# An Unlikely Affair: The Affair That Saved Us

An episode of [Untraditionally Lala](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1494722390), 28 Aug 2026, 56 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/1a27b7ad-70da-4cb7-9ffd-b3470138ba74/f3a4197e-0c74-410b-bcf8-b4b4003a9c16/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=196ae30c-98ca-4add-a1ed-b3470138ba9f

Lala and Ambyr react to listener voicemails about cheating, manipulation, and other cautionary tales that turn into a masterclass on bad men. Along the way, they reflect on how one painful chapter ultimately became one of the most important friendships of their lives. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:01] Speaker 1: Hi, Amber.
[0:02] Speaker 2: Hi, Lola.
[0:03] Speaker 1: Welcome to An Unlikely Affair. Hello, my loves. Welcome back
[0:11] Speaker 1: to another episode of An Unlikely Affair. Amber, you're in studio.
[0:16] Speaker 1: I know. Like two weeks in a row.
[0:18] Speaker 3: It's amazing.
[0:18] Speaker 1: Two weeks in a row, but it's going to be
[0:19] Speaker 1: all weeks in a row.
[0:20] Speaker 4: It is.
[0:21] Speaker 1: That's right, baby. How do you feel about that? I
[0:24] Speaker 1: don't know. No, about the studio, I'm excited about. But
[0:26] Speaker 1: just the reasoning behind why you're going to be in
[0:29] Speaker 1: the studio all the time. How do I.
[0:33] Speaker 1: I'm processing.
[0:35] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[0:35] Speaker 3: Yeah, I am.
[0:37] Speaker 6: It's funny, like, being here, I want to be back
[0:39] Speaker 6: in Montana, which I could still obviously go back because
[0:42] Speaker 6: I have my place there, but still it's... I'm re-acclimating.
[0:46] Speaker 1: It's freaking hot. Let me tell you something. I feel
[0:48] Speaker 1: like I could be walking around naked because that's how
[0:50] Speaker 1: hot I am. It's just insane. I was at a
[0:53] Speaker 1: birthday party for... One of Ocean's friends, obviously Ocean was
[0:57] Speaker 1: there too. It wasn't just me at Ocean's friend's birthday party.
[1:00] Speaker 1: But it was like 105 degrees. No, it's ridiculous. It's
[1:04] Speaker 1: not okay.
[1:05] Speaker 6: So I'm staying at another friend's house when I like
[1:09] Speaker 6: woke up in the middle of the night and like
[1:11] Speaker 6: drenched in sweat. I had to put like extra layers
[1:14] Speaker 6: of deodorant on this morning.
[1:16] Speaker 1: Because you've been a stinky lady. I have been. I
[1:19] Speaker 1: know that feeling because I get to be a stinky
[1:21] Speaker 1: lady and it only happens when I am under severe
[1:25] Speaker 1: pressure and stress. You know what?
[1:27] Speaker 6: I also woke up and found a massive cyst under
[1:30] Speaker 6: my armpit.
[1:31] Speaker 1: So I was like on chat, GBT. Don't do that.
[1:34] Speaker 4: Why?
[1:34] Speaker 1: Because it's going to tell you you have some like
[1:38] Speaker 1: horrendous thing. Wait, that makes me nervous. Does it move around?
[1:41] Speaker 1: It does. So when I was.
[1:43] Speaker 6: Like 14 or 15, I used to always get cysts
[1:46] Speaker 6: underneath my armpit, and I think that's what it is.
[1:48] Speaker 1: But I haven't had one in so many years. I
[1:51] Speaker 1: have no idea. It's probably like stress or what did
[1:54] Speaker 1: ChatGPT said? Could it be a swollen lymph node?
[1:57] Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1:58] Speaker 1: Or it could be that too. Yeah.
[2:00] Speaker 6: So the reason why you have swollen lymph nodes, according
[2:03] Speaker 6: to Chat, is because it's like your body's fighting off
[2:06] Speaker 6: like an infection.
[2:08] Speaker 1: Or an ingrown hair. I do not have an ingrown hair.
[2:10] Speaker 4: No, no, no.
[2:10] Speaker 1: You know what? I could see it if I had
[2:12] Speaker 1: an ingrown hair. I don't feel like it would be
[2:15] Speaker 1: a lump under the skin. Did you? You're like, that can't.
[2:19] Speaker 1: Process of elimination on chat.
[2:20] Speaker 6: Yeah, but it's like really, it's really, it's really small.
[2:23] Speaker 6: I had the picture in chat, not on my camera.
[2:25] Speaker 1: I would like you to go get an ultrasound or something.
[2:28] Speaker 1: When do I have time to get an ultrasound? Your
[2:30] Speaker 1: health is priority. Without our health, we have nothing. And
[2:33] Speaker 1: I really, my mom has always told me that. And
[2:35] Speaker 1: then when she started going through all of her health
[2:38] Speaker 1: issues after her hip surgery, I was like, wow, it
[2:40] Speaker 1: is so true. Without our health, we have nothing.
[2:43] Speaker 6: I know. I really want to go get a scan.
[2:45] Speaker 6: I think that that would be good.
[2:46] Speaker 1: You know, I did the full-body prenuvo, full-body MRI. Best
[2:52] Speaker 1: thing I ever did. You probably just sleep better at
[2:54] Speaker 1: night now knowing that you're in good health.
[2:56] Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
[2:58] Speaker 1: I think it will have been a year since my
[3:01] Speaker 1: last one in September, and I'm fully hitting them up
[3:03] Speaker 1: to schedule my next one. I'm going to do it
[3:06] Speaker 1: every year. You should. It just makes me feel better.
[3:10] Speaker 1: You know, I think I also.
[3:11] Speaker 6: Know because my boobies are, like, really swollen. So it
[3:15] Speaker 6: just might be something.
[3:17] Speaker 7: I don't know.
[3:18] Speaker 1: The body. The female body. It tells you.
[3:21] Speaker 6: I'm under a lot of stress right now, too. So
[3:22] Speaker 6: I think that's probably what it is to my body reacting.
[3:25] Speaker 6: I think this calls for a massage.
[3:27] Speaker 1: I have a great girl. How was your massage the
[3:29] Speaker 1: other day? 180 with tip, 90 minutes.
[3:32] Speaker 3: Oh.
[3:32] Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
[3:33] Speaker 1: That's good. And she comes to your house?
[3:34] Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
[3:35] Speaker 1: Yeah. Hot rocks, the whole bit. Oh, I love that. Yeah.
[3:40] Speaker 1: Will she do a little tie, like step on your back? Oh, yeah.
[3:42] Speaker 1: You feel her get onto the table and she's like,
[3:45] Speaker 1: give me your arms. And then you like, give. That
[3:47] Speaker 1: is the best.
[3:48] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[3:48] Speaker 1: Like, F me up. You fuck me up, Vicky. I'm down.
[3:53] Speaker 1: The best way. I'm excited that you're going to be here.
[3:57] Speaker 1: I know it's going to be a huge adjustment, even
[3:59] Speaker 1: though you spent most of your life here.
[4:00] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[4:01] Speaker 1: There is nothing... like the serenity that Montana brings. Like
[4:06] Speaker 1: your setup is amazing. But again, you're making the move
[4:11] Speaker 1: for your kid. Your kid wants to be here. She
[4:12] Speaker 1: wants to be going to school here. So it just
[4:15] Speaker 1: goes to show that a mother will change up her
[4:20] Speaker 1: whole life for her children. Before we get into voicemails,
[4:26] Speaker 1: can I read you guys something that I got this weekend?
[4:28] Speaker 4: Oh, yes.
[4:30] Speaker 1: So I've been talking to this guy. And he sends
[4:33] Speaker 1: me a message basically asking like what I require, okay,
[4:38] Speaker 1: from a man. And I tell him that I require time, consistency,
[4:47] Speaker 1: and communication. And keep in mind, he's been like very
[4:53] Speaker 1: all up on it, right? I want to fight for
[4:56] Speaker 1: your love. I want to do this, whatever. Right.
[4:58] Speaker 4: Show me.
[4:59] Speaker 1: Show me. Let's talk about it. Let's see what you're
[5:02] Speaker 1: willing to do. Because I require things that are very
[5:05] Speaker 1: hard for a man to give. They sound simple. They're
[5:08] Speaker 1: not so simple. This is his response to me. What
[5:13] Speaker 1: does that come with? Reciprocation, question mark. You're a single
[5:17] Speaker 1: mother of two. How does that happen? Keep in mind,
[5:20] Speaker 1: my previous message was his time, communication, and consistency. I said,
[5:25] Speaker 1: what do you mean by reciprocation? Like, will I give
[5:27] Speaker 1: those same things back? Yes, I'm a single mother of two.
[5:30] Speaker 1: Is there a follow-up to that? How does what happen?
[5:34] Speaker 1: I'm asking, how do you have time for a man respectfully? Like,
[5:39] Speaker 1: I believe being a mom is the biggest job on
[5:41] Speaker 1: the planet. How can you find time to disperse love
[5:44] Speaker 1: when your priorities are your princesses? I wanted to fall
[5:49] Speaker 1: out of my fucking chair. Well, let me ask you, buddy.
[5:52] Speaker 1: You're a single dad. How do you find time to
[5:54] Speaker 1: disperse love between your child and someone that you're talking to? Oh, wait.
