# Why Friendship First Makes Marriage Last (w/ Jenna and Dontay of Love & Fly S*** Podcast)

An episode of [Cocktales with Kiki](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1149484402), 18 Sep 2025, 1 h 36 min.

Audio: https://op3.dev/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/pdst.fm/e/claritaspod.com/measure/pscrb.fm/rss/p/mgln.ai/e/p5972/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/67814205/ep_462.mp3

This week on CockTales Dirty Discussions, Kiki and Medinah sit down with Jenna and Dontay, the married duo behind the Love and Fly Sh*t podcast. They open up about their 11-year marriage, raising kids, trust, sex, and how to keep love fresh when life gets real. From funny wedding memories to navigating parenting without family nearby, this conversation is raw, relatable, and full of wisdom for anyone curious about what makes relationships work long-term. Detailed Show Notes: Marriage, Partnership & Real Love Lessons Topics Covered: • How Jenna & Dontay went from teenage crushes to married with two kids • What they believe are the “silent killers” of marriage • Why trust has to be earned but also given with grace • The role of sex and intimacy in keeping a relationship alive • Their wild destination wedding + missing the flight to their honeymoon • Adjusting to parenthood, postpartum struggles, and learning balance • Why friendship and communication are the foundation of their marriage • Lessons for singles about what to look for in a lifelong partner Links Mentioned: • 💻 Join the Drinks & Reads Book Club on Patreon www.patreon.com/kikisaidso • Join Me in Jamaica at Hedo with WORST BEHAVIOUR TOUR, Let them Know Kiki Sent You! www.worstbehaviortour.com • 📺 Kiki's new show: xoMAN Podcast is out now! Check it out here: https://lnk.to/6JdRUZ • Join Medinah in Thailand for “The Lover Girl Layover” https://trovatrip.com/trip/asia/thailand/thailand-with-medinah-ali-aug-2026 • To Join The Cancer Walk or Make a donation: Cancer Walk Info • Go to brooklynbedding.com and use my promo code cocktales at checkout to get 30% off sitewide. This offer is not available anywhere else. • 💉 LifeRx.md - Use code COCKTALES for $50 off LifeRX.MD - Start your health journey today with LifeRX and use code COCKTALES at checkout for $50 off. LIFERX Use code COCKTALES- CLICK HERE https://liferx.md/?u1=188&_ef_transaction_id&oid=1&affid=188 📲 Follow Us: Instagram: @cocktalespodcast Instagram: @kikisaidso Instagram: @coffeebeandean GUESTS: @LOVEANDFLYSHT 🛒 Support the Show For all promo codes and links for promotions in the episode as well as other current offers, follow this link: https://linktr.ee/cocktalesads Contact Us!Advice: advice@cocktalespod.com Cocktales: cocktales@cocktalespod.com Weird S*x: weirdsex@cocktalespod.com Sponsorship: sales@cocktalespod.com Guest Request/ General Inquiries info@cocktalespod.com Get your Vesper2 https://www.lovecrave.com/products/vesper2/?aop=cocktales Get Your Merch & Order Your Card Game at www.imcurioustoknow.com Get Klassy Baste! Learn to Cook with Kiki www.klassybaste.com Join Kiki's Book Club: www.patreon.com/kikisaidso Travel With Medinah! Lover Girl Layover! Interested in sponsoring? Contact sales@cocktalespod.com today Chapters: 00:00 – Intro & Cocktail of the Week: The Blushing Bride 02:00 – Meet Jenna & Dontay of Love and Fly Sht Podcast* 04:00 – Relationship games & defining cheating 09:00 – Trust, honesty & grace in marriage 13:00 – Destination wedding & honeymoon chaos 17:00 – 11 years of marriage: what keeps it fresh 27:00 – Do married people miss being single? 31:00 – Kids, postpartum, and learning balance 37:00 – Silent killers of marriage: communication, resentment & sex 44:00 – Living together before marriage 50:00 – Long engagements & playbook myths 53:00 – How to choose the right partner Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cocktales-with-kiki--2818687/support. CONNECT WITH US Follow the host and join the conversation after the episode: Kiki Said So (Kiara Walker) Instagram: @kikisaidso TikTok: @kikisaidso Cocktales With Kiki Instagram:@cocktalespodcast TikTok: @cocktalespodcast Want to be a guest on Cocktales? We are always looking for interesting guests, experts, and storytellers to join the show. If you would like to be considered, please fill out our guest submission form here: Guest Interest Form

## Transcript

[0:02] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Check one two, check one two. Is this
[0:04] Speaker 1: Mike On? Is this Mike On? Hey? Listen man, It's
[0:07] Speaker 1: the one and only Trunks that a DJ SIS and
[0:09] Speaker 1: you're listening to Cocktails Dirty Discussions with Kikia Medina Monroe.
[0:14] Speaker 2: Here.
[0:20] Speaker 3: Today's cocktail is called the Blushing Bride. And the ingredients
[0:25] Speaker 3: you need to make a bride blush one and a
[0:28] Speaker 3: half ounces of vodka, one ounce of strawberry pure or
[0:31] Speaker 3: muddled strawberries, a half ounce of lemon juice, and you're
[0:34] Speaker 3: gonna top it off with some rose prosecco, and you're
[0:37] Speaker 3: gonna garnish it with a strawberry slice on the rim.
[0:40] Speaker 1: I thought you didn't like strawberries. And this is how
[0:42] Speaker 1: you're gonna make it.
[0:43] Speaker 3: You're going to shake your vodka, your strawberry and your
[0:46] Speaker 3: lemon juice with the ice, strain it into a champagne
[0:48] Speaker 3: flute or a ray cup and top with some rose
[0:51] Speaker 3: prosecco and that will give it the pink for the
[0:54] Speaker 3: blushing bride.
[0:54] Speaker 1: And that's a that's a blushing bride. This is tasty.
[0:56] Speaker 4: Thank you, welcome back to Cocktails Dirty Discuss. Since you guys,
[1:01] Speaker 4: I am Kiki said so or Kierra Walker, depending on
[1:04] Speaker 4: how you found me.
[1:04] Speaker 1: I know that's right, and I am Yonga in my row.
[1:07] Speaker 4: Hey, y'all, it feels like it's been a minute, it does,
[1:11] Speaker 4: even though it really hasn't been that long. It's been
[1:13] Speaker 4: like two weeks, oh for three weeks. Yeah, not that long.
[1:18] Speaker 4: And I don't like strawberries in my drinks, but this
[1:20] Speaker 4: is a strawberry leimonade. There's no like the muddle. I
[1:24] Speaker 4: can't do the muddle.
[1:25] Speaker 3: I can't do the muddle either. It feels like it's
[1:27] Speaker 3: not supposed to be in there.
[1:28] Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a texture thing. It starts to feel like
[1:31] Speaker 4: blood clots and all kind of other things. So anyway,
[1:34] Speaker 4: this week, you guys, we'll keep it short and Q
[1:37] Speaker 4: on the announcements because we do have a guess. But
[1:39] Speaker 4: I just wanted to remind you guys to make sure
[1:42] Speaker 4: to always check the description box of every episode. Everything
[1:45] Speaker 4: about our trips, the links to those, anything that we're promoting,
[1:49] Speaker 4: anything that we have going on, whether it's personally or together,
[1:52] Speaker 4: will be linked in the description box below. And if
[1:55] Speaker 4: I forget y'all, just send me a message and I
[1:57] Speaker 4: will send it.
[1:58] Speaker 1: Yeah, they will. Somebody was like, well, the trip. I'm
[2:00] Speaker 1: in the description. It's in there now.
[2:01] Speaker 4: I didn't have the link and I got it now,
[2:03] Speaker 4: and so we're gonna we're gonna have that in there.
[2:05] Speaker 4: I hope y'all have fun on your love a Girl
[2:07] Speaker 4: layover and uh if you're coming to Jamaica and all
[2:10] Speaker 4: that good stuff.
[2:11] Speaker 1: Okay, you guys. So this week we have a couple
[2:14] Speaker 1: of a very beautiful couple.
[2:16] Speaker 4: You guys.
[2:16] Speaker 1: We have Love and Fly Ship podcast. Jenna and Darnay.
[2:20] Speaker 1: How y'all doing, y'all look at love and y'all look fly?
[2:26] Speaker 5: Okay?
[2:27] Speaker 1: Thank you?
[2:28] Speaker 2: Lolah?
[2:29] Speaker 1: Is that why that's the name of the podcast? Be
[2:31] Speaker 1: loving y'all, be looking fly?
[2:36] Speaker 6: Like.
[2:36] Speaker 4: I ain't calling myself fly, but the people say.
[2:40] Speaker 2: Thank you for having us.
[2:41] Speaker 4: Thank you.
[2:42] Speaker 3: So quick backstory, me and Janey were both at Jenna
[2:46] Speaker 3: We're both at Chee Cheese's birthday party.
[2:49] Speaker 1: And I saw her.
[2:51] Speaker 3: She thought I was kiky Ah and I was like, no,
[2:54] Speaker 3: I'm Medina and I didn't know that.
[2:56] Speaker 1: Y'all. We were trying to get y'all on the show.
[2:57] Speaker 1: I was like, let's do it this. Can you come tuesday?
[3:00] Speaker 1: You know what? Yes, we can. Ch Cheese party was
[3:02] Speaker 1: so much fun. Yes, it was so cute.
[3:05] Speaker 2: I love a good girl's day.
[3:06] Speaker 1: I love a good girl's day.
[3:07] Speaker 3: But I also loved that she was very strategic about
[3:09] Speaker 3: her birthday party. She had it at the spa that
[3:12] Speaker 3: her daughter just started working at. She's a licensed estetician
[3:15] Speaker 3: and she does brow. She was lashes, so she was
[3:17] Speaker 3: she like invited everybody to come, get shoot content and
[3:19] Speaker 3: get something done. So you can spread the words that
[3:21] Speaker 3: her daughter can make some money and stop using hers.
[3:25] Speaker 4: How you set them up, how you set them.
[3:27] Speaker 1: Up for success?
[3:29] Speaker 3: All right, y'all, So we are going to play a
[3:31] Speaker 3: quick game of I'm Curious to Know Keky and I
[3:35] Speaker 3: created this card game so that couples could get to
[3:38] Speaker 3: know each other because sometimes people struggle with speaking.
[3:41] Speaker 1: So we're kind, we're trying to help them out.
[3:43] Speaker 7: We don't struggle. But the game is gonna be fun,
[3:45] Speaker 7: So let's get into it.
[3:46] Speaker 4: And it's a good check in even if you're in
[3:49] Speaker 4: a long term, established relationship, because sometimes, you know, your
[3:52] Speaker 4: mind changes, your mind gets open and you think lots
[3:55] Speaker 4: of different things. Okay, let's see, all right, I've got
[4:00] Speaker 4: the first one. What's something that you used in this
[4:04] Speaker 4: for both of you what's something that you used to
[4:06] Speaker 4: say you never be willing to try, but now you're curious.
[4:09] Speaker 1: Dang, I'm curious.
[4:16] Speaker 3: Interviewing could be like you never like to ketch up,
[4:18] Speaker 3: and now you're about to know what you're saying.
[4:20] Speaker 8: That's still deep, though, I can't think mine. Mine will
[4:24] Speaker 8: be riding a motorcycle. Like I love motorcycles and like,
[4:28] Speaker 8: I like how cool they look.
[4:30] Speaker 5: I want to sit on it and have me a
[4:31] Speaker 5: badass bike.
[4:32] Speaker 8: But I'm scared really to get out here on the road,
[4:35] Speaker 8: be between calls because people can't drive.
[4:39] Speaker 7: I know they can't drive you in the car, imagine
[4:42] Speaker 7: being in dang. Honestly, something that.
[4:45] Speaker 1: I never really wanted to try, but now I'm curious. Shoot,
[4:51] Speaker 1: that is a good one. I really don't.
[4:55] Speaker 2: I can't think of nothing. I'm like y'all all type
[4:58] Speaker 2: of person, like.
[4:59] Speaker 7: You just do what you want to do when you
[5:01] Speaker 7: want to do it. And so I feel like a
[5:03] Speaker 7: lot of the things.
[5:04] Speaker 1: That I've been wanting to do, I just we already
[5:06] Speaker 1: did a lot of stuff.
[5:07] Speaker 7: But you know what, honestly, I never wanted to like
[5:10] Speaker 7: go camping, but because I was just like, why would
[5:13] Speaker 7: you want to be on the woods?
[5:14] Speaker 1: Bears in the bugs and make a fire bears.
[5:17] Speaker 2: Yes, and now that I got two little boys, you
[5:19] Speaker 2: kind of want to go.
[5:22] Speaker 3: And nature always say nature does something to you, even
[5:24] Speaker 3: if you don't stay long, don't have a little camp night.
[5:28] Speaker 1: Okay, I'm curious to know what do you consider cheating?
[5:31] Speaker 1: Change is anything?
[5:34] Speaker 7: Were you or having any kind of emotional connection or
[5:37] Speaker 7: physical connection with another woman.
[5:39] Speaker 5: As a cheating?
[5:40] Speaker 8: Any type of any connection anywhere is physical.
[5:45] Speaker 1: Yeah, I love looking at each other, like.
[5:49] Speaker 4: When you're talking about everything.
[5:52] Speaker 7: Yeah, you're looking too long?
[5:57] Speaker 1: Husband or work?
[5:58] Speaker 2: No, you ain't no work.
[6:02] Speaker 7: It's funny because he talking about that in the episode
[6:04] Speaker 7: how like you you said it. You said that a
[6:08] Speaker 7: woman will beat and fell in love with her work husband.
[6:11] Speaker 1: You see them all the time, you getting to know
[6:12] Speaker 1: that person. You see them more than you see your own.
[6:15] Speaker 7: So no, we don't believe nobody else gets that title
[6:19] Speaker 7: except for me, and I would never ever, ever refer.
[6:21] Speaker 2: To anybody else as my husband now with no kind of.
[6:23] Speaker 1: Prefix in front, prefix in front of it. It don't matter
[6:25] Speaker 1: what it is.
[6:27] Speaker 4: You ever had one before? Before?
[6:30] Speaker 1: Y'all?
[6:30] Speaker 4: Work work life?
[6:31] Speaker 8: No, you mean like like you mean young on your
[6:34] Speaker 8: pay days, like yeah.
[6:36] Speaker 4: Yeah, time of your life while you're married.
[6:40] Speaker 8: She wasn't no work wife, but you know how you
[6:42] Speaker 8: have your little flirt at work, stayed at work. Never yeah,
[6:53] Speaker 8: I probably never carried outside the work, but.
[6:57] Speaker 7: It would have had been like when I had jobs
[6:58] Speaker 7: in my teen years and my colleges and stopped playing.
[7:01] Speaker 8: I came up to you, check this out.
[7:05] Speaker 5: We came to visit you one day.
[7:07] Speaker 8: This was you was the Cabins direct You know what
[7:08] Speaker 8: I'm talking about, this old man bringing her dinner.
[7:12] Speaker 5: Every day, this man looking at us. I'm like, what
[7:15] Speaker 5: we do to that man? Come?
[7:17] Speaker 7: So basically, I was the director of operations at a
[7:20] Speaker 7: location and he was the security guard, the nice kill
[7:24] Speaker 7: older like and he would come to every day and
[7:29] Speaker 7: bring me soul fool from these restaurants but they worked
[7:31] Speaker 7: with some perfume and he was so sweet and nice
[7:38] Speaker 7: to me. Though young coule house being late to working,
[7:41] Speaker 7: we had a good working relationship. My brother and my
[7:46] Speaker 7: This is back before we even lived in the same city.
[7:48] Speaker 7: My brother and Donay came into town and they met.
[7:52] Speaker 1: Me at my you know, in my building, and it's
[7:56] Speaker 1: so funny.
[7:56] Speaker 7: As soon as they walked out of my office and
[7:57] Speaker 7: he was sitting at the elevator, you know, being a
[7:59] Speaker 7: security guard.
[8:00] Speaker 4: He was like, yeah, I know he was.
[8:06] Speaker 7: It's so it was so obvious that as soon as
[8:08] Speaker 7: we got into my brother and my and my husband
[8:12] Speaker 7: at the time, he was just My boyfriend was like,
[8:14] Speaker 7: I don't know what you got going on with that
[8:15] Speaker 7: old man.
[8:15] Speaker 2: But he was mad with his sons.
[8:17] Speaker 7: And it was just so funny because that old man,
[8:20] Speaker 7: I don't know if he brought me no more for
[8:21] Speaker 7: me that.
[8:21] Speaker 1: To day, he might have said it ain't working, went
[8:26] Speaker 1: it ain't me.
[8:27] Speaker 7: So yeah, that was funny. But he was not my
[8:29] Speaker 7: work husband. He was he was an employee.
[8:32] Speaker 4: That's usually how the work husband's go, like somebody's employing. Okay,
[8:37] Speaker 4: next one. How important is sex in a relationship.
[8:42] Speaker 2: It's very im worried.
[8:43] Speaker 7: That's that's where the chemistry is like really tested. Like
[8:47] Speaker 7: I feel like, I feel like sex is a level
[8:52] Speaker 7: of intimacy that is required for the longevity of relationship.
[8:56] Speaker 7: Like there's different ways you could be intimate, but sex
[8:58] Speaker 7: is one of those things that is import in my opinion,
[9:01] Speaker 7: I think that's how you express like your passion and
[9:04] Speaker 7: you know your love, So it's important. That's how you
[9:08] Speaker 7: girl put it on me? I was dig with I'm
[9:11] Speaker 7: gonna do a lot of y'all. That's how it all began.
[9:14] Speaker 1: Did y'all wait until you got married to have sex?
[9:24] Speaker 2: To marry somebody?
[9:26] Speaker 1: Good?
[9:30] Speaker 3: Okay, this is my last one. I'm curious to know.
[9:33] Speaker 3: How do you approach trust in your relationship? Did you
[9:36] Speaker 3: start with it or did it have to be earned?
[9:41] Speaker 7: See, this is the thing. I think trust has to
[9:44] Speaker 7: be earned. But I'm not gonna not trust you unless
[9:48] Speaker 7: you give me a reason too. It's hard to explain,
[9:51] Speaker 7: but it's like you go through this period of trying
[9:53] Speaker 7: to see like how a person move around, and then
[9:55] Speaker 7: you learn them and you're wanting to trust them, but
[9:59] Speaker 7: then you know, sometimes people do things to betray that trust,
[10:02] Speaker 7: and then they have to earn it all over again.
