# Dear Banya: Where the Rubber Meets the Road

An episode of [Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1279955329), 13 Nov 2025, 28 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/arttrk.com/p/D5CA5/pdst.fm/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/009b23ef-9bd1-4caf-a592-ae3101631380/55079930-546d-400c-ae71-b394018070f0/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=7e804438-d6f3-48a0-9de8-ae310163138e

It’s time for another round of Dear Banya! But first… we have to figure out WHEN is the appropriate time to start decorating for the holidays! We open up about how to keep a relationship connected for some Scrubbers doing a full pod binge, Tanya shares some of her experience TTC, and we try to figure out how to end a toxic friendship! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio.
[0:04] Speaker 2: And two times People's Choice Award winning.
[0:07] Speaker 3: Podcast Hello Everybody.
[0:13] Speaker 2: We are scrubbing in. I like my hair today. I
[0:19] Speaker 2: thought it looked so cute. Well, thank you, but I
[0:22] Speaker 2: don't like it. Such as life. Such as life that's
[0:28] Speaker 2: not much better. But that's okay. Hello everybody, Hello another
[0:33] Speaker 2: day another podcast.
[0:35] Speaker 3: 'tis right?
[0:36] Speaker 2: What a beautiful journey we are on?
[0:38] Speaker 3: When are you going to decorate for the holidays?
[0:41] Speaker 4: You know?
[0:42] Speaker 2: Has it gone earlier every year?
[0:45] Speaker 4: Well?
[0:45] Speaker 3: No, no, Thanksgiving has been extremely late this year and
[0:50] Speaker 3: last year.
[0:51] Speaker 2: I know.
[0:51] Speaker 5: But there's only six days that Thanksgiving can fall on.
[0:55] Speaker 5: Seven it's not going to very much.
[0:59] Speaker 3: Eh.
[1:01] Speaker 2: I just feel like, well, I've always thought that Thanksgiving
[1:05] Speaker 2: was the third week of third Thursday of the month.
[1:09] Speaker 1: Is that fourth Thursday with the months?
[1:11] Speaker 2: Always okay?
[1:13] Speaker 1: But that's one of those things that people online say changed.
[1:16] Speaker 2: I have it. I have that with Thanksgiving. I thought
[1:19] Speaker 2: it was the third of every November, third Thursday of
[1:22] Speaker 2: every November. So then I was always like, okay, people
[1:25] Speaker 2: start decorating then. And then I felt like as soon
[1:27] Speaker 2: as Halloween's been over, it's immediately like Christmas is up, yeah,
[1:33] Speaker 2: and we skip Thanksgiving whichever. I don't know what decor
[1:38] Speaker 2: is that exactly.
[1:39] Speaker 3: That's the whole point.
[1:41] Speaker 2: So I normally get real Christmas trees, so I.
[1:44] Speaker 3: Don't Yes, you can't go too early.
[1:45] Speaker 2: Yeah, but I've I've been on the fence about leaning
[1:49] Speaker 2: towards a fake Yeah, it's it's something I'm considering.
[1:54] Speaker 3: Talk to me, talk me through.
[1:55] Speaker 2: But I also the thing about, well, I'm talk me
[1:58] Speaker 2: through it.
[1:59] Speaker 3: Talk through the decision. Why not a fake tree? Oh?
[2:02] Speaker 2: Why not a fake tree? Because I love like the smell.
[2:05] Speaker 2: I just like the experience of going to get a tree.
[2:07] Speaker 3: Yes, I do like that as well.
[2:09] Speaker 2: Yeah, I like supporting the industry is for it. But
[2:14] Speaker 2: they have Christmas tree farms where they like grow them
[2:17] Speaker 2: for that.
[2:18] Speaker 1: I don't know.
[2:19] Speaker 2: I don't know if that's political. This is where I'm
[2:22] Speaker 2: not trying to be political.
[2:24] Speaker 3: No, same, I'm not trying to be polular, but I'm like,
[2:26] Speaker 3: it feels better for the environment to not be chopping
[2:29] Speaker 3: down trees and putting them in our houses for like
[2:31] Speaker 3: four weeks. Sides though, right, because mine's like a synthetic
[2:35] Speaker 3: classic like.
[2:38] Speaker 2: Eye who knows to teach them? But anyways, we always
[2:43] Speaker 2: do that, and so I've I've never even considered decorating
[2:46] Speaker 2: this early because my tree I do not have a
[2:51] Speaker 2: green thumb, so you know.
[2:52] Speaker 3: But I also think that they last longer than you
[2:55] Speaker 3: you would think. And also when they dry out a little,
[2:58] Speaker 3: they don't look so bad.
[2:59] Speaker 2: They don't look bad, but things start it's like brittle
[3:02] Speaker 2: and you rest your ornaments falling crashing to the ground.
[3:06] Speaker 2: But the thing with me is that by the time
[3:11] Speaker 2: Christmas is over, I am so ready to take to
[3:14] Speaker 2: get all the clutter and stuff cleared out from Christmas
[3:17] Speaker 2: de core that I feel like if I decorate this early,
[3:21] Speaker 2: that by the time Christmas is there, I'm gonna be
[3:23] Speaker 2: over it.
