# What American Parents Can Learn From Japanese Parenting | Lisa Katayama (Bonus Episode)

An episode of [Minimalist Moms Podcast | Purposeful Life & Parenting Tips](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1159498258), 14 May 2026, 27 min.

Audio: https://prefix.up.audio/s/pdst.fm/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/pscrb.fm/rss/p/clrtpod.com/m/mgln.ai/e/35/audio2.redcircle.com/episodes/5ab3082e-4876-4de5-808d-c39b0033ff14/stream.mp3

In this episode, author and journalist Lisa Katayama joins me to discuss her book The Japanese Way of Parenting and the lessons she’s bringing from her upbringing in Tokyo into raising her children in America. We explore Japanese parenting philosophies around cooperation, responsibility, routines, independence, and caring for others - while also discussing the balance between freedom and boundaries. This conversation is all about creating calmer, more connected homes and raising kind, capable kids in today’s world. Links Discussed in This Episode | • Checkout the podcast storefront for recommendations from Diane. • Subscribe to the Minimalist Moms Youtube Channel • Connect with Lisa: • Instagram • Book: The Japanese Way of Parenting: And What It Taught Me About Raising (Mostly) Calm, Caring, Capable Kids About Lisa | Lisa Katayama is a working mom and writer who was born and raised in Tokyo. She is the author of two books, including Urawaza: Secret Everyday Tips and Tricks from Japan, and is a former tech and culture journalist for Wired, Fast Company, and The New York Times Magazine. Katayama is a US-Japan Leadership Program Fellow and an Asia Society Young Leader and was named one of Forbes Japan’s Top Women to Watch in 2018. She currently serves as Chief Transformation Officer for the Japanese technology company Digital Garage and lives in Northern California with her family. Episode Sponsors | The Minimalist Moms Podcast would not be possible without the support of weekly sponsors. Choosing brands that I believe in is important to me. I only want to recommend brands that I believe may help you in your daily life. As always, never feel pressured into buying anything. Remember: if you don't need it, it's not a good deal! Enjoy the Podcast? Post a review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning into this podcast, then do not hesitate to write a review. You can also share this with your fellow mothers so that they can be inspired to think more and do with less. Order (or review) my book, Minimalist Moms: Living & Parenting With Simplicity. You can contact me through my website, find me on Instagram, Pinterest or like The Minimalist Moms Page on Facebook. Our Sponsors: * Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code MINIMALIST for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out DeleteMe and use my code joindeleteme.com/MINIMALIST for a great deal: https://joindeleteme.com * Check out Wayfair: https://www.wayfair.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

## Transcript

[0:00] \[SPEAKER_00\]: For those of you that are new around here, I released bonus episodes that serve a niche part of my audience, so if this content is something that doesn't fit what you're looking for, check out the other episodes that drop this week, or join me back here next week for episodes that you don't want to miss.
[0:14] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You know, it's really an interdependence more than an independence because they are able to take a shopping list and put it in their head and go to the store and buy that thing in the store and come back and the reason it works is because not just because the kids are more independent, but it's because cars are driving more safely and
[0:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: The people around them are helping to support their journey, like, you go into the store, the storekeepers are like, oh, hello, like, what would you like?
[0:39] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And they try to help them find the thing and pay for the thing.
[0:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so they're all, like, partaking in this raising and nurturing of this child.
[0:46] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's just kind of independence that you see more in Japan.
[0:50] \[SPEAKER_00\]: This is Diane Bowden, and you're listening to the minimalist mom's podcast.
[0:54] \[SPEAKER_00\]: In today's episode, I'm joined by author and journalist, Lisa Katayama, to discuss her new book, The Japanese Way of Parenting, and the lessons she's carried from her upbringing and Tokyo into raising her own children in Northern California.
[1:07] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Together we explore the Japanese parenting philosophies that prioritize cooperation,
[1:12] \[SPEAKER_00\]: responsibility, community, and emotional steadiness, while still leaving room for creativity, warmth, and individuality.
[1:18] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Lisa shares how Japanese culture approaches parenting differently from much of the West, including why routines and rituals matter, how children are encouraged towards independence from a young age, and the concept of omeltonashi, caring thoughtfully for others.
