# Dear Banya: The People We Scrub on Vacation

An episode of [Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1279955329), 15 Jan 2026, 47 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/arttrk.com/p/D5CA5/pdst.fm/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/009b23ef-9bd1-4caf-a592-ae3101631380/c8ae664f-5940-42e2-a25b-b3d30182e1e3/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=7e804438-d6f3-48a0-9de8-ae310163138e

It’s time for another round of Dear Banya! Becca and Tanya try to help a scrubber with the dilemma of a small courthouse wedding or a big blowout dream ceremony, and should you be OBSESSED with your partner?? Plus, we get you caught up on the “toxic mom drama”, Tanya’s Golden Globes manifestation, and a behind the scenes report from Becca on our next Bachelorette, Taylor Frankie Paul! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Scrubbing in with Beca Tilly and Tanya Red and iHeartRadio
[0:04] Speaker 1: and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast. Hello everybody,
[0:12] Speaker 1: we are scrubbing in.
[0:14] Speaker 2: That intro reminded me of something we forgot to speak
[0:17] Speaker 2: on on Monday, and that is that the Golden Globes
[0:21] Speaker 2: has a podcast category. Yeah and it again, It just
[0:27] Speaker 2: like reignited something in me where like I felt proud
[0:31] Speaker 2: to be in that space. Mm, but also like we
[0:35] Speaker 2: have to get nominated one year, Like I don't know
[0:37] Speaker 2: what we.
[0:38] Speaker 1: Have to do. We have to get Sandra out. Remember
[0:40] Speaker 1: we have to have a Golden Globes no.
[0:42] Speaker 2: Nominee, so maybe we need a lot of Golden Globe nominees.
[0:45] Speaker 2: Which let's send the word out to Matthew Reese.
[0:48] Speaker 1: Pull her on our podcast.
[0:50] Speaker 2: I love her, I mean, yeah, podcasting our podcast, but why.
[0:55] Speaker 1: Why do I have to honor you? Thinking Patrick Dempsey's
[0:58] Speaker 1: going to do our podcast, but another fellow woman podcaster wonted.
[1:02] Speaker 2: Because she has her own podcast to do. What's Patrick
[1:06] Speaker 2: Dempsey doing right now?
[1:08] Speaker 1: I actually is a new movie coming up. Maybe he
[1:11] Speaker 1: wants to promote it here.
[1:14] Speaker 2: I'd love to have Amy Poller on, but I'm like
[1:16] Speaker 2: we have to get if we have to get the nominees,
[1:19] Speaker 2: like we need the Carrie Russell's of the world, happy
[1:23] Speaker 2: to have them. I don't know what we gotta do,
[1:26] Speaker 2: but we gotta do something. We have to get nominated.
[1:29] Speaker 1: Like I was like laughing because I knew you were
[1:31] Speaker 1: going to bring this up, and I was like, it
[1:33] Speaker 1: was like Amy Poehler SmartLess, Mel Robbins call her daddy,
[1:39] Speaker 1: call her Daddy's the only one kind of like in
[1:41] Speaker 1: our like world even but it's hard to even say that.
[1:44] Speaker 2: No, right, she's so far beyond our.
[1:53] Speaker 1: Sixty Yeah, slightly.
[1:56] Speaker 3: Five million. Good for her.
[1:58] Speaker 1: She's one when thank herself more than more than we have.
[2:02] Speaker 1: But yeah, it was I knew you were going to
[2:05] Speaker 1: bring this up, and I was just like giggling to myself, thinking,
[2:08] Speaker 1: who we but we you know, we did win the
[2:10] Speaker 1: People's Choice Award against Oprah.
[2:13] Speaker 2: Shumer, Like we beat Oprah. There's where there's a will,
[2:17] Speaker 2: There is a way, and I just have to figure
[2:20] Speaker 2: out that way. Yeah, and I'm you know, uh, who
[2:25] Speaker 2: votes for the Golden Globes?
[2:26] Speaker 4: Mark Hollywood Foreign Press tough not to track.
[2:32] Speaker 1: I do love that Amy one against her ex husband. Yeah,
[2:36] Speaker 1: that was the Sweetest Revenge, which I don't even know
[2:41] Speaker 1: of their situation.
[2:42] Speaker 2: But I think they're friendly. Okay, I think I think
[2:45] Speaker 2: still got to feel good totally.
[2:47] Speaker 1: And her podcast is new, very new, so but she
[2:51] Speaker 1: feels kind of like us, That's what I'm saying. I
[2:54] Speaker 1: think we'd have a great call.
[2:55] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[2:56] Speaker 1: Like, she's so good at interviewing people, and she's so
[2:59] Speaker 1: like calming, and she even made a mistake interviewing Gwyneth Paltrow.
[3:04] Speaker 1: Did you see that?
[3:05] Speaker 4: No?
[3:05] Speaker 1: She was like, tell me about Cold Mountain, and Gwyneth
[3:09] Speaker 1: is like, I wasn't in Cold Mountain, but thank you
[3:12] Speaker 1: for thinking I'm like Nicole Kidman and she goes, yeah,
[3:16] Speaker 1: well then that doesn't matter, Like she just it wasn't
[3:19] Speaker 1: an awkward moment. It was just like, continued in the conversation.
[3:22] Speaker 2: She's such a mistakes everybody makes, even the best of us.
[3:25] Speaker 2: But anyways, that's gonna be. I actually haven't made my
[3:29] Speaker 2: vision board this year yet. Oh wow spoiler alerts, Wow, Yeah,
[3:33] Speaker 2: I was. Actually what's crazy is I was in the
[3:36] Speaker 2: process of making my vision board like I do. It's
[3:38] Speaker 2: kind of like a two day step thing. I rip
[3:40] Speaker 2: everything out one day and then I like glew it
[3:41] Speaker 2: down the next day. The day I was ripping was
[3:44] Speaker 2: the day I went to the er, so kind of
[3:46] Speaker 2: set that aside.
[3:48] Speaker 1: A different kind of ripping was needed, Yes.
[3:50] Speaker 2: Very different. So I haven't made my vision board, but
[3:53] Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna put Golden Globe nominated podcast winning
[3:58] Speaker 2: podcast to be nominated when you can win child's play,
[4:04] Speaker 2: and you know what, we won't be a box in
[4:05] Speaker 2: the screen. We will be there.
[4:07] Speaker 1: Yeah, we will be there. Yeah we won't. Yeah, please,
[4:11] Speaker 1: we'd be like what's it called?
[4:13] Speaker 5: Like?
[4:14] Speaker 2: Uh whatever? Yeah, anybody that's listening, If anybody knows how
[4:20] Speaker 2: you go about doing that, please dm me things.
[4:23] Speaker 1: Does it have any connections to the Hollywood form Press?
[4:26] Speaker 1: What did you say? Who wrotes on it? Yeah, she
[4:30] Speaker 1: don't have any contacts. Let us know.
[4:32] Speaker 2: I can send an amazing box of cookies, we can
[4:36] Speaker 2: make some sourdough. Whatever we got to do, we can do.
[4:40] Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah. What did you think about the mom
[4:43] Speaker 1: group drama?
[4:44] Speaker 2: It was the story that never ended. I could not
[4:49] Speaker 2: get over it, Like I okay, I'm curious, do you
[4:53] Speaker 2: have like a side that you're on?
[4:55] Speaker 1: So here for those of you who don't know anything
[4:57] Speaker 1: about this, actually Tisdale posted a personal blog entry on
[5:01] Speaker 1: her site that was titled You're Allowed to Leave your
[5:05] Speaker 1: mom Group? And then I'm pretty sure the Cut picked
[5:09] Speaker 1: it up.
[5:10] Speaker 2: So I'm not sure if the Cut picked it up.
[5:12] Speaker 1: Oh no, she expanded our essay. Yeah, so she expanded
[5:17] Speaker 1: on her essay, and she basically just said, which.
[5:19] Speaker 2: Was interesting to me, It was like public, I already
[5:23] Speaker 2: putting it on your blog is making it public. I
[5:25] Speaker 2: want this to be seen?
