# The Content That's Stealing Kids' Empathy \[A Listener Q&A \]

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 27 Jul 2026, 13 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/fdcfb11e-5bcc-4f8e-a47c-b488003da8c3/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

A fight video lands on your child's phone. They laugh. They watch it again. They send it to a friend. What do you do next? This week, Justin and Kylie answer a question from a mum whose 12-year-old daughter received violent footage that was spreading through local schools. They explain what repeated exposure to this content does to kids, why sharing a video makes them part of the harm, and how one conversation at home can change what happens next. If your child has a phone, this episode is worth hearing. KEY POINTS • Why fight videos spread so quickly between kids. • What repeated exposure to violent content does to young brains. • Why children share videos they know are upsetting. • How to build empathy instead of curiosity. • Questions that help kids think before they hit send. • The legal risks of sharing violent footage. • How to help your child be the one who stops the chain. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "Sharing is participation." RESOURCES MENTIONED • eSafety Commissioner research on children's exposure to harmful online content. • Albert Bandura's research on moral disengagement. • Leave us a voice memo for the podcast! ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS • Ask your child if they've ever received a fight video or other upsetting content. • Talk about the person in the video, not just the video itself. • Explain that forwarding, commenting on or repeatedly watching these clips adds to the harm. • Encourage your child to report violent content instead of sharing it. • Keep the conversation going. One chat isn't enough. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: This is the Happy Families Podcast. Honestly, I don't really
[0:08] Speaker 1: want to have this conversation, but every now and again
[0:11] Speaker 1: on the pod, we've just got to talk about that
[0:12] Speaker 1: parenting stuff that no one wants to talk about, the
[0:14] Speaker 1: stuff that gives you the ick, the stuff that makes
[0:18] Speaker 1: you sad and so glad that you grew up when
[0:20] Speaker 1: you did and not in twenty twenty six tricky questions.
[0:24] Speaker 1: So what we answer every Tuesday and today it's a
[0:26] Speaker 1: tricky question to do with what happens when your kids
[0:29] Speaker 1: are getting sent stuff on screens that it's not the
[0:32] Speaker 1: ick stuff, it's just the coarse, violent stuff, the stuff
[0:36] Speaker 1: where kids are baiting one another, creating fights so that
[0:41] Speaker 1: they can send them around, and your child is becoming
[0:44] Speaker 1: potentially desensitized because they kind of think it's funny that
[0:47] Speaker 1: some kid in their grade or in a local school
[0:49] Speaker 1: nearby got hit in the head by some other kid.
[0:52] Speaker 1: We'll go deeper in just a sec but that's our
[0:54] Speaker 1: conversation today. It's a tricky question on the Happy Families Podcast.
[0:57] Speaker 1: Stay with us. Hello, Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast,
[1:03] Speaker 1: where you get real parenting solutions every day. It's Australia's
[1:06] Speaker 1: most downloaded parenting podcast where Justin and Kylie Coulson, where
[1:10] Speaker 1: the parents have six kids. Kylie, I think I can
[1:12] Speaker 1: be confident in saying we feel like we've been through
[1:15] Speaker 1: most of it. Maybe not all of it, but we've
[1:18] Speaker 1: been through a lot of it.
[1:19] Speaker 2: I kind of get to the point where I think
[1:21] Speaker 2: there can't be anything that the kids could do that
[1:23] Speaker 2: would shock me.
[1:24] Speaker 1: And then they come home and shock us, and it
[1:27] Speaker 1: seems that we're not the only ones. Emmy has sent
[1:29] Speaker 1: us a question. If you'd like to send us a
[1:30] Speaker 1: tricky question, by the way, you can do it by
[1:33] Speaker 1: emailing us your voice note podcasts at happy families dot
[1:36] Speaker 1: com dot au. Alternatively, you can jump onto our super
[1:39] Speaker 1: simple system at happy families dot com dot you and
[1:41] Speaker 1: ask us whatever you want. Will answer. I mean, it
[1:44] Speaker 1: doesn't even have to be a parent probably better if
[1:46] Speaker 1: it is, but we'll answer it kind of anything. Emmy
[1:48] Speaker 1: asked us this one.
