# EP. 422 "LISTENER APPRECIATION" FT. VERONICA TORRES

An episode of [Cocktales with Kiki](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1149484402), 30 Nov 2024, 1 h 23 min.

Audio: https://op3.dev/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/pdst.fm/e/claritaspod.com/measure/pscrb.fm/rss/p/mgln.ai/e/p5972/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/63074811/422_listener_appreciation.mp3

What happens when you blend coconut rum, lime juice, lavender syrup, and Prosecco Rosé? You get the delicious Velvet Sunset cocktail, a perfect companion for our lively chat with Veronica Torres, an Atlanta-based lash tech and avid listener of our show. Veronica shares her inspiring journey from North Carolina to Atlanta while we sip our way through her story and the serendipity of discovering our podcast through her sister. Her vibrant personality and unique perspective make this listener appreciation episode one for the books, as we bond over shared memes and laughter. Relationships are a complex dance of boundaries and love languages, and we're not shying away from the tough topics. We dive into the importance of understanding one's love language and how it evolves over time, discussing how to strike a balance between quality time and personal space with your partner. From weekend getaways to heart-to-heart conversations, we explore how road trips and adventures can either strengthen or challenge bonds, offering a unique lens on the ever-changing nature of love and connection. From the varied world of cultural cuisines to the quirks of personal grooming, this episode is a colorful tapestry of experiences and insights. We tackle topics like unusual fetishes and the journey of self-love and validation, emphasizing the importance of open communication in all relationships. With personal stories of overcoming trauma and breaking negative cycles for the sake of our children, we encourage listeners to focus on building supportive communities and setting positive examples. Join us for a heartfelt conversation packed with laughs, lessons, and a whole lot of love. Try out OSEA and use code COCKTALES: https://oseamalibu.com/pages/black-friday-2024?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=influencer&utm_campaign=112024_BFCM_CocktalesDirtyDiscussion Follow Us @cocktalespodcast @kikisaidso @coffeebeandean Follow Our Guest @timelessacademyatl Visit soakingwet.com and use code "COCKTALES” for 10% off Try VIIA! https://bit.ly/viiacocktales and use code COCKTALES! Join Kiki In Curacao- https://www.seekdharma.com/trips/kikis-travel-tribe/ Join Medinah in ICosta Rica- www.paradiseandvibe.com For all promo codes and links for promotions in the episode, follow this link: https://linktr.ee/cocktalesads Contact Us! Advice: advice@cocktalespod.com Cocktales: cocktales@cocktalespod.com Weird Sex: weirdsex@cocktalespod.com Live Show Sponsorship: sales@cocktalespod.com Guest Request/ General Inquiries info@cocktalespod.com Get your Vesper and other Jewelry From Crave https://lovecrave.com/cocktales Get Your Merch & Pre-Order Your Card Game Purchase Merch (Next Drop Arrives December 2024) www.imcurioustoknow.com Get Klassy Baste! Learn to Cook with Kiki www.klassybaste.com Join Kiki's Book Club- October's Book- The Stillwater Girls https://www.patreon.com/kikisaidso Travel with Kiki! We're going to Curacao! Reserve Your Spot Here! Travel With Medinah! Visit ParadiseandVibe.com Interested in sponsoring? Contact sales@cocktalespod.com today! Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cocktales-with-kiki--2818687/support. CONNECT WITH US Follow the host and join the conversation after the episode: Kiki Said So (Kiara Walker) Instagram: @kikisaidso TikTok: @kikisaidso Cocktales With Kiki Instagram:@cocktalespodcast TikTok: @cocktalespodcast Want to be a guest on Cocktales? We are always looking for interesting guests, experts, and storytellers to join the show. If you would like to be considered, please fill out our guest submission form here: Guest Interest Form

## Transcript

[0:02] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Check one two, check one two. Is this
[0:04] Speaker 1: Mike On? Is this Mike On?
[0:06] Speaker 2: Hey?
[0:06] Speaker 1: Listen man, it's the one and only Trends set of
[0:08] Speaker 1: DJ SIS and you're listening to Cocktails Dirty Discussions with
[0:12] Speaker 1: Kikia Medina Monroe.
[0:14] Speaker 3: Here today's cocktail. It is called the Velvet Sunset. What
[0:22] Speaker 3: you're gonna need to make a velvet sunset is one
[0:26] Speaker 3: and a half ounces of coconut rum, a half an
[0:28] Speaker 3: ounce of lavender syrup, a half ounce of lime juice
[0:33] Speaker 3: freshly squeezed is best, but you know how we do
[0:35] Speaker 3: it over here, and then you're going to need about
[0:37] Speaker 3: four to five ounces of rose prosecco. So what you're
[0:41] Speaker 3: gonna do is you're gonna take the malibu rum first.
[0:44] Speaker 3: You will need a cocktail shaker for this, just to
[0:46] Speaker 3: get everything all mixed up. So one and a half
[0:51] Speaker 3: ounces of this, and then we'll add in the half
[0:55] Speaker 3: ounce of lavender syrup and half ounce of lime juice. Okay,
[1:08] Speaker 3: we're gonna shake this up. There's no ice because the
[1:14] Speaker 3: prosecco's already cold. We will put this in our flute
[1:22] Speaker 3: that's so pretty, and then we'll top it off with
[1:25] Speaker 3: some rose prosecco. Well should have known anyway, that is
[1:37] Speaker 3: a velvet sunset.
[1:39] Speaker 1: Cheers, well, cheers, take a little tasty cheers. Cheers Veronica Sha. Okay,
[1:47] Speaker 1: we'll introduce our guests in a second. Let us taste
[1:49] Speaker 1: our drink.
[1:50] Speaker 3: Welcome back to cocktails. Jerry discussions you guys.
[1:53] Speaker 1: I am Kiki said so, and I am Medina mine raw.
[1:58] Speaker 1: How are you doing okay? You know life has been
[2:02] Speaker 1: lifing a little bit, uh huh, but I was. I
[2:05] Speaker 1: went to Iceland, and Iceland is a very healing environment.
[2:10] Speaker 1: It was beautiful, it was amazing. I think this was
[2:13] Speaker 1: the first trip that I've been on where I was
[2:15] Speaker 1: actually thoroughly prepared because even though I don't mind the cold,
[2:19] Speaker 1: I don't like being cold, right, girl, I've never been
[2:21] Speaker 1: so I didn't overpack, I didn't underpack. I was thoroughly prepared.
[2:25] Speaker 1: I wore this little hat in Iceland, and I said
[2:27] Speaker 1: I'm gonna wear it to record because I'm still in
[2:29] Speaker 1: an Iceland spirit. I feel like a little Viking. But
[2:34] Speaker 1: I'll talk more about icing icing Iceland after for maybe
[2:39] Speaker 1: next week.
[2:40] Speaker 3: How are you I am doing well. I am dogs
[2:43] Speaker 3: hired today, but it's a good day. I've been having
[2:47] Speaker 3: a good week and the drink is good, and I'm
[2:51] Speaker 3: just trying that to complain too much and be happy.
[2:54] Speaker 3: But I cannot wait to go home and go to sleep.
[2:56] Speaker 3: I have to tell you, I know I'm gonna sleep
[2:58] Speaker 3: good today. We're gonna knock these episodes out. I have
[3:00] Speaker 3: a great conversation with Miss Veronica Torres.
[3:03] Speaker 2: How are you hi?
[3:05] Speaker 1: Hi?
[3:06] Speaker 2: Veronica Hi?
[3:08] Speaker 1: I would have Van By the way, this week is
[3:12] Speaker 1: a listener appreciation episode, and so this is our girl, Veronica.
[3:16] Speaker 1: She is an amazing lash tech in Atlanta. She does
[3:19] Speaker 1: my lashes and it's really dope. How we met we
[3:22] Speaker 1: both went to an event I don't really know what to.
[3:24] Speaker 2: Call it, Alex making cocktail.
[3:27] Speaker 1: Yeah, that Alex. Jackie's been on the show too. He
[3:29] Speaker 1: did a cocktail making class. It was very sexy, very classy,
[3:31] Speaker 1: very demir and I met Veronica there and when we
[3:35] Speaker 1: were there, she was like, I actually listened to your show.
[3:37] Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Like I feel like I've manifested you
[3:39] Speaker 1: into my life because I moved to Atlanta, and I
[3:41] Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna meet them, and you had met
[3:43] Speaker 1: half of us me and then you met Keki at
[3:46] Speaker 1: the live taping and she did my lashes and I
[3:49] Speaker 1: just fell in love with her vibe, her energy. She
[3:51] Speaker 1: has been to church with me. We've really been connected.
[3:54] Speaker 1: We'd be sending each.
[3:54] Speaker 2: Other and means literally day one, day one.
[3:57] Speaker 1: You know, when you start sending people memes, it's real.
[4:00] Speaker 3: Yeah, I love doing that.
[4:01] Speaker 1: It was locked in.
[4:02] Speaker 2: Yeah. I remember whenever you were introducing yourself and you
[4:06] Speaker 2: were like, yeah, I'm Medina.
[4:08] Speaker 3: I record podcasts.
[4:09] Speaker 2: Like you know their discussion with Medina. I had to
[4:13] Speaker 2: stop you almost like there's no way what.
[4:18] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[4:18] Speaker 2: Ever since then, it's we've been locked in.
[4:21] Speaker 3: I love so. I heard you say, will you say
[4:25] Speaker 3: that she just moved here? Where'd you move from?
[4:26] Speaker 2: North Carolina?
[4:28] Speaker 1: Okay? Yeah?
[4:29] Speaker 3: What made you move?
[4:30] Speaker 2: Oh?
[4:30] Speaker 1: Atlanta?
[4:31] Speaker 2: I mean it's full of opportunities, I feel like, and
[4:34] Speaker 2: Asheville is so small, which it just got affected by
[4:37] Speaker 2: the hurricane and so sad, but it's just like not
[4:40] Speaker 2: a lot of opportunities for growth and not a lot
[4:42] Speaker 2: of exposure. And I like scaled to like the very
[4:46] Speaker 2: top of what I could scale to go. Yeah, I
[4:50] Speaker 2: gotta go. And I moved here over a year ago,
[4:54] Speaker 2: and I mean I've been thriving ever since.
[4:57] Speaker 3: And I've been meeting some people and I love it.
[5:00] Speaker 1: Can you be outside? I don't know what you actually
[5:02] Speaker 1: been doing when you're outside, but every time I look
[5:03] Speaker 1: at your Instagram picts, I'm like, what it?
[5:05] Speaker 3: Where?
[5:05] Speaker 1: Where are you going? Stuff?
[5:08] Speaker 3: Have you been doing?
[5:09] Speaker 2: I've been outside, like I said, living.
[5:12] Speaker 1: Her best single?
[5:14] Speaker 2: Yeah. I So it's funny because as chat GBT to
[5:17] Speaker 2: like rate my Instagram and they're like, yeah, you're living
[5:20] Speaker 2: the lifestyle that like everybody should luxury lifestyle. Uh huh yeah,
[5:25] Speaker 2: I do feel like it.
[5:26] Speaker 1: It looks like I hope you're happy. I wanted to
[5:30] Speaker 1: ask you how you first heard about cocktails.
[5:33] Speaker 2: So I'm gonna have to give my sister credit. Rebecca.
[5:36] Speaker 2: She was like, yo, she was traveling constantly between like
[5:40] Speaker 2: North Carolina and Alabama, so she like is big on podcasts.
[5:43] Speaker 2: She found you guys. She listened to you guys for
[5:46] Speaker 2: like six hours. She was like you will love them, okay,
[5:50] Speaker 2: And then I was like, all right, cool, Like I'm
[5:52] Speaker 2: a lash artist. I work twelve hour days.
[5:55] Speaker 1: Why not the last text keep podcast thriving? Really, y'all,
[5:59] Speaker 1: really your little risk just be all day movie. All
[6:02] Speaker 1: you can do is listen to something yeah, when you're
[6:05] Speaker 1: getting your lashes then, or do you talk or are
[6:07] Speaker 1: you sleep?
[6:08] Speaker 3: The last person that was doing my lashes, she wouldn't
[6:11] Speaker 3: let me sleep. She'd like to talk a lot, and
[6:13] Speaker 3: we had some good combos. But I used to always
[6:16] Speaker 3: take naps, and there was the one lady she stopped
[6:19] Speaker 3: doing lashes. But I would like fall asleep and be
[6:22] Speaker 3: so knocked out, so comfortable in there. I would start snoring.
[6:24] Speaker 3: And one time I woke myself up in a snore
[6:27] Speaker 3: and she was on Instagram live like interacting with somebody else. Yeah,
[6:34] Speaker 3: somebody was like, who is that story? She was like, oh,
[6:36] Speaker 3: that's my client. She'd be knocked out, and then I
[6:37] Speaker 3: woke up and I was like so embarrassed. I mean,
[6:40] Speaker 3: they couldn't see me, but they could definitely hear me.
[6:42] Speaker 3: And I know I was snoring hard because I woke
[6:44] Speaker 3: myself up. Oh, so you know it's a mixed.
[6:48] Speaker 1: I go to sleep.
[6:49] Speaker 2: I used to be a yapper and then I'm like,
[6:51] Speaker 2: you got fifteen minutes before I really will snooze.
[6:54] Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like there for an hour plus. Let me
[6:57] Speaker 3: get my little nap in.
[6:58] Speaker 1: We be talking. It'd be a lot to talk about
[7:01] Speaker 1: it it's.
[7:01] Speaker 2: Early mornings that we are in and it's like eight fifteen,
[7:05] Speaker 2: so it's like caffeinated already, and then yeah.
[7:08] Speaker 1: Yeah we'd be going through day. We need to talk. Okay, Veranka,
[7:13] Speaker 1: are you single?
[7:14] Speaker 2: Okay? How should I answer this?
[7:16] Speaker 3: Uh?
[7:17] Speaker 1: You know, I'm trying to try my hand at matchmaking.
[7:20] Speaker 2: Okay, So I am single. I feel like you are
[7:22] Speaker 2: single until like you're married. Yeah, there's a ring on
[7:25] Speaker 2: your fingers, there's not. But I am very but I
[7:35] Speaker 2: am very interested in somebody at the moment.
[7:38] Speaker 3: Okay, so you're actively dating.
[7:40] Speaker 1: I'm actively dating you smiling. Okay, then we won't put
[7:46] Speaker 1: you out because I was gonna be like, she's looking out,
[7:47] Speaker 1: but no, she's not. She's happy and that makes me
[7:51] Speaker 1: happy because so often you hear people say, especially in Atlanta,
[7:53] Speaker 1: the dating is trash, and I'm trying to I'm trying
[7:56] Speaker 1: to change that rhetoric.
[7:57] Speaker 2: I had that experience too, though, so am I.
[7:59] Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah, you know it's a part
[8:02] Speaker 1: of it.
[8:02] Speaker 3: Just got to change your groups.
[8:04] Speaker 2: I feel like that is really big.
[8:05] Speaker 3: Switch it up.
[8:06] Speaker 1: Switch it up.
[8:07] Speaker 2: Yeah, and the areas that you're constantly like going outside to,
[8:11] Speaker 2: which I had to switch that up to.
