# An Unlikely Affair: One Day At A Time

An episode of [Untraditionally Lala](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1494722390), 24 Jul 2026, 38 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/1a27b7ad-70da-4cb7-9ffd-b3470138ba74/7d6d7aa1-6a6c-483f-a75c-b491000b726c/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=196ae30c-98ca-4add-a1ed-b3470138ba9f

Lala and Ambyr answer listener voicemails about heartbreak, sobriety, friendship loss, and struggling marriages. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:01] Speaker 1: Hi, Amber, Hilelah, Welcome to an Unlikely Affair.
[0:09] Speaker 2: Hey babes, welcome to another episode of an Unlikely Affair.
[0:13] Speaker 2: It's yours truly, la la Kent.
[0:15] Speaker 3: And yours truly Amber Childers.
[0:18] Speaker 2: Hey boo, Hey, we're doing a voicemail episode today. I
[0:21] Speaker 2: love these, my favorite They're my favorite too. I just
[0:24] Speaker 2: like having interactions with our audience, our friends, our listeners. Totally.
[0:30] Speaker 3: I agree. It's so fun.
[0:31] Speaker 2: Yeah, and I love that the first voicemail is from
[0:34] Speaker 2: Lauren and it says pronounced like how you say it,
[0:39] Speaker 2: And now that I haven't called myself Lauren in a
[0:44] Speaker 2: decade plus, I'm like, I have a hard time saying
[0:48] Speaker 2: it now too. For so many years people would be like,
[0:51] Speaker 2: what's your name, Lauren, Nice to meet you, Lauren, And
[0:54] Speaker 2: I'm like, what the fuck? Why is it so hard
[0:55] Speaker 2: to say?
[0:56] Speaker 4: Like?
[0:56] Speaker 5: Why?
[0:56] Speaker 2: Why such a harsh Shoh?
[0:58] Speaker 3: You have to have a really good ear.
[1:00] Speaker 2: You have to have a good ear. But also it
[1:02] Speaker 2: doesn't come out of the mouth effortlessly Lauren. People say
[1:06] Speaker 2: Laren even yeah, I well, now.
[1:09] Speaker 3: I'm trying to like say it the right way, but
[1:11] Speaker 3: I said Laren.
[1:12] Speaker 2: See Lauren.
[1:14] Speaker 1: Laren is very nasily trying to come with the frog.
[1:18] Speaker 1: Lauren Laren Lauren Lauren is so much easier. Yeah, but
[1:22] Speaker 1: that's not my name, bitch, so Lala it is.
[1:25] Speaker 2: Our first voicemail is from Lauren pronounced how I say it.
[1:29] Speaker 2: Let's roll it, oh La and Amber.
[1:32] Speaker 6: I love this new podcast, and I love I'm just
[1:35] Speaker 6: your regular give them law law or I forget I'm
[1:39] Speaker 6: traditionally lawaw. Sorry, and they wanted to mention I'm from Indiana,
[1:43] Speaker 6: Southern Indiana. And also my name is pronounced Lauren. No
[1:48] Speaker 6: one seems to ever understand how to pronounce that here
[1:50] Speaker 6: and never could pronounce that last name either, so both
[1:53] Speaker 6: were always just mispronounced. I was Lauren. I still just
[1:56] Speaker 6: say Warren over the phone, like I don't even think
[1:59] Speaker 6: anyone about my parents and brother call me actually Lauren.
[2:02] Speaker 6: Not even my partner does, which is crazy. Anyways, my
[2:06] Speaker 6: call was about I know you talked about someone had
[2:09] Speaker 6: a question like what was your hardest friendship breakup? And
[2:12] Speaker 6: you brought up Katie. I too, am going through a
[2:16] Speaker 6: friendship breakup and I my friend I've known for twenty
[2:19] Speaker 6: one years. I'm forty one, so half my life in
[2:22] Speaker 6: the past up until recently. I said that was the
[2:25] Speaker 6: person was my best friend. He had a falling out,
[2:28] Speaker 6: long story she thought I betrayed her. Was the stupidest thing.
[2:32] Speaker 6: In my opinion, I was being stubborn because I was like, nope,
[2:35] Speaker 6: I didn't really do anything. So I decided to acologize
[2:40] Speaker 6: with the lake flowers to her work and basically thought
[2:44] Speaker 6: that that would work. Instead, I got a voice note
[2:46] Speaker 6: saying f off. And through all this stuff in my
[2:49] Speaker 6: face from all the years before of like hanging for
[2:54] Speaker 6: things for me and this and that. Anyways, I just
[2:57] Speaker 6: want any advice that could help me just move past.
[3:00] Speaker 6: I've been having good days and bad and Sundays on
[3:03] Speaker 6: bed rut on the weekend. Why I don't have work?
[3:05] Speaker 2: Oh I know, I know, because you know what it's
[3:11] Speaker 2: like to have a friendship breakup. And no, my friendship
[3:14] Speaker 2: with Katie was not very long. It wasn't very many years.
[3:17] Speaker 2: But because we were thick during like a really hard
[3:22] Speaker 2: time in my life and hers. I think that's what
[3:26] Speaker 2: made it a harder breakup, if that makes sense, mm hmm,
[3:30] Speaker 2: is that you kind of look at what you would
[3:32] Speaker 2: have done without that person during the hardest time of
[3:35] Speaker 2: your life and and it's not that I want. I
[3:40] Speaker 2: was already eastern about this the other day. It's kind
[3:42] Speaker 2: of like drinking right, I can look back and I
[3:45] Speaker 2: have such fond memories of drinking right, Or I'm like,
[3:48] Speaker 2: that was a really fun night. Do I ever want
[3:50] Speaker 2: to go back to drinking? No, there are friendships. Or
[3:53] Speaker 2: I'm like, I have a lot of fond memories. Do
[3:55] Speaker 2: I need the friendship anymore? No, it's not like I
[3:59] Speaker 2: want it back.
[4:00] Speaker 3: Wait was Katie? What season did Katie come on?
