# Ep. 429 "Escaping Situationships and Delulu Island" ft. Ibbie

An episode of [Cocktales with Kiki](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1149484402), 16 Jan 2025, 1 h 24 min.

Audio: https://op3.dev/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/pdst.fm/e/claritaspod.com/measure/pscrb.fm/rss/p/mgln.ai/e/p5972/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/63713425/delulu_mp4.mp3

Get ready for a cocktail of wit, wisdom, and whimsical fantasies as we welcome the insightful Ibbie, a seasoned dating coach and licensed therapist, who takes us from her bartending days to mastering the complexities of modern romance. Our episode kicks off with the "Situationship" cocktail, perfect for exploring the intricate dance of love languages and relationship choices. From the eternal question of choosing between wealth and availability to navigating hair styling dilemmas for an exciting Curacao trip, we promise a rollercoaster of engaging discussions and personal anecdotes. The fun doesn't stop there! You might find yourself laughing out loud as we uncover quirky sexual fantasies involving unlikely icons like Dr. Phil and Steve Harvey, alongside a nostalgic nod to the legendary talk shows of yesteryear. We also dive into the world of attachment styles, blending humor with heartfelt stories about the nuances of relationships. Whether it’s through the eyes of a ‘runaway bride’ or a discussion on childhood experiences shaping our adult connections, we offer both laughter and insight. As we wind down, we address the poignant challenges of grief in relationships, offering advice to listeners who might be supporting a partner through tough times. Through candid anecdotes, we highlight the importance of patience and understanding in these delicate moments. Our exploration of dating, self-awareness, and the balance of delusion will leave you pondering the intricacies of love and connection. With Ibi's expert insights and our relatable stories, this episode promises a tapestry of humor, heartfelt exploration, and plenty of food for thought. Interested in being a guest? Please contact addie@cocktalespod.com and include your information, what makes you an interesting guest, and any relavant links! Join Kiki In Curacao March 19-23- https://www.seekdharma.com/trips/kikis-travel-tribe/ Join Medinah in Arizona! www.paradiseandvibe.com For all promo codes and links for promotions in the episode, follow this link: https://linktr.ee/cocktalesads Contact Us! Advice: advice@cocktalespod.com Cocktales: cocktales@cocktalespod.com Weird Sex: weirdsex@cocktalespod.com Live Show Sponsorship: sales@cocktalespod.com Guest Request/ General Inquiries info@cocktalespod.com Get your Vesper and other Jewelry From Crave https://lovecrave.com/cocktales Get Your Merch & Pre-Order Your Card Game Purchase Merch (Next Drop Arrives December 2024) www.imcurioustoknow.com Get Klassy Baste! Learn to Cook with Kiki www.klassybaste.com Join Kiki's Book Club- January's Book- The Arrangement https://www.patreon.com/kikisaidso Travel with Kiki! We're going to Curacao! Reserve Your Spot Here! Travel With Medinah! Visit ParadiseandVibe.com Interested in sponsoring? Contact sales@cocktalespod.com today! Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cocktales-with-kiki--2818687/support. CONNECT WITH US Follow the host and join the conversation after the episode: Kiki Said So (Kiara Walker) Instagram: @kikisaidso TikTok: @kikisaidso Cocktales With Kiki Instagram:@cocktalespodcast TikTok: @cocktalespodcast Want to be a guest on Cocktales? We are always looking for interesting guests, experts, and storytellers to join the show. If you would like to be considered, please fill out our guest submission form here: Guest Interest Form

## Transcript

[0:02] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Check one two, check one two.
[0:03] Speaker 2: Is this Mike On? Is this Mike On? Hey listen man,
[0:06] Speaker 2: it's the one and only trunks that a DJ says.
[0:09] Speaker 2: And you're listening to cocktails Dirty Discussions with Kikia Medina Monroe. Yeah,
[0:20] Speaker 2: today's cocktail is called the Situationship. Are you in one?
[0:25] Speaker 2: You need to make this thing because I don't know
[0:27] Speaker 2: if you're sad or happy. So you need some grenadine.
[0:30] Speaker 2: You need some sort of dark liquor. I am using
[0:32] Speaker 2: billion again, and you need some ice cold, sparkling wine.
[0:36] Speaker 2: So the way you want to make this it's very easy,
[0:37] Speaker 2: just like a situation ship. You're gonna put a little
[0:41] Speaker 2: drop of grenadine just for color, because you know grenadine
[0:45] Speaker 2: can get really sweet. You want to add one part
[0:50] Speaker 2: of your liquor. Woo, that's gonna be a heavy situationship.
[0:54] Speaker 2: I'm talking about bathroom cries. And then you're just going
[0:59] Speaker 2: to top the off with your champagne so you can
[1:05] Speaker 2: drink your sorrows away. Cheers you guys, the situationship. It's tasty. Cheers.
[1:18] Speaker 1: Welcome back to cocktails Jury Discussions, you guys. I know
[1:22] Speaker 1: I've had a few SIPs or some situationship, some tasty,
[1:27] Speaker 1: some I think they were a little heavy handed on
[1:30] Speaker 1: the bidders. Anyway, I'm Kiki said.
[1:33] Speaker 2: So and I am Adina Monroe and welcome back you guys. Hey, y'all.
[1:38] Speaker 1: This week we do have a special guest. Before we
[1:41] Speaker 1: introduce her, I do want to remind everybody that if
[1:43] Speaker 1: it's not too late, we're recording this in November. But
[1:46] Speaker 1: if it's not too late, I would love for you
[1:47] Speaker 1: to join me next year March nineteenth through the twenty
[1:50] Speaker 1: third in Cure Sou. We're gonna have a good time relaxing, luxuriating,
[1:55] Speaker 1: eating good food, dancing, yachting, just doing girls things and
[2:00] Speaker 1: taken a minute to disconnect from everyday life, make some
[2:03] Speaker 1: new friends and enjoy the company of other women and
[2:06] Speaker 1: just you know, bob out.
[2:08] Speaker 2: That's such a good amount of time for a trip.
[2:11] Speaker 2: If you have not done group travel, this would be
[2:15] Speaker 2: the great a great time to try it out for
[2:16] Speaker 2: your first time. Some people get scared about group travel,
[2:18] Speaker 2: but I live by it. You never know who you're
[2:21] Speaker 2: gonna meet, a most more than likely you're gonna meet
[2:23] Speaker 2: some of your greatest girlfriends, have amazing experiences, eat good
[2:27] Speaker 2: food and that's.
[2:27] Speaker 1: Not too long, is you know, just coupling the weekend.
[2:32] Speaker 1: I think that that is like a it's either a
[2:34] Speaker 1: Wednesday through Sunday or Thursday through Monday, something like that.
[2:39] Speaker 1: It'll be a good time, and the weather there is
[2:41] Speaker 1: perfect springtime. Is not hurricane season, but it's out of
[2:45] Speaker 1: the hurricane zone. I mean, it's just a beautiful place,
[2:47] Speaker 1: crystal clear blue waters, and it's not as ran through
[2:50] Speaker 1: as Turks and Caicos. If that's a place that's been
[2:53] Speaker 1: on your list, It's close, but not quite. They have
[2:55] Speaker 1: beautiful water, beautiful sand.
[2:57] Speaker 2: Think you can do braids for that trip.
[3:00] Speaker 1: Okay, so I need braids or I'm have to cut
[3:02] Speaker 1: all my hair off because I'm not walking around crazy
[3:05] Speaker 1: again like I did in Jamaica. I just I don't
[3:07] Speaker 1: know what to do, and I like having the braids.
[3:10] Speaker 1: I want some braids right now.
[3:11] Speaker 2: Braids for Costa Rica. I didn't have to do it
[3:13] Speaker 2: for Iceland because it was cold and I was still scared,
[3:15] Speaker 2: but I managed it.
[3:17] Speaker 1: Yeah, I want some braids. I just love the braids.
[3:19] Speaker 1: If I don't do braids, maybe I'll do like a
[3:21] Speaker 1: curly type of weave or something.
[3:24] Speaker 2: Never worked out for me. It really naps up. Oh
[3:28] Speaker 2: now I can't comb through and I'm breaking cones. Now
[3:30] Speaker 2: I'm just wearing it a bun.
[3:31] Speaker 1: Breaking cones.
[3:33] Speaker 2: Googlely moogly.
[3:33] Speaker 1: Well, anyway, if you do hair and you in the
[3:37] Speaker 1: Atlanta area, hit me up. I would like to find
[3:41] Speaker 1: somebody new to do some braids, or if you do,
[3:44] Speaker 1: you know some good extensions. I don't want to sew in,
[3:47] Speaker 1: but if you do anything else, like maybe some k tips,
[3:50] Speaker 1: I tips, tape ins, That's that's my preference.
[3:53] Speaker 2: I'm exciting you guys this week here on Cocktails, Dutty
[3:58] Speaker 2: Discussions Duty You remember that commercial no orbit orbit? Yes, yes, yes,
[4:05] Speaker 2: we have a dating coach. You know we love having
[4:07] Speaker 2: dating coaches on. She's also a licensed therapist. She's also
[4:10] Speaker 2: a listener of Cocktails f fan of Elizabeth Gilbert because
[4:14] Speaker 2: we met her at our live taping with Elizabeth Gilbert.
[4:17] Speaker 2: We have our girl, Imby.
[4:18] Speaker 1: Hi, welcome, welcome, how you doing.
[4:22] Speaker 2: I'm wow, I'm glad to be here, happy to have you.
[4:25] Speaker 1: I was asking Ivy earlier how she found out about
[4:28] Speaker 1: the show. She couldn't remember. She said, maybe we came
[4:30] Speaker 1: across her feet. So good to know social media is working.
[4:34] Speaker 1: But I'd love to know how you became a dating coach.
[4:37] Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so I was. I was working at a
[4:40] Speaker 3: bar all the places where situationships happened, right, and a
[4:45] Speaker 3: lot of the customers that would come in they would
[4:48] Speaker 3: tell me their dating stories. My coworkers would tell me
[4:50] Speaker 3: their dating stories. I would tell myself my dating story.
[4:54] Speaker 2: Are you a bartender? Yeah?
[4:56] Speaker 3: And it just got to a point where I'm like,
[4:59] Speaker 3: we're all going through the same thing here. There has
[5:01] Speaker 3: to be a common denominator and I want to figure
[5:02] Speaker 3: it out. So I went and got my master's degree
[5:05] Speaker 3: in clinical mental health counseling, and I'm like, oh, I
[5:08] Speaker 3: started there and I started coaching and doing both therapy
[5:12] Speaker 3: and coaching.
[5:12] Speaker 2: Is that required to be a dating coach? No?
[5:15] Speaker 3: I just wanted to be a therapist too, So I
[5:18] Speaker 3: kind of just worked out that way.
[5:20] Speaker 2: Yeah, so you can be a coach. Was it difficult
[5:23] Speaker 2: to get that degree? Like, is it like the actual
[5:27] Speaker 2: work hard, like you to retain a lot of information
[5:30] Speaker 2: or were you kind of like this is rather easy.
[5:33] Speaker 3: I would say the school I went to it was
[5:36] Speaker 3: like k CREP accredited, and that's like what you want
[5:39] Speaker 3: to go for if you are getting a mental health degree.
[5:43] Speaker 3: I enjoyed just how it flowed in the classroom, the conversations,
[5:47] Speaker 3: like it was stuff I wanted to learn about, so
[5:49] Speaker 3: it didn't feel like it was hard because I wanted
[5:52] Speaker 3: to be there.
[5:53] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[5:53] Speaker 1: Yeah, And what is the thing that you want to
[5:55] Speaker 1: look for for the accreditation.
[5:56] Speaker 2: K CREP CA cr EP K CREP.
[6:00] Speaker 1: Well that's interesting. So before we find out the nitty
[6:03] Speaker 1: gritty of your dating experiences and experiences as a coach,
[6:08] Speaker 1: we're going to play a little game that we came
[6:09] Speaker 1: out with called I'm Curious to Know. If you guys
[6:12] Speaker 1: are interested in purchasing I'm Curious to Know, head on
[6:14] Speaker 1: over to I'm Curious to Know dot com and you
[6:17] Speaker 1: can play short order there. I'll go first, Do you
[6:38] Speaker 1: know what your love language is?
[6:41] Speaker 2: And what is it? All of them know, I do
[6:45] Speaker 2: love all of them, But top of the list is
[6:48] Speaker 2: acts of service.
[6:49] Speaker 3: That's top of the list for me, and I think
[6:51] Speaker 3: a lot of older children, older daughter syndromes. We have
[6:55] Speaker 3: that because we're always doing for everybody, So I think
[6:58] Speaker 3: naturally acts of service.
[7:00] Speaker 1: Did you know that already or did something happen where
[7:02] Speaker 1: you were like, you know, this is really something that
[7:04] Speaker 1: I'm missing, or something that I really enjoyed from someone.
[7:08] Speaker 1: I like, like, how'd you figure out that was what
[7:10] Speaker 1: it was for you? Or you just took the test.
[7:12] Speaker 3: I think I just took the test. Yeah, I took
[7:14] Speaker 3: the test and I was like, oh, well that makes sense.
[7:16] Speaker 3: And then the second one was receiving gifts. People want
[7:19] Speaker 3: to call me a gold digger for that, but I
[7:21] Speaker 3: think just the act, the gesture, like you were thinking
[7:23] Speaker 3: of me. It could be a flower out of the
[7:26] Speaker 3: garden somewhere, just that you were thinking of me.
[7:29] Speaker 2: I like that.
[7:30] Speaker 1: They kind of go hand in hand too, cause like
[7:33] Speaker 1: somebody can do something for you. But even when people
[7:35] Speaker 1: are giving you thoughtful gifts, those are my favorite personally
[7:39] Speaker 1: because it's like you were thinking of me in probably
[7:42] Speaker 1: a random time, and that means something, or you got
[7:44] Speaker 1: me something useful that you know that I can actually use.
[7:47] Speaker 1: Grand gifts are nice too, don't give me wrong.
[7:50] Speaker 2: It was very random that when I saw the salt
[7:52] Speaker 2: in Iceland, I was like, Kiky, that was random. It was,
[7:55] Speaker 2: and I loved it.
[7:56] Speaker 1: I haven't used it yet because I haven't been cooking,
[7:58] Speaker 1: but I'm a busted out because I'm about to get
[7:59] Speaker 1: in Thanks keep him out.
[8:02] Speaker 2: Okay, I'm curious to know. Would you rather a rich
[8:05] Speaker 2: significant other who is always busy or a broke significant
[8:08] Speaker 2: other who has all the free time in the world.
[8:11] Speaker 2: You don't have to give me the rich guy. We
[8:14] Speaker 2: can find ways to connect in other ways. But I can't.
[8:17] Speaker 2: I can't suffer through this life. I really can't.
[8:20] Speaker 4: Can't.
[8:21] Speaker 2: Nobody wants to be poor. I cannot. Everybody's like, ah.
[8:25] Speaker 1: No, okay, what did your parents think of the last
[8:29] Speaker 1: person you dated? Hm, I don't like.
[8:33] Speaker 3: Him, we'll hurt my husband. Let's go with my husband.
[8:36] Speaker 3: Let's not talk about the one before my husband.
[8:38] Speaker 2: They love him well, I even get out.
[8:41] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, before that, you know, they were questionable, Like
[8:44] Speaker 3: are you you know, disappointed?
[8:46] Speaker 2: Maybe?
[8:47] Speaker 3: Did they always loved the husband or they had to
[8:48] Speaker 3: grow No, they've always loved him.
[8:50] Speaker 2: Yeah. That's a good situation when everybody likes each other
[8:54] Speaker 2: and you don't got to be like mom, don't be mean, right, Yeah, okay,
[9:00] Speaker 2: I'm curious to know. Would you date someone who has
[9:03] Speaker 2: a baby on the way.
