# "That's Going to End Up On Your Hips"

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 7 Jun 2026, 15 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/8ac25b0c-31a3-4400-a81b-b45c000c62bf/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

A stranger in a bakery made one comment about a young girl’s body — and it sparked a conversation every parent needs to hear. When should we speak up? When should we walk away? And how do we help our kids build confidence in a world where careless comments about appearance are still far too common? In this powerful episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the viral bakery confrontation that divided the internet, explore the lasting impact of body-shaming comments, and share practical ways parents can help children become resilient, self-aware, and emotionally strong. They also dive into healthy masculinity, raising respectful boys, and the simple lesson every child should learn about commenting on other people’s bodies. KEY POINTS: • Why comments about kids’ bodies can leave lasting emotional scars • The difference between reacting publicly and protecting your peace • How to teach children resilience without dismissing their feelings • The “30-second rule” for commenting on appearance • What healthy masculinity really looks like • How to help daughters identify respectful relationships and red flags • Using difficult moments as powerful teaching opportunities QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Healthy men help the people around them feel safer and stronger.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: • Boys: Building Strong Young Men From the Inside Out by Dr Justin Coulson • Happy Families podcast • News.com.au article discussed in the episode ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: • Teach children that other people’s opinions do not define their worth • Model respectful language about bodies and appearance • Use difficult social moments as teaching opportunities, not panic moments • Encourage kids to notice how people make them feel: safer and stronger, or smaller and ashamed • Remind children they never need to tolerate disrespect to be accepted See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: You're in the bakery with your daughter. She's buying I
[0:08] Speaker 1: don't know, maybe a Lamington, maybe it's a sausage role
[0:11] Speaker 1: with some extra sauce, and then some random guy in
[0:17] Speaker 1: the back of the bakery, a customer looks across at
[0:20] Speaker 1: your daughter and says, geez, that's going to go straight
[0:24] Speaker 1: to your hips. I wish that I was making this up,
[0:28] Speaker 1: but it's true. A few weeks ago, on news dot
[0:32] Speaker 1: com dot au, Eleanor Wickland shared the moment that a
[0:36] Speaker 1: mum filmed the confrontation she had with the man who
[0:40] Speaker 1: made that completely inappropriate comment. After the break, we're going
[0:44] Speaker 1: to talk about what happened, how it happened, why it happened,
[0:46] Speaker 1: and what we can do to help our kids to
[0:48] Speaker 1: be resilient in the face of a society where some
[0:51] Speaker 1: people just don't know what appropriate boundaries are. I think
[0:54] Speaker 1: this is a conversation that anyone who's raising daughters who
[0:56] Speaker 1: care about how they look or sons who might make
[0:59] Speaker 1: in appropriate comme frankly, even daughters who might make in
[1:02] Speaker 1: appropriate comments, needs to listen to. That's next stay with us. Hello,
[1:08] Speaker 1: Welcome to The Happy Family's podcast, where you get real
[1:10] Speaker 1: parenting solutions. Every single day. This is Australia's most downloaded
[1:14] Speaker 1: parenting podcast, Kylie. Just a few weeks ago, Eleanor Wickland
[1:18] Speaker 1: wrote an article for news dot com dot You about
[1:22] Speaker 1: something that happened that went viral on social media. As
[1:25] Speaker 1: social media does tend to blow these kinds of things up.
[1:28] Speaker 1: Sue of Victorian mother shared the tense footage on her
[1:30] Speaker 1: Instagram account, showing the moment she confronted the stranger outside
[1:34] Speaker 1: a shop in the seaside town of Torque. The man
[1:37] Speaker 1: was wearing a blue and yellow shirt that appears to
[1:40] Speaker 1: be a uniform. And here is what happened.
[1:43] Speaker 2: Is there a problem? Is there a problem with you?
[1:47] Speaker 1: You're not going to make any more comments about young
[1:49] Speaker 1: girls bodies while they're in a shop buying food.
