# When Do You Let Your Adult Child, Be An Adult?

An episode of [Suze Orman's Women & Money (And Everyone Smart Enough To Listen)](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1439621652), 13 Sep 2026, 38 min.

Audio: https://traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/2df1102a-5761-4c99-b489-aabd0161f8fe/44e0936e-923c-43c7-9e2a-aade00edf4d3/9e4d5afc-9af8-49ee-a0f5-b4c20120d4fd/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=4e05fb00-5a5b-4ed9-b353-aade00edf4dd

For this all new Ask KT & Suze Anything, Suze answers your questions about helping adult children with money, caring for parents and so much more. Learn more about the Ultimate Scam Protection here: SuzeOrman.com Watch Suze’s YouTube Channel Jumpstart financial wellness for your employees: https://bit.ly/SecureSave Protect your financial future with the Must Have Docs: https://bit.ly/3Vq1V3G Help with the Must Have Docs: • Email:support@musthavedocuments.zendesk.com • Phone: 888-510-0510 Get your savings going with Alliant Credit Union: https://bit.ly/3rg0Yio Get Suze’s special offers for podcast listeners at suzeorman.com/offer Join Suze’s Women & Money Community for FREE and ASK SUZE your questions which may just end up on the podcast. Download the app by following one of these links: CLICK HERE FOR APPLE: https://apple.co/2KcAHbH CLICK HERE FOR GOOGLE PLAY: https://bit.ly/3curfMI See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:08] Suze: I don't know if I can do this.
[0:10] KT: OK ready? Are you sure? Well, well, September 13th, 2026
[0:15] Suze: We got we got that far.
[0:16] KT: OK. Welcome everyone to the Women in Money podcast, and
[0:20] KT: everyone's smart enough to listen. Are you ready, Suze? She's
[0:24] KT: trying so hard. This is like take 18, everyone. We
[0:28] KT: can't quite get this right, and there's a big reason why.
[0:32] KT: You're listening to this on September 13th.
[0:35] Suze: Well, it drops on September 13th.
[0:36] KT: We are recording this earlier on our way to New
[0:41] KT: England to Travis and Hadley's wedding. Travis is my favorite nephew.
[0:46] KT: Everyone knows he's my favorite. I call him my angel boy.
[0:50] KT: Travis is finally getting married. We can't wait to celebrate
[0:55] KT: this wedding.
[0:56] Suze: So he gets officially married September 12th.
[1:01] Suze: And the biggest thing was what should we wear? Oh
[1:04] Suze: my God, but it's cold there. No, it's warm there. So...
[1:09] KT: It's not just a wedding though. Everyone, I, you know,
[1:12] KT: from all of these years that I have a really
[1:14] KT: big family.
[1:15] Suze: Tell me about it.
[1:16] KT: And it's a family reunion and Travis's wedding.
[1:21] Suze: Which isn't necessarily just so you know, my favorite thing
[1:24] Suze: in life.
[1:25] KT: Suze Loves it, but I said Suze...
[1:26] Suze: I do not.
[1:27] KT: ...let's dedicate the September 13th podcast to families and money
[1:33] KT: and money.
[1:34] Suze: Of course, KT. What else would we be dedicating this
[1:37] Suze: coming weekend said,
[1:38] KT: Suze, all families are the same. They have ups and downs,
[1:42] KT: ins and outs. Some days they have a lot of money,
[1:45] KT: some days they have no money. But let's dedicate our
[1:48] KT: podcast to Family Affairs.
[1:50] Suze: And if any of you think that I have a
[1:54] Suze: choice as to what we're gonna do when KT is
[1:59] Suze: part of this podcast...
[2:02] KT: No, you don't have a choice...
[2:03] Suze: I have a bridge to sell you.
[2:04] KT: I have such great, um, stories and questions to share
[2:09] KT: with all of you about families and money.
[2:12] Suze: Well then, let's hit it.
[2:12] KT: Let's go.
[2:14] Suze: Oh God.
[2:16] KT: All right, so here we go. The first one is
[2:20] KT: from Diane, and this is really interesting and, and a
[2:23] KT: little bit of a difficult one, so you should all
[2:25] KT: weigh in your thoughts again with Suze.
[2:29] KT: And it starts with this. She said, Suze, I have
[2:32] KT: a son who is 24 years old and trying to
[2:34] KT: make his way back to college. He's struggling financially as
[2:39] KT: a student and spends frugally in an expensive city. He
[2:44] KT: has a budget and student aid and loans, and I
[2:48] KT: have helped him even against your advice not to help
[2:53] KT: outgrown kids by co-signing loans, etc.
[2:57] Suze: Ready.
[2:58] KT: So, so ready, wait, let me finish, Suze.
[3:02] KT: Suze, my question is this. My heart says to continue
[3:06] KT: to help my son where I can because his attempts
[3:10] KT: to go to college were always sidetracked by his father's disabilities.