[9:06] Speaker 1: My next car was literally the other one that's similar
[9:08] Speaker 1: to that. I'll skip it answers.
[9:11] Speaker 2: To some of these, but I would say immediately.
[9:17] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, only because that's really soon. There's probably still
[9:21] Speaker 3: some entanglements with the baby mama.
[9:23] Speaker 2: It could be a situation where they didn't know and
[9:25] Speaker 2: now somebody's calling like, hey, I'm pregnant. I know, we
[9:28] Speaker 2: didn't know.
[9:29] Speaker 1: Drama having a baby soon like this week soon.
[9:32] Speaker 2: I can be Melanie throwin. I just can't. I don't
[9:36] Speaker 2: think I could do it. Yeah, we're married and I
[9:38] Speaker 2: have to then, Okay, but if we're dating, I would
[9:41] Speaker 2: be so sad, but I would have to be like,
[9:42] Speaker 2: I can't do it. It's just starting off with too
[9:44] Speaker 2: much drama too soon. We're supposed to be in the
[9:45] Speaker 2: honeymoon phase.
[9:47] Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, the situation surrounding it matter. But first thought
[9:52] Speaker 1: is because.
[9:53] Speaker 2: You're gonna have to help with the baby.
[9:55] Speaker 1: And like I think, I think it would be hard
[9:58] Speaker 1: to help if the baby was like the product of
[10:01] Speaker 1: you cheating on me or some sort of dishonesty. Now
[10:04] Speaker 1: it would be different if I met you in January.
[10:07] Speaker 1: You don't find out until July or August, when we
[10:11] Speaker 1: are like really into each other that this girl who
[10:13] Speaker 1: you had a one night stand with is pregnant and
[10:15] Speaker 1: she's keeping it and she waited to tell you that's
[10:17] Speaker 1: a little different. But I could get through that maybe,
[10:20] Speaker 1: but for sure, not if there was some sort of cheating.
[10:23] Speaker 1: But the other one, I just hope not. I hope
[10:25] Speaker 1: I never run it.
[10:26] Speaker 2: I hope I because that's scary. Have y'all ever watched
[10:30] Speaker 2: the movie Fences with Denzel Washington vi Ola Davis and she.
[10:34] Speaker 4: Did.
[10:35] Speaker 2: She had that breakout scene where she was crying like,
[10:36] Speaker 2: I'm taking care of your kids? Why are you doing that?
[10:39] Speaker 4: Like?
[10:39] Speaker 2: Why am I doing that?
[10:44] Speaker 1: For women?
[10:44] Speaker 2: And we ain't have too many options now, we're not
[10:48] Speaker 2: going for that. I mean some of us are.
[10:51] Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know to Cheryl, all right, So this
[10:54] Speaker 1: question says, how do you feel about marriage? Since I
[10:57] Speaker 1: know that you're already married, I'm gonna switch it up.
[11:00] Speaker 1: What's something that you wish you knew about marriage that
[11:04] Speaker 1: you know now but you didn't know before you got married?
[11:07] Speaker 1: Maybe something people don't really talk about.
[11:10] Speaker 3: You can craft marriage the way you want to, like
[11:12] Speaker 3: whatever works for you. And I think people go into
[11:16] Speaker 3: it with this idea that it has to be this
[11:17] Speaker 3: blueprint what they've seen before, this cookie cutter situation. And
[11:21] Speaker 3: I'm like, find a partner who gets you and craft
[11:25] Speaker 3: it how you want to craft it.
[11:26] Speaker 2: If you want.
[11:27] Speaker 3: To be open, be open. If you want to be closed,
[11:30] Speaker 3: be closed. If you want to whatever you want to do,
[11:33] Speaker 3: do you and craft it how you want it, and
[11:35] Speaker 3: you can enjoy marriage. I think marriage has a bad
[11:38] Speaker 3: pr team right now. I don't think people talk great
[11:42] Speaker 3: about married married life, especially even married people.
[11:45] Speaker 2: They're not talking great about married life.
[11:47] Speaker 3: And I'm like, really, I hear so much crap, and
[11:51] Speaker 3: I'm like, you're making marriage sound bad.
[11:53] Speaker 2: I think lately what I've been hearing about marriage is
[11:57] Speaker 2: like the honest sides of it. It's like it's not
[12:01] Speaker 2: this happy, go lucky stitch, Like you definitely go through
[12:04] Speaker 2: this honeymoon phase, but like the majority of marriage is
[12:06] Speaker 2: very difficult. Is that what you mean by like it's
[12:09] Speaker 2: getting a bad rep, because that's what I'm hearing from
[12:11] Speaker 2: married people, Like WHOA, Like no one really teaches you
[12:13] Speaker 2: how to be a husband or teaches you how to
[12:15] Speaker 2: be a wife. And now you get into those roles
[12:18] Speaker 2: and you have to deal with certain things. And depending
[12:20] Speaker 2: on if we're doing traditional vows and traditional marriage under
[12:24] Speaker 2: the Covenant of God, there are certain roles that people
[12:26] Speaker 2: have a hard time adjusting to. And that's what I'm
[12:29] Speaker 2: hearing about marriage, people not really knowing how to do it.
[12:31] Speaker 2: You want to, but you don't really know how to
[12:34] Speaker 2: commit how you're supposed to. Yeah, you've heard the healthy adjustments.
[12:38] Speaker 2: I like that. Yeah.
[12:39] Speaker 3: I hear a lot of oh, you know, I had
[12:41] Speaker 3: to suffer through this, this and this before he became
[12:44] Speaker 3: a good guy and blah blah blah. Like especially from
[12:47] Speaker 3: people who are like no, older generations, all the things
[12:50] Speaker 3: they went through.
[12:50] Speaker 2: I'm like, I would no, never, it's not it's not
[12:53] Speaker 2: worth it, I would say.
[12:55] Speaker 1: Lately, I've been talking to more men and hearing more
[12:59] Speaker 1: positive views marriage, which is really nice to hear married
[13:02] Speaker 1: people talk about it in a positive light, or even
[13:07] Speaker 1: like they're not married, but they are aspiring to marriage,
[13:09] Speaker 1: because women will talk about marriage a lot, and we
[13:12] Speaker 1: dream about these fairy tale weddings and all this stuff.
[13:16] Speaker 1: And in my experience, it hasn't been so often that
[13:20] Speaker 1: men are saying great things. They make it seem like
[13:22] Speaker 1: they don't want it, or it's not really beneficial, or
[13:25] Speaker 1: if they do, it's really so they have somebody to
[13:27] Speaker 1: take care of the kids because this alleged legacy they
[13:29] Speaker 1: want to be behind, or you know something like that,
[13:32] Speaker 1: and it's just like, first of all, what is your
[13:34] Speaker 1: legacy really, because it's more than just leaving a kid.
[13:36] Speaker 1: But I digress. Anyway, I've been hearing a lot of
[13:38] Speaker 1: different stories on both sides, but I do appreciate when
[13:42] Speaker 1: I do hear positive things, and I take it. You're
[13:45] Speaker 1: happily Mary right now.
[13:47] Speaker 2: That's good.
[13:47] Speaker 1: And maybe two something to consider is you might be
[13:50] Speaker 1: hearing a lot of bad things because people are coming
[13:52] Speaker 1: to you for help because you're a coach, you're dating
[13:56] Speaker 1: you hope, so they might have preconceive.
[13:58] Speaker 2: I'm scrolling through social media, Oh.
[14:00] Speaker 1: You got those people don't touch grass, those people don't
[14:02] Speaker 1: touch glass.
[14:04] Speaker 2: I'm like, oh god, how you've been married? It'll be
[14:08] Speaker 2: three years next month.
[14:09] Speaker 1: Okay, did you do that big wedding?
[14:14] Speaker 2: It was actually it was the year after. It was
[14:16] Speaker 2: twenty twenty one, so covid Ish year. So we did
[14:20] Speaker 2: it like a cute little thing my mom's backyard, some
[14:22] Speaker 2: close friends. It was very intimate, very intimate.
[14:25] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[14:25] Speaker 3: We had to decide like do we want to do
[14:26] Speaker 3: a big thing or we want to get our house?
[14:28] Speaker 3: And we got our house, y'all.
[14:29] Speaker 2: Responsible, That's why y'all steel happy, y'all ain't go broke.
[14:33] Speaker 2: We might to be like we didn't me all my
[14:35] Speaker 2: ny on a waiting now, Okay, I'm curious to know
[14:38] Speaker 2: this is my last one. On a scale from one
[14:40] Speaker 2: to ten, how happy are you right now?
[14:42] Speaker 3: Ooh, I love that one. I'll give it a nine.
[14:45] Speaker 3: I feel like there's always been for improvement, so I'll
[14:47] Speaker 3: give it a nine. I'm in a really good place.
[14:49] Speaker 1: What's making you the happiest right now?
[14:52] Speaker 3: Doing life on my own terms? Like I just turned
[14:54] Speaker 3: thirty and I feel like something actually came with that.
[14:56] Speaker 3: Normally people were like, you know, you might feel a change,
[14:58] Speaker 3: you might not. And I feel like something came with that.
[15:01] Speaker 3: This like empowerment.
[15:03] Speaker 2: This thirty was a good year. I will say, like
[15:05] Speaker 2: thirty was a really good year for me. Was thirty
[15:08] Speaker 2: good for you? Yeah?
[15:09] Speaker 4: Was?
[15:09] Speaker 1: I saw Beyonce, I came into my own I started
[15:12] Speaker 1: feeling more confident. I felt that change. It was a
[15:16] Speaker 1: slow change in some areas and like instant change in
[15:19] Speaker 1: others where I guess, like after my birthday and the
[15:22] Speaker 1: facilities were done, I kind of had this aha moment
[15:25] Speaker 1: that it's just like, girl, you have lived thirty years
[15:28] Speaker 1: of life. And for many of those years you have
[15:31] Speaker 1: tried to live them, to live up to other people's ideas,
[15:34] Speaker 1: and what has made you happiest the things that you
[15:36] Speaker 1: did for you keep doing that, and everybody else can
[15:39] Speaker 1: fall in line or disappear. And ever since then, it's
[15:42] Speaker 1: been a lot easier to like stick to what I
[15:45] Speaker 1: want for myself. Not always, but it does make it
[15:48] Speaker 1: a little bit easier. And so any of y'all that
[15:51] Speaker 1: might be listening to this who haven't approached thirty, I
[15:54] Speaker 1: was scared going into it. Were y'all scared? I was
[15:57] Speaker 1: so scared. I was like sad and scared, and I
[15:59] Speaker 1: wanted to be forever. I don't know, because people make
[16:01] Speaker 1: it seem like your life is over and like thirties old.
[16:03] Speaker 1: I know better now, yeah, but at that time I
[16:06] Speaker 1: just felt like I don't want to leave my twenties.
[16:08] Speaker 1: And then also having this idea about what my life
[16:11] Speaker 1: should have been by the time I turned thirty, reaching milestones,
[16:14] Speaker 1: like we did a whole episode on it, so I
[16:15] Speaker 1: won't go into a ton of detail, but just having
[16:18] Speaker 1: these ideas about things I should have accomplished, where I
[16:20] Speaker 1: should be in my life, and I wasn't there even
[16:22] Speaker 1: though when I took a step back, it's like, but
[16:25] Speaker 1: you're working on it. You weren't working on it before.
[16:27] Speaker 1: Now you are so like, relax.
[16:29] Speaker 2: Bitch, relax. So yeah, relax. Welcome to the thirty Code.
[16:33] Speaker 2: Thank you are welcome.
[16:34] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[16:34] Speaker 2: I love it so far.
[16:35] Speaker 5: Okay, So we're going to move on to weird sex
[16:39] Speaker 5: really quick, and when we come back from this segment,
[16:42] Speaker 5: we're going to get in some of our topics for today.
[16:46] Speaker 6: You said a man is not a necessity.
[16:49] Speaker 2: A man is a luxury like desserve.
[16:52] Speaker 5: Yeah, a man is absolutely not necessity.
[16:55] Speaker 1: Did you mean that to sound meaning better?
[16:59] Speaker 2: Oh not at all.
[17:01] Speaker 1: I adore dessert.
[17:02] Speaker 2: I love man.
[17:03] Speaker 1: I think men are the coolest, but you don't really
[17:05] Speaker 1: need them to live. So this word sex is actually
[17:11] Speaker 1: a little bit different today, you guys. I found a
[17:13] Speaker 1: few confessions, uh, sex confessions fantasy confessions online. They're all
[17:19] Speaker 1: for anonymous people, but they share them on like Twitter
[17:22] Speaker 1: and Instagram and stuff. So I'm sharing them here and
[17:25] Speaker 1: I want to know what y'all think about them. So
[17:27] Speaker 1: the first one says, this person wants to get really
[17:31] Speaker 1: sweaty and naked with both doctor Phil and Steve Harvey
[17:34] Speaker 1: and After they finish having sex, they shave each other's
[17:37] Speaker 1: mustaches off before going down on him again, I mean
[17:41] Speaker 1: her again. Could you imagine so you're having sex with
[17:45] Speaker 1: doctor Phil and Steve Harvey and they're gonna.
[17:49] Speaker 2: Doctor Field and Steve Hard.
[17:53] Speaker 1: Those are some thick ass mustache and then they shave
[17:57] Speaker 1: them off and go back to the.
[17:58] Speaker 2: Hairs and big juicy suits. Who broke?
[18:04] Speaker 1: That's interesting And I just wonder. I think they're probably
[18:08] Speaker 1: our age or older, because you know the kids. Eventually
[18:11] Speaker 1: on demand was like standard and they didn't have to
[18:13] Speaker 1: watch talk shows after school. Why did we were watching
[18:17] Speaker 1: talk Because I was just rushing for Oprah.
[18:19] Speaker 2: I couldn't wait.
[18:20] Speaker 1: I love Mari Mario was like a guilty pleasure. Oprah
[18:25] Speaker 1: made me feel smart sometimes.
[18:26] Speaker 2: Jerry Springer, you weren't supposed to be watching it, but
[18:28] Speaker 2: he was watching it. Yeah.
[18:30] Speaker 1: And then Montel, Yes, I like Montel.
[18:33] Speaker 2: Who else?
[18:34] Speaker 1: Ricky Late, Ricky Lay That was when I was way younger,
[18:37] Speaker 1: Ricky Lake, Jenny Jones, do you, Sarah Sarah Sally Jesse,
[18:41] Speaker 1: Raphael with the red glasses?
[18:45] Speaker 2: Do you? I don't know why. Every time you were
[18:47] Speaker 2: Geraldo was about to say, and me and Mecca were traumatized.
[18:50] Speaker 2: Wow was his name Geraldo or Heraldo Coroldo Coldo? Thanks Lauren.
[18:55] Speaker 2: Haraldo had an episode where he had the KKK or
[18:58] Speaker 2: the country racist white people. This this is embedded in
[19:01] Speaker 2: my mind. And we were watching it and then they
[19:03] Speaker 2: started throwing chairs. Remember they smacked Coraldo in the head.
[19:05] Speaker 2: I didn't see you remember that? And they broke his nose.
[19:09] Speaker 2: I mean, this was like a TV crime, the racist
[19:12] Speaker 2: white Maybe.
[19:12] Speaker 1: Maybe my grandparents didn't let me watch it.
[19:14] Speaker 2: We didn't know we were watching it. It happened out
[19:16] Speaker 2: of yeah, because it wasn't planned. I didn't see that
[19:20] Speaker 2: me and much as it were traumatized with we watched.
[19:22] Speaker 1: Maybe they saw commercial while I was at school that
[19:24] Speaker 1: they was gonna have the KKK on It was like
[19:26] Speaker 1: not today, Jesus. Yeah, I never saw that one, and
[19:29] Speaker 1: I'm glad I didn't because that would have me traumatized.
[19:31] Speaker 4: I was.
