# You’ll Give More Than You Ever Get as a Parent

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 12 Mar 2026, 12 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/b20fb7bf-f050-4cc7-b0d6-b40100af4579/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

One quiet car ride. One tired teenager. One frustrated parent. And one powerful reminder about what parenting really asks of us. In this reflective Friday episode, Justin shares a moment he’s not proud of—sitting in traffic after a 4am stable shift pickup, feeling resentful about the time lost and the lack of a simple “thank you.” But the experience reveals something deeper about the true nature of parenting. Because parenting isn’t a fair exchange. You will give more than you ever get back. But over time, something extraordinary happens. The small sacrifices—rides, meals, conversations, traditions—compound into something far richer than gratitude. Justin and Kylie explore why parenting requires so much giving, how resentment quietly steals joy, and why simple rituals like family dinners may be one of the most powerful investments a parent can make. KEY POINTS • Parenting is fundamentally unequal—you will always give more than you receive. • Expecting repayment from children often leads to resentment. • Small daily sacrifices are part of “giving your life” as a parent. • The payoff in parenting often arrives decades later, not in the moment. • Family rituals—especially shared meals and conversations—create powerful long-term connection. • The compound effect of consistent family time builds belonging, gratitude, and joy. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Parenting means you will give more than you will ever get back. But if you stay the course long enough, the return becomes incredibly rich.” RESOURCES MENTIONED • Happy Families Parenting ADHD Course ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS • Accept the reality: Parenting isn’t transactional—release the expectation of equal return. • Watch resentment: When frustration creeps in, remember the bigger picture. • Protect family rituals: Regular meals or weekly gatherings build connection over time. • Play the long game: The payoff for parenting effort often appears years later. • Look for small joy: The conversations, stories, and laughter along the way are part of the reward. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: There's something about parenting that means that you will give
[0:07] Speaker 1: more than you will ever get back, and there is
[0:10] Speaker 1: a need for us as parents to reconcile ourselves to that.
[0:13] Speaker 1: If we're going to be effective in giving more than
[0:15] Speaker 1: we're ever going to get back, because the rule is
[0:17] Speaker 1: we're going to give more than we ever get back,
[0:19] Speaker 1: Feeling resentful about that will undermine our joy as parents.
[0:23] Speaker 1: Today a conversation about how much we really do need
[0:26] Speaker 1: to give as parents, plus the value, the impact, the
[0:30] Speaker 1: importance of family dinners as evidence by what's going on
[0:34] Speaker 1: in the Colson household right now. It's our Friday edition
[0:38] Speaker 1: of a Happy Families podcast I'll do Better Tomorrow and
[0:42] Speaker 1: it starts right after this stay with us. Hello and
[0:47] Speaker 1: welcome to the Happy Families podcast, where you get real
[0:49] Speaker 1: parenting solutions every single day. This is Australia's most downloaded
[0:53] Speaker 1: parenting podcast. We are justin and Kylie Coulson. We're so
[0:56] Speaker 1: grateful you've joined us. Thanks so much for spending your
[0:59] Speaker 1: Friday morning hanging out with us as we talk about
[1:01] Speaker 1: the week that was, the stuff that we've learned, the
[1:03] Speaker 1: stuff that we've gotten right and wrong. Kylie, I'm going
[1:06] Speaker 1: to kick it off today. Our fifth daughter is currently
[1:10] Speaker 1: doing Grade eleven. It feels kind of crazy to say
[1:13] Speaker 1: that that we've almost got five children through high school
[1:16] Speaker 1: one year and three terms.
[1:18] Speaker 2: I think we need a medal or some kind of award.
[1:22] Speaker 1: Just a big sleep would be fine. And speaking of
[1:24] Speaker 1: sleep at the moment, because she's doing this thing called
[1:27] Speaker 1: Industry School, which we have found to be just tremendous
[1:30] Speaker 1: for her and her school goals and the things that
[1:33] Speaker 1: are important for her. She's getting up at the moment
[1:36] Speaker 1: to do work experience, and that work experience just happens
[1:38] Speaker 1: to be at the racing stables, which are about twenty
[1:42] Speaker 1: minutes drive from here, and she has to be there
[1:44] Speaker 1: mucking out stables and looking after horses from wait for it,
[1:48] Speaker 1: four am.
[1:49] Speaker 2: Well, you can't complain because last year it was three it.
[1:53] Speaker 1: Was yeah, and then she also had to do some
[1:55] Speaker 1: stuff in Brisbane which was even worse. But we've been
[1:58] Speaker 1: getting up, well, you and I, yeah, we shared the load.
