# Dear Banya: Pick Your Path

An episode of [Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1279955329), 23 Apr 2026, 30 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/arttrk.com/p/D5CA5/pdst.fm/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/009b23ef-9bd1-4caf-a592-ae3101631380/6b9a851c-3ba1-4c56-8017-b4330062c279/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=7e804438-d6f3-48a0-9de8-ae310163138e

Tanya has to write a speech because she’s accepting a very special award! Becca is involved too, but might not know what’s expected of her yet. And we try to help some Scrubbers with another round of Dear Banya! What do you do when your partner is sharing intimate details about your relationship? And how do you handle the WFH vs In-Office dilemma?? Plus, another round of the Birthday Game! Play along! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Scrubbing in with Becka Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
[0:04] Speaker 1: and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast.
[0:11] Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing and scrub a dub dub
[0:17] Speaker 2: in the tub tub tum wow um, Yes, how you doing?
[0:24] Speaker 3: I'm doing great? How are you doing?
[0:25] Speaker 4: I'm doing great? House tender Tanya.
[0:28] Speaker 3: Tender as ever? You know what tender Tania loves a
[0:31] Speaker 3: nap Oh m.
[0:33] Speaker 4: Hm just midday. Yeah, when you hit the nap cycle
[0:38] Speaker 4: whenever I feel like it. Oh that's new because I
[0:42] Speaker 4: feel like used to if you had nap time, I
[0:45] Speaker 4: would just push through, or you'd go work out instead
[0:47] Speaker 4: of nap.
[0:48] Speaker 3: Yeah or something. Not this phase. Not tender Tanya, Chicken
[0:52] Speaker 3: tender Tanya. What are you doing?
[0:54] Speaker 4: I'm good, I'm great, absolutely wonderful.
[0:59] Speaker 3: Love to hear it.
[0:59] Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you so much.
[1:02] Speaker 3: I'm gonna work on my speech this weekend. M speech
[1:06] Speaker 3: for what my award I'm getting next week?
[1:09] Speaker 4: Next week?
[1:10] Speaker 3: Yeah, you're giving me the award. You told me what day?
[1:16] Speaker 3: The twenty ninth of April.
[1:19] Speaker 4: Oh, just kidding. I do have it in my coun
[1:21] Speaker 4: for some reason. I thought I had it for May
[1:24] Speaker 4: because I remember thinking when you asked me what kind
[1:26] Speaker 4: of food I wanted. I thought, that's so far out,
[1:29] Speaker 4: so I think I thought it was in May, but
[1:31] Speaker 4: I have it in my calendar is the twenty nights.
[1:32] Speaker 3: So we're all good, okay. I was like, Oh, you're
[1:35] Speaker 3: writing your speech, somebody is. You're the one responsible giving
[1:38] Speaker 3: it to me, so we kind of need your participation
[1:40] Speaker 3: in that.
[1:41] Speaker 4: I'll be there, don't worry. Okay, it's in my calendar,
[1:45] Speaker 4: So you're writing your speech for that.
[1:46] Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm gonna work on it.
[1:47] Speaker 4: A sentence speech.
[1:48] Speaker 3: Yeah, it's been at since I gave a speech.
[1:52] Speaker 4: Yeah, i'd be very stressed to give a speech.
[1:54] Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm a little stressed. I'm really good at that, though,
[1:58] Speaker 3: I am. Why didn't you watch me give a speech?
[2:00] Speaker 4: No? Just speaking in front of people? Oh okay, right,
[2:03] Speaker 4: I would say you're really good at that.
[2:05] Speaker 3: Thanks. I don't know that I am. When have you
[2:08] Speaker 3: seen me speak in front of a crowd?
[2:10] Speaker 4: Isn't that your kind of your job when you go
[2:12] Speaker 4: to like event like presented iHeart Awards and stuff?
[2:16] Speaker 3: So like here we're behind a microphone. When you're doing
[2:20] Speaker 3: like TV stuff, you're just talking to like one person
[2:23] Speaker 3: in the camera. Man. Mm, hmm, it's not really like
[2:27] Speaker 3: crowds around. There's crowds around, but you're not like talking
[2:30] Speaker 3: to the crowd. Do you know what I mean? You
[2:33] Speaker 3: are talking to the crowd, but they're like in the ether.
[2:37] Speaker 3: I don't see them.
[2:38] Speaker 5: I'm wad you on this. It's very different. Talking on
[2:40] Speaker 5: the radio is very different.
[2:41] Speaker 4: From talking on the radio. I'm talking about being on
[2:44] Speaker 4: a stage in front of a crowd an event.
[2:46] Speaker 3: Oh oh, like if we're going to introduce like Olivia
[2:48] Speaker 3: Vardrigo or something. Oh yeah, okay, but I'm not giving
[2:50] Speaker 3: a speech. I go out, I say, hey, here's Olivia
[2:52] Speaker 3: ard Rego. Cheers, cheer, cheers, goodbye. Oh you know what
[2:55] Speaker 3: I mean?
[2:55] Speaker 4: You have a teleprompter of this thing.
[2:57] Speaker 3: I that's a great question. I'm gonna ask me.
[3:00] Speaker 5: What's the award?
