# Justin & Kylie's 28th Anniversary

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 18 Mar 2026, 16 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/a67eb3b4-041d-4337-a0ba-b4020091ed60/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

What really keeps a marriage strong after nearly three decades? In this honest, funny, and surprisingly emotional anniversary episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the real lessons behind a lasting relationship—beyond the clichés. From choosing each other daily to letting go of the need to be right, this episode reveals the small mindset shifts that make the biggest difference. Plus… Kylie shares her very simple (and slightly controversial) formula for a happy marriage. KEY POINTS • Why love is a daily choice—not just a feeling • The truth about trying to change your partner • How your frustrations say more about you than them • Why “winning” arguments can cost your relationship • The simple habits that keep connection alive over time QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Don’t choose being right over being connected.” RESOURCES MENTIONED • The idea that 80% of what annoys you about your partner will never change • Relationship insight from Professor H. Wallace Goddard ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS • Choose your partner—intentionally—every single day • Swap criticism for gratitude (focus on the 80%) • Pause before reacting: “Is this my issue or theirs?” • Prioritise connection over winning small arguments • Schedule regular, simple time together (even 20 minutes counts) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: On The Happy Family's podcast. We love to celebrate everything family,
[0:08] Speaker 1: especially the really good stuff, and I'm so excited to announce. Announce.
[0:13] Speaker 1: Announce makes it feel very formal, Kylie. Tomorrow. The announcement
[0:17] Speaker 1: is you and I have been married for twenty eight years.
[0:25] Speaker 2: Tomorrow.
[0:26] Speaker 1: Yeah, tomorrow, the twentieth March. Twentieth March is tomorrow, Friday,
[0:30] Speaker 1: the twentieth March. We were literally married on a Friday
[0:32] Speaker 1: twenty eight years ago. And you are not looking very
[0:35] Speaker 1: good right now.
[0:37] Speaker 3: Okay, so either our lives are extremely busy, which they are,
[0:41] Speaker 3: or maybe my friend Perry's haven't you haven't.
[0:45] Speaker 1: Your friend very Yeah?
[0:48] Speaker 2: Yeah, she shows up a fair bit lately.
[0:51] Speaker 1: For those who haven't got the gag Peri Menophaus's. So
[0:55] Speaker 1: I've got a whole lot of ideas that I because
[1:00] Speaker 1: because it's our wedding anniversary tomorrow, I've put today's podcast together.
[1:04] Speaker 1: Tomorrow's a little bit of tomorrow on the podcast, which
[1:05] Speaker 1: means we're going to do normal programming tomorrow. And I
[1:07] Speaker 1: wanted to talk about the lessons that I've learned when
[1:11] Speaker 1: it comes to having a happy marriage, because I just,
[1:14] Speaker 1: unlike some people in this podcast studio right now, I
[1:17] Speaker 1: can't think of anything that I'd love to do more
[1:18] Speaker 1: than celebrate twenty eight years with the person.
[1:22] Speaker 2: You're so bad. I'm so bad, You're so bad.
[1:26] Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. That's coming up next to the five
[1:28] Speaker 1: biggest lessons that I've learned in the last twenty eight
[1:31] Speaker 1: years about how to have a successful marriage. I don't
[1:35] Speaker 1: know how this is going to go. Stay with us.
[1:39] Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions,
[1:43] Speaker 1: every single day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. During
[1:47] Speaker 1: the commercial break, we have had a quick conversation about
[1:50] Speaker 1: what an anniversary means. I've handed Kylie the script. We're
[1:54] Speaker 1: on board now. It is definitely our wedding anniversary tomorrow, twentieth.
[1:58] Speaker 1: Oh and you've got it wrong, twentieth of March, twenty
[2:01] Speaker 1: eight years.
[2:02] Speaker 3: I'm a bit confused because you have five lessons here,
[2:05] Speaker 3: but you've left the most important ones out.
[2:07] Speaker 1: Oh no, okay, Well, so what I'm going to do
[2:09] Speaker 1: is I'm going to whizz through these five lessons and
[2:12] Speaker 1: you can pick on me as much as you want
[2:13] Speaker 1: and tell me what I have missed, because that's the
[2:15] Speaker 1: important stuff. So here we go. I'm going to rock
[2:17] Speaker 1: it through them.
[2:18] Speaker 3: Let's could be the shortest podcast in the whole world
[2:20] Speaker 3: if you just let me share the two lessons that
[2:22] Speaker 3: you should have learned after twenty eight years of marriage.