[10:04] Speaker 7: I feel like trust can be earned even if you
[10:06] Speaker 7: lose it. So for us, I've never ever, ever, ever
[10:11] Speaker 7: given him a reason not to trust me.
[10:13] Speaker 2: I really can say that, have I?
[10:15] Speaker 5: And you gave me so many reasons.
[10:18] Speaker 1: I keep it all real, like I'm just so.
[10:20] Speaker 2: I got too much pride to lie.
[10:21] Speaker 7: I get it had to be life for death, gun
[10:22] Speaker 7: into my head or police or something you know what
[10:24] Speaker 7: I'm saying, Like, I'm not about to lie.
[10:26] Speaker 1: I don't have a reason to, so I expect people
[10:29] Speaker 1: to do the same with me. But everybody is not
[10:31] Speaker 1: always like that.
[10:32] Speaker 7: So I've learned that sometimes you got to get people
[10:34] Speaker 7: a little grace and you know a little bit of
[10:38] Speaker 7: I don't know, like forgive this, you know when they
[10:42] Speaker 7: portray that trust.
[10:43] Speaker 4: Yeah, so kind of like you start at aral neutral
[10:46] Speaker 4: ground and it's not that I fully trust you, but
[10:49] Speaker 4: I don't distrust you. So we gonna see which way
[10:52] Speaker 4: you moved in, Yeah, and what about you same.
[10:55] Speaker 8: Thing, And it's just kind of like and then also
[10:57] Speaker 8: I kind of pay attention to how you move in
[10:59] Speaker 8: your own life, like things you care about with manity,
[11:02] Speaker 8: things like that. That's how I started to know what
[11:06] Speaker 8: level of trust it be Like she was always dope.
[11:09] Speaker 5: She ain't give me no reason not to trust.
[11:13] Speaker 1: That's right, Thank you, beautiful.
[11:16] Speaker 4: All right, y'all, if y'all want to play, I'm curious
[11:17] Speaker 4: to know whether it's with a long time boo, somebody new,
[11:20] Speaker 4: or you just need to keep it in your purse
[11:22] Speaker 4: or girls night even you can head on over to
[11:24] Speaker 4: I'm curious to know dot com and order yours. Today,
[11:27] Speaker 4: We're gonna move on to weird sex real quick, and
[11:30] Speaker 4: I have a short story to tell you guys, and
[11:32] Speaker 4: then we'll be talking more love and fly shit.
[11:36] Speaker 9: You said a man is not a necessity. A man
[11:39] Speaker 9: is a luxury like dessert.
[11:42] Speaker 7: Yeah, a man is absolutely not necessity.
[11:45] Speaker 1: Did you mean that to sound meaning better?
[11:49] Speaker 10: Oh not at all.
[11:50] Speaker 4: I adore dessert. I love man.
[11:52] Speaker 7: I think men are the coolest, but you don't really
[11:55] Speaker 7: need them to live.
[12:01] Speaker 4: All right. So this week's weird sex story is something
[12:05] Speaker 4: that happened at a wedding. So these are weird stories
[12:08] Speaker 4: that I find on the internet. Lately, people have been
[12:10] Speaker 4: sending them to me, So this is one that somebody sent.
[12:13] Speaker 4: They said a couple snuck away from a wedding reception
[12:18] Speaker 4: to handle to handle business in the bathroom. They thought
[12:21] Speaker 4: they locked the door, but nope. The bride's aunt walked in, gasped,
[12:27] Speaker 4: and then calmly washed her hands at the sink while
[12:30] Speaker 4: they scrambled to get dressed. She left and never said
[12:32] Speaker 4: a word to anyone, but at brunch the next day
[12:34] Speaker 4: she hugged them both, leaned in and whispered. At least
[12:37] Speaker 4: she looked like you were having fun. Now, obviously this
[12:39] Speaker 4: is the woman in the situation that wrote this in
[12:42] Speaker 4: like it wasn't her. She's the one that was having
[12:44] Speaker 4: sex at somebody's wedding and the bride's aunt walked in.
[12:48] Speaker 4: I would be so embarrassed.
[12:50] Speaker 1: It's so embarrassed.
[12:52] Speaker 4: But she seemed to understand. She's like, I get it.
[12:54] Speaker 4: Y'all was having a good time in the bathroom.
[12:56] Speaker 1: Could you imagine how she she washed her hands. We're
[13:00] Speaker 1: right back out, But you know what, that's the signs
[13:02] Speaker 1: that that.
[13:02] Speaker 3: Was a good wedding. That was a good wedding. Everybody
[13:06] Speaker 3: was having fun. Somebody that it was an open.
[13:08] Speaker 4: Bar the whole The music is great, the people are great.
[13:12] Speaker 3: Was beautiful and fine. You had to just take one
[13:14] Speaker 3: of the grooms.
[13:16] Speaker 4: Nobody is wondering how this happened. Everybody it's like, oh,
[13:19] Speaker 4: this is beautiful. Love is in the air. I love
[13:21] Speaker 4: a wedding like that.
[13:23] Speaker 1: Wait, did y'all have a fun wedding?
[13:24] Speaker 2: Girl?
[13:25] Speaker 7: Wedding was always turned up? I mean so, first of all,
[13:28] Speaker 7: we got married in Miami. We had a destination wedding,
[13:31] Speaker 7: but we didn't want to go too far our way,
[13:32] Speaker 7: so we went to Miami. We only invited fifty people,
[13:35] Speaker 7: and we didn't invite like long lost cousins or aunties,
[13:38] Speaker 7: like we invite the people that were a part of
[13:40] Speaker 7: our relationship, like people that were currently a part of
[13:42] Speaker 7: our life, people that we knew supported our union.
[13:45] Speaker 2: And we said no kids allowed.
[13:47] Speaker 7: The only kids we had were like our close like nieces,
[13:50] Speaker 7: maybe flower girls. And I mean when I say it
[13:54] Speaker 7: was turned up, I mean by the end of the night,
[13:56] Speaker 7: everybody was drunk.
[13:57] Speaker 2: It literally had to like put us out of them.
[14:00] Speaker 2: It was nice, it was.
[14:01] Speaker 1: It was a super nice hotel in Miami. I mean
[14:05] Speaker 1: it was.
[14:05] Speaker 7: It was so glam but by the end of the night,
[14:07] Speaker 7: we was all sitting on the shirts and tables the
[14:10] Speaker 7: men had the grooms.
[14:11] Speaker 2: Men all had their shirts and yeah, they had just.
[14:15] Speaker 5: The best bottles open.
[14:18] Speaker 7: Everybody was drunk off patron, patron. I don't know what
[14:22] Speaker 7: it was that everybody messed up.
[14:23] Speaker 2: We had top liquor.
[14:25] Speaker 7: So it was just a good time. It was the
[14:27] Speaker 7: most tart wading you've ever been to. And we wanted
[14:29] Speaker 7: it to be like that. We didn't want to just
[14:30] Speaker 7: like it was a proper wedding. It started out real
[14:33] Speaker 7: nice and glad, but then it end it kind.
[14:34] Speaker 4: Of yeah, yeah, that's kind of when I want I
[14:40] Speaker 4: don't want to girls.
[14:41] Speaker 7: So we missed our flight the next morning to I
[14:45] Speaker 7: don't know why I was said that early morning's like
[14:46] Speaker 7: that was silly. I woke up so late drunk, miss
[14:49] Speaker 7: like honeymoon Jamaica. Yeah, it's a quick little flight teacher
[14:55] Speaker 7: making that we missed. We spent a whole another day
[14:57] Speaker 7: in Miami.
[14:59] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[15:00] Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, was recovering.
[15:01] Speaker 3: You need that. Okay, So y'all been married for eleven years.
[15:04] Speaker 1: It'll be eleven years on September twenty seven. That's our Yeah,
[15:07] Speaker 1: that's early anniversary. Yeah, doesn't feel like eleven. So we've
[15:13] Speaker 1: known each other since we were fifteen.
[15:14] Speaker 7: Yeah, whoa, So the years just feel I mean, it
[15:18] Speaker 7: just feels like I've known him all my life. So
[15:20] Speaker 7: eleven I don't really feel like eleven because we've knownedged
[15:22] Speaker 7: each other for so much longer than that. But as
[15:26] Speaker 7: far as like what we've accomplished in our marriage, yeah,
[15:27] Speaker 7: it does feel like eleven years. It feels like we've
[15:29] Speaker 7: been together for long enough to really build what, you know,
[15:33] Speaker 7: this amazing life.
[15:34] Speaker 2: For us and our kids.
[15:35] Speaker 7: So yeah, I think you know, when I hear people
[15:39] Speaker 7: that have been married for like twenty years, I'm like,
[15:41] Speaker 7: oh my gosh, it seems like so long.
[15:43] Speaker 1: But I feel like once we get there, it'll.
[15:45] Speaker 5: Still you know, yeah, they.
[15:48] Speaker 2: Won't feel like too long because we keep it so new.
[15:50] Speaker 8: And fresh, like we kick it like, yeah, we really pottnerus,
[15:53] Speaker 8: like we husband and wife. Of course, yeah, like we pottnerus.
[15:57] Speaker 8: That's my best friend.
[15:58] Speaker 1: So do you think you guys all knew that you
[16:00] Speaker 1: wanted to marry each other.
[16:02] Speaker 8: No, hell no, I don't think I wanted to marry nobody.
[16:05] Speaker 8: Like man, I liked it. I mean, I definitely liked her.
[16:08] Speaker 8: Like when I was a young man, we ain't.
[16:09] Speaker 5: She ain't.
[16:10] Speaker 8: She wasn't my girlfriend when he was fifteen. But yeah,
[16:13] Speaker 8: you know, we playing around and stuff.
[16:15] Speaker 7: But I'm saying that we did not play around. I
[16:16] Speaker 7: liked to, but he was he was outside. Yeah, he
[16:20] Speaker 7: was outside outside. So we didn't like hook up until
[16:24] Speaker 7: we were like twenty five. Yeah, and so from then
[16:27] Speaker 7: on it was a rap. We was like this and
[16:29] Speaker 7: we got married at twenty nine.
[16:30] Speaker 2: Yeah, So no, we was not playing around.
[16:34] Speaker 7: And I do feel like with us, even though we
[16:39] Speaker 7: had some growing pains as soon as we reconnected when
[16:43] Speaker 7: we were twenty five, it was like I knew he
[16:44] Speaker 7: was special.
[16:45] Speaker 1: So in my mind, damn I could marry him.
[16:48] Speaker 2: But he definitely wasn't ready right.
[16:50] Speaker 7: Away, Like it took some years for him to you know,
[16:53] Speaker 7: become a one woman man and do what he was
[16:57] Speaker 7: supposed to do.
[16:57] Speaker 8: And that's how like when we reconnected at twenty five, Yeah,
[17:00] Speaker 8: definitely there like that. I want her to be my wife.
[17:02] Speaker 8: I wanted her to be my wife for sure. That's
[17:04] Speaker 8: how I thought, even though I was, you know, had
[17:05] Speaker 8: to do something cleaning up in the house.
[17:08] Speaker 3: When a man is going through that and you have
[17:10] Speaker 3: to do some cleaning up in the house, but you
[17:11] Speaker 3: know that you met someone that you want to be
[17:13] Speaker 3: your wife, Are you also nervous that you might lose her?
[17:15] Speaker 8: Or y'all don't think, you know, like with a man
[17:18] Speaker 8: like you know what I'm saying, Well, with most men
[17:21] Speaker 8: like that, show thought about everything I could lose this,
[17:25] Speaker 8: So that feeling is already there.
[17:26] Speaker 5: So that feeling is damn there normal.
[17:28] Speaker 8: But I just I'm just trying to do everything I'm
[17:30] Speaker 8: doing not to lose it, you know what I mean,
[17:32] Speaker 8: Like not cleaning up quick as I can clean up.
[17:35] Speaker 8: But you know, of course, cleaning up with different women
[17:37] Speaker 8: it ain't it ain't easy process.
[17:40] Speaker 1: Because you.
[17:43] Speaker 5: Just some of them are just going to let you in.
[17:47] Speaker 5: You know that's true.
[17:48] Speaker 8: They not just want to stop calling and harassing, and
[17:51] Speaker 8: so you can just not answer.
[17:52] Speaker 5: You cannot answer. But you're talking about women, man.
[17:55] Speaker 4: Sometimes women can be a little bit cuckoo. I have
[17:58] Speaker 4: some friends who are like that. And it was a
[18:01] Speaker 4: book that I actually just read in my book club.
[18:03] Speaker 4: Women be crazy sometimes, and so you just never know.
[18:06] Speaker 6: I do get by her being like no, I'm just
[18:11] Speaker 6: say like, by her never doing nothing ever to hurt me, never,
[18:16] Speaker 6: no type.
[18:17] Speaker 8: I never had to even think about that kind of stuff.
[18:19] Speaker 8: So I definitely ain't never wanted to ever come to her,
[18:22] Speaker 8: you know what I mean. So keeping them away from um,
[18:25] Speaker 8: so that's a whole nother fight, you know what I mean.
[18:27] Speaker 5: So you gotta win that fight.
[18:29] Speaker 8: You ain't gonna win those kind of fights you think
[18:31] Speaker 8: you can, But you came most.
[18:32] Speaker 2: I definitely got some phone calls.
[18:34] Speaker 5: You know.
[18:34] Speaker 8: You can't win no kind of fights. And if you
[18:36] Speaker 8: don't clean you got to try to just clean up.
[18:38] Speaker 8: And sometimes you don't clean up fast enough and you
[18:41] Speaker 8: you gotta you get popped.
[18:43] Speaker 7: So the backstory is this, when we reconnected at twenty five,
[18:46] Speaker 7: I actually had a boyfriend and I had been with
[18:48] Speaker 7: that person for a couple of years. We up until
[18:51] Speaker 7: maybe about three months before me and they got reconnected.
[18:54] Speaker 7: I was we were living together, but my old my
[18:56] Speaker 7: previous job, they moved me from to another state. So
[18:59] Speaker 7: I was looking by my up at the time, and
[19:00] Speaker 7: I got reconnected with their name. Long story short, mutual
[19:04] Speaker 7: friends house in Saint Louis. We just was vibing and
[19:08] Speaker 7: I was like, damn, he is still fine.
[19:10] Speaker 3: He's still amazed that got swag like he was reconnected
[19:14] Speaker 3: somebody and they're still fine.
[19:18] Speaker 1: Yeah, girl.
[19:19] Speaker 2: And I was like, damn, souse.
[19:21] Speaker 1: I had the biggest cruch on him in high school
[19:22] Speaker 1: and now he's used to be grown. I got a man,
[19:24] Speaker 1: but I didn't he see.
[19:25] Speaker 7: I always say this, if you fould single on your
[19:28] Speaker 7: tax returns, you are single and true. Look live your
[19:31] Speaker 7: best life, figure out what you want. Don't be tied
[19:33] Speaker 7: down to one person. So they put a ring on it.
[19:34] Speaker 7: So long story short, We was just vibing one day.
[19:37] Speaker 7: Next thing you know, we're on the phone every day.
[19:40] Speaker 7: I dropped my ex literally completely dumped him within a month.
[19:44] Speaker 7: Didn't know Donne had no other situations. So I don't
[19:48] Speaker 7: agree that you can't cut people off. I cut this
[19:50] Speaker 7: man off and I have We have been together for
[19:51] Speaker 7: a couple of years. He was probably on the verge
[19:53] Speaker 7: of proposing. I would have said no, but it's still
[19:58] Speaker 7: like we were.
[19:58] Speaker 1: It was deep. Yeah, was he Crazy's so crazy? The ex?
[20:03] Speaker 1: He wasn't crazy that you.
[20:05] Speaker 4: Could do it when people act like they might come
[20:07] Speaker 4: after you, you know what.
[20:10] Speaker 1: I'm telling you.
[20:14] Speaker 4: You can cut people off. But I have seen firsthand.
[20:19] Speaker 4: I didn't do it, but I have seen some of
[20:21] Speaker 4: my homegirls do some real crazy stuff to the woman
[20:25] Speaker 4: and not the man. And I'm the one that's like,
[20:27] Speaker 4: you need to stop your issues with the man. This
[20:28] Speaker 4: other woman ain't got nothing to do with it. You lost,
[20:31] Speaker 4: she wins, Leave it alone. What you want somebody that
[20:34] Speaker 4: wants both of you for anyway? I want you for?
[20:37] Speaker 1: Yeah, like the man, if you just.
[20:40] Speaker 4: Want to be with one person. Now, when you cut
[20:42] Speaker 4: him off, how did he take it?
[20:46] Speaker 3: He cried?
[20:48] Speaker 7: No, I probably I've probably let him out a little
[20:51] Speaker 7: bit easier than like something.
[20:55] Speaker 1: Then what it could have been worse?
[20:57] Speaker 7: Put it that way, I let him down easier than
[20:58] Speaker 7: what I what I could have pretty much. Instead of
[21:01] Speaker 7: saying like less completely ended, I was like, you know,
[21:05] Speaker 7: I moved, I moved.
[21:06] Speaker 1: We got a listens between us. Maybe we just need
[21:08] Speaker 1: to take a break.
[21:10] Speaker 4: He didn't know that break was yeah, but no.
[21:14] Speaker 2: But but the ireny of that is me and him.
[21:16] Speaker 7: I previously had a conversation about if somebody takes a break,
[21:19] Speaker 7: that means y'all broke up.
[21:20] Speaker 1: So he knew what it meant.
[21:21] Speaker 7: It was just the words came out of my mouth
[21:23] Speaker 7: and it kind of it was more gentle, but he
[21:27] Speaker 7: knew what it mean because we had already had this
[21:28] Speaker 7: conversation before because we were talking about a situation where
[21:31] Speaker 7: somebody else had that same exact let's take a break,
[21:33] Speaker 7: So he knew that mat we were broken up. And
[21:35] Speaker 7: I made it clear that this means we're broken up,
[21:37] Speaker 7: but it's not necessarily like have a nice life.
[21:41] Speaker 1: But it really was kind of like.