[3:01] Speaker 3: Thank you so much for asking and I am getting
[3:03] Speaker 3: there enough. If you were allowed to say, oh no,
[3:05] Speaker 3: I forgot it. Oh, thank you, Mark.
[3:09] Speaker 5: You don't have to write till they go ahead.
[3:11] Speaker 3: I am being honored with the Content Creator of the
[3:14] Speaker 3: Year Content Creator of the Year Award by the Organization
[3:20] Speaker 3: for Social Media Safety. Wow, congratulation, Thank you.
[3:27] Speaker 5: Social Media Safety.
[3:28] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[3:28] Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'm like responsible and I'm a role model
[3:31] Speaker 3: on social media. I'm being honored.
[3:35] Speaker 4: Wow.
[3:35] Speaker 5: All ages can follow Tanya raud with um fear of
[3:39] Speaker 5: problematic posts.
[3:40] Speaker 4: Correct, which is nice to be filtered with the thirteen
[3:44] Speaker 4: year old.
[3:44] Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm just living living.
[3:48] Speaker 4: I'm so proud of you. You are a role model.
[3:50] Speaker 3: Thank you so much. I know, I'm very honored, and
[3:52] Speaker 3: so I don't really know how long I have to speak,
[3:55] Speaker 3: but that's first on the docket. To figure out how
[3:58] Speaker 3: long it needs to be.
[3:59] Speaker 5: Wait till you get the hook?
[4:01] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, imadin, they start playing a song, playing
[4:05] Speaker 3: me off the stage.
[4:08] Speaker 4: What is my job? What do I I have to
[4:10] Speaker 4: speak in front of people? Right?
[4:11] Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to give me the award?
[4:14] Speaker 4: Me do I am? I writing a speech?
[4:16] Speaker 3: Yeah?
[4:17] Speaker 4: Well, haven't you do that?
[4:19] Speaker 3: No, you're gonna You'll be fine. I got you, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,
[4:23] Speaker 3: you can tweak it how you'd like that. You're gonna have.
[4:26] Speaker 4: A something to read? Yeah, okay, great.
[4:30] Speaker 3: Don't you too long? No, no, no, just a quick
[4:34] Speaker 3: stint on stage for you.
[4:36] Speaker 4: I'm simply a vessel carrying the award. Yeah, deliver. I'm
[4:40] Speaker 4: honored to give you your award.
[4:42] Speaker 3: Wow, thank you.
[4:43] Speaker 4: As a role model to everyone and anyone.
[4:46] Speaker 3: Thank you. I will say it's funny because I was
[4:49] Speaker 3: asking people if they want a chicken or vegetarian option
[4:52] Speaker 3: for their meal, and I was like, the only person
[4:54] Speaker 3: I knew for sure was not picking the chicken was
[4:56] Speaker 3: back a Tilly. I was like, yeah, keep it away
[4:59] Speaker 3: from mearian options. See you, my parents, Robbie's parents, Robbie, you,
[5:06] Speaker 3: Sophia Powe and my sister in law. Wow, so fun
[5:11] Speaker 3: this is so exciting.
[5:12] Speaker 5: Congratulations, thank you.
[5:14] Speaker 4: Very excited for you. I am very excited to present.
[5:17] Speaker 3: Thank you.
[5:19] Speaker 4: Shall we get into some dear bonia?
[5:22] Speaker 5: We shall Here we go from anonymous. I recently overheard
[5:26] Speaker 5: my husband on our outdoor camera complaining to a friend
[5:29] Speaker 5: about our lack of intimacy. Ohch He suggested to his
[5:33] Speaker 5: friend that is because I'm insecure about my body. And
[5:35] Speaker 5: while that is a factor, the truth is that I
[5:37] Speaker 5: simply have no sex drive right now. I am the
[5:39] Speaker 5: default parent and partner. I work full time. I handle
[5:42] Speaker 5: all the grocery shopping, the cooking, and the laundry. My
[5:44] Speaker 5: entire life revolves around my family. I feel unappreciated and
[5:47] Speaker 5: like I've lost my sense of self. I'm thirty four,
[5:50] Speaker 5: he's thirty eight. We have three kids, ranging from fourteen
[5:53] Speaker 5: to eight, and we've been together thirteen years. I'm not
[5:56] Speaker 5: sure how to approach him about this, and any advice
[5:58] Speaker 5: you have would be appreciated.
[6:00] Speaker 4: For some I'm sorry you had to witness us.
[6:04] Speaker 3: I know that would make me so sad.
[6:06] Speaker 4: It made me sad, And there's also this part that's
[6:09] Speaker 4: like sometimes people just vent, and you know, it was
[6:12] Speaker 4: just really unfortunate that he said it, and that she
[6:16] Speaker 4: she saw him and heard him saying it.
[6:19] Speaker 3: I don't think it was necessarily wrong of him to, like,
[6:24] Speaker 3: that's what your friends are for, you confide in them,
[6:28] Speaker 3: like you want advice, but having to hear that was
[6:32] Speaker 3: probably really rough.
[6:34] Speaker 4: Yeah, I personally think you should just say, hey, I
[6:37] Speaker 4: feel really uncomfortable even having to have this conversation, but
[6:41] Speaker 4: I unfortunately heard you talking about our lack of intimacy
[6:45] Speaker 4: with your friend, and I want to figure out how
[6:49] Speaker 4: to like figure this out together. And it really hurt me.
