# Ep. 430 "The Working Woman" ft. Jameeka Banks

An episode of [Cocktales with Kiki](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1149484402), 23 Jan 2025, 1 h 17 min.

Audio: https://op3.dev/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/pdst.fm/e/claritaspod.com/measure/pscrb.fm/rss/p/mgln.ai/e/p5972/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/63856373/430_the_working_woman_final_audio_mixdown.mp3

This week Dr. Jameeka Banks captivates us with her incredible story of transformation from incarceration to becoming a beacon of hope and inspiration for many. Her journey reveals the profound impact of the law of attraction and self-care, all while maintaining a strong relationship with God. In our conversation, she emphasizes recognizing relationship red flags and challenges the notion of excusing poor character under the guise of grace. Together, we get into the joys of embracing personal growth, living life to the fullest, and the importance of self-awareness in breaking free from toxic patterns. Jameeka shares her career journey which has been fueled by her desire to break stereotypes and achieve her childhood dreams. As we toast to ambition and meaningful relationships, we highlight the power of connecting with other women and following one’s dreams despite societal constraints. Our discussion flows through intriguing explorations of relationships and gender roles, sprinkled with humor and candid insights into the irrationality of obsessive behaviors and unexpected places for expressing affection. We also discuss the vital role of self-reflection and setting boundaries in maintaining healthy relationships. Whether navigating the complexities of polyamorous relationships or reflecting on the impact of a challenging childhood, we emphasize the importance of effective communication, self-love, and forgiveness. Through laughter and heartfelt moments, and with a little cocktail, or a big one, we invite listeners to recognize and heal toxic patterns, prioritize self-awareness, and ultimately transform adversity into positive change. Join Kiki In Curacao March 19-23- https://www.seekdharma.com/trips/kikis-travel-tribe/ Join Kiki in Negril at Hedo May 21-May 31, 2025 www.worstbehaviortour.com Join Medinah in Arizona! www.paradiseandvibe.com This week's cocktail recipe: The Working Woman Ingredients: Ice, cognac, lemon juice, simple syrup, bitters, sparkling wine, lemon peel Instructions: In a cocktail shaker add the ice, cognac, lemon juice, bitters & simple syrup. Secure the lid and shake vigorously until the outside of the shaker is frosty and cold. Strain the cocktail into a coupe glass and finish with the sparkling wine and lemon peel. Serve. For all promo codes and links for promotions in the episode, follow this link: https://linktr.ee/cocktalesads Contact Us! Advice: advice@cocktalespod.com Cocktales: cocktales@cocktalespod.com Weird Sex: weirdsex@cocktalespod.com Live Show Sponsorship: sales@cocktalespod.com Guest Request/ General Inquiries info@cocktalespod.com Get your Vesper and other Jewelry From Crave https://lovecrave.com/cocktales Get Your Merch & Pre-Order Your Card Game Purchase Merch (Next Drop Arrives December 2024) www.imcurioustoknow.com Get Klassy Baste! Learn to Cook with Kiki www.klassybaste.com Join Kiki's Book Club- January's Book- The Arrangement https://www.patreon.com/kikisaidso Travel with Kiki! We're going to Curacao! Reserve Your Spot Here! Travel With Medinah! Visit ParadiseandVibe.com Interested in sponsoring? Contact sales@cocktalespod.com today! Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cocktales-with-kiki--2818687/support. CONNECT WITH US Follow the host and join the conversation after the episode: Kiki Said So (Kiara Walker) Instagram: @kikisaidso TikTok: @kikisaidso Cocktales With Kiki Instagram:@cocktalespodcast TikTok: @cocktalespodcast Want to be a guest on Cocktales? We are always looking for interesting guests, experts, and storytellers to join the show. If you would like to be considered, please fill out our guest submission form here: Guest Interest Form

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: What's up, everybody. Welcome back to Cocktails, Dirty Discussions. This
[0:04] Speaker 1: is Kiki and I want to give you guys a
[0:06] Speaker 1: sneak peek of what you'll be hearing on today's episode
[0:09] Speaker 1: featuring Jamika Banks.
[0:10] Speaker 2: Have a very special guest with us today.
[0:13] Speaker 3: Doctor Jamika Banks, thank you for having me.
[0:15] Speaker 4: It is so good. I mean, I wish I would
[0:18] Speaker 4: have got two, maybe even three oh three. Now you're small.
[0:22] Speaker 3: Three is a lie.
[0:23] Speaker 4: It was small. It'srous like maybe like this, that's big and.
[0:27] Speaker 5: You want to three of the woe if I go
[0:29] Speaker 5: back and forth into the jails around the United States
[0:31] Speaker 5: and I talk to inmates because I do have experience
[0:33] Speaker 5: with being a previous incarcerated in.
[0:35] Speaker 4: Me, the law of attraction is a real thing. When
[0:38] Speaker 4: I take a look back in my life and look
[0:39] Speaker 4: at some of the things I've attracted. But I'm just like,
[0:41] Speaker 4: I see why that happened because what I was dealing with.
[0:44] Speaker 4: Or you're like, I know you're cheating. I mean, I'm
[0:45] Speaker 4: gonna keep calling like an interest.
[0:46] Speaker 3: I can ruin it. That's what it was.
[0:48] Speaker 5: I don't think about traditional gender role center relationship.
[0:51] Speaker 3: People should do what's best for them.
[0:53] Speaker 4: You still got to do yourself, work, make your dreams
[0:56] Speaker 4: come true. If you have a Bible, adult healthy, put
[1:00] Speaker 4: on your makeup, do your survive, what workout? Are you
[1:05] Speaker 4: doing it off?
[1:05] Speaker 5: My relationship with God comes first. I cannot pour from
[1:08] Speaker 5: emphy cup. That is something that's extremely important that I've
[1:12] Speaker 5: learned on my journey is that people will show you
[1:15] Speaker 5: their red flags of upfront, and we excuse them. Don't
[1:18] Speaker 5: give so much grace that you excuse bad behavior and
[1:22] Speaker 5: poor character.
[1:23] Speaker 2: And now let's get into the show. Yeah yeah, check
[1:28] Speaker 2: one two, check one two.
[1:29] Speaker 4: Is this Mike On?
[1:30] Speaker 2: Is this Mike On?
[1:31] Speaker 4: Hey listen man, it's the one and only Trunks that
[1:33] Speaker 4: a DJ syst And you're listening to cocktails Dirty Discussions.
[1:37] Speaker 2: With Kikia Medina Monroe.
[1:39] Speaker 4: Yeah all right, love back with another villion specialty. This
[1:50] Speaker 4: is not sponsored, but we really like their product. So
[1:53] Speaker 4: today's cocktail is called the Working Woman. Jesus up, grab
[2:01] Speaker 4: your billion. We're not measuring, We're just pouring. And what
[2:05] Speaker 4: you're gonna do is pour it in your cocktail shaker.
[2:08] Speaker 4: Go ahead and pour it up. Ladies, grab your lemon juice.
[2:12] Speaker 4: Shake it up. If you get this brand, because you
[2:15] Speaker 4: won't get the full citrusy flavor. You'll just get weird stuff.
[2:18] Speaker 4: I like lemon everything. So I pour quite a bit
[2:21] Speaker 4: in do like zero point two five ounces of simple syrup.
[2:27] Speaker 4: We're going to shake it up until it gets frosty,
[2:36] Speaker 4: working woman, and then we are going to strain this
[2:44] Speaker 4: into a strain it into a cocktail glass. If you're
[2:47] Speaker 4: trying to be cute. But I've been working a lot
[2:49] Speaker 4: lately and I'm not worried about being cute, bitch. And
[2:53] Speaker 4: then you're going to top it off with your sparkling wine.
[2:56] Speaker 4: I love a good simple drink. This is a working man.
[3:00] Speaker 4: Let's see how it tastes. Is she bitter? Is she happy?
[3:06] Speaker 4: This is one of those scary drinks because you can't
[3:09] Speaker 4: even taste the villion, and I'll poured quite a bit
[3:12] Speaker 4: in there. Cheers to all the working women out there.
[3:14] Speaker 4: Happy to your merry Christmas. Happy Kwanza Shalome. I love you.
[3:20] Speaker 1: Cheers, Welcome back to Cocktails, Dirty Discussion.
[3:24] Speaker 2: To you guys. I am the working Woman also known
[3:27] Speaker 2: as Keiki said so.
[3:28] Speaker 4: And I'm working Woman number two, also known as your
[3:32] Speaker 4: local realtor Medina Monroe.
[3:36] Speaker 1: So this week has been a great week. This is
[3:38] Speaker 1: our last episode that we're probably recording this year. It's
[3:41] Speaker 1: been a yeah, we have been knocking these episodes out
[3:44] Speaker 1: left and right, and we're going out with the Bank.
[3:46] Speaker 1: I mean, y'all probably won't hear this till January, but
[3:48] Speaker 1: we do have a very special guest with us today.
[3:52] Speaker 4: We do. We would have my girl, doctor, doctor, doctor
[3:57] Speaker 4: Jamika Banks. Welcome, doctor Bank. How are you.
[4:00] Speaker 5: I'm wonderful, Thank you for having me. It's an honor
[4:03] Speaker 5: to be here. I super literally honored to be here.
[4:08] Speaker 5: I watch your guys, I'll watch your podcast.
[4:11] Speaker 4: I'm so here to just.
[4:13] Speaker 3: Stay here and now on on the other side of
[4:15] Speaker 3: the screen.
[4:16] Speaker 4: Yes, So a little background on how I met Jamika.
[4:19] Speaker 4: We were at a cocktail making class together. We bring
[4:25] Speaker 4: good people together, Yes, love.
[4:27] Speaker 3: A good cocktail.
[4:28] Speaker 4: And we had such a really good time. And something
[4:30] Speaker 4: that I've been trying to do better with is when
[4:32] Speaker 4: I connect with women, no matter where I'm at getting
[4:35] Speaker 4: their phone numbers, I get the phone number, and then
[4:37] Speaker 4: a lot of the times I never connect, whether it's
[4:39] Speaker 4: at a business level personal and I really do hate that.
[4:42] Speaker 4: Sometimes I'm like, dang, it's too late. I'm not even
[4:44] Speaker 4: gonna reach out ouse you probably remember who I am.
[4:45] Speaker 4: But I've been doing really good this year. Me no, no, no,
[4:48] Speaker 4: I've been doing better this year of like texting and
[4:50] Speaker 4: being like, hey, let's connect. I did that with you.
[4:52] Speaker 4: It took us a minute to connect the dots that
[4:54] Speaker 4: we didn't. We were in communication, and I was just
[4:57] Speaker 4: so happy that I met you. I love your energy,
[5:00] Speaker 4: what you're doing.
[5:01] Speaker 5: Thank you, You're welcome likewise, thank you, and then.
[5:05] Speaker 4: On top of that, you're a baddie likewise.
[5:09] Speaker 5: She was so dressed. When I saw her, I was like,
[5:11] Speaker 5: who is this brown beauty mom?
[5:12] Speaker 3: Shehell want to be.
[5:14] Speaker 4: Her friend, Jimmika, you do quite a bit. One thing
[5:18] Speaker 4: that really stands out to me, and this is just
[5:20] Speaker 4: because I love the aviation industry. I used to be
[5:22] Speaker 4: a flight attendant. You are a pilot.
[5:24] Speaker 3: I am.
[5:25] Speaker 4: What made you wanted to get your pilot license?
[5:28] Speaker 3: You know, it's so crazy because I actually have.
[5:31] Speaker 5: I have to take one more part of my curriculum
[5:34] Speaker 5: in order to actually be licensed and then I'll be
[5:37] Speaker 5: able to fly solo by myself. But I got into it.
[5:40] Speaker 5: I feel like everything that I do is by way
[5:42] Speaker 5: of proving somebody wrong. Like as soon as somebody told
[5:44] Speaker 5: me I can't do something. I'm like, I'm gonna do.
[5:46] Speaker 4: It revenge success.
[5:47] Speaker 3: I'm gonna do it.
[5:48] Speaker 5: I'm gonna do it twice, and i'm gonna record it,
[5:50] Speaker 5: and then i'm gonna let you see it.
[5:52] Speaker 3: Like that's kind of my my approach to things.
[5:54] Speaker 5: So when I was younger, I always had this goal
[5:57] Speaker 5: of wanting to be a pilot, and then it's just
[6:00] Speaker 5: never happened. And then I had an adult as a
[6:03] Speaker 5: as a child try to like squash my dream and
[6:05] Speaker 5: tell me, like all black people don't fly plans.
[6:07] Speaker 4: What who?
[6:13] Speaker 5: When I got older, I was like, you know, into researching.
[6:17] Speaker 5: I was looking into someone I had actually met a
[6:19] Speaker 5: private pilot and it was a guy and he was
[6:22] Speaker 5: just like, listen, this is how you do it.
[6:23] Speaker 3: Go for it, outside it for school.
[6:25] Speaker 4: That's so dope. That's always That's one of those things.
[6:27] Speaker 4: It's just such a even if you're not going to
[6:29] Speaker 4: be like a working pilot, just to be like, yeah,
[6:31] Speaker 4: I got my pilot license, I could fly plane shut.
[6:32] Speaker 1: It because I mean that would be such a cool
[6:35] Speaker 1: experience just to be able to fly around. You can
[6:37] Speaker 1: see things from a different view and like that's a
[6:40] Speaker 1: good weekend experience.
[6:42] Speaker 2: It's like a little adventure. You're just lying above everybody
[6:45] Speaker 2: like a bird. I'm like a bird. I want to
[6:46] Speaker 2: fly away and you can.
[6:47] Speaker 4: I can't. That's a beautiful thing. Like imagine planning that
[6:52] Speaker 4: day and you're like.
[6:53] Speaker 5: I was just about to say that I have in
[6:55] Speaker 5: my mind like when I find my person, I'm going
[6:58] Speaker 5: to take him up there and we're going to watch this.
[7:00] Speaker 4: He's gonna be like what. Wow.
[7:04] Speaker 1: My aunt went on a date recently with a pilot
[7:07] Speaker 1: and that was one of their days.
[7:09] Speaker 2: As she is smitten and she's sending me pictures and stuff.
[7:12] Speaker 2: I was like, this is really cool.
[7:14] Speaker 4: To marry me.
[7:15] Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. Like, when I feel like this
[7:17] Speaker 3: is this is Yeah, that's a man, I want to
[7:19] Speaker 3: take him up there.
[7:20] Speaker 4: Mm hmm. That's that's that's amazing.
[7:23] Speaker 2: Now I want to know what type of doctor are you.
[7:26] Speaker 5: I am a doctor of Humane Letters, so I do
[7:29] Speaker 5: humanitarian and philanthropy work. And so originally I was in
[7:33] Speaker 5: school to be a dentist, and then I ended up
[7:36] Speaker 5: getting a divorce, so I wasn't able to go to
[7:38] Speaker 5: doctor at school for my dentistry degree. And then I
[7:42] Speaker 5: just I just knew I wanted to be because of
[7:44] Speaker 5: the divorce.