[6:02] Speaker 1: Men get to do whatever the fuck they want, right?
[6:04] Speaker 1: It falls on the mom. What do you mean, how
[6:07] Speaker 1: do I find the time? And he's a single dad?
[6:10] Speaker 1: Or he's a dad?
[6:10] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[6:11] Speaker 1: Wow. My heart is pounding right now because I did
[6:15] Speaker 1: not even know what to say. He just showed his
[6:18] Speaker 1: true colors. We will not be speaking again. But thank God.
[6:22] Speaker 1: We're good. We're good here. Because you're a fucking idiot.
[6:25] Speaker 4: Wow. Yeah.
[6:26] Speaker 1: I don't even know what to say. That's crazy. My
[6:29] Speaker 1: response was, well, that's why I've been single for so long.
[6:34] Speaker 1: And I just know that it will happen the way
[6:37] Speaker 1: it's supposed to when God intends. I love that. What
[6:40] Speaker 1: do you mean? I was shocked. So, yes, you do
[6:45] Speaker 1: things for your children. We as mothers do things for
[6:47] Speaker 1: our children.
[6:47] Speaker 3: We do.
[6:48] Speaker 1: We put our own lives on the back burner when
[6:50] Speaker 1: it comes to our kids while most men go out
[6:55] Speaker 1: and get to live their life and their children just
[6:59] Speaker 1: happen to appear on their time and then they go
[7:01] Speaker 1: about their business while we're trying to figure out where
[7:04] Speaker 1: the fuck we're going to live. In a very short
[7:07] Speaker 1: period of time. Like a week and a half.
[7:09] Speaker 7: Yep.
[7:10] Speaker 1: Just so our kids can go to the fucking school
[7:13] Speaker 1: they want.
[7:13] Speaker 4: To go to.
[7:13] Speaker 7: And you know what?
[7:14] Speaker 1: That's what you sign up when you become a mom.
[7:16] Speaker 2: All right.
[7:17] Speaker 1: I think we have some voicemails. Yeah, we do. Let's
[7:18] Speaker 1: get into it.
[7:19] Speaker 2: Hi.
[7:20] Speaker 8: I'm obsessed with all of you. Especially Lisa. Lisa.
[7:24] Speaker 9: Amber.
[7:24] Speaker 8: Lala.
[7:25] Speaker 1: Easton.
[7:25] Speaker 9: Sosa.
[7:26] Speaker 8: Ocean. All of them.
[7:27] Speaker 10: I love you guys.
[7:28] Speaker 8: Anyway, I have a complete narcissist ex, and I felt
[7:33] Speaker 8: like you guys could relate to this, so... He had
[7:35] Speaker 8: me arrested, sent me to jail because he said I
[7:38] Speaker 8: scratched him. I did scratch him, but it was a
[7:42] Speaker 8: complete accident. However, had me arrested for domestic violence. He's
[7:45] Speaker 8: an attorney, knew the.
[7:46] Speaker 10: Judge, blah, blah, blah, blah.
[7:48] Speaker 11: Had me evicted, whatever.
[7:49] Speaker 8: Find my own place.
[7:51] Speaker 11: We're separated.
[7:52] Speaker 8: Life goes on. We agree on the terms between us.
[7:58] Speaker 8: So now, three years later, this man is coming to me.
[8:01] Speaker 8: Three years he's been paying me money. And now all
[8:04] Speaker 8: of a sudden he said, I'm not paying you unless
[8:07] Speaker 8: basically you.
[8:07] Speaker 10: Have sex with me. And I'm like, what?
[8:12] Speaker 8: You think I'm going to have sex with you after
[8:14] Speaker 8: you're a dirty, dirty man? Oh, and Lala, I'm so
[8:17] Speaker 8: sorry to say this. And probably Amber too. He's a
[8:20] Speaker 8: lot older than me.
[8:21] Speaker 11: I am 33, 57.
[8:21] Speaker 4: I know, I know, I know.
[8:25] Speaker 2: Idiot.
[8:26] Speaker 10: Idiot.
[8:28] Speaker 8: Anyway, what do I do? Now he's holding money over
[8:32] Speaker 8: my head and I mean, I can go to court.
[8:35] Speaker 8: It's going to take forever. He's an attorney. He has
[8:37] Speaker 8: to waste out of this. You guys know how the
[8:39] Speaker 8: system is. He can say, oh, you know what? I'm
[8:42] Speaker 8: not making as much anymore. When that motherfucker makes so
[8:44] Speaker 8: much on paper. I love you guys. You guys are
[8:47] Speaker 8: the best. I cannot wait to hear the pod.
[8:49] Speaker 4: Bye.
[8:50] Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think there's anything worse than a
[8:52] Speaker 1: man having his hands around your neck financially. Yeah. That is,
[8:58] Speaker 1: that sounds fucking intense. And I, I would rather live
[9:02] Speaker 1: in a box in peace.
[9:04] Speaker 6: Well, first of all, just because he's an attorney and
[9:06] Speaker 6: knows the judge doesn't give him the right to like,
[9:09] Speaker 6: it should be illegal, what he's doing, right? Is using
[9:12] Speaker 6: his authority of being a lawyer and knowing the judge that.
[9:15] Speaker 1: They, that's wrong.
[9:17] Speaker 6: Actually, I don't even think you're allowed to go in
[9:19] Speaker 6: front of a judge if you have a personal relationship
[9:21] Speaker 6: with him.
[9:22] Speaker 1: That's the other thing.
[9:24] Speaker 6: And it's also coercive control, like controlling someone by the
[9:27] Speaker 6: use of money. So yes, I think that's a good idea. Like,
[9:30] Speaker 6: just go get a, I know it's a lot harder
[9:32] Speaker 6: to say than just go get a job, but that
[9:35] Speaker 6: sounds scary.
[9:36] Speaker 1: It is scary. And here's what I realized when I
[9:41] Speaker 1: entered this world is that it's not a logical system
[9:48] Speaker 1: and it's not quick and it's a lot of money to,
[9:55] Speaker 1: you know, we're talking about, okay, well, I can hire
[9:57] Speaker 1: an attorney and I can come after him, but that attorney,
[10:00] Speaker 1: is going to charge you hundreds of dollars an hour
[10:03] Speaker 1: before you even see a judge, which then I would
[10:07] Speaker 1: assume you would go into litigation, which is thousands, tens
[10:11] Speaker 1: of thousands of dollars. And you don't know how it's
[10:15] Speaker 1: going to turn out. And at the end of the day,
[10:17] Speaker 1: I think that The system is not designed to hero
[10:22] Speaker 1: protect women because we're looked at as scorned or gold
[10:25] Speaker 1: diggers or we're emotional or we may be on our
[10:29] Speaker 1: period or like we have so many things stacked against us.
[10:33] Speaker 1: And that's why I just think it sounds easier. First
[10:37] Speaker 1: of all, the narcissist, it's so crazy how they work
[10:40] Speaker 1: because they're so believable because they believe what they're saying.
[10:46] Speaker 1: So they're very convincing. I'm sure he was doing his
[10:49] Speaker 1: best work when he was like, She scratched me in
[10:52] Speaker 1: this sort of manner. I'm sure he was very convincing. Sociopathic.
[10:56] Speaker 1: That is insane. Totally. And can keep his cool, too,
[10:59] Speaker 1: where she was probably heightened because she's a normal person
[11:03] Speaker 1: with a normal reaction. Yeah, I mean, she could go
[11:06] Speaker 1: get a restraining order. That's what— That's what I would do.
[11:10] Speaker 6: Because for me, hearing that, I would be like, okay,
[11:13] Speaker 6: I'm afraid for my life. Because now he's saying, if
[11:15] Speaker 6: I'm not intimate with him, then he will not pay me.
[11:20] Speaker 6: And then even if still, if I say no, then
[11:22] Speaker 6: what happens? Then it's going to enrage him even more.
[11:25] Speaker 1: I would not communicate with him over the phone at all.
[11:30] Speaker 1: Everything needs to be in writing.
[11:32] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[11:32] Speaker 1: Which he is probably a smart guy, but I would 100%
[11:36] Speaker 1: start getting my ducks in a row as far as
[11:39] Speaker 1: being financially independent. So you can say, have a great life.
[11:43] Speaker 1: We're done here. I need nothing from you. Goodbye. But
[11:47] Speaker 1: you got to have everything in writing.
[11:49] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[11:49] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[11:50] Speaker 7: Okay.
[11:50] Speaker 1: Next one. Otherwise, just start blasting this mother on socials.
[11:55] Speaker 1: Just send us his picture. We'll help you. For real.
[11:59] Speaker 1: You know, I love a good photo with a blast.
[12:02] Speaker 1: It's the best.
[12:03] Speaker 4: So my unhinged story is when I was 16 years old,
[12:08] Speaker 4: there was a man who was about 36, 37 years
[12:11] Speaker 4: old that lived across the street. He was married. He
[12:14] Speaker 4: was a biker in a Harley gang. And he, I
[12:18] Speaker 4: was actually 17, almost 18. And that was his thing that,
[12:22] Speaker 4: you know, after everything was found out that, He was like, oh,
[12:25] Speaker 4: she was almost legal. And that was his reasoning. Now
[12:28] Speaker 4: that I'm an adult in my 40s, I realized that
[12:31] Speaker 4: he was a pedo. You know what I'm saying? But anyway,
[12:34] Speaker 4: so started just being nice to me, buying me little gifts,
[12:39] Speaker 4: coming around, picking me up from school and stuff like that.
