# Raising Leaders at Home: Simple Ways to Build Confidence & Responsibility in Kids | Chad Mitchell (Bonus Episode)

An episode of [Minimalist Moms Podcast | Purposeful Life & Parenting Tips](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1159498258), 29 Jun 2026, 35 min.

Audio: https://prefix.up.audio/s/pdst.fm/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/pscrb.fm/rss/p/clrtpod.com/m/mgln.ai/e/35/audio2.redcircle.com/episodes/d4379255-19d9-4769-b74a-966c956a8ba3/stream.mp3

Most parents want to raise confident, responsible kids - but very few are shown how to intentionally nurture leadership skills at home. In this episode, Diane sits down with youth leadership specialist J. Chad Mitchell, who has spent more than 30 years coaching, teaching, and mentoring young people. His core message is simple: leadership isn’t about age - it’s a set of skills that can begin developing in childhood and benefit kids for the rest of their lives. During the conversation, Mitchell shares insights from his upcoming book, Change Your Game: Empowering Young Leaders to Ditch Doubt, Find Their Voice, and Impact the World, along with practical ways families can cultivate communication, initiative, and responsibility in everyday life. Together, they explore why parents should pause before fixing problems for their kids, how peer leadership shapes confidence, and simple ways children can begin practicing leadership at home, at school, and among their friends. Links Discussed in This Episode | • Checkout the podcast storefront for recommendations from Diane. • Chad's Resource: Spiritual Roots of Human Relations by Stephen Covey • Connect with Chad: • Website • Book: Change Your Game: Empowering Young Leaders to Ditch Doubt, Find Their Voice, and Impact the World About Chad| Chad Mitchell has spent three decades working with youth as a coach, teacher, mentor, and father - seeing firsthand the transformation that happens when kids are empowered to lead. His work spans sports teams, classrooms, youth groups, and leadership camps, grounded in the belief that young people don’t have to wait until adulthood to make an impact. He is also a leader in his professional life as an attorney at Seattle-based Summit Law Group, PLLC. He serves as President of the Board of Directors for his local Boys & Girls Club, is a leader in his church community, and coaches boys lacrosse at Richland High School. Chad and his wife, Bonnie, live in Richland, Washington, where they raised six children and are grandparents to five granddaughters. Episode Sponsors | The Minimalist Moms Podcast would not be possible without the support of weekly sponsors. Choosing brands that I believe in is important to me. I only want to recommend brands that I believe may help you in your daily life. As always, never feel pressured into buying anything. Remember: if you don't need it, it's not a good deal! Enjoy the Podcast? Post a review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning into this podcast, then do not hesitate to write a review. You can also share this with your fellow mothers so that they can be inspired to think more and do with less. Order (or review) my book, Minimalist Moms: Living & Parenting With Simplicity. You can contact me through my website, find me on Instagram, Pinterest or like The Minimalist Moms Page on Facebook. Our Sponsors: * Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com * Check out Cure Hydration and use my code MINIMALIST for a great deal: https://www.curehydration.com * Check out DeleteMe and use my code joindeleteme.com/MINIMALIST for a great deal: https://joindeleteme.com * Check out Wayfair: https://www.wayfair.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

## Transcript

[0:00] \[SPEAKER_00\]: For those of you that are new around here, I released bonus episodes that serve a niche part of my audience.
[0:04] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So if this content is something that doesn't fit what you're looking for, check out the other episodes that drop this week or join me back here next week for episodes that you don't want to miss.
[0:14] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Leadership is about who can we impact and influence.
[0:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Literally every one we come across.
[0:21] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We have the opportunity to impact them in a really crappy way.
[0:26] \[SPEAKER_01\]: or in a very positive way and it makes a huge difference.
[0:30] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's how I think about leadership and that's the way the book approaches leadership, especially if you can help me understand that early on.
[0:40] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But this is Diane Bowden, and you're listening to the minimalist mom's podcast.
[0:43] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Most parents want to raise confident responsible kids, but very few are shown how to intentionally nurture leadership skills at home.
[0:50] \[SPEAKER_00\]: In today's episode, I sit down with youth leadership specialist, Jay Chad Mitchell, who is spent more than 30 years coaching, teaching, and mentoring young people.
[1:00] \[SPEAKER_00\]: His core message is simple.
[1:01] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Leadership isn't about age, it's a set of skills that can begin developing in childhood and benefits kids for the rest of their lives.
[1:08] \[SPEAKER_00\]: During the conversation, Chad shares insights from his book, along with practical ways families can cultivate communication and initiative and responsibility in everyday life.
