# Dear Banya: Windowless Advice

An episode of [Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1279955329), 16 Apr 2026, 33 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/arttrk.com/p/D5CA5/pdst.fm/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/009b23ef-9bd1-4caf-a592-ae3101631380/a04439b1-88e1-4c18-9afe-b42e008345b9/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=7e804438-d6f3-48a0-9de8-ae310163138e

Becca and Tanya are back with another round of Dear Banya! What do you do if your friend wants to name her kids the same name as yours?? A Scrubbers asks Becca and Tanya about their relationship with faith, and another needs some advice on how to make a destination wedding extra special! Plus, we dig deep into Tanya's notes app and uncover some Roby secrets from the past! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Scrubbing in with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
[0:04] Speaker 1: and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast. Hello everybody,
[0:12] Speaker 1: we are scrubbing in.
[0:15] Speaker 2: That we are we're not in our usual studio. It
[0:18] Speaker 2: does Donia feeling absolutely off.
[0:21] Speaker 3: I'm just feeling really off.
[0:22] Speaker 4: She doesn't have a wind. We don't have a window
[0:24] Speaker 4: in this studio.
[0:25] Speaker 3: It impacts me.
[0:27] Speaker 4: Yeah, no, no clocks.
[0:28] Speaker 5: It's like we're in Vegas right now.
[0:31] Speaker 1: It affects my ethos. My starcadian rhythm is off.
[0:36] Speaker 3: Exactly.
[0:37] Speaker 4: That is it. That is true. It's weird.
[0:40] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Well.
[0:42] Speaker 2: We do what we have to do. That's Studio A
[0:45] Speaker 2: was not available, so we've moved to plan B. Yeah,
[0:48] Speaker 2: Studio B, and we are recording the podcast without windows,
[0:54] Speaker 2: without those of.
[0:55] Speaker 3: My advice is going to be like today.
[0:57] Speaker 1: A teaser for the never know what you're gonna get
[1:02] Speaker 1: with me today?
[1:04] Speaker 2: Well, we do have a Dear Bonya episode and I
[1:07] Speaker 2: feel like, shall we jump into it or did you
[1:09] Speaker 2: have any small talk you needed to get off your chest.
[1:13] Speaker 1: I am trying to like revamp my style a little bit.
[1:15] Speaker 1: I don't know if you noticed, like I look a
[1:16] Speaker 1: little cuter today.
[1:18] Speaker 4: You do look very cute today.
[1:20] Speaker 3: Thank you?
[1:21] Speaker 4: What are you revamping your what are you doing for.
[1:23] Speaker 3: Your It's like my Tender Tanya season, and.
[1:28] Speaker 2: So it's Tender Tanya soft girl still or what's the difference?
[1:32] Speaker 1: A basically soft girl era, but just like it's soft
[1:37] Speaker 1: with a little bit of self care, you know.
[1:40] Speaker 4: So it's it's the same thing you just coined a
[1:43] Speaker 4: new name.
[1:43] Speaker 6: Yeah.
[1:44] Speaker 1: Yeah, she's a little more put together than soft Girl era,
[1:47] Speaker 1: like Tender Tanya.
[1:49] Speaker 4: Like she's a vibe. So it's just come for your close.
[1:53] Speaker 3: Yeah, but like still look in cheek.
[1:56] Speaker 4: Okay, I see put together. It's it.
[1:59] Speaker 3: She can conquer the world, but she wants to nap instead.
[2:03] Speaker 4: Can conquer the world.
[2:07] Speaker 3: She can conquer the world, but she would like a
[2:10] Speaker 3: nap instead.
[2:11] Speaker 4: Yeah, you're really leaning into the love for Lea.
[2:15] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[2:16] Speaker 4: I think.
[2:18] Speaker 1: I'm trying to really lean into taking care of my body, mental, physical.
[2:25] Speaker 1: I've always been just like get up, grind, get up, grind,
[2:27] Speaker 1: get up, grind, go go go, go go.
[2:30] Speaker 3: And this is the first time that I've just kind
[2:32] Speaker 3: of like let go and let God.
[2:35] Speaker 1: And it's really weird, like I'm not used to it.
[2:38] Speaker 1: It's like definitely been like a rewiring of my brain.
[2:41] Speaker 2: Well, once you let yourself lay, it's hard to get
[2:44] Speaker 2: back up and grind.
[2:45] Speaker 1: It's very hard to get up and grind. Luckily, I
[2:47] Speaker 1: don't need to do that right now. Like, I'm still
[2:49] Speaker 1: in my like tender Toonia phase.
[2:51] Speaker 4: How long does a tender Tania phase live? As long
[2:53] Speaker 4: as it has to? How do you know when it's over?
[2:56] Speaker 3: You'll know when it's over.
[2:57] Speaker 4: But what's the sign of it being over?
[2:59] Speaker 1: Well, well, when I have a baby. So we're just
[3:05] Speaker 1: tender up until okay, yeah, we're just tender to the
[3:09] Speaker 1: foreseeable future.
[3:10] Speaker 4: Okay, okay, yeah.
[3:11] Speaker 2: Well I think that's a good segue into this first
[3:15] Speaker 2: Dear bonya question perfect speaking of babies Easton.
[3:19] Speaker 7: This one's from anonymous Dear Beca Tanya Mark and Easton,
[3:22] Speaker 7: longtime listener of the pod, and I always love the
[3:24] Speaker 7: Dear Bonnie episodes. So here's my question. I was recently
[3:28] Speaker 7: invited to a friend's baby shower. She's pregnant with her
[3:30] Speaker 7: second baby, her first boy, and I'm also pregnant with
[3:34] Speaker 7: my third boy. We're actually do you just a week
[3:36] Speaker 7: apart in May? How fun? We've definitely we've done playdates
[3:39] Speaker 7: with our kids, and we enjoy spending time together, but
[3:41] Speaker 7: I wouldn't say we're super close. That said, the fact
[3:44] Speaker 7: that she invited me to her shower, which was about
[3:46] Speaker 7: twenty people, felt meaningful to me. While we were chatting
[3:49] Speaker 7: at the shower, she mentioned that her top two names
[3:51] Speaker 7: are Atlas and Cyprus. Her daughter's name is Ayla or Isla.