[12:42] Speaker 4: And I was living with a single father at the
[12:45] Speaker 4: time who just thought he was being nice. Apparently he
[12:47] Speaker 4: didn't protect me either. But started a small affair with
[12:53] Speaker 4: And it was found out. And this man had me
[12:56] Speaker 4: propped up on we were going to get married, have
[12:58] Speaker 4: kids and have a farm and everything else. And I
[13:01] Speaker 4: share this because, you know, nowadays, girls or younger girls
[13:06] Speaker 4: are glamorized to, you know, get an older man, get
[13:09] Speaker 4: a sugar daddy. And in the words of Lala, I
[13:12] Speaker 4: am the husband. You don't need it. If you want it, great.
[13:16] Speaker 8: But don't chase it.
[13:17] Speaker 4: And sure as hell realize that these older men, some
[13:20] Speaker 4: of them are out here with bad intentions. They will lie,
[13:23] Speaker 4: cheat and steal even with their own wives and get
[13:27] Speaker 4: found out and still deny you and deny everything. So
[13:31] Speaker 4: that is my unhinged story.
[13:34] Speaker 6: These are making me so sick to my stomach.
[13:36] Speaker 1: I'm so sad. It's so sad. Really? I'm feeling the opposite.
[13:43] Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm fired up. Oh my gosh. I.
[13:48] Speaker 1: By the way, she said it was unhinged. I found
[13:51] Speaker 1: that to be freaking fantastic. And the reason I talk
[13:57] Speaker 1: about this so much, and I'm usually met from idiots, obviously,
[14:02] Speaker 1: who don't have two brain cells to put a thought together.
[14:05] Speaker 1: You need to get over it and move on. Whereas
[14:09] Speaker 1: you can understand, I'm like, we have to talk about
[14:12] Speaker 1: these things. There's a younger generation that's coming into their
[14:16] Speaker 1: own and they're going to think I got an older
[14:19] Speaker 1: man because I'm so mature. And you think it's like
[14:23] Speaker 1: a win. Oh, and he has money. Now, if you
[14:26] Speaker 1: know the drill and you're like, I'm willing to do
[14:28] Speaker 1: the exchange. Yeah. By all means, go for it. That's
[14:33] Speaker 1: a self-conscious thought.
[14:34] Speaker 4: Yes.
[14:35] Speaker 1: When someone who's much older, I mean, this, the girl
[14:38] Speaker 1: who left the message is not, was not even legal.
[14:41] Speaker 1: So this guy was for sure a A sick mother,
[14:45] Speaker 1: you know?
[14:46] Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah.
[14:47] Speaker 1: But these girls, I remember trying to help this girl
[14:52] Speaker 1: get sober. And she was probably 23 at the time.
[14:54] Speaker 1: And she was dating a much older man. And she
[14:56] Speaker 1: thought that she was so mature. And I had just
[14:58] Speaker 1: gone through everything with our shared person. And I was like,
[15:02] Speaker 1: listen to me. He wants control over you. That's why
[15:06] Speaker 1: they go for the young girls because I'm not trying
[15:08] Speaker 1: to be rude, but we're dumb at 23. Yeah. We're stupid.
[15:11] Speaker 1: We're moldable. We believe things. We haven't had enough life
[15:15] Speaker 1: experience to scar us. Guess what? It's happening. This man
[15:19] Speaker 1: is going to change your whole life and the way
[15:20] Speaker 1: you go about your life and how you look at men,
[15:22] Speaker 1: how you look at people.
[15:23] Speaker 6: I just had this conversation with my mom on the
[15:25] Speaker 6: way here. I was FaceTiming her and she was asking me,
[15:28] Speaker 6: I went out on a date this weekend and I said.
[15:30] Speaker 1: I really, I really like this guy a lot.
[15:34] Speaker 6: But I just, I can't even let myself, I'm just so,
[15:39] Speaker 6: I don't want to say damaged, that's not the right word,
[15:41] Speaker 6: because I'm not damaged.
[15:42] Speaker 1: I've done a lot of work.
[15:43] Speaker 2: Experienced.
[15:43] Speaker 6: But I just move super cautiously now where I'm not,
[15:49] Speaker 6: and maybe that's how, that's quote normal, the way I'm moving.
[15:52] Speaker 6: But like in my 20s, when I first met, well,
[15:55] Speaker 6: I was 17 when I met Randy.
[15:58] Speaker 1: When I met, I was just not experienced. I thought
[16:00] Speaker 1: I knew everything. I thought I knew everything. I'm an
[16:03] Speaker 1: old soul. I was like, this is what I want.
[16:06] Speaker 1: You just have to just pause.
[16:08] Speaker 6: Like before, you had to just move very methodical in
[16:13] Speaker 6: life when you get to at least my age.
[16:17] Speaker 4: Yes.
[16:18] Speaker 1: But if there's anything that I hope younger girls who
[16:22] Speaker 1: are in their 20s take, because we spoke about this
[16:27] Speaker 1: on the bonus of Untraditionally La La. The best advice
[16:31] Speaker 1: that we've ever received. And I talked about how, you know,
[16:34] Speaker 1: you have to touch the stove in order to have
[16:36] Speaker 1: life experiences. You take all the epic advice from older people,
[16:40] Speaker 1: you're never going to live. You live a pretty safe life, right?
[16:44] Speaker 1: This is the one topic where I'm like, you need
[16:48] Speaker 1: to listen. Because... I would not wish the situation that
[16:55] Speaker 1: you were put in, I was put in, other women
[16:58] Speaker 1: have been put in, and it's very easy from a
[17:00] Speaker 1: distance to blame the chick and be like, oh, well,
[17:03] Speaker 1: you were old enough to know better, or you did
[17:05] Speaker 1: that to yourself, or you lose them how you get them.
[17:08] Speaker 1: It's so beyond that, unless you've been put in the
[17:10] Speaker 1: situation and you feel like you're in a washing machine, right?
[17:15] Speaker 1: You have to move carefully because these older sick men
[17:22] Speaker 1: will fuck your whole life up. They will.
[17:25] Speaker 6: And the other thing is having access on these phones
[17:28] Speaker 6: that we have, it's changed the game, not just for
[17:32] Speaker 6: the teenagers, not just raising children for adults too. Like
[17:36] Speaker 6: I remember when I went into this rehab and they said,
[17:39] Speaker 6: we are going to see more people, men and women
[17:43] Speaker 6: come in for sex addiction than, than any other addiction
[17:46] Speaker 6: because of the phones.
[17:50] Speaker 1: Because of the access. Think about it.
[17:51] Speaker 6: Like it's at their fingertips. So it's like we've made
[17:54] Speaker 6: ourselves sick pretty much.
[17:56] Speaker 2: So I have the best story. I live in New York,
[18:02] Speaker 2: so I'm three hours ahead of you guys. My boyfriend,
[18:08] Speaker 2: the guy that I've been dating for six years, got
[18:12] Speaker 2: back with his ex-wife, who he's been divorced for, I
[18:17] Speaker 2: want to say, 10 to 15 years. Overtime, yeah, it
[18:21] Speaker 2: has to be around 15 years. It's the craziest scenario.
[18:25] Speaker 2: The proposal was insane. And two days after he proposed
[18:31] Speaker 2: to her, we're still.
[18:33] Speaker 8: Seeing each other.
[18:34] Speaker 2: This is comical, if I tell you from the beginning
[18:40] Speaker 2: until now.
[18:41] Speaker 3: It's six years.
[18:42] Speaker 1: It's insanity. I love New Yorkers. They're the best. No,
[18:47] Speaker 1: but they have to be from, like, Long Island. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[18:50] Speaker 1: I don't need a Manhattan bitch. I'm talking real New York.
[18:54] Speaker 1: New Jersey. Yes. Yeah. Wait, hold on. So let me let...
[18:58] Speaker 1: She said that she was with a guy for six years.
[19:00] Speaker 1: They broke up. He found a new girl. They got engaged.
[19:03] Speaker 7: No, no, no.
[19:03] Speaker 4: I missed.
[19:04] Speaker 1: He went back to his ex-wife.
[19:06] Speaker 3: Oh!
[19:07] Speaker 1: But he is still with this Lisa chick. So goes
[19:11] Speaker 1: back with his ex-wife and does a big proposal again? Yes.
[19:14] Speaker 1: Is that what she said?
[19:15] Speaker 2: Yes.
[19:15] Speaker 1: Oh, we've got a narcissist on our hands, people. I mean,
[19:18] Speaker 1: what is going on? Can you imagine? Like, I am
[19:23] Speaker 1: so baffled, but I'm not. Because you hear stories like
[19:26] Speaker 1: this all the time. I know. It's insane. Like, I'm
[19:30] Speaker 1: pretty sure after my engagement party... He went and did
[19:35] Speaker 1: whatever he felt like. Can you imagine? It is comical.
[19:39] Speaker 1: When you really think about it, you're like, what? Can
[19:42] Speaker 1: you imagine if we acted like that as women? You're
[19:45] Speaker 1: a hole from the north is what they'd say i'm
[19:47] Speaker 1: watching game of thrones again by the way.
