# Calmer School Mornings Start the Night Before \[a Listener Q&A\]

An episode of [Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1082244480), 12 Oct 2026, 12 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/187/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/fa326977-3de5-4283-9b8b-af3500c58607/b69b2795-5503-4de1-ac91-af460017906e/d4583e39-ca54-4b17-97eb-b4dc0038a5ee/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=a05f1702-0c0e-4b0f-8014-af460017907c

School mornings shouldn't end with tears, frustration and everyone feeling like they've failed. Justin and Kylie answer Emma's question about her two daughters and share practical ways to make getting ready for school less stressful. From preparing the night before to swapping constant instructions for connection, discover how small changes can help your kids feel more capable and get everyone out the door in a better mood. Key Points • Prepare uniforms, bags, lunches and everything else the night before. • Get up early enough to feel calm and ready to help. • Reduce morning stress by removing unnecessary steps. • Replace constant instructions with connection and offers of support. • Create a simple checklist with your kids so they know what's next. • Make mornings fun with music, games and family routines. Quote of the Episode “The more you can do tonight, the less you have to do tomorrow morning.” Resources Mentioned • The Parenting Revolution by Justin Coulson • Happy Families: happyfamilies.com.au Action Steps for Parents • Get school bags, uniforms and shoes ready tonight. • Make a simple morning checklist with your kids. • Ask “What's next on your list?” instead of telling them what to do. • Sit with your kids at breakfast and offer help when they need it. • Try a morning playlist to make getting ready more fun. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:05] Speaker 1: It seems like there's something about mornings that our children
[0:08] Speaker 1: just hate. They want to get up. They want to
[0:11] Speaker 1: take the morning at their own pace. They don't want
[0:13] Speaker 1: to be rushed and they don't want to be told
[0:15] Speaker 1: what to do. Kind of sounds a little bit like
[0:19] Speaker 1: us as grownups. It's just that we've gotten used to
[0:21] Speaker 1: the fact that that's how it's going to be. Today,
[0:24] Speaker 1: it's a tricky question. We're answering it for somebody who
[0:27] Speaker 1: is desperate for some guidance. Her name is Emma. She's
[0:30] Speaker 1: got two young daughters. and they don't like mornings. How
[0:33] Speaker 1: do we make mornings work? That is coming up right
[0:37] Speaker 1: after this. Hello, welcome to the Happy Families podcast, Real
[0:42] Speaker 1: Parenting Solutions. Every single day, we are Justin and Kylie Coulson.
[0:46] Speaker 1: We can't wait to tell you about the 50-kilometer walk
[0:49] Speaker 1: on Saturday. Just gone. Lift the load. Still taking donations.
[0:54] Speaker 1: By the way, you can jump onto lifttheload.org.au slash 50
[0:57] Speaker 1: for 50, raising money for the Top Blokes Foundation so
[1:00] Speaker 1: that they can do their, I'm going to call it
[1:03] Speaker 1: life-saving work for at-risk young men. But today, we're going
[1:06] Speaker 1: to talk about a tricky question. The Lift the Load
[1:08] Speaker 1: conversation will happen on Friday with our I'll Do Better Tomorrow.
[1:11] Speaker 1: In the meantime, though, a tricky question from Emma, who
[1:15] Speaker 1: has a couple of kids that are driving her a
[1:18] Speaker 1: little bit bonkers. Here's the question.
[1:21] Speaker 2: Hi, Justin. My name is Emma. We have two little
[1:24] Speaker 2: girls and some mornings are really hard. We only want
[1:29] Speaker 2: them to go to the bathroom, put their school clothes on,
[1:33] Speaker 2: brush their hair and have their breakfast. It's the same
[1:36] Speaker 2: routine every single morning, but some days we get grunting
[1:41] Speaker 2: and high levels of dysregulation. What can we do to
[1:45] Speaker 2: set ourselves up for a successful and calm morning so
[1:48] Speaker 2: mum can go to work not in tears and the
[1:52] Speaker 2: children can go to school feeling like they've achieved success?
[1:56] Speaker 3: Have we been there? Yeah.