[3:16] KT: Am I wrong? Now, I think I should share with
[3:20] KT: all of you why this is a great story, so.
[3:24] KT: Diane and her husband were divorced when her son was eight.
[3:30] KT: The father never saved anything. He got sick and the son,
[3:34] KT: since he was about 15, took care of his dad
[3:37] KT: and really helped out.
[3:38] Suze: So like eight, nine years ago.
[3:40] KT: So in any event, what has happened over the time
[3:44] KT: is that the money they saved in the 529 has
[3:47] KT: been used. Now Diane has spent most of her $50,000
[3:53] KT: emergency fund to just stay afloat. She's planning on taking 6%
[3:59] KT: from her IRA until her Social Security age kicks in.
[4:04] KT: She's got about $300,000 equity in her home, and Suze,
[4:09] KT: she plans on selling it to downsize. We know where
[4:11] KT: this is leading.
[4:13] KT: The thing that what you don't know and what I
[4:16] KT: wanna share with you.
[4:17] Suze: Does she have any other money?
[4:18] KT: Yes, she also has 300,000 in an IRA and about
[4:22] KT: 50 in a Roth that she contributes to little by little. However,
[4:28] KT: I think what's really important is that Diane has had
[4:32] KT: breast cancer, so she's a cancer survivor.
[4:36] KT: Today Diane's 66, she's happily working a couple of part-time jobs,
[4:41] KT: and she makes about $1,400 a month, right.
[4:46] Suze: At 66.
[4:46] KT: At 66.
[4:49] Suze: Ao she plans on taking Social Security, I'm sure at 67, right?
[4:53] Suze: All right.
[4:55] KT: She wants to sell her home, use that money, and
[4:58] KT: she's gonna downsize.
[5:00] KT: She's scraping all the funds she can.
[5:02] Suze: So what does she want to know from me?
[5:05] KT: So she said, Please tell me if I'm wrong to
[5:08] KT: continue helping her son with school as much as I can, even,
[5:14] KT: even if I may be endangering my own retirement years.
[5:19] KT: So Suze, what do you think?
[5:23] Suze: I think that all of you really need to listen.
[5:27] Suze: To this email that KT just read to all of you, seriously.
[5:32] Suze: We have a 66 year old woman who chose not
[5:37] Suze: to listen to me. Yet co-signed loans for her kid,
[5:43] Suze: for all these other things, used up all of her
[5:45] Suze: emergency fund.
[5:48] Suze: Only is now making $1,400 a month.
[5:53] Suze: Obviously all she has left according to KT what you
[5:57] Suze: said is money in the house, which is not accessible
[6:01] Suze: unless she does a home equity line of credit, KT
[6:05] Suze: or sells it all right, at $1,400 a month. I
[6:08] Suze: don't know if she's going to even qualify for a
[6:10] Suze: home equity line of credit, number one.
[6:13] Suze: Number two, she has $300,000 in an IRA that's pre-tax.
[6:21] Suze: So when she goes to take it out, it's gonna
[6:23] Suze: add to her taxable situation. So truthfully, does she really
[6:27] Suze: have $300,000 in that IRA? No, because again, it wasn't
[6:33] Suze: a Roth.
[6:34] Suze: It was a traditional one, so we don't know when
[6:38] Suze: it comes to her taking it out, what does that
[6:41] Suze: do for her taxes or whatever, we'll see. She does
[6:45] Suze: have $50,000 in a Roth, but given that she really
[6:50] Suze: isn't making much money and she wants to continue to
[6:53] Suze: help her son, chances are, where's she going to get
[6:57] Suze: the money, KT, to continue to help her son? Oh,
[7:01] Suze: I know her Roth IRA.
[7:04] Suze: Because in her mind, her Roth IRA if she takes
[7:07] Suze: money out, isn't going to be taxable. So before you
[7:12] Suze: know it, that $50,000 will be gone.
[7:16] Suze: So we have a situation here really Diane, we're at
[7:20] Suze: the age of 24 and your son has the capacity
[7:26] Suze: to want to take care of a parent. He's already
[7:29] Suze: shown that.
[7:31] Suze: The question you have to ask yourself is, do you
[7:36] Suze: want to burden your son again later on in life
[7:42] Suze: when he's 34, 44, maybe even 54.
[7:47] Suze: Right? When you're now in your 80s, 90s, or whatever
[7:51] Suze: it may be, somewhere in there during the next few years,
[7:54] Suze: because you don't have enough money to support yourself. You
[7:58] Suze: need full-time care. You don't have long-term care insurance. You
[8:03] Suze: probably don't even have a will, a living revocable trust
[8:07] Suze: in advance directive or durable power of attorney for healthcare.
[8:10] Suze: You probably have wanted to take care of him all
[8:12] Suze: these other ways by giving him money.