[2:26] Speaker 1: It's the teas, it's the hark. You've got to hang
[2:28] Speaker 1: around for. Kylie's big two lessons that aren't in the
[2:30] Speaker 1: script that I have no idea what you're going to
[2:32] Speaker 1: do about. I've actually a bit nervous. Do you want
[2:34] Speaker 1: to do them? Straight up? Now? Come on, let's do
[2:36] Speaker 1: it now? No, come on, this is what happens after
[2:39] Speaker 1: for years.
[2:41] Speaker 2: Oh boy, Lesson number one? What have you learned?
[2:45] Speaker 1: You're so good. I'm really curious to know what you
[2:47] Speaker 1: think I should have put on this list. Let's number one.
[2:50] Speaker 1: We choose each other every day. That is something that
[2:54] Speaker 1: you have said again and again in conversations with me.
[2:57] Speaker 1: You're so grateful that I choose you every day, and likewise,
[3:01] Speaker 1: for me, every choice that we make to commit is
[3:05] Speaker 1: a choice to literally renounce the infinite alternatives that are
[3:08] Speaker 1: out there. It's like we've burnt the bridges. There's a ring,
[3:12] Speaker 1: and I think there's nothing else to think about, no
[3:14] Speaker 1: one else to think about. You can't have a fulfilling
[3:17] Speaker 1: relationship unless you close off any other possibility that you
[3:21] Speaker 1: would consider other options, you just fully commit. It's like, well, even.
[3:24] Speaker 2: If that other option is to walk away, Like literally,
[3:29] Speaker 2: it's an acknowledgment that no matter what we're going through,
[3:34] Speaker 2: we're here for the long haul, we're in this together,
[3:37] Speaker 2: and we're going to choose each other.
[3:40] Speaker 1: Quick caveat on that. If you're in a dangerous situation,
[3:43] Speaker 1: if there's an inappropriate level of control or force or
[3:47] Speaker 1: harm occurring, then all options should once get be on
[3:50] Speaker 1: the table, including being able to walk away. But clearly
[3:54] Speaker 1: that's not an issue here. After twenty eight years, the
[3:58] Speaker 1: happiest marriages and we've got some really good friends around
[4:01] Speaker 1: us who have been in delightful marriages for just as long,
[4:04] Speaker 1: if not longer. They haven't found quite unquote the perfect partner,
[4:07] Speaker 1: because the perfect partner doesn't exist. They're the ones where
[4:10] Speaker 1: people decided that this was the person. They closed the
[4:14] Speaker 1: door on any other options, They burnt the boats, there's
[4:17] Speaker 1: no going back, and they poured everything into that one
[4:19] Speaker 1: relationship prerequisite for fulfillment. Just so so grateful for the
[4:23] Speaker 1: choice that I made, not interested in any other choices
[4:25] Speaker 1: that I could have made I.
[4:26] Speaker 3: Guess we were going to put a KB on it.
[4:29] Speaker 3: It's finding that the one person who's willing to choose you,
[4:32] Speaker 3: because without that joint decision process, you can choose someone
[4:38] Speaker 3: every day of the week, but if they don't choose
[4:40] Speaker 3: you back, then.
[4:42] Speaker 2: Life is hard.
[4:43] Speaker 1: Well, we're dating. I remember saying to you, I just
[4:45] Speaker 1: want to find somebody who will love me as much
[4:47] Speaker 1: as I love them. That's it. So long as that's there,
[4:52] Speaker 1: we're going to be okay because I know that once
[4:54] Speaker 1: I choose somebody and on they be committed. And I'm
[4:57] Speaker 1: grateful that I found you twenty eight years marriage. My
[4:59] Speaker 1: second big lesson misappy families is this, we need to
[5:02] Speaker 1: accept the person that we're with for who they are.
[5:07] Speaker 1: There's no value in trying to change that person.
[5:11] Speaker 3: I love the research that got mean did behind all
[5:13] Speaker 3: of this. Yeah, he says that eighty percent of what
[5:17] Speaker 3: you don't like about your spouse drum roll, drum roll,
[5:23] Speaker 3: you will never change. Boom therapy won't remove it, nagging
[5:28] Speaker 3: will harden it. It will be there forever.
[5:32] Speaker 1: Yeah, And so early on in our relationship, I thought
[5:37] Speaker 1: that my job was to fix you so that you
[5:40] Speaker 1: could be in the image of me. You could do
[5:42] Speaker 1: the stuff that you could, stop doing the stuff that
[5:44] Speaker 1: annoyed me, and start doing all of the stuff that
[5:45] Speaker 1: I liked. But what we've discovered is that the twenty
[5:48] Speaker 1: percent of stuff that has always bothered me about you
[5:51] Speaker 1: has always bothered me about you. I still get annoyed
[5:53] Speaker 1: about the same stuff now that I did twenty eight
[5:57] Speaker 1: years ago, and you do me as well. You're looking
[6:00] Speaker 1: at me like there's nothing that I ever do that
[6:01] Speaker 1: annoys you. You're looking confused right now.