[1:53] Speaker 2: What was it?
[1:53] Speaker 3: What did you say?
[1:54] Speaker 1: What did you say?
[1:56] Speaker 2: I said, did you start talking about her body? That's
[2:01] Speaker 2: exactly talking about her body?
[2:02] Speaker 1: And so yeah, I am y, Yeah, actually okay, So
[2:08] Speaker 1: it goes on from there. We don't need to hear
[2:10] Speaker 1: the rest of it. I think that's enough, Kylie. Do
[2:12] Speaker 1: you believe him he wasn't talking about her body when
[2:14] Speaker 1: he said it'll go straight to hips? Was he legit?
[2:16] Speaker 1: Do you think that was Do you think that was
[2:17] Speaker 1: an honest mistake? Do you think that we can let
[2:19] Speaker 1: this one go?
[2:20] Speaker 2: Look, I probably have very different take to you on this.
[2:26] Speaker 1: What's your take? I'm really fascinated by this because I'm incensed.
[2:31] Speaker 1: I'm so angry. Angry that's the wrong word. I'm just
[2:33] Speaker 1: astonished that in twenty twenty six that some bozo and
[2:37] Speaker 1: a bakery who's a customer. It's not even like, Look
[2:41] Speaker 1: he's looked under a teenage girl and said, don't eat it.
[2:43] Speaker 1: It's going to go straight onto your hips. Like who
[2:45] Speaker 1: says that? What's your take? Why is your take so
[2:48] Speaker 1: different to mine?
[2:49] Speaker 2: I think for me growing up, that was just like
[2:52] Speaker 2: the dune thing. Like I my mum would say that
[2:55] Speaker 2: nearly every time I ate something, you know, and I'd
[2:59] Speaker 2: be enjoying a chocolate bar or she would tell me
[3:02] Speaker 2: that it was going to end up on my bum
[3:03] Speaker 2: like it does hers. Wow, my grandma said it to
[3:07] Speaker 2: me as well. Like, so for me, I'm not normalizing
[3:11] Speaker 2: it by any stretch.
[3:12] Speaker 1: Have you been so desensitized that you think that it's appropriate?
[3:15] Speaker 2: No, what I what I will say is protect your peace.
[3:19] Speaker 1: Protect So you say, pick your battles like, yeah, if
[3:22] Speaker 1: some random says something stupid to you, just you can
[3:25] Speaker 1: walk away. You don't have to turn it into something.
[3:27] Speaker 2: Yeah. I just think, Okay, I totally get where this
[3:31] Speaker 2: mum's coming from and got on her for standing up
[3:34] Speaker 2: for her daughter. I don't have any problems with that.
[3:37] Speaker 2: But I think that social media is just poison, like
[3:41] Speaker 2: I really do, And I think that it creates so
[3:45] Speaker 2: much turmoil and angst in our lives that is completely
[3:49] Speaker 2: and utterly unnecessary. Was it kind what he said? Was
[3:53] Speaker 2: it nice? Do we wish that we lived in this beautiful,
[3:55] Speaker 2: perfect world where everybody did nice things and said nice
[3:59] Speaker 2: things to us and us with respect, Like, yes, of course,
[4:03] Speaker 2: but that's not the world we live in. And I
[4:05] Speaker 2: just I think that we can get so worked up
[4:08] Speaker 2: about things that, in a scheme of things are actually
[4:12] Speaker 2: really little.
[4:14] Speaker 1: So you are right, but I have to push back
[4:17] Speaker 1: on a couple of things, and I'll tell you why.
[4:19] Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think that you're right that
[4:20] Speaker 1: we do get worked up about things that really it's
[4:23] Speaker 1: easier just to let it go and go and live
[4:25] Speaker 1: our lives. And if people are pigs, if people are inappropriate,
[4:29] Speaker 1: that's their problem.
[4:30] Speaker 2: She's actually drawn more attention to this for her daughter
[4:32] Speaker 2: than the man saying what he said said that's how
[4:35] Speaker 2: I feel about it.