[1:58] Speaker 1: Going to work in tears feeling like a failure as
[2:01] Speaker 1: a mom is the worst. And mornings, there's just something
[2:05] Speaker 1: about mornings. The kids wake up and they're like, yeah, no,
[2:07] Speaker 1: just I don't think I'm going to do it today.
[2:08] Speaker 1: I think I'm over it. I don't care.
[2:11] Speaker 3: But I think part of that is because so much
[2:13] Speaker 3: of our lives feel rushed.
[2:15] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[2:15] Speaker 3: We don't actually ever get down times. And our kids
[2:19] Speaker 3: feel it more so than anyone.
[2:21] Speaker 1: Well, also, I just kind of feel like we all
[2:24] Speaker 1: have those mornings, but sometimes our expectations around mornings are
[2:26] Speaker 1: just unfair. But it's the reality, right? That's the world
[2:29] Speaker 1: we live in. So I've written about this extensively. We've
[2:32] Speaker 1: talked about it on the podcast a couple of times
[2:34] Speaker 1: as well. But it's one of those perennial problems. And
[2:37] Speaker 1: even if you know the stuff, it's worth the reminder.
[2:39] Speaker 1: So let's step through what I think are the five
[2:42] Speaker 1: most important things that every parent needs to know when
[2:44] Speaker 1: it comes to making mornings magical. With two little girls.
[2:48] Speaker 1: We've done it with six little girls. With two little
[2:51] Speaker 1: girls who are dysregulated and emotional and not wanting to.
[2:55] Speaker 1: It's such a simple list, isn't it? Go to the bathroom.
[2:58] Speaker 1: Brush your hair. Eat some food. Put your uniform on.
[3:01] Speaker 1: That's it. Or brush your teeth. It would be nice
[3:03] Speaker 1: if you brushed your teeth before you go to school.
[3:05] Speaker 1: So simple. And yet they can't do it. drives us
[3:08] Speaker 1: crazy so what's the number one on your list first
[3:11] Speaker 1: thing your morning begins.
[3:12] Speaker 3: The night before the night before so this is.
[3:15] Speaker 1: One that i've always been big on and you've always
[3:16] Speaker 1: struggled with let's let's be honest like if we if
[3:18] Speaker 1: we just open up the curtain a little bit uh
[3:20] Speaker 1: and yet when we've done it what a difference it
[3:22] Speaker 1: makes early dinner get the bags ready get the sports
[3:25] Speaker 1: uniform on the library book or whatever they need make
[3:27] Speaker 1: sure that everything's ready for tomorrow because otherwise tomorrow morning.
[3:30] Speaker 3: So you're pointing the finger at me and saying i'm
[3:32] Speaker 3: the one who struggles with.
[3:33] Speaker 1: It probably unfair because i'm rarely here.
[3:37] Speaker 3: Who's done everything all day and gets to that point
[3:40] Speaker 3: at the end of the day and has got nothing left?
[3:42] Speaker 2: Well, you know what?
[3:43] Speaker 1: I've done a lot. Anyway, let's not litigate that one
[3:47] Speaker 1: right now. The main thing is when you wake up
[3:51] Speaker 1: at 7 o'clock the next morning or the kids get
[3:52] Speaker 1: up at 7 o'clock or 7.15 or whatever it is,
[3:55] Speaker 1: and then they're like, I.
[3:56] Speaker 3: Can't find my shoes.
[3:57] Speaker 1: I can't find my bench box. I can't find my jumper,
[3:59] Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. And you're kind of like, I
[4:01] Speaker 1: don't have time for this now. And there's lots of
[4:03] Speaker 1: emotion because you're feeling a bit stressed. It just does not.
[4:06] Speaker 1: bode well for a good morning. So prep the night before,
[4:10] Speaker 1: just before stories, before cuddles, before bedtime. Grab the school
[4:14] Speaker 1: uniform out. Grab the socks. Grab the shoes. Grab the
[4:16] Speaker 1: sports uniform. Grab the library bag. Grab the library book.
