# 206. El peso en la etiqueta \[Ft. Monica Mejía\]

An episode of [El Club de las 4AM](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1474473624), 26 Feb 2024, 1 h 08 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/58817147/4am_monica_mejia.mp3

En el episodio de hoy conversamos con @psci.MonicaMejia, psicóloga clínica, sobre las etiquetas que ponemos en los demás y cómo esto se traduce en su identidad. ¡Quédate con nosotras!

## Transcript

[0:00] You want to do more with your easy money. Join quick Digital Bank today,
[0:04] entering quick Do and enjoy products with more benefits and less cost. Get
[0:10] a quicker and check it out. In today' s episode we talked with
[0:14] Monica Mejía, a clinical psychologist about the labels we put on others and how
[0:19] this affects our personality and identity. Stay with us, welcome, to two
[0:31] of the four, where we talk about the beautiful, but the politically not
[0:34] so correct, about motherhood. On this side, my name is amber Moone
[0:37] Mom of the twelve screams, or more appro this is the phase of the
[0:40] earth. A doll, my friend, is too beautiful, too big,
[0:43] more than six- year- old Joseph and a terrible category almost two,
[0:48] because he will fulfill two Milans. Joseph the one who made me find out
[0:52] that I don' t want mameras. I' m going to talk about
[0:55] etiquette and ay ay tags. Listen to which ones. Terremotico is an earthquake
[1:00] by labels that you have not been born. It wasn' t the andrés
[1:03] linh that we' re going to see that they' re different. But
[1:07] oh, I love him, even if I get tired, he stresses me
[1:11] because he' s very adventurous, but he' s the one who makes
[1:14] me happy all day, because he' s a character of the story and
[1:18] michaellino yes the equal, ah, yes, it' s a label.
[1:18] I like Jack Jack the amazing one. Like you, you see Jack Jag
[1:22] and that' s Milan. But nothing. We' re here surviving life
[1:26] with nothing again, but nothing like this alive. I believe and please,
[1:32] Dad gave, add more time a day, because I feel like I would
[1:34] say it as much as it gets shorter and shorter. I don' t
[1:38] know what' s going on. I don' t know what' s
[1:40] going on, but nothing. We' re here and to my right.
[1:44] This is another label. The eye that knows everything, the eye that sees
[1:46] everything. Tini sh looking Mor and my petitos thousand thirty- three are manipur
[1:52] Hello. Well, my octopus on this side. How they know me in
[1:55] the networks or Nicolesic, how they know me certain public organs themselves. My
[2:00] mom, my dad and ta so much says Mammi Puol no longer tells me
[2:05] moy pul but, for example, my sister tells me that to me they
[2:09] ask you are, the sister of mande octopus, ah, pueye mira.
[2:13] This is another label. Yes, you' re already dying, yes,
[2:15] the sister of totalment the mother of xa monte bueno, but Mama de ja
[2:22] my thread of six and five seven and five years' forgiveness. I took
[2:25] him out, I took him out not seven and five years. Two chul
[2:30] guys made she' s got me super melted and I know that before we
[2:36] start, I know you have such a grum. I' ve got a
[2:39] little bit of it, too, but in the middle of a month or
[2:44] so they' re a more serious relax you have. I' m probably
[2:45] like yours Look back, listen back. We have five episodes. Who is
[2:52] the only constant person in this podcast. Ay vanme purpo. Sir I have
[2:58] my duntrum because really, really, and it' s a wake- up
[3:01] call to my colleagues, we have to put a stack. Why can'
[3:05] t you say that here there is always a lack of harmonics here today,
[3:09] in the last two faults of dute and the last monica guide, tension,
[3:15] human resources. If you put me a recording next to the afternoon, impossible,
[3:17] I no longer corrected yaya corregi impossible already jagor and that nothing more.
[3:23] That' s why I do it at two o' clock in the afternoon,
[3:25] even if they put it on three o' clock and I came in
[3:29] like a drowned box, I don' t know, I don' t
[3:29] know. I plan on it and I hope you plan on it. I
[3:31] plan and I always put it in the heat. But the past was that
[3:36] I hadn' t noticed. I give you to accept me when I said
[3:38] it and I said it more or less, as I arrived, I realized
[3:42] that I footed that coke and I already corrected it that when we arrived at
[3:46] the three old Chuma, that it was a hand coming to or from me
[3:47] because I come because, gentlemen, you don' t give yourself an idea.
[3:51] At least it' s very stressful for me. You' re late.
[3:53] I am psycho, rigid with schedules and stressed out, even if two
[3:55] minutes late that sheath and I live giving Wis I find a faster way to
[4:00] reach seven. We don' t understand you at all, we support you
[4:06] and I judge myself if it' s not a reflection on a clip that
[4:17] we uploaded from the episode we made of jesto and new Ferens with a bowling
[4:21] note that I was talking about my inner child and how I healed my dad
[4:26] ' s absence, with my wife and with my children. I shouldn'
[4:28] t clarify it, but I want to clarify one. I' m not
[4:30] crying because I have a wound, nor am I hurt by my dad'
[4:33] s absence, even if it could be because everything I don' t know
[4:36] if every child needs, gives to his dad and his mom. There are
[4:39] things Dad does that Mom doesn' t do. And there are things Mom
[4:41] does that Dad doesn' t do. And that I' m not map,
[4:44] mom and dad, no sister, you have guess, you don'
[4:46] t have. You don' t emmafroudite to have both sex i e mom
[4:51] and mom and dad is dad. So here comes my reflection. Gentlemen,
[4:57] let us learn to respect the feelings of others. The more I have,
[5:00] I agree. Okay, there' s no problem, but let' s
[5:03] learn to respect each other' s feelings. Let us be careful when you
[5:09] judge or comment on the feelings of others. I believe that we are in
[5:13] a time when forgiveness and guilt have been romanticized by the feelings of each one
[5:19] of us. No one knows what heaven or hell is living for anyone.
