# Capable Kids: The Key to Helping Children Thrive | Sissy Goff (EP447)

An episode of [Minimalist Moms Podcast | Purposeful Life & Parenting Tips](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1159498258), 21 Apr 2026, 28 min.

Audio: https://prefix.up.audio/s/pdst.fm/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/pscrb.fm/rss/p/clrtpod.com/m/mgln.ai/e/35/audio2.redcircle.com/episodes/125d2784-923d-4929-a0a2-3bc43d150a49/stream.mp3

Today’s kids face more anxiety, stress, and pressure than ever before. In this episode, I sit down with therapists and parenting experts Sissy Goff and David Thomas to talk about the missing piece many parents overlook: capability. Capable kids believe they can do hard things. They face challenges with confidence, bounce back from setbacks, and keep going when life gets complicated. Drawing from more than fifty years of combined counseling experience, Sissy and David share practical, research-backed strategies to help parents raise confident, resilient kids who can navigate stress and thrive. Whether you’re parenting young children or teens, this conversation will equip you with tools to build confidence, resilience, and a deep belief in who your child is becoming. Links Discussed in This Episode | • Checkout the podcast storefront for recommendations from Diane. • Diane's Resource: Minimalist Moms Youtube Channel • David's Resource: Hope Heals • Sissy's Resource: App: Pray As You Go • David Can't Stop Talking About: Book: Theo of Golden • Sissy Can't Stop Talking About: Hootenanny Games • Connect with Sissy & David: • Website: https://www.raisingboysandgirls.com/ • Instagram: @RaisingBoysAndGirls and @SissyGoff • Book: Capable: How to Teach Your Kids the Strengths, Skills, and Strategies to Build Resilience About Sissy + David| Sissy Goff and David Thomas are parenting experts who have spent over 30 years helping kids and families build confidence and resilience. They serve as Executive Directors of Daystar Counseling Ministries in Nashville and are bestselling authors of over 25 books, including Raising Worry-Free Girls and Raising Emotionally Strong Boys. They also co-host the popular Raising Boys and Girls podcast, with more than 13 million downloads, encouraging parents to feel less alone and more equipped. Episode Sponsors | The Minimalist Moms Podcast would not be possible without the support of weekly sponsors. Choosing brands that I believe in is important to me. I only want to recommend brands that I believe may help you in your daily life. As always, never feel pressured into buying anything. Remember: if you don't need it, it's not a good deal! Enjoy the Podcast? Post a review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning into this podcast, then do not hesitate to write a review. You can also share this with your fellow mothers so that they can be inspired to think more and do with less. Order (or review) my book, Minimalist Moms: Living & Parenting With Simplicity. You can contact me through my website, find me on Instagram, Pinterest or like The Minimalist Moms Page on Facebook. Our Sponsors: * Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code MINIMALIST for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out DeleteMe and use my code joindeleteme.com/MINIMALIST for a great deal: https://joindeleteme.com * Check out Wayfair: https://www.wayfair.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

## Transcript

[0:00] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I think the pressure you're speaking of has translated to kids feeling like I need to have a perfect GPA.
[0:06] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I need to have started a non-profit by my junior year in high school.
[0:10] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I need to have a stellar resume that speaks to 8,000 activities.
[0:14] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I think that pressure, kids feel and absorb parents do as well.
[0:19] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And so there is this drive behind kids so often where parents feel a fear of, if
[0:27] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Those things won't be in place, they won't get into school that don't inform the rest of their lives.
[0:32] \[SPEAKER_00\]: This is Diane Bowden, and you're listening to the minimalist moms podcast.
[0:36] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Today's kids face more anxiety, stress, and pressure than ever before.
[0:40] \[SPEAKER_00\]: In today's episode, I sit down with therapist and parenting experts, Sissy Goff and David Thomas, to talk about the missing piece many parents overlook.
[0:49] \[SPEAKER_00\]: capability.
[0:50] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Capable kids believe they can do hard things.
[0:53] \[SPEAKER_00\]: They face challenges with confidence, bounce back from setbacks, and keep going when life gets complicated.
[0:59] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Drawing from more than 50 years of combined counseling experience, Sissy and David share practical,
[1:05] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Research back strategies to help parents raise confident resilient kids who can navigate stress and thrive.
[1:12] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Whether you're parenting young children or teens, this conversation will equip you with tools to build confidence, resilience, and a deep belief in who your child is becoming.
