# The Hidden Cost of Tracking Your Kids

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 15 Feb 2026, 12 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/015fe60f-a136-4d12-a101-b3ea017da371/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

We tell ourselves it’s about safety. But what if tracking our kids is quietly costing them confidence, independence… and trust? With apps like Life360 becoming the norm, many parents are asking: Are we protecting our children — or projecting our anxiety onto them? In this episode, we unpack what constant monitoring does to developing autonomy, whether location-sharing normalises surveillance, and how to balance safety with healthy independence. If you’ve ever checked the app “just in case,” this conversation might change how you see it. KEY POINTS • Why over-monitoring may increase anxiety — for parents and kids • The developmental cost of constant surveillance • How tracking impacts trust, autonomy, and competence • When location sharing can work — and when it crosses a line • The difference between safety conversations and safety control QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “When parents outsource their anxiety management to technology, children pay the developmental price.” RESOURCES • Lenore Skenazy – Free-Range Kids • Let Grow movement • Claire Rowe (psychologist & parenting writer) • Should We Be Tracking Our Kids? \[Article\] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS • Ask yourself: Is this about safety — or my anxiety? • Replace monitoring with problem-solving conversations. • Gradually expand your child’s freedom in age-appropriate ways. • If using location sharing, make it mutual and transparent. • Focus on teaching capability, not controlling outcomes. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:06] Speaker 1: To what degree should we be monitoring our children? How
[0:09] Speaker 1: much should we be tracking them, watching where they are,
[0:14] Speaker 1: keeping a close eye on them just in case they
[0:17] Speaker 1: get into trouble? Is tracking kids healthy or unhealthy surveillance?
[0:24] Speaker 1: Today on the Happy Families podcast, we unpack the degree
[0:27] Speaker 1: to which we should be flying the drone over their
[0:30] Speaker 1: head as they walk to school, keeping an eye on
[0:33] Speaker 1: them to keep them safe.
[0:34] Speaker 2: Stay with us goday.
[0:38] Speaker 1: Welcome to the Happy Family's podcast, where you get real
[0:40] Speaker 1: parenting solutions every single day. This is Australia's most.
[0:43] Speaker 2: Downloaded parenting podcast.
[0:45] Speaker 1: We adjusted and Kylie corson Parents of six Children.
[0:48] Speaker 2: I'm the writer author of what Is It?
[0:50] Speaker 1: Ten or eleven books about raising a happy family, and
[0:53] Speaker 1: we received this question from Loretta that sparked our curiosity.
[0:58] Speaker 3: Hi, I was wondering if you could have a discussion
[1:01] Speaker 3: around apps such as Life through sixty and some of
[1:05] Speaker 3: the implications around their use. I understand most parents would
[1:10] Speaker 3: use these apps with great intentions, innocently and for safety,
[1:15] Speaker 3: particularly when their kids and teens start using public transport.
[1:20] Speaker 3: But I guess my concern is twofold is how that
[1:24] Speaker 3: impacts the developing autonomy and that transition from dependence to
[1:29] Speaker 3: independence where it kind of seems like the parent is
[1:32] Speaker 3: letting go and allowing that adolescence to have that freedom
[1:36] Speaker 3: and autonomy, but in reality they're not because they're actually
[1:39] Speaker 3: tracking their every move and they can use that for
[1:44] Speaker 3: punishment like why did you go and stop at this cafe?
[1:47] Speaker 3: And the other thing is is it normalizing tracking and stalking.
[1:52] Speaker 4: Both to say to kids that it's okay to track
[1:55] Speaker 4: or stalk someone and it's okay to be tracked or stalk.
[2:00] Speaker 4: What does that do for our future adults and our
[2:04] Speaker 4: future relationships, but also in families where they might already
[2:09] Speaker 4: be control and behavior and some domestic abuse and even violence.
[2:15] Speaker 4: Does this reinforce that? And is it safe?
[2:21] Speaker 5: Okay? So I'm just going to put it out there. Yeah,
[2:23] Speaker 5: I don't even know what these apps are. I've never
[2:26] Speaker 5: heard of them. So I why are you laughing at me?
[2:29] Speaker 1: Because I get emails pretty regularly from people from organizations.
[2:34] Speaker 1: I don't know if I've had one from this specific
[2:36] Speaker 1: one that Loretta's referencing, but I'm often asked to be
[2:40] Speaker 1: an ambassador for a variety of these tracking apps, these
[2:43] Speaker 1: surveillance apps. These apps are out there to basically take
[2:47] Speaker 1: your money so that you can keep an eye on
[2:49] Speaker 1: your children wherever they are.
