# Dear Banya: A Sock for Every Foot

An episode of [Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1279955329), 29 Jan 2026, 33 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/arttrk.com/p/D5CA5/pdst.fm/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/009b23ef-9bd1-4caf-a592-ae3101631380/a15c2ff3-0917-4704-9cf5-b3e001609b31/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=7e804438-d6f3-48a0-9de8-ae310163138e

Becca and Tanya are here to attempt to help some Scrubbers with another round of Dear Banya! A Scrubber is seeing a new guy who is definitely into her… from her head to her toes. How would you handle something “unique” in the bedroom?? What do you do about a nosy neighbor?? And last week we discussed rescinding an invite, but what’s the etiquette on taking back an RSVP as a guest… to a destination wedding! Plus, how would Becca and Tanya react if “People We Meet on Vacation” happened to them?? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio.
[0:04] Speaker 2: And two time People's Choice Award winning podcast.
[0:11] Speaker 3: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
[0:16] Speaker 4: What's going on, Tanya? What's with the question in your voice?
[0:18] Speaker 1: Well?
[0:18] Speaker 5: I thought we were going to use the jingle off? Yeah,
[0:22] Speaker 5: we still scrub in.
[0:23] Speaker 1: No, so he has two options and you guys have
[0:26] Speaker 1: a choice to make which one you like better.
[0:29] Speaker 4: Are you ready for this?
[0:30] Speaker 3: Yeah?
[0:30] Speaker 5: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no yet?
[0:32] Speaker 4: Well yeah, okay, that's shitty chat.
[0:35] Speaker 2: Come no, no, I think we want to start the
[0:37] Speaker 2: episodes of Dear Bunny with a jingle.
[0:39] Speaker 5: So I feel like we Oh, I want to start
[0:41] Speaker 5: that right before we go into the emails.
[0:43] Speaker 3: Yeah, like no, oh, I see what you're seeing.
[0:45] Speaker 5: What I mean, like that'll be our transition into like
[0:47] Speaker 5: the email starting.
[0:49] Speaker 3: Yeah, we're just gonna chit chat right now.
[0:50] Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, like i'd love to hang out with you.
[1:00] Speaker 3: I do. Yeah.
[1:01] Speaker 5: I haven't done much hanging since like early December.
[1:07] Speaker 3: And really, yeah, what do you mean?
[1:10] Speaker 5: Like I haven't really been social, Like I just started
[1:13] Speaker 5: being every weekend in the last two weeks. I've been
[1:15] Speaker 5: like more social, but like before that, I wasn't social
[1:21] Speaker 5: for a month and a half. Yeah, that takes a
[1:24] Speaker 5: toll on your friendships.
[1:26] Speaker 3: Yeah, on your friendships.
[1:29] Speaker 5: Me and you you feel distant?
[1:32] Speaker 3: You do? Wow, thank you for sharing. How do we
[1:41] Speaker 3: How do we read?
[1:42] Speaker 1: You're a very high maintenance friend. That's all I'm saying.
[1:46] Speaker 4: You are.
[1:48] Speaker 1: Friends can go a couple of months. It doesn't mean anything.
[1:50] Speaker 1: It doesn't create distance. It just happens. It's life.
[1:52] Speaker 6: Well.
[1:53] Speaker 2: I also think it's hard because we do the podcast
[1:55] Speaker 2: weekly and so it takes it like if we weren't
[1:58] Speaker 2: doing the podcast knowing we'd see each other, we would
[2:01] Speaker 2: be like we would have to make time to like
[2:04] Speaker 2: get together and hang out.
[2:06] Speaker 3: But there's it kind of takes the.
[2:07] Speaker 5: Pressure off because we're going to see each other.
[2:09] Speaker 2: Because we know we're going to see each other, so
[2:11] Speaker 2: it's like, oh, if we Because last weekend I was
[2:13] Speaker 2: planning on hanging out with you because we had talked
[2:15] Speaker 2: about that, and then I had to go to New
[2:17] Speaker 2: York class minute, you know what I'm saying. So it's
[2:19] Speaker 2: like but then I knew I was going to see
[2:21] Speaker 2: you Monday, so I had that sense of like, oh.
[2:24] Speaker 5: I want to see her today, I see I see.
[2:27] Speaker 2: But I think if you if we didn't do the
[2:28] Speaker 2: podcast together weekly, it'd be like, oh my gosh, what
[2:30] Speaker 2: are we going to do?
[2:31] Speaker 3: How are we going to catch up?
[2:32] Speaker 2: You know?
[2:33] Speaker 5: Yeah? But what would you like for us to do
[2:37] Speaker 5: to to maintenance friend? He says, just.
[2:40] Speaker 1: As an outsider's perspective, it seems to me. I'm not
[2:44] Speaker 1: saying you're not, but it just seems I'm maintenance a
[2:47] Speaker 1: lot of the times that you require a certain amount
[2:49] Speaker 1: of social time per month.
[2:52] Speaker 2: I I don't think you're a high maintenance friend.
[2:55] Speaker 4: Well she would know better than I. Perhaps I'm wrong.
[2:59] Speaker 2: I actually because I myself am quite low maintenance.
[3:04] Speaker 3: I attract some highmaidens.
[3:06] Speaker 2: I like a little high maintenance energy keeps me on
[3:09] Speaker 2: my toes, you know. Otherwise, Like what am I doing
[3:11] Speaker 2: just sitting in my bed.
[3:12] Speaker 3: All day laying?
[3:15] Speaker 1: You know?
[3:15] Speaker 5: Yeah?
[3:16] Speaker 2: When you have someone who needs you can't just lay. No,
[3:19] Speaker 2: you got to be up and at him.
[3:21] Speaker 5: You got to be up and at him.
[3:22] Speaker 3: So what would you like to do to reconnect?
[3:24] Speaker 5: I don't know, Maybe dinner at like our cute little place,
[3:27] Speaker 5: which one our little seafood shack, what my ova.
[3:34] Speaker 4: Just name it. It's not gonna be overrun with you. No,
[3:36] Speaker 4: I'm not talking.
