# More Than a Provider: The Emotional Reality of Fatherhood | Jon Gustin, Tired Dad (EP450)

An episode of [Minimalist Moms Podcast | Purposeful Life & Parenting Tips](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1159498258), 30 Apr 2026, 30 min.

Audio: https://prefix.up.audio/s/pdst.fm/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/pscrb.fm/rss/p/clrtpod.com/m/mgln.ai/e/35/audio2.redcircle.com/episodes/c61347d5-825b-4e5e-abd7-87bc2a642452/stream.mp3

We don’t talk enough about how heavy fatherhood can feel. In this episode, I’m joined by Jon Gustin (known as “The Tired Dad”) for a candid conversation about the emotional weight dads carry behind the scenes. From postpartum challenges in his marriage to addiction and the pressure to provide while staying present, Jon shares what led him to speak out - and why so many men quietly relate. This is an honest look at modern fatherhood, vulnerability, and healing - for the whole family. Links Discussed in This Episode | • Checkout the podcast storefront for recommendations from Diane. • Subscribe to the Minimalist Moms Youtube Channel • Connect with Jon: • Website • Instagram • Book: The Tired Dad: 100 Reflections on Showing Up for What Matters Most About Jon | Jon Gustin is the founder and owner of The Tired Dad LLC, where he has amassed more than two million followers for his portrayal of life as an ordinary father and the lessons he’s learned. Gustin is also the co-host (along with his wife, Jessica) of The Tired Dad & Tired Mom Podcast. Episode Sponsors | The Minimalist Moms Podcast would not be possible without the support of weekly sponsors. Choosing brands that I believe in is important to me. I only want to recommend brands that I believe may help you in your daily life. As always, never feel pressured into buying anything. Remember: if you don't need it, it's not a good deal! Enjoy the Podcast? Post a review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning into this podcast, then do not hesitate to write a review. You can also share this with your fellow mothers so that they can be inspired to think more and do with less. Order (or review) my book, Minimalist Moms: Living & Parenting With Simplicity. You can contact me through my website, find me on Instagram, Pinterest or like The Minimalist Moms Page on Facebook. Our Sponsors: * Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code MINIMALIST for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out DeleteMe and use my code joindeleteme.com/MINIMALIST for a great deal: https://joindeleteme.com * Check out Wayfair: https://www.wayfair.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

## Transcript

[0:00] \[SPEAKER_02\]: growing up with a dad who was pretty reserved and and not emotional at all.
[0:05] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And the men in my life were very much brick wall, no emotions, man up, get through it, no one cares.
[0:12] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Right?
[0:14] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I always felt like even when I was a kid, I was always a feeler, but I never really had that permission.
[0:23] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I always thought, ah, you're just weird, you're just weird.
[0:25] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I bottled it up and so many, so many men do that.
[0:30] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And it's coming off of a generation where that's kind of what we saw.
[0:35] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And you know, it's still kind of what we see.
[0:38] \[SPEAKER_02\]: in society.
[0:39] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I think it's getting better to where we understand it's not serving us.
[0:45] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It's not making us better men.
[0:47] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It's not really strength at all.
[0:50] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Like, yeah, sure, we can through the mud for a very long time.
[0:54] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We can hold it in for decades.
[0:57] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We can hide it through alcohol.
[0:59] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We can run from our problems, but I just feel that's not going to make us the best husbands that's not going
[1:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: This is Diane Bowden, and you're listening to the minimalist mom's podcast.
[1:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We hear a lot about how hard motherhood can be, but what about dads?
[1:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Today, I'm joined by John Guston, known as the tired dad, for a deeply honest conversation about fatherhood, emotional load, and what it means to show up fully for your family.
[1:26] \[SPEAKER_01\]: John's work began after experiencing real strain in his own marriage during the post-partum season.
[1:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: As he navigated, shared mental load, identity shifts, and the pressure providing while wanting to be emotionally present, he started sharing his experience online.