[8:15] Suze: But you have not put yourself first, which puts him
[8:19] Suze: in the position 10 years from now when you're 76,
[8:25] Suze: 20 years from now, that's nothing when you're 86 and
[8:28] Suze: he's only 44, of probably having to take care of
[8:33] Suze: you like he did his father, which then sets him
[8:37] Suze: all the way back.
[8:40] Suze: Are you hearing me, girlfriend? How many times have I
[8:43] Suze: said helping is hurting and sometimes hurting is helping? At 24,
[8:51] Suze: he needs to make it on his own now because
[8:54] Suze: you cannot afford it. You can give yourself every single
[8:59] Suze: excuse in the book that kids today have harder times,
[9:03] Suze: that you know, he's such a good kid. You're such
[9:06] Suze: a good mother.
[9:08] Suze: You've been a great mother, but if you want to
[9:11] Suze: be a great teacher.
[9:14] Suze: A great true provider for your son's future, he needs
[9:20] Suze: to start looking at your situation in reality.
[9:25] Suze: And think about the situation that you're in, not just
[9:30] Suze: what he's in, and find a way to make it
[9:33] Suze: as long as you continue to help him. In my opinion,
[9:37] Suze: you are so seriously hurting him and yourself, it's not
[9:42] Suze: even funny. That's what I would tell her.
[9:45] Suze: And that's what I told her. Why are you looking
[9:47] Suze: at me so seriously?
[9:49] KT: Because it's sad. A lot of moms, they, I, especially
[9:53] KT: someone like Diane, she wants to help him, but it
[9:56] KT: is true. By the, by the time he's 44, he
[9:59] KT: probably will have his own family.
[10:01] Suze: Maybe we don't know.
[10:02] Suze: What is gonna happen, but in 20 years from now,
[10:05] Suze: Diane's 86. She's already had breast cancer. She will be
[10:09] Suze: through with almost all of her money if you do it.
[10:12] Suze: We don't know. Will her house sell? Will, will the
[10:14] Suze: weather come in and destroy her house? All these unknowns.
[10:19] Suze: So don't add to it, and I'm just gonna say
[10:22] Suze: shame on you for co-signing loans for your son. There
[10:27] Suze: is a reason why I said that. You should have
[10:30] Suze: listened to me then. I'm asking you to listen to
[10:33] Suze: me now. Next question, KT.
[10:36] KT: OK, here's another one. This was a great subject. Ready again.
[10:40] KT: More family money. When do you let your adult child
[10:44] KT: be an adult? That's a great subject.
[10:48] Suze: Before we even go on, right? We both came from families.
[10:52] Suze: I want you to think about this. We both came
[10:54] Suze: from families that suffered financially.
[10:58] Suze: Yours more than mine, believe it or not. All right.
[11:03] Suze: At what age, given what our families were going through,
[11:09] Suze: did you start helping out your family with money, and
[11:12] Suze: did you take over being an adult of your own life?
[11:16] Suze: At what age, KT?
[11:17] KT: As soon as I got a good job, as soon as...
[11:20] Suze: When was that?
[11:20] KT: Right out of school, bam.
[11:23] Suze: And you never went to your parents. And why was that?
[11:25] KT: We, I couldn't. They didn't have anything.
[11:27] Suze: And how successful and how successful did you become?
[11:31] KT: A multimillionaire.
[11:32] Suze: And how often did you take care of your mother
[11:35] Suze: and your father?
[11:36] KT: As much as I could.
[11:37] Suze: Buying them a house?
[11:40] KT: Yes.
[11:41] Suze: You're buying them a house, buying them a place to
[11:43] Suze: live when they had to go into an independent living
[11:46] Suze: facility and nursing home.
[11:47] KT: I did.
[11:48] KT: I, I took care of them in a great way financially. However,
[11:53] KT: my other five siblings were always, always there to take
[11:59] KT: care of them physically, emotionally.
[12:02] Suze: Financially, I am talking about financially,
[12:04] KT: OK, so money, yeah, I had the lion's share and
[12:07] KT: I absolutely spent it on them.
[12:09] Suze: And do you think on any level that you were
[12:12] Suze: able to do that because you had nobody to count
[12:15] Suze: on but yourself the day you graduated college? Did you
[12:20] Suze: work your way through college?
[12:22] KT: Most of it, yes.
[12:23] Suze: Most of it. All right. You know my story.
[12:26] Suze: All right, you know, I was a waitress till I
[12:29] Suze: was 30. Put myself through college, lived on my own.
[12:33] Suze: My parents did not have any money to help me.
[12:35] Suze: They barely were making it on their own. And then
[12:38] Suze: I eventually was able to take care of them, especially
[12:43] Suze: my mother.
[12:46] Suze: So, I tell you that story because what was the
[12:49] Suze: question they asked?
[12:50] KT: When do you let your adult child be an adult?