[1:21] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But quickly before we get there, I want to share a minimalist resource with you.
[1:24] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'm sorry this is a little bit of a shameless plug, but did you know that minimalist moms has a YouTube channel?
[1:29] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I don't post every episode, but I'm trying to get better about posting the video content of some of my favorite interviews.
[1:35] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'll be sure to
[1:36] \[SPEAKER_00\]: link the channel in the show notes, but it's just youtube.com slash at minimalist mom's podcast.
[1:42] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And I will put a disclaimer here.
[1:43] \[SPEAKER_00\]: You never know where I might be recording the podcast from my car studio to the kitchen counter to my bedroom to the library, to my living room couch.
[1:53] \[SPEAKER_00\]: This show is really brought to you in the margins of motherhood.
[1:55] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I appreciate the grace and the authenticity of the recordings.
[1:58] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I'll be sure to link the YouTube channel in the show notes, thank you so much for subscribing there and checking it out.
[2:03] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And then, as always, if you have yet to leave or rating and review for the minimalist mom's podcast, hit five stars, it only takes a moment, but it's a great way to support the show.
[2:12] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Thank you.
[2:12] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Thank you.
[2:13] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And with that, let's get into this conversation with Sissy and David.
[2:21] \[SPEAKER_00\]: You have a new book coming out, it's called Capable, how to teach your kids strengths, skills, and strategies to build resilience.
[2:29] \[SPEAKER_00\]: First and foremost, what prompted you both to write the book?
[2:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Well, day and we have been counseling kids and families for 33 years, and both of us have.
[2:39] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And we have seen a lot of trends over time.
[2:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And in the last four to five years, we just have had this growing concern about what we would really call a crisis of capability among kids.
[2:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And we feel like there's a lot that we can do on the back side.
[2:56] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I mean, obviously, as therapists, we're doing a lot to help kids who are anxious.
[3:00] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Kids who are depressed, kids who feel anything but capable for a variety of reasons.
[3:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But we felt like it was time to do something on the front side and to do some preventative work to help kids know that they really can do our things.
[3:14] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Do you have anything to add to that?
[3:16] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You know, Diane, I would just say that it's it's fascinating for Sissy and I've done the work for as long as we've done it and have seen different trends emerge with kids and adolescents of families.
[3:26] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You know, we've talked about just within the last five years.
[3:31] \[SPEAKER_02\]: in a lot of my work with boys and adolescent males.
[3:34] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I have never seen as many elementary age boys who are as fearful about joining a club or a sports team who don't want to participate at all as many adolescent boys who are as fearful about getting their driver's license or full-on resistance just unwilling to do that.
[3:50] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And
[3:51] \[SPEAKER_02\]: unwilling to pursue getting a part-time job or asking a girl to a homecoming dance or applying to college.
[3:57] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And that's not saying college is the end all be all path for every student.
[4:01] \[SPEAKER_02\]: But I think it starts with this.
[4:03] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It's just he said crisis of capability on the front side.
[4:06] \[SPEAKER_02\]: That if I don't feel confident enough when I'm in fourth grade to
[4:09] \[SPEAKER_02\]: try out a new club or a new sport I've never played, it makes sense why I'd feel really afraid about doing so many of these and more important things and adolescents.
[4:17] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So, as Sissy said, we just wanted to think through how could we be preventionists in this, how could we be thinking as intentionally as possible all throughout the journey of development?
[4:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I would only add to that, I've never seen as many girls who are really hesitant to reach out and develop new friendships, to make new friendships, who are under the assumption that people don't want to be friends with them.
[4:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And instead, as we would know, they're sitting in their bedroom scrolling, which is only making it worse and making it harder.
[4:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So we feel like this message of resilience could not be more important or more timely for kids today.
[4:54] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, but you say that something has fundamentally changed.
[4:58] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And I think there's probably so many different avenues we could take and explain the why.
[5:03] \[SPEAKER_00\]: One thing I do want to make sure that we touch on that I do think has changed, but maybe not for the better is parental pressure on kids.
[5:09] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It seems like now it is parents are more involved.
[5:13] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And I guess there's in a sense more engaged, but yet it seems there's this disconnect where the pressure is actually causing kids to not act and not move.
[5:20] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I'll let you speak to that.
[5:22] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You know, I'd say first this thinking about my common a moment ago about how few adolescent men I'm seeing interested in applying to college.
