# Raising Responsible Readers \[a Q&A About Inappropriate Books\]

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 21 Sep 2026, 13 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/87e79b9f-5345-4e8d-b045-b4c60021464e/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

Your child loves reading… but now the books feel too mature. Do you step in, or risk shutting it down altogether? This episode tackles the tricky middle ground between protecting your child and preserving their love of reading. Discover how to set boundaries without constant battles, why pushing back can backfire, and how to guide your child toward better choices—without losing connection. Plus some great book recommendations below! KEY POINTS: • Why boundary-pushing is a normal (and necessary) part of growing up • The tension between encouraging reading and managing content • The risk of shutting down a child’s love of reading • How to guide without controlling—and reduce power struggles • When to hold firm boundaries—and when to soften • Shifting from protecting kids to preparing them QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Get curious, not furious—because the moment you push, they pull away.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: • The Keepers Trilogy by Leanne Tanner • The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey • Clean romance suggestions for 10-12 and 12-14 year olds (from @thekidsbookshop) • Two Hearts - Australian middle-grade romance series • Romance Novels for Tweens - compiled by author A.L.Tait (@yourkidsnextread) • Top 48 reads for kids aged 9-12 - free download from @bookswithbecandjane ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: • Protect your child’s love of reading—even when the content worries you • Have regular, low-pressure conversations about what they’re reading • Ask more questions instead of shutting things down • Offer alternatives that align with their interests (not just “better” options) • Set clear boundaries where it truly matters—and explain why • Focus on teaching values so they can self-regulate over time See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:06] Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Happy Families podcast. What do
[0:08] Speaker 1: you do when your kids want to read, but you
[0:11] Speaker 1: don't really like what they're reading? You feel like they're
[0:13] Speaker 1: reading stuff that's too mature for them, that it's too romantic,
[0:16] Speaker 1: that it's too, and you're sort of going, but you
[0:20] Speaker 1: know how important reading is. How are you supposed to
[0:22] Speaker 1: find the middle ground? Where do you go with this
[0:25] Speaker 1: to help your children to do what's age appropriate? It's
[0:29] Speaker 1: not just reading, it's TV shows and movies and streaming
[0:32] Speaker 1: and all that stuff. We're going to talk about that
[0:34] Speaker 1: next as we answer one of your tricky questions on
[0:36] Speaker 1: the Happy Families podcast. Stay with us. Hello and welcome
[0:42] Speaker 1: to the Happy Families podcast where you get real parenting
[0:44] Speaker 1: solutions every single day. It's Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast
[0:47] Speaker 1: where Justin and Kylie Coulson were the parents of six daughters.
[0:51] Speaker 1: And we are excited to answer your tricky questions about
[0:54] Speaker 1: anything that you are challenged by at home in your
[0:56] Speaker 1: family and your relationships. If you'd like to submit a
[0:59] Speaker 1: tricky question, we've got a super simple system at happyfamilies.com.au.
[1:02] Speaker 1: Just scroll down to podcasts, click the record button and
[1:05] Speaker 1: start talking. Or you can send us a voice note
[1:08] Speaker 1: to podcasts at happyfamilies.com.au. Kylie, a question today comes from
[1:13] Speaker 1: Anna who asks the following.
[1:15] Speaker 2: Hi, Dr. Carlson and Kylie. First of all, thank you
[1:18] Speaker 2: for your podcast. It's really helpful and informative for parents.
[1:23] Speaker 2: especially Kylie Prospective as a mother of six daughters. I
[1:27] Speaker 2: honestly don't know how she does it because my daughter
[1:30] Speaker 2: is driving me crazy. She's 12 years old. She loves
[1:35] Speaker 2: reading and I love that she loves reading and I
[1:38] Speaker 2: encourage that. But at the moment, she's choose book that
[1:44] Speaker 2: I think they're a little bit too mature for her.
[1:49] Speaker 2: on the romance-focused side. So I think they are more
[1:53] Speaker 2: appropriate for 15, 14, 16 years old. When I suggest
[1:58] Speaker 2: more appropriate books, she thinks they are boring, and she
[2:03] Speaker 2: insists that there is nothing wrong with the book that
[2:06] Speaker 2: she's reading. I have to underline that she doesn't have
[2:11] Speaker 2: a phone or personal device. Even TV, show, and movies,
[2:16] Speaker 2: they are boring. strictly PG. And the only device that
[2:22] Speaker 2: she's used is the computer that she needs to use
[2:26] Speaker 2: at school. She's really oppositional, especially on these things. And
[2:30] Speaker 2: we always end up fighting. I try to guide her
[2:34] Speaker 2: and connect with her, but she thinks that I don't
[2:37] Speaker 2: understand anything and I don't know anything. And how can
[2:41] Speaker 2: I have my boundaries, but still keep the connection and
[2:48] Speaker 2: guide us through this moment without fighting. Thank you.