[19:32] Speaker 2: That's the only Haraldo episode I even remember.
[19:34] Speaker 1: I don't remember not of me either. And I used
[19:36] Speaker 1: to get him and Mary confused. Yeah, similar, Look anyway,
[19:41] Speaker 1: all right.
[19:41] Speaker 2: I used to date Mantail. Did you know that I
[19:43] Speaker 2: saw that?
[19:47] Speaker 1: Okay, this person says I want to wear a plug
[19:52] Speaker 1: slash strap on in my butt sort of like a tail.
[19:55] Speaker 1: Right this way, I can have sex with two women
[19:58] Speaker 1: on both sides of me at the same time, like
[20:00] Speaker 1: a swinging pendulum. If someone suggested that, okay, I have
[20:05] Speaker 1: a plug in my butt like a hotaeil.
[20:08] Speaker 2: One woman can ride the back and one can ride
[20:10] Speaker 2: the front.
[20:10] Speaker 1: Two women on bosa. But it's just like what kind
[20:14] Speaker 1: of tail you got that somebody can ride, because I'm
[20:17] Speaker 1: thinking about like a floppy tail.
[20:19] Speaker 2: Well, it wouldn't had a strap on, so it would
[20:22] Speaker 2: be just like a hard tale.
[20:23] Speaker 1: A pug or a strap on in my butt. And
[20:27] Speaker 1: then like if I saw that, that would not turn
[20:30] Speaker 1: me out, even if there was no other woman there.
[20:33] Speaker 1: It's just me. It's just like, why do I want
[20:34] Speaker 1: to have a dick butt thing that I'm sitting on.
[20:36] Speaker 2: I'm trying to.
[20:37] Speaker 1: Visualize, like imagine a little a little dick coming out
[20:40] Speaker 1: the back. You got one in the front and one
[20:43] Speaker 1: in the back. That would seem like a statue or
[20:46] Speaker 1: something that would be in like the Museum of Sex.
[20:48] Speaker 1: Why you ate all the snacks?
[20:49] Speaker 2: When I was in Iceland, you saw this. They have
[20:53] Speaker 2: a penis museum. There are a lot of sexual things
[20:56] Speaker 2: in Iceland, and I was like, what's going on? What
[20:58] Speaker 2: were the Vikings doing? Fucking? They had a penis museum.
[21:01] Speaker 2: It's all types of penises.
[21:03] Speaker 1: Were they small?
[21:04] Speaker 2: I didn't go. I just kept seeing the advertising for you.
[21:06] Speaker 1: Oh, I wish you would have went, so you could
[21:08] Speaker 1: tell us you gotta stop breathing for her when you
[21:10] Speaker 1: do that. Okay, next one, I only have two more. Okay,
[21:12] Speaker 1: So this one says, in my fantasy, a hot witch
[21:15] Speaker 1: needs come for a spell or something, so she kidnaps
[21:20] Speaker 1: me and takes me to her layer. This is very
[21:22] Speaker 1: intricate to her lair where she just rides me constantly
[21:25] Speaker 1: to get my cum. After a little while, it won't
[21:27] Speaker 1: just be about the spell anymore, and she'll just ride
[21:29] Speaker 1: me because she likes it.
[21:31] Speaker 2: I wonder what the witch looks like. I wish you
[21:33] Speaker 2: would have described that.
[21:34] Speaker 1: I know I picture somebody from hocus Pocus, and maybe
[21:37] Speaker 1: Sarahjessica Parker maybe or maybe not, different strokes for different folks.
[21:43] Speaker 1: I just can't believe that this is a fantasy and
[21:45] Speaker 1: you're gonna give your cum for a spell. What is
[21:47] Speaker 1: the spell?
[21:48] Speaker 2: I would like to know.
[21:49] Speaker 1: I don't want to give it a bodily Yeah. I
[21:51] Speaker 1: don't want to give any of my bodily fluids because
[21:53] Speaker 1: then is that going to tie me to the spell.
[21:56] Speaker 1: This is another like mystical one, and this is the
[21:59] Speaker 1: lot one. I just woke up from a weird dream
[22:01] Speaker 1: where I was a wizard and ran into a vampire
[22:05] Speaker 1: version of Anne Hathaway who was missing her two fangs.
[22:09] Speaker 2: What is Ann Hathaway, the one who was stealing stuff
[22:12] Speaker 2: a long time ago. No, that's one on a rider, Okay.
[22:15] Speaker 1: Anne Hathaway is like uh, Princess Diary's okay, h So
[22:20] Speaker 1: she's a vampire in the dream, it's a vampire version
[22:22] Speaker 1: of her, but she didn't have her two fangs, so
[22:24] Speaker 1: she was no longer dangerous. They were in an abandoned
[22:27] Speaker 1: building and started hooking up, and she kept asking with
[22:30] Speaker 1: a lisp to kiss her, Will you kiss me? I
[22:34] Speaker 1: wonder if he was watching the fight and was listening
[22:36] Speaker 1: to Mike Tyson and that's where the lisp came in.
[22:42] Speaker 1: I'd love for that to actually happen in real life.
[22:46] Speaker 2: People are interesting.
[22:47] Speaker 1: They are. If you guys have a weird confession, I mean,
[22:50] Speaker 1: we're gonna laugh about it. But I do hope that
[22:51] Speaker 1: you send it in because now I'm just like, Okay,
[22:54] Speaker 1: people be thinking about some interesting things that I never
[22:56] Speaker 1: would have thought of.
[22:57] Speaker 2: I thought, get real crazy and my dreams are out
[23:01] Speaker 2: of this world wild. So uh like that, not like that,
[23:04] Speaker 2: but they're enough to be like, what's going on? You
[23:08] Speaker 2: know what I mean?
[23:09] Speaker 1: Well, cement your stories info at Kiki Saiso dot com
[23:12] Speaker 1: or you can DM them to us on the Gram.
[23:14] Speaker 1: If you've got a weird sex confession experience, or you
[23:17] Speaker 1: just see a wild story that you think we should
[23:19] Speaker 1: talk about, I'd appreciate it.
[23:22] Speaker 2: Itbe What is a situationship? Can you explain it to
[23:28] Speaker 2: our listeners? Yeah? Versus dating or being in a relationship.
[23:32] Speaker 2: What is a situationship? Because, believe it or not, some
[23:34] Speaker 2: people don't know what it is. Nowadays some people find
[23:36] Speaker 2: themselves in one and don't know they're in one. They
[23:38] Speaker 2: thought it was a relationship. It's a situationship.
[23:42] Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, Well I would say it is a situation
[23:48] Speaker 3: in which you are. It's undefined, you're doing relationship things. However,
[23:53] Speaker 3: nobody has to put a label on it. Nobody's defined it.
[23:56] Speaker 3: You're kind of confused, you kind of want more, but
[23:58] Speaker 3: you're just gonna go along with it because it feels
[24:01] Speaker 3: better than nothing sometimes.
[24:02] Speaker 2: Do you think that that's always bad? Oh my gosh.
[24:05] Speaker 3: Somebody actually pointed that out to me a couple of
[24:07] Speaker 3: years ago. I was talking about situationships and she's like, well,
[24:10] Speaker 3: you make it sound like it's always a bad thing.
[24:12] Speaker 3: And she's like, mine worked out pretty well.
[24:14] Speaker 2: It's like, okay, they're married. No, no, okay.
[24:18] Speaker 1: But it just didn't end in like tears.
[24:20] Speaker 2: And in tears.
[24:21] Speaker 3: I guess she had a good time at the time,
[24:23] Speaker 3: like it worked for her. But I'm like, well, you're
[24:25] Speaker 3: not my target audience. Thank you, have a nice day.
[24:28] Speaker 2: Do you think you've been in a situationship? Do I
[24:30] Speaker 2: think I have been?
[24:31] Speaker 1: I lived by them? And I asked that question because
[24:34] Speaker 1: I am with the person that you're talking about. I
[24:37] Speaker 1: think that depending on what both parties want, or however
[24:41] Speaker 1: many parties are involved, I don't think that a situationship
[24:44] Speaker 1: is always bad. Situationships have bad pr too, right. They
[24:48] Speaker 1: can absolutely be bad when somebody wants something and they're
[24:50] Speaker 1: not getting it, or you're afraid of communicating or whatever.
[24:54] Speaker 1: But you can be involved with someone and it doesn't
[24:59] Speaker 1: have have to be this dramatic, sad nobody's getting what
[25:03] Speaker 1: they want if you're on the same page. The problem
[25:06] Speaker 1: is a lot of times people aren't on the same page,
[25:08] Speaker 1: or you want to do relationship things without the commitment,
[25:12] Speaker 1: kind of like a friends with benefit, but maybe somewhere
[25:15] Speaker 1: between friends with benefit and something more because there are
[25:19] Speaker 1: more I don't know discussions or whatever, but I think
[25:22] Speaker 1: that situations typically are bad because somebody is not getting
[25:27] Speaker 1: what they want, and a lot of times it's due
[25:29] Speaker 1: to a lack of communication or there was communication, and
[25:32] Speaker 1: you accept it something less than what you really wanted
[25:35] Speaker 1: just because you didn't want to lose a person you're
[25:36] Speaker 1: afraid of, lonely and all that. But I don't think
[25:38] Speaker 1: that they always have to be bad. If both people
[25:41] Speaker 1: are truly on the same page and neither of you
[25:44] Speaker 1: wants to commit to anything more. But whatever the commitment
[25:47] Speaker 1: that you have is working for you, then it can
[25:50] Speaker 1: work for you. Just like you say you can define
[25:51] Speaker 1: marriage how you want to, I think you can define
[25:53] Speaker 1: any relationship how you want to, and there's no cookie
[25:57] Speaker 1: cutter to it. It's just important that people are on
[26:01] Speaker 1: the same page, and you have to be honest with
[26:02] Speaker 1: yourself about what you want without talking to the other
[26:05] Speaker 1: person and then be honest with that person about what
[26:08] Speaker 1: you're willing to give and what you want from them,
[26:11] Speaker 1: and everybody has to be clear. That's the only way
[26:13] Speaker 1: that they work out. Many people are in one sided
[26:16] Speaker 1: situationships where one person is happy with that situationship, you know,
[26:20] Speaker 1: and they've said everything, they've been honest, and the other
[26:23] Speaker 1: person is accepting less than or they're not speaking up
[26:26] Speaker 1: about what they really want or the changes they want.
[26:28] Speaker 1: But that's any relationship.
[26:29] Speaker 2: You got to speak up. Do you think that that's
[26:31] Speaker 2: wrong in a situationship? Not relationship where one person is
[26:35] Speaker 2: happy and they're like, well, I'm getting what I want
[26:36] Speaker 2: if you're not. And because I've been in situe of
[26:39] Speaker 2: several also and ones where it's like I have the
[26:41] Speaker 2: upper hand in the situationship. I know you want more,
[26:44] Speaker 2: but because you're not saying anything or because you're still
[26:47] Speaker 2: just dealing with it, it's like, well, I mean I'm happy.
[26:49] Speaker 2: Do you all think that's you as the professional is?
[26:51] Speaker 2: Do you think that's wrong? Because that's a farm of abuse?
[26:54] Speaker 2: What part is wrong?
[26:55] Speaker 1: It is that part wrong?
[26:56] Speaker 2: Like if you know that you're in a situation, are
[26:58] Speaker 2: you wrong? Whoever having upper hand in it, and you
[27:02] Speaker 2: know that you're doing the other person that this service,
[27:04] Speaker 2: like you know they want more?
[27:07] Speaker 1: So am I wrong for being in a situationship with
[27:10] Speaker 1: somebody who won't speak up for themselves?
[27:12] Speaker 2: Yeah? How what about you put it that way? Won't
[27:15] Speaker 2: speak up for themselves?
[27:17] Speaker 1: Like should you just be like, let me the bigger
[27:19] Speaker 1: I'm not anybody's mama, but Whitley, that would be nice.
[27:23] Speaker 1: But I don't think that you're wrong. I think that
[27:25] Speaker 1: you could do something, especially if you're aware of it, right,
[27:30] Speaker 1: because sometimes you're not aware, But when you are aware,
[27:31] Speaker 1: you could absolutely do something. But I wouldn't say that
[27:34] Speaker 1: the person is wrong if the other person won't communicate.
[27:37] Speaker 1: I think that person who's not communicating is the one
[27:40] Speaker 1: wrong in the situation, and they're doing themselves the biggest
[27:43] Speaker 1: harm because they're not speaking up. And that's a sad
[27:47] Speaker 1: lesson that we've all got to learn how to speak
[27:49] Speaker 1: up for ourselves about what we want, because I've been
[27:51] Speaker 1: on both sides, and it's like you accept less than
[27:55] Speaker 1: because you don't want to be alone or you don't
[27:57] Speaker 1: want to not have the person, and you stupidly feel
[28:00] Speaker 1: that having this piece of the person is better than
[28:02] Speaker 1: nothing at all, even though being on the other side
[28:04] Speaker 1: of it, bitch, no, sir, no man went out with them.
[28:08] Speaker 2: You're having You're acting like you're having fun and like
[28:10] Speaker 2: they leave sad and you're crying. Not just sad, you're
[28:13] Speaker 2: crying love him. When you're talking to your friend love.
[28:17] Speaker 1: It, and your friends are looking at you like, bitch,
[28:19] Speaker 1: order another shot. This is stupid it.
[28:21] Speaker 2: Don't get another shot.
[28:22] Speaker 1: No order me another shot as a friend who's listening,
[28:25] Speaker 1: because I'm tired of hearing the same odit when you
[28:27] Speaker 1: told you fifty eleven times.
[28:28] Speaker 2: I don't like that. Yes, I don't like situationships. I'm
[28:32] Speaker 2: not gonna lie. I'm not an advocate for them. And
[28:34] Speaker 2: it's I'm saying that strictly because like I have been
[28:38] Speaker 2: the situationships, and no matter what side I'm on, somebody
[28:42] Speaker 2: really be detrimentally hurt. I've been the hurt one. I've
[28:47] Speaker 2: been the one who was like, I know I'm doing
[28:48] Speaker 2: the hurt, but it's like, well, you are an adult,
[28:50] Speaker 2: you need to communicate. But it's like I also, I'm like,
[28:51] Speaker 2: I probably should have stopped doing this with you. Now
[28:54] Speaker 2: we're getting pregnancy test and you're hoping I'm pregnant. I
[28:57] Speaker 2: don't want to know.
[28:57] Speaker 1: Well, that went really far. I wasn't thinking about that. Wow,
[29:01] Speaker 1: But I can't I think no matter what though, Like
[29:04] Speaker 1: I don't want to say I'm an advocate for it
[29:06] Speaker 1: for situationships, but I am an advocate for speaking up
[29:09] Speaker 1: for what you want and stop expecting everybody else. It's
[29:11] Speaker 1: kind of like you'll know when you can kind of
[29:14] Speaker 1: tell whether it's a relationship that you're in or you're
[29:18] Speaker 1: looking at somebody else's relationship situation, whatever, and you know
[29:21] Speaker 1: that one person wants out, but they refuse to be
[29:25] Speaker 1: the one to really end it, so they might they
[29:28] Speaker 1: might just let it ride. They might start cheating or
[29:31] Speaker 1: doing something like that, or they might not even do
[29:33] Speaker 1: the cheating and the infidelity thing, but they might just
[29:35] Speaker 1: start picking fights and doing things trying to poke the
[29:38] Speaker 1: bear and make you do it. It's like trying to
[29:40] Speaker 1: force your hand. I can't stand when people do that.
[29:42] Speaker 1: I think that that happens a lot too. And all
[29:45] Speaker 1: that goes to say, you've got to speak up for
[29:47] Speaker 1: yourself no matter what. And if you're having trouble with that,
[29:50] Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
[29:51] Speaker 2: I hope that.
