# #309: Chatty Listener Questions Episode

An episode of [A Beautiful Mess Podcast](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1485472892), 20 Jul 2026, 43 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/498/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.libsyn.com/secure/abmpodcast/ABM_EP309_Final.mp3?dest-id=1624655

This week we're digging into all kinds of interesting topics listeners emailed us about from body image and the glow up to being the best aunt and even some home decor topics. It's random but it's fun! Thank you to this week's sponsor: Be prepared to save yourself a ton of time and money — just go to dupe.com and tell it what you're looking to buy. Questions we answer: What are you doing for a "Summer Glow Up"? Has retiring from influencing affected your relationship with the way you look? Do you have any tips on how to be a great aunt? What do I do with an heirloom crib that I'm no longer using? How do I renovate without losing the history of my house? If your life was a sitcom what would your genre tags be on Netflix? You can support us by leaving us a couple of 5 star recipe reviews this week at abeautifulmess.com Have a topic idea for the podcast? Write in to us at podcast@abeautifulmess.com or leave us a voicemail at 417-893-0011.

## Transcript

[0:00] Emma
[0:01] You're listening to the Beautiful Mess podcast, your cozy comfort listen. I'm your host Emma Chapman.
[0:02] Elsie
[0:03] And I'm your host Elsie Larson.
[0:04] Emma
[0:05] This week we're digging into all kinds of interesting topics listeners have emailed us: body image and
[0:06] the glow up to being the best aunt ever, and home decor tips. All sorts of random things. It's all random
[0:07] and it's all fun.
[0:08] Elsie
[0:09] Yes, I'm ready. Okay, so before we jump in, it is the middle of summer now, and I think we should talk
[0:10] about Halloween for one sec. Yes, because first of all, I wanted to put out our first call for sending ghost
[0:11] stories. So every October, it is our favorite episode of the year. We do a ghost stories episode from our
[0:12] listeners, if you have not listened for years and years, you might not. But they're they're in there. You
[0:13] can look them up in our archives every single year. We do it. So what we do is we read our listener
[0:14] submitted ghost stories and we kind of cull them down to the best ones. Sometimes they're scary, but a
[0:15] lot of them are very heartwarming. So all we ask is that when you send your story, you can send it to
[0:16] podcast at a beautiful mess.com anytime throughout the year, and we kind of just keep a file of them
[0:17] until October. When you send your story, try to do it in like a like three or four paragraphs. Like we like
[0:18] we do have to cut them down if they're like two pages long, and try to have like a beginning, middle,
[0:19] end, but at the same time, just tell the story in your own words. It's fine, and we like we strongly prefer
[0:20] stories that either happened to you or happened to someone you heard it from, like happened directly
[0:21] to them, like not something that happened like 10 people down the road, we like stories that are like
[0:22] first or second hand because they're the best.
[0:23] Emma
[0:24] We're not looking for a legend, we're looking for personal experience.
[0:25] Elsie
[0:26] So yeah, send us those anytime. But yeah, to get into it, we are going like to sort of like get in the spirit.
[0:27] We decided we're going to go stay at the Crescent Hotel, which is in Arkansas. It's a short drive from
[0:28] where we live, and we're gonna do a little writing retreat there. I think this month, and for a couple
[0:29] nights, and hopefully we can see a ghost too. Over there, she really wants to see a ghost. I'm gonna try
[0:30] to get. There's, I heard supposed to be haunted to most haunted rooms, so I'm gonna ask for one of
[0:31] those.
[0:32] Emma
[0:33] A friend of mine. So it's like our older sons, a friend of his. It's like their parents. So we hang out with
[0:34] them. They're really cool. That's kind of how we know them as like kid friends. Anyway, he was telling
[0:35] me that he stayed at the Crescent Hotel and it was very scary. He said things moved across the floor.
[0:36] He was like, there was definitely a ghost. Yeah. Yes. So I was like, okay, great. My sister's gonna love
[0:37] to hear this because she really wants to meet a ghost. He was like, oh yeah, that place is haunted.
[0:38] Elsie
[0:39] That's my dream. It's also a nice hotel with a nice restaurant. So I'm just excited.
[0:40] Emma
[0:41] It has a spa. I'm gonna get a massage.
[0:42] Elsie
[0:43] Yes, we have to get a massage. Yeah, but it's going to be a fun experience, and we will definitely do a
[0:44] podcast episode about it when we get done. And that hopefully it'll be kind of like right on the edge. Like
[0:45] I feel like in August, especially when for people whose kids go back to school in August, I feel like it
[0:46] kind of counts as like the very very beginning of the fall. Yeah, September is like full fall.
[0:47] Emma
[0:48] Yeah.
[0:49] Elsie
[0:50] So anytime in there, yeah.
[0:51] Emma
[0:52] Mid August slow August is definitely fall to me. I like to look forward a little. So you got to get into the
[0:53] season right before it starts.
[0:54] Elsie
[0:55] Fun. Okay, so in this episode, we're just going to do a bunch of listener questions. It kind of cleaned out
[0:56] the emails, and there was lots of fun ones in there. But I kind of just picked an assortment. So, do you
[0:57] want to read first one?
