# The Energy Game: Stop Running on Empty! \[with Amantha Imber\]

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 28 Jul 2026, 17 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/a7c98d9b-85de-4755-b363-b488003dfbe1/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

You're not imagining it. Parenting really does feel harder when you're running on empty. If you've caught yourself wishing for just one day where nobody needs you, this episode will feel uncomfortably familiar. Organisational psychologist and bestselling author Dr Amantha Imber joins Dr Justin Coulson to explain why so many parents feel exhausted and what actually helps. No impossible morning routines. No guilt. Just practical, science-backed strategies you can use in minutes. You'll learn why scrolling leaves you more tired, how to spot the type of fatigue you're dealing with, and the simple habits that can help you feel more like yourself again. KEY POINTS • Why so many parents feel permanently exhausted. • The burnout fantasy that more people have than you'd expect. • The three types of energy that shape your day. • Fast, science-backed ways to boost energy in under a minute. • Why social media drains your brain instead of helping you recharge. • How better boundaries protect your energy without letting people down. • Small changes that leave you with more patience for your family. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "We don't just have one energy account. We have three. The key is working out which one needs your attention first." – Dr Amantha Imber RESOURCES MENTIONED • The Energy Game by Dr Amantha Imber ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS • Work out whether your physical, mental or emotional energy is running lowest. • Swap one social media break for real rest this week. • Try a one-minute energy boost like peppermint or a splash of cold water. • Start answering requests with "Yes, but…" so you can set clear limits. • Write a "Never Again" list of commitments that leave you drained every time. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to The Happy Family's podcast, where you get
[0:08] Speaker 1: real parenting solutions every single day. Today, a conversation about energy.
[0:11] Speaker 1: Do you wake up feeling depleted? Do you go to
[0:13] Speaker 1: bed feeling exhausted? Do you see your children and think no,
[0:18] Speaker 1: not again, I'm done. If you do, you're not alone.
[0:22] Speaker 1: It's a fairly common challenge, but it's not working for you,
[0:25] Speaker 1: and it's probably not working for the family today. A
[0:28] Speaker 1: favorite of mine an author who has been on the
[0:30] Speaker 1: pod two or three times, maybe more. In fact, I
[0:33] Speaker 1: think we've done week long episode things together. Her name
[0:37] Speaker 1: is Amantha Imber. She has a brand new book out
[0:40] Speaker 1: called The Energy Game. I love the game. I love
[0:44] Speaker 1: the book, and today we're going to talk about how
[0:48] Speaker 1: how we can get you to a point where you
[0:50] Speaker 1: wake up and you actually feel like you can do
[0:52] Speaker 1: it today. In fact, maybe you're even excited for the
[0:56] Speaker 1: day and at the end of the night you are
[0:58] Speaker 1: not slumped on the couch there at Netflix and wondering
[1:01] Speaker 1: when sleep will overcome you. You've got that spark, that energy
[1:05] Speaker 1: that you need to make life awesome. Stay with us,
[1:09] Speaker 1: Amantha Imber. Next, Hello, and welcome to the Happy Families podcast,
[1:15] Speaker 1: where you get real parenting solutions every single day. This
[1:17] Speaker 1: is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. My name stops Justin
[1:20] Speaker 1: Coulson and say I'm a pod author, consultant, consultant with
[1:24] Speaker 1: people like Disney and Google. For goodness sakes, and the
[1:27] Speaker 1: CEO director of Inventium. Amantha Imber, who has recently written
[1:32] Speaker 1: a brand new book called The Energy Game, joined us. Amantha,
[1:36] Speaker 1: how's your energy today?
[1:38] Speaker 2: My energy is great today, justin It's very different from
[1:42] Speaker 2: how it was when I thought I need to write
[1:44] Speaker 2: a book about energy.
[1:47] Speaker 1: You start off your book by talking about how we
[1:48] Speaker 1: have an energy crisis, and I resonate with that so
[1:52] Speaker 1: much because personally, as much as I'm a bit of
[1:54] Speaker 1: a go getter and a high energy person, there are
[1:57] Speaker 1: some days where I wake up and think I can't
[1:58] Speaker 1: do this. But more to the point, when I'm out
[2:02] Speaker 1: and about traveling around the country giving my talks, parents
[2:06] Speaker 1: walk into my sessions and honestly many of them they
[2:10] Speaker 1: tell me, I'm so tired. The kids are wearing me down.
