# Nobody Likes You When You're Like This

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 3 May 2026, 14 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/50baba07-42a7-49df-a5fc-b43400c65fa2/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

When life gets overwhelming, even good people become hard to live with. In this deeply honest episode, Justin and Kylie open up about the pressure, stress, snapping, guilt, and emotional overload that can quietly take over family life — especially when the mental load becomes too heavy to carry well. From impossible deadlines and overflowing to-do lists to the simple reset strategies that actually help, this conversation is a powerful reminder that productivity means nothing if it costs you your relationships. If you’ve ever felt short-tempered, emotionally unavailable, constantly “on edge,” or like your family gets the worst version of you… this episode will hit close to home. KEY POINTS • Why overwhelm makes us less patient, kind, and emotionally available • The hidden cost of “pushing through” stress • How emotional bandwidth affects family relationships • Simple ways to reset when you’re close to breaking point • Why movement, sleep, connection, breathing, and nutrition matter more than we think • The surprising productivity boost that comes from slowing down QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Stop being a human doing and remember how it feels to be a human being.” RESOURCES MENTIONED • Boys: Building Strong Young Men from the Inside Out by Dr Justin Coulson • 4-7-8 breathing technique • happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS • Pause for 5–10 minutes before pushing harder • Go outside, move your body, or reconnect with someone you love • Prioritise sleep, hydration, and proper meals during stressful seasons • Notice when your overwhelm is spilling onto your family • Replace “powering through” with small moments of regulation and connection See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Happy Families podcast. Recently, missus
[0:09] Speaker 1: Happy Families said something really harsh to me and how
[0:14] Speaker 1: to do with how likable I am or maybe in
[0:17] Speaker 1: this case, how unlikable I am. The reality is that
[0:22] Speaker 1: in family life or in life generally, we put too
[0:26] Speaker 1: much on our plates. We have an unbalanced schedule, We
[0:31] Speaker 1: try to do too much and sometimes we don't know
[0:33] Speaker 1: what to do about it because everything has to be done.
[0:36] Speaker 1: It's just the way life is today. We talk about
[0:40] Speaker 1: how to create margin, how to be nice when you
[0:43] Speaker 1: don't have the capacity to even think about being nice,
[0:47] Speaker 1: and how to avoid being told by your wife or
[0:50] Speaker 1: husband that nobody likes you when you like that. Stay
[0:55] Speaker 1: with us. That's next on the Happy Famili's podcast. Hello
[1:00] Speaker 1: and welcome to the Heavy Families podcast, where you get
[1:02] Speaker 1: real parenting solutions every single day. This is Australia's most
[1:06] Speaker 1: downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Colson today
[1:09] Speaker 1: and insight into how life goes sometimes when there's just
[1:12] Speaker 1: too much going on. I shed it a news lind
[1:16] Speaker 1: it just recently and it involves Kylie setting the record
[1:21] Speaker 1: straight and pointing out that I'm just not getting things right.
[1:24] Speaker 1: All the time. Here's how it went. Can you imagine
[1:28] Speaker 1: trying to sweep the kitchen with a broomstick, a broomstick only,
[1:33] Speaker 1: no broomhead, no bristles, just a broomstick. It's not going
[1:37] Speaker 1: to be effective. It's going to be an exercise in
[1:38] Speaker 1: futility and frustration because you need the whole broom. When
[1:42] Speaker 1: you try to do something with a broken tool, it
[1:44] Speaker 1: doesn't work. It's exhausting. And the greatest tool that we
[1:47] Speaker 1: have is not our phone, it's not our planner, it's
[1:49] Speaker 1: not our inbox, it's our mind. But when your mind
[1:52] Speaker 1: is full of fear and worry and regret, whether we're
[1:54] Speaker 1: talking about heavy stuff like depression of mental health challenges,
[1:57] Speaker 1: near divergent challenges, or just the light of stuff like
[2:01] Speaker 1: overwork and overwhelm, and I'd say lighter inadverted commas, everything
[2:05] Speaker 1: gets harder because that tool is broken. It's inefficient, it's
[2:08] Speaker 1: not working properly. The flow doesn't get swept. So mishappy families.