[2:50] Speaker 5: So we have a stalker in our home.
[2:53] Speaker 2: Our eldest daughter.
[2:54] Speaker 1: Seriously, she'll give us a phone call and she's like, so,
[2:57] Speaker 1: what are you doing at such and such at the moment,
[2:59] Speaker 1: And we're like, oh, my goodness, because we've we've got
[3:01] Speaker 1: the Apple connectivity thing, and she's got the fine mind.
[3:03] Speaker 1: She knows where we are. It's like, I got to
[3:06] Speaker 1: switch this off.
[3:06] Speaker 5: This is the same kid who actually got into my
[3:09] Speaker 5: phone as a sixteen year old and turned off her
[3:12] Speaker 5: location so that we did not know so we couldn't
[3:15] Speaker 5: find her.
[3:16] Speaker 1: Let's talk about Loretta's question. We're not going to spend
[3:18] Speaker 1: ages on this. It's pretty simple. There's a reason that
[3:20] Speaker 1: I say no every time I'm asked to be an
[3:21] Speaker 1: ambassador for a new app that stalks your kids, because
[3:24] Speaker 1: stalking your children is an inappropriate form of control. It's unnecessary,
[3:29] Speaker 1: it's not healthy for them, and frankly, it's not healthy
[3:32] Speaker 1: for you. We are the most stressed out, most most
[3:36] Speaker 1: anxious parents in the history of the world, well at
[3:40] Speaker 1: least since we've been recording anxiety in parenting, and our
[3:42] Speaker 1: children are the most stressed out, anxious children because they
[3:46] Speaker 1: are being overparented.
[3:47] Speaker 5: So I'm going to stop you there, right because I
[3:49] Speaker 5: think that the whole wording around tracking and stalking our
[3:53] Speaker 5: children has a really really negative connotation.
[3:56] Speaker 2: I am being inflammatory, and.
[3:59] Speaker 5: Obviously there are going to be some people who are
[4:01] Speaker 5: doing that. But we share our location as a family,
[4:06] Speaker 5: so we know where each other are and it literally
[4:10] Speaker 5: is there for oh, she said she was going to
[4:12] Speaker 5: be home an hour ago. I'm just checking how close
[4:15] Speaker 5: she is to the house, and depending on where she is,
[4:18] Speaker 5: we might give her a quick phone call and just say, hey,
[4:20] Speaker 5: it looks like you're still in Cabulja. We were going
[4:22] Speaker 5: to leave. Like it's not a But this is for.
[4:25] Speaker 1: Our adult kids, right, and they've all got the opt
[4:27] Speaker 1: in option.
[4:28] Speaker 2: So one of our kids has not opted in.
[4:30] Speaker 1: She hasn't unless she has an I don't know, but.
[4:32] Speaker 2: I have bother checking.
[4:34] Speaker 1: It's really like, oh, hang on, I was expecting.
[4:37] Speaker 5: It's their big sister. She's the stalker. She's the one
[4:40] Speaker 5: who checks in.
[4:41] Speaker 1: Basically, here's the situation. We are told relentlessly, I mean
[4:46] Speaker 1: absolutely unequivocally, the danger is everywhere, and the childhood is fragile,
[4:51] Speaker 1: and that if we do not know where our children
[4:53] Speaker 1: are at all times, that we are abrogating our responsibility
[4:55] Speaker 1: as parents, that we're totally.
[4:57] Speaker 2: Getting this wrong. The world is dangerous out.
[5:01] Speaker 1: Well, if you're watching the news or if you're on
[5:03] Speaker 1: social but I don't, that's right, you don't. I've got
[5:08] Speaker 1: a colleague by the name of Claire Row. She's a
[5:10] Speaker 1: psychologist and she writes for some of the papers, and
[5:13] Speaker 1: a little while ago she wrote this. She said, when
[5:14] Speaker 1: parents outsource their anxiety management to technology, children pay the
[5:19] Speaker 1: developmental price. When we outsource our anxiety management to technology,
[5:23] Speaker 1: it's our children that pay the developmental price because when
[5:27] Speaker 1: they're constantly monitored, they learn that they're not trusted and
[5:31] Speaker 1: therefore they don't.