[3:37] Speaker 5: About that, but do you want to know that this
[3:39] Speaker 5: is seafood shock Beverly Hills, like upscale restaurant.
[3:45] Speaker 3: I was like, where do we wait?
[3:47] Speaker 5: Can I tell you the sweetest little story pictures of
[3:51] Speaker 5: this place?
[3:51] Speaker 2: Wait?
[3:51] Speaker 4: Can I tell you this seafood shack.
[3:55] Speaker 5: Not a shock, It's not a shack at all. Can
[3:57] Speaker 5: I tell you the sweetest story?
[3:58] Speaker 2: Though?
[3:59] Speaker 5: We took my parent parents there when they were in town.
[4:02] Speaker 5: And they have these towels. Okay, they give you these
[4:04] Speaker 5: towels that are like this big. You're not looking it's
[4:07] Speaker 5: like small, okay, And then they put on a plate
[4:09] Speaker 5: and they pour hot water on it, and then they
[4:11] Speaker 5: like fill up and they're like towels to wipe your
[4:13] Speaker 5: hands with, right, So they're filling up the things and
[4:18] Speaker 5: my dad asks the waiter, He's like, what is this
[4:21] Speaker 5: And he was like, it's a marshmallow like kind of
[4:24] Speaker 5: like wink, like a wink in a nudge And my
[4:25] Speaker 5: dad thought it was and he like, I, I guess
[4:31] Speaker 5: you had to be there because I I have not
[4:35] Speaker 5: laughed that hard I think in like a year, Like
[4:38] Speaker 5: I was belly laughing. I was hurting it was like,
[4:41] Speaker 5: I was laughing so hard, I was crying. I was like, wow, Dad,
[4:45] Speaker 5: I like needed that that laugh.
[4:48] Speaker 2: That just shows the level of this shack that she's
[4:50] Speaker 2: talking about. They bring a moist tale at that they
[4:54] Speaker 2: that grows for you. Right.
[4:56] Speaker 5: I didn't mean that it was an actual shack. I
[4:59] Speaker 5: just meant like, I like a seafood.
[5:01] Speaker 3: Shot, I know, but our little Yeah, we should go
[5:04] Speaker 3: to Malbou. Have you been a Malbou seafood?
[5:06] Speaker 5: Have not?
[5:07] Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, it's like one of our favorite spots.
[5:08] Speaker 3: It's amazing.
[5:09] Speaker 2: It's not a shock, but it is a little like
[5:11] Speaker 2: beechy vibe.
[5:13] Speaker 3: Yeah, delicious seafood.
[5:15] Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd love to go get a nice dinner with
[5:17] Speaker 2: you at Ovra and that that drink that they have
[5:21] Speaker 2: a passion fruit one my favorite.
[5:24] Speaker 5: I'm not drinking right now.
[5:25] Speaker 3: That's all I can.
[5:26] Speaker 5: Yeah, please enjoy for the both of them.
[5:29] Speaker 1: Yeah, but what does that mean? We went through this
[5:30] Speaker 1: in the Morning Show. You're not drinking all except when.
[5:33] Speaker 5: You drink no like zero like literally zero.
[5:36] Speaker 4: But so bottle of a cadglass of wine.
[5:39] Speaker 5: I haven't had a sip of drink since before Thanksgiving.
[5:41] Speaker 1: You've had a sip since before Thanksgiving. Wow, Okay, so
[5:44] Speaker 1: you are not drinking right now.
[5:45] Speaker 5: I'm not drinking right I probably won't drink for a
[5:47] Speaker 5: while because I'm trying to kind of also get more.
[5:52] Speaker 5: Like Robbie started juicing for me, and he's like, we're
[5:55] Speaker 5: trying to do home cooked meals and trying to just
[5:57] Speaker 5: get as much nutrition in my body just because I
[5:59] Speaker 5: feel like I've been depleted of it. So just trying
[6:04] Speaker 5: to like really hone in there. Yeah, yeah, nourish the
[6:09] Speaker 5: bod nurse.
[6:10] Speaker 4: The more studies that come out, the more it's clear
[6:12] Speaker 4: that alcohol is not great.
[6:14] Speaker 5: Yes, correct, And I'm trying to get my insides as
[6:18] Speaker 5: tip top in tiptop as they possibly can well at
[6:22] Speaker 5: the current moment.
[6:23] Speaker 4: Yeah, charge it.
[6:25] Speaker 5: Charge it?
[6:27] Speaker 2: Shall we get into the Disney busy beer Deervonya.
[6:31] Speaker 1: There is option number one for jingles. Now again, Easton
[6:34] Speaker 1: took yours. So but if you've missed last week, you
[6:36] Speaker 1: two came up kind of improvised a jingle for dear Bonya.
[6:40] Speaker 2: Say the three of us involved.
[6:44] Speaker 1: He took your singing Becca an Tanya's I actually and
[6:48] Speaker 1: added music to it.
[6:49] Speaker 4: Okay, here we go. Option number one.
[6:51] Speaker 6: You're gonna call with the question on you.
[6:55] Speaker 5: I have idea, dear Bonya.
[7:00] Speaker 1: It's a little lullaby, by the way, that is eastern
[7:02] Speaker 1: on the glock and spiel.
[7:05] Speaker 5: Oh the little noise, the little keyboard you hear piano.
[7:09] Speaker 4: Looks like a piano, but has a different tone to it.
[7:11] Speaker 5: It sounds like a loolabye a little bit.
[7:12] Speaker 4: Yeah, that was him. That was not you know, AI
[7:16] Speaker 4: or something. All right. Number two, Well, this one's not
[7:21] Speaker 4: as much, but here we go.
[7:22] Speaker 6: You're gonna call with the question on you.
[7:26] Speaker 5: I have idea deer bonya. That's it.
[7:31] Speaker 3: It's the music not quite lighting up with.
[7:36] Speaker 4: I think you're right, but this is what we have.
[7:37] Speaker 4: These are the two options.
[7:40] Speaker 5: One more time.
[7:40] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, run it back.
[7:43] Speaker 4: Number one, glock and Spiel.
[7:45] Speaker 6: You're gonna call with the question on you.
