# The Side of Justin Coulson You Don’t Usually Hear (Happy Birthday Dr J!)

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 13 Oct 2026, 21 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/f26ed09e-86a8-4cec-aa0c-b4dc0038ca42/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

Behind the parenting advice is a dad, a husband, a son and a grandad who’s still learning as he goes. For Justin Coulson’s birthday, Kylie takes the microphone and asks the questions we don’t usually hear on the Happy Families podcast. From the grandmother who made him feel like the favourite to the moment he burst into tears at the news he was becoming a grandad, Justin shares the memories, mistakes and moments that shaped him. He also reveals the question from one father that changed the way he thinks about parenting. It’s a reminder that being a better parent starts with looking at ourselves. KEY POINTS • The childhood memories and family relationships that shaped Justin • The overwhelming joy of becoming a grandfather • Why his enthusiasm for research is sometimes mistaken for arrogance • The parenting question he’s never forgotten • The hard-won lessons behind his books • What he hopes to achieve in the year ahead QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “How do I be the father that my son needs me to be?” RESOURCES MENTIONED • Happy Families: https://happyfamilies.com.au • Justin Coulson’s parenting books ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS • Ask yourself what kind of parent your child needs you to be right now. • Think about the parenting habits you inherited from your own parents. Which ones do you want to keep, and which ones do you want to change? • Give yourself permission to keep learning. Even the experts have lessons they learn the hard way. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: Today's episode's a bit different. It's not very often I
[0:09] Speaker 1: get to take the driver's seat, but today we are
[0:12] Speaker 1: going to celebrate Dr. Justin Coulson. It was his birthday
[0:16] Speaker 1: alongside mine, but we didn't get to share some special
[0:19] Speaker 1: experiences with him. So I put together a whole heap
[0:23] Speaker 1: of questions, and we're going to go behind the scenes
[0:26] Speaker 1: and find out all about the boy that was, the
[0:29] Speaker 1: man that is, and the father that we are celebrating
[0:34] Speaker 1: this week. Stay with us. It's the Happy Families Podcast,
[0:41] Speaker 1: the podcast for... Why are you laughing at me?
[0:44] Speaker 2: Just keep going. You're doing a great job. I love
[0:46] Speaker 2: it when you take over. We're not editing this, by
[0:50] Speaker 2: the way. Keep it going. Oh, don't do that to me.
[0:51] Speaker 2: I believe in you. You can do it.
[0:53] Speaker 1: I can't even read your writing. Real parenting.
[0:56] Speaker 2: Solutions.
[0:57] Speaker 1: Oh, solutions.
[0:58] Speaker 2: I say it every single day. Literally every day we're
[1:01] Speaker 2: sitting here and you... You sit there and listen to
[1:03] Speaker 2: me say it. It's the Happy Families podcast. So great
[1:06] Speaker 2: to have you along.
[1:06] Speaker 1: Real Parenting Solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.
[1:12] Speaker 2: I don't know how.
[1:12] Speaker 1: We are Justin and Kylie Coulson. Yes. Is that all
[1:16] Speaker 1: I've got to say?
[1:16] Speaker 2: No, we're the parents of six daughters, grandparents of one granddaughter.
[1:20] Speaker 2: Today on the podcast, away we go. You're doing great.
[1:23] Speaker 2: Keep going.
[1:25] Speaker 1: We're the parent of... We're the parent, singular. I feel
[1:29] Speaker 1: like that sometimes. We are the parents of six daughters.
[1:33] Speaker 2: You're here to celebrate me. You've decided today's the day
[1:36] Speaker 2: of celebration and you've just told me that you're doing
[1:37] Speaker 2: it on your own.
[1:40] Speaker 1: And today we are going to, well, I'm going to
[1:43] Speaker 1: put you in the spotlight. Yep.
[1:45] Speaker 2: Because?
[1:46] Speaker 1: Because you did it to me and it seems only fair. Well,
[1:49] Speaker 1: I would like to pretend that this is going to
[1:51] Speaker 1: be a lightning round and I'm going to say it's
[1:52] Speaker 1: a lightning round, but I know that when it comes
[1:54] Speaker 1: to you that it's going to take a lot longer
[1:56] Speaker 1: than a lightning round. But.
[1:59] Speaker 2: Yes.
