# 5 Things Happy Couples Do Weekly

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 16 Aug 2026, 16 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/45b738b9-db90-4e0f-8156-b49a00afd6e4/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

Most relationships don't fall apart because of one big moment. They drift because of hundreds of tiny missed moments. In this episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack five surprisingly simple weekly habits that relationship therapists see again and again in happy, long-lasting couples. None of them require expensive date nights, grand romantic gestures or endless free time. From weekly check-ins to repairing arguments, these small rituals help couples stay connected through the chaos of work, parenting and everyday life. If you've ever felt like you're living alongside your partner instead of with them, this conversation offers practical ways to find your way back. KEY POINTS • Why happy couples schedule weekly relationship check-ins. • The simple conversation that builds connection instead of just swapping information. • How one sentence can completely change the way you handle conflict. • Why repairing arguments matters more than avoiding them. • The surprising power of everyday touch with no expectations attached. • Why therapists say connection matters more than traditional date nights. • Small weekly habits create stronger relationships over time. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "Happy couples don't do more. They schedule more." RESOURCES MENTIONED • Stylist magazine article featuring relationship therapists. • The Gottman Institute's six-second kiss concept. • Happy Families family meeting framework. ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS • Set aside 20 minutes each week to talk about family logistics before they become arguments. • Spend five to ten minutes each day checking in beyond "How was your day?" • When conflict arises, begin with, "The story I told myself was..." before sharing your feelings. • Add more everyday affection with hugs, hand holding or a quick kiss that doesn't have to lead anywhere. • Replace the pressure of a perfect date night with one simple activity you both enjoy every week. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: Hello, this is the Happy Famili's podcast. Another week and
[0:09] Speaker 1: a whole lot of episodes to make your family happier Today?
[0:12] Speaker 1: What do genuinely happy couples actually do differently? Not talking
[0:17] Speaker 1: about fancy date nights in Paris or Sydney or anywhere.
[0:21] Speaker 1: I've not even talking about love letters. According to a
[0:24] Speaker 1: bunch of couples therapists that were recently interviewed for a
[0:28] Speaker 1: piece in Stylist, the answer is almost always disappointingly unromantic.
[0:35] Speaker 1: They run meetings, they schedule check ins, and they argue
[0:39] Speaker 1: on purpose. Today. The weekly rituals that therapists say they
[0:44] Speaker 1: see working over and over and how many of them
[0:47] Speaker 1: we actually do? That's next. Stay with us. Hello, It's
[0:53] Speaker 1: the Happy Family's podcast. Welcome and thanks so much for
[0:56] Speaker 1: joining us for another week of inspiration to make you
[0:59] Speaker 1: fairn happier. We are justin and Kylie calls some parents
[1:02] Speaker 1: of six daughters. This is the podcast where you get
[1:04] Speaker 1: real parenting solutions every single day. Today one to make
[1:07] Speaker 1: you found me happier. It's about making your relationship with
[1:10] Speaker 1: your beloved delightful, absolutely joyful. Kylie, I'm going to hit
[1:14] Speaker 1: you up with these you haven't seen them you haven't
[1:16] Speaker 1: heard them. You don't know where this is going. But
[1:18] Speaker 1: I've been perusing a magazine recently and I thought, wow,
[1:22] Speaker 1: the psychotherapists have written the article. They've given us everything
[1:25] Speaker 1: we need. Let's discuss. So these are the five things
[1:27] Speaker 1: that they said the happiest couples do, and.
[1:30] Speaker 2: How did we go.
[1:32] Speaker 1: Let's let's self analyze and give everyone else the same
[1:35] Speaker 1: opportunity to.
[1:37] Speaker 2: Self analyze us.
[1:38] Speaker 1: No, no, themselves. We'll be honest about us and they
[1:41] Speaker 1: can be honest about themselves. The first one. I feel
[1:46] Speaker 1: very good about this one in you will too. They
[1:47] Speaker 1: hold a weekly business meeting.
[1:50] Speaker 2: Sounds very very formal, doesn't it.
[1:52] Speaker 1: Well, we don't call it a business meeting. We call
[1:54] Speaker 1: it our weekly much inventory. So basically this is what
[2:01] Speaker 1: they do. They sit down, They have a scheduled session
[2:04] Speaker 1: every week where you bring your business head for your family,
[2:08] Speaker 1: You sort out the calendar of the money, the mental loads,
[2:10] Speaker 1: so the rest of the week is protected for actually
[2:13] Speaker 1: hopefully running smoothly and enjoying each other and getting it
[2:16] Speaker 1: all going. And it's also the antidote to one partner
[2:21] Speaker 1: juggling everything resentfully and silently.