[5:26] Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah. But she basically described the group as
[5:31] Speaker 1: taken on like mean girl, exclusionary behavior. What what are
[5:36] Speaker 1: your opinions on it?
[5:37] Speaker 2: Well, the way she was saying was like they were
[5:40] Speaker 2: this was this mom group and then they would all
[5:42] Speaker 2: kind of get together without her. She would see them
[5:44] Speaker 2: posting on Instagram without her, and then like one of
[5:46] Speaker 2: them through a dinner party and they seated her like
[5:49] Speaker 2: down the table away from the other moms. And I
[5:54] Speaker 2: took a little bit offense to that, because I'm like,
[5:57] Speaker 2: doing a seating chart is stressful enough, Like you don't
[6:00] Speaker 2: need people being like I'm not your close friend because
[6:03] Speaker 2: I'm not at this table, Like I can't with that. Yeah,
[6:06] Speaker 2: because seating tables, seating tables are is stressful. Let the
[6:10] Speaker 2: hosts do what they gotta do.
[6:12] Speaker 1: Here's my thing. My take on it is that two
[6:17] Speaker 1: people not getting along or not meshing as a friend
[6:21] Speaker 1: group doesn't make either of them bad people. It just
[6:24] Speaker 1: means that maybe they didn't get along and like maybe
[6:27] Speaker 1: there wasn't like, uh similarities enough because I think the
[6:31] Speaker 1: idea is like, Okay, we're in the same industry and
[6:33] Speaker 1: we have kids, so I should be getting along with
[6:35] Speaker 1: all these people.
[6:36] Speaker 2: Yeah, And I.
[6:37] Speaker 1: Don't think that's a fair thing, Like you don't you
[6:39] Speaker 1: don't just click with everyone just because they're in the
[6:42] Speaker 1: same industry, so what.
[6:44] Speaker 2: So I found it interesting in the article she said
[6:47] Speaker 2: these moms aren't bad people except for one. So now
[6:51] Speaker 2: I'm like really curious which the one is. Oh, do
[6:56] Speaker 2: you know who it is?
[6:57] Speaker 1: No, But that's why I keep seeing people spec I'm like, there's.
[7:00] Speaker 2: A person in particular that she says like they could
[7:03] Speaker 2: be a bad person, and I'm like so curious who
[7:06] Speaker 2: the one is, Like I really want to figure that out.
[7:09] Speaker 2: I don't know the answer. But what's been so interesting
[7:13] Speaker 2: is every day there's a new layer, there's a new
[7:16] Speaker 2: person commenting about it. Hillary Duff's sister Haley liked Ashley
[7:21] Speaker 2: Tisdale's story on the Cut or whatever, which I find bizarre.
[7:25] Speaker 1: Well, I guess Haley and Hillary had some sort of
[7:27] Speaker 1: falling out, like a long time ago.
[7:29] Speaker 2: Megan Trainer posted like when you learned about the thing,
[7:32] Speaker 2: like she put her song like I still don't care,
[7:33] Speaker 2: which people were really upset about too. They were just like,
[7:36] Speaker 2: this is mean girl, like you don't care. But to
[7:39] Speaker 2: me it was like her just being like I don't care.
[7:42] Speaker 3: Well, the comment said, so you're saying Ashley was right.
[7:44] Speaker 2: Basically this proves right, right, and then all these other
[7:49] Speaker 2: people like every single day somebody knew. Hillary Duff's husband
[7:52] Speaker 2: then enters the chat and he's like, what did he say? Mark?
[7:58] Speaker 2: Can you pull up on?
[8:00] Speaker 1: Said? Uh, creating a parody cover like basically a cover
[8:05] Speaker 1: that looked like Ashley's for The Cut.
[8:07] Speaker 2: No, he took her exact cover and just put his
[8:09] Speaker 2: face on her box.
[8:09] Speaker 1: Okay, And he said the most self obsessed, tone deaf
[8:12] Speaker 1: person on earth apparently aimed at at Ashley.
[8:17] Speaker 2: Yeah, so what I read is that apparently Mandy Moore
[8:23] Speaker 2: lost her house when the fires were the La fires happened,
[8:27] Speaker 2: and I guess Ashley kept saying in the group chat
[8:29] Speaker 2: like that she was buying a second house in Malibu
[8:33] Speaker 2: and like renovating her second house or whatever. So I
[8:36] Speaker 2: feel like that's where the tone.
[8:38] Speaker 1: Deaf, oh like her land had, like her house that
[8:43] Speaker 1: she was buying, like was affected by the.
[8:45] Speaker 2: Fires Mandy Moore's. Maybe no, Mandy Moore's house burned down
[8:49] Speaker 2: on the fires. But in this same group chat, Ashley
[8:51] Speaker 2: was saying how she bought like a second home in
[8:54] Speaker 2: Malibu and was like renovating in her second home. So
[8:58] Speaker 2: I think that's where like the tone deaf, oh.
[9:00] Speaker 1: Like not being sensitive to what had happened.
[9:03] Speaker 2: To Mandy Moore.
[9:03] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I find it interesting that
[9:08] Speaker 1: they all don't have any anxiety of making this public
[9:12] Speaker 1: and having speculation, because I've hour any and all of them,
[9:15] Speaker 1: I'd be so stressed by this.
[9:17] Speaker 2: It's so interesting because like I know Megan Trainer, I
[9:21] Speaker 2: feel like pretty well I like her a lot. I
[9:25] Speaker 2: find her to be not really into the like drama
[9:30] Speaker 2: of it all. Another friend of mine, Janis, is kind
[9:34] Speaker 2: of in that same friend group, like the mom group
[9:37] Speaker 2: or whatever, and I also find her to be like
[9:40] Speaker 2: the least toxic person I've ever met in my life. Yeah,
[9:43] Speaker 2: so it's weird to me. But I also know Ashley, Yeah,
[9:48] Speaker 2: and I love her and I like her a lot,
[9:51] Speaker 2: Like she's always been very kind and sweet to me.
[9:53] Speaker 2: So it's like I don't know. And I've heard Hillary
[9:57] Speaker 2: Duff is amazing, and I've heard word Mandy Moore can
[10:01] Speaker 2: be kind of prickly at times.
[10:03] Speaker 1: Interesting. Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
[10:06] Speaker 2: So it's like I don't know who to believe.
[10:10] Speaker 1: I believe.
[10:11] Speaker 2: I believe everybody I'm saying.
[10:12] Speaker 1: I think that's one of those things. Someone had a
[10:14] Speaker 1: bad experience, she posted about it right, and didn't get
[10:19] Speaker 1: along with one of the main people. And I don't
[10:22] Speaker 1: think that that makes that whoever that one person.
[10:26] Speaker 2: Well something according to Ashley, one of them is oh yeah,
[10:30] Speaker 2: but the whole group as a whole I don't believe
[10:32] Speaker 2: to be bad.
[10:33] Speaker 1: Yeah. I think actually just needs to find her people.
[10:36] Speaker 2: I think she found her people. Oh good, seems like it.
[10:41] Speaker 1: Oh it's all handled.
[10:43] Speaker 2: But what I find so interesting is like every day
[10:46] Speaker 2: somebody knew is commenting on it. So it's just like
[10:48] Speaker 2: this story that never dies, like it's just not going away.
[10:52] Speaker 1: Yeah, won't end. You know, what else doesn't see woe
[10:55] Speaker 1: end what Kelsey Ballerini and Chase Stokes relationship because they
[11:02] Speaker 1: went we talked about it, like this public breakup and
[11:05] Speaker 1: him posting stuff that are like I.
[11:07] Speaker 5: Tried my best or whatever, and now they're back, and
[11:10] Speaker 5: now they're back, but then they're like, give us privacy
[11:14] Speaker 5: while we was privacy while we na getting back together.
[11:19] Speaker 1: So there's that. I got to meet Taylor Frankie Paul,
[11:23] Speaker 1: our newest.
[11:24] Speaker 2: Bachelorette, oh The Secret Life of Mormon Wives.
[11:28] Speaker 1: Yeah, I got to meet her at a shoot that
[11:30] Speaker 1: I did. I was with Ashley I and Caitlin and
[11:35] Speaker 1: she was also there and she was so sweet, un chill.