[2:14] Speaker 1: How many edits do you reckon? I've done on the
[2:16] Speaker 1: Boy's Book, which is going to be published in the
[2:18] Speaker 1: next six weeks or thereabouts.
[2:19] Speaker 2: I've lost count as have I.
[2:21] Speaker 1: And every single time that I have to do one.
[2:24] Speaker 1: It turns our life upside down, like because the publisheder
[2:27] Speaker 1: will say, well, we need it back in a week,
[2:29] Speaker 1: or we need it back in forty eight hours, or
[2:31] Speaker 1: we need answers to these questions quickly. The manuscript deadlines
[2:35] Speaker 1: that I've faced, the editing that I've done, I've been
[2:39] Speaker 1: upside down fourteen times, fifteen times over the last year
[2:42] Speaker 1: or so, and so have you, so has the family.
[2:44] Speaker 1: As a result. It's like my brain has not been
[2:47] Speaker 1: working properly. It's like a broom with no bristles or brushing.
[2:50] Speaker 1: And during the final stretch a few weeks ago, did
[2:52] Speaker 1: I mention that it was the fourteenth edit? I think
[2:54] Speaker 1: I did fourteenth? Yeah, right, at the point of maximum overwhelm.
[2:58] Speaker 1: You mishappy families pulled me aside, and you said, in
[3:02] Speaker 1: these words directly, justin nobody likes you when you're like.
[3:06] Speaker 2: This sounds pretty harsh.
[3:09] Speaker 1: Well, that's when I say it like that. But was
[3:11] Speaker 1: it deserved?
[3:13] Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't remember saying it.
[3:15] Speaker 1: I was going to say, was it accurate? You probably
[3:17] Speaker 1: don't remember either. Let's just think what am I? Can
[3:21] Speaker 1: you describe what I'm like when I'm trying to do
[3:25] Speaker 1: all the stuff that I would normally do it, so
[3:26] Speaker 1: the travel and the normal writing and the podcasting and
[3:29] Speaker 1: the present presenting, present, hating, present.
[3:35] Speaker 2: The capacity to say all your words probably and put
[3:38] Speaker 2: them in the right places. But like all of us,
[3:42] Speaker 2: when we've got too much on our plate, our capacity
[3:45] Speaker 2: actually gets smaller, not bigger. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[3:47] Speaker 1: When I wrote my first book, which is still such
[3:49] Speaker 1: a popular book, What Your Child Needs from You, I
[3:52] Speaker 1: talk about this idea of emotional bandwidth. It's like the Internet.
[3:55] Speaker 1: You've got too many people using the Internet in your house.
[4:00] Speaker 1: There's too much information trying to get down this one
[4:03] Speaker 1: little channel where it's just not wide enough. You need
[4:06] Speaker 1: more into nenet, you need a bigger bandwidth, and so
[4:10] Speaker 1: there's just been too much going on.
[4:12] Speaker 2: I actually like to think of it more in relation
[4:14] Speaker 2: to the idea of high emotions low intelligence. When we're
[4:17] Speaker 2: feeling really stressed and we're feeling the weight of everything
[4:21] Speaker 2: that we're carrying, our emotions are actually more heightened and
[4:26] Speaker 2: our capacity is lessened, and so in those moments you're
[4:31] Speaker 2: really hard to get along with because you only see
[4:36] Speaker 2: the big list in front of you and don't recognize
[4:39] Speaker 2: that everybody else around you is carrying their own.
[4:41] Speaker 1: Big list kind of lose perspective very much so, and
[4:45] Speaker 1: the focus is the dragon that I have to slay,
[4:48] Speaker 1: and everything else is just an obstacle to getting that
[4:51] Speaker 1: dragon slain.
[4:52] Speaker 2: And when it comes to a book, though, the book
[4:54] Speaker 2: is only one component of your busyness. But there are
[5:00] Speaker 2: lots of things that you would normally do to participate
[5:03] Speaker 2: in family life that then fall onto me as well. Right,
[5:06] Speaker 2: And so you're feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling overwhelmed that you
[5:12] Speaker 2: can't see that your overwhelm's actually increasing my overall health.