[7:46] Speaker 3: Yes, ma'am.
[7:47] Speaker 1: Why what do you mean you said that you weren't
[7:53] Speaker 1: able to go to finish dentistry school because of going
[7:56] Speaker 1: through a divorce.
[7:57] Speaker 4: Uh huh.
[7:58] Speaker 3: And so it's like the stress of it all. No,
[8:00] Speaker 3: it's not distress.
[8:01] Speaker 5: In the state of Georgia, you're not allowed to take
[8:03] Speaker 5: your children out of state without the agreement of the
[8:06] Speaker 5: other parent, and leaving my children with someone else was
[8:09] Speaker 5: just a non negotiable.
[8:10] Speaker 4: Oh wow.
[8:11] Speaker 5: So I literally chose to stay in Georgia and be
[8:14] Speaker 5: a mom, then to go to school, and I.
[8:17] Speaker 3: Said, if it ever doubled back, I would do it.
[8:18] Speaker 5: But then, you know, God kind of shifted me into
[8:20] Speaker 5: other things, and I'm still a doctor.
[8:22] Speaker 3: So the doctor Jamiica Bank still stands.
[8:25] Speaker 4: Sometimes you don't know how you're gonna get there, but
[8:26] Speaker 4: you got there.
[8:27] Speaker 3: You never know.
[8:28] Speaker 2: And now you're helping people in a different way.
[8:30] Speaker 1: Because when we were talking outside, you were talking about
[8:32] Speaker 1: just having a meeting with the senator and all this stuff.
[8:34] Speaker 1: Can you tell us a little bit about the work
[8:36] Speaker 1: you do in the community.
[8:38] Speaker 5: I never know where to begin with this because I
[8:39] Speaker 5: always feel like everything that I do is ministry based.
[8:42] Speaker 5: If I feel like it's a job to me, I
[8:45] Speaker 5: never want to do it, and if I do it,
[8:46] Speaker 5: it's short lived and I don't commit to it because
[8:48] Speaker 5: I have no passion there. So I do everything from
[8:51] Speaker 5: prison ministry. I go back and forth into the jails
[8:53] Speaker 5: around the United States and I talk to inmates because
[8:55] Speaker 5: I do have experience with being a previous incarcerated inmate.
[9:00] Speaker 5: I served nineteen months and then I decided that I
[9:04] Speaker 5: wanted to change my life. So a part of me
[9:05] Speaker 5: being who I am today, I go to those jails.
[9:08] Speaker 5: I do a lot of youth ministry. I am in
[9:10] Speaker 5: the school districts of Georgia, Clayton County, Douglas County. I
[9:15] Speaker 5: go and I mentor individual students and sometimes in a
[9:18] Speaker 5: group where I teach young women things like body image,
[9:21] Speaker 5: I teach them confidence building. I teach them you know
[9:25] Speaker 5: something about themselves that they might not have known, as
[9:27] Speaker 5: far as being beautiful from the inside out.
[9:31] Speaker 3: I do a lot of.
[9:32] Speaker 5: Ministry work in my sorority. I am in Alpha Kapa
[9:34] Speaker 5: Alpha Sorority incorporated women, and we do a lot of
[9:38] Speaker 5: community service base where we just feel the needs in
[9:41] Speaker 5: those resources, whether it's food drives, you know, clothing drives,
[9:45] Speaker 5: just volunteering at other people's events and things like that.
[9:49] Speaker 4: So yeah, you're doing it. Yeah.
[9:52] Speaker 3: I also teach financial literacy. I forgot one. It's new.
[9:55] Speaker 5: I also teach financial literacy at multiple colleges and just
[9:59] Speaker 5: recently with the n Felt Raiders.
[10:01] Speaker 4: I saw you post about that.
[10:02] Speaker 6: I said, oh, very busy.
[10:07] Speaker 5: I love it.
[10:08] Speaker 4: Mm hmm.
[10:09] Speaker 3: I'm very busy.
[10:10] Speaker 5: But you make time for what's important, and that's always
[10:14] Speaker 5: gonna be important to me.
[10:15] Speaker 1: So and speaking of things, it's important, I've got to
[10:17] Speaker 1: know what's going on in your love life?
[10:19] Speaker 2: Are you single in a relationship?
[10:21] Speaker 4: You know?
[10:22] Speaker 1: Where is what's going on with your love life? Before
[10:24] Speaker 1: we get really nosy and play, I'm curious to know.
[10:28] Speaker 5: So my love life, let me just say Atlanta is
[10:32] Speaker 5: the same that Atlanta has P in the dating pool,
[10:34] Speaker 5: it's e Coli and the day he and the economy
[10:40] Speaker 5: when it comes to dating. Okay, but just recently I
[10:44] Speaker 5: started dating again after you know, some time with bad
[10:49] Speaker 5: situationships and I have met somebody that I really really
[10:55] Speaker 5: think is amazing and we're taking time. I just I
[10:59] Speaker 5: just enjoy him so much. He's very supportive, he's such
[11:02] Speaker 5: a high caliber man. He's he's just amazing.
[11:06] Speaker 3: It's a brother.
[11:08] Speaker 2: Smile just thinking about it.
[11:10] Speaker 4: And I'm not.
[11:11] Speaker 5: Sorry because I really deserve a good man, like I
[11:14] Speaker 5: really deserve I feel.
[11:14] Speaker 3: Like every good woman deserves a good man.
[11:17] Speaker 5: So this is probably the first time in a long
[11:19] Speaker 5: time where I have peace, you know, Like you meet
[11:23] Speaker 5: people and it's like.
[11:24] Speaker 3: Red flag, red flag, red flag. This is the first
[11:26] Speaker 3: person where it's like red flag. But is that really
[11:28] Speaker 3: a red flag? Or am I just scared? You know?
[11:31] Speaker 3: And is that mouldable? Is that workable? You know? And
[11:33] Speaker 3: then the communication between him and I is like phenomenal.
[11:36] Speaker 4: I always say, like there, how you're dating and like
[11:40] Speaker 4: what you're going through. It's always like a representation of
[11:43] Speaker 4: like where you're at as far as like the whole meter.
[11:48] Speaker 4: The support is crazy, like but that has a lot
[11:50] Speaker 4: to say about like what you're exuding, you know, Like
[11:54] Speaker 4: the law of attraction is a real thing. When when
[11:56] Speaker 4: I take a look back in my life and look
[11:57] Speaker 4: at some of the things I've attracted, not that it's
[12:00] Speaker 4: all extremely bad, but I'm just like, I see why
[12:02] Speaker 4: that happened because what I was going dealing with. Yeah,
[12:05] Speaker 4: and that exudes that energy is real and you attracted
[12:09] Speaker 4: and so peaceful.
[12:10] Speaker 5: Like you know, like I feel like I've glorified at
[12:13] Speaker 5: some point in time, like toxic relationships.
[12:16] Speaker 4: It was at least you didn't.
[12:18] Speaker 2: Record it's fun. He's not born.
[12:20] Speaker 4: Ye, at least you didn't record it and make it
[12:22] Speaker 4: a podcast and you can go back and listen people
[12:25] Speaker 4: do things like I really liked him, and then we
[12:28] Speaker 4: tell the story and everything it's.
[12:29] Speaker 1: Like, which, why, well we can laugh about it now,
[12:33] Speaker 1: you know on the other side, happened to you?
[12:35] Speaker 2: That's what how Cocktails was born. Like literally, yeah, all
[12:39] Speaker 2: the toxic stories and the different things.
[12:40] Speaker 1: It's like we got to turn lemons into lemonade and
[12:43] Speaker 1: out of some situations and still learning because we've been
[12:45] Speaker 1: doing the show for many years. Yeah, we're over four
[12:49] Speaker 1: hundred episodes in so you congratulation.
[12:53] Speaker 4: Thank you. So we come out with a card game.
[12:55] Speaker 4: It's called I'm Curious to Know, and I curated every
[12:58] Speaker 4: card in this deck. If you haven't purchased it, make
[13:01] Speaker 4: sure you go to I'm Curious to Know dot com
[13:02] Speaker 4: and order your copy now. So we're gonna play I'm
[13:20] Speaker 4: Curious to Know what our good sis, Doctor Banks. You
[13:24] Speaker 4: want to carry.
[13:25] Speaker 3: Sure kind of cards.
[13:26] Speaker 1: It's all kinds of cars. Okay, so this one, this
[13:29] Speaker 1: is an easy one. I'm curious to know who's your
[13:31] Speaker 1: celebrity crush, Michael B.
[13:33] Speaker 3: Jordan's.
[13:35] Speaker 2: She says that quick, fine, Michael.
[13:39] Speaker 5: For me, Michael is just it's Michael.
[13:42] Speaker 4: I love this smile. I am a sucker for a
[13:44] Speaker 4: perfect smile. He got a perfect smile.
[13:48] Speaker 3: Like I've watched his interviews.
[13:49] Speaker 5: I don't even know I liked him until I watched
[13:51] Speaker 5: an interview that he did and I was.
[13:53] Speaker 3: Like, oh my god, Like who is this man?
[13:55] Speaker 5: Yeah, he's just a well spoken and just like confident,
[13:59] Speaker 5: but he has some substance and depth to what he
[14:01] Speaker 5: talks about, Like.
[14:04] Speaker 3: I like Michael B.
[14:04] Speaker 4: Jordan's Okay, okay, I'm curious to know. Have you ever
[14:08] Speaker 4: blown up someone's phone, like called at least ten times
[14:11] Speaker 4: in a row.
[14:12] Speaker 3: Of course I have.
[14:15] Speaker 5: And the crazy part is like that was so many
[14:18] Speaker 5: years ago and at this point I'm not It's so
[14:22] Speaker 5: nobody can give me the crash out. It's like I'm
[14:24] Speaker 5: like standing on business about it, Like I'm not calling you.
[14:27] Speaker 5: I go, I'm ghost queen today, Like you're not calling you?
[14:31] Speaker 4: Yeah, I think we've all done it before, but I
[14:33] Speaker 4: am at the point out I think.
[14:34] Speaker 2: I'm not doing that anymore.
[14:36] Speaker 5: Yeah, like embarrassing. I think I called somebody like over
[14:39] Speaker 5: a hundred times.
[14:40] Speaker 4: I think I have to.
[14:42] Speaker 5: Yeah, he was not answering his phone, and I just
[14:45] Speaker 5: came up with all these crazy scenario. You know, these
[14:47] Speaker 5: tangents were go on, and I was blowing his phone.
[14:50] Speaker 5: He never answered.
[14:52] Speaker 4: That's wild.
[14:54] Speaker 1: And then it's also wild to think like, oh, I'm
[14:57] Speaker 1: gonna call fifty times. Well he didn't answer the first
[14:59] Speaker 1: fifty this speak the first time, and I'm gonna do
[15:03] Speaker 1: it again. I remember thinking like, well, I don't care.
[15:06] Speaker 1: I know he's not going to answer it. But if
[15:08] Speaker 1: I can't get through, nobody can. So I'm just gonna
[15:09] Speaker 1: keep calling. That is crazy.
[15:11] Speaker 4: Or You're like, I know you're cheating. I mean, I'm
[15:12] Speaker 4: going to keep calling so I can interrupt.
[15:13] Speaker 2: I can't ruin.
[15:14] Speaker 5: It was I was like, if he's cheating, I just
[15:17] Speaker 5: want this phone and keep ringing so the girl knows
[15:19] Speaker 5: that somebody's calling his phone, it must be his girlfriend.
[15:24] Speaker 3: That is so crazy.
[15:25] Speaker 2: That is crazy.
[15:26] Speaker 3: That is so crazy.
[15:28] Speaker 2: What is what is your favorite part on a man's body?
[15:36] Speaker 4: I love tea tea.
[15:38] Speaker 5: It's something about a man with nice teeth. Yeah, and
[15:41] Speaker 5: if you got ven ears, if you got ven ears,
[15:44] Speaker 5: please make sure they're done properly, because they're not made equal,
[15:47] Speaker 5: and especially even ears. I just like a man with
[15:50] Speaker 5: a nice smile, and then like if he has a
[15:53] Speaker 5: beard to match that, like a nice beard, that's just
[15:56] Speaker 5: that's just beautiful.
[15:57] Speaker 3: And so this part of the I'm just this half
[16:00] Speaker 3: of the face. It's just ice beard or mustache, nice teeth,
[16:06] Speaker 3: ice lips.
[16:08] Speaker 4: I like a good ankle.
[16:10] Speaker 1: Yeah, you say that often, and I'm always like, I
[16:12] Speaker 1: don't usually notice the ankles, but I get it.
[16:15] Speaker 4: I love a good ankle, something about a perfectly structured ankle,
[16:21] Speaker 4: and it just you just know, and I look at
[16:22] Speaker 4: that ankle.
[16:23] Speaker 3: Are you grabbing ankles?
[16:24] Speaker 4: I don't even grab them. I just like to look
[16:26] Speaker 4: and then I just know. It's so weird question. But
[16:28] Speaker 4: in the bedroom, do you lick them?
[16:30] Speaker 2: I would?
[16:31] Speaker 4: I haven't, but I would. I just like I licked
[16:33] Speaker 4: an ankle.
[16:34] Speaker 3: Ankle.
[16:36] Speaker 1: It was just like one of those places that nobody
[16:38] Speaker 1: really touches. So sometimes, like when I'm really into it,
[16:42] Speaker 1: I want to touch and lick and suck on places
[16:44] Speaker 1: that you just don't even think about the back of
[16:46] Speaker 1: the knee in this little part a little like people
[16:49] Speaker 1: go for the neck, but getting that little nook and
[16:51] Speaker 1: cranny real good or just those things because it's gonna
[16:54] Speaker 1: send a sensation and it's probably never happened before.
[16:56] Speaker 2: And I'm leaving my stamp.
[16:58] Speaker 4: But an ankle, I just like to look at him,
[17:00] Speaker 4: because what I've noticed is when a man has like
[17:02] Speaker 4: a really nice ankle, all of those things that you
[17:04] Speaker 4: said normally match, and he's athletic, he has a nice smile.
[17:07] Speaker 4: That's just how it's been in my world. I'm gonnay
[17:09] Speaker 4: attention to pay attention to ankles, pay attention not to really.
[17:13] Speaker 1: Can you think of somebody who has an ankle or
[17:16] Speaker 1: find an ankle today before we go to show us
[17:18] Speaker 1: like a good.
[17:19] Speaker 2: Ankle, because I do know the reference. I don't like cankeles.
[17:23] Speaker 4: And it's weird because some men will have a cankle,
[17:25] Speaker 4: but they're not heavy set.
[17:26] Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't have to be. Some people just got
[17:29] Speaker 2: big boned ankles.