[4:03] Speaker 2: She was there from the jump, and then we had
[4:05] Speaker 2: a really tough go my first two seasons, so season
[4:07] Speaker 2: four and five, season six is when we squashed everything
[4:11] Speaker 2: and became good. And then after season eleven was when
[4:17] Speaker 2: things went left and to Lawrence point like, there are
[4:21] Speaker 2: times where you can't control another person, and it does
[4:24] Speaker 2: take two people, I think for the demise of any relationship,
[4:27] Speaker 2: whether it's an intimate partnership a friendship, like, it always
[4:31] Speaker 2: does take two people. And I just in my sobriety
[4:36] Speaker 2: had felt a lot of guilt for my part. At
[4:39] Speaker 2: the beginning. I was very angry because I'm like, this
[4:41] Speaker 2: is not like, why am I taking the brunt of
[4:43] Speaker 2: all of this? Right? And that's when my sponsor tapped
[4:48] Speaker 2: herself in and was like, you cannot control her. We
[4:51] Speaker 2: have to keep our side of the street clean. How
[4:53] Speaker 2: did you participate in the demise of this friendship? What
[4:56] Speaker 2: did you do? Her feelings are fact to her. You
[5:01] Speaker 2: have to acknowledge that what you did made her feel
[5:04] Speaker 2: betrayed and all of these other things. And even if
[5:07] Speaker 2: you say you didn't make her feel that way, she's
[5:10] Speaker 2: telling she has said that you did.
[5:12] Speaker 7: Yeah, you can't take away the you make someone feel
[5:15] Speaker 7: regress if you think you made them feel that way
[5:17] Speaker 7: or not. It's like, that is literally how they feel
[5:19] Speaker 7: in that situation, whether you want to however you want
[5:22] Speaker 7: to deconstruct it in your mind, whether it was your
[5:25] Speaker 7: fault or not, or initiated by you or her you
[5:29] Speaker 7: that's the right thing to do.
[5:30] Speaker 2: Yeah, So I took many, many months of me like
[5:34] Speaker 2: rewriting in my notes, like what I was going to say,
[5:37] Speaker 2: And it really came down to, like, if you send
[5:39] Speaker 2: this to her, if she doesn't respond or doesn't respond
[5:44] Speaker 2: the way you want, how will that make you feel?
[5:46] Speaker 2: And when I would say, well, I'll be fucking pissed off,
[5:48] Speaker 2: She's like, you're not ready to send it my sponsor.
[5:51] Speaker 2: She was like, I need to know that you're going
[5:53] Speaker 2: to hold onto this message until you are doing it
[5:57] Speaker 2: for the right reasons. You're not looking for forgiveness, You're
[5:59] Speaker 2: not looking to make amends with this person, meaning she
[6:03] Speaker 2: gives you what you want, because it's self serving. This
[6:06] Speaker 2: has to be a selfless thing where no matter what
[6:09] Speaker 2: the response, even if it's none, youly feeling like.
[6:13] Speaker 7: You did your part and you have not sent that message.
[6:15] Speaker 2: I sent it, Okay, I sent it a few months ago.
[6:18] Speaker 2: But going back to what Lauren is saying, she sent
[6:24] Speaker 2: the flowers, she took ownership of her part in it,
[6:27] Speaker 2: even though she didn't feel like it was entirely her fault.
[6:29] Speaker 2: Doesn't matter. We can only control ourselves. The response from
[6:33] Speaker 2: the front good fucking riddance.
[6:37] Speaker 3: Yeah, that's harsh.
[6:38] Speaker 2: That is so harsh, and like I don't need you
[6:41] Speaker 2: in my life. And you're going to go through like
[6:43] Speaker 2: the morning process, right, like you've had to do that.
[6:45] Speaker 7: You grieve And I had no idea. I went through
[6:48] Speaker 7: the hardest female friendship and I already had issues with
[6:52] Speaker 7: females before, like just growing up, I was always hanging
[6:55] Speaker 7: out with the guys, and that this particular adult friendship
[6:58] Speaker 7: crushed me just as hard as.
[7:02] Speaker 3: Like a romantic breakup did.
[7:04] Speaker 7: Like it was awful until I literally had to have
[7:07] Speaker 7: two of my friends shake me and say, you just
[7:09] Speaker 7: have to stop and give her space. And then once
[7:12] Speaker 7: I was able to give her space and then I
[7:14] Speaker 7: did the work through our program with my sponsor, I
[7:18] Speaker 7: was like, Okay, I now I see. And there was
[7:22] Speaker 7: a lot of like rumors that I would hear through
[7:25] Speaker 7: the grapevine of people saying what I did. And I
[7:28] Speaker 7: was like, you know what, whether it's all true, whether
[7:30] Speaker 7: it's not true, how if I made her feel that way,
[7:33] Speaker 7: I did the same thing you did. I had to
[7:34] Speaker 7: look at my part and I came to La, I said,
[7:39] Speaker 7: I asked her if I could sit down with her,
[7:42] Speaker 7: and she opened her home to me, which was like
[7:44] Speaker 7: the first step towards making an amends. And we are
[7:49] Speaker 7: rebuilding our friendship and it's beautiful. And I don't know
[7:53] Speaker 7: if our friendship will ever be the same because not
[7:57] Speaker 7: because of what happened, because that year apart, we both
[8:00] Speaker 7: changed as people, as people in a lot of ways.
[8:04] Speaker 7: So it's it's hard, but it's worth it. But yeah,
[8:07] Speaker 7: that that's a blow and I think like for her,
[8:10] Speaker 7: I think the best advice is to just give her space.
[8:12] Speaker 3: It's so hard.
[8:13] Speaker 7: Because you want to fix, you want to control, you
[8:16] Speaker 7: want to like just put it past you. But sometimes
[8:20] Speaker 7: a good six months to a year, even two years,
[8:24] Speaker 7: and if it's meant to be, the friendship is meant
[8:25] Speaker 7: to be, it will it will confine you. And they
[8:27] Speaker 7: say this all the time, and it's super cliches that
[8:29] Speaker 7: some people are there for a very short chapter of
[8:31] Speaker 7: your life.
[8:32] Speaker 3: And that's really also hard to come.
[8:34] Speaker 7: To terms with, especially when they're your ride or die.
[8:37] Speaker 7: And like you said with Katie, you guys went through
[8:40] Speaker 7: a lot of shit together.
[8:41] Speaker 2: I remember I used to call you and You're like,
[8:42] Speaker 2: I'm in bed with so and so, and I was like,
[8:44] Speaker 2: this is such it. Now you're in bed with me.