[3:24] Speaker 3: See you, It's so funny because I feel like I
[3:27] Speaker 3: get sad when I put all that stuff away, because
[3:30] Speaker 3: then it feels like my home is bare, Like I
[3:32] Speaker 3: feel like that room just turns into just like I'm like, oh,
[3:35] Speaker 3: it seems so empty and hopeless. But I now hope
[3:40] Speaker 3: is alive in my house.
[3:41] Speaker 2: Yeah, so maybe you should leave it up all year.
[3:45] Speaker 3: I try and push it as much as I can.
[3:48] Speaker 3: I'm deep into January.
[3:50] Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, I think Hayley would like that I'm like
[3:52] Speaker 2: pretty much the week after Christmas, it's like get it up,
[3:56] Speaker 2: get it out of here, get this dead tree out
[3:58] Speaker 2: of here.
[3:58] Speaker 3: I know, it's always like a big time because I'm like,
[4:00] Speaker 3: we have that time from work, you know what I mean,
[4:03] Speaker 3: Like we have that time where it's like slow. So
[4:04] Speaker 3: I'm like, I'd like to just like get everything down
[4:07] Speaker 3: and take the time, you know, because then once we're
[4:10] Speaker 3: back at work, it's like full blown into the new year.
[4:13] Speaker 3: But I always lose that battle with myself. Yeah, I
[4:16] Speaker 3: choose not to put it away.
[4:17] Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, well you just kind of enjoy what the
[4:20] Speaker 2: heart wants, you know. And I think this year, I'm
[4:23] Speaker 2: gonna I'm gonna leave it up. As long as Haley
[4:25] Speaker 2: wants to leave it up. We can leave the Christmas
[4:28] Speaker 2: lights up till January. It sucked, please leave it whatever.
[4:35] Speaker 3: So I actually like this year. So we never decorate
[4:38] Speaker 3: the outside of our house. We only decorate the inside
[4:39] Speaker 3: of our house. Also, this is like very new for
[4:41] Speaker 3: Robbie because he's never decorated for Christmas in his life.
[4:45] Speaker 3: And so yesterday I was like feeling so ambitious. I
[4:49] Speaker 3: was like, let's decorate the outside too, And I'm like,
[4:52] Speaker 3: go outside to see like what trees we can wrap
[4:54] Speaker 3: and stuff, and I like, come out there for five minutes.
[4:56] Speaker 3: I'm like, inside's fine. Decorating, it's just fine.
[5:01] Speaker 2: Every year I see people with what looks to be
[5:04] Speaker 2: professional lights installed on their out the outside of their house,
[5:08] Speaker 2: you know, yeah, it looks so crisp and nice. Then
[5:11] Speaker 2: I'm gonna do it. And every year I get a
[5:13] Speaker 2: quote and it's so expensive, and I'm like, well, maybe
[5:15] Speaker 2: next year I can do it myself.
[5:19] Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so hard to actually did.
[5:21] Speaker 2: Do it myself. One year, I hung the lights outside
[5:23] Speaker 2: on top of that.
[5:23] Speaker 3: Around just your house. I haven't think just like one
[5:25] Speaker 3: string around the house is so chic.
[5:28] Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it definitely looks like Okay, she didn't.
[5:30] Speaker 3: Want and so she said no more.
[5:33] Speaker 2: But yeah, but yeah, maybe this year, maybe I can
[5:37] Speaker 2: focus on that as my pre decoration, like I can
[5:41] Speaker 2: do the outside because if it just costs the base costs,
[5:46] Speaker 2: and that's what it is until after Christmas, like I
[5:50] Speaker 2: don't know if it's they're like, oh, if you keep
[5:52] Speaker 2: it up for a certain amount of time, it costs
[5:54] Speaker 2: this much, versus if you do it this amount of time,
[5:56] Speaker 2: it's this much. Huh, I'm saying, like, if I get
[5:59] Speaker 2: professor done on the outside, I don't know if it's
[6:02] Speaker 2: based the price is based on how long they're up.
[6:06] Speaker 3: Why would it be based on how long they're up?
[6:07] Speaker 3: But they don't care because.
[6:09] Speaker 2: You're basically borrowing the lights and stuff.
[6:11] Speaker 1: Oh you're not.
[6:12] Speaker 3: You're not putting up your own lights.
[6:14] Speaker 2: No, I'm saying, I would hire someone.
[6:17] Speaker 3: You have to supply the lights.
[6:19] Speaker 2: Oh, I would think I'll have to inquire about Yeah,
[6:23] Speaker 2: I would.
[6:23] Speaker 3: Think they would. They're not borrowing your their lights.
[6:26] Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh okay, well that's different then. Anyways, didn't think
[6:32] Speaker 2: about that, just not they supplied the thought I was
[6:35] Speaker 2: borrowing them and they put them up and then they
[6:38] Speaker 2: come take them down and take up.
[6:39] Speaker 1: If it's that expensive, it seems like that makes sense.
[6:42] Speaker 3: No, I don't think so. I don't know the answer,
[6:46] Speaker 3: but I feel very strongly in my conviction.
[6:49] Speaker 2: Anyways, moving on, moving on. So last week we played
[6:54] Speaker 2: a game on the podcast, and some people took to
[6:59] Speaker 2: it and loved it. Some people still don't get it,
[7:03] Speaker 2: and some people were like, we needed the video for contexts. Yeah,
[7:07] Speaker 2: so we might not be able to do that.