[5:31] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It is important to note that, and this is certainly gonna date me, but back when I was applying to college, I laughingly say the state school that I went to, the two things you needed at that point were a pulse and a checkbook, that was really it.
[5:44] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I think the pressure you're speaking of has translated
[5:51] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I need to have started a non-profit by my junior year in high school.
[5:55] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I need to have a stellar resume that speaks to 8,000 activities and I think that pressure kids feel and absorb parents do as well.
[6:04] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And so there is this drive behind kids so often where parents feel a fear of if I don't push hard enough.
[6:12] \[SPEAKER_02\]: those things won't be in place.
[6:14] \[SPEAKER_02\]: They won't get into school.
[6:15] \[SPEAKER_02\]: That'll inform the rest of their lives.
[6:17] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And so I love that you table that as an important thing to think about because certainly we could speak to the benefits of parents of this generation being more involved and invested in a tune.
[6:29] \[SPEAKER_02\]: intentional than ever, but I think we talk about in the first chapter of this book that you know, almost every correction is almost always an over correction.
[6:39] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You know, it's just tempting to swing too far and, you know, to think for parents of this generation, if I didn't feel that my parents were aware enough or involved enough or connected enough, I'm going to go to this swing, far swing over here that sometimes could be too far swing.
[6:53] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And so I think it's important
[6:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I would only add that, again, with all of these decades of experience working with families, I think I would want parents to hear that I think it's really for two primary reasons.
[7:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's happening.
[7:09] \[SPEAKER_01\]: One is, I think parents are more anxious than they've ever been.
[7:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And two, I think you're trying your best to do all the things and tick off all the boxes and David and I talk a lot about how we feel like one of the biggest culprits is this right here.
[7:23] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And that there are all these parenting experts, which hopefully we're all adding to the conversation, but that to the degree that we feel like parents are really doubting their own intuition.
[7:36] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And they're defaulting to all the things they're supposed to be doing and all the conversations and all the time and it has become so much pressure that it's only making the anxiety worse, which for all of us control can become our default coping.
[7:50] \[SPEAKER_01\]: which we're seeing with kids too and so it's almost micro involvement has contributed to a sense of micro control on the part of parents and we want parents to really trust themselves.
[8:04] \[SPEAKER_00\]: One thing we didn't touch on in regards to the pressure, we're also wanting our children to be happy.
[8:11] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It's like I just want my kids to be happy, which in turn keeps them from discomfort, which you're talking about, David, a boy going and asking a girl and risking getting shut down, risking her saying no.
[8:24] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But we don't want our kids to feel like it does comfort.
[8:25] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And yet, it's detrimental to their long term well-being.
[8:28] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So yeah, how can the focus on keeping kids happy
[8:34] \[SPEAKER_02\]: a great question.
[8:36] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And we would say we talk some about this in the book that it could be worth considering that a better objective could be raising kids who are healthy over happy.
[8:47] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Because, you know, all three of us know as adult happiness is fleeting and I could experience that in a heavy dose.
[8:54] \[SPEAKER_02\]: at nine a.m. in the morning and it's gone by 10 30 when something falls apart and so if that's the target that you know sets a thermometer for the rest of my day that's a fleeting target as opposed to what if I have the emotional agility, the sturdiness, the resilience to navigate whatever's coming to where happiness doesn't serve as the brahmeter of if it's a good day or bad day if I'm doing well or if I'm not doing well and so
[9:19] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I appreciate even the way you asked that question that I think allows us to think through their potentially could be a better objective.
[9:25] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We could put in front of ourselves and put in front of the kids we love as well.
[9:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And as David said, we talk in the book about valuing sturdy over success and resilience over rescue and healthy, ever happy and capable even over confident as goals.
[9:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And what we would say as therapists is that when we're prioritizing all of those things for a child,
[9:51] \[SPEAKER_01\]: In fact, healthy and happy and success and all of those things are a buy product of kids who feel more capable and more that they have agency and something to contribute in a really positive way to the world.
[10:07] \[SPEAKER_00\]: When you say a child is capable, what are you hoping that parents believe differently about their child?
[10:12] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And would you say this is a skill that a child either has or doesn't have?
[10:16] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Like
[10:21] \[SPEAKER_02\]: a great question.
[10:22] \[SPEAKER_02\]: The working definition we talk about in the book is that capable kids have practice coping and learn competence for life's challenges.
