# Does Your Child Mirror Your Worst Habits?

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 5 Mar 2026, 12 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/ba25c977-fe30-4b2e-8a25-b3f3017b5272/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

The hardest part of parenting isn’t managing our kids. It’s facing ourselves. This week, a heated family moment revealed something uncomfortable — our children often mirror the very behaviours we struggle with. Defensiveness. Blame. Excuses. Denial. And when we see it in them… it’s confronting. In this honest Friday “I’ll Do Better Tomorrow” episode, we unpack emotional reactivity, accountability, and the power of repairing quickly. Plus, a Brisbane GP’s email sparks an important conversation about ADHD diagnoses, medication culture, and why more labels aren’t fixing our kids. This one goes deep — into marriage, parenting, and the courage to own our part. KEY POINTS: • Why kids’ behaviour can be a mirror to our own unresolved habits • The difference between ownership and blame • How defensiveness blocks connection • Why quick repair strengthens relationships • A GP’s concerns about rising ADHD diagnoses and medication culture • The parenting skill we’re rapidly losing: backing ourselves QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “If we do dumb things, can we forgive each other and move on and be better as a result of it? That’s literally all that matters.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: • Searching for Normal by Sami Timimi • Happy Families Podcast • happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: • When conflict flares, ask: What part of this is mine? • Model ownership out loud — let your kids hear you apologise. • Separate accountability from self-blame. Own your part, not theirs. • Repair quickly. Don’t let pride extend disconnection. • Back yourself. Not every struggle needs a label or prescription. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. It's another Friday.
[0:08] Speaker 1: It's been a big week. I've been in regional New
[0:10] Speaker 1: South Wales all week, Narrow Mind, Can Doblin, Parks, Forbes,
[0:14] Speaker 1: the whole lot, and finally we get to sit down
[0:16] Speaker 1: and talk about all the parenting that I haven't done
[0:18] Speaker 1: and that Kylie has done this week so that we
[0:20] Speaker 1: can learn how to be better parents. I have actually
[0:23] Speaker 1: got a couple of really really big stories to share though,
[0:27] Speaker 1: about how we can get things right when things are
[0:29] Speaker 1: emotionally charged at home, based on something that happened last
[0:33] Speaker 1: week when I was at home with the whole family. Kylie,
[0:36] Speaker 1: You've got something lined up for us as well.
[0:38] Speaker 2: And today I'm going to share how sometimes our kids
[0:41] Speaker 2: are the mirror to our own souls.
[0:44] Speaker 1: We'll find out what Kylie means right after the break
[0:46] Speaker 1: on the Happy Family's podcasts. Welcome to the Happy Families
[0:52] Speaker 1: Podcast Friday edition. It's I'll Do Better Tomorrow, where we
[0:55] Speaker 1: review the week that was, work out what worked, what didn't,
[0:58] Speaker 1: and try to give you some inspose so that you
[0:59] Speaker 1: can make your family happier. My name's Doc Justin Colsonan
[1:02] Speaker 1: here with Kylie Mum to our six kids, my wife
[1:05] Speaker 1: of you know what we're coming up to hang on
[1:08] Speaker 1: twenty eight years, twenty eight years of marriage in just
[1:11] Speaker 1: a couple of weeks time. Very excited for this. Are
[1:15] Speaker 1: you looking after it this year? Am I the wedding anniversary?
[1:17] Speaker 1: Have you got that? Or have I got it?
[1:18] Speaker 2: Maybe I've got it, maybe you've got it.
[1:20] Speaker 1: That's not filling me with any sense of conference at all.
[1:24] Speaker 1: We need to do better than this. We'll work it
[1:26] Speaker 1: out at some point, Kylie. You have said something cryptic
[1:30] Speaker 1: about what you're going to share, Mirrors to souls for
[1:33] Speaker 1: our children. Just before we go there, received an email
[1:36] Speaker 1: we love your emails, we love your voice notes podcasts
[1:39] Speaker 1: at happy families dot com dot you. That's podcasts with
[1:42] Speaker 1: an s at happy families dot com dot you. I
[1:45] Speaker 1: just want to read this out. A GP, a co
[1:48] Speaker 1: owner of medical practice and a GP in the northern
[1:50] Speaker 1: suburbs of Brisbane, got in touch mum to a couple
[1:54] Speaker 1: of teenagers. Felt compelled, she says to send an email
[1:58] Speaker 1: to you to share my thoughts. Here's the background. I
[2:01] Speaker 1: work with lots of young families and adolescents and support
[2:03] Speaker 1: them through lots of challenges. Recently I've been feeling uneasiness
[2:07] Speaker 1: with the way mental health treatment has been progressing. So
[2:09] Speaker 1: much money spent, so many psychologists and psychiatrists, and overall,
[2:13] Speaker 1: so so so many medications for these people without much improvement.