[1:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And what he found was millions of dads quietly feeling the same way.
[1:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: In today's episode, John opens up about the invisible weight father's carry, the expectations, the internal struggles, and the cultural narratives that often lead men without language or space to process their emotions.
[1:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: This is an honest and important conversation for dads, for moms, and for anyone who wants to better understand the unseen layers of modern parenthood.
[2:03] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But quickly before we get there, I want to share a minimalist resource with all of you, and it's a post that I found on Instagram from Therapy with Blake about how to have more joy, and I'll play it for you here.
[2:12] \[SPEAKER_00\]: If you want to experience more joy in life, I'm going to offer you a very small subtle language if that will help you do that.
[2:20] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I want you to exchange your butt for AND, if it's an example.
[2:25] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'm so overwhelmed, like the so hard, but I have so many things to look forward to and that brings me joy, subtle shift.
[2:33] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'm so overwhelmed, like the so hard, and I have so many beautiful things in life to look forward to.
[2:39] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I don't know if there's no science behind it, but I think that when we say but something happens in our brain that in the gates, whatever we just said before the word but.
[2:47] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So if you talk about how overwhelmed and sad and hard by tears, and you always follow that with a butt, in some way you're minimizing.
[2:55] \[SPEAKER_00\]: that pain and you're just trying to focus on the positive.
[2:58] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And there's nothing wrong with focusing on the goodness, so of course we want to do that.
[3:03] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And that changes us also at a biological level.
[3:05] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But when you negate or minimize your pain, it's going to keep rising to the surface because it needs and deserves to be seen and cared for.
[3:15] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I've started to use this process in my life whenever I'm beginning to feel negative and overwhelmed, and it really does shift your mindset.
[3:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Both of your experiences can be valid, but the simple language tweak really can do a world of wonders in your day, and I encourage you to start to use it to see if it helps you in the way that it has helped me.
[3:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And then lastly, if you have yet to leave a rating interview for the minimalist mom's podcast, I ask you to hit five stars, tell me your favorite guest, your favorite episode, how the podcast has been impactful to you.
[3:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Also, share this episode with a friend that can benefit.
[3:44] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Obviously, today I have John here to speak to Fatherhood.
[3:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: The majority of my audience are moms, so my hope is that you share this with your husbands or father, you know, that can benefit.
[3:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And with that, let's get into my conversation with John.
[4:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Okay, so let's start here for those who are unfamiliar, what does the tire dad mean to you?
[4:08] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So tired, I think we can all agree as a universal term to explain parenting.
[4:17] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I think if you are a parent, you understand that you are experiencing exhaustion, right?
[4:24] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And it originally, it was the first word that came to mind that as a new dad that explained how I was feeling, I was tired.
[4:35] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And then when I started to think about it and what it developed into was I'm tired from something I love so much something that has changed my life and when you love something like if you've ever played a sport or if you've ever committed a lot of time and effort to something that you enjoy.
[4:56] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You did it well past the exhaustion.
[4:59] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You were tired and you kept practicing, right?
[5:02] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And it is just kind of how parenting is.
[5:05] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It gets really, really hard at times, but because it's so important to you as you're most important role, you keep going despite being tired and you're tired from parenting, not of parenting.
[5:23] \[SPEAKER_01\]: When did you realize, oh, this is a message that I want to share with other men, and you have a lot of female followers as well, but when did you just think, oh, this is a message that I need to get out there, I'm going to deliver it.
[5:36] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Well, there was so much that I, I went through that I thought I was.
[5:41] \[SPEAKER_02\]: no one really talked about.
[5:43] \[SPEAKER_02\]: There's always been that kind of discussion with moms and moms are much more vocal and expressive than dads usually.
[5:52] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And there was so much I was going through with my wife's postpartum after our first born that we didn't really know what that was.
[6:01] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Didn't expect that there was a lot of the mental load is always talked about on the mom side,
[6:09] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We both work.