[8:13] Speaker 1: We all did girl okay, before we move on to play,
[8:17] Speaker 1: I'm curious to know. I wanted to just remind everybody
[8:19] Speaker 1: if you're interested in coming to Costa Rica with me
[8:22] Speaker 1: Paradise and Vibe and Elizabeth Gilbert, please go to Paradise
[8:25] Speaker 1: and Vibe dot com. We're going December twenty eighth through
[8:27] Speaker 1: January third. I believe those dates might be wrong, but
[8:30] Speaker 1: we'll definitely be there for New Year's Eve. I would
[8:32] Speaker 1: love it if you came. It's going to be healing,
[8:34] Speaker 1: a slight little turn up, and it's Costa Rica. Good food,
[8:36] Speaker 1: good people. They got a blues on there. Go to
[8:38] Speaker 1: Paradise and Vibe dot com and come with me.
[8:41] Speaker 3: And if you guys are interested in planning out your
[8:43] Speaker 3: twenty twenty five, March nineteenth through the twenty third, I
[8:46] Speaker 3: will be hosting a trip and we are going too
[8:48] Speaker 3: curious out. We're going to have an excellent time. We're
[8:51] Speaker 3: going to have some relaxation, but we're also going to
[8:53] Speaker 3: get outside and do some activities. We've got a cooking
[8:55] Speaker 3: class plan, We're going to go to some beach clubs,
[8:58] Speaker 3: we have a yacht day. It's going to be a
[9:00] Speaker 3: good time. There's only five spots left, so please hurry
[9:03] Speaker 3: up and sign up. If you click the link in
[9:05] Speaker 3: the description, you can sign up and you can reserve
[9:07] Speaker 3: your spot for as well as a three hundred dollars deposit.
[9:10] Speaker 3: So check it out and now we'll play. I'm curious
[9:13] Speaker 3: to know with you so we can get more in
[9:15] Speaker 3: your business this, okay, Veronica.
[9:18] Speaker 1: One of my friends told me while we were in Iceland.
[9:20] Speaker 1: He was like, I played this with a new bay.
[9:22] Speaker 1: He was like, y'all really got some deeply goes from
[9:26] Speaker 1: deep to nasty. I was like, yeah, well that's light okay,
[9:32] Speaker 1: So I'll go first, Veronica, I'm curious to know what
[9:34] Speaker 1: is your dream vacation vacation.
[9:39] Speaker 2: I don't think I thought that far. I mean, actually no,
[9:42] Speaker 2: I did, because my even my dream like wedding is
[9:45] Speaker 2: in Lake Como to Italy. I am like, very chill.
[9:49] Speaker 2: I don't like the beach too much. I do like mountains,
[9:53] Speaker 2: lakes and Italy. Mm hmmm, so lake Como okay.
[9:58] Speaker 1: A nice spot is rich?
[10:02] Speaker 3: Definitely rich, luxury okay. Do you have a specific type
[10:06] Speaker 3: and describe him in great detail? Hype. It could be
[10:13] Speaker 3: physical or mens well either.
[10:15] Speaker 2: Way, definitely all okay, got to be about six foot. Sorry,
[10:20] Speaker 2: I gotta be that one person. Hype does matter. I've
[10:24] Speaker 2: only dated honestly tall guys above like up to six ten,
[10:30] Speaker 2: But the one that I'm currently dating is like six
[10:34] Speaker 2: ' four.
[10:35] Speaker 1: Have you said that the taller they are when you
[10:37] Speaker 1: get to that six six in uprange, it's a lot going.
[10:43] Speaker 1: It's like.
[10:45] Speaker 2: Two different.
[10:48] Speaker 1: It's like, all right, but somebody else can have it.
[10:50] Speaker 1: I can't handle it. No, I don't think.
[10:53] Speaker 2: I ever got to that point. I think, I mean,
[10:56] Speaker 2: I do like my talkings, but I also I mean
[10:59] Speaker 2: I date, I date black guys.
[11:02] Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
[11:04] Speaker 2: Now this one I'm dating is mixed.
[11:07] Speaker 1: White and black, Spanish and black. Okay, is he white
[11:10] Speaker 1: mo mixed or black mom mixed. He's black mixed. Okay.
[11:14] Speaker 1: You know it's the difference sometimes.
[11:18] Speaker 2: But I also I need him to be a leader,
[11:21] Speaker 2: high intellectual, empathetic, showing vulnerability, honestly charismatic, and just somebody
[11:33] Speaker 2: that I can joke around with.
[11:34] Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Yeah, I love it. It's okay, Veronic. I'm
[11:38] Speaker 1: curious to know, have you ever broken someone's heart? And
[11:41] Speaker 1: will you tell us about it?
[11:43] Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
[11:46] Speaker 1: Everybody want to talk about when their heart got broken.
[11:48] Speaker 1: But when you want to talk with who broke, I
[11:52] Speaker 1: feel like.
[11:52] Speaker 3: I've broken you.
[11:54] Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie. I feel like I mean, at
[11:56] Speaker 2: some point I was like the red flag, you know,
[11:59] Speaker 2: you were the Yeah, because like, although I'm so like
[12:03] Speaker 2: loving and so sweet, like unintentionally, I'm gonna lead you
[12:06] Speaker 2: on because I don't know how to break it off
[12:09] Speaker 2: and I'm gonna go go smode And that's the only
[12:11] Speaker 2: way I used to know how to like break cards
[12:15] Speaker 2: and then just never talk to them again.
[12:17] Speaker 3: Yeah, somebody's gonna see this clip and be like how
[12:22] Speaker 3: much I was listening to her?
[12:24] Speaker 2: I was admitting on a podcast. Yeah, yeah, that's happened.
[12:29] Speaker 3: Do you think it's okay to remain friends with an
[12:32] Speaker 3: ex when you're in a new relationship? You said that
[12:36] Speaker 3: quick as it happened where you found out that somebody
[12:39] Speaker 3: you were with was still very close friends with an ex.
[12:43] Speaker 2: I don't think so. But you know, boundary, But I
[12:46] Speaker 2: know boundaries like I know because at the end of
[12:48] Speaker 2: the day, it's like, if we are not in a
[12:51] Speaker 2: good spy, you're probably gonna go to her m M.
[12:54] Speaker 2: Then that's just found.
[12:55] Speaker 3: So yeah, I can understand that yeah.
[12:58] Speaker 1: Okay, I'm curious to know. Do you know your love language?
[13:03] Speaker 2: You know what's crazy is quality time is like a
[13:05] Speaker 2: big one for me. But then I'm like, if it's
[13:07] Speaker 2: too much quality time, I like, you know, isolate.
[13:13] Speaker 3: Yeah, it can become.
[13:15] Speaker 2: Quality time, physical touch and acts of service. It's a
[13:19] Speaker 2: big one.
[13:19] Speaker 1: I think if I were to retake the test now,
[13:22] Speaker 1: because it's always different, it's always changing depending on what
[13:25] Speaker 1: type of season you're in, what you're going through right now.
[13:28] Speaker 1: If I were to take the test, I think it
[13:29] Speaker 1: would be words of affirmation, which that used to never
[13:33] Speaker 1: be my It used to never score high in that part.
[13:36] Speaker 1: And but now I'm at a point in my life
[13:37] Speaker 1: where it's like, oh no, I need to hear some stuff.
[13:39] Speaker 1: I definitely need to be reassured a lot.
[13:43] Speaker 3: Mine would be acts of service and I give that
[13:47] Speaker 3: more now. It used to be quality time. And then
[13:50] Speaker 3: I realized maybe I don't like quality time that much
[13:52] Speaker 3: because my dear, quality time, I feel you on that
[13:54] Speaker 3: it can be a little bit smothering.
[13:56] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[13:56] Speaker 3: I do enjoy it though, but sometimes people think quality
[14:01] Speaker 3: time just means time. Don't forget the quality part. Quality
[14:06] Speaker 3: because if we're spending so much time that we're expiritating
[14:08] Speaker 3: each other and now we're bickery. It's like that was
[14:11] Speaker 3: not good quality. Yeah, what do y'all think?
[14:14] Speaker 1: Because maybe somebody is watching this and they're like, well,
[14:16] Speaker 1: I thought that, you know, as Netflix might be quality time?
[14:20] Speaker 1: Like what do y'all what would a quality time date
[14:22] Speaker 1: be for you? And what would a quality time date
[14:24] Speaker 1: be for you?
[14:24] Speaker 3: Are you saying quality time like we're not going nowhere?
[14:27] Speaker 1: Just whatever it would be for you, because everybody's just different.
[14:30] Speaker 3: A quality time date it could really be any activity.
[14:34] Speaker 3: I just don't want what we're doing during that time.
[14:37] Speaker 3: I want to have good conversation. If there is silence,
[14:40] Speaker 3: I don't want anyone to feel anxious or start getting
[14:43] Speaker 3: in their head and wondering why no one's talking. Sometimes
[14:45] Speaker 3: it's nice to just be in someone's presence and enjoy
[14:48] Speaker 3: their company while you're doing something else, Like I don't
[14:50] Speaker 3: need you to talk to me throughout the movie. We're
[14:52] Speaker 3: watching a movie and we're enjoying it. We can talk
[14:54] Speaker 3: about it later. I like watching movies and TV shows.
[14:57] Speaker 3: I wouldn't be mad at Netflix with some one if
[15:00] Speaker 3: I didn't feel like getting out or he didn't feel
[15:02] Speaker 3: like getting out, you know, I think just making sure
[15:04] Speaker 3: that we when we aren't talking, it's a good quality conversation,
[15:08] Speaker 3: not bickering over stuff, and talk about things that mean
[15:11] Speaker 3: something to each other.
[15:14] Speaker 1: What about you?
[15:15] Speaker 2: Quality time. I like to go on dates, whether it's
[15:18] Speaker 2: lunch or brunch, when I'm getting to know somebody. I
[15:22] Speaker 2: actually avoid dinner dates just because it's like it's too intimate.
[15:27] Speaker 2: So like after two months, all right, maybe we can
[15:29] Speaker 2: go on a little dinner date. Keep it like private
[15:31] Speaker 2: and all that stuff. But normally quality time. I mean,
[15:35] Speaker 2: I like to be out doing things because if we're
[15:38] Speaker 2: like always in the house, I just feel like I'm isolated.
[15:41] Speaker 2: You're either keeping me away, Yeah I.
[15:44] Speaker 1: Want to go out. Don't play with me.
[15:47] Speaker 3: If it's like not a new relationship and this is
[15:50] Speaker 3: something that's been going on for a while, do you
[15:52] Speaker 3: think that it would change and maybe you could.
[15:55] Speaker 2: I feel like I'm more out like once a week,
[15:58] Speaker 2: like to dinner dates or to an event together. Like
[16:03] Speaker 2: last night, I went to an event, a grand opening
[16:05] Speaker 2: for an art you see art gallery right beside my salon,
[16:10] Speaker 2: And I mean it would have been that would have
[16:13] Speaker 2: been like the perfect day. And what's crazy is that
[16:15] Speaker 2: he was actually invited by somebody else, you know who
[16:20] Speaker 2: is doing the opening, And yeah, I mean that that's cute,
[16:23] Speaker 2: like going to the art museums.
[16:25] Speaker 3: It's so cute, something different.
[16:27] Speaker 2: I think road trips are great, and then just the
[16:30] Speaker 2: week in the little weekend get away.
[16:32] Speaker 1: If you don't go on a road trip with somebody
[16:34] Speaker 1: that you really like, you just get it's like.
[16:36] Speaker 3: A mention that the list in a middle box that
[16:40] Speaker 3: you could crash and die and.
[16:41] Speaker 1: You learned so much. When you're on a road trip
[16:44] Speaker 1: with somebody and you really do like, it can make
[16:46] Speaker 1: or break you, it can. That's friendships also, because you're
[16:50] Speaker 1: not going to listen to music the whole entire time,
[16:51] Speaker 1: and then if you are, then you're like you get
[16:53] Speaker 1: to hear each other's vibe. You're playing list time, and
[16:56] Speaker 1: then we get to talk, we're playing games. I love
[16:57] Speaker 1: a good road trip. Yeah, I love a good drip quality.
[17:02] Speaker 1: I think my favorite expression of quality time with somebody
[17:05] Speaker 1: that I'm dating when we get more serious, is when
[17:08] Speaker 1: oh Willy said, y'all, don't forget me.
[17:10] Speaker 3: Okay, she's here. I had to bring my baby to
[17:13] Speaker 3: work today, y'all.
[17:14] Speaker 1: Is spending time with family. His family my family, like
[17:18] Speaker 1: just that togetherness, and then there's another one doing something
[17:23] Speaker 1: that requires a man to be vulnerable, and that can
[17:27] Speaker 1: be several different things, like normally something where we have
[17:30] Speaker 1: to look in each other's eyes and sit really close.
[17:33] Speaker 1: So maybe we're at home and it's like, okay, let's
[17:36] Speaker 1: get really close and look at each other's eyes and
[17:38] Speaker 1: like meditate or manifest together. Like that's a difficult thing
[17:42] Speaker 1: to do, even for me, but I like doing it,
[17:45] Speaker 1: so it's cute. Yeah you have another.
[17:49] Speaker 3: One, Yeah, I have one. Last one. I will do
[17:52] Speaker 3: this one. What do you think about living together before marriage?
[17:56] Speaker 2: I'm okay with that. I was like raising a traditional
[18:00] Speaker 2: household wars like you get married and then you live together.
[18:03] Speaker 2: But the older I get and the more Americanized I get,
[18:06] Speaker 2: we got to live together as matter of fact, spend
[18:08] Speaker 2: the whole weekend together.
[18:10] Speaker 3: It's just like you know, I think you can learn
[18:13] Speaker 3: about people the more time you spend with them. So
[18:15] Speaker 3: I could not imagine getting married and not living together first,
[18:19] Speaker 3: at least for some period, because I would hate to
[18:23] Speaker 3: find out after afterwards that you live different than I thought,
[18:27] Speaker 3: because visiting for a weekend or visiting for a short
[18:30] Speaker 3: period of time is still going to be different. I
[18:32] Speaker 3: would imagine, what do you.
[18:32] Speaker 1: Think my thoughts on it have changed? And y'all everybody
[18:36] Speaker 1: about to be like what, but.
[18:37] Speaker 3: You, what do you think now?
[18:39] Speaker 1: I no longer want to do it? Really I don't.
[18:43] Speaker 2: This is I can see why.
[18:45] Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that now, especially since I've been on
[18:50] Speaker 1: like a spiritual journey, it's things are just hitting me
[18:53] Speaker 1: totally different. And I think that why it is important
[18:57] Speaker 1: to know how somebody lives and spend as much time
[19:01] Speaker 1: as you can with somebody in their space. I think
[19:04] Speaker 1: that if that commitment isn't there, if you are doing
[19:07] Speaker 1: it for marriage, everybody has a way out. Whereas if
[19:12] Speaker 1: you were married when some of these slight things happened,
[19:15] Speaker 1: you have to work through them. And so I think
[19:17] Speaker 1: that now that this is the second man that I've
[19:20] Speaker 1: lived with, if we don't get married, I wouldn't be
[19:24] Speaker 1: able to do it at third time. And we got
[19:25] Speaker 1: to we got to figure out something else to figure
[19:27] Speaker 1: out how the marriage is going to go, because it's
[19:28] Speaker 1: just like it's a lot, it's a lot. Have you
[19:30] Speaker 1: lived with a man you were Yeah, you definitely.