[2:55] Speaker 1: Okay, Kylie, mum to six daughters and the person whose
[2:57] Speaker 1: perspective is appreciated even more than mine. We get this
[3:00] Speaker 1: a lot, don't we? People say, oh yeah, Justin, you
[3:02] Speaker 1: know stuff, but we just like listening to Kylie. So
[3:04] Speaker 1: I've got a bunch of notes and I've got a
[3:06] Speaker 1: whole lot of things that I could say, but I
[3:08] Speaker 1: think Anna really wants to hear from you on this one, Mrs.
[3:10] Speaker 1: Happy Families.
[3:11] Speaker 3: And first of all, winning, I'm just going to put
[3:14] Speaker 3: it out there. No devices at 12. We're doing great. Yeah.
[3:17] Speaker 3: That's the first thing.
[3:18] Speaker 1: Yeah, well done.
[3:18] Speaker 3: The second thing, we have six girls in our house
[3:20] Speaker 3: who all have loved reading. Yeah. And don't squash it.
[3:26] Speaker 3: Whatever you do, don't squash that love. That's such an
[3:30] Speaker 3: important skill, and it's just a wonderful– pastime for your
[3:36] Speaker 3: daughter to be involved in.
[3:37] Speaker 1: I would also say we've been troubled with this exact
[3:39] Speaker 1: challenge with all six of our daughters as well.
[3:43] Speaker 3: And we now have five police in our house who
[3:48] Speaker 3: look at their youngest sister and say, nope, no, no,
[3:50] Speaker 3: you can't read that until you're at least 15. And
[3:53] Speaker 3: they've all read the same books and gone through the
[3:55] Speaker 3: same things. And I think the dilemma of any parent
[3:59] Speaker 3: who has a child who has a deep love for
[4:02] Speaker 3: the written word, because inevitably, they will get to a
[4:06] Speaker 3: point where the books that are written for their age
[4:10] Speaker 3: no longer keep their interest or pique their interest because
[4:14] Speaker 3: they've been reading so well and for so long. And
[4:19] Speaker 3: that's the experience we've had. So a couple of thoughts.
[4:22] Speaker 1: I'll also add before you go into those couple of thoughts, Kylie,
[4:25] Speaker 1: when you start making suggestions to the kids about why
[4:27] Speaker 1: don't you read this, why don't you read that, they
[4:29] Speaker 1: hate it when you suggest a book. They don't want
[4:31] Speaker 1: to read the books that you think are going to
[4:33] Speaker 1: be good. They want to read the books that they
[4:34] Speaker 1: think are going to be good, which amplifies the challenge.
[4:38] Speaker 3: The first thing I'll say is that pushing boundaries is
[4:41] Speaker 3: part of growing up. And if your child isn't pushing boundaries,
[4:48] Speaker 3: I'd actually be asking what's going on because that's how
[4:51] Speaker 3: they learn where the safety is within those boundaries. But
[4:57] Speaker 3: sometimes it feels really uncomfortable as a parent to sit
[5:00] Speaker 3: there and watch it. The second thing is helping our
[5:04] Speaker 3: kids understand and learn and live good principles enables them
[5:11] Speaker 3: to actually govern themselves. While ever they feel like they
[5:15] Speaker 3: are being controlled and they don't have any autonomy in
[5:18] Speaker 3: their decisions, there is pushback all the time. But if
[5:23] Speaker 3: we can teach our kids what good values are and
[5:25] Speaker 3: what it feels like to be able to live into
[5:28] Speaker 3: those values, then they'll start to see sometimes plenty of
[5:33] Speaker 3: books we have brought over the years that have had
[5:35] Speaker 3: a couple of chapters read and then they've been tossed
[5:39] Speaker 3: in the book exchange bag because they recognize that this
[5:43] Speaker 3: wasn't a book that felt good. Another thought is making
[5:48] Speaker 3: sure that you are having open dialogue with your child.
[5:53] Speaker 3: The more you can have regular conversations, check-in points with
[5:58] Speaker 3: your daughter about tricky conversations and have it feel like
[6:03] Speaker 3: just a natural part of your dialogue, the easier these
[6:07] Speaker 3: conversations become and the easier it is to actually have
[6:11] Speaker 3: conversations about the things that you are concerned about and
[6:15] Speaker 3: them have the buy-in to be a part of that conversation. Yeah, yeah.
[6:19] Speaker 1: Stay interested.