[2:25] Speaker 2: Essentially, it's an extension of family meetings in our house
[2:28] Speaker 2: is the same questions regardless of whether we're doing it
[2:31] Speaker 2: as a couple, as individuals with individual children, or with
[2:36] Speaker 2: our family. It's the same questions. What's going well, what's not?
[2:39] Speaker 2: And where do we want to focus this week? What
[2:41] Speaker 2: do we want to improve?
[2:42] Speaker 1: We have been doing this for years and years and
[2:45] Speaker 1: years from the start, we've done a variation of this.
[2:50] Speaker 1: We're coming up to nearly three decades of marriage now,
[2:52] Speaker 1: so the therapist are saying this works. I would give
[2:54] Speaker 1: it a tick of approval. It beats the once every
[2:58] Speaker 1: fifteen year logistics converse station in the doorway, like, why
[3:02] Speaker 1: aren't we ever figuring this out right? That's the alternative.
[3:05] Speaker 1: I like what we're doing. It's not a very romantic,
[3:10] Speaker 1: romantic or sexy sentence. I'm putting our agenda in the
[3:13] Speaker 1: shared calendar.
[3:16] Speaker 2: Well, sex might be on the agenda, just saying.
[3:19] Speaker 1: The second one is this they take their relationships temperature.
[3:24] Speaker 1: What do I mean by that? Well? The therapists in
[3:26] Speaker 1: this article in Stylists said that if you say how
[3:30] Speaker 1: is your day? That will produce some information, but it
[3:33] Speaker 1: won't produce connection. So you can swap facts about work
[3:37] Speaker 1: and dinner.
[3:39] Speaker 2: And still not feel connected exactly.
[3:41] Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't feel seen, hurt and valued, and except
[3:43] Speaker 1: you don't feel known. So the therapists recommend regular check
[3:47] Speaker 1: ins ten minutes five minutes a day, every day.
[3:51] Speaker 2: Like stare at each other's eyes.
[3:53] Speaker 1: No, it's nothing like that.
[3:54] Speaker 2: You have to kiss for ten seconds.
[3:57] Speaker 1: No, No, that's the thing that the gotman talk about,
[4:01] Speaker 1: a six second kiss. Yeah, probably is once you kiss
[4:04] Speaker 1: me for six seconds, you don't want to stop.
[4:06] Speaker 2: You're so bad.
[4:08] Speaker 1: I have that effect. So basically, the way that they
[4:14] Speaker 1: suggest that we take the relationship temperature is that in
[4:17] Speaker 1: these conversations, you share something that you appreciate, you share
[4:21] Speaker 1: something new, you ask a genuine question, you share a concern,
[4:26] Speaker 1: and then you share a wish or a hope. There
[4:28] Speaker 1: are five things there. Now. I don't know that we've
[4:30] Speaker 1: ever been so formulaic about.
[4:31] Speaker 2: It, but I was going to say, there's a lot
[4:33] Speaker 2: in there. Yeah, And to try and remember that formula
[4:36] Speaker 2: all the time could be a little bit tricky. But
[4:40] Speaker 2: one of the things I love doing is literally, as
[4:42] Speaker 2: our heads are on the pillow and we're about to
[4:44] Speaker 2: close our eyes, just kind of tapping into the things
[4:48] Speaker 2: that we're grateful for today? Yep, what has brought us joy?
[4:51] Speaker 2: You know? How have we seen God's hand in our lives?
[4:53] Speaker 2: Like those things are important to us? And I think
[4:55] Speaker 2: also just acknowledging what are we looking forward.
[4:58] Speaker 1: To right right? And that leads to all of these
[5:01] Speaker 1: conversations about all those other elements, like we're really grateful
[5:05] Speaker 1: for this stuff, we're working towards this, How we going
[5:08] Speaker 1: with these plans and goals? Are we still on the
[5:10] Speaker 1: same page with this or do we need to adjust
[5:13] Speaker 1: and realign? Should we go in a different direction, like
[5:15] Speaker 1: we're constantly reevaluating them.
[5:17] Speaker 2: Yeah, and again, without being really formal, what's something that
[5:20] Speaker 2: you're really struggling with right now? We're having those conversations.
[5:23] Speaker 2: We're just not necessarily asking that specific question. But I
[5:27] Speaker 2: think that that's really powerful. When you understand the weight
[5:31] Speaker 2: that somebody else is caring, then you're able to meet
[5:34] Speaker 2: them where they're at, as opposed to judging them for
[5:38] Speaker 2: poor behavior or kind of just not being at their best.