[7:49] Speaker 5: I have idea deer bonya. It's a little sleepy.
[7:54] Speaker 3: It makes me tired.
[7:55] Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, and this is the one that may
[7:57] Speaker 1: or may not have been assisted by chat B two.
[8:00] Speaker 6: You're gonna call with the question on you.
[8:04] Speaker 5: I have idea dear Yeah. The dear bonya comes in
[8:09] Speaker 5: a little quick.
[8:10] Speaker 2: The whole thing feels slightly off the beat, but that's
[8:14] Speaker 2: so us. Yeah, but the sound kind of it's kind
[8:17] Speaker 2: of like Miss Rachel or something.
[8:21] Speaker 3: So maybe we need something a little more mature pop.
[8:26] Speaker 3: Mature pop.
[8:30] Speaker 4: But we're we're off taking Starton is heading to New York.
[8:33] Speaker 4: By the way, what maybe I'm not supposed to say.
[8:36] Speaker 1: I don't know, but he's gonna go see Weeds.
[8:40] Speaker 3: Happy for him.
[8:41] Speaker 5: I like I like the second one. I say, we
[8:43] Speaker 5: go with it.
[8:43] Speaker 3: No, I'm not. I think it can be better, and that.
[8:51] Speaker 5: The charge it to the game.
[8:52] Speaker 4: Here we go, and now it's time for.
[8:58] Speaker 2: I have idea maybe sped up a little bit too.
[9:04] Speaker 4: Yeah, Bega, Tanya Easton and Mark.
[9:06] Speaker 1: This is from anonymous day one scrubber here active member
[9:09] Speaker 1: in the Facebook group immediate listener when episodes drop. Thank
[9:11] Speaker 1: you for being a constant place of joy. I'm thirty three,
[9:14] Speaker 1: single for years, finally met someone that feels different. We
[9:17] Speaker 1: have so much in common, communicate well, and are extremely
[9:19] Speaker 1: attracted to each other. It's still early days and I'm
[9:22] Speaker 1: trying not to get my hopes up too high while
[9:24] Speaker 1: also not sabotaging it. While texting one night, he let
[9:27] Speaker 1: me know that he has a foot fetish.
[9:29] Speaker 5: Oh yeah, to.
[9:30] Speaker 1: Be honest, I wasn't immediately freaked out, but curious. I
[9:33] Speaker 1: asked what that means to him, and to the extent
[9:35] Speaker 1: he said, I just like when they're taken care of
[9:38] Speaker 1: and they look nice, nice paint job and smooth. Maybe
[9:41] Speaker 1: suck on the toes a little and kiss them during
[9:43] Speaker 1: certain moments. Since then, he's made comments about sucking on
[9:47] Speaker 1: my toes. Not in an overly weird way, no, of
[9:50] Speaker 1: course not, but I feel like when he said maybe
[9:54] Speaker 1: sucking the toes a little, he may have downplanted a bit.
[9:57] Speaker 1: I guess my question here is how do I stay
[9:59] Speaker 1: open to the idea as we continue to get to
[10:02] Speaker 1: know each other. Feet don't freak me out. I don't
[10:04] Speaker 1: mind having my feet touched. I actually if this could
[10:06] Speaker 1: benefit me, since he said he'd love to give me
[10:08] Speaker 1: foot massages often. I guess my hesitation comes from not
[10:11] Speaker 1: having experience with that and the taboo nature are on
[10:14] Speaker 1: foot fetishes in general. What if he's the guy of
[10:17] Speaker 1: my dreams and I just didn't know until now that
[10:19] Speaker 1: my guy would be so in defeat signed are my
[10:22] Speaker 1: toes and me ready?
[10:28] Speaker 3: I have a couple thoughts.
[10:30] Speaker 2: So my first thought is, I think your reaction is
[10:36] Speaker 2: totally valid, like being feeling new and having a new
[10:40] Speaker 2: experience with someone who's.
[10:42] Speaker 3: Has a fetish that you haven't navigated before.
[10:47] Speaker 2: My other thought is I appreciate his honesty about this
[10:51] Speaker 2: because I think so many people don't get what they
[10:54] Speaker 2: want in relationships, specifically or sexually because they're not it's
[10:58] Speaker 2: too vulnerable to admit that they're into. Maybe you'll like
[11:03] Speaker 2: someone paying such close attention to your feet, you know, like,
[11:06] Speaker 2: maybe you'll I mean, I agree, take advantage of getting
[11:09] Speaker 2: a foot massage whenever you want.
[11:11] Speaker 5: So I'm with you on this.
[11:13] Speaker 3: We had a whole.
[11:14] Speaker 2: Episode about toe sucking because you were questioning toe sucking.
[11:19] Speaker 5: Yes, so I have never the fetisher. Yeah, well that's
[11:22] Speaker 5: not a fetish being curious about something, is it? I
[11:26] Speaker 5: don't think so. But so I'm with beck on that
[11:32] Speaker 5: I appreciate that he's vocal and that he can be
[11:34] Speaker 5: honest about it. My only concern here is what if
[11:39] Speaker 5: this is just him dipping his toe in? Like, what
[11:46] Speaker 5: if he has other fetishes that aren't.
[11:50] Speaker 4: Is that a thing?
[11:51] Speaker 1: If if someone has a fetish, they may have multiple fetishes, Well,
[11:55] Speaker 1: that's going to take too much time to tap out.
[11:57] Speaker 4: I think we should focus on the show.
[11:58] Speaker 2: I think it could be either way. I could this
[12:00] Speaker 2: could be one of his fetishes. But that's what I'm saying.
[12:03] Speaker 2: He's not trying to hide it. He like straight up
[12:05] Speaker 2: was like I like feet, I want to suck on toes,
[12:10] Speaker 2: and like.
[12:11] Speaker 5: Like, what if this is one of like a plethora
[12:14] Speaker 5: of fetishes he enjoys.
[12:16] Speaker 3: Because then but then she can deal with it.