[1:59] Speaker 1: That's one of the things we love about you. Right.
[2:02] Speaker 1: So we're going to go back.
[2:04] Speaker 2: That I can't stop talking once I start. That's what
[2:07] Speaker 2: everybody loves.
[2:09] Speaker 1: We're going to go back in time a little bit.
[2:12] Speaker 2: I brighten the room by leaving it because I was like, oh,
[2:13] Speaker 2: finally someone else gets to talk about something.
[2:17] Speaker 1: I know. Stop.
[2:18] Speaker 2: Let's talk about me.
[2:18] Speaker 1: Stop.
[2:19] Speaker 2: Sorry.
[2:20] Speaker 1: Stop. Okay.
[2:20] Speaker 2: Keep going.
[2:21] Speaker 1: Okay.
[2:22] Speaker 2: So what are we doing? This is because I asked
[2:23] Speaker 2: you questions for your birthday.
[2:24] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[2:25] Speaker 2: Okay.
[2:25] Speaker 1: So I'm going to ask you questions.
[2:27] Speaker 2: Standing by.
[2:33] Speaker 1: All right. I want you to think back.
[2:35] Speaker 2: Yes.
[2:36] Speaker 1: To your childhood.
[2:37] Speaker 2: I barely remember it.
[2:38] Speaker 1: What's one smell or sound that instantly puts you back
[2:43] Speaker 1: in your childhood kitchen?
[2:47] Speaker 2: So stories are coming to me here. I don't have
[2:49] Speaker 2: any smells at all that come to mind. I don't
[2:52] Speaker 2: know that I've ever really been sort of one of
[2:53] Speaker 2: those olfactory kind of people. One of our children is
[2:57] Speaker 2: a smeller. Like smells just matter so much to her.
[3:00] Speaker 2: But that's not me. Sounds matter. This is a terrible story,
[3:04] Speaker 2: but I remember the sound of the bar mix mincing
[3:06] Speaker 2: my mum's finger. I can't believe you're sharing that. Well,
[3:11] Speaker 2: that's the sound. She put her finger into the bar mix.
[3:14] Speaker 2: Do you remember the bar mix? Like the handheld whizzer
[3:17] Speaker 2: that whips up the cream. How do you put.
[3:19] Speaker 1: Your finger in a bar mix? The bar mix goes down.
[3:21] Speaker 2: I wasn't there to see her doing it, but she
[3:25] Speaker 2: mangled her finger pretty badly. And there was quite a
[3:27] Speaker 2: story associated with The bar mix. That reminds me, when
[3:31] Speaker 2: I was at school, there was a girl at school,
[3:32] Speaker 2: her name was Natalie Passmore, and she licked the bar
[3:35] Speaker 2: mix because she'd been making a cake and she wanted
[3:38] Speaker 2: to lick the bar mix and accidentally turned it on.
[3:40] Speaker 2: And there was a Cyndi Lauper song at the time,
[3:43] Speaker 2: There's a Hole in My Heart that goes all the
[3:45] Speaker 2: way to China. And we started singing, There's a hole
[3:47] Speaker 2: in my tongue and I did it with a bar mix.
[3:50] Speaker 2: We thought it was great. I've completely let go of
[3:53] Speaker 2: the question already, but They're the things that I remember.
[3:56] Speaker 2: The smell, maybe Philadelphia cream cheese, the icing that you
[4:01] Speaker 2: make that goes on banana cake and carrot cake.
[4:03] Speaker 1: So sugar and lemon, that's what I'm smelling. Yeah, yeah.
[4:06] Speaker 2: But there's something about that that just takes me back
[4:08] Speaker 2: as well. They're the instant memories that have come to
[4:11] Speaker 2: mind for whatever reason when you've asked that question. I
[4:14] Speaker 2: don't know if that's helpful. People are getting a really
[4:16] Speaker 2: deep insight into the life of Dr. Justin Coulson. This
[4:18] Speaker 2: is good, isn't it?
[4:20] Speaker 1: So- If you could pick to go back in time
[4:23] Speaker 1: and spend an hour with just one person, who would
[4:27] Speaker 1: you pick?
[4:28] Speaker 2: I don't even have to think about it. You know
[4:30] Speaker 2: who I'm going to say. I saw it in your
[4:32] Speaker 2: eyes as I said that. I'm going to say my
[4:36] Speaker 2: mum's mum, my Nana Bun. I was the first grandchild.