[5:33] Speaker 5: But they themselves they also learned to outsmart you, right,
[5:39] Speaker 5: So they if they know their privacy, if they know
[5:41] Speaker 5: that you're tracking them, then they leave their phone where
[5:43] Speaker 5: they say they're going to be and they disappear, or
[5:46] Speaker 5: do you know what I mean? Like, kids are so
[5:48] Speaker 5: switched on. If they want to find a loop in
[5:51] Speaker 5: the system, they're going to find a loophole.
[5:53] Speaker 1: So Loretta's comments cut to the very core of my
[5:56] Speaker 1: issues and the reason that I have not taken the
[5:58] Speaker 1: money from any of these companies, even though they've offered
[5:59] Speaker 1: it to me. And the reason I won't be an
[6:01] Speaker 1: ambassador for any of them, and that is because it's
[6:05] Speaker 1: developmentally appropriate that our children learn how to leave the
[6:08] Speaker 1: nest and not be monitored, and not be tracked and
[6:10] Speaker 1: not have surveillance.
[6:12] Speaker 2: We can use fun.
[6:13] Speaker 5: Worth if they're going to get in trouble, they can
[6:15] Speaker 5: call well.
[6:15] Speaker 1: I mean, I don't even think they need a phone.
[6:17] Speaker 1: It's not developmentally inappropriate to let your seven year old
[6:21] Speaker 1: go for a bike ride around the block, or to
[6:23] Speaker 1: let your nine year old go and hang out of
[6:25] Speaker 1: the park for an hour with their friend. It's not
[6:27] Speaker 1: developmentally inappropriate to let your twelve year old go to
[6:31] Speaker 1: the shops.
[6:31] Speaker 2: It's not developmentally.
[6:32] Speaker 1: Inappropriate to let your four year old go into the
[6:35] Speaker 1: next aisle and get the peanut butter that they like
[6:38] Speaker 1: and then bring it back to you in the supermarket,
[6:40] Speaker 1: or go and get an apple that they can eat
[6:42] Speaker 1: from the fruit and vegile like. These things are developmentally inappropriate.
[6:46] Speaker 1: We want our kids to be able to use public
[6:47] Speaker 1: transport and navigate the world. And we keep on saying, oh,
[6:51] Speaker 1: but I've got to keep them safe because we buy
[6:53] Speaker 1: this lie that the world is actually that unsafe. It's
[6:58] Speaker 1: not break Let's talk about the developmental realities and what
[7:02] Speaker 1: these apps are doing.
[7:11] Speaker 2: We're back.
[7:11] Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. Should we be surveiling our kids?
[7:14] Speaker 1: Should we be tracking them? Should they know that we
[7:17] Speaker 1: know where they are at all times? I don't think so.
[7:21] Speaker 1: The short version is I don't think so. We need
[7:23] Speaker 1: to cut that umbilical cord. Research tells us, and has
[7:27] Speaker 1: done now for several decades, that the whole idea of
[7:31] Speaker 1: helping our children grow up is that they're trying to
[7:33] Speaker 1: learn how to handle the world. They become confident and
[7:38] Speaker 1: competent when they're allowed to go and explore and stretch
[7:41] Speaker 1: their boundaries further and further. That doesn't mean that we
[7:44] Speaker 1: just say, hey, kids, go.
[7:45] Speaker 5: Explore now, that's FAFO parenting.
[7:48] Speaker 1: Our approach has very much been if you want to
[7:51] Speaker 1: go and do this thing, let's talk about how you
[7:53] Speaker 1: can be safe. Let's talk about what you would do
[7:56] Speaker 1: if anything came up. Recently in our neighborhood, we were
[8:00] Speaker 1: approached by somebody who had appropriate knowledge that let us
[8:05] Speaker 1: know that there was somebody who had been a concern
[8:08] Speaker 1: a public safety concern in our neighborhood, and they approached
[8:12] Speaker 1: us to let us know about that because they knew
[8:13] Speaker 1: that we had a daughter who is set. He is
[8:16] Speaker 1: young and walks the dog for us a couple of
[8:18] Speaker 1: times a day and rome's the streets and they're like,
[8:20] Speaker 1: do you know what's going on up there? And we
[8:23] Speaker 1: said no, we hadn't heard. But that gave us a
[8:25] Speaker 1: perfect opportunity to sit down with our daughter and say, Hey,
[8:27] Speaker 1: there is somebody who is out there in our neighborhood
[8:30] Speaker 1: who may not always be safe. This is the person
[8:32] Speaker 1: that we're looking for, but it could be anybody because
[8:34] Speaker 1: there are other people who may also be unsafe. What
[8:37] Speaker 1: are the strategies that you need to know so that
[8:39] Speaker 1: you can be safe in case something happens?