[19:52] Speaker 5: I just can't believe it and you know what listening
[19:56] Speaker 5: let me tell you something because i know most of
[19:58] Speaker 5: my listeners are women If my girls, my listeners, my
[20:02] Speaker 5: writer dies, listen to these voicemails and place any.
[20:06] Speaker 1: Judgment on the women. This sweet woman from Long Island.
[20:10] Speaker 1: If anyone judges her, I will be furious. Yes, of course.
[20:15] Speaker 1: Who would judge her? By the way, who would judge her? Well,
[20:19] Speaker 1: first of all. Women are brutal. Women are brutal.
[20:22] Speaker 6: I think where the only judgment can come in is
[20:24] Speaker 6: knowing like, okay, you know that he's back with his ex-wife,
[20:27] Speaker 6: but you're still choosing to sleep.
[20:30] Speaker 1: With him right you know what i say get it
[20:32] Speaker 1: girls i think they should team up they should team
[20:36] Speaker 1: up oh that the ex-wife and the yeah it's like
[20:39] Speaker 1: i don't really want to i don't really want to
[20:41] Speaker 1: blow bob tonight like can you handle yeah i got
[20:44] Speaker 1: it i.
[20:45] Speaker 6: Got it tag team tag team i love that throw
[20:49] Speaker 6: some funds into the mix oh put it in a pot.
[20:54] Speaker 1: Oh, and just really mess with him?
[20:56] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[20:56] Speaker 1: That's my dream. Like, that is my dream. My love,
[20:59] Speaker 1: we're doing it. Oh, yeah, that's right. We're here doing
[21:04] Speaker 1: it right now. Watch what next week's episode holds. Okay,
[21:13] Speaker 1: next one.
[21:14] Speaker 11: Hi, Lala and Amber. My name is Elizabeth, and I
[21:18] Speaker 11: am just fascinated by your relationship.
[21:20] Speaker 10: But not just that.
[21:22] Speaker 11: I'm also in awe of the love you both have
[21:24] Speaker 11: for each other. And I am so curious about that
[21:27] Speaker 11: penultimate moment when you guys looked at each other and
[21:31] Speaker 11: knew this was beyond anything to do with your ex
[21:34] Speaker 11: and was now about a beautiful new friendship.
[21:39] Speaker 10: I was the Amber in my marriage.
[21:40] Speaker 11: And so watching Amber embrace Lala blows me away and
[21:45] Speaker 11: makes me want to be a better version of myself.
[21:48] Speaker 11: I also want to add that I adore you, Lala.
[21:50] Speaker 11: I always feel like I would totally want to be
[21:52] Speaker 11: friends with you, but not in a creepy way, I promise. Anyway,
[21:55] Speaker 11: I just think you're both amazing women, raising your own
[21:58] Speaker 11: amazing little women.
[21:59] Speaker 1: Oh, I love her. She's so sweet. That was really sweet.
[22:03] Speaker 6: I think I knew very early on that it had
[22:05] Speaker 6: nothing to do with our ex, because I know through
[22:10] Speaker 6: experiences that we had together that I.
[22:15] Speaker 1: Just know the way he moves and... I think it took,
[22:19] Speaker 1: I think it was a lot.
[22:19] Speaker 6: Of little moments that built this. It wasn't just one
[22:24] Speaker 6: like major turning point. It's kind of like we were
[22:27] Speaker 6: saying earlier, like you could say, a guy could say
[22:30] Speaker 6: that he likes you, wants to be with you. It's like, okay,
[22:33] Speaker 6: now show me. And I think in our relationship and
[22:35] Speaker 6: developing any relationship is like, I just stayed curious and
[22:40] Speaker 6: opened my heart to.
[22:44] Speaker 1: To who you were, right?
[22:45] Speaker 6: And to, like, your entire family, right? Because you— obviously, you're
[22:48] Speaker 6: a package still.
[22:50] Speaker 1: Yes, very much so. I mean, I— even though there were
[22:57] Speaker 1: times that, like, I was angry at you, it was
[23:02] Speaker 1: only because of what I was hearing, right? Mm-hmm. So
[23:07] Speaker 1: it wasn't anything that you were doing. It was in my— bubble,
[23:12] Speaker 1: I was told that you made things very difficult. And
[23:17] Speaker 1: obviously now, because this is what God does, well, now
[23:22] Speaker 1: I'm going to put the shoe on the other foot
[23:24] Speaker 1: for you and you're going to see what it feels like.
[23:29] Speaker 1: And so my eyes were opened and I had deep
[23:35] Speaker 1: sadness and regret for the things that I turned a
[23:39] Speaker 1: blind eye to whether that was intentional or unintentional. You know,
[23:43] Speaker 1: I guess it depends on who you ask. Since we're
[23:46] Speaker 1: asking me, I think we've spoken about this before. To
[23:51] Speaker 1: numb my gut, I would drink more. And then I
[23:57] Speaker 1: listened and believed. And I think that's why I have
[23:59] Speaker 1: a really hard time trusting myself now and trusting other
[24:02] Speaker 1: people because I don't really know if what someone's saying
[24:05] Speaker 1: is truthful. Is my gut talking to me or is
[24:07] Speaker 1: my trauma talking to me? What I know for sure
[24:11] Speaker 1: is the moment that you and I started talking on
[24:14] Speaker 1: the phone, there was a sense of peace that was
[24:17] Speaker 1: brought to me that I hadn't felt in a really
[24:20] Speaker 1: long time in the darkest moment of my life. I
[24:23] Speaker 1: felt like even though we were still getting to know
[24:25] Speaker 1: each other, I wasn't in it by myself. I had
[24:28] Speaker 1: a partner in crime. And I think back to the voicemail,
[24:32] Speaker 1: it was like, It did start with us just talking
[24:36] Speaker 1: about our custody situation and things like that. And it
[24:39] Speaker 1: was solely about that. And then it was that mostly,
[24:44] Speaker 1: but then it was like, oh, I have a date.
[24:46] Speaker 1: And then all of this sudden as time passed, it
[24:48] Speaker 1: was like, it's only about our sadness, our trauma that
[24:53] Speaker 1: even though maybe it came from him, it had nothing
[24:57] Speaker 1: to do with him anymore because it's what we were
[24:59] Speaker 1: carrying into other relationships and just life. I've told you
[25:04] Speaker 1: I've never been more vulnerable with really any friendship than
[25:10] Speaker 1: I have with you. Well, I'm very grateful for the affair.
[25:16] Speaker 4: I am.
[25:17] Speaker 7: I am.
[25:18] Speaker 1: As hard as it is to say that, it needed
[25:24] Speaker 1: to happen.
[25:24] Speaker 6: I've said this again, and I'll say it forever. It
[25:27] Speaker 6: saved my life because I wanted to die. I really
[25:30] Speaker 6: was in such a dark place, and I didn't know
[25:32] Speaker 6: how to get out. And now my life, I could
[25:37] Speaker 6: have never imagined this ever in a million years. Like,
[25:42] Speaker 6: you can't make this up. And this just shows you, like,
[25:45] Speaker 6: my higher power, he knows what he's doing.
[25:47] Speaker 10: Yeah.
[25:47] Speaker 6: And, like, I am so, so grateful for the moment that,
[25:53] Speaker 6: you know, it all went down. Because even in the
[25:56] Speaker 6: darkest moments, like, there.
[25:57] Speaker 1: Is light at the end of the tunnel. And this
[25:59] Speaker 1: is the light.
[26:00] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[26:00] Speaker 1: Being here with you.
[26:01] Speaker 3: Thank you.
[26:02] Speaker 6: Building what we're building, going through all of life's ups
[26:05] Speaker 6: and downs and dealing with kids and dating and relationships
[26:09] Speaker 6: and our families and.
[26:12] Speaker 1: Just all of it. It's fucking, it's amazing. It really is.
[26:18] Speaker 1: We always talk about how when something doesn't make sense,
[26:22] Speaker 1: there will be a moment that it makes sense. And
[26:25] Speaker 1: I think about that and then I see ocean. I
[26:28] Speaker 1: see see you, I see Sosa. And I'm like, it all,
[26:33] Speaker 1: there was just a plan. Oh, a hundred percent. That
[26:36] Speaker 1: started from the moment I entered this earth. Like, yeah,
[26:41] Speaker 1: my story has already been written. I have zero fucking
[26:43] Speaker 1: control over it.
[26:44] Speaker 10: Right.
[26:44] Speaker 1: I just had to surrender and not try to control it.
[26:47] Speaker 4: Right.
[26:47] Speaker 1: I'll do what I can. Cause I'm a control freak. Yes,
[26:50] Speaker 1: we all are. But Your forgiving heart is something that
[26:57] Speaker 1: I cannot explain. I do not have it. Let me
[27:00] Speaker 1: tell you, that other bitch, she were to come to me.
[27:04] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[27:04] Speaker 1: I'm the wrong bitch to come to.
[27:07] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[27:07] Speaker 1: Because there's no forgiving heart here. So good for you.
[27:12] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[27:14] Speaker 1: But by the way, if she does appear, you better
[27:17] Speaker 1: fucking stay strong, bitch.
[27:18] Speaker 2: Who, me?
[27:19] Speaker 1: Yeah, no new friends. Are you crazy? Oh, I am
[27:23] Speaker 1: not replacing you. Not replacing or adding. We're done here.