[4:40] Speaker 2: And I don't know how many grandkids there are. There
[4:43] Speaker 2: must be something close to 20 for Nan. She passed away,
[4:46] Speaker 2: I want to say, in 2013. I think it was
[4:50] Speaker 2: 2013 that she passed away, which was just after my
[4:54] Speaker 2: first book came out. And I dedicated that first book
[4:56] Speaker 2: to her because I was the first grandchild and I
[4:59] Speaker 2: was the favorite and I knew it and everybody else
[5:01] Speaker 2: knew it. And I just used to love being at
[5:03] Speaker 2: my nana Bunce place. She had the old Hills Hoist
[5:09] Speaker 2: clothesline in the backyard. And I used to, like no
[5:12] Speaker 2: one else let me do it. Mum and dad didn't
[5:13] Speaker 2: let me do this at home and my other grandparents
[5:15] Speaker 2: didn't let me do it. But Nana Bunt let me
[5:17] Speaker 2: used to grab hold of that Hill's Hoist and swing
[5:19] Speaker 2: around on the clothesline like it was a swing. She
[5:22] Speaker 2: used to give me five bucks and send me up
[5:23] Speaker 2: to the corner store so I could buy her a
[5:25] Speaker 2: packet of Winfield Reds because it was the 1970s, 1980s,
[5:28] Speaker 2: and kids couldn't do that back in the day. My
[5:32] Speaker 2: nan just always, always there for a laugh. Just as
[5:35] Speaker 2: I'm reflecting on this, though, my grandpa, my dad's dad,
[5:39] Speaker 2: he died at the age of 60. Massive heart attack.
[5:42] Speaker 2: He dropped my nan off at the club, went and
[5:43] Speaker 2: parked the car at home, And then walked about a kilometre, walked,
[5:46] Speaker 2: ran about a kilometre to the bus stop so that
[5:48] Speaker 2: he could go down to the club and meet her
[5:50] Speaker 2: because he didn't want to drink and drive. And when
[5:51] Speaker 2: he arrived at the bus stop, he sat down and
[5:53] Speaker 2: had a massive heart attack and died. So he died
[5:56] Speaker 2: when I was nine or 10. Never really knew him.
[5:59] Speaker 2: And it would be great to go and spend some
[6:01] Speaker 2: time with my granddad as well. I'm getting a bit
[6:04] Speaker 2: weepy now that I'm thinking about that.
[6:07] Speaker 1: What's a moment from raising our girls that you didn't
[6:11] Speaker 1: expect to hit you as hard as it did?
[6:13] Speaker 2: Oh, that's easy as well. And It's one that's kind
[6:16] Speaker 2: of arrived really, really late. And that is when we
[6:20] Speaker 2: found out that we were going to be grandparents. So
[6:24] Speaker 2: Indy's three years old, about a month ago now. And
[6:27] Speaker 2: I still remember, I've had this conversation with a number
[6:31] Speaker 2: of people talking about the way this happened. So if
[6:33] Speaker 2: you had asked me the morning that we found out,
[6:36] Speaker 2: we found out that evening, right? Whatever, so three and
[6:39] Speaker 2: a half years ago. We're sitting in the living room
[6:43] Speaker 2: and Chanel and Jared have told us, Before I tell
[6:46] Speaker 2: you what my response was, though, just imagine that an
[6:49] Speaker 2: hour before or six hours before, earlier that day, if
[6:51] Speaker 2: you'd said, hey, imagine that you became a grandpa. Imagine
[6:54] Speaker 2: if you found out today that you were going to
[6:55] Speaker 2: be a grandpa. What would your response be? I would
[6:59] Speaker 2: have downplayed it. I would have said, oh, it's a
[7:01] Speaker 2: bit early. I would have said, what are you guys thinking?