[2:14] Speaker 1: What's going on with adult energy in twenty twenty six society?
[2:18] Speaker 2: I mean, there's so much going on and like I
[2:21] Speaker 2: feel like often when you know experts in inverted commas
[2:25] Speaker 2: write a book about something, it can feel kind of detached.
[2:28] Speaker 2: But for me, I was so motivated to write about
[2:30] Speaker 2: how can we get our energy back in this energy
[2:33] Speaker 2: crisis because something happened to me in twenty twenty four
[2:36] Speaker 2: where I completely and utterly burnt out. And I'm an
[2:40] Speaker 2: organizational psychologist. I've spent two decades consulting to big companies
[2:45] Speaker 2: all over the world on how do you perform at
[2:48] Speaker 2: your best? How do you come to work feeling really
[2:52] Speaker 2: fantastic and motivated? And I hit burnout. So for me,
[2:56] Speaker 2: I became acutely aware of this. In the middle of
[2:58] Speaker 2: twenty twenty four, was going for a walk with a
[3:01] Speaker 2: friend of mine who happens to be a clinical psychologist, Savina,
[3:04] Speaker 2: and I was telling her about this fantasy that I
[3:08] Speaker 2: was having. And when I've shared this fantasy, particularly with
[3:11] Speaker 2: other parents, I've had so many people say I've had
[3:14] Speaker 2: this exact same experience. So what I told Savina is
[3:19] Speaker 2: I said, I am having these really strange thoughts where
[3:24] Speaker 2: I am wishing to get really really sick, not terminally sick,
[3:29] Speaker 2: but really ill, so ill that I have to go
[3:32] Speaker 2: to hospital and I need to spend a week in
[3:34] Speaker 2: hospital to recover, and no one can contact me. All
[3:37] Speaker 2: my devices have been left at work or at home,
[3:41] Speaker 2: and it's just peaceful, and people are going to send
[3:44] Speaker 2: me flowers and sympathy cards, and they're going to empathize
[3:47] Speaker 2: with what's going on for me.
[3:49] Speaker 3: And then a week later I will emerge feeling fantastic
[3:53] Speaker 3: and renewed and nothing's wrong with me. And how I
[3:56] Speaker 3: go into the world.
[3:57] Speaker 2: And I said to her, going mad, And I must say,
[4:01] Speaker 2: I feel bad she using that word as a psychologist,
[4:04] Speaker 2: but you know, colloquially, And she said, I have heard
[4:08] Speaker 2: that exact same fantasy so many times in my private practice.
[4:12] Speaker 2: I call it the getting hit by a bus fantasy,
[4:14] Speaker 2: where you just want to be injured in some way
[4:16] Speaker 2: so that you can hit pause on life because that
[4:19] Speaker 2: is how depleted, how exhausted, how burnt out potentially you
[4:24] Speaker 2: are feeling, and that is what you feel is needed
[4:26] Speaker 2: to actually come back from it.
[4:28] Speaker 3: And that's what motivated me to write this book.
[4:30] Speaker 1: It's a devastating story. I think that it isn't always
[4:34] Speaker 1: going to be about burnout either. I feel like we
[4:36] Speaker 1: need to let people know they should get help if
[4:38] Speaker 1: they're feeling like that, but you obviously got help, and
[4:41] Speaker 1: you also sat down and wrote a book about it,
[4:42] Speaker 1: because when you write a book, you usually write it
[4:44] Speaker 1: for you, not for everyone else. Right, So you've got
[4:46] Speaker 1: the energy crisis. What's at the root of the tiredness?
[4:51] Speaker 2: Firstly, I mean I don't know anyone that fully recovered
[4:54] Speaker 2: from the pandemic, and that was a time where mental
[4:57] Speaker 2: health and energy levels just plummeted. Obviously, everything that's going
[5:02] Speaker 2: on with screens and how addicted and compelled we are
[5:06] Speaker 2: to be always on these digital devices. And I mean
[5:10] Speaker 2: if you think about your mobile phone, for example, how
[5:13] Speaker 2: many hours or even minutes during your awake time are
[5:17] Speaker 2: you more than an arms length away from your phone?