[3:56] Speaker 7: I think it's Isla too. My two boys are out
[4:00] Speaker 7: who My two boys are Atleasts, who's three and a half,
[4:03] Speaker 7: and Everest, who is two and a half. I have
[4:06] Speaker 7: always loved that my kids have unique names, and honestly,
[4:08] Speaker 7: I don't know anyone else with the names Atlas or Everest,
[4:11] Speaker 7: even from when I was teaching elementary school. So I
[4:13] Speaker 7: immediately started feeling a little weird that one of her
[4:15] Speaker 7: top name choices is the exact name of my son.
[4:18] Speaker 7: I know Atlas is becoming more popular, but does that
[4:21] Speaker 7: feel a little strange or am I making too big
[4:23] Speaker 7: of a deal out of it. I would really appreciate
[4:24] Speaker 7: the insight. Thanks so much. PS. When she was opening
[4:27] Speaker 7: gifts at the end, she got a lot of outer
[4:29] Speaker 7: space themed items. I mentioned the whole group that they're
[4:31] Speaker 7: doing a space theme for the nursery. That made me
[4:33] Speaker 7: think she's definitely going to pick Atlas.
[4:36] Speaker 5: Damn.
[4:38] Speaker 1: I just want to start out with this one line
[4:40] Speaker 1: that you said, we've done play dates with our kids
[4:42] Speaker 1: and we enjoy spending time together, but I wouldn't.
[4:44] Speaker 4: Say we're super close. Period.
[4:49] Speaker 3: Get over it. Atlas is a popular name.
[4:53] Speaker 2: Well, I think the conflict is that she doesn't perceive
[4:58] Speaker 2: them as super close, but she was invited to a
[5:01] Speaker 2: twenty person baby shower, so she feels they're very close. Okay,
[5:07] Speaker 2: would have been She's thinking, yeah, you you perceive me
[5:12] Speaker 2: as a close enough friend him by metior shower, and
[5:13] Speaker 2: you're gonna name your kid after my kid. I think
[5:16] Speaker 2: that's her dilemma, is that I don't perceive us to
[5:18] Speaker 2: be super close. But here's the thing with names, If anything,
[5:22] Speaker 2: you can think of it as a compliment. You know,
[5:24] Speaker 2: it's like someone picking the same outfit as you, and
[5:26] Speaker 2: you just perceive it as they like my style. She
[5:30] Speaker 2: loves the choice that you made to name your kids.
[5:32] Speaker 2: It's such a cute name.
[5:33] Speaker 3: The ages, so it's not like they're going to be
[5:35] Speaker 3: in the same class.
[5:36] Speaker 4: Yeah, I had a friend who was going to name
[5:37] Speaker 4: their baby Atlas, like it is.
[5:39] Speaker 1: A very have somebody in my family name Atlas. Shane
[5:42] Speaker 1: Mitchell's kids name is Atlas. That's just too off the
[5:45] Speaker 1: top of my head. If I really dug, I think
[5:46] Speaker 1: I could find more.
[5:47] Speaker 2: Yeah, and and their different age range, so they're not
[5:50] Speaker 2: it's not as though they're going to be like, who
[5:53] Speaker 2: is which at lists are you talking about?
[5:54] Speaker 3: I think?
[5:55] Speaker 7: I mean, I think in a post it ends with
[5:57] Speaker 7: us world. There's a lot of outlasses out there.
[5:59] Speaker 1: I think my hot take is people need to be
[6:04] Speaker 1: a little less what's the word sensitive about people having
[6:12] Speaker 1: the names of their children, Like, there's so many people
[6:17] Speaker 1: in the world.
[6:18] Speaker 2: I think if it was your sister, I would have
[6:20] Speaker 2: issues or as a family member, ye say, hey, this
[6:23] Speaker 2: makes things a little complicated. I think it being someone
[6:27] Speaker 2: that you don't perceive have a super close relationship with
[6:31] Speaker 2: and a different age range as your son, you're in
[6:35] Speaker 2: the clear.
[6:35] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[6:36] Speaker 2: Like my.
[6:38] Speaker 1: My sister in law and my brother in law, Robbie's brother.
[6:42] Speaker 1: One of their kids' names is like one of my
[6:44] Speaker 1: dream names. Like I think it's so cute. Yeah, yeah,
[6:46] Speaker 1: it's just like such.
[6:47] Speaker 3: A cute name.
[6:48] Speaker 1: I love the name. I would totally take that name
[6:51] Speaker 1: if it but They're like, literally could not be closer
[6:55] Speaker 1: family cousins. Yeah, so, but I think it's like a
[6:59] Speaker 1: comp and that's.
[7:01] Speaker 4: What I'm saying.
[7:02] Speaker 2: I think I would just shift your mindset of saying
[7:05] Speaker 2: it doesn't it really in the in the grand scheme
[7:07] Speaker 2: of things, does not affect you or your son at all.
[7:10] Speaker 2: And if anything, it's a compliment that she heard the
[7:13] Speaker 2: name and thought, oh my gosh, my first boy I
[7:15] Speaker 2: would love I'm going to use that name. Ye, maybe
[7:18] Speaker 2: it's going to be Cyprus and all this for nothing,
[7:21] Speaker 2: all this worry for nothing.
[7:23] Speaker 1: It just feels like no need to worry, please, yeah,
[7:28] Speaker 1: no need.
[7:28] Speaker 4: Yeah, you have great names, great names. Ever, Ever, I.
[7:31] Speaker 3: Can't wait here first, like your kid came first.
[7:35] Speaker 4: Yeah, you did it first, and I need to know.