[12:55] Suze: As soon as possible, but go ahead, KT.
[12:58] KT: I just wanted to say something you and I grew up,
[13:01] KT: not with parents that suffered, but parents that really lived
[13:06] KT: paycheck to paycheck. I didn't think that we were unless
[13:10] KT: they just hid it. We, we didn't suffer.
[13:13] Suze: I think my mom did suffer because my dad was sick.
[13:17] KT: OK, your story is a little different.
[13:18] Suze: my, my little, he was sick for a long, long time,
[13:21] Suze: and she carried two jobs, an Avon worker and a secretary,
[13:24] Suze: and I could tell...
[13:25] KT: You you had you had, uh, both parents working to
[13:29] KT: really make ends meet.
[13:30] Suze: But then my father couldn't work, and that's when the
[13:32] Suze: kids had to go to work. Both my brothers and myself.
[13:35] Suze: I was working at 13 because my dad was in
[13:38] Suze: the hospital and he couldn't,
[13:41] KT: I couldn't wait to start working so that I could
[13:43] KT: earn money.
[13:44] Suze: But anyway, so go on. So what...
[13:46] KT: So, so this question is really great. Let me, let
[13:48] KT: me go on to this next one which I really like.
[13:51] KT: Says hello, thank you for everything you do to guide
[13:54] KT: and enlighten us. My husband and I are in our mid-50s.
[13:58] KT: We're trying to save for retirement. We have four adult children,
[14:03] Suze: So this is all the same email KT's reading you.
[14:05] Suze: Go on.
[14:06] KT: Three of whom have college degrees and are managing to
[14:09] KT: make ends meet. Our third child, who is 26, did
[14:13] KT: not finish college.
[14:15] KT: She works hard and often juggles two to four entry
[14:19] KT: level jobs, so she certainly has grit. However, she lives
[14:24] KT: 90 miles away in a larger city and frequently... frequently asks
[14:31] KT: for help with rent, car payments, or groceries. She is
[14:35] KT: unwilling to move back home temporarily just to get on
[14:40] KT: her feet. Are we enabling her if she's working hard
[14:44] KT: but still struggling, or when should we step back and
[14:47] KT: let her fully transition into adulthood? How does your principle
[14:53] KT: of people first, then money, then things apply to our situation?
[14:59] KT: So you know there you go, Alison. This is a great,
[15:02] KT: great question.
[15:03] Suze: So this thing people first, then money, then things, which
[15:08] Suze: has been my motto now for I can't even remember
[15:11] Suze: how many years.
[15:12] KT: 25.
[15:13] Suze: Right? People so misunderstand that I cannot tell you when
[15:19] Suze: they hear the word people first they think I mean
[15:22] Suze: others take care of others care about others before you
[15:26] Suze: care about your money.
[15:29] Suze: The term people first means you. I should change that
[15:33] Suze: to forget people first. It should be you first, then money,
[15:36] Suze: then things. I might do that. It's, you gotta take
[15:40] Suze: care of yourself first, yourself and your own needs. That's
[15:45] Suze: number one. Number two, as you've heard me talk about
[15:49] Suze: in the past, there's the eight qualities of wealth, and
[15:54] Suze: the third quality of wealth is generosity.
[15:58] Suze: But one can only be generous when the gift is
[16:03] Suze: generous to yourself, meaning you can afford it, and generous
[16:06] Suze: to the person receiving it.
[16:09] Suze: Does it really help them, or does it hurt them?
[16:13] Suze: Does it create guilt within them? Does it keep them
[16:17] Suze: powerless versus helping them to become powerful? You said that
[16:23] Suze: you help your daughter with car payments, rent, and groceries.
[16:30] Suze: If she needs to ask you for money for at
[16:34] Suze: least car payments, then she needs to get rid of
[16:37] Suze: the car and start taking public transportation.
[16:40] Suze: If she doesn't have enough money for rent, she's living
[16:44] Suze: in too expensive of a place, so she needs to
[16:47] Suze: move in with four or five other kids because she's
[16:51] Suze: still a kid if she doesn't even have money for groceries. She,
[16:57] Suze: whether she's working three jobs, four jobs, or five jobs,
[17:00] Suze: is still living beyond her means.
[17:04] Suze: And beyond her needs and why is she doing that?
[17:08] Suze: 'Cause mommy and daddy, you have been allowing her to
[17:12] Suze: do so cause you have been subsidizing her and because
[17:16] Suze: you have been subsidizing her for her needs.
[17:21] Suze: She doesn't have to provide and have a reality check
[17:25] Suze: as to can she afford her needs or not. So
[17:29] Suze: what else is she doing with that money? Why can't
[17:33] Suze: she afford her needs? Do you know? Have you asked
[17:36] Suze: what's going on there? So I personally think you are
[17:40] Suze: hurting her and not helping her, and you should pull
[17:44] Suze: back and say, listen...