[19:33] Speaker 3: I was thinking, like, Okay, we're engaged we're going to
[19:35] Speaker 3: live together, engage. Yeah, I feel like marriage because then
[19:38] Speaker 3: I can still there's still an out without a whole
[19:41] Speaker 3: bunch of extra legalities. I mean, I guess depending on
[19:43] Speaker 3: I know how you're living together. Maybe you bought a
[19:45] Speaker 3: house and that's a little different, but it's it's different
[19:48] Speaker 3: after marriage. I'm imagining. Of course, I think it would
[19:52] Speaker 3: be different after marriage. So I would like to maintain
[19:54] Speaker 3: my own independent home. We can spend time with each other.
[19:57] Speaker 1: Oh, you want two separate, you want to live separately?
[19:59] Speaker 3: I mean before before all of this, and then when
[20:02] Speaker 3: we're engaged, then we can figure out living together and
[20:05] Speaker 3: try that out for a period leading up to being married. Yeah,
[20:09] Speaker 3: because the engagement is our last time. Yeah, and then
[20:13] Speaker 3: it's like this or not.
[20:15] Speaker 2: I feel like, yeah, I see your point of view
[20:18] Speaker 2: because it's just especially like the older we get. I
[20:21] Speaker 2: feel like because it is like a visual of what
[20:23] Speaker 2: marriage is going to.
[20:24] Speaker 1: Be like, and some of the same things are going
[20:27] Speaker 1: to happen whether your boyfriend, girlfriend, or you're married, but
[20:29] Speaker 1: when you're married, it's just different. Like you are like, oh,
[20:33] Speaker 1: we gotta work through this as opposed to yeah, as
[20:36] Speaker 1: opposed to we're dating and She's like, well try it out.
[20:38] Speaker 1: Didn't worry by, And it's like, or we need to
[20:41] Speaker 1: have some sort of writing in place. My life of
[20:44] Speaker 1: Michael Jordan and his new wife have done.
[20:46] Speaker 3: I know he got married again.
[20:47] Speaker 1: I don't know if it's his wife or his girlfriend,
[20:49] Speaker 1: but he learned from that first divorce.
[20:51] Speaker 3: What do you do?
[20:53] Speaker 1: Very like, I don't know all the numbers, y'all know,
[20:55] Speaker 1: I don't know all this all the correct The gist
[20:58] Speaker 1: of it is with this new weather it's his girlfriend
[21:00] Speaker 1: or I think it's his wife. You know, his first
[21:02] Speaker 1: wife took a lot of his money that time. She did,
[21:07] Speaker 1: so she.
[21:07] Speaker 3: Deserves Yeah, I'm she deserves.
[21:10] Speaker 1: It, but everybody got to learn. I think he learned.
[21:12] Speaker 1: So they have like this. I guess it would be
[21:14] Speaker 1: a prenup where like if they were to split up,
[21:16] Speaker 1: she gets like a certain amount of millions the first year.
[21:19] Speaker 1: It's like very strategic, Like you're not you don't get
[21:21] Speaker 1: to just take all the everything run with his new wife. Yeah.
[21:32] Speaker 3: That's why I'm like when people are so anti prenap,
[21:34] Speaker 3: but I'm like, do y'all realize that every prenap does
[21:36] Speaker 3: not say you leave with nothing? Y'all just work out
[21:38] Speaker 3: what you both feel comfortable with ahead of time. That's
[21:41] Speaker 3: all it is. Literally pre nuptial, nuptial is the marriage.
[21:44] Speaker 1: Yeah, and he's smart. And then I feel like it
[21:46] Speaker 1: makes you be you. Guys. You you already know what
[21:51] Speaker 1: you what's gonna happen if this, if this miss work,
[21:55] Speaker 1: what's what I want? I would rather want to know
[21:57] Speaker 1: and not go in blindsided.
[21:59] Speaker 3: Right be fighting for my life in court like some
[22:02] Speaker 3: of these housewives.
[22:03] Speaker 1: I don't want that to be my life.
[22:05] Speaker 3: I don't want that to be my life.
[22:06] Speaker 1: That's rude.
[22:07] Speaker 3: And now I gotta shake tables and throw wine and
[22:10] Speaker 3: vicious on a reality show to try and make my
[22:13] Speaker 3: rent pavements like what? No, I can't be doing that, y'all?
[22:18] Speaker 3: All right, you got okay?
[22:20] Speaker 1: This is my last one, Bronka. I'm curious to know.
[22:23] Speaker 1: What's something that you used to say you'd never be
[22:25] Speaker 1: willing to try, but now you're curious.
[22:29] Speaker 2: It's a really good one. I don't really know.
[22:32] Speaker 1: I don't really know.
[22:34] Speaker 2: Let you go first.
[22:35] Speaker 1: I never thought that I would try this, and I
[22:38] Speaker 1: never thought that I needed to say I wouldn't try it, however,
[22:41] Speaker 1: in nicely and I tried whale just how you look.
[22:45] Speaker 1: I looked like that. I was like, why when in
[22:49] Speaker 1: Rome is the Romans they eat horse. Also, I couldn't
[22:52] Speaker 1: eat the minute, and I have connected on a vibrational
[22:56] Speaker 1: level with horses. I will not.
[22:57] Speaker 3: And I would imagine it would be tough whale or
[23:00] Speaker 3: the horse the horse steak.
[23:03] Speaker 1: It looks like they bring the whale out like wagou
[23:05] Speaker 1: on one of those little girls, and it just it
[23:07] Speaker 1: kind of like was chewy, but also kind of pieces
[23:09] Speaker 1: of it melted in your mouth. I just ate it,
[23:11] Speaker 1: ate a piece. I couldn't do it anymore. It's a
[23:13] Speaker 1: minky whale.
[23:15] Speaker 3: I don't have to look that up. I have no
[23:16] Speaker 3: idea what that is. I tried shark before. It was
[23:19] Speaker 3: very fishy to me. You need to try it again.
[23:22] Speaker 3: But I'm glad that I was adventurous. I don't know
[23:24] Speaker 3: what I could try that I said I wouldn't m
[23:27] Speaker 3: M yeah, I don't know.
[23:28] Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard because I feel like the older I
[23:30] Speaker 2: get like back then, I was like, all right, I
[23:32] Speaker 2: want my little steak and salmon. Now I'm like, all right,
[23:36] Speaker 2: give me the octoplus, give me this, give me that.
[23:38] Speaker 2: I'm like quick to try stuff.
[23:41] Speaker 1: Yeah, food experiences.
[23:46] Speaker 2: I tried soul food actually this weekend soul food?
[23:49] Speaker 3: Was that your first time?
[23:50] Speaker 2: First girl?
[23:52] Speaker 1: You date black men?
[23:54] Speaker 2: I mean I've never like went to like their Thanksgiving?
[23:56] Speaker 2: That was a little yeah, So did you like it?
[24:00] Speaker 3: Che what you eat?
[24:01] Speaker 1: Yams?
[24:02] Speaker 2: I don't know what yams were potato? So I like
[24:06] Speaker 2: my little sweet ptato casserole, but I had well yams.
[24:10] Speaker 2: I tried it on Sunday and I buy Monday. I
[24:12] Speaker 2: was like, I need another.
[24:15] Speaker 1: I like to take a fourth of my yams and
[24:17] Speaker 1: then get also on the fourth of the mac and
[24:19] Speaker 1: cheese to get them, and it makes it all sweet
[24:22] Speaker 1: little dressing.
[24:24] Speaker 3: I do put them side by side on my plate
[24:26] Speaker 3: because I like the sauce dripping over. I don't really
[24:30] Speaker 3: like the casserole, the sweet potato casserole, but I do
[24:32] Speaker 3: like like candy jams. That's my favorite way. And I
[24:35] Speaker 3: love a sweet potato pie.
[24:36] Speaker 2: Have you ever had that sweetptato? But no big on pies.
[24:40] Speaker 2: I am not that big.
[24:41] Speaker 1: I don't know.
[24:42] Speaker 3: But if you like the candy yams, you might like
[24:44] Speaker 3: sweet potato pie because it's literally sweet potatoes, and you
[24:47] Speaker 3: like sweet potato casserole, it's in pie form. Okay, maybe
[24:51] Speaker 3: what we need to do for a bonus episode is
[24:53] Speaker 3: walk around, dude, we cook. I'm gonna teach both of
[24:56] Speaker 3: y'all how to make some of my favorite recipes. Maybe
[24:58] Speaker 3: you can teach us how to some of yours and
[25:01] Speaker 3: they can taste things that you ain't never had before.
[25:04] Speaker 3: But you can teach us some stuff.
[25:06] Speaker 1: Maybe.
[25:07] Speaker 3: Yeah, do you like to cook?
[25:08] Speaker 1: I do?
[25:08] Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, I'm in the.
[25:09] Speaker 2: Gym, so I got to cook because if not all
[25:11] Speaker 2: them like little outings, it is gonna stack up.
[25:15] Speaker 3: Yeah, wild I'm from North Carolina to Atlanta.
[25:22] Speaker 1: Huh.
[25:22] Speaker 2: I mean, I'm European. So it's always been like, you know,
[25:27] Speaker 2: whatever traditional food we have in Europe, like was always
[25:30] Speaker 2: for Thanksgiving?
[25:31] Speaker 3: Like what having I'm very curious.
[25:34] Speaker 2: It's very different. Let me see if I can pull
[25:36] Speaker 2: something and what part of Europe Moldova?
[25:39] Speaker 1: So is it like Mediterranean type food?
[25:41] Speaker 3: Yeah?
[25:41] Speaker 1: Okay, I like a little Mediterranean. I love it.
[25:45] Speaker 2: And it's like and also very Russian.
[25:47] Speaker 1: Here we go.
[25:50] Speaker 3: Traditional foods. What you see?
[25:55] Speaker 1: Black people would be like, what is going on? You
[25:59] Speaker 1: better give me a.
[26:04] Speaker 2: Looks pe pie and it has like some sort of
[26:10] Speaker 2: cheese in it.
[26:11] Speaker 3: Waite a minute, what is this dessert? It looks like
[26:13] Speaker 3: a stack of pigs in a blanket. Oh not when
[26:15] Speaker 3: I made it big, I gotta pass this back. Well
[26:18] Speaker 3: it's some kind of cake. Well, let me open it again.
[26:21] Speaker 3: What is it, girls, an cherry crate cake?
[26:25] Speaker 2: Oh it's creeps.
[26:27] Speaker 3: Okay, I see what it is now. But if you
[26:29] Speaker 3: have one of those phobias with all the like like
[26:32] Speaker 3: things that look like honeycombs, I forget what that's called.
[26:34] Speaker 3: Don't click that. The other stuff looks interesting. Yeah, well
[26:40] Speaker 3: well that was cherry, so yeah, I would try it
[26:42] Speaker 3: the other way. So it was just like a lot
[26:44] Speaker 3: of bread. I'm like, where's the beef.
[26:46] Speaker 2: What's funny is my mom actually makes up for things
[26:48] Speaker 2: giving when my siblings make it for things.
[26:50] Speaker 3: It's a pretty presentation when it's all stacked up like
[26:53] Speaker 3: a little log cabin.
[26:54] Speaker 1: I always wonder when people date different cultures. Do you
[26:58] Speaker 1: ever wonder, like how we talk about living together. We
[27:01] Speaker 1: talk about differences in dating, but when races are different
[27:04] Speaker 1: and the cultures are totally different, have you ever thought about,
[27:07] Speaker 1: like how the two would mesh.
[27:09] Speaker 2: So my ex husband was Hispanic, I feel like trying
[27:14] Speaker 2: the Hispanic food was a little different for me, because
[27:16] Speaker 2: it's just like, although I love my Mexican restaurants, you know,
[27:20] Speaker 2: my Fahidas gana Thanksgiving was so different because I just
[27:26] Speaker 2: I was just eating just the rice and that was it.
[27:30] Speaker 1: Really. I know. His mama was like, Mexican people will
[27:35] Speaker 1: be like black people, why should not eating.
[27:37] Speaker 2: Literally, Yeah, I'm sure she probably did.
[27:39] Speaker 1: But next sometimes that was Okay, y'all, we are going
[27:48] Speaker 1: to move on to weird sex when we come back.
[27:49] Speaker 1: We're going to dive into the topics.
[27:52] Speaker 2: You said a man is not a necessity.
[27:55] Speaker 1: A man is a luxury like desserve.
[27:58] Speaker 3: Yeah, a man is not necessity.
[28:01] Speaker 2: Did you mean that to sound mean it better? Oh
[28:05] Speaker 2: not at all. I adore dessert.
[28:08] Speaker 1: I love man.
[28:09] Speaker 2: I think men are the coolest, but you don't really
[28:11] Speaker 2: need them to live.
[28:16] Speaker 3: Okay, So you asked if we'd ever tried anything new.
[28:18] Speaker 3: I've got a question if you guys have ever tried this.
[28:21] Speaker 3: It's called bagpiping. Do you know what it is?
[28:24] Speaker 1: I have no idea. I feel like it's going to
[28:25] Speaker 1: be something crazy.
[28:26] Speaker 3: It's not that crazy. It's just a little weird to me.
[28:29] Speaker 3: I found out what it was today reading some people's
[28:32] Speaker 3: confessions online. Bagpiping is when people have a fetish for armpits,
[28:38] Speaker 3: and like, just to be clear, it's not you just
[28:40] Speaker 3: like to get a little whiff of funk from somebody's armpit,
[28:43] Speaker 3: but it's just like you really get turned on and
[28:46] Speaker 3: you want to have sex, and armpits have to be involved,
[28:50] Speaker 3: whether you're fucking the armpit or you're just getting a
[28:53] Speaker 3: good and like putting your nose in there really deep
[28:56] Speaker 3: and like some people, this girl was telling a story
[28:58] Speaker 3: about being on a dating app and she thought it
[29:01] Speaker 3: would deter people if she told them, yeah, I have
[29:03] Speaker 3: really hairy armpits. She's like, I just wanted somebody who
[29:06] Speaker 3: wasn't so into the physical of everything. I'm like, well, girl,
[29:09] Speaker 3: good luck on to day now. But all right, anyway,
[29:13] Speaker 3: she said the amount of men who hid her up
[29:16] Speaker 3: and were so interested specifically because she had hairy armpits,
[29:20] Speaker 3: because they were saying that they know that it will
[29:22] Speaker 3: hold the smell in and they just wanted to smell it.
[29:25] Speaker 3: And I said, huh, and she found out it was
[29:27] Speaker 3: called bagpiping. I'm not sure why couldn't figure that one out,
[29:32] Speaker 3: but yeah, we learned something new every day. And if
[29:35] Speaker 3: you two like armpit sex you are into bagpiping.
[29:39] Speaker 1: The more you know people are different, that is, I
[29:42] Speaker 1: don't even know what I would do with Somebody was like,
[29:44] Speaker 1: let's utilize our arm pits. No, you need to go.