[8:46] Speaker 2: I'm happy about the friendship breakup.
[8:51] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[8:51] Speaker 2: No, I'm just in here swooping in stilling people's man's
[8:55] Speaker 2: best friends. No, and it's safe. Ah, I'm a mistress
[9:00] Speaker 2: in many ways, I guess, so, yes, there are it's
[9:04] Speaker 2: a Joe Camber. Oh did you mean that?
[9:08] Speaker 7: No?
[9:08] Speaker 2: Okay, no, no, no, no, okay, next way.
[9:12] Speaker 6: Spell.
[9:13] Speaker 3: I hope that helped.
[9:14] Speaker 8: Laren Hied this his honor from Bookimore, Maryland. I just
[9:27] Speaker 8: needed some advice from you, guys. I was with my
[9:31] Speaker 8: partner for six years and I had found out that
[9:33] Speaker 8: he was cheating on me in September, and I was
[9:38] Speaker 8: his primary caregiver because he had broken his leg for
[9:40] Speaker 8: two weeks before me finding out, letting him lean on me.
[9:44] Speaker 8: When he was using the bathroom to wipe himself, emptying
[9:46] Speaker 8: his journal, all that stuff, so write or die on
[9:50] Speaker 8: conditional type of love. I walked into a room and
[9:53] Speaker 8: saw him inappropriately mess new girl from work, a coworker.
[9:56] Speaker 8: He's a teacher for another teacher, and I asked him
[9:59] Speaker 8: to his phone and he said no and ran on
[10:02] Speaker 8: his broken leg to release the messages so I wouldn't
[10:05] Speaker 8: see them. I kicked them out that day then and there,
[10:08] Speaker 8: and he moved back home with his parents. I'm twenty nine,
[10:11] Speaker 8: I was. I've been with him so twenty three. He's
[10:13] Speaker 8: thirty four. So he ketch all of his things in
[10:18] Speaker 8: our shared home for four months while still paying rent,
[10:20] Speaker 8: and he said he didn't have to remove them, which
[10:22] Speaker 8: legally he didn't, but like it just was a mental
[10:25] Speaker 8: fuck living in our shared home for that long with
[10:28] Speaker 8: all the things around. I was engaging in substance abuse,
[10:33] Speaker 8: self harm, like just really reckless behavior with my life,
[10:37] Speaker 8: and I had to spend two weeks in the hospital
[10:39] Speaker 8: after a really bad self harm attempt. And now I
[10:43] Speaker 8: am one hundred and eleven days sober from everything, alcohol, drugs, magotine.
[10:49] Speaker 2: You name it.
[10:51] Speaker 8: And I'm just having a hard time because he has
[10:54] Speaker 8: shown no remorse, no attempt to try to get me back, nothing.
[11:01] Speaker 8: And I know how he feels about me because I
[11:04] Speaker 8: feel the same way about him. It's like a very
[11:06] Speaker 8: deep love. And I just am I going crazy, like
[11:09] Speaker 8: I don't understand, and it's so hard doing the sober now,
[11:13] Speaker 8: breathing sober, I feel everything everything, So I just need
[11:18] Speaker 8: some advice from you guys on how to grieve while
[11:21] Speaker 8: being sober.
[11:22] Speaker 2: I have all the chills. And can I tell you
[11:24] Speaker 2: when she said I know how he feels about me
[11:28] Speaker 2: because I feel the same way about him, and her
[11:31] Speaker 2: saying she's one hundred and how many days ten eleven
[11:35] Speaker 2: days sober, Yeah, it takes me back to when you
[11:40] Speaker 2: said this is not love, This is an addiction. The
[11:45] Speaker 2: way that you guys are feeling about each other, this
[11:47] Speaker 2: is not what love looks like.
[11:49] Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm first. I'm so sorry, geez.
[11:52] Speaker 7: I can't even and I know, like I got was
[11:54] Speaker 7: tearing up hearing that voicemail because I know that pain,
[11:56] Speaker 7: and it's like, how do you trust another person, especially
[11:59] Speaker 7: for you were going.
[12:00] Speaker 3: Above and beyond?
[12:01] Speaker 7: And I would never let someone hold me why they
[12:03] Speaker 7: wiped their ass, like even my grown kids. I'm like, no,
[12:07] Speaker 7: you're I will hold your hair if you're throwing up.
[12:09] Speaker 7: Other than that, good luck to you.
[12:12] Speaker 2: You have to.
[12:15] Speaker 7: You have to get your I was actually talking to
[12:17] Speaker 7: you about this about re establishing your foundation, like you
[12:21] Speaker 7: have to fix your foundation of who you are as
[12:22] Speaker 7: a person, because your experiences being sober and being with
[12:27] Speaker 7: this man are going to be completely different and you're
[12:29] Speaker 7: going to have a psychological change. And whether you're doesn't
[12:33] Speaker 7: matter if you're in a program or you're not in
[12:35] Speaker 7: a program. You're going to operate and move through the
[12:37] Speaker 7: world differently. And you're, you know, maybe three and a
[12:41] Speaker 7: half four months sober. You start feeling really good around
[12:45] Speaker 7: the three month period, and then my experience with sobriety
[12:48] Speaker 7: around like month five, six seven.
[12:51] Speaker 2: You fall off the pink cloud.
[12:52] Speaker 7: You fall off the pink cloud and you get really
[12:54] Speaker 7: wobbly again. So I think, like my best advice is
[12:57] Speaker 7: that even though you we love this person, you have
[13:01] Speaker 7: to evaluate what that love is.
[13:03] Speaker 3: Was it toxic love? Was it codependent love? And rebuild it.
[13:08] Speaker 7: And I'm not saying that you can't start over, but
[13:11] Speaker 7: you have to start over making sure that you are
[13:14] Speaker 7: a whole person on your own before you start integrating
[13:18] Speaker 7: this person back in your life. And frankly, he needs
[13:20] Speaker 7: to take fucking responsibility.
[13:22] Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't love that he hasn't apologized, and that's
[13:27] Speaker 2: like people hate that. I always call everyone a narcissist,
[13:31] Speaker 2: but it is an epidemic and they're running rampant around us.