[5:24] And eye I' m going to interrupt you because in that post specifically there
[5:32] are hundreds of empathic messages and there are people who have gone through the same
[5:35] thing. And that' s really the goal and why we do this,
[5:40] because in the end it' s that if something we' re living or
[5:46] we' re commenting or we' re bringing a professional to talk to us
[5:51] about the subject, it resonates in at least one person and helps at least
[5:56] one person already we' re doing in another job. But I don'
[5:58] t have you It' s a comment that was even very out of context,
[6:03] because and I say it around here for reflection. The comment said woe
[6:08] to the rich and their problems. There' s him I yelled at,
[6:12] but there' s got to be. But wow and there and I say
[6:16] it with a smile in the sense that it looks like it gives me and
[6:23] something. Many of our followers wrote to them like that wow. That comment
[6:27] comes from some complex, it comes to some pain, it comes from something
[6:30] or something to you it affects you how I know a person' s economic
[6:33] status, because that doesn' t define whether or not you can express your
[6:40] feelings and your problems and believe that there are no minor problems the absence of
[6:44] a pother you understand, that is, not a problem to minimize, but
[6:48] we did learn the lesson. There we applied an angeluna and what we did
[6:54] was I accepted the responsibility. I thought the negative comment would come up to
[7:00] everyone. And that was a subject that everyone started there to answer that person
[7:04] and that person had to spend days answering that people would respond to her their
[7:11] negative comment and then give that, but let me know that it follows that
[7:17] and that is to give the weight to look. What you say stays there
[7:24] and what you say has one weight and affects another. Sure, but why
[7:28] am I telling you, because there are other comments that you have, that
[7:30] is, like mom, you have to be more benevolent. No one is
[7:34] marrying anyone and no one is having a child to look for a problem,
[7:39] a child or to give a child a lack. In the same way that
[7:45] and it' s a comment that I wanted to answer. But it kind
[7:47] of gave me a lot to say that mothers kind of enlarge the children'
[7:53] s void when they give it importance, I don' t understand. That
[7:57] ' s another reflection you' re credited with on the Medras theme. What
[8:01] is the fear that we have of him pain. Lady, when it'
[8:05] s happiness it' s an impressive thing, but when people, like people,
[8:09] react to sadness, to pain, to feelings that we can say in
[8:16] negative quotes, because for me no feeling is bad. All feelings are good
[8:18] and I don' t teach my children to express it and they have to
[8:22] defend it in my house. One is two important slogans. You don'
[8:26] t get into trouble, for telling the truth, and you don' t
[8:30] make fun of each other' s feelings. Those are my main rule in
[8:33] my house. Why we are so afraid of pain, why we react like
[8:39] this, why we want to cross it out, because we don' t
[8:43] want to talk about happiness. Everybody joins in, but watch when you talk
[8:45] about sadness. Everyone like that and And you have to move on and you
[8:50] have to move, gentlemen, feelings, you have to live, feelings you
[8:52] do not live, feeling you will never overcome. But why are we so
[8:58] afraid of him? Monkey, I don' t know that I believe that
[9:01] in everything right now you are about forgiveness, that not only that forgiveness is
[9:05] not something of an individual process, but that we don' t understand well
[9:09] what it means to forgive. Let' s forget if you forgive, uh,
[9:13] if you lost one. If you forgive, it reminds you you'
[9:15] re spiteful. I get a week- long case. Well, if it
[9:18] comes to me, I' ve had a little bit of a tes dealing
[9:22] with eta pacientica and keeping her confidential, her dad' s been at her
[9:24] since she was a little girl. He' s an adopted father, he
[9:28] played at his zenith, etcetera. A little girl and she' s growing
[9:33] up, thinking that was normal. So, in consultation she doesn' t
[9:35] go for that, but somehow she goes out wow and the process of her
[9:43] stop normalizing. That was serious. That' s rape, too. Yeah,
[9:46] I mean, they were assaulting you, but what' s already grown
[9:50] up? Well, it' s a first- rate process that that in
[9:54] - house girl understands that it was rape, that it was abused for the
[10:00] Good, she' s already in a confrontation and seeing how the adult is
[10:03] prepared to manage that. Why do I tell you this, because just yesterday
[10:07] we were talking and she was telling me I should get back in touch with
[10:13] him and it was look and good. There I silenced him and let him
[10:18] express himself, because you' re supposed to notice. He did an adoption
[10:22] process, raised me, gave me a lot of things, paid me for
[10:28] education, and I must be a little grateful. I have to get back
[10:33] in touch with him. And I' m telling you, you need to
[10:35] get back in touch with him. What do you think I' m saying,
[10:41] I don' t know, because everybody calls me saying I' m
[10:43] the bad daughter, the bad grateful daughter, because they don' t get
[10:48] in touch with their dad but nobody knows your story. That' s the
[10:50] easy thing about social media, that is, there' s this person who
[10:56] ' s so unthankful, an adopted daughter and doesn' t thank her dad,
[11:00] the same foster dad who was abusing a minor or forgiving. And I
[11:03] was telling them outside the air that there' s a case of a girl
[11:07] that she hasn' t said if she was or wasn' t her dad,
[11:09] but she' s been knocked up because of that because she has to
[11:11] forgive him. Gentlemen, forgiveness is like individual salvation. If you want the
[11:15] thing there, if you don' t or don' t and look how
[11:18] curious that you tell me, because yesterday I was reading a book that talks
[11:22] about the children that I went to, they' re called the children that
[11:26] we went to, the parents that we are, or the old ones that
[11:28] sound like they' re seen. And there' s a very interesting part
[11:33] that says it talks about violence. If you explain in detail the different types
[11:39] of violence and are not so much negligence. This is about the abuse of
[11:46] forgiveness. I think it' s abuse. That' s the word they
[11:48] use because either a violence or without violence, but it' s abuse And
[11:54] well, it' s pretty detailed by psychological use, not necessarily violence,
[11:58] and then exact, well. There is psychological violence, term psychology, or
[12:01] there is a form of violence that may not apply. I mean, there
[12:03] are different kinds of violence and different kinds of exact abuse good. And in
[12:07] the end, in one it tells you that much of the most abuses that
[12:15] are less obvious, that are more silent, we tend to justify the other
[12:22] progagon happens with everything, but above all in that the topic begins. As
[12:28] you say, but wait. This person has all this other good and this
[12:33] raised me. He did this to me, but he used you exactly and
[12:41] caught my attention a lot. That' s what he just told you,
[12:43] because the truth is that there are things that do and that people who are
[12:48] in situations of violence and that don' t see it and for everyone else
[12:52] it can be obvious. But above all, those abuses that are not obvious
[12:56] to everyone and that is even so normal if they leave us a visible trail,
[13:01] it is even more common that we fully justify. That way first.
[13:07] That' s where we sort of talked about it. There' s the
[13:11] first label. I don' t do anything for my kids to thank me.
[13:15] I do it because it' s my turn to go, because I
[13:18] want the children to be clear. You can' t come, you can
[13:20] ' t bring him in this world and make him a bill, an outstanding
[13:24] debt, not that I' m educating them because I want to. I
[13:28] ' m the best education for him, because I want to. But that
[13:31] son, that father, paid for all that, she' s not obligated
[13:33] and that' s gonna sound really bad. But no son is obliged to
[13:39] thank anything, because as Dad one has to, one brings him out of
[13:43] the world because one wants to. It was your decision. They didn'
[13:45] t ask you. Then I can' t. You can' t come
[13:48] to bring a child into the world with a bill or an external debt that
[13:52] makes your waiting for you to be fully paid. But a little bit more
[14:00] because we understand you, we support you, and we never judge you.
[14:03] The Antrum is already the subject and very interesting and the truth is that we
[14:09] here on the podcast, everyone who listens to us. We already have more
[14:13] than two hundred episodes week, three weeks and you know that in the end
[14:20] it is a fluid conversation and that independently we have a north, if we
[14:26] find something of interest, we can talk about it here and what better than
[14:31] to do it co múnica, which is a repeated date within the podcast that
[14:35] knows our dynamics, but that has also been of the episodes. Let'
[14:37] s say so stars as to connection, because you speak to us as a
[14:48] professional in the area of mental health, but also in a way as so
[14:52] practical and so real and so even of own experiences or cases that we can
[14:58] put you know in we can imagine those people and in perspective of what is
[15:03] happening. I was telling you out of the air that this topic came up
[15:13] because I understood that many people approached me following a video that I published about
[15:18] my youngest son where I gave myself I got off my chest. In the
[15:22] end. I understood that he did a lot of good to many people who
[15:26] approached me and told me that they felt identified. And that. But it
[15:31] also came from we' re going to say if it came from the pain,
[15:37] because I either wanted to do it as a vent, because that week
[15:43] was casually going on as good many constant complaints about their behavior from third parties.
[15:46] I tell myself then, as a result of that, the video,
[15:56] the spirit of the video was as if, this is the child who misbehaves,
[16:02] or is this the child who is the child of the child, or
[16:10] that child who likes to overflow? That' s the hyperactive kid? But
[16:14] it is also the child who dares everything, also the loving child, also
[16:18] the child who tells you things or who says his opinion at any time,
[16:22] understands that he knows how to defend himself or herself. At the end of
[16:27] the day, we are not one- dimensional and I think that, logically
[16:33] for everyone, makes sense. They' re not very one- dimensional.
[16:37] In practice, however, we often use labels for children and define them as
[16:45] one thing. Then my question goes that way. First of all, when
[16:52] we' re labeling someone doesn' t have to be a child, they
[16:57] can also be an adult and that, effect, has that in their behavior.
[17:02] But I' d like us to start mónica as a child, because
[17:07] there you' re going to create a bond, because of what and I
[17:11] totally identify with you, because you and I have two children who are different.
