# Vulnerability Update: Josh Wrote a Song!

An episode of [The Imperfects](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1476501557), 4 Oct 2023, 18 min.

Audio: https://enrichment.soundstack.com/4vjqq8/episode.flightcast.com/csybsefzyns640hjsez0rq8a.mp3

If you know, you know. And if you do know, you’re just as bonkers excited as we are. Buuut if you don’t know, that’s totally fine too. Those that were able to make it along to our Live On Stage show this year were treated to the debut performance of a song, written and performed by our very own Josh van Cuylenburg. But this song was not without context. In Season 3 Josh shared a vulnerable story from 13 years ago that resulted in him losing the confidence to realise his lifelong dream of writing music (link to that episode below). But when we were planning our Live on Stage Show, we asked Josh to consider writing and performing an original song. And ohhhhh boy… HE DELIVERED. Today we are very proud and excited to announce that “We Were Here” has not only been recorded, but the song is now available on Spotify, with a seriously moving official music video that you can WATCH on YouTube. Links below. To listen to Josh's song on Spotify, follow this link: https://bit.ly/3Zyg3bG To watch the film clip on YouTube, follow this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuMrC0AZ4ko To listen to the original Vulnerabilitea House episode where Josh first talked about losing his confidence to write music, follow this link: https://bit.ly/3tdYkKI To purchase our Vulnerabilitea House cards sets, follow this link: https://bit.ly/3PBFlkR

## Transcript

[0:00] Should we play anything?
[0:03] No.
[0:04] Just cold start?
[0:05] We could cold start.
[0:07] It's a cold start, so no music.
[0:09] We're just... Ironically.
[0:10] Oh.
[0:13] No music for one of the biggest musical episodes of our life, of everyone's life.
[0:21] Worldwide.
[0:21] Really?
[0:22] I mean, this is like, I mean, Molly's melodrama dreamed of moments like this, you know, an exclusive, well, it's not even necessarily a premiere because we're not actually going to play your song, Josh.
[0:35] We'll point them in the direction, obviously.
[0:36] We will, of course.
[0:37] Yeah, definitely.
[0:38] Well, should we... Let's talk about what's going on.
[0:40] Yeah.
[0:42] Well, probably a good place to start is to talk about why on earth there's a bonus episode that talks about me having a song.
[0:52] Yeah.
[0:52] Because it might be, for some people listening, they might know why we're here.
[0:57] But others, I think for most people, I think they'd be very confused.
[1:00] If you've been to the live show, you know exactly what's happening.
[1:02] Yeah.
[1:03] And if you are an avid fan who's listened to all the episodes, you'll probably have an idea.
[1:07] But Josh, do you want to explain?
[1:09] Yeah.
[1:09] So when we first came up with the Tea House cards, we were just doing them between the three of us.
[1:16] Vulnerability House cards.
[1:17] Yeah, Vulnerability House cards.
[1:18] Yeah, available now to buy on the website.
[1:20] Exactly.
[1:21] It's not about them this episode, but just as a side note, you can purchase them.
[1:24] Still available full price.
[1:27] Yep, for an extended time, full price.
[1:30] When we first started doing them, we didn't get guests in.
[1:33] It was just you, the three of us, you, Ryan and myself.
[1:37] And I think you guys had already done yours because I hadn't been on the mic on this show very much at that stage.
[1:44] And I had to do my first card.
[1:47] It was probably the most I'd ever had to speak on the show to that point.
[1:50] So I was very nervous about it.
[1:53] And I pulled a card that...
[1:56] found me telling this story and I thought maybe we could play the story, the original audio from that episode, rather than me trying to retell the story itself.
[2:04] Yep.
[2:06] This would be 12 years ago.
[2:07] I was about 22, I think.
[2:09] Me and Soph had only been dating for a while and she invited me to a party with a friend of hers and I just ended up talking to a group of people I'd never met before.
[2:17] There's about 10 of us sort of standing in a circle, having drinks outside, probably around a fireplace or something like that.
[2:22] And this guy next to me was pretty brazen and he kind of just leant forward and goes, what's that?
[2:28] And grabbed a book out of my pocket.
[2:30] And I was in a band at the time and was really trying to, I thought music was the thing for me.