[0:58] Emma
[0:59] Sometimes we get great questions, but it's not like a whole episode's worth. So, this was our way to
[1:00] kind of take some of these really good ones and just put them all together. And they don't necessarily
[1:01] go together, but that's what's happening. But they're all good. So, okay. First one is from Angel. She
[1:02] asks, "So, a summer podcast idea I'd love to hear is something summer glow up related, like goals you
[1:03] had for yourself as girls growing up and how you treated and spent your summers. That just feels so
[1:04] nostalgic to me. The idea that we could go back to school after summer break and be someone
[1:05] different or changed. Granted, I did grow up in the '80s, so that's a familiar theme in the movies I grew
[1:06] up watching. But at 53, I still kind of view my summers this way: like, what can I do to be better once
[1:07] school starts? Quote unquote. Yeah, I love that.
[1:08] Elsie
[1:09] I love it too.
[1:10] Emma
[1:11] Angels doing it right.
[1:12] Elsie
[1:13] Yeah, I picked this question and then the next one because the next one is about aging, and they kind
[1:14] of go together. I feel like it's like the perfect balance of two subjects. I love because I think you should
[1:15] always be trying to feel your best in every stage of life, and I also think you should embrace aging. It's
[1:16] like they go together. So okay, the term "glow up" I feel is kind of cliched. Like I don't know. It's it's
[1:17] whatever, but I think that it comes from a good place, and it's like, what can I do to like feel better about
[1:18] myself every day, right? Yeah. So I think we all have little things, but yeah, for me, I have learned in the
[1:19] last few years because I always have like these big ambitions, and I'm always saying like, oh, I'm gonna
[1:20] do this, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this, whatever. But I usually don't really get that much done. So
[1:21] I've learned that I need to do one thing at a time, you know, for on that end of the spectrum. So this
[1:22] summer, I'm gonna try to get my hair done. I have not gotten my hair done by a professional person in
[1:23] like two and a half years, and it's time for me to get like a new a stylist and go to them every month and
[1:24] be like on a schedule and just like pay that beauty tax or whatever. You know, it's it's fine. Dyeing my
[1:25] own hair at home, it was fun at first, but is old, and I don't enjoy it anymore, and I'm bored of it, and I
[1:26] have split ends, and it's just time for me to like. So that's my goal.
[1:27] Emma
[1:28] It's also great when you get like a great hairstylist, or I felt this way with my lash lady too. I love having a
[1:29] little chat with someone who like I just see now and again. So it's like, what have your kids been up to?
[1:30] What have my kids been doing?
[1:31] Elsie
[1:32] It's just kind of nice. It's nice. Hell yeah! Yeah, yeah. Um, last summer I got teeth veneers. That was like
[1:33] fun, and I'm glad I did it. It was something I wanted to do a long time. They look gorgeous. Thank you.
[1:34] The next thing I want to do is I want to finish my laser hair removal because I didn't do my legs, and I do
[1:35] want to do them because I am thinking I want to get some leg tattoos, but I want to do that first because
[1:36] once you, I think you can't really get laser hair removal over a tattoo. I mean, they won't let you. So if
[1:37] you want to do it, gotta do it first. And I kind of want to get like tattoos on the back of my ankles, and
[1:38] that's just like not a place that you want to have like a big patch of hair. You know what I mean?
[1:39] Emma
[1:40] Yeah, that's a hard spot to reach and not nic yourself.
[1:41] Elsie
[1:42] It needs to be done correctly in the right order. So that's the next thing I'm gonna do after this. Tell me
[1:43] your glow up visions.
[1:44] Emma
[1:45] Yes. So here's what I'm doing this summer. So it's kind of two things, or that's how I think of it. So I have
[1:46] to start by saying I was lucky enough to get to beta read our friend Katie Day's upcoming book. It's not
[1:47] out yet, as beta read as you you know.
[1:48] Elsie
[1:49] We'll do an episode with her as a guest when it's like time for pre order when it's coming up because
[1:50] she is one of our best friends and and the book is so great and we're so proud of her.
[1:51] Emma
[1:52] Yes, it was so great. I cannot wait for people to read it. I thought it was super beneficial and fun,
[1:53] something that I haven't seen in that category yet. So I'm very excited for it. But anyway, we'll talk about
[1:54] it more when it's out because you can't even buy it yet. So I should shut up about it. But at any rate, I
[1:55] was beta reading it, and it inspired me to do a little reset. And she goes into this book, so I'm not even
[1:56] going to explain it all right now. But for me, what I'm doing this summer, so June, July, and August, is I
[1:57] am not drinking alcohol, and I am not eating what she calls big sugar, which I think is the right term for it
[1:58] because it's funny.
[1:59] Elsie
[2:00] Yeah, like refined sugar?
[2:01] Emma
[2:02] No. So what it means for me, and you could you could define it however you want, but for me it just
[2:03] means I'm not eating basically dessert. Okay, so no cookies, no milkshakes, no ice cream at the pool.
[2:04] But I don't read labels, so like probably the tomato sauce I normally buy when I make you know pasta
[2:05] at home probably has sugar in it. I don't know. I'm not reading the label, so it's just big sugar is my
[2:06] catch-all name for it, but it means dessert. And the reason I'm doing those two things was basically I
[2:07] had gotten into some habits that I just wasn't in love with. I wasn't really feeling like, oh, these are
[2:08] ruining my life, and I'm going to hit rock bottom. I really wasn't on that level, to be honest. They were
[2:09] just something that I was like, I think it would be good to take a little pause on these and like reevaluate.