[2:17] Speaker 1: And on top of the depression anxiety epidemic, I've been
[2:19] Speaker 1: overwhelmed every week with adults wanting referrals for ADHD diagnosis. Then,
[2:24] Speaker 1: she says the Queensland government came out with the news
[2:27] Speaker 1: in December allowing gps in Queensland to diagnose and prescribe
[2:31] Speaker 1: medications for ADHD without further training. Couldn't believe this decision.
[2:36] Speaker 1: It seemed crazy to me. Why would the solution be
[2:39] Speaker 1: more doctors and easier to prescribe. We are in health
[2:45] Speaker 1: economic crisis, huge money spent on these subsidized medications, sending
[2:49] Speaker 1: PBS Medicare into debt. Yes, no one can get into
[2:52] Speaker 1: see a psychiatrist, but that at least was keeping the
[2:55] Speaker 1: epidemic at bay. Now there will be no stopping this epidemic.
[2:59] Speaker 1: Why people so wanting of this diagnosis. I have very
[3:01] Speaker 1: accomplished professionals seeing me requesting referrals. The world seems to
[3:06] Speaker 1: have gone mad over ADHD diagnosis. Then, she says the following.
[3:10] Speaker 1: A few weeks after hearing your recommendation on your book
[3:13] Speaker 1: review episode of Happy Families, I ordered Searching for Normal
[3:16] Speaker 1: from book Topia that arrived last weekend. I can't tell
[3:20] Speaker 1: you the visceral reaction I have had to reading this book.
[3:23] Speaker 1: I only started two days ago. I'm halfway through reading it,
[3:26] Speaker 1: but the authorites so articularly about what I've been feeling
[3:29] Speaker 1: in my gut for years. I've been reading sitting up
[3:31] Speaker 1: next to my husband in bed, and nearly every few
[3:33] Speaker 1: pages I dig him in the ribs and say, see, yes,
[3:36] Speaker 1: I agree, this is exactly how I feel. This is
[3:38] Speaker 1: my exact patient, and what the lack of evidence for
[3:41] Speaker 1: our treatment guidelines is so absent. Anyway, she goes on
[3:45] Speaker 1: to say, I feel so emotional and passion about this,
[3:47] Speaker 1: and I don't know where to turn. I feel like
[3:49] Speaker 1: I need to start yelling this from the mountaintops. I
[3:51] Speaker 1: started to discussing our tea room at work yesterday, asking
[3:53] Speaker 1: if anyone read the book. Nobody had. I feel like
[3:56] Speaker 1: I just can't keep seeing these families and agreeing to
[3:58] Speaker 1: the distortion of truth. And she goes on to say
[4:02] Speaker 1: a few things about mental health care plans for psychologists
[4:05] Speaker 1: and just how messed it all up. I wanted to
[4:07] Speaker 1: share that because we made a pretty big deal about
[4:10] Speaker 1: searching for Normal by Sammy to Mimi on the podcast
[4:13] Speaker 1: last year, and I've come under rode a fire from
[4:15] Speaker 1: people who are not professionals, but who are just desperate
[4:20] Speaker 1: because their kids are driving them crazy or because they're
[4:22] Speaker 1: being driven crazy. And I keep on getting this kind
[4:25] Speaker 1: of feedback highly because we are not dealing with the
[4:28] Speaker 1: mental health challenges that we've got in this country properly
[4:30] Speaker 1: and giving gps who are not trained the authorization to
[4:34] Speaker 1: start writing more scripts for more diagnosis, which they're also
[4:38] Speaker 1: not qualified to be giving. It's beyond the pale. It's
[4:42] Speaker 1: completely inappropriate. It's absolutely wrong that the government's doing it,
[4:45] Speaker 1: and that the doctors are doing it, pediatricians are doing it.
[4:48] Speaker 1: They're not actually the people who should be doing this,
[4:51] Speaker 1: and we've got massive problems. So there you go. There's
[4:53] Speaker 1: my bright ray of sunshine to start off our Friday.
[4:55] Speaker 1: I'll do better tomorrow. Do you want to add anything
[4:57] Speaker 1: for that or do you just want to tell us
[4:58] Speaker 1: your happy story?
[5:00] Speaker 2: I feel so saddened by the idea that the answer
[5:04] Speaker 2: to our problems is just another drug or just another label.