[21:43] Speaker 7: That because after that I was with Dnay and I
[21:45] Speaker 7: wasn't talking to him no more like you know, hey,
[21:47] Speaker 7: you know what, though I in my heart of hearts,
[21:50] Speaker 7: I wanted him to go find somebody who loved him
[21:53] Speaker 7: the way I love Dnay.
[21:54] Speaker 1: I wanted him to.
[21:58] Speaker 3: It.
[21:58] Speaker 4: Just imagine if somebody told you that I want you
[22:01] Speaker 4: to go find somebody that loves you the way that
[22:04] Speaker 4: I love this other woman.
[22:05] Speaker 1: Excuse me being.
[22:07] Speaker 3: There was this guy that I used to love. We
[22:09] Speaker 3: called him six A on the show and when I
[22:10] Speaker 3: was really distraught when it was over and I didn't win, well,
[22:14] Speaker 3: I guess I did win, because that'd be crazy. But
[22:16] Speaker 3: he told me I was crying and I was so sad,
[22:19] Speaker 3: and he really took my face and he was like,
[22:20] Speaker 3: you're gonna be just fine.
[22:23] Speaker 4: I was like, if you don't never goes out of sul,
[22:31] Speaker 4: You're gonna be just no.
[22:32] Speaker 7: But I believe that people deserve to go be happy,
[22:36] Speaker 7: Like why there's somebody for you?
[22:39] Speaker 1: Like you know what I'm saying, Yeah, did you say?
[22:43] Speaker 4: It's just funny because I'm thinking about being on the
[22:45] Speaker 4: receiving end of up You know what I love when
[22:47] Speaker 4: somebody is trying to upgrade their life or mine or
[22:50] Speaker 4: somebody else's. I just love upgrades. It is very exciting
[22:54] Speaker 4: to me. It doesn't matter what it is. But I
[22:57] Speaker 4: have had a few people in my life who are
[22:59] Speaker 4: looking either they brought up home, they moved into a
[23:01] Speaker 4: new place, they get their first place alone, or you know,
[23:05] Speaker 4: maybe they've been complaining about their back and they finally
[23:07] Speaker 4: listened to me and went ahead and went to Brooklyn
[23:10] Speaker 4: Betting dot Com to get a new mattress. Will you
[23:12] Speaker 4: get a new mattress? That's the part of furniture that
[23:14] Speaker 4: people don't really think so much about, Like when you're
[23:17] Speaker 4: thinking about style and upgrading your home, a lot of
[23:21] Speaker 4: times like, oh, the mattress is a mattress, right, You're
[23:23] Speaker 4: thinking about headboards and decorations and all the other shows. No,
[23:26] Speaker 4: you need to be worried about the quality of that mattress. Okay,
[23:30] Speaker 4: you want to have comfort. We have shared on previous
[23:34] Speaker 4: episodes how important it is to do all these different
[23:37] Speaker 4: things for your self care, massages, pedicures, the scout that
[23:41] Speaker 4: all these other things. The chiropractor. Okay, so when you're awake,
[23:46] Speaker 4: you go to the chiropractor about your back. But what
[23:48] Speaker 4: about when you're sleeping, when your back isn't lined up right,
[23:51] Speaker 4: when you're putting too much weight in certain areas, your
[23:54] Speaker 4: knees clanking together, you fighting demons in your sleep, or
[23:57] Speaker 4: whatever is going on. That is just gonna take a
[24:01] Speaker 4: toll on you. I don't know about what y'all might
[24:05] Speaker 4: be fighting in your sleep, but what I do know
[24:06] Speaker 4: is if you do it on the Brooklyn Betting mattress
[24:08] Speaker 4: is gonna be a lot easier, and it's more cushion
[24:10] Speaker 4: for the pushing. I'm telling you, that thing just feels luxurious.
[24:13] Speaker 4: I feel like I am at like a very very
[24:16] Speaker 4: expensive hotel. It makes it so much easier to romanticize
[24:21] Speaker 4: my night when I'm getting ready to get in the
[24:23] Speaker 4: bed and then you just sit down and oh, and
[24:25] Speaker 4: the pillows and they're cooling cause you don't watch your
[24:27] Speaker 4: head all hot, even if you want to be warm
[24:29] Speaker 4: and cozy in the sheets that they have.
[24:31] Speaker 1: I mean, it feels good. Girl. My nephew took my pillow.
[24:35] Speaker 1: He took one of my pillows. He was like, Dandy,
[24:37] Speaker 1: can I have this pillow? And I was like, yeah,
[24:40] Speaker 1: I gave him one of my popillos.
[24:42] Speaker 3: Y'all, it's funny that kick you talked about going to
[24:45] Speaker 3: the chiropractor.
[24:46] Speaker 1: I didn't even know this.
[24:47] Speaker 3: I'm just now learning this that Brooklyn Betting is one
[24:49] Speaker 3: of the few mattress brands that's endorsed by the American
[24:52] Speaker 3: Chiropractic Association for Spinal Alignment and Back Health, And you
[24:56] Speaker 3: can I didn't know that, but you can feel that.
[24:59] Speaker 3: I sleep so well with my I got the mattress
[25:02] Speaker 3: I have. I had two pillows, but now I got
[25:04] Speaker 3: one because my nephew took one. I have the pillow cases,
[25:07] Speaker 3: I have the sheets. I really want to get one
[25:09] Speaker 3: of the weighted blankets. It's just a great, like Kiki said,
[25:12] Speaker 3: a great upgrade in a different way. Have you ever
[25:15] Speaker 3: been to like your rich auntie's house and everything is
[25:18] Speaker 3: great except for the bed.
[25:20] Speaker 4: Yes, I'd be like, what the hell is this? All
[25:23] Speaker 4: this nice stuff in here? But I'm laying down in
[25:26] Speaker 4: the guest bed and when I wake up, I feel
[25:29] Speaker 4: like I got beat up.
[25:30] Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't want to feel like that. Your sleep
[25:33] Speaker 3: health is so important to your day. So if you guys,
[25:38] Speaker 3: you want to try Brooklyn Betting. And also when they
[25:40] Speaker 3: deliver it, I love it because it's just so like
[25:43] Speaker 3: easily packaged. It's one of those little rollouts. It's not
[25:45] Speaker 3: a big old situation that you gotta lug in. They
[25:48] Speaker 3: compact it. It's in that little press pack thing. You
[25:51] Speaker 3: roll it up the steps or wherever you're gonna put it,
[25:53] Speaker 3: gift it to somebody. Christmas time is around the corner
[25:55] Speaker 3: for real, So give somebody a mattress or give yourself
[25:59] Speaker 3: a match. You guys, go to Brooklyn Betting dot com
[26:02] Speaker 3: and use our promo code Cocktails at check out to
[26:05] Speaker 3: get thirty percent off site wide. This offer is not
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[26:21] Speaker 3: That's Brooklyn Betting dot com. Use code cocktails at checkout
[26:25] Speaker 3: for a little gift from us, and now we'll get
[26:28] Speaker 3: back to the show.
[26:30] Speaker 4: So do y'all have Can y'all think of a quality
[26:32] Speaker 4: or like a situation or it's just something that was like
[26:35] Speaker 4: the moment where you're like, oh, yeah, this is the
[26:38] Speaker 4: one I'm com fining moment.
[26:41] Speaker 7: I can't think of a lot of moments, but I
[26:43] Speaker 7: think for me, this is I'm gonna be honest, I
[26:51] Speaker 7: was in love before we've had six because yeah, what
[26:53] Speaker 7: is it that you love so much about him?
[26:55] Speaker 1: He will call me every morning seven o'clock in the morning.
[26:57] Speaker 1: Good morning baby.
[26:58] Speaker 2: First of all, he was calling me baby. You got game.
[27:00] Speaker 1: He was like, don't call me baby. I'm not your baby.
[27:01] Speaker 1: But he was just putting on me. You know what
[27:03] Speaker 1: I'm saying.
[27:04] Speaker 2: You know, yeah, you get those messages in the morning
[27:08] Speaker 2: and he.
[27:08] Speaker 1: Like thinking about all this, so you go back to
[27:11] Speaker 1: the message.
[27:14] Speaker 7: So basically the way that we said I love you
[27:16] Speaker 7: is we used to talk every day all day.
[27:18] Speaker 2: He called me literally like seven o'clock in the morning.
[27:20] Speaker 7: We talked throughout the day and you know, you have
[27:22] Speaker 7: those conversations where you just like got butterflies and smiling
[27:25] Speaker 7: from cheek to cheek, your face hurt. One day, we
[27:28] Speaker 7: just had this conversation. I don't remember exactly what the
[27:30] Speaker 7: conversation was about, but I know that we had this
[27:31] Speaker 7: weird like moment of silence, and it's like we felt
[27:35] Speaker 7: the tension, like the chemistry over the phone and out
[27:38] Speaker 7: of nowhere. He said, I feel like I want to
[27:40] Speaker 7: tell you I love you, and I was like, I
[27:42] Speaker 7: feel the same way. It was like, oh my gosh,
[27:46] Speaker 7: she just went through my whole body and I was like,
[27:48] Speaker 7: I can't wait to see what that's like. So yeah,
[27:51] Speaker 7: that's when I knew that was the moment I knew
[27:52] Speaker 7: the next time we see each other it is going down.
[27:54] Speaker 7: This is the man I've been crushing on since I
[27:56] Speaker 7: was fifteen. When I see him, it's gonna.
[27:58] Speaker 2: Be one of them nights. And it was one of
[28:00] Speaker 2: them nights. It was. It was one of them nights.
[28:03] Speaker 2: It was one of the nights.
[28:03] Speaker 1: I love them like you feel it the next day
[28:08] Speaker 1: when you're not even with them no more. You ever
[28:09] Speaker 1: have you feel it in your.
[28:10] Speaker 4: Body already had the feelings before the sec so the
[28:16] Speaker 4: sex is gonna take it out.
[28:19] Speaker 3: There's nothing like chemistry. I'm not dating right now, so
[28:22] Speaker 3: I'm living through your stories. Speak speaking of single life
[28:27] Speaker 3: and married life.
[28:28] Speaker 1: Do do married people.
[28:29] Speaker 3: Ever secretly miss being single? Is there anything you ever
[28:34] Speaker 3: missed from single life?
[28:36] Speaker 2: I definitely don't miss being single.
[28:37] Speaker 7: The only thing that I could miss about being single
[28:43] Speaker 7: is like when you have a man and kids, like
[28:46] Speaker 7: there is no time to chill, Like there's always something
[28:49] Speaker 7: to do around the house. Back in my single life,
[28:51] Speaker 7: I could go to sleep at night and then clean
[28:53] Speaker 7: up the kitchen in the morning, when as a married woman,
[28:55] Speaker 7: I'm not leaving that kitchen dirty by make dinner. Because
[28:57] Speaker 7: I don't know him to see the kitchen dirty. So
[28:59] Speaker 7: you just have more respect, possibility, and you have somebody
[29:01] Speaker 7: holding you accountable. So that's probably, like literally in my head,
[29:04] Speaker 7: that's the first thing that pops in my mind. Like
[29:05] Speaker 7: when I was single, I could just you know, not
[29:08] Speaker 7: have to worry about taking care of the house.
[29:10] Speaker 1: But no, I.
[29:11] Speaker 7: Don't want to be by myself, like I don't want
[29:12] Speaker 7: to be without him, you know what I'm saying. And
[29:14] Speaker 7: the crazy thing is, I was not one of those
[29:17] Speaker 7: women that aspired to be married. Like I was one
[29:19] Speaker 7: of those women that aspired to have a good career
[29:21] Speaker 7: to eventually be a business owner, which is what we
[29:23] Speaker 7: are now. We're full time entrepreneurs. I never aspired to
[29:26] Speaker 7: have kids and all that, Like that was not what
[29:27] Speaker 7: I saw for myself. I went to college, I went
[29:30] Speaker 7: to grad school, I got an NBA.
[29:31] Speaker 1: I was focused on me.
[29:32] Speaker 7: So this life is not even what I necessarily planned out,
[29:38] Speaker 7: but it's it's beyond my wildest dream because of what
[29:41] Speaker 7: we have together.
[29:42] Speaker 1: So it's him that.
[29:43] Speaker 7: Makes me want to be married. It's not marriage in itself,
[29:45] Speaker 7: it's him. You like a married yes exactly, which is important?
[29:50] Speaker 5: I said.
[29:50] Speaker 8: I said the same thing, like cause I never thought
[29:52] Speaker 8: about just said out being married, like I just want
[29:55] Speaker 8: to be married.
[29:55] Speaker 5: But once we got together, like I.
[29:57] Speaker 8: Ain't think this not and you, but I'm saying I
[30:01] Speaker 8: just didn't never know, like you can meet one person
[30:03] Speaker 8: like that's my person, like that's my I understand that
[30:06] Speaker 8: when people be like that's my person, Like that's my person.
[30:08] Speaker 8: So I don't see shit else. You know, nobody make
[30:11] Speaker 8: me feel the way she makes me feel. The things
[30:13] Speaker 8: were able to do together, the things we have done together,
[30:16] Speaker 8: that's my dog.
[30:18] Speaker 1: That's right. I love to hear that.
[30:20] Speaker 4: I like hearing stories like that. And how y'all talk
[30:22] Speaker 4: about each other and each other now when y'all were single,
[30:25] Speaker 4: is there something that you can think of that you
[30:28] Speaker 4: thought was true about marriage when you were single, but
[30:31] Speaker 4: now that you are in the thick of marriage for many,
[30:33] Speaker 4: many years, that you realize that she was not true.
[30:41] Speaker 8: Man, my shoes used to look cute on the ground
[30:44] Speaker 8: all over the place, take cute to shit.
[30:48] Speaker 5: Used to just pick that ship up that she kicked
[30:50] Speaker 5: out the different.
[30:53] Speaker 7: He's saying, like before I'd be like, oh, I'll pick up,
[30:55] Speaker 7: I'll clean.
[30:56] Speaker 2: Up after you. Oh I love doing this.
[30:58] Speaker 7: And I was like, you don't get them damn shoes
[31:00] Speaker 7: off that floor there. And that's because now I have
[31:05] Speaker 7: two more of him running around the house do the
[31:07] Speaker 7: exact same thing.
[31:08] Speaker 1: So, yes, things are a little different.
[31:11] Speaker 7: Like married life and bomby life will definitely cause you
[31:16] Speaker 7: to not have.
[31:16] Speaker 1: That same attitude towards being of service to do it
[31:22] Speaker 1: times three.
[31:23] Speaker 3: Now, boy, do you think that when you when kids
[31:28] Speaker 3: came into the picture, there was a difference that you
[31:31] Speaker 3: guys saw, like obviously there would be a lot of times.
[31:34] Speaker 3: We talk about it on the show, but we don't
[31:35] Speaker 3: have kids and we're not married, but we talk about
[31:37] Speaker 3: how often to Yeah, like women change. You don't know
[31:41] Speaker 3: if you're gonna go through postpartum. You don't know if
[31:43] Speaker 3: you have a husband that's going to support and I
[31:45] Speaker 3: don't mean like financial, I mean like actually be there
[31:47] Speaker 3: and help you and deal with the hormonal changes and.
[31:50] Speaker 1: What you might be going through.
[31:51] Speaker 3: Do you feel like you had that support or was
[31:53] Speaker 3: that one of your most difficult years when a baby
[31:55] Speaker 3: came into play, Because that's when I started seeing marriages
[31:57] Speaker 3: fall apart when the baby comes.
[31:58] Speaker 7: So I definitely feel like he supported to the best
[32:02] Speaker 7: he could. I feel like a man will never understand
[32:06] Speaker 7: what it's like to birth of baby and postpartum, Like
[32:09] Speaker 7: postpartum is a real thing. First of all, when you
[32:12] Speaker 7: are a woman and you have a baby, your body,
[32:15] Speaker 7: your emotions, your whole mindset goes through so many changes
[32:18] Speaker 7: that you cannot control.
[32:19] Speaker 1: Like you see.
[32:21] Speaker 7: Yourself differently in the mirror, you see yourself differently, as
[32:24] Speaker 7: far as like you're placing this world.
[32:25] Speaker 2: Now you have a whole human.
[32:26] Speaker 7: Who you just are connected to that it's literally your
[32:30] Speaker 7: heart outside of your body. It's tough to change your mindset,
[32:36] Speaker 7: and the biological difference is like that you have from
[32:39] Speaker 7: a man.
[32:40] Speaker 1: A man is never going to understand that there are
[32:42] Speaker 1: things that we.
[32:43] Speaker 7: Can't control, just like as a woman, like certain times
[32:45] Speaker 7: of the month you get you mad for that reason
[32:47] Speaker 7: you can't even control it. They will never understand what
[32:49] Speaker 7: it's like to be in your head knowing I'm pissed off,
[32:52] Speaker 7: I can't control while I'm pissed off, I can't stop
[32:54] Speaker 7: being pissed off.
[32:55] Speaker 1: It is just hormones.
[32:56] Speaker 7: Now, when you have a baby, there are hormones that
[32:59] Speaker 7: give you this same emotional rollercoaster that you don't that
[33:02] Speaker 7: you cannot explain or control. So I feel like a
[33:06] Speaker 7: man can be supportive, but they're never gonna truly understand what.
[33:11] Speaker 2: We go through.
[33:12] Speaker 7: And for him, he was always there, you know, and
[33:18] Speaker 7: he was always there for the kids. But like I
[33:19] Speaker 7: was one of those, like I want to call him
[33:21] Speaker 7: helicopter moms, but like I breastcate both of my kids
[33:23] Speaker 7: for a whole year, so the baby was out up
[33:25] Speaker 7: under me.
[33:25] Speaker 1: Like by the time I had.
[33:26] Speaker 7: A baby, I was a housewife. I wasn't working anymore,
[33:30] Speaker 7: you know. He was holding it down and I was
[33:32] Speaker 7: with the baby all the time. Then I realized how
[33:35] Speaker 7: much I need to do something outside of just being
[33:38] Speaker 7: a mom because I thought, oh, yeah, you have a baby.
[33:39] Speaker 7: I want to be able to be able to be
[33:40] Speaker 7: home with the baby all the time. I realized that, yeah,
[33:43] Speaker 7: this is good for the baby, but as a person
[33:46] Speaker 7: who's used to like having a life and having a career,
[33:50] Speaker 7: this is not necessarily endgame for me.