[2:10] So I was like, "All right, I'm gonna take three months off of these things. So June, July, August, no
[2:11] alcohol, no big sugar. Which honestly, the alcohol is pretty easy for me. It's more of a social thing, so it
[2:12] kind of comes up socially, and then I feel like I have to like talk about this a little bit, and I don't mind at
[2:13] all. But depending who I'm talking to, it's either like an interesting conversation, or they're very
[2:14] confused. So it's you know whatever, which is fine. I don't care either way. But the sugar one's a lot
[2:15] harder for me in part because I'm around sugar fairly often with my kids, and I also was kind of using it
[2:16] as a mechanism to just like treat myself and reward myself. And for the record, I think it's a great little
[2:17] treat and reward, and I will be back in September. But I'm just taking a little break for now because I
[2:18] think it's a good thing to look at in your health sometimes. So anyway, so that's like one thing is that
[2:19] kind of refraining from something for a certain amount of time, and then the other thing that I'm doing,
[2:20] and I've talked about this, but I really just want to bring it. As much as possible, because I love it. Is I'm
[2:21] doing the artist way, which is a 12 week program from Julia Cameron. It's been around for many, many,
[2:22] many years. Even if you don't consider yourself an artist at all, you don't need to. It's just about
[2:23] creativity. I really love it. I think it's great. There are a few things about it that I'm kind of like always
[2:24] reframing for myself, like Julia, she talks about God quite a bit. I believe she's a Christian. That's kind of
[2:25] how she identifies, and it kind of affects her worldview in a good way, I think. And I really like how
[2:26] upfront she is about it. And she's like, "If you don't like the word God, change it to universe. You do you.
[2:27] Like she's very, very welcoming. But for me, I do a little bit of reframing on some of that stuff, and then I
[2:28] also think for me the book is so much about play. It's not even about like because in a lot of my career
[2:29] creativity has been a part of my job with making money, and hopefully it will be in the future with writing
[2:30] fiction. I I don't know, but that's what I'm planning. That's what I'm working towards, as we've talked
[2:31] about on this podcast, but I really think like for me, I was missing a lot of play. I do a lot of facilitating
[2:32] play for my children, and I think play is so important for their development and their growth. And I think
[2:33] it's important for me as a human as well. Oh yeah, and so I'm really like looking at that and kind of like,
[2:34] oh yeah, I was kind of missing that, and and that's kind of changed for me with a beautiful mess
[2:35] changing over the past couple years. Okay, I need to like get more play in my life, which for me does
[2:36] look like a lot of creative things, a lot of quote unquote weird art, because that's what kind of person I
[2:37] am. But it could mean all sorts of things for different people, and that's been like really fun and fulfilling
[2:38] and like joyful. So I've been loving that. That's been like so. My summer is going great. I'm having a
[2:39] great glow up, but it mostly has to do with no alcohol, big sugar, and I'm doing a lot of weird art, and it's
[2:40] great.
[2:41] Elsie
[2:42] I love it. No, that's wonderful.
[2:43] Emma
[2:44] Yeah. Yep.
[2:45] Elsie
[2:46] One thing at a time. That's what we say. Don't need to change your whole life all at once. Just try some
[2:47] little things. Give it a go. See what you think. Yes. Okay. This next question is from Keegan. It says,
[2:48] "Would love a body image episode or to hear your thoughts on aging bodies. I love how excited about
[2:49] aging you both are. Oh, that's nice. Excite where you're perceived as excited. That's yeah. You really
[2:50] inspired me on that. Also, has retiring from influencing affected your relationship with how you look?
[2:51] Okay, I think that's an interesting question. So, okay, I feel like I have like a pretty developed, like I think
[2:52] I'm pretty secure in my stance on aging, and my. idea of like the perfect way to age is that it's not that
[2:53] I'm ever trying to look a different age; it's that I'm trying to feel good about myself the way with what I
[2:54] have right now at every part of life. Right, so I am kind of like pro do whatever you want. Like I'm
[2:55] definitely pro plastic surgery, injectables, anything, anything like that. Pro, like so on the record. But
[2:56] also, I I think that like it's okay to like be okay with skipping a lot of that stuff. Like even if your friends do
[2:57] it, if it's just something that you're like, I'm just not sure that's for me. And we all have different, you
[2:58] know, like I don't know. I think we just all kind of need our own little custom plan. So yeah, as far as like
[2:59] aging, I don't know. I don't know if I have any deep thoughts about it. I just I look at my mom, and I think
[3:00] I have a lot of good years ahead of me. She inspires me, and I think she's beautiful, and I think she's
[3:01] also happy. So I'm like, okay, I have a lot of good quality of life years ahead. You know, probably to
[3:02] spend making art and traveling around with my kids and like doing all these exciting things, and I think
[3:03] it's okay to have like a little bit of like grief at times, or to feel sad. Like I, I do think that I was hotter
[3:04] when I was younger. I do think that that's okay too. I think it's okay to have like all the things in the
[3:05] whole spectrum, but I'm also like going to be living in today, and I'm going to do things that make me
[3:06] feel cute right now. And in 10 or 20 years from now, I hope I'm still doing that because I think it's a good
[3:07] way to live.