[17:14] Yes, and people see it differently and from the label as a child
[17:18] who misbehaves a troubled child and wants it not. I feel like in the
[17:23] end they believe it because mine tells me. I' m bad, or
[17:27] he asks you, Mom, I' m good and he' s kind
[17:32] of looking out for that kind of thing. Look. This topic is quite
[17:34] profound, even if we see labels look like they don' t. Ah
[17:40] leave us a kinship of her. I think you guys know I' m
[17:44] not you guys that thing, but the first person I told you she'
[17:45] s pregnant was here. Yes, I do, and here we are with
[17:48] the bigger bariga, cochitas, and thank you for the invitation. Again,
[17:52] let' s just say I was thinking about that on the way. I
[17:53] wow, I didn' t see him. I think my mom was all
[17:56] and when I got here it was like the other day in between, you
[18:00] said good. I was telling you, the label thing is pretty deep and
[18:03] it looks like it' s so simple. But the human being has a
[18:07] need, and I say it positively, to make categories of things to organize
[18:11] it, that is, if they owe you to trees. Trees have certain
[18:15] classifications in animals. Each of us has a name in general to be able
[18:22] to organize, whether it' s the population or whatever. We need to
[18:26] categorize and label, but look at how we flip that coin and have another
[18:33] side. Evidently, when we are raised by labels, they are interrupting a
[18:40] healing of an evolutionary process and they are as if I had you putting seals
[18:45] on the personality of a little person who is forming, so if I had
[18:49] a process of development, of personality, of self- esteem, of characteristics
[18:55] and already since that, as you said, from childhood, I started to
[18:59] put on them, that stamps, stays and affirms and reaffirms itself. So,
[19:02] that' s why I work, it comes in adult, that consultation
[19:04] with a number of characteristics, repeated labels at the level of thought and heart.
[19:11] Of me I am that, I am equal to and definitely why this
[19:15] topic is so complex, because we have positive labels and we have negative labels
[19:22] and both are a burden. The positive label end even talked about it outside
[19:27] the air of your perfect acetate. You' re my girl, star of
[19:32] the whole world, wait for something to the phon more exactly. You have
[19:34] a deep fear of failure, an intolerance of frustration and a need, in
[19:40] adolescence and adulthood, to be that child, that perfect boy who always labeled
[19:44] me to do. So the other side is negative labels, something you mentioned
[19:51] right now. We don' t have all our functions developed to a point
[19:59] to differentiate what I, I believe, and what they' re telling me.
[20:02] What' s the truth, what' s the lie. We do
[20:03] not have in childhood is its development. Then what happens is everything my authority
[20:07] figure tells me. I believe it. That' s my truth to me.
[20:11] Imagine if all the time they' re telling me you' re a
[20:15] fool, you' re a hundred jokes, like that video you uploaded,
[20:18] et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. That' s
[20:19] already part of my identity. But there I' ll give you a parenthesis
[20:22] and if I' m going to leave it' s personal. Hey,
[20:25] he' s gonna give you a consult, at least for a lot of
[20:27] things to understand. But when they' re not your parents, because in
[20:33] my case, I don' t talk to my kids about being. If
[20:34] you look bad, I' ll tell you about decisions. Since little I
[20:37] have told him you make positive or negative decisions and then he is responsible for
[20:44] his decisions now that it is great. But I don' t talk to
[20:47] him, for example, about being bad. However, all his companions tell
[20:49] him that he behaves badly and I have teachers that tell him you behave badly
[20:53] and I tell him to kill you always behave well, sometimes you make proper
[20:57] decisions, but in his head he already has a graduate, he behaves badly
[21:03] and tells you and sometimes he tells me things that I know not a child
[21:07] that he invented, but he saw it from an adult. Then there'
[21:11] s one thing that came up. Gentlemen, children are children. What it
[21:17] is to behave well, what it is to misbehave in a child to put
[21:22] such a big weight on a child, because at least to me it breaks
[21:27] my soul when I see that he wants to fit in, there are things
[21:30] that he can not, but he is very attentive and that and you behave
[21:33] well, Mom and I did well and look I did such a thing and
[21:36] I, like I, want you to be you. I don' t
[21:38] want you to change to fit anyone, but that' s unfair pussy for
[21:45] a kid because, for example, one of the things I talk to mate
[21:48] ' s friends and I tell him ah because he' s bad, no,
[21:52] because he' s not calm, just like you can be calm.
[21:53] He costs that, he doesn' t make it bad, because he moves.
[21:59] And I ask him and read said Mateo, when Mom' s wrong,
[22:03] Mom' s bad, no, and then I and why you were
[22:06] to do it if you were wrong excellent. Those are fucking things to have
[22:11] an argument like that with a six- year- old boy. Ma'
[22:12] am, it' s not fair, I mean, it' s not
[22:15] fair. But going to your question, what impact does it have, for
[22:22] example, which third parties or the fact that already, for example, amber
[22:23] as a primary authority figure, already that is enough, or you also have
[22:33] to work in surroundings. Look at something and I imagine I' m going
[22:37] to make it as graphic as possible because of the person' s subject in
[22:41] Spotify. Imagine that we give in a small circle and then another circle comes,
[22:45] a little bigger and another circle a little bigger. That is us at
[22:49] the structural and emotional level of the circle, in circle of circle, in
[22:53] circles, each within another, as if it were a block within another block.
[22:57] You' re playing a role and you' re always gonna be a
[23:00] mom and dad in the smallest circle. So there, though, it'
[23:06] s true that social affects a child a lot. If that permeates the child
[23:11] ' s heart and comes home and there' s a containment wall. There
[23:15] ' s an emotional containment system. It' s not going to penetrate like
[23:18] Mom was doing it to me or if Dad was doing it to me,
[23:22] then we' re growing from wall to wall. It' s true that
[23:25] a child' s peers and a lot of bad adolescence, but that'
[23:27] s what I' m focusing on childhood. First, the school, the
[23:32] school, the teachers are also an authority figure my little friends. I look
[23:36] sideways, too, and I see my little friends say about me. But
[23:40] there' s a difference. If that happens inside the house, it'
[23:44] s very likely that at school they won' t be making a containment wall.
[23:48] But if it goes the other way around, where my primary circle is
[23:51] Mom and Dad my attachment figures, my caregiver and primary come and give me
[23:56] a psychoeducation, an accompaniment to see, a, a motivational talk of who
[24:02] I really am, which is exactly what you just did, that I am
[24:04] not what they say, that I am not a label, that my action
[24:07] or my mistake or me to see what the opposite of the error is.
[24:11] My things accomplished, it' s not my definition of identity. Already that
[24:18] child is understanding that his true identity and personality of what my mom is telling
[24:22] me now. Accompanied by that, I have to give you tools to defend
[24:27] yourself in society clear how. That' s why it' s the most
[24:30] complex job. For example, it' s like we' re doing a
[24:34] road plaine there with the kid when they tell me what I can do and
[24:38] that' s the same answer. I am not a bad child, because
[24:41] I was wrong because I am speaking loudly, I am not a bad child
[24:45] and learn to define it through speech. So I, just as I am
[24:48] giving you a psychological accompaniment, is a term or an emotional accompaniment. Rather
[24:52] like Mom I' m modeling how to defend myself and that same child,
[24:59] even if you don' t believe it when you' re going to believe
[25:00] it being silk for the front and say I' m not that ok,
[25:04] but it was that Mom made me the wall of containment. Now it does
[25:07] happen and there comes the complex theme that labels not only give me at school,
[25:11] but also give it to you at home. I get it at home.