[1:32] \[SPEAKER_00\]: If you enjoy this conversation today, be sure to share it with a friend that can benefit from the content, and don't forget to leave the podcast to rating and reviewed.
[1:38] \[SPEAKER_00\]: This is one of the best ways you can help support the show.
[1:41] \[SPEAKER_00\]: As always, I still appreciate you being here.
[1:43] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And with that, let's get into my conversation with Lisa.
[1:50] \[SPEAKER_01\]: My book is called the Japanese Way of Parenting and it's really about my journey of raising my two kids who are still very small.
[1:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So this is really just about the first few years of parenting about parenting toddlers.
[2:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They live in the East Bay of California, Northern California, near San Francisco.
[2:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: When my kids were born it was my first kid was born during the COVID pandemic and so we spent a lot of time and home together And I hadn't really thought about like how do I want to raise my kid?
[2:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It was really just about being together with her and then it was when we started looking at daycare centers that I really started to think about like What are some of the values and principles that underlie what will become my parenting style and the result of that is in this book
[2:34] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, yeah.
[2:35] \[SPEAKER_00\]: No, absolutely.
[2:36] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And you had lived in Tokyo for a period of time, correct?
[2:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's right.
[2:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I was born and raised there.
[2:42] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Okay.
[2:42] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I thought that I had read that.
[2:43] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So yeah.
[2:44] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I guess what came first?
[2:46] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Like you had your children and then you were interested in different ways of parenting.
[2:49] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But what prompted this book to come to be?
[2:51] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, um, when I started to look for the care centers for my kid, I realized there are many different styles of care that were available to us.
[3:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Actually her first nanny, like when she was really small and the care centers were still closed because of COVID, like she had it to batten nanny and so she her very first.
[3:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: language that she understood was Tibetan, and that was very sweet.
[3:14] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And then when we started looking around, we saw so many different styles, just in terms of how children were nurtured and cared for, all of them were great.
[3:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We weren't like long was better than the other.
[3:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But when I visited this Japanese daycare center, I felt this sense of familiarity to some of the rituals and the routines
[3:37] \[SPEAKER_01\]: you know, the teachers when they're acting with the kids and how the kids were playing with each other.
[3:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so, so then really this book has been an observation of like myself as a parent as well as like the journey that my kids have gone through for it's through the first few years of their childhood.
[3:51] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, yeah.
[3:53] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'm curious to know, I guess from infancy, the way that Japanese parenting is maybe different than we do it here.
[4:00] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Like, what are the differences?
[4:02] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Are there differences, even from just the starting point?
[4:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, I do think it's quite different.
[4:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: The framework from which, like, it within which children are raised is quite different.
[4:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And again, like, I'm raising my kids in the U.S.
[4:15] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Right?
[4:15] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So ours is very much like a mix in my husband is from West Africa.
[4:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so our our household is like a mismatch of many different cultural components, but in Japan overall the mentality is very community first.
[4:28] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So when kids are born and you know, there's a you get a manual from the government that explains like what how you should be taking care of your child from
[4:37] \[SPEAKER_01\]: the moment they're born until like basically age 20.
[4:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so there's very much like a one-standard way of doing it.
[4:45] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Of course, every family is different, right?
[4:46] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But there's generally, like, this is when you should start thinking about this thing and that thing and the other thing.
[4:51] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And there's just one booklet that everybody gets.
[4:53] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And then in the US, I think it's like my very much to do it yourself.
[4:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Choose your own adventure type of thing, right?
[4:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: There's so many different ways to parent and, you know, so many different cultural backgrounds here.
[5:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, so I think that's probably the biggest thing is that Japan is very much community first.
[5:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So what that means when you're a small child is that you're learning to understand who you are and what your role is in relation to what your surroundings are.
[5:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So and everybody, and yeah, so it's here.
[5:23] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's more about who am I and who am I going to be?
[5:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: What do I like, what's my favorite color?
[5:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's really like me and who I am, right?
[5:30] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And you start to develop that or you're early on.
[5:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, and then if in Japan it's more like, okay, like let's learn how like my kids have this little like tablet It's like a tablet tutor thing that it's in Japanese.