[33:52] Speaker 2: Like I am more out of what I'm doing.
[33:55] Speaker 7: And so, yeah, I think I think men can be supporting,
[34:00] Speaker 7: but I also think that as a woman, you just
[34:02] Speaker 7: have to understand that there are gonna be some things
[34:04] Speaker 7: about your body that you just you can't even really
[34:06] Speaker 7: explain and you got to go through those feelings, go
[34:08] Speaker 7: through those emotions, and then just do your best to
[34:11] Speaker 7: give yourself grace.
[34:13] Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
[34:13] Speaker 7: That's what I had a problem with because I'm so
[34:15] Speaker 7: used to like doing everything the way I want to
[34:18] Speaker 7: do it and have a control over everything. But then
[34:19] Speaker 7: when you go through that and you have a kid,
[34:21] Speaker 7: you can't control everything. You got to learn to not
[34:23] Speaker 7: be so hard on yourself when things don't go the
[34:24] Speaker 7: way you plan them to go.
[34:26] Speaker 4: Did you have help, Like did you ever hire help,
[34:29] Speaker 4: like a nanny?
[34:30] Speaker 7: Yeah, but see since we're here, like our parents are
[34:34] Speaker 7: in Saint Louis, our whole family is there, So I
[34:36] Speaker 7: didn't hire nanny for a couple of years. So it
[34:40] Speaker 7: was really just me and I didn't have you know,
[34:42] Speaker 7: most people got their mama coming over there, whatever the aunties.
[34:45] Speaker 1: I have nobody, Yeah, I have no Yeah, it.
[34:48] Speaker 7: Was really just me and him, Like, we don't have
[34:50] Speaker 7: any family here, everybody still in Saint Louis. So with
[34:53] Speaker 7: that being said, there's a lot that I had to
[34:55] Speaker 7: learn about making phone calls, like when.
[34:57] Speaker 4: The baby does this, Oh my gosh, what am I
[34:58] Speaker 4: supposed to do?
[34:59] Speaker 7: And you get freak out and you know, it's hard
[35:02] Speaker 7: when you don't have anybody physically there with you. And
[35:05] Speaker 7: it's so funny because like he used to like act
[35:06] Speaker 7: like he knew everything about baby.
[35:08] Speaker 1: How did you read the book?
[35:10] Speaker 8: No been around I'm the youngest youngest, but been around
[35:14] Speaker 8: my grandma, Mama's sister.
[35:15] Speaker 7: You know, I swear I'd be like, oh my gosh,
[35:19] Speaker 7: baby did this, and he would have this explanation. I'm like,
[35:20] Speaker 7: how do you know how you and he would get
[35:22] Speaker 7: mad because I'm like questioning, so he would.
[35:31] Speaker 1: I'm the one that will overreact to stuff.
[35:32] Speaker 7: He's the one like the thing he got the answers,
[35:35] Speaker 7: and I'm like, also the person that's very like, you
[35:37] Speaker 7: got to show me where you got this information.
[35:39] Speaker 1: From your.
[35:41] Speaker 5: Freaking she freaking out and asking all of it. I'm
[35:43] Speaker 5: trying to feel like, you got to do the baby?
[35:45] Speaker 5: What are you loan that just do it?
[35:47] Speaker 1: This day?
[35:47] Speaker 7: It happens if my son come and say mommymn telling
[35:49] Speaker 7: me her like, oh my gosh, let me see, are
[35:51] Speaker 7: you sure? He's like okay, the bathroom, rushing them.
[35:56] Speaker 1: To the e R.
[36:06] Speaker 4: Was there ever a point where y'all were getting advice
[36:09] Speaker 4: from outside people, like maybe your family or your family,
[36:13] Speaker 4: y'all were.
[36:14] Speaker 8: To say to a successful will, Will, I don't tell
[36:19] Speaker 8: you don't understand my woman for me to be talking
[36:21] Speaker 8: to you about it, you know what I mean?
[36:22] Speaker 5: I ain't gonna ever just with.
[36:24] Speaker 4: The parenting, the parents, the parenting, we'll get.
[36:30] Speaker 5: Yeah, I thought you meant like getting invice.
[36:32] Speaker 4: How you were saying your grandma, were you ever like?
[36:35] Speaker 4: She don't know?
[36:37] Speaker 3: Well, I do have an in law section on her
[36:42] Speaker 3: because that also came.
[36:46] Speaker 5: My graddy.
[36:48] Speaker 1: She got three of us.
[36:50] Speaker 4: I got to check somebody else. You can't cite this,
[36:53] Speaker 4: so call my own mom.
[36:55] Speaker 5: She wouldn't take it now anyway.
[36:58] Speaker 2: My sister she was, she was raising her, You raising her.
[37:02] Speaker 1: You don't know for a fact. What do you guys think?
[37:05] Speaker 3: Some of the silent killers of marriage are like stuff
[37:08] Speaker 3: that can erode a relationship slowly, resentment, withholding, sex.
[37:14] Speaker 8: I say communication, bad communication, communication, resentment, and sex.
[37:19] Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't think lack of appreciation. I think lack of.
[37:23] Speaker 8: Show.
[37:23] Speaker 7: It's ass Yeah, lack of appreciation. Everybody needs appreciation, and.
[37:27] Speaker 3: I also think that you have to people also need
[37:29] Speaker 3: to know that in relationships you might experience the lack
[37:32] Speaker 3: of appreciation. But how do we communicate it and we
[37:34] Speaker 3: can and can we get better? Like you might not
[37:36] Speaker 3: know that the person isn't feeling appreciated, right, What do
[37:39] Speaker 3: you guys do to show appreciation to each other?
[37:41] Speaker 7: I mean every day I'm telling them, dang, I appreciate
[37:45] Speaker 7: everything you do. You know I can't do what you do.
[37:48] Speaker 7: I tell them how fine years every day. I mean
[37:51] Speaker 7: it's just verbal communication every day. And then you know,
[37:54] Speaker 7: when it's Father's Day or birthday, it's always like a
[37:57] Speaker 7: small thoughtful thing because list have I already got everything.
[37:59] Speaker 2: It's not about the big grand gestures.
[38:02] Speaker 7: It's about the thoughtful things like you said you want
[38:05] Speaker 7: to go to the by five years ago to go
[38:06] Speaker 7: to your birthday, you know, Or you need a new
[38:09] Speaker 7: jewelry box.
[38:10] Speaker 2: Here's a customer jeurary box.
[38:11] Speaker 1: Like if those are small things, well.
[38:20] Speaker 4: In a car, like socks.
[38:21] Speaker 1: With my face on it, that's a small Dubai.
[38:26] Speaker 4: The jewelry box is smaller than Dubai.
[38:30] Speaker 3: Custom sounded a little not because he got the good jewelry. Now,
[38:36] Speaker 3: so we go gifts, we do verbal Let me tell
[38:40] Speaker 3: you what I appreciate.
[38:42] Speaker 4: Was there ever a point where y'all felt like and
[38:45] Speaker 4: this is for either of you. You felt like you
[38:46] Speaker 4: were showing appreciation or showing love and the other person
[38:50] Speaker 4: didn't see it because maybe you didn't realize. Y'all are
[38:52] Speaker 4: showing each other but in different ways that you didn't notice.
[38:55] Speaker 4: So like maybe you do a bunch of acts of
[38:58] Speaker 4: service for him and he's buying you a bunch of gifts,
[39:00] Speaker 4: but you don't want gifts. You just want him to
[39:03] Speaker 4: take out the trash every day without a reminder or
[39:05] Speaker 4: something like that.
[39:05] Speaker 1: Did y'all ever have that going?
[39:07] Speaker 5: Yeah? Sure, for sure?
[39:11] Speaker 4: Never die.
[39:12] Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I think we have.
[39:15] Speaker 7: We share some of the same love languages, but there
[39:19] Speaker 7: are I think in his situation, the way he shows
[39:23] Speaker 7: love it is different from sometimes what I would want
[39:27] Speaker 7: him to show the love and the appreciation and I
[39:30] Speaker 7: but it's all about communication. Like nobody can fix something
[39:34] Speaker 7: that's wrong they don't know they're doing it right.
[39:37] Speaker 1: So I will call it.
[39:39] Speaker 7: Out like almost immediately if I feel like he doesn't
[39:42] Speaker 7: appreciate like I tell him, like when I get dressed,
[39:45] Speaker 7: when you see me, don't do nothing other than tell
[39:48] Speaker 7: me you look so good, Like look at me and
[39:51] Speaker 7: tell me you look so bad. Oh baby, look at
[39:53] Speaker 7: you looking out good? Don't wait five minutes, because then
[39:55] Speaker 7: I'm gonna feel like I didn't get the full effective
[39:57] Speaker 7: what I was trying to make you feel. So like
[39:59] Speaker 7: that an example of like for me, I want you
[40:02] Speaker 7: to appreciate me getting dressed for you because I'm doing
[40:03] Speaker 7: it for you at the end of the day, Like
[40:05] Speaker 7: I know I look good, but I want you to
[40:07] Speaker 7: say I look good. I want to feel like that's
[40:08] Speaker 7: coming from you. So like little things like that. I
[40:11] Speaker 7: feel like as a man, sometimes he might think it
[40:13] Speaker 7: in his head, but he don't say it out loud,
[40:15] Speaker 7: but I want to hear you say it, like I
[40:16] Speaker 7: want to know that this is how making you feel
[40:19] Speaker 7: when you see me.
[40:20] Speaker 3: And you were, I feel like you are clearly you
[40:22] Speaker 3: clearly said that you were, Like, don't do it again?
[40:25] Speaker 1: Do it again the.
[40:29] Speaker 3: Room?
[40:29] Speaker 4: I need the eyes.
[40:30] Speaker 5: Poking out if I missed the second she on me.
[40:34] Speaker 4: I mean, I get it now.
[40:37] Speaker 3: Have I always talk about vowels and people say you
[40:40] Speaker 3: don't say vow y'all write them?
[40:42] Speaker 1: Yes, okay? And what's for better or for worse?
[40:44] Speaker 7: In there not not verbatim, but okay, we wrote we
[40:49] Speaker 7: wrote off I have rolled, and I just like I
[40:51] Speaker 7: kind of just went off the heart, like straight off.
[40:53] Speaker 5: The heart with it. Yeah, I wrote, I have rolled something.
[40:56] Speaker 3: I'm just like, well, since you said something meant for
[41:03] Speaker 3: better or for worse, I'm always like we say for
[41:06] Speaker 3: better for worse in the vows the people say it,
[41:08] Speaker 3: and you don't really.
[41:09] Speaker 1: Know what the worst might be.
[41:10] Speaker 3: And if you're going to actually stick around for the
[41:13] Speaker 3: rate of divorce, people are not sticking around for the
[41:15] Speaker 3: worst or the better. So do you guys feel you've
[41:18] Speaker 3: experienced any worse yet or something that could be a
[41:21] Speaker 3: worse And if you did, how did you check it?
[41:24] Speaker 3: How did you decide? Like, no, you know we're gonna
[41:26] Speaker 3: stick through this.
[41:28] Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean the worst can always get worse. But yeah,
[41:33] Speaker 7: we've had challenges in our relationship for sure.
[41:38] Speaker 3: Do you guys tackle it with therapy or do y'all
[41:40] Speaker 3: have like a like a I don't know, like some
[41:43] Speaker 3: sort of guy that you guys have together to get
[41:45] Speaker 3: through the rough times? Because marriage is not what I'm
[41:49] Speaker 3: hearing again, I'm not married, but it seems.
[41:50] Speaker 1: Like it's more rough than it is.
[41:52] Speaker 4: No, the people divorced.
[41:59] Speaker 5: Reasons.
[41:59] Speaker 8: That's that's like, this is my partner, like I can
[42:02] Speaker 8: really communicate with her, like even can take what she
[42:05] Speaker 8: say that I'm doing wrong and take it like I'm
[42:09] Speaker 8: not getting.
[42:09] Speaker 5: Mad about it. I'm like, okay, let me let me
[42:11] Speaker 5: correct that.
[42:11] Speaker 8: You can even if I'll tell her like I gotta go,
[42:14] Speaker 8: I gotta correct that, you know what I mean. So
[42:16] Speaker 8: the fact that I care about not hurting her in
[42:19] Speaker 8: listening to what she said, can we correct each other like?
[42:21] Speaker 5: So that's what I think.
[42:23] Speaker 8: I think a lot of times people get married and
[42:25] Speaker 8: don't really know who they really married.
[42:27] Speaker 7: You know, or they know, but they choose to overlook
[42:32] Speaker 7: the things that really should be deal brekers.
[42:35] Speaker 2: Like I think, when you get married.
[42:36] Speaker 7: For the right reasons, it really makes a difference of
[42:40] Speaker 7: how long you're gonna last. And I think with us,
[42:43] Speaker 7: because we have this just undying love and affection and
[42:47] Speaker 7: appreciation and respect for each other, no matter what we
[42:51] Speaker 7: go through, we always know that we're always coming from
[42:54] Speaker 7: a good place and a place of support, in a
[42:55] Speaker 7: place of like I want the best for both of us, you.
[42:58] Speaker 1: Know what I'm saying.
[42:59] Speaker 7: So some people like you have relationship whole relationships where
[43:02] Speaker 7: people don't even really like each other, where people are
[43:04] Speaker 7: jealous of each other, like a man can be jealous
[43:05] Speaker 7: of a woman and vice versas. Yeah, that's crazy, right,
[43:07] Speaker 7: but that happens in relationships. But because we are a team,
[43:11] Speaker 7: and you know, my wins are his wins and vice versa,
[43:14] Speaker 7: like my losses are his losses. Like we feel like
[43:18] Speaker 7: we in this together and we approach everything as a team,
[43:21] Speaker 7: not like we in competition, or you know what I'm saying,
[43:24] Speaker 7: or like I don't appreciate his contribution to whatever we
[43:26] Speaker 7: got going on.
[43:28] Speaker 4: So can y'all think of any like little things that
[43:31] Speaker 4: maybe couples who are dating or even people who just
[43:34] Speaker 4: aspire to be married overlook that are actually a really
[43:38] Speaker 4: big deal. Like y'all mentioned already, having good communication, telling
[43:42] Speaker 4: each other when is a problem. Don't be sitting on
[43:44] Speaker 4: it waiting forever. You speak up, right. What are some
[43:47] Speaker 4: things that people are doing that you think might be
[43:50] Speaker 4: leading to them marrying somebody that they shouldn't have really married?
[43:53] Speaker 1: A good question. Well, first of all, you know some
[43:55] Speaker 1: women get married for money.
[43:57] Speaker 7: Well yeah, some men get married because the woman is
[44:00] Speaker 7: a trophy wife visually or whatever. I think that some
[44:06] Speaker 7: people get married because it's convenient or because they settle
[44:10] Speaker 7: and they don't want to keep on looking for.
[44:12] Speaker 4: That right now their bucket list. Yeah, yeah, they want
[44:15] Speaker 4: to be married. They don't care who it is.
[44:17] Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you think.
[44:21] Speaker 8: I think not marrying a friend you got there got
[44:24] Speaker 8: to be your pot in them, man, Like, if you're
[44:26] Speaker 8: feel to really marry somebody and be with them for
[44:28] Speaker 8: rather the rest of your life or for a long
[44:30] Speaker 8: amount of years and get to share in all these
[44:32] Speaker 8: things together, they got to be your friend first. Y'all
[44:35] Speaker 8: got to be real potless, get to really know each other.
[44:38] Speaker 8: I think if people spend more time doing that than
[44:40] Speaker 8: just trying to find things that look good together or
[44:45] Speaker 8: make sense or whatever some of the reasons that people
[44:48] Speaker 8: do it, I think we'll have more successful marriages.
[44:51] Speaker 1: How long did y'all date before y'all got married?
[44:54] Speaker 7: So we reconnected when I was twenty five. We dated,
[44:58] Speaker 7: I mean he proposed when we were like I was
[45:00] Speaker 7: twenty seven.
[45:01] Speaker 2: We got married at twenty nine, Okay, so yeah about
[45:04] Speaker 2: three three?
[45:05] Speaker 8: Yeah, Yeah, we was already friends, like I say, since
[45:10] Speaker 8: we was.
[45:11] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you already had ap there. Y'all knew each other.
[45:14] Speaker 4: Yeah, what are those babies?
[45:17] Speaker 2: Nine and six? Two boys?
[45:19] Speaker 5: Two boys? Guys?
[45:20] Speaker 2: Two and a half years work?
[45:23] Speaker 1: Do you want more know.
[45:27] Speaker 4: Very know, they give me busy girl.
[45:34] Speaker 3: So, okay, y'all knew each other for a long time
[45:36] Speaker 3: and y'all were friends or y'all was Pottners, like.
[45:40] Speaker 8: I remember, we will flirt with each other like when
[45:42] Speaker 8: we when I was seeing it, even as a young boy,
[45:45] Speaker 8: I will flirt with she a flirt back with me.
[45:47] Speaker 5: But she wasn't trying.
[45:49] Speaker 8: She wasn't trying to kick it with the kid like that.
[45:54] Speaker 4: That was we had her standards.
[45:57] Speaker 2: This girl he had none. So with that being said,
[46:03] Speaker 2: you know, I always saw him.
[46:05] Speaker 1: And thought he was so fun.
[46:07] Speaker 7: Never took it there until, like I said, we kind
[46:10] Speaker 7: of fell in love with conversations and then I was like, okay,
[46:13] Speaker 7: it's yours yours.
[46:15] Speaker 3: So when y'all did get married, even though y'all knew
[46:17] Speaker 3: each other and have that rapport where there's still different
[46:20] Speaker 3: things that you learned about each other once you got married,
[46:22] Speaker 3: like you kind.
[46:23] Speaker 7: Of like, oh, I didn't know you did that, even
[46:26] Speaker 7: when we lived together for about a year before you proposed.
[46:31] Speaker 7: I think I think you learned something about learn when
[46:35] Speaker 7: you're living with somebody.
[46:36] Speaker 1: Now, if like let's say, if you marry.
[46:38] Speaker 7: Somebody and y'all finances aren't combined, you might learn a
[46:43] Speaker 7: lot about them and that way once you get married,
[46:45] Speaker 7: because then everything really becomes one in most cases. But
[46:48] Speaker 7: because even before we got married, we had bought a
[46:51] Speaker 7: condo together, we had already kind of combined our lives
[46:54] Speaker 7: to the point where.