[7:02] Speaker 2: I would have said, well, that's really nice, but are
[7:04] Speaker 2: you sure now is the right time? Do you know
[7:05] Speaker 2: what I mean? I would have been very practical, a
[7:08] Speaker 2: matter of fact, about it. And probably not that excited
[7:12] Speaker 2: because I think I was 48 when Indy was born,
[7:16] Speaker 2: which feels to me like a pretty young granddad. The
[7:19] Speaker 2: night that we found out, you knew, and obviously Chanel
[7:22] Speaker 2: and Jared knew, but none of the rest of the
[7:24] Speaker 2: family knew. So we were sitting down in the living
[7:26] Speaker 2: room and we played this game. I don't remember what
[7:27] Speaker 2: the game was, but we had to like complete sentences
[7:31] Speaker 2: or we had to do this.
[7:31] Speaker 1: I think we played charades.
[7:33] Speaker 2: Oh, it was charades.
[7:34] Speaker 1: It was charades.
[7:35] Speaker 2: And they were all baby related. Yeah. Or like feeding
[7:38] Speaker 2: the baby a bottle or changing a nappy. Crawling. All
[7:41] Speaker 2: that sort of stuff. And at some point, I don't
[7:44] Speaker 2: remember who it was, but one of us, I'm going
[7:47] Speaker 2: to say it was me. I'm going to pretend that
[7:48] Speaker 2: it was me, but I really don't remember, yelled out, hey,
[7:51] Speaker 2: these have all got to do with babies. Then we
[7:52] Speaker 2: looked at Chanel and Jared and they spilled the beans.
[7:55] Speaker 2: They said, we're having a baby. And I remember, your
[7:58] Speaker 2: question is.
[8:01] Speaker 1: What's a moment that hit you?
[8:03] Speaker 2: Hit me.
[8:03] Speaker 1: That you weren't expecting?
[8:04] Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. I burst into tears. I stood up
[8:08] Speaker 2: and I was sobbing, not uncontrollably, but significantly. I'm getting
[8:14] Speaker 2: weepy about it just now. I don't know that I've
[8:18] Speaker 2: ever felt so overwhelmed with pure joy, absolute elation. And
[8:24] Speaker 2: like I said, if you'd asked me even 10 minutes earlier,
[8:27] Speaker 2: I could not have predicted that. At all. I would
[8:29] Speaker 2: have been like, oh, okay, well, congratulations. That's exciting for
[8:32] Speaker 2: you kids. No, no, I was a blubbering man. So
[8:34] Speaker 2: it was amazing. The other thing that strikes me is
[8:38] Speaker 2: when you gave birth to each of our children, I
[8:41] Speaker 2: was there in the labor room. I had no idea
[8:44] Speaker 2: how profoundly impacted I would be by watching you go
[8:47] Speaker 2: through those births. So that would be my responses to
[8:51] Speaker 2: that question.
[8:52] Speaker 1: I think. What's something about you people get wrong?
[8:56] Speaker 2: These are fun, easy questions. I want to say this
[9:01] Speaker 2: the right way. A lot of people mistake my enthusiasm
[9:06] Speaker 2: and my confidence and my desire to share ideas and
[9:13] Speaker 2: talk about research and things that we know for arrogance.
[9:20] Speaker 2: So I remember one time we were at dinner with
[9:22] Speaker 2: some friends and A topic came up, whatever it was,
[9:25] Speaker 2: and I said, there's some really interesting research on that.
[9:27] Speaker 2: There's some research that shows that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
[9:29] Speaker 2: And off I went and I started to think. And
[9:31] Speaker 2: I remember the wife, she looked at her husband and
[9:35] Speaker 2: literally in front of me, she goes, research says, like
[9:38] Speaker 2: they were mocking me. And apparently it was a conversation
[9:40] Speaker 2: that they had had at the table before. I'll often
[9:42] Speaker 2: refer to research or I'll talk about the latest findings
[9:44] Speaker 2: or whatever it is in our conversations. And she gave
[9:48] Speaker 2: me a hard time and was quite mocking in the
[9:51] Speaker 2: way that I'm like, I'm citing people when I speak,
[9:55] Speaker 2: like I've got a big head, like I know stuff
[9:57] Speaker 2: and other people don't know it. The great irony for
[9:59] Speaker 2: that story is that about five years later, she had
[10:02] Speaker 2: started a degree. She started a degree in psychology or
[10:06] Speaker 2: counseling or something like that. And she came up to
[10:09] Speaker 2: me one time when we were getting together and she said, hey,
[10:12] Speaker 2: I owe you an apology. I said, what do you mean?