[17:30] Speaker 4: And if it takes me a minute to find a
[17:31] Speaker 4: picture of an ankle, I'll just make a group chat, and please,
[17:34] Speaker 4: I need to see the place.
[17:35] Speaker 1: I want to see a good one because I'm wondering
[17:37] Speaker 1: if it has like that good muscle coming up, like
[17:39] Speaker 1: what is happening?
[17:41] Speaker 2: And obviously it's not Ashley anyway, And I've got ankles.
[17:44] Speaker 2: What's your next So okay, here's.
[17:45] Speaker 4: My next one. I'm curious to know. Have you ever
[17:50] Speaker 4: knowingly broken someone's heart?
[17:53] Speaker 2: Yeah, tell us about it.
[17:56] Speaker 5: But I tell people have a saying. I don't like
[18:01] Speaker 5: to fight, but I can. I broke his heart because
[18:04] Speaker 5: he played in my face. So it was a get back.
[18:08] Speaker 5: So it wasn't just like a no, it was never
[18:10] Speaker 5: an intentional just I'm just out here dogging somebody. I've
[18:13] Speaker 5: never just intentionally dogged somebody. I'm literally a lover girl.
[18:17] Speaker 5: I really love love, any idea of love and having
[18:20] Speaker 5: my person and a family and all that. Google I
[18:23] Speaker 5: got corny stuff. I love the corny stuff. I'm a
[18:25] Speaker 5: sticker for the corny stuff.
[18:26] Speaker 4: Certified lover girl, certified, stamp it on my head.
[18:30] Speaker 3: But I'll get break. Somebody heard they cheated on me,
[18:33] Speaker 3: So you have to get your back.
[18:36] Speaker 4: Ruled him back in and then and it's wild because
[18:38] Speaker 4: when a woman gets you back, when we get to
[18:40] Speaker 4: the point where we feel like I'm gonna go along
[18:42] Speaker 4: with this walking stomp on your heart. We really get
[18:45] Speaker 4: you back.
[18:46] Speaker 1: You should be scared because it's not gonna be It's
[18:50] Speaker 1: not gonna be like something simple or like a oh
[18:53] Speaker 1: it just happened. It's gonna be well thought out, meticulously planned,
[18:57] Speaker 1: because we want you to hurt exactly that.
[19:01] Speaker 2: Okay, this is my last one.
[19:03] Speaker 1: How do you feel about traditional gender roles in a relationship.
[19:08] Speaker 5: I don't think about traditional gender roles in the relationship.
[19:11] Speaker 5: I honestly feel like people should do what's best for them.
[19:14] Speaker 5: And being someone who was married for ten years, I
[19:16] Speaker 5: can tell you the roles sometimes reverse. What if we
[19:19] Speaker 5: both have good jobs and then he loses his am
[19:22] Speaker 5: I going to tell him he still has to pay
[19:24] Speaker 5: all of the bills if he's in between jobs, right,
[19:26] Speaker 5: And does that mean I'm still not going to cook?
[19:29] Speaker 5: Or what if you know I'm working and we have
[19:31] Speaker 5: kids and they need to eat, does that mean he
[19:34] Speaker 5: doesn't cook? So I just feel like, you know, men
[19:37] Speaker 5: should have certain roles that are gender specific, but as
[19:41] Speaker 5: a broad view, I feel like people should do what
[19:44] Speaker 5: works for them and it's a team effort. The most
[19:47] Speaker 5: successful relationships are not built on gender roles, they're built
[19:50] Speaker 5: on team effort. So that's my take on it.
[19:53] Speaker 4: I think that's a beautiful way to look at it.
[19:55] Speaker 4: And growth is something that's so beautiful because you know,
[19:58] Speaker 4: sometimes I remember when I was younger, and I used
[20:00] Speaker 4: to think in different ways. It really didn't even make sense,
[20:03] Speaker 4: probably because I didn't experience like partnership or like just
[20:06] Speaker 4: real life and we didn't care about somebody. And it's
[20:08] Speaker 4: just so honest, it's like, this is a team. Everybody's
[20:11] Speaker 4: not going to be one hundred percent all the time.
[20:13] Speaker 4: And understand that.
[20:15] Speaker 1: It's important to work with what you're good at, you know,
[20:18] Speaker 1: because maybe your husband or the man in the relationship
[20:22] Speaker 1: is way better in the kitchen and doing those things
[20:24] Speaker 1: and he might even enjoy them and you hate it.
[20:26] Speaker 1: But you're great at doing other stuff and you enjoy that.
[20:29] Speaker 1: Do that instead of trying to live up to the
[20:31] Speaker 1: standards that somebody else has said.
[20:32] Speaker 4: And I also understand that sometimes you might have to
[20:34] Speaker 4: step up to a plate that you didn't think you would, Like,
[20:37] Speaker 4: maybe you don't know how to cook, but today you
[20:38] Speaker 4: got to learn right, yeah, to help things out.
[20:42] Speaker 5: Just recently, someone was like, relationships are not fifty to fifty.
[20:45] Speaker 5: They're a hundred one hundred. You give a hundred percent,
[20:48] Speaker 5: he gives one hundred percent. And as long as you
[20:50] Speaker 5: both are giving one hundred percent, the relationship has a
[20:53] Speaker 5: better chance at being successful and happy and thriving.
[20:56] Speaker 4: And I saw a clip one day was a therapist
[20:59] Speaker 4: talking and she was like, when you can't give a
[21:00] Speaker 4: hundred percent, just let me know. Today I got seventy.
[21:04] Speaker 4: I don't got a hundred. Today I got seventy. Then
[21:06] Speaker 4: I got two dollars.
[21:07] Speaker 2: It's about balance and communicating with the person that you're with.
[21:10] Speaker 1: I still see so many people try to live up
[21:12] Speaker 1: to other people's ideas and standards and stuff, and it's like,
[21:15] Speaker 1: you got to be honest with yourself about what you want,
[21:18] Speaker 1: what you can do, what you're willing to do, and
[21:20] Speaker 1: think about that in any relationship that you're in, and
[21:23] Speaker 1: be realistic and don't be saying you're gonna do shit
[21:26] Speaker 1: that you have no intentions of doing, or you know
[21:28] Speaker 1: that you're going to resent the person or whatever else.
[21:30] Speaker 4: Just be honest.
[21:31] Speaker 2: Everybody's relationship does not have to look the same.
[21:33] Speaker 4: And sometimes I want to add to that, sometimes when
[21:36] Speaker 4: you have to be realistic and have conversations with yourself
[21:39] Speaker 4: about certain things that could be difficult. I think it's
[21:42] Speaker 4: important to point those things that is not just like
[21:44] Speaker 4: hey and just be honest. It's like, sometimes it is
[21:47] Speaker 4: difficult to look at the one person that you know
[21:49] Speaker 4: and see every day who is yourself, and be like, oh, sis,
[21:53] Speaker 4: these are the things that we need to kind of
[21:55] Speaker 4: work on. Write them down, look at them and try
[21:57] Speaker 4: just try, just try to see yourself self accountability.
[22:02] Speaker 2: Yeah, do you have another one?
[22:05] Speaker 4: That was my last? That was my last one.
[22:06] Speaker 1: Okay, So now we're going to move on to weird
[22:09] Speaker 1: sex really quick, and when we come back, we will
[22:11] Speaker 1: be talking more to our guests. All right, So this
[22:14] Speaker 1: week's We're Sex. This one's short. It's just an accident
[22:17] Speaker 1: that happened, and I thought about it because I was
[22:19] Speaker 1: eating hot cheetos the other day and you need to
[22:23] Speaker 1: be careful. I feel like they should go or anything spicy.
[22:27] Speaker 1: I feel like this should go without saying. But people
[22:29] Speaker 1: are having accidents, so I'm gonna say it.
[22:32] Speaker 2: Somebody's vulva got burned.
[22:35] Speaker 4: Oh wow, because.
[22:37] Speaker 1: Whoever was touching, kissing, licking, sucking on their vulva had
[22:43] Speaker 1: eaten some hot cheetos and had some other spicy stuff
[22:46] Speaker 1: on their hands. So not only did they not wash
[22:48] Speaker 1: their hands, brush their teeth and everything. I guess I
[22:51] Speaker 1: don't know what it was about the hot cheetos for them,
[22:53] Speaker 1: but they just went to town on her vagina without
[22:56] Speaker 1: thoroughly getting all of that out. And so it's something
[22:59] Speaker 1: about pain receptors too. That happens whenever your body interacts
[23:04] Speaker 1: with spicy things, it just amplifies it. So baby girl
[23:07] Speaker 1: was in pain and they had sex, like actual intercourse,
[23:12] Speaker 1: and there was oral sex too, So I just know
[23:14] Speaker 1: it was just like she had a vagina on fire.
[23:18] Speaker 2: I guess she didn't really feel it at first.
[23:19] Speaker 1: And then she was like, well, wait a minute, wait
[23:21] Speaker 1: a minute, something's not right, and she went to the
[23:22] Speaker 1: hospital and whenever they talked about it all, they reminded
[23:26] Speaker 1: her that both of y'all need to clean up so
[23:28] Speaker 1: you don't have to end up in the ar.
[23:30] Speaker 2: That's embarrassing.
[23:30] Speaker 1: I would be so embarrassed to be at the er
[23:32] Speaker 1: and I'm thinking that something is seriously wrong.
[23:34] Speaker 3: And and I just want to know.
[23:36] Speaker 4: I don't know what adults are still eating hot cheetos.
[23:39] Speaker 4: I haven't had any.
[23:40] Speaker 3: I just told you, I ll she definitely.
[23:43] Speaker 2: I just had one the other day.
[23:45] Speaker 3: Sometimes you just want a little.
[23:47] Speaker 4: She don't care. I ever had hot Cheetos in high school,
[23:49] Speaker 4: and I used to take my hot Cheetos and dip them
[23:51] Speaker 4: in ranch.
[23:52] Speaker 3: I do that it's our cream, sour cream.
[23:55] Speaker 4: I might just stop at the store and get a
[23:56] Speaker 4: bag of hot Cheetos this afternoon, because apparently they're still good.
[24:00] Speaker 1: I do like a French onion dip, which is usually
[24:03] Speaker 1: mixed with soccam I don't ever do it with the
[24:04] Speaker 1: hot cheetos though, I've never dipped my cheetos hmmm.
[24:08] Speaker 3: Never did something to try.
[24:10] Speaker 1: But if you decide to try one of these wonderful
[24:13] Speaker 1: dips with your chip, just make sure you wash everything out,
[24:17] Speaker 1: clean it out real good before you have sexy time
[24:20] Speaker 1: so that you're not shame at the hospital, and wash.
[24:22] Speaker 4: Your hands because I don't like seeing your red fingertips.
[24:24] Speaker 1: I remember there was a girl that we went to
[24:26] Speaker 1: high school with and she always had it was just
[24:28] Speaker 1: like a cartoon character. She had those hot cheetos attached
[24:30] Speaker 1: her and her fingers were always so red. Yeah, and
[24:38] Speaker 1: I just when I picture her, I picture her with
[24:41] Speaker 1: red fingertips.
[24:42] Speaker 2: And yeah, I wonder if she still eats seals all
[24:44] Speaker 2: the time.
[24:44] Speaker 4: Speaking of red fingertips, before we dive into our topics,
[24:47] Speaker 4: I wanted to aesculate it just because it's just popped
[24:50] Speaker 4: in my head. Don't have red? How do you feel
[24:51] Speaker 4: about red fingernails?
[24:53] Speaker 2: I like them.
[24:54] Speaker 5: I like red fingernails during Christmas season. Okay, and maybe
[24:58] Speaker 5: like if you're trying to like be spicy.
[25:01] Speaker 4: When I have my because I'm thinking about getting red
[25:04] Speaker 4: Thanksgiving and I feel like it's appropriate. I just feel
[25:07] Speaker 4: like a grown woman when my nails are red.
[25:09] Speaker 3: It's appropriate.
[25:10] Speaker 4: Okay.
[25:10] Speaker 2: When I was a little girl, we couldn't wear red neils.
[25:13] Speaker 4: It's grown red hot.
[25:15] Speaker 1: Uh huh. Only if it was like a recital or
[25:17] Speaker 1: something that we had to but like just no, but
[25:20] Speaker 1: I like red.
[25:21] Speaker 3: Now, yeah, are you going to do that shape?
[25:24] Speaker 4: I don't know if I'm going to go back to
[25:25] Speaker 4: coffin or keep this. I love the old lady oval.
[25:27] Speaker 4: I like that's what I was gonna say, A nice
[25:29] Speaker 4: little oval red. Yeah, it doesn't miss.
[25:32] Speaker 2: I might do that or like a mental one.
[25:34] Speaker 3: I'll send you a picture.
[25:35] Speaker 1: I haven't thought about my Thanksgiving nails. I'm gonna go
[25:37] Speaker 1: on Friday though.
[25:39] Speaker 4: Me too. While we're talking about Thanksgiving. This is another
[25:41] Speaker 4: random thought that popped my head because I got to
[25:42] Speaker 4: share this. Okay, are we Starbucks girls?
[25:45] Speaker 3: Yeah?
[25:45] Speaker 4: Okay, I love Starbucks.
[25:46] Speaker 3: This.
[25:47] Speaker 4: And before I came here, I stopped at Starbucks and
[25:49] Speaker 4: they have a Turkey Sage Danish. I've heard about it.
[25:53] Speaker 2: My sister is so good.
[25:55] Speaker 3: I haven't had it yet. You had it.
[25:57] Speaker 4: It was good so and I've been mad every Tursday
[26:00] Speaker 4: he stops selling the Thanksgiving sandwich. I love that things
[26:03] Speaker 4: Giving Sam. I don't know why they took it away.
[26:04] Speaker 4: They took it away though people were burning the roofs
[26:07] Speaker 4: of their mouth because it was always so hot. But
[26:08] Speaker 4: the Turkey Sage Danish, y'all got I'm talking about tomorrow morning.
[26:13] Speaker 4: Stopped by Starbucks and try it.
[26:14] Speaker 2: It isn't sweet.
[26:15] Speaker 4: It's not sweet, It's very savory. It is so good.
[26:19] Speaker 4: I mean, I wish I would have got two, maybe
[26:21] Speaker 4: even three. Three. It's small, bro, it's good. They need
[26:29] Speaker 4: to sponsor us maybe, like maybe like this that's big
[26:31] Speaker 4: and you.
[26:32] Speaker 3: Wanted three of them?
[26:32] Speaker 4: I wanted three. I almost finished eating it when I
[26:35] Speaker 4: had turned out the drive through it was so good. Okay,
[26:41] Speaker 4: So you.
[26:41] Speaker 1: Ever try something when you get it in a drive
[26:43] Speaker 1: through or you pick up your food and you're in
[26:45] Speaker 1: the car and you can't wait and you eat it
[26:46] Speaker 1: and this you look over and somebody is looking at you,
[26:48] Speaker 1: and you know you looked crazy because.