[1:50] Speaker 3: My twelve year old daughter in year seven was sent
[1:53] Speaker 3: some confronting video footage yesterday of a fight between two
[1:56] Speaker 3: teenage girls at another local Melbourne high school. Tells me
[2:00] Speaker 3: that this content is being shared around. How should I
[2:03] Speaker 3: talk to her about what she's seen? And encourage her
[2:06] Speaker 3: also not to share it or spread that kind of content. Thanks.
[2:10] Speaker 1: I feel like I'm kind of the parenting guy who's
[2:13] Speaker 1: always saying the same thing again and again and again.
[2:16] Speaker 1: But you cannot stop. When it comes to the kids
[2:19] Speaker 1: and tech, You've got to be across it. Unfortunately, it's this.
[2:22] Speaker 2: Really fine line between being helicopter right and being on
[2:26] Speaker 2: top of them all the time and giving them space
[2:29] Speaker 2: and autonomy and allowing them to kind of use their agency.
[2:32] Speaker 1: So young kids, they don't get it, not when it
[2:35] Speaker 1: comes to phones, not when it comes to screens.
[2:37] Speaker 2: As I listened to Emmy, I just wanted to say,
[2:39] Speaker 2: just don't give her a phone.
[2:40] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Like I've been saying this for like ten
[2:41] Speaker 1: or fifteen years now. Kids don't need smartphones, and it's
[2:44] Speaker 1: my parents. Smart parents give their kids dumb phones. If
[2:48] Speaker 1: it's not the kids sending violent stuff, it's sexual stuff.
[2:50] Speaker 1: If it's not that, it's the algorithm, it's YouTube sending
[2:53] Speaker 1: content that's extreme and pushes them to the edges and
[2:55] Speaker 1: puts ideas in their heads. Just so, Emmy, I really
[2:59] Speaker 1: pre share your question, and you're absolutely right. It's great
[3:02] Speaker 1: that you're aware of it. It's great that you're monitoring it.
[3:04] Speaker 1: Guess what, Kylie, I've got some stats.
[3:06] Speaker 2: Please share.
[3:06] Speaker 1: I know you love what I share. Stats. Okay, E
[3:09] Speaker 1: Safety Commissioner. Three and a half thousand Australian kids survey.
[3:12] Speaker 1: Three quarters of them not quite seventy four percent. Let's
[3:14] Speaker 1: say three quarters. We're one percent off. Three quarters of
[3:16] Speaker 1: ten to seventeen year olds have seen harmful content online.
[3:20] Speaker 1: Fight videos are explicitly in that category. So, Emmy, your
[3:23] Speaker 1: daughter is not unusual here, she is typical. That doesn't
[3:25] Speaker 1: make it good. Just because it's normal quote unquote doesn't
[3:28] Speaker 1: mean it's okay. And there's some data that shows that
[3:33] Speaker 1: when you witness it online it can be as bad,
[3:36] Speaker 1: if not worse, for your stress levels than being there
[3:38] Speaker 1: in person. We're just kind of hard to believe, Like,
[3:41] Speaker 1: if you're there in person, it can be pretty frightening, right.
[3:44] Speaker 2: I was having a conversation with a couple of our
[3:46] Speaker 2: adult children a few days ago and just asking them
[3:49] Speaker 2: about the different things they were exposed to at school.
[3:52] Speaker 2: I was so blown away at just how prevalent all
[3:57] Speaker 2: of these challenges have been throughout their schooling.
[4:00] Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't come home and talk to you about it, though,
[4:02] Speaker 1: do they No, they don't, not.
[4:03] Speaker 2: To the extent that you'd kind of I guess, hope.
[4:06] Speaker 2: I was just talking to a couple of our girls
[4:08] Speaker 2: the other day and asking them about some of the
[4:11] Speaker 2: things that I'm concerned about now for our younger children
[4:15] Speaker 2: and the things that they're being exposed to, and I
[4:18] Speaker 2: was actually really shocked to know that, in spite of
[4:20] Speaker 2: the fact that we sent them to good schools, Christian schools,
[4:22] Speaker 2: with families that share the same values, they were still
[4:27] Speaker 2: exposed to these really confronting and challenging challenges back then.