[6:03] Speaker 2: Yeah, what do I do that.
[6:05] Speaker 1: We're not going to do that on the podcast. We're
[6:07] Speaker 1: not going there at all. But what I will say
[6:09] Speaker 1: is that you would like me to work less. You
[6:12] Speaker 1: want me to slow down. But that's not who I am.
[6:15] Speaker 1: It's not who I ever was, and it is not
[6:17] Speaker 1: who I will ever be. And if I did slow down,
[6:21] Speaker 1: I would cease to be me and I'd probably be
[6:23] Speaker 1: a lot less likable. You wouldn't like me as much
[6:26] Speaker 1: because I'd be around frustrated. So the choice is that
[6:32] Speaker 1: we can spend twenty eight years frustrated. I'll spend twenty
[6:35] Speaker 1: eight years grateful for the eighty percent. It's incredible, and
[6:38] Speaker 1: you and I choose gratitude.
[6:40] Speaker 2: I'm so grateful for my sense of humor.
[6:44] Speaker 1: Do you want a third one? I'm going to do
[6:46] Speaker 1: the third one.
[6:47] Speaker 2: What's the number three? Honey?
[6:48] Speaker 1: What have you learned when you are irritated by your
[6:51] Speaker 1: spouse or partner's behavior, That is your character flaw, not theirs.
[6:54] Speaker 1: This is a pickup on number two. As I was
[6:56] Speaker 1: thinking about I thought, oh, this is really two points,
[6:58] Speaker 1: not one. And I got this one of my friends
[7:01] Speaker 1: and mentors, one of our friends and mentors, Professor H.
[7:04] Speaker 1: Wallace Goddard. So the example that he gives is that
[7:07] Speaker 1: he hates clutter on the kitchen counter, but his wife,
[7:12] Speaker 1: his wonderful wife, Nancy, doesn't really mind at all if
[7:15] Speaker 1: the kitchen counter is cluttered.
[7:18] Speaker 2: And I'm laughing because I can literally hear whalle he's
[7:21] Speaker 2: saying this.
[7:22] Speaker 1: I can hear so politely and so gently and so
[7:25] Speaker 1: lovingly the words Nancy saying, but Nancy, why do we
[7:28] Speaker 1: need all this here? And what he said was, this
[7:34] Speaker 1: is my problem. This is not Nancy's problem. This is
[7:37] Speaker 1: my problem. I have to realize that my preference for
[7:40] Speaker 1: a clean counter doesn't make me right, it makes me inflexible.
[7:47] Speaker 2: That's such a powerful lesson, and I think that one
[7:50] Speaker 2: lesson yeah, could literally turn the table on so many
[7:55] Speaker 2: challenged relationships.
[7:56] Speaker 1: The only thing that I would say that doesn't count
[7:58] Speaker 1: for is digital media and the way that that interferes
[8:03] Speaker 1: with the relationship. So we found that it's really helpful
[8:06] Speaker 1: to say to one another, I'm going to be on
[8:08] Speaker 1: the phone for the next X number of minutes, and
[8:10] Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing. So we communicate with each
[8:12] Speaker 1: other to explain our emotional and psychological absence. If we
[8:18] Speaker 1: don't do that, we do tend to get annoyed because
[8:20] Speaker 1: it feels like we're blocking or ignoring the other person.
[8:23] Speaker 1: But when you do something that drives me crazy, ninety
[8:27] Speaker 1: nine percent of the time, it's my problem, not yours.
[8:30] Speaker 1: Sometimes it is right, but it is your problem. It's
[8:34] Speaker 1: my patience, is my rigidity, it's my need for.
[8:37] Speaker 2: Commisisve said the were five, So what's number four?
[8:40] Speaker 1: So the person who needs to change most is almost
[8:42] Speaker 1: always me Number four. I can do this one really quickly.
[8:45] Speaker 1: Choose connection over being right. My whole thing is that
[8:50] Speaker 1: I can win the argument and lose you, or I
[8:53] Speaker 1: can choose connection, And ninety nine percent of the time,
[8:55] Speaker 1: here we go again, connection matters more than being right.
[8:58] Speaker 1: I'd rather be married than be right. I'd much rather apologize.