[26:49] Speaker 2: You were gobbling it up like you never ate before.
[26:51] Speaker 4: Or have you been eating the car? You almost died
[26:53] Speaker 4: and you're like, bro, let me put the food down.
[26:55] Speaker 4: This is absolutely absurd.
[26:57] Speaker 3: It's the best.
[26:59] Speaker 4: Okay, So doctor Banks, Yes. This week on Cocktails, we
[27:04] Speaker 4: are talking about women being busy, working, doing all the
[27:08] Speaker 4: things and also just like balancing out life because when
[27:11] Speaker 4: you are a working woman and you are a working woman,
[27:14] Speaker 4: and I mean that in all the respect and the
[27:17] Speaker 4: mom women be doing it all. We just did an
[27:18] Speaker 4: episode a few weeks ago where we talked about how
[27:20] Speaker 4: amazing women are because like we do do it all.
[27:23] Speaker 4: It's like you have to birth a child, carry the child,
[27:27] Speaker 4: like carry the child, raise the child, and I'm doing
[27:31] Speaker 4: all that. You still got to do yourself work, make
[27:34] Speaker 4: your dreams come true if you have to make.
[27:37] Speaker 2: Them, be as responsible adults and not crazy people.
[27:40] Speaker 4: Healthy, put on your makeup, do your what workout, survive
[27:46] Speaker 4: in each your turkey sage Danish in the car. How
[27:49] Speaker 4: are you doing it all? For real?
[27:53] Speaker 5: I think I'm just now coming to a space of
[27:57] Speaker 5: balance only because I have certain priorities now that I
[28:02] Speaker 5: put in the forefront of everything. So my kids come first,
[28:06] Speaker 5: well backtrack, my faith, my relationship with God comes first.
[28:10] Speaker 5: Oh God, I cannot pour from empty cup. That is
[28:12] Speaker 5: something that's extremely important that I've learned on my journey
[28:17] Speaker 5: in becoming who I am today. And then it's my kids.
[28:21] Speaker 5: I don't do anything to compromise my children.
[28:24] Speaker 3: And that's regardless if they are they just say.
[28:26] Speaker 5: Mom, you know, we haven't seen you in todays because
[28:29] Speaker 5: you've been busy and in and out of the house.
[28:30] Speaker 3: We would like free time with you.
[28:32] Speaker 5: I'll cancel my meetings for my kids. And then the
[28:36] Speaker 5: most important thing that I've learned from all the successful
[28:39] Speaker 5: people that surround me is time management. And that's a
[28:43] Speaker 5: very imperative part of balance, right, you know, living by
[28:47] Speaker 5: a schedule, having a planner, planning ahead, you know, So
[28:52] Speaker 5: those things help me to balance. And if I can't
[28:55] Speaker 5: do something, I'm honest about it. I don't try to
[28:57] Speaker 5: stretch myself to so many things. I tell myself, if
[28:59] Speaker 5: I can't do it on Thursday, then I can maybe
[29:03] Speaker 5: do it on Friday or next Monday, and be realistic
[29:06] Speaker 5: about my time frames for what commitments I'm trying to make.
[29:09] Speaker 3: So that helps a lot.
[29:11] Speaker 2: That's something I'm still working on.
[29:12] Speaker 1: It's time management and turning things down because sometimes I
[29:16] Speaker 1: don't know if this has ever happened till you tell
[29:18] Speaker 1: me if it has. Like you feel like you start
[29:20] Speaker 1: getting opportunities and things are coming your way, and you're
[29:22] Speaker 1: kind of you kind of get afraid that maybe if
[29:25] Speaker 1: you don't accept this right now, who knows if it'll
[29:27] Speaker 1: come back.
[29:28] Speaker 2: I've felt that way.
[29:29] Speaker 1: I don't feel that way now, but I have felt
[29:31] Speaker 1: that way before, and I found myself.
[29:33] Speaker 2: Over extending too much.
[29:34] Speaker 1: And then it's like I have literally no time to sleep,
[29:37] Speaker 1: I'm always behind.
[29:39] Speaker 2: I can't do it. But you say no, You've never no.
[29:42] Speaker 3: So was that?
[29:43] Speaker 1: So what was happening when you were with time management
[29:46] Speaker 1: before you got better at it and saying no to
[29:48] Speaker 1: things like you just said.
[29:50] Speaker 5: Guess to everything? And then I experienced extreme burnout? Like
[29:54] Speaker 5: so I was coming to a space of like literally
[29:56] Speaker 5: I used to be like Okay, I do this podcast
[29:59] Speaker 5: and this this podcast on this one day, and that's
[30:02] Speaker 5: not realistic because I have a factor in this podcast
[30:06] Speaker 5: is all the way over here, and it's gonna take
[30:08] Speaker 5: me two hours to get to this one and I
[30:09] Speaker 5: gotta change and I need hair, and I need makeup
[30:11] Speaker 5: and my kids and I gotta eat it. It's so
[30:14] Speaker 5: many different things that we commit to without realizing that
[30:17] Speaker 5: we're over committing. And another thing that I realized that's
[30:21] Speaker 5: important when it comes to time management really having a balance.
[30:25] Speaker 5: There's no opportunity that will pass you by. So when
[30:29] Speaker 5: they come to me and someone's like, hey, we want
[30:31] Speaker 5: you to do this event and we want you to
[30:32] Speaker 5: do that, unless it's like a solidified event where it's
[30:37] Speaker 5: like an example, I had a gala last Tuesday, last Sunday,
[30:40] Speaker 5: and I also was flying out for the Raiders on
[30:43] Speaker 5: that same Sunday. So as a matter of okay, this
[30:46] Speaker 5: has been something that has been planned and it's interchangeable
[30:49] Speaker 5: versus this gala is not interchangeable. So let me just
[30:52] Speaker 5: see if they're okay with me changing my flight to
[30:55] Speaker 5: maybe i'll leave Monday morning early, and then I have
[30:58] Speaker 5: the commitment that I can make for both of them.
[31:01] Speaker 5: So just being realistic about your expectations and not struturing
[31:04] Speaker 5: yourself too far out or too thin.
[31:08] Speaker 4: I think there's another part of it though that you're
[31:10] Speaker 4: leaving out and this is something that I'm learning. But
[31:12] Speaker 4: I love that you backed up and said, like, Okay,
[31:14] Speaker 4: God is first. Sometimes I realized when people have like
[31:18] Speaker 4: a spiritual strength and really rely on God, you have
[31:22] Speaker 4: like these moments where it's like what's for me is
[31:24] Speaker 4: for me, and I truly do trust that, and I
[31:26] Speaker 4: really believe that's acually what I meant. And so if
[31:29] Speaker 4: I do have to let this go, it's coming back.
[31:31] Speaker 5: Yeah, That's what I meant when I said opportunity. There's
[31:33] Speaker 5: no opportunity that presents itself that if it's for you,
[31:35] Speaker 5: it's going to pass you by.
[31:36] Speaker 3: It's just it just for me.
[31:38] Speaker 5: It's like I've actually had things to where I'm like, Dad,
[31:42] Speaker 5: I really want to do that, but it just does
[31:44] Speaker 5: not commit because again.
[31:45] Speaker 3: I have values. So example, I was asked to.
[31:48] Speaker 5: Speak at this really big event, but it conflicted with
[31:52] Speaker 5: my son's final game for football.
[31:54] Speaker 3: That's not negotiable for me.
[31:55] Speaker 4: M h.
[31:56] Speaker 3: I'll be talking in March with them.
[31:58] Speaker 5: So it came tenfold back around, and because I explained
[32:02] Speaker 5: to them also the communication like hey, I'm sorry, I
[32:05] Speaker 5: can't make it because my son has a game and
[32:06] Speaker 5: that's just important to me.
[32:07] Speaker 3: I'm not going to be able to.
[32:08] Speaker 5: They look at you and they say, oh, she has values.
[32:11] Speaker 5: You know, she's standing tall on her boundaries, in her morals.
[32:15] Speaker 3: And belief system. They like me more.
[32:17] Speaker 5: Yeah, because I was honest and upfront versus trying to
[32:20] Speaker 5: attempt to do a commitment that I knew I was
[32:24] Speaker 5: really stretching myself then with.
[32:26] Speaker 2: And sometimes to what I've learned in getting over the
[32:30] Speaker 2: fear and trusting that everything that you both said was
[32:34] Speaker 2: for me is for me. Or maybe if.
[32:36] Speaker 1: I would have taken this, then it wouldn't have allowed
[32:39] Speaker 1: me to get the other thing that God really had
[32:41] Speaker 1: planned for me that I didn't even.
[32:43] Speaker 2: Know was coming.
[32:44] Speaker 1: Right, And so just not stressing about that. But also
[32:46] Speaker 1: when you can't do something, communicate that because you never
[32:49] Speaker 1: know how flexible the other people or person may be.
[32:53] Speaker 1: You might assume that it just wouldn't work if you
[32:56] Speaker 1: can't make it happen on the terms that they set.
[32:58] Speaker 1: But you tell them something else like oh, that's fine,
[33:01] Speaker 1: and that feels good when you actually do it. But
[33:04] Speaker 1: it has been a struggle to like speak up and
[33:06] Speaker 1: say that over the years. But I've gotten a lot
[33:08] Speaker 1: better at it. It's hard, though, Oh yeah, I have
[33:12] Speaker 1: several and like now I'm much better with it.
[33:17] Speaker 2: Because I have like.
[33:20] Speaker 1: Yeah, because some of them are like smaller, I can
[33:24] Speaker 1: give more details. And I've been working on micro managing
[33:27] Speaker 1: my day. And a mistake I would make a lot
[33:30] Speaker 1: is not leaving enough wiggle room for any mishaps. And
[33:33] Speaker 1: mishaps always come my way. So in budgeting my time
[33:36] Speaker 1: to do different things, I need to make sure I
[33:38] Speaker 1: have those gaps, and I have to think about, well,
[33:40] Speaker 1: just leave some room just in case, instead of trying
[33:43] Speaker 1: to pack everything into every minute.
[33:46] Speaker 2: Because that's just not going to work. It never does.
[33:48] Speaker 2: Why you keep doing this?
[33:49] Speaker 1: But some are like monthly calendars, or I focus on
[33:53] Speaker 1: certain things and different ones. I have to spread it
[33:55] Speaker 1: out so I can stay organized and focused in all
[33:58] Speaker 1: of that. And then you know, dogal or the one
[34:01] Speaker 1: on my refrigerator, the print one, and sometimes even too,
[34:05] Speaker 1: I forget things and if it's not on the calendar,
[34:08] Speaker 1: if it's not in the planner, so I'd like to
[34:09] Speaker 1: put it in multiple places, so like sticks in my brain.
[34:13] Speaker 4: I like that, you know, I always love to hear
[34:16] Speaker 4: where people come from. And one thing that I love
[34:19] Speaker 4: about you and that it has drawn me to you
[34:22] Speaker 4: is that you have been locked up before and you
[34:25] Speaker 4: came out and turned yall. She likes. I don't know
[34:29] Speaker 4: why I have such an obsession with people's story, and
[34:34] Speaker 4: maybe it's because, like it's in my subconscious I have
[34:37] Speaker 4: several siblings who have been to prison. My dad has
[34:41] Speaker 4: another set of kids, and they ain't come out and
[34:45] Speaker 4: turn their life around. They're still in there. And so
[34:47] Speaker 4: I watched the prison shows, and I'm always so fascinated
[34:53] Speaker 4: with the fact that right now there are people in
[34:55] Speaker 4: jail figuring it out. They gotta they trying to figure
[34:58] Speaker 4: out their plan. Some people are going to come and
[35:00] Speaker 4: change your life around, but a lot of people aren't.
[35:02] Speaker 4: And so when people do, I'm like, wow, Like, can
[35:04] Speaker 4: you share with us first of all, if you're comfortable
[35:06] Speaker 4: with letting us know why you went to jail, how
[35:09] Speaker 4: old you were, and then what was the what was
[35:11] Speaker 4: the change? Was it rock bottom? And you're like, I
[35:13] Speaker 4: really do gotta I gotta change something, Like what was
[35:17] Speaker 4: that moment of like I got change. That was a
[35:19] Speaker 4: compound question.
[35:20] Speaker 3: It was so I was.
[35:25] Speaker 5: Born into just this bad situation. I was born cocaine addicted.
[35:30] Speaker 5: My mom was a struggling drug addict nineties eighties crack
[35:34] Speaker 5: cocaine era. So I came into the world and I
[35:39] Speaker 5: already had adversary adversity.
[35:43] Speaker 3: On my life already. So I ended up going to
[35:45] Speaker 3: foster care.
[35:46] Speaker 5: I became a displaced child, bouncing back and forth because
[35:49] Speaker 5: you know, we got me and my sister at the time,
[35:51] Speaker 5: we're taking from my mom because of her addiction. And
[35:55] Speaker 5: then I was I just went to foster care. I
[35:58] Speaker 5: was abused all different kinds the ways, mentally, emotionally, sex trafficked,
[36:02] Speaker 5: all of that in the foster care system. That's why
[36:04] Speaker 5: I fight for foster kids now. And then I grew up,
[36:09] Speaker 5: you know, becoming a very very angry teenager. I ran
[36:13] Speaker 5: away from home age of thirteen. I joined a gang,
[36:17] Speaker 5: and so I was utilizing my anger skills, and you know,
[36:23] Speaker 5: I was in the street. So I ended up getting
[36:25] Speaker 5: into a lot of trouble, anything from stolen vehicles, anything
[36:28] Speaker 5: from fighting gun charges. And then I went to jail
[36:32] Speaker 5: for a drug charge at the age of sixteen. Years old,
[36:35] Speaker 5: and then while I was in jail, they hit me
[36:37] Speaker 5: with a reco case. I was named in multiple cases,
[36:41] Speaker 5: including an a tent murder case.
[36:43] Speaker 3: And luckily, that's why I love God.
[36:46] Speaker 2: You were sixteen, sixteen years old.
[36:48] Speaker 5: I went support and I'm thinking I'm going home because
[36:51] Speaker 5: at that time in New York Is where I'm from,
[36:54] Speaker 5: they had what's called a youthful offender status. So my
[36:58] Speaker 5: lawyer had put it in my head, you know, a
[37:00] Speaker 5: year and two. I was fighting my case for a
[37:02] Speaker 5: whole year, and then my court date. When I went
[37:06] Speaker 5: to court, I'm thinking that they're gonna they came to
[37:09] Speaker 5: an agreement, They're gonna let me out time served on
[37:11] Speaker 5: the charges that I was already fighting. And then they
[37:14] Speaker 5: hit me with a reco case like actually, no, you're
[37:17] Speaker 5: gonna sit here until we figured this out.
[37:20] Speaker 3: And then luckily, I was dropped from my reco case
[37:24] Speaker 3: six months later.