[11:39] Speaker 2: I feel like she's very polarizing.
[11:41] Speaker 1: I think online, but like in person. I think I
[11:45] Speaker 1: think people just have an opinion on her in her
[11:46] Speaker 1: life and you know, but I think her as a person.
[11:51] Speaker 1: I quite enjoyed her, I really did. I thought she
[11:54] Speaker 1: was lovely. So I'm excited to see her season.
[11:56] Speaker 2: You know, I'm on the fence of if I'm gonna
[11:58] Speaker 2: watch her or not. You know, I don't want to,
[12:02] Speaker 2: like I don't want to be a sheep and like
[12:06] Speaker 2: allow them, like you know what I mean, Like I
[12:08] Speaker 2: don't like that, well, they have someone controversial every year,
[12:12] Speaker 2: so it's like not that controversial.
[12:15] Speaker 1: I mean they always have a contestant or two who
[12:17] Speaker 1: have like.
[12:19] Speaker 2: Contestant is different, but making them the lead, I don't know.
[12:23] Speaker 2: I don't know. Jury's still out for me. Well, not
[12:26] Speaker 2: sure if i'll be too, but I will be watching
[12:28] Speaker 2: Love Island so you can guarantee.
[12:30] Speaker 1: That when is that coming out?
[12:31] Speaker 2: It's supposed to be this week, and they had to
[12:33] Speaker 2: like push it back to do to some something weather
[12:36] Speaker 2: related and hurricane something like that. Yeah, I was like,
[12:40] Speaker 2: come on, I gotta keep people safe till that's what
[12:43] Speaker 2: they said, they got to keep them safe. But it's
[12:45] Speaker 2: an all star season.
[12:47] Speaker 1: Oh you like that?
[12:49] Speaker 2: Oh, oh my gosh, it's gonna be so good Survivor.
[12:54] Speaker 2: I do have to say though, before we move on
[12:56] Speaker 2: to Survivor, I think Robbie's out on Love Island. He's like,
[13:00] Speaker 2: I just can't do it anymore. And so now I'm
[13:01] Speaker 2: on my own, right, So now I'm on my.
[13:05] Speaker 1: How are you gonna watch it alone? I don't know.
[13:07] Speaker 2: Every day Like, that's gonna be tough. It's gonna be
[13:10] Speaker 2: tough on a.
[13:10] Speaker 1: Relationship, but I think he'll come around.
[13:12] Speaker 2: I think he'll come on to I can maybe sink
[13:15] Speaker 2: him back in.
[13:15] Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't have anything standswer for five right all
[13:18] Speaker 3: Star seasons. There's another big one coming up, That's all
[13:20] Speaker 3: I was saying. And I've seen the promos and it's exciting.
[13:22] Speaker 2: It's so exciting. Do you know they're doing a dual
[13:25] Speaker 2: episode with Beast Games. No one cares, no what. Yeah,
[13:30] Speaker 2: so they're doing like a crossover episode where like Survivor
[13:33] Speaker 2: and Beast Games are doing a crossover episode. They're like,
[13:36] Speaker 2: Jeff Probes will be on one episode of Beast Games
[13:39] Speaker 2: and Mister Beast will be like hosting.
[13:41] Speaker 3: I don't want that.
[13:42] Speaker 1: The biggest turn of events is Tanya even knowing what
[13:45] Speaker 1: Mister Games is. I'm step kids, I know, but like
[13:49] Speaker 1: that you just a few years ago, no one could
[13:52] Speaker 1: have predicted.
[13:53] Speaker 2: No, who knows. But they're bringing back the live finale.
[13:57] Speaker 3: I saw that.
[13:58] Speaker 2: That's very to go to that.
[14:00] Speaker 3: It's my favorite part of the season back in the
[14:02] Speaker 3: day was when suddenly they go from being emaciated after
[14:05] Speaker 3: thirty nine days, it's not thirty nine anymore, but they're emaciated,
[14:08] Speaker 3: and then suddenly you go to Live and they are
[14:11] Speaker 3: full size again. And it's fascinating.
[14:13] Speaker 1: It's crazy. You have to find a way to go.
[14:16] Speaker 1: Because my biggest regret in life, which wouldn't have happened
[14:20] Speaker 1: because I was in high school, but was not getting
[14:22] Speaker 1: to go to a friend's life taping. Oh and yeah,
[14:26] Speaker 1: I'm not getting to go to the reunion. Yeah it
[14:29] Speaker 1: was a live show.
[14:30] Speaker 2: That's why I feel like I was like, I saw
[14:31] Speaker 2: like Survivor stop doing the live shows because of the
[14:34] Speaker 2: pandemic and so, and I wasn't a fan before. Yeah,
[14:37] Speaker 2: so I missed out on all those years where I
[14:39] Speaker 2: could have gone. And now that.
[14:40] Speaker 1: It's back, do everything you can to get I will.
[14:43] Speaker 2: Do everything that for me for my regret.
[14:45] Speaker 3: Okay, okay, did you watch the Crazey Anatomy return it? Okay,
[14:50] Speaker 3: I'll just say this. They need to stop leaving the hospital.
[14:55] Speaker 3: Anytime any of them leave the hospital for any reason.
[14:58] Speaker 3: Horrible things happened in trouble. Now nobody's in trouble, but
[15:03] Speaker 3: I'm not no spoilers here, But she's not doing great. Uh,
[15:08] Speaker 3: A little shepherd had to take a patient to the
[15:10] Speaker 3: other hospital, and so they go for a drive and
[15:12] Speaker 3: of course a tire blows out. Like every single time
[15:15] Speaker 3: they leave the hospital, and it's so frustrating because hey,
[15:18] Speaker 3: can you take over to the other hospital. I'm like,
[15:19] Speaker 3: oh great, now, what's gonna happen? Nothing good?
[15:22] Speaker 1: Are they dangling off a cliff?
[15:24] Speaker 3: No, it's not that bad.
[15:25] Speaker 1: Okay, No, anyway you could spoiler alert. Is Joe alive?
[15:31] Speaker 3: She's currently a living character on that show? Yes, but
[15:38] Speaker 3: tonight tonight maybe we don't know.
[15:44] Speaker 1: Oh, that's tough.
[15:46] Speaker 2: I could get back into graze all the time I've had, Yeah.
[15:50] Speaker 1: All the TV.
[15:51] Speaker 3: Yeah, by the way, we now know you're never coming back.
[15:53] Speaker 2: I watched run Away. You know there's a new show
[15:56] Speaker 2: on Netflix.
[15:57] Speaker 3: No, no one knows any of these shows because you
[16:00] Speaker 3: watch every show deep.
[16:01] Speaker 1: You're so deep into Netflix. You're getting recommendations like a
[16:05] Speaker 1: Danish I can't even search up anymore. It's the number
[16:08] Speaker 1: one show on.
[16:09] Speaker 2: Netflix right now.
[16:09] Speaker 3: Oh I know I'm talking about I'm like, okay.
[16:13] Speaker 2: And then I watched People you Meet on Vacation.
[16:16] Speaker 1: I loved it.
[16:18] Speaker 2: It was so cheesy.
[16:20] Speaker 1: That is the craziest thing that you said. Some of
[16:24] Speaker 1: the movies that you like and you think that was
[16:26] Speaker 1: so cheesy.
[16:27] Speaker 2: I know, I know. So I only watched like I
[16:30] Speaker 2: want to say the first twenty minutes where they're like
[16:33] Speaker 2: in the car and she's eating the brito, and I
[16:34] Speaker 2: was like, I cannot watch this movie like I was.
[16:38] Speaker 1: I was, I'm so, I'm so fascinated by what you
[16:43] Speaker 1: can tolerate.
[16:44] Speaker 2: So I saw your post about how much you loved it,
[16:46] Speaker 2: and our producer Sam loved it too, So I feel
[16:48] Speaker 2: like I want to give it one more shot. I
[16:50] Speaker 2: want to like sit down and try and give it
[16:52] Speaker 2: one more shot.
[16:53] Speaker 1: But I love the leads.
[16:55] Speaker 2: I felt like there was no chemistry, like negative chemistry.
[17:00] Speaker 1: Well you only watched the part where they're just met.