[29:52] Speaker 1: You build the strength and get the skills and tools
[29:55] Speaker 1: to be able to do it. But you have to
[29:56] Speaker 1: learn because you can't always expect somebody else to make
[30:00] Speaker 1: a decision for you. You gotta take charge man or woman,
[30:05] Speaker 1: because both of the.
[30:06] Speaker 2: Sides do it. What are your thoughts?
[30:10] Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I think what you mentioned earlier Kiki
[30:12] Speaker 3: about just doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing.
[30:16] Speaker 3: Just depends on how you define it. Like I would
[30:18] Speaker 3: like to propose a new term. I don't know what
[30:20] Speaker 3: it is yet.
[30:21] Speaker 1: Right, it wouldn't it be nice to have a different
[30:23] Speaker 1: term for like when people like I wouldn't even say
[30:27] Speaker 1: like ethical nominogamy or any of that, because sometimes it's
[30:30] Speaker 1: not about another person, but maybe like a friendship, No,
[30:35] Speaker 1: it's more than a friendship because you be hunching sometimes
[30:37] Speaker 1: love love ships or like like you know, a relationship
[30:43] Speaker 1: with training wheels a little bit like you, a little
[30:45] Speaker 1: bit in there, a little bit out. I don't know.
[30:47] Speaker 1: I don't know, like a training trainship, Well, I don't know,
[30:52] Speaker 1: because that might get fun the wrong way.
[30:54] Speaker 3: Have you witnessed a successful situationship, like anyone you know
[30:58] Speaker 3: who's like, oh, this has worked for me a long
[31:00] Speaker 3: term and both people feel satisfied, and like they end
[31:03] Speaker 3: up getting married and there still again they just do
[31:05] Speaker 3: the situationship and it works for both people.
[31:07] Speaker 1: And then when it ends, it's just like I have
[31:11] Speaker 1: seen maybe two okay, and they ended amathleet. It was
[31:15] Speaker 1: fun and they both went on. I think that if
[31:19] Speaker 1: I'm looking at it now, that neither of these two
[31:23] Speaker 1: couples are in the relationship situationship, trained ship, love ship,
[31:27] Speaker 1: whatever we're gonna call it, right, They're both out of it.
[31:30] Speaker 1: At the time. They both were involved with the other person,
[31:36] Speaker 1: but nobody was really ready to fully commit, and it
[31:39] Speaker 1: wasn't about other people and then wanting to see other people.
[31:42] Speaker 1: It was just really a time thing. So like they
[31:44] Speaker 1: had fun and they were able to have their intimate moments.
[31:47] Speaker 1: It was just kind of like having a substitute teacher,
[31:51] Speaker 1: but like not like not a substitute boyfriend, like a
[31:53] Speaker 1: little fell in somebody to you know that you could
[31:56] Speaker 1: be vulnerable, vulnerable with that you could do these things with,
[32:00] Speaker 1: but you didn't necessarily want a future with them. They
[32:02] Speaker 1: were there for right then and it ended. Okay, two
[32:05] Speaker 1: out of the two thousand that I've seen, But.
[32:08] Speaker 2: Even hearing you say that part and This is like
[32:10] Speaker 2: the harder medema when I go back to moments and
[32:13] Speaker 2: times in my life where I was, where I was
[32:15] Speaker 2: in the situationship and I was the one who liked
[32:18] Speaker 2: the person more and even he oh, I think about
[32:22] Speaker 2: six A Bay like that was definitely a situationship that
[32:24] Speaker 2: I glamorized and thought was like a real But when
[32:27] Speaker 2: I look you know, you look back and you're like this,
[32:29] Speaker 2: that's when you.
[32:30] Speaker 1: Can see it when you're not in it and hearing.
[32:32] Speaker 2: You even say the words like you just said something
[32:34] Speaker 2: where it was like, oh my gosh, that's so painful
[32:37] Speaker 2: to be the one on the receiving end of like
[32:39] Speaker 2: I don't want to be with you, like yeah, I
[32:41] Speaker 2: don't see a future with you, and I never did.
[32:44] Speaker 2: To be on the receiving end of that, you do
[32:46] Speaker 2: care about the person and you're like, it's just like
[32:49] Speaker 2: a I'm a lover girl. I am a certified lover girl.
[32:52] Speaker 2: And I've been on the receiving end of that where
[32:54] Speaker 2: it's like I was planning.
[32:57] Speaker 1: I mean, I totally get it. And these weren't my situationships.
[33:01] Speaker 1: To be clear, mind the one siding usually, but these
[33:06] Speaker 1: weren't mine. But I really do feel like because I
[33:09] Speaker 1: knew both people individually outside, it wasn't like, oh, I
[33:12] Speaker 1: knew the girl and she introduced me to the guy,
[33:14] Speaker 1: so he's been around. I have relationships with both of
[33:17] Speaker 1: them outside of it. I really feel like they just
[33:20] Speaker 1: found comfort in each other. They both had different things
[33:22] Speaker 1: going on, and to this day, I don't think that
[33:24] Speaker 1: either are slighted people. One of them is married now.
[33:28] Speaker 1: In one couple, one person is married, one person is
[33:30] Speaker 1: in a long term relationship, the other one they're still
[33:32] Speaker 1: doing the same thing, but they moved on to another person.
[33:35] Speaker 1: And I think when you are like you are a
[33:39] Speaker 1: lover girl, you're a hopeless romantic and there are so
[33:42] Speaker 1: many people like that, But there's also so many people
[33:44] Speaker 1: who don't really want relationships, and it's hard to sift through,
[33:48] Speaker 1: especially with people not being honest a lot of times
[33:52] Speaker 1: about what they want really and truly, whether they know
[33:55] Speaker 1: it for themselves or not. But I still think it
[33:58] Speaker 1: can happen.
[34:00] Speaker 3: But what resulting in marriage? Have you seen success in
[34:02] Speaker 3: that way where they were like where.
[34:04] Speaker 1: It was a situationship and then it turned into marriage?
[34:06] Speaker 2: Yes, man, was it friends with benefits or situationship?
[34:10] Speaker 1: It was a situationship, there was other people involved in
[34:14] Speaker 1: the beginning, and eventually things change. People were more honest.
[34:18] Speaker 1: They did have some breakups to make ups, but married children,
[34:22] Speaker 1: homeowners happy.
[34:23] Speaker 3: They don't say too much loving. I'm trying to help
[34:25] Speaker 3: my clients out of these things.
[34:28] Speaker 1: But I also say I would say this, I think
[34:30] Speaker 1: some of this comes with age, right, because sometimes when
[34:33] Speaker 1: you're really young and immature, and if you can work
[34:36] Speaker 1: through those things as you grow up. Now at this point,
[34:38] Speaker 1: if you starting off like this, we're too old for that.
[34:40] Speaker 1: But if you start off high school sweethearts or you're
[34:44] Speaker 1: in college dating and now you're over thirty, that's a
[34:48] Speaker 1: lot different than meeting somebody at thirty to thirty four
[34:52] Speaker 1: or however old I am. Oh, I'm way older than that. Anyway,
[34:55] Speaker 1: it meets somebody thirty plus and you're trying to go
[34:58] Speaker 1: through those things because you also grow just as a person,
[35:02] Speaker 1: whether you're attached to somebody or not. Your mindset in
[35:05] Speaker 1: your teenage years, your early twenty years oftentimes is much
[35:09] Speaker 1: different than the thirty plus version of yourself. And the
[35:12] Speaker 1: thirty plus version of yourself seems to be a lot
[35:16] Speaker 1: more with what level headed and what the rest of
[35:19] Speaker 1: your life will be like, it's not why people aren't like,
[35:22] Speaker 1: oh so lout of my thirties, they say, twenties and teens.
[35:25] Speaker 1: People are calming down at this point. They're having some
[35:27] Speaker 1: realizations and you get into your groove as an adult
[35:30] Speaker 1: and things are more like cruise control.
[35:32] Speaker 2: Yeah, speaking of you working with your clients, what do
[35:37] Speaker 2: you think is the psychology behind situationships? Like if one
[35:42] Speaker 2: of your clients came to you like, oh my gosh,
[35:43] Speaker 2: I keep finding myself in these situationships, whether they want
[35:46] Speaker 2: them or not, what would you kind of talk to
[35:49] Speaker 2: them about. Is there a fear of commitment here? Do
[35:51] Speaker 2: we have low self esteem? Like where are some of
[35:53] Speaker 2: the what are some of the avenues you take them
[35:55] Speaker 2: down to kind of dive into, like getting out of
[35:57] Speaker 2: it if you don't want it.
[35:58] Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, start with kind of exploring childhood because everything
[36:02] Speaker 3: starts there. Everything starts in childhood, So just kind of
[36:05] Speaker 3: seeing how they were responded to as children, Like did
[36:09] Speaker 3: you feel like your needs were met? Did you feel
[36:11] Speaker 3: like your parents attuned to you? Do you feel like
[36:13] Speaker 3: they understood you? Do you feel like you had to
[36:15] Speaker 3: shape shift who you are just to win their approval?
[36:18] Speaker 3: So starting there, Like if you had those types of
[36:21] Speaker 3: situations where you felt like you had to kind of
[36:25] Speaker 3: like abandon self to be accepted, I can see how
[36:29] Speaker 3: that would lead to you just kind of wanting to
[36:31] Speaker 3: hold on to little pieces of love and affection from
[36:34] Speaker 3: somebody because it feels affirming. And then also it feels
[36:39] Speaker 3: it reminds you of childhood, Like everything's a merriat to childhood.
[36:42] Speaker 3: So if it reminds you of having to fight to
[36:45] Speaker 3: be seen and chosen and love from your parents, it's
[36:49] Speaker 3: just going to keep being a cycle until you figure
[36:51] Speaker 3: out how to break it.
[36:53] Speaker 1: I want to ask you about how to break it.
[36:56] Speaker 1: But before I ask you that, we've talked about it before.
[37:00] Speaker 1: But refresh everybody's memory about the different attachment styles and
[37:04] Speaker 1: maybe some examples of them or what they look like.
[37:07] Speaker 3: We'll start with secure. That's what we would all aim for. Right,
[37:10] Speaker 3: Have I met a secure person?
[37:11] Speaker 2: I don't know. That's where basically I have either.
[37:17] Speaker 3: Basically it's where you are open to love, You're open
[37:21] Speaker 3: to receiving love. You're good at communicating your needs, you
[37:24] Speaker 3: know your boundaries, you know your standards.
[37:26] Speaker 2: You can if a need is not being met, You're
[37:29] Speaker 2: able to say that and be like, oh, well, this
[37:31] Speaker 2: isn't going to work for me. You're able to walk
[37:32] Speaker 2: away confidently and know that you're going to find love again.
[37:35] Speaker 2: Very beautiful.
[37:37] Speaker 3: Then we have the anxiously attached, and that's where you
[37:41] Speaker 3: kind of fear abandonment. You just want to cling on
[37:44] Speaker 3: to the person like please don't leave me, don't go
[37:46] Speaker 3: anywhere that's me and you want that reassurance like I
[37:51] Speaker 3: need to know that you're gonna be here. And then
[37:54] Speaker 3: we have a fearful avoidance. Well let's start a dismissive.
[37:59] Speaker 3: Let's start a dismissive because that's like on the far
[38:02] Speaker 3: end of avoidance where you're like, this is getting too serious.
[38:06] Speaker 2: I'm out of here. You struggle with intimacy, don't really
[38:10] Speaker 2: before bride running from the brides I mean from the
[38:15] Speaker 2: from the groom. But we didn't pay for the wedding dress.
[38:21] Speaker 2: Do you know how many people I'm like, you know
[38:24] Speaker 2: right now, I'm assuming you running down You imagine if.
[38:27] Speaker 1: You had to go to a whole bunch of bridesmaids
[38:29] Speaker 1: activities and this bitch is on a horse trotting down
[38:32] Speaker 1: not in Nottingham Hill because she don't want to do it.
[38:36] Speaker 1: You got me, that bitch. I don't went to Miami
[38:38] Speaker 1: to limb. We did a bridal shower, a bachelorette weekend
[38:41] Speaker 1: with some bachelorettes that I don't fun. Was it neither
[38:43] Speaker 1: to get a.
[38:43] Speaker 2: Painting a paint and sit making class? I didn't want
[38:47] Speaker 2: to go, requested all yes, all get.
[38:52] Speaker 1: Upwoops, and we're in Mexico. I wanted Braid's bitch like,
[38:56] Speaker 1: come on, I had to pay for everything. I am
[38:59] Speaker 1: not rich. I try to run.
[39:01] Speaker 2: If you want to, Rebecca, bring that ass back.
[39:04] Speaker 1: You get married me, you him, the mama, everybody, the
[39:08] Speaker 1: in laws. No, you come on, Me and the cartail
[39:11] Speaker 1: are coming to get your ass. And he's gonna be
[39:13] Speaker 1: at this fucking thing. Sorry. That wasn't even you made
[39:17] Speaker 1: us buy our dresses. But I'm just thinking about it
[39:20] Speaker 1: from the outside and you run away. Bride bitches. You
[39:22] Speaker 1: need to listen to us because that is out of line,
[39:25] Speaker 1: Like think about everybody else. You knew before you got
[39:28] Speaker 1: there what you're avoidant?
[39:29] Speaker 2: Ass? Sorry? Go ahead?
[39:30] Speaker 1: Oh god, okay, you knew before you got to wedding
[39:34] Speaker 1: day and we got.
[39:36] Speaker 2: And you really just kept going and we maybe even
[39:40] Speaker 2: was like do you really want to marry it.
[39:43] Speaker 1: Yeah, you talk about it. I don't even know if
[39:44] Speaker 1: I want her to be in the wedding. Well, bitch,
[39:46] Speaker 1: I don't want to be here. And little did I know,
[39:48] Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done this. I should have went on
[39:50] Speaker 1: the trip with my other friend group where they're having
[39:53] Speaker 1: a blast, turn up pop and bottles with Drake, and
[39:56] Speaker 1: here we are Abu Dhabi. Well, our mind's just working anyway.
[40:03] Speaker 1: Actually that's somebody's story. It's not ours, but somebody, somebody
[40:06] Speaker 1: has been through that.
[40:08] Speaker 2: Runway.
[40:11] Speaker 1: Okay, So anyway, the far end of avoidant is.
[40:14] Speaker 2: What you very far end is dismissive avoidance, Okay, struggle
[40:19] Speaker 2: with intimacy. They have this fear of kind of betrayal,
[40:23] Speaker 2: and they just aren't going to allow themselves to get
[40:26] Speaker 2: there with somebody. So if they start maybe they're feeling
[40:29] Speaker 2: you a little bit, and then they start to realize,
[40:31] Speaker 2: oh this is getting a little deep, they're out of there.
[40:34] Speaker 1: Do you think that people like that, the typical person
[40:38] Speaker 1: maybe witness infidelity from their parents or abandonment from their parents,
[40:44] Speaker 1: or what's like the typical person who is feeling like
[40:46] Speaker 1: that what happened in their childhood?
[40:48] Speaker 3: Normally the ones I've worked with, it's usually they had
[40:51] Speaker 3: to develop independence really fast. So either they had a
[40:55] Speaker 3: sibling come along when they were like two or three,
[40:57] Speaker 3: and then the parents.
[40:58] Speaker 2: Like, oh you're a big boy. Now you're a big girl,
[41:00] Speaker 2: Now go do it yourself at two, at two three.
[41:02] Speaker 2: This starts from young.
[41:03] Speaker 3: Your attachment style is embedded between like eighteen months.
[41:07] Speaker 1: I was expecting that I would expect, you know, things
[41:09] Speaker 1: to happen yet.
[41:10] Speaker 2: Yeah, but it starts from young.
[41:12] Speaker 3: So if just from a young age you're feeling like, oh,
[41:14] Speaker 3: now I have to fend for myself, then they grow
[41:16] Speaker 3: up thinking they have to fend for themselves and they
[41:18] Speaker 3: just operate as such.