[7:37] Speaker 2: I would like to know what your third boy name
[7:40] Speaker 2: is going to be, because you have really cute names
[7:42] Speaker 2: and maybe Tanya can steal it.
[7:45] Speaker 4: We need some over here.
[7:47] Speaker 1: I mean, like, would you be upset if you had
[7:49] Speaker 1: a kid, Like if I had a kid and I
[7:52] Speaker 1: named it leaf, I don't I just looked at the
[7:55] Speaker 1: leaf whatever I'm trying to use not And then you
[7:58] Speaker 1: had a kid and you're like, I love the name.
[8:00] Speaker 1: I want to, And it was like two years later,
[8:02] Speaker 1: I'd be like, name your kid leaf.
[8:04] Speaker 4: Yeah, I want to do that. I'm thinking because.
[8:06] Speaker 3: We're best friends, I know, but I wouldn't care.
[8:09] Speaker 4: I know, I wouldn't care either, But I want to.
[8:11] Speaker 1: My leaf and your leaf might be going to different schools,
[8:14] Speaker 1: they might be going to different colleges. They're going to
[8:16] Speaker 1: live different lives, right right. If they don't, it'd be
[8:20] Speaker 1: weird to have like leaf and leaf leaves they'd.
[8:24] Speaker 3: Leave yeah together.
[8:28] Speaker 4: All I'm saying is take it as a compliment.
[8:32] Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, all right, next week, have questions about religion?
[8:36] Speaker 7: Oh, question about religion? All right, Dear Banya and Meeston.
[8:40] Speaker 7: I feel like everyone here starts their emails with day
[8:42] Speaker 7: one scerber, but I genuinely am one, and I remember
[8:45] Speaker 7: when Tanya first came on.
[8:46] Speaker 5: I also remember the Mandle days. That was a wild time.
[8:49] Speaker 7: Anyway, I wanted to write in with our question for
[8:51] Speaker 7: both of you. I recall that in the past you've
[8:53] Speaker 7: each talked about attending church and having evolving relationships with
[8:56] Speaker 7: God and faith. With Easter just passing, I couldn't help,
[8:59] Speaker 7: but wonder where you're faith stands today.
[9:01] Speaker 5: Tanya.
[9:02] Speaker 7: I've noticed you celebrate many Jewish holidays with Robbie. Have
[9:04] Speaker 7: you ever considered converting to Judaism and would Robbie ever
[9:07] Speaker 7: attend church with you? I also noticed that you didn't
[9:10] Speaker 7: really celebrate Easter this year, but did celebrate Passover, which
[9:13] Speaker 7: made me curious about how you're approaching faith these days. Becca,
[9:16] Speaker 7: I remember how meaningful it was when Haley took you
[9:18] Speaker 7: to church. Do you see faith playing a role in
[9:21] Speaker 7: your wedding? I also understand that the church has a
[9:23] Speaker 7: history being hurtful to the LGBTQ plus community, which you've
[9:26] Speaker 7: spoken about before, so I completely understand withdrawing. I was
[9:29] Speaker 7: raised Presbyterian, but my long term boyfriend is Catholic, so
[9:32] Speaker 7: I'm always fascinated by how other couples handle their personal
[9:35] Speaker 7: faith while also supporting their partner's beliefs.
[9:37] Speaker 5: Okay, Olivia, Bye.
[9:40] Speaker 4: That's a great ending. You can start it off.
[9:45] Speaker 1: I think Robbie has come to church with me. He's
[9:49] Speaker 1: not opposed at all.
[9:50] Speaker 3: He would go to church with me. He even offered
[9:52] Speaker 3: to go to church with me on Easter. Like He's not.
[9:55] Speaker 4: Anti anti by any means.
[9:58] Speaker 1: I think that we celebrate a lot of the Jewish
[10:01] Speaker 1: holidays because his family they all live we literally all
[10:05] Speaker 1: of his family lives within like a five minute radius
[10:08] Speaker 1: of where we live, and those like Jewish traditions and
[10:12] Speaker 1: those holidays have like very specific things that they do
[10:16] Speaker 1: and that they've done every single year, and so it
[10:19] Speaker 1: just kind of happens that way. I also have really
[10:23] Speaker 1: grown to love the Jewish faith. I think there's so
[10:25] Speaker 1: much there that's so like beautiful, and I love a
[10:29] Speaker 1: lot of their traditions. So I've really kind of leaned
[10:32] Speaker 1: in on that what I consider converting totally. It's not
[10:38] Speaker 1: anything I'm doing at the moment, but it's definitely something
[10:43] Speaker 1: that I've thought about.
[10:45] Speaker 3: But I don't know, it's really weird.
[10:47] Speaker 1: I feel like when you're not when you're younger and
[10:50] Speaker 1: you're not in a relationship, and you like think about
[10:52] Speaker 1: these things and you put all these parameters on, like
[10:54] Speaker 1: my partner needs to be the same faith as me,
[10:57] Speaker 1: and we have to a church together, we have to
[10:58] Speaker 1: do these things da da, And then you find your
[11:01] Speaker 1: partner and it's not what it looks like. I think
[11:03] Speaker 1: that's also very damaging, and so I've kind of just
[11:06] Speaker 1: like it hasn't affected my faith, my relationship with God,
[11:12] Speaker 1: that is the foundation. Like I still pray, it just
[11:16] Speaker 1: kind of looks a little bit different because of the
[11:18] Speaker 1: relationship that I'm in.
[11:22] Speaker 4: I think my faith is ever evolving.
[11:26] Speaker 2: I never want to feel stagnant in it, but I
[11:29] Speaker 2: do think there's been things where I have withdrawn from
[11:34] Speaker 2: what I grew up believing, just because I see it
[11:38] Speaker 2: from a different lens now. I've always maintained that my
[11:42] Speaker 2: relationship with God will always be something that's so important
[11:45] Speaker 2: to me and what I believe, and it's kind of
[11:47] Speaker 2: a pillar of my life.