[17:03] Speaker 2: Yeah, but shouldn't there be some sort of chemistry.
[17:05] Speaker 1: There's chemistry. I actually did see a lot of people
[17:07] Speaker 1: say they didn't feel like they had chemistry. I feel
[17:09] Speaker 1: like they had chemistry. I love that lead actresses just
[17:12] Speaker 1: like so cute to me.
[17:15] Speaker 2: Well that's crazy, it was so sad. I was like
[17:18] Speaker 2: so excited. I was counting not the days so it
[17:20] Speaker 2: came out because it was fresh TV.
[17:23] Speaker 1: I like that. I like that year of takes. There's
[17:28] Speaker 1: always people that agree with you, but it's never the
[17:31] Speaker 1: majority take. And I like that you take your own
[17:34] Speaker 1: path on things, which refreshing.
[17:37] Speaker 2: I was so excited for that movie to come out,
[17:38] Speaker 2: Like I was like literally because there's so much buzz
[17:41] Speaker 2: around it and like and then again it was like
[17:43] Speaker 2: fresh TV. Like I was just like boaming at the
[17:46] Speaker 2: mouth for something new, and so I was so excited.
[17:48] Speaker 2: And then I watched this car scene and I was like,
[17:50] Speaker 2: I can't finish this.
[17:52] Speaker 1: You should give it another shot.
[17:53] Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, we have some Dear.
[17:56] Speaker 1: Bonio questions because the people have been needing her advice
[18:00] Speaker 1: and our health. So we're gonna take a break and
[18:02] Speaker 1: we'll be right back. We're back. What are you laughing?
[18:28] Speaker 2: He goes l L with This is about Becca's pickup that's.
[18:31] Speaker 3: Right, play basketball?
[18:32] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, No. For those who don't remember, in the
[18:34] Speaker 1: last episode, I talked about playing in a basketball league
[18:38] Speaker 1: on Tuesday night and Tania text to Robbie about it.
[18:43] Speaker 2: I said, Becca has a pickup basketball game tomorrow. He said, llol,
[18:46] Speaker 2: where with who? What is happening? That's right, I'm asking
[18:53] Speaker 2: the same things. All right, let's get into it, all.
[18:55] Speaker 1: Right, Dear Bonya.
[18:58] Speaker 3: Anonymous, Hi, Becca'm market Eastern. I'd love your perspective on
[19:03] Speaker 3: something I've been going back and forth on I've been
[19:04] Speaker 3: with my fiance for nine years. We have a three
[19:06] Speaker 3: year old, recently welcome to our second daughter. We have
[19:08] Speaker 3: a dog. We bought a house together two years ago
[19:11] Speaker 3: after our first daughter was born. Planned to get married,
[19:13] Speaker 3: but life just kept happening. Even though we have this full,
[19:16] Speaker 3: beautiful life together, I still deeply believe in marriage and
[19:19] Speaker 3: want to mark that commitment intentionally. But now that I'm
[19:22] Speaker 3: in this season, I can't imagine spending what it costs
[19:25] Speaker 3: to have a traditional wedding, even though I've always dreamed
[19:27] Speaker 3: of having one. My question is should I let that
[19:30] Speaker 3: dream go and go to the courthouse or should I
[19:32] Speaker 3: wait until we can afford a venue and get married
[19:34] Speaker 3: the way I always imagined. I feel torn between being
[19:37] Speaker 3: practical and honoring something that still really matters to me.
[19:40] Speaker 3: I'd love to hear your thoughts.
[19:42] Speaker 2: Love you guys, Taylor.
[19:45] Speaker 1: Time You've had a dream wedding, So how do you
[19:49] Speaker 1: feel about it after all is said and done.
[19:52] Speaker 2: I feel like both things can exist at the same time.
[19:58] Speaker 2: I do feel like you should honor the fact that
[20:00] Speaker 2: you have been saying that you do want to have
[20:03] Speaker 2: this wedding. It's important to you. But as time goes on,
[20:07] Speaker 2: life happens, it becomes less I don't say less important,
[20:10] Speaker 2: but just life starts lifing, and you thinking about spending
[20:13] Speaker 2: all that money does seem frivolous, But I will say,
[20:19] Speaker 2: it's so much money, and it's always going to feel
[20:23] Speaker 2: that way, do you know what I mean? Even when
[20:25] Speaker 2: life's not lifing, it's always like I cannot I still
[20:28] Speaker 2: can't believe I spent this much money on one day
[20:32] Speaker 2: in my life, one day of my life. But I
[20:34] Speaker 2: can say that it was the best day of my life,
[20:38] Speaker 2: best weekend of my life. I still look back at
[20:41] Speaker 2: videos and photos. I mean, granted it was really just
[20:45] Speaker 2: like less than a year ago, but I can't imagine
[20:47] Speaker 2: that I'm ever going to regret that ever, And it's
[20:53] Speaker 2: a way to bring people in your life together, Like
[20:56] Speaker 2: I feel like, I don't know, it was just it
[20:57] Speaker 2: was the most special weekend of my life, and I'll
[21:00] Speaker 2: never regret spending that money. But I do think that
[21:03] Speaker 2: there's a way that you can make both of those
[21:05] Speaker 2: things true, because even if you have your dream wedding,
[21:09] Speaker 2: there's ways to cut back. You can scale it back,
[21:12] Speaker 2: you can maybe not invite as many people, you can
[21:15] Speaker 2: cut on certain things like we cut on flowers. I
[21:18] Speaker 2: don't know if you could tell, but we just had
[21:21] Speaker 2: single bud bases and that cut a lot of the
[21:25] Speaker 2: cost down because flowers are very expensive in Mexico. They're
[21:28] Speaker 2: like even triple how much they are here. So there
[21:31] Speaker 2: are ways that you can cut back on costs. You
[21:33] Speaker 2: can do evites instead of printing out invitations, like you
[21:36] Speaker 2: can really kind of tailor it so that you aren't
[21:39] Speaker 2: spending as much. But I don't think that you're going
[21:43] Speaker 2: to regret spending money on it.
[21:46] Speaker 1: I have an idea, what if you have your courthouse
[21:49] Speaker 1: wedding so that you're legally married and you feel like
[21:52] Speaker 1: you've done the thing that you wanted to do for
[21:54] Speaker 1: the commitment with your person, But then you put in
[21:58] Speaker 1: a savings account for both both of you, and you
[22:00] Speaker 1: have an idea of how much you're willing to spend
[22:02] Speaker 1: on your dream wedding, like what budget out what your
[22:05] Speaker 1: dream wedding, how much that would cost, And then you
[22:08] Speaker 1: put a savings account and you get to a place
[22:12] Speaker 1: where when that savings account reaches what you want it to,
[22:14] Speaker 1: that you can do your dream wedding knowing that that
[22:16] Speaker 1: money was intentionally for a celebration and a party, and
[22:19] Speaker 1: you get to have your dream like weekend or day
[22:22] Speaker 1: or whatever it is with your favorite people in address
[22:25] Speaker 1: and doing all the things that you want to do,
[22:28] Speaker 1: but you don't feel stressed that you've done something irresponsible financially.
[22:34] Speaker 3: I think there's also a happy medium here. It's not
[22:36] Speaker 3: courthouse or wedding of the century, like you could have
[22:39] Speaker 3: a really modest ceremony with all of your friends and
[22:42] Speaker 3: family there.
[22:43] Speaker 1: Yeah, but she's specifically saying dream wedding, so it's making
[22:46] Speaker 1: me think it's a.
[22:46] Speaker 3: Think you can have a scaled down dream wedding. I
[22:48] Speaker 3: think the courthouse is not what you want. I think
[22:52] Speaker 3: the courthouse is giving in.
[22:54] Speaker 1: But the court cast to me is like you you
[22:57] Speaker 1: have it with your person and a select few people
[22:59] Speaker 1: that's really in, and you get a photographer and take
[23:01] Speaker 1: really like put a beautiful something that you feel beautiful
[23:04] Speaker 1: and didn't take beautiful photos. Those are like I love,
[23:07] Speaker 1: I love when I see elopements like that. But then
[23:10] Speaker 1: I think, if she wants the celebration and having a
[23:13] Speaker 1: band or whatever she wants, then it's like you plan
[23:17] Speaker 1: that when when you feel like that's not going to
[23:20] Speaker 1: be a burden on you financially.