[5:08] Speaker 2: And I look at individual people in my own life
[5:13] Speaker 2: that are very close to me and watch how the
[5:19] Speaker 2: medical profession has literally slowly eaten away at any chance
[5:25] Speaker 2: of enjoyment in life, because as soon as there's a problem,
[5:30] Speaker 2: there's just another drug added to the cocktail.
[5:35] Speaker 1: Yeah, So it's offer skills. Yeah.
[5:38] Speaker 2: And I remember when you and I first got married,
[5:40] Speaker 2: and I used to come to you with my challenges
[5:42] Speaker 2: and you would be so burdened by it because you
[5:44] Speaker 2: thought your job was to fix them. And I kind
[5:48] Speaker 2: of feel like gps play that role. We come in,
[5:50] Speaker 2: we tell them we've got a problem and their job
[5:52] Speaker 2: is to fix it, instead of us looking at them
[5:57] Speaker 2: as almost a sounding board and an opportunity to get
[6:01] Speaker 2: curious and try and kind of understand and look.
[6:03] Speaker 1: At the options the best ones do. The best ones say, well,
[6:06] Speaker 1: let's talk more about that, and let's see if we
[6:08] Speaker 1: In fact, I've read about some very unique gps who
[6:11] Speaker 1: are prescribing exercise and prescribing food as medicine.
[6:16] Speaker 2: Or green space or meditation.
[6:19] Speaker 1: They're actually prescribing and they literally they're writing it on
[6:22] Speaker 1: not and go home and do this, and when adherence
[6:25] Speaker 1: occurs well, being follows. We just do not have enough
[6:30] Speaker 1: people who are willing to step away from that medical model.
[6:32] Speaker 1: The other thing that makes it really hard is that
[6:35] Speaker 1: we've lost confidence in our ability to get through things.
[6:38] Speaker 1: We feel like we need to always be getting an expert,
[6:40] Speaker 1: getting somebody into helpers. I know I'm doing myself out
[6:42] Speaker 1: of a job by saying this, but we've got to
[6:44] Speaker 1: back ourselves a little bit more and just go, Okay,
[6:47] Speaker 1: I can actually do this, It's okay. The number of
[6:50] Speaker 1: parents who want me to give them permission to say
[6:53] Speaker 1: no to their children, I'm like, I don't need to
[6:54] Speaker 1: give you permission. You can you can do that anyway.
[6:56] Speaker 1: That was the emailt that came through. We get plenty
[6:58] Speaker 1: like that, but that one just struck me, I guess
[7:00] Speaker 1: because it's somebody who is really working out the cold
[7:03] Speaker 1: face dealing with this and is literally doing the work
[7:08] Speaker 1: and saying, why are we doing this? It's not right.
[7:10] Speaker 1: We just need more people who are brave enough to
[7:12] Speaker 1: do it rather than just go with the flow. What's
[7:21] Speaker 1: your old about? It's morrow, Kylie.
[7:23] Speaker 2: Well, this week's been a little bit challenging, and I
[7:25] Speaker 2: did find myself in a bit of an altercation with
[7:28] Speaker 2: one of our children, and as we were talking, she
[7:32] Speaker 2: was very emotionally heightened and was really struggling to, I guess,
[7:37] Speaker 2: take accountability for the part that she was playing in
[7:40] Speaker 2: this challenge.
[7:41] Speaker 1: So we've got a saying at home. If you can't
[7:43] Speaker 1: take accountability and owner and be responsible, that's using your
[7:47] Speaker 1: or right r ownership, accountability, responsibility, that you're in bed, blame, excuse,
[7:52] Speaker 1: and denial. And you're saying she was in bed.
[7:54] Speaker 2: And I've heard the saying before that children's behavior is
[7:57] Speaker 2: often a mirror to our own behavior and challenge. And
[8:00] Speaker 2: as I was sitting there watching her falling apart and
[8:03] Speaker 2: getting more and more frustrated by the whole, it occurred
[8:08] Speaker 2: to me that there's been plenty times in our relationship
[8:11] Speaker 2: where you have come and made a suggestion or queried
[8:16] Speaker 2: me on something, and I have taken offense or suggested
[8:21] Speaker 2: any number of reasons why you were incorrect or anything.
[8:26] Speaker 2: And it's not pretty watching your child act in such
[8:32] Speaker 2: a way that reflects behavior you recognize in your own life.
[8:39] Speaker 2: Hence the merit to your soul.
[8:41] Speaker 1: Right, Okay, you do get a bit defensive if I
[8:44] Speaker 1: offer a suggestion that is not requested from time to time,
[8:50] Speaker 1: maybe as much as I try not to. I grew
[8:53] Speaker 1: up in a home where suggestions were fluent and fast coming.