[4:36] Speaker 1: So that's what I get, and I don't disagree with
[4:41] Speaker 1: that perspective. However, I really truly believe that. And I'm
[4:45] Speaker 1: not on social media. I found this because it was
[4:47] Speaker 1: on a news site that I was just checking up
[4:49] Speaker 1: because I was looking for great parenting stories for the podcast.
[4:51] Speaker 1: I'm looking at this and I'm thinking, I've just written
[4:53] Speaker 1: a book about boys, and I want to have a
[4:56] Speaker 1: conversation about two things right after the break. The first
[4:59] Speaker 1: thing that I want to talk about is how we
[5:00] Speaker 1: protect our girls from this sort of rubbish. But secondly,
[5:03] Speaker 1: my book about boys is what it is to be
[5:04] Speaker 1: a healthy man. And that man is not a healthy man,
[5:08] Speaker 1: not only because he's in a bakery and it's going
[5:09] Speaker 1: to go to his hips as well. So did I
[5:11] Speaker 1: say that? Can I say that?
[5:12] Speaker 2: With Y?
[5:13] Speaker 1: Did I go too far? I think I might have
[5:14] Speaker 1: gone too far. I can't believe it. But more to
[5:18] Speaker 1: the point, he is not doing what healthy men do
[5:22] Speaker 1: for the people who are around him.
[5:23] Speaker 2: No, But do you think that being confronted the way
[5:25] Speaker 2: he was and spoken to the way he was is
[5:28] Speaker 2: going to teach him a lesson.
[5:29] Speaker 1: Typically i'd say no, but every now and again, in
[5:31] Speaker 1: extreme cases, we know that punishment and shame can work.
[5:34] Speaker 1: I'm not actually anti shame. A lot of people think
[5:36] Speaker 1: that shame is the worst thing on the planet. We
[5:38] Speaker 1: shouldn't be shaming people. I reckon shame actually has a
[5:40] Speaker 1: really important role to plan our society, and sometimes this
[5:43] Speaker 1: sort of stuff can change behavior. I think that he
[5:46] Speaker 1: will probably think twice before he says something like that. Again. Unfortunately,
[5:49] Speaker 1: because it's on social media, it will blow up and
[5:51] Speaker 1: there will be people who will defend him and tell
[5:53] Speaker 1: her to get a life and all that sort of
[5:55] Speaker 1: stuff as well.
[5:55] Speaker 2: But I'm not here to defend him by any stretch.
[5:57] Speaker 1: So please, I'm not suggesting that you are. You're saying
[6:00] Speaker 1: there are bad people. Let it be water off a
[6:03] Speaker 1: duck's back. Move on with your life, don't.
[6:04] Speaker 2: A few weeks ago we had a conversation disturb your peace.
[6:07] Speaker 2: We had a conversation about whether or not words could
[6:10] Speaker 2: permanently can harp, impact and harm us.
[6:12] Speaker 1: That was a great conversation, and so in that.
[6:16] Speaker 2: Vein we can have a one you know what, like
[6:21] Speaker 2: fifteen second interaction with somebody, and now we've completely blown
[6:25] Speaker 2: it out of the water and.
[6:26] Speaker 1: It's going to take up days and days and days
[6:28] Speaker 1: of our lives.
[6:29] Speaker 2: We can just go what a jerk and get on
[6:31] Speaker 2: with our lives.
[6:32] Speaker 1: After the break, we're going to talk about what to
[6:33] Speaker 1: talk to our kids about when these sort of comments
[6:36] Speaker 1: come up. We're also going to talk about healthy masculinity
[6:38] Speaker 1: and teaching boys and men, frankly, to do better. That's next.
[6:43] Speaker 1: Stay with us. We're back as a happy Famili's podcast.
[6:53] Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us. All Right, Kylie
[6:55] Speaker 1: and my book Boys, Building Strong Young Men from the
[6:58] Speaker 1: inside Out. I make a really big deal about what
[7:00] Speaker 1: healthy masculinity is. There's so much talk about toxic masculinity.