[5:16] Speaker 1: Well, part of the problem is actually that I know
[5:18] Speaker 1: that it is, and I can see it, and I'm
[5:20] Speaker 1: helpless to do anything about it. That only adds to
[5:22] Speaker 1: my feeling of stuckness and overwhelmedness, if they're even words.
[5:26] Speaker 1: Because I know that I should be doing these things.
[5:29] Speaker 1: I want to be doing those things. I typically would
[5:31] Speaker 1: be doing these things, but right now I can't. And
[5:33] Speaker 1: so compounding my pressure and overwhelm is the guilt that
[5:38] Speaker 1: I'm failing you and failing the kids. And so I
[5:41] Speaker 1: become like this, I become short, snappy, blunt. My expectations
[5:46] Speaker 1: of myself are already high, and so then I start
[5:48] Speaker 1: to pass those expectations under everybody else.
[5:50] Speaker 3: If I'm being this productive, you need to be this
[5:51] Speaker 3: productive as well. I'm maximizing. I'm optimizing. I'm fulfilling everything
[5:55] Speaker 3: that I have to do. Why aren't you doing yours?
[5:57] Speaker 3: Because normally I'd step in and pick up that slack,
[6:00] Speaker 3: or at least try to.
[6:02] Speaker 2: So.
[6:02] Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember this instant or not, Kylie,
[6:06] Speaker 1: but do you have any reflection, any recollection of what
[6:09] Speaker 1: I did when you told me that nobody likes me
[6:12] Speaker 1: when I'm.
[6:12] Speaker 2: Like this, I don't, but I can have a pretty
[6:16] Speaker 2: good stab in the dark.
[6:17] Speaker 1: I'm really nervous about what your stab in the dyke's
[6:19] Speaker 1: going to be. What do you think I might have
[6:21] Speaker 1: done when you said that to me?
[6:24] Speaker 2: When you're feeling really, really under pressure and you come
[6:28] Speaker 2: in and you notice that people are not being as
[6:32] Speaker 2: productive and under pressure as you.
[6:34] Speaker 1: Are, you're going to go there, oh my goodness.
[6:37] Speaker 2: Or the house isn't exactly the way it needs to
[6:40] Speaker 2: be to function. Do you mean, like when efficiently.
[6:43] Speaker 1: When it's three point thirty in the afternoon and we
[6:46] Speaker 1: have at least three adult children in the house and
[6:48] Speaker 1: they still haven't done the breakfast dishes. Do you mean that? Yeah,
[6:51] Speaker 1: I don't think that's a high expectation. And I think
[6:53] Speaker 1: whatever you're about to say is justifiable and reasonable, even
[6:56] Speaker 1: if I do have a lot of extra pressure. But
[6:58] Speaker 1: go on say it anyway, you.
[7:00] Speaker 2: Might just lose the plot a little bit.
[7:02] Speaker 1: Oh gosh, Well, that's not what I wrote about in
[7:05] Speaker 1: my newsletter.
[7:06] Speaker 2: So it wasn't that one.
[7:07] Speaker 1: No, it wasn't that one. So in other words, when
[7:10] Speaker 1: I get it right, as I did in the newsletter story,
[7:13] Speaker 1: you don't remember those ones. You only remember the ones
[7:16] Speaker 1: where I get it wrong.
[7:17] Speaker 2: Hey do when you put me on the spot like this.
[7:20] Speaker 1: So in the newsletter, and this is actually what happened,
[7:23] Speaker 1: because the newsletter is based on.
[7:25] Speaker 2: True facts and my story is not based.