[11:50] Speaker 4: It's hard for me.
[11:51] Speaker 2: With organized religion, specifically the Christians and the Evangelical denomination,
[12:01] Speaker 2: to see how they've acted. I think with this administration
[12:06] Speaker 2: right now and how people treat people, I have found
[12:09] Speaker 2: myself wanting to get further away from that and find
[12:13] Speaker 2: it more within like my own personal relationship.
[12:16] Speaker 4: Because I know people say, well, those are people, that's
[12:18] Speaker 4: not who God or Jesus is.
[12:20] Speaker 2: But I think when you're called to represent God and
[12:24] Speaker 2: Jesus and that's how you represent him, I have found
[12:27] Speaker 2: it quite off putting. So I think I've struggled with
[12:31] Speaker 2: trying to figure out where I identify in that regard.
[12:34] Speaker 2: But I've always maintained that my faith is super important
[12:38] Speaker 2: to me and that having a relationship with God is
[12:41] Speaker 2: so important to me and where I base a lot
[12:44] Speaker 2: of my decisions off of. But Hayley didn't grow up
[12:48] Speaker 2: with religion, so we have a lot of conversations about
[12:51] Speaker 2: it and she's totally open's. She even asked me on
[12:54] Speaker 2: Easter like, do you have any traditions? Do you want
[12:56] Speaker 2: to go to church? I'll go with you. You know,
[12:58] Speaker 2: she has no do not anti at all. But I
[13:00] Speaker 2: also think from her perspective, there is a lot of
[13:03] Speaker 2: hurt within the LGBTQ community and Christianity. So I think
[13:08] Speaker 2: it's just complicated and I never want to say I
[13:10] Speaker 2: used to feel like such a know it all and
[13:13] Speaker 2: I was like a very judgmental person when it came
[13:15] Speaker 2: to that. And I think meeting people from different cultures
[13:19] Speaker 2: and religions and seeing people different backgrounds and seeing how
[13:22] Speaker 2: beautiful different religions and cultures are made me open my
[13:26] Speaker 2: mind up to it and not feel so judgmental towards
[13:31] Speaker 2: other people who believe differently than me. And so it's
[13:35] Speaker 2: just kind of an ever evolving me wanting to learn
[13:39] Speaker 2: and ask questions and hear other people's experiences, but knowing
[13:43] Speaker 2: that ultimately, religion and a relationship with God is such
[13:47] Speaker 2: a personal thing and I think that's where I stand
[13:50] Speaker 2: on it right now.
[13:50] Speaker 4: But it's complicated.
[13:53] Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, here's the thing.
[13:54] Speaker 1: It's like you grow, e've alve, you change. I think
[13:59] Speaker 1: for me, like Christmas is obviously a huge tradition that
[14:04] Speaker 1: I've always had, like as a kid, and that's something
[14:06] Speaker 1: that I will always I will remain to have no
[14:09] Speaker 1: matter what. And the way that my step kids have
[14:12] Speaker 1: embraced Christmas and the tree is so beautiful. And even
[14:16] Speaker 1: my step son was like, when are we doing our
[14:17] Speaker 1: Easter egg hunt this year? Because we didn't have them
[14:19] Speaker 1: on Easter this year, and so I ended up doing
[14:21] Speaker 1: one for him this past weekend. But I thought, it's
[14:25] Speaker 1: like so sweet that he likes that tradition that I
[14:29] Speaker 1: was doing with them when I started dating their dad,
[14:32] Speaker 1: and you know what I mean. So I think that's
[14:33] Speaker 1: also really cool that they're open to that and like that.
[14:37] Speaker 1: And again it's not so just like all in on
[14:41] Speaker 1: like one faith. So yeah, it's kind of evolving, yeah,
[14:48] Speaker 1: shape shifting, No, that's not the right word shifting, growing.
[14:53] Speaker 2: But thank you for such a respectful question. And also
[14:57] Speaker 2: I also was the same way I had my list
[14:59] Speaker 2: of and it was.
[15:00] Speaker 4: Like they better be a man of God.
[15:05] Speaker 2: And you know, I think as you grow and you
[15:08] Speaker 2: fall in love with someone, you learn. I mean, this
[15:11] Speaker 2: has just been my experience and obviously yours two specifically
[15:15] Speaker 2: our relationships being with someone who believes differently than us
[15:20] Speaker 2: has been a growing process and a learning process.
[15:22] Speaker 1: Yeah, and also like no judgment on either end. You know,
[15:24] Speaker 1: I grew up serving Orthodox, which is like totally different,
[15:28] Speaker 1: you know, like Orthodox Easter was this past weekend, and
[15:31] Speaker 1: the and the Christmas is also different. But my parents
[15:34] Speaker 1: always celebrated Christmas on I guess it's like Catholic Christmas
[15:39] Speaker 1: because we were going to school and they didn't want
[15:41] Speaker 1: us to feel different and like you know, all that
[15:43] Speaker 1: kind of stuff. So it's always kind of been evolving
[15:47] Speaker 1: and changing for me throughout my life.
[15:49] Speaker 3: And I think she's just going to continue to do that.
[15:51] Speaker 2: Yeah, we have our next question is throwing it back
[15:55] Speaker 2: to ninety five p days.
[15:56] Speaker 6: Oh wow, maybe we should take a break. Wow we're
[16:16] Speaker 6: back back back back, Okay.
[16:20] Speaker 5: All right, waiting for my queue.
[16:22] Speaker 7: Hi Bonnia and me Sin Newish Scrubber here and started
[16:26] Speaker 7: listening to the podcast this past fall. Welcome found scrubbing
[16:29] Speaker 7: in through TikTok.
[16:31] Speaker 6: Wow.
[16:31] Speaker 1: Wow.
[16:33] Speaker 7: I feel good about that. That's a good sign as
[16:36] Speaker 7: a true gen Zer, and I've been a dedicated scrubber since.