[25:15] So there, yes, we need to talk about a personality and identity
[25:18] being formed, and I want us to also rescue something very important that you
[25:22] said at the beginning, that there are labels that look good and aren'
[25:27] t that good. And we talked about the theme of perfection and that and
[25:30] even in the last episode with the helicopter parents and told him trophy. Let
[25:36] ' s take a lot of that, from labels that seem to be good,
[25:41] but in the end they generate a pressure and an additional charge. But
[25:45] outside of that there are even labels to classify the brothers. Understand that'
[25:52] s important. Sometimes we do it without realizing it and we say this is
[26:00] the docile, this is the docile, this one of the naughty and we
[26:07] say as something until they are not always so strong, I mean, they
[26:11] are not always so much that you say entrances are negative, but as you
[26:15] see it innocently as it is not clear about the position of humans, for
[26:18] example. That' s true, it' s got a label on it,
[26:22] the older one has to be like that. The one in the middle
[26:23] has to be like this. The little one is like that. Note that
[26:26] if we see it from a perspective of pregnancy and the context where a child
[26:30] is born your first pregnancy, you do not handle the same fears as the
[26:36] second pregnancy. Okay, so, from the belly of that prenatal part,
[26:40] we were already raising differently. So, almost always I' m afraid to
[26:45] generalize because of the same subject that brings me here today. Even in psychology,
[26:49] we have a network. Yes, I think history has had to categorize
[26:53] certain criteria for diagnosis, because in the end, diagnoses are important but should
[27:00] not be our constant Bible, because then we fall back into the same thing.
[27:04] The same is true of saying the greatest, such and such things.
[27:07] Now there are statistics, there are studies that have proven that the greatest has
[27:12] the tendency to fall into being the child as parentalized, especially when if it
[27:18] comes to an age where mom, a little younger, where she has to
[27:22] raise the little brothers, she has to take care of herself you are bigger.
[27:26] Behave well, then we come also with cultural beliefs that since you are
[27:30] bigger, you have to set an example for the smallest. So, that
[27:33] ' s why it repeats that the greatest may be that it bears more responsibility.
[27:37] The one in the middle. The figure of the medium is something interesting,
[27:41] because we always see how there is one who isolates himself that notes within
[27:47] the dynamics. It' s almost always a boy. The medium tends to
[27:49] be the one that isolates itself and creates its own structure as outside the system.
[27:55] If not, and there it may be and I don' t know
[27:59] if we' re getting into another subject, but that also depends a lot.
[28:02] I would say that, as the figure of the medium, depends a
[28:06] lot on the context of how long it lasted as a younger child and how
[28:11] long it lasts as a child of the medium, that is, if we
[28:15] see it at the age of eighteen that the whole family is already there.
[28:17] It' s one thing and maybe and I' ll give you the second.
[28:21] The third is something else. It also exactly depends a lot on my
[28:26] dad It' s like I' m the middle guy for me, but
[28:32] I was the first dad then. There' s a mixed robbery condi wu
[28:36] do, because in front of my brothers there are three of us, in
[28:40] front of my dad in principle I' m his first understand. So now
[28:42] something interesting happens, that many times we' re talking about it, but
[28:48] that you said it was fluid. It does happen the other way around.
[28:51] When I make so many mistakes with my first child,' cause hey,
[28:56] I' m a first- timer. It' s no one teaches me,
[28:59] etcetera. And there' s a requirement or limits that aren' t
[29:03] flexible, they' re sharp limits, because I want to be a good
[29:07] mom, and so on. I am perhaps creating as a resentment in the
[29:11] greatest daughter and or in the greatest son, and this little person is moving
[29:14] away too or being you, which we say in the black sheep, then
[29:18] the other person happens to be that we talked about it a little bit in
[29:22] the previous episode that I was here as hope and I already believe this as
[29:29] the daughter to parentalize project exactly the project, then it becomes like the most
[29:33] responsible, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Then there was an inverted role that
[29:37] in the end should not have the largest, the medium or the smallest.
[29:41] But that' s what we' re culturally forming from what I' ve
[29:45] spoken as before, and that' s what you say they actually carry messages
[29:52] and like the older ones, if you get to see, you don'
[29:53] t have to generalize. But what are the first children have characteristics that,
[29:57] like, very much what they are of the middle, have characteristics. Well,
[30:00] Nicol' s the only one I don' t know, which isn
[30:04] ' t like because the middle thing is like a machabacan, it' s
[30:07] like a little more trauma. I do have what Monica bs does as much
[30:10] as it was. You know the three years later I was the exact new
[30:15] project then. But what you say. Yes and it' s certainly a
[30:18] label, because if it puts you to see, the minor are the rebels,
[30:23] we are the black sheep or sometimes we are what we enjoy everything that
[30:26] the big one didn' t want dai like when the dads have tired.
[30:30] And this reality doesn' t tire me out because Look, my brother and
[30:33] I are Airics Twins. I hadn' t noticed that. Oh yeah,
[30:36] we' re literally twins with a year of difference for nothing, but there
[30:40] ' s the first label. Now we' re not realizing it. Here
[30:42] are labels that aren' t necessarily explicit about you because you' re small.
[30:48] It goes no, but there are texts that do not promote a seal
[30:52] on our identity that is sometimes neither good nor bad, depending on tuta,
[30:56] for example, for my sister, who is the oldest, that label that
[31:00] for me, because I do not fall for any label and I did not
[31:03] want to do either the first or the best. Student, I wanted to
[31:04] do it myself. But what you say is a positive label, but that
[31:11] I' m putting it on me, not exactly, but also by entering
[31:15] the subject, because maybe you started to do the episode saying that there are
[31:22] labels that are necessary and that, like, we, as human beings,
[31:27] we really usually label things to organize the truth. And what I' m
[31:36] taking from that is that it' s not not recognizing the label. But
[31:42] my problem is with how it' s one you understand, or what it
[31:49] ' s like to define you. I don' t know how we can
[31:55] work that out, because middle sister, I' m always gonna be middle
[31:59] or big brother moms, I' m always gonna be big brother. But
[32:00] what is that behavior, that connotation that is causing you a problem in your
[32:08] adult life and good and also in your childhood. But, besides that,
[32:14] how can we put limits to those interesting tags the two questions Look I remember
[32:24] a term that we can see very common, especially in schools, in schools,
[32:30] the same with parents as well and is self- fulfilling prophecy. When
[32:36] I have expectations in a boy, in a girl that it' s going
[32:38] to be something and it' s going to be what I want, then
[32:43] I create a whole system can be unconsciously promoting certain qualities to him, leaving
[32:49] behind others and the child becomes what I' m promoting it to be.
[32:53] And the truth is that it seems a little unfair, because we have to
[32:58] understand that, even though a boy is a girl, you have to give
[33:01] him reins, that is, and you have to give him limits, you
[33:05] have to give him love, you have to give him an emotional containment scenario.
[33:07] That person is not my extension. So, if I come raising a
[33:10] little person that happened around me a lot of that. That' s going
[33:14] to be the next President of the Republic, who I tell you is going
[33:16] to want to be the next President of the Republic, then already that self
[33:21] - fulfilling prophecy, I repeat it so much at the level of expectations that
[33:24] that child ends up believing what I' m waiting for him And if he
[33:29] doesn' t succeed it is and there comes the issue, then I believe
[33:34] so much, that I have two variables, or that I end up being
[33:36] what they told me so much and maybe I didn' t want that.
[33:37] Or second, as it was a high expectation, I end up with a
[33:42] sense of frustration and failure that is going to be unhappy for me all my
[33:45] life until I work that out, then look. The first thing we have
[33:47] to do is understand that, while it is true that labels help us organize
[33:52] ourselves, even from psychology, also because the diagnosis at some point is labels,
[33:59] I have to understand that the human being is multifactorial. I mean,
[34:04] if I can avoid both positive and negative labels, then I have to be
[34:08] aware of it. I can congratulate you on the positive thing that you make
[34:13] clear that yes and I can in some way and it' s my turn
[34:16] to talk like behavioral psychology. If you do something wrong, I can give
[34:21] you a negative booster. It means giving you something you don' t like,
[34:24] for example, a bowl, a consequence or a punishment to withdraw something
[34:30] you don' t like. But my intention is not to damage your identity
[34:32] or personality, it is to diminish the behavior that is wrong or that you
[34:38] know that it has a consequence, but it happens the other way around too
[34:44] if I want you to increase positive behavior, I have to give you a
[34:46] positive refugee, that is, to celebrate it and or to take away something
[34:52] that from you a negative enhancer, to remove something that you do not like
[34:54] that if you take the classical food exactly conditioning. That happens in childhood,
[34:58] happens in adolescence and happens in adulthood. Look what I' m talking about.