[5:41] Speaker 1: There was one line in this one that realis stood
[5:43] Speaker 1: out to me. I'll share this briefly before we go
[5:45] Speaker 1: to the break and then share the last three things.
[5:48] Speaker 1: There's a line where they're talking about having this check
[5:52] Speaker 1: the relationship temperature, having this conversation where we're being honest
[5:56] Speaker 1: and going a layer deeper, and they suggest that if
[5:59] Speaker 1: you want to talk about a difficult concern, that you
[6:03] Speaker 1: should start the sentence like this. The story I told
[6:07] Speaker 1: myself was, so, let's say I walk into the room
[6:12] Speaker 1: and you're on your phone. And we've had lots of
[6:13] Speaker 1: conversations together about how it feels like we're being ignored.
[6:19] Speaker 1: It feels like we're not present when the other one
[6:21] Speaker 1: is on the phone, and so we work pretty hard
[6:22] Speaker 1: on that. But if I walk into the room and
[6:24] Speaker 1: you're on your phone, and I've never said this before,
[6:27] Speaker 1: but I love the line. If I were to raise
[6:29] Speaker 1: it with you later, as we're having this relationship temperature
[6:32] Speaker 1: check in, I could say, Honey, I walked into the room,
[6:35] Speaker 1: And the story I told myself was that you were
[6:38] Speaker 1: ignoring all the decisions we've ever made and that I
[6:40] Speaker 1: wasn't important to you. And that's a really different conversation too.
[6:44] Speaker 1: I walked into the room and I was just so
[6:45] Speaker 1: mad because you're on your phone. Again. Like when I
[6:48] Speaker 1: add that little sentence at the start, the story I
[6:50] Speaker 1: told myself was That means that I'm creating some distance
[6:53] Speaker 1: between the story and me, and it's also letting you
[6:58] Speaker 1: know that I'm evaluating this, trying to get a sense check,
[7:01] Speaker 1: a temperature check on this, the story I told myself
[7:04] Speaker 1: when well.
[7:05] Speaker 2: You're not attributing blame, right, You're actually taking accountability for
[7:09] Speaker 2: the perception that you chose to take in that moment.
[7:13] Speaker 2: And I think that that's.
[7:14] Speaker 1: Powerful, really powerful. Okay, after the break. Three more things
[7:17] Speaker 1: to do with arguments and getting that right a touch
[7:20] Speaker 1: and how that can make our relationship stronger, and the
[7:25] Speaker 1: anti date night stay with us. We're back. This is
[7:36] Speaker 1: the Happy Families podcast where you get real parenting solutions
[7:40] Speaker 1: every single day, Kylie. The third item that the psychotherapists
[7:44] Speaker 1: in the Stylist article suggested could make our relationships better
[7:49] Speaker 1: was this happy couples are not couples who don't rowl,
[7:54] Speaker 1: because rupture is inevitable. Repair is the skill. And so
[7:58] Speaker 1: what they've argued suggested is that if you're having some
[8:02] Speaker 1: kind of conflicts, some tension, that you return to it
[8:06] Speaker 1: rather than avoiding it. You notice that you're feeling threatened,
[8:10] Speaker 1: you get curious about what's underneath, and you sit down
[8:12] Speaker 1: and say we're having some tension around this, do you
[8:15] Speaker 1: reckon that you can help me to understand where we're missing, Well,
[8:20] Speaker 1: we're not connecting around this one. It's tough to do,
[8:23] Speaker 1: but it really deepens understanding perspective and compassion.
[8:30] Speaker 2: I think one of the most powerful things around this, though,
[8:32] Speaker 2: is having the ability to do a self check in
[8:38] Speaker 2: and when we have these struggles within our relationship, to
[8:42] Speaker 2: be able to take a step back and actually get
[8:46] Speaker 2: curious as to why we've responded the way we have.
[8:48] Speaker 1: Yep.
[8:49] Speaker 2: Because just like the previous point on rating the relationship
[8:55] Speaker 2: temperature and acknowledging that my perception is mine own and
[9:00] Speaker 2: not necessarily the truth of what's taking place in that moment,
[9:05] Speaker 2: When we have personal struggles with something within the relationship,
[9:09] Speaker 2: very often it's coming because of the perspective we've taken
[9:12] Speaker 2: or because of our previous experience. And being able to
[9:18] Speaker 2: actually take time to do I guess, some inner work ourselves,
[9:22] Speaker 2: some introspection before we come back to the table to
[9:26] Speaker 2: talk about it can be a really powerful way to
[9:28] Speaker 2: move forward.
