# What Every Girl Needs to Know About Porn \[with Kristen Jenson\]

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 25 Aug 2026, 17 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/c2990a45-a8ed-4afa-9db4-b4a00016e7a9/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

Pornography isn’t just a boys’ issue. Girls are seeing it too, often before their parents realise they need to talk about it. Kristen Jenson, founder of Defend Young Minds and author of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Guide for Girls, joins Justin to explain why girls need to be part of this conversation. They unpack accidental exposure, curiosity, body image, objectification and the shame that can stop girls from asking for help. Most importantly, Kristen gives parents a simple way to prepare kids before pornography finds them: give them a definition, a warning and a plan. KEY POINTS • Why treating pornography as a boys-only problem leaves girls vulnerable • How shame around girls’ curiosity can make the problem harder to talk about • Why accidental exposure can happen before kids actively seek explicit content • The impact pornography can have on girls’ body image and self-worth • Why parental controls and filters can’t replace conversations • Kristen’s simple three-part approach: a definition, a warning and a plan • Why your reaction matters if your child tells you they’ve seen pornography • How to start the conversation even if your child is already a teenager QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “It’s never too late to give your kids a defense.” Kristen Jenson RESOURCES MENTIONED • Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Guide for Girls by Kristen Jenson • Defend Young Minds • Brain Defense Digital Safety Curriculum • Common Sense Media’s Teens and Pornography report ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS • Have the conversation before your child gets their own internet-connected device. • Give your child an age-appropriate definition of pornography so they can recognise it. • Explain why pornography can be harmful without using fear or shame. • Give them a clear plan for what to do if explicit content appears. • Make sure they know they can tell you without automatically losing their device or getting into trouble. • If your older child has already seen pornography, listen first. Make it a conversation, not a lecture. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to the Happy Families podcast. Here's a question
[0:08] Speaker 1: for parents of daughters, and it's one that parents of
[0:11] Speaker 1: daughters don't usually ask themselves. Have you talked to your
[0:14] Speaker 1: daughter about pornography? We want our boys, or at least
[0:18] Speaker 1: I hope we do, but many parents assume that the
[0:20] Speaker 1: girls don't need the talk, and that assumption is leaving
[0:23] Speaker 1: them exposed. Before we move on, today's podcast contains content
[0:28] Speaker 1: that will be sensitive for some listeners. We do encourage you,
[0:30] Speaker 1: as a parent to be mindful of who's listening and why.
[0:35] Speaker 1: My guest today is Kristen Jensen, the founder of Defend
[0:37] Speaker 1: Young Minds and the author of the best selling Good Pictures,
[0:41] Speaker 1: Bad Pictures book series. They're Read Aloud books that have
[0:44] Speaker 1: sold hundreds of thousands of copies worldwide in ten languages.
[0:48] Speaker 1: I'm a little bit jealous of those stats. I my
[0:49] Speaker 1: dad helping families to have the hard conversation before the
[0:52] Speaker 1: Internet has it for them. Kristin Jensen is the executive
[0:56] Speaker 1: producer of the Brain Defense Digital Safety Curriculum, the five
[1:00] Speaker 1: before the Washington State sent it on the public health
[1:02] Speaker 1: crisis of pornography, and she's even raised a voice at
[1:05] Speaker 1: international forums including the United Nations Civil Society's Conference. Kristin
[1:10] Speaker 1: has a brand new book. It's called Good Pictures, Bad
[1:13] Speaker 1: Pictures Guide for Girls. Took two years to write and
[1:17] Speaker 1: test with families and get it published. It's built specifically
[1:20] Speaker 1: for girls aged seven to twelve, and it exists because
[1:24] Speaker 1: for decades we've been treating pornography as a boy's only problem,
[1:28] Speaker 1: and the research says quite plainly that it isn't. Kristen's
[1:33] Speaker 1: a mum of three, she's a grandmother as well, and
[1:35] Speaker 1: one of the most practical, hope filled voices in a
[1:38] Speaker 1: conversation that can all too often turn turgid and scary
[1:41] Speaker 1: way too fast. So no scare tactics today, No shame,
[1:45] Speaker 1: just a plan. Kristin Jensen next to talk about girls
[1:49] Speaker 1: and pornography on the Happy Families podcast Stay with Us.