[16:40] Speaker 7: Listen Up Advertisers, gen Z listens. I started listening to
[16:43] Speaker 7: new episodes, and I thought it would be fun to
[16:44] Speaker 7: work my way back from present day to the start
[16:46] Speaker 7: of the pod. I did listened to some older podcast
[16:49] Speaker 7: episodes out of order, though, like when Becca announced her
[16:51] Speaker 7: relationship publicly, when you had Haley on, and when you
[16:54] Speaker 7: had Robbie on, et cetera, et cetera. So I knew
[16:56] Speaker 7: some of the ninety five P lore. But I do
[16:58] Speaker 7: have a question since now I'm an episod so it's
[17:00] Speaker 7: from twenty twenty one, before the relationship was announced publicly.
[17:03] Speaker 7: Becca many times talked about Haley and mentioned her by
[17:06] Speaker 7: name well in some of the same episodes where she
[17:08] Speaker 7: also mentioned ninety five P. My question is, how did
[17:11] Speaker 7: you think people would view Haley at that point as
[17:13] Speaker 7: a friend? Were you slowly trying to give the hint
[17:15] Speaker 7: that she may be ninety five P. Sorry if this
[17:18] Speaker 7: question doesn't make total sense. There's too personal, but I'm
[17:20] Speaker 7: just genuinely curious. Anyways, I really love the pod. It's
[17:23] Speaker 7: one of the few they listened to you every single week.
[17:24] Speaker 7: And all of your friendships are very fine and beautiful
[17:26] Speaker 7: to witness even through a screen.
[17:28] Speaker 4: Wow. Wow a gen z that found us through TikTok.
[17:32] Speaker 4: We are young and hip. I am trying to remember
[17:39] Speaker 4: my mindset. I think I.
[17:41] Speaker 1: Remember so you would like you would mention Haley in
[17:44] Speaker 1: like conversations, like, oh, Haley and I went to lunch,
[17:46] Speaker 1: or does I did that whenever you mentioned anything romantic
[17:50] Speaker 1: ninety five P.
[17:51] Speaker 2: So you Yeah, I think people saw us hanging out,
[17:54] Speaker 2: and we would post photos where we were in the
[17:55] Speaker 2: same place or doing the same thing. So I knew
[17:58] Speaker 2: that people knew I hung out with Hayley, and I
[18:01] Speaker 2: just would assume if people were using critical thinking skills,
[18:04] Speaker 2: if they heard how much I was with Haley, that
[18:06] Speaker 2: they would assume while they're probably dating. But I wasn't
[18:09] Speaker 2: ready to confirm it. So when I talked about my partner,
[18:14] Speaker 2: it was ninety five P. And I still don't know
[18:18] Speaker 2: how we did that for so long.
[18:19] Speaker 4: We really locked in.
[18:23] Speaker 2: But yeah, it was it was just kind of I
[18:25] Speaker 2: couldn't avoid, and I never wanted Haley to feel hidden.
[18:29] Speaker 2: So it was that balance of being private about our
[18:33] Speaker 2: relationship but not making it seem like I wasn't associated
[18:36] Speaker 2: with her in a capacity, So I assumed. I think
[18:39] Speaker 2: that's why when we did go public, there was this
[18:42] Speaker 2: feeling of elation but also overwhelming love from our scrubbers,
[18:49] Speaker 2: because I knew that most of them knew, Like we
[18:52] Speaker 2: have smart listeners. I don't think that they're not catching
[18:55] Speaker 2: all that.
[18:55] Speaker 3: I feel like not a lot of people knew. I
[18:58] Speaker 3: do feel like.
[19:00] Speaker 4: Scrubbers. I think are scrubbers.
[19:02] Speaker 1: I think like maybe I knew what was going on,
[19:06] Speaker 1: but I think the general consensus was not.
[19:10] Speaker 4: That's so interesting.
[19:11] Speaker 2: I find that our scrubbers, I would imagine a bunch
[19:14] Speaker 2: of our scrubbers knew, and they were disrespectful to the
[19:16] Speaker 2: situation to be like thoughtful and respectful to me, right right, right,
[19:23] Speaker 2: But I just assumed.
[19:25] Speaker 4: I'll let people use context clues and yeah, I was.
[19:28] Speaker 3: Like, she's hanging out Haley more than she's hanging.
[19:30] Speaker 7: Out with me.
[19:30] Speaker 1: That should be I mean, we're giving you something I've
[19:33] Speaker 1: lived together.
[19:35] Speaker 4: Really, that's like a whole thing with.
[19:40] Speaker 2: WLW relationships what's the thing, like they were roommates in quotes, right,
[19:47] Speaker 2: there's a.
[19:48] Speaker 7: On Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland. There's like when
[19:52] Speaker 7: you when you're waiting in line, there's like paintings of
[19:54] Speaker 7: the pirates of like other pirates or something, and when
[19:56] Speaker 7: you cut off the.
[19:57] Speaker 5: I'm trying to find it.
[19:58] Speaker 7: There's there's two ladies vironts that are that are roommates. Yeah,
[20:03] Speaker 7: every time we write that, right, and like we because
[20:06] Speaker 7: I think there's a lower that they're officially.
[20:08] Speaker 5: Roommates, and uh, you know we read between the lines.
[20:11] Speaker 3: I know how like well because advanced of Disney or.
[20:16] Speaker 4: Well, yeah, Disney's Disney's advance like that.
[20:20] Speaker 2: But a lot of people, especially before it was accepted,
[20:28] Speaker 2: like they would have their roommate friend. Like you think
[20:31] Speaker 2: about people who had their aunt or someone in their
[20:34] Speaker 2: life and they had their roommate who was always with them.
[20:37] Speaker 2: You know, you probably have an aunt somewhere down the
[20:39] Speaker 2: line together.
[20:43] Speaker 4: But it wasn't accepted.
[20:45] Speaker 2: So there was that even going to common this weekend,
[20:48] Speaker 2: this woman I'm standing with Haley and.