[29:48] Speaker 2: First of all. Speaking of armpits and hair, I this
[29:53] Speaker 2: was so like Mannick. I got a laser hair removal
[29:55] Speaker 2: package literally within like thirty minutes of like me going
[29:59] Speaker 2: to Whole Foods by laser way and I got it,
[30:03] Speaker 2: got a package and then the next day I started
[30:05] Speaker 2: lasering my hair, my legs, my bikini area and my armpits. Well,
[30:09] Speaker 2: they said I can't shave during this time. Do you
[30:12] Speaker 2: know how uncomfortable that makes me feel.
[30:13] Speaker 1: I'm like, wait a minute, what do you mean? Like
[30:15] Speaker 1: it laser?
[30:16] Speaker 3: And they told me to shave ahead of the appointment
[30:19] Speaker 3: so that you can't waist the day is yeah, but.
[30:22] Speaker 2: Like before that, like for six weeks, you can't shave.
[30:25] Speaker 2: I'm like, this is crazy?
[30:27] Speaker 3: Is that real? Should I still tru thing? So you
[30:29] Speaker 3: need to ask them because well I go to Simper
[30:32] Speaker 3: laser now they told me that I need to shave
[30:35] Speaker 3: ahead of the appointment. I cannot wax or sugar because
[30:38] Speaker 3: it will pull the hair from the root and so
[30:40] Speaker 3: when it's zapping, it won't get it. But you have
[30:42] Speaker 3: to shave, and you need to shave ahead of the appointment.
[30:44] Speaker 3: They said not the same day because it's scratching your skin,
[30:48] Speaker 3: you know, so you don't want it to be sensitive,
[30:51] Speaker 3: but shave because if not, I made a mistake and
[30:53] Speaker 3: I didn't shave good and it's gonna burn.
[30:56] Speaker 1: Well, wait, what are you shaving if you lasered it off?
[30:58] Speaker 3: Because it takes multiple sessions, it's not a one time
[31:01] Speaker 3: then you have to go and so it's like slowly killing.
[31:04] Speaker 1: So how long in between does it grow back the
[31:06] Speaker 1: normal time like between a wax?
[31:08] Speaker 3: No, well sort of, So like I do my armpits, legs,
[31:12] Speaker 3: bikini area, my face and some other areas y'all need
[31:15] Speaker 3: to worry about. But I'm a very hairy girl, so
[31:17] Speaker 3: I'm getting a lot of my body lasered. I started
[31:19] Speaker 3: with the armpits, so I do the armpits and then
[31:21] Speaker 3: it was like maybe three or four weeks like a
[31:24] Speaker 3: wax before hair started growing back. It was noticeably less.
[31:27] Speaker 3: But then I went for a year going every six
[31:30] Speaker 3: to eight weeks for my sessions, and now I don't
[31:32] Speaker 3: really have hair grow back. It's like one or two
[31:35] Speaker 3: hairs every now and again, so I'll shave those off.
[31:38] Speaker 3: But Simper does unlimited touch ups. So when I when
[31:42] Speaker 3: I saw a hair coming, I made an appointment and
[31:44] Speaker 3: they zapped it and I haven't been shaven.
[31:46] Speaker 1: Does it hurt?
[31:47] Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, they say it don't, but it does.
[31:49] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[31:50] Speaker 2: They said, it's like, you know, if you could, you
[31:52] Speaker 2: can tolerate it. If and I had like a lot
[31:55] Speaker 2: of laser done to my face, I have my car
[31:56] Speaker 2: needle sessions. Girl, I could handle the bikini area. My
[32:01] Speaker 2: I was twitching on like this part right here and
[32:04] Speaker 2: my hips they hurt. That part hurt my hips hurt.
[32:08] Speaker 1: I was like, this is if it hurts, I can't
[32:11] Speaker 1: do it because I I just can't do it.
[32:14] Speaker 3: I don't think it hurts worse than waxing, but it
[32:16] Speaker 3: does hurt.
[32:17] Speaker 2: It does hurt.
[32:17] Speaker 3: It does hurt.
[32:18] Speaker 1: We women, really, we really do this for beauty, for beauty.
[32:22] Speaker 3: When they get in your booty crack, I don't really
[32:25] Speaker 3: mind that part though. That part probably hurts the least.
[32:27] Speaker 1: I think the zone.
[32:29] Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like how somebody look at it.
[32:32] Speaker 3: I'm like, all right, that's how white spread them cheek
[32:34] Speaker 3: literally laser going, let's get them hairs. Anyway, you guys
[32:42] Speaker 3: keep sending those weird sex stories to me, and tell
[32:44] Speaker 3: me about some of your wild fetishes that you don't
[32:47] Speaker 3: think that anybody is into. Maybe I'll help you find
[32:50] Speaker 3: a kinky map.
[32:53] Speaker 1: This is a weird shout out to get right after
[32:54] Speaker 1: weird sex and.
[32:57] Speaker 3: Wait, see, this is what I was talking about y'all
[32:59] Speaker 3: on that other episod. Please why I didn't want to
[33:02] Speaker 3: kick anything.
[33:03] Speaker 2: I think whenever dogs do that, they're happy.
[33:06] Speaker 1: So little you need to chill anyway, But I wanted
[33:12] Speaker 1: to say, there is a movie out the Denzel Washington's
[33:16] Speaker 1: son and himself directed or produced. I don't be knowing
[33:18] Speaker 1: all the lingo. My brother's in it. It's called The
[33:20] Speaker 1: less You saw it?
[33:23] Speaker 3: Going to wait till next week, but yeah, I saw it.
[33:24] Speaker 1: It was I was like I was. I went with
[33:27] Speaker 1: my brother to go see it, and it was just
[33:31] Speaker 1: I was just so proud of my brother's an actor.
[33:33] Speaker 1: He has an acting school out here in Atlanta. It's
[33:34] Speaker 1: called Acts of Freedom. So if there's any new actors
[33:37] Speaker 1: veterans in the game, go to his class. But go
[33:39] Speaker 1: see the Piano Lesson. It was I didn't know it
[33:41] Speaker 1: was a spooky movie. I was a little scared, but
[33:44] Speaker 1: it was. It was really good and I'm just so
[33:46] Speaker 1: proud of you Leak, so shout out to you. I
[33:47] Speaker 1: know you want to hear this because you don't listen to
[33:48] Speaker 1: the show, but just see the movie.
[33:52] Speaker 3: Yeah, it was good. I enjoyed it. And by the
[33:54] Speaker 3: time you see this, it's going to be available on
[33:56] Speaker 3: that flide. Yeah, you need to clout you guys. We
[33:59] Speaker 3: have a new spanor and I am very excited. So
[34:02] Speaker 3: I went to the mailbox the other day. I'm checking
[34:04] Speaker 3: my mail. I had packages and I hadn't ordered anything,
[34:07] Speaker 3: so I didn't know what it was. When I opened
[34:09] Speaker 3: it up and I saw that it was products from Osea,
[34:12] Speaker 3: I was so excited because I've tried some things before.
[34:15] Speaker 1: It's quality.
[34:16] Speaker 3: It is nothing from this line though. I didn't even
[34:18] Speaker 3: know about it, so I was so excited to see it.
[34:21] Speaker 3: When I busted that box open. Not only was I
[34:24] Speaker 3: surprised at the amount of products that they sent our way,
[34:27] Speaker 3: but the quality of the packaging. You know, sometimes like
[34:33] Speaker 3: stuff spills out when you order it online, especially like
[34:36] Speaker 3: your skincare, and we're getting quality stuff. It's not cheap,
[34:39] Speaker 3: and you don't want it to be in the box.
[34:40] Speaker 3: It needs to be on my skin. So they sent
[34:44] Speaker 3: a ton of different products. There's a body polish, there's
[34:46] Speaker 3: a body oil, there's some serums, body wash, body lotion,
[34:51] Speaker 3: everything to have your skin glowing and looking beautiful. And
[34:54] Speaker 3: the best part was it also came with little travel sizes,
[34:58] Speaker 3: and so the glass I mean sorry, the containers are
[35:01] Speaker 3: like glass jars and stuff, and so you can't really
[35:04] Speaker 3: squeeze that out into your travel size. So I'm gonna
[35:06] Speaker 3: throw mine in my luggage as I'm getting ready for
[35:09] Speaker 3: the holidays and everything. So I'll just keep it in
[35:12] Speaker 3: my carry on. It's small and it'll be tsa friendly.
[35:15] Speaker 3: But I was also thinking I can go on their
[35:17] Speaker 3: website and purchase enough because they're giving away for Black
[35:22] Speaker 3: Friday and Cyber Monday November twenty sixth through December second,
[35:26] Speaker 3: you can get a free little travel pack with so
[35:29] Speaker 3: many of their products.
[35:30] Speaker 1: Love free, I love free.
[35:32] Speaker 3: What did you think of them?
[35:33] Speaker 1: So anything that has seaweed or algae in it, I
[35:38] Speaker 1: am addicted. I love when ingredients like that are in
[35:41] Speaker 1: a skincare product. And y'all know I do not play
[35:43] Speaker 1: about my skin. I love Ocia. They have a seaweed
[35:47] Speaker 1: body wash, and they have an Alga body wash, and
[35:49] Speaker 1: they have a body polish like you were saying. And
[35:51] Speaker 1: that body polish, you guys, when you put it on,
[35:54] Speaker 1: it's like gel and it turns into like this milky substance.
[35:57] Speaker 1: It's like bathing if you were a prince.
[36:01] Speaker 3: It's Thermaid or the Little Mermaid.
[36:03] Speaker 1: It's just if we have one of the questions in
[36:06] Speaker 1: our card deck that says, let me feel your hands,
[36:08] Speaker 1: and if you do not have like extremely smooth hands,
[36:12] Speaker 1: after you use Ocia, you will, girl. It's just it
[36:15] Speaker 1: feels like soft life activity.
[36:17] Speaker 3: It really does. And you know something. I love a
[36:19] Speaker 3: good body oil because when I think about skincare, honestly,
[36:22] Speaker 3: the first thing I usually think about is like my
[36:24] Speaker 3: facial skin, and I'll use good products on the rest
[36:28] Speaker 3: of my body. But wintertime it's easy to forget because
[36:32] Speaker 3: typically we're covered up. I mean it's hot lately, but
[36:35] Speaker 3: typically you're covered up, so your skin is a little
[36:37] Speaker 3: ash here, everything's rough. What I don't like is when
[36:40] Speaker 3: I have a body oil and it's just like very greasy.
[36:44] Speaker 3: I look like a Thanksgiving turkey. And then I'm afraid
[36:46] Speaker 3: that it's gonna lie on my clothes. I needed to
[36:48] Speaker 3: absorb this absorbs really quick, so you're not going to
[36:53] Speaker 3: have that greasy feel, but you are going to look
[36:56] Speaker 3: radiant and moisturized. They have some really good stuff. If
[36:58] Speaker 3: you go on their website and you spend at least
[37:01] Speaker 3: one hundred and twenty five dollars on their products, that's
[37:04] Speaker 3: how you'll get the freebees. So you definitely want to
[37:07] Speaker 3: go ahead and stock up on what you need for
[37:09] Speaker 3: you and so that people aren't in your drawers and
[37:11] Speaker 3: your cabinets using up your products, get them their own
[37:14] Speaker 3: little set.
[37:14] Speaker 1: And this is another one of those great stocking stuffers
[37:17] Speaker 1: or a secret Santa Gay. If this is one of
[37:19] Speaker 1: those things that'll have you looking good.
[37:20] Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so to be specific, it's the best of
[37:23] Speaker 3: body travel sets. So you're gonna get a body wash
[37:26] Speaker 3: for free. You're gonna get the cleansing body polish for free,
[37:30] Speaker 3: a hyaluronic body serum, and the algabody oil. Like you
[37:34] Speaker 3: can't go wrong. Okay, y'all, I'm gonna put the link
[37:37] Speaker 3: in the description of this episode and make sure you
[37:40] Speaker 3: use our code Cocktails so that you can get that
[37:43] Speaker 3: freebie when you check out, and then send us pictures
[37:46] Speaker 3: and tag us and show us how good your skin
[37:47] Speaker 3: is looking.
[37:47] Speaker 1: Okay, so this week we have a few different topics
[37:51] Speaker 1: that we want to talk with one of our favorite
[37:54] Speaker 1: listeners about. If you guys ever want to join us
[37:56] Speaker 1: on an episode as a listener appreciation episode, make sure
[37:59] Speaker 1: you'll join Patreon. Go to patreon dot com slash cocktails
[38:02] Speaker 1: and you never know, maybe you can come on talk
[38:04] Speaker 1: about your business, try to get some clients and meet us,
[38:09] Speaker 1: talk to us and catch up with us like friends do.
[38:12] Speaker 1: So Veronica and Kiki, I wanted to ask y'all because
[38:15] Speaker 1: I saw a post that one of my girlfriends reposted.
[38:17] Speaker 1: I can't remember exactly what it said, but it started
[38:20] Speaker 1: with what would you tell your younger self about falling
[38:22] Speaker 1: in love? And the response was something like, don't fall
[38:27] Speaker 1: in love, grow in love something love? And I thought
[38:29] Speaker 1: it was just like a beautiful reminder. And if you haven't,
[38:32] Speaker 1: really the more that you grow, I think you change
[38:35] Speaker 1: about what you would tell your younger self. As opposed
[38:37] Speaker 1: when we're younger, we are just like Disney, falling and
[38:41] Speaker 1: gone with the wind, twisting into love. What would you
[38:44] Speaker 1: tell your younger self about falling in love.
[38:48] Speaker 2: I feel like, Okay, so I grew up in a
[38:51] Speaker 2: household of six kids. I'm the middle child. I definitely
[38:56] Speaker 2: have middle child syndrome. Love the way it was just
[39:01] Speaker 2: like given out, like between my parents or like in
[39:04] Speaker 2: our culture. Like I didn't start saying I love you,
[39:08] Speaker 2: at least like to my friends until I was like
[39:11] Speaker 2: until twenty twenty, twenty nineteen, and that was a little different.
[39:15] Speaker 2: So I feel like I started like learning more about
[39:18] Speaker 2: love in twenty twenty one. But that just made me, like,
[39:25] Speaker 2: you know, going back to like my younger self is
[39:29] Speaker 2: don't seek validation and like mask it as love, because
[39:37] Speaker 2: that is that is not one way to go. And
[39:40] Speaker 2: I feel like I did that a lot until I
[39:43] Speaker 2: realized what true love really was. And yeah, I mean
[39:50] Speaker 2: find it within yourself. Yeah, because the more important to
[39:53] Speaker 2: your cup, you're able to you know, give that love.