[1:18] \[SPEAKER_00\]: If you've been enjoying the content here on the minimalist mom's podcast, make sure you hit five stars and subscribe so you never miss an episode.
[1:24] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Thank you for being here and for choosing to tune in week after week.
[1:27] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It really means a lot to me.
[1:28] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And as always, I hope this content is beneficial to you.
[1:32] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And with that, let's get into this interview with Chad Mitchell.
[1:39] \[SPEAKER_00\]: All right, well, Chad, you have a book.
[1:40] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It's called Change Your Game, empowering young leaders to ditch doubt, find their voice, and impact the world.
[1:47] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So we're going to be talking about today.
[1:49] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But before you get into it, why don't you go ahead and briefly introduce yourself to the listeners?
[1:53] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So I'm a father of six, grandpa, to five little grand daughters.
[1:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I've been coaching kids since I was in high school, soccer, football, baseball, basketball, but cross.
[2:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I'm a lawyer by day and I work with kids through our church through the boys and girls club and I'm high school lacrosse code right now.
[2:16] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yes, and you're in here today to share some practical real life tools to help our kids in our home.
[2:21] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I want to start here.
[2:22] \[SPEAKER_00\]: You talk about in your book raising leaders at home.
[2:25] \[SPEAKER_00\]: What are some of the habits that would cultivate confidence in leadership for our children as they go out into the world?
[2:33] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, that's a great question.
[2:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think when we talk about leadership at home, it really is doing less and trusting more.
[2:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so a lot of what parents can do, it's just pivot a little bit.
[2:48] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I don't think it's a huge pivot, but I think if they can keep in line two things,
[2:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They'll really impact the way their kids view the world.
[2:56] \[SPEAKER_01\]: One is the power they have with their peers, right, Diane?
[3:00] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I mean, I talk about a couple different studies and some data points in the book.
[3:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They just show what we remember.
[3:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But the influence our peers have over us.
[3:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so to help the kids understand that, and see that power that they have.
[3:13] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And then the other thing that we can do as parents is focus on leadership.
[3:18] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And that, this is a lecture on leadership.
[3:21] \[SPEAKER_01\]: What did you do today when you told me about that, you know, issue you had with Sally, that's cool.
[3:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: How did you guys work through that?
[3:29] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And then just sit back and listen.
[3:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Right?
[3:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And name explore that from a leadership perspective, which is principal-based values driven, which I know is important to you and your listeners.
[3:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I think letting kids crawl through those messy things and work through them.
[3:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And asking more of a sounding board as opposed to offering our plan and approach for them.
[3:53] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That will make a huge difference in our kids' confidence and ability to be successful
[4:00] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, absolutely.
[4:02] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I think when we hear the word leadership we're thinking of CEOs, entrepreneurs, politicians, but you suggest that leadership actually starts earlier in life.
[4:12] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So what do think leadership looks like in childhood?
[4:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, no, that's a great question.
[4:17] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I come from eight kids.
[4:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so I didn't think of being the second, you know, the oldest boy, the second oldest child as the worship.
[4:26] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You know, I felt like it was surviving, learning, making mistakes, not getting in trouble.
[4:33] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But, you know, as I reflect on it from a lot of different experiences that I've had, leadership is about influence.
[4:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: it really is.
[4:45] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And we think about, you know, we think about exactly the way you talked about right down.
[4:50] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's like the CEO or the president or, you know, the coach, but really leadership is about who can we impact an influence.
[5:03] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And that's really literally everyone we come across.
[5:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We have
[5:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: or in a very positive way.
[5:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And it makes a huge difference.
[5:15] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's how I think about leadership and that's the way the book approaches leadership, especially in the youth and helping them understand that early on.
[5:27] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Absolutely.
[5:28] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I think that you are suggesting allowing for the opportunities where your child handles something and just sitting back and listening to what they say, but I think some parents feel a pressure to constantly guide and manage and solve those problems for their children and they interfere.
[5:43] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I guess one, how does that interfere and how can we better balance our input and their output?
[5:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Right.
[5:53] \[SPEAKER_01\]: How does that interfere?
[5:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So Diane, think about
[5:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: the things that you learn best from.
[6:02] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's not the success, right?
[6:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I mean, we can learn things from success.
[6:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: For example, hey, I know if I put in a lot of hard work over a long period of time, I can become good at this and have success.
[6:15] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And that's an important lesson to learn.
[6:17] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I hope kids and parents, I hope we all weren't that.
[6:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But the mistakes I've made, I learned so much more.
[6:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: and think more about the mistakes I've made than the success I've had.