[12:18] Speaker 5: Because like the foot thing, I could handle. I think
[12:22] Speaker 5: I've never had to navigate that personally, but I think
[12:24] Speaker 5: I would be fine with the feet thing. It's like,
[12:26] Speaker 5: if it were was to flow into other areas, I
[12:30] Speaker 5: think that would make me nervous.
[12:32] Speaker 4: What would be a red flag fetish for you, Tanya?
[12:37] Speaker 5: I don't want to say, because I feel like some
[12:38] Speaker 5: people are like into this, sure, no judgment, Like yeah,
[12:42] Speaker 5: this is like bondage. Yeah, I don't think i'd like that.
[12:46] Speaker 1: Okay, let's say Robbie is exactly Robbie and he said
[12:49] Speaker 1: to you, Hey, I think it'd be cool if you
[12:52] Speaker 1: tied me up.
[12:53] Speaker 5: I think it would. I think I would be scared.
[12:55] Speaker 4: You'd be scared of that.
[12:56] Speaker 5: I think so.
[12:57] Speaker 2: Yeah, even like like after you decided that you were
[13:01] Speaker 2: in love with him, and he confessed that it's hard.
[13:04] Speaker 5: To say, but like, yeah, I think it would.
[13:07] Speaker 2: Like what about now if he was like, by the
[13:08] Speaker 2: way I have, like, you're married, So like what if
[13:10] Speaker 2: he finally felt vulnerable enough to.
[13:12] Speaker 5: Well, I think that's what happens with some people and
[13:14] Speaker 5: why they get divorced because they like morph into like
[13:16] Speaker 5: different people. So that is like a possible Well I'm
[13:20] Speaker 5: not even gonna go there for me, but like in general.
[13:22] Speaker 4: Right, that would be cause for concern.
[13:25] Speaker 1: If he brought out some silk scarves and said, tonight's
[13:28] Speaker 1: the night I would like you to tie me up.
[13:32] Speaker 5: I think I'd be uncomfortable with it.
[13:34] Speaker 4: Yeah, well but that's fine. That's fine. I think that's fine.
[13:37] Speaker 5: Right.
[13:39] Speaker 4: I'm not saying I would be fine.
[13:41] Speaker 2: You are.
[13:41] Speaker 5: You guys are both saying your partners came to you
[13:45] Speaker 5: and said, let's have a little silk sash, tie me
[13:49] Speaker 5: to the bed. You'd be chill.
[13:50] Speaker 3: You'd be like, yeah, babe, well I guess I would.
[13:53] Speaker 3: I I don't know.
[13:54] Speaker 2: I feel like I trust Haley, So like if that's
[13:56] Speaker 2: what she wanted, and I was like, okay, if that's
[13:59] Speaker 2: what you need.
[14:01] Speaker 5: Every night, and the next night she's putting a ball
[14:05] Speaker 5: in your mouth.
[14:07] Speaker 2: Well, if it was me, if it was like based
[14:09] Speaker 2: on things that were happening to my body, I would
[14:12] Speaker 2: have boundaries.
[14:14] Speaker 3: I don't want a ball in my mouth, nor do I.
[14:18] Speaker 2: But I'm just okay, now we're gotten on topic here,
[14:21] Speaker 2: So okay, here's my thing.
[14:22] Speaker 3: If you immediately feel uncomfortable.
[14:24] Speaker 2: My thing with anything is if it makes you feel
[14:27] Speaker 2: uncomfortable in a way that's like my spidy senses are
[14:30] Speaker 2: going off in a way that my my nervous system
[14:33] Speaker 2: feels unsettled, then I don't think there's even reason to
[14:38] Speaker 2: continue the relationship, because that's that's like your body telling
[14:42] Speaker 2: you something. If you're like, WHOA, this is new and
[14:44] Speaker 2: I've never had this experience. But I like this guy,
[14:47] Speaker 2: and he's at least being honest and vulnerable with me.
[14:50] Speaker 2: I'm gonna see what this looks like, and you want
[14:52] Speaker 2: to give it a shot, go for it. If it
[14:54] Speaker 2: turns into something more and he has other fetishes that
[14:56] Speaker 2: you're uncomfortable with, then then you navigate it as they
[14:59] Speaker 2: come by. But I don't know, I don't think this
[15:01] Speaker 2: is like it. I personally don't think it's a deal breaker.
[15:03] Speaker 2: I think he's being honest about what he likes, and
[15:06] Speaker 2: I think that a lot of people aren't and that
[15:08] Speaker 2: leads to other problems.
[15:09] Speaker 5: Yeah, and I also think it's like public perception of
[15:11] Speaker 5: these things too, like what's wrong with the little foot fetish?
[15:15] Speaker 2: I think a lot of people have a foot fetish.
[15:18] Speaker 2: There's a whole website about how people's feet look. And I,
[15:22] Speaker 2: you know, like, it's not an uncommon thing. And I
[15:25] Speaker 2: think that he's just telling you up front, and I
[15:29] Speaker 2: don't know, I'm not bothered by it for you, but
[15:31] Speaker 2: if there's other things that he does that this adds
[15:34] Speaker 2: to an unsettled feeling, then you listen to that. Yeah,
[15:39] Speaker 2: But what I think is a lot of people write
[15:42] Speaker 2: in and they're like, I don't feel like remember we
[15:46] Speaker 2: had that sex therapist on and or a couple therapists.
[15:50] Speaker 3: I don't know if you were there. I may have
[15:51] Speaker 3: done it by myself. No, I think you were there.
[15:54] Speaker 2: But she was saying basically, a lot of people have
[15:56] Speaker 2: needs and they don't talk about what their needs are
[15:58] Speaker 2: because it's too vulnerable or the press of it prevents
[16:01] Speaker 2: them from it. So then they're never satisfied, and that
[16:03] Speaker 2: leads to other issues in the relationship. So maybe he
[16:06] Speaker 2: was in a relationship and it became a problem. So
[16:08] Speaker 2: he's like, I'm just gonna be upfront about this when
[16:10] Speaker 2: I meet people so that there's no surprises.
[16:12] Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.