[2:38] And as soon as he grabbed it, my heart sank because I'm like, oh, they're me trying to write song lyrics.
[2:44] Wow.
[2:46] And he opens it up.
[2:47] It's a little notebook.
[2:48] Little notebook.
[2:49] And he opened it up and started reading them aloud.
[2:54] He was like, I think these are my – is this like poetry or lyrics or something?
[2:58] And then he started laughing at them.
[3:00] Wow.
[3:00] And then he's like, oh, this is amazing.
[3:02] And he then passed it to the person next to him.
[3:04] And the notebook got passed around the circle to every single person in the circle.
[3:09] And everyone read a page from the notebook and took the piss out of how bad the lyrics were and how bad the poetry was.
[3:14] And then it ended up back on me.
[3:16] And I read a page and took the piss out of my own attempts to write.
[3:23] I think it's had a permanently detrimental thing on me because I've never really wanted to ever write anything of my own.
[3:29] Wow.
[3:29] Because I just feel that it's all going to be that bad.
[3:33] Yeah.
[3:33] It's going to get passed around a circle and people are going to laugh at it.
[3:36] It's just, yeah, I've, yeah, I don't know.
[3:39] I just can't seem to write anything even though I'd like to, but I just can't do anything of my own and I feel like it stems from that.
[3:46] From that moment.
[3:48] So that was then.
[3:50] That was a couple of years ago now that we talked about that.
[3:54] And so what's happened since then, Josh?
[3:56] Well, for a long time after that, nothing really happened.
[4:00] And then we decided to do this live show.
[4:04] And when we went away- This is the live stage show that we've been touring around the country.
[4:09] And we'll tour again soon.
[4:12] Very soon.
[4:12] I think in a week when this episode comes out or two.
[4:15] Yeah.
[4:16] So we went away to try and plan what this live show was going to be.
[4:18] We sort of booked in the live show, told everyone we were doing it and had no idea what the show was going to be.
[4:22] So we went away and tried to write the show and I can't remember whose idea it was, but an idea was put forward that as an actor of vulnerability, maybe I should try and write lyrics for a song and perform a song.
[4:35] Which you hadn't done.
[4:36] You hadn't done an original song since that moment that we just played the clip.
[4:41] Well, yeah, and I've never really, I mean, I've written music, like guitar parts and stuff like that in bands I've been in, but I've never written, the key was I've never written lyrics for a song and had a complete song that was mine that I'd written lyrics for because I couldn't face writing lyrics again really after that moment.
[4:59] And it's also significant just to understand that like this is, I think for a long time, what you really wanted to do with your life up until that happened, that's what you wanted to do more than anything.
[5:08] Yeah, you didn't grow up wanting to be a podcaster.
[5:11] Absolutely not.
[5:13] Still trying to get out of it.
[5:15] Yeah, it's a good point.
[5:16] And I kind of wanted to do that for 10 years after that as well.
[5:21] I just couldn't get back to that place.
[5:23] I couldn't.
[5:23] I couldn't bring, I could write musical parts because that felt safe and I could hide behind that a bit, but I couldn't bring myself to do the much more vulnerable and courageous thing of writing lyrics and put myself out there more and write a song that was just me with the lyrics.
[5:40] Cause it always felt like such a, still does actually, such a huge mountain to climb to say, these are lyrics and this is a song that I'm going to stand by as mine and me.
[5:50] It is one of the most, like, you know, whenever I see a stand-up comedian perform their stand-up, that is one of the most vulnerable things you can do.
[5:59] And I think sitting alongside that is someone performing a song that they've written, especially like with vulnerable lyrics about their life, because it is you saying, like you just said, you're standing by, this is what I think is a good song.
[6:13] Yeah, exactly.
[6:13] Yeah.
[6:15] Well, that's certainly what it felt like.
[6:17] And it feels a bit different now, actually, weirdly.
[6:21] And maybe we can talk more about that later.
[6:22] But I came up with that idea and it was a lot harder than I expected.
[6:27] I said, yep, I'm a new man.
[6:28] I can do this.
[6:29] I'm a different person now.
[6:32] And I managed to do it, but it wasn't easy.
[6:35] And I played a song at our live shows.
[6:38] To take a step back from that, we were rehearsing, like we were doing our rehearsals in this strange little hall around the corner, which I think used to... Community town hall.