[1:55] Speaker 2: I think we are more shame based when it comes
[1:58] Speaker 2: to girls. We think their goodness and they're like angels,
[2:02] Speaker 2: and I feel like we need to be able to
[2:05] Speaker 2: have this conversation so that girls have a fighting chance.
[2:09] Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to have your family podcasts where you
[2:11] Speaker 1: get real parenting solutions every single day. This is Australia's
[2:14] Speaker 1: most downloaded Parenting podcast. My name is doctor Justin Couson,
[2:18] Speaker 1: and today a conversation that I feel is urgent. I've
[2:21] Speaker 1: just written a book about boys called Boys, Building Strong
[2:24] Speaker 1: Young Men from the inside Out, and talked a lot
[2:26] Speaker 1: about pornography and the scourge that it is in our
[2:28] Speaker 1: young boys' lives. But it's affecting girls as well, not
[2:30] Speaker 1: just because boys are using it, and it's affecting their
[2:32] Speaker 1: beliefs and therefore their behaviors In there. I was going
[2:35] Speaker 1: to say intimate experiences with girls, but intimate might not
[2:37] Speaker 1: be the right word there, but you know what I mean.
[2:40] Speaker 1: Girls though, are also accessing pornography at levels that we
[2:44] Speaker 1: perhaps haven't known about as clearly as we do now.
[2:47] Speaker 1: And Christen joins me today to talk about that issue
[2:49] Speaker 1: and also her brand new book on the topic. Christ
[2:52] Speaker 1: and welcome to the podcast. Thanks for joining me.
[2:55] Speaker 2: Thank you Justin. It's great to be here with you.
[2:57] Speaker 1: Let's kick straight into it. You've said that you used
[3:00] Speaker 1: to treat this or people generally have usually treated pornography
[3:04] Speaker 1: as a boy's only problem, but women have been telling
[3:07] Speaker 1: their stories now for some time. Did your mind change
[3:11] Speaker 1: on this, and if so, why do you think that
[3:14] Speaker 1: the girls aren't interested. Myth has survived so long when
[3:18] Speaker 1: the data says that such a high percentage of girls
[3:21] Speaker 1: have seen pornography.
[3:23] Speaker 2: Well, I think there's just this cultural myth that women
[3:27] Speaker 2: aren't interested in sex. I mean, or at least they
[3:31] Speaker 2: shouldn't be until they get to a certain age, And
[3:34] Speaker 2: that's just a myth. Both boys and girls are interested.
[3:38] Speaker 2: And when we ignore girls, when we leave them out
[3:41] Speaker 2: of the conversation, then their curiosity almost feels like they're
[3:46] Speaker 2: ashamed of it, Like I shouldn't be curious about this, right,
[3:51] Speaker 2: There shouldn't be something I'm interested in, But they are.
[3:55] Speaker 2: And if we just acknowledge the truth of that, because
[3:58] Speaker 2: they're normal, bile, logical human beings, then we can help
[4:04] Speaker 2: them and they will not be as vulnerable when we
[4:07] Speaker 2: just completely, like I said, leave them out of the conversation,
[4:11] Speaker 2: assuming that they're born with some kind of immunity to
[4:16] Speaker 2: being intrigued, being vulnerable to this kind of material.