[41:21] Speaker 2: What is do you if you can answer this, what
[41:23] Speaker 2: is like the average attachment style? What are most people?
[41:28] Speaker 2: I would say the combo package.
[41:29] Speaker 3: I mean I see a lot of anxious but also
[41:30] Speaker 3: the combo package, which is anxious and avoidance.
[41:32] Speaker 2: So fearful avoidance is what I see a lot of.
[41:35] Speaker 3: Is like I think that one's you want that connection.
[41:38] Speaker 3: You have a little bit of that anxiety, but then
[41:40] Speaker 3: you shut down. That's how you cope with it. So
[41:42] Speaker 3: you have both like you're anxious internally away but you'd
[41:46] Speaker 3: be like.
[41:48] Speaker 2: They would make a Black Mirror episode and then they
[41:50] Speaker 2: would actually make this an actual tool. I love Black Mirror.
[41:52] Speaker 2: I don't even know if they're still making Black If.
[41:54] Speaker 1: You're listening, you need to email Medina. Yeah you do,
[41:57] Speaker 1: because it's our idea and it's on the internet now
[42:00] Speaker 1: with timestamp.
[42:01] Speaker 2: Imagine they did it Black Mirror episode. You familiar with
[42:03] Speaker 2: Black Mirror, I haven't seen it, but I see you're
[42:06] Speaker 2: in for a good watch. Watch it. So it's like
[42:08] Speaker 2: the dark side of technology. So imagine they make this
[42:11] Speaker 2: thing where you can decide to opt in or opt out.
[42:14] Speaker 2: It's like you want to find your true match, your
[42:16] Speaker 2: true love, and like they maybe put something in your
[42:18] Speaker 2: eyes or maybe they put something something on you to
[42:20] Speaker 2: where when you look at a person, you look at them,
[42:23] Speaker 2: you can see through them and it'll scan them and
[42:26] Speaker 2: it'll tell you what their attachment style is a little
[42:28] Speaker 2: glimpse of their childhood with how they think, how they move,
[42:31] Speaker 2: how they and it just kind of like gives them
[42:32] Speaker 2: a whole little like skin. It's like like it connects
[42:36] Speaker 2: with you and you get to actually see like, Okay,
[42:38] Speaker 2: you don't have to go through somebod caause some parts
[42:40] Speaker 2: of the dating journey. I don't be wanting to go
[42:42] Speaker 2: on like you'd be going so good and then you
[42:44] Speaker 2: get to a point where you're like, Mama fucked you up,
[42:46] Speaker 2: and now we gotta now I got it. Now I'm
[42:49] Speaker 2: finding out what you really is, and you don't normally
[42:51] Speaker 2: find out until you're two years in. Speaking from experience.
[42:55] Speaker 1: Well, I will say the cynic in me is like hell,
[42:58] Speaker 1: no control out to delete back to scan it No,
[43:01] Speaker 1: because I wouldn't mind scanning somebody else. My fear is
[43:04] Speaker 1: that somebody is going to scan me right he hear
[43:09] Speaker 1: me out, because it's gonna work both ways. I don't
[43:11] Speaker 1: want to be a part of this. I'm not signing up.
[43:13] Speaker 1: I need to read all terms and conditions because girl,
[43:15] Speaker 1: you might be right and that might be on the way.
[43:17] Speaker 1: I don't know, But I'm not even fearful that they
[43:21] Speaker 1: can know so much about me, right, I'm if it's
[43:25] Speaker 1: somebody who is interested in loving me and all that.
[43:27] Speaker 1: I am fearful of the manipulators and the people who
[43:30] Speaker 1: end up as the folks on Snap who did snap.
[43:34] Speaker 2: But you would see.
[43:36] Speaker 1: That they will. They can. They can manipulate anybody can,
[43:40] Speaker 1: And I'm gonna be scared, and I can't live my
[43:42] Speaker 1: life like that because I'm already a little paranoid. Okay,
[43:45] Speaker 1: so I would want to opt out of that, and
[43:47] Speaker 1: you're gonna have to actually talk to me, and you're
[43:49] Speaker 1: gonna have to do work the old school way, which I.
[43:52] Speaker 2: Would have my glasses on.
[43:54] Speaker 1: My glasses are off, you know, because you're gonna be
[43:57] Speaker 1: figuring out what I miss. You're gonna come in, You're
[44:00] Speaker 1: gonna love bombing. It's gonna be bombs over Kiki, and
[44:03] Speaker 1: I'm gonna be mad. And then once I figure it
[44:06] Speaker 1: out and I build up my strength and everything to
[44:09] Speaker 1: fight back, it's gonna be bad. It's gonna be bombs
[44:12] Speaker 1: over this nigga. It's just gonna be bad. That's not good.
[44:15] Speaker 1: And then I'm probably gonna be the one that goes
[44:17] Speaker 1: to jail.
[44:18] Speaker 2: Well, everybody have the opportunity to buy it or not.
[44:21] Speaker 2: God's mirror.
[44:23] Speaker 1: That would be an interesting concept, similar to like the
[44:26] Speaker 1: social media thing that they did, and how people were
[44:28] Speaker 1: making all of these moods to be popular, they had
[44:31] Speaker 1: to ride a bike or whatever happen. I can't even remember,
[44:33] Speaker 1: but yeah, Black Marry is interesting. Okay, So fearful, avoidant, dismissive, avoidant, secure,
[44:40] Speaker 1: and what was the anxious? Anxious?
[44:43] Speaker 2: If you guys haven't read the book Attached Attached? Have
[44:47] Speaker 2: you read it? I haven't finished it yet, but I'm
[44:51] Speaker 2: in it. I had to take a little pause as
[44:52] Speaker 2: I read a few other books. But it's such a
[44:54] Speaker 2: really good deep dive into attachment styles. There's different stories
[44:57] Speaker 2: that you can. They have in there. They go into
[45:00] Speaker 2: to depth about all these attachment styles that it was
[45:02] Speaker 2: just telling us if you really are someone where you're like,
[45:03] Speaker 2: I really want to know why, I'm like, this is
[45:05] Speaker 2: where it could come from, or what attachment style I am?
[45:08] Speaker 2: And they have tests in the book. I love it.
[45:10] Speaker 2: Can I give it displaymer on the book When you
[45:14] Speaker 2: read the book, just know that it shows up differently
[45:17] Speaker 2: in everybody. So you might read these stories.
[45:19] Speaker 3: And you're like, oh, well, I mean is that what
[45:21] Speaker 3: I do? I don't really relate to that it shows
[45:24] Speaker 3: up differently. I mean, obviously there's some key characteristics that
[45:27] Speaker 3: each attachment style has, but it's going to show up differently,
[45:29] Speaker 3: even genderwise, like male versus female. It's going to show
[45:32] Speaker 3: up differently, And so don't label yourself and run with
[45:35] Speaker 3: it try to, but.
[45:37] Speaker 1: It can be helpful and on both sides too, I
[45:38] Speaker 1: will say, like understanding yourself, but then also maybe understanding
[45:45] Speaker 1: why people are doing the things that they do when
[45:47] Speaker 1: it is different, and how you can recognize it, and
[45:49] Speaker 1: either you can provide. If it's somebody that you do
[45:52] Speaker 1: want to be with, you would ideally want to know
[45:55] Speaker 1: how to communicate better or make them feel more secure
[46:00] Speaker 1: in the relationship, and so like you might have to
[46:02] Speaker 1: do some things that you don't even think of because
[46:05] Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with anything that you want,
[46:08] Speaker 1: but this makes them feel better because this is what
[46:11] Speaker 1: they're scared of or this is where their fears come from.
[46:14] Speaker 1: So I think it's good to read all those All
[46:16] Speaker 1: the books about the different styles of apology languages are
[46:19] Speaker 1: a big one too. What's your take on the apology languages?
[46:23] Speaker 2: I like those.
[46:23] Speaker 3: I thought that was cool how they made like a
[46:25] Speaker 3: spinoff off of love languages. I think it helps people
[46:28] Speaker 3: see just basically, some people apologize just by like saying
[46:32] Speaker 3: I'm sorry, and that's not good enough. Some people want
[46:34] Speaker 3: you to rectify the situation. Some people want you to
[46:37] Speaker 3: make up for it in different ways. I think some
[46:39] Speaker 3: of them overlap I can't remember all of them. There's
[46:41] Speaker 3: like accept responsibility and make restitutions. Some of them overlap,
[46:46] Speaker 3: but I think a genuine apology is when you understand
[46:49] Speaker 3: how the other person wants to be apologized too.
[46:52] Speaker 1: Yeah. I remember finding out about the five Love Languages
[46:57] Speaker 1: a long long time ago, and I read the book,
[47:00] Speaker 1: I took the quiz, and I retake the quiz often
[47:02] Speaker 1: because as I change and I feel different things in
[47:05] Speaker 1: my life change and different priorities changing. I've noticed that
[47:08] Speaker 1: what I want, how I'm showing love and how I
[47:10] Speaker 1: want love and all relationships is different. And then I
[47:14] Speaker 1: found out about the apology languages, and then I found
[47:18] Speaker 1: out about the attachment styles. But I think that all
[47:20] Speaker 1: of those things help you to have a better understanding
[47:23] Speaker 1: of people, because it's really easy to get caught up
[47:27] Speaker 1: in how you viewed the world and your own personal experiences,
[47:31] Speaker 1: and it had it not been for all of these
[47:33] Speaker 1: books and other people sharing their takes. Podcasts. Books be
[47:38] Speaker 1: careful with the rest of the internet, and some pieces
[47:41] Speaker 1: of the podcast internet be careful. But it's interesting to
[47:44] Speaker 1: see these things, so you can see how different people
[47:46] Speaker 1: process things and how they approach things. Because while some
[47:49] Speaker 1: shit still sounds very badshit crazy to me about how
[47:52] Speaker 1: people do things. I know that what I say is
[47:55] Speaker 1: the same for other people. They think I'm crazy, but
[47:57] Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, well I'm a real person and this
[47:59] Speaker 1: is really how I do things. So I encourage you
[48:01] Speaker 1: all to check out some different books and listen to
[48:04] Speaker 1: different people's experiences. It'll expand your worldview and help you
[48:08] Speaker 1: realize some things. What would you say is the best
[48:11] Speaker 1: part about coaching people on dating?
[48:15] Speaker 2: That's a good question.
[48:17] Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say just that aha moment, especially when
[48:20] Speaker 3: I link it back to like childhood for them and
[48:22] Speaker 3: they're not even seeing that oh my god, he as
[48:24] Speaker 3: just like my mom treated me, and just even seeing
[48:27] Speaker 3: that connect between. I'm accepting these things because this is
[48:30] Speaker 3: what I'm familiar with, and I think when you're in it,
[48:34] Speaker 3: you don't realize it, and then when someone kind of
[48:36] Speaker 3: calls it out, you're like, oh my god, this is
[48:38] Speaker 3: where all my problems come from.
[48:39] Speaker 2: So I think that aha moment is my favorite. What
[48:42] Speaker 2: are some tools you would give some of our listeners
[48:45] Speaker 2: for self awareness if they were navigating a situationship that
[48:49] Speaker 2: they didn't want to be in, Like, how can they
[48:52] Speaker 2: identify what they truly want, because sometimes that is hard
[48:56] Speaker 2: doing something and you're like I want it? Do I not? Yeah?
[49:00] Speaker 2: What are some tools you would give them to help
[49:02] Speaker 2: navigate them through that? Yeah?
[49:03] Speaker 3: I would say even beforehand, go into things knowing what
[49:06] Speaker 3: you want. Like we were just talking about love languages
[49:08] Speaker 3: and apology languages and attachment styles. Know who you are
[49:11] Speaker 3: first and identify what it is you want, so that way,
[49:14] Speaker 3: when it's not happening, you then choose to walk away.
[49:17] Speaker 3: You advocate for yourself, but if it's too late and
[49:20] Speaker 3: you're already there, happens.
[49:23] Speaker 2: Yeah. Check in with yourself. How do you feel?
[49:26] Speaker 3: Like, clearly, if you're sliding down the wall crying every day,
[49:30] Speaker 3: you're miserable, check in with yourself something. If something feels off,
[49:34] Speaker 3: that's when it's time to start realizing, okay, I'm not
[49:37] Speaker 3: okay with this? What do I actually need? So I
[49:40] Speaker 3: would say self check ins are so important.
[49:43] Speaker 1: Do you advise people to date through the figuring it
[49:48] Speaker 1: out about what you want and like you should go
[49:51] Speaker 1: on dates, you should meet these different people so that
[49:54] Speaker 1: you can figure it out. Or do you think that
[49:55] Speaker 1: they should take a pause from interacting and dating other
[49:59] Speaker 1: people and take an introspective look and some time alone,
[50:02] Speaker 1: I would say both, like, if you're down bad, maybe
[50:07] Speaker 1: how what they know that they're down bad? Yeah, because
[50:10] Speaker 1: people don't be knowing it when they're in it.
[50:12] Speaker 3: You're in a place where you're like, you're like obsessed. Now,
[50:16] Speaker 3: this is all you're thinking about. This is all you're
[50:18] Speaker 3: talking about.
[50:19] Speaker 2: You want. Every thing that's on your.
[50:21] Speaker 3: Mind is how to be chosen by somebody else that's
[50:24] Speaker 3: down bad.
[50:26] Speaker 1: But wait, I feel you on that, and I agree.
[50:30] Speaker 1: But when somebody is in it, oh, how could they
[50:34] Speaker 1: know that they are down bad? Because they're obsessing over
[50:38] Speaker 1: this versus this is just what I want from my
[50:40] Speaker 1: life and I'm focused on this goal because you know,
[50:43] Speaker 1: it's all about the word choice that you use and
[50:45] Speaker 1: you can rationalize anything. Yeah, And so some people feel like, oh, well,
[50:48] Speaker 1: this is just what I want and I just want this,
[50:52] Speaker 1: and I met this guy and I really like him
[50:53] Speaker 1: and that's why I'm so into him. But really, it's like,
[50:56] Speaker 1: but you are obsessing. You forgot about everything else. They
[51:00] Speaker 1: very part.
[51:01] Speaker 3: Yeah, very similar. If this is what you're thinking about
[51:03] Speaker 3: all day and you're fantasizing more than you're in the relationship,
[51:06] Speaker 3: you're thinking Oh I want us to be this. We're
[51:09] Speaker 3: gonna have this and we're gonna do this. Okay, what
[51:11] Speaker 3: about now? What is he showing up as right now?
[51:13] Speaker 3: If it's all like if you're in a fantasy and
[51:16] Speaker 3: you're thinking more about what could be happening and you're
[51:19] Speaker 3: idealizing the situation, really ask yourself, what is his character,
[51:24] Speaker 3: what is happening, what's happening right now today? How is
[51:29] Speaker 3: he showing up or her or whatever it is. How
[51:31] Speaker 3: are they showing up today rather than this idealistic version
[51:36] Speaker 3: that I have in my mind. And if you can't
[51:39] Speaker 3: really answer that honestly, let's be honest people, Like if
[51:43] Speaker 3: you can't think people are not honest with themselves a
[51:45] Speaker 3: lot and they want to convince themselves that's what they want.
[51:47] Speaker 2: And now they're on year six in the Situationship.
[51:50] Speaker 1: Dululu Island is a fabulous place to be when you
[51:53] Speaker 1: don't have any care in the world. Yeah, maybe that's
[51:57] Speaker 1: what we should do next. Everybody's like, that's next. For
[52:00] Speaker 1: We've done a new show coming out on Netflix Delus Island,
[52:03] Speaker 1: and we are taking people there who.
[52:06] Speaker 2: Are so I would actually watch it. We'll act camera. Actually,
[52:12] Speaker 2: that's a really good idea.