[39:56] Speaker 1: That is very true. That is very true. I was
[39:58] Speaker 1: talking to a girlfriend of mine at the airport or
[40:01] Speaker 1: when we were connecting at JFK to go to Iceland,
[40:04] Speaker 1: and we were talking about being whole and if you're not,
[40:08] Speaker 1: which a lot of people aren't whole in relationships, including myself,
[40:13] Speaker 1: and she says something very profound. She was like, when
[40:18] Speaker 1: you are not whole, you're more than likely going to
[40:20] Speaker 1: attract someone else who isn't whole. And so even though
[40:25] Speaker 1: this is not ideal for most people, and a lot
[40:27] Speaker 1: of people don't care because you might just want to
[40:29] Speaker 1: be with somebody or you just might not have the
[40:30] Speaker 1: level of awareness, but I was like, so you're basically
[40:33] Speaker 1: saying that when somebody's dating, it would behoove you to
[40:37] Speaker 1: have a body scan of yourself and recognize like what
[40:42] Speaker 1: you might be attracting based off of what you are
[40:45] Speaker 1: literally like feeling in your body or how much wholeness
[40:48] Speaker 1: or less than wholeness you might have, and know that
[40:51] Speaker 1: whoever is attracted to you in that season, not saying
[40:54] Speaker 1: they're not the right person that people can.
[40:56] Speaker 2: A relationship, is literally going to show you exactly like
[40:59] Speaker 2: what you need to work on.
[41:00] Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like a reflection, So a whole reflection, a
[41:03] Speaker 1: whole reflection. I think that's what I would tell a
[41:06] Speaker 1: little shody little Medina about shoddy it's gonna be I
[41:10] Speaker 1: think I would tell her it's gonna be difficult, It's
[41:13] Speaker 1: gonna be difficult, and don't think that it is going.
[41:15] Speaker 2: To be not Disney, what Disney portrays or not Whattagram
[41:21] Speaker 2: is like flowers X y Z, trips and this, and
[41:24] Speaker 2: that it's such a facade, like.
[41:27] Speaker 1: It's a part of it, but that's not the main
[41:29] Speaker 1: part about loving someone. And you can even look at
[41:33] Speaker 1: if you take romance out of it, look at friends
[41:35] Speaker 1: that you love, even family members, you love your people
[41:38] Speaker 1: through really rough times like it's it's just a really
[41:41] Speaker 1: interesting take on how we have to teach girls to
[41:44] Speaker 1: unlearn that you don't really have to. The boys didn't
[41:46] Speaker 1: fall for.
[41:47] Speaker 3: It, yeah, I would set well, some of them, I would.
[41:52] Speaker 3: I would say, hmmm, I'm trying to think of how
[41:58] Speaker 3: to work this because I agree with what you said
[42:01] Speaker 3: about being whole and understanding those things and not seeking validation.
[42:07] Speaker 3: And it's also like cool it I know you want
[42:12] Speaker 3: she does, she wants to foot I'm telling y'all, you
[42:15] Speaker 3: see her in action. She gets so anxious. I'm trying
[42:17] Speaker 3: just don't pay attention to that, and she's distracting me.
[42:23] Speaker 3: I would say, you know, it's really hard to love
[42:26] Speaker 3: somebody and for someone to show you love in a
[42:31] Speaker 3: true way when everything you're doing doesn't prove that you
[42:34] Speaker 3: love yourself, and how can anybody else really love you
[42:37] Speaker 3: when everything about what you're doing is not loving yourself.
[42:40] Speaker 3: So focus on that first. Make sure that you're happy
[42:42] Speaker 3: with yourself. And that doesn't mean that you don't have
[42:46] Speaker 3: room to grow or you don't have things that you
[42:47] Speaker 3: want to change. But sometimes I found that I was
[42:50] Speaker 3: beating myself up about certain things, and then maybe somebody
[42:53] Speaker 3: would validate, Oh, it's okay, you're young, you're you're gonna grow,
[42:57] Speaker 3: But they're not encouraging growth, they're just saying it's okay
[42:59] Speaker 3: for you. Really do it's okay for you to be
[43:01] Speaker 3: broken right here because this is how I can keep you.
[43:03] Speaker 3: That's not love. So like, continue to work on yourself,
[43:07] Speaker 3: work on yourself outside of romantic relationships, and do your
[43:11] Speaker 3: best to feel comfortable. Because once you get to a
[43:13] Speaker 3: point where you do not feel broken or you do
[43:15] Speaker 3: not feel lost, even though you might not be where
[43:18] Speaker 3: you want to be, it's gonna hit you and you'll know.
[43:20] Speaker 3: If you don't know if you're there, you're not there.
[43:22] Speaker 3: But when you do get there and you do really
[43:24] Speaker 3: feel comfortable with yourself, it gives you a new sense
[43:27] Speaker 3: of confidence and it allows you to look at other
[43:29] Speaker 3: people in any sort of relationship, friends, family, romantic life.
[43:35] Speaker 3: It's just a different outlook on life. So work on
[43:37] Speaker 3: that because it's also going to give you peace in
[43:39] Speaker 3: the decisions that you make and the friendships and relationships
[43:43] Speaker 3: that you decide to keep and foster and the ones
[43:45] Speaker 3: that you realize you have to let go to stay
[43:48] Speaker 3: on the right path.
[43:50] Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. Have you ever been dating someone or
[43:56] Speaker 1: in a relationship with them and you have one of
[43:58] Speaker 1: those like into moments, like your intuition is talking to
[44:02] Speaker 1: you and you don't listen to it, and what happened
[44:06] Speaker 1: m hmm, intuition is araz.
[44:10] Speaker 2: It will like literally you feeling in your stomach for
[44:13] Speaker 2: weeks before you even take action. I feel like, yeah,
[44:17] Speaker 2: that was me. That was me at one point and
[44:19] Speaker 2: I after a few months, because I feel like I
[44:22] Speaker 2: was always if I was not secured in that like
[44:25] Speaker 2: relationship or you know, the person that I was dating,
[44:28] Speaker 2: it was always anxious. And the moment I started learning
[44:32] Speaker 2: about like anxious attachments and all that stuff. Back in
[44:34] Speaker 2: twenty twenty.
[44:35] Speaker 1: Two, have you read the book Attached No But I Sold.
[44:39] Speaker 2: Jay Shutty covered a whole lot of like topics on
[44:42] Speaker 2: like attachments or like anybody that he had on the podcast.
[44:46] Speaker 2: I was always talking about it. So that's how I
[44:49] Speaker 2: became aware of it, and I realized I was anxiously attached.
[44:54] Speaker 2: And then also depends on the season and life that
[44:56] Speaker 2: I'm in. I felt like the well, the last guy
[45:01] Speaker 2: that I was like dating, I feel like I got
[45:05] Speaker 2: anxiously attached on one point and I was like, that's
[45:08] Speaker 2: not good, so I left. I left.
[45:10] Speaker 1: Really you were like, I can't.
[45:12] Speaker 3: Yeah, it's that you were self aware enough to realize
[45:15] Speaker 3: that though that time. Yeah, yeah, I there's a book
[45:20] Speaker 3: I forget what it's called. Shamboojo wrote it about the
[45:22] Speaker 3: attachment styles. That's how I got familiar with it. And
[45:26] Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I see myself and some of
[45:29] Speaker 3: these things my stuff. It was at the time, I
[45:34] Speaker 3: think it was anxious avoidant.
[45:36] Speaker 1: Oh I can be that, and I.
[45:39] Speaker 3: Should take the test again to see how I am now,
[45:41] Speaker 3: because I mean when I read that, that was that
[45:43] Speaker 3: was when it first came out many years ago. We
[45:45] Speaker 3: were in twenty studios agoan streets. This is a long
[45:50] Speaker 3: time ago. But I thought it was so interesting and
[45:52] Speaker 3: it was something that I wasn't familiar with, and you know,
[45:55] Speaker 3: sometimes people are like, I don't know about stuff like that,
[45:58] Speaker 3: but there's a lot of psyche cology behind it, and
[46:01] Speaker 3: plenty of people have spent years and years of researching
[46:03] Speaker 3: and there's something to be said. While you may not
[46:06] Speaker 3: fit every example, if you don't know your attachment style,
[46:10] Speaker 3: you should look at it. I'm constantly striving to have
[46:13] Speaker 3: a secure attachment style. But it was definitely anxious avoid it.
[46:17] Speaker 3: And it's like what that was at the time for me.
[46:21] Speaker 3: It's like anytime anything like didn't go how I thought
[46:26] Speaker 3: it was gonna go or how I wanted it to go,
[46:28] Speaker 3: I would get so nervous and thinks a person was
[46:30] Speaker 3: just gonna leave if there was an argument or even
[46:33] Speaker 3: a minor disagreement, I'm just like panicking and thinking that
[46:36] Speaker 3: the person is gonna run, and so then maybe I
[46:38] Speaker 3: either run or I try to cling on. And it's
[46:41] Speaker 3: just like, girl, I'll let all that shit go. Whatever
[46:43] Speaker 3: was going on back there, you didn't need it. I mean,
[46:45] Speaker 3: it was great for cocktails at the time, but that's
[46:48] Speaker 3: about it. So you're welcome. But yeah, took a lot
[46:52] Speaker 3: of therapy and money and therapy to make it through book.
[46:56] Speaker 1: Well, I'm not gonna lie.
[46:56] Speaker 2: So whenever with the previous guy, it's not the one
[47:00] Speaker 2: that you were thinking with the with the previous guy
[47:04] Speaker 2: with the anxious attached So like he would go like
[47:08] Speaker 2: almost the whole day without like texting me, and I'm
[47:10] Speaker 2: like this is not like, this is not cool. So
[47:13] Speaker 2: then like he would text me at night and then
[47:15] Speaker 2: he'd be like, hey, like you know, I had a
[47:16] Speaker 2: long day, this and this and that. Well turns out
[47:19] Speaker 2: like he had a whole roster, so like I had
[47:23] Speaker 2: every right to feel the way I felt. And what's
[47:25] Speaker 2: crazy is that like one of his little side piece
[47:29] Speaker 2: actually approached me like she has stop. She stopped me
[47:32] Speaker 2: for like six months, y'all six yea six months, and
[47:36] Speaker 2: then like she approached me one time in like in person.
[47:39] Speaker 2: But long story short, Yeah, that intuition was there.
[47:45] Speaker 1: So I had a It was funny because I've been
[47:47] Speaker 1: doing this thing where I'm rereading different journals. Have you
[47:50] Speaker 1: ever done that? Mm hmmm mmm, I'll.
[47:53] Speaker 3: Be losing him, I would like to I haven't stored
[47:56] Speaker 3: in my memory.
[47:57] Speaker 1: It is like reading a book because you get to
[48:00] Speaker 1: see what has changed and what you're still talking about,
[48:03] Speaker 1: and you get to see, like you know, you're on
[48:07] Speaker 1: the other side of what you were whatever was going on.
[48:09] Speaker 1: So the dude who wrote the six page Google doc
[48:12] Speaker 1: about me, I had wrote about him in my journal
[48:14] Speaker 1: and it was so funny because before that happened, I
[48:16] Speaker 1: said in the journals, I know, I can't quite pinpoint it,
[48:19] Speaker 1: but something's off about him, and I don't really like him,
[48:22] Speaker 1: but I'm just going to keep dating him, like I
[48:24] Speaker 1: said that, and then he like I knew something was
[48:26] Speaker 1: off with him, and he wrote that six page Google doc,
[48:30] Speaker 1: sent it to my sister, my mom, my best friend,
[48:32] Speaker 1: and my brother who he didn't know them, and found
[48:35] Speaker 1: my Instagram and sent it to them, and I was like,
[48:37] Speaker 1: well I did I said something was off about him?
[48:39] Speaker 2: Yeah, six pages long about you.
[48:43] Speaker 1: Absolutely it is out old? Was he? He? We were
[48:47] Speaker 1: the same age and this was a few years ago.
[48:49] Speaker 1: I think it was twenty twenty one.
[48:52] Speaker 3: Because like, what would you do? The audacity?
[48:55] Speaker 1: It was wild. It was wild.
[48:56] Speaker 3: No, I think it's been on sale lately because everybody's
[48:59] Speaker 3: been having it. I don't know where where do y'all
[49:01] Speaker 3: pick up your audacity? For the men who are watching this,
[49:04] Speaker 3: please let us know. I would like to get too.
[49:06] Speaker 1: Please.
[49:07] Speaker 3: Two pieces of audacity and content.
[49:09] Speaker 1: Stake one piece, then I get one.
[49:11] Speaker 3: Does it expire?
[49:12] Speaker 1: Do you have to re up?
[49:14] Speaker 2: Like?
[49:14] Speaker 3: What's going on?
[49:16] Speaker 1: All right? Vy? What matters to you when it comes
[49:19] Speaker 1: to the people that you're dating, like, for instance, character
[49:24] Speaker 1: and kindness? How much does character and kindness matter on
[49:27] Speaker 1: the scale?
[49:28] Speaker 2: I mean at the end of the day, that's like
[49:30] Speaker 2: what's going to lead to meet the parents? And just
[49:33] Speaker 2: what's going to keep you around? Because if you're mean, oh,
[49:36] Speaker 2: I don't got something for that. No, because I got
[49:38] Speaker 2: two little girls that I'm bringing along. So it's like,
[49:41] Speaker 2: if you're not meeting those certain like empathy and integrity
[49:46] Speaker 2: and emotional intellectual all that good stuff like it's just
[49:52] Speaker 2: and the leadership, if it's not there, then what would.
[49:56] Speaker 3: You say as an example of something somebody has shown
[49:59] Speaker 3: you that let you know that they are empathetic. Because
[50:03] Speaker 3: it's like sometimes, you know, we say these things that
[50:05] Speaker 3: we want we want a leader, we want somebody who
[50:07] Speaker 3: shows empathy, we want somebody who is kind, But what
[50:11] Speaker 3: does it actually look like for you?
[50:13] Speaker 2: Okay, I'm like not even trying to blush, but the
[50:16] Speaker 2: night so here, recently, I've been like very overstimulated and
[50:20] Speaker 2: like I was opening up to the guy that I'm
[50:22] Speaker 2: dating and I was telling him, I was like, yeah,
[50:24] Speaker 2: I got overstimulated and I just like I just had
[50:26] Speaker 2: to like walk away from whatever event that I was
[50:29] Speaker 2: at m And then he was like, so when that happens,
[50:32] Speaker 2: He was like, how can I be there for you?
[50:35] Speaker 2: As you know, how can I be there for you?
[50:38] Speaker 2: And I was like, no one has ever asked me
[50:41] Speaker 2: that question, so I don't even know, so not gonna
[50:43] Speaker 2: say that can really just like all right, like he's
[50:46] Speaker 2: he's a good catch. I feel like he asks all
[50:48] Speaker 2: the right questions that has me looking at him that
[50:51] Speaker 2: he is definitely like a high value man and a leader.
[50:57] Speaker 3: When he asked you that and you didn't have an answer,
[50:59] Speaker 3: did you figure out the answer? Since this like what
[51:02] Speaker 3: could he have done?
[51:03] Speaker 1: No?
[51:03] Speaker 2: Actually I was thinking about it earlier today too. I
[51:06] Speaker 2: feel like I do need space, but I also it's
[51:09] Speaker 2: like calm my mind. You don't even have to like talk,
[51:13] Speaker 2: you could just wrap my feet. I don't know something
[51:16] Speaker 2: that is just like because I've always been that type
[51:19] Speaker 2: of persons just isolate, and I feel like I don't
[51:24] Speaker 2: know if that's going to change because I don't know
[51:27] Speaker 2: if it's like words. I know at the end of
[51:28] Speaker 2: the day, it's like it's going to be okay. But
[51:30] Speaker 2: I've been so like hyper independent.