[16:14] Speaker 5: This guy like, well, we don't have to go down
[16:16] Speaker 5: that path. What I didn't know this was a real
[16:21] Speaker 5: thing I saw in our Facebook group, but that there's
[16:23] Speaker 5: like sex parties. Oh and people go and you like
[16:27] Speaker 5: watch people have sex and like you like watch them.
[16:32] Speaker 4: So the entertainment at the party.
[16:33] Speaker 5: Is a couple and I don't know if you like
[16:37] Speaker 5: buy tickets to.
[16:38] Speaker 4: It or it's a public thing. Yeah, oh interesting.
[16:43] Speaker 5: Yeah, listen, there's a lot of like interests and people
[16:46] Speaker 5: that go. So it's like again like do you do you?
[16:49] Speaker 5: But like there's so much there's a sock for every foot.
[16:52] Speaker 3: Is basically well, you're throwing the puns around. It's professional
[16:57] Speaker 3: level today. Thank you, good luck, anymous please update us.
[17:01] Speaker 4: All please you're hilarious. Coming up next.
[17:04] Speaker 1: If you agree to attend a destination wedding, are you
[17:08] Speaker 1: allowed to change your mind and take back your yes?
[17:12] Speaker 5: Well it depends.
[17:13] Speaker 4: Well we'll get all the details coming up next.
[17:32] Speaker 3: We're back.
[17:33] Speaker 1: Here we go dear Banya and Meston, thank you so
[17:36] Speaker 1: much for always providing such joy and entertainment every week
[17:39] Speaker 1: and my day one Scrubb I look forward to every
[17:41] Speaker 1: single new episode.
[17:41] Speaker 4: You guys are the best.
[17:42] Speaker 1: A few months ago, I told one of my close
[17:44] Speaker 1: friends that I'd be able to attend her destination wedding
[17:46] Speaker 1: in Italy. At the time, it felt doable and super exciting.
[17:50] Speaker 1: But as the date gets closer, I'm realizing how much
[17:52] Speaker 1: has changed for me since we last talked about it.
[17:55] Speaker 1: In the past few months, I've had a death in
[17:56] Speaker 1: the family, along with some ongoing family drama that's been
[17:58] Speaker 1: emotionally draining. Money's become much tighter than I expected when
[18:03] Speaker 1: we talked about the wedding four months ago. I thought
[18:05] Speaker 1: I'd be in a different place by now, but the
[18:06] Speaker 1: reality is planning an international trip, even one that's still
[18:09] Speaker 1: months away, feels out of reach for me at the moment.
[18:12] Speaker 1: The RCAP is due in a few weeks and the
[18:13] Speaker 1: wedding is at the end of July. What makes this
[18:15] Speaker 1: even harder is that it's a small wedding. Only a
[18:17] Speaker 1: handful of friends are invited. I feel like saying no
[18:19] Speaker 1: now I would be letting her down in a big
[18:21] Speaker 1: way after originally said yes. I don't want to hurt her,
[18:24] Speaker 1: and I don't want to feel like I don't care,
[18:26] Speaker 1: because I do. But I'm struggling to balance being a
[18:28] Speaker 1: good friend with being honest. But where I am emotionally
[18:30] Speaker 1: and financially right now? How do you know when it's
[18:33] Speaker 1: okay to change your mind even when you've said yes?
[18:35] Speaker 1: And how do you have that conversation without feeling the
[18:37] Speaker 1: worst friend ever? I feel like anything I say is
[18:39] Speaker 1: going to sell like an excuse, but it is just
[18:41] Speaker 1: the truth.
[18:41] Speaker 4: Love you all so much.
[18:45] Speaker 3: I mean, you recently got married and dealt with invites
[18:49] Speaker 3: and stuff. How did you navigate that?
[18:52] Speaker 5: I think if you give people enough time, I think
[18:56] Speaker 5: it's okay. And you're saying this wedding is until the
[18:58] Speaker 5: end of July, so she plenty of time. So I
[19:01] Speaker 5: think it's totally fine and valid and you can explain
[19:06] Speaker 5: what's going on like I don't. I don't see any
[19:08] Speaker 5: issue with you changing your RCP at this point. If
[19:12] Speaker 5: you were going to do it in June, I would
[19:15] Speaker 5: I would say she might hate you for a short
[19:19] Speaker 5: period of time, but even June, I feel like I
[19:21] Speaker 5: had I feel like I had somebody cancel a few
[19:26] Speaker 5: weeks out and it was still fine. I think it's okay,
[19:31] Speaker 5: especially with what you're going through.
[19:33] Speaker 6: Yeah, I think.
[19:34] Speaker 2: I think when you choose a destination wedding, you kind
[19:37] Speaker 2: of have to be prepared for people to be going
[19:41] Speaker 2: through things in life and it being a financial burden
[19:43] Speaker 2: and under be a little more understanding because it's a
[19:47] Speaker 2: big to do to plan a trip and have to
[19:49] Speaker 2: pay for hotel, flights, all the things.
[19:51] Speaker 3: So I think I agree.
[19:53] Speaker 2: I think you're giving her plenty of time to maybe
[19:55] Speaker 2: invite another friend that can be there. I think you
[19:58] Speaker 2: have a conversation, maybe take her to dinner or I
[20:00] Speaker 2: don't know if she's a friend that lives in the
[20:02] Speaker 2: same place as you, But I think you have a
[20:06] Speaker 2: in person or at least on the phone conversation with
[20:09] Speaker 2: her so she can hear your tone and hear how
[20:12] Speaker 2: bummed you are and how you know sad you are
[20:14] Speaker 2: to miss it, but know that you're just in a
[20:17] Speaker 2: place where it's just too hard to even think about.
[20:19] Speaker 2: And she might offer either to help if she really
[20:22] Speaker 2: wants you there, and she might or she might just
[20:24] Speaker 2: be understanding.
[20:24] Speaker 3: And I think if she's bummed.
[20:26] Speaker 2: That's totally valid and is also just like her being
[20:30] Speaker 2: bummed is just her wanting you to be there, Like
[20:32] Speaker 2: that's just her love for you and wanting to be
[20:34] Speaker 2: there to celebrate.