[7:09] Speaker 5: I think what we missed was saying that, like when
[7:11] Speaker 5: we picked four, that's a ranking on a scale of
[7:14] Speaker 5: one to ten. I think that might be the key
[7:16] Speaker 5: to understanding the game that we didn't make very clear.
[7:20] Speaker 5: So like it's a four and you guys said Carl's junior.
[7:22] Speaker 5: They're saying Carls Junior is about a four on a
[7:24] Speaker 5: scale of one to ten in terms of fast food restaurants,
[7:27] Speaker 5: and that way Marcus getting us four, right, Yeah, that's
[7:30] Speaker 5: the idea.
[7:31] Speaker 2: That wasn't just.
[7:34] Speaker 3: It wasn't explained at the beginning.
[7:36] Speaker 1: I think.
[7:36] Speaker 3: I think as we were playing, we were playing that.
[7:39] Speaker 3: I think in the initial breakdown in the rules, Yes,
[7:43] Speaker 3: it was not clear.
[7:45] Speaker 5: I think so okay, like all's fair would be a
[7:47] Speaker 5: zero for TV shows.
[7:49] Speaker 2: Shoot not to Tanya, see if Tanya was doing it.
[7:53] Speaker 5: Well, that's the other question. Is it your opinion or
[7:55] Speaker 5: is it a guesser's opinion.
[7:56] Speaker 2: That's that's the whole.
[8:00] Speaker 3: The rubber meets the road.
[8:03] Speaker 2: Yeah, that's where the rubber meets there.
[8:06] Speaker 3: That's the rub Well.
[8:07] Speaker 2: We haven't done a Dear Bonnie in a while because
[8:09] Speaker 2: we've had birthdays galore, and I think it's time to
[8:14] Speaker 2: give the people some advice.
[8:15] Speaker 3: I think such too I'm feeling very wise.
[8:18] Speaker 2: We love when she's feeling wise.
[8:19] Speaker 1: Okay, Grayson Heidi, you want to hear from Grayson Heidi?
[8:22] Speaker 1: Of course.
[8:23] Speaker 5: Dear Becca, Tony Easton, and Mark. Wow, I'm almost fully
[8:25] Speaker 5: caught up un scrubbing, and I started from the very
[8:27] Speaker 5: beginning and I'm just under a year behind.
[8:30] Speaker 1: Now, what a fantastic ride it's been. I love you all.
[8:32] Speaker 5: You've kept me laughing, cheering up, and talking back to
[8:35] Speaker 5: my headphones for months. Becca and Tanya. Listening to you
[8:38] Speaker 5: both grow and learn and find your people has been
[8:40] Speaker 5: such a joy. The confidence you found is inspiring. I've
[8:43] Speaker 5: grown right alongside you. Binging an eight year podcast takes
[8:47] Speaker 5: real dedication, but it's been worth every minute we listen
[8:50] Speaker 5: to you. Before bed, my wife calls you my girls.
[8:53] Speaker 1: Becca.
[8:54] Speaker 5: What you've shared is resonated deeply with me. We got
[8:56] Speaker 5: married in July of twenty five, this past July been
[8:59] Speaker 5: together six. So I must submit a Dear Banya question
[9:03] Speaker 5: as my binge comes to an end. You both talk
[9:05] Speaker 5: about your relationship so openly, and I've learned so much
[9:07] Speaker 5: from these conversations. What small habits or rituals do you
[9:11] Speaker 5: think make the biggest difference in keeping a relationship strong
[9:13] Speaker 5: and connected over time. Thank you for all the laughs,
[9:16] Speaker 5: the heart, the real talk you share with us. With
[9:18] Speaker 5: love to the entire scrubbing and crew, Grace and Heidi.
[9:22] Speaker 3: Resent such a nice dam girls.
[9:27] Speaker 2: Would you like to start?
[9:29] Speaker 3: WHOA? I don't know. You know, I find a lot
[9:33] Speaker 3: of things on Instagram that I just constantly forward to Robbi,
[9:36] Speaker 3: which is probably very annoying about like how to have
[9:39] Speaker 3: a strong marriage, you know, like those little bite sized
[9:42] Speaker 3: I'm like the biggest sucker.
[9:43] Speaker 2: For those the main audience.
[9:46] Speaker 3: Yeah I am, I am the main Yeah. I think
[9:51] Speaker 3: something that we try to do. I mean, for me,
[9:54] Speaker 3: family meetings are really great because it gives us a
[9:58] Speaker 3: chance to like that's when we do all our admin stuff,
[10:03] Speaker 3: you know what I mean.
[10:03] Speaker 2: So we're not at all on Thanksgiving et cetera.
[10:05] Speaker 3: Yes, correct, but like that's where we're doing all of
[10:08] Speaker 3: our admin talking. And so I don't feel like every
[10:10] Speaker 3: day we're not. Like I think sometimes you can get
[10:12] Speaker 3: lost in every day of just like getting bogged down
[10:15] Speaker 3: the admin of life, like kids schedules and work schedules
[10:18] Speaker 3: and date nights and double date nights and events and
[10:21] Speaker 3: you know what I mean, like that type of stuff.