[20:50] Speaker 4: She goes, oh my gosh, you're engaged.
[20:52] Speaker 2: Your rink so beautiful, but where's your is your are
[20:55] Speaker 2: you with your husband? Is your husband coming or something?
[20:57] Speaker 2: I go, oh, no, this is my fiance. Just look
[21:01] Speaker 2: at her ring.
[21:01] Speaker 5: We both have.
[21:02] Speaker 3: Rings and she's holding my hand right now like.
[21:05] Speaker 4: We just kissed.
[21:06] Speaker 2: But yeah, you know, people are always asked, and no
[21:10] Speaker 2: one's ever God forbid, lucky me knock on wood whatever
[21:14] Speaker 2: I'm supposed to say, knock on wood. Every time I
[21:17] Speaker 2: say that, and everyone just goes, oh my gosh, what
[21:20] Speaker 2: that's so cool. You know, no one ever has a
[21:22] Speaker 2: negative reaction. But I've been lucky in that regard.
[21:26] Speaker 1: Yeah, I would hope not, especially from a stranger. That'd
[21:29] Speaker 1: be even weird.
[21:30] Speaker 2: I promise you there are people who have had really
[21:35] Speaker 2: we are in a bubble.
[21:36] Speaker 4: In California that we are anyway.
[21:41] Speaker 2: So yeah, I think I just assumed that people would
[21:43] Speaker 2: assume this Haley girl that I'm hanging out with all
[21:46] Speaker 2: the time, they must be really good friends.
[21:49] Speaker 3: And the fact that I wasn't jealous about your friendship.
[21:52] Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, the context, so yeah, that was a really
[21:55] Speaker 2: big context.
[21:55] Speaker 4: They're like, well, tonya really handles this friendship.
[21:58] Speaker 2: So well, all right, next one, do we do destination
[22:06] Speaker 2: wedding idea?
[22:07] Speaker 3: Yeah?
[22:08] Speaker 7: Yeah, Another anonymous this person's busy. Hi, I'd rather stay
[22:13] Speaker 7: and on and on because just because I'm shy, I'm
[22:16] Speaker 7: too shy. First, I love you guys so much, would
[22:18] Speaker 7: love everyone's input. Tanya, you're my destination beach wedding in
[22:22] Speaker 7: Mexico inspiration, and I'm wore a stealing your idea for
[22:26] Speaker 7: the handwritten guest notes. I wanted to think of more
[22:28] Speaker 7: than I can do to keep it personal and everyone
[22:30] Speaker 7: feeling special too. I'm hesitant to do gift bags. I
[22:33] Speaker 7: don't really want to do the whole emergency kit thing.
[22:35] Speaker 7: Anything personal I can replace that with or anywhere else
[22:38] Speaker 7: in the weekend, I can string personal touches for guests
[22:40] Speaker 7: in We're having a welcome dinner the wedding and a
[22:43] Speaker 7: day after beach hag so excited to hear ideas. Y'all
[22:46] Speaker 7: are so thoughtful, so I need to come here. Also,
[22:48] Speaker 7: if Tanya has any other advice or things to note
[22:50] Speaker 7: for a destination wedding, I'd love to hear it.
[22:52] Speaker 5: Love at day one, you really.
[22:55] Speaker 2: Did nail the destination wedding in Mexico. I did well.
[23:00] Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
[23:01] Speaker 2: It felt very seamless and for a destination wedding locked
[23:06] Speaker 2: in and organized and yeah.
[23:09] Speaker 3: Wow, shout out to Marjorie, my wedding planner.
[23:12] Speaker 1: But I think in terms of like the destination of
[23:16] Speaker 1: it all, I was very anxious about forgetting something, Like
[23:20] Speaker 1: I was like, heaven forbid I forget something of my
[23:25] Speaker 1: Like I needed my daily repertoire on my wedding weekend.
[23:28] Speaker 1: So I started packing like a month before, Like I
[23:31] Speaker 1: just brought my suitcase out and I just started packing
[23:34] Speaker 1: stuff just so I wouldn't forget, and I would leave
[23:38] Speaker 1: notes of things to remember, like not to forget because
[23:42] Speaker 1: you do get. Really there's so much, and then you're packing,
[23:45] Speaker 1: you're saying you don't want to do the welcome bags,
[23:47] Speaker 1: but it's like all this stuff for the welcome bags,
[23:49] Speaker 1: all the cards, your vows, all this stuff for the wedding,
[23:52] Speaker 1: every little trinket, every part of your outfit, for multiple parties.
[23:56] Speaker 1: It's a lot, and then there's like a lot of
[23:58] Speaker 1: pressure on it too. So in terms of personal touches,
[24:02] Speaker 1: I do feel like the cards are really nice. We
[24:06] Speaker 1: wanted everybody to have something to do while we were
[24:08] Speaker 1: taking some photos before the reception. But I don't think
[24:12] Speaker 1: it's a bad idea if you don't want to do
[24:13] Speaker 1: welcome bags, to do the letters as like a welcome.
[24:16] Speaker 3: Letter in their rooms.
[24:19] Speaker 1: Right, If you don't want to do a gift bag
[24:23] Speaker 1: or like an emergency kit, I don't know what else
[24:25] Speaker 1: you could do.
[24:28] Speaker 2: I mean you could do a you could have a
[24:29] Speaker 2: photo if you have photos with everyone, you could have
[24:32] Speaker 2: a photo kind of either like in clear frames and
[24:35] Speaker 2: then the card with it, so that way it's a personal.
[24:38] Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's easy.
[24:40] Speaker 2: You can get those clear plastic frames on Amazon and
[24:43] Speaker 2: like bolks. Yeah, and just print out photos of you
[24:46] Speaker 2: with the people, the guests who are coming.
[24:49] Speaker 1: Or like even a fan fans, maybe you're a wedding hashtag.
[24:53] Speaker 1: So it's not like a gift bag, but it's like something.