[46:55] Speaker 1: I don't think it was nothing more to learn.
[46:57] Speaker 7: And I learn more about him when he became a dad,
[46:59] Speaker 7: because that was a whole different phase of life, and
[47:02] Speaker 7: I saw how good of a dad he is, and
[47:04] Speaker 7: I saw a different side of him, like a more sensitive,
[47:06] Speaker 7: you know, nurture inside of him.
[47:08] Speaker 1: But I think I would.
[47:10] Speaker 2: Encourage people to live together before they get married.
[47:12] Speaker 7: I don't know how you get just move in with
[47:13] Speaker 7: somebody and they and be time sitting for life, and
[47:15] Speaker 7: then you find out they have all these bad habits
[47:18] Speaker 7: or just ways about them that you wouldn't have seen
[47:20] Speaker 7: if you were up close and personal. It's no way
[47:21] Speaker 7: I'm gonna marry somebody living with them first. How y'a
[47:24] Speaker 7: feel about that?
[47:25] Speaker 4: I would prefer to live with someone first. Now how
[47:28] Speaker 4: early I live with them, I don't know. I think
[47:31] Speaker 4: definitely if we're engaged, if I don't already live with you,
[47:34] Speaker 4: I need to move in with you before we put
[47:37] Speaker 4: deposits down on this wedding. Otherwise we might end up
[47:41] Speaker 4: having a very expensive party and one of us won't
[47:43] Speaker 4: be there because I would be the runaway bride, and
[47:48] Speaker 4: I mean a groom might be the runaway groom. I'm
[47:50] Speaker 4: not always the best person, so you just never know.
[47:53] Speaker 4: But yeah, I think you should. I do think that
[47:56] Speaker 4: living with somebody is very different, even like having roommates
[48:00] Speaker 4: over the years, like my friends that I had been
[48:03] Speaker 4: friends with for so long, once we lived together, it
[48:06] Speaker 4: was different. No, still my dog, I had one roommate
[48:10] Speaker 4: like in my No, I have more than that. But
[48:12] Speaker 4: one roommate that I had for a long time here
[48:14] Speaker 4: in Atlanta, she doesn't live here anymore, but we're still
[48:17] Speaker 4: good friends. There were things that would annoy me, of course,
[48:21] Speaker 4: and I learned her better and it's like you can't
[48:23] Speaker 4: have that mask that you have with people sometimes, but
[48:27] Speaker 4: it was still worked out. So I can only imagine
[48:30] Speaker 4: what that would be like if I really live with somebody,
[48:33] Speaker 4: and I'd be thinking about like little weird things I do,
[48:36] Speaker 4: like when I get gassy sometimes, and I might be
[48:38] Speaker 4: a little embarrassed, you know, But you gotta let it
[48:40] Speaker 4: all out. I'm just sing let out that because you
[48:45] Speaker 4: don't let us sit in your body and faster. Oh lord,
[48:49] Speaker 4: what do you think.
[48:50] Speaker 1: Medina about living together?
[48:52] Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that if we're engaged or heading there,
[48:56] Speaker 3: then we could talk about living together. I think I've
[48:58] Speaker 3: experienced living with two boyfriends and I don't.
[49:01] Speaker 1: Want to do it again.
[49:02] Speaker 3: It was almost like it's like we're just doing it
[49:04] Speaker 3: because it starts to feel like you are married.
[49:08] Speaker 1: It starts to feel like we are.
[49:10] Speaker 3: Dedicated to each other, and then in the end, when
[49:12] Speaker 3: it turns out you're not, it's like, I don't know
[49:14] Speaker 3: that I would do with that again. It's just it's
[49:15] Speaker 3: happened too many times, and it's like, oh, let's learn
[49:17] Speaker 3: from our lessons.
[49:18] Speaker 1: So if we.
[49:19] Speaker 3: Already know and there is a ring and we are engaged,
[49:23] Speaker 3: I'm totally fine with being like, Okay, the next step
[49:25] Speaker 3: is getting a place together, and yeah, I think that's
[49:29] Speaker 3: where I'm out.
[49:29] Speaker 4: With that, because I mean, once they put the ring
[49:32] Speaker 4: on it, then I.
[49:33] Speaker 1: Feel like still happen.
[49:35] Speaker 4: But of course, but it's like, okay, you have proposed.
[49:38] Speaker 5: Now.
[49:38] Speaker 4: I feel like the engagement period, you should know me
[49:40] Speaker 4: well enough you're ready to tie me down. So now
[49:43] Speaker 4: it's wedding planning season, and that's what the engagement period. Essentially,
[49:47] Speaker 4: we're just engaged to plan this wedding and stuff and
[49:51] Speaker 4: all the back and forth.
[49:54] Speaker 8: The question for you all you so, how long it's
[49:57] Speaker 8: too long to be engaged?
[49:59] Speaker 1: That's what I was about to say.
[50:00] Speaker 7: It's should be waiting playing season. But some people be
[50:02] Speaker 7: engaged for like five or ten years.
[50:05] Speaker 4: I think I am too old for that. If I
[50:08] Speaker 4: was in my twenties when I got engaged, and maybe
[50:10] Speaker 4: I can, five years still sound too long. That's too
[50:13] Speaker 4: long because waiting on is it the venue?
[50:16] Speaker 1: Is it the finances? Is it that?
[50:18] Speaker 4: Because it's like I need a specific reason as to
[50:22] Speaker 4: why we are waiting. I understand long engagements. When you
[50:25] Speaker 4: want this weekend, you want this thing and it's just
[50:28] Speaker 4: not available, so you got to plan out. But like,
[50:30] Speaker 4: what the fuck we do? Why did you propose to me?
[50:32] Speaker 4: Because I said, yes, I'm ready to go. We can
[50:34] Speaker 4: do it today and have a wedding later.
[50:36] Speaker 7: But it's not always like that, Like some people say
[50:38] Speaker 7: yes and they don't even have any intention of starting
[50:41] Speaker 7: to plan the wedding.
[50:41] Speaker 2: Like some people just put a ring on your finger,
[50:45] Speaker 2: it's like a placeholder.
[50:46] Speaker 3: Like yet yeah, like like if you are dating someone
[50:53] Speaker 3: right now, you're having to beg your man to about
[50:55] Speaker 3: the marriage details.
[50:56] Speaker 1: And if he's gonna marry you, don't you agree, it's
[50:58] Speaker 1: probably not it. Yeah, you don't want to.
[51:01] Speaker 8: I agree a man he's gonna let you know, a
[51:04] Speaker 8: man gonna let that be known.
[51:05] Speaker 5: If you want to marry, you wouldn't have to be guessing.
[51:09] Speaker 1: And when are we doing this? And it wasn't it?
[51:11] Speaker 4: Like you can't look for nothing because every man that
[51:14] Speaker 4: we have had on the show, they never give like
[51:17] Speaker 4: a thing. It's almost like a lot of times we
[51:20] Speaker 4: look for this thing we know if we do X,
[51:23] Speaker 4: Y and Z, he will propose like there's a playbook
[51:26] Speaker 4: to it, and it's no playbook to it. And that's
[51:28] Speaker 4: why we constantly encourage you guys to ask questions like
[51:31] Speaker 4: and I'm curious to know and other things like really
[51:34] Speaker 4: get to know the individual. You cannot rely on shows, entertainment, books, anything.
[51:41] Speaker 4: You gotta deal with that person because are you like
[51:43] Speaker 4: everybody else that he's seen before? Maybe, but probably not.
[51:48] Speaker 4: And you gotta take him the same way.
[51:50] Speaker 3: And I also think that women and men, but really
[51:53] Speaker 3: women need to do like a better job of understanding
[51:58] Speaker 3: like what you're getting into when you're deciding to get married,
[52:01] Speaker 3: both parties honestly.
[52:02] Speaker 1: Because we don't.
[52:04] Speaker 3: I mean we're kind of talking about this before we
[52:05] Speaker 3: started recording, like you don't really there's no playbook to it.
[52:10] Speaker 3: But you also are just thinking. I just when I
[52:13] Speaker 3: hear them just be like, I just want to get married.
[52:15] Speaker 3: It's like, but do you know what it entails like partnership?
[52:20] Speaker 3: Like what are you expecting from a partner? And everyone
[52:23] Speaker 3: always assumes finances. I get that, let's assume the finances
[52:25] Speaker 3: are in order. There are so many other things that
[52:28] Speaker 3: go into play to make a good partner.
[52:30] Speaker 1: Are you family oriented?
[52:31] Speaker 3: Are you going to try to connect people with their
[52:33] Speaker 3: family or do you want like togetherness? Are you gonna
[52:36] Speaker 3: raise kids? Are you gonna make time for the person
[52:38] Speaker 3: you love? Will you be there when they're sick? And
[52:40] Speaker 3: there are things that people don't The people don't think
[52:43] Speaker 3: about that, and I'm like, we gotta think about that.
[52:45] Speaker 1: You gotta be a good partner, ma'am sir. You don't
[52:48] Speaker 1: just get to be rich and then be like, well
[52:51] Speaker 1: I paid for everything.
[52:54] Speaker 3: That's not all that goes just because you paid for everything.
[52:56] Speaker 3: You don't have to help out as a father. You
[52:58] Speaker 3: don't have to make sure that you're girl as emotionally well.
[53:01] Speaker 3: And the woman also like if he's down back, you're
[53:03] Speaker 3: not just like you.
[53:04] Speaker 1: Need to be a man, a good on go leack no,
[53:07] Speaker 1: Like how do we care for each other? What does
[53:10] Speaker 1: the household look like?
[53:10] Speaker 3: And so I say all that to say, I'll talk
[53:12] Speaker 3: a lot. What is a good partner to you? What
[53:15] Speaker 3: is a good partner for you? Like how did y'all
[53:18] Speaker 3: realize that in each other? Like I got a good partner.
[53:21] Speaker 8: Okay, I'm gonna say, as a man, And that's why
[53:23] Speaker 8: I always tell a young man in the early days,
[53:25] Speaker 8: like you know, find your purpose, stay on and get
[53:27] Speaker 8: yourself together, you know, get yourself situated where you can
[53:31] Speaker 8: even be looking for a woman, because if you ain't
[53:33] Speaker 8: got nothing to take, not giver her. But if you
[53:36] Speaker 8: can't take care of her, you don't need to be
[53:38] Speaker 8: looking out here looking for women.
[53:40] Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.
[53:41] Speaker 8: So I say that to say, then that way that
[53:44] Speaker 8: allow you. Now, let me see what I know about her,
[53:48] Speaker 8: Let me get to KnowI because I know what I
[53:49] Speaker 8: want in a woman. I know what kind of girl
[53:51] Speaker 8: I want, But you gotta be able to take care
[53:53] Speaker 8: of that kind of woman, that woman that you want.
[53:55] Speaker 5: Different women come with different things.
[53:57] Speaker 8: So the one that I want, I knew, like, okay,
[53:59] Speaker 8: let me get the know it is beautiful, fine, the color,
[54:04] Speaker 8: the skin color. I like, she think the way I
[54:08] Speaker 8: she think the way I wanted to think. She care
[54:09] Speaker 8: about the things that I care about, Like I knew
[54:11] Speaker 8: what I was looking for. So when I found her,
[54:14] Speaker 8: I knew I hit the jackpot. So that's I'm saying
[54:17] Speaker 8: that to say, like, start asking these questions, get to
[54:20] Speaker 8: know that about that man or that woman, Like I'm
[54:22] Speaker 8: a I want to know, like, oh what.
[54:23] Speaker 5: You care about this? What do you think about? How
[54:25] Speaker 5: many kids you want?
[54:25] Speaker 8: Like what do you want to Where do you see
[54:28] Speaker 8: your life in five or ten years? Like I think
[54:31] Speaker 8: those kind of things. That's what that's that's what I think.
[54:33] Speaker 8: These questions need to start getting asked, that of just dating,
[54:37] Speaker 8: laying up the kids and to come and then now
[54:39] Speaker 8: you figure out this motherfucker crazy, you know what I'm saying,
[54:42] Speaker 8: Like you know.
[54:46] Speaker 1: Now it's like everyone's crazy. How do we not know this?
[54:49] Speaker 1: I'm not talking having fun?
[54:52] Speaker 5: You was having fun you wasn't at.
[54:55] Speaker 4: Or making excuses for little things. Got to ask the
[54:57] Speaker 4: real yourself from other people. You might see it when
[55:01] Speaker 4: you don't see it, because you know how easy it
[55:03] Speaker 4: is when you do really like somebody. You don't always
[55:06] Speaker 4: see the little red flash when yellow flags is popping
[55:08] Speaker 4: up and other people see them. But if you're not
[55:10] Speaker 4: around nobody, how are you gonna know?
[55:14] Speaker 5: And if you're not asking the questions, Yeah.
[55:16] Speaker 4: You definitely won't know.
[55:17] Speaker 8: A lot of times people not asking the more questions
[55:19] Speaker 8: when they just met people, they just date't having fun.
[55:23] Speaker 3: And sometimes it's asking the questions. I'll be asking a
[55:26] Speaker 3: lot of questions. But sometimes it's also like paying attention
[55:29] Speaker 3: to how somebody moves, like how do you handle certain things?
[55:34] Speaker 3: How do you How are you with your mother? How
[55:36] Speaker 3: are you with your siblings?
[55:38] Speaker 1: Like? How are you with children?
[55:39] Speaker 5: How?
[55:40] Speaker 1: I know?
[55:40] Speaker 3: One thing that's really important to me is like volunteering,
[55:42] Speaker 3: Like what do you do with your time when I'm
[55:44] Speaker 3: not around? Like what do you do to help people
[55:45] Speaker 3: that's not a woman? How do how are we spending
[55:47] Speaker 3: our time?
[55:48] Speaker 1: Then like paying attention somebody related.
[55:51] Speaker 3: To you, Yeah, somebody not even related to you, Like
[55:53] Speaker 3: do you help are you kind like those types of
[55:55] Speaker 3: things are really Like what.
[55:57] Speaker 5: Was big for me is like her relationship with her father,
[56:00] Speaker 5: So her having a real man as a father.
[56:03] Speaker 8: I knew she understand that she can she can handle
[56:06] Speaker 8: that kind of man, She can respect that kind of man.
[56:08] Speaker 5: She know the value in that kind of man because
[56:10] Speaker 5: that's her dad. She see him. So when she coming across.
[56:13] Speaker 8: A man that you know, moves similar or like it
[56:17] Speaker 8: is she understanding, you know?
[56:19] Speaker 5: And that was that was big.
[56:20] Speaker 3: And when you said she understands it, do you mean
[56:21] Speaker 3: like she understands like the traditional woman.
[56:24] Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, yeah, like she understands like how that man
[56:28] Speaker 5: should be respected and taking care of And we're.
[56:30] Speaker 3: Saying like she's gonna cook, she's gonna clean, we're taking
[56:34] Speaker 3: care of kids.
[56:35] Speaker 1: I think that's beautiful.
[56:36] Speaker 3: I think sometimes now that's when we talk about the
[56:37] Speaker 3: traditions of like what a woman does and everybody doesn't
[56:41] Speaker 3: have to agree with it.
[56:42] Speaker 1: I love it.
[56:42] Speaker 3: I think it's like if that works in your relationship
[56:45] Speaker 3: and that's how you know he needs to be loved
[56:46] Speaker 3: and wants to be loved, do it.
[56:49] Speaker 1: I want to make a plate.
[56:53] Speaker 2: That's not negotiable.
[56:54] Speaker 7: I didn't know that some women don't make the man plate,
[56:57] Speaker 7: like they just put the food on the stove and
[56:59] Speaker 7: then he got to get his school.
[57:00] Speaker 5: That's crazy.
[57:01] Speaker 3: But one day I'm always always gonna make his plate.
[57:10] Speaker 7: I've never not made his plate. I remember one day
[57:13] Speaker 7: it was at his mama house and his mama cook,
[57:16] Speaker 7: but I still made his plate. His brother was like, oh,
[57:18] Speaker 7: you got she a good woman, And I was thinking
[57:21] Speaker 7: to myself, like, really, like is that that big of it.
[57:24] Speaker 7: Another situation, we were at my our house when we
[57:28] Speaker 7: first bought our first condo. One of our family members
[57:31] Speaker 7: who was married. They were there with their wife.
[57:32] Speaker 3: They stayed with us over the weekend't make my plate.
[57:39] Speaker 2: He talked to him after they love.
[57:41] Speaker 7: He was like, man, the way you make donee play man.
[57:43] Speaker 7: She would never do that for me. And I'm like really,
[57:46] Speaker 7: And I'm like, I didn't even know that it was
[57:49] Speaker 7: a big deal. I didn't know a man really felt
[57:53] Speaker 7: like he needed that because it came to natural for
[57:55] Speaker 7: me to do it. But I didn't know some women
[57:57] Speaker 7: just really just flat out won't do it. I feel
[57:58] Speaker 7: like they don't have to, Like I'm gonna cook the food,
[58:01] Speaker 7: I'm gonna make the plate. I'm gonna clean up the
[58:02] Speaker 7: dishes out of that.
[58:03] Speaker 1: Why is it such a big Why does that matter
[58:06] Speaker 1: so much? The plate making, It's just like it's like
[58:08] Speaker 1: a respect thing.
[58:09] Speaker 8: It's just I don't know how to explain it for us.
[58:12] Speaker 8: It's just like, yeah, not just like a can you
[58:15] Speaker 8: just feel like I guess, yeah, like the man she
[58:19] Speaker 8: cut her man.
[58:21] Speaker 1: Job, am I supposed to?
[58:23] Speaker 5: Like?
[58:23] Speaker 7: It's just like if I said, Okay, I want you
[58:25] Speaker 7: to take out the trash, but I'm gonna take it
[58:26] Speaker 7: out the trash can and then you're gonna take.
[58:28] Speaker 2: Out the bag.
[58:28] Speaker 1: No, you're gonna do the whole.
[58:31] Speaker 7: When I make the food, you should be able to
[58:33] Speaker 7: sit down and get your food.
[58:34] Speaker 5: Nice.
[58:36] Speaker 7: Nice, Come and get a spoon and put it onto
[58:39] Speaker 7: the plate yourself like that. That takes the That's part
[58:43] Speaker 7: of the experience. Yeah, Like if you go to a restaurant,
[58:45] Speaker 7: do you want to make your plate?