[37:26] Speaker 4: Wow, just randomly, they were just like, oh, we're dropping it.
[37:29] Speaker 4: That's wild.
[37:31] Speaker 2: And then you go as a teenager.
[37:33] Speaker 5: Well, I had to serve up until I had time served,
[37:37] Speaker 5: but I also in a part of my conditions, I
[37:39] Speaker 5: had to finish out the term for the sentences for
[37:42] Speaker 5: the case, I was in there fighting already.
[37:44] Speaker 4: So were you in Were you locked up with like
[37:46] Speaker 4: grown women?
[37:47] Speaker 3: Yeah? I was actually the youngest on my pod.
[37:50] Speaker 4: Were you scared? What did they treat you like?
[37:53] Speaker 5: They didn't treat me like anything. I don't have any
[37:55] Speaker 5: stories to tell. As far as you know, I was
[37:58] Speaker 5: the bully. I really had a ship on my shoulders.
[38:00] Speaker 5: So when I went to jail, I was like I
[38:03] Speaker 5: had a name already from the streets, so it was
[38:05] Speaker 5: like they knew who I was. Some of them did,
[38:06] Speaker 5: some of them didn't, but it was like normal. And
[38:10] Speaker 5: then I had been in institutionalized so much before then,
[38:13] Speaker 5: going to different group homes that by the time I
[38:16] Speaker 5: got to jail, and I kept going back to jail
[38:18] Speaker 5: so many times, it was like the CEOs knew who
[38:20] Speaker 5: I was, the judge.
[38:21] Speaker 3: Knew who I was. It was so familiar. So I
[38:25] Speaker 3: ended up my experience.
[38:27] Speaker 5: Like when you hear those stories about people or they
[38:29] Speaker 5: tried to rape me or like stab me in jail,
[38:31] Speaker 5: I never had that. Like I only got into one
[38:34] Speaker 5: fight in jail, and it was because I started it.
[38:38] Speaker 2: Where were y'all fighting over?
[38:40] Speaker 5: I have a big, very big thing about disrespect.
[38:47] Speaker 3: No, I'm a cancer. Okay, sorry, no, I'm a cancer
[38:51] Speaker 3: the July time.
[38:52] Speaker 2: Okay, what's your birthday?
[38:54] Speaker 3: Seven eleven?
[38:55] Speaker 2: Okay, my mom is a July cancer the nineteen.
[39:00] Speaker 5: So I ended up I don't know, I just I
[39:03] Speaker 5: just like to fight a lot. So when I just
[39:08] Speaker 5: feel like, I don't know, I started fights because I
[39:12] Speaker 5: thought I was well, I was a tough guy.
[39:15] Speaker 3: But so you got something.
[39:18] Speaker 2: Yeah, So like, how did you get out of that?
[39:20] Speaker 1: What was the moment that made you want to change
[39:23] Speaker 1: your life around?
[39:25] Speaker 5: The sad part is when I got out of jail,
[39:26] Speaker 5: I still didn't learn my lesson. I went right back
[39:29] Speaker 5: to the street. This normalizes function. That's that's the only
[39:33] Speaker 5: thing I can say to like sum that up. Normalize
[39:36] Speaker 5: this function when you come from that, and that's all
[39:38] Speaker 5: you know, is so easy to go back to it.
[39:40] Speaker 4: And there's different versions of that, Like you're talking about
[39:43] Speaker 4: it as how you're raising going into the prison system,
[39:45] Speaker 4: but there's versions of that in dating, there's versions of
[39:47] Speaker 4: that in being used by people, and you go right
[39:49] Speaker 4: back to it because you're used to it. Yeah.
[39:51] Speaker 5: Yeah, So when I came home from jail, I ended
[39:54] Speaker 5: up going back to the street. My mom was like
[39:57] Speaker 5: you're going to go back to jail. I had accepted it.
[40:00] Speaker 5: I was like, I don't care. It wasn't until I
[40:03] Speaker 5: got pregnant that I was like, oh, hell no, this
[40:07] Speaker 5: is a note for me.
[40:08] Speaker 3: I can't do this.
[40:09] Speaker 5: Like the most I'm very much, so very brave when
[40:16] Speaker 5: it comes to a lot of stuff. But when I
[40:17] Speaker 5: found out I was pregnant, that was like the one
[40:19] Speaker 5: thing in my entire life that I was like, this is.
[40:23] Speaker 3: I don't know what I'm gonna do with this one.
[40:25] Speaker 5: And I was so afraid as well of abortions, and
[40:29] Speaker 5: so it was just like I've like held my friend's
[40:31] Speaker 5: hands and listen to her having an abortion. So at
[40:36] Speaker 5: that time it was like, oh, hey, I can't do it.
[40:37] Speaker 5: I'm not I don't got the balls to do that either.
[40:39] Speaker 5: I can't do that. So my son is the reason
[40:42] Speaker 5: why I changed my life around. He was the focal
[40:44] Speaker 5: point for a better future. I did not want him
[40:48] Speaker 5: to go through any of the things that I went through,
[40:50] Speaker 5: whether it be foster care. I just had this thought
[40:53] Speaker 5: of me going to jail, and my son is a baby,
[40:56] Speaker 5: and like he's being raised by people who are going
[40:58] Speaker 5: to abuse him. Like I was petroph of that thought.
[41:01] Speaker 5: So I was like, I gotta get my shit together.
[41:03] Speaker 2: And then what was I heard you say that you
[41:05] Speaker 2: went home and you went to your mom. What was
[41:07] Speaker 2: your relationship like with your mom? At this point, she.
[41:10] Speaker 5: Was clean, okay, And that was the first time I
[41:13] Speaker 5: had seen her clean. Like she visited me when I
[41:15] Speaker 5: was in jail, and I remember when she came to jail,
[41:17] Speaker 5: I just never believed her because it was just like, ah, whatever,
[41:20] Speaker 5: just another thirty days, you'll be right back in the
[41:22] Speaker 5: street doing drugs. But when she came to visit me,
[41:25] Speaker 5: even her like, she gave me a lot of she
[41:28] Speaker 5: planted the seeds. Let me say she planted the seeds
[41:31] Speaker 5: because she led by example when it came to changing
[41:34] Speaker 5: her life around. And that was the first time I
[41:36] Speaker 5: had ever seen my mom clean for an extended period
[41:38] Speaker 5: of time, and I was using her as an excuse
[41:41] Speaker 5: to why I was getting in trouble. So when she
[41:43] Speaker 5: came to visit me in jail, it was like, you
[41:46] Speaker 5: need to stop doing it. She need changed her life.
[41:47] Speaker 5: And I was like no, like you're a crackhead, Like
[41:49] Speaker 5: why no, you have no right to tell me anything.
[41:52] Speaker 5: And then she looked at me and was like, I'm
[41:54] Speaker 5: not on drugs anymore. Actually, I got six months clean,
[41:56] Speaker 5: So what are you talking about?
[41:57] Speaker 4: M hm?
[41:58] Speaker 5: And she kind of tried to take that excuse for him,
[42:00] Speaker 5: even though I still had it. But she was the
[42:01] Speaker 5: first person to plant the seed and show me, like
[42:03] Speaker 5: what that change looks like. So when I came home,
[42:05] Speaker 5: I still operated from a space of you know, I
[42:08] Speaker 5: don't believe you.
[42:09] Speaker 3: You're gonna go back in the street.
[42:10] Speaker 5: You're gonna go back to drugs. So you can't really
[42:12] Speaker 5: tell me anything because I don't believe you. Yeah, and
[42:14] Speaker 5: it was. Our relationship was terrible. It's very terrible. But
[42:19] Speaker 5: she's stay clean.
[42:20] Speaker 4: What's y'all's relationship like? Now?
[42:22] Speaker 5: I love my mom. That's my dog. Me and my
[42:25] Speaker 5: mom are very close. I moved her hair from New York.
[42:29] Speaker 5: She lives around the corner from my house. I see
[42:32] Speaker 5: her often. We're in therapy. I'm a very big stickler
[42:35] Speaker 5: for therapy.
[42:36] Speaker 3: So we are in a wonderful space.
[42:39] Speaker 5: She's an amazing grandma and I just don't I've never
[42:43] Speaker 5: seen us being in this space back then, you know.
[42:46] Speaker 5: So she gives me hope every day when it comes
[42:49] Speaker 5: to our relationship. She gets better every day. And she's
[42:54] Speaker 5: still clean.
[42:56] Speaker 4: Now, let me ask you this and we're gonna shift
[42:58] Speaker 4: gears and talk about dating. I'm a firm believer that
[43:02] Speaker 4: you're how you were raised. No matter what the situations are,
[43:08] Speaker 4: it shows up in your romantic life. And how have
[43:13] Speaker 4: you dealt with this in dating or especially when you
[43:18] Speaker 4: get and not even getting serious with someone, But most
[43:20] Speaker 4: of the time when you get serious with somebody, things
[43:22] Speaker 4: start to show up. And the older you get, you're
[43:24] Speaker 4: more able to recognize it and be like, oh, this
[43:28] Speaker 4: this is from my past. How has growing up with
[43:31] Speaker 4: the background like which you have grown up with, especially
[43:34] Speaker 4: with your mom. Your mom is the first person that
[43:36] Speaker 4: you are in a relationship with in life, and it's
[43:39] Speaker 4: a beautiful thing, no matter how rough or not rough.
[43:42] Speaker 4: It's like that's your first love. How have you seen
[43:44] Speaker 4: these things show up in your romantic relationships? And how
[43:48] Speaker 4: do you correct them?
[43:50] Speaker 3: I'm just now correcting them.
[43:52] Speaker 5: I think my next relationship will probably be my most healthiest,
[43:55] Speaker 5: only because I'm someone who continues to refine and reflect.
[43:58] Speaker 5: And I just feel, like, like I said earlier, I
[44:01] Speaker 5: normalized and glorify toxic relationships before it was like I
[44:06] Speaker 5: watched my mom in her previous relationships. When I was
[44:10] Speaker 5: a kid, one of her exes broke her jaw, you know,
[44:14] Speaker 5: she had to get wires shut, and then I ended
[44:18] Speaker 5: up in an abusive relationship as an adult, you know,
[44:22] Speaker 5: So after that relationship was like, I never want to
[44:25] Speaker 5: experience that again. I learned from it and moved on,
[44:28] Speaker 5: and I think my past it played a very big
[44:32] Speaker 5: part as to why I chose wrong, because I feel
[44:36] Speaker 5: like in the beginning stages, now, mind you, I'm evolved
[44:40] Speaker 5: at this point because again, I'm always someone who refines
[44:43] Speaker 5: and reflects. But back then, I look at her in
[44:47] Speaker 5: relationships and I'm like, I loved broken people because I
[44:51] Speaker 5: was a people pleaser, and I felt like the brokenness
[44:56] Speaker 5: that I had seen in my parents that I tried
[44:58] Speaker 5: to earn from them is the same disposition that I
[45:02] Speaker 5: have with relationships and the men that I chose. Looking
[45:04] Speaker 5: at a broken man and saying I can fix him,
[45:06] Speaker 5: I can love him through that, and he's going to
[45:08] Speaker 5: love me so much because I stuck by him when
[45:10] Speaker 5: he was at his lowest and even when he was
[45:13] Speaker 5: treating me bad. And then given understanding, you know, trying
[45:16] Speaker 5: to understand my parents and why did they do certain things,
[45:19] Speaker 5: and why were they treated me certain ways? You know,
[45:21] Speaker 5: even in my relationships, I was looking at men and
[45:23] Speaker 5: I would give them understanding to the point where I
[45:26] Speaker 5: would excuse the poor treatment that they were giving me because,
[45:29] Speaker 5: oh he did it because he.
[45:31] Speaker 3: Has mommy issues.
[45:32] Speaker 5: Oh he did it because you know, giving those excuses
[45:35] Speaker 5: which led that toxic cycle of I'm in an abusive relationship.
[45:40] Speaker 5: Maybe not physically, but I think for women as well.
[45:44] Speaker 5: One important dynamic that I've recognized in dating is that
[45:47] Speaker 5: there are many forms of abuse. You could be with
[45:49] Speaker 5: a man that's emotionally abusive to you, spiritually abusive, mentally, verbally,
[45:54] Speaker 5: whatever that looks like.
[45:55] Speaker 4: Sometimes it can be in the most subtle way, subtle
[45:58] Speaker 4: and you look up one day and you're like, I'm
[46:00] Speaker 4: being controlled.
[46:02] Speaker 5: Manipulated, manipulated, manipulated, I'm feeling inadequate, And it's not like
[46:08] Speaker 5: an inner thing, it's like you doing this. It's like
[46:10] Speaker 5: what I was like, super confident in one of my
[46:14] Speaker 5: relationships after my divorce, and I left that relationship so
[46:18] Speaker 5: depleted and I was looking like, look back, like what
[46:22] Speaker 5: the heck was wrong with you? Like my friends used
[46:24] Speaker 5: to be like you you got this, this, this you're beautiful,
[46:26] Speaker 5: you're a good person. Why are you dealing with this
[46:28] Speaker 5: piece of crap?
[46:29] Speaker 4: Right? And sometimes that piece of crap don't look like
[46:32] Speaker 4: a piece of crap because he might still have a
[46:34] Speaker 4: great job, he might still be looking like he's treating
[46:37] Speaker 4: you right on paper and the boyfriend on Instagram, Yeah,
[46:41] Speaker 4: he being put out or one thing.
[46:46] Speaker 5: But that behind the closed doors is crazy. And that's
[46:49] Speaker 5: that's one of the actually one of the toxic relationships
[46:53] Speaker 5: that I referenced. Because I sacrificed so much, I ended
[46:56] Speaker 5: up in a poly relationship, which is something that I
[46:59] Speaker 5: was like, how to y'all.
[47:00] Speaker 3: Look like, how did I get here? What the hell?
[47:03] Speaker 3: What am I doing? But by way of trying to
[47:06] Speaker 3: people please, you.
[47:07] Speaker 5: Know, trying to love somebody so much, unconditional love and
[47:11] Speaker 5: the fact that the matter is love is conditional, especially
[47:14] Speaker 5: if the condition is sacrificing yourself.
[47:16] Speaker 4: And women do it.
[47:19] Speaker 3: All that.
[47:20] Speaker 4: We did an episode with Elizabeth Gilbert and we talked
[47:23] Speaker 4: about love addiction and how so many women specifically are
[47:27] Speaker 4: love addicts and you just don't realize it because so
[47:30] Speaker 4: many things have been glorified. I'm supposed to sacrifice who
[47:33] Speaker 4: I am because I love you right, and it's it's
[47:36] Speaker 4: just it's such an interesting take, like because it's difficult.
[47:40] Speaker 4: Some of the things are difficult to unlearn. But if
[47:42] Speaker 4: you don't become whole, I don't care that part, Oh
[47:46] Speaker 4: my god.