[27:28] Speaker 1: You're stuck. We're like Siamese twins now. We can never
[27:31] Speaker 1: be unstuck. I wouldn't have it any other way. I
[27:33] Speaker 1: love you. We should get Unlikely Affair hoodies with the
[27:37] Speaker 1: two holes. Gina and we should record a podcast like that.
[27:44] Speaker 1: Someone will make them for us. I'm getting that. Oh
[27:45] Speaker 1: my God. That is genius. It's genius. And we're doing it.
[27:57] Speaker 3: I don't even know where to start, but let me
[28:00] Speaker 3: start with this.
[28:00] Speaker 10: So a year ago.
[28:03] Speaker 3: My baby daddy, who was high on blow and drunk,
[28:09] Speaker 3: tried to take my baby who was five months old
[28:13] Speaker 3: and then say that I was an unfit mother and
[28:20] Speaker 3: kept her from me for two months. Mind you, I'm
[28:23] Speaker 3: in a state where it's fucking weird. I took him
[28:27] Speaker 3: back in and I let it go and I'm trying
[28:31] Speaker 3: to move forward. One year later, here we are. He
[28:36] Speaker 3: is now saying that I'm the crazy one. And I
[28:39] Speaker 3: need help when he is the one who is still
[28:43] Speaker 3: getting fucked up, smoking weed, going out to bars, works
[28:46] Speaker 3: at bars. And I'm the one paying for everything, contributing
[28:50] Speaker 3: to everything, taking care of our child, you know, daycare, whatever,
[28:56] Speaker 3: a full-time career. And he's still just fucking around and
[29:03] Speaker 3: not finding out. So it's disgusting to me. I don't
[29:10] Speaker 3: know what to do when this person is like, if.
[29:13] Speaker 10: You want me back, you need to go to.
[29:17] Speaker 3: Therapy and you need to do this and that. I
[29:19] Speaker 3: go to therapy, bitch. I'm sober. I do this and that.
[29:22] Speaker 3: What the fuck are you doing? So I'm disgusted. I
[29:26] Speaker 3: am grossed out. And he is doing whatever he wants
[29:30] Speaker 3: and has said, I can hang out with whoever I
[29:35] Speaker 3: want and I can do whatever I want, but you
[29:37] Speaker 3: need to get help. What do I do? I am
[29:41] Speaker 3: alone out here, by the way. I have no family here.
[29:44] Speaker 3: I stay here for him. He's isolated me. I'm just lost.
[29:54] Speaker 1: I want to kill him. There's only one thing to do.
[29:57] Speaker 1: He has to die. He has to die. No, seriously.
[30:04] Speaker 1: Kill the motherfucker. I think that's bad advice.
[30:07] Speaker 4: Okay.
[30:08] Speaker 9: All right.
[30:08] Speaker 1: So the advice is, okay. No one goes to prison
[30:11] Speaker 1: for wishing. You don't need to call Bob Shapiro for
[30:14] Speaker 1: a wish.
[30:17] Speaker 4: Okay.
[30:18] Speaker 1: She has to get smart. I love where your head's at, bitch.
[30:22] Speaker 1: Keep going.
[30:22] Speaker 5: Right.
[30:23] Speaker 1: You've got to get smart. So we've got to one-up
[30:25] Speaker 1: this motherfucker.
[30:26] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[30:26] Speaker 1: Okay, so— You have to take on a mind that
[30:29] Speaker 1: is so unnatural to you.
[30:30] Speaker 6: You have to not be yourself, numb yourself, and say, okay,
[30:34] Speaker 6: we're going to create a little.
[30:37] Speaker 1: Nest of cash.
[30:40] Speaker 6: And then we're going to also— we' re going to go to
[30:43] Speaker 6: therapy together because it's really important if you go to
[30:46] Speaker 6: therapy and, like— have the therapist really, you know, they'll
[30:51] Speaker 6: be able to tell him two seconds that he's a
[30:53] Speaker 6: narcissist and a crazy person for, first of all, isolating her,
[30:56] Speaker 6: which is insane. And just start building a small case.
[31:01] Speaker 6: Start building your case around him. Oh my God, Amber,
[31:03] Speaker 6: we are so right here. Yeah, because this is what
[31:06] Speaker 6: has happened.
[31:07] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[31:08] Speaker 1: You should also do therapy solo though, to have that
[31:13] Speaker 1: therapist documenting what you're saying. On record. Be very strategic
[31:18] Speaker 1: and know he's a narcissist. So if you go to
[31:20] Speaker 1: couples therapy, he's going to know how to turn it on.
[31:23] Speaker 1: I would, I would give it a shot, but if
[31:25] Speaker 1: you feel like this is not going to play in
[31:27] Speaker 1: my favor, be done with it. Also, you have to
[31:32] Speaker 1: start recording him. Well, it depends on what state she
[31:35] Speaker 1: lives in. Okay. Hear me out. You record him. You
[31:41] Speaker 1: then go into your notes app or something you can
[31:44] Speaker 1: lock where you write the transcript. Okay. You listen. And
[31:48] Speaker 1: exactly what he said, you put into words, delete the recording,
[31:53] Speaker 1: delete it from your phone, delete it from the deleted part.
[31:57] Speaker 1: You know, it goes to trash, but then you can
[31:58] Speaker 1: still access the trash and get rid of it. But
[32:00] Speaker 1: you have the full transcript. You need to document every
[32:03] Speaker 1: time you feel like he's high on blow. If you
[32:06] Speaker 1: can get a hair sample.
[32:08] Speaker 3: Oh, pillow.
[32:08] Speaker 1: Go to his pillow. You gotta get follicle, too.
[32:11] Speaker 4: You know what?
[32:11] Speaker 1: You could also give him a blowjob and then rip
[32:13] Speaker 1: a pube out and be like, oh, sorry. Great idea.
[32:17] Speaker 1: You have to do things that you don't want to do,
[32:19] Speaker 1: like touch him, call him pet names, make him feel
[32:22] Speaker 1: like this is a safe environment, and you just get
[32:25] Speaker 1: to documenting, bitch, because then when you fucking blindside his
[32:30] Speaker 1: ass with a fucking court case and a number, a
[32:34] Speaker 1: filing number, and you say, we're done here, deal with
[32:37] Speaker 1: my lawyer.
[32:38] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[32:38] Speaker 1: Oh! I just got wet.
[32:40] Speaker 5: Fucking gangster.
[32:44] Speaker 1: That is gangster. All right, next one. I love these.
[32:47] Speaker 1: I'm obsessed.
[32:47] Speaker 6: I want to get through all ten of them.
[32:49] Speaker 1: I want to get through all of them. They're so good.
[32:51] Speaker 9: Hi, Amber and Lala.
[32:53] Speaker 8: I absolutely love you guys.
[32:55] Speaker 9: Just never miss an episode. I really admire you both.
[33:00] Speaker 9: So my question is a little bit long-winded, but I
[33:07] Speaker 9: have been with my husband for 12 years. Um, we've
[33:10] Speaker 9: been married for about five. We do have a child now. Um,
[33:14] Speaker 9: he's a bit older than me and, um, he, he,
[33:20] Speaker 9: we have a lot of issues. We have a rocky relationship.
[33:23] Speaker 9: I've been considering, um, divorce for a while. And one
[33:27] Speaker 9: of the main reasons for that is, um, because he
[33:31] Speaker 9: financially refuses to include me in, um, Anything he has, really.
[33:39] Speaker 9: I mean, I have my own career. I'm pretty successful.
[33:43] Speaker 9: But we've been together for a long time, and I
[33:45] Speaker 9: feel like we've really built nothing. He refuses to include
[33:49] Speaker 9: my name on the house because he says I can't
[33:54] Speaker 9: pay 50%, but I do contribute a significant amount every
[33:59] Speaker 9: month towards living here. We've been in this house for
[34:02] Speaker 9: almost 10 years. And I just feel like he, being
[34:08] Speaker 9: the mother of his child, dedicating this much amount of
[34:11] Speaker 9: time to him, this much of my life to him,
[34:14] Speaker 9: through a lot that we've been through a lot. And
[34:19] Speaker 9: I really feel he just holds no value in me
[34:23] Speaker 9: as a person. I've never asked him for money. He's
[34:26] Speaker 9: never paid for anything directly for me. But when I
[34:31] Speaker 9: bring this issue up to him, all he hears that
[34:33] Speaker 9: comes out of my mouth is, um, that I, I
[34:37] Speaker 9: want money from him. And I try to explain to
[34:39] Speaker 9: him that, you know, I want some sort of financial
[34:42] Speaker 9: security for my future. Uh, if anything were to happen
[34:44] Speaker 9: to us and, you know, I've invested this much time
[34:46] Speaker 9: of my life, um, with him.
[34:49] Speaker 1: Oh, she sounds broken.
[34:52] Speaker 6: Yeah.
[34:54] Speaker 1: You know what I would say?
[34:55] Speaker 6: I would try to sit down with him calmly and
[35:00] Speaker 6: just say like, I, we've, we've built this beautiful life together.
[35:04] Speaker 1: You're much older than I am because that's what she said, right?
[35:06] Speaker 1: That he's much older. He's older, yeah.
[35:08] Speaker 6: And just say, I need some sort of security because
[35:11] Speaker 6: God forbid something happens to you, then what? I'm left
[35:15] Speaker 6: raising our children or our kid.