[58:46] Speaker 2: I don't like buffets. I'm not about to go to
[58:48] Speaker 2: buffet and be having to.
[58:49] Speaker 1: Get the food.
[58:49] Speaker 7: It's more, you know, fun, when I can sit down
[58:53] Speaker 7: and have fun while somebody else is making my plate.
[58:55] Speaker 1: It's a part of the experience. So he can't have.
[58:57] Speaker 7: To do his job and I can't have to do mine,
[58:59] Speaker 7: But I I did not realize that some women just
[59:02] Speaker 7: don't naturally do that. But I saw my mama making
[59:05] Speaker 7: my daddy plate, you know what I'm saying. So I
[59:07] Speaker 7: do think it starts with what you experience as a
[59:10] Speaker 7: kid and what you see. But it's it's funny because
[59:13] Speaker 7: like some women, even though they might know now that
[59:16] Speaker 7: even though I didn't see my parents do this, this is
[59:17] Speaker 7: where it should be done, they still like, I ain't
[59:19] Speaker 7: doing that, girl, Why not? What about all the stuff
[59:22] Speaker 7: he gotta do for you like you want to have.
[59:23] Speaker 1: You want to wonder when that happens, is he doing it?
[59:28] Speaker 1: Is he doing?
[59:29] Speaker 4: Because that's the other that's the flip side of it,
[59:31] Speaker 4: because a lot of times we see all of the
[59:34] Speaker 4: red pill convos online and the guys are saying all
[59:37] Speaker 4: the things that we should do. Now. To be clear,
[59:39] Speaker 4: I have no problem making a plate, cooking. I enjoy it.
[59:43] Speaker 4: And like you said, you don't want the plate looking ugly. Yes,
[59:46] Speaker 4: I done slaved over this meal and I enjoyed that slaving,
[59:49] Speaker 4: but I want to I want it to all look nice.
[59:52] Speaker 4: It's just a part of the experience, like you said,
[59:55] Speaker 4: But sometimes I do wonder when people have these expectations
[59:59] Speaker 4: for someone to do something, how do you treat the person?
[1:00:01] Speaker 4: And maybe that's a moment for any man who's in
[1:00:04] Speaker 4: a situation where his woman doesn't do that. How are
[1:00:07] Speaker 4: you treating her? Do you show her respect? You want
[1:00:09] Speaker 4: her to treat you like a king? And this is
[1:00:11] Speaker 4: your girl? Do you treat her like a queen? Do
[1:00:14] Speaker 4: you show her respect? Do you show her appreciation? Are
[1:00:16] Speaker 4: you kind? Do you ever do any of those things?
[1:00:20] Speaker 4: So it's one thing when the man is doing that
[1:00:24] Speaker 4: and you just feel like this woman is so unappreciative,
[1:00:27] Speaker 4: borderline disrespectful if it's not already disrespectful. But the other
[1:00:30] Speaker 4: side is, hey, what are you doing right?
[1:00:33] Speaker 3: And it'll be also some way street how you said,
[1:00:36] Speaker 3: like the plate making, it makes a man feel like
[1:00:37] Speaker 3: a king. You feel like my woman takes care of me.
[1:00:40] Speaker 3: When you hear some of the conversations and these are
[1:00:42] Speaker 3: not internet conversations, I'll have these conversations at the gym
[1:00:45] Speaker 3: with men and hearing some of the young men talk
[1:00:47] Speaker 3: about I'm not holding every door and it's.
[1:00:49] Speaker 1: Like this a door.
[1:00:50] Speaker 3: It's a small shit shit like that's the slightest thing.
[1:00:55] Speaker 3: But we don't even talk about pan bills and taking
[1:00:56] Speaker 3: care of financially.
[1:00:57] Speaker 4: Opening a door, my nigga.
[1:01:01] Speaker 1: Do you know how that small act?
[1:01:03] Speaker 3: Do you know how that makes a woman feel when
[1:01:05] Speaker 3: you when you go out with a minute, he opens
[1:01:07] Speaker 3: every door and you've been not open one.
[1:01:09] Speaker 1: That feel that is a small gesture.
[1:01:11] Speaker 3: Of like, wow, I feel like a I feel like
[1:01:15] Speaker 3: feel like I feel like you care about my safety.
[1:01:18] Speaker 1: You here my well being, like you got me. You
[1:01:20] Speaker 1: might shoot a nigga, even if they.
[1:01:23] Speaker 4: Are trash man, sometimes they will at least do that,
[1:01:25] Speaker 4: and that's how you get all bamboos, be digmatized. But
[1:01:29] Speaker 4: you know, yes, bamboozled and digmatize. I've been there too
[1:01:32] Speaker 4: many times. That's how the show started. But that is
[1:01:35] Speaker 4: a very good point. We agree like that classic acts.
[1:01:39] Speaker 3: There's nothing wrong with making the plate, It's nothing wrong
[1:01:41] Speaker 3: with opening her door.
[1:01:43] Speaker 4: Like, I'm just like, where where are we?
[1:01:44] Speaker 1: Heady? Like why is everybody so like I'm not doing that?
[1:01:48] Speaker 4: It's almost like people are trying to not do too
[1:01:51] Speaker 4: much or hurt somebody else before they get hurt. Everybody
[1:01:53] Speaker 4: is so afraid of being hurt because some people haven't
[1:01:56] Speaker 4: even been hurt yet. I promise you it's not that bad.
[1:01:59] Speaker 4: I mean, but should be fine. Come out of it.
[1:02:02] Speaker 4: Sometimes you look better, sometimes you don't, but you will
[1:02:04] Speaker 4: still be alive.
[1:02:05] Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just the small acts. I'm just I think
[1:02:09] Speaker 3: it's important to talk about those things because there is
[1:02:11] Speaker 3: nothing wrong with it. And I love when men talk
[1:02:14] Speaker 3: about it because the men folk right now, for real,
[1:02:16] Speaker 3: they need to hear it.
[1:02:18] Speaker 5: Well. I mean out here, my wife, my wife, it
[1:02:21] Speaker 5: ain't that I never want.
[1:02:22] Speaker 8: I was so used to just you know, my own
[1:02:25] Speaker 8: time out her single moving around. I wouldn't. I wouldn't
[1:02:28] Speaker 8: open the door. So I wasn't used to it. But
[1:02:30] Speaker 8: my wife, she will. She taught me on, you know,
[1:02:34] Speaker 8: walk on this side of the street. She got me.
[1:02:38] Speaker 7: See the thing is, if you know a man didn't
[1:02:44] Speaker 7: come from the type of household, yeah you understand how
[1:02:46] Speaker 7: you care about him.
[1:02:48] Speaker 1: Yeah, that's another part of relationships.
[1:02:50] Speaker 3: Sometimes you do have to have that. If you care
[1:02:52] Speaker 3: about somebody, you are gonna try. You're gonna teach them to.
[1:02:55] Speaker 9: Yeah.
[1:02:56] Speaker 2: I'd be like, why you need to walk on this
[1:02:57] Speaker 2: side open it?
[1:02:59] Speaker 4: You know?
[1:02:59] Speaker 5: But it was and then I didn't want to do it.
[1:03:01] Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm just so used.
[1:03:02] Speaker 7: To I didn't even know, and he would be five
[1:03:05] Speaker 7: steps ahead, and I was like, Bro, are you serious?
[1:03:09] Speaker 1: Do you care where I am? Right now?
[1:03:10] Speaker 2: I could disappear?
[1:03:16] Speaker 5: She definitely was.
[1:03:18] Speaker 2: I like, we have had long conversations about this.
[1:03:21] Speaker 7: I remember one day he was at this concert, no
[1:03:23] Speaker 7: play or something, and it was it was set up.
[1:03:27] Speaker 1: It set up like a symphony.
[1:03:28] Speaker 2: How you got the levels where you sit at Yeah.
[1:03:32] Speaker 7: He was sitting on the closest to the outside, so
[1:03:34] Speaker 7: he got right on up and didn't turn around.
[1:03:37] Speaker 1: This man has helped me down the steps.
[1:03:39] Speaker 7: I was like, baby, are you serious? He walked so
[1:03:42] Speaker 7: fast that I literally lost in the crowd. I was
[1:03:44] Speaker 7: so that's an argument in the car.
[1:03:49] Speaker 1: I say. I was like, are you kidding me?
[1:03:51] Speaker 3: Bro?
[1:03:52] Speaker 7: And this was early in our relationship, so I was
[1:03:54] Speaker 7: like really thinking to myself, do he not know no
[1:03:57] Speaker 7: better or he just don't care?
[1:03:59] Speaker 1: Because that was I'm like, why would you leave me
[1:04:01] Speaker 1: like that to the point where I lose I'm tall,
[1:04:04] Speaker 1: I normally can see over everybody. I cannot find him.
[1:04:07] Speaker 7: I literally was like, And it wasn't that I ays
[1:04:11] Speaker 7: thought something's gonna happen to me.
[1:04:12] Speaker 1: He was more about the fact that he did that,
[1:04:14] Speaker 1: and he wasn't looking for me, but I'm.
[1:04:15] Speaker 7: Looking for him, and so girl, it was. It's sometimes,
[1:04:20] Speaker 7: especially when you start that young. We were in our twenties,
[1:04:22] Speaker 7: we sometimes you have to be willing to teach a man.
[1:04:24] Speaker 7: You know how you want to be treated, and you're right.
[1:04:28] Speaker 7: So many women get caught up in this. He better
[1:04:31] Speaker 7: come already, like to.
[1:04:33] Speaker 1: You're not even together?
[1:04:34] Speaker 3: Girl?
[1:04:35] Speaker 2: Are you not even together?
[1:04:36] Speaker 1: I have this conversation with some girlfriends the other day.
[1:04:38] Speaker 3: Everybody was like, hey, I'm not gonna teach him, and
[1:04:41] Speaker 3: he need to come like this, and he didn't come
[1:04:42] Speaker 3: like a man. And then I just stopped the conversation.
[1:04:44] Speaker 3: I'm always playing the devil's advocate and everybody looking mad
[1:04:46] Speaker 3: after I talk, and so I was like, well, wait
[1:04:48] Speaker 3: a minute. I was like, now, let's tell you're talking
[1:04:50] Speaker 3: about he needs to come as a man. Are you
[1:04:52] Speaker 3: the full package as a woman?
[1:04:54] Speaker 1: Are you?
[1:04:55] Speaker 3: Are you like are you gonna like are you gonna
[1:04:57] Speaker 3: do the things that a man wants?
[1:04:58] Speaker 1: And everybody was like, well, no, let's think about this.
[1:05:03] Speaker 3: Everybody's not gonna come in a perfect package. Somebody is
[1:05:06] Speaker 3: going to be lacking somewhere, and it might happen again,
[1:05:09] Speaker 3: if you stay together long enough, like we gotta be.
[1:05:12] Speaker 1: You don't have to be fair, but look at yourself. Yeah.
[1:05:19] Speaker 1: I think that's where so many women kind of they
[1:05:23] Speaker 1: lose out.
[1:05:23] Speaker 7: They might miss the blessing because they don't realize that
[1:05:26] Speaker 7: the man.
[1:05:26] Speaker 2: That's in front of you has potential.
[1:05:29] Speaker 7: And it doesn't have to be money, but it might
[1:05:32] Speaker 7: be the man has all the money in the world,
[1:05:34] Speaker 7: but he doesn't necessarily know how to treat you.
[1:05:36] Speaker 1: It don't mean that he can't get there. It just
[1:05:38] Speaker 1: means that maybe he's.
[1:05:40] Speaker 7: Never had a woman like you to really show him,
[1:05:41] Speaker 7: or maybe he don't really know how to love like
[1:05:44] Speaker 7: some men just don't know how to love you how
[1:05:45] Speaker 7: to show them. And I feel like that's why for me,
[1:05:49] Speaker 7: the connection you have with somebody, to me, it should
[1:05:51] Speaker 7: be one of like chemistry and emotion, something you can't control.
[1:05:56] Speaker 7: It sounds like you can build on that. They have
[1:05:58] Speaker 7: all the other things you need as far as like
[1:06:00] Speaker 7: they match your fly, they match your hustle, they match
[1:06:03] Speaker 7: what you want out of life. Then you can y'all
[1:06:05] Speaker 7: can grow together, especially when you're young, like we got
[1:06:09] Speaker 7: together in our twenties and the man he is today
[1:06:13] Speaker 7: man and man that, oh that young boy couldn't.
[1:06:15] Speaker 1: Funk with him?
[1:06:18] Speaker 2: Why I ain't gone bro.
[1:06:21] Speaker 4: Now?
[1:06:22] Speaker 7: So like he get better with Tom. Like this man
[1:06:27] Speaker 7: is literally like fine white. I literally see him every
[1:06:29] Speaker 7: day and be like, oh my gosh, you're so fine,
[1:06:31] Speaker 7: Like you look so much better than you did. We
[1:06:33] Speaker 7: was younger, and back then I thought you couldn't get
[1:06:35] Speaker 7: no better.
[1:06:35] Speaker 1: He said, have dress. I used to be like, Oh,
[1:06:37] Speaker 1: don't ever cut your dress. I would. I love these dress,
[1:06:39] Speaker 1: Like these dress so sexy?
[1:06:41] Speaker 2: You cut them pairs?
[1:06:41] Speaker 1: I was like, damn. Grow.
[1:06:46] Speaker 7: You know, like when you have somebody who is constantly
[1:06:49] Speaker 7: evolving and growing, they motivate you to grow. So sometimes
[1:06:53] Speaker 7: you got to help them grow and then y'all can
[1:06:54] Speaker 7: grow together.
[1:06:56] Speaker 4: You know, do you ever think that there's a point
[1:06:58] Speaker 4: where somebody might see potential But it's just like you're
[1:07:03] Speaker 4: dreaming of some of this potential versus what is really there.
[1:07:06] Speaker 4: Because sometimes we both know that men and women can
[1:07:09] Speaker 4: see something in somebody they like them for some reason,
[1:07:11] Speaker 4: but this is not a match. This person is not
[1:07:15] Speaker 4: going to change. What is something that you can say
[1:07:19] Speaker 4: to that, like how could somebody prevent that? Or what
[1:07:22] Speaker 4: are some things to look out for?
[1:07:26] Speaker 8: You can't really prevent it. But once you identify, get
[1:07:30] Speaker 8: your inside of that, like you're gonna go quit playing
[1:07:32] Speaker 8: with yourself, you know what I mean? Don't get out
[1:07:34] Speaker 8: of there quick. It may hurt a little bit, but
[1:07:35] Speaker 8: get going because.
[1:07:36] Speaker 4: What are some things like that? Though?
[1:07:40] Speaker 3: I think you can look at how somebody is going
[1:07:42] Speaker 3: about if they say they have a goal.
[1:07:44] Speaker 1: Sometimes I look at it if someone says if they
[1:07:45] Speaker 1: don't have no goal, if they don't have a goal, that's.
[1:07:51] Speaker 8: Like it's small ship, like why you didn't pay your
[1:07:54] Speaker 8: call insurance? Like that type of ship is like don't
[1:08:00] Speaker 8: no cause, and I'm getting away for I've been paying.
[1:08:03] Speaker 1: Just sometimes have you ever been?
[1:08:04] Speaker 3: I know y'all ain't dated other people in a minute,
[1:08:06] Speaker 3: But when you're talking to somebody and they say that
[1:08:07] Speaker 3: there's something that they do, and then you when you
[1:08:09] Speaker 3: start getting to know them, you're like, I've never seen.
[1:08:12] Speaker 1: You run in the morning you said every morning, or
[1:08:15] Speaker 1: you said you're just.
[1:08:17] Speaker 2: You start looking exactly.
[1:08:19] Speaker 1: I never seen you run like or someone even have
[1:08:22] Speaker 1: real sneakers. Everything is them chucking and somebody I like.
[1:08:30] Speaker 3: Somebody's like I like to travel, as someone who truly
[1:08:33] Speaker 3: does like to travel. If I haven't seen you take
[1:08:35] Speaker 3: a trip in like a few months, whether it's for
[1:08:38] Speaker 3: work or.
[1:08:38] Speaker 1: Just do you really like to travel with Ben? What
[1:08:43] Speaker 1: a doing? Let me see the passport.
[1:08:45] Speaker 2: And it's not a judgment.
[1:08:46] Speaker 3: It's just like, don't lie and trap somebody into something
[1:08:49] Speaker 3: and now you're mad when they're mad that you're not
[1:08:51] Speaker 3: who you said you was.
[1:08:52] Speaker 8: Because a lot of people be just like when they
[1:08:55] Speaker 8: just meeting people something, and dudes do it to a lot.
[1:08:57] Speaker 5: Man, they try to, like in the beginning and like
[1:09:00] Speaker 5: with the girl, like thinking that's gonna make her like, no, bro,
[1:09:03] Speaker 5: be you Yeah, that shit gonna be hard faking like that.
[1:09:06] Speaker 8: You gotta remember that's a lot of shit to remember, man.
[1:09:11] Speaker 1: That's see.
[1:09:11] Speaker 7: The thing is this, like just like there are red flags,
[1:09:14] Speaker 7: they are green flags, right, so you pay attention to
[1:09:17] Speaker 7: the science, both good and bad. A good example is remember, Okay,
[1:09:20] Speaker 7: so when we first reconnected, like I said earlier, we
[1:09:23] Speaker 7: were chilling over our mutual friends house, just having drinks.
[1:09:26] Speaker 7: At the time, I had a boyfriend, so I wasn't
[1:09:28] Speaker 7: trying to get him. When I saw him, I was like, oh,
[1:09:29] Speaker 7: he's still so fine, but you know, he was just
[1:09:31] Speaker 7: all having a good time. Blatonic friends like fo of us,
[1:09:34] Speaker 7: and we went through a whole bottle of liquor. And
[1:09:38] Speaker 7: I don't know why I volunteered, like I go to
[1:09:41] Speaker 7: the store and get some more liquor. He instantly pulled
[1:09:43] Speaker 7: out some money to give it to me, and I
[1:09:45] Speaker 7: was like, I don't need you to buy a bottle
[1:09:46] Speaker 7: of gray goose Like he was like here. I was
[1:09:49] Speaker 7: like na, and he was just like.