[6:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so we take away, you know, and we're so protective of our kids, we take away the opportunity for them to make mistakes.
[6:38] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's a huge disadvantage, right?
[6:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Because, I mean, yeah, and I'm not this extremist, where
[6:45] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You know, let your kid feel the hot stove, so they know that, you know, don't touch it.
[6:49] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm not talking about that, but there are things that are safe mistakes that we want our kids to make while they're at home as opposed to when they're way at school at college, right?
[7:00] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That is not the safe place to make mistakes for the most part.
[7:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: The mistakes we want them to make are at home.
[7:07] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So I think that
[7:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: the greatest learning process that we can have is working through those, not just learning from them, but working through them.
[7:17] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I mean, how many of our kids are just so scared that they don't want to make a mistake.
[7:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They don't want to try and think of all the opportunities that takes away from them, just not even wanting to try and make mistakes.
[7:29] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So that is such a huge issue of us as parents and I struggle with this too, right?
[7:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We still have six kids and so on
[7:38] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so it's that balance of how much can I trust him.
[7:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I know there's issues out there.
[7:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I know that I got to be careful about this, but I'm always raining him in.
[7:49] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's not good for either of us.
[7:50] \[SPEAKER_01\]: He's frustrated.
[7:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: He's disappointed.
[7:53] \[SPEAKER_01\]: He's not with his friends.
[7:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I feel a lot the same way.
[7:56] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And he's not working through whatever those issues are he's having at school or with his friends or with the team.
[8:03] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And those are some of the greatest experiences we can give our kids while they're still at home and we can talk to a face to face.
[8:11] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Maybe not every day, but really often, as opposed to what they're at school and who knows, who's helping them are not helping them work through some
[8:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: There were two questions on, I think it only got the first one.
[8:22] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, no, I was just saying it's hard not to interfere and want to put in and solve the problems for them.
[8:28] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But again, you're suggesting that leaders can be built.
[8:31] \[SPEAKER_00\]: My six-year-old just interrupted.
[8:33] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But my six-year-old can be a leader in his school and his environment as well as my 11-year-old, as well as when we have teenagers.
[8:40] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And so, yeah, it's going to obviously look different.
[8:43] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But I think even at that six-year-old level,
[8:47] \[SPEAKER_00\]: We want to have more input than we want to see their output if that makes sense.
[8:53] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah.
[8:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah.
[8:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And it's so natural for kids to want to do things on their own, right?
[8:58] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think about
[9:00] \[SPEAKER_01\]: my little granddaughters and if I try and help them do something that they're doing there's like no no me I want to do it right that instinct is so I think it comes at a early age and a lot of the times we as adults or parents with good intentions of course kind of squash that out like oh you're going to fall on earth or so I'm going to you know protect you from that went in reality.
[9:26] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That may be the quickest and the most effective way for the child to learn and to realize that if I do false not the end of the world, I can get back up and it's okay.
[9:37] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, absolutely.
[9:39] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So in your book, you have it divided into three parts.
[9:42] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Part one, why you should be a leader, part two, leading yourself and others in part three barriers to being a leader.
[9:48] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'd like to focus now on that middle section, that meat of your book, part two, leading yourself and others.
[9:53] \[SPEAKER_00\]: You have chapters five through ten, so I'm like really laying it out.
[9:56] \[SPEAKER_00\]: for the listeners, but you have these words integrity, agency, compounding, differences in belonging, empathetic listening, and being the light.
[10:05] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I love for you, and I can read, I know you don't have the book necessarily right in front of you, so we can, I can prompt you with the different words, but I'd love for you to share one main takeaway.
[10:13] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Again, we're not gonna divulge all of the wisdom that you have in here, but just for integrity.
[10:19] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Why is that one that you spoke to?
[10:23] \[SPEAKER_01\]: integrity.
[10:23] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think social media has a lot to do with that, Diane.
[10:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I mean, the kids are bombarded, right, with things that aren't really honest, right?
[10:33] \[SPEAKER_01\]: No one's life.
[10:35] \[SPEAKER_01\]: for the most part is what you see on social media.
[10:37] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's the highs, right?
[10:38] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's the, I just put on my makeup around all swag down and I'm with my, my boyfriend, my girlfriend, my girlfriend, the guy in the car, the sun setting.
[10:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, that's great.
[10:48] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Enjoy that moment.
[10:50] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But we all know that life is not made up of those types of months.
[10:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so what?
[10:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's one of the reasons why I focused on integrity because if, if, are,
[11:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: apart in sides aren't connected with what we're showing and sharing with other people.