[10:22] Speaker 3: So I feel like the family meetings give us a
[10:24] Speaker 3: place to just like focus on those things. And I think,
[10:30] Speaker 3: like cuddling every night.
[10:32] Speaker 2: Yeah, why why is that so controversial?
[10:35] Speaker 3: I don't know, because I like it?
[10:38] Speaker 2: Why is it controversial?
[10:39] Speaker 3: I think, No, no, he does. But like touching being
[10:44] Speaker 3: physical every day, Yeah, I agree.
[10:47] Speaker 2: I think like I would say things that Hayley's really
[10:51] Speaker 2: good about having. She loves to recap. So every night
[10:56] Speaker 2: I'll go to like get my phone to play wordle
[10:59] Speaker 2: in the New York Times, games or whatever took go,
[11:02] Speaker 2: are you gonna look into my eyes? And we'll look
[11:05] Speaker 2: into each other's eyes.
[11:07] Speaker 3: Crazy how Haley and I are the same person.
[11:09] Speaker 2: And then it'll be like, what was your favorite part
[11:11] Speaker 2: about today? What was something I did that made you
[11:13] Speaker 2: feel loved? You know? Just things like that that are small,
[11:17] Speaker 2: little connection connectors that I always laugh about. But when
[11:22] Speaker 2: I think about our relationship, I think there are moments
[11:25] Speaker 2: that help us connect even if it's been a busy
[11:27] Speaker 2: dare we haven't seen each other a lot, or like
[11:29] Speaker 2: didn't have physical eye contact or connection. And I think
[11:36] Speaker 2: also I agree, like the little moments of holding hands
[11:40] Speaker 2: or having a physical connection in the car, we always
[11:42] Speaker 2: hold hands. I just think those things are there. And
[11:45] Speaker 2: then also sharing things about our day that like it's
[11:51] Speaker 2: that bird theory thing where it's like a bid for connection,
[11:54] Speaker 2: but having interest in those things of like if Haley
[11:57] Speaker 2: had a moment in her day where she's sing it
[12:00] Speaker 2: with me, instead of just being like, oh wow, that's cool,
[12:03] Speaker 2: but like actually asking deeper into it because it's it's
[12:06] Speaker 2: important enough for her to say to bring up to me,
[12:09] Speaker 2: So it's like it should be important enough for me
[12:11] Speaker 2: to have follow up questions about. So I think those
[12:14] Speaker 2: moments too.
[12:15] Speaker 3: Yeah, I do my daily letters every morning. I think
[12:19] Speaker 3: those are like a nice way of showing how much
[12:21] Speaker 3: I love him.
[12:22] Speaker 2: Yeah, and also listening binging the podcast is crazy, the
[12:27] Speaker 2: level of commitment.
[12:28] Speaker 3: That it's like binging Grace from the beginning basically, yeah,
[12:32] Speaker 3: so thanks for thanks for joining, and I'm happy you're
[12:35] Speaker 3: almost fully caught up.
[12:37] Speaker 2: Spoiler alert.
[12:38] Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know if this is Grace or Heidi
[12:40] Speaker 5: writing this, but let's say it's Grace. Heidi should know
[12:44] Speaker 5: Grace is committed and she is loyal. Yes, yeah, those
[12:47] Speaker 5: are two traits that you Yes, that's a good thing.
[13:07] Speaker 5: This is from anonymous Tanya, it's for you. Do youar
[13:11] Speaker 5: Becka Tanya Marketing Easton. I've been a long time listener
[13:13] Speaker 5: of scrubbing in and love tuning in every week. My
[13:15] Speaker 5: question is mainly for Tanya and her trying to conceive journey.
[13:18] Speaker 5: My husband and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary
[13:21] Speaker 5: last month. I made the decision you want to start
[13:22] Speaker 5: trying for a baby next fall, once we're both thirty.
[13:26] Speaker 5: I'm taking the next year to prepare my body for
[13:28] Speaker 5: this journey. Do you have any tips you would feel
[13:30] Speaker 5: you'd be helpful starting this journey. I'll take any advice
[13:33] Speaker 5: foods to eat, avoid, supplements, to take exercises. Tanya, I
[13:37] Speaker 5: appreciate you sharing about this subject. I feel like it's
[13:39] Speaker 5: still taboo to talk about. I love you all look
[13:41] Speaker 5: forward to hearing any advice you may have.
[13:43] Speaker 3: You know, I think it's taboo because I think the
[13:46] Speaker 3: biggest misconception with trying to conceive is and I fall
[13:49] Speaker 3: victim to this too, is like if it worked for you,
[13:52] Speaker 3: it'll work for me. And I think it's such a
[13:58] Speaker 3: it's just such a crapshoot on what it's going to
[14:00] Speaker 3: work for you. Do you know what I mean. So
[14:02] Speaker 3: it's like I don't want to give advice because I
[14:06] Speaker 3: don't know what's working. Nothing's worked for me yet. But
[14:09] Speaker 3: I also feel strongly in my convictions of what I've
[14:13] Speaker 3: chosen to do, which is not drinking but drinking but drinking.