[4:33] Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going to go so far as to say
[4:35] Speaker 1: that adolescence in twenty twenty six, regardless of the school
[4:37] Speaker 1: you're going to, is a septic tank. I sound like
[4:42] Speaker 1: an old guy who's shouting at clouds here, but it
[4:44] Speaker 1: is so bad. It is so astonishingly, shockingly, frighteningly bad.
[4:49] Speaker 1: Parents need to have these conversations, and as Emi seems
[4:52] Speaker 1: to be doing right, she's saying, I sat there with
[4:54] Speaker 1: my daughter, I saw this stuff on her phone. So
[4:55] Speaker 1: that's great that you're doing it. But the impact of
[4:59] Speaker 1: technology children as well being, I don't think that we
[5:01] Speaker 1: can underestimate how impactful it can be nor can we
[5:07] Speaker 1: overstate how important is that we're on top of things.
[5:09] Speaker 2: So the stats are telling us that nearly two thirds
[5:12] Speaker 2: of kids.
[5:12] Speaker 1: No, three quarters, three quarters of kids. Bigger number than
[5:15] Speaker 1: two thirds, six seventy five percent, big number, three quarters
[5:20] Speaker 1: of kids are seeing this stuff. And you know what
[5:22] Speaker 1: is happening? Like, kids are going into schools and they're
[5:24] Speaker 1: baiting one another, They're setting up fights, they're creating fight
[5:27] Speaker 1: clubs so that they can record it, so that they
[5:29] Speaker 1: can go viral with it. This has been going on
[5:32] Speaker 1: for several years now.
[5:34] Speaker 2: And what are the statistics saying is most problematic about
[5:39] Speaker 2: the sharing of this stuff.
[5:40] Speaker 1: So what happens is, first of all, it stresses you out,
[5:42] Speaker 1: but then you become desensitized, but the stress and anxiety
[5:45] Speaker 1: don't go away. Let me share a real life example.
[5:47] Speaker 1: So September eleven, two thousand and one, you and I
[5:49] Speaker 1: are old enough to remember, I was working at a
[5:51] Speaker 1: radio station in Newcastle and XFM when this happened, and
[5:56] Speaker 1: the TV stations kept on playing the tragedy over and
[5:59] Speaker 1: over and over again, showing the aeroplanes crashing into buildings.
[6:02] Speaker 1: And so what happens is if you see something happen
[6:05] Speaker 1: once Let's say you saw the footage once. It would
[6:09] Speaker 1: shock you and you would walk away, and you would
[6:11] Speaker 1: remember it and you would think about it, but eventually
[6:13] Speaker 1: it would kind of fade. But they were showing it
[6:15] Speaker 1: on repeat NonStop for days. And what happens is the
[6:20] Speaker 1: more you watch it, the more anxious you get. It
[6:21] Speaker 1: makes things worse and worse and worse and worse for you,
[6:24] Speaker 1: until eventually you become desensitized to seeing it like it
[6:27] Speaker 1: does you kind of forget the enormity of it. If
[6:30] Speaker 1: that makes sense. You've got two different psychological mechanisms that
[6:34] Speaker 1: are just amplifying bad outcomes for you. And that's what
[6:37] Speaker 1: happens when kids watch all of this violence on their
[6:40] Speaker 1: favorite Instagram channel that shows the hideous stuff that happens
[6:42] Speaker 1: in their suburb. And there is an Instagram channel for
[6:44] Speaker 1: just about every suburb that's out there, showing shoplifting and
[6:47] Speaker 1: fights in toilets and damage to cars and public property
[6:51] Speaker 1: and all that sort of stuff. So after the break,
[6:54] Speaker 1: we need to talk about what to do. What does
[6:56] Speaker 1: Emmy say to her daughter to help her to navigate
[6:59] Speaker 1: this very very tricky and frankly awful situation. Effectively, stay
[7:04] Speaker 1: with us it's next. We're back. It's the Happy Family's podcast.