[3:08] Emma
[3:09] I agree. I guess one thing I'll say is I, I think it's important to surround yourself with images of beautiful
[3:10] people at every age. Yeah, because I think, you know, when I was younger, like I subscribed for many
[3:11] years when I was in like high school and early college to Teen Vogue. I loved that magazine. It was
[3:12] awesome. I had like I I had the very first copy when Stefani was on the cover of the very first one, and I
[3:13] like kept going for like two or three years. I had a collection of them, and I loved it. And it mostly had
[3:14] pictures and models who were very young, and I was very young at the time. I was a little younger than
[3:15] a lot of them, and I think that was fine. But now that I'm 40, I think it's really important that I'm constantly
[3:16] surrounded by and looking at images of not just 20-year-olds, but also 60-year-olds or 70-year-olds,
[3:17] and people that I admire who have cool style and beautiful bodies and interesting hair and cool glasses,
[3:18] you know, and just like I make a point of like surrounding myself with that or really noticing it in movies.
[3:19] Like the other day we were watching Thursday Murder Club. I think I talked about that in a previous
[3:20] episode. Helen Mirren's in that movie, and I was just like, I love all her outfits in this movie. I wonder if I
[3:21] can look them up. Like I was just like, and she's older than me, but I was like, I'm really into her style.
[3:22] She's obviously a gorgeous woman. She's an actor. She's a famous actor. You know, she's a dame. But
[3:23] I was just like, yeah, I am digging this. I want to look like this lady. She looks so cool. Like I put a lot of
[3:24] women who are older than me on my vision board, it's important to me to put women my age, you
[3:25] know, 40. But I like to put women who look to be 5060, There's one lady on my vision board. She's like
[3:26] with an older man. She's definitely like 70 or 80, and she looks so cute. She's like on a walk with her
[3:27] partner, and it's in this beautiful setting. And I'm just like, yes, yes to all of this. I think maybe that's a
[3:28] piece of it too. Is like you've got to broaden your ideas of what beauty is. It's not just about perfect skin
[3:29] that doesn't have any age spots. It's also about you know being intentional with your style or doing
[3:30] something interesting with your hair. You know, just broaden it. Just collect everything, and you know I
[3:31] think that that's actually really fun because I think it's also totally fine to mourn something that's like, oh,
[3:32] my body doesn't look that way anymore. It did when I was 20, and it doesn't now. And it's like it's okay
[3:33] to feel bummed about that, but don't leave it there. Don't make that the only part of the story. That's just
[3:34] part of the story. That shouldn't be the driver. That should be like the passenger or the backseat ID on
[3:35] it. The driver's got to be someone who's like I'm getting inspiration from everywhere. I can see that
[3:36] Meryl Streep is hot as hell, and I'm gonna look in on that.
[3:37] Emma
[3:38] I'm interested in this because I want to keep going. I'm interested in beauty, and I think that there's no
[3:39] shame in that. But you've got to broaden it at a certain phase.
[3:40] Elsie
[3:41] Definitely. Yeah, I think the a good goal, a goal I have, and a goal I think we could all have is to keep
[3:42] becoming more yourself as you age.
[3:43] Emma
[3:44] Yeah.
[3:45] Elsie
[3:46] You know, and it like to know yourself more, and also to be like following curiosities and trying things,
[3:47] and like you know, every year we're getting like a little bit cooler, a little bit more interesting. I think that
[3:48] that's a beautiful life.
[3:49] Emma
[3:50] Yeah, and then trying to be healthy, which means so many different things, so many different people.
[3:51] This isn't really a health podcast, but I think it's good to be curious about staying healthy at every age,
[3:52] being active, eating foods you love that are good for you, taking vitamins, look into it for yourself. This
[3:53] really isn't the podcast to inform you on those things. It's just not my area of expertise. But I think it's
[3:54] good to be curious and good to care, and it's cool. It's really cool to care. Yeah, and you deserve to
[3:55] have great health. We all do. So look into it for yourself.
[3:56] Elsie
[3:57] Yeah, you have to take control of your own health for sure. Okay, would you like to read the next one?
[3:58] Emma
[3:59] Yes, this one's from Laura. She says, "Hi, have heard you both talking about activities showing up as an
[4:00] ant. Would love to know more tips and hear your thoughts specifically on how to be a great ant, and I
[4:01] think she means a wonderful aunt, not great as in yeah, yeah, because I feel like it's different than
[4:02] parenting. Yep, I would love to improve in that area. Fun.