[17:47] Suze: You're on your own now. We have helped you. You
[17:49] Suze: have decided you want to stay there. Our home is
[17:52] Suze: always welcome for you. You can always come home, but
[17:55] Suze: if you want to stay there, you have to have,
[17:59] Suze: you have to figure it out, and we have enough
[18:01] Suze: faith in you that you can do so. That's what
[18:06] Suze: I would be doing if I were you.
[18:08] KT: I love that answer because I was thinking exactly the
[18:11] KT: same thing.
[18:12] Suze: Of cource you were because you're my KT.
[18:14] KT: All right, here's a good one too. Ready.
[18:17] KT: I love your podcast and listen every week. You both
[18:22] KT: put a big smile on my face and give me
[18:24] KT: confidence to be a better steward of my finances. I
[18:28] KT: am eager to be debt free except for my house mortgage.
[18:32] KT: I have no credit card debt, but I have two
[18:35] KT: loans that have been niggling at me. Is that a
[18:38] KT: word niggling?
[18:39] Suze: I like're asking me. I make up words all the time.
[18:42] KT: One is a car loan with a balance of $8,538
[18:47] KT: at 4.24% and that's due at the end of '28.
[18:53] KT: The other, ready, this is the one that's gonna niggle
[18:56] KT: at you big time. The other is a parent plus
[18:59] KT: loan with a balance of $7,193 at 7.05% due at
[19:10] KT: the end of 2034.
[19:13] Suze: Oh well, there you go.
[19:16] KT: I want to get rid of both. I do not
[19:18] KT: have much cash left over at the end of the month.
[19:21] KT: Does it make sense to take out a home equity
[19:24] KT: loan or a personal loan to pay one or both
[19:27] KT: of these loans off and then make one payment for
[19:30] KT: the loan I take out? The reason I'm eager to
[19:33] KT: do this, Suze, so quickly is because I've been teaching
[19:37] KT: for 28 years.
[19:39] KT: I would love to retire and do something part time. However,
[19:44] KT: I would not feel comfortable doing that until these loans
[19:47] KT: are paid off. So this is from Jean Marie, and
[19:53] KT: Jean Marie, it's that parent plus loan that's niggling at you.
[19:57] KT: Tell her why.
[19:58] Suze: Well, I think she knows why, but here's another example.
[20:03] Suze: Your child wants to go to school.
[20:06] Suze: They can't afford to go to the school that they
[20:09] Suze: want to go to or you want them to go to,
[20:11] Suze: and the only way they can get into that school
[20:14] Suze: is through loans. And one of the ways to do
[20:17] Suze: it is for the parent to take out a parent
[20:20] Suze: plus loan that the parent is responsible for. And now
[20:27] Suze: the child has graduated, the child has gone on.
[20:31] Suze: But we have a situation here where the parent is
[20:34] Suze: still paying for the parent plus loan and who knows
[20:38] Suze: what the child is doing, but yet it's bothering you.
[20:43] Suze: You've been working for 28 years. You want to retire,
[20:48] Suze: but you can't retire for a number of years until
[20:52] Suze: these loans are paid off, whatever it may be, but
[20:55] Suze: the loan that you really can't do anything about.
[20:59] Suze: Except pay it off is the parent plus loan. Now
[21:03] Suze: I could give you a payment plan. I could say,
[21:06] Suze: you know, forget the car loan. Isn't that bad. Keep
[21:08] Suze: paying it like you're paying it. Put every extra cent
[21:11] Suze: you have towards the parent plus loan, or I could
[21:15] Suze: tell you something else.
[21:17] Suze: And it has to do with what I told the
[21:20] Suze: last email and actually the one before that. You could
[21:24] Suze: sit down with whoever this parent plus loan is for,
[21:29] Suze: and say, Are you working now? Are you making enough money?
[21:35] Suze: Is there a way that you can take this over?
[21:39] Suze: I need help. I'm tired. I don't want to continue working.
[21:44] Suze: I've done everything I possibly can. You're still young. You
[21:48] Suze: have your life ahead of you. I'm getting afraid. Maybe
[21:52] Suze: I'm getting older. I don't have everything, but whatever it
[21:54] Suze: may be, and sit down and ask for help. What
[22:00] Suze: is this that the parent never asks for help? Why
[22:05] Suze: can't you just ask for help? Kids have no problem.
[22:09] Suze: In the last email, the kid has no problem asking
[22:12] Suze: her parents for help. In the one before that, the
[22:15] Suze: kid doesn't even have to ask for help because the
[22:17] Suze: parent is just willing to go ahead and do it.
[22:20] Suze: But why is it that a parent doesn't ask for help?
[22:25] Suze: You have given your entire life to these kids.