[2:00] Speaker 1: You've probably done more than me, but we've been getting
[2:03] Speaker 1: up and getting her down there for four am. That
[2:05] Speaker 1: means a three thirty wake up and then we've got
[2:08] Speaker 1: to pick her up because her day is done at
[2:10] Speaker 1: eight eight thirty something like that. So we've got her
[2:13] Speaker 1: home all day because she's doing work experience, and work
[2:16] Speaker 1: is finished. The other day you dropped her off, but
[2:18] Speaker 1: I had to pick her up. And what I didn't
[2:21] Speaker 1: realize was that to get twenty minutes down the road
[2:25] Speaker 1: and twenty minutes back during peak, during peak out traffic,
[2:29] Speaker 1: it's no longer a forty minute return trip. It's more
[2:31] Speaker 1: like an hour and fifteen, an hour and twenty. Guess what,
[2:37] Speaker 1: I'm rewriting my boys book again. Ernest Hemingway said, writing
[2:42] Speaker 1: is continually rewriting, and I don't have time to do
[2:47] Speaker 1: this last edit. But I just wanted to go over
[2:48] Speaker 1: at one last time, fine tooth comb sort of stuff.
[2:51] Speaker 1: I don't have time. I don't have time to be
[2:53] Speaker 1: spending an hour and a half in the car at
[2:55] Speaker 1: that time of day when I'm supposed to be productive
[2:57] Speaker 1: and I'm supposed to be in the office. So I
[2:59] Speaker 1: got to the I drive down there. It was raining.
[3:02] Speaker 1: I was frustrated at the traffic. She got in the car.
[3:05] Speaker 1: She smelt like horse and horse poo. She was soaking wet.
[3:09] Speaker 2: I was sweat, so it would have been a hundred times.
[3:11] Speaker 1: I don't have leather seats in my car. I just
[3:13] Speaker 1: got fabric seats, and so she was sitting in her
[3:16] Speaker 1: wet clothes all over my seats, and she didn't want
[3:18] Speaker 1: to talk because she was tired, because she'd been up
[3:20] Speaker 1: since three point thirty. So she just kind of made
[3:23] Speaker 1: herself comfortable on the seat, closed to her eyes, and
[3:25] Speaker 1: she was pretty happy to snooze all the way home
[3:28] Speaker 1: while I sat in the worst traffic and the worst rain,
[3:32] Speaker 1: and I quietly seethed. I just got more and more frustrated.
[3:35] Speaker 1: I was chafing. I was so angry. Angry is the
[3:38] Speaker 1: wrong word. But I had stuff to do, important stuff.
[3:41] Speaker 1: I've got a book to write. Don't you know how
[3:42] Speaker 1: much this matters. I tried to have a chat with her.
[3:44] Speaker 1: She was a little bit chatty, but then she was
[3:46] Speaker 1: not chatty because she was tired. When we got home,
[3:49] Speaker 1: there was no reason for me to be upset, but
[3:52] Speaker 1: I just kind of, I don't know, there was a
[3:53] Speaker 1: switch that flicked and I got really upset, not anyone
[3:56] Speaker 1: in particular. I was just in a cranky mood because
[3:59] Speaker 1: sometimes life's like that. I was thinking about the lost
[4:01] Speaker 1: time and all of the editing that I could have done,
[4:04] Speaker 1: and I could have been halfway through another chapter. And
[4:06] Speaker 1: the stress that I'm under because of all the other
[4:08] Speaker 1: things that have to be done on top of this
[4:10] Speaker 1: boy's book, which is coming out in a couple of months,
[4:12] Speaker 1: and I don't know how I'm going to get it
[4:13] Speaker 1: all done. And I was started getting I was just
[4:15] Speaker 1: getting really worked up. And then I said, she hasn't
[4:18] Speaker 1: even said thank you, And I said loud enough that
[4:20] Speaker 1: she could hear, and that cred a little bit of
[4:23] Speaker 1: a stir. But I was thinking about it later and
[4:25] Speaker 1: not only did I not exactly cover myself in glory
[4:28] Speaker 1: and goodness in that moment, but I lost an hour,
[4:32] Speaker 1: but I also ran the risk of losing a relationship.
[4:35] Speaker 1: And the thing is with parenting, and I say this
[4:38] Speaker 1: on the podcast a lot, you are always going to
[4:41] Speaker 1: give more than your take and there's nothing that you
[4:44] Speaker 1: can do about nothing that you should do about it.