[4:20] Speaker 1: It's one of those things, isn't it. I've always encouraged
[4:22] Speaker 1: parents to get curious, not furious, to lean in with
[4:25] Speaker 1: curiosity and understanding rather than furiosity and reprimanding. I don't
[4:30] Speaker 1: know if furiosity is a word, but I like the
[4:31] Speaker 1: sound of it. I was doing a little bit of
[4:33] Speaker 1: research ahead of our conversation today, and the Common Sense
[4:36] Speaker 1: Media Organization did a report a little while ago called
[4:39] Speaker 1: Teens and Pornography. They found that more than a third,
[4:42] Speaker 1: about thirty six percent of girls reported intentionally consuming pornography,
[4:48] Speaker 1: compared with fifty two percent of boys. It's not a
[4:50] Speaker 1: massive discrepancy there seventy percent of girls and seventy five
[4:54] Speaker 1: percent of boys said that they'd watched online pornography with
[4:57] Speaker 1: an average starting age of twelve. What that's do you
[5:02] Speaker 1: have around this? How would you tweak what they've found
[5:05] Speaker 1: in their report? And can we talk specifically about girls?
[5:08] Speaker 1: I mean, you've written this book for girls for a reason.
[5:11] Speaker 1: I want to talk more about that in just to say,
[5:13] Speaker 1: but that's do you think should be keeping parents away here?
[5:16] Speaker 2: Well, those stats are very troubling. And thirty six percent
[5:20] Speaker 2: intentionally going to porn how many other girls are seeing
[5:25] Speaker 2: it unintentionally? I think that's quite a lot. There was
[5:29] Speaker 2: a study by Barna here in the United States. It
[5:32] Speaker 2: showed that forty four percent of women seek out pornography
[5:36] Speaker 2: on a regular basis. So the gap between men and
[5:41] Speaker 2: women and their use of pornography is really shortening and closing.
[5:47] Speaker 2: So we do need to take it seriously and we can.
[5:52] Speaker 2: We can help our girls just like we help our boys.
[5:54] Speaker 1: I want to ask about girls specifically, why do girls
[5:58] Speaker 1: need their own book? What's different about how pornography lands
[6:02] Speaker 1: for a girl in terms of I don't know, body image,
[6:05] Speaker 1: sexual experience, identity, self objectification. I'm sort of grasping here,
[6:11] Speaker 1: but why is it different for a girl than it
[6:13] Speaker 1: is for a boy.
[6:14] Speaker 2: Well, first of all, I was asked for this book.
[6:18] Speaker 2: I had many especially mothers, come to me and say,
[6:23] Speaker 2: I need a book for my daughter, and I just
[6:27] Speaker 2: need to have like pictures of girls in it. And
[6:31] Speaker 2: it needs to be so that it feels like it's
[6:34] Speaker 2: okay for girls to talk about this with girls. And
[6:39] Speaker 2: we have a whole chapter on objectification, and we are
[6:43] Speaker 2: teaching girls what it means to not only objectify others,
[6:48] Speaker 2: but to be objectified and to objectify yourself. And we
[6:53] Speaker 2: teach them that that is what these bad pictures, that's
[6:56] Speaker 2: what pornography does to girls. It creates. It teaches them
[7:02] Speaker 2: that they're objects to be used and commodified, which is
[7:06] Speaker 2: an extension of what we see out in social media
[7:08] Speaker 2: as well. So girls need to be able to recognize
[7:12] Speaker 2: that so they can reject it because it's very harmful
[7:15] Speaker 2: to their self esteem. And when you think of the
[7:18] Speaker 2: things that are portrayed in pornography, it's very harmful to
[7:22] Speaker 2: girls because there are studies that show that girls who
[7:28] Speaker 2: look at pornography, you know, they're just primed to accept
[7:33] Speaker 2: sexual violence.
[7:34] Speaker 1: My youngest daughter is twelve. The average age of first
[7:38] Speaker 1: exposure is twelve. And I think about this kid, and
[7:41] Speaker 1: I just think, no, just no. I think most parents,
[7:45] Speaker 1: especially if girls, would think, yeah, not my kid. What
[7:50] Speaker 1: would you say to the parent who's convinced that their
[7:52] Speaker 1: daughter is the exception? And I would consider myself one
[7:54] Speaker 1: of those parents.