[13:33] Speaker 2: So it's important that you know the science because they
[13:36] Speaker 2: are fucking everywhere. Yeah, narcissism is alive and well. And
[13:40] Speaker 2: when someone can't take accountability for their actions, like it's
[13:44] Speaker 2: narcissism is a spectrum, right, and not everyone is as
[13:49] Speaker 2: extreme as the next person. But to not be able
[13:54] Speaker 2: to acknowledge the behavior, I mean, there's something really wrong.
[13:57] Speaker 2: And also someone who's to run on their broken fucking
[14:02] Speaker 2: leg just to make sure that you don't see their phone,
[14:05] Speaker 2: I have to imagine he's not only talking to that girl,
[14:09] Speaker 2: this is what you have to remember, and it's easier
[14:12] Speaker 2: said than done. You have to take it. And I
[14:15] Speaker 2: saw this fucking my algorithm right now is fucking crushing it.
[14:18] Speaker 2: But I saw this reel and it was like, please
[14:20] Speaker 2: stop telling people to take it one day at a time,
[14:22] Speaker 2: Like what the fuck else am I going to do?
[14:23] Speaker 2: Skip Tuesday? It's like, I get it taking it one
[14:28] Speaker 2: day at a time. Although it sounds cheesy, you absolutely
[14:31] Speaker 2: have to abide by that, and you have to sometimes
[14:33] Speaker 2: even take it one second at a time. And time
[14:37] Speaker 2: does heal everything. Yes, And we're just impatient by nature,
[14:44] Speaker 2: just human beings are where it's like days feel very long.
[14:47] Speaker 2: Because there were moments during my like breakup not breakup,
[14:52] Speaker 2: I don't know whatever it was with that guy where
[14:55] Speaker 2: I would be sobbing and I'd be like, like we
[14:58] Speaker 2: haven't spoken, and it's like it's better three hours. That's
[15:01] Speaker 2: how it feels like it's been three years. Time fucking
[15:05] Speaker 2: slows down. You're gonna be tested, especially with sobriety. But
[15:10] Speaker 2: I promise you there's gonna be a day you look
[15:13] Speaker 2: back on this and you're gonna say, thank god I
[15:15] Speaker 2: got sober and didn't drink I dealt with so many
[15:19] Speaker 2: different emotions and even though it was for that specific thing,
[15:22] Speaker 2: the person I am now I'm so proud of and
[15:25] Speaker 2: I can handle anything. Yeah, so there's my little pep talk. Yeah,
[15:30] Speaker 2: I'm wondering.
[15:33] Speaker 6: How much of your.
[15:35] Speaker 2: Sexual history.
[15:38] Speaker 9: Overlaps do you need to or should you disclose prior
[15:42] Speaker 9: to marriage. To give a little backstory, there's a gentleman
[15:50] Speaker 9: involved who We've been on and off for a long
[15:53] Speaker 9: time now, but it seems like it's it's there in
[15:57] Speaker 9: the off times, I have been with other people, and
[16:01] Speaker 9: I've been with people of the same sex and he
[16:05] Speaker 9: is not aware of that. And is that anything that
[16:08] Speaker 9: needs to be disclosed? Is there anything that's any of
[16:10] Speaker 9: his business or is that take it to the grave,
[16:14] Speaker 9: doesn't matter because that was a part time I'm just curious,
[16:22] Speaker 9: is that something that I should bring up and have
[16:24] Speaker 9: a discussion with him about or no?
[16:27] Speaker 2: Oh that is so hard.
[16:28] Speaker 7: You have thoughts go, it's one thing you don't need
[16:34] Speaker 7: to talk about your past sexual partners. As I've gotten
[16:37] Speaker 7: older and dating, I've realized it's like not necessary.
[16:40] Speaker 2: But what if you like, are with this person and
[16:43] Speaker 2: then you go on a break and during your break
[16:45] Speaker 2: you go and experience experience other people.
[16:48] Speaker 3: I don't think it's you don't know.
[16:51] Speaker 7: I agree with you, you don't need to disclose.
[16:53] Speaker 2: However, if the person asks, I think you have to
[16:59] Speaker 2: be honest. Yeah, but you could say in a general way.
[17:01] Speaker 7: You don't have to say, yeah, i've fucked Tommy down
[17:04] Speaker 7: the street.
[17:05] Speaker 2: And Liz as well, his wife. Yeah, yeah, whatever you know,
[17:08] Speaker 2: because she's been having fun. Like when here's the thing,
[17:12] Speaker 2: unless we are fully committed, I am free to do
[17:14] Speaker 2: whatever I want.
[17:15] Speaker 3: Yeah, And when we're on a break, we're not committed.
[17:17] Speaker 2: We're not committed. Nope. Like Ross and Rachel on Friends,
[17:21] Speaker 2: I agree with Ross. We're on a break, Yeah, I
[17:25] Speaker 2: doesn't forget to be with whoever I want. Yeah, you
[17:27] Speaker 2: can't have.
[17:28] Speaker 3: Your cake and eat it too.
[17:30] Speaker 2: No, I fully agree with you. I think unless he asks,
[17:33] Speaker 2: you don't need to say anything. I'm with you on that,
[17:35] Speaker 2: and keep it very general. Like when we are not together,
[17:41] Speaker 2: I act as if we are not together.
[17:43] Speaker 7: Right, and you don't need to say yes, I would
[17:46] Speaker 7: and had sex with this person, because trust me, any
[17:49] Speaker 7: man is not going to be down. Whether it's it's
[17:52] Speaker 7: a total double standard in my opinion. But like a
[17:55] Speaker 7: man is not going to be down with this woman
[17:57] Speaker 7: going out, especially if this is a long term relationship.
[17:59] Speaker 7: You just need to say, you know what, honey, I
[18:01] Speaker 7: don't really need to discuss this. You know we were
[18:03] Speaker 7: on a break. That means that we were on a break.
[18:05] Speaker 7: End of story. And if he keeps prying, just say
[18:06] Speaker 7: I'm sorry, it's not appropriate to discuss, you know, this
[18:11] Speaker 7: situation now that we're in a committed and we're trying
[18:13] Speaker 7: to move forward in our relationship.