[6:50] Emily Baker Hall.
[6:51] There you go.
[6:51] Shout out.
[6:55] But Hugh and I were kind of eagerly, and Bridge, like the three of us, we were all like eagerly so excited to hear what you'd come up with because you would update us every now and again.
[7:05] Even before that, do you remember I asked you, I sent you a message saying, hey, just wondering, like no pressure at all, but how's the song coming along?
[7:11] No, we had a couple of months to, and that was not good for you.
[7:15] I remember you sort of really spiraled after that message because you just weren't having any luck at that point.
[7:21] No, I had a few hurdles along the way.
[7:24] To be honest, that might have been a couple of months before, but I didn't actually have anything until, and you guys were so kind and so generous and it's such a wonderful group of people to work with that I never felt pressured from you guys.
[7:36] But I was starting to think, geez, the show's like three weeks away and I don't really have anything.
[7:40] Was it that close, three weeks?
[7:41] It was pretty close, yeah.
[7:42] Oh, my gosh.
[7:43] Yeah.
[7:43] I reckon it was about three weeks when I played it to you guys.
[7:47] For some reason, I just had this faith.
[7:50] Yeah, me too.
[7:51] It all happened.
[7:51] It all just come together.
[7:52] I'm glad you guys did.
[7:53] I did at the start and I didn't by the end.
[7:56] Anyway, so I played it to you guys, which was a huge moment in my life that I don't think I'll ever forget.
[8:01] And then...
[8:02] Nor were we.
[8:03] I was in tears like 30 seconds in.
[8:06] Yeah.
[8:08] And then we played it live in the show and people...
[8:11] I think it worked in the show and a few people afterwards said they wanted to hear it, like wanted to hear it up on Spotify.
[8:17] A few people.
[8:18] Just a few.
[8:19] It's the main bit of feedback after the show.
[8:21] Yeah, great, great show.
[8:22] Where can we get the song, please?
[8:25] So I've gone away and recorded the song with some incredible musicians.
[8:32] Because you were performing it.
[8:33] You performed at Acoustic basically around Australia with our show.
[8:37] Yeah.
[8:38] But now you've actually gone and written more musical parts to it with other people.
[8:41] And yeah, and I went to like a fancy proper studio where real professional musicians work.
[8:48] And we haven't heard this yet.
[8:50] So Ryan and I have not heard this.
[8:52] It's been torturous because we knew we wanted to wait till we recorded this episode to kind of like, so we could talk about it in the moment.
[9:01] Because it's pretty different to what was played live.
[9:03] Right.
[9:04] So how different?
[9:05] Because I really love the acoustic original version so much.
[9:08] I'm expecting thrash metal, but...
[9:11] Who knows?
[9:11] You know, I'm ready to be surprised.
[9:14] So what's going to happen?
[9:15] So we're going to say Hugh and I are going to listen to it now, not on the podcast.
[9:20] But if you want to listen to it, it's out now, isn't it, Josh?
[9:23] Yeah, out now.
[9:23] So you can go to Spotify.
[9:24] This is a weird thing to say, but I guess you just look up my name in Spotify or YouTube for the video clip or anywhere really that you choose to listen to music.
[9:33] It should be there.
[9:33] Wow.
[9:34] Maybe we can put a link in the show notes.
[9:35] Definitely.
[9:36] But you could probably look up my name and the title of the song.
[9:39] But it's on all the streaming services, isn't it?
[9:41] Yes, it'll be everywhere you can listen to music.
[9:43] It'll be there.
[9:45] And do you guys know the title of the song?
[9:48] No.
[9:48] No.
[9:49] I don't think I do.
[9:49] Because I didn't come up with the title until the producer suggested it.
[9:52] Oh, yeah.
[9:53] What's the title?
[9:53] What's the song called?
[9:54] We Were Here.
[9:56] Oh.
[9:58] Okay.
[9:58] Shit.
[9:59] I can't believe it.
[10:01] I'm excited.
[10:02] So if you'd like to listen to the song now, just like Ryan and I are about to, press pause on this episode, go to Spotify,
[10:09] Have a listen and then you can come back and listen to the second half of this episode.
[10:13] Or maybe you don't want to listen to it now.