[4:19] Speaker 1: Make sure you know where the lunchbox is. Throw out
[4:21] Speaker 1: today's lunch that wasn't eaten and clean it out so
[4:23] Speaker 1: it's ready to go for tomorrow's lunch that won't be eaten.
[4:26] Speaker 1: The more you can do tonight, the less you have
[4:30] Speaker 1: to do tomorrow morning.
[4:31] Speaker 3: So it's really about taking... as much friction out of
[4:35] Speaker 3: the troublesome moments that you can, right? So our daughter
[4:39] Speaker 3: is 12 and she has a very early morning surf lesson.
[4:44] Speaker 3: So she loves doing surfing.
[4:46] Speaker 1: Friday morning surfing at 6am.
[4:48] Speaker 3: But it's a big deal to get up that early.
[4:51] Speaker 1: 5.45 at the beach for six in the water.
[4:53] Speaker 3: And when I get up, get her up and I
[4:55] Speaker 3: ask her to go get her swimmers and get her
[4:57] Speaker 3: towel and all of those kinds of things, it's hard.
[5:00] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[5:01] Speaker 3: And trying to get her to get some food into
[5:02] Speaker 3: her before she leaves.
[5:03] Speaker 2: Impossible.
[5:04] Speaker 3: It just doesn't work. So we just took away everything
[5:07] Speaker 3: that was unnecessary and we made everything as easy as possible.
[5:12] Speaker 3: So I tell her before she goes to bed the
[5:14] Speaker 3: night before to get her swimmers and have them right
[5:17] Speaker 3: beside her bed. And she does that. And in the morning,
[5:21] Speaker 3: the towel is at her bedroom door. She puts on
[5:24] Speaker 3: her swimmers. She picks up her towel and she walks
[5:27] Speaker 3: straight to the car.
[5:28] Speaker 1: And that's it.
[5:29] Speaker 3: Meantime, I get her an up and go because she
[5:31] Speaker 3: can't have too much before she does it anyway. So
[5:33] Speaker 3: I get her an up and go so she can
[5:35] Speaker 3: drink that on the way.
[5:35] Speaker 1: Hashtag not sponsored.
[5:37] Speaker 3: And she goes and she has a ball. Yeah. But
[5:41] Speaker 3: as soon as you add extra stuff to the list
[5:43] Speaker 3: that she can't compute, she can't think beyond.
[5:47] Speaker 1: It's only two things. Put your swimmers on and grab
[5:49] Speaker 1: your towel.
[5:50] Speaker 2: But at 5.45?
[5:50] Speaker 1: It feels like a lot. It's 5.30.
[5:55] Speaker 3: That's a lot.
[5:55] Speaker 1: So your morning begins the night before. After the break,
[5:58] Speaker 1: I'm going to run through the four other elements of
[6:01] Speaker 1: making your mornings magic. Stay with us. This is the
[6:11] Speaker 1: Happy Families Podcast. Element number two for making your morning
[6:13] Speaker 1: magic is as follows. You, as a parent, make sure
[6:18] Speaker 1: that you wake up maybe 10 or 15 minutes earlier
[6:20] Speaker 1: than you need to and make sure that you are
[6:23] Speaker 1: regulated and ready.
[6:25] Speaker 3: So this is tricky because as a parent, you've got
[6:28] Speaker 3: your own list of things to do and you need
[6:31] Speaker 3: your little people to be independent. But more times than not,
[6:35] Speaker 3: especially when they're little, little people, they actually need us
[6:39] Speaker 3: to be involved.
[6:40] Speaker 1: Yep.
[6:40] Speaker 3: And so we have to be in a position where
[6:43] Speaker 3: our stuff's done so that we can be hands-on.
[6:47] Speaker 1: Also worth highlighting, the morning begins the night before for
[6:50] Speaker 1: the kids, but the more you can do for yourself
[6:51] Speaker 1: the night before, the better as well. Work out what
[6:53] Speaker 1: you're going to be wearing. If you need to have
[6:55] Speaker 1: a packed lunch, get it packed the night before. The
[6:57] Speaker 1: more you can do, the easier your morning will be,
[7:00] Speaker 1: the less pressure. I feel like John Farnham, take the
[7:01] Speaker 1: pressure down, right? Like what can we do to make
[7:03] Speaker 1: mornings easier? That's all it comes down to. And the
[7:07] Speaker 1: more you do the night before, the better.