[4:03] Elsie
[4:04] I think this is a great question. So Emma is like, I will say she is a better aunt than me. So I, she is, and
[4:05] she just is nailing it. And she has even a toddler right now. So I'm going to give a couple examples of
[4:06] things she does that I think are really impressive, and I'm trying to get more, trying to get better. So for
[4:07] me, I noticed as soon as I had kids that my aunt levels went down because I was a super aunt before,
[4:08] and we have a lot of older nieces and nephews in our life, like a lot of teenagers, and I think I was like
[4:09] really involved with them a little, like better when they were younger, and then when I had my own kids,
[4:10] it did become harder, and I think that is normal. So yeah, you have to sort of like refocus and like form a
[4:11] new plan because it is very different from parenting. Like extremely completely different. But yeah, the
[4:12] things Emma does that really like speak to me and impress me are I feel like she's really good about
[4:13] doing things that mean something to the kids. So every year, a couple times she goes to their school, to
[4:14] their school. Lunch and brings them a special lunch and sits with them and eats and it that is extremely
[4:15] special to a child. To an adult, it's kind of inconvenient and random to do in the middle of the day. To a
[4:16] child, it is like extremely special, and I know that they'll remember it when they're adults. And the other
[4:17] thing she does with them is she's like constantly taking them to the annoying places that they love, like
[4:18] there's these like bouncy places and these you know these terrible places that like adults.
[4:19] Emma
[4:20] Some kids like terrible places and then there's one niece who loves to get her nails done and boy is that
[4:21] easier.
[4:22] Elsie
[4:23] Yeah we do we have this one, it's all unicorn child.
[4:24] Emma
[4:25] Yeah it's all fun.
[4:26] Elsie
[4:27] Yes but yeah, she really gets on their level and does things that are exciting for them, and I think that is
[4:28] also really special and important to like at each phase give them memories that mean something to
[4:29] them.
[4:30] Emma
[4:31] Yeah, yeah, giving your advice. Yeah, I would say you know I also felt the same way, and I still feel that
[4:32] way as becoming a parent than being an aunt. My levels just went way down. Like I just didn't have as
[4:33] much time for it, or like it made it really hard to travel because it's really it's difficult to travel when you
[4:34] have little kids. It's it's tricky, even if you have a partner. It's still kind of tricky. So anyway, so I still feel
[4:35] that a lot of times of like, oh, I'm not as good of an ant as I used to be, and then I kind of remind myself,
[4:36] well, that's true. What are you going to do about it? Like, you could still be a good ant though. So like,
[4:37] that's it. Like, what what can you do? And it's like, okay, well, so I think focusing in on like, what can you
[4:38] do? Can you send a special present? You know, I have one niece who lives far away, and she's older.
[4:39] And every now and again, I send her a letter. Oh, and usually has little presents with it too, or whatever.
[4:40] But you know, it's just like it's it's kind of random. The goal is to say I love you. The goal is to be like I'm
[4:41] thinking about you, and you matter to me. And you know, sometimes kids like really pick up on that
[4:42] message, and sometimes I think they just like the thing you buy them, and that's fine. It really is kind of
[4:43] for your heart as far as like giving the love, and for them, it's they'll remember it or they won't. Don't
[4:44] really worry about that part, you know. Yeah, can't control that part. So, but I think picking like a few
[4:45] things and then being like, "That's what I have. I'm gonna, you know, do something special for their
[4:46] birthday, and I'm gonna do one school lunch a semester, you know, or whatever. Like Elsie's
[4:47] mentioning, you know. And everybody's different. Everybody has different, you know, things weighing in
[4:48] on their time. So you just kind of have to pick your your thing. Maybe you have like some nieces or
[4:49] nephews who are older, and they might want to play Wordle with you or something like you have some
[4:50] kind of like text thing going with them or something. I think that can be really cool too. I think it's just
[4:51] what are their interests and what kind of time do you have to put into it? And yeah, but for me, you
[4:52] know, we talk a lot about Ramit and like his mindsets on wealth and for me, part of my rich life is getting
[4:53] to buy my nieces, kind of whatever. If I take them to the mall and just like not caring, just being like,
[4:54] once a year we do this, and I'm gonna get them everything they want. You want to get your nails and
[4:55] your toes done? Yes, like you know. And that's part of what's fun about being an aunt versus a parent is
[4:56] it's a little bit like training to be a grandma. I think where it's like I'm not teaching you to be a good
[4:57] person. That's not really my job. I mean, something egregious like you need to say thank you. Yes, I'll
[4:58] you know tell them that kind of thing. But I'm like I'm just kind of here to spoil you and make you feel
[4:59] special. That's sort of it, and that's really fun.
[5:00] Elsie
[5:01] It's actually really nice to not be the parent and not be responsible for their behavior and to just spoil
[5:02] them. This year, I got to get one of our nieces prom dress, and I bought her some other stuff that was
[5:03] kind of it was like over the top, but it was it brought me so much pleasure and joy, and it was sort of like
[5:04] a loop closed, you know, because it was like I was pretty emotional when she graduated, and yeah, it's
[5:05] really special. And now you know we'll unlock a new a new relationship. You know, so I think that's
[5:06] another part of it is to remember that like as they get older, they still like they might not have the same
[5:07] relationship with you that they had when they were toddlers, but they still want to have a different kind
[5:08] of relationship with you, so keep trying to find that at every age because I want to be close with my, you
[5:09] know, nieces when they're and nephews when they're adults too, you know. So you have to kind of
[5:10] change it up, but yeah, I think it's a wonderful thing.