[10:31] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And in thinking about that,
[10:34] \[SPEAKER_02\]: definition, you know, it speaks to so many of the things that Sissy just talked about that we want all kids to have learned healthy coping skills to trading control as believing that's the best way forward when it's not something that's possible and have developed a confidence that we think is deeper than confidence.
[10:52] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We sit with so many parents who say, I just want my kids to feel more confident and to Sissy's great point, I think that's a byproduct of kids doing hard things and developing confidence that they start to feel confident
[11:02] \[SPEAKER_02\]: in themselves because they've hit up against some hard challenges and I was thinking back to even when you use that word discomfort a few minutes ago.
[11:10] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We love Dr. Susan David's work.
[11:13] \[SPEAKER_02\]: She wrote a great book called Emotional Agility and she talks about how discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.
[11:20] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We're all going to encounter discomfort and I think
[11:23] \[SPEAKER_02\]: In this pressured world, parents are at times, I think, working over time to diminish or even believing that could eliminate discomfort when the reality is, we want to actually be inviting discomfort and then allowing kids to skill development alongside experiencing the discomfort that gives way to so many of these things, you know, confidence, it's deeper than confidence and feeling healthy and capable more than I'm feeling happy that's fleeting.
[11:50] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Absolutely.
[11:51] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Are there subtle ways in which we parent that tell our kids that they're not capable?
[11:58] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yes.
[11:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So, you know, now in our world, we are looking at one and four kids dealing with anxiety, one and three adolescents, girls by the way, or twice as likely.
[12:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And in light of that, the two most common parenting strategies are escape and avoidance.
[12:14] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so, when we rush in and pull our kids out of a situation, then we're basically communicating, you do need me.
[12:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: you can't do this on your own.
[12:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so we really want parents to be aware of pausing before stepping in.
[12:30] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We love to say to parents what are two things you're doing for your kids right now that they can do for themselves and what are two things you're doing for your kids that they can almost do for themselves and we want you to stop doing all four.
[12:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: because when we do that and, you know, we also love mantras.
[12:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And when we are saying something to kids like, you can do hard things.
[12:51] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You are capable.
[12:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I was with my three and seven year old nephew's last night.
[12:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I think I heard their parents say it the both of them three times.
[12:58] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You can do hard things.
[13:00] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so that is going to be the reminder as they have the opportunity.
[13:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But sometimes we're giving the reminders, but not the opportunity and kids learn that they're capable of that experience, not just by our words.
[13:14] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Absolutely.
[13:15] \[SPEAKER_00\]: When you say that, we all still fail.
[13:18] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Our children are going to fail.
[13:19] \[SPEAKER_00\]: They're going to make mistakes.
[13:21] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So how do you handle, I guess, what is emotional support look like in those moments?
[13:27] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Yeah, we have a whole chapter on dealing with failure and disappointment, which
[13:33] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We want to make sure we say right out of the gate, we want to be communicating consistently to kids is a normal part of being human.
[13:40] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Something every one of us is going to experience it.
[13:42] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It doesn't say a thing about our personhood.
[13:45] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It just says we're human.
[13:47] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And I think so many kids, particularly as this you mentioned, anxious kids, set the bar of expectation at a place of perfection, not excellence, but perfection, and then see themselves as failure, not that I failed, but I'm a failure.
[14:01] \[SPEAKER_02\]: damaging that is to a developing sense of self.
[14:03] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And so I think it's important to note on the front side.
[14:06] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Like that's not an indicator of anything other than being human.
[14:10] \[SPEAKER_02\]: It's going to be a part of your experience.
[14:11] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And where secondly, every one of us is adults would say we've probably all grown the most.
[14:16] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Like I didn't grow the most out of.
[14:18] \[SPEAKER_02\]: seasons that will really easy.
[14:19] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I grew the most out of really hard circumstances and hard seasons.
[14:23] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And so it's where the best stuff comes about.
[14:26] \[SPEAKER_02\]: But I think if we're as pants working to avoid those seasons, if kids are believing I'm a failure when I encounter those seasons, then there's not a lot of opportunity for that good growth.
[14:35] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah.
[14:36] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Did you have anything to add, Susie?
[14:39] \[SPEAKER_01\]: No, I love what he said.
[14:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I totally agree.
[14:41] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I was going to say I do think that
[14:44] \[SPEAKER_00\]: a failing, like actually experiencing the failure versus wanting to quit, I'll give a quick example for my life.
[14:51] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'm almost 60 tall, but I'm not an athlete.