[9:29] Speaker 1: To recognize that your perspective isn't necessarily the right one.
[9:31] Speaker 2: Well yeah, and just to acknowledge, like I'm human, I'm
[9:35] Speaker 2: going to get this wrong, and you give permission to
[9:38] Speaker 2: your partner to do the same thing.
[9:40] Speaker 1: Two more a quick warning if you're a parent with
[9:42] Speaker 1: a child in the car. The next one is a
[9:44] Speaker 1: little on the intimate SI. I'd say you might want
[9:46] Speaker 1: to just fast forward the next thirty or sixty six.
[9:49] Speaker 1: Let's say that next sixty seconds we'll do this fun
[9:50] Speaker 1: about that reasonably quickly. I know where you are going
[9:53] Speaker 1: with that. Let's keep it going forward here. So here
[9:57] Speaker 1: is number four. They touch without expecting anything more than
[10:02] Speaker 1: just the touch that they're experiencing in the moment. So
[10:07] Speaker 1: there can be a lot of pressure around this for
[10:09] Speaker 1: some couples, and a lot of therapists will just say,
[10:13] Speaker 1: let's work out how we can hug, how we can stroke,
[10:15] Speaker 1: how we can touch without there being any expectation. Let's
[10:18] Speaker 1: just enjoy being together and enjoy a couple of minutes
[10:21] Speaker 1: of hair stroking or a hand massage, or a long
[10:24] Speaker 1: hug or a long kiss without any stress about what
[10:28] Speaker 1: it may or may not lead to.
[10:30] Speaker 2: Well, I think we can move on. This is not
[10:32] Speaker 2: something you want I struggle with.
[10:33] Speaker 1: This podcast is not about you and I. This is
[10:36] Speaker 1: about helping everybody. We have a rule. It's a rule
[10:39] Speaker 1: too strong a word. We set an expectation in our
[10:43] Speaker 1: relationship very very early on that every time we walked
[10:46] Speaker 1: past one another, every time we encountered one another, we
[10:49] Speaker 1: would touch. So if I walk past you in the kitchen,
[10:53] Speaker 1: I'll reach out and squeeze you or hug you, or
[10:56] Speaker 1: touch you, I'll kiss you. Like there's god to be
[11:00] Speaker 1: consistent and regular touch. And we find that that keeps
[11:03] Speaker 1: our relationship vital and delightful.
[11:06] Speaker 2: Well without ever recognizing that that was actually a beautiful
[11:11] Speaker 2: way to include touch into our day to day lives
[11:14] Speaker 2: without expectation, right, But that's exactly what it's done. It's
[11:17] Speaker 2: meant that when you come and give me a kiss,
[11:19] Speaker 2: I'm not thinking not again, Like, it's just this is
[11:23] Speaker 2: a really beautiful moment to connect.
[11:26] Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's also worth Like if you were
[11:29] Speaker 1: to set the timer and time how long three minutes
[11:32] Speaker 1: of hair stroking? It's pretty long time. And that's the point, right,
[11:37] Speaker 1: It's meant to be long and deliberate and slow, and
[11:40] Speaker 1: there's not meant to be any pressure. It's meant to
[11:42] Speaker 1: simply be, well, this is what we're doing right now.
[11:44] Speaker 1: Like if we're sitting in the car, we just we
[11:46] Speaker 1: love to hold hands while one of us is driving.
[11:48] Speaker 1: The other one just holds that spare hand that probably
[11:51] Speaker 1: should be on the wheelit anyway, let's move on the
[11:53] Speaker 1: last one. I want to do the last one because
[11:56] Speaker 1: our time is running out quickly. This is called the
[11:58] Speaker 1: anti date night. Therapists pushed back on the date night
[12:05] Speaker 1: concept because if you're a couple juggling kids, or dealing
[12:10] Speaker 1: with five file or shift work, or just a tight budget,
[12:14] Speaker 1: organizing a proper date night each week or each fortnight
[12:18] Speaker 1: is I'm going to say, burdensome, cumbersome. Yeah, it adds
[12:23] Speaker 1: a level of stress that you just don't want. It's
[12:27] Speaker 1: one more thing that you have to do. And so
[12:29] Speaker 1: the alternative that they recommend is, don't worry about having
[12:31] Speaker 1: a date night, spend time together, take turns choosing one
[12:34] Speaker 1: really simple, accessible thing, and do that each week. It
[12:39] Speaker 1: might be a walk, it might be trying a new hobby,
[12:42] Speaker 1: or it could be the gloriously achievable option of just
[12:47] Speaker 1: staying in bed for an extra hour on the weekend.