[52:14] Speaker 1: Yeah, we could help some people. Maybe maybe you'll be
[52:16] Speaker 1: one of our resume experts. They love to have an
[52:18] Speaker 1: expert on the show. It is hard to get out
[52:22] Speaker 1: of being delusional. Sometimes, I know, it's fun to be
[52:26] Speaker 1: delusional until you sad.
[52:27] Speaker 2: Sad. My relationship with delusion is so interesting because there
[52:31] Speaker 2: is a part of it where it's like, ah, this
[52:32] Speaker 2: isn't good. But then there's a part of delusion where
[52:35] Speaker 2: like you need a little bit of a delusion.
[52:37] Speaker 1: What part you need?
[52:39] Speaker 2: I think that sometimes. Yeah, Like even though I'm not
[52:42] Speaker 2: a Donald Trump and even though I'm not a Donald
[52:45] Speaker 2: Trump supporter, there are pieces of how Donald Trump moves
[52:48] Speaker 2: in this world where it's like he doesn't care, like
[52:55] Speaker 2: he has a level of delusion in his mind where
[52:57] Speaker 2: it's getting him where he wants to go. Whether we
[52:59] Speaker 2: like the beauty of.
[53:00] Speaker 1: Being a white mediocre man in America.
[53:04] Speaker 2: The point that I'm making is there are some sprinkles
[53:06] Speaker 2: of delusion that if you maybe if you're scared to
[53:08] Speaker 2: do something, if you add a little delusion to your jacket,
[53:11] Speaker 2: now you now you standing up, not caring that everyone's staying.
[53:15] Speaker 2: You don't have fear anymore. And so my relationship with
[53:18] Speaker 2: delusion is just so interesting. We got to we need
[53:21] Speaker 2: to talk about this show. We need to workshop it
[53:23] Speaker 2: because it could be good. We can have healthy delusion
[53:25] Speaker 2: and not healthy delusion.
[53:27] Speaker 1: We've got to have the mix to make the show.
[53:28] Speaker 2: Yeah, but we need to have more not healthy delusion.
[53:31] Speaker 2: That'll make it. You got to get viewers right. They
[53:32] Speaker 2: want to see the.
[53:33] Speaker 1: Talking and everybody else who doesn't make the cut during
[53:36] Speaker 1: casting calls will send them to help. They gonna have
[53:38] Speaker 1: to pay for it, but we'll send them to professionals
[53:40] Speaker 1: like you.
[53:41] Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this will be crazy, I mean amazing.
[53:44] Speaker 2: I uh. Also wanted to ask you if there's someone
[53:47] Speaker 2: listening to the show right now or watching the show
[53:49] Speaker 2: right now, and they're like, I'm in a situation ship,
[53:51] Speaker 2: but I really want to get out of the situationship,
[53:53] Speaker 2: not leave him alone, but I want to have the
[53:54] Speaker 2: what are we conversation? What are some like good prompts
[53:58] Speaker 2: that you would give them to start that kind of
[54:00] Speaker 2: because that is if you're the one who wants to
[54:02] Speaker 2: have it and you're not good with your words, it
[54:04] Speaker 2: can come off like you can scare somebody away.
[54:07] Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good question.
[54:08] Speaker 3: How do you have what are we conversation but in
[54:10] Speaker 3: like a smooth way, I would say, take responsibility for
[54:15] Speaker 3: what you want, like this is about you, not about them.
[54:19] Speaker 3: So if you bring it on some like for my life,
[54:22] Speaker 3: this is what I want for my life over the
[54:25] Speaker 3: span of however many years. What are your thoughts on
[54:29] Speaker 3: that try to just see where their head is rather
[54:31] Speaker 3: than this whole like coming at it really hard, like
[54:34] Speaker 3: I want to be with you and you only and
[54:35] Speaker 3: I need you to be with me more so for
[54:38] Speaker 3: my life. This is where I see my life over
[54:40] Speaker 3: the next couple of years. What are your thoughts on that?
[54:43] Speaker 1: Should I say this over coffee dinner.
[54:46] Speaker 2: Right after sex? It just I think right, it just
[54:50] Speaker 2: depends on her. I can get it. I want.
[54:53] Speaker 1: Am I taking a manipulative approach in a nice sexy way?
[54:56] Speaker 1: Or am I being a responsible adult like.
[55:00] Speaker 3: I've seen If you're having this conversation, you're already down
[55:02] Speaker 3: bad from.
[55:03] Speaker 2: What I've seen you, Like, you've already I want to
[55:08] Speaker 2: stand up good, You've already thrown hands. They're not taking it.
[55:12] Speaker 3: You've already asked questions, They're like, why are you trying
[55:14] Speaker 3: to mess this up?
[55:15] Speaker 2: What we got is good?
[55:16] Speaker 3: Like it's already not a good place to be to
[55:17] Speaker 3: even bring this up in the first place. So I
[55:20] Speaker 3: would definitely not say after sex, because that's not a
[55:23] Speaker 3: good place because you're emotional. They just had a great
[55:27] Speaker 3: time because they're getting what they want out of you,
[55:29] Speaker 3: They're not going to.
[55:30] Speaker 2: Want to answer that question. Man, So maybe over a
[55:35] Speaker 2: random day.
[55:36] Speaker 3: I've noticed with situationships you don't even go to dinner
[55:38] Speaker 3: though they're not taking you out.
[55:39] Speaker 2: The ones I've seen, what was this the one where
[55:49] Speaker 2: you have the control or this is the one where
[55:52] Speaker 2: if I have the control, we're not doing all that
[55:56] Speaker 2: were still going outside whether I'm in control or not.
[55:59] Speaker 2: But like the ones I wasn't in control, they were
[56:00] Speaker 2: great experiences as far as activities. Yeah, this depends on age.
[56:05] Speaker 1: That is more of a lower level of a situation
[56:09] Speaker 1: that I like to call it sneaky link. If we're
[56:11] Speaker 1: not going to eat, but baby, you're gonna feed me, I.
[56:15] Speaker 2: Think age think about it.
[56:17] Speaker 3: The ones where they weren't going anywhere, I'm saying like
[56:20] Speaker 3: eighteen to twenty five, twenty six, something like that, they
[56:23] Speaker 3: weren't doing anything.
[56:24] Speaker 2: They were just Yeah, I've never been like he's why
[56:27] Speaker 2: doesn't he take me out. I never I'd never been
[56:30] Speaker 2: down there.
[56:31] Speaker 1: But there's some men that shouldn't have been taken me
[56:33] Speaker 1: out because they should have been scared of who was
[56:35] Speaker 1: gonna see us out. And they kissing me in the
[56:38] Speaker 1: club and stuff. They weren't. They were truly fearless. Yeah, okay,
[56:42] Speaker 1: that's not good.
[56:43] Speaker 2: We'll do it over dinner.
[56:44] Speaker 1: Talk about that dinner.
[56:45] Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're going out, if they're taking you out,
[56:48] Speaker 2: maybe over dinner. How would you have let's just role
[56:50] Speaker 2: play a little bit. You first, you're gonna have the
[56:53] Speaker 2: you're gonna be you want to be serious? Yeah, and
[56:56] Speaker 2: maybe I'll do it. I'll make it about you for
[56:58] Speaker 2: your life, where you see yourself.
[57:00] Speaker 1: This is full out my acting skills.
[57:05] Speaker 2: Okay.
[57:05] Speaker 1: So I was talking to my sister earlier and she's
[57:10] Speaker 1: hosting Christmas this year, and I wasn't really sure if
[57:13] Speaker 1: I wanted to go, but I am, and I know
[57:17] Speaker 1: that we've been seeing each other for a while and
[57:19] Speaker 1: I would really like for you to meet them. Would
[57:22] Speaker 1: you be interested in joining me and coming back to
[57:25] Speaker 1: Texas to meet my family?
[57:27] Speaker 5: Oh?
[57:27] Speaker 2: Okay, you want me to come?
[57:29] Speaker 1: Yeah?
[57:29] Speaker 2: I want you to come.
[57:30] Speaker 1: Would you want to come?
[57:31] Speaker 2: Do you want to come. It's cool.
[57:34] Speaker 1: Okay, well, see this is cool, it's given. I don't know,
[57:37] Speaker 1: so before we get there and before any flights or
[57:40] Speaker 1: booked or anything, I just want some clarification. I want
[57:43] Speaker 1: you to meet them because I really like you, and
[57:45] Speaker 1: I would like to see how they feel about you.
[57:47] Speaker 1: I know how I feel, but I would like to
[57:50] Speaker 1: see our relationship progress in this next year. How are
[57:55] Speaker 1: you feeling about that?
[57:57] Speaker 2: Well, I like you.
[58:01] Speaker 1: The progression part to come to Texas to progress our relationship.
[58:07] Speaker 2: But like, how do you want to progress it?
[58:10] Speaker 1: You know what? I actually don't worry about it, all right,
[58:15] Speaker 1: I'll check with my sister and I'll get back to
[58:18] Speaker 1: you when she tells me like dates and she does
[58:20] Speaker 1: a little party, so I'll keep you posted. But we
[58:22] Speaker 1: can get another drink.
[58:24] Speaker 2: That was That's great. That was because because I'm not
[58:27] Speaker 2: gonna beat a dead I'm not about to keep because
[58:29] Speaker 2: now I feel dumb. But it's interesting because it's.
[58:31] Speaker 1: Like if I catch you off ar okay, yeah, but
[58:35] Speaker 1: I'm going to say something else and try to be
[58:37] Speaker 1: direct without because I still am sitting here and I
[58:39] Speaker 1: am going to finish my food.
[58:41] Speaker 3: That's why I feel like when you have to ask
[58:42] Speaker 3: the question you're already down bad because men are pretty intentional.
[58:45] Speaker 3: If it's a situation where it's a female and she
[58:47] Speaker 3: wants something more, men are usually pretty intentional.
[58:51] Speaker 2: Like they're going to stand you up. You're not gonna
[58:52] Speaker 2: have to have this what conversation because you're going to
[58:55] Speaker 2: know exactly where you are and what are you Typically,
[58:58] Speaker 2: but sometimes you get a shy one. If you've gotten
[59:01] Speaker 2: one where he's not sure what you're doing because you've
[59:03] Speaker 2: been outside.
[59:04] Speaker 1: Yeah, but you was really just trying to protect your
[59:06] Speaker 1: feelings because you you was fearful, avoidant or something.
[59:10] Speaker 3: How long are we talking that you've been doing with
[59:11] Speaker 3: someone and you don't know, you haven't defined what you are?
[59:15] Speaker 2: How long are we talking?
[59:16] Speaker 1: This isn't real. I don't know.
[59:22] Speaker 2: I've had I've never had like years of not defining
[59:26] Speaker 2: when relationships actually turn into relationships. I would say there
[59:30] Speaker 2: have been months though, where there's not really like a
[59:32] Speaker 2: definition of like what we're doing, and I don't really
[59:37] Speaker 2: feel bad about it, but we are getting to a
[59:38] Speaker 2: point where it's like, Okay, well we should probably talk
[59:42] Speaker 2: about this. Yeah.
[59:43] Speaker 3: Yeah, it starts off mutual. You're in a mutual place
[59:45] Speaker 3: and it's like this is working and having that conversation. Yeah,
[59:49] Speaker 3: but if it's like from jump, you already knew you
[59:50] Speaker 3: didn't want to be in this.
[59:53] Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it depends on all It's like so
[59:56] Speaker 1: many different layers, So it depends on what you want.
[59:59] Speaker 1: If we're not going to consider or what the other
[1:00:00] Speaker 1: person wants or what their intentions truly are, you got
[1:00:03] Speaker 1: to think about what you want for me. A situationship
[1:00:06] Speaker 1: can last a really long time if I don't really
[1:00:09] Speaker 1: want to progress anything, right, and I know that, so
[1:00:12] Speaker 1: I'm not bringing up to what are we conversations. I'm
[1:00:14] Speaker 1: not doing any of that because I'm fine with where it's.
[1:00:16] Speaker 2: At the moment. I don't want to give it the
[1:00:18] Speaker 2: moment to present itself if I'm not interested, Like if
[1:00:20] Speaker 2: it's just like I just having fun with you.
[1:00:22] Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to keep it fun. I don't want
[1:00:24] Speaker 1: to do too many things where there's opportunity. I have
[1:00:27] Speaker 1: talks like this. I want to avoid these moments like
[1:00:30] Speaker 1: the Runaway Bride. But if I am open and maybe
[1:00:33] Speaker 1: I don't know how you feel, so it's just like
[1:00:34] Speaker 1: I'm going with the flow. I'm open to something more,
[1:00:36] Speaker 1: but I'm also cool with this and I can explore
[1:00:39] Speaker 1: my other options. We do that too, but if I
[1:00:42] Speaker 1: if I'm the one who likes somebody else, it's usually
[1:00:45] Speaker 1: a couple of months go by and then it's like
[1:00:48] Speaker 1: then the first couple of months go by, and then
[1:00:50] Speaker 1: I realize how I feel, and then I spend too
[1:00:52] Speaker 1: many months in trying to play out the situation in
[1:00:57] Speaker 1: my head and all the different scenarios, and it's like, Okay,
[1:01:00] Speaker 1: snap out of it, because all these things are just
[1:01:02] Speaker 1: TV shows that are playing in your head. You have
[1:01:04] Speaker 1: to talk to the other person because you cannot predict
[1:01:08] Speaker 1: anybody else's actions, and you have to be ready for
[1:01:10] Speaker 1: whatever comes with it. And then I have that conversation
[1:01:13] Speaker 1: and it's sad, it's fine, and it's just like, okay,
[1:01:16] Speaker 1: well now we have some clarity because you didn't beat
[1:01:19] Speaker 1: around the bush. You told me what it was, whether
[1:01:21] Speaker 1: it was good beat or and different.
[1:01:22] Speaker 2: Being on the opposite end of it where you're letting
[1:01:24] Speaker 2: the person know like you're really not interested, like if
[1:01:26] Speaker 2: you're caught off guard and you're like, oh shit, like
[1:01:29] Speaker 2: I let you on or not. I didn't even lead
[1:01:32] Speaker 2: you on nothing.
[1:01:33] Speaker 6: I don't like that.
[1:01:35] Speaker 2: I don't even I remember one time there was a
[1:01:38] Speaker 2: guy that we were just like we would go to
[1:01:39] Speaker 2: dinner and like, I'm the type of lover girl or
[1:01:43] Speaker 2: if I'm trying to do something seriously, you really don't
[1:01:47] Speaker 2: know because it's just like two distinct different types of versions.
[1:01:52] Speaker 2: And we were like, I wouldn't really, I don't need
[1:01:55] Speaker 2: to come to your house. I don't need you. Like
[1:01:56] Speaker 2: it was like we would go to dinner and we
[1:01:58] Speaker 2: were having a good time. It was good company. Yeah,
[1:02:01] Speaker 2: And one day his mom called on FaceTime at dinner,
[1:02:06] Speaker 2: he picked up the phone and he was like, I
[1:02:09] Speaker 2: want you to meet on mom And I was like.
[1:02:11] Speaker 1: On FaceTime and we're out eating lamb Chick.
[1:02:14] Speaker 2: And of course I'm not gonna say no, no, Like
[1:02:17] Speaker 2: who would, I'm not gonna that's mean, yeah, I'm already here.
[1:02:21] Speaker 1: I was like, Hi, how you doing?
[1:02:27] Speaker 2: You were even so much fun? She was like he's
[1:02:29] Speaker 2: just been talking about you so much. I can't And
[1:02:31] Speaker 2: I was.
[1:02:31] Speaker 1: Just like, oh, I can't see you again after that.
[1:02:36] Speaker 1: I'm in too deep. You are too down. And those
[1:02:40] Speaker 1: are the stories that you know, lifetime movies are made us.