[18:15] Speaker 2: Right, Like, I will always honor our relationship when we
[18:17] Speaker 2: are together. Yeah, you know, relationships you think you sit
[18:24] Speaker 2: there and go relationships are easy, like as long as
[18:26] Speaker 2: you have communication, don't put your dick where it doesn't belong.
[18:29] Speaker 2: They're so complicated. And I realize that every time I
[18:33] Speaker 2: dip my toe in the water, and I'm like, the
[18:36] Speaker 2: three month love bubble is all that exists. After three months,
[18:39] Speaker 2: it bursts and real life happens.
[18:41] Speaker 8: I know.
[18:41] Speaker 7: You said that this morning while we're getting ready, and
[18:43] Speaker 7: I was like, oh jeez, here we go.
[18:45] Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's true. Even with my friends who are
[18:48] Speaker 2: out there dating and they're like single moms, and we
[18:52] Speaker 2: have these conversations and I get so jealous because I'm like, oh,
[18:55] Speaker 2: you're in the love bubble. And then after the three
[18:58] Speaker 2: month mark they're like, oh, this happened and we had
[19:01] Speaker 2: to have a really deep conversation. I'm like, yeah, that's
[19:04] Speaker 2: what happens. Yeah it is. It's true. The lust goes away.
[19:08] Speaker 2: I'm just gonna be in three month relationships for the
[19:10] Speaker 2: rest of my life. That's what I want to live on.
[19:12] Speaker 2: I would never have become so attached. You know who
[19:16] Speaker 2: the fuck you're talking to? Are you crazy? I said that? No, Okay, next,
[19:20] Speaker 2: we're ready. No one loves a relationship more than you though,
[19:24] Speaker 2: and the men be in there locking you down?
[19:26] Speaker 3: Ye why?
[19:27] Speaker 2: Oh I can't imagine why.
[19:30] Speaker 7: I really don't know.
[19:31] Speaker 2: You're stunning your fun. You go and do really cool shit.
[19:35] Speaker 2: You make every three point shot when you're at the
[19:38] Speaker 2: gym filming yourself. You fly fish, you hike, you're getting Yeah,
[19:43] Speaker 2: you're like you got a perky little ass. You're talented.
[19:47] Speaker 2: Shall I go on?
[19:48] Speaker 7: Yes, actually you should, but we have another voicemail, so
[19:51] Speaker 7: let's not.
[19:51] Speaker 2: Let's get a little turned on.
[20:02] Speaker 5: Hi Ambria, Laala. My name is Sally and I live
[20:05] Speaker 5: in Scotstilarisona. Just give you a little backstory. I'm a
[20:10] Speaker 5: thirty seven year old mother of two. I have a
[20:14] Speaker 5: three and a half year old daughter and a two
[20:18] Speaker 5: year old son, both beautiful little children. My daughter was
[20:22] Speaker 5: recently diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. She's being
[20:26] Speaker 5: treated very beautifully at memorials. I'm kettering, but here's what's
[20:32] Speaker 5: going on, and here's the reason I'm calling in. I
[20:36] Speaker 5: have been struggling deeply with my relationship with my husband
[20:41] Speaker 5: basically ever since the day I got married, if not prior.
[20:45] Speaker 5: And I'm wondering when and how do you decide it's
[20:52] Speaker 5: time to call it quits because I feel in my
[20:56] Speaker 5: guts things are not right. I resonate and respect you
[21:00] Speaker 5: love that so much. I see your sober journey. I
[21:05] Speaker 5: see how you've held yourself as drawn me as a
[21:08] Speaker 5: mother Amber. I see your strength as well being introduced
[21:14] Speaker 5: on the podcast as such a companion too well at
[21:18] Speaker 5: it just as a part of her family as well.
[21:23] Speaker 5: So anyways, there's so much more to it. My husband
[21:26] Speaker 5: and I have been, you know, going through this with
[21:28] Speaker 5: my daughter, you know, trying to be really good co
[21:32] Speaker 5: parents along the way through our challenges. But we've just
[21:34] Speaker 5: been NonStop, just really really difficult together in our relationship
[21:41] Speaker 5: since day one, and we found out we were pregnant
[21:46] Speaker 5: the last day of our honeymoon, and I just don't
[21:50] Speaker 5: know how much longer we can make it through.
[21:53] Speaker 2: That's like so heartbreaking.
[21:55] Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so sad. What are your thoughts?
[21:58] Speaker 2: Well, I feel she's said that like the day they
[22:01] Speaker 2: got married, things kind of shifted. But I feel just
[22:06] Speaker 2: in my family, nothing tests families, and then you throw
[22:12] Speaker 2: intimacy into it, right, you and your partner. It's already
[22:17] Speaker 2: tested when you guys start having children, but then you
[22:20] Speaker 2: add the difficulties of life where a health issue arises
[22:23] Speaker 2: or money issues happen, and it's very it just becomes
[22:30] Speaker 2: suffocating for the relationship. And oftentimes, like mom and dad
[22:34] Speaker 2: turn on each other because who else do you turn on? Right?
[22:38] Speaker 2: Mm hm. I Also, even though I say I never
[22:43] Speaker 2: want to get married, I think marriage is a beautiful
[22:46] Speaker 2: thing and it's worth fighting for. And you have two
[22:49] Speaker 2: kids and obviously your daughter is facing you know, she's
[22:53] Speaker 2: going in and you guys are fighting for her life.
[22:57] Speaker 2: I think it's something where you have to tap in
[22:59] Speaker 2: a third party and like go and talk to somebody
[23:03] Speaker 2: and really make sure he's willing to lay it all
[23:07] Speaker 2: out there what he is, you know, his expectations, what
[23:11] Speaker 2: he needs, and also the same for you. I don't
[23:14] Speaker 2: think you just throw in the towel. I think you
[23:16] Speaker 2: have to explore every option before you say we're done here.
[23:21] Speaker 2: But also with her daughter facing what she's facing, you
[23:27] Speaker 2: can't have her in a toxic home like where the
[23:30] Speaker 2: mom and dad are like at each other's throats.
[23:34] Speaker 7: Are hard though, because the daughter's going to grow up.