[5:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They can try to keep it up, but some of the lessons are like, oh, yeah English and writing Japanese characters and then some of them are like, here's how you mop a floor
[5:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: like, here's how you got a rag or let's learn how to clean a blackboard in the classroom.
[5:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so all of those things are, yeah, developing a sense of like how you can play your part and keep being your surrounding scene or participating in society.
[6:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So yeah, I think that's a big difference.
[6:10] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, you write, if America emphasizes individuality first and then getting along with others, Japan is the exact opposite.
[6:18] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But again, kind of going back to that foundational piece, I guess it from zero to one, what would that look like in the household, even prioritizing?
[6:26] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I mean, I know that they're under one, so it's probably not necessarily like.
[6:30] \[SPEAKER_00\]: We're just trying to survive at that point in the baby is like coming into its own.
[6:33] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I don't know if this is a stupid question, but I guess how young can you start teaching more about the community collaborative piece?
[6:41] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Because in about individuality is important.
[6:43] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But yeah, am I making sense?
[6:45] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, I think.
[6:46] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You know, in the book, there's a moment where I take my kids who at the time they're like almost one and almost four.
[6:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Not another little older, but in the book, when they're that age I took them to Japan.
[6:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I upstairs like how, right, like other, the cure, I think, you know, when your kids are really small, it's like anything goes.
[7:07] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You know, there's no one way you're expected to be in public, like if your kids screaming in a restaurant,
[7:15] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But I think very early on in Japan, parents take on this like additional responsibility.
[7:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I don't think this is good, but they take on this additional responsibility of like, if I'm going out with my child, I still have to look somewhat put together, and I still have to make sure that my kid is not going to like completely disturb the public, right?
[7:33] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So if your kid's having a meltdown in a public area, like I observe that a lot of parents
[7:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: removed them like if they're in a restaurant they'll like take them inside you know if they're in like a place where there are a lot of people they'll try to like take them aside and calm them down before bringing them back in so but then like by the kid with time the kids are able to be a little bit more autonomous and on their own they have like been conditioned to understand like when i'm in a group of people like i'm supposed to be kind of quiet
[8:00] \[SPEAKER_01\]: The opening story in my book is about like when I'm in a bus and there's a bunch of elementary school kids and they're on the bus with me But they're so quiet.
[8:07] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You don't even notice that they're there and like I feel like that's the opposite experience I have when I'm in a train here with a bunch of kids.
[8:13] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's pretty loud, right?
[8:15] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's because I think again like no judgment, but I think here like if you're a kid like it's okay to be loud And like it's like you that's just you're just being you whether you're in the house or outside the house But in Japan, it's very much like you can be in the house.
[8:28] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You can be like
[8:28] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Silly and loud, but when you're outside, you know, you have to respect everybody else and like what they're doing and so then I think that's a big difference as well.
[8:38] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, it's almost as if here in America, we don't necessarily apologize for our children just being children.
[8:45] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And I believe in that, but I also, I just see the balance of both sides.
[8:49] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I think both sides are important.
[8:50] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It's a healthy balance, right?
[8:51] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Like, it's important to respect our surroundings and people's experiences around us.
[8:55] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But it's also, I understand that kids are going to be kids and that people around us should also.
[9:00] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I think that both, I think if we have a good blend of both of these perspectives, usually balance is what's best.
[9:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, for sure.
[9:09] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think that there's that aside to the Japanese way, which is that it's too restrictive and, you know, it's a lot of pressure on moms and there's a lot of evidence now that newer generations of women are like, I just don't even want to be a mom because it's too much pressure.
[9:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, and like I think all of us are trying really hard to mitigate that pressure on parents, or even on mothers, especially like especially on women.
[9:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, that's kind of why we're in this space, like trying to make sense of like how do we do motherhood and also be ourselves and be happy and have this sustainable lives?
[9:42] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
[9:43] \[SPEAKER_00\]: All right, I'd love to get a few into a few of these terms that you discuss in your book.
[9:48] \[SPEAKER_00\]: The first one is hopefully a pronouncing
[9:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Of course, that's that book, what's the show?
[9:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Is that a booklet that the romance ends here?
[9:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, you'll be, you'll be, you'll be a pregnant.
[10:02] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Okay, and then what about Mae Walko?
[10:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, Mae Walko.