[11:07] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Well, there's a disconnect that the story I use as you get these brand new shoes and they look awesome.
[11:13] \[SPEAKER_01\]: What they're too small, right?
[11:15] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They don't fit.
[11:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: They're not that fit, right?
[11:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It looks great on the outside
[11:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: that be honest with yourself, take the shoes off and get on the old crappy ones that you weren't for the last eight months that actually fit and be you know fundamentally it's a metaphor for be true to yourself and I think you know for kids and for parents that's a challenge these days like they're like who and I've done this too I will learn all my kids on it boys to play football
[11:49] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm not a football coach, I'm a little cross coach because guess what all my kids chose they want to do, not football, lacrosse, I've never played lacrosse, but you know, so it's not just helping the child understand their integrity, but us as parents and coaches and leaders need to check ourselves to make sure that, you know, I really want Jimmy to be a basketball player.
[12:09] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Well, what does Jimmy want?
[12:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: you know, let's explore that.
[12:14] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Let him be excited about something that is interesting to him.
[12:18] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So I think integrity is is just foundational for us being comfortable with who we are and while we're trying to accomplish or do or explore in the world.
[12:29] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yes, such a true.
[12:30] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Okay, chapter six was
[12:38] \[SPEAKER_01\]: pull foundation, we have the ability to choose.
[12:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And that is so powerful, right?
[12:44] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And it really is so powerful that we have the ability to choose.
[12:49] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And those choices,
[12:51] \[SPEAKER_01\]: impact ourselves, our family, our world.
[12:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's why when I talk about pure influence, it's like you can choose, you can choose the influence your peers, you can choose the influence of positive way, and that's entirely barring extremes where it has mental wellness issues or or other things that just prevent or hurt from being able to function properly in the world or at least the
[13:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But I mean, the power to choose, they ain't as so powerful and I don't think our kids really grasp at least I didn't until I was much older.
[13:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so that's part of the reason why I want to try and help kids and parents explore this at a much younger age.
[13:35] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So they can see the impact that they have.
[13:39] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I tell I tell a quick story.
[13:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I don't know if I'm speaking too much.
[13:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: If you want to go to the story now, tell us.
[13:45] \[SPEAKER_00\]: No, that's me.
[13:46] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I would love for you to share whatever absolutely sure it.
[13:49] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And I just don't want you to feel like I'm giving too much away here.
[13:51] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So that's why I was like, you can summarize it in whatever way.
[13:54] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But you, you have much time as you need.
[13:56] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, no, and I mean, I just want to help people, right?
[14:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: If the book sells that to me, it's an indication that what I'm saying is
[14:07] \[SPEAKER_01\]: getting traction on some people and actually find it helpful.
[14:09] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So I'm happy to give it all in a help somebody and they don't buy the book, so be it, not a big deal.
[14:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But so I tell a story about one of our daughters, she went to play La Crosse on the East Coast for from the West Coast.
[14:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And...
[14:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: All their friends were staying back last.
[14:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: She cried from, you know, the last five hours of the drive to get to college.
[14:30] \[SPEAKER_01\]: She was just like, what am I doing?
[14:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I don't know anybody at this school.
[14:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm going to be far away from mom and dad.
[14:36] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And we couldn't, we couldn't, like, consult or die.
[14:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And we were my wife and I were just like, oh my gosh, what are you going to do?
[14:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's how we get to campus and we go and they're having lunch.
[14:48] \[SPEAKER_01\]: and there's some gathering and Lauren comes out to Chloe.
[14:51] \[SPEAKER_01\]: She had been texting her, but I don't think they'd ever met.
[14:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I just smiled at Chloe, calls her by name, and invites her to come meet lunch with her.
[15:00] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And that changed everything.
[15:03] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It changed everything.
[15:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And here's the, here's, I mean, that in and up itself as a huge point, right, Laura used her agency.
[15:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: She made a choice.
[15:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: She went out of her comfort zone, maybe a little bit and reselled the Chloe, we would need it that so much.
[15:18] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I won't never forget that.
[15:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But here's the funny thing, four years later, I was talking to Lauren at the end of, so he's college experience.
[15:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Lauren was still around.
[15:26] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Coach, I said, Lauren, do you remember this?
[15:28] \[SPEAKER_01\]: He did this to Chloe, and she's like, oh, I don't remember that at all.
[15:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So the cost of her was so little, right?
[15:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: She didn't even remember as she was just choosing to be kind, choosing to reach out to clothing and buy to her and add, I mean, it makes me tear out a little bit just, I can't do anything for floating, to my wife, Lauren, are up here, right?