[6:56] Speaker 4: But I you know, I understand that you were just venting,
[6:59] Speaker 4: but I want you to know, first of all, that
[7:01] Speaker 4: hurt me, and second of all, I feel like I
[7:03] Speaker 4: take on so much of the role for our kids
[7:07] Speaker 4: and for you and the house, and I don't really
[7:10] Speaker 4: have capacity in that area, which leads to us not
[7:15] Speaker 4: having physical intimacy. And I want to get back to
[7:18] Speaker 4: to where we do have that, but I think I
[7:20] Speaker 4: need some help because I have too much on my plate.
[7:23] Speaker 4: I think you just need to be honest about why
[7:24] Speaker 4: you aren't in that place right now.
[7:27] Speaker 3: But she did say that it's because she's insecure about
[7:31] Speaker 3: her body, and she said that is a factor, so
[7:34] Speaker 3: that all also a factor.
[7:35] Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think if I think realistically, if you
[7:39] Speaker 4: have more capacity and help, you could probably focus on
[7:42] Speaker 4: yourself a little bit more and taking care of yourself
[7:44] Speaker 4: to where you maybe had a little more confidence in
[7:46] Speaker 4: your in your body.
[7:48] Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you need to. I think you need
[7:51] Speaker 3: to use this as like a major, major, like pivoting
[7:55] Speaker 3: point in your relationship because you can say, I saw
[7:59] Speaker 3: you on the outdoor camera and I heard you talking
[8:01] Speaker 3: to Jack or whatever your friend's name about this a
[8:05] Speaker 3: It really hurt my feelings to hear you talking about
[8:08] Speaker 3: talking about me in that way. And I know that
[8:10] Speaker 3: like that's your right, but I really wish that like
[8:14] Speaker 3: these intimate conversations you didn't have with outside people, if
[8:17] Speaker 3: that's what you want of him, I think that's a
[8:20] Speaker 3: fair thing to say. And then I think you really
[8:24] Speaker 3: have to work on getting help, asking him to do more,
[8:28] Speaker 3: or just kind of giving your needs because I think
[8:30] Speaker 3: for women, for women, I think the physical aspect of
[8:34] Speaker 3: things isn't just like a one and done. I think
[8:38] Speaker 3: guys can just be just like physical, whereas like women
[8:40] Speaker 3: just have so much on their minds and like there's
[8:43] Speaker 3: nothing sexier than like a guy taking out the trash
[8:47] Speaker 3: or like, do you know what I mean, Like there's
[8:49] Speaker 3: no better in a work play than taking on a
[8:52] Speaker 3: task that you're usually in charge of.
[8:54] Speaker 4: And I also think there's saying like she mentioned she
[8:57] Speaker 4: handles nearly all the grocery shop and cooking and laundry,
[9:00] Speaker 4: and I think that those things, in my opinion, should
[9:03] Speaker 4: be divided. Like if he's working and out of the
[9:05] Speaker 4: house while you're at home with the kids, then he
[9:07] Speaker 4: can stop by the grocery store and pick up groceries
[9:09] Speaker 4: on his way home. Like there's got to be a
[9:11] Speaker 4: way of balancing that out to where you do have
[9:15] Speaker 4: a little more capacity to give to your relationship. But
[9:18] Speaker 4: I think it's I think when you have kids and
[9:21] Speaker 4: I mean, Mark, you're the only one who can speak
[9:23] Speaker 4: to this in terms of like raising kids. I think
[9:28] Speaker 4: it's just hard and you have to like work to
[9:30] Speaker 4: have the intimacy with your partner.
[9:34] Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just got to be between the two of you, don't.
[9:37] Speaker 5: I don't think it's great that he's talking about this
[9:39] Speaker 5: with his buddies. I know that you can, you know,
[9:41] Speaker 5: vent to your friends or whatever. But I think when
[9:43] Speaker 5: he starts talking about his wife's body image, I know
[9:46] Speaker 5: that seems like it crosses a line for me. And
[9:48] Speaker 5: also how often you have sex with your wife, I
[9:49] Speaker 5: think that's also that's nobody's business. I don't think I
[9:53] Speaker 5: but my.
[9:53] Speaker 4: Thing is is if he's I would hate to see this,
[9:57] Speaker 4: And I also I actually on the same pages. But
[10:00] Speaker 4: I also think it's unrealistic to think that if you're
[10:02] Speaker 4: having a struggle, you're not venting to your best friend.
[10:05] Speaker 4: I think him bringing in like she's insecure about her body,
[10:09] Speaker 4: he could have not done that right.
[10:10] Speaker 3: I always think about how I would handle situations, and
[10:13] Speaker 3: I feel like I tell my best friends everything, so
[10:15] Speaker 3: it's hard for me to say that.
[10:16] Speaker 4: What I'm saying don't share.
[10:18] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it is different with girls.
[10:23] Speaker 4: I do think he should have left your your insecurities
[10:25] Speaker 4: out of it if he needed to just say, yeah,
[10:28] Speaker 4: I'm just fresh. Gosh.