[14:20] Speaker 3: So let me rephrase that limit limiting. I used to
[14:23] Speaker 3: drink a lot, and I made the conscious decision when
[14:27] Speaker 3: we started trying to to only drink when I felt.
[14:31] Speaker 3: And I think the biggest thing is that I've also
[14:33] Speaker 3: learned is stress is like a big thing. So I've
[14:36] Speaker 3: been trying to really limit my stress, meaning more like
[14:40] Speaker 3: acupuncture and things that just kind of like make you calm.
[14:43] Speaker 3: But if I find myself getting really wound up from
[14:45] Speaker 3: like work or something going on in my life, I'll
[14:48] Speaker 3: have a glass of wine just to like calm me down.
[14:50] Speaker 3: But I'm not like drinking for fun anymore. I'm trying
[14:54] Speaker 3: to eat. I'm trying to eat an anti inflammatory diet.
[15:00] Speaker 3: I'm trying to eat warming foods. I keep socks on
[15:03] Speaker 3: at night because I heard that's also good to keep
[15:05] Speaker 3: your feet warm during this trying to conceive process.
[15:11] Speaker 2: Is not only during a certain time in the month
[15:13] Speaker 2: or you just are always sucks in bed.
[15:16] Speaker 3: I think it's probably during the like ovulation period, it's
[15:19] Speaker 3: probably most important to me.
[15:20] Speaker 2: Like that makes sense to me.
[15:21] Speaker 3: Yeah, warm, But I'm obviously I'm doing it every night
[15:25] Speaker 3: because why would I not exercise. I'm trying to take
[15:31] Speaker 3: it easy. I'm trying to just do pilates and like walking.
[15:34] Speaker 3: I'm not even really like weightlifting anymore, running any of
[15:37] Speaker 3: that stuff. I'm just trying to like make my body.
[15:41] Speaker 2: Hospitable.
[15:42] Speaker 3: Yeah, Like it's so weird. And I was talking to
[15:44] Speaker 3: my girlfriend about this this weekend. I was like, it's
[15:47] Speaker 3: so weird, especially going from having a wedding where you're
[15:50] Speaker 3: so body like you're so focused on your body and
[15:53] Speaker 3: looking your best and wanting to like be your best
[15:55] Speaker 3: on your wedding day, and then the mind shift of
[15:58] Speaker 3: like my body is a vessel and I just wanted
[16:00] Speaker 3: to be like a the a vessel for a baby,
[16:05] Speaker 3: do you know what I mean? Like I don't care
[16:07] Speaker 3: about I mean, I obviously care about what I look like,
[16:09] Speaker 3: but like I don't care anymore, Like I just want
[16:12] Speaker 3: to eat what's good and nourishing, and like, I don't know,
[16:16] Speaker 3: it's really weird. It was like whiplash. It was like
[16:19] Speaker 3: I cared so much and then like quickly like not
[16:22] Speaker 3: at all.
[16:23] Speaker 2: But I think that's the mentality of motherhood. Motherhood is
[16:27] Speaker 2: like the lack. It's like a selflessness, like you're so
[16:30] Speaker 2: you go from like selfish and every not like a
[16:33] Speaker 2: bad way, but like you all you have to think
[16:34] Speaker 2: about is yourself and your body and how you look
[16:36] Speaker 2: right to how do I make this a place for
[16:40] Speaker 2: the baby.
[16:40] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[16:40] Speaker 3: Like and even this is like the dumbest example, but
[16:42] Speaker 3: like even today, I was gonna wear a blazer and
[16:46] Speaker 3: jeans and like these little like white loaf like little
[16:49] Speaker 3: white loafers to work today. I had it on. I
[16:51] Speaker 3: was like I had to keep my feet warm, so
[16:53] Speaker 3: I put socks on and tennis shoes and I was like,
[16:55] Speaker 3: guess what outfit it is? You know, like it's it's
[16:57] Speaker 3: it's something. It's like literally every day it's like constantly
[17:00] Speaker 3: my mind.
[17:00] Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you're putting in the work, you're putting it
[17:04] Speaker 2: out there.
[17:05] Speaker 3: Yeah. So I would say, like read up on stuff
[17:09] Speaker 3: and do whatever makes you feel best, because I think
[17:13] Speaker 3: that's the biggest key.
[17:15] Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's great advice.
[17:18] Speaker 3: Thanks.
[17:18] Speaker 2: Yeah, we're wishing you the best. Anonymous and Tanya, Yes,
[17:24] Speaker 2: all the good vibes and what the things that I
[17:27] Speaker 2: think it's so true, Like you, you you can't get
[17:31] Speaker 2: too into your head of like what everyone else is doing,
[17:33] Speaker 2: because your body is different and what's going to work
[17:36] Speaker 2: for you or what's going to work for them could
[17:38] Speaker 2: be different, and so I think it's important to to
[17:42] Speaker 2: focus on that too and not get too in your
[17:44] Speaker 2: head about like what is everyone else doing? Yeah, and
[17:47] Speaker 2: just if if something that Tanya is doing sticks out
[17:49] Speaker 2: to you can be like, oh, that would be something
[17:51] Speaker 2: I would that would be easy for me to try.