[6:09] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We're both self-employed.
[6:12] \[SPEAKER_02\]: There wasn't a, it was, we were very split.
[6:16] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You know, it's never 50, 50, but we were very much a team.
[6:21] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It didn't weigh on one person more than the other as far as the domestic stuff, as far as the changing diapers caring for our daughter.
[6:31] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So I felt a lot of that mental load too.
[6:34] \[SPEAKER_02\]: That usually is just a narrative that that mom's talk about.
[6:39] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So I was struggling mentally through when we had my daughter and our marriage changed drastically.
[6:49] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And there was a lot of challenges there.
[6:52] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So I was going through a lot.
[6:55] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I remember just putting out a video of kind of my thoughts of the struggles, kind of like the stigmas, and then actually what I was actually going through, and a ton, a ton, millions of dads related.
[7:12] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I was like, I didn't expect that.
[7:15] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I was like, I'm probably people are going to think I'm just like complaining or whatever,
[7:22] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And that was kind of the point is that a lot of dads felt like that, that they were having a pity party if they expressed themselves.
[7:32] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And
[7:33] \[SPEAKER_02\]: really the past four years I've been talking about it and it's just developed into bringing and dad's more into the conversation of parenthood struggles, yeah, and it's a message that I see others talking about now and it's just kind of, it's been talked about more, which
[7:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm so glad you're talking about it and it's such an important thing and I do think we have this pendulum in culture and society that is, I think females tried to, they, they, they, too far course corrected in their expectations for men.
[8:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So now you have, I don't know if that makes sense, but men get the short of the stick a lot these days and you see in the 90s like the dad was always
[8:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: kind of made fun of for the butt of the joke.
[8:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so I want space for men to feel empowered to play into their strengths, but I think that I'm so glad that you talked about the mental load because dads are carrying an invisible weight in responsibility.
[8:37] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'd love for you to share more about that and maybe the things that we don't talk about enough.
[8:43] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Yeah, there's a lot.
[8:44] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I think the
[8:49] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Carrie is, you know, we view them like you're saying the 90s dad and how we viewed dads as as being a sort of financial provider.
[8:59] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And we're seeing now more of, you know, both partners being financial providers.
[9:06] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So that's kind of that, but there still is that stigma or
[9:14] \[SPEAKER_02\]: because I guess it comes easy to dads to be like a provider, financially like they wanna be a leader in that sense.
[9:22] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And it's, you're seeing a shift of more dads, like kind of,
[9:30] \[SPEAKER_02\]: not wanting to just be that role, to wanting to be an emotional provider as well.
[9:37] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And a lot of the time, it's sometimes dads are caught in that kind of poll of wanting to be at home with their kids more or wanting to be more involved, not just after work or, you know, in
[9:57] \[SPEAKER_02\]: from my family, but I don't want to miss out on it.
[9:59] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I don't want to travel so much, you know, I'm missing out on it.
[10:04] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And
[10:05] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I think in the old, like back in the 90s and before it was just expected and Dad's didn't, they were like, I'm a dad, this is what Dad's do, you know.
[10:15] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And now it's being talked about more and that I feel like a big, like a conundrum with with fathers of still wanting to be be successful, but not wanting to have that outweigh
[10:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They want to show up more, but maybe they don't know how to.
[10:38] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Exactly, yeah.
[10:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely.
[10:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Did you think this is just a side note?
[10:44] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I know a lot of women, I can speak for myself.
[10:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I envisioned what motherhood would look like as a young girl and my teens, and then in my early 20s, and then just what it realistically ends up being.
[10:56] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm curious to know what your perception of fatherhood was when you were younger versus what it actually ended up being.
[11:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We were talking about this.
[11:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: the role that sitcom dad, like he's just a financial provider, but there is this emotional element that I think so many men want to have.
[11:13] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So just curious to know what your perspective was prior to becoming a dad?