[51:32] Speaker 3: In my whole life, and I feel.
[51:34] Speaker 2: Like I don't know if that's going to change.
[51:37] Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's okay as long as I think, as
[51:39] Speaker 3: long as you find somebody who can understand that, you
[51:42] Speaker 3: can communicate that too. So like you told him I
[51:44] Speaker 3: was overstimulated this event, and now you're thinking about it, it's
[51:46] Speaker 3: like maybe if he just would have touched you in
[51:49] Speaker 3: a non sexual way, but something to let you know
[51:51] Speaker 3: I'm here, and maybe you don't even feel like talking
[51:53] Speaker 3: about it. That's how I feel sometimes, like I don't
[51:55] Speaker 3: always want to talk about stuff. Sometimes it's like I
[51:58] Speaker 3: know that I'm being a bit dreman in the moment
[52:01] Speaker 3: and it's nothing that anybody can say or do to
[52:03] Speaker 3: fix it, because it was just like maybe it was
[52:05] Speaker 3: just too fucking loud in there. It's a lot of noise,
[52:08] Speaker 3: it's a lot of people. There's so much going on.
[52:10] Speaker 3: I need a breather or you know, if it is
[52:13] Speaker 3: hectic for whatever reason in my day, sometimes it's nice
[52:17] Speaker 3: to have somebody who'll just sits there and rub your leg,
[52:19] Speaker 3: rub my foot. It's still swollen and still a few falls.
[52:26] Speaker 1: Oh so we didn't heal correctly.
[52:29] Speaker 3: Well, the bone is a line. But I've had several falls.
[52:32] Speaker 3: So I'm still doing my physical therapy and everything. It's
[52:34] Speaker 3: only been a year. She had a surgery on my foot,
[52:39] Speaker 3: and then shortly after the surgery, and then multiple times
[52:42] Speaker 3: throughout my healing process, which is a year, I fail
[52:47] Speaker 3: several times. So yeah, so it's not as swell swollen. Yeah,
[52:51] Speaker 3: so sometimes I just need somebody rubb this foot. Yeah,
[52:54] Speaker 3: I feel it, and not hump it.
[52:56] Speaker 1: That baby was really humping on your whole leg. Be
[53:00] Speaker 1: tired out, just tired.
[53:02] Speaker 3: That's how it. Guys are just ignored and let it happen,
[53:05] Speaker 3: let it ride.
[53:06] Speaker 1: How important on this scale, Let's say one to ten,
[53:10] Speaker 1: ten being the worst, tim being the best, one being
[53:12] Speaker 1: the worst, and give us a number. How important is communication?
[53:17] Speaker 2: Ten?
[53:19] Speaker 1: Ten?
[53:20] Speaker 2: M Uh. I feel like I'm the type of person
[53:25] Speaker 2: that I want to resolve the issue right then and there.
[53:29] Speaker 2: And this is like due to like my ex husband,
[53:32] Speaker 2: Like anytime he would like there's like a little confrontation happening,
[53:35] Speaker 2: he would just run away and then would like come
[53:38] Speaker 2: back and act like nothing happened, so like the situation
[53:40] Speaker 2: would never get resolved. So no, I need the communication.
[53:44] Speaker 2: That's very important.
[53:45] Speaker 1: Do you feel like you're a good communicator.
[53:47] Speaker 3: I can't be.
[53:48] Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna tell you like right then and there.
[53:51] Speaker 2: I don't like try to go behind, you know, sugarcoat things.
[53:55] Speaker 2: I'm very direct, so I'm like, this is what's bothering me.
[53:58] Speaker 2: Let's work on that. And if it's like, I'll give
[54:00] Speaker 2: you like two chances.
[54:02] Speaker 1: It's so interesting with people when we talk about communications,
[54:05] Speaker 1: because we can do that part of the communication, but
[54:07] Speaker 1: then when someone's like how can I help you, We're like.
[54:09] Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't know.
[54:10] Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know.
[54:11] Speaker 1: Maybe I think it goes both ways, like communication is
[54:15] Speaker 1: a I don't know if it'll ever be a ten.
[54:16] Speaker 1: At least in my world. It's a constant like work,
[54:20] Speaker 1: because there have been situations where certain things I'm okay
[54:22] Speaker 1: with communicating, and then there's other moments where it'll come
[54:24] Speaker 1: up and maybe this never came up before, and I'm
[54:26] Speaker 1: like I don't even know, or.
[54:28] Speaker 2: Like I feel like because we've never been asked those questions,
[54:31] Speaker 2: we've never been asked. I feel like I've never been
[54:33] Speaker 2: asked that question, because it's like, if I'm opening up
[54:35] Speaker 2: to the guy, you'd be like yeah, Like I'm like, oh, damn,
[54:39] Speaker 2: that's crazy.
[54:40] Speaker 3: I'm definitely hurt that we're definitely heard.
[54:45] Speaker 1: Still, there's a level of communication in a scenario like
[54:48] Speaker 1: that where I just feel like women aren't comfortable in saying, hey,
[54:51] Speaker 1: I really would like some help. Yeah you know what
[54:54] Speaker 1: I mean. Like I don't want you to just like
[54:55] Speaker 1: be like, oh, that's crazy, Like this is what I
[54:57] Speaker 1: would have, this is what I need, Can you provide it?
[54:59] Speaker 3: Yeah? Really, I think it's true for both sexes because
[55:02] Speaker 3: men don't do it either. And I think sometimes that's
[55:04] Speaker 3: where some of the little bickering or other issues come.
[55:08] Speaker 3: It's because you're holding on to something. And while we
[55:10] Speaker 3: all say we know that nobody can read our minds,
[55:12] Speaker 3: it's like you would think that a person just knows,
[55:15] Speaker 3: Like how many times have people said that you should
[55:17] Speaker 3: just know that this is what I need.
[55:21] Speaker 2: That?
[55:21] Speaker 1: Because it doesn't make sense.
[55:23] Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's like I think that everybody does it
[55:25] Speaker 3: in different ways, and then when those needs aren't being met,
[55:29] Speaker 3: it manifests in different ways and it comes to a head,
[55:32] Speaker 3: and then it's like a problem, or maybe this person
[55:34] Speaker 3: shuts down totally because they feel like you don't care,
[55:39] Speaker 3: or you know, all sorts of things. It's hard to
[55:41] Speaker 3: open your mouth and say it sometimes. But I think
[55:44] Speaker 3: to the flip side of that is how comfortable do
[55:47] Speaker 3: you make someone to share? Like when somebody does tell
[55:51] Speaker 3: you an issue that they have or something that they
[55:53] Speaker 3: didn't like, do you have a big reaction that could
[55:58] Speaker 3: be negative or do you receive use the information? Well,
[56:01] Speaker 3: some I find with myself. I won't speak for anyone else,
[56:03] Speaker 3: but I have to consciously work on when somebody expresses
[56:08] Speaker 3: anything negative towards me, how am I reacting to that?
[56:13] Speaker 3: Because if I have a reaction that puts them on
[56:16] Speaker 3: defense or makes them feel a way, then it's like
[56:19] Speaker 3: how you really expect to resolve it? Because now you're
[56:22] Speaker 3: upset because somebody is telling you something, but you would
[56:24] Speaker 3: want them to tell you if you care to fix it,
[56:26] Speaker 3: And if you don't care to fix it, why are
[56:28] Speaker 3: you around said person? You got to think about that
[56:31] Speaker 3: and how you react. And when both people in any
[56:34] Speaker 3: relationship are conscious of that and try to do better,
[56:38] Speaker 3: I can tell you it helps out a lot. I
[56:40] Speaker 3: was working on that with someone and I was like,
[56:42] Speaker 3: you know, I gotta not have such an attitude and
[56:46] Speaker 3: control my facial expressions. So I just make sure I
[56:50] Speaker 3: get my boattox every month because it's hard. It's a
[56:53] Speaker 3: conscious mind effort, but sometimes you know, you can't help
[56:55] Speaker 3: when you have to look at somebody crazy. Now, I
[56:57] Speaker 3: don't get it in my neck, so like if I
[56:59] Speaker 3: have to cack that head or look like I'm still
[57:03] Speaker 3: working on it. It's all work in progress. But I'm
[57:05] Speaker 3: trying not to be so quick to like what the
[57:07] Speaker 3: fuck are you talking about? Or retorting something back about
[57:10] Speaker 3: what they did. Well, today's not your term.
[57:12] Speaker 2: It should have spoken up when that happened.
[57:16] Speaker 3: But you gotta take it and like, okay, let me
[57:19] Speaker 3: let me think.
[57:20] Speaker 2: Are you a retired crush out? Are you a retired
[57:22] Speaker 2: crush out?
[57:23] Speaker 3: No, I'm a retired ghoster because I will leave boy,
[57:27] Speaker 3: you know, and I don't want to be like that
[57:28] Speaker 3: for it if that's not cool, or I just sit
[57:31] Speaker 3: there and take stuff and it's like, for what are
[57:35] Speaker 3: you trying to pretend to be something that you're not?
[57:38] Speaker 3: Like what is this? I don't know what that was about,
[57:39] Speaker 3: but like that phase is over to and it's just like, Okay,
[57:42] Speaker 3: I'm not crashing out. I'll listen. I'm not always gonna agree,
[57:46] Speaker 3: but I'm not going to be so argumentative. That's the
[57:49] Speaker 3: part I'm working on. Don't go tit for tat. Don't
[57:52] Speaker 3: be trying to hip below the belt. You don't like
[57:54] Speaker 3: it when it happens to you, so why do that
[57:55] Speaker 3: to somebody else? But I will vocalize that too, because
[57:59] Speaker 3: you can keep going. Do you ever get you eventually?
[58:01] Speaker 2: Huh? Do you ever get your look back?
[58:02] Speaker 3: Absolutely? But I ain't trying to do that no more.
[58:05] Speaker 3: I want to close that chapter. I don't well, yeah,
[58:09] Speaker 3: I'm trying to close that chapter. I don't think i'll do.
[58:11] Speaker 2: That's the one that you never deserve it.
[58:14] Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't want to be that vengeful person sometime.
[58:19] Speaker 2: I mean, okay, but you just got to go down
[58:21] Speaker 2: the list. Always like the check market.
[58:23] Speaker 1: Especially good you're trying to just be a good hum
[58:27] Speaker 1: you ever's been watching something and you stily about to
[58:31] Speaker 1: like roast somebody or like be like or go to
[58:33] Speaker 1: the comments. I know, and it's like, oh, stop, stop
[58:36] Speaker 1: stop doing that.
[58:37] Speaker 3: Just love everybody right now, I just do it with
[58:40] Speaker 3: less people. I call my sister Mallory and we do it.
[58:42] Speaker 3: We were doing it a lot over the past two weeks.
[58:44] Speaker 3: There's a lot of stuff going on in our lives,
[58:45] Speaker 3: well a lot of people's lives, and we were like,
[58:48] Speaker 3: you know what, we're the only two that we can
[58:51] Speaker 3: just sit and do this with. We've got to let
[58:52] Speaker 3: it out. If we don't let it out, it's going
[58:54] Speaker 3: to come out. And it's about to be Thanksgiving. So
[58:57] Speaker 3: we don't need to whoa to think about cancer. But yeah,
[59:01] Speaker 3: it could do that too, so mm hmm. Hopefully we'll
[59:04] Speaker 3: stop doing that with each other because we're enabling.
[59:06] Speaker 1: Okay, okay, last one, shared life goals. What are some
[59:12] Speaker 1: life goals that just need to like the person has
[59:14] Speaker 1: to be like this is what I want out of
[59:17] Speaker 1: life or they don't want that out of life and
[59:20] Speaker 1: you're like, ah, I can't really for me. It's like
[59:23] Speaker 1: if you if you do not want to be a
[59:26] Speaker 1: husband and you do not want to be a father,
[59:29] Speaker 1: and there are some people who are husbands and fathers
[59:30] Speaker 1: and they don't want to be I don't want show
[59:33] Speaker 1: to be like don't pay I don't like that has
[59:36] Speaker 1: to be like that's what it's a want for you,
[59:37] Speaker 1: not you're like, well, I guess if you just gotta
[59:39] Speaker 1: get married, it's baker, that's a whole deal. Break Like,
[59:43] Speaker 1: we gotta be in alignment with that.
[59:44] Speaker 2: I mean, you have to want to be in a
[59:47] Speaker 2: committed marriage and have kids because if, like, if you're
[59:51] Speaker 2: just doing it just to knock off a few goals, yeah,
[59:53] Speaker 2: you're never gonna be satisfied. But no, I that's the
[59:57] Speaker 2: one thing. I'm just I'm glad that I'm like, I
[1:00:00] Speaker 2: I'm open to getting married again. Children are on the table.
[1:00:05] Speaker 2: I want two more. I want to live somewhere by
[1:00:10] Speaker 2: the beach. I'm thinking Miami, Miami. Yeah, Dubai was on
[1:00:15] Speaker 2: the list, but we'll see if we even go that far.
[1:00:19] Speaker 1: But but are you saying if he was like, I
[1:00:21] Speaker 1: don't want to live in Miami ever, Miami's not my spot,
[1:00:23] Speaker 1: you would be like, I can't date you.
[1:00:26] Speaker 2: I don't think I'm gonna go for anybody that isn't
[1:00:28] Speaker 2: willing to like move out of Atlanta. So I think,
[1:00:31] Speaker 2: I mean, I like Atlanta first, you know what it is.
[1:00:34] Speaker 2: But it's just like we're just not in alignment. Yeah,
[1:00:38] Speaker 2: because I want to be by the beach. I want
[1:00:39] Speaker 2: to be in a high rise or a house or whatever,
[1:00:42] Speaker 2: like both entrepreneurs. You know, I think living a lavish lifestyle. Yeah,
[1:00:51] Speaker 2: but I don't want to always be outside either.
[1:00:53] Speaker 3: So well, you said being a father.
[1:01:00] Speaker 1: If you don't believe in God, if you are not,
[1:01:04] Speaker 1: if we not, if you're not a man of God,
[1:01:06] Speaker 1: I don't think not. I don't think it won't. It
[1:01:08] Speaker 1: just won't work it where I'm at right now in life,
[1:01:10] Speaker 1: it would. I'm not sure that some major traditional things
[1:01:13] Speaker 1: that I would like would even happen. So I think
[1:01:16] Speaker 1: those are my main ones. Man of God. You need
[1:01:18] Speaker 1: to want to be a family man, a husband. Yeah.
[1:01:24] Speaker 1: Forgiving able to be vulnerable, I'm looking dead in that camera,
[1:01:33] Speaker 1: Like the vulnerability party doesn't have to be perfect, but
[1:01:36] Speaker 1: I need you to try, like I want somebody who's
[1:01:38] Speaker 1: like you're able to just try.
[1:01:42] Speaker 2: I think it's hard for men to be vulnerable because
[1:01:45] Speaker 2: I feel like they've probably had an experience where the
[1:01:48] Speaker 2: woman like use that against them like that black male.
[1:01:51] Speaker 1: So have we yeah you know what I mean? Like
[1:01:53] Speaker 1: so have women Like I say that all the time
[1:01:54] Speaker 1: when when men are like it's easy for y'all, it's not.