[35:02] I' m not talking about identity. I' m not talking about
[35:06] adjectives. I' m talking about behavior. And the child understands. The
[35:09] girl understands that all action has a consequence, but that it has nothing to
[35:15] do with my courage. One thing I say to a son, you'
[35:19] re perfect. Every time he makes a good note. I' m telling
[35:23] you that your identity depends on your achievements. Now I congratulate you and want
[35:29] to celebrate with you. Let' s go buy some ice cream or whatever,
[35:31] to get that good grade, to congratulate you on that good grade.
[35:35] They' re different things, but it' s a complicated monic balance,
[35:39] no, and it' s even a word selection topic and I' ll
[35:43] tell you one thing. We all sin from that because by bad breeding book,
[35:47] as much as I can tell you now very assertively that is wrong.
[35:52] I was a victim of that. Whatever to see if I come to my
[35:57] house and tell you how you got strong. I mean, really, really,
[36:00] like there are things that we parents have to be aware of, but
[36:04] nine overnight, we' re not going to change the approach to how we
[36:07] address certain issues. And what you say is very important, because I was
[36:16] commenting outside the air that there are things that are not just like your identity.
[36:22] I think you' re going is a burden that' s bringing you
[36:28] long- term topics, that you won' t notice, that is,
[36:35] it happened to me I was telling them right now, that I' m
[36:40] little, my mom taught me, that is, I realized that either I
[36:43] had a very good memory. We have in common, for example, my
[36:46] dad me, Javi, so we have Javi says that I have a comfortable
[36:52] elephant memory. And that' s like something that our family celebrates truth and
[37:00] from the two years to me it told me something and I hemorized it and
[37:04] she taught me the capitals and the presidents of that time and there were many,
[37:10] and then she was quite proud and taught me everyone. And you start
[37:16] as if you look at Mira, my daughter, who knows the capital gets
[37:20] a point, that is, still in today' s sun, in today
[37:23] ' s sun, the more they write to me on Instagram. Oh,
[37:28] she uploads a video of me Oh, I remember the girl who knew all
[37:30] the capitals, that is, she doesn' t remember alcohol, but the
[37:34] girl, the captains. What happens that and not literal. That' s
[37:37] an innocent and beautiful picket, because in the end what gave him pride and
[37:42] what he wanted was for me to feel pride that a woman was cool.
[37:45] But at the end of the day, there came to me a time when
[37:49] I didn' t feel. I remember small thinking that I know the capital
[37:53] of such a country. Let me get it, let me get it or
[37:58] what. For me it became like an internal pressure and I felt that they
[38:05] measured me by my knowledge or by what I could learn or by what I
[38:08] could memorize. And today, when I' m grown up, when I
[38:16] don' t know something or when you ask me something and I don'
[38:21] t know how to give you the answer to me, it makes me anxious
[38:22] and I can pretend. I can tell you I have to look for it.
[38:27] Yeah, okay, but inside, inside, inside. It' s
[38:30] like a book syndrome that you have to sar, which is being measured,
[38:34] it was worth it, you understand by my knowledge and something you have to
[38:40] work on therapy. And I was saying that but a rescuer comes from an
[38:44] ethics that you received as a child and that was totally innocently placed there and
[38:52] as a mother, that' s pressure. You still say shell. You
[38:54] ' ve got some bad stuff left. You know that pushes you the fact
[38:58] that I put there, that he the mathematician and that he knows multiplied from
[39:02] the age of five and that yes ye hear you don' t know what
[39:08] additional pressure or what charge. You can also say something important that maybe your
[39:13] mom doesn' t even know that pushed you. And that' s why
[39:15] it' s important to accompany those kids to talk. What I don'
[39:20] t mean is that that doesn' t depend on my courage, if maybe
[39:24] I put it as a very adult, obviously in the language of the child,
[39:29] but when my mom defends me or when my dad defends me, I
[39:32] ' m also learning to raise my voice and say don' t wait.
[39:34] That' s not my identity. Now it' s a complex scenario and
[39:37] it' s true what you say is complex balance. Why. Because if
[39:39] I identify in my child that there are abilities that are perhaps a little more
[39:45] developed by genetics, it' s by temperament, etcetera, my work and
[39:52] push it forward now. That message that every time you do that right,
[39:54] I celebrate you. Okay, but accompanied by comparisons with the other little brothers.
[40:01] Look, you have to be like your sister Look, four hours already,
[40:06] we' re talking about identity. Look at the difference, for I
[40:08] can celebrate you now when you do something wrong or not bad, perhaps not
[40:14] so brilliant. I must also be there congratulating you on that small achievement,
[40:19] because if I am not understanding that in high intensity it is that I am
[40:22] celebrated, then that is the work they have to do. Mom and Dad,
[40:25] not to make you think you deserve only when you' re a star.
[40:30] Eye eye, let' s do me, at least I' ll
[40:34] make a big disclaimer here. Let' s go to a parenthesis. It
[40:37] ' s not that you' re listening to me, I' m martyring
[40:40] you or I' m hitting you. Breeding is a leap of faith.
[40:45] We do what' s best we can with what we have. That'
[40:47] s right. Sometimes it can work out for us, sometimes it can go
[40:52] wrong. So if you, by chance of life, made that mistake,
[40:57] you' re in time to change, but don' t be martyred or
[41:01] punished. That' s why you don' t know, and that'
[41:07] s why I' m telling you, it' s complicated, because you
[41:08] don' t think you' re doing your best without realizing that you'
[41:10] re doing it wrong. Yes, I think the most appropriate thing itself and
[41:14] I think that the generation of our children is a generation of a great leap,
[41:17] because we are parents, that we want to be intentional, that we
[41:22] want to analyze the thing we want to understand and that we want to change
[41:28] it, but we have to be careful that we did it wrong. Gentlemen,
[41:30] we did it wrong. That' s too bad. In the end,
[41:31] you don' t know if he says bie silcio well or il mal
[41:36] tacology be great. You' re never gonna know, or maybe we never
[41:37] know because you follow them don' t say it. Also yes, so
[41:42] in that we go to that parenthesis. If some negative things are resounding look
[41:47] inside and think if you can improve and if you don' t have the
[41:52] hand tool look don' t punish you. That' s why book doesn
[41:54] ' t help. Okay, sure, we can go with you clearly.
[41:57] Something I was also telling you about so interesting is about how compared labels and
[42:05] exclusions. Look what happens to me as, for example, I, as
[42:10] a father, label two brothers. Look how you said that you who love
[42:15] that you were the skinny one and the other is the fat one. Even
[42:19] with something physical you understand, but your label, I labeled, is brother
[42:23] and possibly the negative consequence of that label will not necessarily suffer me, as
[42:32] a father, or my relationship with my son, but yes, the brothers.
[42:37] Hey, I want to be clear and it happens to me. It
[42:42] happens to me on issues, for example, with my younger sister than we
[42:46] do. We' ve only been in school for a year. I think
[42:50] they mention it in another episode. At school I started passing, I was
[42:54] on a course and then I went to it. Then the teachers started the
[42:59] mayon s You the teacher and started to you are Natalia Resik apro ture Nicole
[43:02] Ris' sister. You have to be a good student, because your brother
[43:07] was a star and then ah no. But you' re not like your
[43:10] sister. Oh no, but call your sister, I mean, they called
[43:14] me an older year than she just to complain about her at school and she
[43:21] didn' t have it in a therapeutic process. She was telling me that
[43:29] there' s no such thing as me. She was angry with me exactly
[43:35] and I was saying human. But I never told you anything. I never
[43:39] told you. I' m better than you. I never told you.