[10:14] Speaker 2: What's going on? And she said, do you remember that
[10:16] Speaker 2: night when we gave you a hard time because you
[10:17] Speaker 2: always say research says blah, blah, blah. And I said, yeah,
[10:20] Speaker 2: I do actually. It kind of stung a bit, if
[10:22] Speaker 2: I'm honest. And she said, well, I really want to
[10:23] Speaker 2: apologize because now that I'm doing my degree, I've realized
[10:26] Speaker 2: that as an academic, whenever you're talking about any idea
[10:29] Speaker 2: that is not yours, you really do, it's appropriate to
[10:32] Speaker 2: attribute it to somebody else. So by saying, oh, a
[10:35] Speaker 2: researcher by the name of Gene Twenge or a researcher
[10:38] Speaker 2: by the name of Ed Deasy or Rich Ryan or
[10:41] Speaker 2: some University of Rochester researchers, like I was doing that
[10:44] Speaker 2: and she was giving me a hard time. But now
[10:46] Speaker 2: that she's in academia and doing her degree, she's like, oh,
[10:49] Speaker 2: that's what he's been taught to do and that actually matters. So, yeah,
[10:53] Speaker 2: I get really enthusiastic. I love to share ideas, but
[10:55] Speaker 2: sometimes that can be mistaken for arrogance and for being overconfident.
[11:00] Speaker 2: And as you know, Kylie, I'm so humble. I'm the
[11:03] Speaker 2: humblest person I know. I would win a humble competition.
[11:07] Speaker 2: I'm so humble. I'm proud of my humility. Sorry, I'll stop.
[11:10] Speaker 2: I'll stop.
[11:11] Speaker 1: What's the most you way to spend a free afternoon
[11:15] Speaker 1: if there were no plans, no agendas? What would you do?
[11:19] Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you that right after the break
[11:20] Speaker 2: because I've just realized I'm talking. Wait, you said lightning round?
[11:22] Speaker 2: I don't know how many questions we've answered. You're hilarious.
[11:25] Speaker 1: I already prefaced the fact that I was going to
[11:28] Speaker 1: preface the lightning round with the fact that it was
[11:31] Speaker 1: not going to be a lightning round. Okay.
[11:32] Speaker 2: All right. I'll answer that question after the break because
[11:34] Speaker 2: we really have to take a break and I'll try
[11:35] Speaker 2: and answer the questions faster right after this, including my,
[11:38] Speaker 2: what was it? My dream afternoon.
[11:47] Speaker 1: Okay, so we're back. What's your dream afternoon?
[11:50] Speaker 2: Let me try and do this quickly.
[11:52] Speaker 1: No kids?
[11:53] Speaker 2: No, actually, I would definitely say kids are there, but
[11:56] Speaker 2: also I need to squeeze in a surf, go for
[11:57] Speaker 2: a bike ride, spend some time at the gym, do
[11:59] Speaker 2: some reading. I've definitely got to eat some food, and
[12:01] Speaker 2: I need time with you as well as the kids.
[12:03] Speaker 2: I have been accused of- I did wonder how you
[12:05] Speaker 2: were going to answer this, and you did it perfectly.
[12:08] Speaker 2: In no particular order. I have been accused more than
[12:12] Speaker 2: once in my life of trying to fit too much in.
[12:14] Speaker 1: Overachiever in every sense of the word that's my dream
[12:18] Speaker 1: afternoon i love it i love it what's a ridiculous
[12:21] Speaker 1: thing that you're weirdly great at.
[12:23] Speaker 2: I don't feel like i'm very great at very many
[12:25] Speaker 2: things honestly um i think that i'm modestly good at
[12:30] Speaker 2: a number of things uh i i think that i'm
[12:33] Speaker 2: excellent at giving talks like i i really do i
[12:36] Speaker 2: i'm i'm a good public speaker that's that's a that's
[12:38] Speaker 2: a that's not a ridiculous thing no that's not a
[12:40] Speaker 2: ridiculous thing um So I'm reasonably decent at holding my
[12:45] Speaker 2: breath for free diving or cycling or surfing.
[12:49] Speaker 1: You're weirdly great at stacking the dishwasher. I hate it.
[12:52] Speaker 1: I cannot stack a dishwasher to save myself, but you,
[12:56] Speaker 1: it's precision and the way you stack even just the
[13:00] Speaker 1: drying of the dishes. Yes, yes.