[15:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, and they went to each other's weddings and Florida in Washington, and that's the kind of bond they have now because of, and it all started without little agency, little act, but leadership by Lauren to lead Chloe to a place that was safe and welcoming, right?
[16:10] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, yeah, no, I'm so glad you shared that story.
[16:12] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I think it's an important one.
[16:14] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Your next chapter is compounding.
[16:17] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's not happening, you know, it goes back to what I said before about one great thing we can learn is that how we do little things on a consistent basis and that really gives us.
[16:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: a store of acts that we've done over a long period of time that amount to something that is huge.
[16:39] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You know, I saw a picture the other day of someone throwing water on a rock, you know, just a little burst of energy does not have to do a rock, right?
[16:48] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I could water the rock just like whatever doesn't phase me, but a little drop of water that just is consistent, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip,
[16:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: grip day in and day out.
[16:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: What does it do?
[17:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It'll eventually crack the rock.
[17:03] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Right?
[17:03] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It'll make a hole and eventually we do a long enough to crack the rock.
[17:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So, you know, that's the power of consistency and compounding.
[17:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We think about it in the context of money.
[17:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But I think a better way to think about is the context of what we choose to do every day.
[17:17] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And when we do things consistently over a long period of time, we'll get so much better results than if we try, you know what social media pitches to us so often that's like.
[17:28] \[SPEAKER_01\]: get rich quick right do this thing and you'll lose however much weight or do this and don't be happy every day or buy this pill or whatnot but now it's being consistent over a period of time and what we choose to do every day is super powerful.
[17:44] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, no, I totally agree.
[17:45] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I would, yeah, I would say that I, I like the fruit that it's built in the building in that process.
[17:53] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I mean, I don't know.
[17:55] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It's kind of just like lean in, settle in life is hopefully, I don't want to say life is long because life is short, but life is long in the sense that it's like just lean into the building process and just how much growth can come from that.
[18:09] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I totally agree.
[18:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But just one little tip for the parents out there that is a really easy hack, but I think it could be super powerful.
[18:19] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Well, nothing's easy depending on the age of your kid, like, you know, did you brush your teeth today, right?
[18:23] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But let's assume that they have, you know, I remember those days and we had it this morning, did you brush your teeth?
[18:28] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, it's okay.
[18:29] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'll live here.
[18:30] \[SPEAKER_01\]: If there's a habit that your youth does every day, try and stack just one other thing on top of that, right?
[18:37] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So it's, you know, maybe they eat cereal every morning for breakfast.
[18:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And can't it be, look, right after you're done eating that cereal, you said you want to read, you know, every day,
[18:48] \[SPEAKER_01\]: What if while you're eating your cereal or right after you're done, you just be the page of your book right there, right?
[18:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And that's have a stacking is so powerful because it it becomes a habit that doesn't really hard to break, which is a good thing, right?
[19:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Because me chosen, hey, I want to read every day.
[19:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I already have one habit that I do will and be just stack this next little one right on top of it.
[19:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And then I just, you know, we get that compounding effect or all of a sudden you've read, you know, by reading a page of a book every day by the end of the year you will have read three books, ten books, twenty books.
[19:21] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah.
[19:21] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah.
[19:22] \[SPEAKER_00\]: For sure.
[19:23] \[SPEAKER_00\]: No, that's a great tip.
[19:24] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I love habit stacking.
[19:25] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Good habit stack.
[19:26] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Okay.
[19:27] \[SPEAKER_00\]: The next chapter you talk about differences and belonging.
[19:30] \[SPEAKER_00\]: No two of us are the same.
[19:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, that's so powerful.
[19:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: When I was coaching football, as this was a long time ago, there was, we just had this team that I got dragged into coaching which I was happy to do, but kind of last minute.
[19:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so we had this group a young man, we were, I think, fifth and sixth graders.
[19:53] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's just kind of all over the place, right?
[19:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We had some kids who really loved football or pretty good at it.
[19:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Some kids who just,
[20:00] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I think the parents were probably making a play in some kids who were trying it out.
[20:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And one of the things that I found that I only realized this in hindsight was as we went through the season, we found a role for each of those kids to play that they could be successful in.
[20:17] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And one of the roles was our hype now.
[20:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And this was before I think we had hype meetings and all the things that we had today.
[20:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But, you know, well, wasn't,
[20:29] \[SPEAKER_01\]: a great football player.
[20:30] \[SPEAKER_01\]: He would admit that.
[20:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm not sure he wanted to be out there.
[20:33] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But you know, he could do really well and was excited to do was get that old gutter old screen right before the game started, get the guys fired up.
