# Nobody Likes You When You're Like This

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 20 Sep 2026, 12 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/278efd59-c9e7-4fe3-a9ad-b4c60020186e/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

When life gets overwhelming, even good people become hard to live with. In this deeply honest episode, Justin and Kylie open up about the pressure, stress, snapping, guilt, and emotional overload that can quietly take over family life — especially when the mental load becomes too heavy to carry well. From impossible deadlines and overflowing to-do lists to the simple reset strategies that actually help, this conversation is a powerful reminder that productivity means nothing if it costs you your relationships. If you’ve ever felt short-tempered, emotionally unavailable, constantly “on edge,” or like your family gets the worst version of you… this episode will hit close to home. KEY POINTS • Why overwhelm makes us less patient, kind, and emotionally available • The hidden cost of “pushing through” stress • How emotional bandwidth affects family relationships • Simple ways to reset when you’re close to breaking point • Why movement, sleep, connection, breathing, and nutrition matter more than we think • The surprising productivity boost that comes from slowing down QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Stop being a human doing and remember how it feels to be a human being.” RESOURCES MENTIONED • Boys: Building Strong Young Men from the Inside Out by Dr Justin Coulson • 4-7-8 breathing technique • happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS • Pause for 5–10 minutes before pushing harder • Go outside, move your body, or reconnect with someone you love • Prioritise sleep, hydration, and proper meals during stressful seasons • Notice when your overwhelm is spilling onto your family • Replace “powering through” with small moments of regulation and connection See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Happy Families podcast. Recently, Mrs.
[0:09] Speaker 1: Happy Families said something really harsh to me. And it
[0:14] Speaker 1: had to do with how likable I am, or maybe
[0:17] Speaker 1: in this case, how unlikable I am. The reality is
[0:22] Speaker 1: that in family life, or in life generally, we put
[0:26] Speaker 1: too much on our plates. We have an unbalanced schedule.
[0:31] Speaker 1: We try to do too much, and sometimes we don't
[0:33] Speaker 1: know what to do about it because everything has to
[0:35] Speaker 1: be done. It's just the way life is. Today, we
[0:39] Speaker 1: talk about how to create margin, how to be nice
[0:42] Speaker 1: when you don't have the capacity to even think about
[0:45] Speaker 1: being nice, and how to avoid being told by your
[0:50] Speaker 1: wife or husband that nobody likes you when you're like that.
[0:54] Speaker 1: Stay with us. That's next on the Happy Families Podcast.
[1:00] Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Happy Families podcast where you
[1:02] Speaker 1: get real parenting solutions every single day. This is Australia's
[1:06] Speaker 1: most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson
[1:09] Speaker 1: today and insight into how life goes sometimes when there's
[1:12] Speaker 1: just too much going on. I shared a newsletter just
[1:16] Speaker 1: recently and it involved Kylie setting the record straight and
[1:22] Speaker 1: pointing out that I'm just not getting things right all
[1:25] Speaker 1: the time. Here's how it went. Can you imagine trying
[1:28] Speaker 1: to sweep the kitchen with a broomstick a broomstick only
[1:33] Speaker 1: no no broom head no bristles just a broomstick it's
[1:36] Speaker 1: not going to be effective it's going to be an
[1:38] Speaker 1: exercise in futility and frustration because you need the whole
[1:40] Speaker 1: broom when you try to do something with a broken
[1:43] Speaker 1: tool it doesn't work it's exhausting and the greatest tool
[1:46] Speaker 1: that we have is not our phone it's not our
[1:48] Speaker 1: planner it's not our inbox it's our mind but when
[1:52] Speaker 1: your mind is full of fear and worry and regret
[1:54] Speaker 1: well whether we're talking about heavy stuff like depression mental
[1:56] Speaker 1: health challenges neurodivergent challenges Or just the lighter stuff, like
[2:01] Speaker 1: overwork and overwhelm. And I say lighter in inverted commas.
[2:05] Speaker 1: Everything gets harder because that tool is broken. It's inefficient.
[2:08] Speaker 1: It's not working properly. The floor doesn't get swept. Right
[2:12] Speaker 1: at the point of maximum overwhelm, you, Mrs. Happy Families,
[2:15] Speaker 1: pulled me aside and you said in these words directly, Justin,
[2:20] Speaker 1: nobody likes you when you're like this.
[2:23] Speaker 2: Sounds pretty harsh.
[2:25] Speaker 1: Well, that's when I say it like that. But was
[2:26] Speaker 1: it deserved?
[2:28] Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't remember saying it.
[2:31] Speaker 1: I was going to say, was it accurate? You probably
[2:33] Speaker 1: don't remember either. Let's just think. Can you describe what
[2:38] Speaker 1: I'm like when I'm trying to do all the stuff
[2:41] Speaker 1: that I would normally do? So the travel and the
[2:43] Speaker 1: normal writing and the podcasting and the presenting?