[13:02] Speaker 2: I'm exceptionally good at doing the dishes in the sink
[13:05] Speaker 2: and creating … Pyramids. Creating an incredible … wet dish
[13:10] Speaker 2: stack in the dish dryer. Yeah, that's true. I'm also
[13:12] Speaker 2: very strangely, I don't know if I'm good at it
[13:15] Speaker 2: or not, but I think I'm great at playing the
[13:17] Speaker 2: drums in the car while I drive.
[13:18] Speaker 1: On the steering wheel.
[13:19] Speaker 2: On the steering wheel and on the dash and on
[13:21] Speaker 2: the side of the car.
[13:23] Speaker 1: Yes, you are. Yes.
[13:24] Speaker 2: That's my answer.
[13:24] Speaker 1: There we go. Okay. What song, if it comes on,
[13:28] Speaker 1: puts you instantly in a good mood?
[13:30] Speaker 2: Most music. I just, I get very excited about music.
[13:33] Speaker 2: If I have to select something Uh, I'm going to
[13:36] Speaker 2: betray my 50 years. Anything by Jim Croce, Jim Croce, bad,
[13:40] Speaker 2: badly right. Brown operator. I got a name. I had
[13:44] Speaker 2: to say, I love you in a song. He is
[13:46] Speaker 2: just sublime. If you haven't seen him, Jim C R
[13:49] Speaker 2: O C E, Jim Croce, Croce or Croce. Uh, I
[13:53] Speaker 2: just think he's genius.
[13:55] Speaker 1: Um, diastrates.
[13:56] Speaker 2: Oh, I love diastrates. Uh, okay. Okay. Okay. Um, we've
[14:01] Speaker 2: only got a few of the greatest showman. If you
[14:03] Speaker 2: want to get me excited, Put The Greatest Showman on.
[14:08] Speaker 1: I love it.
[14:09] Speaker 2: Yeah, that's for me.
[14:10] Speaker 1: I love it.
[14:11] Speaker 2: And I've got to throw in one more. There's a
[14:13] Speaker 2: song by Neo and Calvin Harris called Let's Go. And
[14:16] Speaker 2: that is my psych song. That is my pump up song.
[14:20] Speaker 1: Okay. Only a few more questions and we've got to
[14:22] Speaker 1: be fast.
[14:23] Speaker 2: We do because we're already over time.
[14:25] Speaker 1: Tell me about a moment on the stage or somewhere
[14:29] Speaker 1: else that you'll never forget.
[14:33] Speaker 2: There are two that come to mind. I know you
[14:34] Speaker 2: said one, but I'm going to share two. I was
[14:36] Speaker 2: about to give a talk on the Gold Coast to
[14:37] Speaker 2: some young people, some children and young people in a
[14:41] Speaker 2: youth talk. And I got a phone call from my mom.
[14:44] Speaker 2: A hospital was on the way to pick up my dad.
[14:45] Speaker 2: He'd had something going on. They thought it was a
[14:47] Speaker 2: heart attack. They thought he was going to die. They
[14:49] Speaker 2: didn't think he'd make it to the hospital. Turns out
[14:50] Speaker 2: he had a pulmonary embolism, but we didn't know. And
[14:53] Speaker 2: so I took the call about five minutes before I
[14:55] Speaker 2: had to go on stage. And then I still went
[14:57] Speaker 2: on stage and gave my talk. And I gave a
[14:59] Speaker 2: great talk and then got off stage and worked out
[15:01] Speaker 2: what was going on. That's always stayed with me. Oh,
[15:03] Speaker 2: the other one that is really, really powerful, actually, I'm
[15:05] Speaker 2: going to change my second one. I was in Canberra
[15:07] Speaker 2: one time and a dad put up his hand. We
[15:10] Speaker 2: were doing Q & A at the end of one
[15:11] Speaker 2: of my presentations. And this dad said to me, how
[15:15] Speaker 2: do I, of all the questions he usually, how do
[15:17] Speaker 2: I get my kids to listen? How do I get
[15:19] Speaker 2: my kids off screens? How do I get my kids
[15:20] Speaker 2: to do better at school? How do I get my
[15:22] Speaker 2: kids to stop beating each other up? That kind of stuff.