[20:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And you know, here we are, however, made years later.
[20:44] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I still remember that.
[20:46] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And well, I was on a zoom call with the other day a long story.
[20:49] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And we talked about that, right?
[20:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so it's easy.
[20:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I think it's easy to get so focused on what we're trying to accomplish.
[20:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Like if it was just about winning football games, then we'll, you know, we'll would have had a play, but I don't know that he would have thrived during enjoy that the same way he did, we found a place for him that fit his capabilities and why he was good at and said, well, this is an important part.
[21:14] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Get the boys fired up and he knew his role and he did great at it.
[21:18] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And it was something he could be successful at, even if he wasn't
[21:31] \[SPEAKER_00\]: There's something about this time of year spring, a little more light in the evenings that makes me want our home, especially the kitchen to feel calmer and more functional.
[21:40] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And obviously, I know that when my space feels less cluttered, I actually enjoy cooking more.
[21:46] \[SPEAKER_00\]: One of the changes that's made a real difference to us is been switching to care away.
[21:50] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I'm sure this before, but I genuinely love these pans.
[21:54] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Number one, they're beautiful, but they're also just really practical for everyday life.
[21:58] \[SPEAKER_00\]: You don't need a lot of oil, everything cooks evenly and cleanup is simple, which matters a lot in the spitsy season.
[22:04] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And honestly, just having cookware, as I said, looks really good in store as well, makes my kitchen feel more pulled together.
[22:09] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It's one of those small shifts that actually changes how your home feels day to day.
[22:13] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Right now, you can save up to $230 on the 12-piece cook set versus buying the products individually.
[22:19] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Plus, if you want to include their fan-favorite mini duo, you can save up to $350.
[22:25] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Visit carawayhome.com slash minimalist to take an additional 10% off using code minimalist on your next purchase.
[22:32] \[SPEAKER_00\]: This deal is exclusive for my listeners, so visit carawayhome.com slash minimalist or use code minimalist
[22:41] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I've heard that said about a strong church body as well like you're the arms that you're the legs, you're the eyes like we need everyone participating in a different role and it's all valuable to make the whole thing function properly and it could be the same for the sports team as you just shared.
[22:54] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I think that is a really important thing to point out.
[22:57] \[SPEAKER_00\]: The next chapter we have two left.
[22:58] \[SPEAKER_00\]: empathetic listening.
[23:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I sound like a broken record because they just say how powerful all these things are and so I think they are all powerful and this may be one of the most powerful ones and I know that your approach Diane is is minimalist and I think that's great trying to get the clutter out of our lives and so if there was one thing
[23:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: that a parent wanted to do that I think could really change the landscape.
[23:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's this.
[23:26] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's the empathetic listing.
[23:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I think we, as leaders, don't value this as a superpower the way we should.
[23:33] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so what do I mean by empathetic listing?
[23:36] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I mean listening to understand.
[23:39] \[SPEAKER_01\]: right to understand where someone else is coming from.
[23:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm terrible at this.
[23:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm a fixer, right?
[23:44] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so what I'm listening, I like and coming up with the plan, I want to, you know, jump in and fix it and so we can move on and do whatever I got to fight against that urge because when I do it's magical, right?
[23:58] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Because when I put my phone down, body language, I contact, just commitment to that person, whatever they want to share with me,
[24:07] \[SPEAKER_01\]: it is so read affirming and it is so lacking in the state name.
[24:13] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So if you're good at it, you will stand out.
[24:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And you know, I'm not there to judge.
[24:18] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm not there to give them light plan.
[24:21] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm there to be present and trying to understand what they need and not to fill that void necessarily, but just so they felt feel understood.
[24:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I can be empathetic.
[24:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I can relate
[24:37] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But I think if, you know, it's the easiest way to teach that to our kids I found is by modeling it, right?
[24:44] \[SPEAKER_01\]: We can talk about it and the easiest thing to talk about is, hey, how do you feel when you're kind of talking to someone and, you know, they're looking down at their phone and, you know, you know,
[25:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: about that conversation we just had.
[25:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Why do you think you felt that way?
[25:09] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Whatever the things I did that might have made you feel like you were being heard or understood.
[25:15] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so I think if I had to, if I had to recommend one takeaway for our parents, it takes some more energy, but you're already, you know, and it takes the right time, right?
[25:28] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Sometimes you just can't listen because,
[25:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: There's something else going on and I'm, you know, I'm pragmatic.
[25:35] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I get that.
[25:36] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But when those moments come that you can, ooh, they're golden, double down on the most, really help your kid understand what just they experience why they feel that way.
[25:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And then point that out when they do it.