[47:46] Speaker 3: That part. And that's another thing.
[47:48] Speaker 5: We look for someone to fill our void and be
[47:52] Speaker 5: that peace to that empty space that we feel like
[47:55] Speaker 5: we're missing.
[47:56] Speaker 3: And the truth of the matter is like.
[47:58] Speaker 5: The more you love your self, the more whole you become,
[48:02] Speaker 5: the more you're not code dependent on other people, the
[48:04] Speaker 5: less likely you are to be manipulated emotionally, mentally and
[48:08] Speaker 5: settle for less.
[48:09] Speaker 4: And let me be clear, loving yourself and becoming whole,
[48:13] Speaker 4: that doesn't mean everything's perfect. That isn't if there are
[48:15] Speaker 4: some things you don't like about yourself, but you know,
[48:17] Speaker 4: you can admit it, you can talk about it. This
[48:19] Speaker 4: is not I'm not good at this, this is not
[48:21] Speaker 4: my strength, Like you can you just know who you are.
[48:24] Speaker 4: I feel like I'm in a very odd season of
[48:28] Speaker 4: I thought I knew and I am like, oh you me,
[48:31] Speaker 4: And now I'm having some realizations where it's like oh okay,
[48:36] Speaker 4: like there's still so much work that needs to be done,
[48:39] Speaker 4: Like I don't think it ever stops, but like there's
[48:41] Speaker 4: a level of like unholeness that I have been just
[48:47] Speaker 4: not aware of, and certain things. Sometimes it is a relationship,
[48:50] Speaker 4: Sometimes it's a friendship. Sometimes it's something that happens that
[48:53] Speaker 4: reveals itself.
[48:54] Speaker 3: Right now, it's friendship for me, girl.
[48:57] Speaker 4: I went through a season with friendships where it was
[49:00] Speaker 4: like I was, they were dropping like flies, and I'm
[49:05] Speaker 4: in a better season now with friends. But even that
[49:08] Speaker 4: I had to take a look at me and realizing,
[49:10] Speaker 4: like I want to reread my diary about someone who
[49:13] Speaker 4: I'm no.
[49:14] Speaker 3: Longer Isn't it cringey?
[49:16] Speaker 5: It's so cringey reading people that's not here anymore.
[49:21] Speaker 3: It's cringe.
[49:21] Speaker 4: But even just like about yourself, you're like, Okay, this
[49:23] Speaker 4: is the same fucking story or this specific journal entry
[49:28] Speaker 4: that I read. It was about a friend that I'm
[49:29] Speaker 4: no longer friends with anymore, and what I was writing
[49:32] Speaker 4: was I was like, man, like, I'm so happy that
[49:35] Speaker 4: we're friends, but I don't think she's really my friend.
[49:39] Speaker 4: I wrote that in the journal entry. And then the
[49:42] Speaker 4: way that everything unfolded, it was like this speech was
[49:45] Speaker 4: not you've.
[49:46] Speaker 2: Seen it, yes, to see we see it.
[49:48] Speaker 1: And you just like glamorize whatever the situation is and
[49:52] Speaker 1: you try to craft this story.
[49:53] Speaker 2: I mean, you're a storyteller, so it's so easy to do.
[49:57] Speaker 1: I tell people all the time, Like, as uncomfortable as
[49:59] Speaker 1: it is, it's really important to have time alone. Like
[50:04] Speaker 1: whether not saying that you have to lose all of
[50:06] Speaker 1: your friendships or any of that, but like jumping in
[50:10] Speaker 1: and out of relationships, romantic relationships, you need to have
[50:15] Speaker 1: some time alone at some point because if you're being
[50:18] Speaker 1: honest with yourself, you probably don't ever take the time
[50:23] Speaker 1: to correct anything that you do wrong, and you might
[50:25] Speaker 1: still be in a victim mentality where everything is happening
[50:28] Speaker 1: to you and you're not even addressing the things that
[50:30] Speaker 1: you're doing to others or what you're running from, and
[50:33] Speaker 1: it's like, why are you scared to be alone? You
[50:36] Speaker 1: got to figure that out, and it's not always comfortable,
[50:39] Speaker 1: but it feels so good to come out of that
[50:41] Speaker 1: and realize things about yourself and having a sense of
[50:44] Speaker 1: peace and not feeling the need for someone else because
[50:47] Speaker 1: you can be by yourself and not that you even
[50:50] Speaker 1: want to be by yourself forever. Don't get that confused.
[50:53] Speaker 1: But when you're meeting new people or even revisiting old
[50:56] Speaker 1: failed relationships of any sort. You might be able to
[50:59] Speaker 1: show up as a better version of yourself and you
[51:02] Speaker 1: can receive things better, or you can notice red flags better.
[51:06] Speaker 1: It's lots of different things that can happen. But you've
[51:08] Speaker 1: got to take some time to like address your own stuff,
[51:11] Speaker 1: and you probably need to do some check ins a
[51:13] Speaker 1: few times throughout your life because you also change, you know,
[51:18] Speaker 1: priorities change, your experiences change, You learn different things about
[51:22] Speaker 1: yourself about other people. You expand your worldview hopefully, and
[51:25] Speaker 1: then you know, you might reevaluate some things. Some things
[51:28] Speaker 1: that work for you last year may not work for
[51:30] Speaker 1: you anymore. And that's okay too, But it is frustrating
[51:34] Speaker 1: when you when you watch other people go through that,
[51:37] Speaker 1: or when you are.
[51:37] Speaker 2: In the thick of it.
[51:39] Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's uncomfortable, but change is always uncomfortable and
[51:42] Speaker 1: it's always better on the other side.
[51:44] Speaker 3: You hit that on the money.
[51:45] Speaker 5: I feel like, do you guys pray so I I
[51:49] Speaker 5: just recently went through a thing of yeah, your dog
[51:52] Speaker 5: is cheating on you, right.
[51:54] Speaker 2: And you're just looking at me like I like her.
[51:57] Speaker 5: I went through a thing just recently where I pray
[51:59] Speaker 5: to pray, like God, if I want you to uproot,
[52:02] Speaker 5: I want you to expose and up root, and do
[52:05] Speaker 5: it by way of protection, because the next season that
[52:07] Speaker 5: you are bringing me to, I don't want anybody around
[52:10] Speaker 5: me that does not.
[52:11] Speaker 3: Deserve to be here. I done lost my best, y'all.
[52:15] Speaker 4: I'm not gonna tell you who I was.
[52:17] Speaker 3: It was some stuff. I was like, come on, come on,
[52:20] Speaker 3: hate it feels so sad.
[52:22] Speaker 5: Ever stop, But at the end of the day, you know,
[52:27] Speaker 5: the number one thing that I also had to realize
[52:29] Speaker 5: is that people will show you their red flags.
[52:31] Speaker 3: Up front and we excuse them.
[52:34] Speaker 5: And one thing that I've learned about myself the most
[52:37] Speaker 5: in this last season. Someone had to tell me. They
[52:40] Speaker 5: were like, because I'm so easy going with especially with women,
[52:43] Speaker 5: I'm such a girl's girl, and I'm such a woman
[52:45] Speaker 5: who feels like I don't been too much to judge,
[52:49] Speaker 5: Like I'm not out of whatever you do, whoever you are,
[52:51] Speaker 5: I will love you as you are because I don't judge.
[52:54] Speaker 3: I had no room to.
[52:55] Speaker 5: However, I was told recently, don't give so much grace
[53:00] Speaker 5: that you excuse bad behavior and poor character. And that's
[53:05] Speaker 5: something I just realized I've been doing, like, oh, that's
[53:08] Speaker 5: just how they are, that's just our's that don't bother me.
[53:11] Speaker 5: But it's like, does it really bother me? Or have
[53:14] Speaker 5: I used that as an excuse to grace thing? Like
[53:17] Speaker 5: like is it a such thing as given too much
[53:19] Speaker 5: grace to somebody?
[53:20] Speaker 4: I don't know, because you know, there's that's something that
[53:23] Speaker 4: I struggle with. But it's like, as someone who has
[53:25] Speaker 4: been a bad decision maker, someone who has made several mistakes,
[53:31] Speaker 4: I struggle with that too. But it's weird because it's like, Okay,
[53:35] Speaker 4: there's one thing if it's like okay, you just this
[53:36] Speaker 4: ain't it. But there's another part of it where it's
[53:38] Speaker 4: like humans are not perfect. People are going to fuck up,
[53:43] Speaker 4: like and there's certain levels of fuck ups that are like, okay,
[53:47] Speaker 4: this is forgivable, Like you're not going upside my head now,
[53:49] Speaker 4: that's clearly not acceptable.
[53:51] Speaker 3: You're not going upside my head.
[53:52] Speaker 4: But sometimes I look at like what I have done,
[53:55] Speaker 4: the pain I have caused to myself to others, like,
[53:58] Speaker 4: like I said, the bad decisions i've and it's hard
[54:00] Speaker 4: for me to not forgive you and not just like
[54:06] Speaker 4: immediately exclude you from my life because I'm like, dang, Like,
[54:11] Speaker 4: there are certain situations where I feel like people, I mean,
[54:14] Speaker 4: I wish that people wouldn't have done that to me.
[54:16] Speaker 3: I'm sorry, but I cut people off.
[54:18] Speaker 5: I'm cutting you off because at this big age, you
[54:23] Speaker 5: have to be a willing vessel, right, and there's levels
[54:26] Speaker 5: to cut offs with me when you're my friend. If
[54:28] Speaker 5: I come to you and I'm like, this is bothering me,
[54:30] Speaker 5: this is concerning, this is not gonna work, and they
[54:32] Speaker 5: just continue to do the same thing. Now you're showing
[54:36] Speaker 5: me that I'm not valuable enough to your life. Because
[54:38] Speaker 5: if I told you that these are things that are
[54:39] Speaker 5: hindering us from having a healthy relationship, then you're essentially
[54:43] Speaker 5: promoting an unhealthy relationship. Therefore, I addressed it, I gave
[54:48] Speaker 5: you the space to correct it.
[54:49] Speaker 3: Didn't correct it.
[54:50] Speaker 5: So you showed me how I am in as far
[54:53] Speaker 5: as a rank of importance to you.
[54:55] Speaker 3: So I'm going to leave you alone.
[54:58] Speaker 4: I'd be struggling with a friend, and then I'd be
[55:01] Speaker 4: God and be talking about you need to forgive people
[55:03] Speaker 4: say tis not me reattachment seven times. I need someone
[55:10] Speaker 4: to really break it down to me.
[55:13] Speaker 3: Yes, seventy seven times.
[55:15] Speaker 4: I mean you Lily still around.
[55:19] Speaker 5: I was like, I just don't feel like it should
[55:21] Speaker 5: change the love. Like I can literally love you from
[55:23] Speaker 5: across the street. Now, if you're hurt, you get hit
[55:26] Speaker 5: by a car, I'm gonna stop and I'm gonna help.
[55:29] Speaker 5: But I'm not gonna be in a car trying to
[55:31] Speaker 5: hit you. At the same time, your life is yours
[55:34] Speaker 5: and I love you. You just I'm not going to
[55:35] Speaker 5: give you the chance to stab me again.
[55:38] Speaker 1: Yeah, And for me, it's like sometimes it's not even
[55:41] Speaker 1: just cutting a person totally off, but you do have
[55:43] Speaker 1: to create space and distance boundaries and you you establish
[55:46] Speaker 1: those boundaries and you just have to stick to them.
[55:50] Speaker 2: And depending on this, you ain't getting no more turkey breast.
[55:53] Speaker 1: Depending on the situation, it's like, Okay, the door is open,
[55:57] Speaker 1: but I need to see a change happen, or yours closed,
[56:01] Speaker 1: but I still have love for you. And like you say,
[56:03] Speaker 1: I can love you from across the street if you
[56:04] Speaker 1: need me, need me. You're not dead to me, right,
[56:09] Speaker 1: But we just cannot go back before. Yeah, And that's
[56:13] Speaker 1: just how it has to go. Sometimes it just all depends.
[56:16] Speaker 1: And then sometimes you do have to give a hold
[56:19] Speaker 1: some lines you do because you just cannot. And it's
[56:23] Speaker 1: like some people, depending on the situation, their character. I
[56:27] Speaker 1: think that's the thing that is like a deciding factor
[56:29] Speaker 1: with me all of that. So I'm looking at it like,
[56:32] Speaker 1: is somebody making these bad decisions to hurt me?
[56:36] Speaker 2: Or are there bad decisions just hurting me? Because that's
[56:40] Speaker 2: the trickle.
[56:40] Speaker 1: Down effect, right, Is anything about what they're doing intentional?
[56:43] Speaker 1: Are they trying to do me wrong? Are they trying
[56:46] Speaker 1: to hurt me? Are they trying to belittle me? Are
[56:47] Speaker 1: they trying to make me feel less than? If it's
[56:50] Speaker 1: not that, then that's where some space comes in, and
[56:53] Speaker 1: you know, depending on might be more and more space,
[56:55] Speaker 1: and you just have to do that. And it's like
[56:57] Speaker 1: I still love you, I still care about you. If
[56:58] Speaker 1: you need me, I'm here, But so can't get sucked
[57:00] Speaker 1: into any of the mess or continue to allow myself
[57:04] Speaker 1: to be heard. At some point, you got to be
[57:06] Speaker 1: accountable for what you want in your life, and you
[57:10] Speaker 1: wouldn't accept bad behavior from real I totally agree.
[57:14] Speaker 5: And I also feel like you know how someone treats
[57:17] Speaker 5: themselves as a reflection of how they'll treat you. So
[57:20] Speaker 5: if you are someone who continuously makes poor decisions, and
[57:23] Speaker 5: you're putting yourself in situations that are not good and healthy,
[57:26] Speaker 5: and then you're trying to.
[57:27] Speaker 3: Drag other people that you love into it.
[57:31] Speaker 5: You're selfish because you're not thinking about other people, You're
[57:33] Speaker 5: thinking about yourself. And if you don't have a level
[57:35] Speaker 5: of love for yourself, I can't really expect you to
[57:39] Speaker 5: love me to my capacity either.
[57:41] Speaker 4: Mm hmmm, that's true. This has been I could literally
[57:45] Speaker 4: sit here and talk about this all days. Good conversation,
[57:51] Speaker 4: y'all tell us what you think in the comments. We
[57:53] Speaker 4: are going to go to Indecisive Diana. When we come back,
[57:56] Speaker 4: we have some advice letters to read, and then doctor
[57:58] Speaker 4: Banks is going to share.
[57:59] Speaker 2: Look, would you stop thinking about what everyone wants?
[58:05] Speaker 4: Stop thinking about what I want? What do you want?
[58:07] Speaker 4: What your parents want?
[58:08] Speaker 2: What do you want? What do you want?
[58:12] Speaker 4: What do you want?
[58:15] Speaker 3: What do you want?
[58:21] Speaker 6: Hey, ladies, it's me Diane, and listen up.