[15:24] Speaker 2: And this dad just asked such a different question. And
[15:26] Speaker 2: it's always stayed with me. He said, how do I
[15:27] Speaker 2: be the father that my son needs me to be?
[15:29] Speaker 2: I just, I love that question. I get emotional thinking
[15:34] Speaker 2: about it because this guy gets it. It's like parenting
[15:36] Speaker 2: is not actually about the kids. It's about us. And
[15:38] Speaker 2: he was asking a question about how he could be
[15:41] Speaker 2: the best father for his son. I thought that was
[15:43] Speaker 2: the most just beautiful, profound. And it wasn't my moment.
[15:46] Speaker 2: It was his, but it's always stayed with me.
[15:49] Speaker 1: What's something you do as a dad that came straight
[15:51] Speaker 1: from your own dad?
[15:53] Speaker 2: Oh, uh, I get a bit grumpy like dad. He's
[15:55] Speaker 2: a little bit irritable. And, and, and I get something nice.
[15:59] Speaker 2: I hear myself. I hear, I hear my dad in me.
[16:02] Speaker 2: I sometimes I'll sigh. I'm like, and then I'll be like,
[16:05] Speaker 2: oh my goodness, my dad does that. And I don't
[16:07] Speaker 2: want to do that. Cause I don't want you to
[16:08] Speaker 2: feel like you're married to my dad. So it's really
[16:09] Speaker 2: important that I don't pull that one out of the
[16:11] Speaker 2: bag too often. I've inherited my dad's love of music.
[16:15] Speaker 2: I can't sing like my dad. I can't play musical
[16:17] Speaker 2: instruments like my dad. He is just extraordinary, exquisitely gifted.
[16:20] Speaker 2: He missed his calling in life. He, He sings and
[16:23] Speaker 2: people get goosebumps or cry. He's just so talented. But
[16:28] Speaker 2: his love of music, he passed that on to me.
[16:30] Speaker 2: And that may be one of the greatest gifts he
[16:32] Speaker 2: ever gave me. I sit there and I fall in
[16:34] Speaker 2: love with music every time I hear it.
[16:36] Speaker 1: What's a piece of advice you give parents that you
[16:38] Speaker 1: had to learn the hard way?
[16:42] Speaker 2: All of them.
[16:44] Speaker 1: All of them.
[16:45] Speaker 2: Literally all of them.
[16:47] Speaker 1: Yeah, I joke when I come with you and I'm
[16:49] Speaker 1: selling books up the back of the room, And people
[16:53] Speaker 1: ask which book to get. And we'll be talking. I'll
[16:56] Speaker 1: just say there is hard-won wisdom in these books.
[16:59] Speaker 2: In every single one of them.
[17:00] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[17:01] Speaker 2: So each of these books is basically a story of
[17:03] Speaker 2: my journey to becoming a better parent. I don't make
[17:05] Speaker 2: it about me. It's about the principles. But I wrote
[17:09] Speaker 2: each book for different– this is– we don't have time
[17:11] Speaker 2: for this tangent, but I'll make it really fast. This
[17:14] Speaker 2: is why I still sell my early books. Because when
[17:17] Speaker 2: I look at my early books now, I'm not that
[17:18] Speaker 2: proud of them. Some of them I am, but some
[17:20] Speaker 2: of them I'm not. Some of them I'm like, oh, really?
[17:22] Speaker 2: Is that that good? But I've had so much extraordinary
[17:25] Speaker 2: feedback from people who have read those early books because
[17:27] Speaker 2: they were the right books for them at that time. Like,
[17:30] Speaker 2: I'm a different person today than I was 20 years ago. Yeah,
[17:32] Speaker 2: I agree. And therefore, when you're at a certain part
[17:35] Speaker 2: in your growth and development and your learning, some books
[17:38] Speaker 2: are going to reach out and resonate and touch you
[17:40] Speaker 2: better than others. So those books, while I don't think
[17:44] Speaker 2: that they've got the most refined and brilliant writing and
[17:48] Speaker 2: the best ideas that I've ever come up with, they
[17:51] Speaker 2: have what many parents need for that point in your life.
[17:54] Speaker 2: When you're only raising a three-year-old and you haven't yet
[17:57] Speaker 2: had a 23-year-old, then that book is the right one.