[10:29] Speaker 3: I don't know, but maybe he was like genuinely asking
[10:32] Speaker 3: his friend for like help or advice. Have you ever
[10:34] Speaker 3: been through this? Would you handle it?
[10:35] Speaker 5: You know?
[10:37] Speaker 3: I want to give him the benefit of the doubt
[10:38] Speaker 3: because you said you've been married, you've been together for
[10:40] Speaker 3: thirteen years, so clearly you think very highly of him.
[10:45] Speaker 3: I also just think too when and again we don't
[10:47] Speaker 3: really know the dynamic, but if one person in the
[10:50] Speaker 3: relationship works, I think that sometimes there's this this I
[10:56] Speaker 3: don't want to say it's unfair, but like there's all
[10:59] Speaker 3: work and then you do everything for the house. Yes,
[11:01] Speaker 3: so you do get the groceries, you do the laundry,
[11:03] Speaker 3: you do the cooking, you do the cleaning, do the
[11:05] Speaker 3: driving of the kids. And maybe that was their agreement,
[11:09] Speaker 3: and so he's just kind of he doesn't know any
[11:12] Speaker 3: better unless she speaks up and says, I can't do
[11:16] Speaker 3: it all. I need some help that you know what
[11:19] Speaker 3: I mean.
[11:20] Speaker 4: I think having this is where I have an opinion
[11:25] Speaker 4: on it, because I do think there's that mindset of
[11:27] Speaker 4: like I'm going home, and I'm providing financially by having
[11:30] Speaker 4: a job outside of the house, but taking care of
[11:33] Speaker 4: kids alone without doing all the chores and grocery shopping
[11:37] Speaker 4: and all that. Just taking care of the kids alone
[11:39] Speaker 4: is a full time job. Yeah, so they're both have
[11:41] Speaker 4: their full time jobs, and then she's taking on the laundry, taking.
[11:46] Speaker 3: The cleaning, all the watering, the plans, taking the dog out.
[11:49] Speaker 4: So I don't think it's fair to go, well, I'm
[11:53] Speaker 4: making the money outside the house, so you take care
[11:55] Speaker 4: of everything, because it's like, well, she's keeping three kids alive,
[11:59] Speaker 4: making sure they're fed, and taking care of probably where
[12:01] Speaker 4: they need to be, and then also doing the things
[12:03] Speaker 4: that y'all should be doing as a partnership that is
[12:06] Speaker 4: part of the house. Yeah, you know, but I think
[12:08] Speaker 4: it's just a conversation you need to have. And I
[12:10] Speaker 4: also think you need to make sure that you have
[12:12] Speaker 4: time for yourself because I'm sure you get totally lost
[12:15] Speaker 4: and giving anything to yourself in the midst of kids
[12:19] Speaker 4: and husband.
[12:19] Speaker 3: And all, and do small things to make yourself feel
[12:22] Speaker 3: better about yourself, whatever that is. Like, I know this
[12:25] Speaker 3: is gonna sound so stupid, but like anytime I shave
[12:27] Speaker 3: my legs and my crotch. I feel like a million bucks.
[12:30] Speaker 4: Okay, so the advice here.
[12:34] Speaker 3: Give yourself a full body shape and like a droppin,
[12:38] Speaker 3: you will feel better. No, but I'm what I'm giving
[12:41] Speaker 3: that example for me, Like that makes me feel better
[12:43] Speaker 3: when I do that. So it's like whatever that is
[12:45] Speaker 3: for you, if it's getting your eyebrows done, if it's
[12:48] Speaker 3: like getting a new perfume, if it's I don't know,
[12:51] Speaker 3: whatever it is, like, I feel like, do little things
[12:54] Speaker 3: that are gonna make you feel good about you all
[12:56] Speaker 3: the while having these conversations and trying to.
[12:59] Speaker 4: Off low and I also think taking the pressure off
[13:02] Speaker 4: of obviously you you are in control of yourself and
[13:08] Speaker 4: your body, but also knowing that he loves you and
[13:10] Speaker 4: just wants probably just wants to have like physical intimacy
[13:13] Speaker 4: with you, and he is not you're thinking about your body,
[13:16] Speaker 4: but he's he just wants you. Yeah, but we're rooting
[13:23] Speaker 4: for you.
[13:24] Speaker 3: Yeah, but take care of yourself and ask your fourteen
[13:27] Speaker 3: year old to help around.
[13:28] Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, fourteen fourteen is a page where things him
[13:33] Speaker 4: I don't know about cook but whatever, laundry, laundry and
[13:36] Speaker 4: some light chores are definitely.
[13:38] Speaker 3: Doable, making some beds, mopping some floors, squeezing some uh
[13:47] Speaker 3: one of the called showers.
[13:49] Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, onto the next here we go on
[13:53] Speaker 4: to the next lest you know what, Actually, let's tease.
[13:55] Speaker 5: The next dilemma is working from home and continue to
[13:59] Speaker 5: work from home. Are going back to work in a
[14:02] Speaker 5: really nice situation, but then having to have childcare that's
[14:05] Speaker 5: not provided by you. That's the dilemma coming up next.
[14:22] Speaker 3: We're back.