[1:01:57] Speaker 3: It's not easy. And I also think it's something that's taught,
[1:01:59] Speaker 3: and sometimes like there's a reason that when you do
[1:02:02] Speaker 3: go to therapy, or even if you don't go and
[1:02:05] Speaker 3: you're just watching YouTube and instagram therapists and you think
[1:02:08] Speaker 3: that's the same, it's not. But even still, when they
[1:02:11] Speaker 3: talk about asking about your childhood, it's because those are
[1:02:14] Speaker 3: the formative years, and so when you are discouraged from
[1:02:18] Speaker 3: doing that, it is very hard to change later you've
[1:02:23] Speaker 3: been years and years and years of being told, shown
[1:02:27] Speaker 3: and taught that that's not what you should do. I
[1:02:30] Speaker 3: had a conversation with somebody a couple months ago and
[1:02:35] Speaker 3: I was doing an interview and one of the camera
[1:02:39] Speaker 3: people that was there we had a conversation after, and
[1:02:41] Speaker 3: he was saying how men should not be vulnerable with
[1:02:46] Speaker 3: their women and open up about what's going on with them.
[1:02:48] Speaker 3: And I was like wow, and he was like forty
[1:02:51] Speaker 3: something right, And so I would expect like a child
[1:02:55] Speaker 3: to say this because this is what he thinks. But
[1:02:58] Speaker 3: I was like, well what. I was curious because I'm like,
[1:03:00] Speaker 3: this is so crazy to me, but let me ask
[1:03:03] Speaker 3: him why he feels that way. And he was very
[1:03:05] Speaker 3: stern in his views and saying that this is how
[1:03:08] Speaker 3: he was taught and this is how he was brought up,
[1:03:11] Speaker 3: and he should not be saying these things to his
[1:03:14] Speaker 3: woman because it's going to make her think that he
[1:03:16] Speaker 3: is weak and he just needs to figure it out.
[1:03:19] Speaker 3: And men need to learn to find solutions. And I
[1:03:21] Speaker 3: was like, I understand wanting to find a solution and
[1:03:24] Speaker 3: figuring it out, but what's wrong We're talking about your wife,
[1:03:27] Speaker 3: not some girl off the street. If this is your
[1:03:29] Speaker 3: wife and you're going through it and y'all are a
[1:03:31] Speaker 3: team no matter how the balance of power works in
[1:03:35] Speaker 3: your relationship, what's wrong with letting her know and you
[1:03:39] Speaker 3: never know what she can do to help you? Is
[1:03:43] Speaker 3: that not your helpmate? Like you want to talk about
[1:03:46] Speaker 3: traditional things. Where are these traditional ideas for you coming from?
[1:03:50] Speaker 3: And what's wrong with sharing that? And I asked, are
[1:03:53] Speaker 3: you afraid that it's going to get thrown back at
[1:03:56] Speaker 3: you or it's going to be used as a weapon.
[1:03:58] Speaker 3: He was like, no, you just don't do that to
[1:04:00] Speaker 3: always be strong. And I said, and I think that
[1:04:01] Speaker 3: that's why you might die have a heart attack and
[1:04:04] Speaker 3: y'all be having high blood pressure and stress. And I
[1:04:07] Speaker 3: ain't want to say it at the moment, but I
[1:04:08] Speaker 3: was thinking, that's why you're botting too, because you're holding
[1:04:10] Speaker 3: all of this stress in your body and it's manifesting
[1:04:13] Speaker 3: and physical stress literally causes hair loss in everybody, bad
[1:04:18] Speaker 3: skin and everything else. See, it's making my girl down
[1:04:20] Speaker 3: here upset, and you just can't be doing that. And
[1:04:23] Speaker 3: I'm like, if you're with somebody who loves you, hopefully
[1:04:27] Speaker 3: this person will be open. I will speak for myself.
[1:04:30] Speaker 3: If I was with a man who was feeling down
[1:04:33] Speaker 3: and he used to share some things where maybe he
[1:04:36] Speaker 3: could be considered weak, he should feel comfortable enough to
[1:04:38] Speaker 3: share with me, and maybe I can be the person
[1:04:41] Speaker 3: to encourage him or uplift him. That's what we're there for.
[1:04:45] Speaker 3: Should be both of us doing this for each other.
[1:04:48] Speaker 3: You got a partner that's gonna be there for you.
[1:04:49] Speaker 3: I shouldn't be looking at you like you're weak because
[1:04:52] Speaker 3: you're having a bad day. I don't think that you
[1:04:53] Speaker 3: have it all figured out.
[1:04:55] Speaker 1: There's so much power in being able to say, look,
[1:04:58] Speaker 1: this is hard for me.
[1:05:00] Speaker 3: I'm having a rough time.
[1:05:01] Speaker 1: People really don't look at those moments as like this
[1:05:04] Speaker 1: is a moment of you get to know somebody better.
[1:05:08] Speaker 1: I'm really starting to think that like people don't really
[1:05:10] Speaker 1: want to know people. You want it to stay on
[1:05:12] Speaker 1: this like a certain type of surface level, get kind
[1:05:15] Speaker 1: of deep, but let's keep everything pretty. And it's like,
[1:05:18] Speaker 1: I'm your wife. I don't need a facade. I need
[1:05:20] Speaker 1: to know what's really going on. Why are you stressed?
[1:05:23] Speaker 1: I can't have no facade. I will I'll be having
[1:05:25] Speaker 1: my hair falling out and acting crazy and scratching like crazy.
[1:05:28] Speaker 3: And you're as expensive if you're don't have to buy
[1:05:30] Speaker 3: it when it all falls out, you know, nobody going
[1:05:35] Speaker 3: to Turkey.
[1:05:37] Speaker 1: Well, if I start, yeah, say things like that, it
[1:05:42] Speaker 1: also makes me wonder, like do you have a woman
[1:05:44] Speaker 1: in your life that does she know how to be
[1:05:48] Speaker 1: soft to that part of you?
[1:05:50] Speaker 2: But you have to remember the fact that, like the
[1:05:53] Speaker 2: growing up was so different as a millennial and then
[1:05:57] Speaker 2: like being raised by what are what are our parents
[1:05:59] Speaker 2: called boomers? Yeah, it was completely different, definitely different. So
[1:06:04] Speaker 2: it's like and then to like even be soft or
[1:06:07] Speaker 2: like be vulnerable, that's all new as like post COVID,
[1:06:10] Speaker 2: you know, it's started being more information about it and yeah,
[1:06:15] Speaker 2: and just even seeking like therapy, So a lot of
[1:06:17] Speaker 2: people are just newly exposed to it and I feel
[1:06:20] Speaker 2: like our side of like explore page, Instagram. You know,
[1:06:24] Speaker 2: if you're not really seeking it, it's never gonna pop
[1:06:26] Speaker 2: up on your feet.
[1:06:27] Speaker 3: And that's why people got to look at more things
[1:06:29] Speaker 3: in social media and get outside to touch graphs and
[1:06:32] Speaker 3: have different experiences in your life and interact with real people.
[1:06:36] Speaker 3: The Internet is great, y'all'll leave the Internet. We need you,
[1:06:39] Speaker 3: but there's other places to go, and it's important to
[1:06:42] Speaker 3: go out and interact with people who can talk to
[1:06:45] Speaker 3: you about what's really going on in their day to
[1:06:47] Speaker 3: day life, good, better, and different versus the curated things
[1:06:51] Speaker 3: that they put out, you know, and you just never
[1:06:54] Speaker 3: know what people are going through if you don't tell them.
[1:06:56] Speaker 3: And that works both ways. So it's like you gotta
[1:06:59] Speaker 3: if you want help or you need help, let somebody know.
[1:07:04] Speaker 3: People can't pull it out of you. And if you
[1:07:07] Speaker 3: are living your life in a facade like you're never
[1:07:09] Speaker 3: going to get what you want. You're not going to
[1:07:11] Speaker 3: attract it because everybody thinks you're okay. You know, you
[1:07:16] Speaker 3: just got to reach out and touch well. On that note,
[1:07:19] Speaker 3: we're out of time for the topics, but we do
[1:07:22] Speaker 3: want you to help us answer some questions from our listeners.
[1:07:52] Speaker 3: If you have a question that you would like for
[1:07:54] Speaker 3: us to answer on the show, send it in email
[1:07:56] Speaker 3: us Advice at cocktailspod dot com advice in the subject
[1:08:01] Speaker 3: line okay Veronica.
[1:08:05] Speaker 1: This person titled this advice letter f my baby Daddy.
[1:08:10] Speaker 1: Hey ladies, So a little backstory. I was with my
[1:08:13] Speaker 1: ex for four years, two being together physically, and two
[1:08:16] Speaker 1: of those years he has been in prison. I loved
[1:08:20] Speaker 1: this man with everything in me, and I genuinely I
[1:08:23] Speaker 1: just thought about something. I'll tell the story after. I
[1:08:26] Speaker 1: loved this man with everything in me, and I genuinely
[1:08:28] Speaker 1: thought he was my husband up until about two weeks
[1:08:31] Speaker 1: ago when he admitted to cheating on me when I
[1:08:34] Speaker 1: was pregnant. I'm heartbroken and find myself randomly crying here
[1:08:38] Speaker 1: and there. I don't understand how you can be there
[1:08:41] Speaker 1: through the entire pregnancy, have sex with me, rub my body,
[1:08:44] Speaker 1: buy me anything and everything, then cheat on me knowing
[1:08:48] Speaker 1: I'm carrying your baby. I personally wouldn't have rather. I
[1:08:52] Speaker 1: personally would have rather him leave me while pregnant or
[1:08:55] Speaker 1: give me the cold shoulder. I don't fake, Oh, don't
[1:08:58] Speaker 1: fake fuck me. I know these I know these men
[1:09:03] Speaker 1: ain't a big catch. But the fact that no signs
[1:09:07] Speaker 1: were there, I don't do what that means. They're not
[1:09:10] Speaker 1: a big cat now. Gotta use punctuation, man, Yeah, But
[1:09:13] Speaker 1: the fact that no signs were there and he constantly
[1:09:17] Speaker 1: reassured me that I was everything he's ever wanted and
[1:09:19] Speaker 1: that our family meant the world to him is mind
[1:09:21] Speaker 1: blowing to me. This is not only disloyal but betrayal
[1:09:26] Speaker 1: and a stab in the back. I will say that
[1:09:28] Speaker 1: I'm thankful he was in prison at the time, because
[1:09:30] Speaker 1: I might have took it harder had we still had
[1:09:33] Speaker 1: that physical and sexual attachment. I often find myself daydreaming
[1:09:37] Speaker 1: about who he had sex with where I was at
[1:09:39] Speaker 1: the time, if he bought somebody, if he brought somebody
[1:09:41] Speaker 1: in our home, if he had raw sex, does she
[1:09:43] Speaker 1: look better than me, is her body in a better
[1:09:46] Speaker 1: shape than mine? Etc. I love him, but I love
[1:09:50] Speaker 1: him bad. But I did decide to leave because disloyalty
[1:09:52] Speaker 1: is not a flaw that I have, and I'll be
[1:09:54] Speaker 1: damned if I be with someone who can't even be
[1:09:56] Speaker 1: faithful to me while carrying their child. I'm proud of you, girl.
[1:10:00] Speaker 1: Outside of being extremely heartbroken, I'm extremely embarrassed. This is
[1:10:03] Speaker 1: the only guy I've had around my other child, my family. Hell,
[1:10:07] Speaker 1: I even was around his child and his family. I'm
[1:10:09] Speaker 1: extremely embarrassed to let everyone know we're no longer together
[1:10:12] Speaker 1: because a lot of people told me to leave him
[1:10:14] Speaker 1: when we got when he got locked up due to
[1:10:16] Speaker 1: a lot of prisoners cheating. To also add this, to
[1:10:21] Speaker 1: also add, this is the second man I have a
[1:10:23] Speaker 1: child with that I'm not with. I guess my advice
[1:10:26] Speaker 1: to you guys is how do I get out of
[1:10:27] Speaker 1: the phase of being embarrassed that we're no longer together
[1:10:30] Speaker 1: and that I'm a single baby mama with two kids,
[1:10:32] Speaker 1: two baby daddies. I'm just so torn. No man from
[1:10:35] Speaker 1: my father down to any man I've been with, has
[1:10:38] Speaker 1: genuinely loved me, nor have they ever been faithful to
[1:10:41] Speaker 1: be one hundred percent honest. I feel worthless, disgusted in
[1:10:44] Speaker 1: myself and my decisions. I feel like a dummy. I'm
[1:10:47] Speaker 1: honestly disgusted to even write this in Please just tell
[1:10:50] Speaker 1: me something. I have no one to even talk to
[1:10:52] Speaker 1: this about. And I love you both, by the way.
[1:10:55] Speaker 1: First of all, I want to say thank you for
[1:10:56] Speaker 1: the honesty.
[1:10:58] Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm so sorry that you're going through this and
[1:11:01] Speaker 3: sending love right back to you.
[1:11:03] Speaker 1: That is I think the embarrassed. Let's talk about being
[1:11:09] Speaker 1: embarrassed part girl, Sweet baby girl, I want you to
[1:11:13] Speaker 1: put your hand on your heart when I tell you,
[1:11:16] Speaker 1: if you really took a walk through anybody's real life,
[1:11:20] Speaker 1: we all got more than a few things to be
[1:11:22] Speaker 1: embarrassed for, and a lot of people don't ask for
[1:11:25] Speaker 1: help about it, and they're still lying about it and
[1:11:27] Speaker 1: they're not telling the real truth to whoever they're trying
[1:11:29] Speaker 1: to get advice from, because you don't really want somebody
[1:11:31] Speaker 1: to know those embarrassing moments. So I'm telling you, like
[1:11:34] Speaker 1: I felt that so badly. I don't know what it.
[1:11:36] Speaker 1: I don't have kids, but I've definitely done several things
[1:11:39] Speaker 1: where I'm just utterly embarrassed. Go look at the episode
[1:11:42] Speaker 1: with Mandy that still to this day is just like
[1:11:45] Speaker 1: and that's on a minute level. There's larger things I'm
[1:11:48] Speaker 1: embarrassed about in my life. But what I do know
[1:11:50] Speaker 1: is you cannot let that hold you back because, like
[1:11:52] Speaker 1: we were just saying earlier in the episode, you have
[1:11:55] Speaker 1: to constantly work on becoming a whole version of yourself
[1:11:59] Speaker 1: so that you don't tear yourself apart. And one thing
[1:12:01] Speaker 1: that I know, when you have kids and your mother,
[1:12:02] Speaker 1: you got to be there for those babies and you
[1:12:04] Speaker 1: don't want to repeat this cycle for them. And that's
[1:12:07] Speaker 1: not to scare you, that's to encourage you to do better,
[1:12:10] Speaker 1: to know there's purpose for you. You made some mistakes.
[1:12:12] Speaker 1: You got two baby daddies. People kill people. You didn't
[1:12:14] Speaker 1: kill nobody all.
[1:12:15] Speaker 2: Night and at the end of the day, he's in jail,
[1:12:17] Speaker 2: not you.