[5:21] Speaker 2: For most people, that's about zero minutes per day. That
[5:25] Speaker 2: is what I found is normal through my research and
[5:27] Speaker 2: just talking to people. And when we've got this distraction
[5:31] Speaker 2: device that is just at our fingertips, I mean that
[5:36] Speaker 2: is doing terrible things to our brain and our brain chemistry.
[5:39] Speaker 2: And if that is the thing that we're going to
[5:42] Speaker 2: when we're bored or we're frustrated, or we're trying to
[5:44] Speaker 2: block out negative emotions, I mean, that is just making
[5:46] Speaker 2: us more exhausted. These are just a handful of things,
[5:50] Speaker 2: and I've been chop that off with the fact that
[5:52] Speaker 2: most people are probably not getting a great night sleep. Certainly,
[5:55] Speaker 2: I don't know too many parents that have a wonderful,
[5:58] Speaker 2: blissful eight hours of sleep every single night. And if
[6:01] Speaker 2: you are a parent that's getting that, I would love
[6:04] Speaker 2: to know how you're doing that, because quite frankly, even
[6:07] Speaker 2: just those fundamentals are really really hard to do.
[6:09] Speaker 1: So meant that there are so many different ways that
[6:12] Speaker 1: we can take this conversation. I just wanted toyone to
[6:14] Speaker 1: buy The Energy Game and read it because it will
[6:17] Speaker 1: change your life. In the book, you talk about your
[6:19] Speaker 1: three energy accounts, and this really struck me. I've never
[6:23] Speaker 1: thought about it like this before. Walk us through those
[6:25] Speaker 1: three accounts.
[6:26] Speaker 2: When I got into the research, what I learned is
[6:29] Speaker 2: that we don't just have this one energy account that
[6:32] Speaker 2: we're dipping in and out of. We've actually got three.
[6:35] Speaker 2: And I think about these accounts like bank accounts, where
[6:38] Speaker 2: you can put deposits into these accounts or you can
[6:41] Speaker 2: withdraw from these accounts depending on the choices that you're
[6:44] Speaker 2: making during the day, and that these accounts are not
[6:48] Speaker 2: bottomless pits. So the three accounts are We've got our
[6:51] Speaker 2: physical energy account and this is how we're feeling in
[6:55] Speaker 2: our body. And some days that account is going to
[6:58] Speaker 2: be really low, like those days you feel, you know,
[7:00] Speaker 2: maybe your body is just feeling really heavy and it
[7:04] Speaker 2: just feels like, you know, an effort to walk out
[7:07] Speaker 2: to the supermarket to get your groceries, like you just
[7:10] Speaker 2: want to be like plugged on the couch for the day.
[7:13] Speaker 2: Then we've got our mental energy account, and our brain
[7:18] Speaker 2: just feels like it's just a complete fog. And then
[7:22] Speaker 2: finally we've got our emotional energy account. And this is
[7:26] Speaker 2: the one for me that was definitely the one that
[7:30] Speaker 2: was so withdrawn. It was so empty, and I didn't
[7:33] Speaker 2: even think that this was about energy, but it is.
[7:36] Speaker 2: It is the third and I think most underrated and
[7:40] Speaker 2: kind of hidden it and less thought about energy account.
[7:44] Speaker 2: And when our emotional energy account is feeling full, this
[7:48] Speaker 2: is when we're resilient and once we start thinking about
[7:51] Speaker 2: energy in those ways and in the energy game, there's
[7:54] Speaker 2: a log book that I get people to fill in
[7:56] Speaker 2: to understand which account for you is most drawn, because
[8:01] Speaker 2: that is where you need to start.
[8:02] Speaker 3: It might be all three, but chances are it's just
[8:04] Speaker 3: one or two.