[14:24] Speaker 5: Nice from anonymous. I currently work remotely for a large
[14:28] Speaker 5: company that offers lots of flexibility, which I know is
[14:30] Speaker 5: a privilege, but I'm really unhappy. I don't enjoy my work,
[14:34] Speaker 5: my team, my boss, or the company anymore. Recently, I
[14:37] Speaker 5: was presented with an opportunity to smaller, well established company,
[14:40] Speaker 5: and I feel like everything. It's everything I've been missing.
[14:43] Speaker 5: The culture seems great, the brand is strong. Every interview
[14:45] Speaker 5: has been amazing. I'm heading into the final round and
[14:48] Speaker 5: I can really see myself there. The catch is I
[14:51] Speaker 5: would need to be in the office four days a week.
[14:52] Speaker 5: The commute is only fifteen minutes, but I have two
[14:54] Speaker 5: small kids. With this new job, they would need before
[14:57] Speaker 5: and after school care. And I'm feeling a lot of
[14:59] Speaker 5: guilt about that. Deep down, I really want this job,
[15:02] Speaker 5: but I keep wondering if I'm being selfish for choosing
[15:05] Speaker 5: my own happiness and career over being more available to
[15:08] Speaker 5: my kids. Would love your thoughts. Am I overthinking this
[15:10] Speaker 5: or is this just one of those tough seasons of
[15:12] Speaker 5: life decisions.
[15:15] Speaker 4: I think that a happy mom is the greatest thing
[15:19] Speaker 4: you can give your kids.
[15:21] Speaker 3: I agree a happy mom is better than a hands
[15:22] Speaker 3: on mom.
[15:23] Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you are in a place where you're miserable,
[15:26] Speaker 4: and you're staying miserable for the kids, but it's actually
[15:30] Speaker 4: not benefiting them in the grand scheme of things because
[15:33] Speaker 4: you're miserable.
[15:35] Speaker 3: There's this I don't know if it's Emma Greed or Greedy.
[15:38] Speaker 3: I think it's greed. Emma Greed. She's been all over
[15:41] Speaker 3: the press this past week. She has a book out
[15:45] Speaker 3: and she is the she's like the co founder or whatever,
[15:49] Speaker 3: all these crazy like skims, good American She's launched like
[15:52] Speaker 3: she's boss, a business willness woman. And she's been getting
[15:57] Speaker 3: a lot of heat because she said something about being
[15:59] Speaker 3: like a three hour mom because she's super focused on work.
[16:03] Speaker 3: But she's like, when I'm with my kids, I'm super present,
[16:05] Speaker 3: and then when I'm at work, I'm super present. And
[16:08] Speaker 3: I feel like my biggest thing that you said here
[16:11] Speaker 3: is you're feeling a lot of guilt. And I feel
[16:13] Speaker 3: like guilt is the worst thing to feel because it's
[16:17] Speaker 3: you're not listening to your own Your own instinct is
[16:20] Speaker 3: telling you one thing, but like you feel like society
[16:23] Speaker 3: or pressure is telling you something else, so you're feeling
[16:25] Speaker 3: guilty about it. I feel like you already said this.
[16:27] Speaker 3: You see yourself there. Your current job is making you miserable,
[16:32] Speaker 3: and this job is everything that you want, but you're
[16:34] Speaker 3: feeling guilty about it. And I just feel like you
[16:37] Speaker 3: need to lean into your intuition. And I feel like
[16:39] Speaker 3: you already know the answer. If you can find childcare
[16:43] Speaker 3: and this job is going to be better for you
[16:45] Speaker 3: and make you happier. I think it's a slam dunk.
[16:49] Speaker 4: I would what I would do if I was in
[16:51] Speaker 4: your position, just to kind of give you peace of mind,
[16:56] Speaker 4: is try and find childcare help that you feel really
[17:00] Speaker 4: good about, and start researching that to see if you
[17:02] Speaker 4: can find somewhere that makes you feel good about your
[17:05] Speaker 4: kids being in there and that.
[17:06] Speaker 3: Way, and if you don't that's a sign.
[17:10] Speaker 4: Yeah, if you don't find anywhere that you feel comfortable
[17:12] Speaker 4: sending them to. But I also think the kids are
[17:14] Speaker 4: going to be like, get to be with other kids
[17:16] Speaker 4: and someone that you trust, and that's okay. And this
[17:20] Speaker 4: might just be a hard season and you might grow
[17:22] Speaker 4: in the company and have more days where you can
[17:24] Speaker 4: work from home, and you don't you know, things might
[17:26] Speaker 4: change in terms of what the schedule looks like or
[17:28] Speaker 4: what how much childcare you need. But I think you
[17:32] Speaker 4: staying unhappy it just kind of does them a disservice.
[17:35] Speaker 3: Because then you're going to be like unhappy in a
[17:38] Speaker 3: bad mood.
[17:39] Speaker 4: Yeah, and then what kind of mom are you to give?
[17:43] Speaker 3: Yeah? Do you think men feel guilty doing this? And no, respectfully,
[17:50] Speaker 3: it's good point.
[17:52] Speaker 4: Yeah, they don't.
[17:54] Speaker 5: They don't, and you shouldn't either. There are no studies
[17:57] Speaker 5: that say that kids whose mom stays home all day
[18:00] Speaker 5: better than the kids whose mom works. That's not a thing.