[4:46] Speaker 1: That's the nature of being a parent. When you sign
[4:48] Speaker 1: up to be a parent, you are signing up to
[4:50] Speaker 1: literally give your life for your children. And fortunately we
[4:53] Speaker 1: don't have to sacrifice our lives and die for them,
[4:56] Speaker 1: although maybe if you had to, you probably would, but
[5:00] Speaker 1: giving your life means doing the little things. That means
[5:02] Speaker 1: sacrificing an hour here and half an hour there, and
[5:04] Speaker 1: an hour and forty there, and spending the money on
[5:06] Speaker 1: this and taking them here and that sacrifice. Number One,
[5:11] Speaker 1: they'll never understand it, and even when their parents, I
[5:15] Speaker 1: don't know if they'll fully understand it because it'll be
[5:17] Speaker 1: different for them than how it was for us. And
[5:20] Speaker 1: number two, I don't think they're supposed to. I just
[5:22] Speaker 1: think that the nature of parenting is that you give
[5:24] Speaker 1: to your kids and hopefully they learn gratitude and they
[5:26] Speaker 1: learn how to say thank you, and they show some appreciation.
[5:29] Speaker 1: But they're never going to ever ever give more than
[5:32] Speaker 1: they take, and they're not supposed to. They're not self sufficient.
[5:35] Speaker 1: They're not able to do that. That was why I'll
[5:38] Speaker 1: do better tomorrow. I need to stop being a sick
[5:40] Speaker 1: about it. This is what parenting is. You give more
[5:43] Speaker 1: than you'll ever get back, you give more than you take.
[5:46] Speaker 2: I feel like there's a song in that.
[5:49] Speaker 1: There's a new radicals you get what you give. I
[5:51] Speaker 1: don't think that's how it works in parenting. You don't
[5:54] Speaker 1: get what you give. You're given. You're given your give,
[5:56] Speaker 1: and if you're lucky, you might get a little song.
[6:00] Speaker 1: Maybe maybe we need to make one up. I reckon,
[6:02] Speaker 1: I don't want to do this to JR. But after
[6:04] Speaker 1: what he did with the K, I reckon he could. JR.
[6:07] Speaker 1: You don't have to, but I reckon you could just
[6:10] Speaker 1: step in.
[6:12] Speaker 3: Search something too. But in parents Haim book, you'll get
[6:17] Speaker 3: more than you love again, and you'll give more than
[6:21] Speaker 3: you take. And that's just that's just.
[6:28] Speaker 1: Well.
[6:28] Speaker 2: I guess my story coming up is a good companion
[6:32] Speaker 2: story to yours because it's really easy for us to
[6:37] Speaker 2: think that we don't get anything back.
[6:39] Speaker 3: Yeah, it kind of feels like that.
[6:42] Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's a compound effect that takes place after
[6:46] Speaker 2: years and years of giving that is priceless.
[6:50] Speaker 1: All right, let's talk about that next.
[7:00] Speaker 3: Go back.
[7:00] Speaker 1: This is The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions, every
[7:02] Speaker 1: single day, Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. Every Friday, we digest,
[7:08] Speaker 1: revisit the week that was and work out what we
[7:10] Speaker 1: did right or wrong so that we can be better
[7:12] Speaker 1: parents tomorrow. Kylie, what's your older better tomorrow?
[7:15] Speaker 2: I feel like we talk about this a lot on
[7:17] Speaker 2: the podcast, but it just occurred to me the other day.
[7:21] Speaker 2: I've had a lot of conversations with different people over
[7:24] Speaker 2: the last little while who've been really intrigued by this
[7:28] Speaker 2: idea of family dinner conversation.
[7:30] Speaker 1: Imagine that, Imagine sitting around the table, eating meal and
[7:32] Speaker 1: talking to each other. Is that what you mean?
[7:34] Speaker 2: Yeah? And I take it for granted that what we
[7:37] Speaker 2: do in our home is not necessarily what everybody else does.
[7:41] Speaker 1: Yeah, Like we think it's normal because for us it is.
[7:44] Speaker 2: And so for over twenty five years now, we have
[7:49] Speaker 2: set around the dinner table and had various conversations with
[7:52] Speaker 2: our kids, and that compound effect of nightly gathering to
[7:59] Speaker 2: get and sharing a meal and having conversations of goodness
[8:06] Speaker 2: and helping our kids to recognize the ways in which
[8:11] Speaker 2: they've made the world better or the ways in which
[8:14] Speaker 2: other people have made their world better, the things that
[8:17] Speaker 2: they're grateful for, the things that they're looking forward to.