[17:53] Speaker 3: Yeah, get I started doing acupuncture. I've never done accupuncture
[17:55] Speaker 3: in my life, and I'm loving it. It's like the
[17:57] Speaker 3: deepest nap I've ever had in my life. I'm like,
[18:00] Speaker 3: this is great, Like I'm going to continue to do this,
[18:03] Speaker 3: you know. And like when you're trying to find prenatals,
[18:05] Speaker 3: like everybody's telling you this one's the best. No, this
[18:07] Speaker 3: one's the best, No, this one's the best. So it's
[18:08] Speaker 3: just like fine, whatever feels good to you, m all.
[18:13] Speaker 2: Right, Well there's that. Is it time for a break?
[18:17] Speaker 1: It is indeed?
[18:18] Speaker 5: Coming up next, Yeah, we'll talk about a toxic friendship
[18:21] Speaker 5: and how to end it.
[18:22] Speaker 4: Oh, all right, we're back.
[18:39] Speaker 2: This one's a little intense.
[18:41] Speaker 5: Hey, fam does it's not oft intense? Becca, Tanya Easton,
[18:45] Speaker 5: and Mark. I'm in the process of ending a toxic friendship.
[18:47] Speaker 1: I'll speak you. The drama should have been on a
[18:50] Speaker 1: year ago.
[18:50] Speaker 5: What's made it complicated is my friend's kids are my godkids,
[18:54] Speaker 5: and I've always taken that seriously, treated them like my
[18:56] Speaker 5: blood niece and nephews. But my friend has made our
[18:58] Speaker 5: friendship unbearable. And I've been a punching bag for quite
[19:02] Speaker 5: some time. I'm curious if any of you guys have
[19:04] Speaker 5: been in a situation we had to end a friendship.
[19:06] Speaker 5: How did you handle it? How is it on the
[19:08] Speaker 5: other side? Encouragement is welcomed. I picture love without my friend,
[19:12] Speaker 5: and I picture such peace. I just need to get
[19:15] Speaker 5: through the messy park Day one listener, thankful for you guys.
[19:18] Speaker 2: Dang, this is so hard, the God kids em and
[19:22] Speaker 2: of it. Yeah, and it sounds like you've probably had
[19:24] Speaker 2: some conversations to get to a point where you're just
[19:27] Speaker 2: ready to end it. Like I imagine you've had the
[19:29] Speaker 2: hard conversations that we would probably normally suggest, which is
[19:33] Speaker 2: let her know, like y'all are obviously close enough that
[19:36] Speaker 2: she chose you to be her god, her big her
[19:39] Speaker 2: kid's godparent, godmother, godmother. So I feel like that's that
[19:45] Speaker 2: would be redundant to even tell you. But if you
[19:48] Speaker 2: haven't had a conversation, I would just say, hey, I'm
[19:51] Speaker 2: kind of I'm at my peak. I can't do this anymore.
[19:56] Speaker 2: This is what would need to change for us to
[19:57] Speaker 2: continuing have a friendship. And if you're not able to
[20:00] Speaker 2: change it, I need space.
[20:03] Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't even know how I would handle this,
[20:05] Speaker 3: to be honest, I don't think like I've had friendships
[20:09] Speaker 3: not like not breakups, but like they've just kind of
[20:13] Speaker 3: naturally like.
[20:16] Speaker 2: In different directions.
[20:17] Speaker 3: Yeah, Like especially a lot from college is like I
[20:19] Speaker 3: feel like that's when I got super into like career focused,
[20:24] Speaker 3: and everybody started getting married and having kids, and like,
[20:26] Speaker 3: you know, my life was just like on a different
[20:29] Speaker 3: path and things just kind of all went their own ways.
[20:34] Speaker 3: Like I've never had like an actual breakup where I
[20:35] Speaker 3: had to like have a conversation with somebody about it
[20:37] Speaker 3: just kind of naturally happened.
[20:40] Speaker 2: I think that the fact that you think about life
[20:43] Speaker 2: without this friend, this peace is a very huge realization
[20:49] Speaker 2: to have, so maybe you just I mean, it's just
[20:53] Speaker 2: gonna be a hard conversation. There's no unless you just ghoster,
[20:56] Speaker 2: which I don't think is the right thing to do.
[20:59] Speaker 2: I think that you need to have a conversation and
[21:01] Speaker 2: just say these are the things that I've noticed are
[21:03] Speaker 2: repetitive and that are really hard for me to continue
[21:06] Speaker 2: being a good friend to you. And if she has
[21:09] Speaker 2: a reason for how she acts and can respond, maybe
[21:14] Speaker 2: there's a way forward. But I think you just need
[21:16] Speaker 2: to let her know that you need space and that
[21:18] Speaker 2: you're not happy in the friendship. And the thing is,
[21:20] Speaker 2: people always like a relationship, whether a friendship is a relationship,
[21:25] Speaker 2: so whether it's romantic or not, if you're still disinvested
[21:27] Speaker 2: in each other's lives, like, it's just as hard to
[21:30] Speaker 2: have these conversations as it would be a romantic partner, right,
[21:34] Speaker 2: And I think they're just as necessary. But I also
[21:38] Speaker 2: think if you're envisioning life without this person and its
[21:40] Speaker 2: peacefulness rather than sadness, this is a conversation that needs
[21:45] Speaker 2: to happen tomorrow. But I've never had to do it,
[21:49] Speaker 2: so I don't really have great advice on having that conversation.