[18:03] Speaker 5: These kids are going to be fine. And honestly, who knows.
[18:06] Speaker 5: At preschool care, after school care, they might make great friends,
[18:09] Speaker 5: they might love it, they might thrive. You don't know,
[18:13] Speaker 5: you don't know.
[18:13] Speaker 3: Yeah, there's no studies show me the study.
[18:16] Speaker 5: Show me, show us, show us you hate these people
[18:19] Speaker 5: you work with?
[18:20] Speaker 4: Yeah, every single per everythingle aspect.
[18:22] Speaker 3: Of show Bad, except just that she gets to work
[18:26] Speaker 3: from home.
[18:26] Speaker 5: I'm really unhappy. Like she just lays it out there.
[18:29] Speaker 5: When you say that, I mean that's it.
[18:30] Speaker 3: Yeah, the writing's on the wall next one.
[18:33] Speaker 5: These are all anonymous, so just keep that in mind.
[18:35] Speaker 5: We have a big international trip plan this may to
[18:38] Speaker 5: sell it right anniversary and after that. We're really excited
[18:40] Speaker 5: to start trying to conceive. I turned thirty this year.
[18:43] Speaker 5: My husband's in his mid thirties. Here's where we're stuck.
[18:46] Speaker 5: We've been invited by family to go on a basically
[18:48] Speaker 5: free trip to Ireland at the end of August twenty
[18:50] Speaker 5: twenty seven. What an opportunity, but the time it's tricky.
[18:54] Speaker 5: I'd like it. Start trying soon and see what happens.
[18:56] Speaker 5: Maybe we'd be able to bring the little one with us.
[18:58] Speaker 5: But if things don't line up, mean pausing trying to
[19:01] Speaker 5: conceive for almost a year, trying to time everything precisely,
[19:04] Speaker 5: and that feels stressful. I'd be open to trying against
[19:07] Speaker 5: shortly before the trip and maybe traveling early in pregnancy,
[19:10] Speaker 5: but my husband doesn't like the idea of pausing, of
[19:12] Speaker 5: putting that kind of pressure on the timeline. I'm torn,
[19:15] Speaker 5: what would you do in our situation? And Tanya, do
[19:18] Speaker 5: you find it difficult to make future plans while in
[19:20] Speaker 5: TTC mode?
[19:25] Speaker 3: Yes, I do, no, But in all honesty, I feel like,
[19:30] Speaker 3: and I was given this advice when we kind of started,
[19:33] Speaker 3: because I too was doing these things, these calculations of like, Okay,
[19:37] Speaker 3: well if we start here, then then you could get
[19:39] Speaker 3: pregnant then and then you have this and da da da.
[19:42] Speaker 3: Here's the thing. You never know how long it's going
[19:44] Speaker 3: to take until you start trying, and you just never know.
[19:48] Speaker 3: So I think if you guys are ready to have
[19:49] Speaker 3: kids and that's the phase of life that you're in,
[19:52] Speaker 3: I think you start now and you buy refundable tickets
[19:55] Speaker 3: for this trip at the end of twenty twenty seven,
[19:58] Speaker 3: and if you can't go, then you have the refundable
[20:01] Speaker 3: tickets because basically what she was saying is it's like
[20:04] Speaker 3: an all expense everything free, basically free. So just buy
[20:10] Speaker 3: the tickets, get refundable tickets, and then I think, my
[20:14] Speaker 3: personal opinion is don't wait. Yeah, I'm I'm I know
[20:19] Speaker 3: you're she's thirty. But they're basically saying they're ready now.
[20:22] Speaker 4: So it's like, yeah, you just can't base life the
[20:28] Speaker 4: if you're wanting some you're wanting to have a baby,
[20:30] Speaker 4: you cannot predict how long that will take. No, like
[20:33] Speaker 4: you have no control over that essentially. Yeah, so you
[20:37] Speaker 4: can't pause life and the things that you want for
[20:43] Speaker 4: you just can't do that. You have to just live
[20:45] Speaker 4: your life. And and a free trip to Ireland sounds amazing. Yeah, however,
[20:50] Speaker 4: maybe you'll be priced, maybe you'll have a newborn baby,
[20:53] Speaker 4: and that sounds amazing too.
[20:55] Speaker 3: And also like what if you what if you uh
[21:00] Speaker 3: like don't take the trip, say no, thank you because
[21:03] Speaker 3: you're trying, and then you're trying, trying, try and try
[21:06] Speaker 3: and trying, you're still not pregnant by then, and then
[21:08] Speaker 3: you're gonna really regret not going on that trip. Am
[21:11] Speaker 3: I wrong?
[21:14] Speaker 4: No? But my thought process is I'm trying to figure
[21:17] Speaker 4: out the math here that if they started trying, if
[21:21] Speaker 4: they got if they got pregnant.
[21:23] Speaker 3: Fast right like one shot, Yeah, then you.
[21:28] Speaker 4: Would have a baby no matter what, like you'd have
[21:30] Speaker 4: a newborn at the very right.
[21:32] Speaker 3: Yeah, then they would be traveling with.