[5:11] Emma
[5:12] Yeah, at the end of the day, it's just another relationship in your life when they're little, though, until
[5:13] they're really adults, like all the way adults, it's going to be kind of one-sided in many ways, though, as it
[5:14] as it is with children, and that's fine. But it's just you know talking to them about whatever TV show they
[5:15] watched and want to narrate to you, you know, or whatever it is they're interested in. Like it's just. Being
[5:16] there, letting them know you care, you like you like them, you want to hear what they have to say. It's
[5:17] really pretty basic stuff. It's not really anything all that interesting, honestly. I feel like my advice is like
[5:18] be loving, and it's like yeah, that's pretty much it.
[5:19] Elsie
[5:20] Yeah. Well, being intentional. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The next question is from Faith. She says, "Hello,
[5:21] ladies. I love listening to your show, it makes my Mondays that much better. I have a design problem
[5:22] that I would like your help with. Okay, so this one's a twofer. We can just do them one at a time. They
[5:23] both relate to my historic Ohio farmhouse land deed signed by Andrew Jackson. So Andrew Jackson
[5:24] first. Sharon says so. If you don't follow Sharon says so and her Andrew Jackson tales, I just highly
[5:25] recommend it. That's a rabbit hole that everyone needs to go down. It'll inform you. Okay, so the first
[5:26] question is: I had my fourth and last baby. My mom gave me our family heirloom crib rocker that was,
[5:27] according to family lore, made by a cousin of Daniel Boone. I love how there's all these old tiny name
[5:28] drops and like wow yeah.
[5:29] Emma
[5:30] History name dropping.
[5:31] Elsie
[5:32] My conundrum is what to do with the crib now that my baby has outgrown it. It's wooden. It reaches
[5:33] about mid thigh, so it is about half the size and width of a normal crib, okay. So a small crib. Any ideas?
[5:34] I feel like I can't get rid of it because it's been around since Daniel Boone. But I also don't want to keep
[5:35] it out collecting dust and clothes. Okay, I think this should be a stuffy bed, like a place for stuffies to live.
[5:36] Just a bed full of stuffies. That's how I envision it. What do you think?
[5:37] Emma
[5:38] Yeah, I was like, it could be used as storage in some way. Stuffies make so much sense. I also think it's
[5:39] kind of like pick a lane as far as do you want to keep it intact as is, so it could become a crib later.
[5:40] Maybe one of her children will inherit it.
[5:41] Elsie
[5:42] It's probably dangerous.
[5:43] Emma
[5:44] I mean, I don't, I don't know. I haven't seen the crib. Makes me a little nervous, but I haven't seen it, so I
[5:45] really don't know. She used it, so I'm I'm assuming it's good. I don't know. So keeping it intact, if so,
[5:46] then maybe something storage. Maybe it could be kind of a play crib for baby dolls for a while, at least
[5:47] something like that. Or are you comfortable with it becoming something new, like you could turn it into a
[5:48] headboard for like a children's bed, or it could become some other kind of object in your home. Like
[5:49] even the railings could become a piece of art in the home. Something where like you get to keep it, and
[5:50] it could still be passed down in your family, but it gets repurposed, refashioned into something new. And
[5:51] if you're not a woodworker, Faith, neither am I. I would hire a professional to help me with that project. I
[5:52] actually hired a professional to help me with some family quilts, some heirloom quilts, and I got one
[5:53] made into a jacket and two made into some Christmas tree skirts, and that was like very worth the
[5:54] money to me because now these like very special quilts, I'm using them so much more than I did
[5:55] before. So anyway, same thing with this. I would hire someone if it's not your area because it can be
[5:56] really special to get some kind of family thing that's not going to be used anymore made into something
[5:57] new.
[5:58] Elsie
[5:59] That's a good idea.
[6:00] Emma
[6:01] But I also think if you're wanting to keep it intact to give to a child, give to someone else someday, so it
[6:02] could be a crib, then I would go storage route or play crib, you know.
[6:03] Elsie
[6:04] That just reminded me our grandma had like the ultimate creepy doll collection. She really did, and I
[6:05] always-I mean, they were terrible, but I always loved it. And everyone who came over would always
[6:06] hate them. But I just-I loved it, and she kept all of our like she kept as many things as she could. Yeah,
[6:07] she was a collector. The next question: Our farmhouse has a porch around two sides of the house that
[6:08] was enclosed at some point. I love the porch since it functions as a home gym, art room, and reading
[6:09] nook. This is similar to my house. The downside is that there isn't really a nice place to sit and hang out
[6:10] outside. We're attempting to put a patio in, but I'm having trouble finding inspiration that fits the historic
[6:11] farmhouse era of our home. Any advice or inspiration? Okay, I I think I really don't know. So I have a
[6:12] historic home too. It's from 1904. It is. It is kind of a farmhouse. Some people say it's a colonial, and
[6:13] some people say it's a farmhouse. Like I personally think it looks more like a farmhouse. Um, and I
[6:14] know that when it was built, it was like spread out on land, you know.
[6:15] Emma
[6:16] And the trees were planted by Johnny Appleseed. And no, just kidding. I just really wanted to name
[6:17] drop something.
[6:18] Elsie
[6:19] Yes. So anyway, I do. I understand this. You. You do. You need to. You are responsible for maintaining
[6:20] the era of your home. To add like a mid-century porch onto the back of it is Dom. Don't do that. I like. I
[6:21] strongly, strongly believe that. Like, but you know. When you have a historic home, you're the owner.