[35:19] Speaker 7: Right.
[35:20] Speaker 1: So I don't know. Anytime we get voicemails like this,
[35:24] Speaker 1: it makes me really fucking sad because it's just so
[35:29] Speaker 1: important that as women we have financial security independent from
[35:37] Speaker 1: the person we're with. And I don't necessarily know how
[35:42] Speaker 1: to backtrack when you're in a situation like that. Well,
[35:46] Speaker 1: she does. She says she's pretty successful.
[35:47] Speaker 6: It sounds like she wants a partner and she doesn't,
[35:49] Speaker 6: she's not, it sounds like she has a roommate.
[35:51] Speaker 1: It's exactly what you said. You sit down and you
[35:53] Speaker 1: have a real heart to heart of, do you understand
[35:56] Speaker 1: if something were to happen to you one day, like
[36:00] Speaker 1: I would be fucked and our child would be fucked.
[36:04] Speaker 6: So you either have a will or, That, you know,
[36:06] Speaker 6: everything gets put— I guess because they're married, so everything would
[36:09] Speaker 6: go to her anyway, right?
[36:11] Speaker 1: Unless the will says something different, by the way. I'd
[36:13] Speaker 1: ask to see the will. I don't necessarily know unless
[36:16] Speaker 1: you have this written out. Does it still go to
[36:18] Speaker 1: probate or is it just— it goes to the spouse.
[36:22] Speaker 1: Is that how it works? I don't know. I have
[36:24] Speaker 1: no idea.
[36:24] Speaker 6: I assume it would go to the spouse, um, or
[36:28] Speaker 6: the son and then ask, you know, I would say as,
[36:31] Speaker 6: as hard as this is, it's like, listen, if it's
[36:33] Speaker 6: not going to be like in the will, like we
[36:35] Speaker 6: need some sort of insurance. So if you get life insurance,
[36:38] Speaker 6: that would also be great too. And you can make,
[36:41] Speaker 6: this is where you tap in a third party as well.
[36:44] Speaker 6: like go to a therapist where you just, you.
[36:47] Speaker 1: State like what's going on because when you get married,
[36:51] Speaker 1: it is absolutely unacceptable for her to not be in
[36:55] Speaker 1: the know.
[36:56] Speaker 6: It's weird that they don't have a prenup or they'd never,
[36:59] Speaker 6: you know, cause they've been together for 12 years.
[37:01] Speaker 1: 10 years. She said they were married for 10 years.
[37:04] Speaker 1: They've been married and she keeps contemplating divorce and like,
[37:11] Speaker 1: even though I'm a big fan of not marriage, I
[37:15] Speaker 1: do believe that like marriage is worth fighting for.
[37:18] Speaker 6: And I think she should talk to an attorney actually
[37:22] Speaker 6: and see what they go, go see a therapist, but
[37:25] Speaker 6: also go to an attorney to get finances. You should
[37:28] Speaker 6: probably sit down with an attorney and figure it out.
[37:30] Speaker 10: Yeah.
[37:30] Speaker 1: Even if it doesn't go any, like you're not moving
[37:33] Speaker 1: towards a divorce. I think you're right.
[37:35] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[37:36] Speaker 1: You just can't be blind.
[37:37] Speaker 6: That's way over my head. You can't live in the dark.
[37:40] Speaker 6: You cannot live in the dark.
[37:44] Speaker 1: Trust me. I did it. You just have to know. Also,
[37:51] Speaker 1: for my people who are starting to get married and
[37:55] Speaker 1: they plan on being a wife and a stay-at-home mom,
[37:58] Speaker 1: that is the most difficult job on the planet, have
[38:02] Speaker 1: a conversation with your mans. He needs to give you money.
[38:07] Speaker 1: He's got to give you money. If you're not going
[38:10] Speaker 1: to go out and work, there has to be an
[38:13] Speaker 1: agreement that if I'm going to be taking care of
[38:15] Speaker 1: the house and the kids, that's going to cost something. Mm-hmm.
[38:19] Speaker 1: Because God forbid the guy doesn't act right or you
[38:23] Speaker 1: decide you want to leave him, at least you have
[38:25] Speaker 1: like a little nest egg.
[38:27] Speaker 4: Yes.
[38:27] Speaker 7: Right?
[38:27] Speaker 3: Yes.
[38:28] Speaker 4: Yes.
[38:29] Speaker 1: I know it sounds cold and heartless, but everything's amazing
[38:32] Speaker 1: until it's not anymore.
[38:33] Speaker 4: Until it's not. Right.
[38:34] Speaker 9: Exactly.
[38:34] Speaker 1: And it happens like that.
[38:37] Speaker 9: Mm-hmm.
[38:48] Speaker 3: I need your advice.
[38:50] Speaker 12: Basically, I'm on maternity leave from my first baby, and
[38:55] Speaker 12: I was supposed to go back to work in a week. Well,
[38:58] Speaker 12: my HR and my upper boss just called me today
[39:03] Speaker 12: and said that they were essentially, quote unquote, sunsetting our position, a.k.a.
[39:10] Speaker 12: they're laying everyone off. I'm the breadwinner. And our plan
[39:16] Speaker 12: was this whole time for my husband to be the
[39:18] Speaker 12: stay-at-home parent. I'm extremely career-oriented and love my job, so
[39:26] Speaker 12: I'm devastated. And I just don't even know. at like
[39:30] Speaker 12: 33 years.
[39:31] Speaker 10: Old, like what is life?
[39:33] Speaker 12: What do I even do now? If you could give
[39:35] Speaker 12: me your two cents, like being a mom who's had
[39:39] Speaker 12: a lot of different like career aspirations that we've seen
[39:44] Speaker 12: from like give them Lala to serve to reality TV.
[39:50] Speaker 12: Like I I'm just curious, like what, what is life?
[39:59] Speaker 12: What do I even do? If you can help me,
[40:01] Speaker 12: I'd appreciate you girl. And I love you and Amber's
[40:05] Speaker 12: dynamic and your show.
[40:08] Speaker 10: It's great.
[40:09] Speaker 1: 33 is so young, right? Like, what a badass to
[40:12] Speaker 1: have this, like, massive career at the age of 33. Insane.
[40:17] Speaker 1: I think depending on where you are, like, 33 for L.A.
[40:23] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[40:24] Speaker 1: Is, like, so, like, a tiny little tot, right? I know. Like,
[40:29] Speaker 1: we're all still out here being like, I don't even
[40:32] Speaker 1: know what I want to do in life. Whereas maybe...
[40:36] Speaker 1: If she's from like a smaller place, because in Utah,
[40:39] Speaker 1: 33 is like, oh, you're like grown. You've never been married.
[40:42] Speaker 1: Where's your gray hair? Oh, they're there. She should go
[40:47] Speaker 1: get another job. 100%. She loves her career.
[40:49] Speaker 6: And the best thing that you could do for your
[40:51] Speaker 6: baby and your husband is if that's what you want,
[40:55] Speaker 6: like go keep pursuing your career.
[40:58] Speaker 1: Your career is something you love. But remember, it does
[41:02] Speaker 1: not define who you are. You obviously are a fucking badass.
[41:08] Speaker 1: The fact that you're the breadwinner, you have a wonderful
[41:11] Speaker 1: husband who's going to, you know, stay at home with
[41:14] Speaker 1: your sweet baby. Like, everything is good. This is a
[41:19] Speaker 1: bump in the road that throws us off, right? When
[41:23] Speaker 1: we're like into what we're doing, but it's not... it's
[41:27] Speaker 1: a pivotal moment. It is not a defining moment. I say,
[41:30] Speaker 1: take a step back, talk to your husband, really talk
[41:34] Speaker 1: it out of like, what do I love to do?
[41:37] Speaker 1: What do I want to do? And I know you
[41:38] Speaker 1: love this career, but we got to say goodbye to it.
[41:40] Speaker 1: We can't be married to it. The sun has set.
[41:44] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[41:44] Speaker 1: I love the way they put that.
[41:45] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[41:45] Speaker 1: By the way, we're, we're sun setting. What does that
[41:48] Speaker 1: even mean? It's a nice way of saying it's over. Yes,
[41:52] Speaker 1: of course. Because who doesn't love that? It sounds like
[41:54] Speaker 1: a really pretty, oh, sunset. No, it means the day
[41:57] Speaker 1: is done. It's like, fuck you. Fuck you. I get it. No,
[42:01] Speaker 1: go get another job. You got it. You're going to
[42:03] Speaker 1: get another job.
[42:04] Speaker 6: Yeah.
[42:05] Speaker 1: And what's so crazy is back to what we just
[42:07] Speaker 1: talked about. God has a fucking plan. This position was
[42:13] Speaker 1: never meant to be here forever. And when things are
[42:16] Speaker 1: not meant to be here forever— God puts an end
[42:19] Speaker 1: to it. The universe, whatever you believe in, this chapter
[42:22] Speaker 1: is done, and now we're going to place you where
[42:24] Speaker 1: you're supposed to be. And it could be even better
[42:26] Speaker 1: than the one she had before.
[42:27] Speaker 7: And you know what?
[42:28] Speaker 1: It could be less better, but it's the road to
[42:30] Speaker 1: where you're supposed to be, where it all makes sense.