[1:09:51] Speaker 1: I was like, keep your money, Like wait, is it
[1:09:52] Speaker 1: sixty dollars?
[1:09:53] Speaker 7: I don't know what it was, but I was looking
[1:09:54] Speaker 7: at him like this man just offered to buy me
[1:09:56] Speaker 7: to pay for the liquor. That's twofold. So I went
[1:09:59] Speaker 7: and got liquor. Later I always talk about it. He
[1:10:02] Speaker 7: was impressed by the fact that I rejected his money.
[1:10:05] Speaker 7: I was impressed by the fact that he offered because
[1:10:07] Speaker 7: I had been around some fun boys who.
[1:10:08] Speaker 2: Would have just been like girl, go getting yeah.
[1:10:10] Speaker 1: But he hadn't been around girls that have been like
[1:10:12] Speaker 1: giving me the money, yeah. Like so little things like that.
[1:10:22] Speaker 7: We didn't even know later on that we both saw
[1:10:24] Speaker 7: that as like good, a good sign, but that was.
[1:10:26] Speaker 1: Just who we are right.
[1:10:29] Speaker 4: Yourself.
[1:10:30] Speaker 2: It was other men in the room. He the only
[1:10:32] Speaker 2: one that pulled out the money.
[1:10:33] Speaker 7: And it's like all the other men knew he was
[1:10:34] Speaker 7: wanting gonna do it because he was always one pay
[1:10:36] Speaker 7: for everything. It was other women in the room. Nobody
[1:10:38] Speaker 7: else offered to pay for it. But I'm always that girl.
[1:10:41] Speaker 7: I'm the one always paying for everything. So that's the
[1:10:44] Speaker 7: roles that we have always had in our life. We've
[1:10:45] Speaker 7: always been He was that nigga, I was that chick. Like,
[1:10:48] Speaker 7: just to be honest with y'all, that's just the roles
[1:10:50] Speaker 7: we've always played. And so I feel like you got
[1:10:52] Speaker 7: to pick up on nose little signs.
[1:10:55] Speaker 3: Yeah, I also think like another this is something that
[1:10:58] Speaker 3: a little sign that I picked up on other day,
[1:11:00] Speaker 3: I didn't. You know, sometimes as a woman you have
[1:11:02] Speaker 3: to bring certain things up to men, and when you
[1:11:04] Speaker 3: don't have to bring it up, it's kind of like, huh, okay,
[1:11:06] Speaker 3: well maybe maybe I could give you a shot. There's
[1:11:08] Speaker 3: a guy that is interested in me. Let's I'm gonna
[1:11:10] Speaker 3: call hi my man, because.
[1:11:11] Speaker 1: He's a grown man. You ever you ever do what
[1:11:12] Speaker 1: a grown grown man? You'd be like, oh am, I
[1:11:14] Speaker 1: grown enough.
[1:11:14] Speaker 4: Like it was a long time I ain't got old.
[1:11:18] Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, And we.
[1:11:19] Speaker 3: Don't live in the same state, and like, we've known
[1:11:21] Speaker 3: each other, but we we I never knew he was
[1:11:24] Speaker 3: interested in me and I was in a relationship, and
[1:11:26] Speaker 3: so he was like, I would love for you to
[1:11:29] Speaker 3: come out to my city. He already off the top
[1:11:32] Speaker 3: of his head, was like, and I'm gonna get your
[1:11:34] Speaker 3: own hotel room. I don't want you to feel like
[1:11:35] Speaker 3: you got to stay with me or you I need
[1:11:37] Speaker 3: to stay with you. And that was such a like
[1:11:39] Speaker 3: it was a breath of fresh air, because a lot
[1:11:41] Speaker 3: of the time sometimes it's a woman. You're like, Okay,
[1:11:44] Speaker 3: if I get my own room, is he gonna am
[1:11:46] Speaker 3: I are you gonna think?
[1:11:47] Speaker 1: I don't think you're a man that I didn't ask
[1:11:49] Speaker 1: you to get it? Should I ask you to get it?
[1:11:50] Speaker 1: If I actually to get it as a.
[1:11:51] Speaker 3: Rude because you find it was just it's just a
[1:11:53] Speaker 3: lot of thoughts in moving pieces, and I'm like, I
[1:11:55] Speaker 3: don't I really don't want to stay in the same
[1:11:57] Speaker 3: room as you. I wanted to just be like I
[1:11:59] Speaker 3: come and we see other, but we're not spending the
[1:12:00] Speaker 3: night together. And I was very clear on that, and
[1:12:02] Speaker 3: the fact that he has said it first, I was.
[1:12:05] Speaker 1: Like, huh, huh, this is nice. This is so nice.
[1:12:09] Speaker 3: I think that if people understood that if you do
[1:12:11] Speaker 3: a little bit more before you get the girl, you
[1:12:14] Speaker 3: get so much more out of a person. Be kind
[1:12:18] Speaker 3: and care about and consider it and consider it. Like women,
[1:12:22] Speaker 3: even if you're not like a predator, we still have this.
[1:12:24] Speaker 3: If I don't know, you don't, women get uncomfortable. You
[1:12:28] Speaker 3: just don't know what to expect. And I just love
[1:12:30] Speaker 3: when a man knows that. And it's like, listen, whatever
[1:12:32] Speaker 3: makes you comfortable. That's attractive.
[1:12:35] Speaker 5: Yeah, that should be. That should be.
[1:12:38] Speaker 8: Yeah, that's dope. Like you let him know he he
[1:12:41] Speaker 8: had this bit. That's a good dude. Yeah, that's a
[1:12:42] Speaker 8: good dude. This characters, You should pay attention character.
[1:12:46] Speaker 1: That's character.
[1:12:47] Speaker 7: Somebody don't show you that character, y'all you got to
[1:12:50] Speaker 7: be paying attention.
[1:12:51] Speaker 1: Yeah, just like you got the red flag, you got
[1:12:53] Speaker 1: the green ones. They mean go.
[1:12:56] Speaker 4: And just like y'all said earlier, like you've got to
[1:12:58] Speaker 4: pay attention to not only how they are with you you,
[1:13:00] Speaker 4: but how are they with anyone else. Because somebody can
[1:13:03] Speaker 4: be amazing to you. But then once you see them
[1:13:06] Speaker 4: around their friends, if they even got them friends, family,
[1:13:11] Speaker 4: co workers, business, anything like that. When you see people
[1:13:15] Speaker 4: in different environments, that's a really important part of life.
[1:13:18] Speaker 4: And that's something I have learned to pay a lot
[1:13:20] Speaker 4: more attention to. And I'm just very leery of anybody
[1:13:25] Speaker 4: who doesn't really have other people outside, Like if they
[1:13:29] Speaker 4: have a job, it's like your work people and whoever
[1:13:32] Speaker 4: you're dating, or if you don't have a job, and
[1:13:35] Speaker 4: maybe you're an entrepreneur, you're business partners and whoever you're dating,
[1:13:37] Speaker 4: if that's it, it's a red flag for me because like,
[1:13:40] Speaker 4: what else is going on unless you have kids or
[1:13:42] Speaker 4: like something else that should be taken because what do
[1:13:43] Speaker 4: you do all day? It seems like you terrorize women.
[1:13:46] Speaker 4: That's immediately where my mind goes. So, I mean, I
[1:13:49] Speaker 4: don't know. I probably I need to stop watching Dateline
[1:13:51] Speaker 4: before I go to bed. But I'm just saying y'all
[1:13:54] Speaker 4: should think about that too, like how are they with
[1:13:57] Speaker 4: the other people in their lives?
[1:13:58] Speaker 3: And consider that I was I was having a conversation
[1:14:01] Speaker 3: on Instagram the other day with myself.
[1:14:03] Speaker 1: It was just a video and the people.
[1:14:06] Speaker 4: Sometimes with some of the men it be the men folk.
[1:14:09] Speaker 3: I'm sorry, and they were just going in like you know,
[1:14:13] Speaker 3: y'all make dang so hard. Shouldn't be a difficult Yes
[1:14:15] Speaker 3: it should, Yes, it should because you should.
[1:14:17] Speaker 1: Be getting to know someone.
[1:14:18] Speaker 4: But what's difficult?
[1:14:20] Speaker 1: I just think people.
[1:14:20] Speaker 3: I think some people just don't want to answer questions.
[1:14:22] Speaker 3: Some people don't want you to know who they are.
[1:14:24] Speaker 3: Some people don't want you to have any type of expectation,
[1:14:27] Speaker 3: any type of moral any type of anything for yourself.
[1:14:30] Speaker 1: And it's like, no, it should.
[1:14:31] Speaker 3: This is when you decide to get into like a
[1:14:33] Speaker 3: real relationship with somebody, and the aspiration is marriage. That
[1:14:36] Speaker 3: is such a huge adult step. We just talked about
[1:14:39] Speaker 3: it this whole episode. You don't know what you're gonna
[1:14:41] Speaker 3: go through with somebody, so try to get as much
[1:14:44] Speaker 3: information as you can beforehand.
[1:14:47] Speaker 1: I just it should be a little bit difficult.
[1:14:49] Speaker 3: Yes, we should have fun, but if it starts to
[1:14:50] Speaker 3: get serious, I guess I'm just getting old. Now. It's
[1:14:53] Speaker 3: like I've been through the phase of like we fucking out,
[1:14:56] Speaker 3: and now.
[1:14:57] Speaker 1: It's like when you get you're like so much can
[1:14:59] Speaker 1: have been here. I'm just so thank you guy.
[1:15:03] Speaker 4: Yeah, Like there are people that are trapped with things
[1:15:07] Speaker 4: that you just fucked one night.
[1:15:09] Speaker 1: Master Child's father and grand forever.
[1:15:12] Speaker 4: You can't get rid of them. It's just like, oh
[1:15:17] Speaker 4: my god.
[1:15:17] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you need to.
[1:15:18] Speaker 3: Take it a little more seriously because I don't want
[1:15:20] Speaker 3: that to happen.
[1:15:22] Speaker 7: You know what I mean? Yeah, about who you spend
[1:15:28] Speaker 7: your time with.
[1:15:29] Speaker 3: I was I was listening to this podcast the other
[1:15:31] Speaker 3: day and the man talks about what makes a life rich,
[1:15:34] Speaker 3: and it had money was at the very end. It
[1:15:37] Speaker 3: wasn't one of the at the top of the thing.
[1:15:38] Speaker 3: Obviously you need money to live. But he talks about
[1:15:41] Speaker 3: how one of the most important things about a rich
[1:15:44] Speaker 3: life is your relationships. Who you spend the time, what
[1:15:47] Speaker 3: type of people are you spending your time with, And
[1:15:51] Speaker 3: look at those relationships and that'll tell you a lot
[1:15:53] Speaker 3: about where your life is headed, how you feel about yourself,
[1:15:57] Speaker 3: and just overall, like the aura that you exult.
[1:16:00] Speaker 1: Yeah, pay attention who you're around and dad, pay attention.
[1:16:05] Speaker 2: Yes, got you.
[1:16:05] Speaker 4: I definitely will say at my lowest points in life
[1:16:09] Speaker 4: thus far, when I look back now that I'm on
[1:16:12] Speaker 4: the other side of it, most times, when it took
[1:16:16] Speaker 4: what I feel like was too long to get through it,
[1:16:19] Speaker 4: I did not have a lot of good people that
[1:16:20] Speaker 4: I was talking to. The good people who I was
[1:16:23] Speaker 4: still connected to or attached to, I had either distanced
[1:16:26] Speaker 4: myself from them or they had distanced themselves from me
[1:16:29] Speaker 4: because maybe of how I was acting. And it's just
[1:16:32] Speaker 4: so different when you were happy and everything and looking
[1:16:35] Speaker 4: at your circle versus when you are unhappy, stuck, stagnant,
[1:16:40] Speaker 4: any of those things is very different. Y'all got pay
[1:16:42] Speaker 4: attention now, attention.
[1:16:45] Speaker 3: Okay, we're gonna move on to Indecisive Diane, And when
[1:16:49] Speaker 3: we come back, we have some advice that are our
[1:16:52] Speaker 3: good friends from Love and fly Ship podcasts gonna help
[1:16:55] Speaker 3: us answer.
[1:16:56] Speaker 4: It's time for us to talk about the great people
[1:16:58] Speaker 4: over at life are at you, guys. This has been
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[1:17:32] Speaker 4: limited to that. They have things for hair loss. I
[1:17:37] Speaker 4: think that there are things if you don't need to
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[1:18:01] Speaker 3: They are I feel like this is the first year
[1:18:03] Speaker 3: where I really was like intentionally ready for the summer
[1:18:06] Speaker 3: as far as like body goes.
[1:18:08] Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I lost my little way.
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[1:18:36] Speaker 3: So I'm not gonna just go like eat a bag
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[1:18:39] Speaker 3: ain't gonn know, you didn't get what you needed.
[1:18:42] Speaker 4: It may instead of living to.
[1:18:43] Speaker 1: Eat right, and so it feels good to look good.
[1:18:46] Speaker 3: You should be healthy, and those things just add to
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[1:18:53] Speaker 3: might be going through, you know what I mean, Like
[1:18:55] Speaker 3: sometimes you can you don't have control over certain things,
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[1:19:00] Speaker 3: think it's important that you take a stance towards it.
[1:19:03] Speaker 3: If you have a friend that's, you know, complaining about
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[1:19:36] Speaker 3: amazing product, So make sure you guys check it out.
[1:19:39] Speaker 3: Go to lifearx dot com, use co empty Liferx dot
[1:19:44] Speaker 3: MD use code Cocktails and you get fifty dollars off.
[1:19:48] Speaker 3: And if you decide you want to stop, you can stop.
[1:19:51] Speaker 3: But I don't think you will.
[1:19:52] Speaker 4: Yeah, you won't. No contracts, So like, join us, join
[1:19:56] Speaker 4: a life rx gang and tell them we sent you,
[1:19:59] Speaker 4: and now we'll get back to the show.
[1:20:03] Speaker 5: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants?
[1:20:05] Speaker 1: Stop thinking about what I want?
[1:20:07] Speaker 5: What do you want?
[1:20:07] Speaker 1: What your parents want?
[1:20:09] Speaker 5: What do you want? What do you want?
[1:20:12] Speaker 1: What do you want?
[1:20:15] Speaker 5: What do you want?
[1:20:20] Speaker 9: Hey, ladies, it's me Diane coming with you with another
[1:20:25] Speaker 9: trip suggestion. Okay, so maybe you want to get a
[1:20:28] Speaker 9: little nasty with your babe or solo. Go try some
[1:20:32] Speaker 9: Voyageous Voyager Voyager Experiences and watch a little Nasty Nasty
[1:20:38] Speaker 9: in Jamaica. Well, make sure you're book The Worst Behavior
[1:20:41] Speaker 9: tore in December with Kiki said, So tell her I
[1:20:45] Speaker 9: sent you, have a good time and wrap it up.
[1:20:48] Speaker 4: By all right, you guys, we are back and it's
[1:21:19] Speaker 4: time for the advice. If you have a question that
[1:21:21] Speaker 4: you would like to ask us on the show, make
[1:21:23] Speaker 4: sure you email us advice at cocktail spot dot com. Okay,
[1:21:26] Speaker 4: so this one says Heike Kia Medina. So I just
[1:21:29] Speaker 4: got married about eight months ago. We had a big,
[1:21:31] Speaker 4: beautiful wedding and honestly, my husband is amazing. He's thoughtful, funny,
[1:21:35] Speaker 4: and we rarely argue. The problem is I didn't expect
[1:21:38] Speaker 4: to feel single life fomo this soon. It's not that
[1:21:42] Speaker 4: I want to cheat or anything like that, but sometimes
[1:21:45] Speaker 4: when I see my single friends out traveling, brunching, and dating,
[1:21:48] Speaker 4: I feel like I jumped into the grown up married
[1:21:50] Speaker 4: lane too early. On top of that, some of my
[1:21:52] Speaker 4: friendships have shifted. My single girlfriends say I act married
[1:21:57] Speaker 4: now and don't invite me out as much, But my
[1:21:59] Speaker 4: husband's friends want us to double date all the time,
[1:22:02] Speaker 4: and I feel caught in between. I love my husband,
[1:22:04] Speaker 4: but sometimes I feel like I lost a little piece
[1:22:06] Speaker 4: of myself when I said I do My questions are
[1:22:09] Speaker 4: she got three? Is it normal? To feel like this
[1:22:12] Speaker 4: so soon into marriage. It's been eight months. How do
[1:22:16] Speaker 4: I balance wanting to be a good wife without feeling
[1:22:19] Speaker 4: like I've given up my single self? And should I
[1:22:22] Speaker 4: talk to my husband about it or keep it to
[1:22:23] Speaker 4: myself so he doesn't think I'm ungrateful? Please help? Before
[1:22:26] Speaker 4: I spiral signed blushing but confused.
[1:22:28] Speaker 1: Bride, that's honest, said what do I do? What did
[1:22:34] Speaker 1: I do?
[1:22:34] Speaker 8: That's honest? But yeah, she need to go to therapy.
[1:22:41] Speaker 1: He said, we can't.
[1:22:42] Speaker 4: We're not doing nothing.
[1:22:44] Speaker 8: You already having even a feeling about something different than
[1:22:49] Speaker 8: your husband.
[1:22:50] Speaker 5: It's eight months in, it's still fresh.
[1:22:52] Speaker 8: You can't figure out between if you should be kicking
[1:22:56] Speaker 8: it with your girlfriends.
[1:22:57] Speaker 5: You married.
[1:22:58] Speaker 8: Now you're in a whole nother life. Now you got
[1:22:59] Speaker 8: to let them go. They're still your friends. But if
[1:23:01] Speaker 8: they're not doing things that you can do as a
[1:23:03] Speaker 8: married woman, which is not that much because they still single,
[1:23:06] Speaker 8: kicking it and brunching, you gotta you gotta let them go.
[1:23:09] Speaker 8: And if you ain't, if you already jumped the broom
[1:23:12] Speaker 8: and ain't figured that out, you're doing you go to therapy.
[1:23:16] Speaker 1: We can't go to brunch.
[1:23:19] Speaker 8: I'm saying, no, No, you can go to brunch, but
[1:23:21] Speaker 8: she said they brunching and kicking.
[1:23:24] Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, civilized run.