[8:21] Speaker 2: Have created a ritual around sharing a meal with our
[8:28] Speaker 2: family that for me is priceless. And a few weeks ago,
[8:33] Speaker 2: as we tried to navigate bringing the whole family together,
[8:37] Speaker 2: we just do that once a week, our married daughter
[8:39] Speaker 2: and our grand baby and son in law come and
[8:41] Speaker 2: join us. And we will now add.
[8:44] Speaker 1: As soon to be second.
[8:45] Speaker 2: So and So's that's a once a week celebration of
[8:51] Speaker 2: time together. And at the beginning of the year we
[8:54] Speaker 2: tried to see if we might shift it from Sundays
[8:57] Speaker 2: to maybe Saturdays, and it was actually our son in
[9:00] Speaker 2: law who really put his foot down and he just said,
[9:02] Speaker 2: you can't break tradition. This has been what we've done
[9:06] Speaker 2: and it works, and it works for all of these reasons.
[9:10] Speaker 1: Yeah, I hope he doesn't mind me saying that. I'm
[9:12] Speaker 1: pretty confident that he won't. He's adopted, and there's something
[9:16] Speaker 1: that we do where I think that that conversation, that
[9:20] Speaker 1: discussion about what you're grateful for, that coming together as
[9:22] Speaker 1: a family. I know that in the first part of
[9:25] Speaker 1: this podcast, I said that you don't get much back,
[9:28] Speaker 1: but as you said, it compounds and the things that
[9:31] Speaker 1: he'll say around the table, the experience is that he's
[9:34] Speaker 1: having the richness of family life that we get to enjoy.
[9:39] Speaker 1: It does kind of actually make my little winge about
[9:41] Speaker 1: having to get up and go for a drive in
[9:44] Speaker 1: an inconvenient time paling to insignificance, doesn't it. Because the
[9:48] Speaker 1: richness of those conversations and the gratitude that's expressed and particularly,
[9:53] Speaker 1: I think that he stood up for that Sunday night
[9:56] Speaker 1: ritual because it means so much. It means so much
[9:59] Speaker 1: it is it's such a profound way for us to
[10:02] Speaker 1: be together and have that experience.
[10:05] Speaker 2: And the wonderful thing about is it extends beyond the
[10:08] Speaker 2: kitchen table. It's dancing in the kitchen, it's singing at
[10:11] Speaker 2: the top of our lungs. It's just creating joy and
[10:17] Speaker 2: celebration in literally just being together. There's no rhyme or
[10:22] Speaker 2: reason for it other than we're excited to come together.
[10:26] Speaker 1: It's me grabbing that little two year old toddler, Indy
[10:28] Speaker 1: and saying, let's read stories. She just comes to me. Now,
[10:31] Speaker 1: she's like, the story's popped, let's read stories. Like she
[10:34] Speaker 1: really she looks forward to it, and she knows that
[10:36] Speaker 1: I'm the story reader. I'm the guy that's going to
[10:38] Speaker 1: read her a story. No one else will, but I've
[10:40] Speaker 1: got the stories and it's just awesome.
[10:42] Speaker 2: And it seems that she keeps adding books to the
[10:44] Speaker 2: list each week. It gets a little bit longer and long.
[10:47] Speaker 1: One more, one more, one more. I think I read
[10:48] Speaker 1: about nine stories the other night and it still wasn't enough. Anyway,
[10:53] Speaker 1: We really hope that these ideas give you some thought.
[10:56] Speaker 1: You do give a lot as a parent, and it
[10:57] Speaker 1: takes a long time for it to compound and come
[10:59] Speaker 1: back to but when it does, it is pretty rich.
[11:01] Speaker 1: It's pretty wonderful. It's pretty hard to put into woods
[11:04] Speaker 1: how many for it can be. But that investment is demanded.
[11:09] Speaker 1: It's necessary day in, day out for twenty years, twenty
[11:14] Speaker 1: five years, and that's when you start to see that return.
[11:17] Speaker 1: But my goodness, what a rich return it is. The
[11:19] Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge
[11:22] Speaker 1: Medium Having. It provides our additional admin support. For more
[11:26] Speaker 1: information to make your family happier, check out our ADHD
[11:30] Speaker 1: course on Happy families dot com dot au and have
[11:33] Speaker 1: a great weekend. Jesus successor.
[11:40] Speaker 3: Good abarancing work. You give more than again back, You
[11:45] Speaker 3: give more than you secon you give more than you
[12:00] Speaker 3: forget that, you get more than you'd take. Advances through
[12:05] Speaker 3: where it is

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