[10:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, so that means causing trouble for others.
[10:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And, right, so if you take your kid out in public and they're being really loud, then they're causing Mae Walko to everybody around them.
[10:17] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Or if you're late to an appointment, like you might be causing Mae Walko to the people who are waiting for you.
[10:23] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And Japan, everybody's always on time.
[10:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So,
[10:26] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's, you know, much more pronounced or like, if you make a big mess and you don't clean up, then that's Maywaku as well, because somebody's gonna have to clean up that mess.
[10:33] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So yeah, so it's kind of, I hear that word all the time when I'm in Japan around like parents with kids, I'll be like, oh, don't do Maywaku things for other people.
[10:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Don't make loud noises because it's Maywaku.
[10:45] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And then so yeah, it's really like about being, you know, respectful to others, but it can also be a little bit like, you know, kids aren't Maywaku, right?
[10:53] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They cause trouble.
[10:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Like, that's just what they do.
[10:56] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So again, it's the balance of yeah.
[10:59] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, I think that's what I mean with anything, right?
[11:01] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It comes back to balance and just seeing not being on maybe necessarily either side of the spectrum.
[11:07] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Maybe that sounds like a cop-out to some people, but I do think there's a significance in respecting the society that you're part of and contributing to the collaborative benefit of the community, the benefit of peace even in the community, but also this whole idea that
[11:20] \[SPEAKER_00\]: From the past in America of kids should be seen not heard.
[11:23] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I don't love that either So yeah, I think there's a good balance here.
[11:26] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Another word you talk about.
[11:28] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It's pronounced chicari Mono chicari mono or chicari mono So she's got him on it.
[11:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's like a kid who can like hold their own a person who can hold their own
[11:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: uh, in the US, I, you know, kids, the way we praise, I don't know, where's he used to praise your kids.
[11:46] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Maybe like, oh, you didn't like, such a great job or like, that's awesome.
[11:50] \[SPEAKER_00\]: You know, it's kind of like super-lative and in Japan, parent.
[11:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Like, like, one of the things that would be a very good thing would be if your kid is a scutty one, oh, which means that they can, like, but they can, like, hold their own.
[12:03] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Like, they can carry their own things, or, you know, they understand how things are supposed to be done.
[12:09] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They do it.
[12:09] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah.
[12:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Like that.
[12:10] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Why do you think that that perspective works in Japan, that high behavioral expectation?
[12:15] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I think.
[12:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: think it's because Japan's a society that's built on mutual collective, that expectation being expected of everybody.
[12:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And if you ever go to the cemetery, like you feel the sense of, wow, like everybody has sign on to the same code.
[12:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And like what is that code, right?
[12:33] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Like if you don't if you're, it kind of takes a lot of figure out, but then you realize like everybody is, you know, agreeing to take their trash homes.
[12:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's why the streets are clean, right?
[12:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: There's almost no garbage
[12:44] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Or everybody's agreeing to like walk on the right side of the street so that you don't cause additional foot traffic and there's, you know, it's a very, like Tokyo is very dense city.
[12:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So like the way that it works, everybody walks and there's also like a pace.
[12:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I feel like people walk at a specific pace.
[12:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: If you're walking too slow or you're walking too fast, you're not signing onto that code.
[13:03] \[SPEAKER_01\]: here in America, there's so many different, you know, there are no like collective expectation.
[13:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I mean, there's some, of course, like there's like laws and rules, but that's different.
[13:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's different than like a cultural standard.
[13:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's actually like what I love about being here is that there is no like there's no like one right way to do most things.
[13:23] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so.
[13:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We have to constantly be in conversation with each other here, right?
[13:26] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I think that's a really important part of being in the world, but for better or worse in Japan, like there is and has always been like a right way to do things.
[13:39] \[SPEAKER_00\]: There's something about this time of year spring, a little more light in the evenings that makes me want our home, especially the kitchen to feel calmer and more functional.
[13:48] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And obviously, I know that when my space feels less cluttered, I actually enjoy cooking more.
[13:53] \[SPEAKER_00\]: One of the changes that's made a real difference to us is been switching to care away.
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[14:05] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Do you don't need a lot of oil?