[23:21] Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think I really think that social media
[23:24] Speaker 2: plays such a part into the like the wedding culture,
[23:28] Speaker 2: because I feel like people will look at my wedding
[23:31] Speaker 2: and think that that was like the most extravagant wedding
[23:35] Speaker 2: that they've ever seen. But then I looked at other
[23:37] Speaker 2: weddings and I was like, oh my gosh, like we
[23:39] Speaker 2: cut on, Like there were so many things that we
[23:41] Speaker 2: cut on because we did we didn't want, you know,
[23:43] Speaker 2: we wanted to like stick within a certain budget, and
[23:46] Speaker 2: like there was things that I was like, oh I
[23:47] Speaker 2: wish you know, like oh I didn't I didn't do
[23:49] Speaker 2: that second look, or I didn't do this whatever night,
[23:52] Speaker 2: and we didn't do a cake and you know what
[23:55] Speaker 2: I mean. Like there was just all these all things
[23:57] Speaker 2: and I feel like you compare stuff that you see
[24:00] Speaker 2: on social media. So I don't want you to do
[24:02] Speaker 2: that because I feel like that takes you down such
[24:04] Speaker 2: like a bad rabbit hole.
[24:07] Speaker 1: Right.
[24:07] Speaker 2: I think when you just take a look at like
[24:09] Speaker 2: what's really important to you when you think of dream wedding,
[24:12] Speaker 2: what is that? Who is that? And then work from there,
[24:15] Speaker 2: there are ways to cut costs and still have a
[24:18] Speaker 2: really beautiful wedding.
[24:19] Speaker 1: I think that's smart, like look at the things that
[24:21] Speaker 1: are important to you and not like what social because
[24:24] Speaker 1: I saw a post on the Facebook group that was
[24:27] Speaker 1: talking about how our lives aren't relatable based on like
[24:29] Speaker 1: what we spend like money, how much money we spend
[24:31] Speaker 1: on things and like the extravagant trips we take and everything.
[24:34] Speaker 1: And I think it's that's the perspective though, of like
[24:37] Speaker 1: what social media does, because they're looking at us, and
[24:42] Speaker 1: then we have people that we look at and we're like, well,
[24:44] Speaker 1: we could never imagine doing that, and that's just life
[24:47] Speaker 1: and comparison and it steals any joy. So I would
[24:51] Speaker 1: say literally, think of what your dream wedding is, not
[24:55] Speaker 1: not a Pinterest board of what your dream wedding is,
[24:57] Speaker 1: but like when you think about who's there, what food
[25:01] Speaker 1: do you have, what it looks like from like an
[25:03] Speaker 1: overhead view, and a memory that you're going to have.
[25:07] Speaker 1: And I think Mark's right. I think you can have
[25:10] Speaker 1: a dream wedding. I just want it. I personally feel
[25:13] Speaker 1: like it's not worth and maybe I'm speaking from not
[25:16] Speaker 1: having the experience, but I can't imagine if you're not
[25:20] Speaker 1: in a financial place to do it that you will
[25:22] Speaker 1: feel that it was worth it for one day, so
[25:24] Speaker 1: I would get to a place where it's not going
[25:25] Speaker 1: to feel like you've totally put your family in a
[25:30] Speaker 1: bad place financially. But I also think you deserve to
[25:34] Speaker 1: have your moment.
[25:35] Speaker 2: Mm hm.
[25:36] Speaker 3: The average cost of a wedding in America is thirty
[25:38] Speaker 3: two thousand dollars Gosh's and that's not practical.
[25:41] Speaker 1: Yeah, it's crazy, all right.
[25:44] Speaker 3: Next one, Dear Banya and Meston, I have been in
[25:48] Speaker 3: a serious relationship with my boyfriend for about two almost
[25:51] Speaker 3: three years now. When I hear the way Tany's obsessed
[25:54] Speaker 3: with Robbie in his hands, the way beca loves on
[25:57] Speaker 3: Haley with pure intentionality, the way Mark it's excited about
[26:00] Speaker 3: his future with Amy even after all these years together,
[26:03] Speaker 3: and the way efton our Caramel Korn Princess talks about
[26:05] Speaker 3: enjoying every niche moment with Alison. I can't help sit
[26:09] Speaker 3: in my car and reflect on my own relationship. It
[26:12] Speaker 3: inspired me to, unbeknownst to you, join you in the
[26:15] Speaker 3: Artist's Way Workbook. Through the pod and the workbook, I
[26:19] Speaker 3: still don't feel the way about my boyfriend that you
[26:22] Speaker 3: all sound about your respective partners. I don't feel seen
[26:25] Speaker 3: in the way that you all have shared that you are.
[26:27] Speaker 3: Is seeniness something that has developed over time that you
[26:31] Speaker 3: each have worked on in your relationships or is this
[26:34] Speaker 3: my cue that I don't feel seen and I never
[26:36] Speaker 3: will with him. He's a firefighter with a kind heart.
[26:39] Speaker 3: He's my best friend, but I can't seem to shake
[26:41] Speaker 3: this feeling that I should be obsessed with him and
[26:43] Speaker 3: I'm not. My delulu of being a day one scrubber
[26:46] Speaker 3: has convinced me that we're all friends. So I trust
[26:48] Speaker 3: your input as if I were hearing from long distance buds.
[26:51] Speaker 3: Please help, Sincerely, A scrub A struggling scrubber.
[26:56] Speaker 2: Shoot, I don't know because she said best friend, which
[27:01] Speaker 2: is like, that's what you want, you know, you want
[27:03] Speaker 2: to like be with your best friend, But if you're
[27:07] Speaker 2: not obsessed with them, maybe that's just not your personality.
[27:11] Speaker 1: Gosh, I'm I'm so torn on this because my personality
[27:17] Speaker 1: before Haley was that maybe that's just not my personality. Oh,
[27:22] Speaker 1: you know, every time I felt and people would talk
[27:25] Speaker 1: about it, and I'm like, well, I don't necessarily have that,
[27:28] Speaker 1: but I don't think it's in me. And then I
[27:31] Speaker 1: realized it was in me.
[27:32] Speaker 2: And right, So I feel like I know your advice here, Yeah,
[27:39] Speaker 2: I don't.
[27:41] Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I don't like that
[27:44] Speaker 1: life has to be like I don't want it to
[27:46] Speaker 1: be like your relationship has to look like our spirit
[27:49] Speaker 1: to be good.
[27:50] Speaker 2: I know. And that's the thing I keep think because
[27:51] Speaker 2: I'm like, we're fresh, we're like newly married. Will I
[27:54] Speaker 2: be as obsessed with Robbie in twenty years? I think so?
[27:57] Speaker 1: But I don't know, right, but she's not even married.
[28:01] Speaker 1: They're two defensers.
[28:02] Speaker 4: I know, I know, I know, I know, but I
[28:07] Speaker 4: don't want to overreact here either. He sounds a great guy, right,
[28:11] Speaker 4: I think you need to ask yourself, like do I
[28:15] Speaker 4: look at other guys? Do I find myself envious of
[28:17] Speaker 4: other relationships not ours? Like people in your life? You know,
[28:20] Speaker 4: Like do you like? I think, do you find your
[28:22] Speaker 4: mind or I wandering? And if that is the case,
[28:25] Speaker 4: that's a sign. Otherwise I think I don't know.
[28:28] Speaker 3: I like this guy for you kind of mart firefighter
[28:31] Speaker 3: best friend like that seems like he checks a lot.
[28:34] Speaker 2: Of boxes, Yeah, important boxes.
[28:36] Speaker 3: Obsessed is a big word.
[28:39] Speaker 2: I know. That's why I feel like some people just
[28:41] Speaker 2: don't have an obsessive personality. So that's why I have that.
[28:46] Speaker 1: I'll say I don't.
[28:48] Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, like I wish you were more obsessed
[28:50] Speaker 2: with me, but you're not.