[24:55] Speaker 1: And if you're doing it somewhere where it's warm, they'll
[24:58] Speaker 1: use the fans great touch.
[25:00] Speaker 4: Thanks, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[25:02] Speaker 2: I think there's really cute things you can do to
[25:04] Speaker 2: make it feel personal without needing to do like full merch,
[25:06] Speaker 2: because the merch was a I mean trying to get
[25:08] Speaker 2: it through customs was a lot, a lot stressful.
[25:12] Speaker 4: Yeah, I stress.
[25:13] Speaker 1: I didn't need Yeah, I did not need to feel
[25:16] Speaker 1: I was like, if they take all my stuff for
[25:18] Speaker 1: my gift bags, and I'm left with nothing.
[25:20] Speaker 3: I'm gonna have a full blown melt out at this airport.
[25:23] Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, so yeah, it was stressful.
[25:27] Speaker 3: But I also think there's other things you can do too.
[25:29] Speaker 1: Like I don't even know if anybody noticed this, but
[25:32] Speaker 1: on our day after the wedding, like our beach or
[25:35] Speaker 1: pool hang or whatever, we had our logo yad Rad
[25:39] Speaker 1: etched into some of the coconuts, like for the coconut water,
[25:43] Speaker 1: and I thought that was like a cute little touch,
[25:46] Speaker 1: you know.
[25:48] Speaker 4: Yeah, I think there's things you can do.
[25:49] Speaker 2: And if you're like I don't want to have to
[25:51] Speaker 2: carry a ton and spend money, you can do simple
[25:53] Speaker 2: things that don't And you can ask.
[25:55] Speaker 1: The hotel too, like what if they offer anything. They're
[25:58] Speaker 1: like simple little things that they could do. There's like
[26:00] Speaker 1: something that they can put in everybody's room, Yeah, with
[26:03] Speaker 1: like a little note on the plate, you know how
[26:05] Speaker 1: they write a happy birthday chocolate covered strawberries or something.
[26:08] Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, but anyways, congratulations, yeah, excite, good luck with
[26:13] Speaker 2: the planning.
[26:14] Speaker 4: Oh so exciting. So go back to March twenty twenty five.
[26:18] Speaker 1: If I could relive that weekend over and over and
[26:20] Speaker 1: over again, I would.
[26:21] Speaker 4: It was so fun.
[26:22] Speaker 3: It was so fun.
[26:24] Speaker 2: Okay, we're gonna take a break, and then we have
[26:25] Speaker 2: one more question, which involves Ask a Guy Panel TV.
[26:30] Speaker 4: We have a couple of tbts this episode, so we'll
[26:32] Speaker 4: be right back.
[26:49] Speaker 3: We're back.
[26:50] Speaker 2: I tried to give you a hint that it was coming.
[26:53] Speaker 2: All right, our final question Easton take it Away?
[26:57] Speaker 5: Also from anonymous.
[26:58] Speaker 7: Wow, hi all, Sorry this has been asked before, but
[27:00] Speaker 7: I've restarted the podcast again, probably my third time. I
[27:03] Speaker 7: love listening while driving to work and cleaning the house
[27:06] Speaker 7: and at work, especially since I know what's happening present day.
[27:09] Speaker 7: Keeps me laughing and smiling during my night shift. In
[27:11] Speaker 7: the Ask a Guy Panel with Nick Brad and Brooks,
[27:14] Speaker 7: Tany revealed she took notes on an app of guys.
[27:16] Speaker 5: Did she take notes on Robbie?
[27:18] Speaker 7: Yes, for the rest of you, if you could go
[27:21] Speaker 7: back and have to take notes, if you were a
[27:24] Speaker 7: Tanya back then, what notes would you have made from
[27:26] Speaker 7: the early points in your relationships? Like everyone that writes in,
[27:29] Speaker 7: I love the pod and thank you for the joy
[27:31] Speaker 7: you bring.
[27:33] Speaker 2: You have the notes. Yeah, that's so good. I's been
[27:36] Speaker 2: to ask you to pull it up. I am trying
[27:40] Speaker 2: to think of I took. I didn't really take notes
[27:42] Speaker 2: on Haley specifically because we met and then.
[27:47] Speaker 4: Started dating, like just it was very quick.
[27:50] Speaker 2: But I do remember because we're so different, we have
[27:53] Speaker 2: so many differences that I did. I would we would
[27:56] Speaker 2: both take notes of things that we had in common.
[27:58] Speaker 4: And the one I remember.
[27:59] Speaker 2: Specific when we discovered we loved Mary Kate Nashley movies,
[28:03] Speaker 2: and that was one of our things that we both
[28:05] Speaker 2: loved and so we had I can see if I
[28:09] Speaker 2: still have that note somewhere. But we just took notes
[28:12] Speaker 2: of little things like that. But I didn't take notes
[28:13] Speaker 2: about her as a person. Like remember when Ross did
[28:17] Speaker 2: that to Rachel and he said and then he say,
[28:21] Speaker 2: like he said something mean, But you remember they started dating,
[28:25] Speaker 2: was it though? He said something about her ankles?
[28:28] Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and she was like got self conscious about it.
[28:31] Speaker 1: When I look back on my notes, it's like so
[28:33] Speaker 1: silly because it's just like total stuff that is so
[28:38] Speaker 1: that just is like who they are. So I obviously
[28:40] Speaker 1: put a note of like the day that we met.
[28:42] Speaker 1: I took a note of his birthday. I took note
[28:45] Speaker 1: of his parents' names, and then I put I put
[28:48] Speaker 1: his mom's name and then how to like say it
[28:50] Speaker 1: right next to it?
[28:51] Speaker 4: Do you know what I mean?
[28:53] Speaker 3: Like mitra?
[28:54] Speaker 1: And then I put m eetra. Oh God, make sure
[28:57] Speaker 1: I pronounced it right. The name of his nephew, his
[29:03] Speaker 1: first car, the size of his shoes, what kind of
[29:08] Speaker 1: attorney he is, what kind of his size jeans, his
[29:13] Speaker 1: favorite restaurant in the country.