[7:56] Speaker 2: I think that's a dangerous way to think, sure, because
[8:00] Speaker 2: not preparing your child. So, for example, there's eleven year
[8:04] Speaker 2: old girl. She was riding on a bus school bus.
[8:08] Speaker 2: Her friend was sitting next to her, and this little girl,
[8:12] Speaker 2: her mother had read her good pictures, bad pictures, so
[8:15] Speaker 2: she was prepared. She had been given a simple, age
[8:19] Speaker 2: appropriate definition so she could recognize it. She had been
[8:23] Speaker 2: warned that it's harmful for her brain and for her
[8:26] Speaker 2: just her mind, and she had been given a plan
[8:30] Speaker 2: of what to do when she sees it, so she
[8:32] Speaker 2: was prepared. And so up comes this sub boy with
[8:36] Speaker 2: a phone and starts showing them pornography on a school bus.
[8:40] Speaker 2: In any case, she's sitting there with her friend and
[8:44] Speaker 2: she turns away and she's like, nah, I'm not going
[8:46] Speaker 2: to look at it. But guess what, her friend continues
[8:50] Speaker 2: to look at it because she hadn't been warned. She's curious.
[8:54] Speaker 2: So in the end, who's more protected, right, It's the
[8:58] Speaker 2: children that are not cut off guard, it said, children
[9:02] Speaker 2: that have been warned and given a plan and really
[9:06] Speaker 2: prepared with a disposition or an internal filter so that
[9:11] Speaker 2: when they see it they want to reject it. They're like, yeah,
[9:15] Speaker 2: I've been told about this. I've been warned about this,
[9:18] Speaker 2: and I know I can list five different reasons why
[9:22] Speaker 2: I shouldn't be looking at it, why it will be
[9:24] Speaker 2: harmful to me.
[9:26] Speaker 1: Kristin, after the break, I want to talk to you
[9:28] Speaker 1: about what we need to do, how we can help
[9:30] Speaker 1: kids develop that internal filter that you talk about and
[9:33] Speaker 1: do it in a way that doesn't promote shame and fear,
[9:35] Speaker 1: and how to have that conversation. I've also got a
[9:37] Speaker 1: quick lightning round, a couple of questions for a little
[9:40] Speaker 1: bit of lightning of the conversation because it's pretty heavy topic.
[9:44] Speaker 1: That's all coming up next day with us. We're back.
[9:54] Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast. Kristin, I want to
[9:56] Speaker 1: talk to you now about the internal filter that we
[9:59] Speaker 1: want to help out children to develop. Your whole framework
[10:02] Speaker 1: rests on the idea that there is not an external
[10:05] Speaker 1: filter that catches everything, so kids need one installed on
[10:08] Speaker 1: the inside. This is something that I talk about all
[10:11] Speaker 1: the time, like you can fence your swimming pool, but
[10:13] Speaker 1: you cannot fence the ocean. Once the kids have left
[10:16] Speaker 1: the confines of your yard where the pool is fenced,
[10:18] Speaker 1: and they go to the beach, or they go to
[10:20] Speaker 1: a friend's house where maybe the fence is left open,
[10:22] Speaker 1: the gate is left open, that kind of thing, they've
[10:24] Speaker 1: got full access to everything. So walk us through what
[10:28] Speaker 1: building an internal filter looks like. What does a nine
[10:33] Speaker 1: year old with an internal filter do or an eleven
[10:36] Speaker 1: year old, as you were sharing before on the school bus,
[10:38] Speaker 1: when those bad pictures appear.