[8:42] Speaker 2: And it worked.
[8:43] Speaker 1: I love the conversation we had with Lenorskanazzi, the World's
[8:46] Speaker 1: worst mum, now in charge of Free Range Kids, who's
[8:51] Speaker 1: or let grow Sorry. Her book Free Range Kids was
[8:53] Speaker 1: a New York Times bestseller. Who let her nine year
[8:56] Speaker 1: old son ride the subway a couple of stops home,
[8:59] Speaker 1: I mean New York City subway. It's not exactly the
[9:01] Speaker 1: safest place nine year old boy on his own kind
[9:03] Speaker 1: of scary.
[9:04] Speaker 2: She got absolutely.
[9:05] Speaker 1: Scared, and you were with me.
[9:08] Speaker 2: And our family.
[9:10] Speaker 5: And I won't say how old I was.
[9:13] Speaker 1: So this is a long way of saying, already, you're
[9:15] Speaker 1: right to be concerned about it. I don't think that
[9:17] Speaker 1: monitoring is healthy or safe or appropriate.
[9:20] Speaker 5: Can you tell our door to that?
[9:23] Speaker 1: But if you are going to do it, if you
[9:26] Speaker 1: are going to do it, the best way to do
[9:28] Speaker 1: it is to sit down with the kids and say,
[9:29] Speaker 1: here's what we'd like to do, here's why we'd like
[9:32] Speaker 1: to do it.
[9:32] Speaker 2: How do you feel about it?
[9:34] Speaker 1: And when everyone buys into it and they know that
[9:36] Speaker 1: this is not about a crazy safety thing but it's
[9:38] Speaker 1: really just about a convenience thing, go for it.
[9:41] Speaker 5: And well, I guess the one cave that I would
[9:44] Speaker 5: share in relation to how we do it in our
[9:46] Speaker 5: home is you and I share our location as well,
[9:49] Speaker 5: so it's not it's not a one sided no, We're
[9:53] Speaker 5: all involved in And.
[9:54] Speaker 1: I'll tell you why we actually do this. We do
[9:57] Speaker 1: it because it's really annoying when I'm driving home and
[10:00] Speaker 1: I'm three minutes from home and I'm listening to a
[10:02] Speaker 1: really great podcast and I know it's only got five
[10:04] Speaker 1: minutes to go, and I'm thinking, I think I can
[10:06] Speaker 1: probably listen to the whole thing. You can get a
[10:07] Speaker 1: phone and I get a phone call.
[10:08] Speaker 2: How far away are you?
[10:09] Speaker 5: Where are you?
[10:10] Speaker 2: Look at the app?
[10:11] Speaker 1: I'm just around the corner, don't my podcast?
[10:14] Speaker 5: But not only that, because you travel a lot, for
[10:18] Speaker 5: each of us, it's actually just nice to check in
[10:20] Speaker 5: and go, oh, that's where Dad is. It just feels
[10:22] Speaker 5: like you're still part of us. So for us, it's
[10:27] Speaker 5: actually a really positive In spite of our elder daughter
[10:30] Speaker 5: who likes to check in.
[10:31] Speaker 1: I got a phone call from her the other day
[10:33] Speaker 1: and she goes, Dad, I was driving along. For those
[10:35] Speaker 1: who know the Sunshine Coast, I was driving along Kouanaway
[10:37] Speaker 1: past the home Makers Center. She goes, hey, Dad, what
[10:39] Speaker 1: are you doing driving past the Home Makers Center on Kuanaway?
[10:42] Speaker 1: And I was listening to a podcast. And I was
[10:44] Speaker 1: pretty annoyed that she'd rung me because I was right
[10:46] Speaker 1: in the middle of something that was really interesting. And
[10:47] Speaker 1: I'm like, seriously, why are you always stalking me? And
[10:52] Speaker 1: she goes, no, I'm not stalking you.
[10:54] Speaker 2: Look left.
[10:56] Speaker 1: She was out and about doing some errands and she
[10:58] Speaker 1: was literally in the car beside me, moving along the
[11:00] Speaker 1: two lane road, and I was like, now I a
[11:03] Speaker 1: you an apology And I felt really special that she
[11:05] Speaker 1: wanted to call me hi because she was driving beside me.
[11:09] Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Roland from
[11:11] Speaker 1: Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds provides additional admin and other support.
[11:15] Speaker 1: If you'd like to ask us a question, send us
[11:17] Speaker 1: a voice. Note podcasts at happy families dot com dot
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