[21:52] Speaker 2: Maybe just be like, I feel like we're in different places.
[21:54] Speaker 2: I feel like it's a text message you make me.
[21:56] Speaker 2: I don't think so.
[21:58] Speaker 3: Am I crazy? Just lobbery little text like, Hey, this
[22:01] Speaker 3: is not working out for me. I express your feelings,
[22:05] Speaker 3: but I feel like a text messages to me.
[22:07] Speaker 5: This is probably the wrong way to handle this. To me,
[22:09] Speaker 5: I just let it die on the vine. I just
[22:11] Speaker 5: start not being available. I always give them gifts for
[22:15] Speaker 5: their birthday. I send them gifts every year for their
[22:18] Speaker 5: birthday because that's the right thing to do.
[22:20] Speaker 1: Other than that, though I'm not really around.
[22:23] Speaker 2: Dang, Yeah, you can handle it that way, Tony says,
[22:27] Speaker 2: hands off to I say, have a conversation. I think
[22:31] Speaker 2: it's gonna be hard.
[22:32] Speaker 3: Maybe an email.
[22:34] Speaker 2: It's just text can get so misconstrued.
[22:36] Speaker 3: I know.
[22:37] Speaker 2: But and I don't know if she cares or he cares. Yeah,
[22:41] Speaker 2: I don't know if they care, but I would. I
[22:44] Speaker 2: would just this person was very important to you at
[22:47] Speaker 2: a certain point in life. So I just say things
[22:50] Speaker 2: aren't working. I'm not happy in this friendship. And I
[22:53] Speaker 2: love you, I love your kids, but I need space
[22:55] Speaker 2: from this friendship. That's what I would say.
[22:58] Speaker 5: And a fun one from Haley, Yo, Becka, Tani Arson,
[23:02] Speaker 5: and Mark. My name is Haley, and I have a
[23:03] Speaker 5: simple question for you today, mostly for Becka and Tanya,
[23:06] Speaker 5: but boys chime in if you have answers. My girlfriend
[23:08] Speaker 5: and I love to play games. We're always looking for
[23:10] Speaker 5: new games for just the two of us. Tanya, I
[23:12] Speaker 5: know you and Robbie have a card game you always play,
[23:14] Speaker 5: and I've been curious what it is. Becky, I know
[23:16] Speaker 5: you and Haley enjoy game nights together. Two and I
[23:19] Speaker 5: lost the second page of this, but you got the
[23:20] Speaker 5: idea they want to know here. Would you mind sharing
[23:23] Speaker 5: your favorites with us? Some of our favorites are Cribbage,
[23:25] Speaker 5: Gin Rubby, and Chinese Checkers. Thanks so much, thank you
[23:28] Speaker 5: for all the consistent, high quality, feel good podcasts for
[23:31] Speaker 5: all of us to enjoy it.
[23:32] Speaker 1: Cheers, Haley.
[23:34] Speaker 2: We do love a game night.
[23:35] Speaker 3: I think Gin Rummy is kind of a kind of
[23:39] Speaker 3: what Robbi and I play together. It's Serbian Rummy, so
[23:43] Speaker 3: it's like a little bit different, but I think essentially
[23:45] Speaker 3: the same concept. Thirteen cards, you have to put them
[23:48] Speaker 3: in order.
[23:50] Speaker 2: Do you have any other thing they play that that's
[23:53] Speaker 2: what we play, That's literally all we play.
[23:54] Speaker 3: Now, we're learning Canasta, we play I want to learn Myjong?
[24:00] Speaker 2: Wow, are you gonna be like a game blogger?
[24:04] Speaker 5: But I feel like all the games she's choosing are
[24:05] Speaker 5: played mostly in retirement homes.
[24:07] Speaker 3: Yes, but they're making a big splash right now, like yes,
[24:10] Speaker 3: your mark, you're not wrong. But I feel like they're
[24:13] Speaker 3: having a moment right now, like Hillary Duff is playing
[24:15] Speaker 3: my Jong with her friends. Mmm, okay, don't go down.
[24:19] Speaker 3: I can't wait it what.
[24:22] Speaker 2: We love code names and sometimes we'll just play with
[24:25] Speaker 2: the two of us. There is a way to play
[24:27] Speaker 2: with two people. We love. Oh my gosh, what's the game?
[24:31] Speaker 3: Oh uh, genius Square loves game to play with your
[24:36] Speaker 3: part games so much fun.
[24:39] Speaker 2: There's a game that I'm literally blinking on and it's
[24:42] Speaker 2: one of our favorite games, and it's basically standby.
[24:45] Speaker 1: Why you look for it.
[24:46] Speaker 5: I'll tell you that my daughter and I play games together,
[24:48] Speaker 5: and these are games. This game is for more than
[24:51] Speaker 5: two people, but we play it as two people and
[24:53] Speaker 5: it's still very fun. And my daughter's addicted to it.
[24:56] Speaker 5: And it's called Rat Attack Cat. You might think, oh,
[24:59] Speaker 5: that sounds like a game for little kids. Well, they
[25:01] Speaker 5: love their little kids. They love it now and they
[25:02] Speaker 5: will love it forever because it is a very fun
[25:04] Speaker 5: and smart game to play with rats and cats on
[25:08] Speaker 5: the cards.