[7:08] Speaker 3: Maybe the night before, like, Because like I said, half
[7:11] Speaker 3: the reason I struggled with it was I was exhausted
[7:13] Speaker 3: by the end of the day.
[7:14] Speaker 2: Right.
[7:15] Speaker 3: After having made all the decisions and everything, and then
[7:18] Speaker 3: the idea that I've got to now prep tomorrow, it
[7:20] Speaker 3: just was a lot. But I think that as a mum,
[7:25] Speaker 3: if you make sure that all your stuff's done the
[7:27] Speaker 3: night before, so you're just getting up, getting dressed, and
[7:30] Speaker 3: then you're 100% available for the kids, the morning is
[7:33] Speaker 3: going to go better. Totally. What's number four?
[7:35] Speaker 1: So the fourth one is to have a look at
[7:38] Speaker 1: the amount of, correction and direction you're giving versus how
[7:41] Speaker 1: much connection is in the relationship. There's just so much
[7:45] Speaker 1: command and control in the mornings and the kids hate that.
[7:47] Speaker 1: They resent that. They push back against it. It just
[7:48] Speaker 1: makes life really hard. So I would actually be saying,
[7:53] Speaker 1: don't tell them what to do. Just ask how you
[7:55] Speaker 1: can support. Hey, what's next on your list? If they
[7:57] Speaker 1: don't have a list, make a list. Get them to
[7:58] Speaker 1: make the list with you. They can actually tell you
[8:00] Speaker 1: what needs to be on the list. They can find
[8:01] Speaker 1: things to cut out and put onto a piece of paper.
[8:04] Speaker 1: They can put together a checkbox, whatever it is. And
[8:06] Speaker 1: then when you see them stalling, doing the wrong thing,
[8:08] Speaker 1: playing with the dog, beating each other up, whatever they're
[8:10] Speaker 1: doing that's wrong, you say, hey, guys, what's next on
[8:12] Speaker 1: your list? Where are you up to? And when they
[8:14] Speaker 1: tell you, you say, ah, do you need any help
[8:15] Speaker 1: with that? So you're not telling them what to do. Instead,
[8:19] Speaker 1: you're offering support. Connection's about feeling seen, heard, valued, and accepted, right?
[8:24] Speaker 1: That's the definition of connection. Correction and direction is telling
[8:28] Speaker 1: the kids what to do and when to do it
[8:29] Speaker 1: and how to do it and why haven't you done
[8:30] Speaker 1: it already. And for goodness sakes, not like that, like this.
[8:33] Speaker 1: So Kids struggle with that, but they really like it
[8:37] Speaker 1: when the relationship feels good. So that would be my
[8:39] Speaker 1: fourth thing.
[8:40] Speaker 3: I found a little video of Miss Indy, our grandbaby,
[8:43] Speaker 3: the other day. And she wouldn't eat her breakfast. But
[8:49] Speaker 3: as soon as our daughter sat down, her mum sat
[8:51] Speaker 3: down with her to eat her breakfast, all of a sudden,
[8:54] Speaker 3: mum's breakfast looked amazing.
[8:56] Speaker 1: Right? Welcome to raising a three-year-old.
[8:59] Speaker 3: Yeah, but the point is that often we ask our
[9:02] Speaker 3: kids to do these things, but when we actually sit
[9:04] Speaker 3: with them, they're actually really happy to do them, whether
[9:07] Speaker 3: it be eating our breakfast. It is. It's about connection.
[9:10] Speaker 1: I wrote about that at length in The Parenting Revolution
[9:13] Speaker 1: where I talk about how I'm doing the gardening and
[9:15] Speaker 1: I ask the kids to come and help me and
[9:16] Speaker 1: they're really happy to help. But if I send them
[9:18] Speaker 1: out to do the gardening on their own, the fighting
[9:21] Speaker 1: and the whinging and the whining is incessant. So less
[9:25] Speaker 1: correction and direction, more connection and offers of support, really important.