[20:35] Speaker 5: I think there's like two types of brides out there,
[20:39] Speaker 5: and like I think some people take this stuff very
[20:41] Speaker 5: personally and if like you're not there, you're cut and
[20:44] Speaker 5: you're this and you're that. And then there's some people
[20:47] Speaker 5: who just understand that, like things happen. Like I had
[20:51] Speaker 5: a friend who couldn't come. I don't want to say
[20:53] Speaker 5: it was last minute, but he had a work thing
[20:56] Speaker 5: pop up, and I understand that, like works out in
[21:00] Speaker 5: this industry is very cutthrow and it's very crazy, and
[21:03] Speaker 5: so I totally understood the decision. I was sad and
[21:05] Speaker 5: I was bummed, but like I totally understood.
[21:08] Speaker 3: So it's like I.
[21:09] Speaker 5: Think that if this is a friend that's so close
[21:12] Speaker 5: to you, I think she'll understand. I think you're giving
[21:14] Speaker 5: her plenty of time to figure it out, and I
[21:17] Speaker 5: think it to do it's best for you.
[21:20] Speaker 3: I also think the thing that.
[21:23] Speaker 2: You having the conversation and her being able to understand it,
[21:27] Speaker 2: as opposed to you just being like hey, I can't
[21:29] Speaker 2: go right. We'll give her understanding and a little more
[21:33] Speaker 2: grace with the situation. But I think you do what
[21:36] Speaker 2: you have to do.
[21:38] Speaker 1: Another're anonymous, Dear Beca, Tanya Mark and Eastern. I'm such
[21:42] Speaker 1: a huge fan of the podcast. Thank you for everything
[21:44] Speaker 1: you're do in writing, so much joy and so many laughs.
[21:45] Speaker 1: I love listening to my commute to work and laughing
[21:47] Speaker 1: out loud in the car.
[21:48] Speaker 4: You guys are the best.
[21:50] Speaker 1: I need help with how to deal with what might
[21:51] Speaker 1: be the nosiest neighbor.
[21:53] Speaker 4: Of all time.
[21:58] Speaker 5: I'm not nosy.
[22:00] Speaker 4: My gay partner and I are moving out of our home.
[22:04] Speaker 1: My neighbor texts me at all hours of the day
[22:06] Speaker 1: and night with constant updates about what's happening in our
[22:08] Speaker 1: town and our neighborhood. Things he's seen, things he's heard,
[22:11] Speaker 1: questions like where's the family next door?
[22:14] Speaker 4: Ben? It's NonStop.
[22:15] Speaker 1: What makes it even worse that he doesn't know anyone's name,
[22:18] Speaker 1: so he describes our neighbors using the most inappropriate physical
[22:22] Speaker 1: descriptions imaginable and I truly don't think he means any harm,
[22:26] Speaker 1: but it drives me crazy. I don't want to be
[22:28] Speaker 1: rude to tell him to mind his own business, because
[22:30] Speaker 1: at the end of the day, he is my neighbor.
[22:31] Speaker 1: I have to see him regularly. I also don't want
[22:34] Speaker 1: to create tension to be at odds since if he's
[22:36] Speaker 1: this nosy, I guess there's some comfort in knowing he's
[22:39] Speaker 1: probably watching my house too. But at the same time,
[22:42] Speaker 1: the constant text and commentary are really threatening to bug me,
[22:45] Speaker 1: and I don't know how to set boundaries without making
[22:47] Speaker 1: things awkward or hurting his feelings. How do I politely
[22:50] Speaker 1: shut this down or at least ask him to scale
[22:52] Speaker 1: it back while without causing drama. Is there a way
[22:55] Speaker 1: to do it that keeps the peace but gives me
[22:57] Speaker 1: my sanity back?
[22:58] Speaker 4: Thank you?
[23:00] Speaker 2: This is so hard I would I would not know
[23:02] Speaker 2: what to do, But from someone who's not going through it,
[23:05] Speaker 2: I how I would handle it is. I would just say, Hey,
[23:08] Speaker 2: there's so much like going on in the world, and
[23:11] Speaker 2: I'm having a lot of anxiety right now, and I
[23:13] Speaker 2: think you're like getting text updates about things happening in
[23:17] Speaker 2: our neighborhood like kind of is increasing that feeling.
[23:21] Speaker 3: If if there's any way that we can.
[23:24] Speaker 2: Just well, I would just say, if there's something that's
[23:27] Speaker 2: like important that I need to know about. I'm really
[23:30] Speaker 2: grateful to have you like looking out for our neighborhood.
[23:32] Speaker 2: But I think the more updates I get, the more
[23:34] Speaker 2: like anxious it makes me. And I'm just be like,
[23:38] Speaker 2: I'm really grateful that you are looking out for the
[23:41] Speaker 2: neighborhood and you know, keeping an eye on things.
[23:44] Speaker 5: But Becca's going in.
[23:45] Speaker 2: I just I don't think it's fair that someone else's
[23:49] Speaker 2: need to like but that's what you is is becomes
[23:54] Speaker 2: a burden on Like she's writing in to ask advice
[23:57] Speaker 2: about it.
[23:58] Speaker 5: But I think that sometimes people like this, like they
[24:01] Speaker 5: like the drama, they like the like being in it.
[24:03] Speaker 5: They want someone to engage. They're looking for that, right,
[24:06] Speaker 5: So if you stop engaging as much, so maybe and
[24:08] Speaker 5: it's gonna sound like you're playing a game, but like
[24:11] Speaker 5: stop engaging as much, like wait a very long time
[24:13] Speaker 5: to text him back, or maybe just like thumbs up
[24:16] Speaker 5: a text and like don't engage in it. I think
[24:18] Speaker 5: maybe he'll get the hint.
[24:20] Speaker 3: We don't know if she's engaging. She might be doing
[24:22] Speaker 3: that already.