[7:30] Speaker 1: I'm not saying that. I'm just saying in the one
[7:31] Speaker 1: that I wrote about, not the ones that I didn't
[7:33] Speaker 1: write about. I said. And so, despite the deadlines and pressure,
[7:39] Speaker 1: I stopped just for five or ten minutes, just enough
[7:44] Speaker 1: to check in, just enough to listen to the kids,
[7:45] Speaker 1: just enough to hug my wife, just enough to walk
[7:47] Speaker 1: in the garden and pull a few weeds, touch the ground,
[7:49] Speaker 1: breathe and be human just enough to reconnect to the
[7:52] Speaker 1: stuff that really matters, and like magic, my brain started
[7:55] Speaker 1: to work again. I was more productive, more present, I
[7:57] Speaker 1: was a better person. People started liking me again, well
[8:01] Speaker 1: my family at least. So after the break, I want
[8:03] Speaker 1: to talk about what we're supposed to do when nobody
[8:05] Speaker 1: likes us. When I like this, because it's really really
[8:07] Speaker 1: hard to regulate, pull ourselves back from the brink and
[8:11] Speaker 1: get things back on track. That's the conversation next on
[8:15] Speaker 1: the Happy Families podcast. Stay with us, We're back. This
[8:25] Speaker 1: is the Happy Families Podcast. Okay, what do we do
[8:28] Speaker 1: when emotions running away from us? Pressure is mounting, We
[8:32] Speaker 1: can't see past the massive to do list in front
[8:35] Speaker 1: of us, or just the one thing that's enormous that's
[8:37] Speaker 1: taking up all of our bandwidth cognitive and emotional. Kylie,
[8:42] Speaker 1: this is the great challenge that we have in family life.
[8:45] Speaker 1: This is the stuff that where I was trying to
[8:46] Speaker 1: work out where to move forward to. And I've got
[8:49] Speaker 1: a couple of ideas that I think are useful. You
[8:52] Speaker 1: might have some to add as well. First thing that
[8:54] Speaker 1: I want to suggest is the importance of taking action.
[8:58] Speaker 1: There seems to be something really profoundly helpful about just
[9:01] Speaker 1: moving your body, whether it's giving somebody a hug. There
[9:05] Speaker 1: are many many times where you have said something along
[9:07] Speaker 1: the lines I've justin nobody likes when you like this,
[9:09] Speaker 1: or something along those lines, and I've just moved towards you,
[9:13] Speaker 1: grabbed you in my arms, hugged you and said I'm
[9:16] Speaker 1: so sorry, like literally just ask for forgiveness. But you
[9:20] Speaker 1: and I will then go for a walk, or will
[9:21] Speaker 1: go sit outside or worll lay on the grass, or
[9:23] Speaker 1: will do something to move our body. I talked about
[9:27] Speaker 1: weeding the garden for five minutes. I don't know why.
[9:29] Speaker 1: I actually hate weeding. I'm not a really big fan
[9:32] Speaker 1: of this, but sometimes just weeding the garden feels really good.
[9:36] Speaker 2: It's called earthing.
[9:37] Speaker 1: Earthing, Yeah, okay, earthing works. That's fine.
[9:42] Speaker 2: Bare feet on the ground rounding.
[9:44] Speaker 1: You, just breathing. I've recently discovered the power of the
[9:48] Speaker 1: four seven eight breathing technique. You breathe in for four
[9:52] Speaker 1: seconds three and I was hold it for seven and
[9:54] Speaker 1: then breathe out for eight. Do that twenty times if
[9:57] Speaker 1: you can't go to sleep, and it changes the game
[10:00] Speaker 1: like that puts me to sleep almost every single night.
[10:03] Speaker 1: It's very rare that I get through twenty reps of
[10:05] Speaker 1: that and can't do that getting enough sleep. Oh my goodness, Like,
[10:10] Speaker 1: what a difference that makes. So these are just a
[10:12] Speaker 1: few ideas that I've found to be really useful. What
[10:14] Speaker 1: about you.
[10:15] Speaker 2: I think the only other thing that I would add
[10:17] Speaker 2: is nutrition.
[10:19] Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my god.
[10:20] Speaker 2: Yes, when I am overwhelmed, one of the very first
[10:25] Speaker 2: things to go is good eating patterns and habits. And
[10:29] Speaker 2: It'll be two or three o'clock in the afternoon and
[10:32] Speaker 2: I've lived off a chocolate bar and maybe a piece
[10:35] Speaker 2: of fruit. If I'm lucky, I might not have even drunk. Bader.