[6:20] Speaker 3: Stay interested. and get curious, not furious. Every time you
[6:24] Speaker 3: get upset with her because she's reading something you think
[6:26] Speaker 3: is not appropriate, you actually just kind of push her
[6:29] Speaker 3: further away instead of drawing her in. So what is
[6:33] Speaker 3: a way that you can draw her in? If she
[6:35] Speaker 3: really enjoys romance, then find a way that you can
[6:38] Speaker 3: be a part of that process. So for our 12-year-old,
[6:42] Speaker 3: she really loves detective style things. And the shows that
[6:47] Speaker 3: she wanted to watch were just way beyond her. And
[6:50] Speaker 3: I wasn't comfortable with her watching them. So I took
[6:53] Speaker 3: a little bit of time to research and find something
[6:55] Speaker 3: that I thought might pique her interest. Our whole family
[6:58] Speaker 3: has watched it, except for you, because you don't watch TV.
[7:01] Speaker 3: But she loves it. And it was something that I
[7:04] Speaker 3: could then share with her. And yes, every now and again,
[7:06] Speaker 3: there's a few adult themes that are a little bit
[7:09] Speaker 3: beyond what I would feel comfortable sharing with her. But
[7:12] Speaker 3: she's been so grateful to be led into, I guess,
[7:15] Speaker 3: the girls' club. And have that experience. And she will
[7:18] Speaker 3: come and talk to me about the things that she
[7:20] Speaker 3: sees that are a bit outside of her kind of comprehension,
[7:24] Speaker 3: which makes it much easier for me to stay involved.
[7:28] Speaker 1: Okay. After the break, I'm going to add a couple
[7:30] Speaker 1: of things. If Anna is interested in what Dr. Justin
[7:32] Speaker 1: Coulson has to say, but I think there's some pretty
[7:34] Speaker 1: solid things there. I'm also going to disagree with one
[7:36] Speaker 1: or two things that you've mentioned.
[7:38] Speaker 2: Okay.
[7:39] Speaker 1: Maybe finesse, one or two things that you've mentioned and
[7:41] Speaker 1: put a different spin on them. What do we do
[7:44] Speaker 1: when the kids want to push the boundaries at ages
[7:48] Speaker 1: where they're just too young? A bit more on that next.
[7:57] Speaker 1: We're back. This is the Happy Families podcast, answering your
[8:00] Speaker 1: tricky questions. As I listened to Anna's question, Kylie, and
[8:04] Speaker 1: your response, a couple of things came up. The first is,
[8:08] Speaker 1: No matter how much you try to keep certain content
[8:10] Speaker 1: out of your child's life, it's going to find its
[8:12] Speaker 1: way in. There's this thing called a screen. There's this
[8:15] Speaker 1: thing called school. There's this thing called society. And unfortunately,
[8:19] Speaker 1: you can do everything you can to keep things as
[8:20] Speaker 1: pure as a driven snow where you are. And as
[8:22] Speaker 1: soon as your child steps out of that environment, he
[8:25] Speaker 1: or he will be exposed to other things. So I'm
[8:28] Speaker 1: not convinced that total security, total cocooning is always going
[8:33] Speaker 1: to be the best way forward. Kyle, you've indicated these
[8:36] Speaker 1: conversations previously. Sometimes they work, sometimes it can be really hard,
[8:39] Speaker 1: but there's a model that I lean on from time
[8:41] Speaker 1: to time that I think is really valuable here. When
[8:43] Speaker 1: our children are young, we want to cocoon them. As
[8:45] Speaker 1: they get older, we need to start to pre-arm them.
[8:47] Speaker 1: That is, we need to start to have conversations with
[8:48] Speaker 1: them about tricky things before they're exposed to them out
[8:52] Speaker 1: in the wild because they can have that conversation safely
[8:55] Speaker 1: and get some understanding and some practice with it in
[8:57] Speaker 1: our home. That's kind of what you're describing when you're
[8:59] Speaker 1: talking about that TV show that I haven't bothered to watch,
[9:01] Speaker 1: but the rest of the family has, where our 12-year-old daughter.
[9:06] Speaker 1: Probably would rather that she wasn't watching it. But given
[9:08] Speaker 1: everything else that she wants to do, this feels like
[9:10] Speaker 1: it's a pretty safe compromise overall. And then we get
[9:12] Speaker 1: to have conversations because she does come to us and say, hey, well,
[9:15] Speaker 1: what about this? And what did that mean? And helping
[9:17] Speaker 1: to understand. The next thing that I want to add, Kylie,
[9:21] Speaker 1: is this. Reading is good, but content does matter. And
[9:26] Speaker 1: there are some things where you just need to hold
[9:27] Speaker 1: your boundary. I don't think that 11 and 12-year-old girls
[9:31] Speaker 1: should be reading young adult fiction that has romance themes.