[42:33] Speaker 6: Right?
[42:34] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[42:35] Speaker 9: Okay.
[42:36] Speaker 1: Are we giving good advice? Okay. I feel like I'm, yeah,
[42:40] Speaker 1: it's like a therapist.
[42:41] Speaker 6: You know, the therapists are usually the fucked up ones
[42:43] Speaker 6: and you're like giving advice and you're like, I pay
[42:46] Speaker 6: you three 50.
[42:47] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[42:47] Speaker 1: It's crazy.
[42:48] Speaker 7: Okay.
[42:48] Speaker 1: But can I say one thing? It's kind of like
[42:51] Speaker 1: when I comment on people's relationships and they're like, I
[42:53] Speaker 1: would never take advice from you. You're not in a
[42:55] Speaker 1: healthy relationship. It's like, I'm also not a chef, but
[42:57] Speaker 1: I know when something tastes good and when something doesn't.
[43:00] Speaker 1: All right. I don't need to sing like Beyonce to
[43:04] Speaker 1: know a good voice from a shitty one.
[43:06] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[43:06] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[43:07] Speaker 1: Fucking simple as that.
[43:09] Speaker 3: Hi, Lala.
[43:10] Speaker 10: Hi, Amber. Okay, first of all, obsessed with you both
[43:13] Speaker 10: and love this podcast so much. My situation is heavily
[43:19] Speaker 10: pregnant with my second baby. It's been a complicated pregnancy,
[43:24] Speaker 10: to say the least. Some complications with my body, some
[43:29] Speaker 10: mental issues, but we have worked through them the best
[43:32] Speaker 10: we can. We are nearing the end of the pregnancy. However,
[43:35] Speaker 10: that has made it so difficult My husband is mortified
[43:38] Speaker 10: to touch me with even a 10-foot pole. We have
[43:40] Speaker 10: not had sex in months. He's too afraid to touch me.
[43:45] Speaker 10: He calls me his broken bird. And while it's adorable,
[43:47] Speaker 10: a girl's got needs. And I would love to have sex.
[43:51] Speaker 10: So trying to talk to him about having sex is
[43:54] Speaker 10: literally mortifying for him. And he refuses to do it.
[43:59] Speaker 10: But I need to have sex. I'm also really afraid
[44:02] Speaker 10: that if we don't have sex prior to me giving birth,
[44:05] Speaker 10: when we finally go to have sex after I've given birth,
[44:08] Speaker 10: it's really going to fucking suck.
[44:09] Speaker 3: You know? So, we'll love any advice.
[44:13] Speaker 10: Love you guys.
[44:14] Speaker 1: I love this woman. And how cute is that? That
[44:17] Speaker 1: he's like, I don't want to hurt you because you've
[44:19] Speaker 1: had complications with you and I'm nervous about the baby.
[44:22] Speaker 1: It's just all so fucking cute. When I hear voicemails
[44:25] Speaker 1: like that, it warms my heart. Because she's just a
[44:29] Speaker 1: bitch carrying a baby with the love of her life.
[44:32] Speaker 1: And she wants some dick.
[44:33] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[44:34] Speaker 1: I get it. You know? I get that, too. Some
[44:38] Speaker 1: men are just so afraid to hurt the baby. I know,
[44:43] Speaker 1: kind of hot. But I'm like, trust me, you ain't
[44:45] Speaker 1: that big, baby. That's what you should do. You should
[44:47] Speaker 1: penis shame him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. Honey,
[44:51] Speaker 1: I love you, and I love your big, massive cock,
[44:56] Speaker 1: but it ain't that big. All right? You're not going
[44:59] Speaker 1: to hurt us. Not in the least. I think, again, conversation,
[45:04] Speaker 1: like sitting him down and being like, here's the deal.
[45:07] Speaker 1: I'm fine. You're no doctor. The doctors have said I'm fine.
[45:12] Speaker 1: Well-educated people have said I'm fine. Your pee-pee is not
[45:16] Speaker 1: going to touch the baby, all right? I have to
[45:19] Speaker 1: have sex. And not only do I have to, I'm
[45:22] Speaker 1: afraid of when I have this baby, like we're going
[45:25] Speaker 1: to lose the intimacy. And see what he says. How
[45:28] Speaker 1: do you feel about what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm so curious.
[45:29] Speaker 6: Just be like, even if it's... foreplay right even if
[45:33] Speaker 6: it's they're just like making out and like even if
[45:35] Speaker 6: he were to use a vibrator on her yeah yeah
[45:37] Speaker 6: yeah yeah on the outside babe you don't have to
[45:39] Speaker 6: insert just.
[45:40] Speaker 1: Yeah find the spot just a little massaging of the
[45:43] Speaker 1: bean reading the doorbell you know.
[45:44] Speaker 6: What she wants I hear it she wants connection yes
[45:47] Speaker 6: she wants connection I don't know though She just wants
[45:51] Speaker 6: an orgasm.
[45:52] Speaker 1: I've been pregnant and I'm like, I need no connection.
[45:55] Speaker 1: I'm connected fully. I'm just going to need some penetration. Like,
[45:59] Speaker 1: I just need to be fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And
[46:02] Speaker 1: if you can't do it, I'll find someone who can.
[46:04] Speaker 1: And by the way, there's some guys that really love
[46:06] Speaker 1: pregnant women. Yeah, I noticed. When I got pregnant and
[46:09] Speaker 1: there was no dad involved, the DMs were certainly popping.
[46:13] Speaker 5: Oh, oh my gosh.
[46:13] Speaker 1: This is the most men I've had in my DMs
[46:16] Speaker 1: like ever in my whole life. Sickos. I'm sure there
[46:20] Speaker 1: are Real sickos out there. Don't penis shame him, obviously.
[46:24] Speaker 1: That was a joke. But there's so many other ways
[46:26] Speaker 1: that you can have that intimate moment without him hurting
[46:30] Speaker 1: the baby or your body.
[46:32] Speaker 6: You've got to use reverse psychology on these guys.
[46:36] Speaker 1: Well, I personally would penis shame him. Yeah, they have
[46:39] Speaker 1: two heads. Big fan of the shaming. Two heads, they
[46:41] Speaker 1: think with one. Exactly. He's not the— The one time
[46:46] Speaker 1: we need him to think with the one they usually
[46:48] Speaker 1: think with, and he's not.
[46:50] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[46:50] Speaker 1: Men are so complex. They say we're complex. We're fucking
[46:54] Speaker 1: easy as it gets.
[46:55] Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
[46:56] Speaker 1: They are weird. We're good until menopause, and then we
[47:01] Speaker 1: go maybe a little psycho. You haven't even hit menopause.
[47:05] Speaker 1: I know, but I have a feeling when it happens. Oh,
[47:08] Speaker 1: I'm going to be off my rocker. Buckle up. Buckle up.
[47:11] Speaker 1: I'm injecting every hormone I possibly can into my body.
[47:14] Speaker 1: I'm running away for like five years and then I'll
[47:17] Speaker 1: be back. Holy gray. A full fucking hippie. I'll have
[47:21] Speaker 1: an eat, pray, love moment during menopause. Yeah, you will.
[47:23] Speaker 1: You're going to be like, I love my dry vagina.
[47:25] Speaker 1: This is what women go through.
[47:28] Speaker 4: Yes.
[47:29] Speaker 1: I've been bleeding for 97,000 moons. My stiff shoulder. What
[47:34] Speaker 1: do you get? You get like an ice shoulder, stiff shoulder?
[47:36] Speaker 1: I don't even know. What does that even mean? I
[47:37] Speaker 1: just learned about it. I just learned about that on
[47:40] Speaker 1: the Today Show, by the way. Oh, yeah. How weird.
[47:42] Speaker 1: They've been talking a lot about menopause. It's a hot
[47:45] Speaker 1: topic right now. This woman's not going through that, though.
[47:47] Speaker 1: She's pregnant. She's going through the opposite of menopause. Yeah, right?
[47:52] Speaker 6: And by the way, she's got to be careful because
[47:53] Speaker 6: once she has the baby and they start being intimate,
[47:55] Speaker 6: you can get pregnant like that. Like, if you have
[47:58] Speaker 6: sex within the first three months of giving birth, you
[48:01] Speaker 6: are so fertile that the chances of you getting pregnant are.
[48:04] Speaker 1: Like, so, so high. That face you just made. Okay,
[48:10] Speaker 1: next one. That was hysterical. Asap Rocky and Rihanna. Mm-hmm.
[48:15] Speaker 1: Super sperm.
[48:16] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[48:17] Speaker 1: Yeah, you're super fertile.
[48:28] Speaker 4: Hey, Lala.
[48:28] Speaker 7: My name's Jennifer. I'm from London, Ontario in Canada. Anyways,
[48:33] Speaker 7: I just want to read you what I wrote here.
[48:34] Speaker 7: Dear Lala, I'm 45 and I feel like I've lived
[48:37] Speaker 7: a few lifetimes already.
[48:39] Speaker 8: I've cheated.
[48:39] Speaker 7: I've been cheated on. I've loved hard. I've made mistakes.