[10:40] Speaker 2: Just the impact that giving your body nutrition has on
[10:46] Speaker 2: your capacity to cope with the day to day riggers
[10:52] Speaker 2: of family life, I think goes understated. Yeah too often.
[10:58] Speaker 1: Yep. I've got a couple of other things that I'd
[11:00] Speaker 1: throw in as well. Connect the power of connection. So
[11:03] Speaker 1: whether it's saying, hey, let's just go for a walk,
[11:05] Speaker 1: or if you're fortunate enough to have a pool, let's
[11:07] Speaker 1: jump in the pool together, or let's take the dog out,
[11:12] Speaker 1: or jump on the trampoline, let's play hide and seek,
[11:14] Speaker 1: there's something powerful that happens when you know that you're
[11:17] Speaker 1: getting out of control because there's too much to do. Bizarrely,
[11:20] Speaker 1: there's something powerful that happens when you say, I'm just
[11:23] Speaker 1: going to let the list go for five minutes, and
[11:25] Speaker 1: I know that sometimes you can't. Sometimes you have to
[11:27] Speaker 1: get out of the door because you've got to be
[11:28] Speaker 1: at an appointment, or I'm talking about those times where life
[11:30] Speaker 1: just feels overwhelming by pausing and doing something trivial and unimportant,
[11:35] Speaker 1: playing a card game, playing hide and seek, kicking or
[11:39] Speaker 1: throwing a ball, going for a fifteen minute bike ride,
[11:42] Speaker 1: or going for a skate with the kids, any of
[11:44] Speaker 1: those kinds of things. Picking up a musical instrument and
[11:46] Speaker 1: playing it. Maybe you've got a guitar or you don't
[11:48] Speaker 1: really pick up a piano, but that kind of thing,
[11:51] Speaker 1: when you start to do those kinds of things where
[11:54] Speaker 1: the time on the clock is sort of irrelevant, it
[12:00] Speaker 1: just gives you new perspective. It helps you to reset,
[12:03] Speaker 1: It helps you to re enter the atmosphere in a
[12:06] Speaker 1: much more positive way.
[12:08] Speaker 2: Well, it just breaks a cycle. Yeah you're stuck.
[12:11] Speaker 1: Takes the pressure off. I like to crank up some
[12:13] Speaker 1: music every now and again, you've been annoyed with me
[12:16] Speaker 1: and my music choices lately, the pressure. I've been playing
[12:18] Speaker 1: a lot of Concrete Blonde. You haven't loved it.
[12:21] Speaker 2: Nah, not really.
[12:22] Speaker 1: I don't know why. I just think they're one of
[12:24] Speaker 1: the best bands ever. In short, In short, when it's
[12:27] Speaker 1: all too much, do something I think that is completely human.
[12:31] Speaker 1: Go analog, get away from digital, shift away from the deadlines,
[12:34] Speaker 1: even if it's for five and ten minutes, stop being
[12:37] Speaker 1: a human doing and remember how it feels to be
[12:41] Speaker 1: a human being. And in case you worry the work
[12:45] Speaker 1: the list.
[12:46] Speaker 2: It'll still be there.
[12:47] Speaker 1: It'll still be there when you get back, but you
[12:50] Speaker 1: will probably find that you're at your best when you return.
[12:52] Speaker 1: That is a very simple, but hopefully very helpful Happy
[12:56] Speaker 1: Families podcast today. Thanks so much for listening to. The
[12:58] Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast is by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media,
[13:01] Speaker 1: with additional support from Mimhammonds. If you'd like more info
[13:05] Speaker 1: to make your family happier, you find it at Happy
[13:07] Speaker 1: Families dot com dot you. And remember right now, if
[13:10] Speaker 1: you pre order the book Boys Building Strong Young Men
[13:13] Speaker 1: from the Inside Out from Booktopia dot com dot you,
[13:15] Speaker 1: you'll get twenty seven percent off twenty seven percent off
[13:19] Speaker 1: the book. Preorder it now at booktopia dot com dot
[13:22] Speaker 1: Au

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