[12:51] Speaker 1: By doing that, what you're doing is you're making a
[12:54] Speaker 1: deliberate decision to make room to enjoy being together. That's
[13:00] Speaker 1: the game I'm going to push back.
[13:02] Speaker 2: I love date night.
[13:03] Speaker 1: Well I love date night too, but the point is
[13:05] Speaker 1: not everyone can do it all the time.
[13:06] Speaker 2: I know, but it gives I don't know, maybe it's
[13:09] Speaker 2: just me. I like to have structures in place. It
[13:12] Speaker 2: helps me to kind of work, So regard it just
[13:15] Speaker 2: I think that our idea of date night shouldn't be
[13:20] Speaker 2: so stayed that it feels cumbersome.
[13:22] Speaker 1: Well maybe that's what they're getting at. They're not saying
[13:24] Speaker 1: that you don't have to go out and do a
[13:26] Speaker 1: pottery class, you don't have to go out and watch
[13:28] Speaker 1: a movie and have a restaurant dinner. You don't have
[13:30] Speaker 1: to do those things.
[13:31] Speaker 2: You don't have to spend money. But I think it's
[13:33] Speaker 2: important for our kids to recognize and see. You know,
[13:36] Speaker 2: so many times we woo the people we want to
[13:38] Speaker 2: have in our lives, and once we've got them, we
[13:40] Speaker 2: stop investing. And I think it's important for our kids
[13:43] Speaker 2: to recognize that, yes, dating is a really exciting thing
[13:46] Speaker 2: that happens when a relationships beginning, but it's also important
[13:49] Speaker 2: that it continues after.
[13:51] Speaker 1: I guess what I'm getting out here or they're getting
[13:53] Speaker 1: out here, and I tend to agree with them. If
[13:55] Speaker 1: date night feels like it's admin, or if it feels
[13:57] Speaker 1: like it's a massive stress point, you're allowed to cancel
[13:59] Speaker 1: the concept. What date night is about is connection. So
[14:03] Speaker 1: you can go on a date night every week and
[14:05] Speaker 1: not connect, not get below that superficial layer, in which
[14:08] Speaker 1: case that's not working for you, you're better off having
[14:11] Speaker 1: that Sunday morning lie in and just enjoying that time together.
[14:16] Speaker 2: Well, you're in charge of date night this week, so
[14:17] Speaker 2: I can't wait to see what we're doing.
[14:19] Speaker 1: I've got an absolute ripper. I can't wait. It is
[14:21] Speaker 1: organized and we are going to have a great time. Hey,
[14:24] Speaker 1: here are the five things again. A meeting, a check in,
[14:27] Speaker 1: a scheduled argument with no agenda, and one small chosen
[14:32] Speaker 1: thing a week where you really connect. Cool thing. None
[14:35] Speaker 1: of them costs any money, and none of them is
[14:38] Speaker 1: going to shop in a romantic Hollywood movie. They're kind
[14:42] Speaker 1: of just about making appointments, which turns out to be
[14:44] Speaker 1: the whole secret happy couples. They don't do more stuff,
[14:48] Speaker 1: they schedule more.
[14:50] Speaker 2: It's the compound effect at its best. Just to see
[14:53] Speaker 2: the acknowledgment, These tiny, little incremental things that we do
[14:56] Speaker 2: day in day out without even necessarily thinking about them,
[15:00] Speaker 2: are actually the things that make the biggest difference in
[15:02] Speaker 2: our relationship.
[15:03] Speaker 1: Yeah, the couple came before the kids, and before the
[15:06] Speaker 1: mortgage and before all the other stuff. These rituals are
[15:10] Speaker 1: regular ways, hopefully weekly ways of remembering that. That is
[15:14] Speaker 1: the Happy Families podcast for today. Later on this week,
[15:17] Speaker 1: we talk about kids with their glass half empty attitudes,
[15:21] Speaker 1: talking to Michelle Mitchell about her brand new book All
[15:23] Speaker 1: about Helping Kids with Friendships, and Adoptor's Desk about whether
[15:28] Speaker 1: new birth order research does show that it matters when
[15:33] Speaker 1: you're born. I can't wait for this week's podcasts. Stay
[15:36] Speaker 1: with us and we will have a great set of
[15:38] Speaker 1: conversations together this week. Their Happy Families podcast sound an
[15:42] Speaker 1: audio by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Immahammants provides our
[15:47] Speaker 1: admin and other support. For more info to make your
[15:49] Speaker 1: family happier, visit us at Happy Families dot com dot
[15:52] Speaker 1: au and we'll talk to you tomorrow.

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