[9:36] Speaker 1: I genuinely don't think that's appropriate. They might be interested
[9:39] Speaker 1: in it. They might be compelled by it, but we
[9:42] Speaker 1: need to work with librarians and bookstore staff and find
[9:48] Speaker 1: books that have the appropriate safety nets or boundaries and
[9:55] Speaker 1: guideposts to keep kids safe. Content is a thing that
[9:58] Speaker 1: we do need to address. and be across.
[10:01] Speaker 3: Don't you just wish that books came with a rating? Yeah.
[10:05] Speaker 3: It would make life so much easier for parents. It's
[10:08] Speaker 3: so hard at times. Even books that you and I
[10:11] Speaker 3: have picked up thinking that they would be appropriate, we've
[10:15] Speaker 3: had to get rid of them because they're not the
[10:17] Speaker 3: kind of book that leaves us feeling good.
[10:19] Speaker 1: Hey, I'm going to do a quick shout-out as well.
[10:20] Speaker 1: All of our kids have loved a trilogy from a
[10:23] Speaker 1: Tasmanian author by the name of Leanne Tanner. It's called
[10:27] Speaker 1: The Keepers. Our kids have loved that trilogy enormously, and
[10:30] Speaker 1: our youngest is currently reading it, which is why it's
[10:32] Speaker 1: top of mind again. Really, really fun and perfectly suited
[10:35] Speaker 1: for that age group. Anyway, let me move on. The
[10:37] Speaker 1: last thing that I want to highlight this is, Kylie,
[10:40] Speaker 1: you commented about having these conversations, but kids often don't
[10:44] Speaker 1: want to get involved. And what Anna said was she thinks...
[10:48] Speaker 1: that I don't understand. So Stephen R. Covey, the author
[10:53] Speaker 1: of the best-selling Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, shares
[10:56] Speaker 1: this story where he's talking about, I can't understand my son,
[10:59] Speaker 1: he won't listen to me. Your daughter just probably needs
[11:03] Speaker 1: to be listened to rather than spoken to. You feel like.
[11:07] Speaker 3: That's that whole get curious, not furious, right?
[11:09] Speaker 1: Yeah, I just want to expand on that. You highlighted
[11:11] Speaker 1: it and I really wanted to push harder into that.
[11:14] Speaker 1: sitting down and saying, I'm just fighting with you all
[11:16] Speaker 1: the time and it doesn't feel good. And we keep
[11:18] Speaker 1: on having this conversation. What don't I get? What am
[11:21] Speaker 1: I missing? And just keep on asking questions. And you
[11:25] Speaker 1: can even say, well, what if there was a book
[11:26] Speaker 1: that had this sort of content in it? What would
[11:28] Speaker 1: you do? How would that make you feel? How would
[11:29] Speaker 1: you respond? There's that pre-arming again. Eventually, you've got to
[11:32] Speaker 1: be able to defer. I didn't finish. You've got to
[11:34] Speaker 1: defer to your children. So you can't get to deference
[11:37] Speaker 1: if you can't pre-arm them and give them... Alfie Cohn
[11:40] Speaker 1: talks about how if you want to have responsible kids,
[11:42] Speaker 1: you have to give them responsibility. And that does start
[11:44] Speaker 1: at this age. We want to give that to them. Anyway,
[11:47] Speaker 1: we really hope, Anna, that this has been helpful information
[11:50] Speaker 1: and that it helps you bit by bit to guide
[11:52] Speaker 1: your daughter to making better decisions in terms of the
[11:54] Speaker 1: media that she consumes. But also maybe a quick reminder
[11:57] Speaker 1: that we don't have to be as hardcore as we
[12:00] Speaker 1: feel like we need to be sometimes. Sometimes. I'm putting
[12:03] Speaker 1: a big exclamation mark and underlining the sometimes. If you
[12:07] Speaker 1: have a tricky question, we'd love to hear from you.
[12:09] Speaker 1: Go to happyfamilies.com.au. Scroll down to where it says podcasts.
[12:13] Speaker 1: and just push the button and start talking. That super
[12:15] Speaker 1: simple system is there waiting for your questions, or you
[12:18] Speaker 1: can email us a voice note to podcasts at happyfamilies.com.au.
[12:22] Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Roulon from
[12:25] Speaker 1: Bridge Media. Nim Hammons provides our additional admin support, and
[12:29] Speaker 1: if you'd like more info to make your family happier,
[12:31] Speaker 1: visit happyfamilies.com.au.

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