[11:17] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Yeah, it's, yeah, it's nothing like I really imagined.
[11:21] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I even as a small kid, I knew that like the portrayal of Homer Simpson and Al Bundy and stuff were not, those weren't good dads.
[11:34] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So hey, it's not what I imagined myself being.
[11:37] \[SPEAKER_02\]: My dad was a great dad.
[11:40] \[SPEAKER_02\]: He worked a lot.
[11:41] \[SPEAKER_02\]: He had a high stress job.
[11:43] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It was very much of that provider kind of dynamic with him and my mom.
[11:48] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Then him and my mom got divorced when I was 14.
[11:51] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So it was kind of, it was kind of chaotic then through my teenage years.
[11:57] \[SPEAKER_02\]: But, you know, my dad was always, you know, he definitely showed up and taking me to practice is playing catch with me and like being involved in that sense.
[12:07] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And he wasn't emotionally, it was hard for him to express himself and I've seen him cry less and five times.
[12:14] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And like over the years and now that I'm a dad and we have such deep conversations now that I feel we're learning even more about each other.
[12:27] \[SPEAKER_02\]: what he was going through.
[12:28] \[SPEAKER_02\]: But the most surprising part is because I have a daughter in a son.
[12:35] \[SPEAKER_02\]: My son or my daughter's nine and my son is six.
[12:38] \[SPEAKER_02\]: The biggest thing was when I had my son.
[12:42] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Now, originally, I thought I was going to have a boy first because I was like, there, I'm going to understand a boy, right?
[12:51] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I know what I wanted when I was a boy, it's, you know, we're going to wrestle, we're going to, you know, we're going to make him to a man, right?
[13:00] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It was like a simple thing, but then I had my daughter and that changed my,
[13:06] \[SPEAKER_02\]: That really changed my life and made me understand my wife more and just made me more emotional and tune with my emotions.
[13:17] \[SPEAKER_02\]: But when I had my son, I felt the same thing.
[13:22] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Like, I felt the same emotional connection to him.
[13:26] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Like, if that makes sense, like, with, I think it's easy for dads to talk about their princess, right?
[13:33] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And their daughters love, but I also felt that with my son.
[13:36] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Like, I felt such an emotional thing connection with him.
[13:41] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I'm like, I don't want to just, like, make him tough.
[13:45] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I don't want to just simplify raising him,
[13:49] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I want to be there emotionally for him and have him be okay with crying be okay with seeing me cry and there was such an emotional aspect to it because he was like he was also my baby.
[14:04] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And that was surprising.
[14:05] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It completely changed my perspective on raising a daughter and raising a son and how actually there's a lot of similarities.
[14:15] \[SPEAKER_02\]: They're not so different.
[14:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, absolutely.
[14:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Well, I'll pause you here.
[14:21] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You encourage dads to be more vulnerable and it is really hard for a lot of men to tap into that.
[14:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm curious if fatherhood, obviously fatherhood inspired these emotions and you may be a little bit more.
[14:33] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Were you always someone like that?
[14:35] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And if not, why is it so hard for men to tap into that side of themselves?
[14:40] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So I was always like that, but I didn't show it.
[14:48] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So it took really into my 30s, with the help of my wife who is a definitely a feeler and emotionally intelligent, growing up with a dad who was pretty reserved and not emotional at all.
[15:04] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And the men in my life were very much brick wall,
[15:09] \[SPEAKER_02\]: no emotions, man up, get through it, no one cares.
[15:13] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Right?
[15:14] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I always felt like even when I was a kid, I was always a feeler, but I never really had that permission.
[15:23] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I always thought, ah, you're just weird.
[15:25] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You're just weird.
[15:26] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I, you know, bottled it up.
[15:28] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And so many, so many men do that.
[15:31] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And it's coming off
[15:36] \[SPEAKER_02\]: that where that's kind of what we saw.
[15:39] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And, you know, it's still kind of what we see in society.