[10:40] Speaker 2: You want to give them a definition, a warning, and
[10:43] Speaker 2: a plan. So a definition so they can recognize it,
[10:46] Speaker 2: but you don't have to tell them too much, just
[10:48] Speaker 2: enough so that they can recognize it right, and then
[10:53] Speaker 2: a warning so they understand why it's harmful to them,
[10:57] Speaker 2: and a plan. We've got the can do you plan
[11:00] Speaker 2: in these the Good Pictures Bad Pictures Guide for Girls
[11:03] Speaker 2: as well as the original one, and so they know
[11:05] Speaker 2: exactly what to do so when they see it, they
[11:09] Speaker 2: know what to do. When that exposure happens, they know
[11:13] Speaker 2: they need to turn away, they know they need to
[11:16] Speaker 2: kind of identify it, and they need to go and
[11:19] Speaker 2: tell a trusted adult. If we don't open that conversation,
[11:24] Speaker 2: it's very unlikely that the child is going to come
[11:27] Speaker 2: and tell us. They're going to think they're going to
[11:30] Speaker 2: get in trouble, or their friend will get in trouble,
[11:33] Speaker 2: or you'll take their electronics away or whatever. So we
[11:37] Speaker 2: have to open that conversation with our children and begin
[11:42] Speaker 2: at a young age before hopefully ideally before they get
[11:47] Speaker 2: exposed to pornography. But even if we've waited, it's still
[11:52] Speaker 2: better to get these conversations started, because you know, no
[11:56] Speaker 2: child deserves to face the porn industry alone.
[11:59] Speaker 1: Thin point process. It makes it feel doable, digestible. So
[12:04] Speaker 1: many parents, i'm sure, including me, just feel ill at
[12:09] Speaker 1: the thought. But having a script, having a process to follow,
[12:12] Speaker 1: and also giving the kids a script, I can see
[12:14] Speaker 1: why it would work. Our time is up, as you know,
[12:16] Speaker 1: this is a podcast for time poor parents who just
[12:18] Speaker 1: want answers now, and I'd love to wrap up with
[12:21] Speaker 1: a lightning round, very short answers two seconds, five seconds, yes,
[12:27] Speaker 1: than those where you can a little bit unfair as always,
[12:30] Speaker 1: but that's what makes lightning rounds so much fun, even
[12:33] Speaker 1: on a tough topic like this. My first question is this,
[12:36] Speaker 1: Should the first conversation happen even before a child gets
[12:40] Speaker 1: an Internet connected device?
[12:42] Speaker 2: Yes? Absolutely? Absolutely?
[12:45] Speaker 1: Is accidental exposure more common than intentional seeking of explicit
[12:51] Speaker 1: content for primary age kids?
[12:53] Speaker 2: Yes, I believe so.
[12:54] Speaker 1: Elementary absolutely so, it's more often going to be accidental.
[12:58] Speaker 1: You've already answered this. One kind of filter or parental
[13:01] Speaker 1: control app replace the conversation. I think that's an easy no.
[13:04] Speaker 1: If your child tells you that they've seen pornography, the
[13:09] Speaker 1: first move should be to take the device away true
[13:11] Speaker 1: or false?
[13:12] Speaker 2: No, I think that's false. I think you have to
[13:15] Speaker 2: really think about it. The first move would be to
[13:18] Speaker 2: come up with a plan with the other spouse or
[13:22] Speaker 2: I mean you're the other parent, and not just yank
[13:26] Speaker 2: the device away.
[13:28] Speaker 1: Because you want to. But like I said before, get curious,
[13:31] Speaker 1: not furious. Okay, is it ever too late to start
[13:35] Speaker 1: these conversations. I'm sure that there are some parents who
[13:37] Speaker 1: are listening right now who know that they're fifteen year
[13:38] Speaker 1: old or the seveneen year old is using pornography regularly.
[13:43] Speaker 2: It's never too late to give your kids a defense.
[13:46] Speaker 2: It's never too late to educate them and persuade them.
[13:51] Speaker 2: It may be too late to get the first impression right,
[13:55] Speaker 2: but it's never too late to begin educating them. That's
[13:59] Speaker 2: just that's what parents do, and so to give them
[14:03] Speaker 2: a defense and a protection. I think those conversations can
[14:06] Speaker 2: be really interesting. And listen to your kids, especially if
[14:10] Speaker 2: they're older. Listen to them and engage in a conversation,
[14:14] Speaker 2: not just a lecture.