[8:05] Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so interesting hearing you talk through those things,
[8:09] Speaker 1: because when I talk to parents who are struggling, I
[8:12] Speaker 1: feel like it's all of them. After the break, I
[8:15] Speaker 1: want to talk about how we can play the energy
[8:17] Speaker 1: game better, the specific things that we can do to
[8:21] Speaker 1: boost our energy, the things that have surprised you the most,
[8:25] Speaker 1: and also just the fundamentals, the foundations of getting our
[8:28] Speaker 1: energy right because the reality is raising kids and life
[8:32] Speaker 1: generally can be absolutely exhausting. That's next stay with us.
[8:45] Speaker 1: We're back as the Happy Families Podcast with Amantha Imba,
[8:47] Speaker 1: the author of The Energy Game. This book has a
[8:52] Speaker 1: list of I haven't counted them, Amantha, but there must
[8:55] Speaker 1: be over fifty. I was going to say forty. Yeah,
[8:58] Speaker 1: there's over fifty ways that we can boost our energy.
[9:02] Speaker 1: What were the things that were most surprising to you, Amantha?
[9:04] Speaker 1: In writing the book? What' stood out to you was, oh,
[9:07] Speaker 1: my goodness, this is a game changer.
[9:09] Speaker 2: Well, when I was researching the book, what I wanted
[9:12] Speaker 2: to find was what I call the minimum viable dose
[9:16] Speaker 2: of any of these different interventions that I write about,
[9:19] Speaker 2: because what I felt when I was exhausted is that
[9:23] Speaker 2: I was sick of hearing advice that I'll just sleep better,
[9:26] Speaker 2: prioritize your sleep, prioritize your health, exercise more. And it's
[9:30] Speaker 2: like making any kind of big change or even doing
[9:33] Speaker 2: something that required half an hour, let alone an hour
[9:35] Speaker 2: of my time to actually do and commit to, just
[9:39] Speaker 2: felt completely and utterly unrealistic. For example, one of my
[9:44] Speaker 2: favorite challenges, and I know one that has really resonated
[9:48] Speaker 2: with a lot of readers because it's so bizarre and
[9:52] Speaker 2: not something that I had heard before I began researching
[9:55] Speaker 2: the science of scent, as in smells, Yes, is that Yeah,
[10:01] Speaker 2: getting a hit of peppermint, like smelling some peppermint oil
[10:05] Speaker 2: or peppermint essence just for one minute significantly improves that
[10:11] Speaker 2: energy and reduces fatigue. Oh, I love that I've got
[10:13] Speaker 2: the exact same thing I have.
[10:14] Speaker 1: Also, I'm just holding up my peppmint oil that I
[10:17] Speaker 1: have in my diffusa right next to me, because I
[10:21] Speaker 1: wrote about it in the book in Boys, I literally wrote,
[10:24] Speaker 1: I'm like, you have no idea how much research there
[10:26] Speaker 1: is guys about how scent can energize or calm, how
[10:31] Speaker 1: it can it does so much. I didn't know the
[10:34] Speaker 1: data was there until I started looking into it.
[10:36] Speaker 2: I know, I've got my own little peppermint roll on
[10:39] Speaker 2: container that I'm holding up now that I've got on
[10:42] Speaker 2: my desk and I use whenever I need a boost.
[10:45] Speaker 3: Something else that I found really useful.
[10:46] Speaker 2: You know, I think there's so much written about cold
[10:49] Speaker 2: water immersion, and you know, if I'm feeling tired, I
[10:52] Speaker 2: don't have time to go out to seven eleven and
[10:54] Speaker 2: get some bags of ice and track that in my
[10:56] Speaker 2: back and then hop in let alone the wheel power right.
[11:00] Speaker 2: It's been really interesting research on what is the minimum
[11:02] Speaker 2: viable dose of cold water therapy that we can use
[11:05] Speaker 2: to instantly recharge. So when it comes to those that
[11:09] Speaker 2: are brave enough to maybe put some cold water all
[11:12] Speaker 2: over their body at the end of a shower, what
[11:14] Speaker 2: researchers have found is the minimum effective dose for waking
[11:18] Speaker 2: yourself up and doing it really, really quickly is just
[11:21] Speaker 2: thirty seconds of cold water at the end of a shower.