[58:25] Speaker 4: I found this.
[58:26] Speaker 6: Cute little speakeasy ball.
[58:29] Speaker 4: It's called Tiger Sun.
[58:30] Speaker 6: It's new located right behind Muchacho's Aco. I believe it's
[58:35] Speaker 6: a memorial drive. I don't know, but type in tigersn
[58:39] Speaker 6: on Instagram. It's very cute. Diml it take a side
[58:44] Speaker 6: piece as someone who maybe is an attractive or they
[58:46] Speaker 6: all it's very cute and intimate.
[58:49] Speaker 1: Bye, okay, and we are back from Indecisive Diana and
[58:54] Speaker 1: it's time for the Advice. If you have a question
[58:56] Speaker 1: that you would like for us to answer on the show,
[58:58] Speaker 1: please email us. The email address is advice at cocktailspod
[59:02] Speaker 1: dot com. So this one says, Hi, ladies, thank you
[59:32] Speaker 1: for all that you do on the pod.
[59:33] Speaker 2: You're welcome, highly appreciate it. Let me get straight to
[59:36] Speaker 2: the point.
[59:37] Speaker 1: This fine tall black man with his attractive black beard
[59:40] Speaker 1: will be the cause of my miscarriage while I'm not
[59:43] Speaker 1: even pregnant.
[59:43] Speaker 4: Girl. Okay, no, no, they do.
[59:50] Speaker 3: We need a picture of this gentleman.
[59:52] Speaker 2: Right, Okay.
[59:52] Speaker 1: So she says, we dated in twenty twenty one and
[59:55] Speaker 1: separated after eight months. However, we both text each other
[59:59] Speaker 1: every thre months. I don't know why we do this,
[1:00:01] Speaker 1: but I love it and it just happens unknowingly. It
[1:00:04] Speaker 1: always it's always nice seeing him, but it cost me
[1:00:07] Speaker 1: two relationships. Well, damn, I want you to move on
[1:00:11] Speaker 1: with my love life. But this feels like like a
[1:00:14] Speaker 1: what a well, I don't know what this is a
[1:00:17] Speaker 1: well wished a plant that keeps growing?
[1:00:20] Speaker 2: What in the world is that? Is that like Jack
[1:00:22] Speaker 2: and the Giant beanstalk?
[1:00:24] Speaker 1: But it's a plant that keeps growing while it's so
[1:00:26] Speaker 1: dry with little rainfall.
[1:00:27] Speaker 2: And I don't see any future with this guy? How
[1:00:29] Speaker 2: does one escape this?
[1:00:30] Speaker 1: Ladies, please help love listener from somewhere in the world.
[1:00:35] Speaker 2: Girl, we lived Lulu Island. What are you talking about?
[1:00:39] Speaker 5: If we're gonna be anything in twenty twenty four and
[1:00:41] Speaker 5: twenty twenty five, can we be fucking for real?
[1:00:43] Speaker 4: Seriously?
[1:00:45] Speaker 2: You texting somebody every three months? And how do you
[1:00:47] Speaker 2: leave it alone?
[1:00:48] Speaker 4: Don't answer the.
[1:00:49] Speaker 2: Text message in the next three month? Why are you
[1:00:51] Speaker 2: texting this man?
[1:00:52] Speaker 4: I want to know why you are?
[1:00:54] Speaker 2: Are you texting him that it's called you multiple relationship?
[1:00:56] Speaker 1: Now?
[1:00:56] Speaker 4: Is it that?
[1:00:57] Speaker 3: Did she say she's texting him or he's texting her
[1:00:59] Speaker 3: every three month?
[1:01:00] Speaker 4: She said, we both text each other every three months?
[1:01:04] Speaker 4: Is it just to like smash or like? What are
[1:01:06] Speaker 4: we doing? What's happening?
[1:01:07] Speaker 2: In the text, he's saying, Hey, how you been?
[1:01:09] Speaker 4: I mean your city?
[1:01:10] Speaker 2: You pull up? Like what's happening?
[1:01:12] Speaker 5: You know what?
[1:01:12] Speaker 3: I also noticed about men men? Some men don't want
[1:01:15] Speaker 3: anything from you.
[1:01:16] Speaker 5: They just want to know that they have that as
[1:01:17] Speaker 5: that they can like, they just want the number, oh
[1:01:20] Speaker 5: sliding the DMS. They want the point of contact, just
[1:01:23] Speaker 5: to say they had the point of contact. Do you
[1:01:25] Speaker 5: know how many times someone has been like, oh.
[1:01:26] Speaker 3: He's to talk to her. No, you were in my
[1:01:28] Speaker 3: DNS for two years and I finally said, thank you,
[1:01:32] Speaker 3: can we cut this out? So some men will really
[1:01:34] Speaker 3: try to just try to have that access. They're playing
[1:01:37] Speaker 3: around here a.
[1:01:39] Speaker 4: Friend, like I'm always on here sitting in the same
[1:01:42] Speaker 4: seat talking about law of attraction. You're gonna keep attracting
[1:01:45] Speaker 4: ship like that if you keep dealing with it every.
[1:01:48] Speaker 5: Three months, there's name, where's the consistency, where's the effort,
[1:01:52] Speaker 5: where's the that's that's a pree texting three months?
[1:01:56] Speaker 2: But they ain't no effort.
[1:01:57] Speaker 4: I really want to know the text she wanted to
[1:02:00] Speaker 4: if you want to go back to like your childhood
[1:02:03] Speaker 4: and figure out where you got to the point where
[1:02:05] Speaker 4: you were okay with like accepting literally.
[1:02:09] Speaker 5: That's like bare minimum's basement, Like, what are you talking about?
[1:02:11] Speaker 5: That's not every three months insane? There's no good morning.
[1:02:15] Speaker 2: Keny to know what y'all are testing. It's got you
[1:02:18] Speaker 2: in a tizzy. Every quarter of the.
[1:02:20] Speaker 5: Year they're texting. I can guarantee if she screenshot, screenshot
[1:02:25] Speaker 5: this man. We want to see a picture of the
[1:02:26] Speaker 5: man and screen shot what you guys are starting off
[1:02:29] Speaker 5: as the conversation because I bet you is emojis. It's
[1:02:32] Speaker 5: looking at emojis, and now older y'all also.
[1:02:35] Speaker 2: Want to know anyway, that's it for the advice girl.
[1:02:42] Speaker 1: You better you better delete that number right now, delete
[1:02:44] Speaker 1: the texture, delete everything so that you will not engage.
[1:02:48] Speaker 5: We tell you something, homegirl. The longer you entertain what
[1:02:52] Speaker 5: you don't want, the longer you hold up what you do.
[1:02:55] Speaker 2: Oh that was good, and that's that. On that mm hmm.
[1:03:01] Speaker 2: And on that note, we're gonna move on to the cocktails.
[1:03:04] Speaker 4: Uh uh, but it can't have it on me? You think?
[1:03:18] Speaker 3: Is this on cash and.
[1:03:21] Speaker 4: Around once upon a time not long ago?
[1:03:24] Speaker 6: I was.
[1:03:27] Speaker 1: So if you guys have a cocktail that you would
[1:03:29] Speaker 1: like to share, you can email it to his cocktails
[1:03:31] Speaker 1: at cocktailspot dot com.
[1:03:33] Speaker 4: All right, doctor Banks, this is where you share your
[1:03:35] Speaker 4: story of greatness that has to do with dating, obviously,
[1:03:42] Speaker 4: So give us your cocktail. I'm sure that the people
[1:03:45] Speaker 4: that was listening was like she was at a polly relationship.
[1:03:48] Speaker 4: I know. They paused on it, like, wait, well, let
[1:03:50] Speaker 4: me tell you.
[1:03:50] Speaker 3: Nobody ever I was so private with this, with this relationship.
[1:03:57] Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell you the poly story.
[1:03:59] Speaker 4: Okay, well I want to hear it.
[1:04:01] Speaker 3: Okay, the juicy poly story.
[1:04:04] Speaker 5: So I was dating a guy and I liked him,
[1:04:08] Speaker 5: and come to find out, you know, we were dating
[1:04:10] Speaker 5: for a few months and he ended up. It was
[1:04:15] Speaker 5: this girl that showed up one day at this event
[1:04:19] Speaker 5: that I popped up at. He's into fintech, and it's
[1:04:25] Speaker 5: this girl. I've seen this car right up the one
[1:04:27] Speaker 5: way street and this girl is there and I'm like,
[1:04:30] Speaker 5: you know. She stops and she's like, hey, you know,
[1:04:32] Speaker 5: where are you about to go?
[1:04:33] Speaker 3: Talking to him? Where are you about to go?
[1:04:34] Speaker 5: And I'm like, this is awkward. He's not introduced me.
[1:04:37] Speaker 5: He did not say hey, this is my girlfriend Jimika anything.
[1:04:41] Speaker 5: So I'm looking at body language and I'm like, okay,
[1:04:44] Speaker 5: this is awkward. So I get out of the car.
[1:04:47] Speaker 5: Out of his car was sitting and she pulled up
[1:04:49] Speaker 5: on us and I was sitting in his car in
[1:04:50] Speaker 5: a passenger seat.
[1:04:52] Speaker 3: So I get out. I go on my car.
[1:04:53] Speaker 5: I leave and I'm thinking about it and I'm replaying
[1:04:55] Speaker 5: it and I'm a thinker, so I'm like, that didn't
[1:04:57] Speaker 5: seem right. So I call him and I'm like, who
[1:05:00] Speaker 5: was that? And he's like, oh, you know, that's just
[1:05:04] Speaker 5: somebody works at my company.
[1:05:05] Speaker 3: Oh blah blah blah. And I'm like, what, no, it's
[1:05:08] Speaker 3: not now, come to find out. So I made him
[1:05:10] Speaker 3: put his money where his mouth is.
[1:05:12] Speaker 5: They had a cocktail mixer that night and I'm like, oh, oh, okay,
[1:05:14] Speaker 5: you know, I did my dig in and I found
[1:05:16] Speaker 5: out it was his ex girlfriend.
[1:05:17] Speaker 4: So it's like he tried to pitch it like she's
[1:05:20] Speaker 4: got a boyfriend, she moved on. We were we've been,
[1:05:23] Speaker 4: you know, not together for almost a year, blah blah blah.
[1:05:27] Speaker 4: And then I was like, okay, I want to meet her.
[1:05:30] Speaker 3: We get to this this lounge and.
[1:05:33] Speaker 5: He walks up to her. I know what she would
[1:05:35] Speaker 5: happen now because she told me. But he walks up
[1:05:38] Speaker 5: to her and I just see this exchange of her
[1:05:41] Speaker 5: like cussing him out. It looks like she's cussing him out,
[1:05:44] Speaker 5: so I'm just like, oh, okay, whole night awkward.
[1:05:47] Speaker 3: We go from one lounge to another going home.
[1:05:49] Speaker 5: It was he wanted me to be there. He's like, no,
[1:05:52] Speaker 5: if you leave me, I'm like, I want to go home.
[1:05:54] Speaker 5: He's like, no, no, no, If you leave me, it's
[1:05:55] Speaker 5: going to be embarrassing because I brought you here. I
[1:05:57] Speaker 5: told her, right my girlfriend, you know, Blase Black. I'm like, whatever,
[1:06:01] Speaker 5: the whole night is awkward. She's you know, around us,
[1:06:04] Speaker 5: and I'm just like, okay. Fast forward. You know, she
[1:06:08] Speaker 5: gets on Instagram. It's this exchange of Instagram subliminals to
[1:06:11] Speaker 5: where people understand. Back then, my handle was dental bab.
[1:06:14] Speaker 5: So people are like, she is this screenshot and they
[1:06:17] Speaker 5: send it to me, like is this girl talking about you?
[1:06:19] Speaker 3: Because you know this is too specific. She's talking about braces.
[1:06:23] Speaker 5: I'm the only one in Atlanta in the dental field
[1:06:25] Speaker 5: that has braces, So you know, they're like, is she
[1:06:28] Speaker 5: talking about you? And I'm like, okay, I've had enough.
[1:06:30] Speaker 5: So I told him, you know, you need to nip
[1:06:33] Speaker 5: this in the butt. I don't do public discord. I'm
[1:06:35] Speaker 5: a akay, I got all this stuff going. I'm not
[1:06:37] Speaker 5: about to be on the internet making a monkey fool
[1:06:39] Speaker 5: of myself. No circus acts coming from this way, so
[1:06:43] Speaker 5: he gets us on the phone, we become cool. I
[1:06:46] Speaker 5: ended up genuinely liking her. I'm a girl's girl. It's
[1:06:48] Speaker 5: so funny because I'm really a girl's girl.
[1:06:50] Speaker 3: But I didn't even realize that much. I was a
[1:06:52] Speaker 3: girl's girl.
[1:06:54] Speaker 5: So he hashed it out, and then, you know, me
[1:06:56] Speaker 5: and her become cool, and it's really it was trauma bond,
[1:07:00] Speaker 5: trauma bonding situation. And you know she he ended up
[1:07:06] Speaker 5: getting caught cheating in the midst of that. You know,
[1:07:09] Speaker 5: she she told me her side of the story, and
[1:07:11] Speaker 5: come to find out, he left her for me like
[1:07:14] Speaker 5: cold turkey. They had just came back from vacation. They
[1:07:17] Speaker 5: had just celebrated Valentine's Day together, and he took her
[1:07:21] Speaker 5: stuff from his house then rocked it off to her,
[1:07:24] Speaker 5: and that was her story. She's like, I was still
[1:07:27] Speaker 5: in love with him, and you know, he hurt me
[1:07:28] Speaker 5: and he did all of this. So we trauma bonding
[1:07:30] Speaker 5: because now he cheated, and now I'm telling her mom, well,
[1:07:32] Speaker 5: he ain't shit anyway, and now her and I had
[1:07:35] Speaker 5: a pact. Him and I broke up and she gets
[1:07:39] Speaker 5: back with him.
[1:07:42] Speaker 2: I tell us all this time, I hear this all
[1:07:44] Speaker 2: the time when I'm talking to people, I.
[1:07:46] Speaker 3: Just started sensing weird energy where you know. I was
[1:07:49] Speaker 3: talking to her every day.
[1:07:49] Speaker 5: I was actually she was going through something with a
[1:07:51] Speaker 5: family member, and I was like supporting her through this.
[1:07:54] Speaker 5: She ends up, you know, getting back with him. I
[1:07:57] Speaker 5: find out on Instagram that they're back together. On her birthday,
[1:08:00] Speaker 5: I find out.
[1:08:02] Speaker 2: You was about to send.
[1:08:05] Speaker 3: You know, you had to go out like for your birthday.
[1:08:09] Speaker 5: Find out from somebody else's page that I was following.