[14:16] Speaker 1: Okay, my last two questions before I give you the
[14:19] Speaker 1: final word. Should schools be teaching this or is it
[14:23] Speaker 1: a parent only job?
[14:26] Speaker 2: Well? I think parents should be first, for sure, But
[14:30] Speaker 2: schools have a duty of care if they have computers
[14:34] Speaker 2: and devices and chromebooks and such that they are issuing
[14:39] Speaker 2: to kids, but they won't teach the kids about what
[14:42] Speaker 2: is pornography? You know, what do you do if you
[14:45] Speaker 2: see it? What happens if you know? I believe they
[14:48] Speaker 2: have a duty of character.
[14:49] Speaker 1: Totally agree about it. Total agree. I think it's astonishing
[14:52] Speaker 1: that they say, well, we put the firewalls in place,
[14:54] Speaker 1: we put the security measures in place, and the kids
[14:55] Speaker 1: can't get access to it, and then it just becomes
[14:57] Speaker 1: a parent problem. I completely agree schools are complicit if
[15:01] Speaker 1: children are accessing explicit content on screens. I've got a
[15:05] Speaker 1: true a false question for you, and it's one that
[15:10] Speaker 1: I've been thinking about a lot as I've prepared for
[15:13] Speaker 1: our conversation today. True false. We as a society judge
[15:18] Speaker 1: a curious girl more harshly than a curious boy.
[15:23] Speaker 2: Absolutely, I think so, for sure. There's so much more shame.
[15:28] Speaker 2: And the girls that you know, look at pornography, they
[15:33] Speaker 2: bear often a greater burden of harm from the fallout
[15:38] Speaker 2: of pornography, not only with their relationships with boys, but
[15:42] Speaker 2: also the damage to their self esteem and their body
[15:48] Speaker 2: image and all of these things. So girls, I do
[15:52] Speaker 2: believe have get the worst of it, and that's why
[15:55] Speaker 2: they need to be warned and have their conversations their
[15:59] Speaker 2: own conversations about it.
[16:00] Speaker 1: Yeah, more shame and therefore more secretive, is what you're saying. Yes, Yes, Kristin,
[16:06] Speaker 1: you're doing incredible work in this area, and I really
[16:09] Speaker 1: hope that parents who have listened to this conversation will
[16:11] Speaker 1: consider jumping online and grabbing a copy of your book,
[16:15] Speaker 1: Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Guide for Girls. I presume it's
[16:18] Speaker 1: available anywhere online that people would normally go to get
[16:21] Speaker 1: their books.
[16:22] Speaker 2: Yeah, it's there in Australia on Amazon, and you can
[16:27] Speaker 2: also get it from Focus on Family Great Stuff.
[16:30] Speaker 1: Well, we'll link to it in the show notes so
[16:31] Speaker 1: people can find it nice and quick, nice and easy.
[16:34] Speaker 1: Grateful for your time. Thank you again for the work
[16:36] Speaker 1: that you do and for sharing your expertise with us today.
[16:38] Speaker 2: Thank you so much, and I hope your audience will
[16:40] Speaker 2: follow us on Instagram and Facebook at deafen Mains.
[16:44] Speaker 1: We'll link to that in the show notes as well.
[16:45] Speaker 1: Kristen Jensen is the founder of Defend Young Minds and
[16:49] Speaker 1: author of the best selling Good Pictures, Bad Pictures series.
[16:53] Speaker 1: For more information check the show notes. Also a big
[16:56] Speaker 1: thank you to Justin Roland, who produces the podcast, in
[16:58] Speaker 1: Mim Hammonds, who provides admin and other support. Details on
[17:03] Speaker 1: making your family happier other than the show notes and
[17:05] Speaker 1: defend young minds available at happy families dot com dot
[17:08] Speaker 1: au

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