[9:01] Speaker 1: I'd much rather you just think that I'm wrong and
[9:03] Speaker 1: me know that I'm right. But have you think that
[9:05] Speaker 1: I'm wrong? But have you satisfied that I'm satisfied that
[9:08] Speaker 1: you know that I'm sorry that we're having a fight
[9:11] Speaker 1: or an argument or a disagreement? Is this working? Is
[9:16] Speaker 1: this the worst podcast we've ever done? Are are you
[9:18] Speaker 1: enjoying this?
[9:20] Speaker 2: I think it's hilarious.
[9:21] Speaker 1: And the last one is the relationship is the priority.
[9:24] Speaker 1: The relationship is the priority, which kind of sounds like
[9:27] Speaker 1: number one. I've kind of gone full circle. But as
[9:29] Speaker 1: I was writing and I was like, eh, choosing each
[9:32] Speaker 1: other every day is slightly different than saying the relationship
[9:35] Speaker 1: is the priority. So you and I go for our
[9:37] Speaker 1: quarterly getaways. We just had our quarterly getaway two nights
[9:40] Speaker 1: away at the start of this week. We disappeared on
[9:43] Speaker 1: Sunday night and Monday night. We had our ten thousand
[9:47] Speaker 1: day anniversary last August. I calculated how many days we've
[9:51] Speaker 1: been married. It was ten thousand days, and we went
[9:53] Speaker 1: in a hot air balloon. We do date nights. We
[9:56] Speaker 1: do yo yo knights. Where the kids. We say to
[9:57] Speaker 1: the kids, you're on your own because Mum and I
[10:00] Speaker 1: not looking after you. You're responsible for you. It only
[10:03] Speaker 1: works with big kids. You can't do it with two
[10:04] Speaker 1: year olds going to the shops, going for a walk together,
[10:08] Speaker 1: being interested, checking in, turning off the phone. The relationship
[10:12] Speaker 1: is the priority. So there my top five relationship lessons
[10:15] Speaker 1: after the break. I don't know where this is going
[10:17] Speaker 1: to go, but missus Happy Families has heard big two
[10:19] Speaker 1: things for how we've survived and thrived and been delighted
[10:22] Speaker 1: with the last twenty eight years. Stay with us, We're back.
[10:32] Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast, Real parenting solutions every single
[10:35] Speaker 1: day and Australa's most downloaded parenting podcast. This is not
[10:38] Speaker 1: in the script. I have no idea where you're going.
[10:40] Speaker 1: What are your two big important lessons that everybody needs
[10:44] Speaker 1: to know about a happy marriage? And why are you laughing?
[10:48] Speaker 2: There's only two words, my honey. I'll get these things.
[10:52] Speaker 2: You get these two words right and your life will
[10:55] Speaker 2: be happy.
[10:58] Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Yes, dear, are you actually going there? That's
[11:03] Speaker 1: where you're going? Like the nineteen seventies joke, the joke
[11:08] Speaker 1: that our parents used to tell, yes, dear, that's your
[11:11] Speaker 1: marriage advice. Are you serious?
[11:13] Speaker 2: Happy wife, happy life? That is.
[11:17] Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. I feel like we've just transported back
[11:20] Speaker 1: fifty years. I've gone through, all I've gone to, all
[11:23] Speaker 1: this effort, I've put together this incredible list. You forgot
[11:26] Speaker 1: that it was our wedding anniversary tomorrow, and now you're
[11:29] Speaker 1: saying yes dear and happy life, happy life, And you
[11:34] Speaker 1: know the hardest thing. You're absolutely right.
[11:43] Speaker 2: I know I'm making light of it, but was that really.
[11:45] Speaker 1: What you were thinking the whole way through? Or have
[11:47] Speaker 1: you got something that you wrote the words down at
[11:49] Speaker 1: the start? Oh my goodness. So just behind the curtain
[11:53] Speaker 1: with a Happy Family's podcast, you can see who does
[11:56] Speaker 1: the prep and who walks in. Waltz is in and
[11:58] Speaker 1: says what are we talking about today? What's on the
[12:01] Speaker 1: agenda today? And gets paid the big bucks for it too?
[12:05] Speaker 1: And did you know when we're When we're out and
[12:07] Speaker 1: people meet us, people will usually recognize me from the
[12:09] Speaker 1: TV or something like that. But then I'll say, is
[12:13] Speaker 1: this missus Happy Family? Is this is this Kylie? And
[12:15] Speaker 1: people will say, I listened to Kylie on the podcast. Kylie,
[12:18] Speaker 1: you are my favorite I love you. You are just
[12:20] Speaker 1: amazing like people. People think that I'm helpful, but people
[12:24] Speaker 1: love you and he yes, dear happy wife, happy life,
[12:29] Speaker 1: happy aniversary.