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[14:11] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And honestly, just having cookware, as I said, looks really good in stores, well, makes my kitchen feel more pulled together.
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[14:47] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'm curious to know about like leaning into that idea of independence.
[14:51] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I think a lot of people are surprised by how independent young children are in Japan.
[14:57] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And again, would you say that the parents are more likely to give that independence because of this community aspect, is that why it's like because we know that we've raised these children to be a part of the community, we can trust them to be
[15:10] \[SPEAKER_00\]: more independent at a younger age.
[15:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, part of it is that I think independence has a different meaning in the US and Japan.
[15:17] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Here it's about being able to do things completely on your own the way you want to more or less in Japan.
[15:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's about knowing how to exist within
[15:28] \[SPEAKER_01\]: the accepted framework of society, like being independent in Japan means like you can, you know, if you're a kid, it's like, I don't know if you've seen this show called old enough on Netflix, and it's like these little kids go shopping for their parents, and, you know, it's really an interdependence more than independence because they are able to like take a shopping list and put it in their head and go to the store and buy that thing in the store and come back.
[15:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: The reason it works is because not just because the kids are more independent, but it's because, you know, cars are driving more safely.
[16:02] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And the people around them are helping to support their journey.
[16:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Like, you've gone to the store, the storekeepers are like, oh, hello, like, what would you like?
[16:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And they try to help them find the thing and pay for the thing.
[16:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so they're all like partaking in this, you know, the racing and nurturing of this child.
[16:18] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, so that I think that's that's that's kind of independence that you see more in Japan.
[16:22] \[SPEAKER_00\]: got it.
[16:23] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We wouldn't really work here though, right?
[16:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Right.
[16:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We really send my kids to the store by herself here because it would have, you know, wouldn't be safe.
[16:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I don't know, like, we'll shoot at the right things.
[16:33] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah.
[16:33] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I think it definitely depends on your environment.
[16:36] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Maybe if you're in a small town versus a big city or something more rural, like it probably depends on
[16:41] \[SPEAKER_00\]: nuance there.
[16:42] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But you also say that your daughter could be perceived as one of the best behave kids in town, but in Japan they're clearly the worst.
[16:48] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So again, do you think that, again, we're speaking to some nuance here.
[16:52] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But do you think that, I guess who do you think has it right?
[16:55] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Again, there's that balance there.
[16:57] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But do you think that Japan needs to maybe update what their perception is of children?
[17:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, definitely.
[17:02] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I don't think there's no right answer.
[17:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think it's a little bit.
[17:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, so when my kids are here, they're generally perceived as being fairly well-behaved.
[17:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We go to a doctor's appointment, they'll sit in a chair, read a book together, and they're very polite to other people.
[17:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They say, hello, and they all can order their own food, half the time.
[17:23] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But in Japan, they did get into not a lot of trouble, but there were moments where I felt like,
[17:30] \[SPEAKER_01\]: behaving the way they should, right, they're putting their feet on the chairs and, you know, in Japan, there's like this very strong sense of do not put your outdoor shoes on indoor spaces and like a seat will be considered an indoor space or not, not the same place where you put your shoes.
[17:45] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so they didn't really understand all those things.
[17:48] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think Japan is maybe too strict if I was to make a judgment about it.
[17:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think a little bit more relaxed stance on children,
[17:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: couldn't hurt.
[17:58] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They also have kids spaces if you go to department store.
[18:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They'll have like a family room and you can go in the family room and in there your kid can kind of run around and you can sit down and they have a nursing station.
[18:09] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They even have these things to really nice machines that suit up your bought water bottle or like give you sterile warm water for your milk.
[18:17] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But yeah, so there are these really lovely facilities that are just for kids and like so that's nice, but it also means that like if you're out in the non family section, you're supposed to be a little bit more button that
[18:29] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah.
[18:29] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah.
[18:30] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Do you think that American parents lean too much on verbal correction instead of again, just kind of weaving this into how we raise our children just from a young age?
[18:41] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Hmm.
[18:42] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, we do.
[18:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I do.
[18:44] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I do think that Japanese parents and I don't actually count myself in one of them because I do use a lot of verbal correction.
[18:51] \[SPEAKER_01\]: My kids go, you know, they're living in America, they go to like American schools now, and they do.