[15:44] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I think it's getting better to where we understand it's not serving us.
[15:49] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It's not making us better men.
[15:51] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It's not really strength at all.
[15:54] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Like, yeah, sure, we can through the mud for a very long
[16:05] \[SPEAKER_02\]: we can run from our problems, but I just feel that's not going to make us the best husbands, that's not going to make us the best fathers.
[16:15] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And it's also showing our kids what we saw, which is it's not giving them permission either, and it's it's not like breaking that
[16:27] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So I started, you know, I got sober three, over three years ago.
[16:33] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I really cleaned up some addictions that I had since I was 13 years old.
[16:38] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I really, really took control of my life and worked on the things that I've bottled up for the past 20 years, 25 years.
[16:49] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And that has made me into such a better husband and a man, and I think it's showing my kids that it's okay.
[16:59] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It's okay to not be perfect.
[17:01] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And you yourself, however you are, however you want to feel is okay, and it doesn't matter.
[17:08] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I'm starting to see that in my kids, and it's beautiful to see.
[17:13] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It's beautiful to watch.
[17:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: How do you encourage the wives that are listening to create space where dads feel safe to show up more fully?
[17:27] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Yeah, and you know, what's also not talked about is that other side, me and my wife talk about it all the time is that there are some women and wives that are a little bit scared with their husband's vulnerability.
[17:40] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It's it scares them and that's why men don't feel comfortable expressing themselves.
[17:45] \[SPEAKER_02\]: They they feel like they're going to be a burden like, oh my wife is already burdened by our children and the mental load and and everything.
[17:53] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I'm not going to.
[17:54] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I'm not going to say that I'm struggling mentally or anything.
[17:57] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I don't want to disrupt the family unit.
[18:00] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I'll just, yeah, whatever, get through it.
[18:03] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I think it's that fear, mean fear that their spouses, their partners will.
[18:11] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I guess, in some way, maybe hold it against them in some way, maybe feel like, uh-oh, the foundation is cracking.
[18:21] \[SPEAKER_02\]: The foundation is breaking.
[18:23] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And now I don't feel safe anymore.
[18:26] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You know, so I think it's important for,
[18:29] \[SPEAKER_02\]: For wives to just make their husbands feel safe with hey, you can tell me anything.
[18:36] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I'm not going to use that against you.
[18:38] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I'm not going to get nervous that the foundations breaking.
[18:42] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I'm here for you.
[18:43] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Let's get better.
[18:44] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Right.
[18:45] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Let's get better together.
[18:46] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And that's what a partnership is is getting better together.
[18:50] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You're there for her.
[18:51] \[SPEAKER_02\]: She's there for him.
[18:53] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And that's when my me and my wife started doing that and I started expressing myself more not leading so much with ego and thinking everything on both sides and thinking everything's an attack on each other we started to understand each other and why things were happening and then you're able to heal from all of that and then it's so much better on the other side.
[19:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, absolutely.
[19:18] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I am curious, maybe we've already discussed this a little bit, but I am curious to know, do you think that men are being asked to show up differently than in previous generations in what ways of so, but also do they also just feel like now they're allowed to?
[19:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Like now they have permission.
[19:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They're not just being asked, but it's like now you have permission to kind of lay it down.
[19:40] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It's a good question.
[19:41] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I think there's a lot of different answers there.
[19:45] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I don't know if they're, I don't know if they're asked to show up differently.
[19:50] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I think they just are.
[19:51] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I think the whole typical dad stigma is just coming to a head.
[19:57] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I think I did some research on this and it started to change in like 2000s, like the late 90s, early 2000s where more dads were getting involved in like the domestic
[20:15] \[SPEAKER_02\]: being more than just a financial provider and I think just I don't know maybe it's just a state of the world, maybe it's just our generation, maybe we're a generation of feelers, maybe who knows what we saw is just kind of that generational curse that we're
[20:34] \[SPEAKER_02\]: kind of just done with it.