[7:04] Speaker 1: I don't think it's helpful. I actually believe that boys
[7:06] Speaker 1: aren't the problem. I believe they're the solution. And the
[7:09] Speaker 1: thing that I emphasize really really strongly in the book
[7:11] Speaker 1: is that a healthy male is one who helps the
[7:13] Speaker 1: people around and feel safer and stronger. Now, some people
[7:16] Speaker 1: have highlighted that that's what healthy people do generally, but
[7:20] Speaker 1: I wanted to make that about masculinity because the genetic,
[7:25] Speaker 1: the biological, the natural pull for men is actually kind
[7:30] Speaker 1: of in the other direction. In so many contexts, men
[7:33] Speaker 1: are supposed to be protecting. Men are strong, they can hurt,
[7:37] Speaker 1: they can harm, they can be powerful, they can dominate,
[7:39] Speaker 1: And by resisting that and helping people around them feel
[7:42] Speaker 1: safer and stronger, that's when we really get to see
[7:44] Speaker 1: their true strength, especially their inner strength. This guy here
[7:47] Speaker 1: in the bakery not helping anyone feel safer or stronger.
[7:51] Speaker 1: What he said is callous, unkind, completely unnecessary, so inconsiderate, aggeringly.
[8:01] Speaker 1: I would even say it's capricious. I just think it's
[8:03] Speaker 1: a hateful thing to say. It's a really just an
[8:05] Speaker 1: awful thing. I just don't understand where some I'm guessing
[8:09] Speaker 1: from the video he looks like he's about fifty. Where
[8:11] Speaker 1: does some fifty ye old bloke think that he gets
[8:14] Speaker 1: the has the right to start commenting on teenage girls
[8:17] Speaker 1: bodies while they're in a bakery buying a pie, Like,
[8:19] Speaker 1: come on, I just astonishing body shaming.
[8:23] Speaker 2: I don't think is gender specific the comment comment yep,
[8:30] Speaker 2: like this is not just males. Women do it to
[8:34] Speaker 2: each other all the time.
[8:35] Speaker 1: Well, you talked about how your your mom and your
[8:38] Speaker 1: grandma did it to you, so that's fair. I just
[8:42] Speaker 1: want to emphasize healthy masculinity, healthy males. They help the
[8:46] Speaker 1: people around them feel safe and stronger and more to
[8:48] Speaker 1: the point, as you've just said, and I should have
[8:50] Speaker 1: picked up on this earlier. I'm really glad you said it.
[8:52] Speaker 1: Don't talk. There's a clip that we played on the
[8:57] Speaker 1: podcast a couple of years ago. They play for you
[9:00] Speaker 1: right now.
[9:01] Speaker 4: If somebody can't change something about themselves in thirty seconds
[9:06] Speaker 4: or less, then you shouldn't be mentioning it to them.
[9:11] Speaker 3: If you say, hey, your shoes untied, or hey, you
[9:14] Speaker 3: have a little fuzzy on your shirt there, or if
[9:17] Speaker 3: you say, hey, your.
[9:18] Speaker 4: Pants are unzicked.
[9:20] Speaker 3: I wanted to tell you privately because I didn't want
[9:22] Speaker 3: you to feel embarrassed. But it happens all of us.
[9:25] Speaker 4: If you tell someone something like that, they can change
[9:29] Speaker 4: those things in thirty seconds or less. But if you
[9:32] Speaker 4: comment if someone's hair color or hair texture, or hairstyle
[9:35] Speaker 4: or body, they cannot change that in thirty seconds.
[9:38] Speaker 2: Or less about themselves.
[9:40] Speaker 4: Your words have power.
[9:42] Speaker 3: We are kind of like a tube of two paste.
[9:45] Speaker 4: If you say something that someone can't change in thirty
[9:48] Speaker 4: seconds or less, you say those things. Try to fix it.