[25:08] Speaker 1: It's really good. Ratitat cat. Look at that up.
[25:13] Speaker 3: That's really all I have. What more could you want
[25:18] Speaker 3: than jin rummy? So you can play that for hours
[25:20] Speaker 3: on end.
[25:21] Speaker 5: It's amazing how many games can be played. Which is
[25:23] Speaker 5: a deck of fifty two.
[25:24] Speaker 3: Cards literally, like we played that our entire honeymoon every day.
[25:28] Speaker 3: We're just like you bring it to lunch every lunch.
[25:30] Speaker 3: We had we bought the car and our scoreboard, and
[25:33] Speaker 3: we were just constantly playing.
[25:34] Speaker 1: Who won, like who won the most games on your honeymoon?
[25:37] Speaker 3: I don't know, I have to look back. We have
[25:39] Speaker 3: it like all like a little like thanks. Yeah.
[25:42] Speaker 5: There is somewhere between one thousand and ten thousand different
[25:44] Speaker 5: card games.
[25:45] Speaker 1: Wow, they can play with fifty two cards.
[25:47] Speaker 2: We love bananagrams to bananagrams. Hey, And it's easy to
[25:51] Speaker 2: pack in the bag, you know, you just take it easy.
[25:54] Speaker 2: I'm blinking on the game. I'll think of it. But
[25:57] Speaker 2: it's basically you have like a board and you have cards,
[26:00] Speaker 2: and then you each have coins and you try to
[26:02] Speaker 2: get five in a row. So like you if whatever
[26:05] Speaker 2: card you have it, no, whatever card you have in
[26:09] Speaker 2: your hand, you match it on the board. You put
[26:11] Speaker 2: a coin there. So you only have seven cards at
[26:13] Speaker 2: the time and you're trying to get five in a row.
[26:15] Speaker 1: Is it a card game or a board game.
[26:16] Speaker 2: It's a board game with cards playing cards. Yeah, but
[26:20] Speaker 2: it's really fun, and it's like you kind.
[26:23] Speaker 1: Of have to have sequence.
[26:25] Speaker 2: Yes, it's sequenced. It's so much fun. And you can
[26:29] Speaker 2: play with four people I think four. Yeah, it's really
[26:33] Speaker 2: it's a great game. We can play two. We played
[26:36] Speaker 2: it all the time. Great game. If you take a
[26:38] Speaker 2: little gummy, have a little TV show Disney movie on
[26:40] Speaker 2: in the background. Wow, that's the scene. Yeah, it's the great.
[26:45] Speaker 3: I'm gonna do that in two hours, actually.
[26:47] Speaker 2: Two hours tonight, have some respect nighttime thing. But that's
[26:54] Speaker 2: all for today.
[26:55] Speaker 3: That's it.
[26:57] Speaker 2: That's all.
[26:57] Speaker 3: We love you so much.
[27:00] Speaker 2: Wonderful weekend. We'll be back Monday for more of this
[27:04] Speaker 2: than that and all the around buzz things that happen.
[27:08] Speaker 3: Should we do Thanksgiving special?
[27:10] Speaker 2: Oh?
[27:11] Speaker 1: Interesting?
[27:12] Speaker 3: What's that?
[27:13] Speaker 1: Yeah?
[27:13] Speaker 2: I don't know.
[27:13] Speaker 3: This is just me spitting it out. So I'm gonna
[27:15] Speaker 3: have to have some time to think on it. But
[27:16] Speaker 3: it feels cute, like a little Thanksgiving special, like a
[27:21] Speaker 3: Thanksgiving Day parade of our own.
[27:26] Speaker 2: No, nobody like what we're just talking about Thanksgiving.
[27:29] Speaker 5: I don't know.
[27:29] Speaker 3: I'm workshopping it right now in my head.
[27:31] Speaker 2: I just spat it out. Well, get back to us
[27:33] Speaker 2: all much.
[27:34] Speaker 3: Thursday is Thanksgiving?
[27:35] Speaker 5: Right?
[27:36] Speaker 3: We can't do a Dear Bonya on Thanksgiving?
[27:39] Speaker 2: Why?
[27:39] Speaker 3: Okay?
[27:40] Speaker 1: I don't know.
[27:42] Speaker 2: Potatoes a dear Bonya with some turkey stuffing? What do
[27:45] Speaker 2: you want? I love it. I love an idea. I
[27:49] Speaker 2: love a new idea I knew. I love a new concept.
[27:52] Speaker 2: I love trying something new.
[27:53] Speaker 3: Yeah, Like we could be like at the Thanksgiving table
[27:55] Speaker 3: and we can all like share what we're thankful for,
[27:58] Speaker 3: or maybe we could like play a game or I
[28:03] Speaker 3: don't know. Again, I'm just throwing it out there. Two
[28:06] Speaker 3: weeks yeah, yeah, one two more Yeah.
[28:09] Speaker 2: Do some trouble shooting on that, and we'll be back
[28:11] Speaker 2: Monday with the concept potentially. We love you.
[28:15] Speaker 4: Bye,

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