[24:23] Speaker 5: She might be respond well, I'm rating that under the
[24:27] Speaker 5: impression that she's like engaging with this person because and
[24:30] Speaker 5: I have people like that sometimes too, like at work
[24:32] Speaker 5: that just like want to like engage in these things
[24:35] Speaker 5: that I have no interest in engaging, and so I'll
[24:37] Speaker 5: just like respond the next day and being like sorry,
[24:40] Speaker 5: I just saw this, like yeah, you know, because then
[24:43] Speaker 5: like some of this steam, you know, goes down. So
[24:48] Speaker 5: I would just like try to engage less or like
[24:51] Speaker 5: thumbs up instead of like responding with words just like
[24:53] Speaker 5: a thumbs up or you know.
[24:55] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[24:55] Speaker 2: Yeah, I would so limit your like responses to him,
[25:00] Speaker 2: and then if he says, hey, why aren't you responding,
[25:03] Speaker 2: you can just say I get.
[25:05] Speaker 3: A lot of anxiety. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good advice.
[25:07] Speaker 3: That's good advice. I just assume maybe she wasn't.
[25:09] Speaker 5: Already was already just limit for the jugular feels.
[25:13] Speaker 6: Yeah.
[25:13] Speaker 2: I think if you've already just limited yourself to not
[25:17] Speaker 2: responding and only emphasizing the messages and he's still going
[25:20] Speaker 2: and it's still giving him anxiety, then I think you
[25:22] Speaker 2: can he if he says, like, why aren't you responding,
[25:25] Speaker 2: you can just say, hey, I have a lot of
[25:27] Speaker 2: anxiety and this does not help. That's really really hard,
[25:31] Speaker 2: and if you have the means, you should move.
[25:34] Speaker 3: I'm just kidding.
[25:35] Speaker 5: I wish I had, like, not quite that, but I
[25:39] Speaker 5: wish I had more of.
[25:40] Speaker 3: Haley says, I am the neighborhood watch. She says, I'm
[25:43] Speaker 3: so nosy, and.
[25:44] Speaker 2: I'm like, I am not no I'm not like in
[25:46] Speaker 2: people's business, but I do like paying attention to what's
[25:48] Speaker 2: happening mirror us and around us on my apps.
[25:52] Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not telling anyone.
[25:54] Speaker 5: I wish I had a little more of that, like neighborhood,
[25:56] Speaker 5: like camaraderie, prottery. We just don't have.
[25:59] Speaker 3: Maybe the new name moving in you can get to know.
[26:01] Speaker 5: Yes, I will make them a basket.
[26:04] Speaker 1: One thing I really learned, and it's so interesting that
[26:06] Speaker 1: Party says about the way he describes I'm picturing this
[26:09] Speaker 1: guy older because there was an older generation, which is
[26:11] Speaker 1: weird because I'm an older generation. But there's an older
[26:14] Speaker 1: generation that cannot describe people without using physical characteristics. And
[26:18] Speaker 1: I love that about gen Z, how they've kind of
[26:20] Speaker 1: been the engine behind this. You cannot describe someone physically
[26:24] Speaker 1: to them without getting politely corrected. It's their clothes, their
[26:29] Speaker 1: hair color, or nothing else. There's nothing else you could
[26:32] Speaker 1: say when you're trying you know that person, you're up
[26:34] Speaker 1: on stage with that person, you better have their clothes,
[26:37] Speaker 1: you better have their name, or you better have hair color,
[26:39] Speaker 1: because that is it. If you describe them in any
[26:41] Speaker 1: other way, it is wrong and inappropriate. And I respect that,
[26:44] Speaker 1: and I really think that's kind of a cool trend
[26:46] Speaker 1: that's been happening.
[26:47] Speaker 2: But there are some descriptions that aren't. It's it's how
[26:50] Speaker 2: they're spoken that are that is offensive in my opinion,
[26:53] Speaker 2: like there, it's like there, or if it's a if
[26:56] Speaker 2: it's an attribute or physical attribute that's unnecessary.
[27:00] Speaker 3: That's what the older generation does.
[27:02] Speaker 5: They give it the big nose.
[27:04] Speaker 2: They give a detail that you're like that had nothing
[27:08] Speaker 2: to do with the story. But if it's important in
[27:10] Speaker 2: terms of describing what someone looks like, there are physical
[27:13] Speaker 2: attributes that set someone apart from the next person wearing
[27:15] Speaker 2: a red shirt.
[27:16] Speaker 1: I know I have in doing that. Well, I know
[27:19] Speaker 1: something you might even think is complimentary doesn't matter, but.
[27:27] Speaker 2: Yeah, no, but like I do think that's like if
[27:31] Speaker 2: the police are like, what did she look like? And
[27:32] Speaker 2: I'm like a red shirt and then they're like, well,
[27:34] Speaker 2: there's three people there.
[27:37] Speaker 5: You know, if you're getting asked by the police, you
[27:39] Speaker 5: better give them like every mole and every blemish.
[27:43] Speaker 2: But I'm just saying, like I understand that that generation
[27:48] Speaker 2: just pops off on description and attributes that you're like,
[27:51] Speaker 2: I did not that had nothing to do with the story.
[27:54] Speaker 3: You're just rude.
[27:58] Speaker 4: All Right, we come back.
[27:59] Speaker 1: We have a light one to wrap up with this Thursday.
[28:02] Speaker 1: Dear Banya, We're back.
[28:20] Speaker 3: Oh crush to you.
[28:21] Speaker 4: This from Jenny.
[28:24] Speaker 1: Hi, guys, I've been seeing people talking about this online,
[28:26] Speaker 1: and after hearing you discuss people we meet on vacation,
[28:29] Speaker 1: wanted to get your take. Everyone's pointing out that this
[28:31] Speaker 1: story is like a horror story. From Alex's girlfriends Sarah's
[28:34] Speaker 1: point of view, Your boyfriend has a platonic best friend
[28:39] Speaker 1: that he goes on vacation with alone every year, and
[28:43] Speaker 1: they text all the time. I read the book years ago,
[28:46] Speaker 1: so I don't really remember all the backstory, how much
[28:48] Speaker 1: context the book the book gives her, But still I
[28:50] Speaker 1: could not wrap my head around it. No matter how much,
[28:52] Speaker 1: no matter how much trust you have, the dynamic feels
[28:55] Speaker 1: like a lot. So I have to ask, what would
[28:57] Speaker 1: you do if Robbie or Helly had a best friend
[28:59] Speaker 1: like this? Is this a total red flag or is
[29:02] Speaker 1: this one of those situations where the history really matters
[29:04] Speaker 1: and you just have to trust it. I could not
[29:06] Speaker 1: fathom it. Can't wait to hear your takes. Love you
[29:09] Speaker 1: all so much, Jenny.