[23:38] Speaker 7: I know that when they divorce, and like most kids,
[23:41] Speaker 7: they blame themselves. Like if I didn't get sick, mom
[23:44] Speaker 7: and dad may have still been together. And I know
[23:46] Speaker 7: she's really young, and I was thinking, you know, they
[23:49] Speaker 7: have two very young kids and and with no issues
[23:53] Speaker 7: having toddlers in the house, that age that tests a
[23:56] Speaker 7: marriage period. Having kids is freaking hard and it will
[24:01] Speaker 7: test a marriage.
[24:02] Speaker 2: And I think.
[24:07] Speaker 7: I think the best advice, because I feel so not
[24:09] Speaker 7: even qualified, is like just take a beat.
[24:13] Speaker 3: You have to take a beat.
[24:14] Speaker 7: And like even if it's sleeping in different bedrooms, you know,
[24:21] Speaker 7: for a while, and just having that space and to
[24:24] Speaker 7: like really reflect on, like before you make any big
[24:27] Speaker 7: life decisions. Because I feel like what they need to
[24:29] Speaker 7: focus on right now is their children is and if
[24:32] Speaker 7: there's like infidelity going on, if it's just simply that
[24:35] Speaker 7: they've fallen out of love. Love is an action, and
[24:40] Speaker 7: right now it's not about either one of them, it's
[24:43] Speaker 7: about their daughter and frankly their son because their son
[24:46] Speaker 7: or yeah, their son also is going to get affected
[24:49] Speaker 7: by seeing their sibling going.
[24:50] Speaker 3: Through this as well.
[24:53] Speaker 7: I think you have to realize that they need to
[24:57] Speaker 7: focus on the friendship. If they could find a way
[24:59] Speaker 7: just friends to get through this difficult point, even if
[25:02] Speaker 7: they're not being intimate with each other, or they find
[25:05] Speaker 7: a way to connect in some way. But I would
[25:11] Speaker 7: definitely talk to a therapist.
[25:14] Speaker 2: I think a therapist is the first move. Yeah, and
[25:16] Speaker 2: someone who like can who specializes in trauma, because it's
[25:21] Speaker 2: obviously very traumatic when you take your daughter into a
[25:23] Speaker 2: doctor's appointment and they tell you she has cancer.
[25:26] Speaker 7: And I'm sure the hospital that they're at in Arizona
[25:29] Speaker 7: has resources there to help families go throughs because I'm
[25:32] Speaker 7: sure the statistics of I mean, I know the statistics
[25:35] Speaker 7: of parents marriages where there's.
[25:38] Speaker 3: You know, a child who's neurodivergent, right, whether.
[25:40] Speaker 2: It's like something life altering yeah, where your your lifestyle changes.
[25:45] Speaker 7: Yes, the divorce rate is extremely high. I'm sure it's
[25:48] Speaker 7: it's just as challenging as if you know there's this
[25:52] Speaker 7: big life, you know, change, So I would talk to
[25:56] Speaker 7: the I would talk to the hospital for sure.
[25:59] Speaker 3: That's my end.
[26:00] Speaker 2: Yeah, Because the thing that's different about this is when
[26:04] Speaker 2: you add like even when I talk to Brittany, I
[26:07] Speaker 2: have to always remember to acknowledge, like when I'm when
[26:11] Speaker 2: she's telling me things, and then I share just to
[26:16] Speaker 2: get women to relate, you know, like when you know
[26:18] Speaker 2: that you share something you I always have to acknowledge,
[26:21] Speaker 2: like she has a son who was diagnosed with autism.
[26:25] Speaker 2: It's just a different level. Sally has a daughter who
[26:28] Speaker 2: was diagnosed with cancer. So it just the stakes become
[26:31] Speaker 2: so much higher. You and I didn't have to deal
[26:35] Speaker 2: with that, Like I just took my seven healthy seven
[26:39] Speaker 2: month olds and I didn't have the extra layer there.
[26:43] Speaker 2: So when you say I don't feel qualified, I certainly
[26:46] Speaker 2: don't either.
[26:46] Speaker 7: But I think one thing that I would also say
[26:49] Speaker 7: is try to remember go back to the beginning of
[26:53] Speaker 7: the relationship when you guys married, like why did you marry?
[26:56] Speaker 3: What is it about this person that.
[26:58] Speaker 7: I love you that fall in love because life just
[27:02] Speaker 7: punches you in the fucking face sometimes and you have
[27:05] Speaker 7: to like take an aerial view of like, Okay, this man,
[27:08] Speaker 7: this is who he was, it was when I when
[27:10] Speaker 7: I first fell in love.
[27:11] Speaker 3: This is our first date.
[27:12] Speaker 7: Like you have to find those reasons and like do
[27:16] Speaker 7: something that you don't want to do.
[27:17] Speaker 3: If you know your your husband.
[27:19] Speaker 7: Loves I don't know, a foot rub right in bed
[27:24] Speaker 7: and you you're like, you're disgusting, Give him the foot
[27:27] Speaker 7: rub and see what happens, Like do contrary actions and see.
[27:30] Speaker 2: This sounds like a fucking nightmare to me. Well, I
[27:34] Speaker 2: mean because we don't know what he's done. Gets your
[27:36] Speaker 2: fucking feet out of my face? Joking me, that's why
[27:40] Speaker 2: you have a boyfriend. So you have a money boyfriend.
[27:46] Speaker 2: That's why I'm a man. The other night, asked me,
[27:49] Speaker 2: He's like, if I stay over, you're gonna cook me
[27:51] Speaker 2: breakfast in the morning. I go, are you out of
[27:52] Speaker 2: your fucking mind? Oh that's rude.
[27:55] Speaker 7: That would be a next for me. Like the expectation
[27:58] Speaker 7: of you.
[27:58] Speaker 2: Cooking you got me fucked up.
[28:02] Speaker 7: Do you like McDonald's number one or two breakfast menu?
[28:06] Speaker 2: I can order you something. Yeah, postmates?
[28:09] Speaker 8: All right?
[28:09] Speaker 4: Next, Hi, Lala and Amber. My name is Stephanie. I'm
[28:14] Speaker 4: a first time caller, longtime listener. I love both of
[28:17] Speaker 4: you ladies so much. You're so beautiful and empowering two
[28:21] Speaker 4: women everywhere. I am married with two kids, and I
[28:26] Speaker 4: have never been able to make myself orgasm while masturbating,
[28:33] Speaker 4: so I don't masturbate. Do you have any tips or
[28:37] Speaker 4: tricks for suggestions that you recommend? I would love to
[28:42] Speaker 4: hear from you. Thanks.