[25:49] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Hmm.
[25:51] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, so good.
[25:52] \[SPEAKER_00\]: The last one you have is being the light, which I think in a sense everything you've described we could place within this chapter, but I know that there's more that you want to say.
[26:01] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So I'll let you expand.
[26:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, so be the white.
[26:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I talk about terms that teach on in team shade.
[26:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I was, I remember the epiphany I was walking the dog one morning early.
[26:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It was cold.
[26:14] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And there was the sun was shining.
[26:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But on this black roof, there was a tree sticking up and there were some shade where the sun hadn't hit.
[26:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I just, you know, you feel so good in the sunlight, it's warm, it just, it just changes, you know, the way you feel.
[26:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And then in a shade, it's cold and crusty and bitter.
[26:37] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I mean, that's a metaphor for how be exercise or agency with other people, right?
[26:43] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Are we team son, you know, like Lauren, right?
[26:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: you know, and at other times, and I do this too, right?
[26:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I mean, like team shade, I mean, critical.
[27:00] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I mean, rude.
[27:01] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I'm not listening.
[27:02] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Well, I'm just cranky, and my kids know that.
[27:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: My life knows that.
[27:07] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And guess what, they don't want to be around that.
[27:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Like that.
[27:12] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so that's, you know, you're right, everything that we're talking about tries to build this towards being team son, but, you know, we can't always be team son and that's okay.
[27:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I mean, that's the beauty of of a marriage, that's the beauty of a friendship right when I hop, I can lift others up and when I need to be list up, I can let others help me in listening up.
[27:37] \[SPEAKER_00\]: absolutely so good.
[27:38] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Well, the last chapter they've had are the last part of your book.
[27:41] \[SPEAKER_00\]: It goes into the mistakes that we make, so I'm going to save that for your book for listeners that want to grab a copy.
[27:47] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But quickly as we wrap things up here, I would love for just some final encouragement for parents that do feel like they're getting it wrong, that they don't have a good grasp, or on where to start, all the sounds great, but it seems really overwhelming.
[28:00] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Is there an area
[28:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, so let me end with two thoughts there, Diana.
[28:10] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so one thing to have me talk about is making mistakes, right?
[28:15] \[SPEAKER_01\]: My kids love to catch me being a hypocrite.
[28:17] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And unfortunately, you know, they do sometimes.
[28:20] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And that's going to happen, right?
[28:22] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's going to happen.
[28:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: How do I handle that?
[28:26] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So parents, how do we handle that?
[28:29] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It's so easy to deflect and defuse and ignore.
[28:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Man, kids are so willing to forgive, but when we ask for their forgiveness.
[28:39] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So maybe a place to start with a parent who's feeling overwhelmed and can't do anything right is just
[28:44] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, I, you know, let's talk about this mistake.
[28:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I made, I made a mistake.
[28:50] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You know, I was angry.
[28:51] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I didn't want to do that.
[28:53] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Will you forgive me?
[28:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Here's what I'm going to try and do better next time.
[28:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I don't think I've ever had one of those conversations with any kid in the right moment, right?
[29:03] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Because if it's too heated, then that's not the right moment.
[29:05] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Whether or not I don't forgive you.
[29:08] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Um, so if you're feeling overwhelmed and feel like you're making a bunch of mistakes start there, start there and and open up to your kids about how, because you know they're going to make mistakes and how would you want them to handle them mistakes, you don't want it to be so crashing.
[29:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Right, you want them to see it something they can work through and we all do it and a healthy way to work through it is accept it, right, talk about it.
[29:33] \[SPEAKER_01\]: ask for forgiveness and then you know try to do better.
[29:36] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So I would be wanting and then I think the other thing would be to start with with labeling a leader.
[29:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: When you see your child or youth or teachers or coaches who ever do something that is great leadership.
[29:55] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So we go up and we have a leadership retreat for our whole the cross team.
[29:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So it's like 40, 40 high school boys.
[30:02] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And we have a senior's to freshman.
[30:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so part of what we did was we broke into little groups by position.
[30:09] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So they go and they come up with their goals for the year and then they come back and somebody from their little group presents.
[30:14] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so one of our senior captains was at the attack position and he had asked a freshman to present in front of the whole team what the attack schools were for the coming year.
[30:27] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so I was smiling inside, but here's the important next thing that I did.
[30:33] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I identified that and called that out in front of everybody in a positive way.
[30:37] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I said, Danny, talk to me about this.
[30:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You're a senior.
[30:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Max is a freshman.
[30:44] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You know, why do you do that?
[30:47] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And Danny explained why you did that.