[1:02:44] Speaker 2: That's an uncomfortable spot to put me in because you
[1:02:46] Speaker 2: threw them. You catapulted me into this situation behavior and
[1:02:52] Speaker 2: he knew that, Like I was a little out of
[1:02:53] Speaker 2: his league. I'm not gonna lie. I was like, he's
[1:02:55] Speaker 2: fresh out of prison, but I'm not a judgmental person.
[1:02:58] Speaker 2: We could go on some dates. We're not doing that,
[1:03:00] Speaker 2: but are you checking? I think I'm big on checking.
[1:03:02] Speaker 2: I mean a lot of my clients they want to
[1:03:04] Speaker 2: be married like that's I didn't think that was in
[1:03:07] Speaker 2: prison wanted to check in, so I thought I was
[1:03:08] Speaker 2: gonna safe something.
[1:03:09] Speaker 1: They were tired of check it in.
[1:03:10] Speaker 2: This is what you thought.
[1:03:12] Speaker 1: They've been checking in you all.
[1:03:15] Speaker 2: Times, at all times.
[1:03:20] Speaker 3: Just need to know what page the other person is on.
[1:03:23] Speaker 3: It just makes life easier, because it does.
[1:03:26] Speaker 2: I was childish. I didn't bring it up. I was like,
[1:03:28] Speaker 2: I'm not, I just got it started falling back and
[1:03:30] Speaker 2: then he was like I noticed, like you kind of
[1:03:32] Speaker 2: started falling back like this something happened.
[1:03:33] Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, Mama, did you.
[1:03:38] Speaker 2: Tell him what it was? I was just like, it's
[1:03:40] Speaker 2: just a lot. I was like, I don't think it's
[1:03:41] Speaker 2: just I.
[1:03:44] Speaker 1: Got a lot going on. What do you have going on?
[1:03:47] Speaker 1: Because all you do is post means on your Instagram
[1:03:49] Speaker 1: story all day.
[1:03:51] Speaker 2: I just told him. I was like, I think that
[1:03:53] Speaker 2: this is just like going in a way where I
[1:03:55] Speaker 2: didn't plan on it going and I met your mama,
[1:03:57] Speaker 2: like I wasn't expecting that, and I'm just kind of
[1:04:00] Speaker 2: I'm just that's just where I'm at, like, and then
[1:04:03] Speaker 2: I just kind of fell off.
[1:04:05] Speaker 1: Yeah, And like sham Booty taught us, you gotta meet
[1:04:08] Speaker 1: people where they at.
[1:04:11] Speaker 2: You do and you do, all right, y'all on that
[1:04:16] Speaker 2: no no.
[1:04:20] Speaker 1: You still think about saying no in the future, he
[1:04:23] Speaker 1: wanted with you.
[1:04:26] Speaker 2: We're gonna move on to the Indecisive Diana when we
[1:04:28] Speaker 2: come back. We have some advice letters to read. Would
[1:04:32] Speaker 2: you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about
[1:04:35] Speaker 2: what I want? What do you wants? What your parents want?
[1:04:38] Speaker 4: What do you want?
[1:04:39] Speaker 6: What do you want?
[1:04:41] Speaker 2: What do you want? What do you want?
[1:04:50] Speaker 7: Hey, ladies, it's me yean and listen up and vibe. Yeah.
[1:04:57] Speaker 7: The wellness retreat that Latina Monroe Hols finally put out
[1:05:02] Speaker 7: their August States for next year, that's when one big
[1:05:05] Speaker 7: wellness retreat. It's gonna be more like festival vibes, if
[1:05:10] Speaker 7: you will. But we're still gonna have a little bit
[1:05:12] Speaker 7: of wellness because you betch just need wellness, So make
[1:05:15] Speaker 7: sure you go to Paradise and Vibes dot com and
[1:05:18] Speaker 7: check it out vibe.
[1:05:20] Speaker 1: Okay, you guys, So we are back from Indecisive Diane
[1:05:24] Speaker 1: and it is time for the advice. If you have
[1:05:26] Speaker 1: a question that you would like for us to possibly
[1:05:28] Speaker 1: answer on the show, please email us. The email address
[1:05:31] Speaker 1: is advice at cocktailspod dot com and make sure you
[1:05:34] Speaker 1: put advice in the subject line.
[1:06:04] Speaker 2: Okay, y'all, we have a professional with us today, so
[1:06:06] Speaker 2: you're gonna get some good advice. This one is titled
[1:06:09] Speaker 2: give him Space. Hey Kekimmedina, it's your girl, Neil. I
[1:06:14] Speaker 2: don't know who Nell is. Hey Nay, hey girl. I
[1:06:17] Speaker 2: never thought I would get back into the dating scene
[1:06:19] Speaker 2: after my divorce, but I finally got myself together after
[1:06:22] Speaker 2: three years, and last year I met a wonderful man. See, y'all,
[1:06:26] Speaker 2: there's still really great men out there. We have so
[1:06:29] Speaker 2: much in common besides the fact we're both divorced. We
[1:06:32] Speaker 2: love art, music, and traveling. We have the best conversations.
[1:06:37] Speaker 2: He sends me beautiful texts throughout the day. We enjoy
[1:06:40] Speaker 2: our time together no matter if it's a dinner date,
[1:06:43] Speaker 2: movies or vacation. He's a leader, a businessman, intelligent, he's handsome,
[1:06:48] Speaker 2: a great listener, he gives great advice. This would everybody
[1:06:52] Speaker 2: be saying in the beginning. He's everything a woman would want.
[1:06:56] Speaker 2: Up until a few months ago, we were doing great.
[1:07:00] Speaker 2: Un Fortunately he lost his child. Oh this is hurting
[1:07:04] Speaker 2: him tremendously. My heart breaks for him because as a parent,
[1:07:09] Speaker 2: I don't know what I would do. I've been reaching
[1:07:11] Speaker 2: out because I care and I want to be there,
[1:07:13] Speaker 2: but he's been distant, not answering my calls or my text.
[1:07:16] Speaker 2: Grief is different for everyone, and I understand that should
[1:07:19] Speaker 2: I continue to reach out or stop and wait for
[1:07:22] Speaker 2: him to contact me. I just want to be there
[1:07:24] Speaker 2: for him because he has a special place in my heart.
[1:07:27] Speaker 2: Do you ladies have any advice? Side note, Our first
[1:07:30] Speaker 2: conversation was three hours long on the phone. Then we
[1:07:34] Speaker 2: spoke every day from that day on, even when one
[1:07:37] Speaker 2: of us was having a bad day. We communicated that
[1:07:40] Speaker 2: and would just check in and then give one another space.
[1:07:43] Speaker 2: So to go from that to barely hearing from him
[1:07:46] Speaker 2: is taking some getting used to. By the way, I
[1:07:49] Speaker 2: love y'all and enjoy cocktails I'll see you in November
[1:07:51] Speaker 2: at the Howard Theater. Oh this is old sent from
[1:07:53] Speaker 2: my eyePhones last year.
[1:07:55] Speaker 1: Well, I wonder what happened because I know you wasn't
[1:07:59] Speaker 1: waiting on nice.
[1:08:00] Speaker 2: Ah, you tell her to do a loss? Is heart
[1:08:04] Speaker 2: a loss of a child? If that's heard.
[1:08:08] Speaker 3: A check in again, I guess that's the theme of tonight.
[1:08:11] Speaker 3: Check in with your yourself, like are you doing this
[1:08:14] Speaker 3: for him or free just ignore her? Are you doing
[1:08:18] Speaker 3: this for him or for you? Like at the end
[1:08:20] Speaker 3: of the day, you're saying it's for him, he's not responding.
[1:08:23] Speaker 3: Are you doing it because you miss him, because you
[1:08:26] Speaker 3: want to remind him you're still there?
[1:08:28] Speaker 2: Or is this about him?
[1:08:29] Speaker 3: If it's about him, send some thoughtful notes here and there.
[1:08:32] Speaker 3: If it's about you, you have an ulterior motive. Check
[1:08:36] Speaker 3: in with yourself. But I would say sending thoughtful notes
[1:08:38] Speaker 3: here and.
[1:08:38] Speaker 2: There is nice. But make sure you're doing it for
[1:08:41] Speaker 2: him and not because you want to be chosen by
[1:08:44] Speaker 2: him when he comes back.
[1:08:45] Speaker 1: If you think that she if she realizes, Okay, this
[1:08:49] Speaker 1: is about me, and I do want him to know
[1:08:51] Speaker 1: because I want him to pick me and know that
[1:08:53] Speaker 1: like I wouldn't leave him alone. How should she move
[1:08:56] Speaker 1: forward with that realization? Should she conte to check in
[1:09:01] Speaker 1: or should she do a different type of check in,
[1:09:03] Speaker 1: or like, how should she move.
[1:09:05] Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say thoughtful notes are always nice, just
[1:09:07] Speaker 3: for anyone who's had a loss that you care about.
[1:09:10] Speaker 3: Thoughtful notes every so often, like Hey, just hope you're
[1:09:13] Speaker 3: doing well, sending prayers, whatever you have to do, but
[1:09:16] Speaker 3: nothing more than that. Like I wouldn't say questions like oh,
[1:09:19] Speaker 3: when are you coming back to me? Or like when
[1:09:21] Speaker 3: are we going to talk again? Like don't make it
[1:09:23] Speaker 3: about you in any capacity. More so like I'm just
[1:09:26] Speaker 3: sending thoughts and prayers your way. I'm here if you
[1:09:28] Speaker 3: need me something along those lines. Keep the questions out
[1:09:32] Speaker 3: of keep questions out for now. What do you think, Oh,
[1:09:37] Speaker 3: that's rough. I think that I dated somebody who lost
[1:09:40] Speaker 3: a child.
[1:09:41] Speaker 2: He didn't lose a child while he was in a
[1:09:42] Speaker 2: relationship with me, but he was dealing with the grief
[1:09:45] Speaker 2: of losing a child. When I did the check in
[1:09:48] Speaker 2: with myself, I realized I couldn't I don't even have kids,
[1:09:51] Speaker 2: so I couldn't deal. I couldn't handle that type of grief.
[1:09:54] Speaker 2: I didn't know what to do like, and I felt
[1:09:56] Speaker 2: bad because it started to get to a point where
[1:09:58] Speaker 2: it would be like, Okay, I guess I just won't
[1:10:02] Speaker 2: do anything. But I don't think that's the answer either,
[1:10:04] Speaker 2: And so I think that you definitely don't make it
[1:10:07] Speaker 2: about yourself. Ask if there's anything you seem like you
[1:10:11] Speaker 2: really care and you want to be a part of it.
[1:10:13] Speaker 2: Not that I didn't, but I just it wasn't gonna
[1:10:16] Speaker 2: work for me. But you can also ask, like we
[1:10:19] Speaker 2: learned from Kemy from who's the author of the gift
[1:10:21] Speaker 2: of asking, is there anything I can do for you?
[1:10:25] Speaker 2: Maybe there's something you could do for him, Maybe there's not.
[1:10:27] Speaker 2: But I don't think that you should definitely don't be like, hey,
[1:10:32] Speaker 2: like when are you gonna When am I going to
[1:10:34] Speaker 2: see your week? That would be wildly insane to say.
[1:10:36] Speaker 2: I think this is one of those ones where like
[1:10:38] Speaker 2: you might have to just kind of wait and see
[1:10:41] Speaker 2: and if you think he's worth it to wait and
[1:10:43] Speaker 2: see them, wait and see. I'm I told you I'm
[1:10:44] Speaker 2: a lover girl. If you worth waiting for, I'm gonna wait.
[1:10:48] Speaker 2: If you don't want to wait, don't wait. You don't
[1:10:50] Speaker 2: have to do that. Everybody does handle grief differently. You
[1:10:53] Speaker 2: don't know how long it's gonna be. You're not married,
[1:10:57] Speaker 2: pray about it.
[1:11:00] Speaker 1: Yeah, I was gonna say that last part about how
[1:11:02] Speaker 1: everybody handles grief differently. There's no clear cut timeline. You
[1:11:06] Speaker 1: can't say that after X amount of time, this person
[1:11:09] Speaker 1: has to be over it or they have to have
[1:11:11] Speaker 1: moved on. Some people sadly never do.
[1:11:14] Speaker 2: Especially with the loss of a child. You're never getting
[1:11:16] Speaker 2: over that.
[1:11:17] Speaker 1: Yeah, parents do not expect to outlive their children. I hear.
[1:11:23] Speaker 1: I'm not a parent, but I hear people say that
[1:11:26] Speaker 1: all the time and when they do lose a child,
[1:11:28] Speaker 1: because I know some people who have, it rocks their world.
[1:11:33] Speaker 1: And that's something that you need to ask yourself if
[1:11:38] Speaker 1: you will wait around for because it could be months.
[1:11:42] Speaker 1: It's been a year since you wrote us, it could
[1:11:44] Speaker 1: be years, Like, we don't know where you guys are
[1:11:47] Speaker 1: right now. You have to consider that. And I like
[1:11:49] Speaker 1: your advice that where it's like, Okay, you can reach out,
[1:11:52] Speaker 1: but don't be asking questions. I have been through some things,
[1:11:56] Speaker 1: not losing a child, but just thinking about grief. Right.
[1:12:00] Speaker 1: It gets annoying when people want you to express your
[1:12:04] Speaker 1: feelings and your thoughts when maybe you haven't even sorted
[1:12:07] Speaker 1: him out yet or you're not sure, or don't you're
[1:12:10] Speaker 1: still in that angry phase of grief and you don't
[1:12:13] Speaker 1: You're like, Okay, I want to be a responsible adult.
[1:12:15] Speaker 1: I don't want to waste all the money I spent
[1:12:16] Speaker 1: on therapy. I don't want to have misplaced anger and
[1:12:19] Speaker 1: like lash out at this person that's asking me. But
[1:12:21] Speaker 1: they keep like trying to make me talk about something
[1:12:24] Speaker 1: or trying to make me do something, and right now,
[1:12:26] Speaker 1: I just want to be or I want to have
[1:12:29] Speaker 1: the room and space to figure it out. You've got
[1:12:31] Speaker 1: to ask yourself that he might be a really great guy,
[1:12:34] Speaker 1: and I think that this is something that is going
[1:12:37] Speaker 1: to be life changing for him. Now how his life changes,
[1:12:41] Speaker 1: we don't know. It could change for the worst, and
[1:12:45] Speaker 1: he may be totally unavailable. Some people don't make it back,
[1:12:48] Speaker 1: and that's a hard truth that you probably should talk
[1:12:51] Speaker 1: to yourself about and figure out, like are you gonna
[1:12:53] Speaker 1: sit around and wait for him forever? But then also
[1:12:56] Speaker 1: if you care, like it sounds like you do or
[1:12:58] Speaker 1: did nothing wrong with reaching out, I hope that because
[1:13:04] Speaker 1: it has been so much time, I hope that you
[1:13:06] Speaker 1: guys have been able to get in touch and that
[1:13:09] Speaker 1: he's coming out of it. Because also on the flip side,
[1:13:11] Speaker 1: outside of any sort of love or romantic relationship, dealing
[1:13:17] Speaker 1: with grief for a long time, like, it's sad. It's tough,
[1:13:19] Speaker 1: and I don't want anybody to sit in it too long,
[1:13:24] Speaker 1: you know, and what's too long? Who knows. But I
[1:13:26] Speaker 1: hope that you figured it out let us know. I
[1:13:28] Speaker 1: would love to hear an update. I'm sorry that we
[1:13:30] Speaker 1: didn't get to it until this year, but I'm glad
[1:13:33] Speaker 1: that you wrote in because you never know who else
[1:13:35] Speaker 1: might be going through the same thing, and you might
[1:13:37] Speaker 1: not even have no solution. But I hope that you
[1:13:41] Speaker 1: respect the fact that this person is grieving. You don't
[1:13:46] Speaker 1: know how they're handling it, and you like them at first,
[1:13:49] Speaker 1: so continue to send them love, positive vibes and prayers
[1:13:52] Speaker 1: their way. Whether it works out for what you want
[1:13:56] Speaker 1: or not, it sucks.