[21:34] Speaker 4: Like a three month old. Yeah, I'm like, can't do
[21:37] Speaker 4: the math. My brain's like not working anyways. I'm just
[21:41] Speaker 4: saying I would say, if you're ready for that, and
[21:43] Speaker 4: you're ready to start, try and go for it. And
[21:46] Speaker 4: I would say yes to the trip. And if they're
[21:48] Speaker 4: able to get refundable tickets, awesome, and if they're not,
[21:50] Speaker 4: then say hey, and and maybe y'all can do your
[21:53] Speaker 4: own little trip somewhere. Maybe not a free trip to Ireland,
[21:56] Speaker 4: but you can go away for you know, that time
[21:59] Speaker 4: or something.
[22:00] Speaker 3: Yeah. I know it sounds like whatever they say Hindsight
[22:04] Speaker 3: twenty twenty. But we waited until after our honeymoon because
[22:08] Speaker 3: I was like, I want to like drink on our
[22:10] Speaker 3: honeymoon and like get drunk and like have fun and
[22:12] Speaker 3: then like you know, and I kind of regret that,
[22:15] Speaker 3: like I'm like, why did I why did we wait
[22:17] Speaker 3: at all?
[22:17] Speaker 4: You know? So, but I also I'm kind of if
[22:24] Speaker 4: you're she's she seems like she's willing to wait because
[22:27] Speaker 4: it seems like she wants to go to Ireland, so.
[22:29] Speaker 3: Her husband doesn't want to.
[22:30] Speaker 4: Well, whose body is carrying the baby? Well it takes
[22:33] Speaker 4: two to tango, Yeah, Well she doesn't she doesn't need
[22:36] Speaker 4: to tango.
[22:37] Speaker 3: It sounds like till after Ireland wants to tango.
[22:40] Speaker 4: Well, he don't always get what he wants.
[22:42] Speaker 3: Well, relationships are compromised.
[22:44] Speaker 4: And there she's willing to compromise and say, I'm willing
[22:47] Speaker 4: to try right before we go to Ireland, so that,
[22:49] Speaker 4: if anything, I'd be like newly pregnant in Ireland. She's
[22:52] Speaker 4: just saying, can we push when we start trying a
[22:55] Speaker 4: few months? So I've changed my mind. Actually, now that
[22:58] Speaker 4: I'm thinking about the three sixty, I think that if
[23:01] Speaker 4: you aren't opposed to waiting and you want to have
[23:03] Speaker 4: one last big trip to Ireland for free before you
[23:06] Speaker 4: all have a baby, why.
[23:08] Speaker 3: Not You're saying why not wait?
[23:12] Speaker 4: Why not wait a few like a year before you
[23:14] Speaker 4: start trying again, And.
[23:15] Speaker 3: I'm saying, don't, so pick your path.
[23:18] Speaker 5: I'm with Tanya, pull the goalie and let fate decide.
[23:21] Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, So the Dear Bonnie segment was briefed today
[23:28] Speaker 4: because Donya is feeling confident about another another week of
[23:34] Speaker 4: the birthday game.
[23:34] Speaker 3: Give the girl one w she's ready for she's ready
[23:38] Speaker 3: for more.
[23:38] Speaker 6: Let's go, baby, We're back.
[24:02] Speaker 4: So did you feel just like what kind of high
[24:05] Speaker 4: did you feel wanting? How long did the high last
[24:08] Speaker 4: from the birthday game?
[24:09] Speaker 3: So I don't do drugs, so I can't like really
[24:13] Speaker 3: give you a correlation. But I felt like I was
[24:15] Speaker 3: high on something like I like I was flying, floating, floating, levitating.
[24:22] Speaker 4: All right, well, let's see if you can go round two.
[24:25] Speaker 5: And there's another you know, wild card in here as
[24:28] Speaker 5: we have Eastern Yeah, yeah, yeah. So last time there
[24:30] Speaker 5: was just one on one. Now there's three competitors, right,
[24:34] Speaker 5: and so we'll see how it goes.
[24:35] Speaker 3: We'll make that win sweeter.
[24:37] Speaker 5: It'll make it that much sweeter. So no high low
[24:39] Speaker 5: this week. It's just you each give a number. Whoever's
[24:40] Speaker 5: closest is the winner. If you are equally close, whoever
[24:45] Speaker 5: went over loses.
[24:47] Speaker 3: Understanding. Can you just be a little bit more aware
[24:52] Speaker 3: of what age they're turning today, because I've had some
[24:55] Speaker 3: fake outs in the past that were really like daggers
[24:57] Speaker 3: to my heart.
[24:57] Speaker 5: Now I think I'm good on this one. Here we go,
[25:00] Speaker 5: today's birthdays. We'll start with those from today. Gigi Hadid
[25:03] Speaker 5: has a birthday today? How old is Jiji hadied today?
[25:07] Speaker 3: Tanya as the winner, I get to go first.
[25:09] Speaker 4: Well, I think it's his order.
[25:11] Speaker 5: I think right, just because that's where I'm sitting.
[25:14] Speaker 3: Yeah, Winter, I'm gonna say twenty nine.
[25:16] Speaker 5: Twenty nine for Jiji hadid Becca thirty two thirty two
[25:20] Speaker 5: and Eastern U thirty one thirty one is the correct.
[25:26] Speaker 3: John thirty plus.