[20:36] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And we're like, this doesn't feel natural anymore.
[20:38] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And it's also being more reflective.
[20:42] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I think there's a lot more information out there.
[20:44] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Maybe too much, but
[20:47] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We're just realizing that different ways to thrive in fatherhood and thrive through parenthood that are just a lot more healthier and that are a lot more natural feeling of not just suppressing everything but just really being involved in our children's lives and and really understanding the importance of raising the next generation
[21:17] \[SPEAKER_02\]: and really, really being involved in that.
[21:21] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, absolutely.
[21:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think there's so much we could say about exhaustion and burnout, obviously, with you being the tire dad, we could talk about partnership and the shared load, but I would really love to talk about your book now, because you do, as I said, the beginning have this book coming out, and it focuses on reflections rather than perfection.
[21:38] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And why was that important to you to write it that way?
[21:41] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I really wanted to be vulnerable, I didn't want it to come off as expert advice or how to book.
[21:49] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I wanted it to be as raw, unfiltered as possible in my journey through fatherhood the last 10 years and also my journey through like my childhood and what I saw growing up and
[22:06] \[SPEAKER_02\]: the relationship with my dad and how that's changed and just reflecting on everything.
[22:12] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It was going to be like a daily book, but I condensed it to 100 reflections because I wanted to go a little deeper into the reflections quality of a quantity.
[22:22] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So, it's really pulling everything as pulling from my personal notes, the notes I wrote at 3am as a new dad and just everything I've realized and what the transformation that I went through in fatherhood and in marriage, how our marriage changed and everything.
[22:52] \[SPEAKER_02\]: But we know how social media is, and it's not always easily digestible or in a linear fashion.
[22:59] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So I just wanted something permanent that people can grab, can look at, can reference at any phase in parenthood.
[23:06] \[SPEAKER_02\]: There's gonna be, you can always go back to it, maybe, oh, I don't know what are you really talking about there right now, but I know that's gonna make sense when my kids get older or, you know,
[23:21] \[SPEAKER_02\]: around your shoulder that I needed when I first became a dad.
[23:24] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I felt so alone in the struggle.
[23:26] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So the whole point is to make fathers feel less alone in their struggles and hopefully help these new fathers come in.
[23:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, absolutely.
[23:35] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Was there one that felt especially personal for you to write?
[23:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I know there's a hundred in there.
[23:42] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Oh man, yeah, so many and I forget when I I've read it like six times with editing and everything and I still will read it again and go oh yeah, that's my favorite yeah there's so many the one is called dance parties and it's
[23:59] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It was a night.
[24:01] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I'll never forget.
[24:02] \[SPEAKER_02\]: There's a lot about my daughter in there because obviously she's older and I wrote a lot about her growing up and my son was too young, but there is a lot of stuff about my son too, but she says the craziest things before we go to bed.
[24:16] \[SPEAKER_02\]: and just out of nowhere.
[24:19] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I don't know if your kids are like this or if you understand that like they just drop a bomb on you right before you go to bed and you're like what the?
[24:28] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And she had a rough day at school and I was talking to her as she was getting ready.
[24:35] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So we put on some music like her favorite Taylor Swift song and we just like had this dance party and
[24:43] \[SPEAKER_02\]: since then we've had like dance parties as families and it's just with all the chaos going on in the world and the chaos just with your job and everything there's so much noise out there.
[24:57] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It's like having a dance party with your family or your kids just kind of races everything.
[25:04] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So it's just kind of like the story of that.
[25:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah.
[25:07] \[SPEAKER_01\]: What do you hope that dad's feel after they put down in your book?
[25:12] \[SPEAKER_02\]: that they're not crazy that they are not alone that they're normal that the reason it's hard the reason they're struggling is because they care it's because they are a good dad and it's not about being perfect it's about it's about not being perfect in how to kind of navigate that through
[25:41] \[SPEAKER_02\]: means you're already better.