[30:48] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And I said, and Max, I love me.
[30:50] \[SPEAKER_01\]: You feel.
[30:50] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And Max is like, I'm on cloud nine.
[30:52] \[SPEAKER_01\]: He trust me, right?
[30:54] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And so I think, you know, if parents overwhelmed the dog on it, try to make the lift to start with what you see those positive things that are some semblance of leadership.
[31:04] \[SPEAKER_01\]: take the time to point that out and just invite people to share how they feel about it, and that was such an experience for our whole team, but for Max to see the trust that his senior captain has a hand up.
[31:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: How do you think Max is going to feel about Danny and about the team and feel like he belongs and is wanted and not only is wanted, but is trusted with articulating their vision for the upcoming year.
[31:28] \[SPEAKER_01\]: It was like, yeah, it still gives me goosebumps
[31:34] \[SPEAKER_01\]: identify the things that your kids do that are good leadership and sometimes making mistake and owning up to an asking for forgiveness.
[31:42] \[SPEAKER_01\]: That's great leadership too.
[31:45] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, that's such a great point.
[31:47] \[SPEAKER_00\]: No, I love that tip.
[31:48] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I think we should be calling out more of the good in all of those areas too.
[31:51] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And then again, pointing it back to the leadership piece of it.
[31:54] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But yeah, I really like to when I'm in public just making that a priority for myself.
[31:58] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I see someone just like commenting, like pointing out the good.
[32:01] \[SPEAKER_00\]: There's too much bad in this world.
[32:02] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I think that is a really important thing.
[32:04] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And again, boost the confidence in our kids if we're wanting them to feel confident going out into the world.
[32:07] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So great final story there.
[32:09] \[SPEAKER_00\]: But Chad, if listeners want to connect with you online and grab a copy to dive deeper into this topic,
[32:16] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, so the books on Amazon, and then I have a website with some helps and some other things at jadmichole.com.
[32:24] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So I appreciate you having me on Diane, I appreciate you taking time to read the book and exploring what I think are really important things.
[32:32] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And why do you have a world that needs more goodness, more light and less of those other things that we see right now?
[32:38] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, totally agree.
[32:39] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Quickly, before we close the episode, I'm going to ask you two final questions I ask all my guests.
[32:44] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And the first one is, what's been a beneficial resource in your life that you want to share with the listeners?
[32:49] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, so one of the books that really impacted be eriting this book is a book by Stephen Covey that he wrote.
[32:57] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Before he was a very popular leadership guru, spiritual roots of human relations, because leadership is all about relationships.
[33:06] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And that really got me thinking about it in another level when I read that.
[33:11] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So that has been a great resource for me.
[33:14] \[SPEAKER_01\]: And if you read the epilogue to my book, you'll see how I was introduced to that book, which is another story of great leadership.
[33:21] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Yeah, I remember when the seven highly effective habits book came out.
[33:26] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And he is just a brilliant man.
[33:27] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And so I just added it to my cart on through books because that sounds wonderful.
[33:31] \[SPEAKER_00\]: So thanks for sharing that.
[33:31] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah, do you bet?
[33:33] \[SPEAKER_00\]: My final question is, what is something you can't stop talking about?
[33:36] \[SPEAKER_00\]: And this can be anything.
[33:37] \[SPEAKER_00\]: I know that's a very broad question.
[33:40] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Yeah.
[33:41] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Well, it's honest, I can't stop talking about how hopeful I am for our youth.
[33:48] \[SPEAKER_01\]: I spend a lot of time around, lots of different kids, boys and girls club, completely different demographic than church, which is a demographic than the lacrosse team, which is a different demographic than my neighborhood.
[33:59] \[SPEAKER_01\]: But I think the principles that we explore and change our game when we empower these youths when we help them understand who they are, when we give them courage and encouragement, and awesome things I've seen, awesome things happen.
[34:13] \[SPEAKER_01\]: So I have a lot of hope in the future because of our youth.
[34:17] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Great answer.
[34:18] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Well, Chad, as I said, everything that we talk about today will be linked in the show notes, and I just appreciate you joining us there.
[34:25] \[SPEAKER_01\]: Thanks for taking the time out of a busy hectic day.
[34:45] \[SPEAKER_00\]: If you'd like to support the podcast, the easiest and most impactful thing you can do, is subscribe to the show on iTunes, Spotify, or YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts, and leave a rating or review of your favorite episode.
[34:57] \[SPEAKER_00\]: Lastly, sharing the show or your favorite episode with friends and social media is very helpful and will encourage others on their journey to think more and do with plus.

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