[29:10] Speaker 2: I thought the I could be wrong because I didn't
[29:13] Speaker 2: read the book, but I thought the movie kind of
[29:15] Speaker 2: alluded to the fact that they went on vacation together
[29:18] Speaker 2: when they were not together, and then the vacation where
[29:21] Speaker 2: they were all together they were on.
[29:23] Speaker 3: So I kind of got that impression.
[29:25] Speaker 5: I think what she's saying is like, forget the like
[29:27] Speaker 5: specifics of the movie, and like, would you be comfortable
[29:30] Speaker 5: if your partner had somebody of I get like it
[29:35] Speaker 5: would be like if Haley had a best her best
[29:38] Speaker 5: girlfriend that she's going on trips without you all on
[29:42] Speaker 5: all the time. Like if rob that's.
[29:44] Speaker 3: Kind of hard.
[29:44] Speaker 6: I mean.
[29:46] Speaker 5: It's like if Robbie had a girl friend that he
[29:49] Speaker 5: was like going on vacation with, I'd be like, hell
[29:51] Speaker 5: to the freaking no.
[29:53] Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.
[29:54] Speaker 2: But if if you and Robbie had a relationship that
[29:57] Speaker 2: was very on and off and it was just like
[29:59] Speaker 2: there were moments y'all together and not together and you
[30:01] Speaker 2: had a best room from child and he had a
[30:03] Speaker 2: best room from childhood, or you had a best room
[30:05] Speaker 2: from childhood that was of the opposite sex, and y'all
[30:07] Speaker 2: were not together, would it be a problem for you
[30:10] Speaker 2: to go on vacation alone with him if you and
[30:12] Speaker 2: Robbie aren't together.
[30:13] Speaker 5: I would be weirded out if this guy that I'm
[30:16] Speaker 5: on and off with is always going on vacation with
[30:18] Speaker 5: another woman. Yeah, I think I'd be like, yeah, I'm weird.
[30:21] Speaker 3: I would too.
[30:21] Speaker 2: I'm just saying like, there, it's kind of that we
[30:24] Speaker 2: were on a break conversation, and it's like.
[30:26] Speaker 5: If we were together, if we were on a break,
[30:28] Speaker 5: if I met him on I don't know.
[30:32] Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that the Sarah girl on the story,
[30:34] Speaker 2: in my opinion, put up with Wait. I would have
[30:36] Speaker 2: been like, hey, I don't.
[30:38] Speaker 3: Think I compete with this girl.
[30:40] Speaker 2: She's very important to you, obviously, and I feel less
[30:44] Speaker 2: than But I think that about the wedding planner. The
[30:47] Speaker 2: wedding Planner is like literally a horror film. You're getting
[30:50] Speaker 2: married to the love of your life and your fiance
[30:53] Speaker 2: falls in love with the woman planning the wedding.
[30:58] Speaker 3: And goes to the Oh yeah, my gosh, what a
[31:01] Speaker 3: great movie.
[31:02] Speaker 2: That was. It's amazing, But when you think about the storyline,
[31:05] Speaker 2: you're like, oh my gosh, this is a nightmare.
[31:08] Speaker 3: Worst worst case scenario.
[31:09] Speaker 5: Worst case scenario.
[31:11] Speaker 2: They're eating peanuts together at the drive the park movie.
[31:15] Speaker 4: Or whatever it is.
[31:16] Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of movies like that. But that's
[31:20] Speaker 2: the thing about movies. They romanticize horrible things.
[31:26] Speaker 5: I wouldn't like it. My answer to this is I
[31:29] Speaker 5: would not like it.
[31:30] Speaker 3: I wouldn't like it either.
[31:31] Speaker 2: And you know, what if if the person that I
[31:34] Speaker 2: loved had obviously deep feelings for someone of the opposite sex.
[31:40] Speaker 2: I mean, I guess if I felt like Hayley had
[31:42] Speaker 2: flirtatious interactions with even another woman like that and they
[31:45] Speaker 2: were going on vacations, I'd be like, I'm uncozy.
[31:49] Speaker 5: Charge it, Charge it to the game.
[31:52] Speaker 3: I don't know if charge it works, but end it
[31:55] Speaker 3: would be more my Yeah, yeah, wipe it. Okay, that's
[32:03] Speaker 3: all for now. We love you so much.
[32:05] Speaker 2: Please send any options for your Bania jingles.
[32:09] Speaker 3: Dear Bonnia jingles.
[32:10] Speaker 2: Yeah, we were all to a start, and we know
[32:12] Speaker 2: what we like and what we don't like.
[32:14] Speaker 1: Easton said when he made these, Hopefully this inspires scrubbing yes, yes, yes, yes.
[32:19] Speaker 3: What Eastern is is he is a vessel. Yes, he
[32:24] Speaker 3: is a fire starter.
[32:25] Speaker 2: So it's not necessarily the flame that's going to keep
[32:28] Speaker 2: the fire going, but it's the flame that gets the
[32:30] Speaker 2: fire started.
[32:31] Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's what those were. And it's only up
[32:35] Speaker 3: from here.
[32:36] Speaker 5: It only go up from here, up up, up where
[32:41] Speaker 5: the cloud's gone, like that, up up, It only go
[32:45] Speaker 5: up from here. Even my skin is acting weird. I
[32:51] Speaker 5: wish that I could grow a beard like No, then
[32:55] Speaker 5: he wants to go. Nobody knows the song. Yeah, I
[32:59] Speaker 5: don't want to jump in.
[33:01] Speaker 2: I was giving solo performance. Dang, all right, that's all
[33:05] Speaker 2: for now.
[33:05] Speaker 3: We love you so much A three weekend.
[33:07] Speaker 2: Bye,

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