[25:43] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Right?
[25:44] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, absolutely.
[25:45] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Well, John, where can listeners connect with you?
[25:49] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think that they probably know at this point, but where can they connect with you online and grab a copy of your book if they want to hear more?
[25:55] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Yeah, if you if you Google, if you Google, the tired dad, everything comes up, but I've been really enjoying a sub stack, my sub stack, it reflections in modern parenthood, I've been enjoying it over there, it's just I can do some writing, a lot of it is based off my book, tireddad.com, you'll find all the links.
[26:16] \[SPEAKER_02\]: to the book.
[26:17] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You can pre-order it or order it from your vendor of choice.
[26:22] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Yeah, and then the tire dad on all, you know, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, everything.
[26:30] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Perfect.
[26:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Well, quickly as we wrap things up here, I'm going to ask you two final rapid fire questions I ask all my guests.
[26:36] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And the first one is, what has been a beneficial resource in your life that you want to share with the listeners?
[26:41] \[SPEAKER_02\]: like a like a written resource or just anything you want.
[26:46] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Some people have said it's open to interpretation.
[26:49] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Someone said the other day their friends, people have said a therapist, any resource that has been helpful to you.
[26:55] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Well, I have to shout out my wife, my wife has been there in more ways.
[27:00] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I mean, I owe her why I'm talking to you.
[27:04] \[SPEAKER_02\]: She's brought out everything in me.
[27:11] \[SPEAKER_02\]: has encouraged this book.
[27:13] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I have to say that she is number one source, but also, I just love reading memoirs, so hearing other people's stories, podcasts, and just really learning from other people's stories.
[27:27] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And that's that's what I want to be for somebody too.
[27:30] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, absolutely.
[27:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I totally agree in really sweet to call out your wife.
[27:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think a healthy partnership is one of the best gifts that we can have in life.
[27:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So I'm totally agree.
[27:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Lastly, what is something you can't stop talking about?
[27:46] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I mean, fatherhood, just how our kids are growing up so fast, the perception of time.
[27:53] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I honestly, there was a point in my life for a long period.
[27:58] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I didn't think I would be this 40 year old dad.
[28:02] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I just, I'm here and it's happening.
[28:05] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I feel,
[28:07] \[SPEAKER_02\]: like it is the best time in my life though.
[28:09] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Being 40, I used to think it was so old and it just doesn't feel that way.
[28:15] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And it feels so much better, so much clear thinking.
[28:19] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Obviously, I owe that to sobriety as well.
[28:23] \[SPEAKER_02\]: but just the perception of time and really how important it is to live in the present moment because we don't have anything else and to just not get so wrapped up in the destination of things to really enjoy the journey and enjoy the moment because our kids do grow up extremely fast
[28:51] \[SPEAKER_02\]: and I just I just want to remember it all and for them to remember it all.
[28:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, that's such a good final word of encouragement.
[29:00] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I hope that women are sharing this episode with their friends, tying their husbands to follow you because again, we just need more voices speaking to these things and I'm glad you're leading the way here, so I appreciate you, John.
[29:12] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Yeah, I appreciate you.
[29:14] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Thank you for having me.
[29:18] \[SPEAKER_01\]: What did you think of the episode?
[29:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I hope you enjoyed the conversation.
[29:21] \[SPEAKER_01\]: To learn more about today's guest, including links, resources related to everything discussed today, visit the episode page at minimalismomspodcast.com where you can find the entire podcast archive, as well as my book Minimalismoms Living and Parenting with Simplicity, or other ways to connect or work with me online.
[29:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: If you'd like to support the podcast, the easiest and most impactful thing you can do is subscribe to the show on iTunes, Spotify, or YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts, and leave a rating or review of your favorite episode.
[29:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Lastly, sharing the show or your favorite episode with friends and social media is very helpful and will encourage others on their journey to think more and do with less.

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