[6:22] It's your house, but also I think you're you're responsible for the preservation of it. And I'm not saying
[6:23] you can't change anything, but I think there are certain. So I think that when you do like an addition, that
[6:24] you should do it in some way that fits the history.
[6:25] Emma
[6:26] I agree. I actually agree with you on the preservation thing, you know, and all that. But I also will say,
[6:27] even if you kind of buck against that, if you're a little bit of a rebel, I get that too. I understand your
[6:28] heart, and let me just say, it's still probably going to go better with your house if you do that. It's
[6:29] probably going to turn out better, unless you're just a design whiz and you're just really sure that that's
[6:30] true. It just usually works better anyway, design wise, to just stick with the era of your home as much as
[6:31] you can.
[6:32] Elsie
[6:33] So I promise you on Pinterest, you just haven't looked enough yet. I promise you, there are hundreds of
[6:34] ideas exactly for what you're thinking. So I would look at Emily Henderson's farmhouse renovation. It's
[6:35] on social media and Pinterest and her website. She really did a lot to her yard, and it has a pool. It has
[6:36] porches. It has I think a tennis court or something like that. It has like a bunch of stuff. It has a bunch of
[6:37] like living area spaces, and they fit really well. So look at that. Also, our friend Jordan Fernie has a
[6:38] house called I think it's called Hooker Green is the name of it. Look that up. But yeah, I think that you
[6:39] just need to go on Pinterest and look historic porches, historic patios, historic sitting areas, historic
[6:40] pergola. Just keep going and going, and you will find so many. There are so many beautiful options. I
[6:41] promise you, and probably the perfect thing is out there. Like even swimming pools. I've gone down the
[6:42] deep dive of like, how do you make your swimming pool look like it's 100 years old? There's even a way
[6:43] to do that if you want to, and it's gorgeous. Yeah, I think that any era you should match. You know, it it
[6:44] just makes sense. Like it just it feels good. It feels right, and I think it's just good to like kind of cover the
[6:45] seams, cover the brushstrokes, so that people when people come to your home, they assume it was
[6:46] always that way. Okay, I hope that helps. Let's do the next one.
[6:47] Emma
[6:48] Okay, this question is from Dana, and she says, "I have a running joke with my coworkers at a dog
[6:49] store that if we were a sitcom, the category tags for our show would be witty, offbeat comedy, dark
[6:50] humor, irreverent humor. If your life was a sitcom, what would be your genre tags on Netflix or
[6:51] wherever?
[6:52] Elsie
[6:53] So yeah, I definitely think unlikely friends would be good. I think Emma and I. So do you remember the
[6:54] show Grace and Frankie? It's like it was with oh yeah, Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin. Yes, yeah. I feel like
[6:55] that's like a future version of Emma and I, probably yeah. Um, so something in that category.
[6:56] Emma
[6:57] Yeah. Great. Yeah.
[6:58] Elsie
[6:59] And I think also like something maybe like the TV show front something where we're constantly roasting
[7:00] each other. Where everyone and everyone in our proximity, our husbands, our kids, even do it now.
[7:01] We're all always roasting each other, and I think that that is part of what makes the family fun, you
[7:02] know. Our dad. I like to think of us as you know the old men Muppets who are always making fun of the
[7:03] show, but they're sitting together and they're clearly best buds. But they're like, it's not as good as it
[7:04] used to be. That's just how I like to picture us. That's true. That's good too. So yeah, I would say yeah,
[7:05] nostalgic and unlikely friendships, and then also when we have our, we have a lot of unlikely best
[7:06] friends, and they're all just so special and perfect, yeah. But especially like with Ting, we there was this
[7:07] one era. I don't think we've ever talked to this on the podcast. There was an era where we still kind of
[7:08] wanted to do a TV show, and I kind of wish we would have done it. And he wanted to be in. He wanted
[7:09] to be a reality star so bad, like way more.
[7:10] Emma
[7:11] He actually would be really good at it. He would be like he would be so fun to watch.
[7:12] Elsie
[7:13] Yeah, and I think that like the dynamics would have been good. I just think at that point in my life, I
[7:14] wasn't like confident enough to let people see...
[7:15] Emma
[7:16] Your flaws?
[7:17] Elsie
[7:18] Yeah, to let people see my flaws and hate me at every moment. I think I could do it now, but you know,
[7:19] like it just-I was kind of like trying to like have some form of self-preservation that I don't think you
[7:20] should have if you're making a reality show. But anyway, I kind of wish that would happen. But I'm also,
[7:21] it might have ruined our life, so maybe not.
[7:22] Emma
[7:23] Yeah, I don't think we would have enjoyed the schedule. We're just such homebodies. But anyway,
[7:24] yeah, yeah. I also feel like, not to be like too redundant, but like cozy comfort, which is what we call our
[7:25] podcast, your cozy comfort listen. I kind of feel like my life fits that not just on the podcast.
[7:26] Elsie
[7:27] We're making cookies, we're making pasta.
[7:28] Emma
[7:29] We're just very homebodies. We love holidays, we love family time, but we also definitely have
[7:30] irreverent humor, especially with each other. And like we do roast each other constantly. I love to roast
[7:31] Elsie. It is my favorite pastime.
[7:32] Elsie
[7:33] Yeah, it's basically a Nancy Myers movie with me and jokes.