[1:12:18] Speaker 3: Yeah right, he's the one who messed up the relationship.
[1:12:21] Speaker 3: You seem like you gave both of those men love
[1:12:24] Speaker 3: and beautiful children to show for you, took care of
[1:12:27] Speaker 3: yourself during your pregnancies, all of that. I just hate
[1:12:31] Speaker 3: that that happened to you. But you having two baby daddies,
[1:12:33] Speaker 3: it's not the end of the world at all. You know,
[1:12:35] Speaker 3: you need to look at Look at Kimorley Simmons. She
[1:12:38] Speaker 3: got a few of them. Look at and they keep
[1:12:41] Speaker 3: bouncing back. People will have you on the internet thinking
[1:12:45] Speaker 3: because you're not with the father of your child, that
[1:12:48] Speaker 3: you're worthless. You are not, honey. Plenty of women go
[1:12:51] Speaker 3: through this. Okay, You're not alone in that regard. And
[1:12:56] Speaker 3: as far as being embarrassed, I know that that's something
[1:12:59] Speaker 3: that's really going to take time to heal. And you
[1:13:00] Speaker 3: also have to remind yourself you don't have to tell
[1:13:02] Speaker 3: everybody why that was your relationship that he messed up.
[1:13:06] Speaker 3: You don't owe everybody else in an explanation about why
[1:13:10] Speaker 3: it didn't work. You could just say you know what,
[1:13:13] Speaker 3: you was right and leave it at that. People will
[1:13:15] Speaker 3: let it rest. You just tell them they were right
[1:13:17] Speaker 3: and just move on. And you still keep going and
[1:13:20] Speaker 3: just work on what we were talking about earlier, loving yourself,
[1:13:24] Speaker 3: building yourself up without focusing on attaching to another person.
[1:13:29] Speaker 3: It's going to be hard, but hopefully you have other
[1:13:32] Speaker 3: friends and family and build a community around you and
[1:13:36] Speaker 3: your children, because nothing I would imagine would be easy
[1:13:40] Speaker 3: about raising a kid without their fathers. But this one
[1:13:43] Speaker 3: was in jail, so and you know, usually people be
[1:13:46] Speaker 3: going back a lot of times. So and it doesn't
[1:13:47] Speaker 3: sound like he's trying to live an honest life. You
[1:13:50] Speaker 3: cut your losses early. It's unfortunate that it happened the
[1:13:54] Speaker 3: way that it did, but it's better that it in
[1:13:57] Speaker 3: now than in later down the line, and you suffer
[1:14:00] Speaker 3: more heartache, more heartbreak, and possibly catch.
[1:14:04] Speaker 2: A case and you show don't want that.
[1:14:06] Speaker 1: And these sometimes if you are like me and you
[1:14:08] Speaker 1: when you do mess up and be feeling embarrassed about
[1:14:10] Speaker 1: whatever you did, there was a miss that could be
[1:14:12] Speaker 1: looked at as a mistake in your own eyes. These
[1:14:14] Speaker 1: are those moments when if you do just need to
[1:14:16] Speaker 1: do something because you're like, I want to be accountable
[1:14:18] Speaker 1: and I do want to get out of this cycle.
[1:14:20] Speaker 1: These be the moments when it's like, take a moment
[1:14:21] Speaker 1: off the internet, go on a little hiatus, if you
[1:14:24] Speaker 1: can reflect, reflect self, positive talks to yourself. Get a
[1:14:28] Speaker 1: little journal, even if you don't write in it every day,
[1:14:31] Speaker 1: get the negative thoughts out on the paper, release some Yeah,
[1:14:35] Speaker 1: like just girl, you, I'm sure you are doing the
[1:14:39] Speaker 1: best that you can with the tools that you have.
[1:14:41] Speaker 1: And if you need more tools, we got access to
[1:14:44] Speaker 1: more tools. And always remember that. And if you ain't
[1:14:46] Speaker 1: praying and pray fuks. Yeah.
[1:14:49] Speaker 2: But also I read a little Instagram quote that like
[1:14:53] Speaker 2: literally two days ago, and it said, manchia with what's easier,
[1:14:59] Speaker 2: not what's better.
[1:15:00] Speaker 3: So remind yourself of that.
[1:15:03] Speaker 2: Remind yourself of that. And then even for me, it's
[1:15:05] Speaker 2: like I have two kids. I was married, he'd un
[1:15:08] Speaker 2: cheated on me, he bought escorts and then he tried
[1:15:10] Speaker 2: to hide it, sent dig pics while we're married. Girls
[1:15:14] Speaker 2: tell you. I like when I left his ass, I
[1:15:17] Speaker 2: was like, that's the you thing, that's not a me thing.
[1:15:20] Speaker 2: And I just let it at that. I never gave
[1:15:23] Speaker 2: a shit.
[1:15:23] Speaker 3: About what people said.
[1:15:24] Speaker 2: I didn't. I just left it at that. And and
[1:15:27] Speaker 2: my culture is like, divorce is not the.
[1:15:29] Speaker 1: Thing that you want to do.
[1:15:32] Speaker 2: Him. Yeah, And then like after I left, my parents
[1:15:35] Speaker 2: were like trying to encourage me to like even just
[1:15:37] Speaker 2: like get back with them for the kids, and I'm like,
[1:15:39] Speaker 2: I'm not himn't know.
[1:15:41] Speaker 3: You don't want to show that bad example to people
[1:15:44] Speaker 3: say that a lot, But.
[1:15:45] Speaker 2: Here's be seeing kids, beings.
[1:15:47] Speaker 1: Seeing and they feel the vibes they feel about that
[1:15:50] Speaker 1: forty year old man where it's embedded in him to
[1:15:52] Speaker 1: not be vulnerable as a man, and he balled in
[1:15:54] Speaker 1: and looking crazy. You don't want your little girls to
[1:15:56] Speaker 1: be out here running around chasing after me And they're like, Mama, daddy,
[1:15:59] Speaker 1: that's right. Have you like let me let me pour
[1:16:02] Speaker 1: and reflect and heal. Yeah, And knowing isn't fun. I
[1:16:05] Speaker 1: think it's it's the way that people dotimes talk about, like,
[1:16:07] Speaker 1: and you're gonna heal. It's not gonna be fun. It's ugly,
[1:16:11] Speaker 1: but you're gonna get on the other side of it.
[1:16:12] Speaker 2: There's gonna be a lot of crying sessions.
[1:16:15] Speaker 3: It's like surgery, any surgery, it's like, Okay, once you're
[1:16:18] Speaker 3: done and you believe what other issue, Okay, you're on
[1:16:22] Speaker 3: the other side of it. But that healing process is
[1:16:24] Speaker 3: never fun. You have been cut open and then you're pregnant.
[1:16:28] Speaker 3: You like, I know you you're going through it, but
[1:16:30] Speaker 3: that's all right. You can make it through it.
[1:16:33] Speaker 1: When you've got going through the healing a healing process,
[1:16:35] Speaker 1: because you're gonna go through a few I'm about to
[1:16:37] Speaker 1: buckle up and go on one myself. You feel like
[1:16:40] Speaker 1: you is just getting busted upside your hand with a
[1:16:42] Speaker 1: box of bricks.
[1:16:43] Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's hard to look yourself in the mirror
[1:16:46] Speaker 3: because you're like, damn, I'm looking dusty, Like I'm looking
[1:16:49] Speaker 3: like how I feel like when we're gonna get to
[1:16:51] Speaker 3: the other side. But if you skip steps, you're gonna
[1:16:53] Speaker 3: be right back there. So yeah, I'm praying for you.
[1:16:58] Speaker 3: A positive vibe, not.
[1:17:00] Speaker 1: Really suggest that you read no read Power Moves by
[1:17:05] Speaker 1: Sarah Jakes, but also during the day, during the night,
[1:17:08] Speaker 1: put on some of her YouTube sermons or her listen
[1:17:10] Speaker 1: to her podcasts. It's not super churchy if you're feeling
[1:17:13] Speaker 1: like it's gonna be like that. She talks about her
[1:17:15] Speaker 1: real story getting pregnant at thirteen and she has a
[1:17:17] Speaker 1: whole pastor's daughter. Yeah, and she she was hitting somebody's
[1:17:22] Speaker 1: car because he was cheating on her. The police got called.
[1:17:24] Speaker 1: She worked in the strip club. Listen to some of
[1:17:27] Speaker 1: the stuff so you can hear other people's stories and
[1:17:29] Speaker 1: know that you can come out of this good luck sis.
[1:17:33] Speaker 3: All right, So that's it for the advice this week,
[1:17:36] Speaker 3: and I hope that you guys send her some good
[1:17:38] Speaker 3: positive vibes while you're listening to this. And we're going
[1:17:41] Speaker 3: to move on to the cocktails. So if you would
[1:17:44] Speaker 3: like to share cocktail with us, you can send it
[1:17:46] Speaker 3: in email us put cocktails in the subject line and
[1:17:49] Speaker 3: the email is cocktails at cocktailspod dot com. But if you.
[1:18:04] Speaker 2: Mean you think.
[1:18:07] Speaker 3: Is it some catch in this.
[1:18:12] Speaker 1: Once upon a time not long ago, I was Okay, Veronica,
[1:18:21] Speaker 1: which cocktail do I want to say? Do you have
[1:18:23] Speaker 1: one to share with the girls.
[1:18:28] Speaker 2: Oh no, I mean I'm like any meaning miney moe.
[1:18:33] Speaker 1: Shared the one that is, do any of them have
[1:18:36] Speaker 1: humor to it? Or or maybe give us a luxury one?
[1:18:41] Speaker 2: A luxury one? Mm hm, I feel like I mean
[1:18:45] Speaker 2: I have a few luxury ones. I mean being flown out.
[1:18:48] Speaker 2: That's a pretty luxury the way being blown out?
[1:18:51] Speaker 1: Okay, I feel like that's.
[1:18:53] Speaker 2: A luxury one.
[1:18:54] Speaker 1: The are there details for a story?
[1:18:57] Speaker 2: Mm hmmm? In a good city? And I when I
[1:19:00] Speaker 2: tell you, I was laughing for like four days straight,
[1:19:03] Speaker 2: like my cheeks was hurt. And that's all I gotta say,
[1:19:07] Speaker 2: because yeah, I was with somebody that was like very charismatic.
[1:19:11] Speaker 2: I'm not gonna say when, because this gun can go
[1:19:14] Speaker 2: back way.
[1:19:15] Speaker 1: Till twenty twenty. Let me just say that.
[1:19:18] Speaker 2: But yeah, no, that was That was a good one.
[1:19:21] Speaker 2: That was a good little weekend.
[1:19:23] Speaker 1: Do you want to tell us the story? Where did
[1:19:26] Speaker 1: you go?
[1:19:29] Speaker 3: I think I was just.
[1:19:30] Speaker 2: Like no, I think it was just like he was
[1:19:32] Speaker 2: so funny and I don't think of typically I'm the
[1:19:35] Speaker 2: one that's like clowning and making like jokes. But when
[1:19:39] Speaker 2: I tell you, like he was like he.
[1:19:42] Speaker 3: Matched my freak. He literally went up and above.
[1:19:45] Speaker 2: And yeah, we we did a lot of like bike ridings. Yeah,
[1:19:49] Speaker 2: and around the city and that was really fun.
[1:19:51] Speaker 3: And then and where were we all?
[1:19:55] Speaker 2: I can't say, I can't stay for the viewers.
[1:20:02] Speaker 1: WHOA let me ask you a question about getting fleoid
[1:20:04] Speaker 1: out because some of the girls be confused. They're like,
[1:20:06] Speaker 1: is he gonna fly me out? Did you have any
[1:20:07] Speaker 1: concerns or were you? Like? I just know?
[1:20:10] Speaker 2: So I had met him actually at an event and
[1:20:13] Speaker 2: then I shot my shot and then I beat his
[1:20:18] Speaker 2: ass in like basketball at a little little hooper thing,
[1:20:23] Speaker 2: and after that, I think he just fell in love.
[1:20:28] Speaker 2: We got we gotta keep in touch, and I was like,
[1:20:29] Speaker 2: all right, let me just add you to my the roster.
[1:20:32] Speaker 2: So but I think he was he was great. He
[1:20:36] Speaker 2: was great, and we still keep in touch. I mean,
[1:20:38] Speaker 2: it's like, I think the last time I talked to
[1:20:42] Speaker 2: him was back in except Stember October because it's November now.
[1:20:46] Speaker 2: But yeah, he was a he was a good love.
[1:20:49] Speaker 1: Okay, that might have been the.
[1:20:53] Speaker 2: Yeah, because he's an accountant.
[1:20:56] Speaker 1: Nice that is nice. Little about Yeah. Well, Veronica, thank
[1:21:02] Speaker 1: you so much for joining us on Cocktails. We appreciate
[1:21:05] Speaker 1: you for listening. Let everybody know where they can find
[1:21:07] Speaker 1: you if you want to be found, and let everybody
[1:21:09] Speaker 1: know about your LASH company and how they can book.
[1:21:11] Speaker 2: Okay, well we're going to go to Imbtorres dot com
[1:21:15] Speaker 2: with two s. No, not dot com, sorry on Instagram,
[1:21:18] Speaker 2: but timeless Academy dot com is where you can book
[1:21:21] Speaker 2: your lash appointment and.
[1:21:23] Speaker 1: Make sure you guys book. I need to get a feel,
[1:21:25] Speaker 1: but they still look beautiful when I was in. Oh yeah,
[1:21:30] Speaker 1: Coffeebandan is my code, and I think you get like
[1:21:33] Speaker 1: a small little percentage off of your I think it's
[1:21:36] Speaker 1: we can't even remember. When you book at timeless academy
[1:21:39] Speaker 1: dot com, make sure you use code Coffeebeandan to get
[1:21:42] Speaker 1: your lashes done for Iceland. She gave me these really
[1:21:44] Speaker 1: cute flirty lashes. This is the remnants of them, but
[1:21:48] Speaker 1: it was such a I love when you do your
[1:21:50] Speaker 1: freestyle lash.
[1:21:51] Speaker 2: Oh girl, that's my signature set. I don't even know.
[1:21:54] Speaker 2: I just go in and I just yeah, I.
[1:21:56] Speaker 1: Love a good freestyle on a rap song or a
[1:21:58] Speaker 1: LASH So y'all check out lisacademy dot com. Kiki, you
[1:22:01] Speaker 1: got anything?
[1:22:02] Speaker 3: Yeah, I just want to remind y'all one last time
[1:22:04] Speaker 3: to click the link in the description box so that
[1:22:06] Speaker 3: you can come on this wonderful trip with me to
[1:22:09] Speaker 3: cure us out. I'm really excited about it. And that's
[1:22:12] Speaker 3: it for me. Make sure y'all are following me on
[1:22:14] Speaker 3: Instagram at Kicky said, so.
[1:22:17] Speaker 1: Follow us at Cocktails Podcast and I'm at Coffee Bean Dan.
[1:22:20] Speaker 3: And until next week, you guys, goodbye.
[1:22:23] Speaker 2: Good bye, bye bye bye bye b relation, good bye
[1:22:32] Speaker 2: bye bye try bye bye bye

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