[28:47] Speaker 7: This might be the best question yet because I think
[28:50] Speaker 7: we both have been on opposite side of the point. Okay,
[28:53] Speaker 7: explain you dirty little dog.
[28:56] Speaker 2: You I'm not that dirty of a dog. I think
[29:00] Speaker 2: the right vibrator is key. Also, getting out of your
[29:05] Speaker 2: head is key, and just relaxing.
[29:08] Speaker 6: Right.
[29:08] Speaker 2: You've got two kids. I know what that is like
[29:11] Speaker 2: to be terrified that one of them is going to
[29:14] Speaker 2: waddle in and see mommy experiencing heaven. Oh my gosh,
[29:26] Speaker 2: I'm so charged right now, like thinking, I'm like, where's
[29:29] Speaker 2: my rose with you? I think you and your clit
[29:35] Speaker 2: need to become really really good friends, Like you need
[29:37] Speaker 2: to like before you just like deep dive into the vibrators.
[29:42] Speaker 2: I won't scar you with talking about dildo's right now,
[29:45] Speaker 2: that's for us. Elevated bitches. Really give me the fat
[29:50] Speaker 2: daddy garth and length, maybe a little hook on the end,
[29:54] Speaker 2: a little vibrator. Oh my god. I I think get
[30:00] Speaker 2: in the bath, and I think close the door, lock it.
[30:04] Speaker 2: Get yourself like really good lube. I like ones that
[30:09] Speaker 2: are like water bassed. Those are my favorite. And just
[30:12] Speaker 2: like touch, become familiar with it first, right touch, become familiar.
[30:18] Speaker 2: The rose focuses on suction and vibration of just the clip,
[30:27] Speaker 2: and it's awesome. You will definitely. I don't pull away
[30:31] Speaker 2: when you start feeling like, oh this is too much.
[30:33] Speaker 2: You must leave it there otherwise otherwise you're gonna have
[30:41] Speaker 2: to have your husband do it and have him tie
[30:43] Speaker 2: your arms and your legs up so that you can't move.
[30:47] Speaker 3: Have you done that?
[30:49] Speaker 2: And where? I've done a lot of fun stuff, but
[30:51] Speaker 2: sometimes I keep it very vanilla. Yeah, just depends on
[30:55] Speaker 2: my mood.
[30:56] Speaker 7: I can do handcuffs though, because that would make me
[30:58] Speaker 7: super claustrophobic.
[31:00] Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't like metal around my wrists, like just
[31:02] Speaker 2: like a something soft. It's a diamond, yeah, unless it
[31:06] Speaker 2: as diamonds I also think that when you tense up,
[31:12] Speaker 2: it makes it harder, like you have to the mind
[31:16] Speaker 2: in the vagina have to be so in sync.
[31:18] Speaker 7: Wait, you know it's so crazy you say that because
[31:20] Speaker 7: I literally so.
[31:21] Speaker 3: I went through.
[31:22] Speaker 7: By the way, Stephanie, I've been in your position. So
[31:27] Speaker 7: I'm going to give you my number a week of
[31:28] Speaker 7: talk because I have a few suggestions myself.
[31:32] Speaker 3: I went through this.
[31:33] Speaker 7: I actually didn't have my first one. Tell I had
[31:37] Speaker 7: won when I was twenty.
[31:40] Speaker 2: Six an orgasm, yes, okay, and then nothing before, nothing before.
[31:44] Speaker 2: When did you become sexually active.
[31:47] Speaker 3: Geez.
[31:50] Speaker 2: In my teenage years? Well, obviously I would hope that
[31:53] Speaker 2: you were not twelve.
[31:55] Speaker 7: Actually the night that I conceived London, that was your
[31:58] Speaker 7: first time.
[31:59] Speaker 2: Now can you imagine what sixteen? Seventeen?
[32:04] Speaker 7: Yes, okay, yes, yeah, sixteen. It's so much deeper than
[32:11] Speaker 7: just for me than finding a vibrator. It's really is
[32:16] Speaker 7: knowing who you are and loving yourself first. It starts there,
[32:21] Speaker 7: and I didn't realize that at the time. I'm like,
[32:23] Speaker 7: why can't I just stick something down there like I would?
[32:27] Speaker 7: Hear my girlfriends talk about it, I'm like, God, why
[32:28] Speaker 7: is it so easy for them? It's because I didn't
[32:31] Speaker 7: have that connection.
[32:33] Speaker 3: To self and you have to have that.
[32:36] Speaker 7: Like, this is going to sound so corny, and you're
[32:40] Speaker 7: probably gonna laugh at me, but I'm gonna tell you
[32:41] Speaker 7: anyways because hopefully it will help her. Someone suggested that
[32:46] Speaker 7: I go into the mirror and I just look at
[32:48] Speaker 7: myself in the eyes Amber.
[32:49] Speaker 2: Okay, I was gonna say, look at your China. We're
[32:52] Speaker 2: not instinct right now. Okay, look at yourself and me.
[32:55] Speaker 2: But I was going to say, look at yourself in
[32:57] Speaker 2: the eye, the holy.
[33:01] Speaker 7: The eye, the one eye, now your third eye, the
[33:04] Speaker 7: other eye. No, if you look at yourself in the eye,
[33:08] Speaker 7: I'm like trying to do something really stard you.
[33:12] Speaker 8: You're on your.
[33:13] Speaker 2: Level today, going crazy. By the way, I'm freshly fucked
[33:17] Speaker 2: today and feeling amazing about it.
[33:19] Speaker 3: I know, as you should.
[33:20] Speaker 7: But just connect with yourself whatever way that is. If
[33:24] Speaker 7: you're looking at yourself in the eye and then you're
[33:26] Speaker 7: telling yourself that you love you. Like for me, that
[33:31] Speaker 7: was the biggest breakthrough. And when I was able to
[33:34] Speaker 7: reconnect with myself and I was able to do this
[33:37] Speaker 7: in sobriety, then I was able to achieve an orgasm. Okay,
[33:42] Speaker 7: and that took time. It didn't the toys came later.
[33:46] Speaker 7: The toys were like the cherry on top.