[8:57] Speaker 1: Like my parents or my mum especially, always had suggestions
[8:59] Speaker 1: for how we could do things better.
[9:01] Speaker 2: And I grew up in a home where it was
[9:02] Speaker 2: everybody else's problem.
[9:04] Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so funny, isn't it. How you get together
[9:07] Speaker 1: and you're supposed to just figure this stuff out. Here
[9:10] Speaker 1: we are thirty years in almost, and we're kind of going,
[9:13] Speaker 1: we're just learning stuff about this.
[9:15] Speaker 2: But a short time after that experience, you rang me
[9:18] Speaker 2: and I may have jumped down your throat through the
[9:21] Speaker 2: phone yep about something. And I got off the phone.
[9:24] Speaker 2: You were so good. You just said okay, i'll talk
[9:27] Speaker 2: to you soon, and you hung up, and I rang
[9:29] Speaker 2: you back.
[9:30] Speaker 1: I said nicer things than that. I'm just saying. I
[9:32] Speaker 1: think I told you that I love you even when
[9:34] Speaker 1: you're mad at me. No, you didn't, I'm pretty sure
[9:36] Speaker 1: say any of that. You just I always say things
[9:38] Speaker 1: like that. Let me go O all right.
[9:40] Speaker 2: And about three or four minutes, as I sat with it,
[9:42] Speaker 2: I was like, oh, wow, that was really harsh. He
[9:45] Speaker 2: didn't deserve that. And I rang you back and I apologized.
[9:48] Speaker 2: But the thing that stood out to me the most
[9:51] Speaker 2: in that small interaction was number One, you could have
[9:54] Speaker 2: been seething for those three minutes because I had treated
[9:57] Speaker 2: you poorly in that moment, But when you answered the phone,
[10:01] Speaker 2: it was like you were so excited to talk to me.
[10:05] Speaker 2: And I apologized and you just said, I love you
[10:09] Speaker 2: no matter what. And I'm really grateful that in spite
[10:13] Speaker 2: of both of our upbringings, that there is this deep
[10:18] Speaker 2: desire to find middle ground and to love no matter what,
[10:25] Speaker 2: And in spite of the challenges we had with this
[10:28] Speaker 2: particular child, on this day, I think that we came
[10:30] Speaker 2: around to all of us sitting in the room understanding
[10:34] Speaker 2: and knowing that no matter what, there is just deep
[10:37] Speaker 2: love and appreciation for the abundantly good lives we get
[10:41] Speaker 2: to live and we get to share together.
[10:45] Speaker 1: That's the whole box and Dice, That's the entirety of
[10:48] Speaker 1: what it's about. Can we stop doing dumb things? But
[10:53] Speaker 1: if we do, can we forgive each other? And can
[10:55] Speaker 1: we move on and be better as a result of it?
[10:57] Speaker 1: That's literally all that matters. It's the whole thing. Holding
[11:00] Speaker 1: onto grudges doesn't serve anyone. Being upset and seething doesn't
[11:04] Speaker 1: serve anyone.
[11:05] Speaker 2: I think the challenge for many people is that if
[11:07] Speaker 2: I take accountability for the part that I've played, then
[11:10] Speaker 2: I'm actually giving the other person permission to not take accountability.
[11:14] Speaker 2: That's what it feels like. It feels like if I'm saying, yeah,
[11:17] Speaker 2: that was my fault, then I'm taking the responsibility of
[11:21] Speaker 2: the whole situation on board. But that's not what accountability
[11:25] Speaker 2: is about. It's about acknowledging that I've played a role
[11:28] Speaker 2: in this. I don't need to take your stuff on,
[11:31] Speaker 2: but I can acknowledge mine.
[11:33] Speaker 1: Family life is sometimes but my goodness, it's so rich,
[11:37] Speaker 1: so worth it. So I was going to share my
[11:39] Speaker 1: awesome story and it's an absolute banger, but times up,
[11:43] Speaker 1: we need to wrap it up there. So I really
[11:45] Speaker 1: really hope that you've enjoyed this conversation. Thank you so
[11:47] Speaker 1: much for listen to the Happy Families Podcast. We will
[11:50] Speaker 1: get into the nitty gritty of the other stuff that
[11:52] Speaker 1: we deal with and the just the huge challenges that
[11:55] Speaker 1: being a parent can bring into our lives on an
[11:58] Speaker 1: upcoming episode. Great Weekend. Happy Families podcast is produced by
[12:02] Speaker 1: Justin Roland from Bridge Media, and Mimhammond provides all of
[12:05] Speaker 1: our additional support. More details are available at happy families
[12:08] Speaker 1: dot com dot u

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