[48:43] Speaker 7: I've had people walk away because I'm too blunt. But
[48:47] Speaker 7: one of the hardest things that I've ever experienced was
[48:49] Speaker 7: losing my best friend of 35 years. I took her
[48:52] Speaker 7: in when she had nowhere to go. While she was
[48:54] Speaker 7: living with me, she slept with my boyfriend. When my
[48:56] Speaker 7: family member I was renting from found out, my family
[49:00] Speaker 7: member kicked her out of my home. Somehow, she ended
[49:03] Speaker 7: up telling everybody that I had left her homeless. I
[49:05] Speaker 7: became the villain in her story. I was the one
[49:09] Speaker 7: who opened my home to her. That experience really changed
[49:12] Speaker 7: how I see loyalty, friendship, love, and even myself. So
[49:15] Speaker 7: my question for you guys, Lala and Amber, is when
[49:19] Speaker 7: you've made mistakes, but you've also been deeply hurt by
[49:22] Speaker 7: people you've trusted, how do you stop carrying everybody else's
[49:25] Speaker 7: version of you and finally decide who you want to
[49:28] Speaker 7: be in your next chapter? Anyways, thanks for listening. I
[49:31] Speaker 7: love you both. I think it's amazing that you rewrote
[49:33] Speaker 7: your story. I have a similar situation. I love her.
[49:36] Speaker 1: I know.
[49:37] Speaker 3: She's so sweet.
[49:38] Speaker 1: Love you both.
[49:39] Speaker 10: Have a good day.
[49:40] Speaker 1: You know what I've learned is you're never going to
[49:44] Speaker 1: get everyone on your side, right? And the moment that
[49:48] Speaker 1: you make changes for the people who don't like you,
[49:50] Speaker 1: the people that do like you are then going to
[49:52] Speaker 1: be like, I don't like who you are. So you
[49:54] Speaker 1: have to be able to lay your head down at
[49:56] Speaker 1: night and feel good about the person that you are.
[49:59] Speaker 1: And anybody who has boundaries, a backbone, is vocal... You
[50:07] Speaker 1: will always come out of this the villain. No matter
[50:10] Speaker 1: what I do, I am always looked at as someone
[50:15] Speaker 1: who is too aggressive, who is cruel. I am looked
[50:22] Speaker 1: at as I'm just, I'm too much. I'm a bitch.
[50:27] Speaker 1: People would say I'm a bitch. And that is hard
[50:32] Speaker 1: to take on because I just had this conversation with
[50:36] Speaker 1: my mom the other day where she said, you're harsh.
[50:39] Speaker 1: You're mean. And I was like, no, I can be harsh.
[50:44] Speaker 1: And I can be mean. But I'm not mean and
[50:49] Speaker 1: I'm not harsh. I'm actually very kind. You're just choosing
[50:53] Speaker 1: to focus on the times that maybe I have to
[50:56] Speaker 1: get a little intense with you so that you'll fucking
[50:59] Speaker 1: listen to me. I understand this girl so well. Because
[51:05] Speaker 1: she's going to be looked at as the girl who
[51:06] Speaker 1: left so-and-so homeless. And no one's going to care about
[51:09] Speaker 1: her story, right? Because she's not looked at as the
[51:12] Speaker 1: perfect victim. Because I'm sure in her day-to-day... She's tough.
[51:16] Speaker 1: She gets the fucking job done. She is not the
[51:18] Speaker 1: perfect victim where she's been a baby bird and then
[51:21] Speaker 1: done wrong. No, she checks people. You fuck around, you
[51:24] Speaker 1: find out. I don't want you to change that quality
[51:27] Speaker 1: about yourself because it's a wonderful quality. And if this
[51:30] Speaker 1: girl wants to go around and feels comfortable playing the victim,
[51:34] Speaker 1: let her do that. You go about your business. You're
[51:37] Speaker 1: not going to change anyone's mind. If anyone approaches you
[51:40] Speaker 1: and wants to talk about it, this is what happened.
[51:42] Speaker 1: I can't change her perspective. If she thinks I left
[51:45] Speaker 1: her homeless, then great. I left her homeless. By the way,
[51:47] Speaker 1: she's got to save herself. You know, she's got to
[51:50] Speaker 1: save herself.
[51:50] Speaker 6: And I've noticed something about myself recently where I give
[51:56] Speaker 6: less fucks about what people think, my decisions, the, like,
[52:00] Speaker 6: even the things that I say to them.
[52:01] Speaker 1: Like I just, that is the beauty of getting older
[52:05] Speaker 1: and having experience in life. And it feels good.
[52:08] Speaker 6: Like Being able to trust yourself and your decisions and
[52:11] Speaker 6: your choices, like that's how you build self-worth, self-respect.
[52:17] Speaker 1: I love what you just said. And it does come
[52:19] Speaker 1: with age. It cannot be taught. It's just something that
[52:24] Speaker 1: happens when you hit a certain point in life and
[52:26] Speaker 1: you're like, I don't care. So don't try to change
[52:30] Speaker 1: people's minds. You know what? I actually like being the
[52:32] Speaker 1: villain in people's stories. Most people don't like being the villain.
[52:37] Speaker 1: Because the villain means that I will come for you
[52:41] Speaker 1: if you fuck around. Yeah, but you're not a bad villain. No,
[52:45] Speaker 1: but when they try to paint me, like on reality TV,
[52:48] Speaker 1: I think people would say, I mean, I'm not a
[52:50] Speaker 1: villain like fucking Jax Taylor by any means, but like
[52:53] Speaker 1: there would be some people that say she's a reality
[52:56] Speaker 1: TV villain. Okay, great. That just means that I say
[53:00] Speaker 1: what no one else wants to say.
[53:02] Speaker 2: Right.
[53:02] Speaker 1: I put up a boundary. I call shit out when
[53:05] Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense. And you know what? The part where, like,
[53:09] Speaker 1: I take accountability for the shit that comes out of
[53:12] Speaker 1: my mouth, if I regret it and it was wrong,
[53:16] Speaker 1: I'm standing ten toes down on this season of The Valley.
[53:19] Speaker 1: Chef's kiss. No notes for me, by the way.
[53:22] Speaker 5: Ha ha.
[53:25] Speaker 1: That gets pushed aside because I out-mean people, right? You do.
[53:31] Speaker 4: You do.
[53:31] Speaker 1: That's a gift, by the way. That's a talent. It's
[53:35] Speaker 1: a talent. Well, thank you. I think I just came
[53:39] Speaker 1: this way. That's how I was as a kid. No,
[53:40] Speaker 1: you did.
[53:41] Speaker 10: I know.
[53:41] Speaker 1: People would push me into a corner, and then I
[53:45] Speaker 1: would react, and then my reaction outshadowed what they had done.
[53:50] Speaker 1: So that's what happened. She.
[53:54] Speaker 1: Fucked your boyfriend which no one was there to actually
[53:57] Speaker 1: see and then your boundary is kicking her out that's
[54:00] Speaker 1: something people can see oh this woman's homeless and that's
[54:03] Speaker 1: the woman responsible yeah so it's like unless it's put
[54:07] Speaker 1: in front of your face no one really gives a
[54:09] Speaker 1: shit be the village she fucked your boyfriend get the
[54:11] Speaker 1: fuck out of my house yeah i don't really care
[54:13] Speaker 1: if you're homeless you should have thought about that where
[54:16] Speaker 1: you fucked my boyfriend And anyone, by the way, anyone
[54:20] Speaker 1: who thinks that you're the villain in this, they're fucking dumbasses.
[54:24] Speaker 1: And you don't want them on your team when you're
[54:26] Speaker 1: going to war because those motherfuckers get slaughtered first. Again,
[54:29] Speaker 1: I've been watching Game of Thrones.
[54:32] Speaker 4: And on that.
[54:33] Speaker 6: Note, thank you for watching another episode of an unlikely affair.
[54:39] Speaker 1: Yes, hold on. Before we sign off, you guys, we
[54:41] Speaker 1: have officially launched an unlikely affair merch. You can shop. sweatshirts, t-shirts, uh,
[54:49] Speaker 1: the whole bit on shop a u a.com. I love them.
[54:55] Speaker 1: And the back is the best part.
[54:57] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[54:59] Speaker 1: Tell people what it says on the back of the shirt.
[55:01] Speaker 6: It says tour dates, all of the, all of our,
[55:05] Speaker 6: where we're going across the United States.
[55:06] Speaker 1: And just so you know, it's T B a Easton
[55:10] Speaker 1: came up with the merge. I was like, Hey, can
[55:12] Speaker 1: you do something with our logo and like make something cool?
[55:14] Speaker 1: And when he showed me, I was like, this is it.
[55:16] Speaker 1: No notes. I cackled. Every single one is TBA, TBA, TBA.
[55:21] Speaker 1: It's genius. Easton, we love you. You're the best. Easton
[55:24] Speaker 1: crushed it. We love you guys. Once you buy your
[55:27] Speaker 1: shirts and sweatshirts, make sure that you post, tag us,
[55:31] Speaker 1: and remember to call in. We'll post again on our
[55:34] Speaker 1: Instagram page. Follow us at an unlikely affair on Instagram.
[55:39] Speaker 1: I love you guys. We love you guys.
[55:41] Speaker 4: Love you.
[55:42] Speaker 1: Have a great weekend.
[55:44] Speaker 4: Yes.
[55:44] Speaker 1: Fuck yeah. Cheers to the weekend. Cheers to the freaking weekend.
[55:48] Speaker 10: Bye.
[55:48] Speaker 1: Bye.

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