[1:08:12] Speaker 5: I didn't even find out from her. I found it
[1:08:13] Speaker 5: from somebody else's pay. I just called Turkey, blocked both
[1:08:15] Speaker 5: of them, who blocked them. A couple months later, I
[1:08:21] Speaker 5: get a phone call and it's like, you know, let's
[1:08:26] Speaker 5: hash things out. Had the conversation from him, from both
[1:08:30] Speaker 5: of them, okay, came with this this he He's all,
[1:08:33] Speaker 5: I'm in love with two women. And okay, Chris Brown, right,
[1:08:36] Speaker 5: I'm in love with two women. And we come up
[1:08:39] Speaker 5: with this idea.
[1:08:39] Speaker 3: It was their idea, mind you.
[1:08:41] Speaker 5: I've been into Polly before, the very very successful poly
[1:08:44] Speaker 5: before when I was younger. That one ended because the
[1:08:47] Speaker 5: young lady got pregnant and I just she started acting crazy.
[1:08:50] Speaker 3: She wanted her man to herself. I was like, okay, okay,
[1:08:53] Speaker 3: y'all got it. But long story short, we come with
[1:08:56] Speaker 3: this idea, well, they came with the idea. I agreed
[1:08:58] Speaker 3: to it. Now we're in a poly mm hmm disaster.
[1:09:03] Speaker 3: It was a disaster.
[1:09:05] Speaker 5: The thing about Polly, you cannot be in a poly
[1:09:08] Speaker 5: relationship with a man who is just a beta male.
[1:09:11] Speaker 5: There are certain rules and godlines when it comes to poly.
[1:09:13] Speaker 5: Poly is about village. It's not about three SMEs and
[1:09:16] Speaker 5: a real poly you're not even supposed to have sex
[1:09:18] Speaker 5: with the other person.
[1:09:19] Speaker 3: You're not supposed to have sex with the woman. The
[1:09:21] Speaker 3: women don't touch each other.
[1:09:22] Speaker 5: This is our man, and we're here building a village
[1:09:25] Speaker 5: and where we communicate. Well, yeah, it's we're a family,
[1:09:30] Speaker 5: you know. That's what Polly is. Polly is a village, family,
[1:09:33] Speaker 5: dynamic and all of this crazy stuff that and all.
[1:09:38] Speaker 2: The TikTokers and everybody else, that's not.
[1:09:40] Speaker 3: What a Polly is.
[1:09:41] Speaker 2: A poly polyamory literally and and biblically.
[1:09:46] Speaker 5: You know, I've had this conversation where people they're like, WHOA,
[1:09:48] Speaker 5: well that's not natural. If you read the Bible that
[1:09:51] Speaker 5: there's bibles in there, a scripture of Kings with multiple wives.
[1:09:55] Speaker 2: People just thinking about the freak nasty.
[1:09:58] Speaker 3: They thinking about fantasy what it is exactly that, And
[1:10:02] Speaker 3: you know, that's kind of what I felt like he
[1:10:03] Speaker 3: was doing.
[1:10:04] Speaker 5: He wanted his cake and he wanted to eat it too.
[1:10:06] Speaker 5: And the problem with that was, remember I said, you know,
[1:10:08] Speaker 5: the I'm going to get my look back. That was
[1:10:11] Speaker 5: my look back because I went and once I just
[1:10:15] Speaker 5: seen him doing certain things, it was just like I'm
[1:10:19] Speaker 5: gonna stomp on your heart and your nuts.
[1:10:23] Speaker 3: Yeah, but you know that was then.
[1:10:26] Speaker 5: This is now her and I actually still cool, like
[1:10:29] Speaker 5: I actually still am very much so in communication where she's.
[1:10:32] Speaker 3: Still with him.
[1:10:34] Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I was that part. But okay, and you know,
[1:10:38] Speaker 5: I'm not in their relationship. You know, I don't talk
[1:10:41] Speaker 5: to him at all. I just have my reservations as
[1:10:44] Speaker 5: far as the way. I can't speak for her, I
[1:10:47] Speaker 5: can't speak for anybody else. I can speak for myself
[1:10:49] Speaker 5: and what my standard is and how my experience was,
[1:10:51] Speaker 5: and he just was not a good person to me.
[1:10:54] Speaker 5: And so I personally feel like a man wouldn't have
[1:10:56] Speaker 5: two women hitting up against each other like that in
[1:10:59] Speaker 5: the first place, Like that's just not King energy.
[1:11:02] Speaker 4: There's some insecurities there a real man that's like the
[1:11:05] Speaker 4: proper thing.
[1:11:05] Speaker 5: What I would what I said was a proper thing
[1:11:07] Speaker 5: would have been to be honest and upfront about your feelings,
[1:11:11] Speaker 5: your regards and this other woman.
[1:11:13] Speaker 3: But that wasn't the case.
[1:11:14] Speaker 5: So a lot transpired in there where it just was
[1:11:17] Speaker 5: very toxic, very disrespectful, very degrading, very you.
[1:11:21] Speaker 3: Know, like so that that is not what it probably is. Yeah,
[1:11:26] Speaker 3: it's not, but I'm not her. Me and her are
[1:11:28] Speaker 3: so cool.
[1:11:28] Speaker 4: I love that y'all are still cool. I'm sure there's
[1:11:30] Speaker 4: somebody listening to this episode that's in that exact situation
[1:11:32] Speaker 4: and now they're like, dang.
[1:11:33] Speaker 3: I'm a girl's girl, like a real girls girl.
[1:11:35] Speaker 5: And I feel like a lot of times women will
[1:11:37] Speaker 5: hate each other over a man that put us in
[1:11:40] Speaker 5: that situation, like I can't. How can I be mad
[1:11:42] Speaker 5: at a woman when she's in the same boat as me,
[1:11:45] Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying. And I feel like a
[1:11:46] Speaker 5: lot of women want an excuse in a target to
[1:11:49] Speaker 5: make themselves feel better, like, oh, her, that man would
[1:11:53] Speaker 5: have never if he truly loved you, or if he
[1:11:55] Speaker 5: was a man's man, or even if he found himself
[1:11:58] Speaker 5: in a compromising situation. A real man's going to come
[1:12:01] Speaker 5: to you and be like, this is what it is.
[1:12:02] Speaker 5: You either gonna deal with it or not, but this
[1:12:03] Speaker 5: is my truth and this is how I'm going to
[1:12:06] Speaker 5: move forward. And he's going to stand on that and
[1:12:07] Speaker 5: he's going to have integrity and character when it comes
[1:12:09] Speaker 5: to out. He moves about people he claims he loved.
[1:12:11] Speaker 4: So and it all comes back to wholeness. You're also
[1:12:15] Speaker 4: not that whole if you are trying to make sense
[1:12:18] Speaker 4: of this situation.
[1:12:22] Speaker 2: So it all comes back full circle.
[1:12:25] Speaker 4: You guys. Jammika, thank you so much for joining us.
[1:12:28] Speaker 4: Let everybody know where they can find you, which you
[1:12:30] Speaker 4: have going on? If you want anybody to attend, how
[1:12:32] Speaker 4: can they go? So?
[1:12:34] Speaker 5: You can find me on Instagram at Miss Jammika Banks
[1:12:37] Speaker 5: s M my S S j A M E E
[1:12:39] Speaker 5: K A b A n K S. Or you can
[1:12:42] Speaker 5: email me for any community service interests or volunteer work
[1:12:45] Speaker 5: at vessels off Victory at gmail dot com. That's v
[1:12:49] Speaker 5: E S S E L S of Victory at gmail
[1:12:52] Speaker 5: dot com.
[1:12:52] Speaker 4: We got to connect because now I want to know
[1:12:54] Speaker 4: about the volunteer opportunities I.
[1:12:55] Speaker 3: Told them I saw a ton of them. I'm actually
[1:12:57] Speaker 3: coming up. I have a really huge event.
[1:12:58] Speaker 5: I was just telling her, really, yeah, I have some
[1:13:01] Speaker 5: really big names popping out, and my goal is to
[1:13:03] Speaker 5: raise one hundred thousand dollars so that I can be
[1:13:06] Speaker 5: a resource to different positions of the pillars of my
[1:13:10] Speaker 5: nonprofit organization.
[1:13:11] Speaker 4: Jimmy Yah.
[1:13:12] Speaker 2: I was telling her how we were talking.
[1:13:14] Speaker 1: You were saying we should do something community service, and
[1:13:16] Speaker 1: I have been looking into things, so I was telling
[1:13:18] Speaker 1: she was telling me briefly about her meeting with the
[1:13:20] Speaker 1: senator earlier and the help with the foster kids and everything,
[1:13:23] Speaker 1: and I was like, you know what, that's the stuff
[1:13:24] Speaker 1: that matters. And I've been trying to figure out what
[1:13:27] Speaker 1: we could do, but even just like on my own,
[1:13:29] Speaker 1: what I could do.
[1:13:30] Speaker 2: So I told her the same thing. We got to
[1:13:31] Speaker 2: stay connected and see how we can support you with
[1:13:33] Speaker 2: this event and everything.
[1:13:35] Speaker 4: And I just want to reiterate you are a pillar
[1:13:40] Speaker 4: in the community. I'm so proud of you, and I
[1:13:43] Speaker 4: really do look up to you, like this is amazing
[1:13:46] Speaker 4: what you're doing, Like you're inspiring me to do more
[1:13:49] Speaker 4: like for the community in the area that makes sense
[1:13:51] Speaker 4: for me. I just shout out to you. This is amazing,
[1:13:56] Speaker 4: shy Try.
[1:13:57] Speaker 5: I think the most important thing for me, like I
[1:14:00] Speaker 5: said in the beginning of the episode, everything for me
[1:14:02] Speaker 5: has to be ministry. And I just look back at
[1:14:05] Speaker 5: how I grew up and I just want to be
[1:14:08] Speaker 5: that person. I wish I had one thing that I
[1:14:11] Speaker 5: love that you haven't. You haven't made any excuses for yourself.
[1:14:13] Speaker 5: You haven't put yourself in a box. When I saw
[1:14:15] Speaker 5: how much you were doing, I was like, dang, is
[1:14:17] Speaker 5: she gonna come on the show? And when you said yes,
[1:14:19] Speaker 5: I was like, I love how you don't put yourself
[1:14:22] Speaker 5: in a box like.
[1:14:23] Speaker 3: I think, why would you? Like?
[1:14:25] Speaker 4: Girl, I'm working through my own fears. You know you went.
[1:14:27] Speaker 4: You came from a meeting with the senator to cocktails,
[1:14:29] Speaker 4: and that just means so much.
[1:14:32] Speaker 5: I will never this is what I said. I have
[1:14:34] Speaker 5: a saying that I just I just said, and it's
[1:14:36] Speaker 5: going to be a caption I'm gonna put on Instagram
[1:14:38] Speaker 5: and caption imagine put me in a box and I
[1:14:42] Speaker 5: hop out like Jack, because I don't ever want I
[1:14:45] Speaker 5: don't want.
[1:14:46] Speaker 3: To be in a box.
[1:14:46] Speaker 5: I don't feel like as women we should embrace all
[1:14:49] Speaker 5: of ourselves. I feel like, yeah, I have a mug shot,
[1:14:52] Speaker 5: but I could still go on a board meeting and
[1:14:54] Speaker 5: I can close the deal. Yeah, you know, I could
[1:14:57] Speaker 5: be in in a corporate setting where I could have
[1:14:58] Speaker 5: lunch with the Senator today and be in the hood
[1:15:00] Speaker 5: with one hundred gang members. Mind your business and stret
[1:15:04] Speaker 5: club tonight. Even I love Lemon Pepper out of Magic City.
[1:15:10] Speaker 5: I go there and get the garlic farmer or the
[1:15:12] Speaker 5: lemon pepper and I do I have a time.
[1:15:14] Speaker 3: You know, embrace all of yourself. Don't put yourself in
[1:15:16] Speaker 3: a box.
[1:15:16] Speaker 4: Do it.
[1:15:17] Speaker 1: What's up, y'all. It's Kiki and I have a quick interruption.
[1:15:20] Speaker 1: I have breaking news. I am going back to Hito
[1:15:23] Speaker 1: this May. So Memorial Mayhem is happening with Worst Behavior
[1:15:27] Speaker 1: Tour May twenty first through May thirty first. You can
[1:15:29] Speaker 1: go to Worst Behavior Tour dot com to get more details.
[1:15:33] Speaker 1: It's going to be hosted by O'Ryan. Ph'll be DJing
[1:15:36] Speaker 1: and doing some parties and some other fun stuff. I'll
[1:15:38] Speaker 1: be there throughout the Memorial Day weekend. I'm really excited
[1:15:42] Speaker 1: about it. I can't wait. Just signed on to go.
[1:15:44] Speaker 2: I hope you guys sign up and tell them that
[1:15:46] Speaker 2: I sent you and now we'll get back to the show.
[1:15:48] Speaker 2: Amen to that.
[1:15:49] Speaker 1: Before we go, I do want to remind everybody I
[1:15:51] Speaker 1: do have a trip coming up in March. So March
[1:15:53] Speaker 1: nineteenth through the twenty three we will be in Curious
[1:15:55] Speaker 1: Out and are.
[1:15:56] Speaker 2: You trying to come and have a good time?
[1:15:57] Speaker 1: All you working women that was listened to this episode
[1:15:59] Speaker 1: and you got tired, come, please do.
[1:16:02] Speaker 2: It is going to be a blast.
[1:16:03] Speaker 1: I can't wait. I'm counting down the days. Check the
[1:16:05] Speaker 1: link in the description box to sign up, you know, so,
[1:16:08] Speaker 1: I think by the.
[1:16:09] Speaker 4: Time this comes out, I will have already been and
[1:16:11] Speaker 4: gone to Costa Rica.
[1:16:12] Speaker 2: But make sure you becomes January.
[1:16:14] Speaker 4: Yes, make sure you guys joined the paradise and by
[1:16:17] Speaker 4: newsletters so I can announce where we're going next year.
[1:16:21] Speaker 4: It is a beautifully relaxing, very rich, luxurious destination in
[1:16:26] Speaker 4: the United States, in the US.
[1:16:28] Speaker 3: In the US, I'm curious. Let me know.
[1:16:31] Speaker 1: Yeah, if it's not too long, I might have to
[1:16:33] Speaker 1: slide through. I love a good relaxing experience. You guys,
[1:16:38] Speaker 1: also make sure that you are signed up for Patreon.
[1:16:40] Speaker 1: It's patreon dot com slash cocktails. Make sure you check
[1:16:42] Speaker 1: the description box for links to everything that you heard
[1:16:45] Speaker 1: about in the episode today, and to follow our guests.
[1:16:48] Speaker 2: And follow us on Instagram together. We're at Cocktails Podcast.
[1:16:51] Speaker 1: I'm Kei, he said, so I'm at Coffee Band And
[1:16:53] Speaker 1: until next week, you guys, goodbye, goodbye bye
[1:17:00] Speaker 4: Yah

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