[7:15] Speaker 1: How do you have a conversation with your kids about
[7:17] Speaker 1: what they're seeing online, especially when it's so close to home,
[7:21] Speaker 1: nearby high school, and it's freaking you child out a
[7:24] Speaker 1: little bit, or maybe it's not freaking them out enough,
[7:26] Speaker 1: they're getting a bit of a kick out of it.
[7:28] Speaker 1: How do we navigate this?
[7:30] Speaker 2: Well, that's my question for you, because i'm the periods
[7:32] Speaker 2: of a parenting expert. How do you navigate this?
[7:35] Speaker 1: They didn't teach us this when I did my psychology degree.
[7:37] Speaker 1: I want to step into what the theory indicates. Albert
[7:40] Speaker 1: Bandura was a Stanford psychologist who is just world famous
[7:45] Speaker 1: for his really really smart studies, and he came up
[7:47] Speaker 1: with this idea called moral disengagement, and I think that's
[7:51] Speaker 1: what's going on here. This is why kids share bad videos.
[7:54] Speaker 1: The mechanisms that Benjura developed work that there's a minimization
[7:58] Speaker 1: of responsibility, there's a distortion of consequence, and there's just dehumanization.
[8:04] Speaker 1: Those three things. If you can grab a pen and
[8:08] Speaker 1: write them down and talk to your child about those
[8:10] Speaker 1: three things and how that plays out when you're sharing
[8:12] Speaker 1: these kinds of videos. Again, minimization of responsibility. Everyone's already
[8:16] Speaker 1: seen it, right, distorting the consequences, or I didn't hit anyone, dehumanizing.
[8:22] Speaker 1: She probably deserved it. So you talk about that, and
[8:25] Speaker 1: that's what lets bystanders be bystanders without feeling any guilt.
[8:29] Speaker 1: It's this moral disengagement. And the reframe that we need
[8:34] Speaker 1: to get across to our teenager is that sharing is participation.
[8:40] Speaker 1: You might not have held the camera, you might not
[8:43] Speaker 1: have set up the fire, you might not have thrown
[8:45] Speaker 1: your fist at their face, you might not have cheered
[8:47] Speaker 1: them on.
[8:48] Speaker 2: You're perpetuating the violence.
[8:50] Speaker 1: Precisely, and you're reinforcing the harm by sharing it or
[8:55] Speaker 1: liking it or talking about.
[8:56] Speaker 2: It or watching it because they get likes, right right.
[9:00] Speaker 2: But there more traction online there is.
[9:03] Speaker 1: They don't always get likes because it's not always on
[9:04] Speaker 1: TikTok or Instagram. Sometimes it's just via instant it's via
[9:08] Speaker 1: text message, right right. So, and that's the other thing,
[9:11] Speaker 1: Like kids are getting around the algorithm and getting around
[9:13] Speaker 1: the sanctions that the safety commissioner might put on them
[9:15] Speaker 1: if they go through social media platforms by just sharing
[9:18] Speaker 1: them in encrypted chats, in WhatsApp, in basic text messaging.
[9:22] Speaker 1: There's another thing that I think is even more concerning,
[9:24] Speaker 1: and that is that the poor kid who's been the
[9:26] Speaker 1: victim here, they are ongoing and traumatized because now everyone
[9:29] Speaker 1: knows it. Everyone sees it when they walk down the
[9:30] Speaker 1: street or through the school playground. Everyone knows it can
[9:34] Speaker 1: trigger the next fight. So I think this conversation with
[9:37] Speaker 1: your child, Emmy, it's not just about moral disengagement. As
[9:41] Speaker 1: important as those elements of moral disengagement are that I
[9:43] Speaker 1: talked about, it's also about empathy. And the research literature
[9:48] Speaker 1: shows that empathy is probably the biggest protective factor here.
[9:53] Speaker 1: Teaching your kids to be empathic in these situations, which
[9:56] Speaker 1: is exactly the opposite of what they seem drawn to,
[9:59] Speaker 1: is the the central thing to do.