[11:23] Speaker 2: That is literally all you need. If you're like, there's
[11:26] Speaker 2: no way I'm having a cold shower, and I hear
[11:28] Speaker 2: you I'm in Melbourne. I struggle with that too. Is
[11:30] Speaker 2: just going to the sink during the middle of the
[11:33] Speaker 2: day and just splashing some cold water on your face.
[11:37] Speaker 1: It doesn't have to do two degrees, is what you're saying.
[11:39] Speaker 3: Exactly exactly. And so those are what I call boosts.
[11:44] Speaker 2: So when you need to perform, but you are feeling
[11:47] Speaker 2: exhausted and you just need something super quick, a really
[11:50] Speaker 2: quick intervention that will up your energy. So then the
[11:53] Speaker 2: second type of challenge that I talk about in the
[11:56] Speaker 2: Energy Game rest strategies, and what I see most people doing,
[12:01] Speaker 2: and what I was absolutely guilty of doing myself is
[12:04] Speaker 2: fake rest. And it's kind of let me get.
[12:08] Speaker 1: Let me guess. Fake rest is when you're not doing
[12:10] Speaker 1: the stuff you're supposed to be doing. You're sitting down
[12:13] Speaker 1: and you pull out your screen and stare it, and
[12:15] Speaker 1: so your brain is still going and it's doing all
[12:16] Speaker 1: the stuff that you're supposed to be resting from, but
[12:18] Speaker 1: you're not actually getting the rest. Am I right?
[12:21] Speaker 3: You are right exactly exactly. So like think about this.
[12:25] Speaker 2: I reckon that most people listening, busy parents are gonna
[12:30] Speaker 2: be like, don't tell me to rest. I don't have
[12:32] Speaker 2: time to rest. I'm gonna feel guilty resting. But I
[12:36] Speaker 2: also imagine that no one woke up today going I
[12:40] Speaker 2: really don't have time to look at social media today.
[12:42] Speaker 3: I'm too busy, Like no one, No one has that thought.
[12:46] Speaker 2: We all have time for Instagram or TikTok or whatever
[12:49] Speaker 2: your social media channel is of choice. Of course we do,
[12:53] Speaker 2: and that is fake rest. It is not rejuvenating, It
[12:56] Speaker 2: is not recharging for your brain. Instead, it is doing
[13:00] Speaker 2: the opposite. It is making our brain feel more stressed.
[13:04] Speaker 1: We need to move towards a conclusion here, a man,
[13:07] Speaker 1: the time is getting away from us. The final pillar
[13:10] Speaker 1: in your energy game, after we've boosted it and rested it,
[13:14] Speaker 1: is to protect our energy. You have a beautiful list
[13:19] Speaker 1: of a range of different ways that we can protect
[13:22] Speaker 1: our energy. What are the ones that work best for you?
[13:25] Speaker 1: Which ones just speak to your soul and help you
[13:28] Speaker 1: to feel like, yes, I'm getting it right.
[13:31] Speaker 2: One of my favorites is the yes butt strategy, and
[13:34] Speaker 2: I feel like this is such a great one for parents.
[13:37] Speaker 2: I think most people don't love the feeling of saying no,
[13:41] Speaker 2: and a lot of us are not very good at
[13:44] Speaker 2: saying no. But no, it is really important to protect
[13:46] Speaker 2: our boundaries, and the protect section of the energy game
[13:49] Speaker 2: is all around how do we protect our energy from
[13:52] Speaker 2: just leaking out and being back in you know, this
[13:55] Speaker 2: exhausted mess where we were, and so yes, but is
[13:59] Speaker 2: whenever request is made on your time. Maybe it's about
[14:03] Speaker 2: volunteering on a school committee or at the weekend fair,
[14:08] Speaker 2: or coaching the sports team. Maybe it's at work. Maybe
[14:11] Speaker 2: it's a request to I don't know, attend this meeting
[14:14] Speaker 2: or help a colleague with this strategy project or something
[14:18] Speaker 2: like that.
[14:18] Speaker 3: Maybe it's from your partner.