[9:52] Speaker 3: You try to apologize, You try to take the words back,
[9:55] Speaker 3: take it back, ticket back, takeet back, and you try
[9:58] Speaker 3: to undo what you said, un do what you did.
[10:01] Speaker 4: But it's something they couldn't change about themselves, and so
[10:03] Speaker 4: it's very messy.
[10:05] Speaker 3: You can't totally take those words back. You can't totally
[10:09] Speaker 3: fix it.
[10:09] Speaker 4: Your words have power, and your words matter. If you
[10:14] Speaker 4: walk out of this room spreading kindness to the people
[10:17] Speaker 4: around you, it spreading love to the people around you.
[10:20] Speaker 3: That is what truly makes the difference.
[10:23] Speaker 1: Don't talk about people's appearances because they can't do anything
[10:27] Speaker 1: about the stuff that takes a little bit longer to fix.
[10:30] Speaker 1: The toothpaste is out of the tube. You can't get
[10:32] Speaker 1: it back in. It makes a really big mess. And
[10:36] Speaker 1: I'm going to keep on calling him Bozo. It was
[10:37] Speaker 1: so inappropriate. Boso in the bakery has made a really
[10:41] Speaker 1: big mess. Now your comment about don't let it, I
[10:45] Speaker 1: can't remember the words you said, something about peace. Don't
[10:47] Speaker 1: let it destroy your peace. Peace. I want to just
[10:51] Speaker 1: briefly wrap up the pod by discussing with you, what
[10:55] Speaker 1: would you say to your daughter if you're in the
[10:58] Speaker 1: bakery and that happened, and rather than pulling out your
[11:01] Speaker 1: phone and filming it and then putting on social media
[11:03] Speaker 1: so that everybody could become irate about it, you decided
[11:06] Speaker 1: to maybe say something quietly to him like that was
[11:09] Speaker 1: not appropriate, And then you take your daughter a ount
[11:11] Speaker 1: and you have a chat with her. What do you
[11:13] Speaker 1: think is the best conversation around that?
[11:16] Speaker 2: For me, this is the perfect place to use the
[11:20] Speaker 2: three e's of effective discipline. This is an opportunity, a
[11:24] Speaker 2: teaching opportunity for us to kind of explore how our
[11:28] Speaker 2: daughter felt.
[11:28] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, what's your take on that? Yeah? What do
[11:31] Speaker 1: you think just happened? How you're feeling about it? What's
[11:33] Speaker 1: your response?
[11:34] Speaker 2: And then explain what you saw and even have them
[11:39] Speaker 2: explain and share their feelings around other times that they
[11:44] Speaker 2: might have seen that and how it's impacted other people,
[11:48] Speaker 2: and then empower them, give them ways that they might
[11:53] Speaker 2: respond if you felt like responding is important, or giving
[11:59] Speaker 2: the opportunities to just this is just some random dude,
[12:05] Speaker 2: just walk away.
[12:06] Speaker 1: Like you don't need to create the conflict and the tension.
[12:09] Speaker 1: You don't need to create, and you're not going to
[12:11] Speaker 1: change him.
[12:12] Speaker 2: You will not change him. But would you go to
[12:17] Speaker 2: him for advice? Would you go to him for advice?
[12:19] Speaker 1: And if you wouldn't go to him for advice, why
[12:20] Speaker 1: would you listen to his criticism?
[12:22] Speaker 2: Like I said, a kudos to this mum for standing
[12:24] Speaker 2: up for a daughter. I think that it's important for
[12:27] Speaker 2: our children to feel like we've got their backs. But
[12:30] Speaker 2: I also just think if we want more kindness in
[12:33] Speaker 2: the world, then we actually have to start with us.
[12:37] Speaker 2: It has to start with us, and so we have
[12:39] Speaker 2: to find better ways to combat these kinds of challenges.
[12:45] Speaker 2: What's your take? Would what would you do?