[43:44] You' re insufficient. I never told you at all. But we all
[43:47] have to see, too. The vibe would be. But I' m
[43:50] also going to do one thing to you and the burden on you that you
[43:52] have to be responsible for note. One hundred percent? One hundred percent.
[43:54] But what I mean is that the consequences are not always we live it,
[43:58] the parents, no, no, but live who puts the label, but
[44:01] live it third, that is, it affects third parties. But that'
[44:05] s why I' m telling you from Natalia it was hard because they were
[44:07] comparing it. But for you it can be hard for me to take it,
[44:10] because they have to carry it, because I have to throw it out
[44:13] for the front. I mean, it' s two totally hard melar balls
[44:16] that deep down of the tags and maybe you lost a relationship with your sister
[44:21] when you were young because of third parties tota for the comparisons. So look
[44:24] how we' re talking about maybe two or three tools so far. Important
[44:29] if we can and here comes the part you say hey. It' s
[44:31] not about taking a whip and starting to give me, but about seeing what
[44:36] I can maybe change, even if I' m tiny and I believe the
[44:38] power of one percent or that' s where you' re transforming, maybe
[44:45] avoiding words that are total. You are and absolute. You always do this.
[44:49] You never behave well and it' s you that' s still a
[44:53] child, it' s not yet, it' s nothing, we'
[44:57] re training you and encouraging the thing that' s true, that' s
[44:59] positive. For example, you cause joy in the family. You' re
[45:02] a very beautiful person. You' re perfect, that part of you is
[45:06] perfect. Humanize him a little and say that You do well. I can
[45:09] tell you that, which is to congratulate you on that, but not to
[45:15] match identity. I go back and repeat, it' s an ogre tool
[45:19] How I do that, how it' s said by identifying those tools,
[45:23] first becoming aware of who my son is, right, identifying those qualities that
[45:30] make him a unique and unrepeatable person. I can admire him publicly or intimately
[45:35] for that. But you said something that makes me very interesting Monica. How
[45:40] do I know who my son is, how do I like what I hurt,
[45:45] because I think he has that question. How you know your son.
[45:49] No, if you knew that you' re not so hard, because,
[45:52] for example, when they tell me something about manteos, I know who my
[45:55] son is, and I' m very clear who my son is? What
[45:58] I' m raising is the tool I' m giving you. I am
[46:00] very clear, but I know that not everyone has that capacity. I mean,
[46:06] you have to do a conscious exercise of knowing, but how you appropriate
[46:10] that close identity you have in your house look. I believe there is a
[46:15] full observation that you make as a mother every day of your life. There
[46:22] are people who don' t intentionally make it, maybe the invitation to make
[46:25] that child aware of who your child is and we think the first step would
[46:30] be to differentiate in the skills my child has from the qualities they have.
[46:34] And here comes the theme of labels. Most of the time, labels are
[46:37] about skills. But if I begin to exalt, to strengthen, to incentivize
[46:44] your qualities, I am strengthening your self- esteem and your identity. I
[46:47] think it' s the basis of everything we' ve talked about so far.
[46:50] Totally people and I say almost always receive the boy or the girl recognition
[46:55] for her talents, her abilities, and well, you have to encourage it,
[47:00] but what if we begin to change the discourse of love, of praise,
[47:06] of strengthening to that quality that makes it different. For example, I
[47:09] can see a child of yours and say hey, this child has a very
[47:13] good heart. Yes, and I mean to repeat it, that is to
[47:17] say I admire you for your good heart of the days, Milo and thank
[47:22] you was said because I remembered that story. I say to maille Milo,
[47:24] because I know that with him I have to work very hard on the issue
[47:30] of self- esteem and as already in school and they tell him things and
[47:35] the other children label it as bad behavior, like I know that that of
[47:38] a necessary effort, that is to expo the club of what behaves, the
[47:43] extra ex in that I have to do. And I' m telling Milo
[47:46] a question, what' s the prettiest part of you I' m gonna
[47:52] start with. Me. My most beautiful part is my joy, because I
[47:55] always, I mean, to see him as the example. I tell you
[47:59] in my favorite part that because I always try to look for the positive side
[48:02] things, because I always try to do fun things with you and that yes,
[48:10] ok the first thing he told me was my most beautiful part. It
[48:15] ' s you Wow. I told him and there Veer g called him and
[48:22] I told him my love. But there' s one thing for you.
[48:24] I mean, in the end we' re all individual and how nice of
[48:31] you to say that I' m your favorite part, but you have nice
[48:34] things, too. You also have a lot of important stuff and then he
[48:39] said well, my other favorite part, my other pretty part is my heart,
[48:45] because you always tell me and there I realized that independently what I'
[48:50] m doing, yes, independently what you' re doing, there are messages
[48:57] that you say and say, says, says, says, stays. Then
[49:00] be careful with the message. Understand what the bottom line of the message is
[49:07] and sometimes ask as the why of the message. That could be a good
[49:10] exercise. It' s a good exercise and sometimes and it' s hard
[49:15] with the child you know why, because sometimes we don' t understand if
[49:22] they' re going to understand. One has to send a message, as
[49:24] I would say very clearly, not as ambiguous as they are literal and to
[49:30] me it is difficult, because I am you see here in the podcast much
[49:35] talk to get to a point, speaking step less much prepares to get a
[49:38] point. But with it and I said like he practiced my synthesis, because
[49:45] he has to be very clear about what is the message you want them to
[49:47] take. And with me it' s always been like effort, effort,
[49:52] effort is not the result of effort. That' s what you say and
[49:58] I' m going to add that it' s a prno exercise I'
[50:00] m not going to notice because I' m going to do it as I
[50:02] kill you and in fact, I' m going to do it in the
[50:06] mirror of my room so that it stays written and like he sees it.
[50:07] I had a meeting with Manes Spayat, who is Mateo' s therapist.
[50:10] Before a few days I love her and Matthew loves her also excellent and gentle.
[50:16] I was just commenting to him about the observations that the teacher of Mateo
[50:21] had made to me in December, about how he feels very attracted to the
[50:27] children who reject them, and I was talking to him about several things and
[50:30] precisely that, like that he was very attentive, he was behaving about me
[50:34] and I was afraid that he wanted to change his personality to adapt with the
[50:37] others go That one told me that Mira is good that he is doing that
[50:42] to him because he has to learn that there are different scenarios in what he
[50:45] has to behave differently. Not necessarily. That' s gonna affect your personality.
[50:49] And another thing she asked me to talk to the school teacher and I
[50:52] recommend to you that it is an excellent exercise, especially for what we have
[50:54] neurodiverse children, is to talk about lastiferas. She spoke to me, she
[51:01] told me that Mira talks to the school teacher, that it would be good
[51:05] if, at least a day or a week, they dedicated it to the
[51:08] difference that I killed no. She' s very good at doing such a
[51:13] thing, but she makes this difficult, she' s sitting, but she
[51:16] ' s very good at lego. It' s like kids talk about things
[51:17] that they might not do so well for them, but talk about things like
[51:21] other things, which they do very well for them. For them to see
[51:25] and for their peers to understand that there are differences and there are things in
[51:30] which one is not always going to be very good, but there are others
[51:31] that can work out very well. And that' s what you' re
[51:35] saying. I also have an excellent exercise in teaching your fellow students that we
[51:38] don' t all have to be the same, that you can be sentimental
[51:42] to me, but very good in mathematics and that your friends, for example,
[51:46] if there' s something with math that you don' t understand,
[51:50] that the teacher tells you look, go talk to me that with me or
[51:52] that math is really good at you and he can help you learn. Then
[51:58] you have to learn what you say. Labels are neither mones nor bad.