[1:13:58] Speaker 2: Speaking of grief, I always, y'all know, I'm always gonna
[1:14:00] Speaker 2: do a little plug. I haven't wanting to do an
[1:14:02] Speaker 2: episode about grief someone who maybe was married or you'redating
[1:14:05] Speaker 2: someone and they passed away, So I'm just gonna put
[1:14:07] Speaker 2: that out there. If you have experienced that, send us
[1:14:09] Speaker 2: an email so we can try to include you in
[1:14:12] Speaker 2: the episode. Have you on as a guest and talk
[1:14:13] Speaker 2: about dating after grief.
[1:14:15] Speaker 1: Mm hm, that would be a really interesting one. Okay, Well,
[1:14:19] Speaker 1: if you guys need some advice, hopefully we'll get you
[1:14:22] Speaker 1: a little sooner in the new year. But email us
[1:14:26] Speaker 1: advice at cocktailspod dot com. A d V I C
[1:14:31] Speaker 1: E at C O C K T A l E
[1:14:34] Speaker 1: S p O D dot com. Put advice in the
[1:14:37] Speaker 1: subject line so we can sort it. Yeah, and so
[1:14:40] Speaker 1: now we will piggyback up and get to a lighter
[1:14:44] Speaker 1: note with the cocktails.
[1:14:46] Speaker 6: Uh huh, but it on me you.
[1:15:05] Speaker 2: Once upon a time, not long ago.
[1:15:06] Speaker 1: I was all right, you guys, So, if you have
[1:15:11] Speaker 1: a cocktail that you would like to share on the show.
[1:15:13] Speaker 1: We love reading your dirty confessions, email it to us
[1:15:17] Speaker 1: cocktails c O C K T A L E S
[1:15:20] Speaker 1: cocktails at cocktails pod dot com and put cocktails in
[1:15:24] Speaker 1: the subject line. All right, it be you got a
[1:15:28] Speaker 1: spicy cocktail for us.
[1:15:30] Speaker 2: I don't think it's spicy, don't have any It doesn't
[1:15:33] Speaker 2: have to be spicy.
[1:15:35] Speaker 1: That was just the first word. Or maybe it could
[1:15:38] Speaker 1: be how you lost your man dad? Weird because you
[1:15:40] Speaker 1: are married.
[1:15:41] Speaker 2: Oh yeah, a juicy story.
[1:15:46] Speaker 1: Now how you know you loved him? Is that a
[1:15:48] Speaker 1: good story? Is it romantic?
[1:15:50] Speaker 2: It's a very simple, A very have I do? Okay,
[1:15:57] Speaker 2: I have a date. Okay, there's a date I went
[1:16:00] Speaker 2: on that was very interesting.
[1:16:03] Speaker 3: This was a while ago. I'm not going to say when,
[1:16:05] Speaker 3: but there was a guy. I met him and he
[1:16:08] Speaker 3: seemed like he was really charming. That's like a trigger word,
[1:16:11] Speaker 3: red flag.
[1:16:12] Speaker 2: Very charming.
[1:16:15] Speaker 3: And like just the way he approached me, Like I
[1:16:17] Speaker 3: was like, oh, this is a nice gentleman.
[1:16:18] Speaker 2: Like he introduced himself, he shook my hand. It wasn't
[1:16:21] Speaker 2: the usual.
[1:16:21] Speaker 1: What were y'all.
[1:16:23] Speaker 2: I was living in Savanna at the time. We were downtown,
[1:16:26] Speaker 2: like on the like by the river, and I was like, oh,
[1:16:28] Speaker 2: this is a nice Yeah, it was great.
[1:16:31] Speaker 3: So we exchanged numbers and I was like, oh, this
[1:16:34] Speaker 3: is a cool guy. He told me. I think at
[1:16:38] Speaker 3: the time he had two girlfriends. He was living with
[1:16:44] Speaker 3: girlfriends that he was living with. They had a poly
[1:16:49] Speaker 3: something going on. Okay, I don't know which in our
[1:16:52] Speaker 3: conversation this came up. I don't know when it came up.
[1:16:57] Speaker 3: But I guess I just wanted to have a good time.
[1:17:00] Speaker 3: I still agree to go on a date, and before
[1:17:02] Speaker 3: we're going to go on that.
[1:17:03] Speaker 2: Date, he's like, oh, hey, I just wanted to check in.
[1:17:06] Speaker 2: He called me. He's like, I wanted to check in
[1:17:07] Speaker 2: and see if you'd be comfortable with one of my
[1:17:09] Speaker 2: girlfriends coming on the date with us.
[1:17:12] Speaker 3: I was like, no, that's not my preference. He said, okay,
[1:17:15] Speaker 3: we'll continue forward this planned. We get to the date
[1:17:18] Speaker 3: and he's like, we're having a good time. He's like, Yo,
[1:17:21] Speaker 3: you know one of my girlfriends paid gave me money
[1:17:24] Speaker 3: to come on the state.
[1:17:26] Speaker 1: What was your first thought when he said that to you?
[1:17:30] Speaker 1: I don't know, you weren't like maybe she agreed to
[1:17:33] Speaker 1: go on.
[1:17:33] Speaker 2: The date and he knows what she's doing. I'm trying
[1:17:36] Speaker 2: to tap into that mindset, like what was I thinking
[1:17:38] Speaker 2: if he what was going.
[1:17:39] Speaker 1: Or was it just like this is a fun roller coach,
[1:17:41] Speaker 1: this is better than six flags.
[1:17:42] Speaker 2: Or were you just hungry?
[1:17:44] Speaker 1: Because I feel like this is like six flights and
[1:17:46] Speaker 1: I'm gonna stay on this ride until it throws me off,
[1:17:49] Speaker 1: because like, what what are the changes? I run to
[1:17:51] Speaker 1: somebody like this again.
[1:17:52] Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know what it was. Maybe I wanted
[1:17:54] Speaker 3: to just have a good night. I don't I have
[1:17:56] Speaker 3: no idea. I don't know what he was doing.
[1:17:58] Speaker 1: But the girlfriend gave the money to take you, gave
[1:18:01] Speaker 1: them money to take me a good day.
[1:18:03] Speaker 2: We had a good time. For sure.
[1:18:06] Speaker 1: She was trying to win you.
[1:18:07] Speaker 2: She was trying to I was like, a y'all trying.
[1:18:08] Speaker 3: To add me to the situation because I'm not I'm
[1:18:11] Speaker 3: not down with that.
[1:18:13] Speaker 1: Yeah, it was gonna be a quad because it's before them.
[1:18:18] Speaker 3: And he was trying to Like I guess maybe he
[1:18:21] Speaker 3: now that I think about it, he probably was trying
[1:18:22] Speaker 3: to add me because he was trying to hype it up, like,
[1:18:24] Speaker 3: oh yeah, financially this is great.
[1:18:26] Speaker 2: We all contribute. He contributed.
[1:18:30] Speaker 1: He's pulling the women into He.
[1:18:34] Speaker 2: Is the one feeding off of all of this. They're
[1:18:36] Speaker 2: they're funding his.
[1:18:36] Speaker 1: Lifetlecause what did I do for a living?
[1:18:38] Speaker 2: I don't. Yeah, clearly I didn't ask him.
[1:18:42] Speaker 1: I wouldn't have asked questions if this was in my twenties.
[1:18:44] Speaker 2: Easy.
[1:18:44] Speaker 1: But now, knowing what I know now.
[1:18:46] Speaker 3: I have forgotten this far at this age. But then
[1:18:49] Speaker 3: I don't know what it was. But yeah, we're going
[1:18:51] Speaker 3: through the date close to the end. Then he starts
[1:18:53] Speaker 3: showing me that he wants to be a porn star.
[1:18:56] Speaker 3: So he started having a new video. I know it's
[1:18:58] Speaker 3: gonna be pictures of video. He had a big one,
[1:19:00] Speaker 3: didn't he, Because we would be.
[1:19:04] Speaker 1: Proud if men just whip it out after they had
[1:19:06] Speaker 1: already fed you some bullshit and told you they didn't
[1:19:08] Speaker 1: even really pay for this day another woman, did you
[1:19:10] Speaker 1: gotta be.
[1:19:11] Speaker 2: I'm certainly he has some type of confidence because you didn't.
[1:19:14] Speaker 1: You didn't buy any audacity. You didn't buy this day.
[1:19:17] Speaker 1: Your girlfriend did, so like you are.
[1:19:19] Speaker 2: Packing something secure attachment.
[1:19:22] Speaker 1: No, that's aless attached, no.
[1:19:29] Speaker 2: Bills.
[1:19:29] Speaker 3: I mean later I found out, you know, I did
[1:19:31] Speaker 3: some googles, No, just some what's the word that they say, therapist, therapi.
[1:19:37] Speaker 3: You know I kind of like got in there a
[1:19:38] Speaker 3: little bit and found out. You know, he has this
[1:19:40] Speaker 3: whole desire to be chosen by women because of insecurity.
[1:19:45] Speaker 2: So the more women he gets, the better he feels
[1:19:47] Speaker 2: about himself.
[1:19:48] Speaker 3: He had abandonment issues with his mom walking out of
[1:19:51] Speaker 3: his life. So once we got through all that, I
[1:19:54] Speaker 3: was able to see, oh.
[1:19:54] Speaker 2: This makes sense.
[1:19:55] Speaker 1: It is a case study.
[1:19:56] Speaker 2: It was a case study.
[1:19:58] Speaker 1: Wow, well that's beautiful that you to apply that to
[1:20:00] Speaker 1: your education so that you can continue to help other people.
[1:20:04] Speaker 1: All dates are not going to be good dates, but
[1:20:06] Speaker 1: they could be good materials or starting a podcast. Yeah,
[1:20:12] Speaker 1: that's how we got here.
[1:20:13] Speaker 2: We start from the beginning. Look how far we've come.
[1:20:18] Speaker 1: Now, are you accepting new clients, whether that be for
[1:20:23] Speaker 1: dating coaches or to be coached on dating or any
[1:20:27] Speaker 1: other form of therapy?
[1:20:29] Speaker 4: Right?
[1:20:29] Speaker 3: Yeah, therapy. I'm kind of books. I probably would have
[1:20:32] Speaker 3: like two more spots left coaching. I'm wanting to do
[1:20:35] Speaker 3: more group coaching. I think I've seen that, like people
[1:20:38] Speaker 3: helping each other out in a group space, like having
[1:20:40] Speaker 3: maybe ten people, maybe eight to ten people on a
[1:20:43] Speaker 3: group coaching. I want to do more of that.
[1:20:46] Speaker 1: So, like, what does that look like is a bunch
[1:20:48] Speaker 1: of people with issues?
[1:20:50] Speaker 3: Probably the issue that I've seen a lot, like a
[1:20:52] Speaker 3: lot of my clientele, they're coming to me because they
[1:20:55] Speaker 3: want to be married. They've entertained situationships and toxic relationships.
[1:20:59] Speaker 3: That's not what they want for their life. So I
[1:21:01] Speaker 3: would get a group of like eight women who are
[1:21:02] Speaker 3: going through a similar thing, and I would just do
[1:21:05] Speaker 3: like live coaching in real time, but then also have
[1:21:08] Speaker 3: like a slack channel or something where they can communicate
[1:21:10] Speaker 3: with each other, hold each other accountable when I'm not available.
[1:21:14] Speaker 2: I think I like the group aspect. Okay, do you
[1:21:18] Speaker 2: want that?
[1:21:18] Speaker 1: Do you therapize the men and the others with the others?
[1:21:24] Speaker 3: I mean, I do have male clients, but they're they're
[1:21:26] Speaker 3: not my target audience.
[1:21:27] Speaker 2: My heart beats for women, you know. I want to
[1:21:29] Speaker 2: see us all win.
[1:21:30] Speaker 3: So I do have male clients, but first of all,
[1:21:32] Speaker 3: that's not who usually comes to me anyway.
[1:21:34] Speaker 2: Are they straight? Yeah, a couple are straight. Some are not,
[1:21:39] Speaker 2: but because a straight man.
[1:21:40] Speaker 1: Not me acting like they need help sometimes right.
[1:21:43] Speaker 3: But these are therapy clients. I don't have them ever
[1:21:45] Speaker 3: come to me for coaching, Like I don't ever have
[1:21:47] Speaker 3: men coming to me.
[1:21:48] Speaker 2: For coaching some issues yeah my wife, Yeah, it's something
[1:21:54] Speaker 2: like that.
[1:21:54] Speaker 3: Usually they realize there's an issue that's coming up that
[1:21:58] Speaker 3: their loved ones need them to get for.
[1:22:00] Speaker 1: So if people want to find you, they want to
[1:22:03] Speaker 1: book your services or maybe when these group sessions are available,
[1:22:07] Speaker 1: how can they find you?
[1:22:09] Speaker 2: Connect with you? Plug yourself.
[1:22:11] Speaker 3: You can find me on Instagram at sick of Situationship
[1:22:14] Speaker 3: and all the links are there. If you can book session,
[1:22:17] Speaker 3: you can see I mean licensed, and I can see
[1:22:20] Speaker 3: clients in Georgia and Florida for therapy coaching. I can
[1:22:23] Speaker 3: see you worldwide. So everything's there. My book is there.
[1:22:27] Speaker 3: I have these little like you guys have cars. I
[1:22:28] Speaker 3: have a little playing cards.
[1:22:29] Speaker 2: I ask questions like what was the biggest red flag
[1:22:32] Speaker 2: you ignored?
[1:22:33] Speaker 3: And what are you not going to be doing again?
[1:22:35] Speaker 3: And you know, some cute little cards like that. It's
[1:22:37] Speaker 3: all linked on Sick of Situationship.
[1:22:40] Speaker 1: Okay, well, thank you so much for joining us. Oh
[1:22:44] Speaker 1: one last thing. Do you check insurance for the therapy too?
[1:22:48] Speaker 2: That is a great question.
[1:22:50] Speaker 3: So for therapy as of today, I don't know when
[1:22:52] Speaker 3: this episode is dropping.
[1:22:53] Speaker 2: As of today, I take signa Etna and Blue Cross
[1:22:57] Speaker 2: Blue Shields.
[1:22:59] Speaker 1: So that's good to know because I have found out
[1:23:01] Speaker 1: that a lot of people don't. So if you're looking
[1:23:03] Speaker 1: for somebody that your insurance will take, she just told
[1:23:07] Speaker 1: you signa Etna.
[1:23:08] Speaker 2: And Blue Cross Blue Shield Kaiser too.
[1:23:12] Speaker 1: Okay, that's who I have.
[1:23:13] Speaker 2: Hey, you're trying to get no excuses, no excuses if
[1:23:17] Speaker 2: you are one of those people where you're dating you're like,
[1:23:19] Speaker 2: I really do want to figure this out. I am
[1:23:21] Speaker 2: an advocate for dating coaches, so hit her up. Thank
[1:23:27] Speaker 2: you so much, Ibie for coming. Yes, thanks for having me.
[1:23:30] Speaker 1: And you guys. Make sure that you check the description
[1:23:33] Speaker 1: box for the links to everything that we've promoted in
[1:23:36] Speaker 1: the episode today. We look forward to seeing you guys
[1:23:39] Speaker 1: on Patreon on our trips and everything else we have
[1:23:43] Speaker 1: going on. Make sure you're following us on Instagram. We're
[1:23:45] Speaker 1: at Cocktails Podcast. I'm at Kigi said, so I'm at
[1:23:48] Speaker 1: coffee Bean and until next week, you guys.
[1:23:50] Speaker 4: Goodbye, goodbye bye, b bye bye, goodbye bye bye.
[1:24:04] Speaker 6: We are the drive.
[1:24:05] Speaker 4: Bye, good bye bye

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