[2:47] Speaker 2: Well, first of all, you lose the capacity to say
[2:52] Speaker 2: all your words properly and put them in the right places.
[2:54] Speaker 2: But Like all of us, when we've got too much
[2:58] Speaker 2: on our plate, our capacity actually gets smaller, not bigger.
[3:02] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I wrote my first book, which
[3:04] Speaker 1: is still such a popular book, What Your Child Needs
[3:07] Speaker 1: From You, I talk about this idea of emotional bandwidth.
[3:09] Speaker 1: It's like the internet. You've got too many people using
[3:13] Speaker 1: the internet in your house. There's too much information trying
[3:17] Speaker 1: to get down this one little channel where it's just
[3:20] Speaker 1: not wide enough. You need more internet. You need a
[3:22] Speaker 1: bigger bandwidth. And so there's just been too much going on.
[3:27] Speaker 2: I actually like to think of it more in relation
[3:30] Speaker 2: to the idea of high emotions, low intelligence. When we're
[3:33] Speaker 2: feeling really stressed and we're feeling the weight of everything
[3:36] Speaker 2: that we're carrying, our emotions are actually more heightened and
[3:41] Speaker 2: our capacity is lessened. And so in those moments, you're
[3:47] Speaker 2: really hard to get along with because you only see
[3:51] Speaker 2: the big list in front of you and don't recognize
[3:54] Speaker 2: that everybody else around you is carrying their own big list.
[3:57] Speaker 1: Kind of lose perspective.
[3:59] Speaker 2: Very much so.
[3:59] Speaker 1: And the focus is the dragon that I have to
[4:03] Speaker 1: slay and everything else is just an obstacle to getting
[4:07] Speaker 1: that dragon slain.
[4:08] Speaker 2: There are lots of things that you would normally do
[4:10] Speaker 2: to participate in family life that then fall onto me
[4:13] Speaker 2: as well.
[4:14] Speaker 1: Right.
[4:14] Speaker 2: And so you're feeling overwhelmed, I'm feeling overwhelmed, but you
[4:20] Speaker 2: can't see that your overwhelm is actually increasing my overwhelm?
[4:24] Speaker 1: Well, part of the problem is actually that I know
[4:26] Speaker 1: that it is and I can see it and I'm
[4:28] Speaker 1: helpless to do anything about it. That only adds to
[4:30] Speaker 1: my feeling of stuckness and overwhelmedness, if they're even words,
[4:34] Speaker 1: because I know that I should be doing these things.
[4:37] Speaker 1: I want to be doing those things. I typically would
[4:39] Speaker 1: be doing these things, but right now I can't. And
[4:41] Speaker 1: so compounding my pressure and overwhelm is the guilt that
[4:46] Speaker 1: I'm failing you and failing the kids. And so I
[4:49] Speaker 1: become like this. I become short, snappy, blunt. My expectations
[4:54] Speaker 1: of myself are already high. And so then I start
[4:56] Speaker 1: to pass those expectations onto everybody else. If I'm being
[4:58] Speaker 1: this productive, you need to be this productive as well.
[5:00] Speaker 1: I'm maximizing. I'm optimizing. I'm fulfilling everything that I have
[5:04] Speaker 1: to do. Why aren't you doing yours? Because normally I'd
[5:06] Speaker 1: step in and pick up that slack or at least
[5:08] Speaker 1: try to. So I don't know if you remember this
[5:12] Speaker 1: instance or not, Kylie. But do you have any reflection,
[5:16] Speaker 1: any recollection of what I did when you told me
[5:19] Speaker 1: that nobody likes me when I'm like this?
[5:21] Speaker 2: I don't, but I can have a pretty good stab
[5:24] Speaker 2: in the dark.
[5:25] Speaker 1: I'm really nervous about what your stab in the dark
[5:27] Speaker 1: is going to be. What do you think I might
[5:29] Speaker 1: have done when you said that to me?
[5:33] Speaker 2: When you're feeling really, really under pressure and you come
[5:36] Speaker 2: in and you notice that People are not being as
[5:40] Speaker 2: productive and under pressure as you are.
[5:42] Speaker 1: You're going to go there. Oh, my goodness.
[5:45] Speaker 2: Or the house isn't exactly the way it needs to
[5:48] Speaker 2: be to function efficiently. Do you mean like.
[5:51] Speaker 1: When it's 3.30 in the afternoon and we have at
[5:54] Speaker 1: least three adult children in the house and they still
[5:56] Speaker 1: haven't done the breakfast dishes? Do you mean that? Yeah,
[5:59] Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. I don't think that's a high expectation.