[10:15] You're about to hear a whoosh and then another whoosh and you'll be straight into the second half of the episode.
[10:18] Is there any other context we need?
[10:20] Any other?
[10:22] Only that I guess that I wrote this song for my family.
[10:32] Fuck.
[10:32] Wow.
[10:36] Wow.
[10:37] I don't know how you've done that.
[10:38] I don't understand.
[10:39] Computers, mate.
[10:41] Josh, that is incredible.
[10:44] Oh, I love it.
[10:46] Thank you.
[10:47] It is extraordinary.
[10:48] That is a... Yeah.
[10:50] It's a...
[10:50] I don't know what to say.
[10:52] I want to just listen to it again straight away.
[10:54] I mean, I was...
[10:56] I think during listening...
[10:58] I'm just thinking, I'm sort of like, I guess because I'm being distracted by the thought of you doing it.
[11:04] Like I'm thinking of you recording it.
[11:06] So I'm looking forward to listening to it another hundred times.
[11:09] To really let it sink in.
[11:10] I can't wait to watch it.
[11:10] I know you've done a film clip as well.
[11:12] Oh, it's just...
[11:13] It's a weird thing to sit here and play it to other people actually.
[11:16] Very surreal.
[11:17] Yeah.
[11:17] People whose opinions I treasure.
[11:20] But the fact that you've just done that with where you've come from and the journey you've been on.
[11:26] It's, I mean, the song is incredible and that's very much the focus of now is how amazing it is.
[11:33] But as a side note, the fact you've actually written music and then gone away and then I mean, it's really because everyone kept saying, I need to hear that again.
[11:43] That's kind of why you've gone and done this.
[11:45] And so you're even more vulnerable to have more people listen to it.
[11:48] So just...
[11:50] I'm like conscious of not like just heaping praise.
[11:54] Because it's just so beautiful.
[11:58] Oh, thanks.
[12:00] And it's just very, I mean, the whole concept of the fact that you've recorded a song, considering the story and where it's come from, just a very, very, I don't know, it's a very moving thing.
[12:15] It's surreal to have a recording like that and to have worked with the people of that caliber to pull it together.
[12:22] And the way that they did it, they were incredible to work with.
[12:26] But the actual process of writing the original song was a lot more difficult than I expected it to be.
[12:34] Like, I feel like I'm genuinely a different human being to what I was when that happened to me when I was 21 or two.
[12:39] Yeah.
[12:42] So I thought, oh, yeah, I've got a lot more.
[12:44] I'm at 36, 35, 36.
[12:46] In your 30s?
[12:48] In your 30s, yeah.
[12:49] I'm trying to remember.
[12:51] No, I was definitely 36 when I wrote it.
[12:54] And I thought all that stuff would be behind me.
[12:56] But as soon as I started to try and write again, all the negativity just came flooding back and rushing back.
[13:04] I was trying to write, like I was writing like notes, trying to write lyrics in a book and Soph was getting very stressed because the show was getting close and she's like, you really need to write this song.
[13:13] She was putting a bit more pressure on you guys because it was worrying her.
[13:17] And then I think it was like a week before that performance with you guys, to you guys where I played it for you the first time I came in here.
[13:24] And I was actually sitting in the chair I'm sitting at now where we record the thing by myself.
[13:29] And I'm like, I just, I'm not going to leave this room until I've done the song.
[13:33] And I remember sitting here just like crying for about 20 minutes, like coming up with lyrics.
[13:41] Crying in despair that I couldn't write anything, but then when I came up with a certain lyric in the song, I cried out of relief, I think, because I felt like for the first time and I was playing it and singing it and crying because for the first time I was like, this is what I feel and it's coming out the way I want it to come out in...
[14:03] And up until that point, I think I'd always tried...
[14:06] I'd never pushed through the pain of not being able to do something and that feeling of being useless and come out the other side and seeing that there was actually good stuff at the end of that and that I could push through that and there was a validation of, oh, no, there is something there.
[14:22] For me, maybe I've just got to go through that.
[14:24] I have to go through the pain of thinking it's all shit.
[14:27] getting all that.
[14:28] I think you said once, because I said all the ideas I'm coming up with are shit.
[14:31] You said something like, well, that's part of the process.