[22:29] Suze: There's no greater joy in life than letting the kids
[22:33] Suze: pay you back in any way they can. KT and
[22:37] Suze: I recently, you just heard it, told you our stories
[22:39] Suze: and about our parents. KT, would you have changed one
[22:43] Suze: thing about taking care of your parents, the amount of money?
[22:47] KT: I wish I could have done more.
[22:49] Suze: Right? The only thing is like, listen, I took care
[22:52] Suze: of my mom so great I can't even tell you.
[22:56] Suze: But the other day was her 14th anniversary of her
[23:00] Suze: death on September 4th, and KT and I were right
[23:03] Suze: there with Lynn, KT's twin, and her husband Tom. We
[23:08] Suze: were there 'till my mother took her last breath. And everything.
[23:12] KT: How old would she have been now?
[23:14] Suze: 111. She was 97, but I was thinking to myself.
[23:20] Suze: About that just so you know, KT, and I have
[23:23] Suze: to admit I got sad because, money was easy for
[23:28] Suze: me then.
[23:30] Suze: My time and love and patience, in my opinion, wasn't
[23:35] Suze: as great as it should have been.
[23:37] Suze: Everybody tells me what a great daughter I was to
[23:40] Suze: my mother.
[23:42] Suze: The truth of the matter is I could have been
[23:44] Suze: a lot greater daughter if I had had more patience
[23:48] Suze: and just let her go off on her tirades or
[23:51] Suze: whatever she would say to me as she was getting older.
[23:54] Suze: I should have had more understanding. So Mom, if you
[23:57] Suze: can hear me right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but
[24:02] Suze: there's no greater joy in life, as a kid gets older,
[24:07] Suze: please remember this. Parents out there, when a kid can say,
[24:11] Suze: I took care of my mom. I took care of
[24:14] Suze: my dad.
[24:15] KT: It's an honor.
[24:16] Suze: It's an honor.
[24:18] KT: So let, let them.
[24:20] Suze: Oh Mel Robbins would love that. Let them, let them, right?
[24:25] Suze: And I would say, let me.
[24:28] Suze: Let me take care of myself. Let me honor myself
[24:35] Suze: and let me honor myself by honoring my child. And
[24:41] Suze: giving them credit that they have what it takes to
[24:43] Suze: do this. All right, KT next.
[24:46] KT: OK, next is from Becky. This is again family. This
[24:49] KT: is what happens with our family, so.
[24:53] KT: Here you go. This says, Suze, it's been a month
[24:55] KT: since my dad passed. So far things are going smoothly
[25:00] KT: in terms of helping my mom with her finances, as
[25:03] KT: she was never empowered in her marriage to manage money together.
[25:08] Suze: Can you put a pin in that for one second?
[25:10] Suze: Wait one second. Did you hear what this daughter just
[25:14] Suze: wrote about her mother? I want you to imagine if
[25:18] Suze: the mother did not have a daughter. Or a son
[25:24] Suze: or anybody to count on and one month ago her
[25:27] Suze: husband died and now she has money or whatever she
[25:32] Suze: has a whole bunch of stuff to deal with.
[25:35] Suze: Who does she count on? Who does she have to trust?
[25:39] Suze: So while you are still alive.
[25:42] Suze: I don't care if it's the male, the female, if
[25:47] Suze: you're in a relationship, I don't care who, who you
[25:50] Suze: are or what you are. Both of you need to
[25:53] Suze: know everything about your money and what to do if
[25:57] Suze: something were to happen, and I would tell you, you're
[26:01] Suze: not gonna like this one, KT.
[26:03] Suze: I would tell you to play what if.
[26:07] Suze: What if tomorrow your spouse drops dead.
[26:11] Suze: What if tomorrow your spouse ends up incapacitated?
[26:15] KT: You did that with me. Suze did that with me
[26:19] KT: very early on. We're, we're 26 years together and very
[26:23] KT: early on she showed me a box. She said, in
[26:26] KT: this box are bonds. They have a maturity date. You
[26:30] KT: need to know if something were to happen to me,
[26:33] KT: what to do with these, and she wanted me, she
[26:37] KT: wanted me to know where everything was.
[26:39] Suze: But, and when KT said, no, no, it's OK. I
[26:42] Suze: don't need to, I said, What if KT, I die tomorrow?
[26:46] Suze: Now it's, what if? What if? Because believe me, it's
[26:51] Suze: not an if, it's a when. So if you really
[26:54] Suze: love each other, even if it's a single parent.
[26:59] Suze: And you do have kids, or you're just by yourself
[27:02] Suze: and you have friends, you have somebody, you have to
[27:06] Suze: go through these scenarios with them, and if you don't,
[27:10] Suze: Then you have to look for a trustee, you have
[27:12] Suze: to find a way of who's gonna take care of
[27:15] Suze: you and make decisions for you when you can't make
[27:19] Suze: them yourself.