[25:29] Speaker 5: Easton may have an advantage on this one because he's
[25:31] Speaker 5: such a wrestling super fan. John Cena has a birthday today.
[25:35] Speaker 5: John now does Rebecca going first? Yes, he is the
[25:40] Speaker 5: peacemaker on HBO Max.
[25:43] Speaker 4: You know John Cena, dom I just I just do
[25:46] Speaker 4: I know his age?
[25:48] Speaker 3: He cam seventy. I have no fifty four fifty four.
[25:52] Speaker 5: Eastern I think John Cena is forty eight years old,
[25:54] Speaker 5: forty eight, Tanya fifty two. He is turning forty nine today.
[25:59] Speaker 5: Off to it nothing lead. Tanya may have the advantage
[26:03] Speaker 5: on this one because you had a little crush on
[26:04] Speaker 5: him once upon a time. Dev Patel Wow, Dev Patel
[26:09] Speaker 5: was he had with Tanya was seeking at one point
[26:12] Speaker 5: in her life. Eastern how old is Dev Patel today?
[26:16] Speaker 5: Dev patific character actor Dev Patel deaf Patel is uh
[26:20] Speaker 5: thirty nine years old, thirty nine?
[26:23] Speaker 3: Anything over there?
[26:24] Speaker 5: This can't phoned down? Charge it said forty five, forty five, Becca.
[26:35] Speaker 4: I letna go forty.
[26:37] Speaker 5: I'm gonna go forty. He's thirty six and had a
[26:41] Speaker 5: three nothing lead and on the brink of victory already
[26:44] Speaker 5: thirty six.
[26:45] Speaker 3: Thirty Tell is younger than me. This that's right, absolutely insane.
[26:51] Speaker 5: All right, Tanya, back to you. You'll kick this one off.
[26:53] Speaker 5: How old is America's sweetheart Kelly Clarkson? Everybody loves Kelly Clarkson.
[26:58] Speaker 5: How old is Kelly Clarkson tomorrow? Actually not today? How
[27:02] Speaker 5: old is she? Turning?
[27:03] Speaker 3: Forty five?
[27:05] Speaker 5: Forty five? Becca, forty one, forty one? Easton? I think
[27:08] Speaker 5: forty three? Ooh, she is turning forty four. And by
[27:14] Speaker 5: the rules, Easton is the champion, is the best. It's
[27:19] Speaker 5: a clean sweep. One number could have done it for
[27:23] Speaker 5: you thereas think, because Tany was only off by one,
[27:25] Speaker 5: but Easton pulled it out. Very impressive.
[27:29] Speaker 3: Wow are you okay?
[27:32] Speaker 5: All right? Here we go, I have I have three
[27:35] Speaker 5: more here win that Alrea best, just YouTube for the
[27:39] Speaker 5: second place.
[27:40] Speaker 3: The second place, I don't place is the first loser.
[27:43] Speaker 4: He's not competitive.
[27:44] Speaker 3: Everyone, Please remember any other game we could play. I
[27:49] Speaker 3: don't know, I meansor Okay.
[27:52] Speaker 5: For second place. We'll play Rock paper scissors.
[27:56] Speaker 3: Keep going, al, I got.
[27:57] Speaker 5: A couple more names here.
[28:00] Speaker 4: Uh.
[28:00] Speaker 5: This weekend is a big birthday for Renee zell Wegger.
[28:04] Speaker 5: Renee Zellweger, Becky, you go first on Renee el Wegger.
[28:08] Speaker 5: Then Tony you'll say higher lower because it's just one
[28:10] Speaker 5: on one.
[28:10] Speaker 4: Renee is. I'm gonna guess she is, uh forty eight
[28:17] Speaker 4: forty eight higher lower?
[28:18] Speaker 5: Yeah, she is turning fifty seven.
[28:20] Speaker 3: Fact, I guess sixty one for.
[28:24] Speaker 5: Very flattering Tanya. Back to you, Channing Tatum birthday this
[28:31] Speaker 5: weekend for Channing Chadum.
[28:33] Speaker 3: How old is youturning Channing Tatum?
[28:36] Speaker 5: Yeah, that's all right.
[28:37] Speaker 3: Forty five forty five beckawee higher lower than forty five forty.
[28:43] Speaker 1: Save Tongue shaking is so scary.
[28:55] Speaker 4: I like kind of need a slim but also don't
[28:57] Speaker 4: want to ever see it.
[28:58] Speaker 3: Crystal, you have haunt you in your dreams at night.
[29:07] Speaker 4: Thank you.
[29:07] Speaker 3: Coming from the top to the bottom.
[29:10] Speaker 4: Quick quick two weeks.
[29:12] Speaker 3: And here's here's the thing about life.
[29:14] Speaker 4: Life happens fast fast. Yeah. Well we are leaving for today.
[29:20] Speaker 4: And the thing is, if you ever have some dear
[29:24] Speaker 4: bonia or game suggestions, at this point we'll take them.
[29:27] Speaker 4: You can email us at scrubbing in at iHeartMedia dot
[29:31] Speaker 4: com or please email us or Dmos at scrubbing in
[29:35] Speaker 4: pot on Instagram. Yea, and we hope you all have
[29:39] Speaker 4: a wonderful weekend. We love you so much

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