[18:00] Speaker 2: You don't need the latest and greatest that I've written
[18:02] Speaker 2: because that one is actually going to touch you better.
[18:04] Speaker 2: But yeah, every book full of wisdom won the hard way.
[18:10] Speaker 2: There's no AI in any of my books. It's all
[18:13] Speaker 2: heavy-duty study and heavy-duty real-life experience.
[18:17] Speaker 1: As we wrap this up, I'm wondering if you can
[18:19] Speaker 1: think of something that you're proud of that has nothing
[18:23] Speaker 1: to do with me or the kids.
[18:27] Speaker 2: Yeah, my work. My work. I feel like, oh, hang on,
[18:31] Speaker 2: that has a lot to do with you and the kids,
[18:32] Speaker 2: doesn't it? Oh, gosh. Me? I like me. That has
[18:37] Speaker 2: a lot to do with you and the kids as well.
[18:38] Speaker 2: I am who I am because of it. I think
[18:40] Speaker 2: that my life cannot be separated into discrete segments that
[18:43] Speaker 2: do not have anything to do with you and the
[18:44] Speaker 2: kids because you and the kids are inseparably connected to
[18:49] Speaker 2: everything that I do.
[18:51] Speaker 1: That's why I love you.
[18:52] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[18:54] Speaker 1: And lucky last one. Yep. What do you hope this
[18:57] Speaker 1: next year will hold for you?
[19:00] Speaker 2: More time with you and the kids, and more reach,
[19:02] Speaker 2: more opportunities to make a difference in the lives of parents.
[19:05] Speaker 2: I've said from the beginning, I feel like this is
[19:07] Speaker 2: what I was put on the earth to do. I
[19:09] Speaker 2: feel like this is literally what I was born to do,
[19:12] Speaker 2: is to help families be happier, to help parents to
[19:15] Speaker 2: navigate life with tricky situations with their kids. And while
[19:19] Speaker 2: I sometimes say the wrong thing, or I stumble and misstep,
[19:21] Speaker 2: or I could be more delicate, or I could be
[19:23] Speaker 2: more patient and compassionate when, I mean, we just don't
[19:27] Speaker 2: always get it right. But Oh my goodness, if you
[19:32] Speaker 2: could see my heart, that's what I'm here for. That's
[19:36] Speaker 2: what I want to do.
[19:38] Speaker 1: Well, I know it's late, but this is a beautiful
[19:42] Speaker 1: tribute and celebration to the man that, well, the boy
[19:48] Speaker 1: that was and the man that is. And I've had
[19:51] Speaker 1: the privilege of being your wife now for almost three decades.
[19:57] Speaker 1: And the thing that I love about you the most
[20:01] Speaker 1: is your heart. And in spite of the fact that
[20:05] Speaker 1: you are not perfect. You have blessed our lives immeasurably.
[20:11] Speaker 1: So happy belated birthday.
[20:13] Speaker 2: Thanks, hon. Thanks for the podcast. Are you sure that
[20:15] Speaker 2: it's not my biceps that you love the most?
[20:17] Speaker 1: No, it's definitely not your biceps.
[20:18] Speaker 2: I don't really have them. Where are they? All right.
[20:23] Speaker 2: Do you want to do the wrap up or do
[20:23] Speaker 2: you want me to?
[20:25] Speaker 1: Oh, let me read the card. Let me go. The
[20:27] Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Roulon from Bridge Media.
[20:32] Speaker 1: Mim Hammonds provides research and other support. If you think
[20:36] Speaker 1: your family will be happier because of this episode, please
[20:39] Speaker 1: share it. Just click a couple of buttons. It'll take
[20:42] Speaker 1: 20 seconds and pass it along. More information and resources
[20:46] Speaker 1: at happyfamilies.com.au.
[20:48] Speaker 2: No?
[20:48] Speaker 1: Dot com? Dot com.au.
[20:52] Speaker 2: I can't believe you don't know our website. Dot com.au.
[20:55] Speaker 2: And you can't read my writing. It's actually there. It
[20:58] Speaker 2: is there. It does say dot com.au. It's there, right?
[21:01] Speaker 2: It is.
[21:01] Speaker 1: Okay. I don't have my glasses on.
[21:04] Speaker 2: Oh, thanks for listening.

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