[1:23:26] Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. You can go with your
[1:23:27] Speaker 1: single friends, do whatever you want.
[1:23:28] Speaker 8: But I'm saying if you can't understand that you marry
[1:23:31] Speaker 8: now and you can see the difference and you can't
[1:23:34] Speaker 8: really rock with them like that. I mean, that's even
[1:23:36] Speaker 8: for a man or woman. You gotta gotta kind of
[1:23:38] Speaker 8: cut that off a little bit because it's dangerous for
[1:23:41] Speaker 8: you to be out there, you know what I'm saying,
[1:23:43] Speaker 8: kicking it with your single friends brunching and drinking and
[1:23:46] Speaker 8: brushing out.
[1:23:47] Speaker 4: Okay, it depends on the person though, Like if she's saying,
[1:23:56] Speaker 4: I'm not thinking about you, she missed her friends, I'm wondering,
[1:23:59] Speaker 4: girl should be you know, and that your friends are,
[1:24:00] Speaker 4: like you act so married. Now are are you a
[1:24:03] Speaker 4: reform ho and now you.
[1:24:06] Speaker 3: That?
[1:24:07] Speaker 4: Or are you always talking about married stuff and like
[1:24:10] Speaker 4: putting your friends down for how they're acting when they're
[1:24:12] Speaker 4: not married, Because that's the other side that it could be.
[1:24:15] Speaker 4: You could be very condescending, self righteous even, and so
[1:24:19] Speaker 4: maybe you got to check your attitude. You getting invited out,
[1:24:21] Speaker 4: what's wrong with his friends because his friends said that
[1:24:24] Speaker 4: there's a double dates.
[1:24:26] Speaker 1: She doesn't want to just go on double.
[1:24:27] Speaker 5: Dates to.
[1:24:30] Speaker 8: It's something else exciting on this side.
[1:24:34] Speaker 3: Maybe y'all are having fun, Yeah, because why y'all ain't
[1:24:37] Speaker 3: doing shit.
[1:24:40] Speaker 7: I would be honest, like, I'd rather hang out with
[1:24:41] Speaker 7: him to hang out with my friends any day, or
[1:24:43] Speaker 7: all of us together like what they may. That's why
[1:24:46] Speaker 7: I've heard a lot of married couples say that you
[1:24:48] Speaker 7: have to hang out with other married couples because, first
[1:24:51] Speaker 7: of all, honestly, I don't believe a married woman could
[1:24:53] Speaker 7: just be hanging out with a whole of single girls.
[1:24:55] Speaker 7: At some point, y'all going out, y'all gonna get that
[1:24:57] Speaker 7: attention of another group of guys. You shouldn't even be
[1:25:00] Speaker 7: in that room with them, in that circle, in that section,
[1:25:02] Speaker 7: whatever you want to call it. Them God start coming
[1:25:04] Speaker 7: over and flirting with everybody like it's just it's just disrespectful.
[1:25:08] Speaker 7: I feel like that's just if you're doing it all
[1:25:10] Speaker 7: the time. Now, if it's somebody's birthday, yeah, but if
[1:25:14] Speaker 7: it's like that is going out every weekend, No, That's
[1:25:16] Speaker 7: why a lot of I mean Burtwell fellas talk together
[1:25:18] Speaker 7: like a lot of married couples that we've talked.
[1:25:19] Speaker 2: To on our podcast say they had to have.
[1:25:22] Speaker 7: Discernment with who they have in their life, and most
[1:25:24] Speaker 7: of the time it's like minded people or couples that are.
[1:25:28] Speaker 1: It goes back to the relationships.
[1:25:30] Speaker 3: I think that a lot of married people, if you're
[1:25:31] Speaker 3: not around other healthy married people, y'all all, everybody cheating,
[1:25:36] Speaker 3: the man cheating, you're not checking your friend because he
[1:25:37] Speaker 3: cheating them, Like it's like or what about.
[1:25:40] Speaker 4: The single people who are single but they respect y'all's union,
[1:25:45] Speaker 4: They respect the institute of marriage itself, and they're not
[1:25:48] Speaker 4: the wild friends? Are those? You still feel like, you.
[1:25:55] Speaker 7: Know, you know how you have some girls that when
[1:25:57] Speaker 7: y'all go out, she gonna be on her whole shit.
[1:25:59] Speaker 1: You know she's finna be smiling in all these guys' face.
[1:26:03] Speaker 4: We don't need the uber x L on the way
[1:26:04] Speaker 4: back because she's not riding along with somebody else. We
[1:26:07] Speaker 4: already know.
[1:26:08] Speaker 1: You know what it is.
[1:26:10] Speaker 3: And do you ever think that was difficult? I feel
[1:26:13] Speaker 3: like men don't really care, but like for women, when
[1:26:15] Speaker 3: you have to transition into like like married life, and
[1:26:18] Speaker 3: it's kind of like you are you distance yourself a
[1:26:21] Speaker 3: little bit. Do you think that's hard or sad or
[1:26:23] Speaker 3: like any of your girlfriends or like girl, we haven't
[1:26:26] Speaker 3: seen you.
[1:26:27] Speaker 2: For me, it came natural.
[1:26:28] Speaker 1: It wasn't harder said, okay, it was like this.
[1:26:32] Speaker 7: Man, like we didn't you know, we hadn't moved around,
[1:26:35] Speaker 7: like we're not we're not from We're not from Atlanta, Louis.
[1:26:39] Speaker 7: So this was my friend and I was doing all
[1:26:41] Speaker 7: the fun stuff before we got married. We was going
[1:26:43] Speaker 7: taking random trips to Miami, kicky, kicking hard.
[1:26:47] Speaker 1: We didn't really stop kicking it.
[1:26:48] Speaker 7: Soil we have we had kids, is even in we
[1:26:50] Speaker 7: do get a chance to get away, like we go hard.
[1:26:53] Speaker 1: So no, I would rather go.
[1:26:54] Speaker 7: I'm like, and then when I go with him, I
[1:26:56] Speaker 7: ain't gotta think like.
[1:27:00] Speaker 4: Yeah, talked about that a lot, like being able to
[1:27:02] Speaker 4: turn your brain off with you with the man. That's
[1:27:05] Speaker 4: the little thing that I wish.
[1:27:09] Speaker 1: I gotta.
[1:27:10] Speaker 7: It ain't even about the money, just about the fact
[1:27:12] Speaker 7: I don't have to handle nothing. It's just like I
[1:27:15] Speaker 7: don't even to ask, like I'm just in a car,
[1:27:17] Speaker 7: Like I want to just be in a car ride
[1:27:19] Speaker 7: with a bunch of girls that I got to look
[1:27:20] Speaker 7: out for, and I'm that super overprotective friend, Like I'm
[1:27:23] Speaker 7: the one that's like.
[1:27:25] Speaker 1: Like I'm watching everybody.
[1:27:27] Speaker 7: I don't hand on a swivel, like that's my head
[1:27:29] Speaker 7: is on a swibow. I'm a leo, so I'm naturally
[1:27:31] Speaker 7: like protective.
[1:27:32] Speaker 2: I'm that person. So when I'm with him, I don't
[1:27:34] Speaker 2: have to be that, Like I get to be a girl.
[1:27:36] Speaker 1: I feel good to hear her say that bad.
[1:27:39] Speaker 4: That's like, yeah, that's what I was trying to do.
[1:27:41] Speaker 4: I'm glad she's so.
[1:27:45] Speaker 1: I love it. Okay, do we answer answer over questions?
[1:27:49] Speaker 4: How do I balance wanting to be a good wife
[1:27:51] Speaker 4: without feeling like I've given up on my single self?
[1:27:54] Speaker 4: And should I talk?
[1:27:55] Speaker 1: Oh?
[1:27:55] Speaker 4: Should she talk to her husband about it?
[1:27:57] Speaker 5: For sure?
[1:27:58] Speaker 7: And what should she say exactly where she feels being
[1:28:02] Speaker 7: around the bus?
[1:28:04] Speaker 5: He needs to know, he needs to know so he
[1:28:05] Speaker 5: can make his decision or so they can.
[1:28:08] Speaker 1: Work on it, because maybe he's boring and he needed.
[1:28:11] Speaker 4: But that's the decision relationship.
[1:28:14] Speaker 5: Yeah problem, Well.
[1:28:16] Speaker 4: Good luck girl. Write us back and let us know
[1:28:19] Speaker 4: how it goes. Hopefully in the end of this, y'all
[1:28:21] Speaker 4: start having fun, taking trips and doing the things whatever
[1:28:23] Speaker 4: it is you want to do go in the brunch.
[1:28:24] Speaker 4: Maybe your friends can come and you can send us
[1:28:27] Speaker 4: a cocktail next time.
[1:28:29] Speaker 1: We hope it works out.
[1:28:30] Speaker 4: Yeah, so again, if you guys want to ask us
[1:28:32] Speaker 4: a question, said fights at cocktailspot dot com. And now
[1:28:35] Speaker 4: it's time for us to move on to the cocktails.
[1:28:39] Speaker 11: Uh but how do don't mean.
[1:28:49] Speaker 6: You think.
[1:28:52] Speaker 2: Is some cash and pace it?
[1:28:57] Speaker 4: Once upon a time, not long ago, I was a pop.
[1:29:03] Speaker 4: If you have a cocktail that you maybe want us
[1:29:05] Speaker 4: to read on the show, make sure you send it
[1:29:07] Speaker 4: in cocktails at cocktailspot dot com. That's c O C
[1:29:10] Speaker 4: K T A l E. S all right, you guys,
[1:29:14] Speaker 4: do y'all have a cocktail for us today?
[1:29:18] Speaker 3: This is the story that you share, that is, you
[1:29:20] Speaker 3: can even share. You're a combined one. Maybe how he proposed?
[1:29:24] Speaker 3: Maybe y'all first date, maybe the last date? Maybe if
[1:29:28] Speaker 3: you'll ever read a threesome.
[1:29:37] Speaker 2: Shoot and it doesn't have to.
[1:29:42] Speaker 10: Be wild, embarrassing, romantic? Sweet sweet, I don't know what
[1:29:53] Speaker 10: I can say?
[1:29:59] Speaker 5: You got, I follow your.
[1:30:00] Speaker 4: Leag What y'all got much of a team?
[1:30:03] Speaker 3: Y'all? She's like, no, no, it could be adventurous, sporadic, random.
[1:30:16] Speaker 4: A good surprise that either one of you did for
[1:30:18] Speaker 4: the other. I love a good surprise story.
[1:30:22] Speaker 8: Well, I say, when when you like one. My partner
[1:30:25] Speaker 8: came to town one time. It was my birthday. We're
[1:30:28] Speaker 8: finna go out, and my party was finna go out
[1:30:30] Speaker 8: and kick it hard for my birthday. Had clubs playing out,
[1:30:34] Speaker 8: all kinds of things. Just surprised me with a plane
[1:30:38] Speaker 8: tickets to New York to a Jay Z concert.
[1:30:42] Speaker 5: He was on the floor. Man.
[1:30:45] Speaker 8: We hit some fine restaurants. I can't even think of
[1:30:48] Speaker 8: all the places we went. Strip clubs, fell Aslip, strip Club,
[1:30:53] Speaker 8: fell It was a good night.
[1:30:56] Speaker 5: Man. That was probably one of the It was my birthday,
[1:30:59] Speaker 5: but that was my.
[1:31:00] Speaker 1: Best like that was and she surprised you. He had
[1:31:06] Speaker 1: never even been in there.
[1:31:07] Speaker 8: I had been Wow, didn't know I was going. Had
[1:31:10] Speaker 8: my partner were finished, go kick it? I had the
[1:31:12] Speaker 8: whole weekend playing what we's.
[1:31:13] Speaker 5: Finna do it? She surprised me, baby, that was that
[1:31:16] Speaker 5: was big to me.
[1:31:18] Speaker 4: That what your partner say.
[1:31:21] Speaker 5: I told he gotta go home. I'm like, bro, I'm
[1:31:22] Speaker 5: going to New York in the morning.
[1:31:24] Speaker 8: That ship he was finna do we ain't doing It's like,
[1:31:27] Speaker 8: damn go home, man, I.
[1:31:31] Speaker 7: Can take so that brings me to what I can
[1:31:33] Speaker 7: think of. That was a super sweet, kind of surprised.
[1:31:36] Speaker 7: It was my birthday, this was this was before that though.
[1:31:39] Speaker 5: Okay, he this is when we were We were.
[1:31:43] Speaker 7: In Chicago, but he was out of town for like
[1:31:46] Speaker 7: a week or two before her birthday and he came
[1:31:48] Speaker 7: back in town on my birthday.
[1:31:50] Speaker 2: And so you know, when it's when.
[1:31:52] Speaker 7: They be going that long, the first thing you're gonna
[1:31:54] Speaker 7: do when he hit that doors, take them clothes off.
[1:31:57] Speaker 1: It's time to get it on. You know.
[1:31:58] Speaker 7: I was so excited to him, old baby, come here,
[1:32:01] Speaker 7: come here. And so you know, he's laying in the
[1:32:03] Speaker 7: bed and he was like, you didn't even know notice.
[1:32:06] Speaker 7: Oh he gave me a birthday present.
[1:32:07] Speaker 2: It was a bag.
[1:32:08] Speaker 7: He had bag and it was so cute, right, and
[1:32:10] Speaker 7: then we got to it. So we laying in the bed,
[1:32:12] Speaker 7: we kids sat hugging. He was like, you didn't even
[1:32:14] Speaker 7: notice my other birthday present?
[1:32:15] Speaker 1: And I was like, what is it? And I looked
[1:32:18] Speaker 1: at him and I was like, what is it?
[1:32:21] Speaker 7: And I just looked at him, and all of a sudden,
[1:32:23] Speaker 7: I noticed that he had gotten my name tatted on
[1:32:25] Speaker 7: his chin. Yeah, he's full fully covered from here on
[1:32:33] Speaker 7: to here, his arms everything, but all his other tattoos
[1:32:35] Speaker 7: are black.
[1:32:36] Speaker 2: And my name was in red on his heart.
[1:32:38] Speaker 4: You know it's real.
[1:32:39] Speaker 7: Yeah, we're already married. No, we weren't even engage yet.
[1:32:43] Speaker 7: This was before we even got it.
[1:32:47] Speaker 1: Did you cry? I don't know, did I?
[1:32:49] Speaker 7: I think I was just too happy. He definitely got
[1:32:55] Speaker 7: some extra hair that night. Yeah, even have to do that.
[1:33:00] Speaker 7: It was like so unexpected that we had never talked
[1:33:04] Speaker 7: about getting our names tattooed on each other. Sure enough,
[1:33:07] Speaker 7: after that, I went and got his name tattooed on me.
[1:33:09] Speaker 7: He got my name on his heart right here, but
[1:33:11] Speaker 7: I wouldn't have got like, are notwhere?
[1:33:17] Speaker 1: And this is all before we got married in woww
[1:33:26] Speaker 1: story And you know we had some intad.
[1:33:31] Speaker 3: Y'all make people feel special on their birthday, like.
[1:33:36] Speaker 4: You want to you want to sit by somebody, y'all
[1:33:38] Speaker 4: just keep cheesing at each other.
[1:33:41] Speaker 1: And honestly, even.
[1:33:42] Speaker 3: If somebody, if your person is like, you don't have
[1:33:44] Speaker 3: to do anything. If your man is like, you don't
[1:33:45] Speaker 3: have to give me do something.
[1:33:46] Speaker 5: For the man.
[1:33:49] Speaker 3: If you need ideas, please slide on my dms. I
[1:33:51] Speaker 3: have a ton of them that I've done for several men.
[1:33:53] Speaker 3: Just I'll give you all the links and all the things.
[1:33:56] Speaker 1: Y'all. Thank you so much for joining us.
[1:33:58] Speaker 3: It was so refreshing to have happy marriage smiling y'all
[1:34:02] Speaker 3: couldn't start looking at each other.
[1:34:04] Speaker 1: Thank you so much for fake. Let everybody know where
[1:34:07] Speaker 1: they can keep up what.
[1:34:08] Speaker 3: You got coming up, Instagram's websites. Anything you want to
[1:34:10] Speaker 3: plug right now?
[1:34:11] Speaker 1: Yes, so you can follow us on Instagram.
[1:34:13] Speaker 2: Minds is Jenna dot Nea.
[1:34:15] Speaker 8: That's j e n n A dot n i A
[1:34:18] Speaker 8: and I'm stacks with a Z s mm.
[1:34:21] Speaker 7: And also, of course follow our podcast Love and flas Ship,
[1:34:24] Speaker 7: where we talk all things love and flas shit.
[1:34:27] Speaker 2: We tell you our love story.
[1:34:28] Speaker 1: We got more stories, y'all.
[1:34:29] Speaker 7: It's been a long time, and we've also interviewed a
[1:34:31] Speaker 7: lot of other couples and singles who share their love stories,
[1:34:35] Speaker 7: the ups, the downs, the good, the bad, the ugly.
[1:34:38] Speaker 7: And that Instagram is at Love and flash Ship without
[1:34:42] Speaker 7: the I YouTube Love and flash Everything is love and
[1:34:45] Speaker 7: Flashy TikTok Love and flash It without the eye.
[1:34:47] Speaker 1: But thank y'all so much. Y'all have some amazing questions.
[1:34:53] Speaker 5: Good question, Love is flad.
[1:34:54] Speaker 1: We're gonna we're.
[1:34:55] Speaker 7: Gonna reverse it, love and flash it.
[1:34:59] Speaker 1: We're working on it, y'a.
[1:35:00] Speaker 2: And yeah, we appreciate.
[1:35:02] Speaker 1: We have some gifts for y'all, will give you. Got
[1:35:06] Speaker 1: anything else side Kiki, No, that's it.
[1:35:08] Speaker 4: I just want to make sure that you guys remember
[1:35:10] Speaker 4: check the description box because we do have other things
[1:35:12] Speaker 4: going on, but we didn't want to cut them off,
[1:35:16] Speaker 4: so it's in a description box. Click the link, don't
[1:35:19] Speaker 4: dm us if the link is there, and follow us
[1:35:22] Speaker 4: at Cocktails Podcast. I'm at Kiki said so, and until
[1:35:26] Speaker 4: next week, you guys, goodbye.
[1:35:28] Speaker 9: Goodbye, bye bye bye dot dot Brown relation

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