[12:47] Speaker 1: Yeah, so I like to explore explaining power model. That's
[12:49] Speaker 1: where I was going to go. Everyone thinks it's only
[12:51] Speaker 1: about discipline, but it's actually about wrestling. It's about solving problems,
[12:55] Speaker 1: and discipline really is about solving problems anyway, So yeah,
[12:58] Speaker 1: explore where he's sitting. Had you feel about that? What
[13:02] Speaker 1: do you think about what I did? Are you happy
[13:03] Speaker 1: with what I did? Would you have preferred that I'd
[13:05] Speaker 1: done something else? If you could go back and do
[13:07] Speaker 1: it again? What would you do if my mum did that?
[13:10] Speaker 1: I would have been just mortified that she confronted him. Yes, yeah, yeah,
[13:15] Speaker 1: so that would have amplified your worries and anxieties about it. Yeah. Interesting, Yeah,
[13:20] Speaker 1: I guess everybody's different there. I would definitely use as
[13:23] Speaker 1: a teaching moment. I would be teaching my daughters. Healthy
[13:25] Speaker 1: men help the people around them feel safer and stronger.
[13:27] Speaker 1: He's just not a healthy man. These are people that
[13:30] Speaker 1: we don't need in our lives. There are enough good
[13:31] Speaker 1: men around us, we don't need to spend any time
[13:34] Speaker 1: near them. And the world is imperfect, and as a teenager,
[13:36] Speaker 1: you are going to be increasingly confronted by imperfect people.
[13:39] Speaker 1: So you can confront them or you can just walk away.
[13:43] Speaker 2: Well, and I would continue the conversation in light of
[13:47] Speaker 2: the choices that they're going to make as they continue
[13:49] Speaker 2: to grow and move on to next stages of life.
[13:52] Speaker 2: Like when you start dating and you're looking for a
[13:55] Speaker 2: life partner, you're looking for somebody who's who you want
[13:57] Speaker 2: to spend.
[13:58] Speaker 1: Or just someone that you want to have some fun
[13:59] Speaker 1: with because you're dating them.
[14:00] Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, then these are qualities that you don't want.
[14:05] Speaker 2: And if you start feeling this way because somebody is
[14:09] Speaker 2: mistreating you, red flags, it's instant, yeah, instant.
[14:13] Speaker 4: No.
[14:14] Speaker 1: One of my proudest moments as father was one of
[14:16] Speaker 1: our one of our kids broke up with a boyfriend because,
[14:18] Speaker 1: in her words, he didn't help me feel safer and stronger.
[14:21] Speaker 1: I was like, oh my goodness, it's working. So that's
[14:23] Speaker 1: the story. We'll linked to thenews dot com dot you
[14:26] Speaker 1: article in case you want to be increasingly outraged. But
[14:30] Speaker 1: I think we've probably done a fair amount of service
[14:33] Speaker 1: just here, Thanks so much for listening. The Happy Families
[14:35] Speaker 1: podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Medium Hammonds
[14:38] Speaker 1: provides our admin and other support to make your family happier.
[14:41] Speaker 1: Visit happy Families dot com dot au and one week
[14:44] Speaker 1: and one day until Boys Building Strong Young Men from
[14:46] Speaker 1: the Inside Out launches at lands on Bookshelves in a week.
[14:50] Speaker 1: But you can pre order now booketopia dot com dot
[14:53] Speaker 1: a You will give you twenty seven percent off it's
[14:54] Speaker 1: about ten bucks off the book winning. In addition, you
[14:57] Speaker 1: get a bunch of freebies, including the chance if you're
[15:00] Speaker 1: one of the first five hundred purchases of the book
[15:02] Speaker 1: via booktop dot com dot you registering it at happy
[15:04] Speaker 1: families dot com dot you, including the chance for a
[15:06] Speaker 1: one on one with me to talk about all your
[15:07] Speaker 1: parenting problems, How exciting. Check it out now, happy families
[15:11] Speaker 1: and dot com, dot au

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