[12:32] Speaker 2: Are you going to souk now? Do we need to
[12:34] Speaker 2: play your themes?
[12:34] Speaker 1: No?
[12:36] Speaker 3: Don't you dare.
[12:42] Speaker 2: Something?
[12:43] Speaker 1: But thank you Ja for I'm not a sor I'm
[12:48] Speaker 1: not a s This has become a running gag in
[12:51] Speaker 1: our family and it's hurting my heart. I fel like
[12:57] Speaker 1: I'm having a sook about not being a souk. We
[13:00] Speaker 1: need to wrap this up.
[13:01] Speaker 2: I know we've been making light of things, and.
[13:05] Speaker 1: Who's been making things. I've taken these really seriously. I
[13:07] Speaker 1: had five good things on my list.
[13:09] Speaker 3: I forgot the two most important ones. But as I
[13:14] Speaker 3: think back on the last twenty eight years of marriage
[13:17] Speaker 3: and the lessons that we've learnched together, the one that
[13:25] Speaker 3: has blessed our lives undeniably is our willingness to choose
[13:32] Speaker 3: each other every day. You talked about number five and
[13:35] Speaker 3: just the acknowledgment about making the relationship the priority. It
[13:41] Speaker 3: can be really really easy in the busy, running and
[13:47] Speaker 3: monotony of family life that we think we're choosing each
[13:50] Speaker 3: other because we're doing it together. We've got our own roles,
[13:55] Speaker 3: and we're kind of keeping the cogs turning in the family.
[14:00] Speaker 3: But that's different to actually choosing each other and making
[14:05] Speaker 3: the relationship a priority, actually making time to be together,
[14:10] Speaker 3: not because we're in bed, scrolling next to each other
[14:13] Speaker 3: with our phones, or even even sitting down and watching
[14:15] Speaker 3: the TV while we're sharing the activity.
[14:20] Speaker 1: Connect Yes, feeling seen herd valued, accepted, feeling validated, feeling
[14:24] Speaker 1: like a matter in your life, not just sharing space.
[14:28] Speaker 2: Yeah, and there was definitely a lot of years, especially
[14:30] Speaker 2: when the kids were younger, where we didn't have the
[14:32] Speaker 2: opportunity to, you know, take ourselves out of the home
[14:38] Speaker 2: and spend time together without a child or children, you know,
[14:43] Speaker 2: kind of attached to us, and.
[14:44] Speaker 1: We couldn't afford babysitters, and we couldn't afford babysitters.
[14:47] Speaker 2: But we actually got to a point where we recognized
[14:52] Speaker 2: just how depleted our relationship had gotten too because we
[14:57] Speaker 2: hadn't had that opportunity. We hadn't made the effort or
[15:01] Speaker 2: the sacrifice needed to make that a priority. And the
[15:05] Speaker 2: greatest blessing that has come into our lives as a
[15:08] Speaker 2: result of that learning was making it a priority. So
[15:12] Speaker 2: whatever it looks like to you just taking the opportunity
[15:16] Speaker 2: to if it's go for a walk around the neighborhood
[15:18] Speaker 2: for twenty minutes every night, or making sure you just
[15:23] Speaker 2: have some cuddle time before you actually close your eyes,
[15:25] Speaker 2: have a chat, connect, talk about the things that you're
[15:27] Speaker 2: grateful for today, or what's your biggest worry.
[15:31] Speaker 1: We'll just touch it, touch on corridor, right like, just
[15:34] Speaker 1: acknowledge each other.
[15:35] Speaker 3: Those things make such a difference to feeling valued, seen
[15:38] Speaker 3: and heard in any relationship. And I'm so grateful that
[15:42] Speaker 3: we have had twenty eight years to learn some very
[15:45] Speaker 3: valuable lessons that continue to bring joy and delight into
[15:51] Speaker 3: our lives.
[15:52] Speaker 1: And I can't wait to surprise you tomorrow for the
[15:54] Speaker 1: wedding anniversary. You didn't know we were happy.
[16:01] Speaker 2: You're so slack.
[16:02] Speaker 1: How good is that? The Happy Families podcast is produced
[16:06] Speaker 1: by Justin Rouland from Bridge Media. Mmahammonds provides additional support
[16:10] Speaker 1: for the pod, and if you like more info to
[16:12] Speaker 1: make your family happier, visit us at happy families dot
[16:15] Speaker 1: com dot a

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