[28:54] Speaker 1: I think that gosh, man, life is life is so short? Yes,
[29:01] Speaker 1: And there's so many.
[29:02] Speaker 2: People out there, a plethora.
[29:05] Speaker 1: And being with someone good doesn't mean they're the right
[29:08] Speaker 1: person for you.
[29:10] Speaker 2: Huh.
[29:11] Speaker 1: Being with someone.
[29:11] Speaker 2: Who's good ah h I see, it doesn't.
[29:14] Speaker 1: Mean that they're your person. And it has nothing to
[29:17] Speaker 1: do with anything that he's done or who he is
[29:19] Speaker 1: as a person. This is about you growing and learning
[29:22] Speaker 1: about what you want and what's important to you in
[29:24] Speaker 1: a relationship. If you want a relationship where you feel
[29:29] Speaker 1: crazy about your partner, then this doesn't seem like this
[29:32] Speaker 1: is your guy. Yeah, And you can't force yourself to
[29:35] Speaker 1: feel crazy about someone.
[29:36] Speaker 2: But you know what I think is keeping you in
[29:38] Speaker 2: this relationship because he does check the boxes, and he
[29:40] Speaker 2: has a kind heart, and he is a good guy,
[29:42] Speaker 2: and he is your best friend. So you're kind of
[29:43] Speaker 2: complacent and you're like happy ish, And I think what
[29:48] Speaker 2: scares people is the thought of ending something that's like
[29:52] Speaker 2: something with a good guy to find great because they're
[29:55] Speaker 2: scared they're not going to find better. Do you know
[29:57] Speaker 2: what I mean?
[29:58] Speaker 1: Mm hmm, do you know what I think?
[30:00] Speaker 2: Hear?
[30:01] Speaker 1: I think what is meant for you will find a way.
[30:04] Speaker 1: I truly think that if if you go on your
[30:07] Speaker 1: journey and you're on a self discovery of figuring out
[30:10] Speaker 1: what you want, like let's say you and things in
[30:12] Speaker 1: this relationship, and you let him know that you have
[30:16] Speaker 1: so much respect for him and think so highly of him,
[30:18] Speaker 1: but this is like something you need to do for yourself.
[30:21] Speaker 1: I think you go on that journey and figure out
[30:23] Speaker 1: exactly what you want. And I think if this guy
[30:26] Speaker 1: is your person, at some point in your life, you
[30:29] Speaker 1: will find yourself back in each other's lives. I really
[30:31] Speaker 1: believe that if it doesn't end on like bad terms.
[30:35] Speaker 1: But I don't think it's fair for you to hold
[30:37] Speaker 1: yourself back in something that doesn't have elements of a
[30:43] Speaker 1: relationship that you want. And I think that you can
[30:46] Speaker 1: find a thousand good guys who have a kind heart.
[30:51] Speaker 2: Beck's preaching right now, but also she's preaching imagine the future.
[30:54] Speaker 3: That's I always that's one of my preachers, always imagine
[30:57] Speaker 3: the future. I don't know hoole the thing. You're twenty five, now,
[31:00] Speaker 3: imagine you're thirty. Imagine you're thirty five and you're with
[31:02] Speaker 3: this guy and you're raising kids with this guy. Does
[31:04] Speaker 3: that make you feel like you or does it make
[31:06] Speaker 3: you feel like, oh, that'd be so nice? Like that, like,
[31:08] Speaker 3: really put yourself in that moment. That's going to tell
[31:10] Speaker 3: you a lot.
[31:11] Speaker 1: What if she's just like indifferent and different, that's not great.
[31:17] Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I'm indifferent about a vibrator, do you know
[31:20] Speaker 2: what I mean?
[31:21] Speaker 3: Yeah?
[31:22] Speaker 2: Like take it or leave it.
[31:25] Speaker 1: So my advice is that I don't know your age,
[31:29] Speaker 1: but I actually don't even think age matters.
[31:31] Speaker 2: It doesn't find You're never too old to be happy.
[31:35] Speaker 1: Find yourself. It sounds like she's fine, she sounds like happy,
[31:38] Speaker 1: But give yourself a chance to be ecstatic. And it
[31:44] Speaker 1: doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean that
[31:46] Speaker 1: you're greedy, It doesn't mean that you're selfish. It just
[31:48] Speaker 1: means that you have an idea of something that you
[31:51] Speaker 1: want that you don't have right now. And if not you, who,
[31:55] Speaker 1: and if not now, when, and if not here where.
[32:01] Speaker 2: Exactly?
[32:03] Speaker 5: All right?
[32:04] Speaker 3: We got one more?
[32:04] Speaker 1: But first, are we're back.
[32:30] Speaker 2: We're back all.
[32:31] Speaker 3: Right, Anonymous says, dear Bonya and Marston. Oh, I like
[32:34] Speaker 3: that better than beston Marston's really nice first off, Sydney Me.
[32:38] Speaker 3: Congratulations Rebecca and Haley on your engagements. My partner and
[32:42] Speaker 3: I women loving women. Have been together for almost eight years.
[32:46] Speaker 3: We got married last year and are absolutely loving being
[32:49] Speaker 3: in our wife era. My wife, however, is not out
[32:52] Speaker 3: to anyone in her family. For context, not judgment. They're
[32:57] Speaker 3: not accepting of the LGBTQ community due to their particular
[33:00] Speaker 3: religious beliefs. Well, I'm going to judge. If you don't
[33:02] Speaker 3: want to, I'm going to. She lives many states away,
[33:06] Speaker 3: and over the years has gone home for holidays, vacations,
[33:08] Speaker 3: and other visits with intentions to come out, but this
[33:10] Speaker 3: hasn't yet materialized. Her being in this position breaks my heart,
[33:13] Speaker 3: especially given how family oriented she is. At the same time,
[33:17] Speaker 3: I worth that continuing to delay maybe making already difficult
[33:20] Speaker 3: situation only harder. She agrees and has expressed regrets about
[33:24] Speaker 3: not coming out sooner. I want to support her and
[33:26] Speaker 3: not make things harder for her, but I'm struggling to
[33:28] Speaker 3: know what that support looks like at this stage of
[33:30] Speaker 3: the journey. Thank you for letting us into the gift
[33:33] Speaker 3: that is your friendship, dynamic and sharing your lives over
[33:35] Speaker 3: the years.
[33:37] Speaker 2: Wow, Oh you should lead this one.
[33:42] Speaker 3: They're married really something.
[33:46] Speaker 1: Congratulations on getting married.
[33:48] Speaker 2: Yes, so exciting.
[33:51] Speaker 1: Man, this is so hard. Religion is really a complicated
[33:56] Speaker 1: topic in terms of coming out and homosexuality in general.
[34:03] Speaker 1: I obviously had people in my life that had a
[34:07] Speaker 1: really really hard time with it, and I, you know,
[34:14] Speaker 1: there were people that I chose to come out to,
[34:17] Speaker 1: and there were people that I was outed to, and like,
[34:20] Speaker 1: there's parts of me that are upset with the person
[34:22] Speaker 1: who outed me because for a long time I was
[34:24] Speaker 1: like I didn't even get to tell people how I
[34:26] Speaker 1: wanted to tell them. However, I think in hindsight, I'm
[34:31] Speaker 1: glad it was almost like they ripped a band aid
[34:33] Speaker 1: off for me, And not that it made it easier
[34:35] Speaker 1: in some ways, but it kind of did this really
[34:40] Speaker 1: hard thing for me. So I have so much grace
[34:46] Speaker 1: for your partner and your wife. I also think that
[34:52] Speaker 1: she's living a life where they don't know such a
[34:56] Speaker 1: massive part of who she is, and I I hope
[35:00] Speaker 1: that she's able to get to a place where she
[35:04] Speaker 1: has found her family and support maybe with other people.
[35:08] Speaker 1: I think when I came out publicly, I had already
[35:12] Speaker 1: I had such a strong support system around me that
[35:15] Speaker 1: I knew that no matter how people reacted, I had
[35:18] Speaker 1: that love and support in my life. And so I
[35:21] Speaker 1: hope that your wife has that. And I also think
[35:23] Speaker 1: that it is on her time, however she's Gosh. I
[35:32] Speaker 1: don't want her to feel pressured to do it because.