[52:02] Everything can be good and can be bad, but you also have to learn
[52:07] how, within those labels, to bring out the things that can be favorable
[52:12] for one and the other. Which can' t enrich each other. That
[52:15] ' s the antidote to stop labeling. It is when I understand that the
[52:21] human being is different and that I too at five years old am not the
[52:25] same as I am now, i e, in the last year, in
[52:29] the p years and probably not last month. Then look at the importance of
[52:32] the label paralyzing you into something that makes you believe your whole life that you
[52:37] are that and that you don' t work, because that' s the
[52:40] truth. Because if that' s what I' ve been told so many
[52:43] times, remember the self- fulfilling profession. I mean, that' s
[52:45] what they expected of me, and that' s what I think is my
[52:47] truth. That' s why the label, neither positive nor negative, won
[52:52] ' t redo anything. Go positive repetition, but when I start, notice
[52:55] something almost always and I know it' s like a baby mom dad says
[53:00] I love all my children the same, but what if we started to answer
[53:04] that I love him differently. Maybe if I have a death of a quantity,
[53:08] it' s the same amount, but differently. You, I love
[53:10] my son for this, but you for this. I love you for that,
[53:15] but totally differently, because it' s not an equal love, but
[53:17] I put you in a difficult, difficult one. It' s true,
[53:22] gentlemen, the truth is that you love each other and you really love each
[53:25] other differently. You know that' s one of the things that I claim
[53:28] to my mom one day and my mom told me not that she' s
[53:30] my favorite, is that there' s a time when it' s easier
[53:34] to take me with her than with you. And I realize there are times
[53:37] when it' s easier for my mom to connect with Cristal and others.
[53:42] What' s easier to connect with me is not that I already have a
[53:45] favorite, but that there are times in mine that or an exo well,
[53:47] that are not the same as your sister' s. For example, it
[53:50] happened to me that I was rocking that, that is, I was told
[53:53] no, no, I was told. I love them the same way,
[53:57] but there was a mistake and my dad was telling me a lot. But
[54:00] they need me differently. And I say yes, it' s true menescient,
[54:07] but I also need you, that is because my sister needed it,
[54:12] maybe more what I wanted to say, but already after adulthood, it'
[54:15] s also yes, but I needed you too, I mean, look at
[54:19] you, because it' s a message like words, also because when I
[54:23] tell my children that I love them the same way, I' m generating
[54:25] competition. I' m saying that there' s something that can stand out
[54:30] for me I have to do something different harmonic, but it' s also
[54:34] complicated if I love it differently, because it' s that I have to
[54:36] do for you to open me up. Just as you do, Mr Complicated
[54:38] Human Being. But what I' m saying is, I don' t
[54:42] love them different and you say that I have to do it for you to
[54:43] love me. As that no of course remember that the message is and I
[54:46] understand it perfectly. Paternity is complex and language made you enter exactly. Well,
[54:52] yes, well, exactly. But look at something. When I'
[54:57] m telling you that in quantity that is not that I have twenty percent,
[55:00] you don' t love one hundred percent here and that' s the limit
[55:06] When I tell you in quantity, that' s the mole, you don
[55:07] ' t have to do anything for me to love you and less so,
[55:09] I love you just as you call you. We have a hundred, but
[55:14] the show of love, the style of manifestation, the manifestation is always going
[55:19] to be different. That makes me have a peace, it doesn' t
[55:22] happen and it doesn' t go and consciously remember that you' re talking
[55:24] about children that I don' t have to look like a little guy to
[55:29] love me because they already love me like I am that then look back and
[55:34] repeat, it' s not a matter of that I love you for your
[55:35] abilities. I love you just as you are. Look, I only know
[55:38] what you do, but I really like that concept that I love you the
[55:45] same but different, different from the same quality 100%. So I have
[55:50] a hundred percent wheat out of three, but I love it differently because they
[55:52] ' re different. So, when I tell you that I love you and
[55:57] I still love you, I' m saying that there I come. If
[56:00] I congratulate you on one for some talent or whatever, the other wants to
[56:04] be equal to that and feels in competition. How I can, Monica want
[56:12] different, because that' s what you say, they' re very cool,
[56:15] but how I love them different, without why different. It' s
[56:20] hard to compare, because the first one you have, you use it as
[56:24] a reference, even if you don' t want to, but your starting
[56:29] point and you say that now it makes you such a thing. But this
[56:29] one hasn' t come here what' s going on, because how you
[56:34] can love them differently and healthyly. Well, there we have to talk about
[56:37] perhaps the language of love that a boy or girl manifests as very little.
[56:42] For example, maybe a son of yours likes it, don' t know
[56:47] how aft fucks or likes it and the movies, but maybe not the other
[56:50] one. Then there comes the power of knowledge of what it is, what
[56:53] is that personality that is not yet formed one hundred percent, but that is
[56:57] forming of my little children. So, what do you like, is,
[57:01] then I' m going to spend quality time with this one. If there
[57:05] ' s one who doesn' t like sports and Mom and Dad have a
[57:07] hard time accepting that sometimes, but who likes art, then what am I
[57:12] going to encourage? What she has talent and what she remembers without labels and
[57:16] what this little person feels able to do. I can' t judge.
[57:21] It' s like we have a fish, a giraffe that I know and
[57:28] a puppy or a better bird. Having said the fish I' m going
[57:30] to encourage the stage where I can swim, I can' t put it
[57:34] where you have the bar and I' m going to kill you. That
[57:35] ' s the difference of the three equals I love, and I love that,
[57:38] but they' re what the stage is to promote the fish to be
[57:45] the best it can be, the one that can be good. I'
[57:47] m going to put it in a sea, but maybe the giraffe eats in
[57:53] the heights, not an example. I don' t know then I'
[57:55] m going to encourage trees, but it really is, because the children are
[58:00] like that, they' re different, they' re totally different. It
[58:01] happened to me I identified with that that the other days I told my friends
[58:06] that if you have I am doing the passes with which I continue to grow,
[58:08] but they are two that take two years and you don' t always
[58:13] see it as a medium, like a bond, like they come together.
[58:15] And then it happened that they always asked me when I was in the house
[58:22] to sleep them and before, Milo Similo always wants me to sleep in his
[58:30] bed and in these days and before, like I saw Javi also, that
[58:37] is, when he was smaller, these days, I slept them all at
[58:40] once and I saw that javista or awake and then I left in Milo'
[58:45] s bed and Güey lay me in Javi' s bed and told Javi we
[58:49] will not sleep together. And he told me Mom, if you want,
[58:57] and he tells me because he knows that that to me like I' m
[58:59] going to give the revolution, I like to sleep them, because I kind
[59:02] of calm down and he tells me that if you want, he expects me
[59:07] to sleep, but in my bed I want my space. I tell myself
[59:10] and I realized and I said look, how you both need me in the
[59:15] same place in different ways.“ Then he needs a prefer,” Mira
[59:21] told me,“ your presence is fine, but not in my bed,
[59:25] Twine you know, while the other one is hug, honey, warmth and
[59:30] stick and that I know what you understand” So they' re two totally
[59:34] different people who have, that is, they need me differently. But that
[59:37] ' s what you said to me. You know it' s one of
[59:39] the labels that hurts my mom which one I feel that my sister and I
[59:44] are one and that look gives me a dick. Oh, yeah, because
[59:50] literally one turns fifteen from the other. On the 25th of January, point
[59:53] out today' s sun, the one who knows my name, the one
[59:55] who knows me, but I' m getting used to you. He answers
[59:58] for either one of us. And when I had my kids, one of
[1:00:00] the first things I say I don' t want them to take a year
[1:00:02] apart. I want everyone to be individual, because to me that sheath cost
[1:00:07] me and I never liked that, like they understand that the one is the
[1:00:12] extension of the other. And at a point where we don' t even
[1:00:15] have separate space, like everything' s together. Look and tell you something
[1:00:19] sounds, I don' t want it to be me or a reflection that
[1:00:23] I don' t want it to stay, because time is running out,
[1:00:27] of course. But throughout the episode we' ve talked about the labels we
[1:00:31] put on our children and we' re really a primary circle. But what
[1:00:37] is the role of example? Also because I don' t label my children,
[1:00:42] but I put everything I see on them and they listen as they do
[1:00:47] No, I don' t tell my son this, but Fulanita is Fulanita
[1:00:52] gets a bad door that I don' t know what or shots in her
[1:01:00] adult world happens a lot. That, for example, I do it with
[1:01:06] others and that' s what they see, not necessarily affected are them,
[1:01:10] but the role of the adult, as you sort ah it was a little
[1:01:15] anito of a gossip, full of himself and I do it down and that
[1:01:19] ' s what they' re learning. This is waiting for a case of
[1:01:21] me to last a while, they send her a medical history, with a
[1:01:23] patient, a pathological fear to fatten up. I was getting fat. You
[1:01:27] know Ien comes in crisis to the therapeutic process and I pass the story.