[14:33] Sometimes you just got to get the crap stuff out.
[14:35] Well, the good ones don't feel as good without the shit ones.
[14:37] Yeah, yeah, exactly.
[14:39] Yeah.
[14:39] And then the song kind of felt like, well, it's not perfect like anything, but this feels like an authentic, this feels authentic.
[14:47] It doesn't feel like I'm trying to sound like anyone else.
[14:49] It doesn't sound like I'm going to try to be like anyone else, which I'd always found that everything I've done.
[14:54] And so I didn't really care if it was good or not, to be honest, which is a weird place to be as well.
[14:59] Because in the past writing music, I think I really cared and wanted external validation.
[15:05] I wanted exactly what just happened before.
[15:08] But this time I was like, I don't really care because I know that this is how I feel.
[15:11] And this is probably about as good as I've got in me at this point in my life.
[15:15] And that's got to be enough.
[15:17] Well, it's such a good place to be, but also it is, I think, I hope that when people listen to the song, they think about, I think, because I think the story behind it is so important.
[15:29] It's not necessary, but I think it is such an important part because obviously when you were performing it in the theatres, when we were, you know, in front of sometimes like 2000 people.
[15:41] There were people, because it was the very end of the show, and will continue to be in the live shows that we do, but people were walking out with tears down their face.
[15:53] And it certainly wasn't because we walked off stage.
[15:56] It was because of the song.
[15:57] It was because of the song you just played.
[16:00] It really, really moved a lot of people.
[16:02] And this is really exciting that now lots of people are going to be able to hear it.
[16:07] Yeah, it was like there's many special moments from a live tour, but being able to, since the end of the show, for Ryan and I, the show's finished, we get to walk off and then with Bridget, the three of us would come out and just watch you from side to stage.
[16:18] It was such a joy and a privilege to be watching you perform that music and seeing the impact it was having on people as well was just not surprising, but it was beautiful to watch.
[16:27] that having people react to the music was, whether they're reacting to the story or the music, I'm not sure.
[16:32] But either way, it was pretty, yeah, I don't think I'll ever forget that.
[16:36] That was pretty profound and pretty amazing.
[16:38] And to all the people who did ask you, when are you going to release it?
[16:41] Now.
[16:42] Now.
[16:42] Now.
[16:43] Yeah.
[16:44] He's released it now.
[16:45] It took a while.
[16:45] Sorry, guys, but it's out.
[16:46] And I also, I really do want to thank Finn Keane, who's the producer, who's this incredible producer, Richard Bradbeer and Dave Williams on bass and drums, respectively, and Nick Van Kylenberg, our cousin, plays a few instruments on it, but keys.
[17:03] It would be weird for us to do anything without a Van Kylenberg.
[17:06] involved.
[17:07] Yeah, an extra one.
[17:08] An extra Van Goldenberg.
[17:09] Yeah, Nick's a genius.
[17:11] He's a genius, as was all four of the guys that worked on this.
[17:15] And I should also, huge thanks to Beck Sutherland and Michael Lynch for all their help and support guiding me through this whole process.
[17:23] They've been incredible.
[17:24] So thank you.
[17:25] I've enjoyed the barrage of text messages from Beck Sutherland, who is our manager from Jubilee Street Management, just telling me...
[17:32] how ridiculously good this song is when we hadn't heard it.
[17:34] So I'm happy to say I've heard it now.
[17:36] Not wanting to lay the witness, but she is an industry professional that knows what she's talking about.
[17:40] So take that for what it's worth.
[17:43] Wow.
[17:43] Congratulations, Josh.
[17:44] That's incredible.
[17:46] Yeah, congratulations, mate.
[17:47] It's just so stoked for you.
[17:49] Spotify, Apple Music, JBI, Brushes.
[17:54] Brushes, Sanity.
[17:56] All of them.
[17:58] All the big spots.
[17:59] Before me on Ha Ha Saturday.
[18:01] Yeah.
[18:02] I think it's you, Tommy Emanuel.
[18:04] I think both this Saturday.
[18:05] Okay.
[18:05] Well, Josh, well done.
[18:07] I'm going to go download it now.
[18:09] I'm very, very excited for you.
[18:11] Thanks.
[18:11] Thanks, everyone.

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