[18:56] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They are like, they want to know why they can't do things and I have to explain everything.
[19:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But I do think that Japanese kids ask, they're not as requiring explanations about everything from their parents.
[19:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They're like, I think they're more inclined to be like, okay, my parents are here to like show me the ropes and how things are done.
[19:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Because everybody is signing on to the same contract, there isn't like the sense of why don't I get to do this thing?
[19:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I mean, of course there is, right?
[19:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But it's just a little less, it's a little more temperate, I think.
[19:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, I don't know which is better or worse.
[19:29] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I really like that my kids know how to stand up for themselves, right?
[19:35] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, that's important too.
[19:36] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Like we said, it probably does all just come back down to balance.
[19:39] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But I am curious to talk about exploiting cuteness.
[19:44] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It's something I don't think we necessarily do here.
[19:46] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It's about maybe picking up and maybe some Pinterest.
[19:49] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Like for women that want to do more Pinteresty parenting, but I'll let you share what you mean about a key trick and Japanese parenting about exploiting cuteness.
[19:56] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, we really cuteness has been scientifically proven to like work, right, like a trigger something in people and encourages them to do things like, you know, when something is cute, it's less scary or like less boring.
[20:11] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So Japanese, the Japanese use like manga and anime, anime to characters to explain just about everything, like really boring things or
[20:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: you know rules like when you get you know even like if you walk around the city of Tokyo and you walk past the construction site you'll see like little manga character of a construction worker saying I'm sorry for the mess and like when my kids brush their teeth they're really terrible at brushing their teeth they'll try to finish in like 30 seconds but I have this Pokemon app
[20:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: and if you use Pokemon Smile, it's like this augmented reality app and you put it in front of the kid that's brushing their teeth and it puts like Pokemon hat on their head and it's like tracking how well they're moving their hands so it motivates them because it's cute.
[20:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah and then like how we prepare our lunch boxes like you know there's a lot of Instagram that comes with our cute lunch boxes but like that's a real thing like Japanese monsoon a lot of time making lunch boxes colorful and cute so that the kids would eat the
[21:07] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Okay, so I definitely need to be doing that because I feel like, yeah, my kids do not brush their, the Pokemon app.
[21:13] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'm going to have to download that because my kids are bad about that as well.
[21:16] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And then, yes, the vegetable thing is not happening as much either.
[21:19] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So maybe if I implore some more cuteness there, there'll be more willing, just a couple more questions.
[21:24] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I have for you.
[21:25] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And one of the words that we didn't discuss that you write about in your book is almost tenashi.
[21:30] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, what is that?
[21:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, so almost a nasi is like the act of radically caring for people and things around you.
[21:38] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Probably one of the most, yeah, yeah.
[21:40] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, and that blends into a lot of what we've been talking about.
[21:43] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I guess as we kind of wrap up here, I am curious to what for someone that is listening today or that chooses to read your book.
[21:50] \[SPEAKER_00\]: What is something that you'd want them to take away?
[21:52] \[SPEAKER_00\]: They can start to implement today from the Japanese way of parenting.
[21:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, and you know, I think my biggest thing is that parenting is truly a choose your own adventure kind of thing and there's no right way, but I think there's some things that Japanese parenting does that can be helpful and then at the end of my book there are these 30 tips, but like some of them are things like
[22:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You know, instead of asking questions of your child, like maybe some things can just be really gentle prompt.
[22:18] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So instead of being like, hey, what do you want to do today?
[22:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It can be like, we are going to go to the museum and we're going to have a great time.
[22:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So you're telling them what to do, but it doesn't really sound like it, right?
[22:29] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Or, you know, taking off your shoes when you come into the house or kind of building awareness around like,
[22:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You know, dirt from outside doesn't belong inside, like if that feels aligned with your values, you can try that at home or color coding your bookshelf or you know teaching kids to like kind of create an organized space.
[22:46] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think those are skills that translate well into adulthood as well, right?
[22:51] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So if they know how to kind of keep things organized, that'll stick with them forever.
[22:56] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, one thing I am sorry I meant to ask you about, I'm curious to know how Japanese parents implement nature play.
[23:03] \[SPEAKER_00\]: If it looks different there.