[35:34] Speaker 2: I know I like, I feel for your wife. I
[35:38] Speaker 2: feel for you though, and I feel for her too.
[35:40] Speaker 2: I totally I feel for everybody, but I just feel
[35:42] Speaker 2: like forcing somebody to do something before they're like actually ready.
[35:46] Speaker 2: But there is a fine line because it's like they're married,
[35:49] Speaker 2: Like what is she telling her family? Yeah, she's single,
[35:52] Speaker 2: that she's dating a man, Like, like, what is she
[35:55] Speaker 2: telling her family? I think that's the trickiest part.
[36:00] Speaker 1: And I think there's going to be an adjustment period
[36:02] Speaker 1: no matter what, even if they end up coming around
[36:04] Speaker 1: in some capacity, and if they might not come around,
[36:07] Speaker 1: because I know there's when it's religion, you you really
[36:10] Speaker 1: can't compete with God, like you stop to compete with God. Yeah,
[36:14] Speaker 1: but I would like to hope that they can process,
[36:19] Speaker 1: and also maybe there's a way they secretly know and
[36:25] Speaker 1: they're waiting. I don't know how how do you?
[36:28] Speaker 2: But also I know there's no no competing with God.
[36:30] Speaker 2: But it's like, also there comes a point where you
[36:32] Speaker 2: just have to when you're married, like tell them no.
[36:36] Speaker 1: I'm saying, like the parent, like whether they support her
[36:39] Speaker 1: or not, right.
[36:39] Speaker 2: But she just needs to when she says, when she
[36:42] Speaker 2: comes out to them, they might not react well. They
[36:49] Speaker 2: probably won't react that they won't react well.
[36:52] Speaker 1: And also there's going to be hurt, probably in the
[36:55] Speaker 1: sense of like it's been eight years that we haven't
[36:59] Speaker 1: known and you're married. We miss like a huge part.
[37:02] Speaker 1: But but no matter what, I think, I think the
[37:07] Speaker 1: main thing is that no matter what, it's going to
[37:09] Speaker 1: be hard because you can't predict how they're going to react.
[37:13] Speaker 1: They might react, they might surprise you. They might have
[37:16] Speaker 1: a great reaction or better reaction than you could imagine.
[37:18] Speaker 1: They might react horribly. But I think that you have
[37:21] Speaker 1: to be prepared for what you you know, she knows
[37:25] Speaker 1: her family. You have to be prepared for how they're
[37:27] Speaker 1: going to respond, and know that you have a wife
[37:30] Speaker 1: who loves you, you have friends who love you and
[37:33] Speaker 1: support you, and you have to be able to live
[37:36] Speaker 1: your life. Like I remember reading Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo,
[37:40] Speaker 1: and I don't want to give anything away if you
[37:42] Speaker 1: haven't read it, but I remember at the very end,
[37:45] Speaker 1: she's just talking about like her life and how she
[37:48] Speaker 1: had so many regrets of not living her truth about
[37:51] Speaker 1: who she was. This like this character at the end
[37:55] Speaker 1: is talking about how she wished that she hadn't wasted
[37:58] Speaker 1: so much time not letting people know who she really was,
[38:01] Speaker 1: and it impacted me so much that, like I think
[38:03] Speaker 1: a month later is when I came out publicly because
[38:05] Speaker 1: I finally was like, I'm living my one life based
[38:09] Speaker 1: around what other people are going to respond to my love, Yeah,
[38:13] Speaker 1: to something that is like the most beautiful thing and
[38:16] Speaker 1: the most beautiful gift I've ever had, And I've never
[38:18] Speaker 1: had feelings like this, and I'm suppressing it because of
[38:23] Speaker 1: people who have an opinion. Yeah, And it's just not
[38:26] Speaker 1: worth living our life and not being free to be
[38:29] Speaker 1: who we are. And people are going to disappoint you
[38:32] Speaker 1: and how they react. They're going to disappoint you and
[38:35] Speaker 1: their response and you just have to know that, like
[38:40] Speaker 1: they're processing something and it has nothing to do with you. Yeah,
[38:44] Speaker 1: So I don't really know that I have advice except
[38:48] Speaker 1: that it's not going to get easier as time goes on.
[38:51] Speaker 1: It's just going to get harder, you know, because as
[38:55] Speaker 1: more time goes by than beyond the shock of you
[38:58] Speaker 1: coming out, they're gonna.
[39:00] Speaker 2: Getting married and being.
[39:02] Speaker 1: Married and living this life for so long without them knowing.
[39:05] Speaker 1: But your family should love you, and that's the that's
[39:09] Speaker 1: my main takeaway is like family, family should just love
[39:12] Speaker 1: you for being exactly who you are.
[39:15] Speaker 2: And if they don't initially, maybe they'll come around in time.
[39:20] Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it takes and time
[39:24] Speaker 1: heals a lot of wounds. And it might be that
[39:26] Speaker 1: you don't talk to them for a while, and it
[39:27] Speaker 1: might be that you have some holidays that you don't
[39:30] Speaker 1: spend with them. Yeah, but you find your people and
[39:33] Speaker 1: you find your family. And I'm really sorry y'all are
[39:35] Speaker 1: having to navigate this. And I wish I could hug
[39:37] Speaker 1: both of you and let you know that you're like
[39:39] Speaker 1: so loved and so supported and you're going to find
[39:43] Speaker 1: your people, and just let her know that she's strong
[39:47] Speaker 1: and like you, she has you. Yeah, And I will say,
[39:50] Speaker 1: Haley was so patient. We were together for four years
[39:53] Speaker 1: before I came out, and there was never once pressure
[39:57] Speaker 1: from her to come out to certain people. But I
[40:00] Speaker 1: also never wanted her to feel hidden or like a secret.
[40:03] Speaker 5: So y'all both deserve the best, and I'm rooting for
[40:08] Speaker 5: you both to sucks.
[40:10] Speaker 1: Sucks well, but not in my stomach for them.
[40:15] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[40:16] Speaker 1: But man, that's why I feel like the show like
[40:20] Speaker 1: he did Rivalry, even though, like I said, it's like
[40:22] Speaker 1: so there's a lightheartedness to it and a lot of sex,
[40:26] Speaker 1: but there is like this underlying message of like coming out.
[40:31] Speaker 2: Yeah, and like I was so scared when his dad
[40:36] Speaker 2: saw yeah, Like I was expecting like some explosive yeah.
[40:41] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[40:41] Speaker 2: And the way they didn't like made me so emotional.
[40:45] Speaker 1: It was like healing.
[40:46] Speaker 2: Yeah. It was really really really sweet, really well done.
[40:49] Speaker 1: Your parents have expectations of how your life is going
[40:52] Speaker 1: to be, Like most parents have this idea of what's
[40:54] Speaker 1: going to happen, and especially for me, like I went
[40:57] Speaker 1: on The Bachelor or twice, like, there was definitely expectations
[40:59] Speaker 1: of what my life was going to be, and so
[41:01] Speaker 1: I always remember what I've learned in therapy is like
[41:04] Speaker 1: I kind of went on my own path, Like they
[41:06] Speaker 1: didn't really change. Like my family and like friends who
[41:09] Speaker 1: were close to me, they didn't really change who they
[41:10] Speaker 1: were what they believed. But I kind of stepped out
[41:13] Speaker 1: and did my something separate. So like giving people time
[41:16] Speaker 1: to be surprised and process is normal. But you do
[41:20] Speaker 1: deserve to be loved, yes, and not question that. So Anonymous,
[41:27] Speaker 1: we love.
[41:27] Speaker 2: You, We love you. Sorry you're going through that.
[41:29] Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so hard. Do we have any to end
[41:34] Speaker 1: it on?
[41:35] Speaker 5: Well?
[41:36] Speaker 3: Uh, there was a woman who asked the best meal
[41:38] Speaker 3: you ever had in your life? In Japan was oh,
[41:40] Speaker 3: my gosh. Yeah, she took a screen shop and now
[41:44] Speaker 3: you can't find it.
[41:45] Speaker 1: It was it's called like Neora Gion and it's Kobe beef.