[33:47] Speaker 2: So then what would you do before? Just rub?
[33:50] Speaker 7: I would rub and I and I would say. I
[33:53] Speaker 7: wouldn't put an expectation like, oh, you have to finish.
[33:55] Speaker 7: It was just about connecting. So if it was just
[33:57] Speaker 7: touching myself at first and feeling like, oh, my body
[34:02] Speaker 7: is beautiful, like this is like I love me, like
[34:07] Speaker 7: I like me, Yeah, I like the woman I am
[34:10] Speaker 7: because I feel like again for me, there was a
[34:12] Speaker 7: lot of shame, discuss the choices that I've made, the
[34:16] Speaker 7: mistakes that I've made.
[34:16] Speaker 3: In my life.
[34:17] Speaker 7: It's like, you have to fall in love with yourself
[34:20] Speaker 7: and then you could do that, and then that's when
[34:22] Speaker 7: you could bring like even another partner in. You have
[34:25] Speaker 7: to It's like a very cliche thing to say, I know,
[34:28] Speaker 7: but it's like that was the first step. Is like
[34:30] Speaker 7: taking myself on a date. Like Okay, Amber, tonight, you're
[34:33] Speaker 7: gonna go sit at a bar, you're gonna have a dinner,
[34:36] Speaker 7: you're gonna you know, if a glass of wine helps
[34:39] Speaker 7: her get there, then great, if not, she doesn't need it,
[34:43] Speaker 7: and then go home, run yourself a bath and have
[34:46] Speaker 7: no expectations the second you think like, oh my god,
[34:49] Speaker 7: I have to achieve this because if not, I'm broken,
[34:51] Speaker 7: because I feel broken that I can't do what say
[34:54] Speaker 7: other women can do, or I just need a dick
[34:56] Speaker 7: in order to have an orgasm life.
[34:59] Speaker 2: Sometimes the dick throws me off.
[35:01] Speaker 7: Yeah, like I women don't have an orgasm.
[35:04] Speaker 2: I have to be very when you bring in a
[35:07] Speaker 2: dude like I and there's no telling I could be
[35:11] Speaker 2: completely connected with you in a conversation. Then we end
[35:14] Speaker 2: up sleeping together and I immediately retreat and feel like
[35:17] Speaker 2: I'm having an out of body experience where I'm like, tonight,
[35:20] Speaker 2: it's just not going to happen for me. But because
[35:23] Speaker 2: like what you said, like not feeling the shame and
[35:28] Speaker 2: all of those things. But I also feel like when
[35:30] Speaker 2: you're a mom, like your mind is just elsewhere. And
[35:32] Speaker 2: that's why I say your mind and your vagina have
[35:34] Speaker 2: to be so in sync and connected. It's the only
[35:37] Speaker 2: way that I can get off. And then you bring
[35:39] Speaker 2: an actual man in, I gotta be in sync with
[35:42] Speaker 2: you too. Yeah, I have to feel like I can.
[35:44] Speaker 2: I have to literally feel like if you were across
[35:47] Speaker 2: the room, I could spread my legs for you and
[35:49] Speaker 2: feel totally fine with you having just like vaginal shot
[35:53] Speaker 2: if I feel like I kind of want to hide
[35:56] Speaker 2: not happening to me the energy. That's why I think
[35:58] Speaker 2: she needs a look in the mirror, touch herself. Yeah,
[36:01] Speaker 2: as well, react, reconnect with it.
[36:04] Speaker 7: That is it down there, you know, because after you
[36:05] Speaker 7: have kids too. That's the other thing. If it's you
[36:08] Speaker 7: realize that you're not you're not eighteen, you're not twenty five.
[36:12] Speaker 7: Things feel looked differently and you just aren't. You're just
[36:15] Speaker 7: emotionally not connected to probably.
[36:17] Speaker 2: Like a birthing canal at that point, like you don't
[36:19] Speaker 2: even think about it, I mean anything, I really.
[36:22] Speaker 7: I remember Lennon was saying, like I don't like going
[36:24] Speaker 7: to the obgui in and my mom said to her
[36:25] Speaker 7: London like, after you have kids, you just spread your
[36:28] Speaker 7: legs and you're just like, okay, there you go, do
[36:29] Speaker 7: whatever you need to do. Yeah, and that's what it becomes.
[36:32] Speaker 7: But in a sacred, beautiful flower, yes, yeah.
[36:37] Speaker 3: All right, that's it. That's all I have.
[36:41] Speaker 2: I love my vibrators. I mean I love a good
[36:44] Speaker 2: vibrator too, and sometimes I get off by thinking of
[36:47] Speaker 2: myself fucking somebody like, that's the image in my head.
[36:51] Speaker 2: That's hot. Yeah, but that's what you were talking about
[36:54] Speaker 2: looking at and being like, I love me. This is
[36:56] Speaker 2: you can make love to yourself.
[36:58] Speaker 8: Yeah?
[36:59] Speaker 3: Is that weird?
[37:00] Speaker 2: Of the best, yeah, kind of the best. I can
[37:03] Speaker 2: time it. I can be like, all right, we got
[37:04] Speaker 2: to get this shit done in three minutes.
[37:06] Speaker 7: I got Oh, I got this.
[37:07] Speaker 5: Oh.
[37:08] Speaker 7: The pressure of that can come on real fast.
[37:10] Speaker 2: Also, I didn't even tell you this. When you are
[37:14] Speaker 2: using a vibrator, I cannot get off unless I do
[37:19] Speaker 2: my kegel exercises at the same time, like pretend like
[37:22] Speaker 2: there's a dick in there and like squeeze, squeeze while vibrating.
[37:27] Speaker 2: And yeah, that's another thing that you could try. All Right,
[37:31] Speaker 2: there we go.
[37:32] Speaker 7: Stuff. We got work to do in the bedroom.
[37:35] Speaker 2: All right, feeling a little hot and bothered. Thank you
[37:39] Speaker 2: guys for listening to the voicemail episode of An Unlikely Affair.
[37:43] Speaker 2: A reminder that our podcast airs every Thursday at nine pm.
[37:47] Speaker 2: Love you guys, Love you Amber. We'll catch you next week.
[37:49] Speaker 7: Love you Bye guys.

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