[14:53] \[SPEAKER_00\]: My mom signed me up.
[14:54] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I think a couple of times for sports as a kid.
[14:56] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I was more crafty, but I went to softball for one practice.
[15:01] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And I hated it and she let me go home.
[15:03] \[SPEAKER_00\]: She pulled me.
[15:04] \[SPEAKER_00\]: She's like, I don't really want to be here either.
[15:05] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Sorry mom.
[15:06] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And so we went home and I quit.
[15:08] \[SPEAKER_00\]: That's not necessarily my personality and a lot of things.
[15:11] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It was just something that I did not have any desire to do.
[15:14] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It was like, I want to do pottery.
[15:15] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I want to do sculpture.
[15:16] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I have interest.
[15:17] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So it wasn't like, I think it's good to let your kids experience different things and allow them to quit the things they don't really want to.
[15:25] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But I guess I would ask in regards to quitting.
[15:28] \[SPEAKER_00\]: How do we deal with that?
[15:29] \[SPEAKER_00\]: How do we navigate quitting?
[15:30] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Because sometimes our kids just want to quit everything that they're doing.
[15:34] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You know, I do think that's where I'd circle back to the discomfort piece of is the quitting most connected to discomfort like I just want immediate relief or is it connected to the great story you shared like I'm a real advocate in in my work with families of I think there is something beneficial of
[15:52] \[SPEAKER_02\]: finishing out seasons when kids have made a commitment.
[15:55] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Unless there were circumstances where let's say there was a a co2 was really shaming and punitive and there wasn't the opportunity for good growth or, you know, a lot of kids, you know, we're seeing evidence with a discomfort piece who love game days hate practices.
[16:10] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You know, they just don't want to clock in the hard work where there's no one shouting from the stands and snacks after the game.
[16:16] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You know, it's just a simple note.
[16:19] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Kind of hot and hard.
[16:21] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And
[16:21] \[SPEAKER_02\]: are where a lot of that good growth is going to happen.
[16:23] \[SPEAKER_02\]: So I think it's really evaluating where's the discomfort coming and kind of what's the root cost that allows us to make decisions in the going forward.
[16:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yes, that's what I was going to go towards what to what's the root cause, what's the theme underneath because I think for you, Diane, it was more of a sense of interest than it was this perfectionism and I'm not doing as well as I feel like I should be doing.
[16:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But we are certainly seeing kids quit things or not even want to try.
[16:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: If they feel like they're not going to be at their very best when they start.
[16:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And we talk a lot with families of perfectionists.
[16:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: about two things, one failing in front of your children, letting them see you mess up, talking about it around the dinner table because as their parents hear their heroes and when they know that you fail to, they're going to accept it within themselves better, and two, doing something together as a family that no one can do well.
[17:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: that if you are a more artistic family going to a bad engage, if you're more athletic going to paint pottery together and in the process laughing at yourself when you don't do it well because those of us who are perfectionistic do not have a clue how to laugh at ourselves.
[17:37] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We take ourselves way too seriously and it's so good again for kids to experience that along the way growing up and we think it can really shape them and growth and do sing ways that help them accept themselves for who they are better.
[17:57] \[SPEAKER_00\]: here closer to the end of the conversation.
[17:59] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I want to speak to faith in having that strong spiritual foundation.
[18:03] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I will say it to you guys.
[18:05] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I myself personally am a Christian, but it's not a Christian podcast though.
[18:08] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I do a bonus episode.
[18:09] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I didn't want to put this one as a bonus episode because I think the content is so valuable to anyone listening and yet I do think that a major part of this foundation for children likely as their spirituality.
[18:20] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I'll be speak to that.
[18:23] \[SPEAKER_02\]: Thank you for letting us speak to it.
[18:25] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And, you know, it's interesting.
[18:26] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We did an interview with Dr. Arthur Brooks recently who's done extensive research in the space of happiness to the conversation we're sharing.
[18:36] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And he talks about these four foundational ingredients of faith, family, friendship, and finding meaning.
[18:43] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And,
[18:44] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I appreciate how within his research the science confirms what I think all three of us would say we've experienced to be true as well as that it allows kids to operate in the world with the sense of I belong to a bigger story and how important I think that is for kids and adolescents and as it connects to that fourth piece too that I have a
[19:05] \[SPEAKER_02\]: you know, a calling and a purpose on my life and finding my way to meaningful fill in the blank meaningful relationships meaningful work meaningful service is a part of what to the conversation we're sharing you know builds a sense of happiness and health and resilience and and meaning in the world and so it does feel foundational and I love when brilliant folks like Dr. Arthur Brooks are helping confirm that through the science and yes need to see
[19:36] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I would add from a faith perspective we love Romans 5 that talks about how suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character hope.