[10:02] Speaker 2: Too often, though, I think that the empathy is put
[10:06] Speaker 2: in the wrong direction. Like kids are often more inclined
[10:10] Speaker 2: to side with the perpetrator, the aggressor in the situation
[10:15] Speaker 2: because they've seen the way an interaction has gone that's
[10:20] Speaker 2: left that person obviously so fueled up that they feel
[10:23] Speaker 2: like they have to, you know, kind of man up
[10:25] Speaker 2: and defend their position.
[10:28] Speaker 1: Or maybe but then we've got more teaching to do right,
[10:31] Speaker 1: and that is that no matter what somebody does, is
[10:33] Speaker 1: it ever okay for you to start using your fist?
[10:35] Speaker 1: Is it ever okay to throw things at somebody? Is
[10:36] Speaker 1: it ever okay be violent? And maybe there is actually
[10:38] Speaker 1: a case of violence, but usually there's not. It's a
[10:41] Speaker 1: pretty extreme situation where you're defending yourself, not when you're
[10:43] Speaker 1: going on the attack because you don't like someone. I
[10:45] Speaker 1: just thought as you were saying that as well, Kylie.
[10:47] Speaker 1: There's two other things that we can talk about with
[10:50] Speaker 1: Emmy and her daughter. Number One, we want to ask
[10:53] Speaker 1: questions like why was this sent to you? Who wins
[10:57] Speaker 1: when you fought it? Like what is fanning and who
[11:00] Speaker 1: is fanning it? And why? And do you want to
[11:03] Speaker 1: be a part of something like that? So those kinds
[11:05] Speaker 1: of questions are really valuable. The last thing that we
[11:08] Speaker 1: really need to emphasize is legally sharing fight videos. It
[11:12] Speaker 1: won't always, but it can meet the definition of cyber
[11:15] Speaker 1: bullying under Australian law. The Safety Commissioner can get involved
[11:18] Speaker 1: here and so can the Federal police. And if you
[11:22] Speaker 1: forward it, you can incriminate yourself right in fact, in
[11:26] Speaker 1: wa I don't know if I've got this exactly right,
[11:28] Speaker 1: But in WA they already auto suspend students who film
[11:32] Speaker 1: fights like that's just a policy across Western Australian schools.
[11:36] Speaker 1: If you are filming a fight, you will be suspended
[11:39] Speaker 1: just like the people who are in the fight. Because
[11:41] Speaker 1: we don't want this stuff to keep on building and growing.
[11:44] Speaker 1: So let's wrap it up there. Our time is done.
[11:47] Speaker 1: I think the most important thing to get to me
[11:49] Speaker 1: for your daughter is have the conversation. But then you're
[11:52] Speaker 1: asking for a vote from her. I'm going to vote that.
[11:55] Speaker 1: I'm not going to share it. I'm not going to
[11:56] Speaker 1: afford it. I'm not going to comment on it. I'm
[11:58] Speaker 1: not going to keep on rewatch it, but I am
[12:01] Speaker 1: going to report it. I am going to tell an
[12:03] Speaker 1: adult I'm going to be the kid who breaks the chain.
[12:06] Speaker 1: That's the direction that i'd be heading. It sounds like
[12:08] Speaker 1: you're on the right track anyway, because you do know
[12:10] Speaker 1: about it, and you've been able to come to us
[12:11] Speaker 1: about it. So hopefully some useful insights and info in
[12:15] Speaker 1: that conversation. If you've got a tricky question for us,
[12:17] Speaker 1: hit us up at happy families dot com dot U
[12:20] Speaker 1: super simple system. There, we scroll down and push the
[12:22] Speaker 1: record button. And start talking. You can also get in
[12:24] Speaker 1: touch with us by sending us an email a voice
[12:26] Speaker 1: notes podcasts at happy families dot com dot AU. All right,
[12:30] Speaker 1: let's wrap it there. The Happy Families podcast, produced by
[12:33] Speaker 1: Justin rul On Mimhammond's provides research, admin and additional support.
[12:37] Speaker 1: And if you'd like more in fo to make your
[12:38] Speaker 1: family happier, you can find it at happy families dot
[12:41] Speaker 1: com dot A.
[12:42] Speaker 3: You

Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them.