[6:01] Speaker 1: And I think whatever you're about to say is justifiable
[6:03] Speaker 1: and reasonable, even if I do have a lot of
[6:05] Speaker 1: extra pressure. But go on, say it anyway.
[6:08] Speaker 2: You might just lose the plot a little bit.
[6:10] Speaker 1: Oh, gosh. Well, that's not what I wrote about in
[6:13] Speaker 1: my newsletter.
[6:14] Speaker 2: So it wasn't that one.
[6:15] Speaker 1: No, it wasn't that one. So in other words, when
[6:18] Speaker 1: I get it right, as I did in the newsletter story,
[6:21] Speaker 1: you don't remember those ones. You only remember the ones where.
[6:24] Speaker 2: I get it wrong. I hate it when you put
[6:26] Speaker 2: me on the spot like this.
[6:28] Speaker 1: So in the newsletter. And this is actually what happened
[6:31] Speaker 1: because the newsletter is based on true facts.
[6:34] Speaker 2: Oh, really?
[6:34] Speaker 1: It's based on what really happened.
[6:35] Speaker 2: And my story is not based on true facts.
[6:38] Speaker 1: No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying in the
[6:39] Speaker 1: one that I wrote about, not the ones that I
[6:41] Speaker 1: didn't write about. I said, and so despite the deadlines
[6:45] Speaker 1: and pressure, I stopped. Just for five or 10 minutes,
[6:51] Speaker 1: just enough to check in, just enough to listen to
[6:53] Speaker 1: the kids, just enough to hug my wife, just enough
[6:55] Speaker 1: to walk in the garden and pull a few weeds,
[6:57] Speaker 1: touch the ground, breathe and be human. just enough to
[6:59] Speaker 1: reconnect to the stuff that really matters. And like magic,
[7:02] Speaker 1: my brain started to work again. I was more productive,
[7:05] Speaker 1: more present. I was a better person. People started liking
[7:07] Speaker 1: me again. Well, my family, at least. So after the break,
[7:11] Speaker 1: I want to talk about what we're supposed to do
[7:12] Speaker 1: when nobody likes us when we're like this, because it's really,
[7:15] Speaker 1: really hard to regulate, pull ourselves back from the brink
[7:19] Speaker 1: and get things back on track. That's the conversation next
[7:23] Speaker 1: on the Happy Families podcast. Stay with us. We're back.
[7:33] Speaker 1: This is the Happy Families podcast. Okay, what do we
[7:35] Speaker 1: do when emotion is running away from us, pressure is mounting,
[7:39] Speaker 1: we can't see past the massive to-do list in front
[7:43] Speaker 1: of us, or just the one thing that's enormous that's
[7:45] Speaker 1: taking up all of our bandwidth, cognitive and emotional. Kylie,
[7:50] Speaker 1: this is the great challenge that we have in family life.
[7:53] Speaker 1: This is the stuff that we're always trying to work
[7:54] Speaker 1: out where to move forward to. And I've got a
[7:57] Speaker 1: couple of ideas that I think are useful. You might
[8:00] Speaker 1: have some to add as well. First thing that I
[8:02] Speaker 1: want to suggest is the importance of taking action. There
[8:06] Speaker 1: seems to be something really profoundly helpful about just moving
[8:09] Speaker 1: your body, whether it's giving somebody a hug. There are many,
[8:13] Speaker 1: many times where you have said something along the lines of, Justin,
[8:16] Speaker 1: nobody likes when you're like this, or something along those lines.
[8:19] Speaker 1: And I've just moved towards you, grabbed you in my arms,
[8:23] Speaker 1: hugged you and said, I'm so sorry. Like literally just
[8:26] Speaker 1: ask for forgiveness. But you and I will then go
[8:29] Speaker 1: for a walk or we'll go sit outside or we'll
[8:30] Speaker 1: lay on the grass or we'll Do something to move
[8:33] Speaker 1: our body. I talked about weeding the garden for five minutes.
[8:36] Speaker 1: I don't know why. I actually hate weeding. I'm not
[8:39] Speaker 1: a really big fan of this, but sometimes just weeding
[8:42] Speaker 1: the garden feels really good.
[8:44] Speaker 2: It's called earthing.
[8:45] Speaker 1: Earthing.
[8:46] Speaker 2: Yeah, okay.
[8:47] Speaker 1: Earthing works. That's fine.
[8:50] Speaker 2: Bare feet on the ground, grounding. Breathing.
[8:54] Speaker 1: I've recently discovered the power of the 4-7-8 breathing technique.