[1:01:31] I pass the story and I see the family, I see Mom, I
[1:01:35] see Dad. I haven' t detected anything yet. I have an hour
[1:01:37] talking to the patient, almost always as in the first few minutes, talking
[1:01:39] about family history, a cow uniting loose ends, but in this case it
[1:01:45] cost me and in a session talking, I kept listening and well, dealing
[1:01:50] with the present, but I, inside knew that I had not hit the
[1:01:52] origin click of everything that was happening. She tells me no, because Mommy,
[1:01:57] when I was talking about Fulanita, was talking about how fat she was
[1:02:02] to wait for you and how frequent your mom was, they commented not all
[1:02:07] the time and asked you and said no. No. Not me, no,
[1:02:08] he never dared in my childhood. I was told that I was fat
[1:02:12] or that I was compared because I was perhaps more right now than sister.
[1:02:15] Never then did she romanticize that one, and I was believing it, too,
[1:02:20] and I was saying, hey, it' s true. But where
[1:02:20] the pathological ending comes from and then in a session. There the patient,
[1:02:24] as I say, was measuring a little gift and I realized that the mother
[1:02:28] lived criticizing everyone fat, outside the family, around. Obviously, remember that
[1:02:34] we learn more from modeling than even from what I did to you, but
[1:02:37] you don' t want to. She was scared and she gets there so
[1:02:39] the mom doesn' t believe her, she doesn' t get to that
[1:02:44] critical mouth and I get here then. Obviously, I was already accepting what
[1:02:47] my mom was saying and demonizing something demonizing, something they didn' t tell
[1:02:52] me, but I watched it. But look how unconscious of what you were
[1:02:55] saying, because she doesn' t exactly recognize that and it took me long
[1:03:00] to figure out what was going on, of course because she was all painting
[1:03:04] me her childhood and her upbringing as very inclusive, nothing respectful until we got
[1:03:10] to where we were going in a session like that. That' s the
[1:03:15] point. They' re still like almost detectives. So, even if one
[1:03:20] does not take personal cases, one ends up affected or drained because one is
[1:03:24] all the time with mind my achievement. But that' s what I say.
[1:03:28] For me, maid, it' s not easy, because what she
[1:03:30] looks at without realizing how it is. Another absorbs things without knowing, without
[1:03:35] being intentional and if he makes a wolf, look at the other side.
[1:03:38] I know time' s running out, but there' s a point that
[1:03:43] ' ll touch us. I think another episode I' m buying myself.
[1:03:45] Sure, please, there are labels that aren' t I' d say
[1:03:52] even worse than the one we mentioned right now agree. I don' t
[1:03:55] know if I said it in the previous episode, but the kid doesn'
[1:04:01] t understand which dad and mom left me. Or Dad and Mom don'
[1:04:04] t. When they fight in front of me, well they have an independent
[1:04:10] problem to me understand that there is something wrong with me. Then we see
[1:04:13] how unconsciously we are growing up with a label weight, that label that I
[1:04:18] am insufficient, that I have to reach something, that I am that person
[1:04:21] and we have talked about it before, the saviour' s syndome, etcetera,
[1:04:25] etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. But it happens a lot, for example,
[1:04:28] when Mom and Dad are fighting and if all the time I' ve
[1:04:33] been praised for being I don' t know that girl who gets good grades.
[1:04:36] If I see that in my house. There' s a tense issue
[1:04:40] that Mom and Dad don' t ta or I' m gonna put it
[1:04:43] up and I' m gonna get there. That' s how it starts,
[1:04:45] I' ll get there. Look at my note for that face.
[1:04:47] Mummy' s sad to make her happy because she' s in a fight
[1:04:50] with Daddy. Look at the responsibility you carry to return to happiness Mom exactly
[1:04:56] and create a triangle in that relationship Mom Dad, son. And it'
[1:05:00] s a pretty strong triangulation label, a triangulation. Now what happens when that
[1:05:04] child realizes, doesn' t pass so conscious, but realizes it doesn'
[1:05:09] t. That works for us. Here comes another label of me not able
[1:05:13] to resolve conflict. Okay, so, look how we don' t do
[1:05:17] adultity that' s gonna be another topic. We feel comfortable is triangular relationships,
[1:05:23] that is, Triano, because I come from a very small age.
[1:05:27] It' s already a subject, a little deeper, but it' s
[1:05:30] still labels that the environment and the environmental deficit made me carry all my life
[1:05:35] and that already comes to adulthood in all my relationships and that there' s
[1:05:39] a lot that I love right now of codependency, which is normal independence,
[1:05:44] that is, many times it' s manifested in exactly triangulations and I'
[1:05:48] m always going to need someone else. There' s no need to feel
[1:05:53] complete. I' m not without you, I' m not and you
[1:05:56] ' re not without me. There' s a very complicated song today that
[1:06:00] wow. I don' t go with my brain to myself and I do
[1:06:03] to myself neo, but a thousand thanks, Monica, for your time,
[1:06:08] for the way we' re going to be your plan I love it because
[1:06:13] you, within all the technical, like banana also everything we ask ourselves.
[1:06:18] Okmo, how I pull tool, how you give us key and clear tools
[1:06:26] from a starting point, where we can identify and I think that much of
[1:06:29] this and whether you' re hearing this seeing this, the first thing is
[1:06:35] to recognize it, the first thing is to see e, identify and say
[1:06:40] ah, but look at you is happening to me. Let me, let
[1:06:44] me dig into it, let me delve into this subject and before closing and
[1:06:48] thanking also everyone who is listening to us and has not listened to us to
[1:06:53] this point that we have not passed the hour, probably the least, where
[1:06:57] they can also find you, that is, can we access consultations with you?
[1:07:02] How we can communicate with you in case something here also resonates with us.
[1:07:06] Okay. Thank you for the invitation. Again. My instagram is ps
[1:07:12] i as a psychologist mejía mónica point and in the center yes comet that there
[1:07:16] are a group of trapeutas where we can be at their order always excellent.
[1:07:20] Please, gentlemen, relax, give yourself that gift. Go to therapy is
[1:07:28] the best gift. One is going to give a massage because the mind is
[1:07:31] stressed there is also a massage. Gentlemen, I' m doing fine on
[1:07:34] TV All those things are that the truth, gentlemen, a nail hurts You
[1:07:39] ' re going to a chicken place. It hurts one day you' re
[1:07:40] giving yourself a dentist and it excites him. That too hurts, gentlemen,
[1:07:44] that too must be given full affection. Then I leave you with that reflection
[1:07:47] of loving the brain clearly, We have to give it a rest We see
[1:07:51] next week from chau Guay

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