[14:21] Speaker 2: Is saying yes, but so yes, I can help with
[14:26] Speaker 2: the school fate on the weekend, but I can only
[14:29] Speaker 2: be there between eleven and twelve.
[14:32] Speaker 1: So the button boundaries.
[14:33] Speaker 2: Yeah, the butt is your boundaries. The butt is the constraints.
[14:37] Speaker 2: And so my advice is the next time you are
[14:41] Speaker 2: asked to do something, a request is being made on
[14:44] Speaker 2: your time, which of course is going to affect your energy,
[14:47] Speaker 2: don't just say yes, and don't just say no.
[14:48] Speaker 3: Say yes, but think.
[14:50] Speaker 2: About what are your conditions on this, and that is
[14:53] Speaker 2: your butt.
[14:55] Speaker 1: Tell me also about the never again list.
[14:59] Speaker 3: Look, this came from something that happened to me.
[15:02] Speaker 2: Where like you, justin, I do lots of keynotes, speaking
[15:06] Speaker 2: all over the place, and occasionally I'll get asked to
[15:09] Speaker 2: speak at a dinner event.
[15:10] Speaker 3: And I will.
[15:13] Speaker 2: Remember I don't love speaking at dinner events, but I'll
[15:16] Speaker 2: say yes anyway. And this one time happened a few
[15:20] Speaker 2: years ago up in Sydney, where I said yes to
[15:22] Speaker 2: speaking at a dinner event.
[15:23] Speaker 3: It was huge.
[15:24] Speaker 2: It was about six hundred people, a black tie awards night,
[15:28] Speaker 2: and it was one of the worst nights of my life.
[15:31] Speaker 2: I got up to do a twenty minute keynote and
[15:34] Speaker 2: from the stage it felt like no one was listening.
[15:38] Speaker 2: And after that experience, I said, never again am I
[15:42] Speaker 2: saying yes to speaking at a dinner event. But by
[15:45] Speaker 2: creating this never again list of literally listing out those
[15:48] Speaker 2: things we're through experience, I have well and truly learned
[15:52] Speaker 2: that I should not do this ever again. It kills
[15:56] Speaker 2: my energy. And then now when I must have been
[16:00] Speaker 2: at a dinner event, I've got mine never again less
[16:02] Speaker 2: and I'm like, no, sorry, I just don't speak at
[16:04] Speaker 2: dinner events.
[16:06] Speaker 1: The book is called The Energy Game. What I love
[16:08] Speaker 1: about the book, Amantha, as somebody who sometimes can be
[16:11] Speaker 1: time poor and also struggle with energy, is that your
[16:14] Speaker 1: chapters are two to three pages long, maximum of four pages,
[16:18] Speaker 1: which means that if you're not a really high energy person.
[16:20] Speaker 1: You can sit down and go all I'm just going
[16:22] Speaker 1: to read it a chapter and you feel like you've
[16:24] Speaker 1: completed something. It feels like an accomplishment. I just I
[16:27] Speaker 1: love the book. The Energy Game, a science backed system
[16:30] Speaker 1: to recharge without pressing pause on your life. Doctor Amantha
[16:33] Speaker 1: Imber love having on the podcast. We should do this more.
[16:36] Speaker 1: This has been so much fun.
[16:38] Speaker 3: Oh we sure, Justin, thanks so much for having me.
[16:40] Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruhlan from
[16:43] Speaker 1: Bridge Medium. Im Hanits provides our additional support. We'll link
[16:47] Speaker 1: to the Energy Game in the show notes so that
[16:49] Speaker 1: you can find it otherwise, just jump online or go
[16:51] Speaker 1: to the local bookstore. It will be available and it
[16:53] Speaker 1: will give you more energy. It will boost your life.
[16:55] Speaker 1: I will go started to say I'll guarantee it. If
[16:59] Speaker 1: it doesn't either didn't read it or that will give
[17:02] Speaker 1: you the money, But no, can I can't make that
[17:04] Speaker 1: promise on your Yeah, I'll give you the money bag
[17:06] Speaker 1: that we'll work it out if you'd like more OFFO
[17:09] Speaker 1: it makes you family happier. Make sure you visit us
[17:10] Speaker 1: at happy families dot com today

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