[19:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And that is exactly what we're talking about within this context that I think it's so easy to think suffering will be debilitating for my child.
[19:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Instead of realizing there is a process that's happening that good things are growing inside of them in the midst of the discomfort and even the suffering that feels so hard to watch and and to my knowledge that is the only pathway in scripture that spelled out directly to hope and so we don't want to circumvent that for the kids that we love that pathway to hope and as David said the pathway to meaning and purpose because purpose changes kids as does hope changes all.
[20:26] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah.
[20:27] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah.
[20:27] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Absolutely.
[20:27] \[SPEAKER_00\]: That word capable.
[20:29] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Your book is capable.
[20:32] \[SPEAKER_00\]: What is a practice that a parent listening could put into place this week?
[20:36] \[SPEAKER_00\]: You said, so see, mantras are a great way to encourage children.
[20:39] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But what's another, I was going to say strength building.
[20:42] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But just a good way that we can start to build this capable, capable building exercise.
[20:47] \[SPEAKER_00\]: There we go.
[20:49] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Well, we have in the book a hundred practical ways to build that we call capable building exercises in the book.
[20:56] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So if you get a copy of the book, there are things you can do immediately to start doing that.
[21:00] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But we talk about the strengths, skills, and strategies that are required for capability.
[21:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And one of them that we feel real strongly about right now, Diane, is what we would call flexibility.
[21:11] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And in this control culture, anxiety, written culture, we're seeing kids who are more rigid than ever before.
[21:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: When the plans change, when even the gift is not what they expected, their just is this rigidity that moves into a lack of self-regulation and meltdown.
[21:30] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so helping kids grow this muscle of flexibility feels more important than it ever has.
[21:36] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And we talk about actually love it because we do a lot of parenting seminars across the country.
[21:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: David will talk a little bit about flexibility and he'll say now we want you to go home and tonight practice this by when you go to the dinner table say we're going to do this differently tonight and everybody move one seat to the left and Diane if you could see the people in the audience space this it makes me laugh every time because people look like we just told them to stay in on their head in the middle of the seminar I mean
[22:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: just like stricken because we all are not only living in this sense of control but fear that we're going to upset our kids and so we tiptoe sometimes because of it and so we've got to be mixing things up like moving seats at the dinner table like this morning your dad's going to take you to school instead of me here's what's going to happen instead of what you thought as
[22:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And it could even be we can almost make it a game but kids need to flat practice that idea of flexible to grow that muscle.
[22:39] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah.
[22:39] \[SPEAKER_00\]: That's so good.
[22:40] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It's funny that you're saying this because my cousin was giving me advice about one of my children that is a little bit more.
[22:45] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Has some pretty controlling tendencies but this child gets a lot of control over their life in their schedule and my cousin suggested just kind of breaking that up, putting this person in more difficult, uncomfortable circumstances.
[22:58] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And I'm like, I probably need to do the same for myself.
[23:02] \[SPEAKER_01\]: great reminder.
[23:03] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's great.
[23:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yes.
[23:05] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah.
[23:06] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I should have asked this before for the parent that feels like they've completely failed in this area.
[23:11] \[SPEAKER_00\]: How do we humble ourselves to go back to our child to just reset?
[23:16] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Is there the ability to reset?
[23:19] \[SPEAKER_02\]: there's absolutely the ability to reset.
[23:22] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And you know, speaking of the science, we're both so grateful for how the science is confirming every one of our capacity to develop new neural pathways.
[23:32] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And you know, even the,
[23:34] \[SPEAKER_02\]: content around fixed and growth mindset that came out years ago, the understanding that we can all develop a growth mindset, even if we have more of a fixed mindset.
[23:42] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And even if we bend a little more toward, I don't believe I'm capable, we can develop capability.
[23:47] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And it was part of why as this you mentioned, we wanted to put a hundred different exercises in the book that families could try together where kids get to not just hear the evidence of capability, but experience it.
[23:59] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We have a workbook coming out called I am capable that is an opportunity for parents to travel through the content with elementary age kids making the content and the parenting book hopefully more even more user friendly as they test drive building these muscles.