[27:20] KT: Wait, so we're getting a little, so Becky wrote um
[27:24] KT: to us about how she's helping her mom. She stepped
[27:27] KT: in and like Suze said, if her mother didn't have her,
[27:31] KT: who would do this? So her question is, Suze, now
[27:35] KT: that she needs a lot of help after Dad's death,
[27:38] KT: if I remember correctly, you said my mom should select
[27:41] KT: my dad's Roth and IRA accounts as if they were
[27:45] KT: her accounts, so she doesn't have to liquidate the IRA
[27:50] KT: within 10 years.
[27:52] KT: And then she said, will my mom be able to
[27:54] KT: continue converting my dad's IRA into a Roth as I
[27:58] KT: had my dad do each year? So, there you go.
[28:02] Suze: So the answer to that is if you are married,
[28:06] Suze: you always want to make sure that for an IRA,
[28:10] Suze: Roth IRA, whatever it may be like that, your spouse
[28:14] Suze: is the primary beneficiary, and if you happen to have
[28:17] Suze: a trust, the trust is the contingent beneficiary, all right?
[28:22] Suze: Or your individual kids' names are the contingent beneficiaries. Right? Now, listen.
[28:28] Suze: A spouse has many, many privileges that nobody else has,
[28:35] Suze: and one of them is the spouse can take over
[28:40] Suze: the IRA, the Roth IRA, whatever account it is, if
[28:43] Suze: it's a retirement account, as if it was his or
[28:48] Suze: her own, if their spouse dies, that means they have
[28:52] Suze: many possibilities of what they can do with it. So yes,
[28:57] Suze: that is true, and that is exactly what should happen. However,
[29:01] Suze: you need to know, will your mom be able to
[29:04] Suze: continue converting your dad's IRA into a Roth?
[29:08] Suze: The answer to that is yes. When it becomes hers,
[29:12] Suze: she absolutely can continue to convert it because why? Now
[29:17] Suze: it's hers. It's not an inherited IRA. It is hers.
[29:22] Suze: Big difference between when a spouse hasn't Roth IRA that's
[29:27] Suze: now theirs or an IRA that's theirs versus an inherited one. Next, KT.
[29:33] Suze: Where'd you find all these.
[29:34] KT: I looked up family. Family, family, anything that had to
[29:38] KT: do with our, you know, family questions. So this, and
[29:41] KT: we get so many, so it's not hard to select these.
[29:44] KT: The next one says, please help us. Hi KT and Suze,
[29:49] KT: I'm writing to get advice on my mother's behalf. My
[29:53] KT: mother has $87,000 in an annuity that will expire in 2028. Today,
[30:01] KT: the surrender charge is $6,000.
[30:03] KT: Is she allowed to roll this money from her annuity
[30:08] KT: to her new Roth IRA at Fidelity? Should she pay
[30:12] KT: the surrender charge and do the transfer or wait until
[30:16] KT: it expires in 2028?
[30:20] KT: So that's, um, that's only in two years. My mom's 78.
[30:24] KT: She's on Social Security and has the $250 a month
[30:29] KT: RMD from her annuity. She lives alone. She's in good health.
[30:35] KT: She also lives in elderly housing, which is based on
[30:39] KT: her income. Will her housing be affected if she does
[30:43] KT: transfers until the annuity is all depleted? Thank you from Boston.
[30:48] Suze: Yeah. Listen, there's no reason to surrender this on any level,
[30:54] Suze: to take a $6000 hit, which is two years of
[31:00] Suze: your mother's income at $250 a month, essentially, right? Why
[31:05] Suze: would you do that? That makes absolutely no sense. So
[31:10] Suze: you're gonna leave it right where it is, and she's
[31:13] Suze: going to continue to live off of it.
[31:16] Suze: Next, I want you all to stop thinking about just
[31:21] Suze: because you have money in a pre-tax retirement account that
[31:24] Suze: you have to convert this money. What you do is
[31:28] Suze: you leave it where it is, or you do an
[31:31] Suze: IRA rollover to uh IRA rather than an annuity and
[31:37] Suze: continue to take the money out monthly. That's it and
[31:41] Suze: live off of it.
[31:42] Suze: So, you are not going to do what? You're not
[31:46] Suze: going to surrender it. Number two, you are not going
[31:49] Suze: to roll it over and convert it. You're not gonna
[31:52] Suze: do that. And the truth of the matter is, if
[31:55] Suze: you keep just taking out the money monthly, whatever it
[31:59] Suze: is like you are, it's not gonna affect your mom's housing.
[32:03] Suze: Because why? Her income is always going to be low,
[32:07] Suze: because you just can't take out a big lump sum
[32:09] Suze: at one point, and then what are you going to
[32:11] Suze: do with it? You're going to screw everything up, so
[32:13] Suze: just don't do it. But this is another example, of
[32:18] Suze: a mother, now having to be dependent on her child,
[32:24] Suze: her daughter, to make financial decisions for her.