[23:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, Japan is very much like a nature-connected place.
[23:09] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Like we celebrate the seasons and we have, like our national holidays or named after the seasons and kids, even if you live in a big city, you know, you try to like get out and learn the names of little bugs
[23:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: foliage and you know everybody goes to try blossom viewing during the spring and things like that.
[23:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And a lot of the songs are about like the children songs are about nature.
[23:36] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, I'm sure there are lots of American children songs that are also about nature, but we also have a lot of silly ones.
[23:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So maybe just bring some of those in.
[23:45] \[SPEAKER_01\]: the nature of baselines.
[23:46] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah.
[23:47] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Awesome.
[23:47] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And then I guess I can't have you leave without talking about minimalism and clutter in the Japanese culture.
[23:54] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Our parents more likely to want their children to take control of those kinds of things and live more minimally.
[24:00] \[SPEAKER_00\]: What does it look like there?
[24:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, I think generally people live in smaller homes in Japan.
[24:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Everything is smaller and we're compact.
[24:07] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so you can't have a garage full of toys.
[24:11] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So I don't know what every household does, but for me, I try to rotate toys in out of their room.
[24:18] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And if they're not being used for a while, I throw them out or I donate them.
[24:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And yeah, I try to keep it so that they know that if they don't clean up their toys
[24:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I don't know if that's Japanese or just me, but I definitely want them to understand how to take care of the things.
[24:37] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, absolutely.
[24:39] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Well, Lisa, for listeners that want to dive deeper into your book and learn more, where they can they connect with you and grab a copy of your book.
[24:45] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, so they can buy the book on, and either they're favorite on my bookseller, and maybe in a book store, it's called Japanese Way of Parenting.
[24:53] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm on Instagram at Tokyo
[24:59] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Perfect, well, quickly as we wrap things up here, I'm going to ask you just final two rapid fire questions.
[25:03] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I ask every guest and the first one is what has been a beneficial resource in your life that you want to share with the listeners?
[25:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: The other moms in my life, for sure.
[25:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, talking to other moms.
[25:12] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, it's funny.
[25:13] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Someone just recently, I had someone else share that answer.
[25:16] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I think that's where a lot of us get our not even just wisdom, but our strength and support for sure.
[25:23] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Last question is, what is something you can't stop talking about?
[25:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Oh, so yeah, this is a little bit of a side note, but I have a 18-year-old dog and I, yeah, I can't stop talking about him.
[25:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: He's like the number one support in my life, I think.
[25:35] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, so, you know, Speaking of cuteness, little animals and support networks where ever you get them for me, it's my dog.
[25:42] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, wait, how you said 18, what kind of dog is it?
[25:46] \[SPEAKER_01\]: He's a miniature picture, his name is Malcolm, and he's, yeah, he's like the oldest dog on the block.
[25:53] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah.
[25:54] \[SPEAKER_00\]: No, that's pretty old for a dog.
[25:55] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Our dog is 17.
[25:56] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It's my husband's dog.
[25:57] \[SPEAKER_00\]: He got him right before we started dating.
[26:00] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And I just can't believe I'm like sometimes you're just like, are you still alive when you come down for breakfast?
[26:04] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And then all you see him just sprinting outside and it's just it's shocking, but yeah, I love that.
[26:10] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Well, again, thank you so much for writing this book sharing some of these insights from your own just childhood and your child rearing experience.
[26:18] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I really appreciate it.
[26:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Thank you so much for having me.
[26:22] \[SPEAKER_00\]: What did you think of the episode?
[26:23] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I hope you enjoyed the conversation.
[26:25] \[SPEAKER_00\]: To learn more about today's guest, including links, resources related to everything discussed today, visit the episode page at minimalismomspodcast.com, where you can find the entire podcast archive, as well as my book Minimalismoms Living and Parenting with Simplicity, or other ways to connect or work with me online.
[26:44] \[SPEAKER_00\]: If you'd like to support the podcast, the easiest and most impactful thing you can do is subscribe to the show on iTunes, Spotify, or YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts, and leave a rating or review of your favorite episode.
[26:56] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Lastly, sharing the show or your favorite episode with friends and social media is very helpful and will encourage others on their journey to think more and do with less.

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