[24:18] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Love that.
[24:19] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Well, where can listeners grab a copy of your book or get that handbook when it's released?
[24:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: raisingboysandgirls.com will take them to all the things that we're doing and that they can purchase, including the book, Gameworkbook.
[24:35] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Perfect.
[24:36] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Because you both have a podcast too, a super successful podcast, right?
[24:40] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You are kind to say that.
[24:41] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We do.
[24:41] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We've got a podcast called raisingboysandgirls.com.
[24:44] \[SPEAKER_02\]: And so if you were to head to raisingboysandgirls.com, it'll take you to the podcast, the books, kind of everything we're doing.
[24:51] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We're also trying to help as much as we can on Instagram through raising boys and girls in Sissy got both.
[24:57] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Perfect.
[24:58] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'll be sure to include all that in the show notes.
[25:00] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But quickly before we wrap things up, I'd love to have you both answer the final two questions that I ask every guest.
[25:05] \[SPEAKER_00\]: These are rapid fire.
[25:06] \[SPEAKER_00\]: The first one is, what's been a beneficial resource in your life that you want to share with the listeners?
[25:14] \[SPEAKER_02\]: To see you go first.
[25:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I have an app that I love called Pray as you go, and I am walking, I have a puppy also, and prayer and puppy have to go together because I can't survive her without doing something different.
[25:29] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So I'm moving her body and I'm moving mine and listening to the sweet little app every morning and I love it.
[25:35] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It centers me in a great way in the mornings.
[25:37] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It looks great.
[25:38] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'll be sure to include that in the show notes as well.
[25:39] \[SPEAKER_00\]: What about you, David?
[25:41] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I would love to point folks toward we have two different Jane Catherine Wolf who are part of an organization called Hope Heals.
[25:49] \[SPEAKER_02\]: They have a great podcast, they've written some amazing books and Catherine sends out a monthly what she calls Hope Notes that is one of my favorite things to read online that to Sissy's point earlier just points us all back toward a hope and ways that film won't need it right now in the world and ever.
[26:06] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Absolutely.
[26:07] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Lastly, what is something that you can't stop talking about?
[26:15] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I am having a hard time stopping talking about these fun games that David and I have discovered recently.
[26:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We have made friends with these games creators.
[26:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I don't even know what you call a person that's a game creator, but they live in Nashville.
[26:29] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So they're local to us.
[26:30] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's called Hoot and Annie Games.
[26:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I played one with my seven year old nephew the other night.
[26:35] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We were having a sleepover and from Arkansas.
[26:37] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We call them bunkin parties, which is a much cuter way to describe it.
[26:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We haven't a bunkin party in my house and it's called feeling cute and it was so fun.
[26:45] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I really love all their games.
[26:46] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We love anything that brings families together and games are such a great way to do that.
[26:52] \[SPEAKER_00\]: All right, what about you David?
[26:54] \[SPEAKER_02\]: You know, I'm gonna say my wife turned me on to a book that I've had several friends and need to read to called Theo of Golden.
[27:01] \[SPEAKER_02\]: I don't know if you've read it or not, but I've just started it and it's phenomenal.
[27:06] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Okay, oh, okay.
[27:08] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'll have to check it out.
[27:09] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'm a big reader.
[27:10] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So that's peaking my interest as well as the game.
[27:12] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I love a good game night So I will be sure to include everything we talked about in the show notes and good mind you and I just appreciate you Join me today.
[27:20] \[SPEAKER_00\]: You're doing such good work.
[27:21] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And I'm so grateful to have had the chance to talk to you both Thank you.
[27:25] \[SPEAKER_02\]: We're so honored to be a part of this conversation
[27:28] \[SPEAKER_00\]: What did you think of the episode?
[27:30] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I hope you enjoyed the conversation.
[27:31] \[SPEAKER_00\]: To learn more about today's guest, including links, resources related to everything discussed today, visit the episode page at minimalismomspodcast.com where you can find the entire podcast archive as well as my book Minimalismoms Living and Parenting with Simplicity, or other ways to connect or work with me online.
[27:51] \[SPEAKER_00\]: If you'd like to support the podcast, the easiest and most impactful thing you can do is subscribe to the show on iTunes, Spotify, or YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
[28:00] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And leave a rating or review of your favorite episode.
[28:03] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Lastly, sharing the show or your favorite episode with friends and social media is very helpful and will encourage others on their journey to think more and do with plus.

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