[29:15] Speaker 2: Uh.
[29:16] Speaker 1: And then it's this place called Jocomo's, New Orleans. It's
[29:20] Speaker 1: in New Orleans. I try to get foods flown in
[29:23] Speaker 1: from there for like I don't remember. I think, like
[29:25] Speaker 1: a Valentine's Day at one point, but I don't even
[29:27] Speaker 1: know if it's still there. I wrote down his kids' names,
[29:30] Speaker 1: what kind of candy they like, their favorite movies, their birthdays.
[29:34] Speaker 1: I ranked his love languages, so I knew his one
[29:37] Speaker 1: to five.
[29:38] Speaker 4: What are his love languages? But he's still the same,
[29:41] Speaker 4: definitely not.
[29:42] Speaker 1: But number one was physical touch, number two was acts
[29:45] Speaker 1: of service, three is quality time, four as words of
[29:48] Speaker 1: words of affirmation.
[29:49] Speaker 3: And five is gifts. Actually four and five are pretty
[29:52] Speaker 3: much the same.
[29:53] Speaker 1: Wow, his favorite movies, stuff about his health.
[29:58] Speaker 3: Which is so cultural level.
[30:00] Speaker 1: Yeah literally yes, yes, yeah, his favorite type of apple,
[30:05] Speaker 1: his favorite vegetable.
[30:07] Speaker 3: And then I also put.
[30:08] Speaker 1: The day that I said I love you, and then
[30:11] Speaker 1: I took track of every single one of our dates.
[30:14] Speaker 3: One through thirty nine.
[30:18] Speaker 5: Oh my god.
[30:19] Speaker 3: So I put like.
[30:19] Speaker 1: Date one, and then I would list off black Liquor Market,
[30:23] Speaker 1: date two, Firefly before my New York Red Eye, date three, Patch,
[30:27] Speaker 1: date four, movie and slumber party.
[30:30] Speaker 4: Robbie brought orange wine. That's really cute.
[30:35] Speaker 1: Yeah, so I have one through thirty Let's see what
[30:37] Speaker 1: thirty nine was passover and San's hands massage. What wow,
[30:47] Speaker 1: this is when I'd got into the pandemic. So I
[30:49] Speaker 1: feel like once we got into the pandemic, all the
[30:51] Speaker 1: dates kind of started being the same because they were
[30:53] Speaker 1: all just like at our house picnics. So I think
[30:55] Speaker 1: that's when I stopped. Look at date thirty three T
[30:58] Speaker 1: and B's Tasty Taco double date night with Becka and Hayley.
[31:01] Speaker 2: Oh I just found I was. I found a video
[31:04] Speaker 2: of that the other day. So cute, so cute.
[31:09] Speaker 1: Those are really all my notes that. That's really funny,
[31:11] Speaker 1: But I'm glad. I wish I would have taken notes
[31:14] Speaker 1: on all of our dates, like I wish I didn't stop.
[31:16] Speaker 3: But I feel like the pandemic kind of.
[31:17] Speaker 4: Yeah, halted things. Yeah, yeah, I never picked it back up,
[31:20] Speaker 4: which is sad.
[31:21] Speaker 2: I don't really have any I thought, I know I
[31:23] Speaker 2: have it somewhere, but I don't have them listed, I
[31:26] Speaker 2: mean labeled, so it's tough, tough.
[31:28] Speaker 3: To find tough.
[31:29] Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, I think that's such a cute it's
[31:32] Speaker 2: a cute idea. And I had a friend recently who
[31:37] Speaker 2: is in the dating world, and someone was asking she
[31:41] Speaker 2: was just started seeing this guy and she's likes him
[31:44] Speaker 2: or whatever, but she's like, oh, I don't want to
[31:45] Speaker 2: get too excited because like I feel like I get
[31:47] Speaker 2: my hopes up and then I'm disappointed. And I was like,
[31:50] Speaker 2: that's such a tedious balance because you don't what if
[31:53] Speaker 2: what if he is your guy and you don't let
[31:55] Speaker 2: yourself get excited about meeting this guy because you're scared
[31:59] Speaker 2: he's and be like the other ones. And I was
[32:02] Speaker 2: thinking about you that you I don't feel like you
[32:05] Speaker 2: do you feel like you had to.
[32:06] Speaker 4: Hold yourself back with Robbie. No, Yeah, because he was
[32:09] Speaker 4: the right one.
[32:10] Speaker 2: Yeah, And I just feel like when it's the right one,
[32:12] Speaker 2: you're not gonna feel like freak flag fly.
[32:15] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[32:15] Speaker 2: I mean we had we had some help with the
[32:17] Speaker 2: text messages, yes, lad, but once he met you, yes,
[32:22] Speaker 2: you just let it all out.
[32:23] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[32:24] Speaker 2: So I think that's a good I think it's a
[32:27] Speaker 2: cute gesture to make to write notes if you remember,
[32:29] Speaker 2: even if it's like little details, yeah, orange wine.
[32:33] Speaker 1: Yeah, and my little things like his favorite like green
[32:35] Speaker 1: juice from creation, like you know, just like random stupid stuff.
[32:38] Speaker 4: Yeah, it's really cute to look back.
[32:40] Speaker 1: And how much he likes like hearts of Palm. I'm like,
[32:42] Speaker 1: he still loves hearts of Palm. I love hearts of them.
[32:45] Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, everyone always, as always, thank you for
[32:49] Speaker 2: writing in We Love Dear Bonnie episodes. If you have
[32:52] Speaker 2: a Dear Bonnie question, concerned, just need advice on something,
[32:57] Speaker 2: you can either dms on Instagram at Scrubbing and Pot
[33:00] Speaker 2: or email us at scrubbing in at iHeartMedia dot com.
[33:03] Speaker 2: We love you so much, Love you have a wonderful weekend.
[33:06] Speaker 4: Bye,

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