[8:59] Speaker 1: You breathe in for four seconds through your nose, hold
[9:01] Speaker 1: it for seven, then breathe out for eight. Do that
[9:04] Speaker 1: 20 times if you can't go to sleep and it
[9:06] Speaker 1: changes the game. Like that puts me to sleep almost
[9:10] Speaker 1: every single night. It's very rare that I get through
[9:12] Speaker 1: 20 reps of that and can't do that. Getting enough sleep. Oh,
[9:17] Speaker 1: my goodness. Like what a difference that makes. So these
[9:19] Speaker 1: are just a few ideas that I've found to be
[9:21] Speaker 1: really useful. What about you?
[9:23] Speaker 2: I think the only other thing that I would add
[9:25] Speaker 2: is nutrition. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yes. When I am overwhelmed,
[9:31] Speaker 2: one of the very first things to go is good
[9:35] Speaker 2: eating patterns and habits. And it'll be two or three
[9:38] Speaker 2: o'clock in the afternoon and I've lived off a chocolate
[9:41] Speaker 2: bar and maybe a piece of fruit if I'm lucky.
[9:44] Speaker 2: I might not have even drunk water. Like just the
[9:49] Speaker 2: impact that giving your body nutrition has on your capacity
[9:55] Speaker 2: to cope with the day-to-day rigors of family life, I
[10:02] Speaker 2: think goes understated too often. Yep.
[10:07] Speaker 1: I've got a couple of other things that I'd throw
[10:08] Speaker 1: in as well. Connect, the power of connection. So whether
[10:12] Speaker 1: it's saying, hey, let's just go for a walk or let's,
[10:14] Speaker 1: if you're fortunate enough to have a pool, let's jump
[10:15] Speaker 1: in the pool together or, um, Let's take the dog
[10:20] Speaker 1: out or jump on the trampoline. Let's play hide and seek.
[10:22] Speaker 1: There's something powerful that happens when you know that you're
[10:25] Speaker 1: getting out of control because there's too much to do. Bizarrely,
[10:28] Speaker 1: there's something powerful that happens when you say, I'm just
[10:31] Speaker 1: going to let the list go for five minutes. I
[10:33] Speaker 1: know that sometimes you can't. Sometimes you have to get
[10:35] Speaker 1: out the door because you've got to be at an appointment.
[10:37] Speaker 1: I'm talking about those times where life just feels overwhelming.
[10:40] Speaker 1: By pausing and doing something trivial and unimportant, playing a
[10:44] Speaker 1: card game, playing hide and seek, kicking or throwing a ball,
[10:48] Speaker 1: going for a 15 minute bike ride or going for
[10:50] Speaker 1: a skate with the kids, any of those kinds of things,
[10:53] Speaker 1: picking up a musical instrument and playing it. Maybe you've
[10:55] Speaker 1: got a guitar or you don't really pick up a piano,
[10:57] Speaker 1: but that kind of thing. When you start to do
[11:00] Speaker 1: those kinds of things where the time on the clock
[11:04] Speaker 1: is sort of irrelevant, it just gives you new perspective.
[11:10] Speaker 1: It helps you to reset. It helps you to re-enter
[11:13] Speaker 1: the atmosphere in a much more positive way.
[11:16] Speaker 2: Well, it just breaks the cycle. Yeah. You're stuck.
[11:19] Speaker 1: Takes the pressure off. I like to crank up some
[11:21] Speaker 1: music every now and again. You've been annoyed with me
[11:24] Speaker 1: and my music choices lately. The pressure. I've been playing
[11:26] Speaker 1: a lot of Concrete Blonde. You haven't loved it?
[11:28] Speaker 2: No, not really.
[11:30] Speaker 1: I don't know why. I just think they're one of
[11:32] Speaker 1: the best bands ever. In short, in short, when it's
[11:35] Speaker 1: all too much, do something I think that is completely human.
[11:39] Speaker 1: go analogue, get away from digital, shift away from the deadlines,
[11:42] Speaker 1: even if it's for five and ten minutes. Stop being
[11:45] Speaker 1: a human doing and remember how it feels to be
[11:49] Speaker 1: a human being. And in case you're worried, the work,
[11:53] Speaker 1: the list.
[11:54] Speaker 2: It'll still be there.
[11:55] Speaker 1: It'll still be there when you get back.
[11:57] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[11:57] Speaker 1: But you will probably find that you're at your best
[11:59] Speaker 1: when you return. That is a very simple but hopefully
[12:03] Speaker 1: very helpful Happy Families podcast today. Thanks so much for
[12:05] Speaker 1: listening to the Happy Families podcast today. is produced by
[12:08] Speaker 1: Justin Ruan from Bridge Media with additional support from Mim Hammonds.
[12:12] Speaker 1: If you'd like more info to make your family happier,
[12:15] Speaker 1: you'll find it at happyfamilies.com.au.

Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them.