[41:54] Speaker 1: It's in Kyoto, and it was like the best stake
[41:58] Speaker 1: we've ever had in our life. It was such a
[42:00] Speaker 1: fun experience to go to. So that was Mariah Gion.
[42:05] Speaker 1: And then we had so many good meals, but that
[42:08] Speaker 1: was the one I said was the best stick I've
[42:10] Speaker 1: had in my life. You would have loved it.
[42:13] Speaker 2: Oh, it me tell you something I've also been doing
[42:16] Speaker 2: the past three weeks. Oh, eating cumfort eating has become
[42:21] Speaker 2: our our new foretest.
[42:23] Speaker 3: It's something super decadent that you would not normally eat,
[42:26] Speaker 3: but you ate during this stretch.
[42:28] Speaker 2: Okay, So there's this place that I go to and
[42:31] Speaker 2: they have excellent breakfast burritos. They wrap them in a
[42:33] Speaker 2: gluten free tortilla, so it gets like eggs, avocado, cheese,
[42:37] Speaker 2: and my gluten free and tortilla. I had them put
[42:41] Speaker 2: like lamb shwarma or like some sort of like lamb
[42:46] Speaker 2: meat in it with turkey, bacon and hash browns.
[42:50] Speaker 3: Wow.
[42:52] Speaker 2: I would never eat that normally and it was amazing.
[42:55] Speaker 3: Wow.
[42:57] Speaker 2: I had a waffle the other day on top of
[42:59] Speaker 2: my eggs for breakfast. Yeah, I've had some. I'm just
[43:05] Speaker 2: kind of been letting loose.
[43:06] Speaker 3: Nice.
[43:07] Speaker 1: That's so funny. It's like protein still, Like you're still
[43:11] Speaker 1: like lamb still pro.
[43:12] Speaker 3: What about like ice cream? Any indulgence like that?
[43:15] Speaker 2: Yeah, cake pie not so much a cake gal pie goal,
[43:18] Speaker 2: but I've done. I've dabbled in a lot of ice
[43:21] Speaker 2: cream over the holidays. So I have this thing that
[43:25] Speaker 2: I really love. It's a date filled with some sort
[43:28] Speaker 2: of nut butter dipped in dark chocolate with sea salt
[43:31] Speaker 2: on top. That sounds great, It's delicious. I'll eat like
[43:35] Speaker 2: three or four at a time.
[43:36] Speaker 1: They're so good.
[43:37] Speaker 2: They're so like good.
[43:38] Speaker 1: Relatively healthy compared to like a candy bar.
[43:41] Speaker 2: Yeah, but I yeah, I've just kind of been letting myself,
[43:44] Speaker 2: Like I had mac and cheese the other night.
[43:49] Speaker 1: The eating in this house, in our house has been
[43:52] Speaker 1: absolutely out of control.
[43:53] Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, first it was like the holidays and we
[43:55] Speaker 2: were like in this whole thing, and then like, yeah,
[43:58] Speaker 2: I just we're all you know, when you go off
[44:00] Speaker 2: the rails and you're just really hard to get back
[44:03] Speaker 2: on the rails.
[44:04] Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, So you know how normally you buy biscuits
[44:07] Speaker 1: and it's in a can of biscuits, like a Canna biscuit.
[44:10] Speaker 3: Like Pillsbury. Yeah, like a Pillsbury.
[44:14] Speaker 1: So that's what I've always had. And then I go
[44:15] Speaker 1: home to Florida and my mom had like a bag
[44:17] Speaker 1: of biscuits that we're in the freezer, so like she
[44:19] Speaker 1: could just make as many as she wanted to take
[44:21] Speaker 1: out the bag and then put it so it wasn't
[44:23] Speaker 1: like you're wasting all these biscuits. Because every time I
[44:25] Speaker 1: want biscuits, we make them and then we have like
[44:28] Speaker 1: so many leftover and they just go to waste. So
[44:31] Speaker 1: I was like, I wonder if they have those in La.
[44:33] Speaker 1: So I found the bag of biscuits Pillsbury, and I
[44:37] Speaker 1: am not kidding. I would say ninety percent of the
[44:43] Speaker 1: day since we've been home, we've had a biscuit every
[44:46] Speaker 1: morning and bacon, real bacon. It was like so southern,
[44:52] Speaker 1: but it was just lovely. It was just like, oh,
[44:53] Speaker 1: you want a biscuit.
[44:55] Speaker 2: Have you heard of this new place in La called
[44:57] Speaker 2: Max and Helen?
[44:58] Speaker 3: Yeah?
[44:58] Speaker 1: I want to go.
[44:59] Speaker 2: Okay, So it's all rage. It's literally all I've seen
[45:02] Speaker 2: on social media. And it's like comfort food.
[45:04] Speaker 1: Like it's like like a new diner.
[45:05] Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a diner. So it's hot chocolate with
[45:07] Speaker 2: like this little like roasted marshmallow on top, and it
[45:09] Speaker 2: looks like these pancakes are so fluffy and delicious, and
[45:11] Speaker 2: I'm like, I want that. I've been wanting that my
[45:13] Speaker 2: whole winter break was Max and Helen's Okay, we go.
[45:17] Speaker 2: We won't show up to Max and Helens put in
[45:19] Speaker 2: our name in eight hour.
[45:23] Speaker 3: Yeah. Wow.
[45:24] Speaker 2: Robbie was so mad.
[45:26] Speaker 1: Eight hours. He's like that is.
[45:28] Speaker 2: So like just say we're booked up today, do you
[45:32] Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like saying eight hours is so
[45:34] Speaker 2: just like what.
[45:35] Speaker 3: Is it They text you when your table is ready,
[45:37] Speaker 3: So just stay within a block radius for eight hours?
[45:39] Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you got to stay around because like
[45:41] Speaker 2: the line was not eight hours, like there was like
[45:43] Speaker 2: people outside, but not eight hours.
[45:45] Speaker 3: That is ludicrous?
[45:46] Speaker 2: Can you believe that? Is? So now Robbie won't go
[45:49] Speaker 2: back with me. I'm just like.
[45:50] Speaker 3: I'm of like with you. Something fundamentally wrong with the process.
[45:58] Speaker 2: So yeah, but not even that, Like it's like just
[46:00] Speaker 2: say we're booked today like tomorrow or like yeah, no
[46:05] Speaker 2: you can't have breakfast yere, but you can come back
[46:06] Speaker 2: for dinner.
[46:07] Speaker 1: Can you make reservation?
[46:08] Speaker 2: No? What's the whole the heck? Hm?
[46:11] Speaker 1: What day did y'all try to do this? Was it
[46:13] Speaker 1: a weekend?
[46:14] Speaker 2: No, it was like a Tuesday. But it was winter break,
[46:17] Speaker 2: so it was like all the days kind of like
[46:18] Speaker 2: it was that that dead week between Christmas and New Year's.
[46:21] Speaker 1: We should go on a random Wednesday. We might get it.
[46:24] Speaker 2: It's not going to be less than an.
[46:26] Speaker 1: Hour, well an hour. It's like you can ride, it's
[46:29] Speaker 1: so cute.
[46:30] Speaker 2: Yeah we can. Like I have a puzzle with a puzzle.
[46:33] Speaker 1: I love puzzle. I love a puzzle.
[46:37] Speaker 2: But yeah, I've been like really wanting that was like,
[46:39] Speaker 2: I love a pancake. I love a fluffy pancake. To me,
[46:41] Speaker 2: there's nothing better in life than like a fluffy, fluffy pancake.
[46:46] Speaker 1: Yeah, but eight hours for a pancake, I only make
[46:49] Speaker 1: me high and leve.
[46:51] Speaker 2: Take make me a million dollars.
[46:53] Speaker 1: I remember. All Right, Well, that's the end of this episode,
[46:58] Speaker 1: and we love you so much. We love you, Thank
[47:00] Speaker 1: you for being here. Another year with us, another year
[47:03] Speaker 1: with you. But how lucky are we us two. We'll
[47:09] Speaker 1: be back next week and I hope you have a
[47:12] Speaker 1: wonderful weekend.
[47:13] Speaker 2: Love you so much.

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