[9:30] Speaker 3: What's your fifth one?
[9:31] Speaker 1: I alluded to this earlier when I said put the
[9:33] Speaker 1: list together. You can't do something well if you don't
[9:37] Speaker 1: understand the structure. You can't be competent unless you understand
[9:40] Speaker 1: the structure. So I'd be sitting down with the kids
[9:42] Speaker 1: on the weekend and saying, hey, have you noticed that
[9:44] Speaker 1: we seem to be fighting a lot in the mornings?
[9:47] Speaker 1: What does a morning need to look like? What do
[9:48] Speaker 1: we need to do? How can we work together on this?
[9:50] Speaker 1: Build the structure, put together the list, the checkboxes, whatever
[9:54] Speaker 1: it is that you need. Because when the kids understand
[9:58] Speaker 1: what they need to do and how to do it,
[10:00] Speaker 1: they become competent. And when they become competent, then you
[10:03] Speaker 1: usually don't have nearly as many challenges.
[10:06] Speaker 3: Well, your list is pretty boring.
[10:08] Speaker 1: Oh, I think it's also really practical, useful and effective.
[10:12] Speaker 1: Have you got anything that you would add to my list?
[10:13] Speaker 3: Yes.
[10:14] Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
[10:14] Speaker 3: Make it fun. Make it fun. In our house, a
[10:19] Speaker 3: couple of things that made such a difference. We had
[10:22] Speaker 3: a couple of theme songs that the kids, when they
[10:25] Speaker 3: heard that particular song, they knew that that was transition
[10:28] Speaker 3: mode to be somewhere.
[10:30] Speaker 1: I forgot that we used to do that. Yeah, there
[10:32] Speaker 1: was a song at like 7 o'clock which sort of
[10:34] Speaker 1: brought the family together so that we could get our
[10:35] Speaker 1: day started. And then there was another song a little
[10:38] Speaker 1: bit later that sort of said, hey, we're supposed to
[10:40] Speaker 1: be walking out the door in a minute or something
[10:42] Speaker 1: like that.
[10:43] Speaker 3: Yeah, and I just– or– We're going to play three songs,
[10:47] Speaker 3: three fun, energetic songs, and we've got to try and
[10:49] Speaker 3: get X, Y, and Z done before the end of
[10:51] Speaker 3: those three songs. Our kids need to have more fun,
[10:55] Speaker 3: and they need to know that we know how to
[10:57] Speaker 3: have fun. It's going to start our day a whole
[11:01] Speaker 3: heap better.
[11:01] Speaker 1: Emma and every struggling parent, hopefully this is helpful. The
[11:04] Speaker 1: other good news is it's springtime, at least it is
[11:06] Speaker 1: in Australia. So hopefully kids are waking up a little
[11:09] Speaker 1: bit more energized, a little bit more ready and raring
[11:12] Speaker 1: to go, a little bit less cold. in the air.
[11:16] Speaker 1: We really hope this has been useful for you. You
[11:17] Speaker 1: can send your tricky questions through via happyfamilies.com.au. Just scroll
[11:21] Speaker 1: down and press the record button. It's the super simple
[11:24] Speaker 1: system at happyfamilies.com.au or send us a voice note to
[11:27] Speaker 1: podcasts at happyfamilies.com.au. Parental fubbing on Thursday and how it
[11:35] Speaker 1: affects insecure attachment in our kids. Plus, Kylie asks me
[11:42] Speaker 1: the big questions because it was my birthday week last
[11:45] Speaker 1: week and Kylie felt like she got far too much
[11:47] Speaker 1: attention and I got not nearly enough. So Kylie puts
[11:50] Speaker 1: me in the hot seat as we talk about the
[11:52] Speaker 1: doctor's birthday interview. The Happy Families podcast, sound and audio
[11:57] Speaker 1: engineering from Justin Rulon at Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds provides
[12:00] Speaker 1: our additional support. If you'd like more info, check out
[12:03] Speaker 1: happyfamilies.com.au or keep listening to the pod, subscribe wherever you're listening.

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