[7:34] Emma
[7:35] Yeah, yes, yes. What could be better?
[7:36] Elsie
[7:37] Okay, we have a hot take from Angela.
[7:38] Emma
[7:39] Yep, Angela says most kids are way overscheduled. One after school activity at a time is plenty. O
[7:40] Elsie
[7:41] Okay, this was made for me. I'm just gonna give this hard agree. I absolutely agree. This is one of my
[7:42] hills to die on. I could have written this hot take. I don't like to say it though too much because I feel like
[7:43] we have like family members and friends, and we have lots of people in our life who are like we do
[7:44] soccer and baseball every single night of the week, and that's what they enjoy. So that's you know, if if
[7:45] you love that stuff, you should do it.
[7:46] Emma
[7:47] We have other friends too who their kids are in theater and ballet. A lot of stuff going on all the time. A
[7:48] lot of you know, they're showing up for book club for one hour because then they got it.
[7:49] Elsie
[7:50] Or people with more kids where it just right, yeah. So for us, our kids have yeah, like one or two
[7:51] activities. They have Girl Scouts. They did have piano at the moment. They're not doing piano.
[7:52] Occasionally, we have we add another thing that's like a certain number of weeks. But yeah, we started
[7:53] doing the after school play date once a week, and we have in the summer we have grandma every
[7:54] Wednesday night, and I like I like having an open schedule. I love watching movies with my kids. I like
[7:55] taking my kids to the movies. I like taking my kids to the grocery store with me. We go to the pool a lot,
[7:56] and those are all activities that you can do that day, but you don't have to, so I don't want to have
[7:57] something on my calendar every day. That's just not the way I want to live, and that's not the way I want
[7:58] my kids to live, and it's not how we were raised. So I think one of the things we value most from our
[7:59] childhood is like the ability to be bored, and I think a lot of kids now like don't know how to be bored,
[8:00] and I'm determined that my kids will get a little bored.
[8:01] Emma
[8:02] Yeah, summer is a great time for that skill to develop. Being bored and learning how to fill it, you know,
[8:03] in fun ways. Yeah, but also like I don't judge how anyone else parents. And if you want to have an
[8:04] activity every single night, I think that if you can handle it and it brings you joy, you should do it. But it
[8:05] just wouldn't bring me joy. Yeah, I-I that's pretty much where I fall. So I'm like, you do you, everyone,
[8:06] and I'm gonna do me. But I kind of think it's more. I think I'll be kind of like, oh boy, if my kids want to do
[8:07] a whole bunch, I'll be like, oh, I want to encourage you to like have things you're interested in,
[8:08] especially if they're like, I want to do soccer and take piano and also be in theater. I'll be like, that is so
[8:09] cool. I love that. Also, now I have to go to all these things all the time, and like, I don't get to do anything
[8:10] in the evening because I'm driving you everywhere. You know, and it's like, I don't know which is which
[8:11] I'm more concerned about actually, because I'm like, I want to have a life too, and I think everyone in
[8:12] the family has to count. Every person in the family counts as a person. Mom isn't just the taxi driver, so
[8:13] it's hard to balance all those things. And I think if your kids are overscheduled, it kind of just means
[8:14] you're overscheduled, and that's a bummer because then you need things too. You need to see your
[8:15] friends, or you know, go to the gym or whatever book club, whatever your thing is.
[8:16] Elsie
[8:17] We definitelty need our book club.
[8:18] Emma
[8:19] Pottery class. I don't whatever your thing is, you know. So I don't know. I think that's part of where I land
[8:20] with it too. Is I'm like, yeah, I don't really want my kids to be over scheduled because I don't want to be
[8:21] over scheduled. I want everybody to have a little bit of breathing room because I want breathing room,
[8:22] and I think it's good for them too. But also, honestly, I'm thinking of myself some because I count. I'm
[8:23] still a member of the family, even though yes, I sacrifice quite a bit more. Sure, but like I still count. So I
[8:24] guess that's one thing I land with it. So anyway, I'm like, yeah, I don't even know if it's a hot take, but I
[8:25] mainly am just like everyone else. You do whatever you think is best. I don't know. You know, some
[8:26] people go to a million church activities. It's not for me, but if that works for your family, what do I care?
[8:27] Like, I don't know. You do you.
[8:28] Elsie
[8:29] Agree. Okay, let's toss it over to Nova for a joke or a fact with Nova. Hey, Nova, what do you have for
[8:30] us this week?
[8:31] Nova
[8:32] A joke.
[8:33] Elsie
[8:34] A joke. Okay, I'm ready.
[8:35] Nova
[8:36] It's connected with last week's meditation of pugs. This one is a pug joke.
[8:37] Elsie
[8:38] Okay, I'm ready.
[8:39] Nova
[8:40] What happened when the pug swallowed a firefly?
[8:41] Elsie
[8:42] I don't know what happened.
[8:43] Nova
[8:44] He smiled with delight.
[8:45] Elsie
[8:46] Good joke. Have a good week.
[8:47] Nova
[8:48] Bye.
[8:49] Emma
[8:50] Thanks so much for listening. As always, you can email us any time with ideas or book
[8:51] recommendations at podcasts@abeautifulmess.com We love you, and we'll see you next week. Be
[8:52] back next week.

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