] Speaker 1: But like getting through the good and bad times and
[34:11] Speaker 1: not picking up a drink, and quite frankly, not in
[34:16] Speaker 1: the seven and a half years that I've been sober,
[34:17] Speaker 1: really even thinking about that, and I don't know how
[34:20] Speaker 1: that happened. I think I just remember so vividly my
[34:25] Speaker 1: rock bottom moment in that morning of waking up after
[34:29] Speaker 1: I had been on a bender, of being like, this
[34:32] Speaker 1: is the darkest place I've ever been in. So when
[34:35] Speaker 1: I think about having a drink when I'm really down,
[34:41] Speaker 1: I imagine when I do have a drink what the
[34:43] Speaker 1: next morning will be like, and that will be just
[34:48] Speaker 1: beyond brutal where I look at the clock and I'm like,
[34:51] Speaker 1: I could easily drive my car off a cliff right now,
[34:53] Speaker 1: like not even a thought on it.
[34:55] Speaker 4: By the way, it people relapse even when their life
[34:57] Speaker 4: gets really big because they think, oh, life is good.
[34:59] Speaker 1: I don't need the p anymore. Right, I got everything
[35:01] Speaker 1: I got. I got the husband, I got the wife,
[35:03] Speaker 1: I got the house, I got the kids, I got
[35:04] Speaker 1: the car, I got the you know whatever. It is
[35:07] Speaker 1: a lot of people go out that way too, and
[35:09] Speaker 1: that's why it's just important just to have a strong community.
[35:14] Speaker 4: And work a program that just works for you. That's
[35:17] Speaker 4: what I love about the program that we work is
[35:20] Speaker 4: that it just is. There's suggestions, suggestions, only you could
[35:26] Speaker 4: either take them or not.
[35:28] Speaker 1: I don't think it's as rigid as people think, like
[35:30] Speaker 1: they hear God and they think like that kind of
[35:33] Speaker 1: scares them, and then they think of like a twelve
[35:35] Speaker 1: step program and these traditions that we follow and read
[35:39] Speaker 1: the Big Book, and I think it becomes very big
[35:42] Speaker 1: for an alcoholic or an addict. And I have a friend,
[35:46] Speaker 1: like a couple of weeks ago who called me and
[35:48] Speaker 1: was like, I want to get sober. And I took
[35:50] Speaker 1: her to a meeting and she had mentioned, like, you know,
[35:56] Speaker 1: I listened to the speaker and I don't know that
[35:58] Speaker 1: I can. I don't know that I have a lot
[36:01] Speaker 1: of people that I need to make amends with. And
[36:03] Speaker 1: I was like, you're already on step nine and you
[36:07] Speaker 1: just today decided that you had a problem. You're moving
[36:11] Speaker 1: too fast. Yeah. Yeah, Like I didn't get to a
[36:13] Speaker 1: step nine until I had like two years of sobriety under.
[36:16] Speaker 2: My belt, and then in the middle of that was
[36:20] Speaker 2: taken back to my third and fourth step because something
[36:26] Speaker 2: happened and I was like, oh my god, I.
[36:30] Speaker 1: Don't know amens to anybody. Fuck this person, I'm so resentful.
[36:35] Speaker 1: And then I had to go through the whole thing
[36:36] Speaker 1: of like owning my part and stuff. And it's like
[36:38] Speaker 1: I do love that. Yeah, like me finding cocaine in
[36:43] Speaker 1: your pocket. Don't see how that's my problem? Yea capacity.
[36:47] Speaker 4: But that's where I feel like I am struggling in
[36:49] Speaker 4: my journey of sobriety is how do I forgive and
[36:56] Speaker 4: make amends but then also very firm strong boundaries without
[37:03] Speaker 4: continuing to have to forgive that person over and literally,
[37:07] Speaker 4: like on a weekly basis of things that hurt.
[37:10] Speaker 1: That's where I'm struggling. But I think Madison was her name, right, Yeah, Madison,
[37:15] Speaker 1: h m ad I and I would love to know
[37:18] Speaker 1: where Madison's from. By the way, I loved her. I
[37:20] Speaker 1: loved her too. That was like the most Amber and
[37:24] Speaker 1: La La episode we like. I felt like we were
[37:26] Speaker 1: laying in bed talking like just the many turns that
[37:29] Speaker 1: the episode tangenting. We could follow each other and hopefully
[37:33] Speaker 1: our listeners can follow us too. They definitely can, because
[37:35] Speaker 1: I have a feeling that they've been following for many
[37:38] Speaker 1: a year. Yeah. Totally, thank you guys for listening to
[37:41] Speaker 1: another episode of an Unlikely Affair. We love you and
[37:43] Speaker 1: we will catch you next week.
[37:46] Speaker 5: By

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