[32:30] Suze: And again the question has to be asked and answered.
[32:34] Suze: What if this person didn't have me to write into?
[32:40] Suze: And they asked this question to somebody who was like, Oh, absolutely,
[32:45] Suze: take the surrender charge. I'll put you in this investment.
[32:48] Suze: I'll do this. I'll do that, and your mother will
[32:50] Suze: be fine. And all of it was simply because, why
[32:54] Suze: they can make commission on the $80,000 that would have
[32:58] Suze: been left after the surrender charge.
[33:02] Suze: You have to be educated people. That's one of the
[33:05] Suze: reasons why, seriously, the Women and Money podcast is so really,
[33:10] Suze: really important. And while I know there are so many
[33:14] Suze: of you out there, all you want to hear about
[33:16] Suze: is what stock, what ETF, what about the market, Suze?
[33:20] Suze: The markets went down, the markets are, what should I do?
[33:22] Suze: There is so much more to money than the stock market,
[33:27] Suze: the bond market.
[33:29] Suze: This is the family market we're talking about and I
[33:33] Suze: don't want any of your family members to ever be
[33:35] Suze: put on sale. I want them to be treasures, each
[33:39] Suze: and every one of them. I want them to live
[33:42] Suze: great lives where everything goes the way that it should and.
[33:45] Suze: You have control over that, believe it or not, you
[33:47] Suze: don't really have control over the markets, but you have
[33:51] Suze: control over learning about money, learning about family matters, and
[33:57] Suze: learning how to say no out of love for yourself
[34:01] Suze: versus yes out of fear that somebody else won't like you,
[34:06] Suze: needs you, your money's more important for them say no
[34:11] Suze: out of love for yourself, got that, everybody. Did that
[34:15] Suze: make sense, KT?
[34:16] KT: That makes me very emotional.
[34:19] Suze: Now with that said...
[34:21] Suze: KT and I have decided to say no out of
[34:26] Suze: love for ourselves, and what we're saying no to is this.
[34:33] Suze: Do you want to tell him, KT?
[34:34] KT: Yeah, we decided it's the end of the summer, and
[34:37] KT: we promised everyone's summer schedule was one podcast a week,
[34:42] KT: not two. Well, we looked at each other. I said, Suze,
[34:45] KT: we need to make a big decision.
[34:47] KT: Are we gonna put ourselves first and continue our travel
[34:51] KT: and our adventure plan for the remainder of this year or..
[34:55] Suze: The rest of our lives... right, and we both decided...
[34:59] KT: We decided, yes, we're gonna do one, definitely give everyone
[35:03] KT: one podcast a week or possibly more depending upon what the needs are.
[35:07] Suze: If, if the markets crash, if something happens, I'll do
[35:10] Suze: a pop up.
[35:11] KT: But we're gonna be gone a good part of October.
[35:14] KT: We're gonna be gone possibly a good part of the
[35:17] KT: end of November. And when I say gone like in
[35:20] KT: other countries, so we're really spreading our wings and we're very,
[35:25] KT: very happy to be exploring and helping others in other countries.
[35:31] KT: Suze's doing amazing work in Kenya, everyone, and maybe for
[35:35] KT: those of you that don't know, she's going there.
[35:39] Suze: Oh, don't cry. Why are you crying? We made it
[35:43] Suze: through this podcast without crying.
[35:45] KT: No, we're so, I'm so, I wish they could all
[35:47] KT: see what you do. I wish you all knew what
[35:50] KT: she does. Tell them.
[35:53] Suze: I don't have to tell them, but I think KT
[35:56] Suze: and her love for me is telling you. But so
[35:58] Suze: we are going to be saying no out of love
[36:01] Suze: for ourselves versus yes, out of how all of you
[36:06] Suze: are gonna react. We're only gonna have one new podcast
[36:10] Suze: a week every Sunday.
[36:12] Suze: And for the rest of this year, Robert will keep
[36:14] Suze: doing the best of on Thursdays, but starting next year,
[36:19] Suze: there will be only one podcast every Sunday and not
[36:26] Suze: the best of on Thursday because you can just go
[36:30] Suze: and listen to all of them because they're all the
[36:32] Suze: best of if you ask me. So I hope that's
[36:35] Suze: OK with you.
[36:37] Suze: Are you ready to say goodbye KT? Have you gotten
[36:40] Suze: your composure back?
[36:42] KT: No, I have not.
[36:44] KT: We want to wish all of our Jewish friends a
[36:47] KT: very happy New Year. Much health, and..
[36:50] Suze: L'shanah tovah, everybody.
[36:52] KT: Remember, everyone, people first, which means what you, then money,
[36:59] KT: then things.
[37:00] Suze: Now, you stay safe and know that we love you.
[37:03] Suze: All right, bye bye.

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